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Hello.

You're listening to Charmides annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsay and my work colleague who sometimes I have sex with and procreate with Chris Ramsay.

Are you talking like this because we're in our office?

Yes, it does. It feels a lot less marriages today. It does a little bit. And I mean, yeah, I do feel.

Do you want to go and have sex in the cupboard? No, because I was just about to talk about the fact that I don't feel like I'm with the woman I love unfancy, because that's what makes it exciting, because a few months ago you folded and then laughed so much that you read yourself a bit.

Why?

Why is nothing sacred anymore?

You record me snoring all the time. So that's the minute you walk out to the toilet to check. How much should we to. I was like, I know what I'm told on the podcast, so thanks for that.

Thanks for that. It's partly your problem that I do see myself because it's because of both of the babies.

A fourth of all that the massive, massive, jagged, enormous organic baby that you put inside of me, Robin, is a big glass.

Eating away from this one's going to be massive as well.

Yeah. Sick anyway. Yes, twice a left. That was the point.

The point was you got your soul set on a flat bench and you fought it and you laughed so much. You then stood up and I was like, please, but you are just no good. You just read off a bit. You were loving it.

But, you know, I'll sacrifice this pair of knickers for a good laugh.

I mean stuff.

Guys, in episode eighty four I SourceForge.

Oh I know we're recording this on a Sunday because I'm actually if you're listen to this on the Friday I've been in London new the one show all week and yes we're recording this on the same day to get out of the way.

Imagine if you die this week. Right. And then but this is done and it just goes out on Friday and everyone's like, if I died, would you still put this out?

I mean, it's it's sponsored now.

So but honestly, honestly, I got hit about deadlines. Get up.

Get up in an office and it turns a fuckin bloody Johnny Hollywood over here.

Bloody what you call Gordon Gekko Foreign Wars. What's it called? Show me the money. No, no.

What's most is. Yeah, Wall Street. I don't know this Wall Street, but they were gone, but I didn't mean that.

The other one. OK, anyway. Yes, yes. I can't let you turn into a bastard. All right.

So the long and short of it was you were money grubbing bastards slash bitch. Great guys, thank you so much for listening and continue to like it and subscribe. Or Lovette will love you. And always a little bit down last week and I got em.

I got some lovely emails, messages saying that even if I was a bit down, it really helps other people who are down and daggered.

It was honestly, I feel bad this week. I'm feeling a lot better. Oh, like I am. I'm not. So that's good. I think we're just taking turns.

We do, don't we affect each other quite a lot. Our moods, you know, what is Westerlund?

I don't want it. And we're not going to talk about it too much, I promise you. But we are currently still in a lockdown.

And I just miss my friends. Yeah, I miss my sister. Yeah, I miss my brother. I miss my nephews. I miss my best friend. I miss my little nana. Haven't seen her for ages because she's eighty three. God love her now. Just eighty two.

She'll tell us off 82, 83. No comment.

I'm sorry. She's in her early eighties. What should I tell you.

I just miss everyone. I just miss them and I'm. And it's just. It's hard. But anyway, we'll hear what he had to have a laugh. And this all she has is so I'm excited.

She had me up massively last week and I hope it goes to everyone. I hope it did everyone last week and this week as well. And obviously without you know, I couldn't get through the days if it wasn't for the lucrative sponsor's action right out.

This is what I masturbate about. The sponsors do.

Horrible. Sorry. Yeah, that's fine. I said it's time for this week's Lucratively Sponsor.

This week's sponsor is what is Brauman blind?

Oh, I love that fucking shit. Rausing Roman blinds.

Hey, does that look nice from inside? Hey, if you if you're listening down, you don't know what room and blinds are, but then blinds that everyone thinks, oh, they're great, let's get them.

And the saw a comedown in sort of three sections, a very posh like a big fucking duvet on your window three or four times.

Now Rosie has insisted on by Roman blinds. We'll get them. She goes, these ones are better.

They'll be different. They're always shit every single time. Hey, hey. What do you want it to look nice from inside. Yeah, but do you want to be. Absolutely.

Have zero functionality and from the outside there's no patent on it so it just looks like you've got a mattress against your window like a fucking crack. Did Grauman blind.

I know. I want to pull it off. Open it. Oh no. It got caught on the window handle again.

Grauman blinds. Quick, pull it up, pull it up, all the fuckin cords not work, and again, Ruhlman blind, but Romans were cool and well, what do you thing?

The reason I like Roman blinds is because I do think I want to live in a place like, oh, Jesus, as well as, you know, I think the early 90s hundreds.

But as well, I think I was Ruhlman also.

You think you had loads, you thought, oh goodness, I'm all over the place like a fucking playground for you when it die straight back up the steps on the slide again.

Yeah.

I mean, again, like I've said before, my Catholicism would disagree, but I've got lots of different faiths. Yeah.

Depending what time of day or what day of the week it is or the mood empty and absolute that time. Yeah. Roman blinds.

Hey pulled them down and let's get a nice dog in here. Well I don't fucking like that either. We all ought to do all the ones we've got. We've got curtains on the same window.

Roman blinds. Waste of money. Waste of time. Did you hear me. Yeah, it was good. Yeah. I'm glad. Hear that. There was that room and.

Yes, yeah. Because it's got to be really embarrassed because that because you weren't cut out you were all but give me a hand. I hat is it. Yeah.

Well not just that you've just cleared but you were Ruhlman in a past life then you then asked me if glady as much Roman times gladius.

Probably the most iconic Roman symbolism there is as you wear the robes clothes while where the robes what the called brilliant.

So you don't wear the ring and you're now asking is what the name of the thing is that you apparently lakebeds Torgersen Toga's was Romans.

I think that's more so-called. I might be like a Julius Caesar.

So that's what I meant by the time I'm talking about with the ground. But I wasn't one of them. I was a crow. I was in the crowd. I was quite poor. Definitely.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

You were thrown worked in the brothel with Mehboob Zumtobel, but that was me before children because they were Nava's. Now you want that. Well now which one do you want? Maximus. Which one you want. Not one. Oh careful. Because I think as I saw in Pisco, someone just made a lot.

Oh, he the jingle again and again, we had a fight about the jingle jingle, we could sing along to jingle jingle gong. So this is the jingle jingle.

