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Available at free and on demand. Sign off at AMC plus dotcom AMC plus only the good stuff. Hello, you're listening to Shackman annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Chris Ramsay, and we are bringing you this podcast from our new hosts New House.
Yes, you did.
You have a new podcast?
If it does sound slightly different, I mean, I don't know how it would, but if you're one of them, one of them people who can just pick up the slightest little difference in and a little EC or little room or the room, you were in a different shape.
Well, yeah, that's that's it. But Wahhab, listen, batched some look I think was so nice and lovely.
This is my office, which is like a little kobad and I love it little by little Harry Potter couple that Rosie lives. And now I'm very, very happy about.
Guys, it's episode 109. Thank you so much for still being here, for sticking with it. I hope you are right out there. If I continue to like and subscribe and without further funny know.
And it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor on our last week. It was last week. It was a catchphrase, I'll be honest, with countries that don't pay as well.
Well, I'm honestly, Chris, I'm hoping it is extremely lucrative because, you know, you house. Yeah. Yeah.
Go pay them what, back in the manslaughter charges? Well, back in the mainstream were back on product placement. Here we go. OK, this big sponsor is Y fronts.
Hey, hey. Yeah. You're flapping about down there, fella down the stairs. Always little slot when you go down the stairs.
A little sloppy or sometimes all that hurt or slapped against me. Let go. But hold that or or hit the undercarriage.
What like like penis tits. Sometimes maybe if it's like a boxer shorts with just a slit in it sometimes just falls out. Just comes out from Christian. Hello.
Hey, get yourself some waterfront's. Oh hey. Buy them for your bike. Keep them for life.
You see right front. You're saying this because you bought a wife and I was like, those are different. Yeah.
You said before you bike you just them on all the time now, Rosie, because we're living out of a box, living out of box, living out of cardboard box, literally over closer in boxes.
Couldn't find me normal napkins. Yeah. Fome waterfront's put them on the other day. Good heavens.
I've never turn back. Oh you see I'm a different guy now.
What do you think about your wife friends. Chris, do you have you seen Sex in the City before. I was like my wife and so a little bit. Have you seen Sex in the City? Don't you dare.
You told me when someone is going to kill us. I saw you. I saw your boom and then my friends the other day.
And you look like that man.
No way. It's like, you know what? The old bloke. What first of all, can we all just give me a massive round applause for knowing a Sex and the City reference often.
Well done, Motoman. I'm a modern man. Yeah, no way. I'm usually an old bloke with, like, these arses hanging down like a fucking curtain helmet.
That's what you always look like.
What did the do. Risking everything. Got it in. I didn't even want to see it.
Must have been buggy. The must be bag. It must have been pulled up. Must be because this is, this is a tight bomb that we've got going on here.
How did you meet on the bike for a while. Cos it's fucking in the car.
Got a shit piled on top of it. Right. That's it. This short podcast it takes I'm going to be bike because I'm getting body shape of this Copwatch Dwalin whole how good God. How Deira body shape.
Good body. Anyway, I'm with one guy now so if you need to get my friends on, you know the best part was about Wijffels. I was walking, I was looking boxes around the house, the idea and I was like, oh I've got a bit of a wedgie going on here.
I mean, boxers are riding up. Oh no, it's me.
Waterfront's just keeping us all. And honestly, give it a week. You'll be in a thong. I will come. No, no, I wouldn't call that.
I just can't imagine. I don't think anything needs to be that far up your ass crack. Yeah, I don't imagine that's a good thing. We spoke about this before. Jeez. Why a very, very strange invention. Yeah. Yeah.
Strange you see them things where it's like a bloke thong. You just put your dick in it and it just goes round one side and it just points, points over your hip. All seen them.
Who will one of them call someone off. Tahi will one of them on the beach. Awful, awful, terrifying.
I could not walk around with that on it. Just look I was about to pop out of any minute. It was like I came through with, you know, just waiting for it to just pop, get lovely all over town from the underside of your dick.
And that one line.
One line, or would you have two?
Did you have to wear like a Rightside one and then go, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely a good idea. Shall we crack on. Let's crack. Why do we do every flippin week is the jingle jangle. We had a fight about the jingle jingle. We could sing along a jingle jingle. So this is the jingle jingle. We hope you like the jingle godmamma dooby dooby dooby dooby jingle. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shadmi Tonight, brought to you from what's happening.
She's got a laptop, an iPhone. Oh. Reduction is a little bit longer than I should have had because, oh, shit, they didn't do the best for me. Hang on. Oh my God. Sing along at home by avoiding our song. US? Yeah. What was it? I'll just keep it cool. How do you look get done for doing this only like 30 seconds, huh. Oh God. I can only apologize. New house in the middle of our street.
New house. Oh yeah. That was right.
That was ill prepared. Ill thought out. It was painful. You didn't. Not only did you not cook, you know, if you didn't cook. So you only want to see our new house, right?
Well, the problem is right. What happened there. I only thought about doing that about five minutes ago, and I wanted it to be a surprise for you so I couldn't listen to it.
But not surprised. Surprises are supposed to be nice things when that laptop goes on your shoulder. I know I'm in for a world of hurt.
Oh, my goodness. Are you kidding? Is not doing a fucking podcast. Normally it's getting people are good at what we got. Sound engineers, email, email about whatever's going on here.
I'm sorry everyone, but I enjoyed it. Your dad loves madness, doesn't he? That's ridiculous. So this is funny.
When we went on holiday with mom and dad and your dad had like I think it was an iPod shuffle or something, something like that, like the first iPod ever. Every day I was like, what are you listening? It was like madness.
Yeah. So have you got anything else on that, Bill? In all honesty, I didn't put many things on for you to want me out. Let me just overlook one of the worst days.
One of the worst days of my life was the day that I got that iPod I gave is that literally I got emails like Happy Birthday.
And he was like, oh, that's amazing. So how I got all my stuff online. And I was like, oh, I can do it for you.
And he gave his Discman and a pile of CDs, most of them pirate CDs.
So I couldn't even put them on my laptop. My laptop would recognize what they are. So I had to, like, take each track off and then put it on through a different name them all one of the one of the worst days because he had a he had a mate who for like five quid would do you any album with the covers.
