Transcribe your podcast

At Centera, we have everything you need for back to school, like Sintra family meals, one point one to one point two kilo, only five euro each and in are better than half price sale. Birdseye chicken dippers forten three grand now three year 018 and innocent smoothies for kids four pack now 185 each Sintra live every day.


Hello your listeners.


Yaghmai annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband Chris Ramsey. And this week is Book Launch Week. Presence. Just just coming out, there's a check books out. It's in the shops, but it's on the Web. On the web, not on the postman slash woman might put it in your shed.




OK, thank you. The postman slash woman might put it in your shirt. The book is out this week. It came out yesterday. If you listen to this on Friday.


It came on the phone Friday. We are very excited, very excited. We haven't got massively excited about the book because, you know, global pandemic kind of.


What's the word? Yeah, tarnished. A bit tarnished.


It pushes you dreams and all the shine off the little thing it did. It's very exciting.


And while we're recording this on earlier in the week, obviously, and but even now, some lucky little so-and-so is out there, which I couldn't believe when I saw this morning.


Talk me on Instagram. Some people have already had their signed copy.


I don't even know all the food the already reminds us of Munza, one of the first one of the world Grand Theft Auto Games, came out and ordered it off Amazon or something. I'd like some weird action. You got like three days early and I went and queued outside the game at midnight like a tosser. What did you do that I did?


Oh, I married a man who cuz you of a legend who cooks for a game.


No it was before you could download them. I don't like people like you. Wow.


So I don't know why you look for stuff when they've just come out at midnight.


Midnight there was, there was a game and she is on King Street and I came there with the with a load of other winners of sorrows.


I remember once I did it and I just go home and go to sleep because it was actually too late, because the next day I wish I'd known because if I'd known that I went down an egg.


Gisel, you bully, I would have come on a negative note. I mean, who could it.


So, yeah, the book's out this week, I swear. Thank you. Already everyone who's got that massive, massive appreciation will lobbyists. And this is part of the podcast or this episode.


Any good grief. Good grief. Like a Werther's original, uh, old silky, smooth, creamy.


And yet Grundig gives you on the sly. Sounds weird, but I just meant like before Yati. Yeah. Look, if you took anything, do you listen to it. Your not on you. My I just meant he gives you a little little treat before you dinner. OK, mom said that sounds even when it doesn't.


Well why. What's wrong. We no no no no. I'm just saying listen sitting here, don't tell anyone that you have that. Huh. Oh God. Brought the tone down. Oh. Do you want this week. Sponsor's not gonna want to follow that is it. After six months Adam would have to at least talk about something else. OK, he's going to kick off. All right. Well, don't talk to no books out. Books out.




Let's do this week sponsor this week's lucrative sponsor. Obviously what you think is we'll mention the book. We're not going to think. We're going to figure out the sponsor. I got a chance, mate. This week the sponsor is. And you know what?


These guys have been trying to get in touch for a long time now because I like I can't even date. It's not about long time I tell you about right now. You can't take it seriously. Right. This is a massive, important, important product company that way. Well, OK, great.


You don't to see them.


Dollar dollar bill bills will never use Molnau million or more. Now, this week sponsor is tables.


Tables. Hey, got all this stuff on the floor case of a teacher.


Right. Hey pick it up now y'all put it on the table. Hey, you did it.


You sent it from the tele on your knee. Well, that's all well and good. But we are going to put your auxiliary plate of garlic bread, huh?


Get yourself a table at the table, side table, more normal table or dining table or dressing table or bedside table tables for everyone.


You know what my favorite kind of table is? What a console table.


Oh, only realized what they were into in my thirties. Yeah, yeah. Console table game. You have to know a to get one.


No they're just skinny ones. You put lamps on in that way. Yeah.


Very nice to know how I weirdy. Don't always eat my dinner when I was a kid once again from school. I should be dinner to know about all this.


Oh. Used to lie on your front. Lie on me before watching the telly.


The telly. I couldn't do that now but I would eat like stodge like big slices of goodfellows pizza and waffles and beans and that it would lie you know me front in a like like, like someone sunbathing.


Tyahnybok do you know what's quite good.


Wow. Because you just said that and we sometimes used to eat our dinner and from the telly. Yeah. I owe money or whatever. I sat on the floor.


I feel like a good mom because Robinho was eating dinner at the table to the high five to us to look at us being good parents table tables to the table, get your kids to eat the tables at the table.


No response at tables are in no way a. With timetables all they can for times tables, which one is it?


Neither not timetables, which is to sort it out, all types of timetables, which are the worst, and the second one, the multiplication, never knew them more than I can do. The nine times table all the time topic ask is one askers ask is one just nine times seven.


Hung on five, six, seven, 63. Is that right? No, we'll never know.


I'm not gonna even ask.


I don't even know. Yes, we had a fight about the jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle jingle. We hope you like the gun lobby double, double back now. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of CHAKMA tonight.


Happy to have you here. Yeah, it was right. What it is.


Yes. We just got a calculator out because we're both absolutely fucking stupid.


And it was what does that work?


So if you don't know the nine times table, I got taught this trick at school because I was in the very, very low maths class.


Now I was in the high maths class and I never got all. Well, that's because you probably had to just learn it off by heart, whereas those sickos got all the elements. So nine times Table asked me any of the nine times to call, can't do this again.


Just ask is three times nine.


So three times nine. What I would do is I would look at my two hands in front of I've got the palms face in me and I'd start from the left or you would start usually when you count and you start and you write film first. But I'd start on my left arm. You read it like you're reading it. Yes, left to right. OK, so what I do is I put this. So you want it three times nine yet.


So you want to I put my third finger down and the answer is 27.


So to look up and then so the tens and in the tens and a gap and then the unit asks is another one, how does it work with your fingers the other way round the other way? I don't I've never tried it. Well, because you just put your finger. Well, yeah.


Right. Well, why are you going to me one times nine. You did it, 92, come on, guys, guys, put a thumb down, right?


I said one times nine and I would expect that tell to just fuck off, put a first the thumb down. I actually did it.


And as I said to you, also did it.


So then said, oh, you know, it's the old methods, flawed shit.


No, it's not that worse than what I did wrong. All right. OK, I've got it. I've got heartburn. I've got acid reflux.


I can't believe you put it down well and believe believe it.


All right. Because you know what my graded my predicted grade would GCSE math was you. Yeah. Ungraded. My math teacher. How to get me mom and dad in for a meeting and say, look, we so but I genuinely don't think Rosie is going to pass a math GCSE. So they go I'm really bad at math. I got a D actually. Good. And then you had to reset it anyway.


I we it anyway at college but so dreams can go with no timetable. Welcome. Have you at school and you listen to this. You shouldn't be. Let's get back to school. You know you can have that walk.


I mean what if you walk in it. Yeah. Skipping off school. No one is missing out all the letters for no reason. Just in high school and get a one day.


Well are sometimes so long as I'm a I'm a double double double. So what's been going on. Pregnant. Yeah. Flyblown pregnant. Yeah. And I've been skipping along, having a lovely little time. Haven't had much sickness. I've been a bit irritable. We're not going to lie there a little bit.


No. You don't see the mood. I don't see it. How about yourself. Oh right. OK, you haven't noticed what.