We hope you like the jingle chewing gum, Mamadou ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Now. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagbark Annoyed the world is still falling apart. Yep, and covid-19 is still very much in the air to everybody on the air. It's not in the pubs.

So that's all right. It's not it's not in some places only in your house, but with your friends and family currently. Yeah, but listen, this is our podcast.

Me and you. Yeah, mate. Yeah. Come on in. Strap yourselves in. And yeah. Don't you sometimes just want to go.

Sometimes you want to go, you know, everybody knows your name. Chat Meridiani. We are horrible. We love that you come here every week. Yeah. Hey sit down. Come on. Fuck. covid knows your name. We don't know all your names but we would try and learn them because we love you. Look at me. I wouldn't try to learn them. That was. That was what.

We're glad that you're here. Welcome back. That was lovely. That mean honestly, with everyone's the outpouring this week of everyone being so lovely that did make is that made us really happy.

That good. Yeah, it's like a little. Yeah, yeah. Little little community.

Welcome and thank you all so much. You bloody lovely young lady. Lovely. Apart from I have to start with an apology. Oh you you have to apologize.

I have to start with an apology. Why have you done so. Why did the emails this week. Yeah. Went through a lot of emails. Kick it off about me. Why not. I'll just give you one here dear.

And Rosie, my husband and I are huge fans of the podcast. Today's episode. I noticed that Chris used the word fellatio to refer to the act more colloquially known as looking out. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you may like to know that fellatio specifically refers to overstimulation of the penis.

Yes. You meant cunnilingus. Yeah. The relevant word for stimulation of the Volvox resources, cunnilingus apology's of this comes across as pedantic. But since Chris loves to correct Rosie, I thought it might be a nice change for someone to correct him. Thank you.

I do. You know what? Wow. Yeah, I appreciate that.

Very well-written. Very, very well written as opposed to another. I found what's just genuinely said Xman. Stop sinfully issue. When you mean cunnilingus. That's all. It's all the email.

Well, so they look to the point. Know, I always admit when I'm wrong, I don't know sometimes do something to try and figure it out, but sometimes I don't.

When you when I'm buying rights, I always admit when I'm wrong. All right, great. That person actually who who sent that lovely cunnilingus email there. And they've actually said as well, if you haven't read this on the podcast, please, could you do a shout out to. They're going about something, but, oh, you bastard, you're not going to do it. I know you all yell at me in my bloody pub where everybody knows your name.

I to correct me about me looking out. Hey, listen, if he likes the blowjobs, let him take the blowjobs jobs. Exactly.

If I want to refer to everything as a blow job evidence. A blow job. Right. Shut your mouth. Well, don't shut your mouth if you are given said didn't. I know this is horrible. Why is it going to this. Hey, what you mean a story like this. It always is this. It was born is this.

I played the GST to you in this episode and you're talking about Plamen Blowies already. Bigham Dub Dub, Dub Dub.

What's been going on. Well currently we are sa it's a Soondae. We're recording the podcast early because you are going to do the one show this week. Yes. And Chris, I love you. You know I love you.

It's a deep rooted love that we've got. But I don't know why you should stop it.

I don't want to eat.

Let's move on. I cannot wait to see the back of the family, I swear. Do you not? I know it's weird because I think you could spend loads of time with me, and I always find that really strange.

And I feel a bit I feel a bit guilty because Nadia thinks I'm happy to see you go for a little while.

Like when you used to be on tour. I really miss you. And you want to be like, oh, I've missed you so much. You would like Kunjin bed now because it's been months and months that we've just seen each other every night. And I'm like, would you fuck?

I understand. That's how I feel. I understand. I am looking for it because I've had all my tools taken away this year. And Turenne is my it's like when I'm home, I don't have that many nights out with me mates. You always say to me, why don't you go out with your mates inside? Because being on tour is kind of me work and being night out. Yeah. And I'm with call and what I'm on a German drive.

Our friends as well that is.

So it's kind of like my, my time away and I haven't had any of that. So I am looking for my own space next week.

But there is the moments where I just kind of this morning I think it was you and Robert was sitting in the chair and I was sitting across having a cup of coffee and I was looking at you and I was like, I'm going to miss them next week. No, you're not.

I am doing it.

Honestly, I do. It's really we are the same with Robin Simmons of his doom. You had to know what are you take liberties. Do me head in YouTube to better, like, go brush my teeth. I he'd sneak in his room and look at him like I love you so much.

So what I you like twenty minutes ago and I'm so glad I'm not you know.

So have a lovely time. This is um it's Friday today when you're listening to this and you're doing the one show.

So I'll be on there tonight and you'll be on your way back and I'll be like, oh, Scott got a double Babadook.

We got ten something Rosie and a lot of people tweeted me this this week, so I've got a lot to talk about it.

And you think you've been busy during lockdown, do me book, do your adverts and not even bloody get yourself knocked up like, you know.

I mean for about. Well yeah. Well if you think that right.

And the been someone a certain someone in Vietnam has been extremely busy. Police sees 300 and 24000 used condoms being washed and ready to be resold. No. In Vietnam. No.

The condoms were seized by police from a warehouse in I think you pronounce it Bing Dong, which is hilarious in Vietnam.

I think that's how you pronounce it. And that's hilarious. The owner of the place allegedly cleaned them before reselling.

That's disgusting.

Yeah, she washed and dried. She is a woman. She is washed and dried.

Three hundred and 24000 condoms to be recycled was increased to twenty four thousand.

I thought you just said 324 three. You never listen to four thousand.

Twenty four thousand. Almost half a million. Oh, I'm sorry. Where are they going on the what what you do is you sort of hold the end and you know what I mean, where they go and where they sold everywhere. Yeah, that can be sold. I don't know what to wear to listen to this.

She washed and dried them before reshaping them with a dildo.

So she's washed where she got them from, where she got 324 use condoms from. A lot of pushback is going on there. So paid work, as it were, tasked with cleaning the rubber contraceptives before reshaping them with wooden dildos. The condoms were then repackaged before being resold to the public and thousands had already been sent out to the unsuspecting public.

This is that's the worst thing I've ever heard. Not going around there. Someone has been. I mean I mean, listen, right back in the day when I was a bit trendy, I got your jacket from a Irish charity shop.

Mm hmm. I got the odd secondhand pair jeans.

I wouldn't be buying a secondhand condom. No, I wouldn't eat that.