Remember that. Come on. When people used to do you with the covers can remember like.
Yeah but that just be a photocopy. Picture the cover. Yeah. I remember though it was like, it was always like it was a really good thing.
I've got a mate, I'll do any DVD fiver, six quid with the covers. All right. Yeah. I'll pay an extra quid for a bit of paper out of his shitty print and shitty fuckin Epson series. One print or whatever the fuck it is non glossy.
So getting back to a new house, we've got a lovely bookshelf that we've got to fill.
I mean, Chris aren't big readers, even though, you know, we're not huge readers with elves, but there's one book on there that's amazing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got a lot of them in the van.
Got a family WhatsApp. Yeah. The minute and me Nana kindly offered her to me. It's got loads all DVD's.
So I'll say thanks Nana. But honestly. All right.
So the people who used to have this house called that room the library, we will call it fucking blockbuster. Come on in on in the blockbuster. Bring it bring bring about the pop. Come on, bring a bottle.
We've got the full Catherine Cookson collection here and go for Chris. We've got the Christmas collection here. We've got home alone three and four, not one and two that didn't have that too expensive.
They're ones we're not watchable in the sky box of Christmas. You can only get like Santa Claus two and three to download. You've got to pay for the other one as home alone fucking bastards.
I watch. I know what you're doing. I'm a double, double, double. So yeah. New house, new our new house. And we are sneaky, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky little buggers. None of you knew which everyone's everyone's really.
I didn't realize how attached everyone was to our bathroom.
Oh that's hilarious. Good God. Yeah. When I put on Instagram that we'd moved a lot of congratulations. Thank you so much, everyone, for the well wishes. A lot of you have just done your bathroom. Absolutely amazing.
It's literally like me, mom. It's like my mom's got like twenty troll accounts and just like just I'll just message him about the bathroom. They're throwing money away.
No, very much understand why you move and hope you're very happy, but why you've just done your bathroom is in it guys. We did our bathroom because it was dropped in debates and then we found the house. And the thing is, we would have had to do that bathroom. I mean, you get any sort of money on the house because it'd be like, well, this bathroom started a bit.
So it added value.
It was the shower was leaking through the floor in the hallway. Yeah, it's really bad. The brown stain on the ceiling. Yeah, I had to redo all of that.
You know what I find interesting about the fact that everyone's like, moved. How didn't we know this? Why you shouldn't believe what you see online. Yeah, because people don't put everything online, we we managed to we managed to sell our house, move our house and nobody knew quite a few people stop me was like, So your house is on for sale.
I was I do just for control of the Internet, looking for houses, know where we live in that.
But not not, you know. So there you go.
Well, don't be fooled again, because I've never held Revava on the Internet. Never held him.
I held onto you ever hold that baby.
I'm going to tell you about this. I mean, we had somebody talk me in the picture the other day, somebody I put a picture of you holding Robin and Rafe right by someone.
And we had one direction. Fun account has changed your face in Eluay.
What do you think?
Tom Tomlinson. Right. Golden and if and it's really, really weird.
Wow. Really, really strange.
Why not? Well, I don't know. I wasn't going to tell you about because I know you hate stuff like that. Right. That's what really bothers.
Well Robin was going through me phone the other day and he loves looking at the pictures and he's seen that and he's like, who's that?
Mom wouldn't let me one direction. Forget about it, mom. Why am I care about Lily Tomlin said that's a different issue. Was it.
I have Yan'an. It's. Look. That is so fucking weird, why would people do that, that is so it's really good as well. They've done it well. So I mean, he's got his headphones on. He's clearly at a gig. He's like deejay, deejay. And he's got he's asleep.
Celebrity children then and in its early days of one direction. So he is young, is out because he's smiling. Well, he looks like your nephew holding your kids saw strange. So they've put his face on and his face was obviously from a fault or that was like aged like this confluence of events, the full four, that's the we.
Why would the daddy and hurt him but not his kids anyway.
Louis, if you're listening can help me kids back, please. They've changed Robin's face.
Source doesn't even look like him. So fucking weird. So, yeah.
Anyway, Bozena, I put my kids online and people do use it. I mean, that's the thing, though. You don't want you know, you want people to not like Photoshop and do weird stuff for the kids, if anything, but just give them give Robin and a pretty great life experience there.
Dave Mattingly, one on one direction over the moon. We should keep going.
Well, maybe Robin's going to go to his new school and be like, oh, so Omeonga, here I am having a cuddle. So you go on the other side over. So this comes out on Friday.
This this podcast I have to put on your show on Friday. OK, I have to it's awful, awful, awful.
Poor Robert E.. God, honestly, he was like, mom, who's that for? Sabado Babalu. Babalu back. So, you know, we can now talk about the house, hence why my jaw was kicking off. And we're being stressed a bit because we sold our house and we bought this one.
It's just a great time. It's just a great time to move house. It's just such a great being sarcastic.
Just make sure there's a pandemic and make sure you've got a five year old who isn't really been at school that much until a week ago. Yeah. Make sure you got a new baby to me, baby.
Make sure that when you're looking for the house and going through all the stuff of the house your husband has got to organize.
Oh, that was literally you could hardly go up the stairs looking around this house when we moved in was the first time I'd been in the House without approval is the first time I've been in the House without crutches.
It's like there's bits of the house I hadn't even gone to because I was like, oh, fuck it, I just can't be bothered and test. Is there no chance?
And then just to make it even more, I'm still angry about this. It was almost me beef this week, but I've picked something else just even more difficult. You went and came on your period as soon will move in as well.
Selfish. Oh, I did yet. Could have held that in.
And not just that. Not just came on my period came on the first period that I've had in eleven months.
Oh God. Ten and oh. And I'll tell you what Chris, it was an absolute thrashing.
I wanted what I've had to hold so much of my childhood in Russia or with Russia will be both honest to God. I think I've handled all of this really well, considering.
Yeah, well, I mean, one morning I did wake up, came downstairs half asleep, except, you know, with three or four nights. And I just got absolutely fucking destroyed by you.
