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Hello, you're listening to Chakma annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsay and my fellow Fallahi bloke, my non bloke, my man, Chris Roundy.
Hello guys. Thank you so much for listening. As always, is Episode 77.
And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsorships sliding straight in there.
I am, you know, because I feel like well, I was just about to say, I feel like he was being too long recently. But you've just ruined that by supposed to be really basically we all recorded. If it sounds slightly different, I don't know if it does sound different, but we're recording in London in a hotel room.
London is London. But any warnings in place on Earth?
I don't think it was this hot in London during the Great Fire of London. I think this is actually horror. It's craziness.
What year was the great fire of London? Oh, it was all.
What, you think someone's going to get upset? Someone? Yeah, probably someone probably.
Before we get an email for slacking off the grid is wondering if anyone's nanna might have died in the great fire of London. Might be upsetting them. Yeah, but what?
You can't but you can't contest that a fire isn't hot. You can't contest that that analogy. Somebody will say, well, look forward to it now. We are currently in a hotel.
Does this week's look as look, the sponsor has something to do with hotels? It has. I've looked at these things down there and.
Yeah, or just totally. We had the guys got in touch and I was actually in a hotel at this time.
The guys did get in touch.
The team this week's look at a sponsor is flannels in hotels.
Oh, hey. Yeah, it's all will finally fold up in the sink now.
Look nice and clean, but it's not Mangin that it's not what we use not for to clean the cups. That's what I heard. Oh I know.
I even told my other people who work here, I'm told nobody dirty dirty socks come in here. I felt I was Hanky-Panky then leaving.
Yeah, I bet you that. Look at that funnel. Where, where in Wales in life do you have a funnel. Nowhere. Where's that been used so much.
Tom Crock. So what's tiddler do you think someone's vagina that's being used to wipe up.
You say you might as well be called sex, might as well be a little box called sex, walks by the bed, wipe yourself off flannels, don't put on your face.
So once bonked on it.
Oh, you're totally right. Nature's death trap.
I used to back in the day when I was naive to stuff like this. I used to use everything in hotels. I look at this.
Oh wow. Look at the cops, the flannels, the everything. Not never again.
And can we just clarify now that when you say use, you mean steal and take home for your mom? Oh, yeah, always. Yeah. I took the stolen car. Look. Oh, a shoe shine wipe all of them as well also. Oh look the you did or know someone like that don't use that. I wiped with the flannel.
Don't because then you just spread and stuff. Anyway let's go, let's go on.
Is the jingle. Here it is. We had a fight about the jingle jingle. We could sing along to jingle jingle jingle. So this is the jingle jingle.
We hope you like the G G got a dub, dub, dub, ba know. Hello and welcome back, thank you obviously again for coming back, and we bloody Alafia would do we absolutely love you like almost in a creepy way, like we love you too much.
I mean, speak for yourself and deeply believe that she doesn't speak for both of you guys.
I honestly would stand outside your window in the rain with a kettle black stormy shoulder playing your favorite songs. What playing of songs played live.
So whatever I liked, nobody ever did that for me as a kid. I don't think anyone's ever done it ever. I did not. Well they do in films.
Yeah, in one I think it was done in one film which I can't remember the name of, and then I think I've just seen it pirated another film since then.
No there's no, there's definitely been a few films where it's always the bloke, not by the laxest because the last because the last is not a pretty yet.
All right, guys, that's enough to ring a bell. What side will put a cassette in next, which it's next to it.
It's a no win.
There's always been and they always live in an absolute beautiful mansion like Father of the Bride. Yeah. And then there's always a really handsome lad outside with a ghetto blaster playing lovely songs and high stones at the window, watching how infuriated your mum and dad would be if some lad was holding stones of your window.
Attorneys turn your music down. You've never lived in a house with sprinklers. Well, I'd quickly get some.
Auxois is a thing then. I'll tell you. All right. Yes, yes, it is a I can't even speak.
It can't talk. I was trying to go out there. I've got to tell you, we've got whatsoever called it the here. Yes.
So normally we record on a wooden table and put drinks down a lot easier. But I was trying to put a cup of tea down there and I was, you know, obviously a man called multitasking. Do you think it's bollocks? It's true. He got the word of trying to slowly lower the cup onto the table.
You cannot at all you can't do one more than one task at the time.
But that's why I get really flustered when you when I'm doing one thing and you ask us to do another thing. Freaks is out.
What I was going to say was if that if our child, Baby Ramsey, baby born is a girl, I am going to straight away.
The first I'm going to do is get automatic sprinkler system installed just for if any boys ever stand outside in years to come with gastroplasty.
She likes girls on girls as well. Sprinzen I look, I don't care of your gender, right? If you're outside my house in the middle of the night with a ghetto blaster one what I do when they get a blast, I get an iPhone losa to get off my lawn, get off my lawn and get away.
We sing a song for Šamaš singing I quite like it all.
You know what is really the worst thing if someone was doing that, have our daughter also. If someone stands outside with a ghetto blaster, I will be here like a harmony happening. I'll be like, what's that?
And like I'll look in the bed next to the bed will be empty and you'll be down on the lawn with them and you put them in your dressing gown harmonizing. Isn't this lovely?
I'm doing good.
I think that I do not mean girls never seen it. What.
Jesus, you've never seen mean girls. No. Oh yeah.
What I do with these two is what happens in it. Well, just the logistics really. A girl moves to a new school.
It was called Girls Shift. They got mean girls. I take girls.
There's already a DVD somewhere called Dick Girls. Oh, it's not it's not the same.
I honestly anyway, you get in with this crowd of girls and they're not very nice. They are the mean girls of the school and the meanest girl, Regina George, her mom is just like a bit forlorn and wants to be in the gang and then to do a Christmas concert. And the mom's like doing the dance routine in the in the aisle. And I think that would be maybe one hundred percent.
You don't even have to know the film to know that it's definitely you under-represent.
So. Yeah. Oh we watch that. We watch it when we get home. It's very good.
I kind of got busy, I got little busy, although annoyingly I would probably watch it now because when I watch it the first time, it was a long time ago and I'd watch it and go, Oh, but it's not.
I still see people off about like kick off, get caught about how good it is and how good it is. Yeah, but there's some films that you haven't seen that I won't watch because I will be I'll be doing them word for word like Pulp Fiction. I don't think you've seen Pulp Fiction. Yeah, but you said you can't remember it. Not really.
I can't watch it because I've studied a Junia watched it like fifty times. I just do it word for word.
I could tell you the whole film now and it's not even a narrative order. Yeah.
Listen, I haven't got much content for this week's podcast. If you'd like to just start.
How shit would that be? As a segment, Chris retells a film and tries to get it in order and summarize it. You so you're so weird, though. You would get it, right?
Yes, I genuinely am. I aim too high here because Pulp Fiction, it's all in we order. So the narrative is all chopped up. So literally someone dies and then they're in the next scene because it's Tarantino. So I would I would, I'd make a mess of it's sadly not.
This is going to sound a bit awful, but it doesn't matter. You know, the. They were married.
It's the part of your personality that I'm a bit upset that Robin has here now, like we had there when you were about to say it, I was like, she's going to say she didn't like this part of your personality.
And that's that's fine. You know, I've heard that. But it's the part of your personality that I'm sad that our son has. Yeah, yeah. It's painful. No horrible things.
Robin will not let me get anything wrong. No. No. Will, have you seen him? We've learned the Spiderman song, both of us right in the car because he wants to play it over and over, busted again. And he's lonely for word, for word.
