Ciara: Healing the Emotional Scars
Red Table Talk- 1,175 views
- 13 Oct 2020
Ciara comes to the Red Table to reveal how she turned her “scars” into “beauty marks”, and discusses her journey from pain and mistrust to her loving marriage to NFL star Russell Wilson
Hey there, it's Mango who a part time genius, co-founder of Mental Floss, and like many of you, I'm one of the 21 million people that have picked up gardening in the past six months. That's why I'm hosting the brand new podcast, Humans Growing Stopped, Brought to You by Heart Media and your friends at Miracle-Gro join me on a green adventure as we talk with experts, friends and surprise guests and hear what gardening means to them.
Listening to humans, growing stuff on the radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcast. This is Danny Shapiro, host of Family Secrets. Welcome to our fourth season Family Secrets. It seems just about every family has them. Some secrets are kind of small and insignificant and some are shocking and massive when they come out. Our new knowledge has the power to change our lives. Join me and our millions of listeners as we dive deep into the stories of this new season's amazing guests.
Listen and subscribe on the I Heart radio app. Wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts, pay fam Jada Pinkett Smith.
And this is the Red Tablecloth podcast. All your favorite episodes from the Facebook Watch show in audio produced by Westbrooke Audio and I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to write and review on Apple podcasts on this red tabletop.
Yeah. Grammy Award winning singer, songwriter, producer and model Sierra seemy glammed up and everything looks like it's good and everything is not always good. I'm going to shower and I'll be crying because I'm not in the happiest place and it hurts when I'm going through it. I'm really afraid of losing myself.
What was the most painful aspect of that? Was it the breakup? Was it the idea of being a single parent? When I was thinking about my son future. I realized I had to start making different decisions, period.
And she shares intimate details about her husband, Russell Wilson. What was it about Russell that made you feel like this is the one who was different? What was the feeling he was like this open arms like I got you. Wow, girl.
Where the tissue. So, yes, we got us a fierce one today, honey.
This is going to be one of the reasons why I really wanted to have her come to the table was the idea that she's transformed some of her, maybe not so pleasant experiences into the idea of a beauty mark.
Yeah, I used to call them battle scars. Yeah. It's like, no, you got some beautiful battle scars. Yeah, but beauty mark is actually has way more beautiful.
Every woman has her beauty marks. You need the adversity to come into your wisdom. It is up to us to transform it. Right. And that's what I'm really interested in.
A burst onto the music scene when she was only 18 years old. And since then she has sold over twenty three million records. In twenty thirteen, Sierra and rapper producer Future announced their engagement.
But after a very public and painful breakup, Cierra unexpectedly became a single mom to their son, also named Future.
Then she found what she describes as the love of her life, NFL superstar Russell Wilson.
Sierra decided to level up with her latest album, where she shares some of the most vulnerable moments of her life and reveals how she turned her emotional scars into beauty marks.
Let's introduce the beauty to the red table.
Sierra, how are those shoes? So good to see you guys. You guys are your song.
Oh, my God, you are amazing.
You ladies are phenomenal. I mean, what I'm looking at in front of my face, out of the TV really shows it how I see right here. But you guys are I mean, it's beautiful. Thank you. And it's amazing. It's inspiring. I say being a mom, thinking about the bond that you guys have is very special and very rare. So it's awesome.
You know, I've seen you since you were a teen with the idea of your album being called Beauty Mart. That really hit me as we come and go deeper into our womanhood, how we realize everything that we've been through. Nothing's wasted, no regrets.
It's just so. Yeah. Real to learn from your mistakes. Learn from all your experiences. Yes. Yes. When was that moment in your life where you realized that idea? Because I think that's a pivotal moment, very pivotal.
I think becoming a single mom was the start of that. Right. I would have moments of not being in the shower and I'd be cry like I was like a few few moments.
I'd be crying different settings right away and I'd be like crying because I am not in the happiest place and it hurts when I'm going through it.