Oh hey that is such a political and boat.


Last night I had the worst acid reflux and heartburn nordman and I got that all the way through pregnancy with Robin and I thought I'd avoided it this time. So this may God, I think I'm having a girl. My you know, everything's so different now. See him again. Doesn't acid reflux mean they've got hair?


Yeah. Can it can mean that pocketknives too. No, no, I think it can. But Robin did have he didn't have enough to cause as much as I got.


I mean, some kids are born with like looking like their eighties rock band. Yes, of course it.


Yeah, yeah. Loads and loads of hair. It's nice. It's cute.


Oh it's lovely. I but I always just got a fright when the light. I don't know when someone's like all right. You know, well rested and not now the family have all been over. Come on.


You know the baby's three days old and I'm like oh my gosh, three days old.


When they go to the Bahamas you it is always a bit freaky, but I find it really cute.


Oh, gorgeous. Yeah. And it I love kids with little hairy backs. Sometimes babies got little.


Hey Robin was quite a wishbone and I was like, oh I can't wait to meet the little baby.


I'm very excited. We had the scan the other day didn't we. The 20 week scan. We did and we didn't find out what sex it is not going to find out. I know, but now I'm sort of itching and a little bit, but I'm not going to find out I was itching as well.


But I know the moment the Tallas I'll be like, Oh, I'd be happy first. Then I'll be like, oh, there's not gone. Yeah. Like your presence of Christmas Eve. What do you do? You go all Christmas now what's the point. Oh I know.


Got it. So, so at least you've got something to look forward to. Yes. And well the baby itself as well you bastard.


Just wanna know what it is and then I'll go. Oh thank you for that. You can keep it. Take it back. Take it back. Now you'll have a double Babalu Babalu announcement.


It was Rosie's birthday the other day. Oh, I thank you for your birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you. Thirty five next year. I can't believe it. Yeah. Yeah.


What's your favourite thing. Yeah. And I've hurt myself. We've got a bouncy castle up on it. You have a half. I've got a big you know what?


I spoil myself all the time.


We've got a little bouncy castle for the children and I went on a drunk and up in my arms you see a little well it was massive.


It was fifty five foot long. It was ridiculous. Oh, I'm sorry. I can't help it.


Why are you here? Do not get me to order the bouncy castle.


Just don't do it because it filled up the full lawn. You couldn't really see the kids because that's kind of disappeared behind. It was an assault course. It was an assault course with a slight.


It was it was from the council the whole time they come so they can use it loads. It wasn't. Oh was it not.


OK, so I was like, oh, you'll be lucky to get a phone number. And he's like, you're looking to get this on a weekend because the council normally use it. And it was at that moment I thought I should have measured the lawn.


Well, you ordered it and it was coming the next day. Yeah. And I said, does it fit on the lawn? You were like, yeah, it'll fit. I you know, because I'm a spy, I'm like James Bond.


Ah. Then quickly snuck out with a tape measure and measured it didn't fit. Just on the slant though. On the bay.


On this land diagonal.


Yeah but it was very much fun and I had a lovely birthday but it because it kind have a drink at. I was a bit tired, but other than that, it was very nice, but, you know, my birthday's not asked well, not asked to the point of where just before we started this podcast, I was set up all the stuff on our table, dear listeners.


And I picked up a pile of Rosie's birthday cards that you got not two days ago.


And I said, Rosie, should I put these up for you?


And Rosie said, no, I'm not bothered to put them up. And I went, All right, recycle bin then. And what did you say?


I said, well, just keep them for the week and then work only. So so she doesn't want them or I want them up, but I'm not allowed to throw them away because she's got to keep them a week. So they're just in a fucking pile on a bench. Pointless.


But do you not get caught in someone's house in the de sac. Yeah, I find it. I'm just like, oh right. Great. Yeah. All your friends signatures of you.


Brilliant what you like. Forgot what your mom's handwriting did it the same message every year. Same message.


I remember my mom and dad used to always when they got Christmas cards used to always blue tuck them all at the door and it was part of the Christmas decoration. Yeah.


And it was always a sit down going down all the Christmas cards to sit for like two nights doing Christmas cards for spurious fucking random people while my mom for years but my mum used to put them on string.


Yeah. Like bits of string all for them over Christmas, you know.


But it's look at all our friends. Just look at this. Look at me. Social circle on this wall. Me. Oh, you found you know, for the losers who send you one back have you. Good for you. I think that was Facebook before Facebook. It was. It was you might remember.


Address books. Yeah. Address books that would only come out at Christmas.


Yeah. My, my, my mom hated Christmas cards. I've got a lot of my stuff from my mom. Your mom has mostly.


Yeah, yeah.


Not everything but just things that actually things that you're allowed to hate. But a lot of people don't vocalize. Nobody enjoys right now. What, Christmas cards.


Oh no, no. We'll have to do my school class soon.


I did them for I'm just gone. Yeah. About the pressure of doing Christmas cards and just brought from Robin on unmourned and he didn't even know you had no idea. You write them out of this year. Little shit.


You write his name now I'll be too busy. Busy. When I was at school and it was like I think the teachers, if I remember rightly, the teachers would print a copy of the register.


Yeah. With all the names. Yes.


So you could take it home and write down everyone's name. Like if you've got to have the name printed off on a thing, you shouldn't be sending them a card. I mean, that takes all the goodness out of it.


One thing I will say, I remember being at school and I think when you get to a bit older, Robin, still only a little and he doesn't know about you, Mike, this year, to be honest, is a lot changes in you when you at that age. But I loved doing the Christmas card rounds at the school because it'd be like a post box right in the hole. Yeah, we had to post everyone. So he didn't just go around people's desk and give it to them.


Right. So that was exciting.


So what do you mean you so you used to get the job of getting them and going out and take them everyone sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. That's a different job. I get to the bottom of it. That's what you loved. Your little job centre of attention.


A job that was you want to monitor. Did you do the milk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to ring the bell.


Oh Gobbi little goody two shoes that Rosie's going to hand the cards out. Everyone's walking around each class, put them on people's desks.


I'll have you know. All right. I've got a really big family, lot of cousins. Right. I was the first prefect in my whole family. Rosie ever.


Rosie, we had some of your family round outside sort of distance for your birthday. It's not a fucking achievement, love. I've met them.


They've got better as a couple of going to uni now is the first prefect last one to go to prison.


I was a pretty good prefect. No, I love I love much. You live in the past.


Sometimes I was honestly I was the best bloody prefect at school ever, so I had to read odd lot.


What do you mean? Oh it's all right. Well, I'm telling you. Right, OK. Some of them were on the bottom of stairs. I was a bit too short to go at the bottom. The stairs used to put the lads there right in the.


What do you mean why? Why did you have to be told to be the bottom, the stairs? Well, because it's a bit of a push, like it's, you know. Right. Telling people not to go up and down the stairs can get a bit hard. But I had the second I was because I was more of a talker like negotiator. Yeah, I was on the floor, got what it's called now where the reception is, the foyer.


Right. Saw the foyer was used a lot by little scoundrel's. Right. Who wanted to just cut through from the sea yard to the yard. Right.