It was like it was like watching Mike Tyson on a punch bag. I just sat there trying to drink me coffee while he just screamed at us.
But, you know, when I was very well, I had to leave.
And then your mom was like, oh, you know, she's RPV. I, I make sense of this mountain. Yeah. Yeah. Was like, it's all right. She's over a period, right. Yeah.
It's been, it's been it's been good fun. And so obviously we came to the new house really chuffed. Absolutely love it. It's beautiful. It's a dream home.
The guys who were the removal guys were great, really did a fantastic job. One of them did it especially good job at bringing me right back down to earth with a bang. With a bang. Yeah.
And just got the keys of the lady and came in, stood there, stood at the bottom of the stairs and the bloke from the removal place came in with this and he went and so sorry, I was just kind of looking around getting choked and he just stopped and he just looked up the stairs.
He went, Look, I don't want to offend you, but er I've seen bigger and I thought, well that's nice. So oh I love them that way.
Honestly that was I needed it though Chris because honestly I was just, I was just a little bit, a little bit too happy if I'm honest. And obviously I needed that to go. Rosie, we all need to really appreciate it. Yeah. Really good. Really don't want don't want to offend you.
Well, I think it might be, by the way, you started this closes in this shithole.
Yeah. After my partner.
You've seen big so that was good. I can ask for a loan. Yeah.
But no it was up to a million euros but we are absolutely in all of it and it's.
Yeah. Meant thanks. Thanks Abu dooby dooby do. But it's time for what's your big cpv.
Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep. Ladies first. What it be ok. My beef with you, Christopher, and we moved out of our house last week. Yes, a lovely lady who I know for you, Nicki from Fion definitions considerably. She makes me curtains. She's fantastic.
She came round to go. You won't go. Won't curtain me. Have you got your own personal. Could me. Have you.
I've seen bigger, but no wonder he had to bring you back down to earth banging on about your personal curtains and I.
Whose name you mean she's not my personal conviction. Fisher Fisher can't speak.
She just happens to have made a couple of pairs of curtains first. Anyway, one specific pair of kittens that I only bought a year ago I wanted to keep because the materials were expensive. So she's going to she's just going to use it up on loads of all bits of furniture to report and stuff like that.
OK. Recycling. I like it. Yeah. Upcycling actually, cos that's what we call it. Yeah.
In the interior design course. Who told you that. Your fucking curtain mate. Nerd.
Can I get me beef.
No you can't it man. I'm trying to take it down a peg or two. Great. I just feel like, I feel like the movement really had it. I think he's got a good thing going on. I think he knows how to keep you in check and I might have to give him a ring after this and work out how he's done it. It's weird because I was just thinking he was massively jealous.
Actually, I if I'm honest.
So I we take it we can take different studies every night living in your head. He's got you good on him. Well, first thing, Chris, first thing. I love him. First thing I heard you and I've been you always. That's yeah. Not even me mom.
Who was with this girl Rosie. It's lovely. No it wasn't that. It was the man from the removal saying that you see in bigger houses, which he probably has.
It's not you know, it's not the biggest house competition I of a massive house.
It's no massive. Massive, you know, it's nice. Yeah. Anyway, I'm not going to see a nicer scene, bigger scene cleaner scene cleaner would have hurt.
Yeah. I've seen cleaner houses. That would have been upsetting, wouldn't it, for both of us and the previous owners to double double whammy.
Anyway, back to me Beith Beith I can't speak back to me beef and Nicky came out and she was taking the curtains from the curtain pool and she said, Oh they're actually the drippin at one side.
And I was like ah there. Schwed Yeah.
And I went, I went away and then you popped up and said Oh well actually Rosie don't get mad. Well you can't get mad because we're moving now.
And when I broke my ankle I was actually using those curtains to pull myself out of bed in the morning.
I was also I was it got to the point, don't do that again in the new house. Thank you very much. So that was the thing.
So I was I've been really worried that you were going to spot it. Right.
But then as soon as it was so strange, because as soon as she was like, oh, yeah, these kids make a couple of questions out and put them on a chair or whatever the fabric fuck for that, I literally went, so you're not using them as curtains anymore?
And she went, no, I can't, because the sort of anyway that need redoing here, because the group and I was like, yeah, it's me.
So basically it got the point where we were closing the curtains.
And as the mornings have been starting to get lighter and later and later on the right hand side near where the bed is, it was like a fucking massive gap at the top where the light was coming in and it was Soska away from the other side.
And I was like, oh, she's going to toss a little toss. And it was very OK.
In my defence, the first ten or twelve times I was pulling myself out at times ten or Chris, ten or twelve, the first ten or twelve times I put myself out.
That didn't make a noise. It just worked. Oh, you did you hear Reben? Yeah.
About the third time when I went on you actually. Why would you do that? I had a bottle. Chris Biovail, are you sure you could to pull on me?
Curtness And I thought the what I thought were expensive made by Ian. And then you want to kind of hold the weight of a human man. I stop you. Right. James were invented to keep out the light, not pull a lazy little bastard out of bed every morning. Oh, I thought you might need two or three times.
Oh, no, no.
You do a great system I had going on. Yeah, you are so strange. You are like so anal about so many things.
No curtains it turns out not good. Why would you ever think I'm going to pull myself with these.
We use this thing when someone tells me I oh got me one person who makes one. Will you get over that when you got you thing.
Oh, it must be decent curtains it turns out. No, right.
That's because they are very expensive and fragile. Rupesh curtains silly.
Don't know what dunam.
I could have done nothing but in the Olympics where they've got the rings and the spinning round one round each of them and abseil down the wall. Good option window abseiled out that window down onto the grass.
But I don't know what'll you do now and probably make ones actually. People like you want to pull them to get out of bed. I mean, broke your ankle, need a little pull out of it?
I'm so shocked. I couldn't believe it. And we were so busy moving that I didn't get to properly.
But get really.
Well, this, I thought hadn't been mentioned at all. So that's good day. Do that in this house.
OK, I promise about Belzec, there's nothing I can do right. If I put it this way, if I baby like. Right. Just the curtains down.
