Transcribe your podcast
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Hello, you're listening to Jagmohan annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsay and my husband, Mr. Motivator. No, sorry, he's not. It's Chris Brown.

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She is so jealous that I am now bigeye and indoor bike guy, just both disgusted at how fat you've become.

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And I don't feel like this is the man that I married. I did not want a marriage where somebody was really, really fit and health orientated. Didn't want that. I was not enjoying it.

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I am not health orientated in the slightest. I did an hour on the exercise bike the day sweating like a beast came in, not a sandwich. And what else did I put in that being so much couscous but slice of cheese. Why don't you talk to me about health, right?

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I go on the bike for an hour so I can have a bacon sandwich with egg and cheese and like some kind of animal.

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I know, but I just don't think you Taman is well off because you're pregnant. Because I'm pregnant and I put on a stone. Right, because I'm pregnant. Maybe the baby's like, not even yet.

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Yeah.

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Last baby was a stone for just under. What are you, Mr. Harper? Fair enough. The rugby player. I find it very insensitive, but I do want to listen. Let's let's not maybe listen.

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We've even maybe I want to be fit and healthy for my family. Maybe I want to protect a lot of pushback in the front garden. I don't even use it.

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It's just there. So people who are trying to kill one of our kids, that is probably very healthy for people to go past go.

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Let Bergel not hold on. Clearly, some kind of professional boxer lives. Oh, hold on.

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Clearly, some sort of nutter lives here. I decided to please put your bag in his front garden. Well, the thing is, his wife who's let them do that.

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I guess it must have looked quite impressive at first, but now it's just covered in like fall out from the tree.

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And Burchett's three times the whole fucking north. The waste money, they go, Ivan Drago lives there.

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Oh, you know, in the shed as well. I've just got a Bluetooth speaker that's just constantly playing the rocky theme as well. So you can just hear it.

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Muhammad Ali did get married in South Shields. He got his vows renewed. Very common misconception that vows when you say the same thing. Well, yeah, just let yourself down.

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And Shel's knowledge, the mysteries, history guys we've we've driven had first met, haven't even started yet is episode eighty five. Thank you so much for being with us. If you're just joining us, welcome.

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You've got a fuckin twat Lord of Abaca. A lot to get yourself through.

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Please continue to like and subscribe and all of that jazz. We really do appreciate it. And without further ado, it's time to pay those bills this week.

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Sponsoring this means nothing to this whole lucrative, lucrative spot this week.

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Sponsor is. Yeah, people who sit Faltu close to the steering wheel while driving while I hear them.

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Hey, all. Hey, that money getting in your car, you pull that seat, right, for the. Yeah. Get your fucking chin right over the top of that steering wheel and get. Yeah.

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You know, your little squirrel don't you, your little squirrel. Look over you.

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Then why do you need to see the floor in front of your fucking car. Look into the distance. Your peripheral vision will pick up the foreground. You look fucking mental. It's actually more dangerous. So fucking dangerous. And not just that.

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When I see someone driving, I need to get away from immediately because I'm like, you are just shitting your pants. You shouldn't be in a car.

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Right? It's craziness just sitting right over there.

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What are you like? Your legs must be cramped up. What do you do when like you need you need to have your arm a slight bend in the elbow, slight bending the elbows, what you need.

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I agree because guess what, if you crush head on, that steering wheel is going to take a fucking little off. You know, always disappointed about this tularosa a woman really ossobuco.

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Have you seen all men doing it? Oh, I see. No, I always it's always a woman and I just go, wow, you love. So you like the seat upright. Literally upright and they're eating. Looks like this.

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She even looks like it's a three door and the let someone in and forgot to click that. Yes.

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And they still bend over while someone's climbing over the back of them. It's just never, never good.

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And I always just think you are so uncomfortable and interesting how you can see it's always a woman.

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But I would never say that. Yeah. That's why I said it.

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Yeah, because I've got a vagina as I know he didn't do it because I've got a vagina and we can you know, it's like like. But don't you don't. Yeah. One day I've never seen a woman do it.

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I don't even tried to slag off anyone with a vagina.

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My vagina crew sitting in front of your steering wheel. If you have a head on collision, the engine will crush your legs like a fucking accordion. Stop it.

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Probably not going that far and we don't know why. The sponsor the podcast. I mean, it's like them all probably not get the money for that.

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Don't lose any money to be made from that.

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You know, there's my kind of attitude is the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle jingle. We could sing along to jingle, jingle, jingle. So this is the jingle jingle.

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We hope you like the chewing gum, Mamadou ba ba ba ba ba ba ba.

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Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shadbolt Annoyed 85 in You Cannot Believe That left three and I am as the series goes on and as the world tumbles further and further, all these lockdown's and all this stuff, I find in my book what could really get away with calling the podcast just annoyed now.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Well, we're still married. Well I'm so annoyed. Yeah, yeah. Check for a while. Yeah. When you go on in the pregnancy, does that freak out. A lot of people get horny at you in pregnancy.

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Not you, not you know, you get tired and angry and you seem to have some kind of trump card for basically everything that's going to make the sponsor actually give me this week sponsor being pregnant day want to be an asshole and get away with it being pregnant.

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Wow. Yeah. Everyone go going gets tough for you. Be pregnant.

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Want to come to a vagina should you. The half baked pregnant works like a charm.

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Makes you tired and it might be it might be something to do with the fight. Just just really tired. Chris. Pregnancy makes every night makes you know, it makes me feel safe.

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It does make me tired as well. It does. I'm getting it. I'm getting it like sort of like osmosis. I feel tired as well. You have you've had everything through osmosis.

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Like this morning, though, when the Benz toothbrush was upstairs and the toothpaste and you were like, oh, I went, oh, toothpaste. I was like, can you run up and go get it?

