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Hello, you're listening to Charmides annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, Chris Ramsey, and this week is book launch week Fox Presents just just coming out as a.


Check books out. It's in the shops, but it's on the Web, on the Web, not on the post, slash woman might put it in your shed.


I like that.


Thank you. The postman slash woman might put it in your shirt. The book is out this week. It came out yesterday. If you listen to it on Friday. It came on the phone Friday. We are very excited, very excited.


We haven't got massively excited about the book because, you know, global pandemic kind of. What's the word?


Yeah, tarnished. A bit tarnished.


It pushes you dreams and all the shine off the little thing it did. It's very exciting.


And while we're recording this on earlier in the week, obviously, and but even now, some some lucky little so-and-so is out there, which I couldn't believe when I saw this morning.


Talk me on Instagram. Some people have already had their signed copy.


I don't know if all the food in the world already nor reminds us of Manza, one of the first one of the world Grand Theft Auto Games came out. I ordered it off Amazon or something and I'd like some weird action. You got like three days early and I went and queued outside the game at midnight like a tosser.


What did you do that I did? Oh, I married a man who cuz you of a legend who cooks for a game.


No, it was before you could download them. I don't like people like you. Wow.


So I don't know why I like you. First off, when they've just come out at midnight, midnight there was, there was a game and Celsius on King Street and I quote there with the with a load of other winners sorrows.


I remember once I did it and I had to just go home and go to sleep because it was actually too late, because the next day I wish I'd known because if I'd have known that I went down an egg, you bully, I would have been an actual nerd.


I mean, cool kids, but so yeah.


The book's out with this week guy. So I thank you already everyone who's got that massive, massive appreciation for lobbyists.


And this is part the podcast or this episode Eighty Good Grief. Good Grief. Like a Werther's original, uh, old silky, smooth, creamy and yet Granda gives you on the sly sounds we have.


But I just meant like before Yati. Yeah. Look, if you took anything, do you listen to it at all that's on you. Because my I just meant he gives you a little little treat before you dinner. OK, mom said that sounds even when it doesn't work for me.


No, no, no, no. I'm just saying listen you have tell him that you have that. Huh. Oh God. Brought the tone down. Oh. Do you want this week. Sponsor's not going to want to follow that is it. After six months that no one would have to at least talk about something else. OK, was going to kick off. All right. Well don't talk to no books out. Books out.


Yeah, I'll do this week. Sponsor this week's lucrative sponsor. Obviously what you think is well mentioned in the book. We're not going to we're going to figure out the sponsor. Not a chance, Matt. This week, the sponsor is. And you know what?


These guys have been trying to get in touch for a long time now because, like, I can't even take it. He's not talk about long time. I tell you about right now, you can't take it seriously. Right. This is a massive, important, important product company.


That way we're like, OK, great, you don't do it.


See, the million dollar bill bills will never be used. More now, million or more. Now, this week, sponsor is tables.




Hey, got all this stuff on the floor of a teacher, right? Hey, pick it up now. You'll put it on the table. Hey, you did it.


You sent in from the tele on your knee and that's all well and good. But we are going to put your auxiliary plate of garlic bread, huh?


Get yourself a table at the table, side table, more normal table or dining table or dressing table or bedside table tables for everyone.


You know what my favorite kind of table is? What a console table.


Oh, only realized what they were until in my thirties. Yeah, yeah. Console table games. You have to know how to get one. No, they're just skinnier ones that you put on in that way. Yeah.


Very nice to know how I weird. You don't always eat my dinner when I was a kid once again from school.


I don't know. I told you this.


Oh you to lie on your front. Lie on me. Fortunately watching the telly you.


I couldn't do that now but I would eat like stodge like big slices of goodfellows pizza and potato waffles and beans and that it would lie in on me front in a like like like someone sunbathed.


Tyahnybok do you know what's quite good.


Wow. Because you just said that and we sometimes used to eat our dinner in front of the telly like Ommaney or whatever.


I sat on the floor.


I feel like a good mom because Robinho was eating dinner at the table. You don't need high five to want to look at us being a good parent.


Table, table, table. Get your kids to eat the tables at the table.


No, from the tables are in no way affiliated with time tables. All they can fuck four times tables. Which one is it, neither not timetables, which is to sort it out, all types of timetables, which are the worst, and the second one, the multiplication, never knew them more.


All I can do, the nine times table all the time to ask is one askers ask is one just nine times seven.


Hung on five, six, seven, 63. Is that right?


You know, we'll never know enough, not even ask.


I don't even know. Yes, we had a fight about the jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, gong. So this is the jingle jingle. We hope you like the gun lobby double, double back now. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of CHAKMA tonight.


Happy to have you here. Yeah, it was right. What it is.


Yes. We just got a calculator out because we're both absolutely fucking stupid.


And it was what does that work?


So if you don't know the nine times table, I got taught this trick at school because I was in the very, very low maths class.


Now I was in the high maths class and I never got all. Well, that's because you probably had to just learn it off by heart, whereas those sickos got all the elements. So nine times Table asked me any of the nine times to call, can't do this again.


Just ask is three times nine.


So three times nine. What I would do is I would look at my two hands in front of I've got the palms face in me and I'd start from the left or you would start usually when you count and you start and you write some first. But I'd start on my left arm. You read it like you're reading it. Yes, left to right. OK, so what I do is I put this. So you want it three times nine yet.


So you want to I put my third finger down and the answer is 27.


So to look up and then so the tens and in the tens and a gap and then the unit ask is another one, how does it work with your fingers the other way round the other way? I don't I've never tried it. Well, because you just put your finger.


Well, yeah, right. Well y you remember me one times nine. You did it, 92. Come on, guys, guys, put a thumb down.


I said one times nine and I would expect that tell to just fuck off, put a first the thumb down. I actually did it.


And as I said to you, also did it should then said said, oh, you know, it's the old methods, flawed shit.


No, it's not that worse than what I did wrong. All right. OK, I've got it. I've got heartburn. I've got acid reflux.


I can't believe you put it down. Well, and believe believe it.


All right. Because you know what my graded my predicted grade would GCSE math was you. Yeah. Ungraded. My math teacher. How to get me mom and dad in for a meeting and say, look, we so but I genuinely don't think Rosie is going to pass a math GCSE. So they go I'm really bad at math. I got a D actually. Good. And then you had to reset it anyway.


I missed it anyway at college, but so dreams can go with no timetable. Welcome. Have you at school and you listen to this. You shouldn't be. Let's get back to school. You know, you can have that walk.


I mean, what if you walk in it. Yeah. Skipping off school. No one is missing out. Loser let us for no reason just in high school and get a one day.


Well are sometimes so long as I'm Robidoux. Ba ba ba ba ba ba. So what's been going on. Pregnant. Yeah. Flyblown pregnant. Yeah. And I've been skipping along, having a lovely little time. Haven't had much sickness, I've been a bit irritable. We're not going to lie there a little bit.


No. You don't see the mood. I don't see it. How about yourself. Oh right. OK, you haven't noticed what.