If you, if you break another bone in your body in the next five years, I'm leaving you. Wow.
Anyone has any divorce lawyers out there, any solicitors out there who could tell me if that is a fair thing to hear from your wife? Because I think that is a really horrible thing to hear if I break another bone in the next five years. Yep.
Go let this be known to the world listening to this. If Christopher Ramsey breaks another bone in his body in the next five years, not including nose, because that's fine. Great.
Anything that's going to happen, is it what it called ability? It debilitate rights. Yeah.
Stop you from doing something that's going to. Yes. That's when you doorbell listen to that, did you hear it? Well, I've heard better. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. So just go and check the doorbell because the doorbell rang. Rosie's claiming that were posh. She might be right because at the door is a door to door garden furniture salesman.
And I wanted to have a look at the stuff he's got in his writing. Where the fuck do we live? It's for Cananea.
This is Narnia. Do I need to go look at stuff now? Yeah. And shepherd me. Nobody called me. Ben called. Just just calm down. We've got to go. Good. He's got.
Oh, he's got the selling. Gordon. I don't where we live. It's ridiculous. I'm coming. I miss social stuff. This is Norman. So Jesus is there any kind of a glass of wine. Dooby dooby dooby dooby.
So if you can hear any banging in the background of basically we've just went down the door to see them on selling garden furniture out of his van, you fucking must have saw Rosie common because she's just almost cleaned his entire van out now.
And the banging you can hear is the poor fucker putting them together outside on the drive. We were busy doing a podcast.
Can you just leave them there when you're done and focus on the other guy that say, OK, we're with we're getting buzzed and we're thinking, oh, how posher, we've got someone television.
Did you never have the fish man come to your door?
The fish man, the fish man cometh? No. Did you never see where you lived on a new build housing estate. And yet we used to have people come in the door and be like, you want to buy any fish. Right? But that just caught them and they used to go around all the doors. OK, yeah.
Yeah, we we had the fish managed to come in our local pub.
You know, it wasn't Colin the fish man, it was the different one.
So in the beehive on the lower top along with the bay over pope. And so she's nice to be my home with me, mate.
You've got the DVD guy. Yes. Pondexter Válková mentioned them already and you'd get the fish man to come in as well. And it's fish Tobes. A little winkle's in the well stocked. Yeah.
Vinegar with no mussels I guess all kinds of stuff and now gone furniture and honest to and furniture man I tell you what mind I would love that they used to do back in the days when people would come to your house and sell cleaning products and everything they saw.
Lockdown common. Yeah. A long time before it started. Yeah. But they're not doing any more because it's biology online.
That's why they're not doing any more. Are you serious. Yeah, of course it is. Wow. Yeah. Oh fantastic.
I saw you coming. He's cleaned us out as he's supposed to be about and he probably had a fucking Laffan as well. And I'm going to convert, I'm, we're going to sit on the selling it for some reason he was selling the for cheap, which is a bit sad because of lockdown.
But I haven't been able to go to all of the shows. The court shows.
What did he mean by shows?
So I think they're going to like shows. They've got like garden shows and garden and outdoor shows where it's like almost like a car boot sale and it's businesses.
And why does my brain go there right on stage?
There's just loads of furniture and people like by oh, stuff by a bench.
He has a kidney shaped little table anyway, so yeah, not unusual but yeah. So I'm going to sit on them later in the rain so that'll be nice.
I'll be nice Abdu Babalu Babalu. But listen my beef with you, it might get taken out. It might not. Oh well I mean you've been doing it for ages now.
It's not even annoying. I just feel like it's just I know it's annoying. It is annoying. You constantly think that when you find a white feather in the House, it's a dead relative. Look.
Oh, yeah, I'm fucking sick of it. Every time you find a white feather, your. Oh, look.
Oh, that's all. That's me, Nana. Oh, that's me. Go. This is her. This is a and it's like.
Right. You know, my granddad was here yesterday. Really. Right. So every time guys it's like, look.
Oh wait for that. I found a white feather, you know, me granda guys. Well our cushions made out of every cushion in the house, fucking feathers, feathers, every single one of them.
All of the cushions in the house are made of Big Brother Jimmy.
So I do think how many times I sit on one of the saw on this one of the sofa cushions and go, oh, God, and I've got a sharp little thing and it won't push back in. So I'll pull the federal and I'll just throw the feather.
And then it's like, oh, look, spookiness. Look, all I'm getting looked after beyond the grave. Look, I found another feather or higher ground. I hope you're right. I deliberately just pulled out overcaution five minutes ago. You psychotic fucking piece of shit, right?
Well, stop on ammo because you're ruining the loveliness of finding them. I've started a little jar in the box it in real Jesus Christ. And every time I find one, I put it in there and we fill it up. And then I'm going to say a little prayer.
And I'm hoping he might come back for a day, just a day, just to see. How are you doing, Dawn?
Man, it's a nice thing when you you haven't really lost anybody I know massively close to you. I don't think I know. I've been very lucky in that case. You didn't. You didn't. You were quite young when your grandparents passed away.
And I don't know. Yeah, I think it's a lovely thing to just be able to go, oh, that's that.
I'm still you in that until the past hasn't made me feel any less about it. I know. That's good. I means you wholeheartedly believe it and that's fine.
But yeah, you know, every time I find a coffee bean and a coffee bean on the floor, I know that that's my nana. Yeah. Right. Know where she is.
And she's always in the. Kitchen, she's always in the kitchen doing the kitchen right in the corner where the coffee machine is. This is where she hangs out.
This is where I and I used know where she was the other day. Coffee, Islamized millions upon millions of the bitch.
Honestly, why are you so jealous of my beliefs? Get get your own beliefs.
Oh, it's quite nice. I'm talking. It is quite nice. It's lovely. Honestly, everyone comes to see me in feather form, little guy.
All of that. I get to get rid of them. So if you insulted is on the run over a seagull gets hit by a truck.
It's a family reunion there. They're all the bits of blood and shit as well and a bit of beef. But they're all here. Oh, gosh.