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And you were like, can you not go get it? I was like, I like I am six months pregnant.

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I'm not trying to use it as an excuse. But you are not currently six months pregnant, so you could run up the stairs a lot faster than what I could. And currently the baby is on my sciatic nerve and I'm in a little bit of pain.

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But you just keep forgetting. Don't put your hand up, do it. You keep forgetting that I'm pregnant. We are not fair. We are pregnant.

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We are not pregnant. I am pregnant. And you are just carrying on like now happened anyway.

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Oh well you know, your back might be hurting, you know, and your feet might be hurting. But you know what's hurting my ears are hurting. Listening to you bang on. Yeah. About why didn't you get a message of someone saying, oh you're pregnant, you've never mentioned it.

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And someone told you that was a while ago and that was a troll. Why are you sticking up for trial? That was me. That was just one of the accounts for me many times.

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I just like to have a go at you with great gaslighting.

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You through many troller through all of the horrible few famous people as well.

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If you feel like you think you're friends with just me in another account, Giovanna Flecha. Not even a real person, just me.

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Can you imagine that all the antics of just for me, like that's a bit like split. You just realize you just don't. These people were just me. That happens a lot on Instagram.

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I was thinking about this the other day. Did I say this to you? Loads of cool places always start following news, right?

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And I'm like, oh wow. Like that. I can't think of anything off the top my head but just cool like brands and big, big things to follow in it. And I'm like, why are you following me? And then they just disappear off the face of the earth.

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Yeah. We'll probably follow you for five minutes and go, oh look.

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Oh she's she's like a mummy Instagram. Oh fantastic.

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She'll be good for our brand then to say you fucking swear in your head of dancing around. Oh no. Oh no. She's a scumbag now you know not to go. Oh no. Oh no. Yes. Yes.

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No she she is not. No, no she is not. What we're looking for is absolutely not not our demographic at all.

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It's true. It's also true.

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We are not currently looking to to fill the Jordy Fishwife demographic.

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Go Mummy. Yeah. And disappear.

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It's so it's happened all the time. But you know what.

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Well I can't change even if I don't know that.

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That's great. Awesome, awesome. I mean that just proved the fucking point. It's not even just the fact that you're a scumbag.

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It's also the lack of professionalism and everything that you do. Didn't even know the words to the song.

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I love my lack of professionalism. I know.

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Do you know why I imagine this was a job interview. So what are your strengths? I love my lack of professionalism.

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I do, because then I never I never feel let down professionally because I never try that hard. No, because I think I think when you try really hard and you really ambitious and you're like, come on. And then when you get knocked back, when you get knocked back, yeah. You get really good.

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And I think it really must affect you, whereas I don't try that hard and lovely things happen to negotiate. Yeah.

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You're like a constant competition winner. Yeah. Yeah. Have you learn something you like, you like. The book worked really, really hard on the book and it got so many times one bestseller and we, I mean me as well but you more you couldn't believe it. It was like what are you.

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I'm like you fucking you know, you grafted your tits off like rebought both. Did you go give you some credit?

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No. Well OK. Fair enough. That's it. That's the one off. I think everything else is just like this. Look, this is a fucking fluke. This is I mean the fuck guys, just to let you behind the curtain here, I mean figuratively and literally, we've actually had to close the curtains in the room because the window cleaner still here. I didn't want to see.

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What do I mean, what fucking. Shambolic set up for one of the biggest podcast in the U.K., and it's ridiculous. I'm very glad he's here because our windows are monkey. Yeah, don't you fucking I wish you do the inside as well. The amount of time, Robin, just eat something sticky and goes and fingerprints of a window.

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Oh excuse me. What I do clean inside windows. But have you not seen what you started doing.

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Oh well because we're in a lockdown and if I'm doing it on the weekend or whatever, I, I clean the windows and he comes over for a laugh Lexy's hand and then sticks them on the window again.

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You clean the gun, then you're out.

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If you've already explained that you're there with the cleaning product, that's what we say. But he thinks it's funny. Hey, there's no wonder these Instagram comments follow you and then follow you. You don't fucking honestly, you don't commit to anything.

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There's been no window cleaning products to follow orders as yet. So, hey, I know you never know.

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Your windows are scruffy, classic little guys. You got a classic little video coming up there, clearly inside Robert and Gordon. Look, you know, we're going to escalate it. We'll do it after 9:00 PM one.

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We just throw some shit at it, like, great.

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Yeah, I can hear the money rolling in hashtag Abbotabad, Buduburam, do something that I think you and our listeners will enjoy. Yeah, um, my nana I've spoken to a couple of times, you know, Bridget is Cornelissen and the podcast is catching up to Sandra's mom.

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So this is Sandra's mom. Mom. Yep. So that's banana unabridged.

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She got a new bureau yesterday from me, Uncle So Uncle Shaun out one. We've got his approval.

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It's like an organization like abuse, like bureau.

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Like it keeps and keeps saying the word. I don't know. Oh, well, let's take a chest of drawers. But then it's got the little slant on the top that can turn into a desk. I mean, why she took that, I don't know, because she doesn't know.

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I seen one of them for years.

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Well, she's got one of them off mean because he's doing now you spare room and she she can't the savings go to waste. Right.

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So it wasn't fully sanitized before. Stay in my house because I might have to phone the police.

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Who knows, maybe she likes to live on the edge. I really didn't. I can't I can't say for sure.

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Anyway, so she's got this new bureau and she's been organizing it all because she looks just organized and stuff. And so she's been getting all our little files and stuff and in the sections. Right. So she sent on the group, on the family up.

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She sent a picture like sorted it out and all this and I noticed on the picture.

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So she sorted out a filing cabinet in the section that I love, I love.