Oh hey that is such a political and boat. Last night I had the worst acid reflux and heartburn. Nortman and I got that all the way through pregnancy with Robin and I thought I'd avoided it this time. So this may God. I think I'm having a girl. My you know, everything's so different now. See him again. Doesn't acid reflux mean they've got hair.


Yeah. Can it can mean that pocketknives. No, no I think it can. But Robin did have hibi. He didn't have enough to cause as much as I got.


I mean, some kids are born with like looking like their eighties rock band. Yes it.


Yeah, yeah. Loads and loads of hair. Nice. So cute.


Oh it's lovely. I but I always just got a fright when the light. I don't know when someone's like all right. You know. Well rested or not. Now the family have all been over. Come on.


You know the baby's three days old and I'm like oh my gosh, three days old.


When they go to the Bahamas the it is always a bit freaky, but I find it really cute.


Oh, gorgeous. Yeah. And I it I love kids with little hairy backs. Sometimes babies got little.


Hey Robin was quite a yeah. And I was like oh I can't wait to meet the little baby.


I'm very excited. We had the scan the other day didn't we. The 20 week scan. We did and we didn't find out what sex it is not going to find out. I know, but now I'm sort of itching and a little bit, but I'm not going to find out I was itching as well.


But I know the moment the Tallas I'll be like, Oh, I'd be happy first. Then I'll be like, oh, there's not gone. Yeah. Like your presence of Christmas Eve. What do you do? You go all Christmas now what's the point. Oh I know.


Got it. So, so at least you've got something to look forward to. Yes. And it's well the baby itself as well you bastard.


Just wanna know what it is and then I'll go. Oh thank you for that. You can keep it. Take it back. Take it back. Now you'll have a double Babalu Babalu announcement.


It was Rosie's birthday the other day. Oh, I thank you for your birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. Thirty five next year. I can't believe it. Yeah. Yeah.


What's your favourite thing. Yeah. And I've hurt myself. We've got a bouncy castle up on it. You have a half. I've got a big you know what?


I spoil myself all the time.


We've got a little bouncy castle for the children and I went on a drunk and up in my arms you see a little well it was massive.


It was fifty five foot long. It was ridiculous. Oh, I'm sorry. I can't help it.


Why are you here? Do not get me to order the bouncy castle.


Just don't do it because it filled up the full lawn. You couldn't really see the kids because that's kind of disappeared behind. It was an assault course. It was an assault course with a slight.


It was it was from the council the whole time they come so they can use it loads. It wasn't. Oh was it not.


OK, so I was like, oh, you'll be lucky to get a phone number. He's like, you're looking to get this on a weekend because the council normally use it. And it was at that moment I thought I should have measured the lawn.


Well, you ordered it and it was coming the next day. Yeah. And I said, does it fit on the lawn? You were like, yeah, it'll fit.


I all, you know, because I'm a spy, I'm like James Bond. I then quickly snuck out with a tape measure and measured it didn't fit. Just on the slant though. On the bay.


On this land you diagonal.


Yeah, but it was very much fun and I had a lovely birthday, but it because it can have a drink at. I was a bit tired, but other than that, it was very nice, but, you know, my birthday's not asked well, not asked to the point of where just before we started this podcast, I was set up all the stuff on our table, dear listeners.


And I picked up a pile of roses, birthday cards that you got not two days ago.


And I said, Rosie, should I put these up for you?


And Rosie said, no, I'm not bothered to put them up. And I went, All right, recycle bin then. And what did you say?


I said, well, just keep them for the week and then work only. So so she doesn't want them or I want them up, but I'm not allowed to throw them away because she's got to keep them a week. So they're just in a fucking pile on a bench. Pointless.


But do you not get caught in someone's house in the sac. Yeah, I find it. I'm just like, oh right. Great. Yeah. All your friends signatures of you.


Brilliant what you like. Forgot what your mom's handwriting. I did it the same message every year. Same message.


I remember my mom and dad used to always when they got Christmas cards used to always blue tuck them all at the door and it was part of the Christmas decoration. Yeah.


And it was always a sit down going down all the Christmas cards to sit for like two nights doing Christmas cards for spurious fucking random people while my mom for years.


OK, but my mom used to put them on string.


Yeah. Like bits of string all for them over Christmas, you know, but it's look at all our friends.


Just look at this. Look at me. Social circle on this wall. Me. Oh you found you know, for the losers who send you one back have you. Good for you. I think that was Facebook before Facebook. Yes it was. It was.


You might remember, address books, address books that would only come out at Christmas.


Yeah. My my my mom hated Christmas cards. I've got a lot of my stuff from my mom. Your mom has mostly.


Yeah, yeah.


Not everything, but just things that actually things that you're allowed to hate. But a lot of people don't vocalize. Nobody enjoys right now what Christmas cards now will have to do.


In my school class I did them for I'm just gone. Yeah. About the pressure of doing Christmas cards and just brought from Robin unmourned and he didn't even know you had no idea. You write the out of this year shit.


You write his name now I'll be too busy. Busy when I was at school and it was like I think the teachers, if I remember rightly, the teachers would print a copy of the register.


Yeah. With all the names. Yes.


So you could take it home and write down everyone's name. Like if you've got to have the name printed off on a thing, you shouldn't be sending them a card.


I mean, that takes all the goodness out of it. One thing I will say, I remember being at school and I think when you get to a bit older, Robin, still only a little and he doesn't know about you, Mike, this year, to be honest, is a lot changes in you when you at that age. But I loved doing the Christmas card rounds at the school because it'd be like a post box right in the hole.


Yeah, we had to post everyone. So he didn't just go around people's desk and give it to them. Right. So that was exciting.


So what do you mean you so you used to get the job of getting them and going out and take them everyone sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. That's a different job. I get to the bottom of it. That's what you loved. Your little job centre of attention.


A job that was you want to monitor. Did you do the milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to ring the bell.


Oh Gobbi little goody two shoes that Rosie's going to hand the cards out. Everyone's walking around each class, put them on people's desks.


I'll have you know. All right. I've got a really big family, lot of cousins. Right. I was the first prefect in my whole family. Rosie ever. Rosie, we had some of your family round outside sort of distance for your birthday.


It's not a fucking achievement, love. I've met them.


They've got better as a couple of going to uni now is the first prefect last one to go to prison.


I was a pretty good prefect. No. Oh, I love. I love much. You live in the past.


Sometimes I was honestly I was the best bloody prefect at school ever, so I had a read odd lot.


What do you mean. Oh it's all right. Well I'm telling you right. OK, some of them were on the bottom of stairs. I was a bit too short to go at the bottom. The stairs used to put the lads there right in the tall building.


I mean, why why did you have to be told to be the bottom of stairs? Well, because it's a bit of a push, like it's, you know. Right. Telling people not to go up and down the stairs can get a bit hard. But I had the second I was because I was more of a talker like negotiator. Yeah, I was on the floor, got what it's called now where the reception is, the foyer. Right.


Saw the foyer was used a lot by little scoundrel's. Right. Who wanted to just cut through from the sea yard to the yard. Right.


