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Hello, you're listening to Shackman annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsay and my husband, Chris Ramsey. Your hair is out of control, Christopher, like Johnny Bravo.


Wow. Wow. I mean, I've just so annoyed as I look up, there is a mirror right across from his and yeah, I've just seen so I almost had my face leaning forward a bit when I did this fringe. I didn't realize the height.


It just looks like a wave. It's about it's about three inches off the front of me. Yeah, well, the Wilshire at the hairdressers.


Listen, don't expect this to look good when the hairdresser so short, I will have bought some scissors. I don't think I'd go through that again.


It's a haphazard, slapdash way. You do not cut your hair. No.


It's the same as when you're cooking and you just make a fucking mess and it's just you just don't care. Just a whirlwind.


If it's just here, as a matter of as long, then it was just, hey, we had hair.


And I was thinking that as I was doing, I was like, well, here we are today.


And then I was just like skinny little. We are tiny little things that just come off your head.


Yeah. You got to imagine if we're all bald, then hair like got released tomorrow on the telly and I was like this new thing here, it would all be like, fuck off. I mean I stay up because we Polish government gives you warm in it, nor does it on your head.


Probably not. Adonal, I don't know.


You know, I can Google it, but don't give a fuck. Guys, thank you so much for listening. It's episode 106. I hope you all right out there. And the future is looking brighter.


You know, various reasons why it's not for various reasons why it is so it is looking brighter. So without going any further on, it's now time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week sponsor is sort of in this.


But hey, hey, come on, stop that right now. This week, sponsor is pro on crack as I do.


Like a pro on this one. Yeah. Yeah. Or you have your little noodle dish or you don't you have a little rice dish, huh.


Yeah, yeah. Hey, hey. Rice dish. Right. Yeah. That's like a little salt scoop. Yeah. I like to get some rice on there.


Scoop, scoop it in fancy eat something that you have no idea what the ingredients are. Prawn prawns and crock. What is the wrong. Or the caucus or the crisps.


Not really but we call them cracky. Could be polystyrene.


That is almost polystyrene but nice now and then we got a really horrible one. It's all bubbling into her it that. Yeah. Very greasy.


Get rid of them grubbiness about ten off the boat and I think that's probably not good for full body.


Monforton for one cracky. Don't get them.


Don't get the Chinese take though because they let me give you a fucking bin bag full. It's genuinely intimidating. I like them from the supermarket better.


But just because I want Chinese takeaway, it just it gives you a bin Laden. It is it is an extreme amount of one portion of food. Actually, when you think about it realistically, I do like Broncos' and sometimes when you're away I do order them from the Chinese takeaway and the common.


I think I don't need that.


Many of them saw so many. So I want to see what is keeping them in in the back. So there must be something in the back, a bigger container.


Well, there there'll be little things that you fry. Do you think they don't just come to the Chinese, agree like that? Yeah, but I mean, I don't think it does them to order. I imagine they'll do a shitload of them and they'll be in like a fucking skip out the back a of the skip.


It just washed. What I'm saying is I've gotten a wide dive into that skip and swim around is what I'm seeing.


Me too. And enjoy that. Yeah. You know, so we got Chinese takeaway on Saturday night because we did the full routine about not like Chinese takeaways on me, Amazon special and everybody that Amazon special.


That's a joke. That Amazon special actually jokes loaded. You know, for the you know, you you all joke in that because you slagging off Chinese takeaways now you absolutely love them. You slacking off caravan's in motorhomes. Now there's one on the drive, you name it. You're a hypocrite.


Toilet on wheels. Like first of all, Lockdown's did a lot of things to a lot of people. It's locked down, brought me a braless for the caravan because we could go on holiday anyway.


Yeah. Brolgas for the Chinese takeaway. Right. However, I'm glad I have one.


So I went to the Chinese takeaway to get ours on Saturday night. Yeah.


And I was on my bicycle and I, I was doesn't deliver. I was pretty good.


Doesn't have to deliver and fucking have to meet the queue outside the kid outside. Best night of hello.


In months I was in the queue, I was with everyone from shoes actually it was class, it was genuinely class. I was like oh me. But I was like well you cycle around have you all just having a bit. Krugman says I bring some cons.


Next time we'll all just stand out something that's not do that. That's that's that's everything. But hey, stop.


Forget your roots, right?


Comes in the street is where you're from, how you can give a big part of your to your to your telling me you're too good. I have a few room temperature cards with a few of the locals outside a nuke in Celsius.


Yea. If honestly do you think you know I love a journey juice and that's it.


Oh so Jonatan just had the microphone so I got to, I got the two bags, there's your food and he gave us the two bucks and I was like right I'll put one on each handlebar right to soar even as out.


But I genuinely fell off the bike four times because one bag was the ribs and the rice and everything else.


And the other bag was the way nothing. There was nothing. Yeah. Genuine.


Nearly crushed on any question at this. How much of that would have been fun while everyone was looking as well.


So do you mate. Yeah.


I mean you best just quickly turned against you didn't but really did, didn't do any help. No loyalty then.


Picks up the story from Caracas my fellow. Probably. But one more thing I just want to quickly say about Chinese takeaways and takeaways in general. Yeah. Like how much Tupperware do we have now.


Silly amounts of Tupperware. I can't throw it away. No, we're going to plastic some Chinese I'm keeping not because I feel guilty about everything, so.


Yeah. Yeah. Cleans well it do that. You apparently you supposed to rinse them a cold water first so something internet. So you know if you get like a Tupperware the minute you put beans in it, it's red forever.


Don't mince words were called Walther's. That's great.


So I'll try that genuinely. And anybody who was interested by that. I understand. But you're going to do it so.


Damn right you are. You are you go advice. Remember that might my people.


Oh good God I can't have, I can't have a nation of orange Tupperware on my hands. I'm wondering of pressures that is Rosie.


Right. Should we get rid of that. But I don't know. I don't know because I kind of like the danger. This is what we've become.


This is the only excitement I've got in life now is telling people that it may or may not clean the Tupperware by putting, you know, a cold water, whatever water.


Let's crack on it. Oh, yes. The jingle. There it is. We had a fight about the jingle jingle. We could sing along to jingle jingle gong. So this is the jingle jingle. We hope you like the good old chewing gum, a dub dub, dub dub. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Chakma Adenoid, it is Friday, and if life goes, you have a child who is of school age. Monday, baby, and going back.


Oh, yeah, what a feeling, I'm a loss for words, I'm fucking. One more time, this is it, fun fact, this is Danny Minobe, not Kylie Minogue. I'm watching the video play on the on the laptop that you've got on your shoulder like a violin. You've got no idea who got this tiny. I got you. Got you. Get it all the way. Hey, here's your dinner money. Oh, you little shit.


Don't come back until 10 best. We will not get in. Oh, I'm locking the door. Hey, you better get to me. You can go to Mama.


Nana and I grab the bills because we're not here. Go to school. Get to school. You've been off way too long. Now go. Got to get back to some learning. I never want to see another digraphs as long as I live with three plus three. Who gives a shit.


Not me, not you.


Anyway, he just admitted the whole village isn't worth three plus three is what I see. Three plus three. I don't give a shit, he says I don't listen.


Or genuinely all of the parents out there who've been home schooling for good on your mind. How yeah. Yeah. How horrible is it being my.


