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[00:00:00]

Hey, I'm Carlos Watson, I'm hosting a primetime talk show and guess what, I'm not a white guy named Jimmy. Hey, with a global pandemic, historic recession, racial justice, protests, 20 20 is not a joke. We need something more than late night comedians help make sense of this craziness. Welcome to the Carlos Watson Show. Look, it's going to be brand new deep conversations with everyone from Malcolm Gladwell to Paris Hilton. And back again, join me, Carlos Watson on the Aussie YouTube channel or listen to the podcast version on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast or wherever else you listen.

[00:00:31]

Hi, I'm Heidi Murkoff, host of What to Expect, a new podcast from My Heart Radio when I first wrote What to Expect When You're Expecting. My mission was simple to help parents know what to expect every step of the way on what to expect will answer your biggest pregnancy and parenting questions about everything from preconception planning to birth plan. Newborns sleep to toddler tantrums. Motherhood is the ultimate sisterhood, but it can be overwhelming if you don't know what to expect.

[00:01:03]

Listen to what to expect on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, pay, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith, and this is the Red Tablecloth podcast, all your favorite episodes from the Facebook Watch show in audio produced by Westbrooke Audio and I Heart Radio. Please don't forget to write and review on Apple podcasts.

[00:01:29]

I guess we'll just wait for her. I invited one of my favorite people to join us today, Tiffany Haddish. Jada.

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Jada, Jada and Love, she's loud, she's funny, she's in your face, and you'll always know when she's around, tell Jada.

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She's overcome foster care, illiteracy, homelessness, and is now hustled her way into the heart of Hollywood. You've got me, Carol. You could make a salad. Now, what kind of kale is this? That is the Tuscan kale in Canterbury full of vitamins.

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And you had a cooler to I got from Target to get ready for one of the most motivating and hilarious talks at the red table with my girl, Tiffany.

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All right, let's do this. Now you go in there. OK, so you brought me a gift. Uh huh, I did. OK, I brought you a gift. OK, didn't did it. Did it. Oh. Oh, save you. If Gore just so you all know, every time I see Tiffany, I give her a bag of some kind.

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She helped me start my game.

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The gorgeous you momma Valentino. Yes, I said it right. Yes. That's gorgeous. Thank you. Well. So I'm really thankful for our friendship when we did Girls Trip.

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I had no idea who you were. You were funny as hell. I was like, oh, this is going to be a fun movie, but we just clicked. Yeah, it's because we've had different experiences, but our backgrounds are very similar. We both thought that we just going to end up being a statistic. Yeah.

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I thought was going to be a baby mama. Yeah, I thought I was going to be a baby mama with like five kids for baby daddies, like collect the county jail right now.

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And so when you came up to me one day and you were like, I know some of your homeboys in Baltimore, like, I got a way to say, hey, I got some your homeboys in Baltimore and you were like me.

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You got similar stories, wink, wink. And I was like, all right, this is going to be good because I could just be myself.

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Yeah, you created something for yourself and you have been relentless.

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I feel like personally, everything that I've been through has prepared me for this journey.

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Like I used to get picked on and bullied and taught people used to talk about me in school. Now I'm like a celebrity.

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Let's hear a little bit about your story. Just in case I read table talk. Family might not know what your story is.

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I'm from South Central Los Angeles, born and raised. My mom. She raised me for quite some time and my brothers and sisters and everything. And she had a really bad car accident and basically suffered from some traumatic injuries. She had brain and yeah, brain in her head went through the windshield. So she survived and it took her like three months to learn how to walk again, talk. And then it took a long time for her memories to come back.

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OK, I remember being at the hospital and the doctor saying, you know, your mom, she'll never be the same. You're going to have to help her a lot more now. So she wasn't able to do a lot of things.

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So basically everything she had talked me up to that point I was teaching her, but she became very abusive and violent and never came back to being my mom. She was somebody else.

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You had to go into foster care because of your mother's condition? Yes. She wasn't able to take care of things like how old were you when you.

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When I was turning thirteen, my two sisters got placed together in a home.

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My two brothers got placed together in a home. And then I had to go to my client for like a few days because they couldn't find a place for me. Right. Is kind of set up like a juvenile detention center. I guess it is in some ways for like kids with behavioral issues. It's when I can't find a place to place you. Right. So then I'm in McCloughan Hall and these girls are like, you won't cry tonight.

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We don't beat your ass. And I'm like, all right, come on, let it come on.