And I'm like Spider-Man. Spider-Man does whatever Spider-Man can that no, mummy, it's just does whatever a spider can.
And he made us play it again just to prove that he was right. And I thought, this is your dad. Yeah. And honestly, for five seconds, didn't like him.
Wow. I didn't like him.
And it was because I could see, you know, I think we'd had a fight that he likes. He does like correcting you. Yes. He has picked that up for me. He does a bit of a dick. What is it? What he's got to prepare himself for? Many times in my life, I've corrected someone and I've been wrong and I've looked like a right twat.
True right twat. But I'll I'll get it out of him. Don't worry. Yeah.
Oh, I got a five year plan.
You're around ambiguous mall. I'm right. You're wrong. I buduburam a double bass.
So we're in London record in this week, as we said, basically because last week we had to record the podcast very early in the week because we went on a little holiday and then when we got back from the little holiday, it actually took a while to wind down. So instead of doing it straight before I got the Wanzhou rules, he's come down to London for a little jaunt or a little sweatbox holiday.
Yeah, I know. To come and do this.
And what Rozzi went when we went to North Yorkshire.
Yeah, North Yorkshire.
According to the accent, it was bloody fantastic. Chris is eating his words every day. Sorry. Eight more words. What you look like a thesaurus. The amount of words you have it. What's this. You're going to start shitting words.
What do you mean you're going to you're going to flood the toilet with all your word crap we're talking about because we went away in the motor home, which you did not want what you're doing.
This is funny. And you're trying to swap around. You're trying to swap this around for comedy effect to say that you wanted the motor home. And I didn't. That's very, very funny. Anyone who listens the podcast will know that I was full on. Oh, come on. Caravans, motor homes, one percent paved the way.
Motor home guy always called me a guy.
You were against it. You have made a fool of yourself.
You have no the fool here is you wrote a twenty minute stand up routine, which is on Amazon Prime at the minute about how much you hate caravans and how much you slag them off.
Guess where Chris wants to go in the caravan. What's the difference that he wants to nip to France?
If you bought me a special girls, you know, the phrase was pop to France.
It doesn't work only to be a pedant like our son and the Spiderman song.
We did get a motor home. We didn't get a caravan. So I actually haven't given up. I still don't like caravans. You know, when you want to walk to the for the caravan site.
But I'm the one to walk past caravans, you know, I do the only thing you just spit on our caravan, folksy thing is it was nice and strict that's happened is date.
And the only thing I've got to say is genuinely, I can forgive you because you loved it and you embraced it, loved it. And the best thing that's going to stay in my memory for the rest of our marriage and life, hopefully we'll see.
Yeah, we'll get on to and it comes on you on the third day of fourth day because we stayed an extra day on the fourth day walking back from the communal showers, which you chose to go do.
It's right with your towel wrapped around your waist, your little toiletry bag on your own. That's right. That's right. I didn't recognize you.
Boursiquot hard. Go home. Go home to go home. You don't say you can experience it. Experience it. No, you got me. Don't remember. I was walking along with me all around us. I went Amy swim in shorts. I came up with our own eyes and you were like you look, you were tough around you and our very loudly went, You have got shorter than me still.
Well actually didn't have just a towel. No, Chris, I have sport. I have sport.
Our friends who have been caravaning for quite a while. And apparently it's extremely bad etiquette, really, that actually.
So but we don't do that again.
Speaking about etiquette, I went to the toilet, didn't I? Yes.
So, guys, if you don't know if you're a motorhome novice like me, obviously my home guy. Oh, and by the way, regular listeners will be happy to know there's a bike rack on the back of the motorhome.
So I haven't changed to. How many bikes does it hold, Chris, for. Thank you for asking for bikes.
Nobody asked how many in the family, Chris, how many actually have bikes? One.
So there's only one. If anyone happens to be going to see him comes. I need your bike. Take a. Just let us know, because I've got three bike experts and how to use any other. So now the bike rack got scared.
Now you see and speaking of caravan and campsite etiquette, I wasn't aware that when you go when a toilet seat is simply a toilet, it's basically back in the day. It was like disgusting and that could overflow and break in. But these are it's like they call it a cassette, but it's basically it looks like a Ghostbusters backpack.
And it sort of pulls out and then there's a little telescopic handle and you feel like it going on a holiday, but you're taking all your family shit and piss with you.
And he goes out and you dumps for a while and you go down. What's it called, the Ellson dispose? Something like that.
Of course, I don't know what else I mean. I think they've just picked a word that isn't shit.
Family wastes feces drop off point taken the kids to the pool because a whole new meaning checkpoint brown.
I should have called it a checkpoint. Bill Clinton got nothing left out.
So when I went to the toilet on the first time I did, I actually did it twice over over the course of the three days because you bless you.
You did it the first day because you were scared. I wasn't fully on board yet. And I want to go home hot.
I mean, the toilets at this day, I went into the last two days and I didn't realize the etiquette seems to be from from what I gathered.
The etiquette seems to be you don't really talk about it. So I was in my head, right.
I was going to be walking to the to the toilet with my little little, you know, little wheelbarrow of poo.
And I was going to walk past and Amy had going to be past.
And people are going to be like, oh, there he goes. Everyone is he was like big no. Was it on a curry like I thought it was going to be like like I was really scared.
I was really scared. It was a vulnerability.
It's a real vulnerability wheel in your family right across it. That's intense. Like and everybody knows.
I mean, what if I walk past someone who was having a barbecue like I mean, so but it was just like morning, morning.
And it's like just no one totally knows it. And I got a bit. And then there was a Q and one.
Oh yeah, it was a Q may mean three blocks and there was one guy and stuff and then he came out and he was like sort of putting this little thing away in Washington's and I want a best part the whole year.
And he went, Oh I cannot believe you mean.
And I went No and initiate. And he like laughed but kind of looked really like nervous and weird at the same time. And I was like, does he not know?
He was just like, is he going to wear the uniform?
Just does he know blood is unaware of what he's just doing?
I thought, OK, fair enough. And he likes all of us. And he kind of walked off and I thought, OK, OK, but bad crowd. I thought, I'll have another crack of this.
The next guy in front of us in and outside in our street, we went well, not much in there then.
And I swear to God, he looked at us like I asked to borrow a thousand pounds like you just glad I didn't.
I was like, OK. And I thought, you know, walk round the toilet.
You might not be like, no, I think that's what you mean. You try it again. No, it's just that to you know what is I cashed out. I can't be doing this.
So no, the rule must be don't talk about shit club. Yeah. Yeah, it's full of shit.
And I didn't realise at the back end it all was a bad thing is that people generally said that only one person will let us know, don't email because too many emails about naked next time.
Anyway, we had a lovely time, very happy.
We purchased the motor home. Just wasn't it wasn't.
I know what you walked by. Immured. Absolutely loved it. Loved it.
My idea is to have the extra note and I'll tell you right now, if I wasn't the one show this week would be open again for next week. It's pissing down everywhere. I still go. Yeah, real motor home guys.
Don't get don't let the rain put them off. No, not Robidoux, Babalu, Babalu, but a little story that kind of ties in with the motor home.
And whilst we've been away, my mom, Sandra, housesit for us, which is lovely because, you know, we put on Instagram and social media that were we all the time. So whenever we go anywhere, always somebody stayed in our house because, you know, just yet which might get robbed. Really.
To be fair, though, when you look back at the mess and the disorganization that your mom's causes when she's there, it might actually be better to just be robbed.
She doesn't cause massive tidies up everywhere and agitators or whatever. Everything goes back to the wrong place. Well, when I was going to moan about it is that I know Sandra listens to this, so she's listening. And I haven't spoken about this.