Not in a million years. Absolutely not. Oh, well, if you washed it, how to empty them all?

Where would they have put the stuff?

Sorry. That empty them all. Yeah. What do you mean. Well. You know, you think what you think they came with stuff in them? Well, why where are the Jews given these willingly? That's that's my thing. Have they stole them from bin William then?

Well, that's just not just the fact that you use willingly in this story willingly, willingly going around teenage boys bedrooms.

Are they getting them from popes?

Don't all local reports said that they were being supplied to hotels and market stalls near the warehouse of a disgusting dinner, which a government doesn't say anything where you got them, which is really annoying because that's the main thing.

I want to know where she got them or should just go.

But then again, if she's just buying them to redo them, that just takes it out there.

Not just. How do you get rid of a condom, Emilian someone and send it to being donc being done?

I'm sure it was being done, which is great. Big Dong, big dong, big wooden dong.

God God God God forbid, rub a dub dupatta last week.

Yeah.

Rosie's mistress was taken over by our son, made my heart sink and so many people on social media, everyone enjoyed it. Thank you all. Who wrote lovely things about it means the world really does.

I thought I'd do it again this week. Go for it. Why not? I wanted to get him to record a new one, but he was just in one of their moods and he wouldn't do it.

So I often think as well, when you do the actual Rosie's mysteries and you ask is the question of Rosie's mysteries, I often think that if Robin did the content himself, it would also be better.

Well, get them to read the story or just get him to make up the mystery, because it's about as good as the ones you do, but that's nice to know. Hey, you never know.

We might even go through this is this case.

Well, I agree that every time they go open, every time and every time, every single time, Chrissie's just pooping, every single time he's poop and fantastic gullibly. Little one for you. Come on, then. Deros increase.

Is there an answer to it before you start? Good.

Yeah, no, that's what we're doing now because nobody seems to have whinged about the way that we're doing it now. So I tell you a story. You have to guess the outcome.

Good, good, good, good, good, good. And we'll see how it goes. This is a little bit wrong, but this is the podcast.

So here we go. Come on. We've just done woman washes and resells nearly half a million condoms.

It's cool, but it's cool. Deros increase. This isn't my story, but a friend of mine from work. Oh, goodness.

I'll be very impressed if you guys get the ending because I never would have got it in a million years. Oh, OK. When my colleague was my age in her 20s and living life, her and her friend went to Manchester for the day.

I just I just thought they had a day of shopping and drinking and ended up at a fried chicken restaurant for some scran.

Who in the world has ever said fried chicken restaurant?

I don't want a name said fried chicken restaurant, but fried chicken restaurant. All right. Well, take away we go to the. Can you.

Sorry to. I'll just speak with you. Can you put me a table at the Fried Chicken Restaurant?

It's got three Michelin stars. Yes. What are the do?

Fried chicken can be all fried chicken fried chicken restaurant.

Can we can we go to the Pizza Emporium this evening, please?

There is a restaurant called that is I used to go on when I was younger. As they were eating, my colleague's friend began to get a really strange look on her face. She swallowed her food and took a sip of her drink. As she took a sip of her drink, they noticed the unmistakable tinge of blood on her straw. Shut up.

Now, I, at this point in the story was thinking, well, she swallowed a chicken bone and it's good to throw it on the way down.

Oh, God, as horrible as it sounds, because the girls thought the same thing and because there was a significant amount of blood in her mouth, they decided to go to the hospital to get checked out on my word. They got their food and took it with them to any pavilion.

I mean, that's the worst. I mean, is if any isn't bad enough, three fucking toddlers come in with half eaten pockets of I'm not being funny, there's a bit of blood in its mouth.

Would not make me leave me but get a chicken.

So that's that's what I mean. You're very different because I would have I wouldn't have hit the rest of it. Yeah, no, of course you wouldn't have that I've ever told you about.

Well, how we're right in the cushions. You sure mean to that. I was right with you in the office and every single day would get these amazing chicken sandwiches in from like delivery, whatever the fucking phenomenon is like. Just amazing. We've got for weeks and weeks and weeks and then we had a different writer in one day. Made me sort of mean. Right. I had a different guy in as well. And that that guy Epit and we saw a chicken sandwich, you know.

Oh, there's a little bone in there. And I just put my sandwich down and I went, I'm fucking done.

You can't that. Oh yeah. I was like, oh no.

But this is the thing. This is what I get annoyed about you is a meat eater. If you're going to eat meat, you need to understand that it's from an animal, has bones and bits and guts and all that. If you're going to go ahead. And the point is you go on like it should be like it's fine. Bloody white. Yeah. But with me my yeah.

But my point is with a bit of care and consideration, you can have it without the man who never makes his own dinner.

That's hilarious. That's hilarious. Chris, can I just say me head off. I am.

Yeah I asked that's all my PC.

So I was thinking was the new guy was I got a ball in that I put me down and the right juice and cookies when my best mates would be there the whole time.

Jason went up and get born every day. But I just haven't been tell them because I knew we'd never get one again.

Fuck they knew it.

I don't tell you loads of stuff that happens anyway.

OK, so these three absolute fucking scumbags went to A&E to eat fried chicken.

They've got the food with the Mingo's. Might have only just started eating us.

I can only assume that they blame the alcohol for the lack of pain she was experiencing and therefore had more of a reason to get fat.

Forgot all vegetables. Yeah, yeah.

At the hospital she was checked out by medical staff because I'm not sure who else medical staff would do that.

At the hospital, she was checked out by the car park attendant. The janitor came in to take a blood pressure.

The hospital, she was checked out by a builder who currently give an extension on the children's ward.

You may I just say I find it really hard to believe that this restaurant let them take the food away with them. The reserve is kind of backing up with this chicken breast. Just depends on the quite cool. And they've got paper plates.

Maybe they will let you take the meal from the frigging restaurant out of the frigging restaurant.

That's madness.

You know, I believe the nurse left the room for a minute and approached the girls again after having a quiet discussion with the other medical professionals, the other medical professionals and the cleaner lollipop of the bill and everyone else that all had a chat together.

She consulted with a taxi driver waiting outside for someone, and they concluded that, oh, she pulled the curtain across and sat down with a solemn look on her face.

Oh, it is. She said she had good news and bad.

You know what it is, right? I've been joking away. We've been joking in the build to this. And it's totally mind of how it's a horrible medical story. But now I now feel sad again.