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You try to make them laugh or be silly and like and they laughed and everything. That's OK for my ass. But still. Right. It was after that seeing how silly and goofy I was, I was like, oh, she's a clown, she whatever. And it wasn't like trying to beat me up on a regular basis.

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When I think about it, it was really hard. But I'm so grateful for the experience because I got to see how other people live.

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I thought just my family was like my family was crazy and got mental issues. But it turns out everybody I expect, like everybody all messed up.

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And it made me just appreciate even more just being a human. So what happened as far as you get into the tenth grade and really not being able to read?

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There's really a lot of people I got to say thank you to because I cheated on a lot of people and a lot of them got me through high school.

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Was it in high school that you struggled with reading or was it before that? It was before that. And by the tenth grade, my drama teacher figured out I couldn't really read, like I could read like three letter words for the words or things that you see every day because the TV, you know, Joynes, I could see that I know what it is anyways.

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Me in school, this girl, I can remember her first name. I just remember her last name was Lee. And I try to make sure I always sat behind her every time there was like a question. She always raised their hands. I figure, oh, she's smart, right? So then I'll be like, hey, would you get on that last test I got a man was smart is how can I can maybe. Can I see your homework?

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Right. Let me see your hands. Let me see if I did my homework. Right. I do my homework. Oh I do my homework at all. I'm just copying basically all her answers. Right.

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Like that's how I got through school, just professionally cheating all the time, even like we had to do like an English class and it had to do creative writing. Right. So I would just give storybooks like Garfield or something like that.

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I'll just plagiarize other words.

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No, listen, I'm listening to you and I'm like, I did the same thing. I wasn't even supposed to graduate. High school was literally a gift, my high school diploma. So your hustle was a little stronger than mine because I went to. At school, so I had a little bit more leniency. Yeah, my favorite story that you told me is the story where you found out how funny you were.

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My stepdad used to tell me, you stupid, and my grandma always saying that I was stupid. My answer would tell me I'm stupid. My momma would say I'm stupid. At that point in time in my life, any time somebody says something to me, I would take it literal that I was stupid.

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So I didn't really put forth a lot of effort to try to learn how to read or try to. It was difficult already. And then if I'm stupid, what was the point where I'm going to be a baby mama anyways? I already take care of kids when I need to know how to read, for I know how dogs look like I know where my look like and I know how to cook that. I know how to use a measurement cup.

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I know numbers. So it was like to me not necessary when I started working at the airlines and I was being silly at the ticket counter. And it's girls like you are so stupid. I was like, you call me stupid one more time and watch what's going to happen. We're going to have a fight up here.

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She was like, I'm just saying you're funny, right? And I was like. All these years, probably everybody was saying, I was I'm 90 years old, but damn, I'm funny. So what was the turning point for you to have?

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It just seems like throughout your life you really didn't get a lot of positive reinforcement now, but it came from other places like where my social worker was so instrumental because she really paid attention to me.

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She really noticed that I had something and she got me in a comedy camp. And that's when I first started getting confidence. And maybe I always had confidence and didn't realize it. But that really helped me to be confident in who I am and what I look like. And I can make fun of this. And and I thought I was ugly, too. So it's funny because my social worker is like, you're beautiful. And I'm like, you probably say that to all the foster kids so that they don't run away.

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Like, what I love about you is just how you just put your intelligence to a hustle.

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I mean, every step of the way from your childhood, having to go through foster care system, you know, live homeless and still never gave up. Where is your mother now?

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Oh, so I'm so proud of myself and her.

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In December, we got her out the mental institution, got her the best psychologist out of the best doctors. She's already lost like 30 pounds. I got an apartment in Inglewood and I got her and my sister here and I'm like, I'll cover the rent. You cover everything else on mom's side. Right? And that's what we're doing, is planning to buy shoes at my house. This is the first time she said like she's proud.

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How did it make you feel, though, when your mother told you that she was proud of you?

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Well, I took everything in my heart not to just break down and cry. I just hugged her so tight. If she's like, hold me.

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And we're on each other just hugging so tight and I'm just trying not to cry. Right. And then I went to the bathroom, turned on the shower, jumped up and was like, oh.

[00:11:03]

Damn right you're gonna get a spanking now. Yeah, not really black. Hi, I'm Leah Remini and I am joined by Mike Rinder, and we are very excited to announce that we are continuing our journey with a new podcast called Scientology Fair Game. What is Fair Game?