But when my moms did at our house, right when when I come home, she and so I might have talked about this on the podcast before.
I really like cushions. Yeah. I love a bright color cushion. They cheer me up. I've got loads of them all over the house on every bit of furniture. There's a cushion. Yeah. Sandra, I don't think she likes some of them because when I get home the.
They're always tend to be nobody in the family turns them over, so you can't see the lovely bright pattern and the just like the green and you need to say, just please tell you about a polic me father that I thought it was you.
You thought it was me and you walked in and you should go back from the motor home holiday hashtag. And Rosie walked to the other part of the house and then came back in the kitchen and went, you know what, I always thought it was you that turned the cushion around.
Put it to me, Mom. So you don't turn Kushan around cushions around. Do you know what I did? Turn them around and I just, you know, the cushions on my department, really. I get annoyed when you do the karate chop thing up here. So sometimes I'll go and grab the two corners and straight up again just to piss you off.
But she actually turns around the one she does not. Great. Yeah. Like a sort of dream of someone who like anymore as much territory as well above where recycle bin.
But where we keep our rubbish dealer, we should put one of the coffee cups that have a chip in it.
I decided to go to the gym and I was like, I just use the straight recycled paper scissors.
That was funny. I recycle bin those passes as the handlebars. Well, they do mesh.
What would you give them, the metal and plastic scissors. No, you can't say.
Well, I'm on board with that because I've got no idea what you can recycle. Clarient Unbelievable.
Wow. So unbelievable. Sorry if I was on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? And I've got a question about recycling. I would not for nearly a month. And if I had asked the audience, I would say disconnect her fucking thing because it's an anomaly.
Disconnect her little. Yeah, I can't get her off.
Everybody unplug her little button thing. I don't want to ask her or ask everyone else but her. She's going to the results of.
But anyway, Sandra, listen. Love you. Really do. Thank you for housesitting. You tidy up McLean. It's gorgeous, but stop turning me cousins over because that little fish and the orangey that little fish any day and you turn them against the chain. I'm upset about this backstory.
That is a fish in one of the questions that sounded like a mom was murdered. My pets. I wouldn't. She wouldn't actually. Yes, she probably would. You know, not in a weird way.
Yeah. Robert went just look at the CCTV footage and just just look and put it out the gate and shut the door.
Said, would you not know? She would. We had animals growing up.
She never Caradog just Sandra. Can I just say turn on the cushions out power move. I respect that. I respect that you've grown up with me.
Estimations keep doing it. Find more stuff like that to do.
I think, I think she did it and then I think she's always done it. But you and background and I think she's forgot.
So that's what happened. I think she does it all the time, which is forgot this time. It's been caught out.
Sandra, could we also just talk about the fact that your mom, like, invited amiodarone and stuff? It's like the world's gone. It's gone upside down. It's like when you're a kid and your parents go away, you like for minutes and I've got a free house like you.
We went away and your mom phoned me. It's got to free. I come around, give it ten minutes, so I've got to turn the cushions over so you don't get upset.
I have a double bed, double double.
So just to let you wear behind the curtain of the podcast here, and because we're in a sort of new set up, we're in it. We're in a different room in this apartment in London.
We talked very, very fast and in the intro to Neverwas.
And now and then sometimes if one was off, it's busy because we're in a different setting than I was. You don't deal well with change.
I don't deal well with change. You're really fucking fast.
So Rosie said just off the just as you were listening to the jingle, Rosie was like, are you okay? You talk really fast. So I listen to it back. And I was talking really fast.
Now, you could have been it was so fast, but you could have been forgiven for thinking you had it on, because we often get messages when people have got on double speed on the podcast. Yeah. And they're like double speed. I thought you were like insane. I mean, and then. And then but Rosie told me this morning about an incredible. You got incredible message.
I did. Yes. On Instagram right. Now, can I just paraphrase this message. Yeah.
So who's got the message this morning? And it was an apology for for a complaint. A previous complaint that I didn't see.
Yeah. And the message was, I'm so sorry. I apologize for slagging off the sound quality on your podcast and the message above. It was basically a couple of months ago someone sent a message saying, why are you talking so slow? I'm not going to do a podcast anymore. It was funny at first, but now it's just annoying.
And like you drawling, drawing your voices. Two months later, the person's message bark bless them. A message Jumbuck said, I listen to other podcasts and the same thing was happening. I realised I had me sitting on slow.
Yeah, the fucking message. The message. They didn't just send the message. Told you about it. Then stop. Listen to the podcast. Yeah. That's up there with people.
You know, the people who send photos to like Asda and Sainsbury's and stuff saying this pizza came with no top and then they're like, oh shit, I had it upside down.
Put in their defense, they're stoned, all pissed when they do. This person was funny, but I don't understand why this person thinks that all of a sudden we would just start talking like they.
That's what's funny, how they deal with that eigth and why. Really funny. Why if the start doing that not funny. It's not as funny as maybe talk normal.
That's what yeah.
It's funny is when you're talking on this podcast three and a half hours bloody I mean, not the content, not an outbreak or time.
Listen to this. But you know what, though, honestly, thank you for the apology. Yeah. Because I didn't see the first message. It would have really pissed off, to be honest. But then thank you for the apology, so I appreciate that.
And hey, you owned up a mistake in life. Listen, let's look at it this way. They didn't like Caravan's now the like motorhomes you in what they've admitted wrong or fantastic person. Well, hey, hey, I'm not clapping.
Are you are you talking about yourself is complete nonsense is not put. You put me through years of years, you know, years of hell.
I'm still not I'm still not in a caravan.
Maugham's about twelve hours until this sort of flies foxes. Will you stop.
Corver Recording is one. I'm lighting the beds in bed. Robin's in bed isn't even the motor home and we're on the double bed and we're trying. I'm a little concerned you bloody recall kind of get a minute's peace between fucking the big brother house. This I'm absolutely sick of it. No I just want because I had a feeling that you were going to come on the podcast and be like, oh, all right.
No, no, that's fine. Don't be mistaken. That's fine. Then it's weird that it sounds like it's just weird, like Blair Witch slut porn.
Whispering I hear that.
So be good sleeping in the outside of. I said that you don't know it. That's not what you said. I like that.
I said on both of them they record and stop and you've used that difficulty. I'm calling DeFago on that absolute bollocks. Oh get in Russia where I met the Russian.
No. All right.
It was made of a double bed, double back. It's time for what you be. What's your beef? Beef, baby, baby, what's your beef? I've just thought what most people in other hotel rooms in this building be thinking is going to be thinking.
Hang on. Is that smart? Wow.
I can't believe I can't believe I was within twenty yards of a was mystery. It's like seeing a comet. I mean, I saw a video of a comet on Twitter the other day, but I didn't know whether to believe it. Sorry, just because why are you looking at me like that when you say something, as I always am?
I was very excited about what the reasoning behind it. And so I always just I always let you rule.
I let you roll at one of these moments because you normally, normally not always, but you normally tie yourself in knots and it's quite fun to watch. But it's a real cometary material, but then sometimes that can be confused with the UFO and I just seen it and they did see it was a comet.
So then I thought, well, is it a comet or is it not a comet? Anyway, it's like shooting star. All the same kind of thing. All right. Let's carry on to what if we spoke briefly about how last night we watched Who Wants to Be Millionaire? Yeah. And this is me beef with you because it brought up a lot of feelings why we don't watch them programs. Right. Because you are horrible to watch TV quizzes with.
Right. Because you won't wait until the options come up of the answer and you'll just shout out any bullshit that comes in your head.