OK, well, the mystery woman, the good news was her throat was fine and there had been no damage, OK?

The bad news was. But this is where. You need to guess this is the mystery. This is bad news was so bad, the food, what's the bad news? Something in the food that caused the blood. Right.

She's got no damage to her throat. The grimace she did grimace, didn't share. And then she took a drink of a straw grimace, a funny face. Something was wrong. She took a drink with a straw and then the blood was on. The straw was on the straw.

What do you think? I've got two options. OK, I've got two ways to go. You said it was wrong and you're not very squeamish with OK. Of all, I had two options. One way to go was it was raw and it was bleed.

And I will no longer go that way because you're not squeamish at all when it comes to a favor.

And you said this is wrong. I hate myself. This is where my brain has gone.

And this is what this podcast is. Right. But I'm going to go with you.

Stomp on all my word. Yeah, right. Is that what you think?

Yeah, I think this is some kind of solitary product, you know.

OK, well, I don't know. Hang on to things. All right. OK, I'm ready for the mystery. Yeah.

The bad news was they still needed to discover where the blood had come from. The nurse asked them if they still had their food with them and if she could take it from them to have a look at what she had been eating when it happened. She took it away and returned.

A few moments later, she sat down and explained to the girls that it was a she'd expected to know what it turns out, what that what the girl had thought was a nice, juicy chunk of fried chicken was actually not chicken at all, but. A mouse. Oh, yes, it is horrible, rotten bastards. No, no, no. The remaining piece of food that she had bitten into was the when the batter was taking off was the remains of a mouse that had been caught and fried and put into the girl's box of fried chicken.

No, the blood in her mouth.

Nor was mouse blood, nor what how was it how it would be cool. Khutor was the blood that I won't have it. I won't have.

It stays at the end. It's probably worth saying that this was about 20 years ago, not recently. So no, but because that was that that mouse.

Was just hadn't been like trained or anything. It was just not the most oh, it's one of them things where we'll get some emails. That's an urban legend. But I go, I don't know. I just I feel like I've I mean, did you ever see the photo with a guy who had the the let's just see the breakfast meal from a burger restaurant and that it was from near where we live the day the egg, how to fly in it.

Right. You have to say that. I know. Yeah.

There's some kind of a kind of fly in.

It would make it on a perfectly round egg that the do OK to fly in the egg. Right. It looked a lot like a very, very low budget remake of, you know, the Mosquito in the Amber and Jurassic Park.

Nice like the DNA. Very good idea to fly in a bit of egg.

Well, do you not remember there was something else going about. This is when the Internet was only just kind of started know you're going to see exactly what it was. It was a chicken burger from somewhere and it was a compressed chicken head.

Yes. Remember that. Yeah.

Chicken had no I would not eat it and I would sleep what I say right now if I was in a restaurant, that kind of restaurant, and I bit into something and it was that disgusting. It was a chicken head. What was it that I would fucking sling my entire meal over the counter at the behind the counter?

The full bag would just go over the come straight away.

He's a that fucking wooden milkshake a lot. What? Sorry. Can I speak or not?

Rosie, I'm having like a little you know, when you have a little sort of daydream fantasy, I want to daydream fantasy of just like a full like massive milkshake and just fucking slinging it over the dinner.

One of them like little fantasies in your head where you. I have arguments with people in the shower.

How does it start. Why you with me shower know they're not there. I'm somewhere else. Yeah. Good times then. I have a little cry. We've talked about this before.

You're not that bothered the what you would if you got a compressed chicken head you would just be, you'd be happy as Larry. Oh well I don't get me wrong. I don't want to have a compressed chicken head. But if I did get compressed chicken head, I wouldn't eat it.

I'd probably leave the meal, but then I go back.

I think that's the problem of fucking goldfish memory.

Just just all of it in there. Apart from that one time I got a compress statement. That would be the end of it for me. I would never go there again. I would tell everyone you would literally go, I'll leave it a week.

Yeah. Yeah.

I've had food forever, food poisoning from a place. And when they go forecast.

Oh, Rosemann, you're a fuckin slob. Not a big greedy fat pig.

Dooby dooby dooby. Robidoux, Babadook, obviously, I'm sorry to mention, again, everyone currently pregnant, not much else going on. Yeah, not quite myself. Six months along, chug, chug, chug.

And I've been getting quite bad acid reflux. Yes. I've been drinking and taking a lot of Gaveston. Yes. Yesterday. And you know this because this never happens to me in normal life. I only get heartburn, indigestion, whatever, when I'm pregnant. Right. OK. Yes.

Yesterday we got a takeaway before said take where you made this big massive song and dance of taking some Gavaskar and you end. I'm going to have to have some of this before this take away because oh, hey, I'm going to be up to here. And I thought hardly I'm going to I'm going to be ill. Rosie l got a spoon and not did it in at the kitchen island.

Didn't even do it in just discretely, you know, pronounced it to the whole room.

What Lane.

Robin pronounced it told us all and I thought, you wanker, that's the one thing that's happened to me at the minute that I'm really fed up with having to sleep with two bloody pillows.

It's awful. And there you are, just nonchalantly. Oh, hey, why are you God, why can't I be the one in more pain than you?

Why? Why all of a sudden you've never, ever done that before.

Why are you making it a thing now?

Why do you think why do you fucking think that if if you're ill or something wrong with you at the moment, why do you think that you've got the monopoly on that? And another person's not for you? Nothing, because I've never seen you do.

I've never ever just you have never, ever pronounced to me that your take Gavaskar in in our whole marriage all our time.

And I swear I swear on Robin and I swear on this baby's life.

You have never ever at the kitchen island with a spoon told me that you are taking some Gavaskar. Well, well, well, well, well, well.

I hope we should we should probably ring the crematorium and sort Robin's funeral, because if just swore on a massive lie, because, you know, every Christmas I get bottles of whatever alcohol and a bottle of Christmas Gavaskar and I absolutely destroyed over the Christmas.

Don't tell us every time you're going to take it, though. She's doing at the minute. You know why you said this is horrible.

Listen, why do you think you've got a monopoly on illness? You've to be like, oh, I've got a headache and then, like, fall asleep and be like, oh, I've got a bit of a headache. And you're like, oh, brilliant muscling in on me because I don't do that.