Well, because it was seen as we've moved to the countryside now. Yeah. See my first dead rabbit. Oh, it was great. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I saw I saw something on the road today when I was coming up from the shops and I don't know what it was big it was, it would have been big back in the day in a lot of insight.
I don't know what it was. It had a lot of interest. It was all over the place.
It was, oh good God. But, you know, and I can't remember what it is.
That's what that's a song I should have had. I thought. Yes, I thought you going to have a house, a big house in the country singing big telcos.
Not as big as she was seeing big Robidoux, Babalu, Babalu.
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Abdu Babaji Babadook, it's time for questions from the public, from the public, as always, guys, if you want to get in touch, it is Sharda married annoyed at Gmail dot com.
Send anything, send your stories, send your. Would you rather send your dilemmas, send relationship advice. Whatever you want. Send it.
Hello guys. First of all, congrats on the book. So this was a while ago. Thanks. Thank you. Still available.
It's easier. I think I can beat the dead lady date story from last week. I don't remember that dead lady did it. I can't remember. Anyway, this year my dad died unexpectedly at 63.
He lived abroad where we grew up. So we had to go over there.
We are Scottish, but my dad's partner is Chinese, so we wanted to respect the fact that he was part of two very different cultures. So we had a fusion funeral, OK?
However, it's his coffin and its content that I think you will love. OK, if you think two pairs of glasses is a bit much, you just wait, right?
I don't remember talking about volcanoes anyway.
In Chinese coffins, there is a tradition of lining the coffins with how money, how money his partner believes in the afterlife and instead of hell money wanted him to have everything he needed in the time 100 days when he might wander the world as a spirit before crossing over.
So you have one by. OK, so this is the belief structure is that you've got 100 days to wander the earth before you go to the afterlife.
That's a hell of a long time. Hell of a layover I know is a hell of a lot of you.
Wouldn't be connecting flight in a hundred days time.
God damn it. Good to St. Charles de Gaulle, like 100 days. So for me, this was a bit strange.
But we know my dad would have wanted us to respect her wishes very nicely, even if he was an atheist himself very soon.
So it started off by her saying that we should put a couple of his and momentos in a coffin like most people do. Yeah, a little of. Yeah, but it escalated very quickly. OK. I went through to find piles of clothes, shoes and other items, she had packed his suit for his best friend's wedding. He was planning to attend in a few weeks.
And especially in the scheme of things, this seems relatively normal.
It then got weirder.
Weirder than that. Yes. So hold on. Let's just assume she's going to bury them in the coffin of clothes.
Yes or no for a holiday and a suit and a suit in a space suit. And she's also put in there.
She's got space socks and pants and a pair of swimming trunks just in case you wanted to go for a dip. Absolutely brilliant.
It's on the water. What's all that water over there is a pump in that water.
I know there's just an invisible dead man in there, but he does have a short on, so it's fine.
Yes, exactly. I feel like for being a ghost, he probably doesn't need the practicalities of swimming trunks or spare parts.
But last year we were handing over piles of clothing to the funeral manager who presumed this was a Scottish custom brillion.
On the day of the funeral, she asked me if I had a pound coin for his pocket. I asked why and she said so he could get a trolley out.
When he went to little, we thought, Oh, well, no, I.
I don't know about you, but if I had 100 days to one of these, I don't think I'd be going in a little while. It is a question here. My question to you guys is, if you had to wander the earth for 100 days, what would you get packed in your coffin? Why am I wondering?
What how are you going to carry all that shit?
He's got his wand and he's got a suit bag on his pocket. He's got a shirt on. He's got a fucking pocket. He's got everything. He's got it all on his little little trolley.
There you go. Oh, my God. You doing. That's what it is. That's so weird.
I don't even know if it's a Chinese custom that she might just be a maniac. You might be awesome. I just wanted to get rid of all this shit. I mean, she probably is thinking I can't because I already shop. Yeah. All we've got a customer with just buy all in his wardrobe and as well. Where's that was my teacher used to sit in front of the telly for constituents coming out of that chair and with a girl after a big hole in the ground.
Tip the tip. Do you not feel like we've talked about Bevill versus cremation and stuff like that?
I think it always gets taken. Oh, I think we do always gets taken because it's so fucking morose. I think we've managed to find it.
OK, well, do you not think somebody when they came up with cremated bodies was just like, oh, fuck this, I am sick of digging these six foot six foot holes in the ground, keeping them in there.
So, yeah, just burn them, burn them all.
Well, I feel like it was when they realised that they were going to run out of land pretty sharpish. All right. OK, that makes more sense. Yeah, well, you just go, well, it's going to be. No, just you think if you buried every single person in a slot, everyone down, you'd cover the earth pretty quick.
Yeah, you could. I never thought about that. Yeah. I'd like to be buried though. Am I selfish. Oh God. How much is a plot.
I don't. Why we've moved away from Mehul Cemetery on cemetery. Yeah. That's the way I wanted to be. Ah you got a hundred days to walk there. Do you think you can request to be buried tomorrow if you don't live there anymore? It's called called a genuinely like dominoes. You go on the website, you put your postcode in, get your nearest one, really know.
Oh, because that's where I want to be buried. No, no. Put someone next to me. Grundler, you know, put someone even puts one right on right next to a really was on the baggage.
If he was right on the end, he had a lovely little spot in the bloody corner slot and someone in the region got a nice name. Wow.
And your family are fine. Strange. So strange. So strange. Why just weird. You're getting Camarda. I'll do it myself. I'm classifiers dawn criminals.
I'll be dead upset. Daughter, you won't be upset. You'll be dead. You won't be upset. I swear I'll know. Oh no.
Don't come here to promise me all I'm going to have I'm going to commit you and then all I'm going to have in the house is a memory foam cushions so I won't even know if you're there.
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. And I'm sorry. Who wants to sit with a memory foam cushion? Oh, you put a cushion.
You back was solid as a rock when I would do Babaji barbecue. But deros increase.
Please keep this anonymous. Always. When I was around 15, I came home late one night drunk.
Fifteen. Why not? Jesus went upstairs very quickly to get ready in bed before my parents could see how wasted I was. We all did it.