It's normally right.
No, it's not. It's not always right. No, because that's not fair.
If you're going to play it properly, if you're watching it and you want to play it, if I'm engrossed in it and I want to play the game properly, don't need you shouting at random shit because then I put a little thought in my head of going, oh, well, maybe that is that I like to just have a clean slate and I like to go I like to look at all the answers and go, right, OK, it's be butterscotch, right.
But I don't like that you just shout out random shit.
So then what? I know the answer. You don't always do what you do know that every time I did it last night, I showed you the answer and I knew you did.
The four options came. You didn't.
And speaking of butterscotch, come on, just say hypocrite. When that question was on, the question was something like what? What product became protected by the EU in 1980 or something? I was the question.
And you went bought and then the four options came up. But none of them were bought.
But one of them is probably the you it properly so you can fuck off what I was there.
You know what I got to say? Not but this is for people listening. Stop showing it out.
I did it once. You did it every single time.
I'm surprised. I'm surprised you. I've done care on the quiz shows up on. You have to be fair. Just stick to them. I mean, listen, professional quiz.
I'm, I'm not gonna say oh gosh. Just in future.
We actually as professional quizzes as a quiz league. And so in all the chase as I like professional quizzes. Oh yeah. Well what about me Dad. Yeah. Oh yeah. Dad loves it. It's love the pop quiz. Well me dad and all his mates got the pop quiz every Monday and the win nearly every week and by the end of the year forgot about it and couldn't.
Kitty can afford to go for a good big, you know, Christmas curry and a night out.
Great professional quizz.
I've never won one time when I was younger, when we were younger, when the comedy quiz am. And it was just because it was cheap drinks. It was when I was at college. So I mean, like old my friends used to go Tuesday night. Come Tuesday night.
Yeah. And then they said, yeah, yeah.
Seven the same childhood wasn't just a childhood where drinking and what it wasn't weren't checked, only I was eighteen, maybe seventeen. And so we got the quiz every week and we'd lose every single week. But there was a there was a group of three blokes used to stand at the bar. Yeah. And we once named our team the same name as them people called or G.S. or something. Right. And we named ourselves their name. And then when the guy doing the quiz read out in last place.
Yeah. Oh jeez.
They were good but they haven't come first.
Well yes they've come first and last because we got lost.
So the bloke just read it out, not realising the name Dick and then they were devastated. It was hilarious, jealous looking.
You you've always been jealous of people who are clever. Don't know the answers. Well, yeah, I know.
It was just funny, Chris. I was young and a bit I was a bit of a dick when I was younger. It was fun, you know, when I was younger, not anymore, but was very funny for that brief moment.
And then we had to go, oh, we put our name is that. And they weren't very happy about it.
They were professional quizes anyway. Well, there you go. What's your beef arsehole? Come on, give us your beef. Yeah, prick.
My beef with you this week is I feel you've done this on purpose.
We went we in our motorhome this week, obviously last week had a lovely time.
I thought my job was like the outside stuff.
I put your hand open and I saw it all the stuff in the boot and everything out and change the chairs around things like you were very kindly do when like sort of cooking and stuff inside.
And I was outside playing Robin, but it was really lovely.
It was like the breakfast ready you would like it would come back to the 50s, which was lovely right there. Quite well.
However, you half a job, you and I think you do on purpose, you've specifically picked a more at home where you can't reach most of the cupboards, you can't reach most of the cupboards because you're tiny.
And I have to come in from whatever I'm doing and get all the shit out the cupboards for you.
Well, anyway, OK, so your beef with me this week, is that short? Yeah.
Yeah. Wow. It's like you're short and you haven't done anything about it. Excuse me. I'm not stretched.
Phillip Armstrong platform shoes are really high heels bit to stand on. Maybe a motor home that didn't have high storage. Think ahead, it's not a holiday if every five minutes I've got to come in and help you out with your jobs after I've done my job, while I'm doing my jobs, I'll get it. I said I would get a bloody crocket.
I believe that this is your beef because I'm sure you couldn't reach the. And it was half a holiday.
Get yourself going a little chill with a beer. You have a gas. Can you get the plate? Well, no, I would do that usually.
Normally I would have like got a box or something to stand on. But, you know, seeing as I'm with child, didn't want to fall over, you know.
Oh, just like bloody arguing with a politician's cigarette and proper milk in this pregnancy, like, oh, come on, the last time I lifted something, you know, I think just a little bit as I like to fault and blame it on the baby, you know, sick of it.
All the baby doc is the baby. Animal living on a farm dooby dooby dooby dooby. It's time for this is Rosie's mistress. Mistress, mistress, mistress. Mistress, miss. Well, I never knew that I didn't cheat. I'm not Jesus, not only mistress, mistress, mistress, mistress and former mistress, mistress, mistress. Welcome back to his mistress.
I enjoyed that. I enjoyed your harmonizing with yourself. Thank you. Very, very good. Very quick one.
This is just it's a really quick little segment of the show to want to take over the show, even though I do think it has got legs. And I think it could be a full thing.
Yeah, obviously. But it's just a small thing. But I do want to say thank you so much to all of the tweets and messages that we've got of people saying Rosie loves alliteration. Why didn't you call it Rosie's riddles? Listen, it's already gone. It's gone to press. It's all been done. The jingles made it cost that.
Can we change it? Rosie's reveals. Even though you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right.
I found out about cost thousands. I'll be absolutely fucking furious.
Did write Rosie's mysteries this week. Come on then. I'm ready. It's just Truffaut's.
Of course it is, OK. True or false? All right, there are 219 episodes of friends, I'll repeat that, true or false?
There are 219 episodes of Friends. Friends is an American sitcom from the 90s to the noughties. You're going to go with Drew after you go through that final final answer. I want to call a friend 50/50. Don't ask me because that's part of the thing now.
So I'm going to ask you, even though you've got the answer in front of you. Yeah, you can ask me.
Oh, no, you're right. Can I just tell everyone this is because we sat in the hotel last night and we had to take away lots of food and we watched.
We didn't want to Ozark with the food because it's a bit heavy. And so beforehand we just had who wants to be really loud? And they've got a new bit now where they can ask the horse.
I start recording, but you didn't realize it and saying that now that he doesn't have the answer in front of them to live that final answer.
Wow. So anyway, you can't ask me about the person who made the question because I got it completely ridiculous. It would be just tell us the answer. A true. True.
Yeah. Let's see if you're right.
Never knew that. Well, you did. Because you're right. That's true. Well, just congratulations. You've got to call one of that. It's outside. Is it. Yeah.
Well how did you saw this on the drive. But this is where the hotel is. Oh sorry. Only when if you got it right.
Oh, it's your fault. Oh, it's just at the end that I can't get any more disappointment. But you managed. Yeah.
Oh, I'm a double double going a challenge this evening to salvage that Brennan Station. It's pizza toast on the menu. Shaji. Oh very continental. Usually I. Well, sushi, it's good you try showing you. I'm sure the recipe may be Italian bread, 100 percent Irish love beef. Three slices of Brennan's family back home for they chiselers. It's a step they take. So chopping reddin's today's bread, T.J. at CENTERA we have everything you need for back to school like Sintra family meals.
One point one two one point two kilo. Only five euro each and in are better than half price sale Birdseye chicken dippers. Forty three grand now three year 018 and innocent smoothies for kids four pack now one eighty five each Sentara leave every day.
It's time for questions from the public, the queues in the pews and the Jews in the news and the cute little guys, as always, if you want to get in touch, is shocked.