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I just love what she's doing. This is exactly the kind of stuff I do. You know, when I'm away, the desk in the room, whatever hotel room I mean is perpendicular and sort and perfect.

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I love this. Uneasy if all the stuff I love sort stuff out.

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Yeah, well, sort of, you know, so you get on very well.

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And so she's got three sections in and out in one bit of a filing cabinet, three dollars, three dockets. So she's got everything from like birth certificate from when she was born and like all of her kids and that and whatever, like me, mom and everyone. And then she's got from when she was married. Yeah. And then she's got a Willendorf. OK, so so like three different sections, you know, she's called them what.

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She's got all these sections hatched, matched and dispatched.

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Fucking fantastic.

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Oh I never know because I was like Nashed and Dysport does hatched, matched and dispatched me and she was like well well hatched when I was born.

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It matched when I married you granda and dispatched WMD to that is would it be rude if I asked if she could leave me this bureau in a will?

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Because it sounds like the kind of thing I'd be waiting for.

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She would probably leave it unless somebody else has got it, though. She's got four kids.

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She's got like twenty four. How many is it with our grandkids?

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25 grandkids assuming Slok and also she did not birth the more or less. I'm sorry.

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That was, that was uncalled for. Sorry Brad. But you said children, you know.

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Oh God. Well, she texted you that day. I told you, didn't I know she Rungis been watching the tell you the night because she's been on me Instagram. She's got Instagram, but she doesn't she looks like a troll because she doesn't post anything and she never sees out to just randomly just stalks all of the kids in that room. And she Rungis and she was like, Rosie, there's a woman she's commented on one of your pictures asking people to look at Ibom again.

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One of my accounts very annoyed that she was like and I went on her profile and she's got a video of her now, which is having sex on the video. And it was like, do you know her or do you. I know.

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I know I do. Oh, yes. You're not allowed to off like this. I know. I had to tell her that she was like a bot and then I had to explain what botto it. Oh, it was it was a much longer conversation than what.

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Sorry, I remember this. We were watching the boys. Is that where you left the room? When I was watching the boys and I literally sat with her on pause for about 45 minutes. That was that conversation.

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Yes. Yes. Just letting them know what troubles were, just letting them know that those accounts open university phone call, pawn accounts.

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I don't know the person personally. Well, unfortunately, he's sitting opposite.

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You wanted me boss Abdullah Abdullah Abdullah yesterday whilst we were chatting to Robin because I try to get everything out of him at the minute about school. He's never that forthcoming.

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You know, I just doesn't want to tell what he's got the worst memory ever.

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I think it's a bit of both. Yeah, but it was funny because I think he was talking in the hotels about the kids who've been getting wrong. And I mean, I don't know whether he could be getting wrong and we don't know because I don't know if it'll work.

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But he did.

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Parents even sorry to the parents even in the reception. Well, yeah, but maybe not at the minute. Right. But they're going to tell you. Terrible. I think they tell. Yeah.

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So you were saying he was chatting about that and and ah, I said to him, I was like, well I was like you.

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You just keep don't keep keep your nose clean. I was going to say I didn't say that like he's in prison.

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You wouldn't get that if you said, Robert, keep your nose clean, you would go and clean his nose. You go, Mummy, I wash my nose today and I could be like, oh, yes, no.

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I said to him, I said, Well, you don't want to get wrong at school because it's not very nice getting wrong with the teachers. It's not it's not nice at all. It's embarrassing. And you'll you'll feel really awful. And then I said, you went, Daddy, did you ever get wrong at school?

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And yet I do remember this. You look, look, look, look at me.

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And you went Dónal. Did I? Yeah. I don't know what it's like something out of a sitcom. I didn't know what the answer was. Yeah.

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I didn't know what lesson was trying to teach him. I didn't understand. So you were like you don't want to get. Yeah, I do remember that.

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I was on the floor where I was. I was on the floor. I was making a track with the Hot Wheels cars and. Yeah. And you want to do over get told off.

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And I looked and I went did handle and you know, you didn't. And I was like, no I didn't. I never got told off.

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So I told offloads but I don't know what the rules are.

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You've got a new rule about what we have to do every single day, making it up as I go along.

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Chris was so what? Would it not be good to go? Yeah, I did get told off and it was terrible and it was awful and it ruined my life.

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No, I mean, why I used automatic. No, I think it's better to just go. No, I never got hold off. Right. OK, because then if you go ah yes. I got told off then if you get told off you go. Well my daddy got hold off.

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OK, so good thing Chris come on. Yeah I think that's what, that's what I was leaning up. But that's why, that's why I didn't go to all of all the time. I was constantly moved in the corridor on my own.

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That told me that you had to ask, did you split up.

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It was token. I just constantly got told off a talking. Yeah, me too. Big shout at all the teachers out there who want to me job. No bitches talk to not teachers in general. My teachers who absolutely want Miliband said do not listen to this. Do nothing. Oh God no. Well it's not.

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My English teacher still hasn't been in church minded man got in touch. Oh yeah they did.

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I got in touch via another people on Instagram saying the problems was good.

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Oh that's good. That's nice. Yeah, I would do Babalu Babalu. But just really quickly here, I just want to give a shout out to the company that keeps messaging us, asking if we'll do an advert for them for blackhead vacuum.

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Stop it. It's offensive and it's upsetting. This is this was the email that we keep getting. Hello. We think you would be a good candidate to promote our website. We are selling blackhead vacuum.

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Not er black just we are selling blackhead vacuum to take out like blackheads like pimples like like but so they're basically saying you've got a lot of luckett's sounds like it and then so we haven't replied.

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Hello. We sent you an email about rapid collaboration a few days ago, but unfortunately we didn't get an answer instead. Company name here because I'm not going to give them a shout out. Sincerely wants to work with you. This would be a great opportunity for your brand, our marketing offer, and soon we want to establish this collaboration as soon as possible for the blackhead vacuum blackhead night.