I told you about when I held my friend's tongue so she wouldn't choke on a on a bottle of cheap vodka. Anyway, I went in the bathroom to take my makeup off. I set it off. I mean, splash cold water on my face and hope for the best. You anyway it on the sink was a lovely black flannel. We aren't Flamel people.
I don't know if that is the only lovely black. Not only is no one in the world I said a lovely black flannel.
I doubt a 15 year olds that what I said, look, mom, dad, that's a lovely black flomo.
Well that's the least nicest color ever. Really strange. Like a black flannel.
It was horrible. I mean, red possibly. What did you get that from Goth towels, Oros.
No field house. I got it from Rob, your relative in a dead, dead relative with a towel that got good block tiles.
Anyway, these these of imagine the fluff you get on yourself of a new black hole when you look at fucking big foot black towels in general are coming in.
And I was choosing black tiles wrong anyway.
You want to go black dollars and is massively offended, but I wonder how many know we always get and listeners and listeners because word of mouth and you're also lovely and you tell people because we do love you so much. Thank you. But I wonder how many we lose.
Oh like just I mean black tar. I was gone just something every week. We must lose a big fucking Porsche. It's kind of almost like deforestation or replanting at the same time.
So it's quite cool. Yeah. Let's do a little a little role play, right? Yeah. I've just been to the shop. Right.
And bought a packet of lovely blacktop. Right. Yeah. And I'm on the way.
This it's you just use like of like towels and I'm going to this is how I'm going to react.
I mean, here we have a very bright black tiles our on here the bloody hell Bly's. But yet they did like black. Tell us I'm not listening to this shit anymore. Get it off. Honestly, I love my black towns. Absolutely love them. And they are mid-period and not even know no one could even tell. Hey, blacktail is good for skidmarks.
I didn't think. There you go.
If one is back next week, sponsor black towel's brown Talil. It's even better.
Red tells them dark orange towels. Right. Why Yorke's.
Oh honestly dawg, we just can we can we just not wipe our orifices with.
Can't believe you got that word right. Well thank you. Normally that would have normally that would have been a half hour on the houses that you got.
Didn't want to.
I was in areas I've just been speaking to me ma'am about because I'm I'm adamant. Just calculous. Right. All right. I've got to discuss whatever it's called because I'm your boss.
Well, it's just all the noise, like no dislike. I'm really bad with numbers. But then I see me, ma'am, because my friend said, how can you be so bad at maths? But you did quite well at English at school because they're teachers and they were like, right, that's usually calculus. But when I do this podcast, I don't feel like I am good at English.
So I actually just, you know. Well, yeah, I think I haven't got this calculus thing. I'm just a bit thick. Yeah. So don't concentrate.
You don't know. You go, you go. What does it sound. Does it sound a bit like the thing I'm going for. You just aim for it.
But orifice it's not even orifices. It's orifice. No no. I think you, I think you nailed it. OK, good. Plural. I don't know anyone on behalf of any kind of real Rafie. I don't know.
Oh anyway. Right listen.
The lovely black flat, lovely black flannel, lovely black fardell said Edward Scissorhands.
And she said, here we own flannel people. Neither a person who wrote this, erm it's going to be a fucking dead cat skin or something. Well we'll see.
I thought Mum must have got it free with one of the towel bundles you can buy with the colors of the rainbow sale, the beauty, the towable bundle.
Is there all different colours for no reason whatsoever.
You put it in each room of your house, you've got your tell your period towel is shit marked yellow and white for when you getting out the bath, picking it up.
It was wet, so I thought I'd do a good job of my face, rubbing it for ages and making sure I got all my makeup off Jesus going to bed.
I felt really proud of my drunk self and thought my sober self would be very proud of me.
Anyways, I woke up the next morning and went downstairs and saw my mom remembering the lovely fat flannel folded nicely on the floor.
Your life's absolutely shit, by the way.
That's the highlight of the night out on the person.
The highlight of it is you walk up, remember how lovely the black flannel was, which isn't even lovely black flannel disgusted. So I can't wait for what this is.
Remembering the lovely flannel folded nicely on the sink. Last night I asked my mom about it, mentioning to her I didn't think we were flannel people and that I'd done such a good job of washing my face. My mom recoiled in horror for approximately five seconds and then burst out laughing to the point where she couldn't breathe and tears streaming down her face.
What is it?
It turns out this wasn't a flannel she had got from a towel bundle, it was in fact her six flannel and my dad had indeed got it on the night before I was out.
She had afterwards wiped up the mess using the lovely box. Oh, my God, that's worse.
So I thought it was going to be like the lining of something or a filter from something like awful because she was pissed and she didn't realize. Oh, no.
My thing about reading this. Right. Why. Right. We are parents now, OK? Our one of our sons is come in drunk at 50 and he'd be getting a bloody rogue and wrong the first of all. But secondly, you show a lovely black sex flannel, right.
And then you was right. It comes to us the next day going, oh, that flower I used that I didn't know a lot of people.
Ma'am, would you tell him that we wiped up our stuff?
I mean, with that, I mean, no, I definitely are. My main thing.
If I was sitting there on a morning and my son came downstairs and said, hey, you, morning, daddy. Hey, I washed my face. Well, lovely black flannel upstairs from the sink, but I was gonna sing. I've never seen them as black flag. And your father would go, shut up, you in Cornwall, you told the little girl what kind of us last year this sort of the son of two prominent podcasters.
And I'm a comedian and you will come and tell what your opening gambit by going on about the final fucking know, do it and say, well, did nothing did that Water-borne family.
Oh, God. That mean obviously the mom just couldn't. She just couldn't. Laughing I mean, you wouldn't be like she's obviously just a corner and thought, what do you do?
That's Armaan. You've just washed your face fully with your moms and dads juicers.
Well done God. See people. Why do you leave on the sink.
Oh that's. I know, I know.
I told you there is not a flannel exist with a bunch of flowers before there's not a exists on this planet that hasn't been used to wipe up spoke not a single one. Honestly when I go to hotels I've told you to leave them on the side of on the side of the sink. I literally with my elbow I just push them off the thing on the floor and I don't touch them again for the rest of the time on the fucking just loads of flatness on the floor, loads of flannels, lovely black ones from one white window.
