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You're listening to Jagmohan annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsay and my husband. The idiotic moronic Can't Let Me Have Anything breaks his ankle a week after I have major surgery.
10 days and 10 days. Two weeks. Christopher Ramsey.
Hello, Alan. Ortal. Wow. Christopher Ramsey.
Excuse me. There's a baby in the room in your sweater and how dare you? Yes, I've broken my ankle. No, I'm not happy about it.
Depressed might be the words I've got about it. Although I am on my crutches, I do with one crutch now today so I can carry stuff around the house again. Only the day though. Only today. This morning is Thursday as we're recording this. Up until now I have been which was he's found very funny at walking around the house with both crutches, with a medium, probably medium to large size, a common book, one IKEA bag.
So you know those IKEA about the blue ones guys, how they've got the little handle and then they've got the big item.
They'll hang it. Lola Well, you can get a human head through that one, so I'll be like a whole bag with that on.
Oh, I mean, Falke this decade of this decade for your life.
But I hate the twenty twenty so much. I hate the twenty so much. It hurts.
But you know what. Well this is our one hundredth episode.
One hundred episodes a century of podcast shenanigans. Exactly. So we wanted to come on and address it properly and say hello. What you all what we OK. Yeah, we are on maternity leave. I am really excited to be back. Chaton here feels really nice.
It feels quite nice. It does feel quite nice. Yeah. We've got reality is lion in Moses basket right next to me now looking up thinking what you do and do. This is a job you guys. We've got a kid. Oh shit.
You at as well. I mean maybe it's all it is all you.
You. Yeah it is funny that isn't it. Yeah. Your your little prick. You're not so annoyed or annoyed about.
Hello magazine just posted a thing about me and Rafe and your. You're annoyed about that as well and I'm not annoyed about it. Well yeah. And see then what do you mean.
Oh well because they said like people were swooning over me.
Well you used weird crush again which I'm, I'm getting sick of that.
That's that's the new thing though. You are you are people's weird winmar weird crush. Why.
Because you're ugly is fine. Wow. Wow.
I maybe so. Yeah I'm only joking. He does look a bit offended to be fair, but yeah. Guys, thank you for the lovely positive messages and all of the lovely comments about Little Reef is awesome. Robyn loves them.
Oh yes. It's meant it genuinely. It's the only thing getting us through at the minute. Yeah. It's brought so much sunshine to life. I just got in a discussion over with two amazing boys.
I mean, yakushkin, figuratively and literally out of your tits. Oh, constantly. Gorshin constantly because you love it when I come up to you out the back door on a screen boob.
And so guys, Rosie came earlier on to walk up. She went because I to get me to go to the shop to get some milk because we can't leave the house because we're both bedridden.
Well, absolutely. It's so pathetic. My dad went, first of all, shout out to me, Dad, you got over the list.
It was green beans was cheese strings that was never been shot before every day. Analyst I'm not congratulate. And that's what I thought to be fair dinkum about your old man.
Yeah, but he did come in and tell me that you standin in Sainsbury's and he was in front of what he said was a really small selection of bread. And he got the guy who often said, why have you not got much bread? And he was in front of a fucking wheat freeze. The guy was like, you know, the main bread like domain is like two walls of it.
Man, what a life. I don't go to the shops very often.
So you got out of the bath and you were like, oh, we shouldn't have got your daughter get some milk because look and you just squeezed your tetras and you were like, and you find a we don't you know, don't find it weird.
I find it normal and natural and lovely that, you know, you're feeding the baby from your body, but getting out of the bath and squeezing your milk it Chaban me, face it.
But it's pure white now. It's come in. Yeah. Oh, it's coming. Well it's like that I'm the of the I'm a cow.
The stuff you have been bragging about recently.
So we had my mom was around the other day and you opened the fridge and went on, look how much milk I'm making such a weird thing to brag about.
And when when the health visit, oh, the midwife or whoever was here.
And they said something about a water infection because, yeah, this is their infection, they're checking on me. And they said all be out of water.
And you went arvelo with the water infections me and I was like fucking really, really weird thing to brag about.
Oh yeah, man. Sometimes I just need some Pegaso, you know, you've got it kind of yourself. Who the hell is going to love you? Guys, so this is the 100th episode, thank you so much for sticking with us through thick and thin through all these times. I hope you all OK out there. And without further ado, it is time for this week's lucrative response. Oh, really? Oh, definitely. Yeah.
This one is going to be the longest episode ever does. This sponsor has been waiting a long time and the time is right. And they came in the swoops do it in the kitchen with the better off on. Here it is. Right.
This sponsor is hey, you can always be worse off. No, it could always be worse. Could the school shut. Yeah. Had a baby. Yeah. Cesari. Yeah. Is about it is. But Bong Holzmann broke isn't a bitch.
It could always be worse. Be worse. It could always be worse.
Even when I brought Warangal I'm gone. But I could have brought both the smaller. Didn't even tell you this. I was hoping to the front door and I went over my good uncle and I thought oh I thought if I do both of them in this is well, this is why I'm getting annoyed at you, because you keep going up the stairs and you friggin crutches.
And I'm like, if you fall backwards and break your back, Chris, I will I will genuinely stand on your face. And when the police come round and go always the why is there a shoe mark on his face? Mrs. Ramsey? I'll say, oh, must have been Robin with one of my shoes.
She thought it was me. And I hope you think we'll be right.
The big you know, the biggest lie is in that that you didn't start with a slipper, that you went and put some actual shoes on was the last time you put you so angry.
I will climb up down the stairs in my coach's non stop because the nurse told us not to do really dangerous. And it's actually a piece of piss. It's so easy to it's easier downstairs than it is to go across dangerous in case you fall back.
Yeah, but I am also I do not did it with an IKEA bag with me on the run.
We had a lot of stuff in smushing. It meant anyway, hey, you could always be worse.
It could annoy me.
I could but that doesn't help you in the situation. You could always be worse.
Genuinely though, everyone hope you are OK because we are falling apart and I don't even I don't want to feel bad seeing that.
You know how everyone's like positivity. No, no, not. This is fuck. I am sick as it.
Well, you said to me this morning about some about throwing toys out your problem. Yeah. You're going to keep throwing your toys out the problem and I've got no fucking toys left, man.
I've got no toys left. I'm not I'm not a problem. I'm in a fucking shopping trolley naked in the brain. You're in the kitchen 24/7.
Absolutely sick. We have turned to that point of where we laugh uncontrollably. Yeah, because. It's like a coping mechanism, but I. Does that make you cry? We've cried, we've cried so much recently. It's to the point where our parents are like guys. Yeah. Are you all right?
We're like, no, we're not. My mom is convinced I'm having a breakdown and just fucking just close. I'm close. You can't.
Look, let me go to you. Is the love. Yeah, I know. You have to break it out for me in in of a bus.
But the say not that slow down that slow down.
Honestly I don't, I can't laugh because it's fucking sick Zach.
But listen to this guys.
I don't get the mike and I get this. This is what's getting us to listen to this.
Oh, hello, baby. Oh, oh. I mean, that's rude. I don't know what I even discussed. I wasn't 100 episodes here. Are you trying to ruin it?
Firstly, I've actually because you're obviously I have an old memory of probably yet he's very cute. He's very gorgeous. He's delicious. And he's no bother. You genuinely forget he's there. But I feel like it might be like one of those evil genius.
OK, people like Stewie Griffin. Yes. Bob, go have a listen to this. This was it like 4:00 in the morning two nights ago.
OK, I am. I am. Jesus is actually not a planet, but sounds like a kitchen.
Door creaking door.
The wind generally things like come and then I'll take all the money and all my dad's PlayStation. Ha ha.
Man, just look at him now. No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't would. You wouldn't.
Oh do we have a jingle. Yes there is a jingle for put it on then. Thank you so much everybody for sticking with us for 100 episodes. We absolutely adore you. We will be back kicking and screaming, whinging and laughing hysterically and not next week or the week after the jingle and a beef I think we've covered with beef. We'll cover the beef. Well, basically my beef.
You've got a beef with me for you. How you you absolutely cannot have a beef with me. You broke your ankle.
It's not on purpose. Does everyone know how I did it, by the way? Does everyone know this?
I tell you more about beef with you. It might be with you is you made me go to that park where I brought my uncle.
I didn't make you run around on the grass, lunatic. I supposed to a parks stand still. Got to be born. That's what you do.
I know. What kind of parent are you interrogative parent I was offered was making memories. I got them for life.
Oh, I don't think you deserve to have a beef with me and I think we should crack on. This is the best bit episode is daughter best. Best. It's coming up. Is the jingle obvious by you? We had a fight about the jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle gong. So this is the jingle jingle.
We hope you like the team godmamma dooby dooby dooby dooby django. So hello, guys. Thank you for listening. Exciting news this week and a very exciting news, very exciting and told me to tell it. Yeah, for people who haven't heard yet, one saw I was on my period and then I managed to finish my period in time for going on holiday, which we are this week.
Also, you talk about your news. Yeah.