But you actually had to walk all the way around, which was actually a bit of a high get walk past Morgus Corner and everything.


So I was on the foyer and I wouldn't let them through. And I was like, no, you can't go through.


And they'd be like, Oh, Frolick, I'll be like, no, you don't get past your love. First in my family, you can turn that shit around and you can walk a little backside round.


Loved it. They loved it. But I was also vice captain.


Right of. He didn't get the out of the house, didn't get had girls got it, my friend got it. Yeah. Good girl. Yeah, she was good.


Like I love that. I just love the I love the sentence are hard. The second hardest part as a prefect.


Well it was absolute flight stairs. The stairs was the hardest. I was a tall kid, second hardest negociate and so that I have to walk past that corner. Love that. Can I cut through here. Listen, listen here. Right it be me cousin. Right you to got through. Well let me go through it now.


I'm saying if this standing here was because I got through with my mom. You got through with me sister. You got to tell you why. Because none of them are fucking prefect. Exactly. But I'm a prefect. Get your ass parsimonious corner. You won't get that shit around.


Yeah, it wasn't a prefect. Kevin wasn't prefect. Was only prefect cause Kevin wasn't I was kid not.


I think she was a bit too shy. You had to have a bit of a bit of clout about you to be a prefect at my school. You couldn't be shy. I think my kid was there, which is very different. She wasn't I don't think she had the the gusto she has now give.


I mean, if you if if she'd been pestering, it should have been great or stone cold sober, like 13, 14, 15.


So you only got 11. Were you a prefect?


I was not a priest. All right. That's a shame.


I was never a prefect. I was never a milkman. I was never on the football team. I was never on any of them. Things I think we've talked about before.


But we all in my junior school, when we all got to go first on the trip, I remember like picking names out of a hat.


And we all like to sit in the we want to pick the names all the time. I remember sitting there that excited thinking, I'll definitely get to go.


It was literally Prefect's.


And the football team who all got picked out, I remember thinking, nah, I don't think my name was in that hat.


Oh, but you went to the meeting anyways there sat in the lobby anyway.


That excited. Bless you. Yeah, I remember the talk, the names out and then they put them in a green VHS plastic VHS box and they were the people that got to go deliver that.


Yeah. And schools that must have been up. Ramsey Gobshite not probably wrote my name on a paper earlier and then just dropped it in the toilet.


Oh yeah. I'll burn it because they smoke then. Yeah. It's more than smoke. Um, never go. Never go.


Let you through the for you would you know, not a chance because while I'm down dooby dooby dooby dooby oozy.


Yes. I can hear you so well on these headphones today because you had he has done. Oh yes.


Surely the shooter thought we should use the photo of the black wax black rock that was taken out. Yes. Which I'm a bit worried about thinking I need to go to the doctor about.


Also showed a few people came in the house randomly. When you think I just got the form before, have we seen that and look at it for so long? And then what is it?


A girl came home yesterday and it's been you game. It didn't look like sort of squashed black raisins. Yeah. Amazing, though.


Got in here everything. Now it's fantastic, honestly. You will get clean again. Did you hear that? Just a lovely compliment to that lovely compliment. Thank you. Yeah, great reference to the right to do, it's nice in it. Robin's not far away, is not nice, not nice Abida Barbecue, barbecue, but something very exciting is happening this week other than our book launch, obviously.


OK, kids back at school. Yes.


They all get up, get out. Get back to school.


Yes. We got to go back. OK, yes, great.


I've got nothing else to say other than, well, when I was on the one show that we were doing a segment about getting the kids back to school, and I fumbled on my lines and because I was so excited about the idea of kids went to school because I was going to go on a bigger school and it's going to be it's going to be away all day.


All day, Chris. Yeah, nine till three or three.


Both of it.


Well, whatever time you go tell and I'll drop my coffee and just chill it outside the big love.


That's so exciting. It's great. So excited. Hope you're all feeling OK about it. Yes. For anyone who is worried about it, just let you know. I've got a lot of friends who are teachers. They are really excited to get back and they've put so many precautions in place. That is precautions, the right word at all know.


But they know what you mean and I know what you mean.


And I think it's a step forward in the right direction personally. And I'm very excited and I think all of our children will be really excited because I don't know about you guys.


But our little boy has turned into a rotten tomatoes because he's sick of us.


Yeah, absolutely. I don't blame him. I'm sick of me, I'm sick of me, too. So anyway, best of luck, or even though Robin doesn't go back to the 16, crazy, so you have to watch all the other kids go to school. And he didn't start the 16th because the in Texas and it's all right.


We've got a few couple of weeks to tell you what will go on a lovely holiday on this flight. Oh right. Yeah. Well, we'll have some to our books out. Yeah. Yeah.


Well we'll just spend quality time, get them. We've been down for a little change.


We'll work from home. Oh yes.


That's uh. Anyway, I've a hobby bike. I would do Babalu Babalu. But it's time for. This is Rosie's mysteries, turn the volume on your school, useless fucka. Well, I never knew that, but you did not get it know. Yes. Mistress, mistress, mistress, mistress and former mistress, mistress, mistress, mistress of his mistress, honestly horrible, you took the perp shield off.


You are talking into the side of the mic. Honestly, everyone listening. That must have been horrible listening.


Hello and welcome back to this week's Rosies Mysteries. Ignore the chirping man in the corner.


Got a real mystery here. A little bit of a worryin mystery. I don't know what you're going to make of this, actually, but this lady needs our help also to know that it's not just a true or false.


It's another letter from someone. Well, you'll be glad to know.


OK, so obviously it started off as a lot of true or false news, which I think's really informative and very interesting to listen to.


But we have actually had a lot of emails with mysteries. OK, so I'm happy, you know, and it it combines a little bit of questions from the public. OK, so it's a bit of both.


Cool. All right. See what you make of this. OK then. Hi, Rosie and Chris. So this story doesn't have an answer, but I've honestly been trying to make sense of it for years. You're hoping you can help.


Wow. Please keep me anonymous because my parents don't even know I drink.


Goodness Maged put in brackets lol lol in Tahiti.


Wow. So a few years ago I woke up in my uni house and most confused I have ever been for context. Right. The night before I had been out with my housemates, but distinctly remember coming back alone, having some water, then putting myself to sleep. Putting myself to sleep, I'm thinking to strangle yourself, find yourself in a bed, choke yourself out. What's so weird?


I put myself I talked myself in and choked myself unconscious myself out.


I distinctly remember running at the wall with my head down as fast as I could to put myself every night of these in the morning. You can imagine my surprise when I woke up wearing full on lingerie and of puffer jacket.


OK, was I hot or cold? Who knows? Wow. Yeah, it's.


I mean. I've read this right. And I'll tell you my conclusion at the end, I've got one already is this. Yes, I've got a conclusion, but I'll tell you, it does involve maybe bring in the police.




All right. That's what my that's where my head went. But anyway, let's keep going at all. Okay.


This was already confusing because this particular piece of clothing was packed at the bottom of a suitcase of crap I had shoved away. Wow. At this point, I assumed I blacked out, even though I definitely remember going to bed.