Margaret annoyed at Gmail dot com again, little tiny shout out for just sometimes there's just a nice little email and it's really, really lovely. And you all say nice things that begin in the emails that we don't want to read out because it's a bit self-indulgent.
But thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the love. Thank you for the support. Thank you for the content. You keep providing us with Shagbark annoyed at Gmail dot com if you want to get in touch. Thank you. I'm doing the questions this week. Yeah.
Who's got a week off am. I'm always sort of intrigued as to what people are doing while they listen to this. There was little moments while we're doing this podcast. I think I wonder what someone's doing.
I've been sent a really strange one. OK, it's not a question or anything. It's just a little short term or do I think it's great?
Um, hi, guys.
I noticed they haven't been many. I listen to the podcast when emails sent in recently.
Now, this must be a thing on other podcasts. I'm not I don't know if it is. I mean, as you know, I don't listen to the podcasts as well.
As, you know, the ones I listen to are about rape, murder and sexual assault. Yeah, yeah.
He listens to to crime and walked into a dressing room while someone's describing a murder is lovely. Lovely. So she said, I've noticed haven't been many I listen to when emails in the podcast recently. So I thought this might be something random. Two of you might like to know, OK, and I'll tell you what it is, right.
My family has a duck egg business and I listen to your podcast while packing eggs.
Oh, that's funny. It's funny. Well, listen to this workload. Some days during the lockdown, I would have had to park about 120 dozen eggs a lot.
So I get through quite a few episodes. I packed them into the egg cartons and load them into crates and then they delivered in the shops. Wow.
Thank you for making my eggs enjoyable. I've never seen duck eggs in the shops. You know how many?
120. Doesn't it only eggs that is. No, 1440.
Many ducks that got well have I got one very amorous stock or a lot of dogs. I don't know. You have to have sex Slark.
I don't like slug Quaqua Doctor.
I am is a question.
So we have eggs all the time. There's just loads of eggs. Yeah. How long are they pregnant for with eggs.
Like now we're going to show our stupidity and our ignorance because I don't know if they have to be. Do they have to have sex to have the egg or to the just keep knocking them out.
I've got no idea, Tom and Jerry, that, you know, on the Tom and Jerry call that. Well, this is what we watched as kids. So you just you just think they can just have eggs all the time.
The most the most have to be fertilized, although I don't know. But then they never have like a big stomach and the eggs come out massive. Wow.
This is removable. So if you look at a chicken, I thought it's really, really that one know as a doc.
Well, if a dog or a kitten or an animal is pregnant, they've normally got a bit of a tummy on them. Kitten, pregnant kitten, woop, Condamine, the kitten comes out.
What do you know what I mean?
They've only got pregnant belly, but with ducks. I've never seen a pregnant duck. That's why they keep it of the water. They're clever. No, no, no.
You were pregnant. You'll just walk around in waist high water.
I mean, is that a thing that can happen? Not happily have that. I'm at that awful stage of I've still got me nonpregnant pregnancy. Nickerson Right. But I've got a tummy, but like, I've also got a bit of fat as well. So what's happening is your knickers are coming up to me belly button and digging in. So I look like I've got like about three stomachs.
Right, OK, so I've got a bit of a fat vagina. So that's there. And then then my stomach and then the pregnancy belly is a bit further up.
So you're the fall pregnant stage. I'm definitely at the fat are pregnant. You're at the stage where no one would ever go. When's it due that would just go in and join a lockdown.
Yes, exactly. No, I'm not that. Let's call it Fragonard. I'm currently pregnant 18 weeks. Fred Robidoux, Babalu Babalu. Back on another one here.
Hello. Hello. I'm a primary school teacher and this is the story of the worst Shortell ever. Oh, please keep me anonymous. As if the parent listens. She will be mortified, right.
As a reception teacher, I could see a group of children gathered around the drawers. I asked what were they doing?
And they told me they were looking at a little boy show and tell. I asked them to put it away and we will share it at the end of the day. At the end of the day, the little boy showed the whole class mommy's back massager.
Oh, I knew you were going to say that.
I knew it was going to be a vibrator and pulled from his book bag, his mom's dildo. That's mortified myself and my two year teaching assistant swooped in. But as none of us wanted to touch it, we had to pick it up with a plastic bag like dog shit.
I mean, pick it up and wash your hands, go see whoever gets better.
However, he had turned it on and therefore it was vibrating away on my desk. At the end of the day, I had to call the parent the class for a word.
This parent laughed at the other moms and that what I don't know, when she entered the classroom, I closed the door and told her that her son had brought in her special back massager and pointed the item, vibrating in a plastic bag on my desk that she didn't turn it off. Oh, my word.
She looked mortified. She grabbed that item and ran out of the room. We couldn't look each other in the eye.
And the following weeks, parents evening was a very awkward affair.
Wow. So as Robin starts school in September, please always check what he sneaks into his book bag.
Oh, he would definitely do that. He would definitely do that. Have you ever seen him play with me?
Tampons, carnage. Utter carnage. Nuh nuh. Tampons new.
Oh yeah. Not used.
Just knew it was a bit that he gets took out the bin and everything does that all the time.
Horrible kids are disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Sabado Bahamadia, Babadook Kneisel sake we're here. Speaking of tampons.
Oh great love talking about tampons.
Hi Rosie and Chris, my boyfriend and I started isn't your podcast a few months ago after my sister recommended it.
We work together so we listen to you guys on our drive to work. Lovely. We have just reached episode forty three and the question would you put cream on your other half's bomb?
I remember that. I do remember this reminded me. Oh, cream is in ointment. Yes, right. I thought, I thought I meant a commonwealth issue. No, no.
Like a medical cream. Right. Reminded me of the time I pulled a muscle in my back so I couldn't walk, sit down or go to the toilet, etc. on my own.
I ended up needing to use a wheelchair for a few weeks. But yeah, it must have been bad.
And my boyfriend was an absolute star looking after me, put him into bed, helped me in the shower and much more.
Unfortunately, the timing of the injury was especially terrible. I had just started my period so we could not go to the loo by myself. I couldn't wipe myself, never mind, put a tampon in the day this happened, my boyfriend had got me comfortable on the loo, left the room.
It give me some privacy. And when I called him back in time, he began getting me sorted.
When he realised I had started my period, he very subtly looked out for a box of tampons, read the instructions, help me up carefully, inserted it before asking if it was comfortable. And then he just went about his day as if nothing had happened.
Holy shit, would you not do that for me? It says here. My question is, Chris, would you do this for Rosie if she needed you to?
Absolutely fucking no chance. You wouldn't. No chance I'd get a beach towel wrap around you like a nappy.
I put a fucking pin on its safety pin on the side and I'd let you go.
But you did. Well, you I mean, you just use a pad.
No, no, I wouldn't you wouldn't put a clean sanitary towel in my nigga. You wouldn't stick it to the inside of my neck.
I suppose that was the word. Yes. Yeah, it's the inside. Yes. But I don't have to put your knickers on because you've got to see it. Pull them up. Forget it. Forget it. Oh, I don't even this is such rubbish.
Listeners just you guys know this is the same man when I was pregnant.
You wipe my bones out in labour you wiped me further back more than one.
Oh. So don't you dare you lie and be a toilet on the motorhome holiday.
So there you go. Exactly. I definitely wouldn't put a tampon. I know he's done that before.
I'd find that easily nailed down one. See, my thing is I'm all right for you putting a tampon in for me while we try.
I say just hey, hey. Is this reverse psychology of working tampons?
I'm pregnant. It would be drastic. Oh, it's horrible up there.