Oh doesn't it just be I mean sorry we are assuming that they're going to go back and not bother us is not just going let them go back for one day and make them leave again like you did.


If it is. If I'm not joking. Right. I held myself back last time when he sent them back for that day.


If he, if he, if he days do it on the trains, on the trains aren't going to go down in a lobby, they could cry.


Actually I will be there, I'll do a briefing and I'll be like question from the public and I, we're hit a Rosie in Newcastle and it'll just be you scream and just inaudible.


Yeah. Yeah. Oh sorry.


No, sorry. We don't know what happened there. And now another graph for your enjoyment.


And genuinely, can I just see as well you're sort of making it as if like you want time of like, you know, the whole thing of, you know, when kids go back to school for the summer holidays and everyone puts the photos on Instagram of the party and when the kids have left, it's not that's not why we want them back.


We want them back because he's genuinely he's five and he's depressed and he misses his friends in school. Yeah, it's not that we want to focus Jolly, although we do want a bit of brief.


I mean, it'd be nice to be able to do work without having, you know, make homemade ice lollies and get snacks and just make sure that they are ready to go back out.


Oh, my God. Yeah, but I just also want to take a second to say thank you. Big up to the teacher. Oh, big up teachers. Pick up your pick up yourselves.


Not only some of the teachers, this are ridiculous.


It's been with having half the kids and some of the teachers have got to do the normal work with some you know, some classes have been sixty, 70 percent full.


Yeah. Then a full the whole program with the rest of them.


Very good notes and have a lovely time when you go back and be grateful and I keep moving if you want me comes.


You know I when I first if you want to do after school but left a school that that honestly fine by hey come and live in our garden and just play outside with you all the time. Go on all year. Come on.


On the flip side though, the left brain of a parent, we're going to miss him.


No, we are, Chris. We are doomed. I promise you. We all don't be ridiculous. He's been with us 24/7. Don't be ridiculous.


You will not get no chance when Rosie when I drop him off at school that quarter to three times, you finish possibly.


Remember, it's a good idea.


People are going to find me just walking around, Sheels, on Monday, you know, with the kids just walk and go and read, as it were.


Which one? Which was he said what was he say? Was that someone Googled this name of the school I where it is walking along the beach you're talking about.


I didn't have it fit his uniform, not Bellemont with Shaggy's. Be neat.


Well, you know, we've put on I can barely talk when he goes in a little holiday with Avi Rubin, but I claim I'm definitely there's no there's no chance.


There's no chance because you drop me off and you blink. And it's quarter past the hour. Well, I'm going to listen now.


Elion don't see it just because that's because you were an instrument of an instrument and you you it to keep in with you in stopping the right ones.


Impressed? I have to, Chris. I have to do this. You know, you don't want to scare me a little tough.


It's all right. I make it fucking homemade shit. Right.


This is for the fucking room.


You've just got a new cockatoo foreign born. Tell the world how much you can't wait for.


You get the fuck off.


But yeah, I got it with who is it? Oh, God bless his little heart.


But honestly, all he is out there.


The parents. Well, don't go down. Yes. Because it's been.


It's been rough. Yes. I never. No one else be. All right, it's yeah, it's unbelievable this past year and a bit, but hopefully things will get better. And let's get on with this week's episode, Keres.


Yes, of course. Hopefully things are getting better. There was good news coming out all the time. He some bad news, though, too, has moved again.


Oh, no. But let's just hope this is the last. This is the last time I talked to. No, no, no. This is the last time that it's going to be moved. So we see exactly the same as you guys say on the news. We don't know anymore. You'd think you'd think we would. Zina's, you know, wouldn't be doing Wembley or whatever, but we know exactly the same as you. So we're just.


Aaron is. Aaron. Aaron. Aaron.


Do we know exactly the same as you when except for when it comes to words? Yes.


Easily 40 percent less than where you are erred on the side of caution. And we just played it safe. And we want to do full capacity. We don't want to have to do a bloody bullet and see who, you know.


It's a thing. Yeah, we're cool. Man who's not allowed. We could do a social distance tour, but it would have to be rebooked for a new tour because you can't just see it.


A half of the people in Wembley are hotlines. You don't get a call. Yeah. So all we're doing is guys were just I'm trying.


It could be a little day out. We could get everyone who was meant to come get them on the line and come about on it. No, not you. Yes.


No, you can get us to host it like that. Right.


OK, they've got no, no, no tickets and loads and loads of them podiums like guess for 10000 of them as far as parties sweating and they don't like his shows.


Absolutely no regret.


I mean, you are like the people who come down the north.


I would have to flip it. Yes.


We come down the left and we stand in 10000 people from where and we just had a party right there for a joke.


And you know that the voted out TV shows have said this so we could do it outside. It's going to be summer. Yeah.


Anyone not doing that? We'll chat about it. No, we're not doing on the phone. But basically the nuts and bolts of it, you need to know is May or June when the two are supposed to be. Now, May or June annoyingly looks on the cusp of when everything everything's going to be sort of going back to normal. But early May was supposed to be our first order to us.


Talk back to normal. We're talking restaurant's reopening and possibly people are going on holiday. We're not talking about not yet. Ten thousand people in an area.


Yes, but June 21st is supposed to be. That's it. June, June 21st. Supposed to be. That's when I was finished. But that's yeah. That's like a week after the tour was going to Paris.


So we're just taking it up and we're going to drop it. Hopefully, hopefully I can't say too much because I don't get anyone's hopes up.


But hopefully it might happen this year. It might happen this year. Yeah. Which is just I can't even I can't even envisage because touring was my full life for years.


Yeah. I can't envisage Turin. I can't imagine it. It's so strange. It's really, really weird. I can't picture traveling and cars going hotels going on stage. I can't picture it. It's been an utter mind.


You know what I realised I've missed. It's not I've really missed it because it's just been in the house and you've been pregnant all the time. And you know, my wife and I don't want to upset you and be I don't like that, you know, unsettle you.


I mean, I must tell you, that's really that's not what I honestly in different ways. And I never normally mean to do it. But I you'll understand when I see what it is. And I don't know if anyone out there has, but when you think about it, you will. I have missed and given people fright.


Right. Hiding somewhere, waiting for someone to walk round the corner and jump out and give them a fright.


Right. I've missed it. You know, I hear that. Well, that's why I haven't done it yet. Because you are pregnant most of the time as well as I did yesterday when Rafe was on our moment momentarily.


Don't tell me how this momentarily put Reeve on the sofa.


Yeah. To make a drink. Right. And you shout it. Although when I was at the sink that he fell on the floor, honestly, I could have cried.


Yeah, don't do that. This isn't funny.


You did exactly the same. Used to film filament when I was making me fire in the front room. criss-Cross or a the house was gone. Your house is going to burn down.


Nor did the same draw with Riffe backfired big time.


It's not the same backfire. Not the same as well. I kind of realised that when I got your reaction.


Yeah, but yeah, I've missed jump out and I watched a thing on, on like Instagram the other day, a combination of people giving people a fright.


And I was like, I kind of wish to give someone, if that's all you've missed, then you've done quite well.


Got to stop. But you know, mentally that you've done quite well. That's a quarter to nine million college kids and give you all the time. You may miss giving them a fright.


I can't fucking I know he's on his bike, Lord, these days I'm I just can't hide along his routes and when combined with it makes you feel that way to run. Goes back to school. Yeah. OK, I'll go and deal with one. When, when you've got two kids.


