This is the secret syllabus podcast. I remember the good old times when I was a college student and then 20/20 hit. Hi, I'm Hannah Ashton. And I'm Katie Tracy. We're here to fill in everything they missed in our college curriculum, just like you were confronting the unknown.

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Listen to the secret syllabus on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts, see after class. It's no secret that in Washington, D.C., corruption is everywhere, and I should know my mom's the speaker of the House, my friends are all in the same boat, daughters of the D.C. elite. When are this close to power?

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Haverhill Tabletop Fam. We are back at the table and we got some new popping episodes. Our journey together is just getting started. I'm so thankful to have you here. We feel the love from you and we have a lot more red hot talks coming at you. And we're starting with the one and only Wildsmith about to go to the red table.

You know what I'm saying? I feel like a fighter going to a fight, so I'm ready. Somebody screamed you the best chance for my. Thank you. Thank you.

I just hope that daddies are making jokes the whole time I said that to what should be interesting.

I mean, this is the first time we're actually talking about our unique union.

I've been watching all your talks, people crying and breaking down. You're not breaking me today, Jada.

I've broken you enough oil.

And I said our vows almost twenty one years ago. And it's been an incredible journey ever since. But we struggled through a lot of pain to get where we are today is the real story of becoming Mr. Mrs. Smith.

Oh, my goodness, look, who we have is at the table. Yes, we got Willard Garrel Smith.

Yes, we're excited to be here on the red table with you ladies.

You know, I've been away for a while, I've been at work, I was very surprised that the house wasn't a house no more.

So this is just one part of it, though. It looks spectacular today. Oh, thank you, Willer. You do. Thank you. So very happy to be here. So happy to have you here. Well what are we going to talk about today.

Love and relating. We're going to say a whole lot of stuff about our relationship. For years and years there's been a lot of speculation about us and our family has been pretty secretive and secretive.

This is private. It's just private. And they think, oh, something weird must be going when it's really just we don't be putting everything out there like that.

We have created a marital and family paradigm that has been speculated about for a lot of years.

I'm excited to see what they want. Tell the truth. Let's start with the big one they want. The first time I met you was that the Fresh Prince? When I came to audition, I think I was nineteen and they told me I was too short.

But you were there. Yes. So I remember you were on a different world. Yes. And Alfonso knew everybody. And I remember the first time I saw you. I actually think I dated Alfonz. You went on a date with our friends and I got one date together and he, like, took you on a motorcycle?

I think so, yeah. My memory is I dated a lot of people, I'm sure. Yeah. But we went on one day.

All right. I didn't know what to do. So Alfonso knew you. I was like, yo dude, I saw this girl on Different World last night. I think her name is Jada. Do you said. Oh yeah. Yeah. My boy knows he can introduce you. I have a thing I recognize when I see a person if our relationship can be exponential. Hmm. The first night with Jazzy Jeff, my fifteen minutes I was like, yo, me and that dude can create.

Right, right. I could just, I just feel it and I know it when somebody is right for me. OK, first night I met Alfonso like we were playing, I was like mean that dude are magic. Right. When I saw you on Different World, it was that thing and I don't know what it is that the bell rings. And I knew that there was something in our energy that would be magic. And so I was like, I'll hook it up.

Fresh Prince taped on Friday nights and different world taped on Thursdays. Yeah, Thursday. So it was the night before. So I was like, yo, I can I can set the meeting up. So we went, you know, and it was first season I was fresh prince, you know, I walked up to the audience, a different world. That was the fresh prince, you know. So it was you know, I walked in, I sat down in the audience and the taping started.

And then I was like, yo, that's my boy that knows. And he sat down and I was like, Yo, who's that girl?

He's weird because, like, the dude that was going to introduce you crazy was with another girl. And I was like, Who is that girl?

And it was Shery. Wow. He went to I went to Different World to meet Jada and met Suri and ended up marrying Suri and having with Suri.

So you didn't think I've heard that before I did. I didn't meet Jada that day. We had a party at our house, make sure we had a party at the house or something.