Putting myself to bed and guessed that I would have rummaged through all my clothes the night before just for fun in my room, however, was spotlessly clean and I mean professional standard. It wasn't even like this before I had left on the night out hooved and everything. Right at this point, I'm freaking out a little bit, rightly so, my room door had been locked from the inside, so I don't think anyone had come in making this last bit even creepier right in the far side of my room.


There was a small puddle of blood, probably the size of a tennis ball still. What what the fuck? There were no drops of blood leading towards or away from it, just a little island of blood. How do you know it was blood? Well, it'll be red and wet.


Well, maybe five things. Not a red and wet.


Go catch red paint, dark red paint, light red paint, brown paint, water red.


Oh, clever shit.


Tomato soup. Great tomato juice. I was not on my time of the month. Nice. And check myself and all my clothes on. All my clothes and all my clothes.


All right, everyone, everyone up against the wall. All his laundry off. It's off. Have you cut yourself? Welcome to 2073, all your clones. I asked all my clones if they had done it and none of them said anything, as I haven't put a brain in them yet. Well, not at that stage of development, anyway. She only she wasn't she wasn't on a period check herself and all the clothes and the clothes for signs of cut or bleeding.


But they were known. Yeah. When my housemates came to inspect the scene, we checked all of them as well. And no blood anywhere. What the hell? No, in my Bleadon.


Please help. Why was I wearing nondairy and a puffer jacket who clean my room? Whose blood was it? Why do I remember going to bed? Five years on, my friends have concluded some quite dark things. So please steer away from the murder accusations. Very confused. Thanks for your help. Just drop that in the end there.


Please stay away from the murder accusations. I mean, this could be anything. This could literally be someone in that area was spotted that night in lingerie and lead the scene. But just just scared straight over there. Yeah.


Why don't you sit down.


God, please, God, don't break down.


I, I can't because you can't give us 30 seconds because there's no one side. Well, what do you think.


What was your I. Well I just thought it was a bit worrying. If all of that had happened and you were genuinely intoxicated.


I was like, no, you should go from there. But then again, she totally remembers going to bed and a door was locked from the inside. So I've got no idea.


See my thing. And I imagine that the problem is when the story starts with I was out and I was pissed, you go, OK, then.


Well, whatever comes after that is just awful gobbledygook.


It is my and my idea was until the clean thing, my idea was that I had been texting someone and was going to nip over to some see some light, a bit of a booty call. And she just was like, oh, I'm a bit pissed. I've got the confidence I'm going to hold on to just apophatic and turn what he's doing and just be like that net.


Net. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I do think she put herself to bed by the well I don't know, the blood in the corner is weird.


I mean that really takes it to another level. Just really strange. Really strange.


But the cleaning in the room and it's just a fucking student thing to be like I can't believe it.


It was clean. It was who that this must be ghost.


So maybe just, you know, normal. Maybe that's normal. Really patient. You just clean the room. Schmierer Yeah.


I just want the blood was like I say, it was blood.


Could have been a jubilee jubilee. Strawberry Jubilee. What's the strawberry chocolate. The lollies, ice lolly.


Maybe he'd be shot and she put on lingerie because someone was going to come round to have some sex with her.


Right. And then he was like, oh, Lolly Forras or something. So she started that. Then she started all over him because he was coming.


Right. Coming over. Right. Right. So he's come over then he canceled at the last minute and she put the lolly down upset and the lolly had made us so cold she had to put a jacket on.


Case closed. I rest my case, Your Honor. You can rest now.


Yes. Well, that's what happened.


Yeah. OK, I'll go with that. God, I'm God.


I'm dooby dooby dooby at. We have everything you need for back to school like central family meals. One point one two one point two kilo only five euro each and then are better than half price sale birdseye chicken dippers. Forty three gram now three or eighteen and innocent smoothies for kids.


Four pack now one eighty five each Sentara leave every day.


You can like a social media post, but you can't hold it close to your heart, you can't pin a text message to your fridge and you can't attach a teddy for your favorite nephew to an email. If you really want to send love, send it with unposed at your local post office or online and on on post for your world.


Dooby dooby dooby. It's time for what's your beef? Hello, Chris. Hello, Chris. I got it all over, Chris, just quickly and I've got a few minutes left, but he's got a few of the lads around just celebrating, just being in the shop, just bought the book. I can't wait to see all the chapters with his in and got them all here. We're just about to read it. Get your glasses on, get glasses and get your glasses on.


So just about read the book and I just wanted to see just what we can see mate. Thanks for letting us be involved in it. I'm so excited we've got all the material. Just kind of weird, which is having a ball. All right. Best of luck with it. She asked me just. Yeah. Thanks, Barry. Great. You know, you're not actually in general, you know what said, you know you know, actually in any of the Bouaziz is on the Ford is just in the books out now.


Got it. Got it.


But first question, the way you've got it, because it's not actually until Thursday. And, you know, in any of the book, you will not in the book at all about not not working on a very large flat. Shut up. Shut up. Right. Sorry. What?


Chris, I'm like, you've run in one of the room just gone in the toilet. Are you going to toilet. Yeah.


Or yeah. Good. You know, in the book. Not not at all. No, no, you don't mention it. No, no, no, just you're in it. You're an anomaly that only happens on this podcast. And I put my foot down. And you're not mentioned at all. Not one single bit in the book. Not even I don't even think the word beefs in the book.


Oh. The word Parisienne on a different story, but the word beef is not in the book, right? Right. Well. Is this going to be OK, the latter? I'm listening to that noise through the other room there by sounds like a lot of people, I don't think you should have that many at the moment with Corvet.


I don't think you have that many people in your house, just as I know I know you're a doctor, apparently.


What's all the doctors doing with all that stuff on with people? Are you going to do all sorts of stuff like, oh, I'm not going to tell them?


Well, I just hope that they don't read it all tonight. Right. OK, give them all a copy to go home with.


I've bought 900 copies. Well, I guess that's good. I don't know. I have to come right to. That's the look, so it all the little bit at the end, some nervous. Uh, so you've got the you've got the sound of a powerful appeal, but you didn't get the sound of a phone hacking to see the area where your mouth was that what it's all about?




Poor Barry, bless his heart. No, the beef isn't in the book to arrive over the front of it. I enjoyed that.


I mean, as much as he's absolutely flown in the social distancing rules at his house, carnage in there.


Hey, what's your beef? Do you know what, Christopher? Huh? I don't have a beef this week. You are joking. I don't actually have a beef this week. I don't know just because you've been a bit down today and I didn't think you needed one. And honestly, I quite like I said it today. I've been we've been all right. I've got a beef this week.


This feels like a trap, I promise you. I swear. Oh, have you got one?


Yeah, right.


You know, I was a bit down this morning, but I was I just felt a bit bad for you. Oh, well, I was a bit down, but then I had the zoo meeting with the pit from the BBC about the little make sure when I got a little excited about work.


No good.


Oh, well, then we'll carry on with my beef. So when you feel a little bit down, you like to bring it to me and then make me feel a bit down. But now that you feel okay, that's all right. The world's the world's right again.


So that's good. Thanks for that. Thanks for bringing me into a depression earlier on for that hour. But now you're right and I'll be all right. Yeah. Good job. Unflexible, isn't it?