You if you don't know what to do. Yeah.

Don't do you can't you cannot let me be something without you being ten times worse. I swear to God I could have kicked you last night. So when you got back I was.

But honestly we could, we could be in my car. We have a head on collision. Right. And you could let me go.

Oh my legs, me legs. The engine's covered my legs. I'm trapped. And I got me to when you go. Oh, brilliant.

I thought I was having that. No, that's a different fireman. Don't cut him out. It's just me that I'm the only one who's got the car crash.

Yeah, that's that's I mean, listen, that's different. I would call you greedy, greedy, greedy.

You shouldn't even be having that conversation. I need that Gavaskar. Listen more than you. I needed it. I needed it. I had some heartburn. Eat me. Eat Alua. Right. I can't even now I'm getting heartburn is because my whole insides been taken up by your child.

Emotional, the stomach acid. Otherwise I never get it. Have you got that. No, you haven't. You just a great big fat greedy pig. It's too fast.

I'll do it far too fast. I made pizzas yesterday really fast in the night. This is Hotel Let me die. It was yesterday morning. I had pancakes with maple syrup and bacon while tweeting out everyone how much I hate it as a healthy breakfast.

Then I had pizza that homemade pizza for me lunch.

And then I was gone to quell the burning, the burning sort of a sensation of the pizza in preparation for me curry that I was having.

Oh yeah, I know you told us. Mr. Pig. Mr. Pig, please stop doing OK.

I'll try. I might just buy me some godforsaken IBEW Babadook.

My beef with you this week is. Your pregnancy pillow. Oh, so you you sick of it, don't absolutely sick of it.

Our bedroom is like a fuckin soft play area at the minute with that fucking pregnancy pillow. Wow.

Fed-Up It's how ridiculously over the top and ostentatious do you need your pregnancy?

Clothing looks like a hell prosy. Ramsey. Nice to meet you.

I it's like another person in the bed. I hate it so much. It's absolutely massive. Like guys like you've got no idea how big this pregnancy pillow is.

It's a fucking joke. It's huge.

It's about seven foot long. Right. It's like, you know, like a pool noodle. It's like a pool noodle on steroids.

It's massive. It's about two foot in diameter.

I don't know what the circumference is. And it's about seven foot long.

And you're just on just on it in bed. I just I've got to be a little fucking sloth.

Sloth.

You've got to be if I don't want a lie on the baby. Right. OK, well, you coming all the beach and then you sort of move. You're not on your side. I know you're on your side. You're in the middle of the bed. Then Robin comes in the middle night and he's against the principal. And then I'm hanging off the bed and he's just got fuckin elbows in Maibach.

I'm not being funny.

I have I have told you in the spare bed plenty of times you around the spare bedroom to take down yesterday where they can't go in and out and you're a tosser.

Listen, we need Kariong because we'll will end up having a fight and we can't even look after that Gavaskar thing.

It's really effective is to be honest. I can see Billy's massive get rid of it. It's ridiculous. It's like the person let's live in different houses.

Let's split up the. No, let's just not get a principal.

That isn't a big fucking flashy look of me pregnancy. But I am not choosing you over my pregnancy pillow.

So if you think I am, you've got your head back in the day when you had Robin was the perfect size.

It was great and I wanted to upgrade. And is there something wrong with that? Is it. Yeah. Yeah.

When it encroaches on my Robidoux a double bed, it's time for questions from the public, the public, from the pop.

Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, public.

That's you. That's you guys.

As always, if you'd like to get in touch a chalkboard and audit Gmail dot com, how to count, how to look at all of that, you know, the 25000 emails there, because we've read like we've read like 6000 of them over the course of the time and the twenty thousand there still so many.

Well nineteen thousand there. Sorry.

Still, it's amazing. Guys, we can't thank you enough for getting involved and sending us all these incredible things.

I actually got em, you know, last week's episode and the last Chloe who went the top bunk to snack on with Stan, she emailed back as part of the email saying Saw God use me story.

Thanks very much.

She was passionate about it. I've never seen that. A lot of correspondence from someone who was worried. I was I was over the moon and Steve together.

Oh, no.

I think I literally think the last time she saw me happy when she climbed out that well, the next time I only got one for you here. Hi, Chris and Rosie Peterson, your podcast since lockdown started. So up to about episode twenty seven, I thought I'd share an incident that happened a few years ago.

I was walking home from work and got the traffic lights at South Gosforth in Newcastle, but it's just outside the branding that I hope posh.

I hit the button on the lights and when it turned green I was across when a bloody big Range Rover was blocking my path and stopped on the crossing so I couldn't cross. I was fuming and red in the face and was just about to blast the driver.

Then I looked up, Who do you think was sitting in the car, bold as brass, with a big grin on her face, none other than Mrs Rosie Ramsay.

When I realised who it was, my rage turned to a smile when Rosie apologised by waving.

So I waved back and said it was OK and it actually made my day. I was smiling about this hours later.

This actually happened. It did, but what it did was because you always like my driving off, right? Yeah. So when I read this, I was fuming that it was about me.

So I changed the name to Mrs. Rose.

This is about me. Oh, yes.

It's actually about me. So I used my car, your car, blocked the traffic lights and said, here, Rosie, is this a regular thing? Christo's it's blocking crossings or was this a one off?

That's why I was quite surprised. I've never I never do that, that you do that all the time.

Are you the one that you thought it was you that I did I was going to be, couldn't you? So I couldn't keep it up and I was going to have been so sorry, Jeff. Sorry, Jeff. He says, thanks. This is Jeff Smith, says, I love the podcast.

Never Stop and I will never stop on a cross again. Jeff, thank you very much. Natalie.

So I honestly didn't think and I don't think that's horrible when people do that.

Yeah, you're you're like that just a little Wilson now you're a tosser that there's a difference between being in your own little world.

And then there's been a toss toss out driver. You're a taxi driver. I'm on the bus. All them on the bus is still extremely annoyed. God set me up like that.

I to do bad, bad, bad, bad.

Hi, Chris and Rosie, my partner and I have a really dysfunctional setup in the bedroom. Oh we currently pretty well.

It's not that exciting. We currently have two long sighs duvets on the bed. I don't know what that means. Long.

Sighs We talked about this before this big one. So they've got two separate duvets. Yeah, but listen, this his one is a one togue.