Oh, all right. Yes. So, I mean, I'm happy for you.
I'm trying to find something else.
You're predictable and then use Christopher is going to be on a bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup MasterChef. Know how I'm doing strictly.
I didn't think she'd ruin it for us this early on, but she already has.
You know why I'm running a little bit?
Well, because you try to make sure you make us prepared to go out a week one. That's what you know. There's two reasons. Well, one, I mean, you know, I'm enormously jealous because, you know, I love dancing and used to kind of do it for a job and for a little while. And I'm a lot better than you.
Yeah, well, that's why I need to go on the telly and learn.
Well, that's in front of fifty million people a week. Oh, OK. Well, two, I'm not looking forward to your cheating on his wife.
Well, look, I can't help if the circus takes effect and it's just one of them. Things just be happy for his new life living with a dancer.
Well, I'm prepared for it. And we never got a prenup, so it's fine. Oh, shit. So I will get the house. I'll still control get everything. So it's fine.
It's still to the podcast. Yeah, of course we can. Yeah.
Do Babalu. Babalu. But did you know that my grandad Jimmy got questioned for the Yorkshire right by murders. No I did not.
Do you not remember when that bloke, the McCann bloke and we saw Jack the website.
Jack yeah. My granddad was from Sunderland and he got questioned for it because I think I don't know why, why they did it.
Because he was a Malcolm. Yeah, that's right.
Sorry. Cos Malcolm. Is that true. See God in my life. Is that true?
If your parents lied Ebola holding me Nana Persephone.
Your family's ridiculous, by the way.
How are you? Hey, man, I just made Nana dead quickly. This is really random, right? But do you remember did granddad ever get questioned by the police about the website, Jack? Like Yorkshire repair tapes? I did. What happened? What happened there?
They found out what it was like. A son went ahead and he was a bit kind of, you know. Yeah. So they were going around telling everybody. They were thinking of people from all over the place and everybody should come to our house and work is off of work. So by the time that is right, most people will come back. But I didn't realise how much it could be on Sunday morning. We were all the time. I didn't know you were coming back home.
So they came back and they had to write. The letter was written her and you had to write it down twice. Oh, wow. OK, I had a review of the motion to work with local communities all across the country. You probably had the top of the list. Wow.
Oh, was we getting a digging in the back of the room there? Wouldn't that me in the room to write them. I love it.
Oh, I just I was just wondering were just recording the podcast and we're talking about we were just talking about and I said I'm sure my granddad was questioned, so. Yeah. Class thanks Donna. I love you. I love the coffee bean. Laugh about it in your community forum in New York. I really love it. All right. Well, I love you. Bye bye. That is fucking amazing. How will we eat episodes in and we're still getting content that from your APSA family?
You've got no idea.
Just to paraphrase there, for anyone who can't understand the phone quality or, you know, all the accent of Bridgitte, they're so basically to get a background to the story.
So when when the Yorkshire video was happening, some guy from up here, I think he did a phone record and as well, but he wrote a letter claiming to be the Yorkshire rep. A few of them. Yeah.
Yeah, I wrote a letter, wrote letters claiming to be the Yorkshire Ripper and then did a voice recording as well. So, I mean, first of all, I don't know why they were just asking everyone from Sunderland, which seems folk and a lot of people are crazy, but they must have narrowed it down or whatever.
So the go to your Nana's house and ask about your granddad, Jimmy. Yeah. And she basically tells them all noise at work. Yeah.
But before Tommy's at work goes on, they say, oh, we're going to ask about the Yorkshire Ripper thing and she's like e we're going to Yorkshire all the time. We've got family Yorkshire, we've got multiple connections. A Yorkshire.
I'm sure she mentioned something about Yvonne there as well, which is great.
But not just that. The visited the house. Yeah. And then they moved. So the visit the police will be back and then the shift it shifts. So they literally were like. Right. Top of the list here, guys.
We've got a fella here is from Scotland. His accent matches. Haven't got his handwriting yet. But, you know, he's got connections to Yorkshire and he's just we're not by the door and lads, you know, believe it.
If we can move house the next day, we've got the bastard. That's Amyas.
And any sort of hand write a letter. You had to write word for word what the written he had won or twice a the handwriting for Rosie the Aussie.
Hey, fucking Al. That is that could have been the greatest Rosies mystery ever. I know she's incredible.
See, if it prepared them I believe are prepared and if I had a good enough memory because I knew there was something, but then I just thought, was that true? But yeah. Bridgit Oh, there's so many stories.
Money kittenish, so many amazing.
Rosie, I am I've got a little surprise for you actually, because I had obviously Mr. Society and Boris Rungis straight after the thing and said, look, I'm so sorry I missed a Saturday night.
So sorry to put you on Friday. That's on actually on Friday night, the semifinal of Limited Church on Friday and the finals on Saturday night this week. As you listen to the podcast of the day, it comes out. But anyway, you apologised as he did, you know, chocolate, rugby or not.
Then he said to me, do I want to give this country an opportunity to get out of the lockdown? Right. I obviously I attacked that with both hands. I said, yes, I do. So what he did was he sent me a quiz. Right, right. Lockdown. The sequel quiz writes The rules that are honestly the rules he set out. Twenty twenty doesn't surprise me any more. The rules that Boris and the memo that follows is, you know, there is two velociraptors pinging in the brain.
You know, interesting. Paul called the one raptor comes from the front, the other two raptors at the side.
You didn't even know they were there for them to.
So him and his little Velociraptors, they have given me a ten question quiz for you, for you specifically, for you called Lock Down the sequel.
The lesson now, Rosie, they're in the room. They're listening now, but they were locked down.
Symphonia, that's what it's worth. I can't do this work, same as the guys currently do in my bathroom. By the way, it guys, if you hear any noises, I'll do my bathroom. Just wish my mom and dad what bathroom for us. I could see them. Yeah. Anyway, they have given me a quiz right from the government.
OK, ten questions. Basically the way the quiz works is lockdown two is the name of the the the movie.
Right. And then the tag line of the movie.
Right. Yeah. Would is, is basically you've got a guess.
I'll say the movie name is so convoluted.
What I'm doing is I'm trying to think of an example that I haven't written down here, which is really annoying. OK, so see Jurassic Park, The Lost World. So it's Jurassic Park to the Lost World.
So Fosset, you look down to the last lock down, you would go, oh, I think that's Jurassic Park to the Lost World. Right? So you've got ten of them. You've got ten movie names that have been changed into lockdown, in lockdown words, lockdown phrases. You've got to get all ten. Right, OK. And the country is out of lockdown. Oh, Christmas, I say. But more importantly, bonfire night to. Right.
This is a lot of pressure to be put in.
Listen, I you know, in times of struggle and hardship, you know, your normal person has to step up. You know, Mrs Tuesday morning.
You have to. Yeah, you have to stay here. Tuesday morning is a very important day of some people's week. OK, let's see how you do that. Sounds hard.
It is. You have to get hundred percent.
Right, but if you do get one or two wrong, I'm going to be honest with you right now. There is an eleventh bonus question. I could turn the whole thing around. Right. Why not just ask that one straight away?
Because it's not good content, right? Obviously, it's haphazard. It's just been rushed together. The logic pushed it through, delivered it himself, which I thought was great.
That's nice of him. Here we go. Question one. OK, what movie is this? What movie. Sequel. Right.
OK, The O.C.. Yes, the lockdown is over. OK, they're not allowed to open all the second, some of them all carry on, OK? Question one, play along, listener play love lockdown to lockdown with a vengeance.
Oh. I can't give you clues, right, come on then, is it or is it what is this? Bruce Willis, right?
No, no. Die hard, die, die, die hard with a vengeance. Come on. Come on, guys. This is going to blow. This is going to be a good bonfire. Now your arm is shoulder to shoulder a lot.
Yes. Lockdown to the lockdown.
Strikes back at the Empire Strikes Back Doors. That the hell. Come on. Question three. Yes. Lockdown two. Yeah. Lockdown and lockdown. Baugus Jurnee. Oh, oh. Talented interrogators saw Ted's bogus journey to number three. OK, OK, I get these. All right, it's three, right? You're doing very well. Thank you.
OK, number four. Yeah. Lockdown to return to lockdown, is it returned to Oslo, was it was a lot better than I thought you were. This is really like, wow, OK, come on, OK. Question five, yes, down to lock down family values. Parent trap. No, no, I want to go again. What, what, what what was it like down to the lockdown's family values?
Adams, The Addams Family Values. Is it right? Can I have this correct? You can have that. I will accept. You will accept that. I will accept.
OK, question of enjoying this, Chris. Question number six lockdown.
I hope you're enjoying playing away at home is wherever you are as well. Question number six, lockdown to the lockdown ultimatum.
No. This sounds spurious. There's people screaming the lockdown ultimatum. Ultimatum. Is it a marvel? We watched them recently. I don't watch them, although I think was kind of tapped out, weirdly, on the third of second or third one. Oh, a lot of films. Yeah, ultimatum. Ah, Chris, I'll give you a clue. What? That little baby inside your stomach. Soon it's going to be.
