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Part two of our conversation with Ty and Tiny. You've been together for almost 20 years. Ain't no love right here and have seen their share of controversy. Knowing that you guys went through something like that. That's excruciating. Yes.

And that's actually what brought us back together from prison. When I got back everything the world was upside down to their very public marriage problems.

I never, ever, ever had sex with anyone while I've been married.

I have never, ever, ever lied about this.

You came back. I want to know why we're talking surviving the ups and downs of marriage. This conversation, this problem is the exact same thing Will and I had to work through. Y'all have been together for, what, almost 20 years old women going on to. It's been a blast.

Tell me about it. Harris is a three time Grammy winning rapper, actor and TV star. He and his wife, Tony Harris, a singer with the popular group Escape, tied the knot in a secret ceremony in 2010 and have been together for close to two decades. They have three children, plus four from previous relationships. The couple has faced their share of problems, including time in prison, public feuds and infidelity. Things came to a head in twenty seventeen when Tinie filed for divorce a second time.

But today T'ai and Tiny have reconciled and they are here to share their journey towards for whatever reason.

Why I love you guys is because you've been through it and you've survived. All right.

So you were together for 10 years and then decided to get married. What was the decision?

Well, we had some starts and stops and, you know, well, I actually was supposed to get married in 2007 originally.

I don't remember that. Oh, we were planning the whole wedding. Don't remember. Oh, you don't remember.

I don't remember planning the wedding. I don't remember that. But I tell everybody. I don't remember.

Yeah, well, anyway, that didn't work out. You know, we had it was my fault probably.

Probably because it was that is the assumption. You see, that is the assumption. When we learned in Coulston, they did take two people. Well, they say that. But I really feel like sometimes it takes one because one person can be like they're dealing with it and dealing with it and the other one is still trying to make things work. And the other person can be just doing the opposite.

I tend to listen to the experts. So 2007. Yes, it didn't work out right. We also lost a baby around that time.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I didn't know that.

Yeah, that actually makes me really sad. And in the idea of knowing that you guys actually went through something like that, and that's actually what brought us back together again.

It seemed like every time we tried to break up somebody that we had a very tumultuous year that year. We lost the baby. And I believe not too long after that, I caught my case.

Yeah, it was a roller coaster. It was rocky. Right. But we survived.

And the first case is when it was like, OK, you're going to marry me. I'm not right. I've been getting one. We've been in a house waiting for you to get out of jail.

You hear this kid? To be honest with you. Yeah. I mean, but just speaking honestly and truthfully, since this is a safe place.

Yeah, yes.

I really do feel that at that point in my life, if I didn't get married, then I would never go get married. My and my daddy died without being married. And then he told me before he died for somebody to share your life with.

Oh, now you just said some very important right there having somebody to share your life with. Yes.

That's what it's all about, you know, because she can go ahead and if I can find anywhere, you know, and so could I.

Yes. Yes, you know, you can.

But I don't want to start over. I got tired and I'm impatient now, stuck in my way. Love me. Leave me alone.

I know that you guys went through a really tough time.

You put divorce papers in twice the first time we can get them to get the papers to unless they got a job to.

They got a job. I got a job that kitchen can if I had the wrong people. Yeah. That's going to do your job. She kept calling me saying, would you please let these people get you, these people to do their job right. They got addresses. They didn't know your job.

All right. So they finally got his papers is. Yeah. Live in separate lives.

There was a whole lot of stuff in the press, a lot of back and forth on Twitter. Was it you had your quotes, you was quote, we see about how marriage steals a man's masculinity. That was that was he says that it wasn't about. I think I could I would never believe that. Well, I have no reason to lie.

I'm in a safe place.

You know, you don't want to you won't own up to it. But, you know, I never owned up to it was insensitive for you to put out such a thing when, you know, the world is watching.

Sensitivity is left in the eye of the beholder, because what I feel is sensitive may not be the same as what she feels. Right. So everybody has their own levels of absence.

That's right. That's true. You know, that is very true specifically in intimate relationships. That's true. After so much time together, I would think that you would be a little bit more aware of her triggers. I'm a little slow. Let me tell you something.

Can I just explain to you have been with somebody for twenty five years now.