So as big as you have. If the flooding is as big as your head, I'm afraid it's a frontal dooby dooby dooby high Rosenqvist. My question is about money.
Oh, my husband and I have a joint bank account since we got married seven years ago where we get paid and do all the bills and bits for all the bills and one big pot.
I'm going to be not happy days. Uh huh.
We share all our money equally, but have separate accounts for spending money for things like buying presents for each other.
OK, that's so the syphoned sorts of Christmas time, the let go we're going to spend on on each other and the take on the pound each out of the count. Yes, yes.
I get it. I get it. I get it.
Ridiculous. But OK, fair enough. People have got to be on mine.
OK, who knows. Anyway, however. Right. This is where it gets a bit tricky.
My, my husband Luke has a very generous grandma who is being giving him ten pound a week pocket money since he was about sorry no adults who keep taking pot of money.
I know he is out in the fucking bin.
Fucking 40 odd year olds who still take ten pound off another week. You want locked up you one shot with shit.
How fucking dare you get another blow and let I get some pot teabags or something. Yeah.
Oh me. Nana's boiler's broke. Thanks not I haven't eaten. I, you know I've brought them blankets for you because your boilers broke. Right. You got me, you got me sweet money because I'm forty five. Got you got me.
Said about money. Horrible.
I listen to that said my husband's grandma gives him ten pound a week a week as well.
I don't get much of my mom and so of to hear the rest. Yes it's easier. She still does this now even though he is thirty year old. Not horrendous. And whenever we go down to visit her she is, she has it saved up and a wad of tennis for him.
Fuck off, fuck off.
Not just do pathetic. He's pathetic. I'm sorry mate. Look you put your pathetic. He's getting his inheritance early you pathetic. Well, there's a question here.
My point is look pathetic. Yes. Is Luke is Luke very clever?
I'm not jealous. I'm probably just jealous. I love I love like a great love. I love like ten pound notes. I tell you.
Didn't have set up the podcast before. He's got me Christmas morning and stuff. My mom would change in a fiver so I had them Griselle Goulbourn.
But I have to tell you, when we met randomly Toller's I think he told us once one week I think I used to get a fiver. Pokorney which was after your mom and dad.
Yes. You got a problem when you have your mom and dad. Oh, gosh.
We didn't we got we I actually got off my nana to one pound a week until you got to the end of CompE and then you get to, wow, OK.
She had a lot of grandchildren. Melissa and Adam always thought it was just lush and she'd have it piled up on the cabinet. And we all used to go for tea on a Friday. All the cousins. I mean, I see Givati. Did I go for tea or did I go for my pocket money?
Not you, Luke. If Luke was there, Luke, the fucking sponger, Luke would just go in and just just just scrape all of them off into his pocket pocket.
Sheriff of Nottingham a little bit.
All you once told us that it was like, you know, when you get to twelve, it's like it's like the law is that your parents have to give you like seven pound 50 pocket money is like, you know, it's gone up because like there's a law that loads back then.
Yeah, but it's bollocks.
The winning, right. Oh, you like I've said, like the police have said, there's got to be 750.
I remember like marching in the house and happily telling me about my dad and they were like, fuck off of that. You know, the parliament is gonna be 750 a week. We're almost like, that's not a thing.
Like my question is, should he share his money with me?
No, you should just give it another. What the hell going on? Who are you people? Who the fuck are you to honestly listen to a free fucking podcast by email and in a free podcast talking about taking money off an old lady, let her keep it. Well, if she's doing well, if she's really well off. Well, still. Well, what if she's right?
If she's really well off, if she's like a billionaire, just got like London helicopters, you know, corgis and then. It's neither here nor there from a 10. So what's the point? I don't know. It's a bit weird, right? But if she's not, which I assume she's probably not. Why what have you?
Well, what if he is her only grandchild and given him that ten pound a week makes her feel better. Well, about that. I feel like unless right, I feel like I feel like you should at least every single time Igor's gone or not, come on, not that I feel like there should be a debate. Every time he takes a walk. Yeah. I don't feel like there's a debate. I feel like sometimes he just drives past just like knocks the dog who's got the money, not just like a drug dealer collecting a drop off.
Yeah, he's a bit jealous. If I want to say lovely. I hate him. Look, I hate you. So you say, no, you shouldn't share it.
I'm taller than I like. Would just give it. But that wasn't the question she was asking. Well, the question is no, you shouldn't answer is no.
You shouldn't share it. Second part of the answer, you shouldn't be digging it.
I think you should share it. I don't think you should tell them why. OK, that's why the bag would you get over the fact that the numbat wants to give him the money. Right. It's got nothing to do with you what she does with her money. Right. She wants to give it to her grandson, get over it. OK, the question is, should they share it? And I think they should share it.
I think they should not only share it, I think she should. Bacardi's it. How much is hard working out per week for his full life and he should give a half.
Now you're speaking my language. No, not enough actually. Since the Met I think since the Met and became official boyfriend and girlfriend he should backdate and half everything and give it away. I just think from marriage or is even more of a fucking little weasel of.
Right. Let's look at my look. I'll fight you, I'll fight you. Come find me house.
It's all the furniture outside for you. I tell you I'll put all your nana's money in the middle. Winner takes all.
Look, please don't come out.
I'm really tired. I've got a newborn baby. I'm not hard at all. I don't want to fight. I'm just kidding. Please, I would do Babalu Babalu Bacteroides increase after this week's podcast episode one hundred and seven. So not last week, the week before when someone wrote in about a sock used to catch bum sweat. Yes, I did ask, you know, the Auspine.
I've been pulling him on numerous occasions and knowing your joint hatred of flannels.
Yeah, I'm talking about this now. OK, I decided to share this little nugget with you both.
OK, so let's see if you enjoy this nugget. Nugget was stuck on the flannel. Yeah.
I think call when it's what they called. Yeah.
But the little bits of poo that men get stuck on the rocks before the cold when it's up here. All right. Northeast we call them Wynans. Yeah. I only found out about them when I was a little bit of sorry guys.