Here, The Bone, Bourne Identity, Matthew Bourne is near the border, what Matt Damon does normally is a just so everyone knows that he's in the movie, insists he always keeps his first name.
Hey, Matt, thanks for the script reading, so we're so glad to have you on board. So your character's Jason Bourne.
Sorry, sorry, sorry. My current as well. Your character's Jason Bourne. Did you not read my contract?
All of my all of my characters are called Matthew.
I did it for you.
OK, I'll give you Goodfellows then I'll give you that.
OK, number seven. Question number seven. Oh OK. Oh nearly there. Question number seven.
Lockdown to the lockdown as downunder.
Oh the. Down under the what they call them, too easy. Yeah, see you. We rescue aid society at the rescue as the rescuers down under.
Better than the first one.
Absolutely smashing. Oh, come on. Can I can smell the Catherine wheel from here.
The Catherine wheels.
Everyone write the name and spell. Come on. We got this. We got OK. Question about it.
Yeah. I hope you enjoyed the clean up, but I probably probably turned off the public at this lockdown too. Yeah. The winter lockdown. Winter's Tale and no, the winner is people screaming.
It's a marvel, it's all I've got. Captain America.
Yes, Captain America witnessed is that when I still book The Winter Soldier Tale, she's witness to Captain America to A Winter's Tale.
It was like an American team can put this tree up and Rice would watch that. You brought it up.
If he had his way, I was going to say when he stretches out to put the stall on, you'll be safe on that, right?
OK, yes, I know this question. Nine in 10. Right.
The clue. Stop now. Right. OK, stop now. OK, it's written here and so about halfway through, you know how he likes to sort of say, oh, you know what, the regional system will not locked out. Our team changes his mind. He has to stop now.
OK, ok. OK, question nine. Yeah. Lock down to Lockdown's. Lockdown's.
I mean, seeing it again doesn't help Lockdown's ZocDoc down to so in lockdown if the first film was called Lockdown, the second one isn't called lockdown to which just called lockdowns, lockdown and lockdowns, jaws, I don't know.
I really don't know if it was aliens. The Alien, OK, the sequel to Alien Aliens. Aliens. So you've got to.
Yes. Scheidt very clever thing to find out. Alien and walk down the street now. Holthouse Ridley Scott's Mars house. And I'll tell you I'll tell you Sloggett I'm off from here.
He went to school, my dad lived on the road, never mentions it and he doesn't live down the road anymore.
I think his parents, his parents, I mean they might not live here anymore but I think it really is a lot older.
Anyway, look, it doesn't matter. Ridley Scott aside, you've got eight out of nine, right? This next question, you can get it right or not. You still have to go to the bonus round to try and see if lockdown, OK, and see if the save Christmas and more importantly, bonfire.
I would really, Chris, honestly, the way that this year is going, I would really like to save Bonfire Night.
Honestly, guys, do you see what 20-20? Rosie Ramsey on fire and I put a pumpkin outside this house.
They still put a pumpkin outside. And I don't like Halloween at all. I turn off the lights and Halloween I put a pumpkin outside.
Actually, the squirrels. It's getting Mangin. OK, question number ten.
Yeah. Which is where Boris lives. Yes. Lockdown. Does he sleep in lockdown. To infinity lockdown. And Avengers Infinity War, congratulations, that's nine out of 10. Yeah, that's very, very good.
OK, time for the Super Bowl. Winners get 100 percent and lock down and save Christmas. But more importantly, Bonfire Night.
Question. So if I get this right, I've won everyone this right. You've won everything OK?
It's possibly the hardest question on any quiz ever.
Would I get an NBA knighthood knighthood? They're going to change it so that women can get a knighthood just for this one. Women look at night. I don't think so. I think they get a thing that's similar for this.
They're going to change it. Typically, they're going to change it. Right.
So it's just not going to change. Actually, you're right. Sure that they're going to put that sword all over you. Yeah.
Lip go like that. Sanitising of the sword like oral question 11. Yeah. Super bonus. Name the film. Oh, shit, I forgot I had to do anything. OK, lock down two. Yeah. That's a joke. It's just that the hardest question in the history, of course, is locked down to I think I know what it is. Come on, then. But I probably don't.
OK, if you get it, this will be literally ridiculous. Right. OK. OK. Is it home alone, too? It's not. Oh, shit, the bad guys guys emails to shock minority com hate mail for Rosie Sherko to see if lockdown. She didn't say a lockdown. Shocking. So shocking.
It was problem child to all how we know. I love that film. Should have got it completely and that's very hard to leave. You didn't get that crazy.
You even see you've seen that you could have changed that nobody would have known. Honestly, you prick. Sorry everyone. Nice try. Everyone get back in your house.
As Rosie's brother suggested when he came to pick up an open enjoy your locked room. So you know, Mom.
It's time for what you believe. All right, Chris. Oh, Chris. Oh, God. Is this both of them at the same time off of. Hello, Chris.
It's Becky and Belinda. Oh, God. Hello. Hello, Chris.
No, we just getting in touch with you again. I'm really sorry to interrupt the podcast and both, but it's we've got some terrible news about Barry.
Oh, God, no, no, seriously, don't. He's still alive.
I'm still alive. Right. Well, how's that terrible.
No, no. It's just the cataracts are spread. The cataracts spread from his eyes, from his eyes to somewhere else.
He's also the. So it's it's never been seen before and so is a hospital now and Channel five have been in touch.
They want to make a documentary about these lurex.
Hello, Chris. Hi. So we were just wondering if you and Rosie wanted to be part of the if the documentary, right, we can't offer any money, but it'll be, you know, exposure for the podcast. And nobody will be so excited to see Rosie. Right. Obviously, you can't actually you won't be able to see you properly, but you may be able to like, feel get right, OK. Yeah.
Well, my feeling is, of course, it's it's going to be a hard no for me. And I don't want to be nor listen, Chris.
Oh, I don't even know your mom. He's got us all good looks. Chris, the poor me, Ben, Big Ben. He's an idol riddled with it. Chris is just asking, though. Just want a celebrity on it. Chris, look, I'll make some calls like, look, we are really busy, but I'll make some calls. Right. We'll get we'll get someone right. Remember Chieko.
Go to someone like that, I get someone of that ilk. What about you called Oceanside Jónsson? Yeah, if you have to call it, I call it definitely for all I know is, come on.
Two of Menocal can't do it, right? No, no. I don't think you'd like to be. Second, I don't think you'd be second choice either.
So I don't know what to tell you, I'm really sorry, we'll call you Rosie when she gets back. We just want to try, OK?
When she gets back, which is currently recording our own fucking version of the clumps there, she plays multiple characters.
She's a very talented actress. I tell you that.
Right. So it's buy from me and I could use it to buy for me a seamless seamless. I'll see you both later.
Baklanov by. Who was what? Oh, it's getting ridiculous, like looks like James McAvoy and split.
I love James Brown.
Well, to be fair. Well done. Well done. Very well done. I didn't enjoy that very much. Well done.
You are wasted on this podcast. Bloody waste. Tell me about it. My birthday this week.
And I think I think Instagram followers and Twitter followers and some of the smiles and dazzle, they are already familiar with this, but might be with you this week is on Saturday morning, I think.
Or was it Sunday? I can't remember. I'm still traumatized.
You let our son come upstairs and wake me up with a whistle.
So fucking loud, so loud. He just came up this whistle.
You ought to sit down here till God knows what you're doing and fuck it. Walks up with a whistle and I didn't get out of bed. And you look me forward in your top tweet was I've just let Robin go and wake Chris up with a whistle.
I got out of bed and I could hear him like like here and wanting to come back open. I was going to get back into bed after being the toilet.
And then I heard him say, where's my cricket bat?
And then he came running upstairs with a cricket bat.
And I was like, I'm up. I'm not I don't know what you were going to do, but I'm up. Jesus Christ.
I'm just you know what it is? Everyone always says these are the days that you'll miss. So I'm just really making sure that they're ingrained in your memory.
Do you know how often he asks to come and wake you up?
When I get up with him, like, you know, often he says, I want to go and wake me up. And I go, no. And I bought with him and I'll let you stay in bed. And you are given him accessories to come and wait and escort.
And our interests had been taken.
That's pretty. That's don't call it a nine to Hugh Hefner lounging in your bed. You have to must have got up early.
All people got up early. It must have got up early all the time.
It you all people get up early to do. Would you mean there's got to be early. Don't know. Yeah they do actually go back straight.
I know my mom's like that, she's like I've been up since about 6:00. I'm like you. Why you got. Nope.
Just can't help it. Well I tell you what, when I'm your age I'll be in bed.
Make absolutely none of that would you not. Oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
My dad wants want to speak to me. Mom, my mom's always up me dad. Some rules are better. Ten o'clock. It's not like Michelle doesn't give a shit.
That's what I'll be like. Honestly, kids are becoming fascinated and I'll be like, oh god not.
I didn't get any real evidence for that, but we have to stop it because it's Bolian.