And no, I just need the angles. Got to be right. It takes years of practice. No, it is sweet but yeah. Yeah.
I'm going to say right now it's not Swedish. We thanks for your email. We're not even married now. It's boyfriend and girlfriend. Not that, not that.
I say that in a terrible way, but I don't know why. Just in our personal opinion, everything goes a bit downhill after marriage. Once you have that day, it's all. Once they've started, they've started here, what yeah, they call you can't go any lower, the only way is up, which is also what he was saying about how to do this.
The only way that Abu Dooby Dooby Dooby Rosie and Chris, when I was 14, I went to visit my aunts and cousins for a little holiday one morning.
I felt a bit iffy, but not enough to believe I was ill. I went to the bus is supposed to.
Stop it. I've got some of them. No, I don't want any. Mozote talked about somebody putting their girlfriend's tampon in. It wasn't a rude story.
That was love and affection and companionship. I don't why you made that rude.
Disgusting. Come on. When I was 14, I went to visit my aunts and cousins for a little holiday. One morning I felt a bit iffy, but not enough to believe I was actually ill. I went to the bathroom brackets, no one.
See, I see just piddles and still felt a little off. I sat there a while and then I decided to get up.
I went to flush the toilet and I was mortified down the toilet where what I thought were little white eggs.
I wasn't very clued up on periods and female biology by that point in life. And I believed that I lost all of my eggs.
Brackett's ovaries, what was happening? I was distraught. Fourteens one at the toilet.
Just look down to see white eggs in the toilet. She feels she's literally right in here. She is 14 and she thought our ovaries had fallen out. Oh, OK.
14 years old. I thought I was never going to have babies. I sat on the floor in horror wondering how I was going to tell anyone. I couldn't bring myself to tell my auntie. And I figured I would tell my mom when I got home.
Anyway, 24 hours later and the next morning, my little cousins were having breakfast. When they finished, my auntie cleaned up and that's when reality hit me.
My unni had been throwing the leftover breakfast down the toilet rather than the sink, so my so-called eggs were actually just leftover Rice Krispies from the guest house.
Isn't that a roller coaster? That wasn't that intense. I mean, my mind went everywhere. I was like, there's a frog living in the stroke's bone.
Yes, it is. Yesterday, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know what was going on the time.
Ask me first question, why are you throwing your fucking food down the toilet? I saw weird people, so we saw down the toilet Montecristo Chris people.
You know how we go. You go on about recycling. Yeah, I'm really clued up on what to not and what to put down the toilet on your hand to go down the loo.
That's what drainpipes is. What what a ridiculous thing to brag about.
What do you mean you literally put you put your elbow on the table and you point it across at me and you said, listen, I might not know recycling, but I'm really clued up on what doesn't go down the toilet.
And then, you know, you named your name the two things that go down the toilet. Yep.
And then some paper as well. Paper and poo go down the loo. Yeah. Yeah.
That's what Windpipes says some things and I'll tell you whether you can put them down the toilet and fuck me.
Freddy, come on. It's Rice Krispies. No pasta sauce. Absolutely not a ball and ball on your bike.
Kitchen rule. No tissue tissue paper. Yes. Triple ply tissue paper done by triple play hand wipes.
No get there with a handy wipes, bathroom bum wipes, no flushable bathroom bum wipes.
No, not really. You still a little bit, you know, the gray area and.
Well I remember years ago and when I worked in a nursery and overheard one of the moms saying that to flush the nappies down the toilet, that's not something I had to say.
Something that a nappy. A nappy. That is madness.
Yeah. Just just people like it's like Sandra with the scissors in the recycling, you know what I mean? People are not clued up on this. Don't be put nappies down the toilet.
If I was on the podcast, there's a guy there's a guy who comes to some of the gigs in the Northeast and comes to a lot of gigs up me in various comedians.
Do I know who I am?
And basically the way it works in the sewers, it's his job. And someone was doing a routine once about flushable.
Why was it me talking about was it someone told us that? I think we'll talk about spraying people on the show every day with the toilet. And someone said, I'll use the flushable wipes. And he literally is massive blow.
And he literally just screamed like they're not flush. And we were like, man.
And he was raging about apparently the final order them the president down there. Yeah. So there you go. It's amazing all the stuff like she was fourteen. She thought I had fallen out. It's amazing the stuff you believe when you're that old.
Oh, totally. Totally. First time I ever tried. Smoothen. Yeah. Was Meenan. I had a cottage.
You know, you're going to say I mean, I know how to Tabassum because the couple of that, I mean and I don't even know if my mum knows this. Sorry Mom. Oh God. First time I ever tried smoking was in Meninas, the field opposite me Nana's cottage shit in me and Nina because in August of Influence wanted me nannas tabs, tabs and tried smoking, but I didn't inhale it.
But then I got told by someone at school that when you don't inhale it, you get mouth cancer. So I was convinced I had mouth cancer, but it was just there forever.
Yeah, I did that and I didn't, I didn't inhale it, so. Yeah, but good times. I still remember. I think Nina listens to this as well. Nina, that was, it was a good stab.
I thought you're going to say I was terrible and.
Yeah. Nina Nina was not in the backfield.
Nana's college was not a good job. Good job. I still remember the smell. Kid didn't come.
That's OK, everybody to you. She was. It's like you can imagine, like if Smorgon wasn't so frowned upon, that's kind of I imagine that would be an advertising a marketing campaign them do.
Do you remember your last good tap?
What was your good tap email and good taps for all the family?
Yeah. Yeah. Kate and Kate wouldn't come.
She was such a honestly she was so good. Never tried to than that you know, didn't drink until she was like. Seventeen, which is, you know, pretty old, where we go from basically a grandparent away from it, but yeah, yeah, good. Tab's good laughs.
It was a good time. Don't be tight on the way. SCUMMIEST thing you've ever said in your life. That was a good. I'm ashamed of you. Utterly ashamed of you. I'm sorry, Mom.
Abdullah Abdullah Abdullah Badawi would be have a lot of hot weather recently in the Gardens Ambrosiano. You're an absolute absolute die hard dog lover.
You really know you're going to love this, Zerlina. You are going to love this, OK?
Don't mind them. Don't want one, though. Hi, Chris. Engrossing. We've got a story that we think will make you laugh. OK, my partner and I don't mind dogs. In fact, we prefer them to cats.
But our neighbors have a puppy and it is driving us crazy.
He has why ok.
Every day, sometimes even two or three times a day, the dog is going for a poo brackets, which begs the question, what are they feeding it on their property in the bushes is where it's having the poo, which is right beside our bedroom that opens onto our deck.
This is driving us crazy.
Every time we and I've never thought of this. Every time we sit to go outside and enjoy the sun or even open the window to get fresh air.
It's currently 30 degrees.
We are met with the potent smell of dog poop. No, and it has become the only thing we can smell outside, let alone the flies that it attracts.
That's OK. That's Mangay. Well, surely they've said something.
I mean, I thought the rule was even in your own garden, you pick up the dog poop, of course. Well, you would think so. So it's going in the bushes and they're just leaving it in the bushes. Disgusting. Well, it might be a part of things that will fertilize the soil or whatever.
What if it's next to your deck? You're literally sitting on a deck chair with a little glass of lemonade and there's just hot dog shit behind you, like through a fence with gaps in it. And that is the worst.
That is, again, never the dog's fault or is the owner of that million, which they can smell it as well?
Yeah, but sometimes people get nosebleeds, but it might be at the bottom of their garden. If I was I mean, if we had a dog and it was it was pwn in the bushes at the bottom, we wouldn't give two shits.