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We're all right. Thank you. Wow. Yeah, thanks for that.

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But I mean, how many times I'm obsessed with having a blockade or an ingrown hang on every five seconds. I'm saying it was that a blockade on my back or my face or something. Yeah.

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And on the on the rare occasion, I've got one. You're all over it. Do you want me to get back in touch with them?

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No, but, you know, there is an example of a company that knows your level.

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Yeah, well, I mean, well, I didn't like about it was that the offer ends very soon, so all the good. So obviously our blockades aren't good enough for them.

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The offer listen, the offer is now. Yeah. And if you don't take it now, then we'll find somebody else who are black now while your pores are suitably clogged.

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Well, come when they're going to get called boba dooby dooby dooby.

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This is Rosies mistress. His mistress. Mistress, mistress. I couldn't believe it. I should say it's never wrong.

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Now, haven't been subjected to this for some weeks now, and I am noticing that, you know, you like sort of mysteries, mysteries, mysteries that you see.

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You know, that's supposed to be an echo, but you see it the same level, if not louder each time. Oh, I mean, so I will take that.

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If it was appropriate, it would be awesome. Rosies mysteries, mysteries, mysteries, mysteries. OK. All right. Well, you go overseas. Mysteries, mystery. It's just you. It's just you repeating. I wanted to be able to hear it to come across. All right. OK. You don't know the slugging it out.

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You got a good one. You go on. I'll be the judge of that book. We'll say hi, Chris.

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Rosie, hi. I've held on to this story for a while, debating whether or not to send it in. But now I think it would fit in with the new format for Rosie's Mysteries Mysteries.

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My partner's colleague was in the Navy 20 plus years ago and told the office this story about one of his trips to shore. Oh God, I love that to show I once worked somewhere gig somewhere at a holiday camp. Yeah. And I think it was down.

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I think it was like Portsmouth or something. Is that where. Yeah.

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People from the Navy go, oh like is that where the dock is that docking. Yes.

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Yes. I can't be asked to get in at this point. Yes.

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OK, well we were there and I kid you not right. We went clubine after a gig. There was men in like Navy things out and I felt like I was in some sort of nineteen forties bloody war movie all dressed and they were all dressed in like in the Navy gear.

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And I was like, sure it wasn't a stag do. No. Because then because I asked and they said all were all Portilla.

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Are you sure that's not what they would just say if they were trying to look like they were on the pole and the war started OK?

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Right. Darryl was once one new year really, really pissed in a pub in Shields and some guy you had like really curly long Q like surfer hair. And I was touching his head and he was telling us about all this different music that he liked, all these indie bands and stuff. And I was so pissed I didn't realize it was a week for so long. No one that we had I was just mortal.

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I was just I was like, you Heskey class. And he was like, oh, and he you just telling us about indie bands. And I think, like all the Monkees at the time and I was like, tell him about indie bands and stuff. And then he just went with the wig off. I didn't even like a lot of just bullshit. I don't even realize it's so strange, strange in it. So we've both been done by people.

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You might have been doing something that you might not be doing.

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But I'm just I've told you, they're my past experience. And I've you know, I have been fooled in the past and that's why I got up.

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Oh, I would now I feel like I might have been. You never know. Please keep me anonymous. Now, a few of the others from the office, listen to the podcast.

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Got an office of you showing off during these times yet you the ship docked at a port for the night, so we headed for a local bar where he met a woman.

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Could have been me.

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Might be you, might be whatever. No one good.

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After a night of chatting, they headed down to the beach where they lay down and started kissing, fooling around. So it is a seaside town. And this is what I did gig in town seaside town because of the way.

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Oh, Jesus. Oh, I love you, Larry.

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Okay, so what we do is we dock in Liverpool and then we'll jump on the train for three hours to Leicester for no fucking reason at all. A little anyway.

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So we would go to the beach.

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Oh my God, I'm tired.

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So they headed down the beach in the Wilkison, fooling around. After a while, she asked what he was doing. He replied, Why do you like it? She said she wasn't sure and asked again what it was he was doing. What was he doing? Oh, so to her, yes. So he's doing something and she's like, what is it?

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Oh, they're on the beach kissing, slash, fooling around. And she's like, what are you doing? He's like, do you like it? She's like, OK, you know, what is it? So it can't be like nipple in the air or something because she would know that.

[00:24:32]

Yeah, you'd know that. Yeah.

[00:24:35]

So it's got to be something to her. But if it's something to her, surely she would feel it if he was just grabbing or doing something to our body is feeling it.

[00:24:45]

So it doesn't really know what it is. Right.

[00:24:47]

OK, so the thing I'm putting together here is it's on the beach. So it's got have something to do with either seaweed or stone or some sand, possibly a stone is you open a smooth pebble on or something weird.

[00:24:58]

Is that what you're going for. I don't know.

[00:24:59]

I mean I immediately want to go for was he like bended knee back in shock in the gap in a knee or something. I don't know.

[00:25:05]

That's weird. I'm going to go with something.

[00:25:08]

He's doing something with a stone. All right.

[00:25:11]

OK, he's these bases using beach paraphernalia is my that he's just found.

[00:25:17]

Right. OK, ok. Oh wow. Right. OK, ok. Let's see. He explained that he was picking up little pebbles from the beach and inserting them open.

[00:25:31]

Yep. Come on. Well done your dirty little bastard.

[00:25:42]

I've never got such mixed emotions because I've also got to go to a suicide.

[00:25:48]

But I guess so was this podcast. Needless to say, she was not happy and left immediately. Imagine that.

[00:25:57]

Yeah, honestly, I'm very glad that I did not go home with anyone. Maybe that is now up to here.