What's yours? He just misses you at my beef with you this week is when you sit on your phone of an evening in bed, leave your mouth open and all I can smell is your breath.
And you breathe like like a wheel.
And I dream of the other night. I had to go over and close your mouth.
Why do you do that? How could you not know? How could you not know that your mouth is open?
It was I was sitting there before and I didn't realize I was doing it. I mean, most of the people do it all the time, like mouth breathing and like your hand came in like sort of touched me, chin.
And I was like, oh, I should probably turn around for a little kiss now. And you just like, whacked me jaw and just closed mouth.
I just can't believe that I'm having to tell my husband to close his mouth why he breathes through the mouth these days.
I'm really like relaxed. I don't know.
I'm doing it and I just breathe in my mouth when I'm on my phone. And then, you know, I'm sternly being told to stop.
But, you know, when there's when you're at the dentist. No, it's not the dentist. When is it when you can't breathe or you know very well and you have to breathe through your mouth if you've got a cold?
Well, yeah, that's one time. But then there's sometimes there's times when you're like, I have to breathe through the mouth because I can't breathe through my nose.
And I just I find it really I just I find it personally really hard to be through my mouth. So you're just on the regs, decided to relax and not breathe and you're like this happening.
I can't I don't know why.
I don't know why I do it. I feel very relaxed when it's happening. But then, yeah, I'm glad you relaxed, feel massively self-conscious after you lean over and just flick me head like a fucking Pez dispenser.
Right. I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll amend this in the future.
Thank you. Do what you do for me.
My beef again. I've got to see. My beef is a long standing beef I've had with the best ones.
Long standing beef and aged and aged beef if you will. A drag. A carpaccio like AQAP.
Great. Yeah. Um, beef jerky.
It popped up at the weekend and it's constant and I've addressed it numerous times. And you've never fixed it.
You have absolutely no fucking clue how to stack a dishwasher. Oh, piece of madness. Oh it's madness. It's craziness. Right.
But not just that we've talked about before, so I'm not going to go too deep into that.
What I'm talking about is this, right? You you and your mom are both terrible at it. It's disgusting.
It's like you're throwing them enough to let me stand up. It's like you're throwing them in for miles away. I try to teach and you don't need I sort of tried to show you a couple times and you've kind of watched enough thought, is she actually paying attention?
And I thought now she's probably not.
And today is solidified it just a day out of different beef until the day this happened. You do incredibly.
You open the dishwasher, you cleaned the full dish, you took all the rocks out, you cleaned all occur off the side, the Masan, you did all of that. And then you went, oh, hey, it's starting this.
I don't I would do it. And I went, I'll stick it for you, dollar. I would hey it here.
It's a clean. Don't you want a bit of a productive mood? I want do you want to watch and I'll show you exactly how to do it. Try to not be patronizing. When I said you want to watch. I'm not sure exactly what you said Rosie.
You said, and I quote, I would rather have a wank with a piece of glass.
I genuinely said that in your face this morning.
I mean, the visual was just I mean, it's still upsetting as now, I'll be honest, when you thinking about visual, the calories are flying off, but something else flying over the.
Oh, my God.
Do you remember before Christmas. Oh, you bring up the past. No, you farted right in the kitchen. Oh, I walked away because it was disgusting. Yeah. You followed me right in the darkness of the room that we were in. Yeah. And you said to me these words, you said, remember this. In this light, you look beautiful.
It was pitch black. But do you remember that it was literally there, the sofa in the darkness.
So you held my face in your hands and you said, in this light, you look beautiful. It was it was dark.
Dark. Do you remember dog has a dog? It was dark. We didn't know we were going up to bed.
It was a little dog. You look lovely in the dark. Good.
Not that's not the compliment that you want to hear.
To be honest, you look lovely in the dark. Holy shit.
Oh, yeah, I remember, yeah, I said, you look lovely. Yeah, I don't know what it was. It's just one of the things I don't know, just a little shadow is I could just see the little things it was it just was painted.
It looked nice. So you had that you you thought I need to tell her she looks nice, but I can't be doing it in Iraq when I face is actually like there's got to be a caveat at the end. I don't want you getting too confident.
Really mad is just a confidence boost. That was. Yeah.
I could say fuck you, I could see your face perfectly. There was a lovely glow. It was almost like a candle light. And you look beautiful.
It was dark. It's OK.
So that's the podcast for anyone to teach you next week for the the divorce, the newly divorced.
Beep Well, I've got one for you. OK, is if this might be.
Yeah. This is podcast friend engine or is it just occurred. It was the other day. It just occurred to zedi and deep down it's made us really sad. And I think if you really loved us, you would fix this because it's New Year. I'd like you to make your resolution to make resolutions. Well, I'd like you to make. What about what? I'd like you to make one.
I like to make your resolution what you have never. Learn to play pool. With me, we've got a pool table. I got years ago, I love pool too many games by, like, pool the pool table in the other room.
You've never even bothered your ass to play pool with.
Well, I'm sorry, Eva. You have never learned how to curl my hair. I love curling my hair, right? I think I got a really nice girl, my hair. You you have to do it. Ever learned how to blow dry my little friend, my French.
So it goes up straight. You can pick one minute pool. I don't like pool.
Why are you doing really boring? I used to play it at college at Martek all the time.
That's why you're not that much worse. You played with other people in the past. Chris, I played it around. The boys are the point. I really, you know, I've just been you know, there's a military I was in a pub the other night, right.
With the lads and there was a man I want to talk to them on the block.
Just stop. And told it was he was like, oh, I've come through for the night with my wife, blah, blah, blah. We'll just have a little chat on the toilet.
And so Mitt Romney was just at the pool table, him, his wife, which is what they were just having a little drink.
Listen to music while playing pool. I thought, what a lovely, lovely life he's got.
You know, you got two choices, right? I'm telling you right now. All right. OK, PlayStation UPU. Well, I've got to learn one of them.
Why why do I want to spend your time with your do and stuff like that watching fucking home show wasn't shot or whatnot.
Don't you dare don't you dare slag off escape to the shadow. Don't you dare do.
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Turbulent times call for measured and visionary leadership in this period of unprecedented change, transform your career and build your network with a highly ranked MBA from UCD Smurfette School to find out if a full time or part time program is right for you. Join our virtual MBA Open event on Saturday, January 30th. Register at Smurfette School. Drive forward slash events. You, Michael Smurfette graduate business school developing impactful business leaders. OK, my beef this week, because you've been home a little bit more often, not given as much looking after and all the time I've been getting stuff done because I've got, you know, stuff going on now.
Yeah. I'm really sick of you constantly asking me where to take our child.
Do you know what I mean? I knew this was coming right. If you have Robyn for the day. Yeah, I don't care where you go. I don't want to have to tell you where to go.
Put his shoes on, put your shoes on. Leave just court. And we couldn't give a shit. Don't ask us where to go. Don't expect me to tell you where to go. I'm not writing an itinerary, OK? As long as he's fed and he has a drink and he has a bit of fun, possibly some fresh air as well. Right.
OK. You have any role in this because, you know, every time you look after Rodney like Rosie and I just think, oh yeah.
Because you know where she would go, where should I take all?
That's right, you know what it is, this is laziness on your part, a nasty what? OK, so picture this. It's not a child. We're not married. Right. But you live in in roads. You live in roads where used to work.
Right. You live in roads. You live in the little area. Right. I'm visiting. Hey, Rosie. Hey, it's Chris. How are you doing. Haven't seen you for a while. Haven't heard from me. You're like, yeah, of course. How's it going. I go, Hey, where's good to go round here. You live here. You know, I'm not telling you that.
What's the point in this way?
Sorry, Christopher, I'm not a fucking brochette. You do not appreciate your parenting manual. No, I'm not.
You lived here just the same time you've done stuff with them during the day. I know softly. I know swimmin. Other than that, I don't know where to go.
Google, Google, Google, the offices around.
You know, when I sit back. No Google. All right. Honestly, I National Trust, Park Trust Beach, whatever the beach, there's three beaches, four beaches that I can think of.
Right. lifeSo taken all of them. Get a bucket and spade.
Stop asking is where to take your child.
Loads of blokes listening to that. I bet you all women but mainly blokes because we are useless. Definitely blokes. Yeah. OK anyway I will pop that for a bit because it's made us a bit stressed.
I might just take with a tip tomorrow. I'd love it. Love you're not allowed to go the car.
Well I see the sign. Kids don't know what the call a tip.
Oh I told him he definitely looks like it's he's just a twelve year old bender over his face. Tatum the tip. He loves it. It does love the tip. No more. Just me.
Hey Gordon, send us in the tip of my life now and I bloody couldn't be happier.
I know sometimes I buy stuff from the garden center.
I take it straight in the tip and throw it away. I love them. Not much at all. Not always do I do Babalu Babalu.
But my beef with you this week is you did something the other night that was absolutely infuriating and some might say it was a bit controlling it.
Gaslighting what you've accused me of in the past. I was backed into a corner.