Why did we have a baby. What the hell do you not like.


Can you believe that we. Oh we thought this would be done by now. We've had a baby. Yeah well it's been penned in a how. Oh yeah.


Nothing yet. Buzzing about Robert. Go to school. There's another one I know all the time anyway. But how, how crazy is that, that it's just going to be.


You think a newborn is so hard and it is so hard when you have a newborn baby Mosby's office. No, but we are so looking forward to just having a newborn baby. Yeah.


Yeah. Getting some telly on the go. Yeah. Actually relaxing. I saw behind boxset. Oh. The amount of stuff your mom was watching on Netflix makes me fucking. I know I'm not sick, everybody keeps suggesting things and I'm like, we have one to get the time. We've got nowhere to go the whole time anyway, guys.


So the tour has been moved. The new dates aren't out yet, but the dates that are currently out there to me and June this year will not be happening. The new ones will be announced very soon. All tickets will remain valid. And obviously, when the new ones get announced, if you can't make the new one, because you've got some plans for what your plans are, but you've got some plans, you can always get a refund because then you will just resell them.


So looking forward to it.


And it's going to be delivering and it's convenient. Oh, yes, I'm a double, but big news here in the Ramsey household.


What? I'm back on my bike. Oh, I went out on an actual bike ride before that.


Much better sorbara I went on an actual bye, Rosie. I was ecstatic. I was elated to see.


I've seen a whole lot of people in that as I was driving past driving or riding cycling tickets.


I mean, I was literally like a couple of dogs is the worst thing that I'm out on. A bike ride is a dog run in front of you. It's not if you've got if you manage to stop, it's not the worst thing ever.


It's a very slight inconvenience and I'm never bothered. But if my worst nightmare is hitting the dog, stocks don't give a fuck.


I mean, just running from your bike to the I've never been a big bike type. They don't care. They don't understand that the bikes.


Yeah, not bothered. And I always put the brakes on a slow right down and always the owner's always going sorry, sorry.


And I'm always like it's fine when it's a dog. And I was going up the this path near where we live and the dog all went out.


I slowed right down in the lady when I'm really sorry I would ask Philmont dogs don't give a fuck to the dogs and she just looked but I was like he's fine.


My name is having a nice time. Dogs don't give a fuck man.


She just was like, all right, Louie, Louie. I was just so happy. I was just so happy to see people like and I wish I was happy to see dogs.


There's a road that I walk down to go to our local co-op and there's two little dogs live in this house.


And I know they're going to come and give us a fright.


And every time a passed that, give us a fright and then.


Yeah, and I'm always like, oh for God's sake. And bless them until they fall that just really inquisitive and they're just like, yeah, yeah.


And then the owner came out with him yesterday while they were yapping on and I had riff asleep in the problem and I was like, I was like and the dogs look, give them a hug, you know.


And I was like a George won't get me, I think some dogs. Right. I think they creep up to the gate and wait at the gate and bark as you walk past. Yeah.


Because sometimes you hear them, you hear the feel the company getting get you, there's going to be a ball.


But some of them are like, I just want standing, I just stand here. Look, I've got socks on, I just stand there without socks on security.


I mean nails on the floor.


As soon as you walk out, you know the ones I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just write down the wall.


Fuck you. Yeah. Just excited blessin like me. Like me. I mean by that I wasn't so. Bye guys back. There you go. There you have it.


It's official. Yes. That Robidoux Babalu. Babalu. But something happened today. Something happened. I tried on some of my pre pregnancy clothes. Right.


Like stupidly that didn't I don't think the fit is before I even had if I tried them on, it didn't fit aspirational clothing, I think just.


Yeah, but like massively didn't fit to the point where I actually got a bit of a shock and I was like, oh shit. And I had a lovely little five, ten minute word with myself in the mirror like, you know, you are beautiful. Yeah. Don't you dare let your weight define you all out of bullets.




Probably with proper pins to Instagram, Instagram, Pinterest, Pinterest, Instagram, Instagram.


Have I just made a new copywriter. Somebody just made a new app, Instagram.


It's it's Instagram and Pinterest together and it's going to be even more pretentious and corny.


Oh it's going to be worth Bently and you've got to have a double barrel surname to even get an account. Yes. You have to wear white all the time in a six bedroom house. Absolutely. The dog, the dogs live outside and never come in your house. Yeah. The dogs don't have any hair.


Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. You. I have four kids. Yeah.


That's all I have to play the piano. I'm not by the age of five. Absolutely don't.


And so anyway yeah I had a lovely word with myself. Yeah. And I was like right we're going to start eating healthily, we're going to do a bit exercise.


Wait you're making me reflect you know you.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I do. I have to do it quite often. And then I came downstairs with all the intentions. I got a pen out the cupboard. I was going to write down a meal plan. Wonderful drawing. I did what I went, got a packet of crisps on the family packet of crisps.


Oh, all the big massive coke vinegar. Yeah. Yeah. Because I ate the whole thing. You read them all at the moment.


I was going to some of them later on. That's gone the whole lot. What's wrong with this.


Jesus. Why. What is that. Why did I do that. Why did I say, right, we're going to do this. And then I've come down and done that sabotage. I've got no willpower. It just it just you forget on that walk, Jordan is right. You probably look in the mirror. I I'm going to do is going to maximize you probably walk down the stairs and went well of exercise stairs.


It is a bit. Yeah. Have some of them. Yeah.


It does it upset you if I tell you will upset you. If I tell you that I still fit in jeans that I had when I first started and you know, know how to just buy Guyandotte.


God. But you eat Lord more me the best bet, the best bet is I do eat like a pig, like takeaways constantly. I keep you know how I said before I was like, oh, I need to get back to the week before Raef and I need to get back to the weight like fifteen years ago.


I mean, but I had a different frame. I was a completely different person. OK, so I'm I need a my expectations. Right. I'm aspiring to a body that doesn't exist anymore. She's dead. Right.


You know what I mean. Wow. So she's never going to happen.


He killed her with a massive Barga Crisp's big payload, a prawn crackers, just a fucking part of the bitch.


Today, just over a years bringing up in, Morozova told her that I get a certain level of drug and I try and catch my reflection out.


Well, have I told you this? I don't know.


A few times. I always remember in the morning, I get embarrassed, so I get to a certain level of up. I really don't have to be like again, I Paula Johnson to Magic Johnson. He drinks so fast and if I go around with him, I'm just going to have a bad night.


I know if you're out with call that you're going to have a really horrible day the next day. Drinks like a fish is horrendous. And if I'm up with him, I come back if it's kind of not being sick level, but it's kind of a couple of years off being sick spinnin just before room spinning. It's just performance is what I'm brushing your teeth or whatever, and I don't know what happens to me.


Eyes on me, depth, perception of me, vision or something. But I start to think that my reflection looks a bit too real and I try and cut it out.


That's so I like turn my head really quick and see if I can catch it like a log on it. And sometimes I'll just try and grab it. Hand on the mirror.


You never told me the way I did it in. You know, when we went to Italy for a friend's wedding, you know, the night I was like, really, really, really, really, really ill the next day.


And you had to stay in bed the next day for Max. That was fun. And that night I did it, right? Yeah. Is it like Toy Story? But with reflections almost?