And I came with. I can't remember some some some two bit joker, whatever.

We had all of these near misses and every time we saw each other was always a beautiful energy. The real time was probably, I think Dwayne. And she had a thing at the baked potato. And we sat down at the big potato and we talked. It was a really unique, beautiful power. Yeah. We just we had that moment and we connected. But I was married and it was, you know, and we just it that was it.

We did not have an affair. Did not have an affair. No, it's not about that. Not at all. It was just that next night we went to dinner. And I sat down with Sherry, and it was one of the most bizarre emotions I ever had after we had that talk and we were at the Palm and I remember I had to get up from dinner when I had a realization that I wasn't with the person I was supposed to be with.

But you would have stayed with them forever. Forever? I would have never gotten divorced. Yeah. Wow. I went in the bathroom at the palm and I broke down in tears. Wow. And I was sitting in a stall in the restaurant and I was crying uncontrollably and then laughing like, what the heck is wrong with me? And I was crying and laughing. And it's like I knew that was the woman I was supposed to be with, but I was never getting divorced.

I don't get divorced like all the emotions, all the emotions.

At one time, I was lucky that you figured it out, figured it out then, but devastated emotionally. And then I would never come to fruition. It would never it was never going to happen. I just had to get my gangster back together. And I got myself together, went back out, sat down with Sherry, and we started going back on with my life. Yeah.

And and then she divorced you.

And then Sherry Sherry filed for divorce. She hit me hard. Sherry filed for divorce on Valentine's Day.

I was like, ouch, ouch. And I still thought I was like, no, wow, you can't have a divorce. And she hit me with the. So you're going to make somebody stay with you who doesn't love you.

And I was like, Yeah, I'm not. No, I'm not. And I was like, that was the one that got me. And I remember I was like, I'm a sign of divorce papers.

I walked out of there and I was in the car and I had Jada's number. I literally walked right up from there. I called Jada because you had moved back to Baltimore. I had bought I bought a house in Baltimore. She was not going to live in Hollywood. She had left the business and bought a car in Baltimore.

That's amazing.

I'm on of farm. I said, A.J., there was this will say, hey, how you doin? I said, good. I said, Are you seeing anybody? Oh, my God. And she said. No, I said, cool, you're seeing me now.

And my dumb ass was like, oh, OK, my dumb ass, she got on a plane, came back to L.A. and never spent one night in her farm in Baltimore now, never spent one night in the house.

She kind of said, I always know how much you wanted to have that kind of life. You know, it's OK.

I know, because I got to say, everything happens for a reason. Exactly.

Then we started dating and then I got pregnant. Yeah. Two years in. I knew the moment. After the act, yeah, I was pregnant at the moment, but I knew that night and he didn't believe me, but I knew and it was almost like, you know, those big locks on the bank. Yeah. That those big turning locks.

I could feel that in my womb and my uterus.

But it was like it was literally four seconds after we had sex.

And she goes, I said, Baby, OK, she's pregnant. I was like, look, I think scientifically pregnant decided to bring up pregnant.

Yeah, I cried the whole night. She cried all night because she was pregnant. She was like. My life is my life is never going to be the same. Yeah, damn, I thought it was funny. Oh, very funny.

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I was like, what am I going to do now? Yeah, I really didn't want to get married, but we only got married because Gammy was crying. Well, give me my heart.

It was almost as if Gammy was like, you have to get married.

So let's talk about the wedding. It was almost like that.

And she completely just was like, that's not a reality where, you know, there's so much pressure, you know, being a young actress, being pregnant, pregnant. And I just I was just like I didn't know what to do, but I just knew I was like, I never wanted to be married. I don't remember that.

I remember feeling very strongly and and wanting you guys to be married. I do remember that. Well, I don't remember your rejection of the idea of marriage. I remember the rejection of the idea of a wedding. I didn't want to be like, I don't want to get married. And now Gammy gone to Will crying about I don't want to have a wedding. And now I'm being forced to have a wedding when really I just wanted it to be the two of us on a mountain because I was like, this is serious business.