But you actually had to walk all the way around, which was actually a bit of a high get walk past Morgus Corner and everything.


So I was on the foyer and I wouldn't let them through. And I was like, no, you can't go through.


And they'd be like, Oh, Frolick, I'd be like, no, you don't get past your love. First in my family, you can turn that shit around and you can walk a little backside round.


Loved it. They loved it. But I was also vice captain.


Right of. He didn't get the house of the house, didn't get had girl got it, my friend got it. Yeah. Good girl. Yeah, she was good.


Like I love that. I just love the I love the sentence are hard. The second hardest part as a prefect.


Well it was absolute flight stairs. The stairs was the hardest. I was a tall kid, second hardest negociate and so I have to walk past that corner. Love that. Can I cut through here. Listen, listen here. Right. If it be me cousin. Right. You to got through. Well let me go through it now.


I'm saying if this standing here was because I got through with my mom. You got through with me sister. You got to tell you why. Because none of them are fucking prefect. Exactly. But I'm a prefect. Get your ass parsimonious corner. You won't get that shit around.


Yeah, it wasn't a prefect. Kevin wasn't prefect. The only prefect cause Kevin wasn't I was kid not.


I think she was a bit too shy. You had to have a bit of a bit of clout about you to be a prefect at my school. You couldn't be shy. I think my kid was there, which is very different. She wasn't I don't think she had the the gusto she has now give.


I mean, if you if if she'd been pestering, it should have been great or stone cold sober, like 13, 14, 15.


Yeah. You only got 11. Were you a prefect?


I was not a priest. All right. That's a shame.


I was never a prefect. I was never a milkman. I was never on the football team. I was never on any of them. Things I think we've talked about before.


But we all in my junior school, when we all got to go first on the trip, I remember like picking names out of a hat.


And we all like to sit in the we want to pick the names all the time. I remember sitting there that excited thinking, I'll definitely get to go.


It was literally Prefect's. And the football team who all got picked out, I remember thinking, oh, I don't think my name was in that hat.


Oh, but you went to the meeting anyways.


They sat in the lobby anyway. That excited. Bless you. Yeah, I remember the talk, the names out and then they put them in a green VHS plastic VHS box and they were the people that got to go deliver that.


Yeah. And schools that must have been up. Ramsey Gobshite not probably wrote my name on a paper earlier and then just dropped it in the toilet.


Oh yeah. I'll burn it because they smoke then. Yeah. It's more smoking. Smokers never go. Never go. Let you through the foyer.


You, you know, not a chance because while I'm down dooby dooby dooby dooby oogie.


Yes I can hear you so well on these headphones today because you had he has done. Oh yes.


Surely the shooter thought we should use the photo of the black wax black rock that was taken out. Yes. Which I'm a bit worried about thinking might need to go to the doctor about.


Also showed a few people came in the house randomly mean you think I just got the form before. Have we seen that and look at it for so long? And then what is it?


A girl came home yesterday and it's been you game. It didn't look like sort of squashed black raisins. Yeah. Amazing, though.


Got in here everything. Now it's fantastic, honestly. You will get clean again. Did you hear that? Just a lovely compliment to that lovely compliment. Thank you. Yeah, great reference to the right today, it's nice in it, Robbins', not far away, is not nice, not nice Abida barbecue, barbecue but something very exciting is happening this week other than our book launch, obviously.


OK, kids back at school. Yes.


They all get up, get out. Get back to school.


Yes. We got to go back. OK, yes, great.


I've got nothing else to say other than, well, when I was on the one show that we were doing a segment about getting the kids back to school, and I fumbled on my lines and because I was so excited about the idea of kids went to school because I was going to go a bigger school and it's going to be you're going to be away all day.


All day, Chris. Yeah, nine till three or three.


Both of it.


Well, whatever time you go tell and I'll drop my coffee and just chill it outside the big love.


That's so exciting. It's great. So excited. Hope you're all feeling OK about it. Yes. For anyone who is worried about it, just let you know. I've got a lot of friends who are teachers. They are really excited to get back and they've put so many precautions in place. That is precautions.


The right word, I don't know. But they know what you mean and I know what you mean.


And I think it's a step forward in the right direction personally. And I'm very excited.


And I think all of our children will be really excited because I don't know about you guys, but our little boy has turned into a rotten tomatoes, is sick of us.


Yeah, absolutely. I don't blame him. I'm sick of me, I'm sick of me, too. So anyway, best of luck, or even though Robin doesn't go back to the 16, crazy, so you have to watch all the other kids go to school. And he didn't start the 16th because the in Texas and it's all right.


We've got a few couple of weeks to tell you what will go on a lovely holiday on this flight.


Oh right. Yeah. Well, we'll have some to our books out. Yeah. Yeah. Well we'll just spend quality time together them. We've been down for a little change.


We'll work from home. Oh yes.


That's uh. Anyway, I'm good. We both do Babalu. Babalu. But it's time for. This is Rosie's mistress, turn the volume on your school, useless fucka.


I never knew that. You did not get in New York for. Mistress, mistress, mistress, mistress and former mistress, mistress, mistress, mistress of his mistress, honestly horrible, you took the perp shield off.


You are talking into the side of the mic. Honestly, everyone listening. That must have been horrible listening.


Hello and welcome back to this week's Rosies Mysteries. Ignore the chirping man in the corner.


Got a real mystery here. A little bit of a worryin mystery. I don't know what you're going to make of this, actually, but this lady needs our help also to know that it's not just a true or false.


It's another letter from someone. Well, you'll be glad to know.


OK, so obviously it started off as a lot of true or false news, which I think's really informative and very interesting to listen to.


But we have actually had a lot of emails with mysteries. OK, so I'm happy, you know, and it it combines a little bit of questions from the public. OK, so it's a bit of both.


Cool. All right. See what you make of this. OK then. Hi, Rosie and Chris. So this story doesn't have an answer, but I've honestly been trying to make sense of it for years. You're hoping you can help. Wow. Please keep me anonymous because my parents don't even know I drink.


Goodness Maged put in brackets lol lol in Tahiti.


Wow. So a few years ago I woke up in my uni house and most confused I have ever been for context. Right. The night before I had been out with my housemates, but distinctly remember coming back alone, having some water, then putting myself to sleep. Putting myself to sleep, just strangle yourself, find yourself in a bed, choke yourself out. It's so weird.


I put myself I talked myself in and choked myself unconscious myself out.


I distinctly remember running at the wall with my head down as fast as I could to put myself every night.


Of these in the morning, you can imagine my surprise when I woke up wearing full on laundry and of puffer jacket, OK, was I hot or cold?


Who knows? Wow. Yeah, it's.


I mean. I've read this right. And I'll tell you my conclusion at the end, I've got one already is this. Yes, I've got a conclusion, but I'll tell you, it does involve maybe bring in the police.




All right. That's what my that's where my head went. But anyway, let's keep going at all. Okay.


This was already confusing because this particular piece of clothing was packed at the bottom of a suitcase of crap I had shoved away. Wow. At this point, I assumed I blacked out, even though I definitely remember going to bed.