I from the best. I was born into a corner that I couldn't get out of. There was no way of not being in trouble once you to set the ball rolling. And it was it was manipulative and it was awful. But I did win, so it was great.
What were you a making then? Then you're making art because you look lovely. Fantastic cook. Yeah.
Look after the family, make you turn to me and said, can you get me a colander? I said, yes.
You said, get the colander out of the Jamie Oliver, Pam the big Jamie Oliver pan.
Right. You I said the big Jamie Oliver Pan and you pointed to the cupboard that has five Jamie Oliver pounds in and one IKEA pan.
I said the Jamie Oliver Colander. Which which one's that.
What do you mean you went, oh, it's the big one in there. It's Jamie Oliver called Nudge. Get it? I said, that's the IKEA colander. You went, Oh my God. And I quote, because I brought it down and I quote, I can't be bothered to argue with you, Chris.
It is the Jamie Oliver Colander. Just get it out first, please.
And I thought I would normally leave that, but that was incredibly rude and arrogant. So this needs to be rectified immediately. I got it out. I looked at it. You went and I caught because I wrote it down.
Go on then. Have a look on the bottom now to see that it's definitely the Jamie Oliver one. I know I'm right and I can't be bothered to argue with you.
I lifted up the pan and the colander. It said IKEA on the bottom. Once I said that says IKEA.
You then said you're such a dick and you didn't speak for five minutes, you fucking maniac. I rest my case. I really thought it was the Jamie there, wasn't it? You didn't just think it, did you? You absolutely believed it so much that you are such a dick about it.
Yeah. Listen, hang on. Hang on a minute. Hang on. So a little bit louder there, the. I'm sorry. They may. Yes, I do. Hello, Grace. Oh, who's this? Hello, Chris, it's Barry. All right. Stutchbury about poverty. Hello. I'm just ringing dead quick.
Am I seen on a Twitter scene that you are doing merchandise? Yes. And I love a hoodie, please. Cool.
So if you just send it to me, I repeat that so beautifully. And before she left any 34 BFG. Thank you. And I'll expect that. Thank you very much. I'll have an extra extra small petite man just on the website like everyone else.
Oh, sorry, Chris. I don't know whether I don't know whether you know this, but a. Using my name, right, the branding. I love it, I love it to try and prove that it's very, very common beef. What to beef.
It's just thought I thought my kids get like, you know, your surname is like a meat, the name of a meat that is widely sold everywhere to kick off in the butchers. When you see beef written down when he thought was one day, I just thought it'd be nice.
No food, no none in the family get to keep them. I want to do a wineglass now.
The last thing your ma needs is a wine glass. I'll tell you right now, a sport. The last thing she needs is a wine glass to be finished properly. Industry from the wall.
You know what? This one's lucky if you don't get a hoe. Do you get a T-shirt? I'll take that down.
Beggars can't be choosers. All right. Well, do you.
Thank you. Which is available on the website address again. And it's the exact was the exact address again. Jabbari Beef, Beef Avenue. Joseline Beef Street.
No, down the beef and beef patty beef patty, any three four PFG BFG.
You remember that beef friendly giant is available for all. OK, thank you. But the.
So when she hasn't cued up a noise of a phone call and she tries to do the noise of the phone call and she still does the noise of the phone call, that in the accent of whatever fucking spurious character she was just doing.
So they have call Mirch is available.
Is that right? Is that the right address?
Oh, my Jesus. Just Google. I always find it. You don't just find it weird whenever I'm watching TV or anything in the like and then and please, you know, go to the website and check this out and see it like the website word for which I can go.
Just Google, just open your computer and just Google the thing if you can't find it for me. Oh well, honestly, Google it or whatever.
You know, if you can't or you don't buy it, just leave it. Jesus.
Yeah. All right. Sick of it. Might be with you this week. Oh, wow. OK, this has been ongoing. This has been ongoing. I may have mentioned this before, but I don't even know if I have and I want to bring it. If I have, I want to bring it back and revisit it if I haven't, because I think I've been too scared in the past.
But I'm feeling better now, have bravery, have it.
But I'm feeling like I want to bring that big show stuff that's flat. That's going to see you on Channel four. We all need it. We all need it. Oh, God. Yeah, I want to. I want to. I want to.
I want to tell you right now, I'm sick of this double standards. I'm fed up. I may have mentioned it, but I'm not.
You're right. When I have Robin for the day when it's just me and him, when you're doing something and I've got a problem, I've got to take Robin. So I've got to have open it's strict from instruction from you. It's water, veg, fruit, no sweets, no toys, no magazines.
Don't buy anything. Don't let me have it in them. Make sure it's exercise.
And it's like I'm taking it to a boot camp for the day when you've got him.
It's the land of milk and honey. It's like fucking home alone too. Lost in New York. You're buying the magazines, you're giving them toys is fucking ice creams and he's watching his iPod. You're throwing money at him, just grabbing hold his pocket. He has all this money off your mom. Yeah. Or your dad's got it marquises.
Don't let him look at any sugar. If you let him look at some sugar tomorrow, I'll kill you both. I'm sick of it. You know, it's. You do this.
I am. Oh, maybe I don't do I'm sick of doing it, Chris. Listen, I'm a working girl now, right? Finally got some money in the bank to treat me a little for me.
That's bullshit. Yeah, I have no right to do it because they're just sick of it.
Only recently, only during all the time this has been happening.
All you've got to go back through my notes and find that this was first noted down by me a while. It is.
It's just I can't take what's there. It's the only veg is they. Oh, I've got it tomorrow. So we're just going to I'm not going to have any three square meals, which is going to turn on a chocolate fault in the morning and strap his fucking face to it.
He's going to drink that all day because he's with his mom, fed up anyone really.
And if you're able and if you're part of this, this is your this this is ridiculous. You've been really over the top now.
You jumped in the shop. But, yeah, I've got to go get some shopping.
And if I get my, like, a little magazine or The Noise of Lords New Dawn, these are Lords. I've got more on buying them a car.
SEKIYA Bullshit. I'm actually calling bullshit. You do. I'm exaggerating for comic effect.
But you do you do enough talk about this later like legal legal avenue bapineuzumab.
OK, it's time for questions from you. Lovely people from the public.
You're lovely people, you lovely people. People got here to go straight.
And this is from Louise. Hi, Chris and Rosie love on the podcast. So as we are all aware, your beef with each other is pure gold. Thank you. Thank you. What is your beef with people in general?
Oh, just give an example. She says, like today I was trying to leave Tesco and basically it took me about seventy two hours to get out of the shop because people just walk so slow after paying for their shopping. Yeah, yeah. And they blocked the entrance with their trolleys. Yeah. I can, I can get them that hate people.
Yeah. I hate everyone at jungle fairs. I mean you go first OK.
And not so much people in general, but I cannot stand people who work in restaurants.
You're going to say the same one. Am I. Yeah. Yeah I really. Yeah right.
Hold on. OK guys, this is going to sound like it's ponderous. No.
Right. Right. What's the question. Yeah. OK, all right.
Let's say at the same time. Right. All right. So after you when they given year below what you paid in a restaurant, when are you leave in the restaurant, some clothes shop or any kind of service, they say we'll say that to three.
One, two, three.
What you don't want to do is that you. Oh really?
The first of I hate it.
So if you didn't hear that for the garbling guys, it's when in a shop or in a restaurant, someone who serve in you for no reason will just go what you got planned for the rest of the day. They don't care.
They don't give a shit. Now people ask that. And when you leave in a restaurant to see what you go Plumptre City and sometimes in shops, in shopping centres, they genuinely see you doing a bit of shopping today, then.
Oh, no, it's not like oh, I'm.
Oh, is this what this is? I just bought this stuff seen on the telly. I didn't know what it was. Yeah. Oh, shopping. Feel like the lack of Sex in the City.
I just find it as a person who's worked in restaurants and shops, I find it really like fake.
You don't care. I do for the rest of the day. How many people have you asked that today?
I think of something else. I just want anything, anything at all. Are we dicks, please, on social media, let her know are we dicks for this?
But I just can't. I'm paying the bill. I'm about to leave. I've ordered me food with you. I've had a big problem with you.
Like you taking me called out with a machine or whatever. And it's what you got planned for the are getting the fuck out of here has me first.
You are slow and not shut down. Oh no. Are we horrible. I don't know. Maybe we are. You know what?
I would never have got annoyed by that. But I married you for too long and your bitterness is rubbed off on me. I'm not.
But I'm happy that you are not a happy little. I get lost. But it's an man I'm responsible. Absolutely not. I used to be a unicorn. You know, I've started telling them now and then what? I can be bothered if I'm not with you. But now and then if the go go plan for the birthday, then I will. If I can, I will see a funeral.
Just to show that, I will say, if you just shut down baby and me best man, ask me why you got rest the day. A couple of wonk's.
Can we do it? We do.
I do. I enjoyed this. Yeah, it's very sure. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I must say, if word is cheesy muffins, what's yours? It's from Paul and Jean. Oh, my God.
I cannot I don't understand safeword. Right.