[00:11:25]

Fair game is a term in Scientology that that is used to describe what was used to describe the taking care of, and that's the euphemistic term threats and enemies of Scientology. What it really is, is a series of writings and policies, directives by L. Ron Hubbard that lay out how you go about destroying someone who is an enemy of Scientology.

[00:11:54]

Listen to Scientology Fair Game on the Ihara radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to podcasts, you damn with black hair, you down with abolishing the prison industrial complex, you down with puppies, sit with puppy. You'd be surprised where the comedy group Obama's other daughters.

[00:12:14]

And we're inviting you to come kick in with us on our podcast called You Down.

[00:12:19]

We're bringing you the same fun vibe we served during our improv shows in L.A. only in podcast form. Check in with us as we discuss everything going on in the culture and have the nerve to give our UN expert opinions to a lucky listener, whether it's embarrassing hair stories or comedy fails. We might even talk about Ghost.

[00:12:40]

Listen to you down on the radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your pocket, you download.

[00:12:51]

Well, Tiff, with everything that's been going on in your life, as far as the rise, what has been the best part is probably going to seem like really small, but to me is the biggest thing.

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But when I say my name is.

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God almighty, this will be OK. I'm a celebrity now, so the big story is this. I went to a party because I was there and somebody was acting like they was out of order. So I was like pulling on me and they they put their body parts on me. I am like that. Right. Then when I found out she be, I then I was like a whole nother level to me. So I'm going to be I was like, I'm going to party.

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I'm not give him a fight. And I just need to know that this really happened. And she said she said, don't do that. I was like, I'm gonna need a selfie and he should accept me. And I didn't fight in my mind. She could have been real mean about it, but she protected me. She did in my day.

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I would have for sure. Probably with you. Yeah, I don't know.

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I could have got beat up. And I hope she knows that that could have all gone very badly, very badly. And I wanted her to know that I consider her a hero because I was definitely going into my head mentality. Yes. I want you to know I was happy that she did that.

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Now, why do you think they call it celebrity? Why can't it just be entertainment y because nobody threw me no party. I'm I had no celebrations yet. So where is this celebrity thing? Why do they call it that? Well, here's the thing. The celebration has been through the people.

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The people have celebrated you, have you noticed that, I mean, I say nice things and stuff, Tiffany is not just nice things, because what you represent for women who have come from similar stories like you, you have not allowed your story to make you bitter.

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And even though it makes you sad and sometimes you really struggle, you always reach high, you always reach high.

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And so I think what you've done for so many women who felt like they haven't had a voice, who haven't felt validated, who feel like they don't matter, you make them matter in a certain way.

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You you present yourself like I'm here. We here together. And this is not just about black women. I have seen all kinds of women from all different walks of life. So happy to see you every time they see me. What's Tiffany like? Like, what does she really like? And to me, that's a celebration.

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People are celebrating you in that way, you know, and that's it. That to me means more than a party.

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But to me, a celebration is a party. All right. We're going to have a Tiffany Haddish party is done, OK? Now, why must we celebrate in that part? We could do that. We could do that. So, Tiff, let's talk a little bit about your love life.

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Love life. Well, I love me a lot. There you go. That is the best love life we could have guaranteed to be satisfied over here when it's with me that I'm very busy. Are you dating? I would like to date. I really don't have a lot of time for. But when somebody asked me out on a date that I'm interested in, like hanging out with, I will clear the schedule. I will make some time. So have you had any special requests?

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So you're not going to drag music video? Yeah.

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And so I was texting with Drake and he's like, man, I'm so excited about the videos. I'm excited about the video too. He was like, we should hang out sometime. I'm like, yeah, I could hang out. You let me know. And he was like, let me take you to dinner. All right, that's good. He's like, OK, OK, we'll work. We'll make it work. Right. So our blocks are blocked all this time off.

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Why should I go get my mustache while I get my arm. It's well got me a nice little dress then. I'm like, so what's on the way in and out. Are you still in the car? Like where are we going? And he's like, oh man, my bad family emergency. I'm in Canada right now. And I was like, OK, ok, I can read. I could have made a thousand dollars. Right.

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But I was trying to see what that did to. But all right. I'm not going to do that. Oh wait a minute. Speaking of that, speaking of that, OK, I remember when we were on girls trips and you were telling me about your special book. Oh, my big, big book. I was doing research. So basically because I'm a scientist, a very special nature. I'm a peanut allergies and killed allergies when I was younger, any time I would go on a date, I would ask a guy if I could see his penis right.