Putting myself to bed and guessed that I would have rummaged through all my clothes the night before just for fun in my room, however, was spotlessly clean and I mean professional standard. It wasn't even like this before I had left on the night out hooved and everything. I'm right at this point, I'm freaking out a little bit, rightly so, my room door had been locked from the inside, so I don't think anyone had come in making this last bit even creepier.


Right in the far side of my room, there was a small puddle of blood, probably the size of a tennis ball still. What what the fuck? There were no drops of blood leading towards or away from it, just a little island of blood. How do you know it was blood? Well, it'll be red and wet.


Well, maybe five things. Not a red and wet.


Go catch ketchup, red paint, dark red paint, light red paint, brown paint, water red.


Oh, clever shit.


Tomato soup. Great tomato juice. I was not on my time of the month. Nice. And check myself and all my clothes on. All my clothes and all my clothes.


All right, everyone, everyone up against the wall. All is laundry off. It's off. Have you cut yourself? Welcome to 2073, all your clones. I asked all my clones if they had done it and none of them said anything, as I haven't put a brain in them yet. Well, not at that stage of development, anyway. She only she wasn't she wasn't on a period check herself and all the clothes and the clothes for signs of cut or bleeding.


But they were known. Yeah. When my housemates came to inspect the scene, we checked all of them as well. And no blood anywhere. What the hell? No, in no Bleadon.


Please help. Why was I wearing nondairy in a jacket who clean my room? Whose blood was it? Why do I remember going to bed? Five years on, my friends have concluded some quite dark things. So please steer away from the murder accusations. Very confused. Thanks for your help.


Just drop that in the end there. Please stay away from the murder accusations. I mean, this could be anything. This could literally be someone in that area was spotted that night in lingerie and lead the scene. But just just scared straight over there. Yeah.


Why don't you sit down. God, please, God, don't break down. I can't. I can't.


Because you can't give us 30 seconds because there's no one side. Well, what do you think?


What was your eye? Well, I just thought it was a bit worrying.


If all of that had happened and you were genuinely intoxicated, I was like, no, you should go from there. But then again, she totally remembers going to bed and a door was locked from the inside. So I've got no idea.


So my thing and I imagine that the problem is when the story starts with I was out and I was pissed, you go, OK, then.


Well, whatever comes after that is just awful gobbledygook.


It is my and my idea was until the clean thing, my idea was that I had been texting someone and was going to nip over to some see some lad, a bit of a booty call. And she just was like, oh, I'm a bit pissed. I've got the confidence I'm going to hold on to just apophatic and turn at his door and just be like that.


Yeah. I mean, yeah, I do think she put herself to bed by the well, I don't know, the blood in the corner is weird.


I mean that really takes it to another level. Just really strange. Really strange.


But the cleaning in the room and it's just a fucking student thing to be like I can't believe it.


It was clean. It was who that this must be ghost.


So maybe just, you know, normal. Maybe that's normal. Really patient. You just clean the room. Schmierer Yeah. I just want the blood was like I say, how could have be a Jubilee Jubilee.


Strawberry Jubilee. What's of strawberry chocolate.


The lollies and ice lolly.


He'd be shot and she put on lingerie because someone was going to come round to have some sex with her.


Right. And then he was like, oh, Lolly Forras or something. So she started that. Then she started all over him because he was coming.


Right. Coming over. Right. Right. So he's come over. Then he canceled a last minute and she put the lolly down upset and the lolly had made us so cold she had to put a jacket on.


Case closed. I rest my case, Your Honor. You can rest now.


Yes. Well, that's what happened.


Yeah. OK, I'll go with that. God, I'm God. I'm dooby dooby dooby. Dooby dooby dooby. It's time for what's your beef? Hello, Chris. Hello, Chris. I got it all over, Chris, just quickly and I've got a few minutes left, but he's got a few of the lads around just celebrating, just being in the shop, just bought the book. I can't wait to see all the chapters with his in and got them all here.


We're just about to read it. Get your glasses on, get glasses and get your glasses on. So just about read the book and I just wanted to see just what we can see. Thanks for letting us be involved in it. I'm so excited we've got all the material. Just kind of weird, which is having a ball. All right. Best of luck with it. She asked me just. Yeah. Thanks, Duxbury. I'm great.


You know, you're not actually in you. You know what you said, you know.


You know, actually in any of the Bouaziz is on the phone is just in the books out now. Got it. Got it.


But first question the way you've got it, because it's not actually until Thursday, you know, in any of the book, you will not in the book at all about not not working on a very large flat. Shut up. Shut up. Right. Sorry. What?


Chris, I'm like, you've run in one of the room just gone in the toilet. Are you going to toilet?


Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good. You know, in the book. Not not at all. No, no, you don't mention it. No, no, no, just you're in it. You're an anomaly that only happens on this podcast. And I put my foot down. And you're not mentioned at all. Not one single bit in the book. Not even I don't even think the word beefs in the book. Oh, Barry, the word in on a different story, but the word beef is not in the book.


Right. Well. Is going to be the latter. Yeah, I'm listening to that noise through the other room there by sounds like a lot of people, I don't think you should have that many at the moment with covid.


I don't think you have that many people in your house, just as I know I know you're a doctor, apparently.


What's all the doctors doing with all that stuff on with. Oh, you've got to do all sorts of stuff like, oh, I'm not going to tell them why.


I just hope that they don't read it all tonight. Right. OK, give them all a copy to go home with.


I've bought 900 copies. Well, I guess that's good. I don't know.


I have to cut right to it, but that's the look of it all. A little bit at the end. Some nervous.


Uh, so you've got the you've got the sound of a powerful appeal, but you didn't get the sound of a phone hacking, so you did the area where your mouth was.


That's what it's all about. Power.


Poor Barry, bless his heart. No, the beef isn't in the book and likes to hop over the front of it. I enjoyed that.


I mean, as much as he's absolutely flown in the social distancing rules at his house college in there.


Hey, what's your beef? Do you know what, Christopher? Huh? I don't have a beef this week. You are joking. I don't actually have a beef this week. I don't know just because you've been a bit down today and I didn't think you needed one. And honestly, I quite like I said it today. I've been we've been all right. I've got a beef this week.


This feels like a trap, I promise you. I swear. Oh, have you got one? Yeah, right.


You know, I was a bit down this morning, but I was I just felt a bit bad for you. Oh, well, I was a bit down, but then I had the zoo meeting with the pit from the BBC about the little make sure when I got a little excited about the work.


No good.


Well, and I we'll carry on with my beef. So when you feel a little bit down, you like to bring it to me and then make me feel a bit down. But now that you feel okay, that's all right. The world's the world's right again.


So that's good. Thanks for that. Thanks for bringing me into a depression earlier on for that hour. But now you're right and I'll be all right. Yeah. Good job. Unflexible, isn't it?


The beef. Oh, try and be nice. But now, Prostratin, it upsets me too much for us to get that out.


It was like it was a because I sorry we do that.


We both do that right. When one was down we speak to the other one and we kind of unload the emotional baggage on the other one, but we literally unload it. I literally am like just getting it. It's like it's like some kind of drug deal in a car park. I'm getting it all out of my car and your car and then I'm just driving off on it and then leaving it.