Oh, Chile. What the for. What's the point. Mine is a ten point five total. Wow. What is this.

Where does the live. I have Ole's. I also have Blunkett's because it's freezing. It's double the work on bed changed. Is it weird or just a great solution to keep me warm and my overheating man comfortable. I love the podcast. I'll be doing great.

How can two people who live in the same house have such different body temperature?

Wantagh. This is ten point five. Well, yeah, but the can people do that? That's what you're saying is madness. Well, do you think people do you think it's part of when you meet someone? Hello, lovely to meet you. We're getting on so well. What a lovely dinner I'd love to take out again. I'm just just wondering what month what month do you put your heating on and what is your current body temperature?

If I could just take your temperature again a bit.

Kameido but are you a hot person? Because if you are, this will work. What's your talk?

There's nothing more irritating than knocking around with being in the same situation as someone who's got a completely different body temperature to you. Yeah, I fucking hate it.

Yeah, I hate it so much when you work in offices. Yeah. And there's always someone who just is always hot and you're like, do you ever think that you just, you know, could wear less.

Do you know what I mean. Oh, I thought I was a bloke. Always a bloke. Yeah.

Oh, you're sweating and you're sweating. It's November. It's minus three outside. Henry, how about you just all wear that Yoma in that shirt and that vest and then socks got a vest on for just honestly always happen.

And whenever I would say those mean some clip women, it was always you're always cold.

Women are always cold. It's annoying. I'm on Henry's idea. It's bullshit when I called him Henry. So anyway, that exactly.

But I like him. It always Fresen. You're always Fresen. You walk round in a T-shirt eating on stimulus. I know.

I don't I didn't even think that did one to one talk was a fucking napkin. What's it like to sleep with the tablecloth on top of your tablecloth.

Might even be putting on that. Maybe just like the duvet. Cover me with a sheet. A top sheet. Do you still use top sheet? You don't need a top sheet. It Chris, we live in the same house, but you don't even have the top sheet. So sometimes you can have a sheet, then sheet, then duvet. Oh, no.

Who's doing this? All my life my mom had top sheet, worked all my life. Top sheet on your bed or her bed. They'll still be on her bed now.

Erm I don't think it's on. Your mom and dad got a top sheet opposite.

Yeah. No we, I didn't know what it was like a hotel bed. Now what sheets and duvet. Cos she must hate me.

Oh.

But I think it was because she's like what do you make of us do you think at all. I know but is she like my son married this scumbag and she doesn't even put a top shit on their bed. I didn't know that it was a switch.

It didn't have to wash because I remember when I was kid, my duvet cover never got washed ever, ever. Because me top sheet was the thing you got washed it stop. You do because I haven't got washed. Right, OK, I've changed my opinion, no, that's wrong. Do you think because do you think that one sheet is save your Dovi?

No, I mean, it got but not not as often as what we would wash ours.

OK, fair enough. Yeah, OK. Oh, that's very decadent, the she 20th in all top down at the bottom.

If Pete Rose didn't like it, I took it in as well as in The Seattle Times then in making my bed time and to go. Oh yeah, that's nice work. Part time work, part time.

I was going to luxurious Sandra let me down.

I didn't get to do what we had. One more little sheepskin sheepskins. Do you have a sheepskin in the window. And my mom used to put sheepskin on my bed so it was like you have your sheet and then you'd have a sheepskin and it was like a fitted sheepskin. It was just like really warm and lovely. So you need to have that on a bed. Is that like the orange thing? Yes.

Oh, the itchy fucking monkey orange thing. And the top was always that shiny bit. Yes.

I remember going to people's houses around them and thinking, what's happened? What's happened is you went to the house where the mother doesn't like to put the heat down very much or it's very low, you go through a lot of socks and your members say, so if you go to any hotel and open the wardrobe right in the top corner of the wardrobe, you like the rolls, like what's it, oranges?

Well, I do it because I got really excited when my mom would put the sheepskin on our son on Sundays.

Common good to see you.

Come on in from school to have a good day. Got a surprise for you. What? Mom, what is it? Well, what is it? A bike. Well, what is it? You got a new tally of games going on a holiday. Rosie, the sheepskins on.

Wow. Yeah. All clothes are in the bed. I'm sweating, Mom. It's great. Look, Mom, it's me. I cannot see me breath. Well, I can't see my breath.

It's freezing, but my I'm fucking boiling from the chin down. Look at this.

Oh, I love new sheepskin. I was going to get one for Ubben.

But don't you fucking spoiled rotten don't you. Fucking day he's got working with you.

Then who does he think is Abdul-Wahab a double Bass Strait off the back of that.

On the, on the subject of being hot and cold. Go really quick.

Would you rather hear that came in while I was checking email rather quick. Really quick. You ready. Would you rather eat the hottest chili in the world with no health implications? Are you you're not going to die from it or be freezing cold for 24 hours. They are freezing cold, really. You wouldn't just get either tell you in the world? No, I think I would be really horrible. Don't like Chili's, right? Don't like anything like that.

So you'd be freezing cold for 24 hours. Yeah. And I'm telling how I make the rules.

No amount of sheepskin can make you warm.

So by freezing cold, you know, when you're uncomfortable because you're like, oh my God, it's so cold. Yeah. If you're walking home from the shops and you're freezing, you can't wait to get in dark for a full day, like almost a cold.

All the hostility in the world no one in the world can really like, I'm sure like puts people in the hospital.

Well, yeah, you'd be vomiting and everything. Yeah. You wouldn't go to a hospital. There'd be no long term health implications.

But you're going to have all the effect. And I'd rather be called really well I want was at a sleepover and it was one of those sleepovers where boys used to come as well. I think about 15, 16. I think they're called orgies.

But, you know, I talking to. Oh, that's awful.

One of those sleepovers where boys used to call me when I was never a sleepover as a kid were girls because you were extremely uncool.

So it just it really does.

I used to call them all the time and. Yeah.

And I remember one of the lads eat a jar of like chili sauce as a joke.

Right. It was funny. Yeah. Until he started vomiting and shaking and it was really not nice to watch him to the point of because my mom was a nurse when I was younger, I knew little things that you had to do. So I was always kind of like my mom's nurse. I'll stop you from vomiting. So I had he was vomiting so much, but he was like passing out as well as I think he had a few drinks.