What was the most painful aspect of that? Most painful? Was it the breakdown? Was it the idea of being a single parent? It was a combination of everything, right. Because none of it was ideal.
Yeah, it wasn't what you pictured. I agree with my mom and my dad being together. The idea of being mommy and daddy that made baby.
And then also you're living your life in front of the world. Yeah, there's a whole another layer. Yeah. I feel like I'm failing right now. Other people don't want me here to come. And economists like, you know, all that stuff, you know, it's it's real.
You can't help but to think of it. The one thing I fear in life is really wasting my life, wasting my time, wasting my really fear that because you realize that time does not stop and it will be the worst scenario to stay in a situation that it's just not healthy, it's not going to get any better. I realize I have to start making different decisions. Right, period.
Sometimes you don't actually know what you want, but I just don't. Yeah, I know what you don't. Yes. You know, you don't want in that knowing what you don't want is really half the battle. That's half more than half that. No. For real. Because it creates clarity.
You're like I'm clear you're not you don't want and you see that image. You're like, yeah, exactly.
Like I don't know when I was thinking about my son, I know what I want to feel like. I know the kind of love like that I want for us.
Yeah, I and I think it's important to understand that, too, because even sometimes we get people on earth more power than they should have. And that's important, right. Who you surround yourself with those vulnerable moments. Sometimes your friends and you open up to flame, they will go down the drain.
But I remember one time I was working out on the elliptical machine and I was just like, not sure about do I stay or do I know which direction do I go, what is the right thing to do? And it's like it's easy to do this, but it's the easy thing. The right thing. Right.
So what I did was future was like my teddy bear. Yeah. So I was like, we don't go. We might do to stay together. Let's go. So his first trip was to a visa and that was like my first time stepping out. I wasn't always back to my, like, normal weight. Right. I was like, we've got to go. Like, let's go. I just was like, I'm going to commit I'm going to commit to pulling through.
There's no other option because it's a choice. I decided if I chose not to commit, then I was going to fall apart. Exactly. And the one thing I will say is I'm really afraid of losing myself. Got it.
And I think if you sit in situations that aren't healthy or you let them, like, linger too long, you start to lose yourself. You know, I don't like crying all the time. I don't like being sad. So I'm like, how do I get out of it exactly? Because I like being, like, trying everything my way. I'm like, we're going to have to push through it. Exactly. I'm not trying to sit in a ceiling.
You know, I had to take a couple of times to figure it out, but my dad's love is what saved me in all my situations, meaning because it will get to a point where I was like my dad would use my mom. Right.
My business can't be love. Got it. So he was your barometer was like you like a blueprint. I and I wouldn't think of him in the right moment. Right. Would you make me say, OK, it's like doing the same thing over and over. Yes, yes, yes, it is. So I'm like, OK, I got to do something a little different here. So I have to say that America had the same goal, right?
Always the same goal. One wanting to be loved a certain way. Right. I was just walking in the wrong direction. I was going in the wrong direction. I thought I was single for a long time. Being in that new position of being a single mom is like when you're thinking about dating, that's like a bit of a life. What's this going to be like? Because I look different now like nothing I've physically looked at, but different because when I when I date now, it's not just me, it's.
Now you have someone else.
If you're like me, you probably start thinking about what to eat for dinner while you're eating lunch. I love food. That's why I love using post meat. But I kind of love them even more right now because I can get food delivered without leaving the house or even opening the door. Given what's going on in the world, they created noncontact delivery. So now when I order from local restaurants, everything gets left right outside my door. They also have Postmus pickup, which I have been using to order takeout from my favorite local restaurants.
Listen, you guys need to be supporting your neighborhood spots right now. I've only been ordering local because it's a great way to support my community. And Postmus doesn't just deliver burgers and sushi. They actually make my life easier by picking up everything I need from Walgreens and even 7-Eleven and dropping it off right outside my door. Just download Postmus on iOS or Android. Find your favorites and get anything you want delivered within the hour for a limited time, Postmus is giving our listeners one hundred dollars of free delivery credit for your first seven days to start your free deliveries.