Yeah. We have seen Evil Dead where you looks in the mirror. Then the hand comes out of the mirror and grabs his hand.


Sounds awful. Time to try and do that.


It's good cinematography but yeah. Yeah. Remember that we had I haven't been that drunk for four months now. I would get that drunk in the house on the road during a lockdown.


I mean I could imagine a lot of the people getting very dark when the Pope's lost during the summer. When I got call I got that drunk. That's the last time I've been drunk.


I didn't even get a Christmas because of how or when that whole thing was about thing that when I got one call went out, oh, I told you money went to sleep on a bench halfway home. No. Yeah. So I woke up the next day and I was sick all day.


Yeah. He stopped and had like three hour nap at a bench. No he didn't. Yeah.


That's what you get when you keep the pope short and then go by the way they're open again.


Fill your boots, you get fucking animals like making him go to the carnage. I'm not going to I'm not going out to you in the 21st.


It's going to be not going to be meant if it's June the 21st. I'm very excited for it. What do you think about. I think it's a Monday. I think they're very clever.


I think they're hoping. Oh, by the way, they're going to be really surprised when you see the Sunday after Monday. Yeah, Monday. But the Sunday after Father's Day. All right.


Well, the Father's Day when they're going to see, like, everyone just going to vote no on social distance and no one's doing this, everyone spit in each other's mouths. What's happening here? That's because at midnight, everything's OK.


Yeah. Do you know when Boris Johnson's birthday is No. Nine in the June? Really?


It's not easy. He's not daft, is it? Wow. He's hired out down in St. Paul for the twenty second.


Do you make another his go to public know he's got a deejay to go in the living room that you just live there in Dallas.


You do live there. I don't know what to do. I'm sure they live in an apartment like take us live and where you work.


It's horrible. I've always thought of this right. I think of it when I see politicians. Right. People want to be presidents and prime ministers. Yeah. And I think about like boxers and UFC fighters. Right.


I would hate to have a job where part of my job was stopping other people from taking me job. Right. I mean, so you just know it's not going to last forever, all me and you have to do is just keep hopefully making people laugh and letting people enjoy the podcast and keep, you know, getting good questions, OK?


I can have some beefs and chat and stay married, stay sane and just creating the content. And hopefully people will keep enjoying. Right.


OK, but like a boxer or something, someone is trying to make them feel OK and like the prime minister, like if you don't do good and you don't stand for your full term, someone's going to come and take your fucking bet.


Yeah, I mean, the president, but it's a bit like us with a room, but it's always there.


He's always I think I think he did knock on the door and go, Oh, I'm new from the BBC. I own your house. And you pulled rank. I mean, I listen myself, Larry. I can't really I can't really say anything about that. I very much enjoy your podcast, actually. So here you go. Have the number one spot. We don't mind. Imagine that.


Just go out by someone. Knocks on the door. By the way, I'm doing your podcast now and I live here now. You go all right by and you've got to fuck off.


But on the flip side, just for prime minister, president, why do they want to do it all the time? Cycle's worst job in the world.


I've said it before. You should go and put on everyone's head in the whole country and put a little lie detector on them and go, do you want to be prime minister? And have really means nor the most they get the job.


Lord of the Rings. Yes. Was like you just fucking doesn't want it at all. They have to do it. Probably be me. Probably you. Yeah.


You do not want to be here, but I'm here so you know, I genuinely don't think that would work by the way.


So no one, no one implement that just in case someone around. Chris story long time on the run.


Oh they really have. Abdu ba ba ba ba ba ba ba just looking at my diary because I had to look for what did you in the 21st is, do you know how to set an alarm for me on the calendar to brush my teeth every day at nine o'clock. Oh my God.


It's every day. Sorry. She's just turned the laptop round and. Sure.


Is this the Apple calendar every day and you brush your teeth, brush your teeth, one exclamation mark. Nine o'clock every day. Nine o'clock every day. Yeah. You want to tell them what to do it.


And one brilliant or do that shit can make all the noise.


Tell me what to do it for me. Me three months ago trying to keep me didn't you can you can nafo I'm not brushing my teeth yet.


How are you going to do it. We're going to do what you going to do. What are you going to do. Make your dreams come true.


On a side note, people snooze the alarm in the morning and get in the and say as well people who can lie in, in the morning.


I've never understood that bullshit. Sleep in. Sleep in.


Well, we talk we probably talk about this before, but when you when you're in a job and someone's like, oh, I slept in, I'm like you useless piece of shit, honestly.


Wow. No, it's with bosses like that. No wonder everyone's enjoyment furloughed were people bastards let you run in the workplace.


If I was a boss and people were just lying and laughed and said I suck them, that I would I would suck them there.


And then because if you cannot just set an alarm and get yourself up in the morning, what are you saying to my me and my company? You're absolutely useless.


It is a muscle. It is a massive kick in the dick when you go where we needed you. Where were you? I was asleep.


It's like the biggest. Like is the biggest. It's the biggest. Fuck you to you and your needs.


I was asleep. I was you. I shut out. I was unconscious. You know. You know people.


Right. People who are young adults or actual full blown adults with selves who can sleep in. And I go to work. You know what their parents are like. I see them now.


Right? Oh, well, don't worry about it.


My mom and dad get out of bed. Don't you dare not set your alarm. Oh, Jesus. Ba ba ba. Abdu, Babalu, Babalu, but it's time for Rosie, mistress, mistress, mistress, mistress. Well, I never knew that she's changed the inflection on it, what inflection?


Well, I never knew that that would say if it is.


Well, I never knew that so painful. You can't see your face when you done. It's awful. It's just awful.


Informative mistress mystery, big finish by oh oh oh.


June the 21st to the 21st. We've never got this far. It's a bloody invasion. Oh fuck off man.


Can I just say, since the public have started sending them in, not as informative as they were. I mean, they weren't informative in the first place.


Different. Yeah. This shitty little fox. It was very much like a baby. And I just need to try it out just now.


I genuinely workshopped it hand on heart. Yes. Big love to all the members of the public, all the smiles and does who sent in mysteries collaborating through you and them together have come up with what I. S. I really look forward to because love Trump.


That's what's going to look at it.


It's literally the smiles.


It does have helped formulate and create that. That's actually a huge part of this podcast. I just up it without them. Just stop it. Nothing else. It's mine, mine, mine right here and yours.


But when I was young, Chris, I have a story that I think could be great for Rosie Robbins. Mysteries, the mystery. Mystery.


He won't do anything anymore.


Oh, stop trying to me before I know he's got old and he won't do now. He's got all these five. He's got all. But he's just got past that point of being able to go.


Would he do this? Yeah. I mean, he's like, what's in it for me? I'm like a flop. And he's like, how many films. I'm like three. And he's like five and I'm like four. And he goes, Right, that's it. Yeah, that's where we're are now anyway.


And influence a marshmallow for anyone listening in in England. Right. Huh.


Well, there's one mystery cleared up already and we haven't even started the section yet. What's a floor marshmallow next mystery mr. This is a genuine call that I took when I worked as a cold figure for the ambulance service a few years ago, Bush, you know, you're in for a treat when it's a medical background.




All them love them. I guess I should be kept anonymous in case the person in the story finds me and sues me or something. I agree. A gentleman called in quite a bit of distress because he said he'd found a lump on his penis. Oh, goodness. Never good. We had to run through the generic questions with this with the Colette trilogy. I know. I only know what happened.