The beef. Oh, try and be nice. But now, Prostratin, it upsets me too much for us to get that out.


It was like it was made public.


I sorry we do that. We both do that right. When one was down we speak to the other one and we kind of unload the emotional baggage on the other one, but we literally unload it. I literally am like just getting it. It's like, it's like some kind of drug deal in a car park. I'm getting it all out of my car and your car and then I'm just driving off on it and then leaving it.


That's fine.


What's your sorry. My beef with you this week is something you did at the weekend. At my birthday day before the day before we left the house, we got a package from the postman as well on the way of the house. He dropped it in the car as well on the way out. And I don't know who sent it. I didn't actually get a chance to read things.


It was sort of Harry Potter stuff as Harry Potter, like a lot of things, little sweets and stuff like, oh, yeah, I like what she said.


It all sounds like your mother was like a Harry Potter cape.


There's all kinds of things. There's great Robinov that was on the way to a friend's house.


Right? We went to a friend's garden and all that stuff. Right. We sat there and you produced a packet of jelly beans and just got the jelly beans out and said, oh, we've got these shedded jelly beans. Hey, everyone have a jelly bean. Just start giving jelly beans out willy nilly. Luckily, it took about three or four jelly beans until people started going, what the fuck is this?


Robin looked at us with fear and disgust in his eyes.


What do you want to happen when I look on the card, the Harry Potter diagonally fucking joke jelly beans. One was rotten egg, one was vomit, one was grass.


One was what was just dirt. Some of them were like candy. First the what was literally dirt. That was the flavor dirt.


And you just handed them. I had never heard of these. I didn't know this is a thing.


You just handed them out like it was party favors and everyone you ruined.


Everyone's right. In my defense, I didn't have it. I didn't have a clue what it was doing.


As someone said, these taste weird. You are all the might be them. We had ones because it's because I've had them before. Well, I'd never had a call. I think there's a game called like being Boosler or whatever with jelly beans and it's all the different kind of flavors, but they are disgusting of grass.


And I was like, is that is grass? Well, I was like, is that grass? I am stupid.


And then I read them eat.


My gosh, they vomit one. I'll never forget Robin's face. The only time Robyn's ever made that face at me was when he knocked his teeth out and he was looking at us. Oh, I'm telling you, which one did he get? A rotten egg.


And he looked like he was going to die. It was a good job.


He was hot and you were like, everyone have a jelly bean me.


Then when I found out, I ate all the tutti frutti one.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Left all the other ones good times. And you brought them home with. We're going to eat it up. Did I still. Yes. Or my. Yeah. Yeah. You put them in the car.


Oh well let's play a little game. No, no. It was awful sorry, not they should be ashamed.


So Babadook, Babadook, but it's time for questions from the public public. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, public.


It's a job. That's my job.


We are living life as always, guys, if you want to get in touch, it is Shamari annoyed at Gmail dot com. Send whatever you want because Rosie's doing it again because I'm having a little lovely surprise week, the week of surprises of it.


OK, so I have got some disgusting ones. Yes. Good. Excellent. Pretty tame one. Got you. And something up someone's backside would you like to start with.


It almost sounds like that almost sounds like the little menu called from the jelly beans.


That just doesn't let go with the second one that you said, OK, something pretty tame, sort of pretty well, let's do it. Hi, Rosie and Chris.


I have two questions for you both. One, my first one are either of you hoarders, if you will. What do you hold?


Oh, my number two, who does the food shopping and do they keep to a list or do they bring extra slash treats that are not on the list?


Oh, so first question, how does the hoarder I hold clothes, I don't get rid of stuff.


I realize that deportation on all this, I must have had it since before we met. Yeah. I don't I don't like throwing them away. I got rid of them so I do that quite a bit about you.


I hold things that I don't know how to recycle. Yeah. Really.


So this so there's something I'm going to find stuff. I've got a drawer full of all nail varnishes for God's sake and just bottles of stuff. That's that glass plastic like cardboard. I don't know where things go so I just keep them in my drawer for years.


God, how do you recycle, how would you recycle nail varnish. Because it's never empty. You can't put down the sink. What are you going to do, put it in like a paper bag or something?


I don't know. Maybe put it in the tissue. Yeah. OK, brilliant.


Yeah. Yeah. It's all that mystery. It's all done in ten seconds or less.


All I need it. All I need to do is have a conversation about that. So yeah. OK, I've been doing that for years.


OK, so when are you going to go into the store for my.


Oh yeah. Well listen, it's not doing anyone any harm is it folks.


I don't want to do it as I do not, don't even tell us where it is because it looks at this. I'm a bit asleep. Don't tell us where it is. What was the question.


Who did the food shopping and did it keep to a list or did they bring extras whom we bought through the food shopping? I do the big shop.


You do the little sporadic shops. Yeah. Now you rarely buy anything for anyone else other than yourself.


People you don't you don't go to the shops and think, oh, what does the family need? What does the family need for tea and dinners and breakfast.


No, you go shopping, you go, oh, I'm going to get some yoghurt and I'm going to get myself some food. And some of these witnesses, which are white chocolate, nobody likes disgusting and quite chunky. Right. All that shit. And you just buy stuff for yourself, right.


First of all. First of all, slander. Right.


If I just randomly bought ingredients and was like, well, having spaghetti bolognese tonight, you'd be like, why? Why do I don't know about this? You've got meals.


I mean, you know, what would you say that would be nice if you said, oh, I bought all the stuff of spaghetti bunnies.


I'm going to cook that tonight, you know, because then you'd go, oh, we've got a little fresh. And he's been, oh, I've got this chicken that's going to what we did. Don't make it out like it's easy. Like it's a level playing out in the basement. Don't be making out like it's easy and level playing field.


Tonight, we'll go to community. Do you know why do you think I get so excited when eating out? Why did you think my face lights up when somebody else brings a plate to my table because you're a greedy pig? No, because I'm like I did enough to make this. I didn't have to stand in chopsticks.


And, you know, the reason I'm a bit bigger than what I should be and nearly said something else. But the reason I'm a little bit bigger is because I am because I have to cook for you and him and then I eat everything while I'm cooking.


And all I did was I eat everything I do. I should staple my mouth up for that half an hour.


It takes me to prepare a meal go.


It would be nice if you did cook for also after you been after this as well.


The second part of the argument is if I bring home a little chocolate bar or something for you, you kick off, you kick off, you go, wow, why have you done that?


And then you go get it away and then you make is going around your dad for your birthday.


I bought you a big box of dairy milk chocolate. Great present knows. Well, excellent, excellent choice. You handed me the hide them from. Yeah. You haven't hit them yet.


Had three yesterday three four bars create some inaudible hide them. Would you kind of be doing this.


I got a massive big board milk. I got a huge part galaxy which shall be made in key because it's not me. Go to one on your left it in the center of the southern half.


Yeah. You left it standing up against a wall in the Soviet folded itself and half like a drunk falling over. So inconsiderate. So, yeah.


Thank you, Dad. By the way. But. Oh, no, not great. Not great on the old horse line would barbecue barbecue.


But hi, Ramsay. So Ramsay's thought I'd share the weirdest date ever with you. Enjoy. Now we've heard some weird ones, so let's say this is good.