Well, I'm worried about our listeners now because that is I mean, we start with the foursome on the first of episode.
If you haven't heard, I call back and have listened it up. And that's I mean, we've got these are these are bondage people.
Who you having sex with? Edward Scissorhands. Jimmy Safeword. So these are people who might get rough.
Well, these are people who like refer to these are I'm assuming if you've got if you've got to see if where these are, people would like to be hurt.
So from what I understand from essentially billions, this TV show billions where Paul Giamatti is covered as an all out.
Oh, yeah. The getting hit, whipped or slapped on the paddle across the bow or whatever it is, but the screaming, oh, stop now stop is part of it. So I'll stop now. Stop is is part of the thing. It's part of the enjoyment for both of them. Right. So then when you say cheesy muffins, you go, all right, OK, that's that's the cheat code that's out of it. I mean, plus cheesy in the throes of passion, the idea of cheesy muffins.
But really, I mean, now, Matlovich erection hitting the floor in your time. Cheesy muffins just make me hungry.
If I'm honest, I was cheesy. I will see if it is cheesy muffins, what's yours and I will see if it is.
I don't want to lie in your fucking armpit.
Will our if it is if this lasts longer than three minutes, then we're not doing it.
I would say if it is, can you be asked.
Our safe word is not that what I would do, but I want to share a story about a guy I met online, the joys of online dating and braggarts turned up for our first date and all was going well, heated up, Harry look like his picture, etc. and conversation flowed until I asked him what he did for work.
He then told me that he was looking for another job as he was not happy where he was. I started expressing some sympathy to this and asked a few more questions to find out what he didn't like, he then told me rather proudly that he was on a final warning for excessively loud and odorless, his words flatulence.
Final word for. So excessively loud and tears myself proudly told me, I know what I mean for excessively loud and odalisque is words.
But by this point he was smiling as if he had achieved a gold medal or something. I was stunned and edge my chair further away.
He finished the stage in a way for my of the roadways. Well, I'm not going to be plugging. Yes.
You know, he finished the story saying he thought it was unfair and they just weren't his kind of people.
All the colleagues had complained.
Oh, can I ask you, out of the first two warnings, go. Listen, I've heard that you like the final war.
Listen, Rob, look, the first couple of times you alarm put people off, you especially Morales dropped out there. You need to just stop it. What's it?
Listen, Rob, my Rob is on the phone the other day and a client heard, and it's just too much. Where did he work? Where it doesn't say. But I genuinely thought it was really unfair. And they just weren't just kind of people. And she didn't see him for a second date.
And just kind of I can see him like I can actually see him just rob tomatoey isman.
Not sure. Petero 41 smellier, my buff is there.
And when she told him she didn't want a second date and it was short, I was really shocked and said, apparently it it's up and I could do to stop telling people you're on your final warning on a on another job.
Fucking hell, I would love to see the reference he gets from that job. What it what it is so funny. What's in the reference. I see you are fired for your other job.
Well, you're not going to believe I made a bunch of porn sites me before class. Right. Don't smell. Oh don't worry.
They didn't like it. They were laughed, did get it.
Read where the worst place was. The worst place you could have worked.
Oh somewhere. Right. Building site is one of them. Little cabins. You bought a cabin.
I've got the worst one. I don't think there's anything worse you could have. Great.
Come on, chief mourner marching along the front. I did, too, though I I like I do find poems funny. Yeah, but if it was all the time someone you work with and I honestly, I'd be furious.
Yeah. And I don't know why I've got an image of a mini head. They're not odorless. No, they're not. He thinks they stink.
Everyone loves their own brand. Oh yeah. He thinks they're odorless. They're not.
They're absolutely not about the worst. Oh, God.
I love everyone in the office. I know what it. He's looking he's looking for a new job. So instead of just not fault, he's actively looking for another job.
Oh, know what's in the interview?
What's important to you in a job, sir?
Well, I want to be able to afford with absolute impunity.
I want to let them loose whenever I can without being judged. Can you offer me that as an employer?
I was a judge would need a hammer.
So it's always good when we get an email like this. I always read it. If it says they don't start, lie and put it on the emails. I shouldn't have said that.
But anyway, please keep this anonymous and just repeat again that it will please again.
Oh, I just actually signed off anonymous listener, even though our name and email address are both, but I'm never going to write them out.
Before my friend and her boyfriend officially started seeing each other. He was messaging a lot of girls and on the grapevine we heard he'd slept with them too. They got together and he stopped liking the girls photos and deleted them off social media and so on. Now, six months in, I've noticed he is liking one particular girl's tweets and insta pics.
Again, me and my friend spoke about this and she said that she's seen this girl's name on his locker as a message, but he brushed it off, saying that he was asking her about a job her uncle had advertised.
What should my friend do? Is liking photos insignificant? Does this count? Was cheating if he's been with her before? What do you guys think?
Oh, we love a better juice like this, to be honest. We bloody love a bit of juice like this.
Do you know what? It's just so complicated nowadays, isn't it, with relationships back in the day, you know, you didn't know there wasn't the option. I like people's pictures and stuff like that.
Well, yeah, I imagined back in the day it was a lot more clear cut because it would be. Where have you been the night of Peter that last night?
I was looking through the photo albums, giving her a thumbs up. Every time I like that picture, it's a nice looking.
It's looking at it and certainly do like happy about it. Anyway, I stumbled across this recently.
It's a bit of a story of a story, but I just thought you might enjoy it because I, I was reading it and I was like, huh.
But then it's it's good. It's not a question or anything. It's just a story, not a problem at all.
Hey, if you want some a little story, get in touch. Sabbatino judical.
It was nice for you. Well good. Yeah. So you can say something sarcastic. No, no, not at all. OK, are you ready.
A few years ago I started a new job and at lunchtime I walked into the local town to have a one day I found a small cafe and thought, Oh, this looks nice, I'll have a quick cup of tea. I went in and ordered a cup of tea and a four finger Kit Kat. Oh.
When I turned around, there were no tables free. However, I spotted a little elderly gentleman with some seats free on his table. I walked over and politely asked if anyone was sitting there. There wasn't. So I sat myself down. He was just sat there with his pot of tea, watching the world go by, and I had my headphones in casually scrolling through social media, as you do. I was minding my own business, having a sip of tea and noticed the elderly man pick up my kid, cut open it and have a finger.
I was traumatized. I honestly didn't know what to do. I avoided eye contact and was messaging my friend like, oh my God, what do I do?
A minute or so later, I picked up the Kit Kat and helped myself to a finger quickly followed by the elderly man help me, helping himself to another with one finger left.
I rightly picked it up and ate it, screwed the wrapper up and threw it back on the table. I couldn't believe what had happened. Still no eye contact yet. We just shared my Kit Kat.
Five minutes later, the elderly man got up and left.
I thought, thank God for that.
I've never felt so awkward in my life. Terrible. Ten minutes or so after that, I also got up, ready to leave, put my coat on, etc. I went to put my phone in my coat pocket.
However, it was at that very moment that I wanted the floor to swallow me up.
I only pulled out the kid Kat, that I bought a little girl. I had put it in my pocket after I had paid as they were.
No, always available and I couldn't carry everything.
So basically I had just sat there eating the elements, thinking it was mine and he didn't even see, oh, well, bless.
I'm going straight.
Oh, my God. That was that was an epic saga. That was like The Shawshank Redemption. I know. What a twist.
It turns out that he was the victim. Oh, my God. I broke. She's just like like.
But as always, you butis email shadbolt annoyed at Gmail dot com. Send us your questions, your thoughts, your dreams, your hopes, your office pools.
Or you could do what some people did, which is on Saturday night after Strictly Rosie was in the VIP tent.
But you and Rosie said a collection of ladies.
It came up to her and told her one of the best stories that I had heard for the podcast asset Amyas. And what is it?
Rosie said, I'm not going to tell you. I'll tell you on the podcast. So much so I've been looking forward to this because I went to the bar later on and the three ladies in question came up for a photo.
Rosie spilled a drink on herself. Yes or not? Yes or no. So did you.
Drinking yourself while frantically running across the room shouting, Don't tell him I'm going to tell him on the podcast.
So this has been built up.
So that was nice because that was the first time I met Kevin Clifton as well. Yeah. And you just saw Spillett on his and probably thought, what a fucking time if anyone's heard this.
The New York clip. Exactly. So, yes. So met these three lovely girls. I can't for the life of us. Remember the names. I'm so sorry. I think one was called Be a Boo like Beatrice Akama.
Anyway, they were absolutely lovely and lovely, lovely girls. This top was outside the toilet in the world. I love the podcast. I was like, that's amazing. Thank you so much. But we've got an amazing story for you.
And I was like, OK, thinking when someone says they've got an amazing story, it's normally a well, I kind of thought it might be funny and it might be not funny, but I was like, I'll hear you out.
Oh, so. One of them told me that she used to work with a lady who went to a wedding abroad wedding, OK, it was in Portugal morning of the wedding. It got cold, after all, in Portugal.