I'm really glad that I know what I don't hear about it. That's what I'm telling you. Whatever that business is, I don't hear him speaking on it. So yeah, I don't hear him saying the things.

OK, what do you want. The truth. You want honesty or no. Yeah. Because it's better to know how someone feels.

You can tell me, call me, call me. But everybody likes stuff.

I feel somewhat of a philosopher of sorts. So if there is a perspective that I feel is interesting that I would like to share with people for the purpose of advancement of the generation, then I don't think that there is something that even if it goes against how I would make your wife, if you care about how they see your wife.

No.

Now how they feel. No, no, no, no. This is about it, baby.

You want to teach them to misunderstand, but make your wife.

But at the same time, I believe at the very time that that came out, my calls were blocked. I had no access to get to you. And I had been relieved of duty as the person who were responsible to be on site attending to her needs. And I had been relieved of duty.

You see what I'm saying? So I can't play both positions.

Well, of course you have you been out women all along the ground? I think we both really enjoyed our selves. Both enjoy this. But I come from one thing. We both have been out there. OK, ok.

Let my sons manage expenses such as yours. Oh no it's ok.

Let me put a pin in that. But once I actually think well I think that's an important piece. I mean it actually is because you came back from all. Exactly. So they don't come back to that because I think this right here is an important piece. And I'm explain to you what I think it's important. OK, I want to know, what was the last straw for you that made you decide to fight? Because that's a big deal, Tinie.

When I could not get him to respond, nothing was working. And he was just like, you know, I'm going to move. I want to move. That was it.

This is something that we always go back and forth about all the time. But the second time I came home from prison, so the first time I came home of prison, we got married. Right. Didn't do a honeymoon because I was on my way back to prison again. Right.

And that time, I believe our relationship from nineteen years ago was kind of built on. I guess the principles or practice of us being together all the time, we were a huge part of each other's lives. When I went to prison, I guess she felt like, well, now I have to figure out what I'm going to do. Right, because I don't have you here to continue the protocols and the practices that we have established in the fundamental stages of this relationship.

So when I got back, the world was upside down.

She kind of had an er like my time, you know, to say I thought we were just go hit the ground running and get back to things being the way they were and there was a.

An acclimation period. Yeah, did I have to make it through images coming back and not being in the position that I was in? It left me feeling less of that. So I had to go with figure out ways to make myself feel proper, inadequate again. And that lead to things that led to things, that led to things. I get calls to find out, OK.

But you had you say I'm sick and you don't get. What he's trying to say is I went and I found my own voice. He was used to saying, OK, no, we're doing this, we're moving this way. And I was like, OK, but when he came home, he say, we're moving this way. And I'm like, well, no, I got to do it. He's like, that's not the way, you know, it wasn't the he was used to.

He was used to controlling me. Well, having things his way at all times. But once I get on my own two feet, I felt like I should have a voice too. And that voice, it was a little different from what he was used to. So that to me is what caused the issue. Was it because I'm just being outlandishly disrespectful? Because it causes me. You recall, you cannot move. You cannot go anywhere.

I was still in the house like I was on probation doing all the things. But because I had a voice that was not so timid, like to me, this is my this is my respect. This is my outlook on it.

I feel like she's it's not the woman I love.

And this is not what I want. I want somebody that if I tell her this, she's going to listen and she's going to do this the way I want her to do it. And that's what he went. He went to find him, somebody that he can be like, hey, don't move. Let me just do that. And then excuse me. I was that.

You know, I understand that. Hey there, it's LeAnn Rimes. You know, these days, it's pretty easy to feel way too overwhelmed and disconnected not only from each other, but ourselves. My new podcast, Wholly Human Focus, is on living our best fullest lives by expanding into our most complete and whole selves. I'd love you to join me as I sit down with people who I've found to be some of the world's most inspiring and enlightening motivators.

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And OK, this is the thing. It's not about your voice. OK, go out there, end you get the voice. I want it to be loud as you want it to be. However, you must know how to use that voice. Now, the fact that you may have muted yourself.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You have always said whatever it is you wanted to say, even if that led to me saying, well, you know what, the same for me, then that is a decision. Wait a minute. That is a decision and a sacrifice that a woman must be willing to make for that voice. Wait a minute. Let me finish. I didn't interrupt you, OK? I never told you.