I had God, I had like grab his tongue out of his mouth because that's what you meant to do, because people when they so drunk or whatever, they can swallow the tongue, you could just lie them on the side in the recovery position would have probably be in a lot, a lot better.

A whole lot. We don't make some kind of parlor game. I was just really chuffed that I knew what to do.

So I played it to it's full of. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I know what this is what this is. I know this is how the Super Bowl last night. Rosie, did you snag that last.

Well, I held his tongue is still closed and I love that.

Does that count as the first kiss?

I did lick my fingers afterwards is spicy, like it was spicy, clouded and scratched myself.

I wrote me a horror.

I always found it funny when we younger, when it was like Helidon not to impress the girls. It's like I'll impress the girls by doing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How you know. And passing out was great.

The opposite.

Which parents are letting sleepovers with 15 year olds up with girls on boys. They want to see a sleepover. I don't know if the fully slept. I think they might just stay around for until late Sask.

Nothing happened. My mom.

Dad did honestly. Yeah. My mom was born in the teenage brothel as well. Honestly.

Well, my mom's I'm reporting them. My mom was very much of the I'd rather Norway always are. And what you do and then being out everywhere and I think I'd be the same. Yeah.

I would much rather have Robin and his mates, although I know neither am I, but I'd rather have that and be because my mum was in touch with everybody else's mums. Yeah. So all the mums would know where the kids were. Yeah. And whoever, wherever they were would keep an eye on them. So it just kind of worked like that within the within the school. It was everyone who I went to school with. Yeah. It wasn't like strangers and it just worked and I guess and then it got to a certain time and it was like, right OK, off you go.

And then it was just well we know where they are and what they're doing rather than hanging around in the cemetery, which was the other alternative, you know.

I mean, yeah, but I had to take all my sheepskins because it was freezing.

Oh, yes. Flight school to shoot someone dead. And and I sat now get back to work on stage and twenty, twenty nine.

You remember when you'd go to like sort of someone's free house if the mom and dad were when you were younger and Pailin like. Yeah.

Like a Piolín and he like you know one person be like oh because I remember one night had really is dad had you know them sort of globes where it's like a wooden Glaube in the corner and it looks just like the earth but you open it and it's a drink cabinet.

Wow. Like a prop. I Carl had one on the island. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So his dad had one of them I remember like taking like bits of like little shot of whiskey almost obviously were underage.

But you know, and I remember thinking like it was always like not any more because me dad like measures it, like he knows how much there is. That's what they would see, know how much the is.

And I remember then thinking, yeah, that sounds realistic. And they would definitely do that. Right. And then you get a bit older and you think actually there's no fucking way they would do that. That's ridiculous.

Which I would what measure want to read. And Robin, having people around, I'm fucking red and Robin up from friends, but when he's older I see I don't mind not see this.

We're going to have to we are we're going to clash and you can be like let the bands round a little bit bins.

They'll be like 16 year olds. But the difference, differences. We've become you know, we've got a lad currently and he's going to be a bloke and they're going to stink. I remember my brother and his mates, the old dog. They're all lovely lads now. They've turned out really lovely group of lads.

But I remember when they were young and they come out and be like, oh, that just stink. I'm just outside.

And do you know, someone once told me, right? Someone told me that when you were a boy masturbates.

What about that? That's right. I never think about teenage.

I was like, when you masturbate, it creates a smell really strong smell that everyone else apart from you can smell.

And I don't know if that is actual boy smell or if that was just like a wind up that's know.

I think that would be what the boy smells. Yeah. Because that was that thing of like four months. I was like, well, I got another one because obviously my whole house just fucking stinks.

But it's asthma, you know what I mean? That's what I want. Yeah. It was like, it was like it secretes the word secrete was used. It was like it's a smell that everyone else can smell really strong. But the person who did call is that window because that's fucking genius.

Well, that would make a lot of sense because I remember when my brother's door was ever left open, I would had one involvement, one in the house.

And then he was my life just it had it just reeked of it wasn't it wasn't really messy and bla.

Oh God, it's terrible because my brother's absolutely lost and he doesn't smell the same now. But I just remember being like that room stinks. I mean Mom never said anything. No. She was in on it might be sheepskin. Might be sheepskin.

He was just. No because then all his mates would come round. They don't stink. But then from just one and non-stop. Know, I remember being younger and for some reason when I when I was younger, I would go round like the lads who I knew and me and my friends would be like, see, three of were in the be like three lads would go round the lighthouse and they'd just be playing on Pfieffer or something. We'd we sat there and I remember sitting there going, what stinks in here?

So I don't think the old I don't know how you all want you wouldn't have smelt. I don't think I did. Well, you wouldn't have. I really I'm glad you agree with me on this, because I could I would have argued to the death. I don't think I did.

I was very happy you wouldn't smell, but I don't think you would have girls round round your room.

So maybe that was that was the er. Yeah, that was the.

Just like this the irony. That was the irony of the whole thing. Bloody immaculate.

Didn't smell at all. Not a lady in sight. Hi.

Rosie and Chris. Hi. I was once caught short in a local supermarket. So of their toilets, SFP brackets. Sorry Chris. It's not always possible. Apply my Pu's. Upon finishing, I was horrified to discover that there was no toilet paper in either my cubicle or any other. I rummaged around my bag desperately searching for a piece of tissue, possibly an old chocolate wrapper, which is fucking all mine we talk about.

We are two. We're talking about, I think, what, homo Tosya with an old joke.

Yeah, yeah. Because you said my Pu's. Yeah. Troller up. Ridiculous.

I can't believe you even said that slippy is out, gets more, gets worse.

However, the only thing that I could possibly however the only thing that I thought could possibly be feasible as a Weiping device was in fact John Hazard.

A guess. And you'll never get a receipt? No, that would have been much better than what you used. Oh, my word. I don't know. Tell us. No, not a mask.

I must know this. This might have been before. That would have been amazing. I thought it would be perfect. Yeah. To know a tea bag at. A teabag that's gross.

Why, oh, yes, I want my with a single tea bag, which, by the way, did not flush it probably didn't it probably float around in the next person who can probably brewed. Oh, no.

Was it was it the summer. Oh why didn't why the put down the toilet.

Because it was in the toilet. Is this a lady.