[00:26:03]

And this is God. Oh Jesus. Oh my God. I've just found these.

[00:26:09]

Not really like them, but I haven't got any pockets. Will you just keep them for a souvenir from when I together?

[00:26:16]

That is terrible. You know, I did cut the mystery, mystery, mystery. Honestly, I kind of I'm so excited.

[00:26:24]

Oh, she got so angry, fought it and got a seven skimmer world record skimmer.

[00:26:35]

I'm a double double, but it's time for what's your beef. Oh, great. Oh, shit. Hello. I'm so sorry. Sorry, love. Yes. How are you. I'm well, I'm not I'm not doing great. So you couldn't lie.

[00:26:50]

So you're still smoking even though there's a there's a respiratory virus.

[00:26:54]

Oh, Chris, I must care and I'm past caring. Look, I'm actually smoking more, to be honest.

[00:26:59]

I'm sticking to the mass start of the month that the general manager, the taking of the mind, yet even your characters don't.

[00:27:08]

In one sense, it's for so. We're on a lockdown, look, a lockdown, you'll be on it as well. We just live up the street from each other. Do it. Yes, OK. Yeah, but there's a lot of stuff going on at the minute, Chris, that I just I'm I'm basically just ringing because obviously we're think alike and I care about sorry, I just I just didn't know whether, you know, the things that I know, OK, from the people who I know.

[00:27:37]

I know a lot of people. I hear a lot of things on the streets. Chris, I want you to be up to date with what I know. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:27:45]

So I've heard recently Boris Johnson. Yes. Even him and Donald Trump, they're actually brothers.

[00:27:51]

I don't know if you know that, but they are. You'll never guess who the mom is, right? Oh, totally. Lady Gaga.

[00:28:04]

Oh, I've actually I've actually heard that she's actually she is actually a lizard in disguise.

[00:28:10]

Yeah. Yeah. And she's both them both. And finally, the dreams are coming true. Right. And I don't know whether you know about all of this coronaviruses stuff at the minute. Right. But there's the number six. So I mean, anything yet, you know, this whole pandemic.

[00:28:24]

Well, rule of sex is something I'm looking forward to hopefully having, but yeah, hopefully. Well, just a couple of things that I know to be absolutely true. Right. So obviously, the number six plays a lot in all of this coronavirus. You can rule the six. You've got the six o'clock news. Yeah. Yeah. Usually there's four members in a family, isn't it. Yeah, it's serious for mum and an average family. Right at six to that.

[00:28:49]

What do you get sick before you got ten 10 Downing Street and all the politicians go right.

[00:28:57]

And then you've got six, four, six, six, six.

[00:29:01]

The devil goes back to devil worshipping. OK, and I've got it on good authority as well. Chris, people, if you don't I don't know if you know this, but Boris Johnson sat alone for six o'clock in the morning. OK, and have you ever seen him after six o'clock at night recently?

[00:29:17]

I imagine you have you imagined in the dominant republic nowhere to be seen. Right.

[00:29:21]

OK, I just wanted to let you know I was getting up early seventies, early nineties. Good stuff of him needs it.

[00:29:28]

He's got them bags under his eyes because he's got the worst job in the world.

[00:29:34]

Well, I could think of worse myself anyway.

[00:29:38]

I told you, just so you're aware of everything going on, you keep your conspiracy theories that you've just said.

[00:29:46]

You said they said anything about conspiracy theories.

[00:29:49]

OK, they're my family, OK? I'm actually very well informed and I've, you know, got you down to the club.

[00:29:55]

Yeah. All right. OK, we've got you telling me everything.

[00:30:00]

We have David from the club. Yes. Well, he's got a way of now because you've got a certain set of fucking tables on. Yes, yes. Yeah. OK, go to Shatalov. Can I just tell me the club though, don't you. Thank you. Bye bye. Well, I was there, that was horrible. I don't understand why people believe these conspiracy theories. She's got a point there with the No.6. Know something going on there?

[00:30:23]

Yeah, yeah. No, the Lady Gaga things more believable. Nothing. What if she'll go first? Do you want to go first? Yeah, go on then. You keep tightening things too tight, but it's in there.

[00:30:36]

Not even my beef with, you know, bubbles.

[00:30:39]

Anything that you can screw. Yeah. Anything that you can do to tell you do.

[00:30:47]

That's not a terrible. I'm right.

[00:30:50]

You know, I'm an athlete, you know, like I boxing guy.

[00:30:54]

Gym guy. It's it's just what is one of the things it's not not necessarily. You are not Enteron World's strongest man competition. When you actually break the thing that you try to tighten. There's no I'm sorry.

[00:31:10]

Right. I do tighten things too tight. I don't know what is. However you want to call me for Robyn's water bottle. I didn't want Robin's water bottle to take. That wasn't me.

[00:31:17]

The school must have taken it, filled it up for me. We tightened it.

[00:31:19]

Well, that was very tight. But someone someone obviously someone at school, please get a good exercise regime. We want to buy quite a lot, possibly even have a punchbag in the garden. You never know.

[00:31:28]

I bought myself. I might be with you this week is now. I have got one, two, three, four, three. Beef three. OK, pick one.

[00:31:38]

Top, top, middle or bottom. Top, middle, bom bom bom.

[00:31:43]

You said to me earlier on I've broken up with people for being too fit in the past because I was on my bike today.

[00:31:50]

True story. You broke up with someone for being too fit.

[00:31:53]

Yep. You feeder. What do you mean. And feed what you want. You want. Everyone would want everyone just be an invalid.

[00:31:59]

No at no. Right. OK, usually bit older than me. You went running every day. You had a six pack. I just felt a bit threatened by it. If I'm honest I didn't like it. It was nice at first I was like, oh look at my boyfriend got a six pack and he was like, quite nice. And then at the end, I just I just felt like I couldn't binge out on chocolate in front of him because he was just genius and he used coconut oil and that.