OK, this made me feel better about my whole dating life. To be honest. I've had some horrific dates.


Thrombin I once met a guy on a dating app. Always starts out. After weeks of chatting, we decided to meet for a drink. The evening of the date, he texted me to say he was running a little bit late after getting stuck in traffic on his way home from work and that he still had to quickly go see his auntie, but he would pick me up on the way to her as to not keep me waiting. Hmm. I assumed he was nipping to her house for something and I would wait in the car.


So we're driving along when he pulls up outside a funeral home. But I asked, oh, does you only work there? He replied, No, she passed away. She's in here until a funeral on Monday.


Fuck off.


Know, I told him how sorry I was. As I could see, he was getting upset when he then asked if I would go in with him for moral support.


You are joking me as he's never seen a dead person before.


Wow. Wow. Yeah. So he picks up for a date. I've only been on a few dates and he's taken out of the chapel of Restasis and his dead body. Yeah. What the hell's wrong with that? I don't even know if they'd been on it. She said there'd been Chaton shot. We decided to meet for drinks. I don't even know if she's ever been on a date with him. Wow. So being put on the spot, I reluctantly agreed to watch.


You know, the sea take them somewhere different. I mean, do I mean like a date and guru, you know, showing vulnerability, you know, to a cinema somewhere, you know, someone will remember.


I mean, there's a fucking line is a line, Chris, with climbing wall. Trampoline Park.


Oh, you ready? Yeah. We walked in and there she was in a coffin surrounded by nice pictures, a microphone, her false teeth, a pair of glasses on her head and another pair shoved in her hand, the other hand filled with packets of sweets. We had enough. Nope. Why she got them things around her.


Is it like all our favorite stuff? I tell a few of my favorite things.


So she's got a pair of glasses on ahead and another and a hand and the other hand are filled with sweets and. False teeth in these pictures and a microphone might be missing microphones me sing with it. I imagine the sweetest like she was always given sweets to the kids so that she's got sweets and the glasses on the top. And the show was lost.


Our glasses, just like gelato.


Jarawa, I'm going to tell you right now, I'm all for being a fucking prop joke at my funeral.


Don't be putting bikes in where us and I always went on about his bike race.


I'm going to have an absolutely all with yours. I think it's so many bits of shit in there.


Oh, it's like recycling.


We love the recycling. Take the bin in there.


You are bringing a savvy recycling. We're going to bury him with it for a long while. And you get buried with if it's a landfill dickhead, I stick my phone in there.


Cannot wait. Anyway, I stood back, leaving him to say his goodbyes when he pulled a watch out of his pocket and asked if I would help lift her arm up whilst he put the one.


In a way. No way. Right. So they were cool.


And so people have been bringing their stuff to give to other not just loads of shit. Poor woman. Oh my God.


The crowd is out in this aroup. What's it called, what's it rigor mortis, that's when yes, with would be like gentlemen. So we have lifted her arm up, put it on, and you have to push her own back yard.


And again, reluctantly, I agree that on the stove, you guys stop it.


The stove you all agree with on a date is fucking nuts pot. And I mean, you didn't have to go in love.


You didn't die. You should have waited outside. I mean, he said there's a line. I mean, this is crazy. Why would you take someone to the.


Holding this dead woman's arm up with this guy who I just met, he then kissed her on the head and asked me if I wanted to kiss her on the head.


Oh, no. I cried and I felt weird about that.


Did you never in the world you had put a watch on.


We had about that after kissing him. My lips were cold.


So. So instead I awkwardly patted him on the head like.


Oh, rip ripping.


Guys were not laughing at a dead woman here. And we're not laughing at a guy and he's on, you know, whatever she was to him were laughing at the fact that he took this ball.


I just I know it seems so ridiculous that I have to tell you that, but I have to tell you that because this isn't just the date from hell, isn't it? Oh, my God. But I mean, we then went for drinks and I never saw him again. Never threw a dog. At the end, though, if it was worth it, why he wasn't. Why. So she kissed him a love.


I hope that's just snogged him. And then I hope out of you in the car on the way about he was like organization again. And I hope you'll let over overlent. No one. Just partisan.


The only way that could have been a good date, nights would have been worse. Here's a question for you. Yes.


Would it have been better unless we had or worse and more weird if when if she'd want? Yeah, we'll kiss her on that when she'd want to kiss. We had the army was just like, wow, by surprise. It's like jumped up.


And he was just like pissing himself. And he was like, oh, it's a practical joke. What would be worse?


Would it be worse if it was a practical joke and she wasn't actually dead and it was just a whole fucking window thing that would be better?


I think it will be better as well. I think that would be better.


I would enjoy that more rather than and she was like, oh yeah. And he was like, oh, no. Like, I own this funeral home. Would we do this now? And then that would be back.


And only John and Dog and we had I would enjoy that more than just taking it. The funeral home.


So do the let strangers in then. I think if you go in, I mean, I'm not being funny, right.


If I die and my nephew brings his date. Yeah. I'd be seething. I'd be looking down at him thinking, you little twat, who the hell is this. Who's that. Yeah.


I mean, inviting someone to a party that you're invited to invite in person on the invite. So that's that's a bit rude in inviting someone in a chapel of rest.


That's another level that like that is rude to the Coast Guard. Got you a bit annoyed. Yeah. Jesus. Very funny though. Wow. I'm going to sell tickets when you die. What for me, Chapela response is going to come in, I mean, yeah, just a big line of people, delicatessen machine, it'll take a machine.


All right, OK, great. Forty three come in and then they come in and just walk out.


Just make sure feminity done with them.


It was a white Kesser in the head.


Zappone extra to pound extra Kalapana 50 pounds. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.


So before we move on, can I just say at the beginning of that question, I did say we've had some weird dates. It's going to take a lot to top it.


You might be in the lead. That's the that's the best one might be the weirdest thing I've ever heard of a show that's better than me on the porn star date. Yeah. Oh, definitely. Robidoux ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.


Hey, Rosie and Chris keep reading to the end of this one as it doesn't go as you'd expect.


OK, about four years ago, my friend and I were out out in the biggest club in Cardiff at the time, or Qiana remember that Liberace.


And there was one and there was one random girl we kept seeing who was clearly absolutely steaming drunk. Her eyes were rolling in the back of her head. She couldn't really stand or speak properly and she didn't seem to have any girlfriends with that all. Never. She was with what I can only describe as a creepy guy on the side of the disco room dance floor. Oh, he seemed super pervy. And we just had a bad feeling about him and she seemed a bit all over the place.


My friend and I went over to try and help her, but she was repeatedly adamant that she was fine. To be fair, she was better when we spoke to her.


Got you.


So she's just one of these people who looks really some people look like Bambi on ice when the page, but then you sit them down and chat with them and then I don't go to bed. You just think, what what happens to your body when you try to walk? Yeah, I've seen it. I've seen this before.


Eventually. The boy that she was with, uh, started. I don't want to see it, you don't want to see a finger, but you've just showed me the two fingers and make it an upward motion three or four times, which personally, for me was worse.


And these people listen to shock know they understand that you start finger to the stars on the dance floor, on the dance floor when you're on the dance floor.