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And then I would pull out my disposable camera and I ask him, can I take a picture of your penis? I'm like, I don't want your face. I just want to remember your penis.

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And I'd be holding in my hand from my hands. You could see, like, dirty nails, dirty deep. And you could see, like the tip of the penis usually matched the fingernails. It was a nice little coffee table conversation situation. No, I have to tell you, that was some of the most fascinating conversations that you and I had. And what you said was defeat. No, it's not about the feeling, about the fate. It's never about defeat.

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Check them.

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Hey, check them have everything is always dry.

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And she did probably as you.

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Oh, I got. Can we have this fish bowl? Well, thank you. Welcome. This is our little special bowl. Mm hmm.

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Well, we have questions. Yeah, these are from red tabletop Facebook family right here.

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OK, so make one. All right.

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I mean, is there going to be a girls trip to. Oh, my gosh, I hope so. I do, too. Do they call you? Well, talking about it.

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Well, you know, they did in the beginning. I haven't heard anything lately.

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I haven't either. Yeah. I'd like two months ago I got a call saying, yes, there is concern about how much it's going to cost that that and that that that has been my answer to everyone.

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You know, there's four of us and we all going in together.

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Yeah. And we're sticking together, sticking together. All I'm not going to ask you this one.

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Why does this where did you get the name Black Unicorn? Oh, yeah.

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That's me having a word on my phone. What? When I was in elementary school, I had to work on my forehead.

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Now I thought it was a mole. Right. But it would grow out like it would like be like a flower and kind of spiral around it. So kids used to be like you, a dirty ass unicorn, you would dirty as unicorn. And so and they would make fun of me. Like Tiffany got flies on on her face because I had a mole right here. I had a I have a mole on my nose. I had a mole this morning right here under my eye was much smaller then.

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And then I had this thing growing out my forehead and I remember this one boy, his name was James. He used to make me so mad. And I was sitting in class one day and I just took some scissors and I just cut it and I just let it bleed down my face like like a weirdo. But everybody was like, oh, my God, he's bleeding. It was they all cared about me and I took care of me and he was like, I'm sorry.

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Why did you cut your horn off? Like, you shouldn't cut your horn, you might bleed to death. And I was like, if I die, it's all your fault.

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It was so nice to me at the end of the day. All right, guys.

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I don't know if I would have thought that it was an unimaginable crime.

[00:20:43]

There's blood all over the house. It was the second biggest mass murder in 2016 behind the Pulse nightclub shooting.

[00:20:51]

Eight people dead, all from the same family. It would become the largest criminal investigation in Ohio's history.

[00:20:58]

Pike County sheriffs requested state help immediately after they got word in the early morning of April 22nd, 2016.

[00:21:07]

Eight members of the rodent family were brutally murdered, shot to death execution style in their homes.

[00:21:14]

Eight victims, 32 gunshot wounds, three children left alive at the scene. This is the Pickton massacre.

[00:21:27]

Listen to the pectin massacre on the I Heart radio app, on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Heidi Murkoff, host of What to Expect, a new podcast from My Heart Radio when I first wrote What to Expect When You're Expecting my mission was simple to help parents know what to expect every step of the way on what to expect will answer your biggest pregnancy and parenting questions about everything from preconception planning to birth plan. Newborns sleep to toddler tantrums.

[00:22:01]

Motherhood is the ultimate sisterhood, but it can be overwhelming if you don't know what to expect. Listen to what to expect on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh. Tiffany, you were harassed coming up through the comedy clubs was the worst story from those days, and do you have advice for female comics?

[00:22:28]

Oh, yeah, definitely a lot of sexual harassment in comedy because comedians are perverts. Always handled it well, though, like I always, like, turned it around on them. You know, what a man can handle is an aggressive woman, right. That scares the hell out of him. And I figured that out early. At first I would be like pushing up on me.

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Like, if you want five minutes of stage time, you don't have to give me five minutes.

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Like, what are you going to do for it? I'm like, I'm not giving up my body for an album. So it's not like you to make money off of me. And I'm giving up right there being aggressive. They basically test their boundaries with you. So I would suggest to women, like when guys when guys do that, I would like return the favor. I would get aggressive right back if they're like, damn, baby, you fine.

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I'm like, you, fine. Look at you.