I'm sorry that I didn't respect your wishes. I was totally unselfish. I'll never have that experience of my daughter getting married because you were my only child. But that is so selfish. Yes, OK. I mean, it was the right call, was the right call, was a right to marry, but not necessarily to have a wedding to have went because a wedding was horrible. Horrible. It was a mess. Jada was sick. She was very unpleasant.

When she was sick, she didn't cooperate. We were sitting in. Oh yeah. So she was having my first trimester. Oh, it was trouble.

And I was so upset that I had to have a wedding. I was so pissed. We, I went crying down the freaking I'll get married.

You cried the whole way and.

Oh, hey, hey, hey. All right, because that was one question I forgot to ask. She said that she never wanted to get married, did you?

There wasn't a day in my life that I wanted anything other than being married and having a family. Wow.

Like, I think the good literally five years old, I was picturing what my family would be. Wow. What was the fundamental bump about the idea of marriage in general that you were against?

I just never really agreed with the construct. I just don't agree with it. I never have. I still don't read till death do us part is real for me. It's just all of the rules.

And it's like your five years as a wife, you know, you just want to do this instead of I want you to do exactly right. Right.

Because of this title, wife is going to be the definition of a wife. Right. The paradigm in the paradigm. I'm not that right.

I don't know if I've ever said this. You know how I'm a scientist. So everything is science for me. Yes. I read something when we first got together that the most successful men in history. Have been married, right? Right. And for me, I knew that I would squander my life if I was running around, OK, the way my mind works, I can only excel for a woman.

Oh, like I can live among men like that. I think, though, I think women are our true motivators for men.

And the one thing that I think has been the greatest motivator and asset for me with you is your absolute refusal to accept anything from me other than the best that I could possibly be and vice versa.

Yeah, I remember me and Mommy. Talk for hours in the morning. There's something about that first thing in the morning that we we literally can talk for two and a half, three hours, which I can do that any time.

Any time. Let me just tell you, because that was one of the things that I admired so much about your relationship and I recognize that I didn't have it in mind is so important. There was a moment that launched our communication before we got married. We were having the party at the house. Remember that we were playing Pictionary, 20 people around the table. Yes. And Trio sitting on my lap like one. And he's like he might be just about to in some order.

She cursed at me in front of 20 people at this party.

She's like, well, would you shut up with tray sitting on my lap? Right. And I grabbed a newspaper and I said. I talk to you in the other room, please. And I was like, this job just hit me on my head with a new spin, have a dog.

We went in the other room and I was like I said, Jada, this is the deal. I grew up in a household where I watched my father punch my mother in the face and. I will not create a house, a space and interaction with a person where there's profanity and violence, if you have to talk to me like that, we can't be together. Well, we're not going to use any profanity in our interactions. We're not going to raise our voice.

We're not going to be violent. I can't do it. Yeah. She was like, you're not going to hit me my head.

I said, get out. And she was like, that was the dumbest crap she had ever heard. And she was like, Wait, so you would break up with me over some words? I was like, yeah, I just I was like, we're not cursing them. And her eyes welled up with tears and she was like, OK, it was 20 years before we used profanity in any conversation.

So we didn't use any profanity, any argument never raised our voices. We took communication courses of that and never had a violent race.

Never raise our voices. We couldn't afford to. We just couldn't because it could get ugly, ugly. We wouldn't have been able to nurture. Yeah, kindness, love. What do you do with our feelings, with the emotion that comes when you're angry, you really have to discipline yourself.

Like for me, I had to discipline myself and really handle that within myself to see, OK, what are you angry about? And then come to peace and then go and talk to Will when I can actually have a community conversation. Because really, you're not communicating when you're talking to. Yeah, yeah. What I realized is like you're beating up on someone you say you love. You're absolutely right. Versus handle that with yourself. There have been plenty of times we have to go.

I can't do this right. You go through your thoughts and go through my thoughts. Go cry, go curse, go kick a tree. Absolutely. And back into the situation when you're calm and reasonable, because then you just create more and more about that, about how you got to the argument now, you know, what have you done what you said because you came back. And that was one of the things we learned real early.