What was it?


No, goddamn it wasn't a Janaki would have to be a mini or a big, you know, a six day circus circus.


They want to come to see the circus of Dick. Do you know that the killers were originally going to kill Mr. Brightside?


Mr. Slackistan coming out of my cage and just just the circus dick.


Can you imagine the different career?


The killers had a terrible career they'd have out of their first single was called A Circus.


It may have been.


You never know. I've painted a picture, though, haven't I think, that have been bigger than they are now.


I don't think that I've done as well as I do. I think I saw Mr. Biden the nailed it well.


So anyway, we had to run through generic questions with the caller to triage their usage issue usage.


What are you using the service dick for?


Mainly to scare the local children to swing around now and then, sometimes to turn the light off from bed?




Hey, being in a couple of films went out on the road.


Pretty good movies. Oh yeah.


Anyway, the computer generated the questions I asked them. He answered, Yeah. Sounds like a pretty simple joke. So I always thought it was quite intense. Was and so that's what happens. You must ring the ends of the question. They put it in the computer and then it just generates money. Yeah. You thought you had to have some degree and you know, a man fucking survey online.


See, I thought they were at or if you ring up, you speak into like full blown trained professionals online.


For me, when I was younger, I had to go online and it just, you see, what's the nature? And one of the nature is it then speeds off and I'm kind of into them questions. I mean, so if the skin is not broken, the next question won't be, is there fucking post coming out? You know, I mean, OK, it will be is this skin broken?


Then next, next, next, whether you have to come in or not. Right. All right.


Well, anyway, he said he had a lump in the middle of his penis that wasn't there before.


Oh, no. But when I asked for the approximate size, he said he couldn't remember. Couldn't remember.


He can't remember what size the end of the lump is. I asked if he could perhaps have a look and give me a rough size comparison, such as a penny, etc.. He said he couldn't check right now. And this is where the mystery comes in. Why was he unable to check his condition at that very moment?


So she's asked him what size and he's like, I can't I can't have a look right now. And she's like, why can't you, Audu? And why do you think you got it?


And if I've got it, I'm absolutely mortified. Well, I was busy having sex. No.


Oh, that would have been nice, though, you know. No, I don't. You have to top it off to find out. Yeah.


The reason he was unable to check the lump on his penis because he was calling from the queue at KFC.


But the guy was so concerned about his sick, his dick that he desperately needed some chicken. Oh, the poor people in the queue near him. I know.


Can you imagine having to listen to that? Can you imagine the pain in a queue at KFC? And there's a bloke behind you on an ambulance, you know, calling for an ambulance or whatever?


Yeah, no, she worked ambulance bring in for an ambulance to find out about his penis Lomani penis, and he's in the bloody queue. How hungry you got to be. Do you know what I mean?


I mean, what's really annoying is I will make weird phone calls. We at times you know me if I've got some you had. I need something. Yeah, I'll get it done.


So if I'm phoning not a builder or a plumber, I will phone them when I'm busy doing something else, something like sit down to do it. But that's not even for me. That's another level. Just that's just so I've got. Yeah. In the middle my penis. Yeah.


No I'm not sex to twist of dacosta toasted on the side.


Yeah. Sorry. What was that. Yeah. No I'll kind of chat right now.


I fucking doughnut and imagine popcorn is you popcorn. Chicken that's it's about the size of that actually. Actually that's a sizeable popcorn chicken. A buck coach.


I'll hot on two seconds. The one at the bottom is even bigger than this. This has no reference. Sorry.


Fuck you Babadook. Babadook, it's time for what's your being. What's your beef. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.


Now odd, interesting sort of moment today when I opened my notes for the podcast and I realized I didn't have any didn't have any beef written down for you, nothing written down.


So I just sat with the blank page and I thought as anything hot recently and I you tap on down.


I did. I came on and I start remembering all these reasons you're a knob and it just kept flying out. So I've got a few to pick from. I've got a deck of cards in front of me.


So if you want to go first one not want to be left. I also have I've got five to pick from here, five to pick.


Four hundred and six because I did not think we'd have this many beefs. Wow. Why are we still together.


I feel like one of the ones that I could pick is actually something that you've done before, but you revisited it this week and it really, you know, we don't do that.


Well, you you need to come up with some new content. What would you do you to show us what you just repeated, rehashing old jokes? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But people are paying absolutely nothing to stop this.


But I I've got a couple again, I don't know if I've done it before, but it's topical. It's still on then. Come on.


You go for it now. Go on. If you think you go if you think you got a brand new fangled new stuff to gone on about, go for it every time I ask you to go and grab one.


Reefs bibs. Yeah. Because you might be closer. Yeah. You go and get it and then you bring it to me and you put it around my neck. Right. Well there's your bed and you've done it too many times now. It's not funny anymore.


Just stop it.


I'm very proud that this made the beef so very proud indeed. First time I did, I said if I keep doing this, this will be a beef.


It's not funny because they're really overweight than I am because then as I tied around my neck.


Rosie, you know, you're giving yourself unrealistic body images when you were babies for six months, when you want a baby's baby loose on your neck.


Don't be an idiot a little bit.


No, it's it's the first couple of times I was like, oh, yeah, that's quite cute. Yeah. And then you've done it about 10, 15 times now.


Just like babe. Yeah. See, can you pass us a babe.


I don't know the babies for you. Just ask for the baby. So I'm just helping out. I'm giving you the baby.


I'm not even. Just give me a I'm putting the big on for you. You're welcome.


Please stop. I really enjoy putting the babies on you, Joy, because they are a little bit tight and for a moment and pretend I'm choking unconscious.


Oh, I'm doing a minute.


I said it because it was so horrible. That's the point in that it was a shock comedy. And I know I'm better now, but I'm.


Just be one minute, baby. I'm just going to go hide overnight, right? Come on.


My beef with you again, it's all blurred into one, right. But it's recently. Right. So last week, I thought about how you'll come home and you fortunate enough to get a committee on the. I've stopped doing that.


I know, because you did.


You literally faunas yesterday and I got me involved in a stunt like footmen outside the house waiting for you to enjoy it.


And you take so fucking long to leave the house. It's are you actually believable?


You take the piss. Are you taking the piss? You're taking the piss. Right? Come on, carry on. You just fucking forever, you know.


Right. I'm going to go out for a walk with Riffe. Right. OK, right. As you say. And I get this stuff. I get my appointment as a babe. Get off me next comedy. Just put them in the right bottles.


Right. OK, where's my shoes. Are you see me. Where's my shoes. OK, shine. I can walk in these.


I'm not going to be hot. I'm not going to be hot in this. I'm not going to be. Where's my coat. So what does this do. These go you go for a fucking walk you know going down the catwalk. Jesus with me, can you see me, you're going to be in. You will be headphones.


You are for all. Just get out of the fucking house, please. So there you go. OK, good. It's good to know it's just a start.


I started that and you were trying to defend yourself and I think you'll find of absolutely. Of hit the nail on the head.


I mean, part of it blames it on just being funny, but the other part blames it on a forgot how to believe it was just them dogs.


When I go downstairs and they just go pick you up and left you over the threshold.


There you go. You're out now.


And two, it's with a baby. I'll pack his bag. It takes a lot of prep now.