Download the app and use Code Red. That's code red for one hundred dollars of free delivery credit for your first seven days. When you download the post mates app, anything you need, anytime you need it postdated. Imagine this, you've been playing football for years, dreaming of going pro, and then it happens, life as you know, it changes with a phone call.
I finally got that call just through. I'm ready. Go, go, go. This is Keegan Michael Key and welcome to Drafted.
This podcast series follows eight players as they enter the twenty 20 NFL draft. This is their real life as it unfolds in real time. And each player tells his own story unfiltered. I'm not a first rounder. I'm not even the top three rounder. This is something I've been dreaming about. I've been doing this for my son.
We go behind the scenes before, during and after one of the biggest days of their lives, and we relive every detail from the players perspective. Please join me on the first step in their journey to greatness. Welcome to Drafted. Listen to Drafted on the I Heart radio app Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. So you created a different vision for you? Absolutely. And I was very clear on it, but I also desire something different.
And let me tell you that right. Because a lot of people like in situations that they say they want to be out of, but they don't want to change that. You don't really want that. We keep having the same behaviors that keep creating those situations. So you actually really like the situation? Yeah. You like the dress. You know, you're so loving myself was huge because once I start to love myself, then I'm also loving my son.
Yeah, right. Then I can also love how I can also be loved, how I deserve my love and I can also love the right way to. And the moment I start to do that, like the taste of something that I thought kind of was like cool or tasted right before, I didn't taste good anymore.
Oh yes.
Your tastes change like I could feel the feeling of what I wanted to have in my husband that was going to come into my life.
I know more of the invitation to do that. No more like how how they talk about marriage. When they talk, they tell you they actually kind of tell you when they talk about marriage, the guy who they tell you, like, how should they use the body language? You don't hear what you want to hear.
Yeah. What was it about Russell that made you feel like he this is the one? Because what you said before is so true. When you have a child, you can't you can't experiment and bring in everybody and everybody home.
When Russ came into our lives, Peter was ten months old. It was different. I never had that feeling in my family.
Why? It was like it was calm. Yeah, well, that's important.
It was that it was real. It was calm. Now, before the clown, I might not have been. You were looking for you like I need you now. I mean, come on, we're going to turn away, right. And we go, OK, we go look for that other feel.
But the thing is, is that that feeling doesn't happen, though. Yeah, it doesn't. Because you're clear. Yeah. So when Russell and I met we were being friends first. Yeah. Yeah. Right. He actually met my family in the friends setting. Oh God. It is it was not only me but it's also my dad. Yeah. When he saw us all together for the first time in person when we talked we were connecting on in every way and we talk about being equally yoked.
Yeah. And his conversation, it was just different the way he looked at life. It was different also the energy with my son, it just felt right. And then of course the consistency. He's consistent. I got it. That consistency is so crucial.
If people can show up real nice on day one, he was like this open arms, like he's like, come on, I got you.
Yeah, just the detail. Like whenever he would think of me, he would always think about my son. And to love me is love my son. There you go. We come together. Yeah it's. Oh yeah.
You know, it's just it's a different level of love.
I really feel that's one of my pet peeves. It's like you can't love me and not love what I love. The moment for me. When I look at your story and I see you guys together and I could tell that he's got real love for you because of how he's loved your son. He had a pulse. And I'm getting Blinky already just thinking about it.
Oh, because I know how challenging.
Yes, because I have a bonus son who I adore. But it's challenging and knowing how to balance because there is a place where, you know, Trey has a mother. So I had to learn how to have that motherly compassion without trying to fill that space because space is taken.
Right.
So, Russell, he had a pose for a future on his fifth birthday, said from the moment we came into each other's worlds to now, five years later, you have changed my life, my heart for the better. You are the greatest gift I could ever ask God for.
Wow. Yeah, I will always love you. God, you teach you care for you. Happy fifth birthday. Don't make me cry when the tissue because I know, like and especially for a man. Can we just be real about that. It can be ok.