You couldn't say. I told you I had my list of how I wanted things to go. And you said, okay, wait a minute. OK, so when you were not OK with it any more, which is understandable, you changed your mind or whatever happened. I went to prison. They caused you to, you know, explore different parts of your voice. You can't use that voice to try to go against me. We're supposed to be together.

And that to me, I felt like it was maybe because it was so new to you, maybe you had learned how to control me.

Actually, it wasn't new to me. It was just that I gave it up because, you know, you have to love me. Why don't you have a man who says, don't work, don't this. I want to do this. I want to take care of Elaine. There's something hidden behind it. To me. To me, I feel like when a man wants to they want to be your all your end and I'll be all then that means you have less of a chance to say, I'm moving this way or I'm going this way.

You shouldn't. I'm saying when a man completely takes control, takes care of you, you don't have a lot to say because you are dependent on this man. Right? Right. So for a long time, she says you didn't want me to work. I pretty much gave up, you know, not trying to say any more, not trying to do anything. I never stop inescapable. No, excuse me. There was no escape. But, you know, there was other things that I want to do in music and you ask me to network and I was going to take care.

I said, well, my mom when no is take care about it.

And he did it right. He did. And so you agree that a could thing that was said sometimes once when you agree to something, then you realize it doesn't really work for you. Sometimes you have to experience something. You think you want to do it because you want to be in agreement with it. She loves you.

Let me just say this. This conversation, this problem is the exact same thing Will and I had to work through just know that is yeah, it is exacta.

It is exact.

Uh. Same thing she felt like she lost herself right in supporting Wil and his dreams and his career and the idea that he had of what their relationship was going to be.

I'm listening to the both of you. And you both have a point. Yes. So I'm saying this to say. That I completely understand where you're at it and I hear you and I completely understand you, right, because you coming from two different perspectives and that's always going to be the case is just about getting the understanding as she was trying to get her power back. And yes, I could see how for you it could have seemed very offensive.

Because it is new for her, she is trying to figure it out because it wasn't something that she had practiced with for a while. So in her putting her practice in, you have some bumps in the road. Right. But it doesn't mean that she didn't love you. Sure. And I completely understand how you felt just getting out of jail. And you need in a certain kind of like I get it. It just so happened that in your journey, you went to different places.

Right.

This is the irony was that when a man cannot provide for his family, he's less of a man.

But if a man provides everything he's being controlling, let me just say this.

And Tiny, you correct me if I'm wrong, but I want you to just let me know if we're on the same page.

We're on the same page. Yes, we do relinquish. A lot of our power to our men that we've given our lives to. At first I gave it all over.

Mm hmm. And then I realized, oh, is not working. And you get just a little disappointed because you feel like I gave it all to you. And you took it. And you misused it. You stop listening to me. I'm talking to Will right where you owe me your brother. So that's your first thought? That's correct. Then as you start coming into the understanding of yourself in your own power, you go, Oh, Magida.

It's your choice, though. And he did the best he could. Yeah, he did the best he could and. Honor the fact that he wanted to honor the fact that he tried. But it takes a minute to get what it takes, it takes it to get that old tip, and all I'm saying is there's no reason to defend yourself. Well, you can there's no reason for you to defend yourself, because here's the thing. When I see the two, we are in love right here.

Yeah, this right here. Thank you. And I can see that you guys you're working through. And I just want you to know, just from the experiences that I've had, like, there's no right or wrong here. This is true. Then let me tell you, you didn't do nothing wrong. You didn't do nothing wrong. You know what else we have to release in our relationships? That power struggle there, ego go. Yeah, she got she got more.

She let you go there. She got more and more. No, no, no, no, no.

OK, let's just say changing of one's mind. I understand that in life all things will change. However, it is way more possible for women to change their mind in the midst of permanent decisions than it is for me. Men can't change when you sign a prenup. But I had no money and I am my man.

I will get a prenup saying you can't do that, can't you know, because it's already been built.