This is really more than we have a cold but it's a little bit. Is it the way. Well yeah because it's very descriptive.
I don't like to describe stuff, but bits of pieces like it's stuck in the bombing of a gentleman.
If you go in to see what people call them when it's, you know, why we call them when it's. No.
The bits of paper that when it comes out is that why is that?
Why that when it come off? Because they grabbed on bits of shit that would show up. So when it is ready for wound. Yeah. Bits of shit that I honestly thought were globally called when it starts globally.
Do you know when I was in Thailand and I said I just said the tourists are sort of the tourist guides that do would you call them birds. Sorry about it.
To pass the money on the coach. I got the microphone on the court and so does everyone. Was different from do you all go Lembit globally.
Hello. Welcome. So that you have. No, no it's. No, no, no.
Why not do accents. You do not send them. You really think. OK, well anyway let's chat on that. That's coming up. OK.
Some years ago, I went on holiday with my extended family and we all stayed in a beautiful large house together on the second day in one of the shared bathrooms, I came across a flannel on the counter and half a dozen other flannels in the drawer, all stored in individual sealed sandwich bags.
Wow. Two for each day we were staying.
I realized after counting them all, it was it was such a boring figure. I'm not even if you went to a hoarder or like a house that you were sharing and you stole all the flannels, it and I wouldn't have just stuck myself. Just how little I'd never thought I never, ever thought I'd see. That's when I started doing the podcast. But it's a bit flannel heavy this week.
So I thought maybe, maybe it's me.
Grundler trying it out for the new house nor flannel will be open in this house. Come on.
I assume this had been done by the company that had rented us the house, kind of like a super sanitary way of keeping the flannels clean.
Right. But no how wrong I was a short while after I had used the one in the bag that was on the counter to wash my face.
Who? Right. Right. This is no one.
No wonder there's a pandemic because people are just who.
Why is everyone just finding a thing, a random thing find in a flannel?
Ingall, I'll just throw this all over my face.
Facts wrong with everyone. I'm a little bit embarrassed, right? I have. I got the question this week. I didn't realize that I had two questions involve and wiping your face with with a monkey flannel.
You just I don't know. I'm really sorry. No, it's fine, because it brings us to my point.
Why do people just go, oh, this thing? Oh, yeah. I'll just assume I'll just brought this with me. Like like you don't pick up a mask like the masks that everyone's wearing. The minute you don't just pick one up and go, oh, mask, I'll just put that on my face. And, you know, it could have been someone else.
You don't know where it's been, but people just people just trust flannels blindly. What do we fear? That if you stayed in a rented house and she's thinking that they're just there to wash my face?
No. And so I just fucking found them randomly being confused, but just used more like fucking Goldilocks. Yeah.
Just use it every for a short while after I had used the one in the bag that was on the counter to wash my face, we all sat down together for breakfast. I remarked to everyone how nice it was that they were fresh, clean flannels to use.
So some confused looks from the rest of the family and one family member who looked particularly sheepish.
Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. Turns out my cousin has an extensive collection of all flannels that he had brought with him.
Is it daytime is? Yes, he uses Tuesday and puts them in the it's. Big government, some third parties, how do you do? Oh, yeah, he's worked out how many do they go to for each day to a little something like this, I'm going to bed soon, so yeah. So he uses Tubridy and puts them back in the bags after he's carried out his twice daily rectal cleaning ritual.
So I had inadvertently washed my face with the first of the things, the drugs that he used that very morning there.
Was he going to be down Aflalo?
And he stood like Gordon saw sort of the flannel. Or maybe she's used the used one, which is used. She's used. And you know what's even worse than Marie's travel on this is there's a travel ban or even a go.
No, then they're not there, although they get used less.
The travel ones do use less, I suppose, if they travel on. What do you mean?
I'm saying he's been in transit with that all so long. All right. OK, Chrissie's he's actually he's probably got the doctors. The other guy just got sweaty on a night, as we all do in bed. It's a bit hot. This guy's this guy needs some sort of operation. Most people who write into this podcast need to go to the doctor.
Yeah, that's incredible.
He's seven o'clock. He's almost every day with the flannel because he's that is twice is twice a day.
I mean, just I mean. Oh, do you pack a wound. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. When like that's all. So that's what this is.
So basically. Terrific, is it? Hmm. Is it strange that I find it a little bit better that he's got separate ones and he's put them in all the thing?
And I honestly, I respect that.
What's wrong with bug rule? Look, we've all gone for Kersee wipe in wartime. We've all gone for everyone.
You know, you have a bit of a man thing is more of a man thing out. So I don't I don't have to do it that way. But I'm not I'm not saying it's women. We're all different.
For instance, when we're moving in the house, I'm looking at all the boxes with did you have you girls you waved in our new house. Did not do had boyfriends on board. Right. OK. Point is, if you were in your baggy boxer shorts and you're gone and you're sweating, you don't have to think, oh, you know, I've got really sweaty Bomi.
I might be a crack at or not. I've never had a sweaty ass crack. Well, is what you look me made specifically.
All right. Well, congratulations. I am not posh because I didn't get somebody else. Like, do I get to own boob sweat? I get really sweaty under my boobs. There you go, baby.
Oh oh oh. You are one of us. Mrs Ramsey.
It's Ramsey to you.
Ibu dooby dooby dooby. Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Sharq Married in L.A., which is now part of the acres creating networks. Indeed, it was inadvertently and retrospectively sponsored by FLANNELS. Guys, thank you so much for listening. All right, then. We'll be hanging on not long now. Hopefully, we're going to be bought some kind of normality about and Korean people again and all kinds of movies. Shit. That's something that is still happening.
Yeah. Yeah. You're too busy, busy, killed, killed. All get moving flannels. As always, if you want to get in touch with Schokman or Gmail, dot com Willowby will see you next week. I just want to quickly you see if you've made it, if you've got black towels and black panels and you've made it here, that was some. I'm not saying you should stop it. Get that's all. That's weird, really.
We don't want to lose listeners. Could you put a black funnel in a wash with the other color stuff? All right. Yeah. Well ok. OK. OK, ok. OK, ok. Everything's great. All right. Love you. Bye bye.
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