Like for a man to take on that responsibility. Yeah. It has been a very special journey with my husband and I because we are a blended family.
How has it been as far as having a blended family? Because I know that in my situation, my goodness, it took a long time. You know, I was telling Will the other day, you know, because you and I were chillin at the Aladdin premiere and over the years, how the process and how now is so relaxed is relaxed.
I will say, you know. It does take time to think about the mothers and the challenge to Falardeau. Now, I didn't even know that this is a different dynamic.
You know, more than anything, this is it's been something real. And my heart is that I don't think people really think about the child when they like to make chatter about kids because everyone likes to weigh in on opinions. Yes. Yeah, I guess I say adults. We can we'll be fine. Yeah, right. But the child is the person that has to read to that.
They have to see stuff as far as the real life part of God versus the celebrity part. I think the biggest thing is always trying our best to just like live life as much as we can, as normal as possible. And so we just jumped right in. He was changing diapers. He was so proud of his first steps. Yeah. When I go to a teacher, parent conferences, he's had every one of them with me and I make sure his schedule so he can be there because those details matter to do is honestly one of the most sexiest things about him to me, because the way he loves my son, he loves our kids.
Yeah, it's sexy. Yes.
So was Russell the delivery? He was he was he was in there. You see, Jenna was no joke.
I when I pushed out a future, he was nine pounds announced he was a big one really.
She was not as big as future, but I started at six centimeters. Oh. So it worked out obviously. But she beat me up and I was like, there must be something about this too. Like she's got fire in the belly. Well, that's how I was. She beat me up in the tummy, nausea. I had a firecracker. You know, I would throw an elbow to see exactly is ranks so much fire.
Like I see the difference with Sienna and future and it's just as nice.
Dinner is two going on 20. I can like y'all ready because I'm ready. If y'all ain't ready to do that, you can just about to start.
I know when I delivered my kids it put Will in Ultimate. Oh yes. He had such a different respect and understanding of feminine power.
Did you have that moment where because he was right there, it was I was like, oh, he's a brave boy.
He was with me every step of the way. It's amazing because you can tell he still has moments where he's just like, wow, even looking at that, the fact that he has a daughter, like is just so it just what has that been like?
Because even for Will, he loves all his children. Yes. But there's a connection that he has to willo specifically as a father to a daughter. I can see how he softens. Yes. I think he's been doing a pretty decent job being firm with love. He's got a good balance with it. But I do see the dynamic between when he's with future and with her.
Yeah, could be rough with the boys, but she's delicate. That's Daddy's little princess. Everything she does like. Oh so like everything right. Yeah. What is so sweet.
I think also there's something beautiful about your kids seeing how you're loved.
Yeah. Oh. So that morning when I was young girl I watched her, my dad left my mom. Yeah. And it's really sweet because they're so loving already. Both Peter and Sienna just showers me with kisses after school. And is she the way she loves in the way she loves with Daddy. It's really precious.
And they learn from seeing you. They know it seems like from everything that you've gone through now, you can really be grateful. You like your gratitude.
Oh, well, it was real because I wouldn't have gone through those things I may not have appreciated. Yes. A man that I have in my life.
I'm Jennifer Palmieri, host of a new podcast from the recount on Just Something about her. After working on five presidential campaigns, I thought women could achieve the same success as men if they played by the rules. Then 2016 happened in my podcast. Just something about her. I'll talk with women, CEOs, athletes, politicians and more. So together we can create our own girls. Listen to just something about her I heart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
All of us in America have a duty to vote.
Don't move.
Oh, voting may be the cornerstone of our democracy, but the reality of how voting works in America and who gets to do it is not as fair or clear cut as we like to tell ourselves.
I'm Katie Couric and this is Turn Out, a podcast exploring America's voting record with the help of experts, activists and politicians, we're going to talk about the ways voters have been kept out of the system and how to ensure that everyone can participate in our democracy. Find turnout on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
I would appreciate it when it is really going good and everything's falling in place. You need those roller coaster ride. I do. I believe in my journey happen. In front of the world for a reason. I'm really impressed at how unapologetic you are at being a mother and a wife, but you like and I'm still sexy.