It is. Furthermore, I have recently become a mother of her and while at the seaside I had a fish, a massive boogie out of my baby's nose with the only utensil I had at hand, which was in this instance, as in the guest, like getting it knocked out of the band's nose.

Babies noses are quite small.

And I mean, I'm very impressed, she's almost like the Bear Grylls of the day, sort of weird cleanliness issues. But this is this Bloomgarden thing, just a..

This is a little bit off topic. Have I talked about this on the show on Letwin or anyway, have I ever told you about my friend who I went out with? And we both had children the same age, but one her child had a bit of a runny nose, so my friend sucked, said runny nose out of you. You told me this.

She's got a mouth on a child's northern sock, the snot. So, yes.

And we wonder why there's a pandemic that's was that is revealed that she does that all the time.

That is the worst. That is the worst true story. All I can think about that is, you know, when you blow your child's NSW Robinson was right.

I could go on blow and I like, you know, when you nip it, you had any sort of like she could kind of do that with her mouth. It would be like on and blow. Yeah. Have you ever tried to get a kid to blow the news, though?

Well, one year olds. Come on. What?

Not like, you know, low blows would do Superman Bluejay.

Now he's five, you know, he's only five. You live your life away. What utensil did she got?

A bogey out of a baby's nose wasn't their own mouth. It was a utensil.

In this instance, it was sunglasses on. That's a good guess. But it wasn't that right? What was it?

My you were so oh so poor baby didn't make up their nose and the window as a pandemic.

So my question to you both is, have you ever had to fashion a tool out of something random in your back pocket while out and about?

It's not very exciting, but because I have sweetened in coffee, somebody goes, get me coffee, takeaway coffee, and they forget to get a stir.

I've used a lot of things out my bag to stir me coffee law lords pens like sunglass arms, keys.

I've used them of these.

The things disturbing I know recently was gone. I went the part with Robert on my bikes and then I was going to the supermarket on the way back and I forgot a mask because I didn't know I was going to the bathroom.

So I took Robin's hoodie off, right, folded over and tied his hoodie around me.

How nice. Yeah, no one said a thing. It's great to think of that. A mask as well. Like what were top four bits of cotton.

Yeah, nothing's getting through that. Yeah.

Big time I a double, double, double. As everyone who listens to this should know, our book is currently out and we've got a story in the book about how Robin lost his two front teeth.

Yes.

Now someone as has read the book and sent in a story of how their kid lost their two front teeth.

Oh, and this blew my mind when I read it.

Worse than Robin.

Yeah. I've been so excited to tell you this when I read it that I told your mom yesterday, like, I was so excited. And because I knew I knew I couldn't tell you. Okay, come on then. Hi.

Rosie and Chris love the podcast and I have recently listen to the audio book of your new book. Thank you very much.

Have a listen to the retelling of how Robin lost his teeth. I thought it was only right to share with you how our son lost his teeth just before his fourth birthday.

Right.

OK, so it's not teeth lose stage yet? No. Right. Our son has an older sister who was going through the losing teeth and the tooth fairy excitement at the time. Never be want to miss out.

He decided that he wanted to have something under his pillow for the tooth fairy to find.

He's a very clever boy. But at the same time, and this comes from years of experience when it comes to thinking about consequences, he can be so very, very stupid.

I don't you now know, listen, listen, I've we've talked to trigger warnings and stuff on here before. My sort of feeling of the trigger. One thing is that, like, I don't think you should walk around expecting to be never confronted by anything that upsets you in life.

I think totally I totally agree.

However, I'm going to fucking warn you, this is rotten. This is this is this.

My legs want no more stuff like this. Makes me the poo sick, all that kind of stuff I could listen to while I was eating meat, anatsui, same bones.

And just honestly, guys like yeah, I was busy in the kitchen making tea whilst my kids were sat at the table coloring and doing homework.

My son got up to go to the toilet, which was in the room next door. The next thing I know, I hear a massive crush followed by crying.

I run to the bathroom to see him on the floor with a lot of blood everywhere.

Oh, the blood was all coming from his mouth and I thought he had fallen over and smashed his lip. As I sat on the toilet cuddling him, I spotted a tooth on the floor and then another little tooth next to it.

In his enthusiasm to have an offering to put it under his pillow, he had decided. And this is what he did. She says later on, right the way it's written, she said earlier on that for weeks he was gone. Oh, these are these are my teeth or the wobbly mom or the wobbly in the hospital.

But she said that later on. But I want to just finish on what actually he just said that, right?

Oh, no. Oh, my God.

He had decided to stand on the toilet seat, slip the switch as she is from she's from Norway.

She's Norwegian. Right. And she'd never seen a British poll called Light Switch before. Right. Right.

You know, the poll called Let's switch for the plastic thing on the NHS, stand on the toilet seat, slipped the British lights which caught. In between his two front teeth. Oh, no, not I jumped off the oh. No, wasn't that the worst thing I've ever heard it, but not even real?

Isn't that the worst thing? That's so we had a Galilee's for.

And he just put it in and he just jumped off the toilet seat and just think, oh, MO award.

This award is award. This kid's on for his lunatic's, aren't they? Do you know what? It's a lunatic.

I'm saying I'm not I don't even judge them parents and nothing because Robin would do something like that. Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. What.

Oh, poor little pain. And after a trip to any and an emergency dentist appointment later, he spent a few years without any front teeth, but new ones came back eventually because of the pregnancy, which I feel is epiphytic life.

You'd be just like I'd look back dickheads. Yeah, you got two of them out of it. So what are you trying to say there?

Because Robin's got no teeth. Yeah, our next child is going to want to emulate the brother.

No, he's got no teeth. And then we're going to take I could never get one of them caught. We've got one upstairs yet. Not near the toilet, though.

We'll be all right. Oh, my God. My God was built near that horrible, like, honestly unbelievable on the stupid kids.

Yeah. Maniac's absolute maniacs. I talked to Skip or part of them. He's got no fear. Not your teeth out on his bike.

He's got no he doesn't like it never happened. No. Robin. Oh God. He's not he's not scared about not getting a thing. Nobody's got it all. Come again.

Abdullah Abdullah Abdullah. Once again, we've come to the end of this week's podcast, which is now part of the ECUs. Create a network. Guys, it is indeed. Thank you so, so much for listening. And please continue like and subscribe. And if you want to go talk to Chuck Martin or dot com and we will be all in it next week genuinely from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Look, you guys.

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