Oh, you better not steal the deejay. Anyone out there whose finger people on dance floors pocketed man.


Oh, I've seen him. I've seen it before. It's totally disgusting. Stop it. We can all see you. You're vile. Yeah.


We're going to say you're a male. You know, kissing lords is we to stop it.


But the find people who do that to other people on the dance floor or in a corner or whatever.


The thing no one can see. Yeah. And everyone can see. We can see. We can see it. I haven't seen it for a long time. We haven't been out for a while and hope for years. I'm glad of it. I even I could even open yet.


I don't if the all don't know.


Have you ever done that to anybody in the nightclub thing that someone a nightclub phoned me germophobia. No. True. Do you know why.


Because the person you've pulled on the night doesn't like it when you run off to the toilet with two fingers held in the air vomiting and going in the other hand, go to need a hand to get a pound for the guy in the toilet to let you use the soap.


Koblin Roommate handwringers. They can have blue roommate. Via satellite as a no no, OK? We did try a few more times to offer to help her over the course of a couple of hours, but she wasn't having it. Sorry, what were you all trying to help her with? Why are you starting a conversation with someone while they're being fingered? What's wrong with you?


I'm just wondering why their night out is this girl.


Well, there must be thoughtful in the right states for fair play. We need more people like this in the world anyway.


She wasn't having any of it. So we told the bouncers we were concerned for her. They stepped in and we left them to it. Got you. Fast forward an hour or so later, and my friend and I were walking back to my city center flat. Yeah, we had a walk down a quiet road. And as we turned the corner, there were two police officers and a police car. Right.


There was no one else around. So we ended up chatting to them. Just a casual chat. Not really sure why these two are pure law abiding citizens.


And honestly, I only wanted to show them your tax return or something is I just let you know this is all up to date. Officer Hello.


I've just been checking out the finger and on the dance floor. Fine, high office. I just let you know, I made my friend here the two goody two shoes we we took cockblock them to a new level tonight, officer.


We actually went and got the doorman to step closer because we hadn't pulled off like everyone else.


It's nothing. A few million years.


And so they're just chatting. As we were talking, finger girl from the club is walking up the street alone towards us and the police.


We follow the I imagine just like kicking off, you scared him away.


Anyway, we obviously see the police hoping they'll help her. Oh, we've been really worried about this girl all night. She was being fingered on the dance floor by a random she was kissing him under the guise for hours and now she's on this quiet street on her own. We go into all the details of what she's been up to.


It's a long street, so she's walking for a while. Well, I've got my hands, women, because I've got a funny feeling on what's going to happen, but said the police officers are deadly silent and don't see anything.


And my friend and I are confused because now they aren't even looking at each other at this stage and it feels a little awkward. Oh, God.


The girl keeps walking directly towards us. The police officer then says, that's my girlfriend.


Oh, oh, oh, God.


In an embarrassed tone as the girl gets in the back of the police car and they quickly drive off.


Oh, my God. The officers had come to pick her up after her night out and one of the officers and finger girl were indeed a couple of.


That's unbelievable. I know, I know, I'm sweating. I'm very rarely I'm speechless and I don't quite know what to say.


Well, that's what happens when you get injured on the dance floor.


Well, it's not that's not what happens when the police come and pick you up and take you over this dog going out with you to marry you one day. Stop it.


Oh, my God. I honestly didn't see it coming, did you? I thought you're going to see a daughter, which I think would have been that would have been worse.


Would it have been worse, is my question. I don't know if it would have been I think it would be worse for them to lards. I think the guy would have went off without them, but the policeman would have offered them because it would be like you stuck in the door off and I think you'd got really defensive. But this was obviously what could he do?


Like, no, I think it would have been worse if it was one of the daughters. How? Because there's no betrayal there.


But I'm not being funny. Do you want your daughter to be getting fingered? A notion about all the different lads? Well, I'd be absolutely livid.


Absolutely not. No one has ever.


No one has ever said keep your finger in your bedroom, please. Thank you very much. You don't need to take that out of the nightclub. No one has ever said that in the world.


You know what I want for my daughter? You know what? I want you out.


When I of in notion by loads of lads and called, what I'm saying is that it's going to happen if you've got a daughter I is not going to think about as an option.


But what I'm saying is you kids grow up and have sexual activities with people your girlfriend isn't. It doesn't matter where it is.


Your girlfriend isn't supposed to be point, but you can get rid of your girlfriend. Well, I hope you fucking Dave can't get rid of your daughter.


I love that you go to the back to the car as well. She got in the front Gary Park tonight.


Love the book. Are you wearing pants next to a honestly poor bloke? No, not nice, isn't he? Well, what if it wasn't the same girl? What do you mean? What if it was a different girl walking on the street many times on a night out? Did you see in fashion and stuff, girls often have similar costume dresses. You make time. You went out and seen this girl in a similar top tier. What if it was it was a long street.


She was in the distance.


I was a different girl. No, you wouldn't know much.


No, you would definitely know if you've how mun plomin George all the time.


Six nights you are injured because it's always known. I didn't even think about that.


The vastness of the sea shall be injured by any fingering mystery.


They've been sick all night so they know exactly what George don't know exactly. Shulgin George of that program. Fucking wonderful.


Oh not cleverer than I think it was you would have been, but you just destroyed it with that sentence, right? Robidoux Babalu Babalu back. So we got a lot of emails about wedding dramas.


You know how we mentioned the one last year with the trip around the world? Yes. Yes.


And the guy, would you like another one or do you think that people absolutely like another one?


Yes. OK, yes. If a similar vein.


But the reveal is obviously different. Fantastic. So if you enjoy this, I've just listened to your most recent story about a man announcing his wife was cheating with his best friend on their wedding day and reminded me of a story my anyone's told me about a wedding she had been doing. Oh, Annie l was a friend of the groom's and the bride and groom had been together for twelve years. I wish we had when people got married after that long.


Yeah I know. Strange. Well it just depends doesn't it.


Because if we're told about before things like that just went well ok then no one else is coming.


Might as well get this over with. Yeah.


I don't know because you always hear stories about them when they've got married later when they don't work. But I can guarantee that there's loads of marriages that I've waited and then got married and they've been fine. So yeah.


I was just thinking I suppose might saving up there might be waiting. There might be exactly. Yeah. I mean, I don't think so by the sounds of the story, but whatever she had gone to their wedding for the full day and still to this day, talks about how gorgeous the whole venue was and how perfect the place would have been if no one had been invited. So while some of the smaller incidents at this wedding were one, a 1000 pound bottle of champagne gifted to the couple had been stolen off the gift table and had been found in the woman's toilets completely drunk.


Any empty far? Yeah, wow, yeah, after about that, I mean, if people didn't know because I just thought that one person took it but I think if they it up, a little guy got really shitty.




That's a really shitty not nice is the best man.


Had been dancing with a wee granny and Spooner too hard. She slipped and cracked her head open on the dance floor where a waiter slipped on her blood and dislocated shoulder. Both had to be taken away in ambulances, but both were ok. Fucking fault, you know. But the main story came the day.


You know, you've got a good story when those two are your appetizers.


Yeah, exactly. The main story came the next day at breakfast.


OK, so all the guests the next morning came downstairs to the dining room of the hotel where special seats had been set out for them.