That's fine.


What's your sorry. My beef with you this week is something you did at the weekend. At my birthday, day before day before we left the house, we got a package from the postman as well on the way out the house. He dropped it in the car as well on the way out. And I don't know who sent it. I didn't actually get a chance to read things.


It was sort of Harry Potter stuff as Harry Potter, like a lot of things, little sweets and stuff like, oh, yeah, I like what she said.


It all sounds like your mother was like a Harry Potter cape.


There's all kinds of things. There's great loved.


It was on the way to a friend's house, right? We went to a friend's garden and all that stuff. Right. We sat there and you produced a packet of jelly beans and just got the jelly beans out and said, oh, we've got these shedid jelly beans. Hey, everyone have a jelly bean. Just start giving jelly beans out willy nilly. Luckily, it took about three or four jelly beans until people started going, what the fuck is this?


Robin looked at us with fear and disgust in his eyes.


What do you want to happen when I look on the card, the Harry Potter diagonally fucking joke jelly beans. One was rotten egg, one was vomit, one was grass.


One was what was just dirt. Some of them were like candy was the bomb was literally dirt. That was the flavor dirt.


And you just handed them. I had never heard of these. I didn't know this is a thing.


You just handed them out like it was party favors and everyone you ruined.


Everyone's right. In my defense, I didn't have it. I didn't have a clue what it was doing.


As someone said, these taste weird. You are all the might be them. We had ones because it's because I've had them before. Well, I'd never had call. I think there's a game called like being Boosler or whatever with jelly beans and it's all the different kind of flavors, but they are disgusting of grass.


And I was like, is that the grass that. Well, I was like, is that grass or my stupid?


And then I read them eat my gosh, they vomit one.


I'll never forget Robin's face. The only time Robyn's ever made that face at me was when he knocked his teeth out and he was looking at us. Oh, I'm telling you, which one did he get? A rotten egg.


And he looked like he was going to die. It was a good job. He was hot and you were like, everyone have a jelly bean.


Maybe then when I found out, I ate all the tutti frutti one.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Left all the other ones good times. Then you brought them home with. We're going to eat it up. Did I still. Yes. Or my. Yeah. Yeah. You put them in the car.


Oh well let's play a little game. No, no. It was awful sorry, not I should be ashamed of a double double, but it's time for questions from the public public.


Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, public.


It's a job. That's my job.


We are loving life as always, guys, if you want to get in touch, it is Shamari annoyed at Gmail dot com. Send whatever you want because Rosie's doing it again because I'm having a little lovely surprise week, the week of surprises of it.


OK, so I have got some disgusting ones. Yes. Good. Excellent. Pretty tame one. Got you. And something up someone's backside would you like to start with.


It almost sounds like that almost sounds like the little menu called from the jelly beans.


That just doesn't let go with the second one that you said, OK, something pretty tame, sort of pretty well, let's do it. Hi, Rosie and Chris.


I have two questions for you both. One, my first one are either of you hoarders, if you will. What do you hold?


Oh, my number two, who does the food shopping and do they keep to a list or do they bring extra treats that are not on the list?


Oh, so first question, how does the hoarder I hoard clothes.


I don't get rid of stuff. I realize that I put a T-shirt on. Honestly, I must have had it since before we met. Yeah. I don't I don't like throwing them away. I got rid of them so I do that quite a bit about you.


I hold things that I don't know how to recycle yet. Really.


So this so there's something I'm going to find stuff. I've got a drawer full of all nail varnishes for God's sake, and just bottles of stuff. That's that glass plastic like cardboard. I don't know where things go so I just keep them in my drawer for years.


God, how do you recycle, how would you recycle nail varnish? Because it's never empty. You can't put down the sink. What are you going to do, put it in like a paper bag or something?


I don't know. Maybe put it in the tissue. Yeah. OK, brilliant. Yeah.


Yeah. It's all that mystery. It's all done in ten seconds or less.


So all I need it, all I need to do is have a conversation about that. So yeah. OK, I've been doing that for years.


OK so when are you going to go. Me the straw for my.


Oh yeah. Well listen it's not doing anyone any harm is it.


Folks I don't want to wear this, I do not want to even talk about this because it looks at this. I'm a bit of sleep. Don't tell us where it is. What was the question?


Who did the food shopping and did it keep to a list or did they bring extras whom we bought through the food shopping? I do the big shop.


You do the little sporadic shops. Yeah. No, no. You rarely buy anything for anyone else other than yourself.


People you don't you don't go to the shops and think, oh, what does the family need? What does the family need for tea and dinners and breakfast.


No, you go shopping, you go, oh, I'm going to get some yoghurt and I'm going to get myself some food. And some of these witnesses, which are white chocolate, nobody likes disgusting and quite chunky. Right. All that shit. And you just buy stuff for yourself, right.


First of all. First of all, slander. Right.


If I just randomly bought ingredients and was like, well, having spaghetti bolognese tonight, you'd be like, why? Why do I don't know about this? You've got meals.


I mean, you know, what would you say that would be nice if you said, oh, I bought all the stuff of spaghetti bunnies.


I'm going to cook that tonight, you know, because then you'd go, oh, we've got a little fresh. And he's been, oh, I've got this chicken that's going to go with did don't make it out like it's easy. Like it's a level playing out in this case. Don't be making out like it's easy.


And level playing field tonight will never go to community. Do you know why do you think I get so excited when eating out. Why did you think my face lights up when somebody else brings a plate to my table because you're a greedy pig? No, because I'm like I did enough to make this. I didn't have to stand in chopsticks.


And you know, the reason I'm a bit bigger than what I should be nearly said something else. But the reason I'm a little bit bigger is because I am because I have to cook for you and him and then I eat everything while I'm cooking.


And all I did was I eat everything I do. I should staple my mouth up for that half an hour.


It takes me to prepare a meal go.


It would be nice if you did cook for also after you been after this as well.


The second part of the argument is if I bring home a little chocolate bar or something for you, you kick off, you kick off, you go, wow, why have you done that?


And then you go get it away and then you make is going around your dad for your birthday.


I bought you a big box of dairy, milk, chocolate. Great present Norzai. Well, excellent, excellent choice. You handed me the hide them from me. Yeah. You haven't hit them yet.


Had three yesterday. Three four bars. Create some inaudible hide them. Would you kind of be doing this.


I got a massive big board milk. I got a huge part galaxy which I'll be made in a key because it's not me. Go to one on your left it in the center.


The southern half. Yeah. You left it standing up against a wall in the Soviet folded itself and half like a drunk falling over. So inconsiderate. So, yeah.


Thank you, Dad, by the way. But. Oh, no, not great. Not great. On the old horse line. Abba dooby dooby dooby hai Ramsey.


Just so Ramsay's thought I'd share the weirdest date ever with you. Enjoy. Now we've heard some weird ones, so let's say this is good.


OK, this made me feel better about my whole dating life, to be honest. I've had some horrific dates.