We learned you apologize a thousand times, you never get it back and you get addicted to it also. Yeah. And that that you get addicted like like if you keep on doing what you once you call somebody a couple of times, it's real easy.

Easy to you know, I've got to tell you, we will. We're not the one we're not the ones we want as kids get hurt, all kinds of stuff.

It would have gone bad. And we both instinctually we knew that it could go wrong. I pre planned the things that I would say when I was in that place. So I had stock things. I would say I'm impaired.

Yeah. I can't I can't be loving right now. I can't be kind right now. So you have to let me go. Yeah. And when I come back I will come back in a way that is the way you deserve me to deliver myself to you.

Or he would just be like, I'm Ali. Before I knock your head off and see you in a minute.

Paper Ghosts is a true crime podcast that investigates the search for the person responsible for the abductions of four missing girls in neighboring New England towns for more than 50 years. Each case has remain unsolved.

Every day is like being lost in limbo. I pray every day that we find Lisa so we can go on. It wasn't until this past year that things took an unexpected turn break through answers to decades old questions and witnesses finally ready to talk. I know that's the first time I can describe what he's wearing. I it's only a mile away. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. And I hope that's not brave for many of you know what? I think it is.

Listen to paper ghosts on the IHA radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi, this is Melanne Verveer and this is Kim Mazzarelli and we're co-hosts of Senecas Conversations on Power and Purpose, brought to you by the Seneca Women Podcast Network and I Heart Radio.

We're launching a brand new season of this podcast, which brings you fascinating conversations with leaders like two time gold medalist, author and activist Abby Wambach and actor, producer and entrepreneur Justin Baldoni, among many others. Listen to Senecas conversations on power and purpose on the radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

You know what I think is really strong? And the thing with the two of us that never got out is the intention. We were always in sync on a couple of really powerful ideas. We were always building a family.

Yeah, always. We were all there was that was our number one priority.

We were a family that until this day, no matter what. Family, yes. No matter what, so everything else that might have gone awry or crazy, we had cross intentions sometimes that that made us collide, right?

That was one of the major difficulties that we had because externally, everything was beautiful. Yeah, yeah. As a couple, we are magical. Mm hmm. We win in the material world and we do it together. We win. Right.

The Karate Kid with my hair, Hawthorn and the Nobel Peace Prize. Our family did that within a six month period. Right. That's so. I didn't know that I was like a parent in the hell of these kids.

We are sure to show on the only interview that Barack Obama did when he won the Nobel Peace Prize was me and mommy.

Wow. Right. Externally, our family was winning. Right. And there was a period where mommy woke up. And cried forty five days straight, I started keeping a diary, damn, you missed some days it was every morning.

I think that's the worst I've ever felt in our marriage. Wow. I was failing miserably, but on the outside, I was winning. Like I built a house and called the house.

Her lake. Right. And during that time is I remember saying, like, I built this house for you.

I called it her lake. And she said, You built this house for you. Yeah. And I was like. Would you do about it, but it was devastating for me to accept that I built the house for me.

Yeah, because in my mind I was saying I was building it for her, but I wasn't sure I wanted this house.

I called it her lake as an ego cover. Yeah, right. And Jada was calling me on that.

Right. What I realized is I was building a picture. Yeah, right. I grew up in a household where I was scared and watched my father beat my mother up. Right. So I was going to build the complete opposite of that.

Yeah, it's going to be Wonderland. Everybody is going to be happy all the time. Come on, let's play. Yeah, right. I was saying no all the way out. The house is too big. Will not well.

And he had a picture, I had a picture and I had a public present had the public that I wanted to project our relationship of the family and what my kids are and what my wife is and what we are in the world.

Did you ever feel like Jada was ungrateful? Hell, yeah. Look at everything that I've done for you.

Yes. That was another painful. But that was the other thing, because there were times I felt ungrateful because I was like, look at your life. How could you be so unhappy? I used to think I was crazy. Right. And I think that's actually how how I felt when I first got wind of your discontent. It wasn't that I thought that you were ungrateful. I just didn't understand, like.