You see, so life has been below the expectations of this thing. Don't work out 50/50 down the middle. Those expectations, expectations, if this is what I could expect from this relationship in this marriage. So if one thing changes, why can't other things change to why is it just women can change their. But meet me in a little over sad ways.

That aspect of your life is no longer just yours that you are trying to put a prenup on.

You know what I mean? You're going to see how she said yes. That looks pretty nice. But I'm just saying, if we change in mind, where do we change her mind?

We have thinking, well, what can the man change his mind about? Well, how about this a better way to ask that question. Yes.

What can the man change his mind about to to wear the same way the woman said, I want you to do this and I agree to this, but now I've changed my mind. What can the man do? So let me ask.

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Hey, everybody, it's A.J. McLean from the Backstreet Boys. Check me out with my girl, Cheryl Burke and my boy Rene Elizondo on Ihara. Radio's pretty messed up. This show talks about pretty much anything, everything, love, life, drugs, sex, rock and roll, you name it, and a little bit of dancing as well. So, you guys, we're into this now. What for deep? Yeah. And I really like what's happening with us.

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So just make sure you listen to pretty messed up on the I Heart radio app, on Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast.

What changed that you decided not to take her up on that divorce, you change something in your mind. You did? Yeah. All right, so we're going to talk about what changed in your mind. OK, y'all both went off and found y'all could have made LAVs. Everybody went out, had some fun. I couldn't. OK, well, let's talk about that. You could have gone out in the world and found yet another woman who could have come into your life and been like, oh, I'm just here for you.

What you want to say? Does it seem like you're lying? You're lying, you're lying.

You're like, but I'm I enjoy it while it lasts forever. OK, that's fine. So but but here's the. But I didn't stick it through it and that would be like you came back.

I want to know why. Because this is.

But no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

What did you discover out there to. Because, yes, she's the love of your life. Absolutely nothing. But you went and you just had your fun. I discovered absolutely nothing. Did you discover, like, all right, this is fun, but this ain't my life. I discovered this. This woman don't have my kids. Listen, this is the woman I want to see this Christmas.

This is where I have had the best times of my life. There are jokes and memories and things that we shared that no one else are a part of or are involved with.

And nobody could would ever be able to, even if what am I thirty nine. Now, if I were to start today, I'd have to be fifty nine sixty years old. But I don't want to wait that long to have this level of connection.

And I think that you know, it very rare where you are able to be married to the best friend you have and the best sex you've ever had. Right. You know what I'm saying?

So when you have those two components, we'll see.

You see what I'm saying?

You don't you just, you know, just tells that away, right? In a negotiation, in any deal, business the other way, never get what you deserve until you show you're willing to walk away. So is that what it took for both of us, she shows she was willing to walk away? I think I got her, you know, see things from a different perspective because she saw that I was willing to walk away.

Tiny. What made you decide to take the divorce papers off the table? That's a big step.

You could think about wanting to get a divorce, but actually going to a lawyer's office, get some papers drawn up and then served.

Yeah. And what did make you decide that she didn't want to be. It was you. What changed? He changed, how do you change, you changed. You came back is if you really wanted to work things out, you really wanted the relationship like before it was kind of like, oh, the grass is green over here. So that's what I'm doing. And I guess you figured out it was it, right?

Well, I have nothing to do with the green grass. It has a lot of it has to do with it being right with the green grass because I don't want to go green where you want to be, baby. I want to say. But what brought you back?

Because you were out having fun. And let's take on Rickett. I never, ever, ever, ever on record had sex with anyone other than you while I've been married.

OK, well, I have never, ever, ever lied about the talk and I'm not going to do it.

So that's the real you know, I feel like I've been you see me out with people. We've never had any sexual encounter any ever.

So this is another thing that I feel like. So sex is when you deal with them saying you can go and you can. Create moments with people physically, but the combination of energies and the aura of this is exclusive to tell and to make the connection. I don't care who she go and be. We care who I go and be with.

You could have a different energy, but it ain't going to be this baby. That's true.

I'm still and this is what I wanted those that wanted the energy that I was used to.