OK. As they all sat down, they noticed each table had a small envelope on their plate and when they opened it, they all found the same sonogram photo. Immediately, everyone started cheering and screaming and heading over to congratulate the new bride and groom. However, they were met with total confusion from the couple. As the whole thing was becoming very weird, the maid of honor stood up to glass and started to make a speech, she announced that she was the one that was pregnant.


And the reason she was telling everyone now was because the groom was the father of the bride of shitting hell.


So the next morning, she put them all out. Yeah.


Oh, that I have to respect that. It would have cost her a fortune for them.


Yeah. Yeah. They're about to pound it.


Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God.


Apparently the groom had not taken too kindly to the news the week before. So the maid of honor decided to enact her revenge. As you can imagine, the whole breakfast became carnage with the bride slapping the groom and rolling out my.


andI decided to stay for breakfast because she had already ordered her full breakfast.


I love, respect and respect.


And she also kept the sonogram photo in the envelope and put it in a memory box at home.


To be fair, a lovely little wee day out, to be fair, that is a hell of a story to pull your memory box when people want to know that. Wow. Wow.


I mean, can I just say can we all just if you're going to cheat, come on. Do it with someone that the person doesn't know. Just so it's not a double fucking kick in the day.


Double, double back. All right. Now strap in. Yeah. Because this one is a little bit disgusting. So I'm warning you now, you can skip past it if you want. There's a warning, OK, warning.


Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hi, I thought I'd share a fairly grim Flem story with you say people don't like Flem ones. I don't remember the.


I'm sorry, but this isn't as bad as the fish. Right. OK, OK. Although I hope it won't make people rich like the other Flem story about the cocktail I heard on your part.


Yeah, a couple of years ago, my husband was a bit ill and was coughing up a lot of phlegm before I got sick.


The advice from his sister, a nurse, was to get it all out.


And we spent a delightful Friday night watching Netflix and cupping of phlegm and spitting it into a bucket or forgot.


Go to the toilet, you fucking horror y you book it and oh, God. Next Saturday I got back from the gym and was pleased to say he had started cleaning the flat already. Our Saturday morning show. Great. I got a load of washing out the machine and went out to the balcony to hang it in the sun. We don't live in the UK as usual. I was barefoot and as soon as I stepped out on the balcony, which was wet, where my husband is clean the floor, I knew something was wrong.


Remembering how he cleans and remembering, we only had one book and shut up. My heart sunk at the slimy feeling under my toes.


No way. Yes. Oh, for a laugh. When you said clean the flat, I was going to say for a laugh. I hope he didn't use that booklet. But it seems so obvious that I didn't even see it and he's done it.


He had spent the night hawking up a load of phlegm, left it in the bucket all night, then given the book and a quick rinse in the morning before filling it with water, a little detergent and pouring the mixture together with a fair amount of slimy phlegm still clinging to the sides of the book under the balcony. And I just stepped into it barefoot.


Oh, that is rotten. Horrible int it rotten.


Yeah. Oh, gonna be just fucking ice rink. Oh God.


I just don't know why you would do this is what made me read this out in the first place. Right. Because I've seen a lot of like mop buckets, but that's what he's doing. Stop, stop showing off but carry on.


Would you know what I mean. You can you can see it in your head pocket.


Why would that be your bucket of choice to spit your phlegm in the toilet? Well, get a cup. What? No. What? No. Why no. Stand up and go to the toilet.


The toilet every time you got up. Bit of coffin. Yeah. I'm sorry. That's what you're gonna have to do. No, you're not. That shouldn't happen.


So you'd sit with a fucking morgue holding the handle. Yes, I've done it before. Breeziness Harbor, you've seen this when you've told us off harbour.


Yeah, I'm applying this. I used to have a little glass by the side of my bed dock when I wasn't very well.


Oh, fuck. Are you joking? Oh, I can't remember this. I'm not happy about this at all. We never talked. Yes.


No, this is honestly you what it is not everyone's going to get upset at this because I feel really weird.


Now I've got an old cold. Would you not do that?


No, I'd get up and go to the toilet every single. Every single time. Every single night I because that's just part of the world part or not.


But you just got to get up. Going what? You can't get up because you saw just you like bones. We can whatever.


I mean thankfully touch wood. I've never experienced that.


But why would you use a bucket and a mop bucket. I bet rosy glass. You pick up something to drink all that glass.


I just wash it with hot extra hot water. That's disgusting. So we got to tell me now we got glasses now that you've did.


Tell us tell us now. I cannot deny that.


Oh, for fuck's sake, I mean, when Robin was sick, once you had the ball make pancakes and you let them know that I was still still in a coma, the red one. Yeah. Oh, God.


Welcome to family life. Oh, it's just awful.


I feel sad. Oh, not me, I choose to not be. There you go, I choose and not between know, not even where you put them up. And then you turn around.


I do not at all sorted out of the not being out of a full plastic thing. And I was hanging out, thinking it over and putting it in. I'd been not spin it. There you go. That's what I would do.


But then but seeing the not between smells. OK, and a tissue in a tissue.


Yeah, fair enough. Oh I know that now. Hoglund in like bloody cordiale. Oh, Jesus. How much to drink it? Na na, na, na, na na. And I'm now honestly, I'm thinking I might pop the champagne, get some new glasses and drink it.


I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. What's in it? A watered down. Spit, no, no. So I think stop, stop, stop, stop and spit on saliva. No, no, you wouldn't drink it for a million. Not two million.


Not two million to two million. I would say English pounds tax free.


How much of it is the. Half a glass, half a tumbler, half a tumbler, so like a whistle, sorry, a big glass through a full tumbler. Well, how much Dovercourt to two million? I would try to bridge it if you didn't for two million, OK.


Well then I'll get a I'll get it sorted, give Richard Branson a ring again, see if he fancies it. Richard Branson, someone rich who's going to fund all these? Oh, yeah. Oh, sorry, I thought you might mistake. No, no, no, it's not going to be family flamm.


Great. I'll give Elon Musk is a billionaire, and I will say if he fancies.


Well, there you go. Can you imagine ringing up Elon Musk or like Jeff Bezos people and going, how good.


Got a business proposal? Christmas albums. You might have heard of them. Chuck Berry.


No one's going to hotaling the glass until it's half full and the other one's going to drink it. But we need two million pounds to fund the actual on this.


It's just a game of would you rather that we're really not interested, you know.


Well, am I email them for the crush.


Well, you never know. I would just say let's try let's try and get crossed.


I love that he would go also for charity. No, no, it's just it's just for them. Robidoux Babadook. Thank you for listening. This week's Jack Monoid, which is now part of the cast, create a network. It is indeed. And the book is out now, ladies and gentlemen.


It's out now on Amazon, on Smit's at Waterstones and audible the audio.


I'm the physical one and maybe one by one with your hands as well.


Pick it up and that will be good. Yeah. So there we go. Thank you very much.


I will see you next week at CENTERA. We have everything you need for back to school like central family meals, one point one to one point two kilo. Only five euro each and in are better than half price sale birdseye chicken dippers forten three grand now three or 018 and innocent smoothies for kids four pack now 185 each Sentara live every day.