It's after the bags packed the bags, the bags packed is in. The problem ready to go with is the cacophony of shit that you have to do.


Oh, I'm all right. OK, Chris, I've got delivery coming into the game, so don't go anywhere anyway to make sure Robin has everything.


Oh, just hold off on. Just walk and go. You said you'd go stop promising that you're going to go in the north.


They don't say you're going to go Dangl leave and I'm going to get a piece and then hang around like a bad fucking smell.


But 20 minutes asking me where shit is fed up, you know, where everything is.


I know. But the oracle of that one way stuff is like I've honestly I've stopped looking for your question to you of, you know, when it comes to rest of it, I got a photographic memory.


I see. I mean, had you said this before this way and he slipped out and said in the front porch, thank you. Thank you.


And I was over the moon, said enough to look after what? Oh, I've got half an Easter egg in the fridge.


Just remembered.


So the next section is going to be a bit cloudy on her and cloudy Robidoux barbecue barbecue.


But it's time for questions from the public, from the little guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, it is shocked, most annoyed at Gmail dot com.


Send us anything you want.


You know what? You know what. Well, we're sorry. Your momma does not be filthy. Oh, no, it just does not be filth. Guys does not be filth. Some of the best ones are just little things that little things have happened. Little thought you had would you. All that stuff like does not be filth.


I'm the one here that isn't filthy at all. Well let's hope so. Here we go. Good afternoon Rosie. NATCA and Bob and Chris.


This is from a while ago. Oh wow. Not a bomb anymore. Yeah.


Following on from a previous podcast talking about airborne bees, I just want to let you know that one of my mates from uni is from Wimbledon. Got yeah. Yeah. I love it when people from Wimbledon. Why? Because you just think, oh, that's where the tennis is.


You don't think people live there. It's actually people live, they walk in massive.


It's boring.


Never been never been the Wimbledon common. It is genuinely you know, that way they do it and that's where the bombers live.


Underground overground one Berlin free the one of Wimbledon.


Why did you just realize that never Wimbledon common without Wimbledon.


It's a lovely big sort of park thing, is it? Well, it's a didn't look in front of the word.


Didn't they just live off the glass first bicyclers. Right. Pave the way.


Really not really making in the way that nicer is it. But it was nice. She's got a lot of rats. Spotless.


How did how did you get that, Wombles. Other rumbles and specs bomb because they cleaned it up.


How dare you. How dare you. So anyway, never, never really thought of Wimbledon as anything other than tennis and now The Wombles. But I believe you living there, baby. And so one of the maids was from Wimbledon when she went to uni. Her parents, who are very well-to-do, apparently put her very teenage looking bedroom on Airbnb. Oh, she couldn't go home as in when instead she used to check if her room was booked up on anything in Jacketless.


That's ridiculous.


The question is, when it well, they're asking, would we do that?


No. Just because I don't I I personally don't really like sharing my house with my wife and my kids, let alone some Folke. Yeah. I couldn't have a stranger in the mess that you and Robin me and Rafe's on his way.


He's going to start making a mess. This stuff just leave lying around. I couldn't understand why they couldn't have two arguments though.


OK, OK. For these people, Wimbledon, that'll get Chock-a-block in the summer.


Absolutely packed up. And my buddy Andy Murray stopping in there.


Hey, you never know. You never know in the teenage bedroom. But I mean, it is a bit sad that you chose to check Airbnb to see if she can go home to visit her parents. That's a bit sad. Yeah.


I mean, a massive OCU for my parents to watch. I quite enjoyed as a parent. And it's only uni, so it's not like you can understand. You got to care about every where you go to uni. I don't know if you could have came back every week. And London's very much the hope of the country. You can get there from everywhere.


Yeah, so I see. Because I can understand, you know, when parents or people buy a house in the night while the kids my coming out the thirty five. Yeah. Yeah. You're not coming back to visit.


You've got a guest room for the uni. Well this is the other way around. You might come. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


I would like but my daughter used to see that as a threat like like is a threat like well rent your room out like it's a bullshit threat.


The parents say yeah, I love how much Robyn can't get the grips that he sleeps in your bedroom. Congeries. Hey Mom and dad Congress are both my bedroom.


But they used to be your dad, but it's mine. But it was what it just doesn't understand it all.


His own rafshoon like a good look. Good luck trying to get in there when he's allowed aba dooby dooby dooby.


Hi Chris and Rosie. Hello. Please keep me anonymous because I would absolutely die of shame if anyone knew that this was me.




Ideology, again, no, sorry, I know colleges don't read it out of mind, I used to work abroad as a holiday rep and I was 18 when I first started young and daft.


And gosh, when we first arrived in Crete to stay in a hotel for a week's training with all the other reps and did all the excursions and stuff. Within about 24 hours of arriving, I had majorly fallen for this older, more experienced rep and naive to the whole hump and dump rep culture.


I thought he was going to be the love of my life when he made me his full body for that week. Oh no, I've seen it before.


Kind of just. Can I just say I love the phrase an older, more experienced rep. Yeah. How how experienced that experience may I mean rep and four years that is.


Do you not remember when I used to work Broadman. I never told you the story. So obviously I worked abroad and I was the entertainments team. But everyone who came to the hotel used to say, how long you been reben for? And I am not a rep. Yeah, I'm a good dancer. Darling, I don't take any of your trips.


Look, excuse me, you're definitely a rep because they're called excursions.


Oh, well, there you go. Times have changed. You go anyway. When we moved on the resort, his interest faded and he would maybe come back to mine once a week.


Moved on a resort was this. So they've done literally.


What happens is you go the training, right?


I've been on training because even though I'm sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.


Well, it got back up a little bit. I'm not going to lie megamix of that and idiot. I mean it's we had to go on the training as well.


So you were so well I mean I had the qualification but you know didn't have the power, didn't have the lifestyle you see.


Well I live with just flip flops on our beliefs. I know I'm a team. Steam thrown me repertory and I did enjoy it. I did. I learn a lot about how to read. Yeah, I learned a lot about that game where the possible one all the way down the line without touching the floor and you know.


Oh yeah. We went on the 1831. Now that could have got on board with I worked in the gold, I worked with the adults only and not in a good way.


All right. No old old. You know, Thompson gold doesn't exist anymore, but that's why a lot more after this.


But carry on. Big up, big up to big opportunity. Right? So the get to the resort. So there are the resort.


So sustain faded. So we said for the week.


So she was Fosbury for the week of the training and now the resort the on the same resort and investors fada they're only Forkan once and it only come back once a week.


Well Shagan random Barcarolle guests every other night of the week.


Oh when I think back now I don't know why I even let this continue as he had probably touched every funny family at the blackboard.


Lots of teachers. Yeah.


Oh that's very funny from early on.


The thing is when you're abroad you're only raun and you put up with a lot more shit than you would tell your wife.


Yeah. But I was so sure it's easier, but I was so sure we were meant to be. We weren't allowed to sleep with our guests. Wow, so we would swap numbers with them before the end of Barcarolle while our manager was still around and then text them later to hook up.


Oh, we're getting all the gossip. Wow.


This boy, let's call him Craig, used to always drink too much, too. And so one night I was hit by the little green monster when I saw Craig swapping numbers with a girl. And when I went to help him goodbye, I swiped his phone out of his back pocket, knowing he wouldn't be able to text the girl to find a leader.