Yeah, you got to be. And I'm still working, and I could be a devoted mom and a devoted wife because I feel like I'm thriving, like I feel like I do my thing like like to do the cover of, you know, and I'm about to go to Moscow for my kids to school when I feel like I then I do a conference call to that and I'd pick them up from school. And then I hang out my husband date night and I go back on the road again.
This time I'm like, I got to make the best of it. And you know what? I think for me, it's also important for my kids to see Mommy doing her thing. Like you can do anything you put your mind to, and that's real. And then factoring in now where and CEO hat and artist hat. Wow. Mommy, his wife is right. He up like make the best of me. It's good time.
I mean, God multisport all. Yeah. And to whom much is given. Much is required. As someone that's kind of tough I feel like I've been conditioned to be Tecmo. Oh yeah. Like love but still a little ounce of protection here just in case someone dropped me off and just leave me hanging. But I think you got to love fearlessly when you're in the right situation. You have to I guess, surrender it. Yeah, you have to.
What do you think people misunderstand the most about you? That's a really good question. I feel like four times I've always seemed a bit serious and I like to have fun, like I'm a goofy girl right now. And I think oftentimes people see me glammed up and everything looks like it's good. Right. And everything is not always good. Yes.
I do want people to know that what I will tell you sometimes when you fake it till you make it, it helps you get through some stuff.
Yes, it does. It does bring out the best. Oh, yeah, the best bowl, the infamous fish bowl.
Here we go. All right. So you're I guess. All right.
So you get to pick first. Are you and Russell, we're going to have another baby. Oh, is there if you if you would ask Russell, we have like. More kids to me. I do look forward to having another baby. Oh, nice, OK. I hope that I can have at least two more.
Oh, wow. Yeah, that's. I love my kids. I love being a mom. It's like my why in my life, my family is my wife and my life.
And I feel like I'm really doing something even more because of them. Yeah, right. The music and stuff is amazing. But gosh, when I look at those babies, I just say thank you, God, and I love being a mom.
That's all I can say.
Is that because I really enjoy it. Yeah. We wanna go this way.
You best gift you ever gave to Russell and received from Russell. I just recently threw him his 30th birthday surprise.
Paul's right there. But no, you should just say 30.
Is that this year that he chose 30 years they young.
OK, yes. My mom said, OK, y'all, this is I was young and I'm a comedian, you know. But your babies do. Yeah, I they're just 30 of surprise birthday party wise. He actually through my thirtieth surprise birthday party was and it was only right that I got him back because that was the best party I ever had in my life.
While there, authority is such a special number that I wanted for him to walk into 30 with a bang there. And so I did that because this is where you see here.
Do you and Russell ever argue, I don't know, argue is the word right.
But we do have moments where we he thinks blue and I think red, of course. Yeah, we do have those moments. Luckily, it has not been crazy so far. And we're about to enter our third year of marriage.
So why does it have to be crazy and crazy? I don't like arguing like we do a lot of I'm really calm. He's pretty calm, too. He's very passionate. Is he says, yeah, we never get, like, tone high. Neither do I ever, ever. And I've been married to him for twenty one years, so I would be Jennifer from Seattle.
What was the specific prayer you have to caucus is that this is the funniest thing in the world, this prayer thing that all the fans talk about. Jennifer, I believe that when you pray for things in your life, be very specific, be very clear about what you want and to the point to where you can taste it. Yeah, you know, you can feel it in your bones. You can feel it in your body. It's a very spiritual thing because you're getting lost by praying and speaking and declaring what you want for your life.
You know, I pray to really learn, you know, from the wisdom that I gained. You know, I prayed for discernment. I pray for a God fearing man. Yeah. Pray for someone that was going to love kids.
I want to stop you right there because you just said something very important I tell people all the time.
