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Hello, you're listening to a very special edition of Shadmi Adenoid, we love you guys so much that we have decided to let you in a little bit and give you an extra special treat this Thursday morning.
Well, what's up? What is this you know what this is going on about?
And I don't feel like. All right, OK, OK, I'll play along. OK, Chris.
Well, I. What's this. What you what you doing. What you do. OK, Chris. Well, I got in touch with the book.
People who do a book. Yeah. Dave book. Dave book and all the guys at the bookshop. Yeah.
And if you remember, we recorded the audio book a little while ago, barely.
But that week together and that small God I do remember that was very funny.
Yeah. We thought that it would be pretty cool but yeah. Charlie's to give you a couple of chapters for you.
So political. You don't need to be what. You don't deserve it. These people listen in here now. These scumbags listen our don't joke.
And guys, we're giving you two, three chapters of the audiobook because if you listen to this, as of Thursday, the book is out today.
It is the third of September and the book is out in audio and in physical form.
Oh, can you believe it or not? Watch it with, you know, fingers.
That was going to imply it and you just shout. It's unbelievable. Excited.
Anyway, there's still going to be a podcast tomorrow. Do not worry, but here are two free chapters, all your chapters of the book.
The chapters are called Rosie Seven Year Itch and One Night Stands, and I don't know what order they're in, so it might be the other one.
First, I will introduce them and listen. I hope we all do. The audio book does sound slightly posher.
It is a bit of a posh saxophone voice. Yeah, no, it's genuine in my own voice. Yeah.
And joy and joy dooby dooby dooby dooby one nightstands.
Dear Chris and Rosie, what exactly do you think constitutes a one night stand? Have both of you ever had one? I'm 22 and I've never had one yet from Anonymous. In my opinion, a one night stand is when you meet someone whom you have never met before in your life, you have no idea who they are. They are a complete stranger to you. You have sex with them once, then you never see them again. Chris agrees.
Oh, apparently I agree, guys. I've been told I agree. So there was no need for me to say anything here or anywhere else, for that matter.
Let's just let Rosie decide what I'm thinking on all of these things. I'll just stay quiet. Annoyingly, I do agree you can't have a one night stand with someone, you know, that's just having sex with someone you know. And if you see a stranger again after one night stand, it's not a one night stand anymore.
So, yeah, annoyingly, she nailed it. You're wasting your time, Grace.
Got to get that word count up. That's true. Very important. That word count. I agree. I also agree, Rosie. I also agree.
Me too. Christopher, me, Rosie Ramsay. I agree also may too. I'm glad we are in concurrence on this agrarians. Good. Fantastic.
I personally find one nightstands so interesting. You see some people overlord's amazin. Why the hell not as long as you care. Careful, no one's getting hurt. Gorta. It just, you know, make sure you put something on the end of it. Jazzar Kyle style. A lot of people like yourself, Ainun, have never had a one night stand in the lives, not one. I still can't decide whether I pity or envy you slash them.
To be honest, there must be something pretty gratifying about knowing that you've got enough self-control to not give in to sexual demons. You have the ability to control your animal instincts and two bottles of wine and three Chateau Yirga don't tip you over the edge in a one night stand and you can say no to a bar of chocolate at the checkout tells you never snooze your alarm. You say yes to an invitation and by Jove, you'll be there come hell or high water.
No flakiness from you? No, sorry. You are in control of your life and I envy you. They look OK. I've made my mind up. I envy you. Wouldn't dream of jumping into bed with someone who you've only known for thirty minutes. Don't get me wrong, you're not a prude. You just like to have been on a date, exchanged a few text, etc. before you know you do the deed. Good for you. I see you've got morals and you stick by them.
The world needs more people like you. So you've got your prolific one night, this every weekend, this different person in the bed, not ashamed in the slightest, couldn't give a fuck, all quite the opposite. They've got folks going spare. Then you've got the holier than thou. Wouldn't even dream of a type's. Couldn't possibly imagine kissing a stranger, let alone having sex with one. Then you have people like me bobin somewhere in between. I was a typical unoffensive, had all the makings of a non one night stand.
But unfortunately too many breakups and my need to be loved. Tragic but true. It really let us down, send in hugs. I can also confidently say it was because I am now thankfully happily married and married to the other person who is reading this audiobook right now. Luckily, we're extremely open about everything and he doesn't mind hearing about my past relationships. Imagine if you did. You're not be listening to this right now, that's for sure.
Still, though, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly nervous to hear this anyway. This was very much me. For most of my 20s, the sex was mostly rebound sex, to be honest, and I never felt good after it.