Wow. Yeah. So she's got very jealous. Took his phone. Wow. You think, OK, that's fair enough, silly, but you've done it. Jealousy thing whenever someone in a no strings attached.


Isn't this just sex kind of thing. Yeah. Warning is never. Absolutely. It's never is never. You're the one. I totally agree.


I'm totally fine with it. Yeah. You can see all the people I mean and you can see other people allowed to sit by and.


Absolutely, Wilpena, I'm always the good one. I've been the good at one being the goody goody. That was the one who got the player.


You know, don't kid yourself. I'm kidding myself. Yeah. I mean, Chris, she's probably at home crying. You know, you're not the bad boy. And that's why I love you.


Uh, a short while later, he turned up at my door saying he was drunk and had lost his phone, but ended up climbing into bed with me.


Oh, so you always getting the numbers.


She knew that. That's weird. She's seen him get the numbers and she knows he's shocking everyone else, but she's still letting him come in for the sex.


Desperate times, desperate measures. I suppose I felt a bit bad knowing his phone was locked in the safe of my room, but thought, oh, well, I'll sneak it back tomorrow and he won't think anything of it.


You he will go before me and had already been to the shop to get a new phone, which comes with a new SIM and a new number. So I didn't bother turn in the old one as I was happy he had lost all female numbers in his old phone and they couldn't get him. Wow.


Wow. And this is where it gets really interesting. OK, so. Time goes on.


By the end of that summer, I had 32 mobile phones of his in my safe for all that I had stolen from him on nights out.


Thirty to thirty. Oh, my God. I don't know why I didn't pin them. Oh, my God. 32 that. I didn't see that coming.


Oh, me neither. I'm speechless, I mean, I've got to commend it's pretty impressive, the vigor with the determination.


I feel very sad for, you know, I know even if everyone 10 pound each for a burner phone, even if it's 10 pound each would it's not let's be honest.


Probably 20 quid is like 30 to 40 years. Oh, yeah.


Oh, my God. So she's gone on to say I got away with it for so long because he always drank too extreme. So it was a case of, for fuck's sake, Craig's pissed in his phone again.


On the last day when we were leaving to fly home and clearing the rooms, I had to get up early and sneak out with them in a plastic bag before he woke up because he had stayed at mine the night before. That is amazing, isn't it?


Just to clarify. We used to have cheap 30 to 40 euro pay as you go handsets from the Greek shops. I only stole his iPhone once.


This is this is interesting.


We actually ended up together for four years after this all my work. But really, I shouldn't have bothered as I eventually realized, he was just as much of a dirty wanker as I should have known in Crete. Goodness me. Here we go.


Wow. I said I said when when we got home, I had by the end of the four years, six of his house phones, 14 of his computers and 15 of his front doors with the letterbox on in my house.


She's ended this year with P.S. I am now with a really lovely guy who thinks I am normal, but I do have a fake Instagram that I used to follow all of his ex-girlfriend as I like to know what they are up to.


You are a psychopath.


I actually try to message you from that, but I don't think your insta accepts messages from the others.


Oh my God. Oh my God. Love you said you always are crazy. You're a maniac. You're a maniac any ahead. But fuck fucking entertaining. Wow.


I could see. The thing is, I couldn't I mean I could understand the phone wants.


I can't and I can't get you to tell because they see how big this if it must be like a fridge that abogado.


I mean also if I keep on being a dick but like at the same time you must be going crazy. Yeah, but she you know, she should go. Look, are we a thing or are you just going to keep getting numbers from girls, have that conversation with them once or twice if he keeps doing it.


You don't. Yes, but when you're 18, Chris, you don't have the. I'm thinking of the wastage of the form. I know.


I hope she sold them at Wimbledon Common The Wombles and giving him the back on that.


I say, look, it's been really good for not is your phone.


I know your phones, by the way, every night. What, you lost them and didn't tell you?


That came two. And then I found the last bit really interesting. This is what I. She's with a guy, Butchie.


This is the thing I found strange. She's following all of his ex-girlfriends. So why so weird?


All it takes is for one of them to see that I can't click on and go and put two two together and go, these are all these we've all been out with the same guy and weirdly, they'll think it's him.


The worst thing is they'll think, Yeah, but why I don't like I don't really want to know what any of your ex goes.


I don't think it's got anything to do with me, what your ex-girlfriends are now up to in their life as women, you know, probably go to him like it's not like just checking his instincts, following what they're doing.


Yeah. What's in case they randomly just put a photo of him up one day when I miss you so much, I wish we're still together. You know, I love that she's written as well. Read the bit, which is I'm with a guy now and what is it?


I'm with a really lovely guy now who thinks I'm no who thinks I'm normal because I'm not as a silent Brackett's. He's walking around at the end of that.


Oh, ignorance is bliss. Good luck to the man sleeping next to her every night because she will. There'll be a Netflix special and I'll be watching it on my list. I cannot wait.


Your mom's already watching how much time went on, Abida Babalu, Babalu. But I'm not a fan of the podcast, and I really wanted to get involved.


I just needed a worthy dilemma. Oh, suddenly I thought the perfect question to ask is, I need some help pretty soon. Got you. Let's do it. Sova context.


Earlier this year, my boyfriend and I decided to buy a pack of 40 condoms for free from Amazon.




From Amadou's buying the condoms from Amazon. Chris, that's so weird. Shops I should not smoke. It works out cheaper than buying lots of packs of smaller.


Oh, come on, man. What you do in a box of 40?


No, like you can't not you can't be put in. Yeah, it's important. If you want to have a kid, you know, you can't be put in a new sexual health as well. You can't be fucking bargain bin and your condoms will be proper condoms.


You can buy condoms on Amazon or do you think they've got was idjit.


Right? So, you know, if you go in some shops, you go in some kind of shops that just pop up out of nowhere in the cold like price boost and stuff. And you buy like vapes at the time. Yeah, yeah. And you buy massive boxes of Coalgate and you go and you brush your teeth and it just doesn't taste OK. And then it's on. Watchdogs say in the mid of like fucking acid. Don't brush your teeth with these ones.


Yeah, I feel like that might be a bit like going on with the condoms from if you buy something you don't want to either.


I just I just don't think you should be buying your condoms online unless you've got a circus stick and you need them for a specific circus that condoms dot com or a tiny little dick either way.


God bless you. All right. God bless you all. Massive, massive balley either way.


Not very easy to pick up with the other one just unless you've got some kind of freakish penis.


OK, I don't think you should be buying your condoms online. That's just my opinion. All right. Go buy from buy your condoms from a reputable condom distributor, not like me, who went to the corner shop to buy my first ever condoms. And the women knew who I was anyway, and I had to buy the columns.


It was really, really awkward. Oh, no, really awkward.


Egeland's Eglantine, you didn't go to the rules in Kabul for me.


First condoms as I kind of got some condoms rather like. Yeah. And it was like a weird thing of like. Well don't you. Oh no.


I got a post office. Now that everything is Essbaum I don't know, but you should just be a corner.


That's a new, the closest place.


Why didn't you go somewhere like like where no one would know you and nowhere else did take condoms.


Just identifying with you know. How old were you when you first bought your first condom. Sixteen. I went there. How old were you when you lost your virginity. Sixteen. Sixteen. Waited.


I call them off. You just got to stick to the rules, honestly. Heart breaking heart cried screaming, banging on the door, please.


Craig, look, look, look. Not allowed. Look, you know, the day is the third end, like the one direction or the year after year after year. Right. I'll see you then.


I was fifteen. Was just disgusted that.


No, no, but I had a really late birthday.


That's all my friends were 16 before me on the end of 27 days after mine. Yeah. So did you have it after the 3rd of August? What do you mean? Did you have sex after the 3rd of August when you were 15? Was that when it happened?


Probably before that. It's like no excuse.


I waited. I waited.


My boobs came in at 40 and I was ready, came in my pubes, came to my body, was telling me, is telling me.


My mind is telling me no, my body.


Oh guys, my depression is lifted from this. Can I just see my depression was lifted this episode. That's why I'm a little bit more. It's good isn't it.


Just want to say I wasn't in a healthy relationship. It wasn't just like 15 nonconsensual law by law. So. So. Oh yeah.


I mean he was only 47 47, wasn't he.


Was the same age as I know the guy. Oh God. Oh God. We had a lot of coffee.


I follow him full of them all. Surprised most of them can use the Internet at their age, but do Mallu photos of their grandkids and the. So anyway, right over to the question.


Yeah, so the board, 40 condoms of Amazo, presumptuous.




We got this delivered to an Amazon and took out and took it to his house hidden in his backpack before he transferred the condoms into an inconspicuous Disney store cardboard box that I had given him Emogene so he could tell his mind that it contained sentimental lovey dovey notes if she ever tried to look in it.


I finally had to put a Disney box. I don't like that at all. Where it gets worse, I don't know the full context, both 19, but that he shares a room with his younger brother. Right. Hence the sneaking around. OK. OK, this was the perfect arrangement.


Perfect. Like it's like a Disney movie.


Far from perfect as every time we needed one, they were right there, 40 of the Badlands. And once we were done, we would pop the condom back in its wrapper and back into the box.


So we didn't have to worry about all your dirty, horrible shots. No. Oh, God, I feel like a fucking cream cake.


Fast forward to now, and we are down to our last few condoms. Lockdown, obviously put a halt to certain activities at this point. Some of the use condoms have been in that box for over half a year.


Not not horrible. And as you might expect, the thing, because it does smell like a fucking Yorkshire pudding mix dirty.


Oh, I hate them not.


Can I just say, you know, Rosie, it's just the fact that I'm going to get a condom.


The CIA kills the mood. You know, it just kind of it doesn't kill me, that kind of stuff. As the mayor, of course, not only does he have to get a condom, he has to thumb through you. He's confirmed your money, used ones and get his old all juices all over his fingers before he finds the new.


I've got one. Oh, no, I don't, I just had that one moment. Yes. Don't you want to make it dirty grabber? That's horrendous.


The smell is a combination of latex, sweat and then embarrassingly fish that grandis that you honestly poor lady shares a room with. I know. I know. There are grease marks all over the inside of the box.


I really hope it's just from the lube or feel sick, though it doesn't take much.


It takes a lot of turn my stomach and this is upsetting me a lot. It's like dirty bastards.


We know that we need to get rid of it ASAP as honestly, it's a miracle that we stay in the mood after we've got the protection out of there and the smell has hit.


Oh, the fucking biohazard.


However, we're not sure whether it's possible to get rid of it without its contents being discovered and questioned. Plus, the box is really cute and I like to keep it. I just fairbreeze the shit out of it and potentially add a new lining of sorts.


Also, it's not a cardboard box. It's like a prop. I like like something you'd get a fucking trophy in. Possibly velvet lining. That's even worse with the cardboard box that the mug was in. Oh, no, it's a ornament. Like what? You get a watch in an expensive watch? A little bit, yeah. Oh, my.


This is upsetting, isn't it? Oh, devastated.


Why would you choose that? Whatever. Ben, you're 19 year old.


That's the thing that doing well worried that they might see her taking over the house. Well, you know what? If they haven't smelt that by now, I'm guessing they're not very perceptive.


You could probably walk out with it going through this little box of what you want with it on its foot by itself. Right? Horrendous.


So my first question is, what do we do?


How can we secretly throw away 40 condoms without being found, 40 condoms at the box?


You only know that it's 40 condoms and I'm getting hungry. It's because they've got it built up into something bigger than they can control.


Now it's written all over the face.


It is in all these dirty.


And so I said, if you're listening, if you are the person listening. I mean, I've Hamadeh, I've insulted you so much.


If you're still listening, just put it in a carrier bag to carry about it and either put it in the back pocket.


You're going to watch it all in your hand. Just walk out.


Your parents aren't coming on you that much, but in their brains, they have the ability so much that they think they are going to go to the front door in the mom about what you got there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think.


Well, what is it? Oh, let me say. Let me say. And they've made it into something bigger than it needs to be. Put it in the bin.


The back story you've given, it's going to make you look like fucking Hannibal Lecter if this ever gets found out. California clean around there. Do not wear sentimental box over with the cheap sentimental memory stuff in there.


It's every sport that he ever did spot.


So we'll just go through the bin, it doesn't matter, just going through it.


I think now is aware of what Benji put it in the pocket, which had been under all the stuff, which I know.


But, you know, obviously don't put them down the toilet and all that. Yeah, but you just go normal bins, right?


Well, the boxer as well, please. Tool box. We put it in a carrier bag, buggered up going to the kitchen bin, put it in the kitchen bin. This bins getting full. I'll just take it out on. Yeah. Fokin take it.


If you got a job take it to work. Take the works bin. Honestly at this point I would even go with just open your window and slink out the window and then just say someone threw it over the fence.


Can we just clarify this probably wouldn't be happening if it wasn't covid. If it wasn't lockdown. Yeah. Yeah.


Everyone's stuck in the house. I owned a kind of understand. I understand it. No, no, no. I mean, I still do. And it's absolutely disgusting. Shameful actually. If you listen to honestly disgusting. Get rid of them. Condemn terrorism in the garden by nightfall.


If you after the dog will get them. Oh you will as well. Don't let dogs love dogs. Love you.


I mean, we know what we found the stories. Yeah. Let's just not that's not put use condoms in the Disney box. Yeah. It's weird.


That's so horrible. I don't like that at all. I don't know why I did.


I just, I just don't think it's put them in, put them in the Amazon box at the Cayman.


Maybe the Disney box got horror.


I've got it. I've got it. I've just worked out just what I had to get rid of it. How to get a takeaway, get pizza, take the pizza up to the room and the side dishes and everything. Finish it. All right. Put the boxes in, put all the condoms in the pizza box for the pizza box in half and go, I'm just going to take the street all type in that pizza.


Smells delicious. Let me. What kind of pizza did he get?


Let me see until we can smell it.


Would work. Wouldn't work. Not a pizza boxes for what's pizza. You've obviously got very little very, very suspicious parents.


Yeah. One Chris sorry, buddy, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba do once again, as always, thank you so much for tuning into our lovely little podcast segment. You know, it is now part of the experience that. Thank you so much, guys. I hope you OK, we'll all be hanging in there. The end is hopefully many in sight. This isn't over yet. Thank you so, so, so much for staying with us and keep listening.


We will be back next week. Until then, please do continue to send in your emails to CHAKMA, your Gmail dot com. The Mirch is still available on the website and if you use the code strangled. I'm joking. Thanks very much, guys.


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