And the one guy called and it got called off. Wow, OK. The reason it got called off is. The bright, yeah, went into the honeymoon suite because she'd forgotten something. She went in there and the groom was with his mother. Can you guess what was happening? Can you guess? I'm scared to. The bright sought the bride when he walked in the room suite the night she saw and know the morning of the woman in the wedding, she was shocked simply because she forgot something.
She saw her husband to be, to be and his mother and then mother something. But can you guess? I can't tell you, I don't want to know, the bride walked in, found her husband to be in love of her life, sucking on his mother's chainsaw to the fork.
Oh, no way. Apparently so.
You don't want lost Betty.
Tony? Yeah. What else? There's more, not more. He was in his suit.
I was not where it was to use any suit.
And then apparently it was because I went out on the carpet. I was like, why? What did he say? Apparently, he said he does it when he's nervous.
Fucking hell, man, you discussed it, a shocked, amused I. I feel sorry for them both why the mom and him, the fact that they think that that's OK.
Why do not feel sympathy for them? Why are you letting them go on? Why he won't do?
There's not going to be no milk in them anymore unless. Rosie. Rosie, I have seen you chew on a straw after you finished to call a Ribena. So don't you be giving it about. There's no milk in anymore.
What do you mean?
You know, he's just after the fact that you say it's disgusting. No, unless there might be milk. If he's done it consistently the whole time, man, because you keep lactating or I can't get my head around it, isn't it?
I don't feel sorry for them, actually. I think I'm angry at them now.
I think I'm going through the same right to be had to walk in and see Fork how I husband to be sucking on his mom's boob, but is oh my God, I've gone all light-headed.
It's horrible isn't it. That's incredible. Glad I kept it. I am glad you kept it. Yeah. I am glad you kept it Bobby. Honestly it's been rotten around. We had no one that was. I've been so nervous. I was supremos.
Oh. We've got some fantastic news for everyone.
I mean I don't know if you'll be happy or sad. What was it you won't tell them. So if you remember breastfeed and groom.
Yeah, I like to call them BFG big friendly giant. Oh yeah. Him and his lovely.
Sorry if you're not familiar with the story, the guy I mean you must be fearless in the pocket if you haven't had to go back.
The lady who went into her honeymoon suite on the morning of a wedding and found her husband to be in his suit, which is the worst, but weirdly breastfeeding from his mother, then carry on the back together.
They're back together.
Oh, plenty more fish in the sea or not. She's obviously saw past it. And so, you know what? Let's let's do this one's back on. His mom's not invited.
And if she started breastfeeding him now instead of that month, that mom's got to be dried up soon. I'm telling you, no harm. No, come on. It's horrible.
Like breastfeeding for that long you lose.
Oh, sorry, children. So about that. Just like what can the mother and the lose the ability to suck after so long.
Yeah. Like about after about six or seven years old, they lose the ability to suck so I don't know what he's doing. What do you mean lose the ability. Save the tongue. Doesn't go in the same position. Oh right.
OK, I watched a documentary a few years ago about children who were still breastfeeding and the little girl was about seven and she was gutted because she couldn't do it anymore.
Oh, why is it that I'm so happy that she's got it?
She was like, it won't work. And a mom was like, Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, no, see, I have just mentally my head a big fat two fingers up with that kid right in our face right now.
Seven year old is called breast. Can't breast feed anymore, can you. Seven years old. Life shit man. Get on with it.
It's so funny. But yeah, apparently so that I'm still in the world of. Is it true? You know, it seems to be true because people same story did the rounds.
It did the rounds a lot massively. It's been on the podcast and everything. Yeah.
But yeah we but every time we speak to someone about it and it's been people in London, you know, they're like, you can't sorry, you can't just decide that only people in London.
I don't I'm young. I'm just saying.
Oh they don't do it in off. You know, honestly you get you get inside that I'm twenty five and everyone's just looking at mom's tits.
It's disgusting. And I'm sticking up. It didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it like that. I mean there anyone we ever talked to in London or London in work in like offices, they always know somebody who knows them and they see it.
So with such what's the word like have such convictions so convinced. So I'm like, this is true. Yeah.
Or it might be a London based urban myth. But either way, I'm glad it's not a London based urban myth.
Yeah, I that well anyway the about together.
So that's, that's not how you for me they live happily ever happily ever after and his mum could always express express yourself.
Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Now express yourself.
Oh gosh. I mean just how many cool the fuck up. I'm still, I still take issue with them. All you want is nervous. A grown man.
So is the baby which is something else.
And I found him bent double back, spasming with his own knob in his mouth and wheeled him down. The aisle like a closed club barbecue, can I just ask your boy, OK, you've had a penis your whole life. I'm a real boy. Have you ever tried to to put it in your mouth? Yes.
Yeah, I said it is all disgusting.
100 million for someone. Oh, Rosie, come on.
My teenage boy here gonna have you really teenage boys.
I've got Rosie. I've got a really, really, really horrible thing to tell you. I've got a horrible thing to say. We've got a four year old. He's going to be a teenage boy one day. I'm telling you, he's going to be doing all kinds. He's going to be just an insult. Not not not not just going to want to know. He's going to be fucking the gap in the couch.
No, he was not.
What am I supposed. I will. I'll chop it up. I will chop it off. Absolutely not.
This is this is I have never even said this out loud, ever. And I remember when I was younger, I tried it, tried to help me on day as a kid.
And then I had a dream once that I could do it. And I woke up and I was like, oh, I thing the dream was real. And I was like, oh, no, I can't do it.
And honestly, every single teenage boy tries it.
It's just like the most exotic thing I did is a teenage girl would have a look at me bit.
So I knew it went exotic, like I that's just drinking a kind of lilt while you did it between a teenage boy trying to suck it all knob in a bathroom is exotic or being wasted money on holidays for you in L.A. what do you want to caravan.
Exotic. Exotic. Honestly, I met this new lad. You want to see him?
This isn't so exotic, Djamila. Erotic. No, exotic. Exotic. I mean, I don't know. Oh, gosh. I'm just being told.
Hold it. Was that exotic? When you go Skegness, it's not exotic. I was looking your dick. Well, I was not as exotic as Bultmann.
Oh, Megan, you love damn well.
I love making you stop because you look well. I know.
All I can see is you 14 trying to suck your own dick with a credit card, though, are you?
OK, oh, God.
Oh, 10, so you say on in the background, I don't like cricket. Oh no, I love it. I would love to do so.
Rosie, we spoke got a letter a couple of weeks ago that had emailed. Happy to let us. Oh, yeah.
We got an email from the person who had a cup of tea in the shower. Oh yes. Which is a follow up one. Well, no, no, no. This is from someone else. But it has enraged and enlightened the whole everyone's told about it. Everyone on Twitter is telling the stuff that they eat in baths and that the, you know, stuff like that. I got an email here from someone saying, hi, guys.
I was just this an absolute ninety four, the girl who took a cup of tea into the shower. And I had to share my story. And I think of remember, rightly, the subject of this email was something like, Chris will be disgusted. So I clicked on it straight away. Oh, and she's right. Right.
Has it got anything to do with Christmas? Nothing to do with Chris. Right.
Well, Chris, when I said you can you get some questions from the public for the Christmas Bowl, especially one it said, Chris, that's all for Christmas.
Right. To which said I'd be disgusted. Well, how to read and write. Right. Come on, then. So a bit of back story.
About 11 years ago, I just split up from my husband and I felt free as anything. So I thought I would enjoy a lovely hot bath and maybe a little snack in there, too. So I just. Right.
So that's it. That's an intense marriage. People celebrate different things. No, but was she not allowed to have a bath? From what I can tell, yes, she was living like Cinderella.
I celebrate my rule with an iron fist having a bottle.
If you have a shower, you in the water bill, there is people like that. Well, good. Listen, good for her. Come on.
Well, you might not, as I thought, to enjoy a lovely hot bath and maybe a little snack there, too. Yeah. So I decided. What did you take in the bathroom? I'll give you three guesses.
OK, as a snack. She's written snack. Oh. What did you have.
It's definitely a full meal, but you're talking about OK. She's got my language. I want to go through.
What are you want me to get.
You've got three guesses after your first guess, depending upon how far you've gone with it.
If you get close or if you allow the next little bit of a sentence in, that'll help you.
Right. OK, so she took she saying it's a snack, but you're saying it's a full meal. She's gone in the bath with it.
Right. Is it a sandwich.
But you call your claws, you are quite close. Gone next. Next one. It's not a sandwich, but you close in the way the food is consumed. Also, it's piggy food. Yes, we write a piece of cake. No, you've gone further away, says here I thought you enjoy a lovely hot bath and maybe that's not in there, too. So I decided to order myself a pizza.
A kebab. Oh. Dirty, dirty, so dirty, so. Well, you know, she's just for my fella. Yeah, she wants to have a nice bath for my favorite food. And I tell you what, though.
Wash your hands straight after a while. You're doing well, Kabab, and that is the decadent thing. You're ready. Right. You ready?