Robin, I once met a guy on a dating app. Always starts out. After weeks of chatting, we decided to meet for a drink. The evening of the date, he texted me to say he was running a little bit late after getting stuck in traffic on his way home from work and that he still had to quickly go see his auntie, but he would pick me up on the way to her as to not keep me waiting. Hmm. I assumed he was napping to her house for something and I would wait in the car.


So we're driving along when he pulls up outside a funeral home. But I asked, oh, does you only work there? He replied, No, she passed away. She's in here until a funeral on Monday.


Fuck off.


I told him how sorry I was. As I could see, he was getting upset when he then asked if I would go in with him for moral support.


You are joking me as he's never seen a dead person before.


Wow. Wow. Yeah. So he picks up for a date. I've only been on a few dates and he's taken out of the chapel of Restasis and his dead body. Yeah. What the hell's wrong with that? I don't even know if they'd been on it. She said they'd been Chaton shot. We decided to meet for drinks. I don't even know if she's ever been on a date with him. Wow. So being put on the spot, I reluctantly agreed to watch.


You know, the sea take them somewhere different. I mean, do I mean like a date and guru, you know, showing vulnerability, you know, George to the cinema, someone, you know, someone will remember.


I mean, there's a fucking line is a line, Chris, with climbing wall. Trampoline Park.


Oh, you're ready. Yeah. We walked in and there she was in a coffin surrounded by nice pictures, a microphone, her false teeth, a pair of glasses on her head and another pair shoved in her hand, the other hand filled with packets of sweets. We had enough.


Nope. Why she got them things around.


Is it like all our favorite stuff?


I tell you of my favorite things.


So she's got a pair of glasses on ahead and another and a hand and the other hand are filled with sweets and. False teeth in these pictures and a microphone might be missing microphones me sing with it. I imagine the sweetest like she was always given sweets to the kids so that she's got sweets and the glasses on the top. And the show was lost.


Eyeglasses like gelato Jarawa.


I'm going to tell you right now, I'm all for being a fucking prop joke at my funeral. Don't be putting bikes in where there isn't going. I always went on about his bike race.


How could to have an absolute with yours? I think it's all many bits of shit in there.


Oh, it's like recycling.


We love the recycling bin.


And there you are bringing a savvy recycling. We're going to bury them with it for a long while. And you get buried with if it's a landfill dickhead, I stick my phone in there.


She wait. Anyway, I stood back, leaving him to say his goodbyes when he pulled a watch out of his pocket and asked if I would help lift her arm up whilst he put the one block.


In a way. No way. Right. So they were cool.


And so people have been bringing their stuff to give to other not just loads of shit. Poor woman. Oh my God.


The crowd is out in this room. What's it called. What's it. That's when.


Yes, with the baby like Jeremy. So we just lifted her arm up, put it on and you have to push the wrong button.


Got em again. Reluctantly, I agree.


But on the stuff you guys stop it. The stuff you all agree with on a date is fucking nuts in.


I mean, you didn't have to go in love. You didn't die. You should wait outside. I mean, he said there's a line. I mean, this is crazy. Why would you take someone to the.


Holding this dead woman's arm up with this guy who I just met, he then kissed her on the head and asked me if I wanted to kiss her on the head, too.


Oh, no, I cried and I felt weird about that.


Did you never in the world you had put a watch on.


We had about that after kissing him. My lips were cold.




So instead I awkwardly patted him on the head like, oh, rip raping guys.


We're not laughing at a dead woman here and we're not laughing at a guy. And he's on, you know, whatever she was to him were laughing at the fact that he took this ball.


I just I know it seems so ridiculous that I have to tell you that, but I have to tell you that because this isn't just the date from hell, isn't it? Oh, my God. But I mean, we then went for drinks and I never saw him again. Never threw a dog. At the end, though, if it was worth it, why he wasn't. Why. So she kissed him.


I hope that's just not him. And then I hope of you in the call in the way about you was like against each other again. And I hope you'll get over no one. Just partisan.


The only way that could have been a good date, nights would have been worse. Here's a question for you. Yes.


Would it have been better unless we had or worse and more weird if when if she'd went. Yeah. Wilkison, that when she went and kissed me head, the army was just like, wow, I'm surprise. It's like jumped up.


And he was just like pissing himself. And he was like, oh, it's a practical joke. What would be worse?


Would it be worse if it was a practical joke and she wasn't actually dead and it was just a whole fucking window thing that would be better?


I think it will be better as well. I think that would be better.


I would enjoy that more rather than and she was like, oh yeah.


And he was like, oh, no. Like, I own this funeral home. Would we do this now? And then that would be back and only join our family and dog.


And we had I would enjoy that more than just taking it. The funeral home.


So do the let strangers in then. I think if you go well, I mean, I'm not being funny, right.


If I die and my nephew brings his date. Yeah. I'd be seething. I'd be looking down at him thinking, you little twat, who the hell is this. Who's that. Yeah.


I mean, inviting someone to a party that you're invited to invite in person on the invite. So that's that's a bit rude in inviting someone in a chapel of rest.


That's another level that like that is rude to the Coast Guard. Got you a bit annoyed. Yeah. Jesus. Very funny though. Wow. I'm going to sell tickets when you die. What for me, Chapela response is going to come in, I mean, yeah, just a big line of people, delicatessen machine, it'll take a machine.


All right, OK, great. Forty three come in and then they come in and just walk out.


Just make sure feminity done with it was a white Kesser in the head.


A pound extra. It's a pound extra.


Can I put up fifty pence Abdu ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.


So before we move on, can I just say at the beginning of that question I did say we've had some weird dates. It's going to take a lot to top it.


You might be in the lead. That's the that's the best one that we had to stay on. That's better than me on the porn star date. Yeah, I definitely do. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.


Hey, Rosie and Chris, keep reading to the end of this one as it doesn't go as you'd expect.


OK, about four years ago, my friend and I were out out in the biggest club in Cardiff at the time, or Qiana. Remember that Liberace. And there was one lead.


There was one random girl we kept seeing who was clearly absolutely steaming drunk. Her eyes were rolling in the back of her head. She couldn't really stand or speak properly and she didn't seem to have any girlfriends with that all. Never. She was with what I can only describe as a creepy guy on the side of the disco room dance floor. Oh, he seemed super pervy. And we just had a bad feeling about him and she seemed a bit all over the place.


My friend and I went over to try and help her, but she was repeatedly adamant that she was fine. To be fair, she was better when we spoke to her. Got you.


So she's just one of these people who looks really some people look like Bambi on ice when the page, but then you sit them down and chat with them and then I don't go to bed. You just think, what what happens to your body when you try to walk? Yeah, I've seen it. I've seen this before.


Eventually. The boy that she was with, uh, started. I don't want to see it, you don't want to see a finger, but you've just showed me the two fingers and make it an upward motion three or four times, which personally, for me was worse.


And these people listen to Schokman and they understand that you start fingering other stuff on the dance floor, on the dance floor when you're on the dance floor.


Oh, you better not steal the deejay. Anyone out there who's finger people on dance pocket pocketed man.