[00:32:22]

And I was like, I kind of just as anyone in the world ever said the sentence any use coconut oil.

[00:32:32]

And I was like, I kind of do I honestly just I just I was like, if I have another sweet potato for I don't think coconut oil with chicken, I'm going to vomit because it was just too much.

[00:32:44]

You just run all the time and, you know, maybe when we have from you. Well, probably. Well, I don't like that. Say this on here. Come on. I know, but me Nana listens, right. It's a bit rude. Oh, what have I not told you this before? Is it weird if I tell you this? I don't know. We'll see.

[00:33:03]

Every time we had sex, I got cystitis. So I think I was actually a bit allergic.

[00:33:11]

Well, you know what happened, though, and what he was doing was well, on his way back to his room, he was washing his dick in a pool.

[00:33:17]

Oh, oh, oh.

[00:33:21]

Probably a bob. A double bed bath. You can get amazing smartphone's anywhere, but at three you can get up to 200 juro off the latest and greatest like the Samsun has twenty plus five G who are way P.

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[00:33:54]

Select plans only secretory Amadeu Barba w back.

[00:34:00]

It's time for questions from the public public public. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

[00:34:06]

A public you gave him before me that was going to keep going, guys. As always, if you want to get in touch, a chalkboard annoyed at Gmail dot com, please send us your funny stories yet dilemmas. What's going through your head? Would you rather than anything, stop sending a wingin stuff and complaints and requests for trigger warnings. Knock it out. Stop it and put all of rest of you. Thank you very much.

[00:34:28]

Hello, Kristen. Rosie. Hello. A few years back, myself and my partner decided to go visit my parents at their house. You remember when you could do that?

[00:34:37]

Well, that was nice house. What the hell? What the hell do you think? Do you mean the garden? Do you know inside Crace? Do you mean you met them at a local car park like the Soprano's just in the house?

[00:34:52]

You could once upon a time in the in the long past, it sounds far fetched. You could just walk in your parents house that I wouldn't believe it.

[00:35:00]

No, honestly not no deadline, no hand sanitizer, nothing.

[00:35:04]

You could just walk in, you'd walk and you could cough in the sitting room and then leave if you wanted to. I'm a break and be mom and dad's house tonight and come from the sitting room and just leave. I think your mom would probably have a heart attack if he did that.

[00:35:18]

My brother, upon arrival, I opened the door to find my dad, stood in the doorway to the kitchen looking confused, knocked about in a bit bleary eyed. Oh, concerned. I asked him what was wrong, to which he answered, I think I just fell out the loft.

[00:35:44]

Now, the loft hatch was at the top of the stairs and saying, no whopping great hole in the roof.

[00:35:50]

I was very confused as to how we had fallen from the loft. He would have had to fall out the hatch, roll across the land and down the stairs, bounce off the front door and fly across the living room to have landed at the kitchen doorway. OK, I asked for further explanation, but he didn't have any. He had no idea his last memory was being in the loft and missing his footing. And the next thing he knew, he was in the kitchen doorway.

[00:36:16]

Jesus. Well, of course, at this point I started to piss my side laughing. How could he not remember? To this day, he still has no clue what happened, just that he was sure he knocked himself out and judging.

[00:36:28]

But by the time this made me laugh and judging by the daytime television blaring away in the background, he had managed to Segway from this morning the loose women.

[00:36:40]

So that's just a little funny.

[00:36:43]

So that's my question for you guys, is have you or a family member ever been in a situation where you've blacked out and aren't sure how you've got from A to B. So something's got that?

[00:36:53]

What I'm drivin was like a frightening thing of what it's not like a blackout. It's just sometimes if you never, like, driven and just thought, I have just done the last sort of, you know, half hour on fucking full on autopilot, then. Yes. Yeah.

[00:37:07]

Or mine's not half an hour. Mine can be like probably about twenty seconds and I'll go.

[00:37:11]

Was that. Yeah. Did I look, did I actually look at anything there. Yeah. Or did I just drive. Yeah. Yeah. Saw them. This is probably when the DVLA get in touch with us and take away our driving licence.

[00:37:24]

So you're going to say they want to sponsor a team. That would be nice either. Don't take your driver's licence, please don't take anything else away from her for God's sake.

[00:37:33]

All they've got left is driving in the car on your own in circles. So, you know, I'm a double, double, double I Rosenqvist hello, following a recommendation by a friend, I recently started listening to your podcast and I found them very enjoyable. Thank you. Especially the fan letters describing their Cringely hair raising experiences from letters, fan letters.

[00:37:54]

What year is it? It's 2020, Chris. The worst year of everybody's life.

[00:38:00]

Mine is, I think I think a couple questions from the public. Carry on.

[00:38:04]

So that's prompted me to contact you with my own story. A tale I'm only willing to share under complete anonymity. Oh, I can never see this one. Anonymity.

[00:38:15]

Anonymity. Yeah, but your podcast seems to be the most acceptable forum to share such a grubby tale.

[00:38:21]

Wow. Isn't that nice to know that.

[00:38:23]

Is that is it. That's a tagline. You've got a big shock. Matenopoulos the most acceptable form to share a groupie tale. A great tagline.

[00:38:31]

We should remember that you with that.

[00:38:33]

Yeah, I'm a bi male, late 20s, bisexual male.

[00:38:38]

But this event took place roughly 10 years ago at university in Northern Land at Northern Uni. It was fun and interesting having the chance to explore my sexuality. I quickly became good friends with a girl on the course who was Slash is eight years my senior, and we both enjoyed pushing the boundaries and having fun.