What's wrong with what could possibly be wrong, but that's why I couldn't talk to anybody, but Jane is an actress, but she had two babies and she had to be home to raise her babies while I got to do everything I wanted to do. Hmm.

She was sacrificing herself to fit my picture. Right.

But my life wasn't really disrupted in the least. Right.

And I think that was the if there were an individual most poisonous aspect of our relationship in the past is I felt that money and winning made a good relationship. Yeah, we're succeeding in the world. That means our relationship is good.

And I would say to him, I will go Will. Throw away everything that's happening in the outside world, your career, everything, and this just me and you want to on an island day, do we have?

And I was like, we have island. We own the island, you know? And it was like I so didn't comprehend that.

So me and you on an island, what do we have? Not only did I not understand, I didn't care why I was unaware of what it meant to truly connect with somebody I'd been trying to live up to an expectation for.

Well, yeah.

You know, you were trapped in a life that you didn't build that I didn't want and then I didn't want, but that I had to come to the understanding that I allowed myself to. Have you accepted all of that because of your fear? Yeah, absolutely. And that's the truth. Fear, fear.

Just fear of not wanting to rock the boat. I had kids, you know, and just wanting, you know, because he's a force to be reckoned with. It's just a lot of stuff you let slide and go past that angers you and you get resentment. Yeah, absolutely. You know, but you don't change it because you're scared. At the end of the day, it's about fear.

And that was around the time when Willow, when I was so mad at you this day, would you put your hand on my face? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And Willow, me and Jada are going through it. And Willow was like, oh, daddy. So sad because she thinks she's putting her hand on my face. She's like nine.

And Jada was in the kitchen and she's like, Mommy isn't he said trying to say what? Said, Daddy has a picture of a family in his mind.

And it's not, oh, oh, look, you know, the thing is, it was such deep truth. But I was just saying the obvious the mouth of the mouth of the baby, isn't it? Yeah.

And I think for me, the turning point in our relationship for me happened when I turned 40.

I for his birthday, I just couldn't I was like I was like, I just I can't I can't do this like this anymore. Next time at the red table, we broke up Will and I really break it down. I was devastated even worse than a divorce and get ready for the next few weeks of red hot table talk.

That's real talk. I hated being divorced.

I hated everything about it. I felt because I was sick. He left.

He started hitting me and he was in a rage. And I went through the bedroom and ran across the street to make sure I was hurt.

But Jada, I wasn't even considering I know that she would be hurt.

I celebrate anything black, I inevitably get a million comments, where are they coming from?

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Hi, this is Melanne Verveer and this is Kim Mazzarelli.

We are co-authors of the book Fast Forward How Women Can Achieve Power and Purpose and where co-hosts of Senecas Conversations on Power and Purpose brought to you by the Seneca Women Podcast Network and I Heart Radio for launching a brand new season of this podcast, which brings you fascinating conversations with leaders who are using their power for purpose to accelerate progress for women while building a better world. We're kicking it off with a special six part series called Getting to Equal. These episodes will feature conversations with leaders like two time gold medalist, author and activist Abby Wambach, spoken word poet, author and podcast Amina Brown and actor, producer and entrepreneur Justin Baldoni, among many others.

And we'll tackle topics ranging from women's leadership to equality in the home to the role of men in achieving gender equality and much more so join us every week for a new season of Senecas Conversations on Power and Purpose. Listen to Senecas Conversations on power and purpose on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcast.

It's no secret that in Washington, D.C., corruption is everywhere and I should know my mom's the speaker of the House. My friends are all in the same boat. Daughters of the D.C. elite. When you're this close to power, there's nowhere to hide.

But in here, no one knows me as James Parker. They only know me as Storm out of the way. You see, I'm a bit of a hacker. Join me and my friends, four daughters in DC, a new twelve part scripted podcast, political thriller from the team that brought you Lethal It Einhorn's Epic Productions and I Heart Radio. Listen to Dogs for Free and I Heart Radio, Apple podcasts wherever you get your podcasts.