I've seen I've seen it before. It's totally disgusting. Stop it and I'll see you. You're vile. Yeah.


We're going to say you're a male. You know, Kissane Lords is weird.


Stop it. Put the fine people who do that to other people on the dance floor or in a corner or whatever they think no one can see and everyone can see it and say, we can see.


Gustad haven't seen it for a long time. We haven't been out for a while and for years. I'm glad of it. I even I couldn't even open yet.


I don't feel I don't know. Have you ever done that to anybody in the nightclub thing that someone in the nightclub phoned me?


Germophobia know. True. Do you know why?


Because the person you've pulled on the night doesn't like it when you run off to the toilet with two fingers held in the air, vomiting in your mouth, going in the other hand, go need a hand to get a pound for the guy in the toilets.


We let you use the soap Blue Room roommate, hundreds.


They kind of have blue roommate. Via satellite as a no no, OK, we did try a few more times to offer to help her over the course of a couple of hours, but she wasn't having it.


Sorry, what are you doing? Well, they're trying to help her with why are you starting a conversation with someone while they're being fingered? What's wrong with you?


I'm just wondering why their night out is this girl reabsorption?


Well, there must be thoughtful and late stage for fair play. We need more people like this in the world anyway. She wasn't having any of it. Right. So we told the bouncers we were concerned for her. They stepped in and we left them to it. Got you. Fast forward an hour or so later, and my friend and I were walking back to my city center flat.


Yeah, we had to walk down a quiet road. And as we turned the corner, there were two police officers and a police car. Right.


There was no one else around. So we ended up chatting to them. Just a casual chat. Not really sure why these two are pure, law abiding citizens.


Honestly, I only wanted to show them your tax return or something. I just let me know. This is all up to date, Officer. Hello.


I've just been checking out the finger on the dance floor. Fine. High office. I just let you know, I made my friend here the two goody two shoes we we took cockblock them to a new level tonight, officer.


We actually went and got the doorman to step in because because we hadn't pulled off like everyone else.


Sharon, it's I think a few million years.


And so they're just chatting. As we were talking, finger girl from the club is walking up the street alone towards us and the police.


We follow the I imagine just like kicking off, you scared them away.


Anyway, we obviously see the police hoping they'll help her. Oh, we've been really worried about this girl all night. She was being fingered on the dance floor by Orendain. She was kissing him under the guise for hours and now she's on this quiet street on her own. We go into all the details of what she's been up to. It's a long street, so she's walking for a while. Well, I've got my hands, women, because I've got a funny feeling of what's going to happen, which said the police officers are deadly silent and don't see anything.


And my friend and I are confused because now they aren't even looking at each other at this stage and it feels a little awkward. Oh, God.


The girl keeps walking directly towards us. The police officer then says, that's my girlfriend.


Oh, oh, oh, God.


In an embarrassed tone as the girl gets in the back of the police car and they quickly drive off.


Oh, my God. The officers had come to pick her up after her night out and one of the officers and finger girl were indeed a couple.


That's unbelievable. I know, I know, I'm sweating, I'm very rarely am I speechless.


Yeah. And I don't quite know what to say.


Well, that's what happens when you get injured on the dance floor.


Well, it's not that's not what happens when the police come and pick you up and go over this dog going out with you to marry you one day. Stop it.


Oh, my God. I honestly didn't see it coming, did you? I thought you're going to see a daughter, which I think would have been that would have been worse.


Would it have been worse, is my question. I don't know if it would have been I think it would be worse for them to Ladds.


I think the guy would have went off without them, but the policemen would not offer them because it would be like you stuck in the daughter and I think you'd got really defensive. But this was obviously what could he do?


Like, no, I think it would have been worse if it was one of the daughters. How? Because there's no betrayal there.


But I'm not being funny. Do you want your daughter to be getting that notion about all the different lads? Well, I would be absolutely livid. Absolutely not.


No one has ever.


No one has ever said keep your finger in your bedroom, please. Thank you very much. You don't need to take that out of the nightclub. No one has ever said that in the world.


You know what I want for my daughter? You know what I want? You know, I watch when I get fingered by Lord of Lads and called.


What I'm saying is it's going to happen if you've got a daughter. I hope she's not going to get fixed by all of us in Washington.


But what I'm saying is your kids grow up and have sexual activities with people. Your girlfriend isn't just the way it is. Right.


OK, your girlfriend isn't supposed to be point, but you can get rid of your girlfriend. Well, I hope you and Dave Concavity your daughter.


I love that you go to the back of the car as well. She got in the front Gary Park tonight.


Love the book anyway. And pants next time. A honestly poor bloke. Not nice, isn't he?


Well, what if it wasn't the same girl? What do you mean? What if it was a different girl walking on the street many times on a night out? Did you see in fashion and stuff, girls often have same haircuts, same dresses you time. You just went out and seen this girl in a similar top. You mean what if it was it was a long street. She was in the distance.


I there was a different girl.


No, you would know but you know, you would definitely know if you Howman Plomin George all the time, six nights you are injured because it's always you know, I didn't even think about that.


The crime busters of the sea shuki injured by any fingering mystery.


They've been circling all night so they know exactly what you to you. Exactly. Yeah. Shulgin George of that program. Fucking wonderful.


Oh not cleverer than I think it was you would have been, but you just destroyed it with that sentence. All right.


I'm a double, double, double. So we got a lot of emails about wedding dramas.


You know how we mentioned the one last year with the trip around the world? Yes. Yes.


And the guy, would you like another one or do you think that was absolutely like another one?


Yes. OK, yes. If a similar vein.


But the reveal is obviously different. Fantastic. So if you enjoy this, I've just listened to your most recent story about a man announcing his wife was cheating with his best friend on their wedding day and reminded me of a story my army once told me about a wedding she had been doing. Oh, Annie l was a friend of the groom's and the bride and groom had been together for twelve years. I wish we had when people get married after that long.


Yeah I know. Strange. Well it just depends doesn't it.


Because if we're told about before things like that just went well ok then no one else is common.


Might as well get this over with.


Yeah I don't know because you always hear stories about them when they've got married, when they don't work. But I can guarantee that there's loads of marriages that I've waited and then got married and they've been fine. So yeah.


I was just thinking I suppose I've been saving up there. Might be waiting. I might be exactly. Yeah. I mean, I don't think so by the sounds of the story, but whatever she had gone to their wedding for the full day and still to this day, talks about how gorgeous the whole venue was and how perfect the place would have been if no one had been invited. So while some of the smaller incidents at this wedding were one, a 1000 pound bottle of champagne gifted to the couple had been stolen off the gift table and had been found in the woman's toilets completely drunk.


Any empty fog? Yeah, wow, yeah, after about that, I mean, if people didn't know because I just thought that one person took it, but I think if anything it it up a little guy got really shitty.




That's a really shitty not nice is the best man.


Had been dancing with a wee granny and Spooner too hard. She slipped and cracked her head open on the dance floor where a waiter slipped on her blood and dislocated shoulder. Both had to be taken away in ambulances, but both were ok. Fucking fault, you know. But the main story came the day.