[00:38:59]

Anyway, to cut a long story short, we ended up going. Dorking, no, we we haven't spoke about doggin, just find it so fucking we it's it's something that I could never do personally.

[00:39:17]

No, no, no.

[00:39:19]

You know, my like, literally my worst nightmares accidentally ended up in a darkened park and accidentally do one of the signals that makes it more common. Spofford.

[00:39:26]

That would never happen. How would you end up gently in a car park I told you about when I finished a gig and leaves once I finished a gig in Leeds, and then I was like, oh, I don't.

[00:39:37]

It was the high calibre needs. When I first started, it was like after the hour, loads of time to drive back to Sheels. I know how to do this drive literally within like three minutes of driving around Leeds.

[00:39:45]

I was fucking nightmare because said it was a nightmare. Oh yeah. The ring road. Yeah. I was like, right, I'm not going. And I pulled it all badly and it turned me on and literally a prostitute.

[00:39:53]

I got the call instantly, instantly to get in the car I pulled on and I like I was like finally on the side of the door handle and thankfully the doors are locked and I like looked and the like, knock on the door and pointed. And I like pointed to recent novels and I like shrugged and walked off.

[00:40:08]

And I was like, oh my God, Leslie, waste in that. You're wasting that time anyway.

[00:40:15]

So they've ended up going.

[00:40:17]

Dogen Right. An awful but OK, we've heard about a local site in nearby Woodland, so decided to check it out.

[00:40:24]

Jesus Christ, we like this is what gets me. We'd seen the newspaper reports, the documentaries and even the porn, meaning we sort of knew how it went down. So when armed with Venetian masks to obscure our faces, condoms and enough lube for King Kong, that's horrendous.

[00:40:43]

Oh, Frattini's red gas masks, lube and fucking.

[00:40:48]

And condoms. Yes, like in a bank robbery. But you're going to fuck the safe open. Yeah.

[00:40:52]

Oh, grim in a wood in a wooded area. A wooded area that's been on the news. I love that. Yeah. On the news. So yeah. Yeah.

[00:41:02]

The news on newspaper reports, documentaries and porn.

[00:41:06]

I think they mean about Dolgan in general. I don't think they mean like Nordman this place the.

[00:41:13]

Yeah of course. No, they meant the local place. That's how they knew where was all this is to me is this is just as a parent now as a parent, another thing to worry about.

[00:41:23]

Well, you know what I blame for Dogen? Well, Max Power magazine about Max Power Lawder cause losses with the boobies out, put them together. Doggers.

[00:41:33]

Right. Low rent version of that, though, isn't it? Well, you know, you got start somewhere.

[00:41:39]

We pulled up at the site about half past eleven one night, and we're absolutely shitting ourselves a mixture of nerves, panic and adrenaline. Yeah, these emotions quickly included hysterics as a gentleman appeared and ejaculated onto the side window. Brilliant. Straight away. Just hello.

[00:42:03]

Oh, yeah. Right. Well, you know, how would you go to a nightclub?

[00:42:06]

You get a hand stump. That's your stamp for your call. The entry stamp. Oh, shortly after we exited the call.

[00:42:16]

And we're quickly joined by a few guys who were guys.

[00:42:20]

Can I just say they're always guys. You're not going to see a female model.

[00:42:24]

It's just going to be sorry if we just. Did you just someone just we've just glossed over the fact that someone came out and just splashed all over the window.

[00:42:33]

Like, well, look like it's the West Coast, so couple of questions I've got to go about this.

[00:42:42]

This was he waiting? Was he holding himself at the point? I don't know. Can you imagine what he's actually he's a hole himself. Not yet. Not yet.

[00:42:49]

Or here comes a car driving past or one comes on over the U-turn in the three point arc into early boxing, like, well, I don't know whether I just got so excited that somebody else turned up, but I mean, like, that's not even talking about.

[00:43:05]

Why is he there if you just wanted to just cause he could do any streets, do it again.

[00:43:10]

See, I've got a better idea. I think I know what this is. I don't think that was real. Come right. I think that part of the dog and I think that's part of the dog. And I could be a bit like when, you know, when you go to the theme parks and they've got the thing where you walk through the passage to terror thing. Right. OK, I think they might just have. Yeah. And they'll be like, oh, so a new beat.

[00:43:32]

New technologies on the car. Well the dog. And so that they can pass on all of the everybody like us talking about it now. So now everyone thinks when you go dog that happens. It's like the thing that they're called.

[00:43:45]

Do you think about might just being like hand sanitizer at moisturizer?

[00:43:48]

I think it's I think it's fake, but I think they just do it in like conditioner perfect. That that actually looks like it. But quit the office for him, though, if that was the case.

[00:43:57]

Yeah, no, I know, I don't really know. But if he did. Yeah.

[00:44:02]

Yeah. Anyway, Jesus.

[00:44:03]

So they got a lot of guys called the drone by a few guys who were also in masks including Zorro mask.

[00:44:13]

Oh does he do the Jizan a Z and a full head silicone pig mask. I mean horrendous. That's something of a horror film. It's like a shyness you're showing in this. It's horrendous. The four of us didn't really speak Brillion. Everyone knew why they were there. So things swiftly moved forward to us to being on all fours. And then it said, it's very vulgar, right am. Do you want us to see it as to be on all fours so he well, he's bisexual, isn't he?

[00:44:43]

Yeah, they know, but then they know they're not just waiting for girls if that guy is not in or so, they're just obviously they just got down and the guys must have just sort of organized themselves accordingly.

[00:44:53]

How's it going in, Doug and Chris? Don't think I don't think they're quite liberal. It's just the the doctor will speak like it's so strange, the whole. Right.

[00:45:03]

Right. The. I know.