Oh it was me on the other side that it's upsetting.
Of course some folks say this conifer bushes and then a bit of soil, then the fence, then they're up the dog shit.
Me, I know they're thinking well why would I crawl under the conifers and grab it so I can't understand it.
I feel like you can knock on the door. I feel like you wouldn't be within with I don't think you'd be the worst neighbor in the world.
I'm really sorry, but can you pick the dog?
Because our decks, they let me open the bedroom window and the dog shits coming in and the flies. That's so awful.
They've come up with an awesome question. Right? We got think about this question.
Would you rather hear dogs barking all the time or be able to smell dog poo for the rest of your life?
And that would take you long. And you know what I'm like? Sounds. Yeah, yeah.
So just constant barking like you've got headphones on with a CD of dog barking, playing constantly.
Oh, smell shit or smell dog poo all the time. What would you want.
That's hard because there's a certain place where we live when they do the field in that I can't even go there that day because the smells of apple.
Yeah I don't know.
It just was just all day, all day. Everything is quiet. Now listen, your headphones.
Right, so was just I'm just in your ears nonstop all day.
So like you go to me Chris you want to come on. I'm like yeah you go to what.
Not even worse and worse. I'm like I'm a little bit bark and you didn't see all day bark.
And I know says, would you rather hear dogs barking all the time so you can constantly hear about the smell of smoke.
I don't for the rest of your life, I think it get probably annoying. You get more used to the smell than you would the bargain. Yeah. And you could cancel out the smell by you could like stick a little air freshener on your nose, on your nose.
But one of them treat Vicks Vapor Robot that, you know, like when they go to see a dead body and like true detective yelling in the intelligence of stuff my OK and smell shit.
I did not think about it again, you know, neither did I. Honestly, I feel I deserve some kind of medal.
You don't, but you can't enough.
You can't get the bulk and would drive is insane. Where is the smell. Would just make us feel a bit poorly. Yeah, OK, good, well, I'll get on the phone, so what are you going to comment about? Double barbecue, but really quick one here, just off the back of it.
Would you rather I love these? Would you rather this is a really interesting one I've never, ever seen before. Yeah. Hi, Chris. Rosie, would you rather look ten years older from the neck up or the neck down?
Oh, isn't that great? Right.
OK, so you're going to look ten years older from the neck of the neck down. Which one do you want? NetApp, NetApp, nobody likes old legs, although 10 years I'm only going to be forty three, I'll still look bangin. Yeah. It should have been that should have been 50 years, 50 years. Well, just yeah, because 10 years isn't that different.
So I'll do so. I'll just put of to it. Right.
Would you rather look 30 years old up from the neck of the neck down. Right. OK, the neck up. Yeah. So you have an older face rather. Have an old face. Yeah. Than an old body. Although no I want your body out every day.
Look here today you see my arms, you see my legs have got a skirt on a dress. Put me face I can put makeup on.
I could possibly get a little little tux.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. These are the rules of stipulate.
You're not allowed not allowing any sort of plastic surgery. No, no, no, no, no, no. Not I'll do anything at top level either, because that's why I'm keeping the dog shit like you smell it.
I'm still choosing faceup. OK, ok.
I've got good jeans and facemask anyway. She'll be all right and I'll just go shops all the time. Nonomiya. Yeah.
No one will know what you. What I want. Probably knock down, really probably neck down, because I've seen some I've seen some again, but at the motor home, I saw some bloke walking on the tops off and I thought, you know what, you're easy 10, 20 years older than me, and you look good.
I just have to stop out and tell you why. Why am I just thinking of, like. The woman from the something about Mary Magda, my mom looks at me all the time, so no, maybe, yeah, I don't know, I'm tall, I'm thinking of I'm thinking of like eight year olds with, like, really vaine legs and stuff.
But that's OK. I don't know. But it'll keep going. So in 10 years, one part of your body will still look 10 years older than the other one. 20 years, I think is what I've picked.
So when you're 80, the chores will look 110.
Wow. Just me, faith, that's fine. Yeah, although when a wound care for them, maybe I want to change my mind.
Not all you've done. I've sent it off. They're coming round. Oh, nice.
So keep your schedule free this afternoon. The doctor people come in and then the next morning. I can't wait. Maybe I'll just get you an astronaut helmet to wear around the house. Yes, please. That would be nice.
We will be by then double double bed bath salts like dogs off a little bit.
And I feel like it's only fair that cats get a gawn Alvar also. Oh, great.
OK, so. Hi, Rosie and Chris, please keep me anonymous. I have a disgusting story that happened to one of my oldest friends about 10 years ago. He was back living at his mom's house and we had time between finishing university and getting a real job. One night my friend had been asleep for hours when the family cut brought him a gift that he'd hunted like cats sometimes do.
Dead Mouse Craughwell can still see colorants in front of the podcast is he said to me just in conversation, bothered me a day.
Etext is like Texas, something like seven in the morning and I was like Yoona about this time.
I like what you do not like all the cats in the bringing this dead stuff just killed outside Fais. So she woke me up with like a bird or something. I was like and he just dropped in the conversation.
I was at madness. Horrible madness. People still love them, though. Imagine if your kid brought home a dead rat. You'd think you'd take them to a hospital. But, you know, I'm going to pay money and buy this creature that lives in my house and I have to feed and that doesn't really care about it just pisses off to everyone else's house and then brings his dead still married.
I'm having worked, like, really annoying because after the shit people in the face, people come in the carpet this afternoon as well to give you a cat.
So you've got a schedule chock a block. Now, he woke up to find the cat sitting on his chest looking happy as Larry with an oblong black sheep in front of him.
Oh, my friend was half asleep and he touched the gift from the cat stock on a gift from the cat to try and work out what it was awful.
It was it was made of materials.
So thankfully, not a living creature like a mouse or a bird. But he couldn't work out what it was. And the only light in the room was far enough away that he would have to get out of bed and walk across the room to turn it on.
Being a lazy sod, my friend, try to work out what the gift was in the pitch black darkness. He couldn't work out from touching it and it was already on his bare chest.
So we tilted his head forward and gave it a little sniff.
The smell was so overwhelming, but he said he felt compelled to give it another few deep sniffs just because he'd never smelled anything so bad in his life.
He described it as fresh poo, mixed with bean juice, mixed with something revolting he couldn't quite place. What is it?
My friend was awake enough now to be completely freaked out, so he got out of bed and turned the light on, only to discover his horror that he had just been sniffing a used sanitary towel.
But the cat must have got out of someone's been. My God. Oh God. Oh, sorry. Oh my God. I'm sorry, but no. Or in the middle of the night in the darkness.
And he's harder.
Like, I can only equate this, you know, a few a few weeks ago when Robin had the nosebleed in the middle of night and I could see like the red on his cushion, I was like, what is that?
And I like, touched it. And if I touch and sniff something another night and it turned out to be a sonnet, you tell it the cardboard in a stranger's a stranger, you tell what it gets by a stranger.
Saw this. Oh yeah.
I would be a millionaire cat would be in the shower in the middle of the night. The cat would be called. The lifeboat was not be spraying it down with the ship, not give it back.
What the cut. What if Robin went to a stranger's bin brought you you send it out in the middle of the night.
Yeah, but the difference is I can't reason with Robin and go never do that again. Just see this Robin. See this Lego that I built for the other day.
Do you see it going on the fire box because you brought that towel. Don't you ever do watch Mario melt, watch Lego Mario melt in the fire.
Stop crying, stop crying. Don't ever do that again. You know what I mean? But but that's how much I just don't say this is the thing, right?