I put my food on the side while I got myself settled in in the bath, grabbed my kebab and started coming down on it.
Suddenly, bits of solid and Kabab fell in the bath with me. So obviously I felt I had to get them out as I'm not a complete animal I could love.
This is The Bachelor, right? This is this is this for me is the best bit. I thought I was a bit of a scumbag.
This is no gets worse.
It gets worse. Before you ask. Yes, I did finish my food wrapped in my towel, sat on the bathroom floor.
What should drop it in the bath that you could not write myself in a towel and sat on the bathroom floor. Keep about this.
She did. She did not need to involve the bath element to this meal. Could have just had a kabob. You could have just had a kebab on the sofa watching the telly.
And before you ask, I would definitely do it again. We just had to share, as I can imagine, the utter disgust from Chris, which is always fun to listen to piesse. That's not why. I mean, the ex split up. We never I never ate in the bath when he was around. Thanks him bracket's. I'll share my name as I'm not even embarrassed about it.
Well good for you. That's amazing.
Well don't know if welldone bottom is and why Kibar eat in the bath before Kabah. I had a cup at a crumpet in the bath once.
Yeah but actually not that unguardable. You brought me a crumpet. Oh yes. Black. I've been after that email. You know I did bring equipment in the bathroom.
I mean, I didn't really visit a kabab in the bath watching it. I just.
I just think bats are really sacred and really holy, and I just feel like like the drill you're going to be getting like drips of like chili and garlic sauce dripping in your pockets for me, sitting only on the top, you're going to fuckin stink.
And my essentially washing yourself with a kebab, it's just not.
I just know I can kind of get on board with that and where she got the Kabab from will be delivered but not delivered. How would you do your bath? Well, it's like having a Chinese takeaway in the bath. Yeah, it's you know, I kind of look a love. Thank you so much. And I love you from the bottom, my heart, because I'm a bath girl as well. And I've had a kebab before, but together I can't agree with it.
But I hope you're happy now that you've left. You sound like a dick anyway.
Do you know the kebobs you on the bus made Christmas album Dooby Dooby Dooby?
I've come up with a new feature for the show. Got new feature. Amazing. Very exciting. Yeah. And so do you know how we get questions from the public? We'll do that in a minute. But this is just like an extra thing. And because obviously we get in a lot of stories of. But you know, not everyone wants to hear about people all the time.
I think people do. But I just thought we could once a week talk about a story, the best story.
OK, so I've come up with a jingle. Right, but when you hear it, yes, it's going to be life, OK, if you record it on your phone. What do I've done?
I'm going to harmonize with the record number one. Good God.
Let's talk about it, baby. Let's talk about poo. And we let's talk about all the good shit and the bad shit that have been. Let's talk about shit. Let's talk about shit with a little bit of shit. Let's talk about Shaq married and shit.
It had a back and I saw this thing, this one time at band camp, I use my phone as my backup singer looking loser. Does it sound good, though?
It sounded really good. I'll be honest with you.
It sounded really good. I'm very excited for this story. Let's go.
Yeah, we've got a little cheeky little Chicken Little story. Hello, Rosie and Chris. This is from Anonymous. The veteran Anita Club is out of the kept anonymous the whole way through while they're going to name themselves.
That was funny. What a pair like. Oh, no, no, it's anonymous. And my husband's friend spent a romantic night in a fancy hotel with his new girlfriend.
Mm. They got down to business moving all around the bed, doing lots of different positions and different acts of a very sexual nature. Good Lord. No fun and games.
When they had finished and she'd gone to the bathroom, he noticed a massive skid mark on the pillow.
Oh, Jesus. Watch again. I'm going to have cut for is what is wrong with everyone. Oh, sorry. You know, if you've got a shitty arse, don't be shagging someone with a serious going of a courtesy wipe. You filthy pigs.
You feel you know, you know, it is a bit of skin. Yeah.
So all owing to what they just done, he knew it was his fault. It gets better. I hate them because it was very new relationship and he was embarrassed, he quickly turned the pillow over and had an idea started to form in his head.
Well, when she came back in and they were settling down for the night, he removed the pillow from the bed and recoiled in disgust, announcing that there was something on.
He says he marched out a reception with a pillow.
Sure we did. They both had a look and agreed it was.
It's it it's good.
Hey, Fandango got dressed, picked up the pillow and marched out into the cold with the pillow and complained.
He went in the lift to another floor, left the pillow in the hall and returned back to his room, saying he had complained.
They had apologized for taking this and taking this kiddie pillow away and just putting in. This is all a true story.
Watergate. That's OK. So he didn't take it down. He pretended to be very good.
Just so so I'm I'm assuming somewhere in our 10000 emails we're going to have another one of just a random person. One day I was staying in a hotel and the morning I up and someone left a skid mark pillow in the middle of the fucking hallway for no reason.
It's the mystery pillow. We still talk about it to this day.
I think the thing I love about these stories, though, is the sheer like you would be more if I mollified if that happened.
Got to. You know what I mean? Oh, man.
How are you getting what kind of crazy sex you have?
And when you are basically at the other end of the bed, your arse is open, the other pillow, the business end of the bed, scraping your arse along like a dog, pull himself along the carpet like a dog with whatever it was.
It could have just been being sucked down on the pillow. But he's why he got his open. Why does he have his gaping arse croc on a pristine white fancy hotel pillow? This man does not deserve to be in hotels.
He should be he should be his fault or should be up in the reception of every hotel.
And he should walk in and I should go. Absolutely not. Get out. Hide the pillows. It's skidmarks, Steve. Hide the pillows.
Oh, animal. Can you remember when were you worried about him?
Come on. We got to cover. Yeah, it was a turd in the toilet. We checked into a hotel.
It had a really nice hotel. I don't even want to name them because I want to lock them up. Is a lovely chat in a posh hotel, went into the room, unpacked everything. You went to the toilet, you came on.
You're like, you see this? And had you just had a poo in the toilet and you didn't want me?
Absolutely. No, I was going to ask you the same thing.
Why do I go? I remember we got a free bottle of wine, a bottle of red. But I was at reception and I was like, I'll tell them.
And I stood there. The lady was on the phone and there was no one at reception. I thought, well, I'll tell her and I'm not joking. And the minute you put the phone down, I turned around. It was about three people behind it.
And again, I like a good day. I have just checked it.
And there was a child in my toilet like so I pulled up to one side. I don't know what you thought I was going to say, but I was like, there was a shit in the toilet.
She was she was human, like, but offer a bottle of wine out of it, which is good.
We did hotel you. It's time for the celebrity question.
This week's celebrity question is from the wonderful Keith Lemon. He sent us a round about five questions.
Four of them made no sense. He sent them from the toilet. Yeah, which was nice. So this is the last one. And I'll explain.
This is basically the only one broadcast. Yes. Just got Woolmark where and when woke me up, and Kalanithi look some camp pins and needles, but you know what, sometimes when they open in, this is how I get into more trouble for doing it wrong, then I do not even open. So what I'm asking is, do you think I should just not bother helping Australian health and do it and get into more trouble? Because I'm not allowed.
Should I not help? Should I not help? So. So I think what you're trying to ask is, is it worth actually helping?
Yeah. What do you think I mean, in general?
I know that if you're doing something and I randomly come over and try and involve myself or help you hit the roof, especially in cases of Robin, if you're telling Robin off or disciplining Robin and I just sort of put my AURIN, you go berserk.
I know, because I got that shit nailed here.
Do you know I mean, you're interfering, getting in the way. If you're if you're dealing with Robin, I make it my issue just to get out of the way.
And I'm like, you can crack on if I'm like micromanaging, I'm like, are you kidding me?
I do this most of the year by myself, you know, I do it and, you know, it's I can't even see myself doing it, you know, like it's like you would be like. Right.
No, Robin, you're not having any sweets around, like there aren't any sweets. And you're like, why you you know, I'm like, you know what?
A rapper has got like a rapport with them in hip hop who just shouts the last couple of words like a hype man, I'll tell you that.
And I know how it is. You know, you're not going to softly go to the shop play. No, I won't be able to bomb.
Well, yeah, actually, no, I'm sorry.
I know how were to echo echo and it's infuriating.
Oh, you still want to be beefed up.
Oh, the podcast becoming its own. That's eaten itself. It's obviously it's taken over Skynet.
That's one of my beefs. Micro managing. Well, you kind of have it. It's always a good day, guys. What a beef has been eradicated from the list. He lives to fight another day, to fight another day.
Dooby dooby dooby. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. This was the best of this was the 100th episode. Thank you so, so, so much for listening and sticking with us. I hope you enjoyed that. And we haven't heard all that because we'll have enough time. So don't know what I was going to be an hour of silence. Not sure. I'm sure it's good. Which was the producers. Hope you enjoyed it. We did it at one point, so.
Yeah. Being out there. You said that. Yeah. Yeah. So who's next week, guys?
I want to know which is now part of the experience and that can't believe you remember to do that. It's amazing. Very well to dwarfish. OK, Chris. To tell me every day is a lie by everyone.
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