A man can't be a good man for you. He's got to be a good man for himself. That's an important discussion right now. And you don't want to look to someone else for validation. You know, my husband, me, look at you. I'm like, I'm a better woman because of him. He's like he says he's a better man because of me. Right. But you know who we are by our first and foremost with ourselves.
Who do you want to be a woman and who he wants to be as his own man and how you two support each other in there. And it's very attractive when someone knows who they are.
Oh, yeah. You know, their leader. Yeah. You know, and they're clear on their vision. Yeah. Where are you trying to go to and what is it that you don't want to say?
I just got a journal. I've actually been in detail writing like what I want for my life, like what kind of person I want to be, how I want to react in certain situations, the things that I feel like I need to learn, the things that I feel like I've I have a good handle on. You know, that's a real thing because I really believe that you can't get to where you want to get to in life without having a compass and writing down is real.
When I was 13 years old going on fourteen years old, this is what I was trying to look at my life ahead after high school and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life as it relates to my dreams, like when I wrote down on a sheet of paper my goals and they were the goal. This was sure. At first I was very specific. The first goal was to get discovered. The second goal was once I got discovered to sell three to four million records.
Wow. And a third goal was to have longevity. Wow. Those are my three goals in that paper, 15 years old. I signed my first publishing deal, six years old. I signed my first recording contract, then 18 years old, put out my first album, Goodies.
And that album not only sold three to four million records of five million records and a third goal, longevity.
Now, I'm 15 years later talking to you now. So that one simple philosophy or that pace of what you're saying is real. And I still do that to this day in my life. Sometimes in our household, we sit down, we write down our goals. We like like you say, the observation. Exactly. That's a real thing, because that's also kind of like you dealing with things. It's also like if you need to heal, it's like cathartic.
It's it's cathartic. It's healthy. And you're working on yourself.
Yeah. You're lovely. Yeah. She showed me how to do that level of danger. Hey, look at me. On the next round table talk, I'm asked a lot of infidelity in your relationship with, well, world renowned couple therapist Esther Perel comes to the red table. So you've been really instrumental in my marriage. Monogamy used to be one person for life. Today, monogamy is one person at a time.
Right. And the circumstances where I was the cheater, I was always looking for something.
Yes. Plus, our RTT family opens up.
Sometimes you just don't know what's wrong with you. But I think real quick, I want to get out of here.
No worries. I don't want to say anything. You you. You what? Live with.
Hey, our family drawing the red tabletop group on Facebook become part of the conversation to join the red table, talk family and become a part of the conversation.
Follow us at Facebook. Dot com slash red table talk. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red or Talk podcast produced by Facebook Watch Westbrooke Audio and I Heart Radio.
This is the Secret Syllabus podcast. I am a YouTube and a student at Belmont University. I'm a YouTube year and an international student at Cornell University and probably just like you. I remember the good old times when I was a college student and then 20/20 hit.
How am I supposed to make friends while staying six feet apart? What will happen to the parties and tailgates? What about my college explosion?
Will I just be sent home again when I get home again?
So that's where the secret syllabus comes in. Hi, I'm Hannah Ashton. And I'm Katie Tracy. We're here to fill in everything they missed in our college curriculum.
Just like you, we're confronting the unknown both as college students and content creators. And if we're being honest, we need all the advice we can get.
Listen to the secret syllabus on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.
No prerequisites necessary. See you after class. Hi, this is Hillary Clinton, host of the new podcast, You and Me both, there's a lot to be anxious and worried about right now, and it's made so much worse by the fact that we can't be together. So I find myself on the phone a lot, talking with friends, experts, really anyone who can help make some sense of these challenging times, like Semin Nasrat, author of one of my favorite cookbooks, or Stacy Abrams, who we know as the woman who should be governor of Georgia.
But did you know she's also an award winning romance novelist or Tan Frantz, who has lots to say about everything from athleisure to the American dream? These conversations have been a lifeline for me, and now I hope they will be for you, too. So please listen to you and me both on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.