The complete opposite, actually. Oh, that's OK then.
I'm not sure whether that's a personal thing or a female thing. A lot may disagree with me here, but I think it's a lot easier for a man to have a one night stand than a woman.
I don't know about that, but it's definitely a lot easier for a woman to have a one night stand than a man like to actually initiate one.
Single blokes on nights out are so desperate that most women get the DG to do a shout out for them and there would be a queue of guys to pick from.
Men are very much in our jobs and never need to think of them again. US. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
OK, ladies, we dwell on this sort of shit for days, weeks sometimes. Who am I kidding? I'm sad here. Ten years later I still kicking myself about a one night stand. Oh God. Why the fuck did I sleep with that guy? I didn't even know him. Seriously, are you that lonely, Rosie? You don't even know your surname. You absolute holberg. What if you see him again and he doesn't even remember. You know it remember.
Yea. Right. You look nice that night and you don't see bikini line. Thank God you got you on a good night Beeb's you bastard. If you ask me hashtag self-love. Should I find him on Facebook. No, no that's awful. Completely cringe. You didn't ask for my number so why would he want me to find him on Facebook. That whole Aluf playing it. Cool thing you did this morning, Rosie. Did you absolutely no favors and was way too convincing.
I doubt he's even bothered about seeing you again. Oh, Christ. I said some, well, raunchy stuff last night. He genuinely got some Ababa's flip moves. Oh, you could tell it being a wild Beeb's, you went all out. Oh, God. The shame of it all. What if I saw him in Tesco? What if he works somewhere ago and I've just not noticed? What if our children end up going to school together?
They'd have to leave. Imagine. Well, what if I end up working with his mom or his sister and B, insert any known relative here? I can't I can't go on like this. I need some answers. OK, well, look, if it's going to make you stop going on about it, just have a quick look. It won't harm anyone. You might have already messager. You never know. It might be due in exactly the same thing right now.
Oh, my God. Imagine if this is your future husband. Shit the bed. You could be the one. What the fuck is. He's fucking Ternium. Oh, he hasn't messaged. Fuck, this is down to you. Just look, you won't even know. OK, so he knows what his face who works at the pub. Find him. You're friends with him. You might be on there. Right, John. His name was definitely John.
John, John. John. Where the hell are you. John friends list. No comment section. Nope. Tagged pics. Bingo. There you are.
Oh, you're actually really sweet looking. Oh, this is actually quite exciting. He was good in bed to take this be it clicked on the profile heart reason, hands sweating.
This is ridiculously exciting, isn't it? I literally left this guy's house just three hours ago knowing zero about him other than his first name and that he's friends with that random lad who works weekends in the pub. But he was nine WINZ in fit and he was good in bed. So let's just say, hang on, is that. No, no, it can't be. I can't friggin say on these little flip screens zooms in. That's better. Babygro Is that.
Is that a girl in his profile pic, if it could be sister or maybe his mom is really young looking. Just a second, people kiss the sisters right on the lips in an embrace, right? No, no, they don't you, Otar Moag. Logit girlfriend. Oh, John, yeah, absolute wanga, I almost had a panic attack. Listen to this. What an emotional roller coaster did this happen? Is John real? The people need to know Rosie.
He absolutely is real. But I had to change his name for legal reasons.
I can honestly say I think I might have only ever had one one night stand, possibly two. I think all the others either knew beforehand in some way, shape or form or what ended up going out again in the future. One of them even hung around like a bad smell long enough to get married, have kids and do a bloody podcast together. Yocum Desperate.
Love you two of you as well. Robidoux Bob double the seven year itch.
I've heard people talk about the seven year itch for as long as I can remember, even as a child, it was a well-known phrase, obviously, then I just thought people it itches for a really long time. And when adults winked at each other or laughed about it, I assumed the itch was located somewhere funny, like the bomb or something. Turns out I was completely wrong, this imaginary H is something that apparently happened seven years into a marriage.
It's also a film. I think Chris and I are currently at year six, and it's only now that I can 100 percent resonate with this phrase.
I'm obviously extremely happily married, as I hope Chris to. Chris, it has its moments. But honestly, it's bloody hard work, isn't it? Even after only six years, the pressure of keeping a marriage together and happy and is exciting and passionate as it did started, is very intense and not always possible.
I don't know whether it's because you've got a contractual bond or the other person that feels so much more definite, a bit like a job, perhaps a really testin full time job with someone who you occasionally really have sex with and often bring up children together with the C part of your life that you'd rather that didn't. But it's completely unavoidable if you live in the same house together 24/7.
Most of them would be easily avoidable if you just closed the bathroom door.
I remember the first time Chris happened to walk in on me shaving my vagina. Now I know what you're thinking. That's not that horrific. But, you know, when you would just rather they hadn't seen it, the position in a lawn that you have to get yourself into, it was awful. And it's just not a good look. I wanted him to think I was perfectly trim down there and that at any given moment of the day, it would always be just like that.
Perfect. I'm pretty sure I had one of my legs on the bath to, you know, get right in. There was. Mind, I suppose, looking back, the vaginal shaving wasn't anywhere near as bad as the time I left the door wide open and he witnessed it taking me come on out.
Bless his heart, thought he was going to faint. I still have nightmares. I often wonder how some couples managed to keep things like this from each other, while Chris and I saw unable to keep things private. I know on my part that sheer laziness. I hate clothes in the bathroom door after's. See, we only recently got a lock as guests were uncomfortable going for a way in an unlockable toilet. But people can keep part of the daily routine from the loved ones for years to take my mother in law, for example, she has never, ever, in over 40 years of marriage, passed wind in front of my father in law.
Imagine that I probably must be in agony. Chris only told me this couple of years ago, and I couldn't believe it. They have, however, been extremely happily married for these 40 years. So maybe that's the secret to a healthy marriage. Keep your trumps in. I think I'd die, honestly. I think it would kill us. Rosie Ramsey Berita died from Haldon in efforts.
And judging by how much you fought these days, it would take about 40 minutes of holding them in to kill you.
When Chris and I were relatively new to our relationship, we went on holiday to Dubai. Chris was pulling out all the stops to impress his and I was Lapindo. I couldn't believe my luck. To be honest, it paid for the lot. It was one of the most incredible holidays I've ever had. Loads of new relationships, sex, tons of alcohol and seven full days of lying in the big and hot sun. Amazing. What wasn't so amazing, though, was the fact that I had to hold in every single thought, also the toilet in our hotel room had a glass door, a glass door man who designed this bloody hotel.
You could see everything. I didn't have a sheet for almost four days. It was agony. Luckily, it wasn't just me. Chris was also in a lot of pain. It would appear that he was also stopping himself from passing wind and equally terrified empties bellows directly behind a glass door that his new girlfriend was sat mere metres away from. It was on this very holiday that we were forced to have the fart conversation. It went something like this, so Chris, I'm not sure how to see this, but you might have noticed that I eat quite a lot of vegetables.
Yeah, I really like them. The only problem is that they often make is a bit gassy. Yeah, I'm actually quite a classy person, to be honest. I've been trying to hold them all in while we've been away. And to be honest with you, Chris, I'm in a bad way.
Oh my God. Rosie saw my arm in bits over here. I'm a broken man. Conway, Chuzzlewit, Rosie and Chris holding hands and looking deeply into one another's eyes.
That's far in front of each other from now on. I love you.
I honestly can't tell you how much this genuinely changed my life.
I've never thought in front of a girlfriend regularly before, and I'd spent so many nights in agony after meals in the house. I honestly thought I had some kind of medical problem until Rosie said, did you never fought in front of your ex? And I replied, No, never to watch. Rosie responded, Well, you know, just in pain all the time.
Then the penny dropped.
Yes, I was already a spot ball and spend the rest of the night in the fetal position, watching the wire and fighting back tears.
Abdu Babaji of the finished off the finish. I think the finished have just finished. I know for you. Oh you probably want more freedom. You have your piece of shit. You don't have the third chapter. You can go fuck yourself, download it. Audible dot com physical ones that as well. I think it's audible but oh hey man don't you babe.
You've got the little girl has while you come click on it, it's me voice. I hope you enjoyed that guys.
And we'll see you tomorrow for your podcast and also just for me. Thank you so much to everyone who's already downloaded the book in audio version and everyone who has put their hands in the pockets and paid for it. But we are so, so grateful.
I'm really hope you enjoy it. We really do. Let us know if you enjoy it via Twitter, Instagram, all of them. If you don't enjoy it, keep it to yourself.
Yeah, please know that would do wonders for myself if you just don't let me know. Just tell your mom.
Tell you, dad, don't write it on a little bit of paper for the baby. You go out and make a wish. That's a good idea actually. OK, thanks. Bye bye. Ten, nine Kapre has launched new Frido Treasure Space Series with Cadbury dairy milk buttons and a surprise based toy, an every chest. I treasure every adventure you Cadbury, Dairy, Milk, Frido, Treasure Space Series with only 76 calories per pack. Pick one up and store.