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Oh, wait, there's something wrong with this lady. She must get something. That's how I get down. They try to snatch a light man. Yeah. You can't let them have your like. No, that's real talk. Love you guys and girls trip. Describe your co-stars with one sentence.

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Regina pretty smart. Cool, huh?

[00:23:34]

That's actually three words, but I guess that could be a sentence. She is pretty smart. Oh, yes, Queen.

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She's just she's just a super gentle heart, just a super gentle heart.

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And then me, you use such a tender soul, you tend to soul to you really.

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Are you just a you're a real you tender. So I think you can be tough. You've had to be tough, but really you had tenderoni it like you just described you.

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Jada is a queen knowledgeable and my big sister.

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Oh I want you to meet my mother.

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OK, gang has a good. How are you? Good, how are you? Or have a seat. OK. All right, I will sit down for a sec. Was there anything you wanted to ask? Today is actually, you know, like this whole thing is new for me. OK, and I already get a bit of attention just from being Jada's mom.

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You know, people assume that you want all the same, and so you're going to go for it all. Well, let me give you the backstory on that, because you're telling me you want your art, but you might not want all the attention and all the stuff that comes with it comes with it.

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So how are you dealing with that? I'm being honest with you.

[00:25:07]

I like I like it when I walk into the room and stuff and people light up with joy to me. I feel like I'm doing my purpose here on this planet. I feel like that's my job.

[00:25:18]

Now, I got a question for you. How bad was it? Did you have to give her a lot of spankings or did you, like, give her time outs?

[00:25:26]

We didn't we didn't like grandmother didn't allow it. Tiffany. Yeah. Back in the day we did. Old school parents. And when you just like. Yeah, that's all she needed to do was give me a look.

[00:25:38]

And I was like, what she still could do it be like you need to meet here at the red table. Well she was like, that's enough for that. We're not going to talk about it. I was like, like Mommy has spoken because, you know, it just stays with you forever ingrained in you.

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It really depends on what the circumstances are, depends on what's going on, what kind of look you actually go get.

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It was four of us and got to get spankings. No. Yeah, not really black.

[00:26:09]

We were very well mannered, but, you know, two or three times.

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And it's just the look, you give me that look before and I'm like, I'm a requirement. It's just energy. I want to learn how to do that.

[00:26:23]

Look, you have that look, Tife. Yeah, I'm I'm was telling you. There we go.

[00:26:34]

We are done to Tiffany. Thank you for being here. My friend was so nice. It was just good to be able to sit with you and talk to you because your time is precious, but it's worth sharing with you and your mom. I me.

[00:26:54]

This is super fun. Yeah, this was really fun. This is a great conversation. Yeah, this is good.

[00:27:03]

On our next Round Table talk, the internationally renowned dog whisperer, Cesar Millan. Oh, she told me because of Jada.

[00:27:14]

I speak English.

[00:27:15]

Terry, you're like the epitome of the American dream. But what has been the most challenging, the feeling of failure?

[00:27:25]

I'm not good enough. I went to a place where I didn't love myself. That's when I want to commit suicide. While Tiffany Haddish is leaving us everyone. Thank you, Simone. I want to just get to some water. Yes, would you know? Oh, my God, yes. All right, you guys, we just got to finish at the bread table with my sweetheart, Reinier.

[00:28:03]

To join the red table, talk family and become a part of the conversation, follow us at Facebook. Dotcom slash, red tabletop. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Tablecloth podcast produced by Facebook Watch Westbrooke Audio and I heart radio.

[00:28:18]

Have you ever wondered if Will Ferrell likes to wear his I voted sticker? I'll even wear it until the next day. Or what makes Stephanie Rule so passionate about voting? It's about what kind of country, what kind of world you want to live in. Hi, I'm Holly Fahri and I'm hosting a new podcast called Why I'm Voting. I realized my father had never participated in any election. That's how democracy fails everyone assuming somebody else. Why I'm voting.

[00:28:43]

A new podcast from my heart radio available on the I Heart radio app and Apple podcast or wherever it is you listen.

[00:28:51]

What's up, everybody? We're L.A. comedy group, Obama's other daughters.

[00:28:55]

And on our podcast, you download, we're discussing what's going on in the culture, everything from dating to therapy.

[00:29:02]

Look, yeah, I got dumped on FaceTime, so I had to hold it together.

[00:29:11]

So come keiki with us and join the kinds of candid conversations you only have with your girls. Listen to you down on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts.