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You're listening to Shackman. Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsay and Paul Heleno. Sorry, it's not Paul Hollywood.


So what the great you can agree is where you piece of shit.


Paul, I tell you what I like a lot.


I think.


So, yes, I'm going very slightly gray just on the side. You know what it is? Normally it's because I obviously have a hair coach like me in real life and it goes and I was trying to explain this to you the other day and you couldn't get your head around it. I get it trimmed. Not not because the grease starts coming through, but it just happens to coincide with the exact time the grease starts coming up.


Yeah, no, no. Yeah. It's just like normally the hairdresser will go, oh, we're coming through. And every time she goes come through I feel like saying, yeah, well it's at this stage of Lent itself.




No. So what. So you agree he only goes to a certain length of grass roots.


All right.


To be honest, I'm going to do like the guy like Pauly off The Sopranos. I'm going to give it a bit longer. But then when it gets really green, I'm going to like slip them back each side and have green wings. Please don't grow wings. That's the worst style.


I'm going to throw in a tracksuit all the time. All right, great. I want to go to the casino on my way suit with a really big, long color on the front.


Great for anyone who hasn't seen Sopranos. I'm sorry this is all wasted on you. Yeah. Start murdering people as well. Oh, great.


Need a whole point when I'm busy watching a program all about was it the mafia they call the Mafia Alvei called the Mafia.


Yes, they are called the. OK, well I'm well, I'm watching a program about like Mafia Kids Mafia Kids program.


It's called the cartel crew.


The Cartel Crew. It's you know what it is? It's a band that sounds like a band.


But you would name yourself in in in comprehensive schools. You know, it is I don't really want to slag it off because they are they're all affiliated. Right. OK, so I'm a bit scared as anything, but I am the kind of, you know, people that I was hanging on your coattails when I started in this podcast. They're kind of. Chris, I can't see anything. Look, I'll get killed, you got you'll get rubbed out, you got whacked, you got whacked.


Know that their parents were like part of the cartel and was like, OK, so what does this happen? What happens in show? What it's like? It's like Real Housewives versus Mafia kids, but they're all older now, obviously. Right.


And they're just like, oh, talking about what it was like to be a kid with the mafia.


Yeah. What's interesting about that, but. Well, no, but the school. So it's not just a documentary, it's kind of like a reality show.


So this is a little bit like dinner and going. All right, OK, the questions a couple of questions.


Yeah. Do the host events and get annoyed that the one does a few of them have clothing brands or drink brands that are launching. Yes.


Same as every fucking piece of shit you watch. I want to say it first all.


How many cold and runs can these people launch? She have lost my new line and we've got to do the do.


What's the coverage? Because I will I will be all for that if one of them does a hair dye.


And I might well, um, I might get on board with that. OK, I don't think I have a dummy here. I just feel like everyone knows the feeling.


It's like you get a little bit angry coming through with it's like, hey, guess what, you know, the tiny bit great shouldn't be omae has Jet-Black for and I'm mad and weird how nature does that.


That's like reversal of time guys and not waffling on it is episode 107 107 rules. Wow. I do like that. No, you like that number one hundred and seven hundred and seven.


No you said I'm not even doing the single thing. Guys, thank you so, so much for listening. We absolutely love you out there. I hope you're all OK.


And before going any further this time, but this week's lucrative, lucrative comment this week, sponsor rules. You're going to love it. I'm telling you, this is be Wall Street. This big sponsor is. Yeah, call him back. It's there was this was this was an affiliate sponsor earlier in this episode three sponsor. But this is a new brand. This is a new product from the same brand.


Is anything to do with the cartel crew? Absolutely no. Right. This sponsor is uninterrupted sleep.


No, Dawn, because I was going to talk about owning a rope and say, hey, guess off to bed when you get up in the morning.


Really not four times during the night? No, in the morning. It sure sounds weird. No, honestly, in the morning.


Oh, don't.


It's really upsetting me all the way through. And it's not people get up in the morning. It's not a it's not a dream out on your pillow.


Must be lying there while lovely.


Do you see the PM and then the next thing you see is the M oh get you know sometimes I go to sleep right.


It says ten or four. I shut my eyes, I almost total four I think. Oh I've blinked. I haven't, I've slept all the way through twelve Bokan.


If you, if you wonder if you just listen to this podcast do you think and what the hell are these two also talking about. We've got a baby got new baby. He's eight weeks and do you know what it touchwood. It is not that bad.


You know, he sleeps but he's the loudest kid in the world. Yeah. He screams while he's asleep. We've got to move him to the other side of the bed. Right at the bottom. The bedroom. Yeah.


And he gets up for four drinks.


We should get a little soundproof booth. Booth like a robber.


Well, let's put some egg cups on a snooze pot. Like a drug. You mean like boxers? Yeah. Oh, what did I say?


I scream sometimes I think like I feel like also make it a lot louder. Just tiny little China.


I feel like if we took loads of egg cups in this news pot and I put a picture of that on Instagram, I would get annihilated. Social service be around the world.


Yeah. So no egg boxes, though, are nice and light. One fell on his head in the locker room. It looks great. Haven't egg boxes. Just won't paint them great. Robin keeping them.


Oh my gosh. This activity we don't need the money at school. No more activities for the activities. Got half year old.


They have no obviously very well done. If if the child new baby having hardly any sleep with Velia will of you. You've got it. He is the janitor. There it is.


Thank you. But this time, yeah, we had a fight about the jungle gym we could set along a jungle gym guy. So this is the jungle gym. We hope you like the judo team got Mamadu, ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Chicago. You know, it's so lovely to have you back. It is. We've missed you.


Oh, that's nice, isn't it?


They're not here on the economy with Michigan. And N is not your radio days coming back. Tell them you've missed them. Tell them you value them to just talk to just them. Don't don't address them as a group or whatever.


That's why I try to teach you that. And you've never took it on board.


So I'll see you guys because they're a collective, they're a big, massive collective and all solidarity and all that.


There's other smokers out there.


No, because the person you just meant to talk directly to them, to the person.


So I hope that you're enjoying this podcast. I hope you're all enjoying this podcast.


I have to put the Oleg's. It makes it feel popular. Right. OK. Yeah. So I'm glad.


I'm glad too, because I my life, if you're actually flicking your coughs like someone in the mafia, you shoot, you call the cops.


So they've got a suit on the white shirt underneath your cuffs. You flick your arms and the cuffs come out from the suit to the cuffs. Nice. Don't ever say of this isn't an educational. So there you go.


And wouldn't dare I'd say what you been up to.


But I mean we've been living together and mainly my uh my hobbies at the moment. My main hobby includes well consists entirely of making sure that Robin, our oldest, our five year old, doesn't wake up grief during the day while we're sleeping. Yeah. And then on a night I spend my entire night making sure Rafe doesn't wake up and.


Yeah. And then the next day and I kind of fuck off now because after that we finished.


Yeah. That's all. That's my life. That's me like. Yeah but so yeah. Tell you what it was.


We've slept loads during the day when he's first born obviously and sound like sound asleep. You could have a party you wouldn't even know. Now he's not you can't imagine Robin will not leave him alone. Are constantly on him, constantly touching him, constantly looking at him.


And I just and just in view, it is lovely how obsessed Robin is with grief. However, anyone who's got a sort of a big age gap like, what, five years, like what we've got when you're boisterous, five year old is obsessed with the baby, it's almost like you can't ever leave them alone.


It's like it's like I imagine it's like a gorilla playing with a kitten. Yes. Careful.


I'll keep an eye on them. Oh, breathe. He's going to break one of his arms. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, for sure.


If Rafe makes it a two without a broken bone because of his brother, I will, I'll be shocked.


Yeah. Honestly. Yeah. Just leans on him all the time. Lean in to tell you about when you kissed him in his pram. No. So I was out on a walk and went up to the shop and Robin Lennon raves probably give him a kiss but was doing it lean on his stomach and vomited up.


Oh. So instead obviously is a normal human with with sort of knowledge of lean in on stuff and babies would have the size of the problem.


Yeah. Oh you know, you lean on a wall in full weight on his full weight, honest to make any vomited just to give him a kiss.


And I was like, really.


Well everyone loves him though and it comes from love. People ask what it's like to have to.


It's exactly the same as having one apart from the older one is there shouting at you while you're dealing with how hard the first one was. It's a nightmare. It's difficult.


Do you not find it strange, though, because now that we have a new baby during this pandemic, I know that Robin is back at school.


Thank the Lord. Thank you. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.


Am I now see you. Having a newborn baby is the easiest thing in the world.


Yeah. When Robin's not there. Yeah. Riff's a piece of piss. So easiest thing in the world. Yes.


But let's not glamorize the fact because newborn babies are not easy, both compared to having a child. You lockdown's. Yeah. In the house. Yeah. It's the easiest thing in the world that's what I mean.


Yeah. It's almost a holiday. Yeah.


Yeah. When Robin to school and just Rayevsky it it's like oh this is really.


Yeah yeah. I've said it before because we've talked to someone the other day, they're like oh I can't wait for it. It's lovely when that cruel fuck not like fun and games are over, when all the fun is when you are. I just love the fact I've said it before but we can, can put Rafe on his back anywhere in the house, do something and he's there.


When I get back I did something. I don't know what it was, but I literally put him on his back in the middle of the floor and I was like, oh yeah, yeah I know.


You know, you will be right there when I get back. What you said little shit.


It's great. Wants to enroll in and.


Oh, and that's when the fun starts and stops. I start.


Depends how you look at it. All the two men in the husband kick off some and bog and you have to carry them over one shoulder. So traumatized by that. Oh you have to. Lot of I said this is well I've got a really funny feeling that when we're trying to discipline if Robin's going to be all Almagro sticking up from big time, big time is going to be like, don't shout at me, brother, and be like, you don't understand.


Stay out of this like a like a pub fight. This was your step. Why were you stay out of it.


Are we going to do naughty step in that unattributable. I wasn't there. I don't know. I didn't really do the naughty step either. We added the shut the door on them. Brilliant.


Sorry, just to clarify, I meant when I do not slump or not.


Yeah. So there's a door in between our living room and the hallway.


And instead of putting on knowledge of what goes on here, so many doors or gordie got all the doors, I just put me in the hallway and say I'm not speaking. OK then fuck off. And you do that to me as well as we. It works with me as well. Chris, go and stand in the hallway.


You know, I don't like being ignored. Have you noticed that Robin is at that age now when we have an argument or a little crossword is like shown on each other?


Well, normally what's really nice is he says, Mommy, stop being nasty. Dad, normally when I'm in the wrong, I don't think you can follow the narrative.


I'll be enough. Yeah. So that you said a few times it is like, Mommy, don't be nasty to Daddy.


And I'm like, well, you're selective hearing because he's definitely said, Daddy, don't say that to mommy. I don't think so. He really has.


I think you mean so. Let's get on the phone. Let's bring in this school, I consider bringing the school I.D. this is so weird, so we got sent someone out there, sent them so messed up and biscuits, iced biscuits with all the new messed up in person.


And he opened them yesterday and assured him the money is very good, he'll have one and go. He knows he's have the money. And I wanted one this morning, so I ate one. But I was like, I need to ask him. I should really because I his I should ask him if I can have it. And I genuinely for a second thought, should I bring the school.


Absolutely. Are you taking the pay. But I just thought it shows like oh my gosh, what if he's got like a responsibility over his biscuits or whatever.


Yeah, I know what I mean. I didn't I just it it crossed my mind momentarily.


It just reception to go wrong with you and you got problems. You can put the phone, just ask me if I can have one of these Mr. Biscuits.


Right. I just need to stop you because I've worked in schools. Right. If somebody's parents wrong, somebody's dad rang and said, could you ask such such-and-such if I can have one of these biscuits?


Yeah, we wouldn't have stopped talking about that for months that every every afternoon in the staffroom anyway. Do you have when his dad brother asked if he could have biscuits, what what's going on there? What's that all about? Dad, the. Yeah. You can't be doing that. Oh ok.


OK, well we're going to do it. Well I'll phone up and tell them I was just open. I'm joking. I'm not kidding.


I didn't, I didn't really cross my mind though. But I do that now and then of course we might have how weird it'll be.


I'll be like imagine how weird it would be if I did this.


But you've got no boundaries or. Yeah, no, not really. No.


Maybe I'm just a bit I'm a bit jealous because you'll just ring anyone over that I problem at all. Yeah. It doesn't bother us. Can help us. I hate ringing anyone give people too much too soon.


Too much of myself. I would do Babalu Babalu but just not big guys.


So the two dates of the Shahbazian old podcast too by the way, I saw when we announced last week that the two dates we're going to get moved. So May, June dates are getting moved. We don't exactly know when. Yeah, I know it's a bit annoying, but just trying to finalize them. We're hoping it's gonna be this year.


I've got trust issues basically. Yeah, we've got trust issues it and the government and everything that's going on. We don't know what's going on, but we're hoping it'll be this, you know, happened in May, June. But we hope and we'll squeeze them in before the end of the year. Anyway, I got a tweet. I saw the idea when we put the thing out, said we've moved the two idiots tweet off someone. It said, I can't remember the exact number, but it said something like, what the fuck?


I want to episode thirty. And now there's a tour.


No, we didn't even know like the start of the podcast from scratch and now the like. What the fuck was a tour like?


Which I took a little I took it a little slightly offensively because they can't believe that this is going to be live somewhere.


I kind of believe that there's a hundred and seven of them. Yeah. Yeah, crazy. But yeah. So that's what's happening, guys. It might be this year. Hopefully it's gonna to be this year. We'll keep you informed. But no pain in the dark. A bit annoying, but we're also in the dark. We just want to know straight away as soon as we could.


But May and June probably we're all in the dark together like one of them dark rooms in Gran Canaria. Sorry, you have to be in a dark room.


No canaria. What the hell is a sex thing? Yeah. What. Yeah. Have you talked about this before. Know a dark room in a drunken area. Well, explain yourself. All right, it's it's an area feel almost big up, it's a lovely, lovely party and it's like the gay quarter. All right, look at the dark rooms.


It's just in some of the in some of the bars. In the clothes. He's like, we've talked about this. Probably have or have I imagined it maybe in a nightclub.


Yeah. And there's a room where it's dark, like corridors where it's really dark. And what happens? Well, what do you think happens? Oh, well, stuff happens and it's just pitch black, so you don't really know who you're doing stuff with.


That's so exciting. That's not exciting at all. That's not you.


Could you she could be standing in the dark tossing someone off. It could be under the night. The lights come on and it's your dad. That's a horrible risk. Oh, what's wrong with everyone?


It's generally a think this might be the first tour announcement that ever had something like that on the end of February.


Sorry, you just joined Michel Martin once again.


I'm sorry for the guy who's that episode 30 Dooby Dooby Dooby. So my maternity leave shit.


Yeah. Yeah. You're working more than anyone in your maternity. It's just utter shit. Yeah. Well what even is it horrible. What is it. Well I mean, I mean anyway Chris not Matt.


No one no riff thinks is only like six people in the world looking badass.




What do you think would happen if we actually took him to a massive crowded room tomorrow like a big massive holtmann with loads of people? And I think it freaked out possibly. I don't know if you know what the hell was going on.


Well, did I say to you that I saw my friend on a walk in the cemetery, of all places, and her little boy is nine months old now. She's going back to work with a teacher in I into his palm.


And I was like, hello? And he burst out crying, Oh, great. She was like, he's a lock down baby. Oh, my God, soursop is so sad.


I mean, it's funny, but it's really sad.


It's very sad. Oh, my God. I just think when they're old and they can talk about it at school and stuff and and then tell the grandkids one day like I was a lockdown baby and blah blah and stuff like that.


So it'll be a thing. Yeah. Yeah. You've got your sort of millennials yet. Gen Z. You lock down babies. Yeah. Yeah. Well you've also got like war people, war people like my granddad, my nan and granddad were kids during the war. Yeah. So I took my granddad's gas mask to school. Yeah sure. Everybody. Yeah. Love that day I center of attention.


It didn't make us welcome everyone. Everyone is going to go over. It's going to go any further over.


It's going to go for a presentation. This is the pillow that my mom and dad screamed and they on a daily basis and this is the wife I caught. We were all on. Not nothing else to do.


And this is what sanitiser? Yeah. Oh yeah. His mom and dad's face mask bit like a gas monkey.


See me mom's fucking lipstick on there because it's a disposable one, but it did keep it in a car for six months. It's is a fucking animal.


She didn't watch it because you wanted to open our immune system.


This is blue rule and spray that they used to clean trolleys with this.


Kids at the park, boo boo, trying to give anybody a pandemic. This is this is a bag of flour you couldn't get.


This was the rations. No, not all.


Everyone just went fucking mental and bought all of the flour for no reason. No reason at all.


Oh, it was a thing called take. Took hours and hours of people waste in their lives.


Hey, good time E-Plus. Well done. Robidoux Babalu barbecue. But I want to hear you joining in China Mangina.


That's all for the worst D.J. ever.


Oh God I would love to do that, you know. And I do you know on the tour. Yeah. Can I have a booth in the back.


No please. No, just a little deejay booth and I'll just do honestly six minute solo do that lazy.


You go do a full set, go do an hour and a half. Well at the end while everyone's walking out. Yeah. Right.


When they've already walked out I'll be back to the hotel. Just it. Yeah I'll do it. And MTV A.J.. Yeah. Deal. It's time for Rosie's mistress, mistress, mistress, mistress. Robin can whistle, you know, am I getting to do this next week, next?


He hasn't been any front teeth, and that's why he's wasn't with his mistress. Come on. As we said, no, don't let the dance. But again, actually makes us feel a little bit happy. Fair enough. Come on, give. Go, go, go, go, go, go. I want you to come in my seat. He would go. He would go, go, go, go, go. If you want to go and pick up the pace that I can, it is great if you're on the road.


But that was great.


Right, because what you try to do is you try to pretend you are like one of them and that's sort of, you know, like the classes that they do online with bikes and stuff, like if you're on a road and then you realized you had no terminology for running, if you don't know what to do, put the other foot in front of the other.


But first of all, I forgot to warm down.


Did you genuinely if you're in one right now. Yeah, but hurry up. Oh, take your own time. Do whatever you want and listen to her every day.


Right on top of things you don't understand too. I'm going to start doing count to five again, OK? I'm just wondering how long I can get out of doing it because I had a section. Got you.


So I'm going to Google on that for a while. I'm going to Google that and say when can you start exercising after a section?


And I think gossiping is good.


I want to know what you're telling me.


So most people would go they'd get like three numbers in the pic, the average, and they'd go in the middle. You will you will pick the longest one.


You'll be like, well, a hundred thousand people here see not six weeks, but one person here from Virginia posted on the Internet twenty years ago that it's actually 20 weeks. So I'm just too busy. So I should just be safe. There was a yoga teacher.


I was a pillories. Can't remember. She told me not the same thing.


Wow. Wow, that's Grims. I was just trying I was trying to sort of try to be funny only just flip to be. And she told me that after a C-section you shouldn't exercise for a year. Wow. And I've kept that.


What did you what was her opinion on eating Easter eggs and what was wanted to say to the mother? She said, yeah, about hang on. Let me just remember her exact words. More the merrier.


Right. Those exact words. Wow. OK, good. I forgot her information. Get struck off.


What was it all. She was lovely in this quick seminar. God, what I wouldn't say I don't exercise. We had as many Easter eggs.


Did she cover what to do with the book. A resource at the bottom of a tree that had some rules took in.


And did she see you and your mom should eat by the spoon like you did last Friday night? Or did she say probably don't drink the dog fart?


What was it? What was it? Why are you bringing it just just for everyone to just for anyone who needs to know. We've got a big opposing sides. Kenny Atkinson, fantastic chef. Who wouldn't you want? Crayfish. You didn't submission style restaurant in Newcastle is a mate of ours, and it was takeouts, deliveries and takeaways and stuff collection during all this time. And I would like a taste and menu the other night. It was incredible.


And the main course was Dock.


Yeah, it was in some kind of dock, fat and or whatever.


And you put a bit, you know, you drizzle a bit on top as I did, and then never went over the side of the kitchen, just spooned it out of the tree directly into their mouths.


Just imagine just imagine a woman and a grandmother just drink and just put a little bits of duck fat.


And that's basically what I had to watch her watch out for a good five, ten minutes. And then I went to bed because it was warm.


If it had been cool, like it being cold, it would have solidified and been a bit disgusting. But because it was warm, you don't think of the calories. It wasn't until you said you just drink and fat. I kind of went, oh, well, it didn't stop.


No, no, no, no.


It's really nice. Yeah, it was really nice to be fair. Yeah. Great. Oh what do you mean.


OK is a mystery decrease in Rosie. This story could be a good excuse from the pews over Rosie's mystery. My partner works as a paramedic. In this story. She told me of a second ever shift on the road. I will stay with me until the day I die.


Goodness, she would have said it herself, but she felt too mean or professional.


Yeah, yeah.


That's that's the way you're looking.


Denville mean she has a profession that she probably wants to keep doing anyway, and they would call it a job.


And when they arrived the gen. The man said he had swollen testicles. Goodness me. They obviously had to examine the area so off popped the trousers and there it was.


Sorry, who phones an ambulance for swollen testicles? What do you mean she's a paramedic who fought in the ambulance, he was looking in the bollocks. Pittsburghese Hello, 999. What are you doing?


What do you think you should just went into I. Why are you fucking crazy? Some people bring ambulances like the rings. Bloody takeaways. Yes.




Do you know, isn't it apparently like 400 quid every time you someone rings an ambulance is how much it costs really expensive? Apparently.


Me, I don't think I've ever run one. If I have ever been an ambulance or have been in an ambulance. You mean I'm just the one. You know, I'm off it in Tamiko right now, but I told Pick Tommy, go rest in peace.


Big Obed. Tommy, go. Yeah, he has a funny story place. I fainted. I ended up working there years later.


It was a pretty big and and I you know, this is funny. I said to the manager I went offended. Yes. What was that? You know.


Yeah, she worked there and I was like, that was me.


Hello. Nice to meet you again. I'm back.


I won't. You fainted and got an ambulance for you. I cracked me head open. Oh, my goodness. Why didn't I know this?


I don't know. Did you bleed on any of the stuff was my first question.


So I didn't believe that any of the clothes. Right. I've been really poorly over Christmas. Yeah.


And stop stops that you're an adult. I was only thirty in the time. I've been very unwell over Christmas. Genuinely to this day I kept on going. I had Menges. I don't get it.


If I told people I love it when you do that. You just expected me mum. Nor did my mom tell her. I kept telling people it was suspected meningitis thing. I had called and I was just a bit of a bad cold anyway. So I was really poorly and I thought I was better. And it was Boxing Day and I was like, I feel better. I mean, and I was like, I want to go shopping Boxing Day sales.


Tommy did change baseball, too, right? Had Christmas money. Good. I'm not daft. Yeah. So we went shopping. Yeah. And I fainted and I fainted at the tills, smashed my head off the floor and there was I woke up and I remember looking at me site and there was blood but it looked like jam. Right. Clotted it may have been.


So this is Boxing Day. How much meat. Fat. How do you drunk the day before. Because it may well have been jam. It might have been full on just coming out of your head. It was actually cranberry.


So you got an ambulance and actually I was a bit I was a bit perplexed because I got an ambulance. I was in hospital before the sister turned up and had a McDonald. So we Mahmad got them a treat because I was in hospital. Right.


So who goes to the hospital to see the child via the drive through? And that's obviously that's terrible parenting.


Well, we're on my way, sweetheart. Are you OK? I hold on. We'll be a little bit longer. There's a queue. There was a queue was given Kevin the wrong Happy Meal toy. I'm just going to pop in and changes Happy Meal toy. Hang in there, love. I never thought about that.




I know that's not actually the same stuff I've never heard since the 90s.


Tommy Girl and Sean come on to another one.


Yeah. Jenny Blair and Jenny Blair. Listen, this man, these testicles are massive, so.


Oh, right. Apparently, by the way, I was fine, I just had to have somebody assumed you were fine. You know, it was a head. Do you think I thought you died?


What what was very frustrating was there were like right when you put some staples in your head and can you put your head between your legs to get used to it was in it again. So I was like, well, you I tried to kill us for, like, get us to lie down on my friend. Why the ghost? But that's another thing. Stable's freaked me out.


Yeah, it was horrible. I don't I couldn't wash my hair was like clotted with blood for a good couple of weeks.


Oh, this is how do I know normal. I don't know. Is the worst thing that's happening like accident wise.


Well, no, because it was not far from when I've told you about when my brother hit him in the head with a metal door handle. Yeah. So the it wasn't far from that. I've had two major head trauma since so many things have fallen.


So many things are coming together. Letterboxing makes so much sense now.


So much head trauma. I know your attention. Yeah, I mean, you were filming something yesterday for your Instagram, the amount of time that took you to do your lines out. A lie on the floor. Guys, for everyone listening, I set the phone up and I was recording Rosie doing an Instagram flogging.


And you will check that you like. Right.


And I had the phone set up and we had the laptop and she was reading the lines and then and I had to get B at first I thought we had B on the laptop and I was laughing so much that it took so long.


I was literally lying on the floor. So I press record and I would just lie down on the floor and finish that stand back up.


It all makes sense now.


It does go well. Whilst I was like a little bump up, just if you don't hear what I just said, she just said, well, she was laughing.


She did a little poem just holding the microphone, didn't pick it up. Well, I thought, you know what?


If you're out there now, listen to the podcast hit that skip back button, that 15 second, 30 second, whatever it is, and focus on saving.


If can the little prize for anyone who's got the little bump you possibly can find.


It was not the optimal conditions like. OK. OK, right.


We will get to this man and he'll be right, OK.


He's probably the paramedic house because he's got massive testicles. He puts his trousers down, he gets the fellows out. Apparently, it was the size of a melon, one of them or both of the whole thing.


Oh, the whole thing. Maybe the size of melon, that's all.


That's right. You know what? If it was the size of a melon, that would be wrong. And that's why I take it back.


His trousers wouldn't fit. Well, I mean, yeah, but you've got like, what's he going to you'd have to like you'd have to get like a little table wheel along on a little chair, a shopping trolley or something. Oh yeah.


Because the skin would be some kind of strap like strap underneath and then put it over your shoulder like hold it up.


How do you like how do you let your ball get the size of melanoma, how fast out you might you be to sleep, walk up with it, you might not get it and it just immediately happened.


God knows. OK, here we go.


Was it is the mystery that the woman is full of cranberry? No.


They did the usual questions to try and find out if he had any idea of what could have caused it. He said he hadn't been to the toilet in three days and he wondered if that had something to do with it, as he is usually quite regular sick. Turns out he had. History is history. This is where you need to guess, right, what's going on, got wise. You got a massive testicle.


I'm totally guessing here. I'm not a doctor. I've got no medical background whatsoever. And I don't know if this is possible.


But in my head, yeah, the wee tube has gone into his balls by accident instead of going straight out and the way is just filling up his balls like a big water ball.


That's my guess. OK. All right, we'll see. OK, you ready? Yeah. Turns out he had a hole in his rectum and his poo had been a.


That's why there's so much more rather than the usual exit and was just filling his scrotum.


He literally had to suck.


That's the. That's one of the worst things I've ever heard in my life. So we are like a little had like a little hole melon of poo in between.


Is that honestly, how do you even rectify that?


And do you know what it is? When you when I first read that, I was like, really? But then you do hear of things like this. Don't know most of them.


This has happened. Yeah. Oh, my God. I can't like how you even I mean, you've got like. We've all rinsed out an old bucket that's a bit dirty, awful clean, something like they are going to have to open them bollards up.


Oh, hold him down. Yeah.


Oh, it's the thing I find worrying about is some days I don't have, you know, maybe a couple of days.


I think your balls will be fine. Now I'm thinking, where's it going? You know what I mean. Oh, that is who I love.


Oh, that's that is the grimmest thing I've ever heard, is that it's up there.


That is up there.


I'd be interested to see how people feel about that, because I know sometimes something is really good and people are bothered by it.


But that is bad. I don't think it is that bad. You're not a boy, all right. Boy, was it hard or soft.


That's what I want to know. Jazmín. Lumpy, bumpy, did the smell that it smell oh, so many questions. When he got away with the president. Oh, no, no, no. Sorry, I didn't mean to be discussed in this week. Let's let crustless mystery solved.


Well done. You. Solved and almost caught it really back on. Pretty much worn away. I know. I thought it was a two well done.


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But. Do Babalu, Babalu, but it's time for what's your best beef, beef, beef, beef, right.


We've been spending a lot of time with each other. Too much time. There's a lot of Biscayan on here. Let's be gentle. Let's be careful what you beef my beef with you.


Christopher Ramsay, this week is recently. You keep buying your nails and then do a little spit on the floor.


It's not it's grown.


Well, it's not your name, not menials. It's the skin at that's just as bad as you bite it.


And then you go, yeah, so what? So there's just little bits of skin all over the floor that, you know, it's not my house, my rules.


But I know that, you know, it's that. OK, maybe you should run the movie out now and then. I mean, I don't mind I don't mind putting the movie around for, like stuff, but not just your name.


I didn't realize I was doing that. If I'm honest with you, that's worrying that I didn't realize I was doing it. I'll try and stop.


Do you think it's more of a secret thing, what you want to do, swallow them? Do you think this is what I want to do to me? Like skin? Like, well, if you're going to your skin, that's fine. He comes out. Can you. Yeah. It's not like cannibalism. It's your skin.


OK, Jamie, you swallow your own spit.


I don't think that same thing can be right. We have done this specific all the time. What do you mean all the time?


You just recently you do it all the time. You don't even know you're doing it. I don't know why I'm doing it. It's weird, but it's funny.


It's not it's not that I mind debating your skin.


It's the situation in a perfect world where you're putting a little pot on sink down the sink, I don't know, in a tissue, in a tissue or swallow it wants to just what's just doing that?


That's what I have to listen to all the time. Watching the telly you like. I with a camel. Sorry, I'm actually a little bit I'm mildly embarrassed and a little bit disgusted, but that's been doing it for weeks. This is weeks back.


All right. I'm sorry. Gee whiz, waisman. Oh, what do you mean, right? My beef with you is sorry, but I will stop doing. Thank you. My beef stew this week is right. You've done stuff like this in the past, but it really fucking was when you did this.


I don't know who you're busy with on your Instagram flogging and you will shake sell out but.


Right. We got sent three massive boxes of my one of my favorite crisps. Right.


And we are the bag lady. You've got the Borgo and you had some and you gave me some. And I went, you know what, they're bloody lovely them and authority. It was a while ago. I'm going to go and get another bag of them. And you went, oh, no, there's none. And I went, there's none. We've got three fucking essentially crates of them.


You gave them away? I did. Straight away. Yeah. You get like the weren't were in the house less than a day and you went and dropped them off at someone else's house and he's got a ball and he's back on but.


Not just that you dropped off the best flavors, you kept the rubbish flavors that we had, three boxes of them put it off, three boxes of them for about five minutes, and then you fucking went and dropped them off.


So I didn't even have one. I didn't. I know, but I just didn't even keep a bag for me. You kept the bag. You ate most of the bag you gave me. So then what you mean all of them? And I went, Oh, don't get me all men out of my fucking Stockler that we've got Chris gone.


You don't understand. You don't understand. Right. Right. We got we the other day. Right for life insurance. Right. Being self-employed, we have to get life insurance. Yes, we got weed.


I was eight pound eight pound lighter than you.


Well, I don't even really know if it might be.


Yeah, but why do I have to consider it now that if they're in the house, I'll eat? I'm sorry. I've told you to hide stuff. You don't hide it because they want to hide it. You go with something you hid because I had to get rid of it.


I get rid of the plague. Don't don't hold it over.


I'm sick of I'm sick of me not being able to have nice things because you'll have them all up like a fucking Labrador.


I'm fed up. Honestly, it's like dogs behaving bad. Don't leave that place on the floor. I shall eat it. Don't leave it on the bench.


I shall fucking have a lot of problems. Second, really nice crisps. Do you think I can go back and get them.


No, I in there and there's the second part of the beef you don't let is that you think it would be rude for me to go and get my own crisps back from somewhere.


Don't you tell the truth. Don't you think it would be rude?


Yes, I know that you're not at. It's beneath you gave him Crisp's for your birthday. My mom was taken around a bottle of wine, obviously just to the drop off and and I was like, oh, I'll walk around with you. And I just hide them all in the bean bag. And I said, Happy birthday.


Happy birthday. Yes, yes. Here's your bean bag of crisps.


Yeah, he's got a ball in the backyard. Was actually said, oh, just run out of crisps. I said, well, there you go. For a few years, you give him a bean bag.


You couldn't just keep a couple of packets for me. I did keep leave us.


What do you mean what flavor you give all the sour cream and new ones are in the nicest ones. But I didn't know.


Oh. Subi. Going only cares for something completely unrelated in a minute, abida, Babalu, Babalu, but it's time for questions from the public.


Questions from the public public. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up. Guys, as always, thank you so, so much for continuing to send us stories and office pools, and would you rather and questions and everything you said is genuinely, greatly, greatly appreciated. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. And obviously, we'll call read every single one of them. We're getting through them. Keep them coming. Will love it.


Thank you so much, Martin. Audit Gmail dot com if you want to send anything.


Thank you.


Hi, Chris and Rosie, my fiancee and I are huge fans of the podcast and are absolutely shocked by some of the stories you tell the public are gross that they are indeed everyone else.


But then it made me realize that I did have a story to tell. But please keep me anonymous is only a few people are aware of this.


Now, back in twenty seventeen, I was fresh faced and ready to take on the world and landed a great first job in a very famous High Street department store on Oxford Street doing displays Oxford Street.


Some of the time you go, Oh, it's amazing.


I am at our flagship homegirl is on Oxford Street. No one has ever passed out in here.


Do you miss Tammy? Were you a frequent shopper? Tammy, go. We talked about it was a point of reference for me and my friends to see to take the piss out of another boy by saying you shop at have great, great times.


Oh, it's just classic pop classic bonsai on the nine year old. Yeah. Good for you. I used to work all sorts of shift patterns, displays that you see so much as merchandise that. Oh but she hasn't put that. But I know, I know that that's what it's called. Very Oxfords. Well I was always jealous of the merchandises because they've got to stand in the window and as a performer.


Yeah, I want to debate it. I really agree. You know what?


I really agree when I used to work in all sports and someone will come around and do the display and they'd be in the window. But realistically, it must have been horrible.


All chops walking past and several times while you're in the wind depends what kind of person you are.


Obviously, I looked at them in the window on display, at the changing room, at the back, gutted, thinking I should be up there. That should be my rule. But it wasn't anyway.


And I used to wiggle shifts.


Oh, look at Tommy girl. I've got a on in the window on a whole. It's just a girl put in a dispute rather flamboyantly for no reason.


What do you see you people gazing at me. You see a girl on a music box that's turned by you.


You've never seen that film? No, I haven't. But the next time I'll be at one thirty and one skirt, it's buy one, get one free and then a big bow me and see dot eppy and then the police shut us down.


Right. One afternoon my colleague and I were going around collecting stock for a new display. We went to the stock room where the women's clothes were kept, only to discover something truly horrifying and sickening. A male colleague was in the stock room, which overlooked Oxford Street, pleasuring himself, looking down at the crowd below. No way.




Oh, my colleague and I was so shocked. We can only stand there in horror and watch for 45 minutes.


Safe to say he noticed us after hearing my noise of disgust. He then ran off somewhere. And being the nice person I am, I went back to the office and told all 25 of my colleagues about what happened.


We all had a great laugh. We nicknamed we nicknamed him one young. Wow.


So we started the upstairs window, one off over the people down on Oxford Street. I'd love the idea of that. Instead of getting upset or telling everyone, she quickly spread it out on Oxford Street and everyone.


That's not my display displeasure. I didn't put that what up one. And that is not mine. The one down here, there's so much short. That's mine. Not one not it's not my display. I'm not put my name on that. Take it off me, save it up a double, double, double. Hi, Chris and Rosie, my boyfriend and I play a risky game whenever we are phoning one of our parents. While we're waiting for the respective parent to answer, we play risky Russian roulette.


We take it in turns to see naughty words, trying to get the word in before the parent answers. Our words will vary from pubic hair, funny cock comb, anal. You get the idea. What makes it funny is that my boyfriend's parents are very, very straight and traditional in their approach to such things and would have complete shock and a meltdown if they heard us seeing any of these words.


But I think that's a bit sad.


Oh, you're ringing your mom, right?


OK, funny, bold headline for the day. And it walked on.


I just thought it might be a good idea to phone one of our parents now and see what the reaction is. If they hear a word, don't try it.


Do you want to bring your mom? My mom? I go on your mom.


Right. So we're going to look, mom, I'm going to do it on them. I'm going to do it on what? FaceTime audio so that we don't have to lose any signal or whatever.


This might be quite fun, actually. So what so what happens?


What happens is we're going to ring my mom. It's going to start ringing right as it's ringing.


We've got to take you as a bad word you say about us, about what you say about it. And then when she picks up, we just have to basically try and get your word in before she picks.


OK, OK, right. Here we go. Put on speaker. Yeah, I go piss out all as Fanny's tits. Shit twat.


Ask what do you see.


I am. We're doing a game for the podcast. Did you see a tape.


We showed off Aspell and straight away I was asked to spell it out. What a way to tell your mother.


Thanks Mom. It's someone said in a game called Risky Business where you've got to each take turns to see a swearword before your parent picks up.


So there we go. That's it. That's it. Thanks. Bye bye.




All right.


I can tell you that I would like to have a double double back.


I've got one here. And it's a it's kind of a reference is an ongoing thing that we do in the podcast. So just started listening now. And having this in the back catalogue might not get this. We might have to explain what is our slang word for having sex that we came up with our Jodi word. Oh, Borking.


A book having a book. Yes, dear.


Rosie and Chris, have a listen to your podcast. For many months now, it's just dawned on me today that my childhood email address was bocking mods created due to my love of horses.


Oh, no, no, no.


This obviously had different meanings beyond my nine year old knowledge.


Oh, this isn't really a question.


I just thought you might like to know that some poor, innocent kid in Yorkshire in the early noughties didn't know what booking meant and is now hoping, as a 25 year old, that none of her pals from Newcastle were laughing behind her back.


Plesser oh bocking MoD's, a nine year old with an email address, Different world and it's another world out. There were phones, man and crazy abida Babalu, Babalu, bacteriology.


And Chris, your podcast reminded me of a time a couple of years back when me and my now husband were arguing all the time about how much his feet stunk.


Oh, when watching TV, I'd lie on the sofa and he would sit on the other with his feet on the arm of my sofa right next to my face. Oh, bloody hell. His feet were absolutely bogging here.


Oh, a Scottish thing. It's not a Scottish. It's like Manchester Bougon. Yeah, I think. Yeah, yes.


Just basically stinking his feet. Absolutely boggy. And I kept on it him so much that we kept having blazing arguments about it.


Now I don't know what he's his argument is there.


He doesn't have a leg to stand. No, there's no rush to foot the standard. No get you get your trousers off the side of the city where your girlfriend's face is.


Yeah, horrible.


I don't know what his argument is there. I mean, fucking bald is bald. He even started showing before sitting down and they still stand.


Oh, now. Right. OK. Oh now I feel a for him.


We'll stop put them up there, they'll put your socks on, leave them on the floor.


But at least he's watching it. All right. OK, well not feel sorry for him anymore. All right. OK, bring it on. One night he was so pissed off with me going on that he went to cut his toenails as he cut into his big toenail, it exploded with thick yellow.


Turns out his toenail was rotting and infected all along, and that was the smell and that was the smell my. How do you not know, I don't know. I think some people don't look at their bodies.


I think some people just get up in the morning and get out of bed, put clothes on and the dawn and say, I inspect myself. Do you know that?


Yeah. And you do? Yeah. You're weird. Well, I just know exactly what's going on with my body right now.


Everywhere I know every little scratch, every little nook and cranny of this body. But how does he not know that he's got an infected pussy, too?


It's disgusting that people are gross.


So now that email was all right, we discussed it. There was a couple of users. A couple hours. It was OK. This is where I think some people don't realize the kind of gems that they're sitting on because she's just thrown this on in the end casually.


OK, this is the thing that I've got so many more questions about.


Just on the edge of the email, she just throws it and I almost I almost can't read it out if is what I heard you laughing and screaming damn shame when I read this this morning.


Right. I heard you just heard this on the air. This just drops on the end.


On another random note, by the way, is she is married the twits, because this family is disgusting because her husband's got this monkey toenail. And this this is ridiculous.




I almost caught on another random note. My brother-In-Law has an arse sock that he sleeps with between his arse cheeks every night to soak up his all sweaty.


Oh, my God. Oh, my God.


It's literally married bebop and rocksteady.


That water, right? Oh, God. So you put this socks in between these bomb and also.


So he gets it and puts it in like a bit of floss in between two in between two teeth, puts this sock in his arse, nips it and goes to sleep. So these are.


So that is why I what so annoyed about just just throwing this over, whoever you are, right. So your fucking priorities over the tolia was entertaining, but fucking hell, we want to know about the awesome. Tell us more.


Oh, my God.


That's called the warden. It's like warden.


It's like, you know, they're, you know, in the Army Army movies where they've got like an open wound in the pocket of the pocket, wound up on all sorts of sticks and oh, it's so bizarre and goes to sleep because I'm imagining that when he's just got boxes, shorts on that just fucking soak it in the morning and it's like a puddle in his bed of his sweaty ass.




Oh God. Is it the same suck every night.


I got so many questions. What kind of sock is it? Is it.


I'm picturing like a white like a white man with black.


I'm thinking like a fully absorb and really white sports, you know, the ones where you've basically got to go up a tree in a size. If you put in one picture, and I would I'm picturing the sort that Jim has over his dick, the biggest in American Pie.


That's that's sort of like whatever the called the tube sock. That's what I'm picturing. And he's just what if I had can I just say right now, right.


If I had an all sock that I put up in my office right now, I wouldn't be yellow.


I'll tell you another thing. Right. Your fucking sister wouldn't know about it. How she.


This is her brother in law. Yes. He's got no shame.


Some people don't care about stuff like that.


He just wrote about me here, judging myself a bit for marrying into this family. You should. Yeah, but is that's one of the worst things I've ever heard.


Oh, that's great. Wow. Thank you.


So thank you for bringing all socks into me like abba dooby dooby dooby dooby got here for me.


This, this is the, this email is the gift that keeps on giving. OK, just when you think it's it's just keeps going. It's all right. Stick with it. Yeah. Hi Chris, Rosie, Robert and Rafe.


I tell you right now Robert and if I'm not going to hear what you've written in this email, you dirty, perverted man.


No, he's not a pervert. Yeah, I'll jump straight into it. I used to work at top brackets, all IP, and in 2010, a new girl started working there that I took a liking to. We hooked up on a night out and she came back to mine. Unfortunately, I was absolutely smashed and apparently fell asleep. Mid blowjob. Great.


Oh, I don't know Muchin. I'm not going to go with a technique, but I don't know.


I mean I'm not, I've never had an object personally, but I can't imagine falling asleep during one match and being quite, quite exciting usually.


Yeah. Yeah. Stick with it. The next day I drop her off at her mate and I thought I'd blown it. Weeks later I went to reading festival with a load of mates and it turns out she was going to we met on the first night.


Brackett's This is important as it's the last time you're clean yack oh oh oh oh. So I bet they all, they're all shagging on the first night because they're like oh look in the. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Amiry thanks.


Rosie Redon in Leeds went on sale and sold out immediately the other day, goomar nature's healing itself to be out there but each other crazy by and I covered for them bloody go.


It'll be God speed and a lot of years it'll be mud. Yeah. It'll be pretty good for them. We spent the evening drinking and running around the site, we then drunkenly crawled into my tent, which was about the size of a kennel.


Hmm, just a small tent. Oh. Unless it means like Battersea Dogs home, in which case he's got a flock of massive kennels, that you're going to leave your dog out when you go on holiday. Yeah, maximizer Butlin's.


It was already awkward, a. Margin might imagine this margin going in the tent with someone you've already fell asleep during the blowjob. You've met them at Red and Festival. It's all good.


I'm on. It's the same girl, same girl, so she went you went back to hers, she went back to his he fell asleep during a blowjob. Evidently, she's got no standards whatsoever. She spent the first night and clearly now she's going back to his tent, which is the size of a kennel.


Great. Right. She's got honestly, the highest standards.


I don't know what's going on here, but imagine this set the scene right already going into a tent the size of a kennel screaming at a festival to have sex.


It was already awkward as someone saw us going in and started playing Careless Whisper on the kazoo right outside the tent.


No, because what is it? Do you do do do do do do do you do this? I don't know. But I personally believe that I was like.


So you get the idea. Yeah. Yeah. Very nice and hilarious, but very off-putting. When they finally pissed off, we undressed and I lay on top of her fumbling in my bag in the dark for a condom after fumbling in my bag with one hand while kissing her at the same time. Brackett's multitasking legend. I got my hands on the condom. I rose up on my knees with her lying directly underneath me and vigorously ripped open the condom.


What the hell? The pack is empty and I hear her see. What the fuck was that?


I grabbed my phone and flicked the light on to reveal underneath me, covered in brown powder. It was a hot chocolate.


I like talk. Justin, what was that?


Oh, God, love her. She's in the trenches. They on to go by the tent.


Guadagnino right. Look, you go right by Credit Suisse, but they've showed up on the. You go on top, mate. I don't want you fall asleep at the. We'll just go straight to work. Get the power of Christ compels you fucking hot chocolate powder all over.


Oh God. Oh, looking back at this, it feels like an Inbetweeners episode. It really does Miss Trick not do in this movie. For me, this wasn't to look like for me this wasn't too off-putting for her. Fuck it. What is it going to take to put this last out?


Well, all's well that ends well. It's just the gift that keeps on giving and he just throws things and they come up with no way, ok.


Oh well, not as well. But she gave me swine flu, which at a festival is absolutely brutal.


I. It's the most troubled love story of all time still together. When I got home together, when I got home, I shot the bed and was off work for a week. We ended up in a relationship for three years. She was an absolutely lovely girl, but for various reasons, it didn't work out. It's not the reasons above.


My question is what had to happen for them to actually break up? She must have fucking murdered his entire family. Oh, I like what actually happened.


Oh, bless her.


Oh, no. The podcast is safe and use a hot chocolate sachet. Thanks man.


Abdou Baba dooby dooby do do nothing to the episode for most don't. Thank you so so much as always for this checkpoint which is now part of YouTube. Thanks very much guys. I hope you enjoyed listening as much as we have enjoyed doing it for us. We will be announcing the opportunity to discuss it very, very soon.


Again, I'm so sorry to leave you hanging there, but just want to history with you. The next ones, it's going to get announced the reschedules. Hopefully it's going to be the shooter. Let's try and stay positive, but let's just try and stay positive because it's all we've got. And Peikoff do do do do do do do do do do do do do.


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