I don't want to upset anyone because I know that people love cats and dogs and I know that people love animals and I genuinely never want any harm to come.
Oh, absolutely. No, Ben would never home them. We would probably end up getting home late one day because I think Robin is desperate for a new retirement plan, but I just don't understand the disgusting part of it. I was out and about the other day, I think I was at the supermarket and I watched somebody put their dog in the boot of their car before they put them in their white. There was three dogs in the wiped all of their arses with wet wipes.
And I just thought, that's brilliant. It is brilliant. But at the same time, I don't I don't want to have to do that to it, to a creature for the rest of its life. They don't grow out of it.
You want you on your own. You call C10.
Nobut like kids, not you do that at the beginning and then they end up doing it themselves. They don't have to do that forever with their dogs. I'll get you. I'm just I'm honestly right, but I love them.
I do love other people's. When I go I'd like to be friends house. We've got dogs and cats. I'm all over the like. I really like them. I just, I just don't want to of it.
It's the whole the whole baby thing. So yeah. And I just don't understand. The old brought a dead rat this morning. Nice. Great. Did that, did that not ruin your day. Because that would remind you. Why are you still crying about.
Does that not traumatize you. That's just a normal thing.
Here's the end of the story. On the next day, my friend felt compelled to know if the cemetery told belonged to his mum because he was completely convinced that he might have taken some good deep whiffs of his mother's, you know, oh, you didn't need to read that.
It wasn't as well. You know, it wasn't his mum didn't use them. It was a happy ending. Luckily for him, she said she did not use military. Tell us. Well, she probably not have a period anymore about your boyfriend. Just pops tampons up for.
I'm not letting you do the questions again. This week's been, oh, this is horrific. Some nice when they will have to watch some nice little moments in there. You sure you. Yeah, right. Yeah. They've all involve vaginas.
It's just one of the catches me fancy at the time. I do have a double double beat to catch me.
Fancy this email here. This e-mail was called. I don't normally look at the title of the e-mail. I just randomly clicking clicked. But this one caught my eye.
This e-mail was called and I caught all capitals. I don't believe in the time tunnel. Right. So that caught my attention. OK, so fighting.
So the listeners are listeners around the country and around the world.
Even the time tunnel is basically just a tunnel for cars that goes under the tine river, much like the Mersey Tunnel or the Channel Tunnel or any of the ones I call on the Thames. But this goes north to south.
South to north. Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, yeah. And it's just. Yes. Straight onto this is a lady. This is Emily.
Hi, Rosie and Chris. Hope you both well. And congrats on the baby news. Thank you. Thank you.
I'm from Newcastle and when I was a little kid, my mum and dad used to visit family in Sunderland regularly north to south. I used to love going through the time tunnel because I couldn't wrap my head around the engineering of it. So I was always used to think it was a magic tunnel.
As I got older, however, I still couldn't understand how the tunnel goes underneath the river and yet at both entrances to the tunnel, all capitals and bowled here.
The river is nowhere to be seen. It's not. It's not actually.
That's true to this day. It's up now 31. I still find this extremely perplexing and don't fully understand it. Part of me still thinks that the tunnel is some sort of magic wormhole rather than an underground concrete tube.
My question is, are there any normal things that you still don't quite understand as an adult?
Lots of love. Emily from Gosforth. OK, well, just quickly, Emily, what you need to do is you need to go through it with your satnav on because you can see because I genuinely thought the same. Yeah.
Whenever I was a kid, I was like, well, where's the river? Yeah. Like, when you go over a bridge, you see the water. And my mom said, well, we're under it now. And she'd get you'd get half way to go.
We're into the river now. Well, where the hell was the river when we started? Like, you're right. She's completely bang on. Yeah, it's very confusing.
I to think the tunnel went through the middle of the water like like in the like in an aquarium, an underground nice.
I thought I went through the middle of the water and I always used to think so it just goes under the ground, goes right under right under the ground over the river bed under there.
Yeah. That makes more sense.
But you have a certain Ivone because you can see from the satnav, listen, OK, Emily, put your santhanam or whatever, flustered, but you can see that you actually go in and then you do what you do. Like you don't realize it because you're in the tunnel, but you do a bit of a circle, you do a turn, and then it takes you to the river, which is like not there.
I mean, you know, it's really going to blow your mind. The pedestrian tunnel never been in. And get yourself to Jaru. Get yourself to Jarrel pedestrian tunnel.
You can see the river you go in, you go down the lift, I go down the escalator is going to tell you I love the pedestrian tunnel, left side bikes, right side pedestrians on me bike steadfast. It's air conditioning, if you like, air conditioned, fucking freezing and they fly through.
I mean, I love it by guy and.
Yeah, that'll blow your mind. Right. What was the question? Again, the question was what normal things do you still not quite understand as an adult? I'll tell you straight off the bat, babies.
What babies being born still can't get my head around.
It blows my mind that there's a baby in your stomach now. I know. Blows my fucking mind. It's very clever, isn't it?
If they came out at some point and just went, by the way, this is a massive hoax. Babies are just made in laboratories. And what we do is we just kind of like give you like a drug when you think you're pregnant to just like inflate and then you come in. All we do is give you hallucinate, hallucinating drugs. You think it's all happened, but we've actually just deflated you and given your baby made I go, I get it.
Yeah, I go. That's more plausible than a vagina opening and a baby flying crazy, isn't it?
Madness. And it funny how the vagina just like genuinely really opens like ten.
That's just not only stuff like tents, madness, crazy, crazy.
We don't have a ton of that this time. No. This time didn't have an absolute you. No. Like a sealed Moses here.
It was not nothing coming through this tunnel. The time tunnel.
It's not real. No. I went in, I was in labor and. Yeah but luckily Robin was massive so I had an emergency C-section and I think you would have tore my vagina in half. Can we do this right now? How do you get from the time tunnel that you're an animal?
Well, you know, people's vaginas, actually, if you are a bit of a slag in the Northeast, your vagina is often compared to the time tunnel. So we've just got such a rich culture of people.
Well, it's it's like it's a cycle and it boomeranged on the tank, too.
So they go visit the northeast and the pedestrian tunnel. Right.
OK, that's I mean, that's still you can still. I mean. Still, there will be bike. Well, you know, five centimeters I did I did go five centimeters, so I did stretch a little bit. Stop, stop, stop it, stop it.
The miracle of birth. I'm just buton. I want to begin first. He's going to get me a date. Apparently, I just go in like I to have it and.
Oh, yeah, it's going to be it's going to be wonderful. Can't wait. Actually I'm really looking forward to this time. Yeah. I was shitting me pants last time. So this is going to be a man.
I'll never understand that. I'm looking forward to going in and having my stomach cut open and having a human pulled over. Oh yeah.
Waitress's madness. No, because the lube pressure and the just another one of your first child in labor is it's really scary, but I actually quite enjoyed it, didn't I? Weirdly, I quite enjoyed labor and maintenance because it's just out there.
And I was crying and I wasn't in labor. It was horrible. If you think I'm wiping, you think again, please.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on. Not no.
On Imola first person and see if they boyfriend's it because he seems like a pretty he seems like, you know, you're could there's no way around but he's got one of them little, you know, a little shape of things that mechanics slide on.
The calls all get a double, double, double episode 77 done and dusted. Thank you so much for the bank once again by Mutu You Bilston Shackman annoyed which is now part of the E screen and it. Thank you. Yes indeed. Thank you very much guys. As always, if you want to check my Gmail dot com on 30 September, the books are excellent.
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