So let me ask you this, tiny. What is the thing that keeps you fighting for working at. Your relationship with Tip for him, he's like, I want to start over. This is where it's for me. I get to have my best friend, I get to have the best sex I ever had with my best friend. I get to have my family. Like, what is the thing for you in regards to.

I think it's got to be a two way street. If he's definitely into it trying to work with me, then that keeps me motivated to so. I see the emotion in your eyes. I don't know what that is. I mean, it's just a lot of love, you know.

Yes, I really do feel that between going to all the different machinations of everything that has transpired between you two is good stuff to come back from and you guys are doing it.

I mean, I think that anything is possible as long as you had two people who really want to work on it and want to do the work or willing to fight, you know, overcome the adversities.

I think anything is possible.

Did you guys go to counseling as well? Was that helpful or. We definitely went to counseling. I think it is amazing right now that I'm right. No, actually, I was right there. Did you that you're right. We out like she was really almighty.

Did you guys do counseling together?

Yes, counselor. She was amazing, she said, and listened to us. And she was like, Oh, my Lord. Right. I think we should go out, you know, even when things are going well.

I love I love to go.

What would be the advice that she would have for couples that are going through it or. Considering divorce or just trying to stay together, what would be your words of wisdom when you guys got to be willing to fight?

I think counseling is also a great way to bridge things because, you know, we can always see that and we deal with him. He never should.

We never say never. And she taught us different ways to deal with each other and talk to each other.

Yeah.

Communication skills, skills, trust, trust and, you know, and letting old stuff go go absolutely insane. And that's a big thing. That stuff go.

Another thing that help you is who do you think about when you have good news and who do you think about when you're going through the toughest of time, that first person that you rather discuss and whether to discuss it? We share it.

We and talk to about.

That's probably the person who whose energy is most present in your life. Right? Because I have been around people and got good news and didn't care to share in it. Right. You know, keep it to myself. Right.

Those are the things you know what it means to me where I don't love you guys.

Thank you for having me. It is my pleasure. I came.

I'm glad I got a chance that many men have said to you, hey, our family join our red tabletop group on Facebook to become part of the conversation and be sure to follow the show page to catch up on all our episodes. Yes, sir. All right. Thank you again. All great that you invite people here to this resort is a phenomenal resort. Can we get a bungalow, a bungalow footage for the summer? Yes. Any time.

Any time.

Hayati family. We are so excited to share something really special for the holiday season with you guys. We have a game called We're Not Really Strangers that will introduce to us that we all fell in love with. And we're excited to tell you more about it.

So we're not really strangers is a purpose driven card game, and it's all about creating meaningful connections with people for a red table talk specifically. There's so much synergy here because you guys are all about empowering meaningful connections.

We have an extended PAC that's inside the game now that is really geared more towards those kind of deeper, deeper questions know.

And you can actually do it as a family. I did it with Willow and my mom just on a deeper level of topics we had already talked about.

And so how do you win? There are two ways to play the game. One is to play safe, and the second is to play to grow. And that is how you and that's how you win. To join the red table, talk family and become a part of the conversation, follow us at Facebook dot com slash red table talk.

Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Tablecloth podcast produced by Facebook Watch Westbrooke Audio and I Heart Radio About a Girl is a new podcast about the women behind musical legends, the ones who inspired, loved, supported and challenged these icons on their way to greatness. These are 12 incredible, influential women without whom the landscape of popular music might be very different. It's hosted by me, Eleanor Wells and executive producer Bridget Brennan of Disgraced Land 27 Club and Blood on the Tracks.

Subscribe now Nikhat radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. This is a Hindi phrase, I love Kuraby, Hosaka, it means anything can happen, and from my own experience, I know it's true. I'm Actonel from Kid. You might know me from Silver Linings Playbook or one of my Bollywood films. But in my podcast, Anupam Cass, I wanted to share some things you may not know about me. I grew up in Shimla, a remote station in India, in the Himalayan foothills.

And as a boy, it was a world full of possibilities.

It's where I had my first kiss when my father became obsessed with our local press and where I learned my most important lesson about failure. I will also be bringing you stories of untold heroes from around the world, lift our spirits. After all, it's the stories we tell ourselves that shape how we live, the good, the bad and the surprising. But let's focus on the good financial cares on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.

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