You know, you've got a good story when those two are your appetizers.


Yeah, exactly. The main story came the next day at breakfast.


OK, so all the guests the next morning came downstairs to the dining room of the hotel where special seats had been set out for them.


OK. As they all sat down, they noticed each table had a small envelope on their plate and when they opened it, they all found the same sonogram photo. Immediately, everyone started cheering and screaming and heading over to congratulate the new bride and groom. However, they were met with total confusion from the couple. As the whole thing was becoming very weird, the maid of honor stood up to glass and started to make a speech, she announced that she was the one that was pregnant.


And the reason she was telling everyone now was because the groom was the father of the bride of shitting hell.


So the next morning, she put them all out.




Oh, that I have to respect that. It would have cost her a fortune for them.


Yeah. Yeah. They're about to pound it. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.


Apparently the groom had not taken too kindly to the news the week before. So the maid of honor decided to enact her revenge. As you can imagine, the whole breakfast became carnage with the bride slapping the groom and rolling out my.


andI decided to stay for breakfast because she had already ordered her full breakfast.


I love, respect and respect.


And she also kept the sonogram photo in the envelope and put it in a memory box at all.


To be fair, a lovely little wee day out, to be fair, that is a hell of a story to pull your memory box when people want to know that. Wow. Wow.


I mean, can I just say can we all just if you're going to cheat, come on. Do it with someone that the person doesn't know. Just so it's not a double fucking kick in the day.


Double, double, double. All right. Now strap in. Yeah. Because this one is a little bit disgusting.


So I'm warning you now, you can skip past it if you want. There's a warning, OK, warning.


Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hi, I thought I'd share a fairly grim Flem story with you say people don't like Flem ones. I don't remember the.


I'm sorry, but this isn't as bad as the fish. Right. OK, OK. Although I hope it won't make people rich like the other Flem story about the cocktail I heard on your part.


Yeah, a couple of years ago, my husband was a bit ill and was coughing up a lot of phlegm before I got sick.


The advice from his sister, a nurse, was to get it all out.


And we spent a delightful Friday night watching Netflix and cupping of phlegm and spitting it into a bucket or forgot.


Go to the toilet, you fucking horror y you book it and oh, God. Next Saturday I got back from the gym and was pleased to say he had started cleaning the flat already. Our Saturday morning show. Great. I got a load of washing out the machine and went out to the balcony to hang it in the sun. We don't live in the UK. Got you as usual. I was barefoot and as soon as I stepped out on the balcony, which was wet, where my husband is clean the floor, I knew something was wrong.


Remembering how he cleans and remembering, we only had one book and shut up. My heart sunk at the slimy feeling under my toes.


No way. Yes. Oh, good for a laugh.


When you said clean the flat, I was going to say for a laugh. I hope he didn't use that booklet. But it seems so obvious that I didn't even see it and he's done it.


He had spent the night hawking up a load of phlegm, left it in the bucket all night, then given the book and a quick rinse in the morning before filling it with water, a little detergent and pouring the mixture together with a fair amount of slimy phlegm still clinging to the sides of the book under the balcony. And I just stepped into it barefoot.


Oh, that is rotten. Horrible int it rotten.


Yeah. Oh God. Be just fucking ice rink. Oh God.


I just don't know why you would do this is what made me read this out in the first place. Right. Because I've seen a lot of like mop buckets, but that's what he's doing. Stop, stop showing off but carry on.


Would you know what I mean. You can you can see it in your head pocket. Why would that be your bucket of choice to spit your phlegm in the toilet? Well, get a cup. What? No. What? No. Why no. Stand up and go to the toilet.


The toilet every time you go up in the coffin. Yeah. I'm sorry. That's what you're gonna have to do. No, you're not going to happen. So you'd sit with a fucking morgue holding the handle.


Yes, I've done it before. Breeziness Harbor, you've seen this when you've told us off Harbour.


Yeah, I'm applying this. I used to have a little glass by the side of my bed dock when I wasn't very well.


Oh, fuck. Are you joking? Oh, I can't remember this. I'm not happy about this at all. We never talked. Yes.


No, this is honestly, you know what it is not everyone's going to get upset at this because I feel really weird.


Now I've got an old cold. Would you not do that?


No, I'd get up and go to the toilet every single. Every single time. Every single night. I because that's just part of the part or not.


But you just got to get up. Going what? You can't get up because you saw just you like bones. We can whatever.


I mean thankfully touch wood. I've never experienced that.


But why would you use a bucket and a mop bucket. Why rosy glass.


You pick up some got to drink all that glass.


I just wash it with hot extra hot water. That's disgusting. So we got got to tell me now we got glasses now a couple got hot-Headed.


Tell us tell us now. I cannot deny that.


Oh, for fuck's sake, everyone, Robyn was sick once you had the ball make pancakes and you let them know that we still still in a coma. The red one. Yeah. Oh, God.


Welcome to family life. Oh, it's just awful. I feel sad.


Oh, not I choose to not be bad. There you go, I choose and not between know, not even where you put them up. And then you turn around.


I do not at all sorted out of the not being out of a full plastic thing. And I was hanging out, thinking it over and putting it on. I've been not spin it. There you go. That's what I would do.


But then but seeing the night between smells OK. And tissue and a tissue.


Yeah, fair enough. Oh I know that now Hoglund in like pretty cordial. Oh Jesus. How much to drink it? Na na, na, na, na na. And I'm now honestly, I'm thinking I might pop the champagne, get some new glasses and drink it.


I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. What's in it? A watered down. Spit, no, no. So I think stop, stop, stop and spit on saliva. No, you wouldn't drink it for a million. Not two million. Not two million.


Two million, I would say English pounds tax free. How much of it is the. Half a glass, half a tumbler, half a tumbler, so like a whistle, sorry, a big glass through a full tumbler. Well, how much Dovercourt to two million, I would try to rage it if you didn't and OK, ok, OK, I'll get it sorted.


Give Richard Branson a ring again, see if he fancies it.


Richard Branson, someone rich, is going to fund all these.


Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry. I thought you might ask. No, no, no.


It's not going to be family flamm Corver to give Elon Musk the Sydney billionaire.


And I will say if he fancies. Well, there you go.


Can you imagine ringing up Elon Musk or like Jeff Bezos people and going how you've got a business proposal, Christmas albums that you might have heard of them. Chuck Berry.


No one's going to live the glass until it's half full and the other one's going to drink it. But we need two million pounds to fund the actual endeavor.


It's just a game of would you rather that we're really not interested?


Well, am I? Email them for the cross.


Well, you never know. Would just say, let's try it. Let's try and get crossed.


I love that they would go also for charity. No, no, it's just it's just for them. Robidoux, Babalu, Babalu, thank you for listening to this week's Chat Monoid, which is now part of the cast create a network. It is indeed. And the book is out now, ladies and gentlemen.


It's out now on Amazon, on Smit's at Waterstones and Audible. The audio from the physical one may be the short one by one with your hands as well.


Pick it up and that will be good. Yeah. So there we go. Thank you very much. I will see you next week. Thank you to do.