[00:45:04]

How is the motion so that most of them might not gonna know, but they must have on the court got grubbiness. Do the grubbiness now. OK, guys, guys, Bruce is going to tell me the grubbiness. You may hear it if it gets left in, if it doesn't get left in. I'll try and summarize it for you after what's OK so swiftly.

[00:45:20]

Move forward to being on all fours, getting the living daylights pumped out of her Bizarro and me by the Golden Pig.

[00:45:26]

Yeah, that's fine. Got it. OK, yeah.

[00:45:29]

So the living daylights, the living daylights out of her by zarghami.

[00:45:40]

By the pig. What is it. Oh what one with every right to know anyway. Horrendous.

[00:45:46]

I blame porn. No words were spoken throughout. Good. Not even at the end.

[00:45:51]

Oh my gosh. What do you want. I do all the classic doggonedest just like.

[00:45:59]

Lovely to meet you. Thank you so much. You've you've scratch that itch now and I really appreciate it. I think.

[00:46:06]

Do you want, do you want the same just experience any way out that you go in. Do you want the to want the passenger window done as well.

[00:46:11]

Yeah. Do you want because we can do passenger window when talking about one screen for you.

[00:46:18]

We've got a deal at the minute. I've got to load the condition I've Baynham got.

[00:46:22]

Honestly I feel like at the end they should finish. Right. And then they should all like just turn round silently and then put a fist in the middle like a football team, then just go Oh dog and just run on and go.

[00:46:33]

Right. So nobody does that.

[00:46:35]

And there's no words at all. So we got back in the car and went home to have the most the rush hour of our lives.

[00:46:40]

What what's the point that's just like colorable. What how is that enjoyable? Oh, when Dugin had sex and I was so disgusted at the shower, I'm like, yeah, that's awful. That would this would scar me for this scar me a little bit.

[00:46:55]

We went home, showered, not before going through the local car wash twice.

[00:47:02]

All right. Welcome to Car Wash. Would you like the basic package. Oh, that kind of the deluxe, please.

[00:47:07]

Twice and I'll come back. Three. Good God. A few days later, we were at uni for lectures in the studio and had a presence with the lecturer in his office.

[00:47:17]

Hmm. Shut up. Keep going.

[00:47:20]

The lecturer was a chap in his 50s, great sense of humour, always well dressed in a smart court and a scarf that I noticed was hung up in the corner of his office on a stand which also held.

[00:47:34]

Is silicon. No fucking way, no way, no way, no way. I can't, but I must have been.

[00:47:46]

White, as he laughed and said, I had nothing to worry about as my first term was going really well, cetera, I was sweating like hell, my mouth was dry. But as I got up to leave, I mused, nice pig mask, to which he replied, Oh, that thing. I just run around the woods. Ha ha. We never went jogging again.

[00:48:09]

Oh, my fucking God. I know. Oh, my God.

[00:48:17]

So it could have been this lecturer.

[00:48:19]

Oh, give me when I read this, I was like, oh. And Parviz was like, wouldn't it have been lovely if he just said and I said, Do you go dog?

[00:48:30]

No, no, no. And then the next year I could have went, Oh yes, I do.

[00:48:37]

And then he and then he could went, that was me. And then that got like married and lived happily ever after. And then there would have been a nice story out of dog.

[00:48:44]

And just this there's never been a nice story of a dog.

[00:48:48]

And I will put my I'll put my house on the fact that there's never been our house on the fact that there's never been a nice story coming out of dog around that I got.

[00:48:57]

Uni lecturers are liberal, you know, I mean, quite liberal like people.

[00:49:03]

OK, well, my dad used to be a teacher, college, college lecturer.

[00:49:07]

They were your dad's got a zero mosque in the house.

[00:49:11]

No, it absolutely does not. And don't you dare. I would do Bob a double double.

[00:49:16]

Hi, Chris and Rosie. Hi. Would you rather. Orgasm, every time you fought or fought, every time you orgasm. Oh, no. So orgasm every time you fought or fought. Every time you orgasm.

[00:49:34]

The second one. Right about now, it wouldn't make a difference, were married. OK, well, just go look, this is a..

[00:49:42]

And I'm quite gassy, so you'd just be you'd be having Plamen 17 orgasms day, which isn't horrific, but I just I couldn't imagine sneaking out a fall in public is hard enough without Jizan in your pants at the same time that they can agree on that.

[00:50:00]

That's me. That's me. That's fine, too.

[00:50:03]

Like, how could I sneak out this NASDA without orgasm and fuckin nightmare every time I want to hold on to what you did.

[00:50:16]

So what I'm doing, what I mean, it's not like six orgasms. Yeah. Oh oh that's amadeu.

[00:50:27]

Ba ba ba ba ba ba. Oh this is interesting. OK, deros increase after hearing you talk on the last episode about top sheet and the frequency of bed sheet whirring, I thought now would be a good time for you to settle a debate between me and me flat.

[00:50:41]

Me, ok. I live with my friends. Sometimes when I'm bored, I like to toddle into their rooms and flop on their beds for a chat to bug them while they're doing their uni work. Right.

[00:50:51]

Occasionally, especially with my flatmate who is in a relationship, I will ask and joke about how sexy the sheets are, as in how much sweat, body fluids and other general sex crimes on the sheets, usually not liking her answer.

[00:51:04]

Oh, one day we were talking about with Duvet because while you're having sex oh, one flatmate says it's over the top of them, so they're underneath it. One says it's pushed to the bottom of the bed. Right. I explained that I only ever have sex on top of a made bed on top of the covers.

[00:51:25]

All right, Your Highness. Jesus, everyone seemed quite confused by this, but I thought it was quite rational because this way you only get one side of the duvet sweaty and the inside is clean.

[00:51:38]

Just a fucking idiot. No. What do you get spoke on the top of your bed?

[00:51:42]

Yeah, but then, you know, then you sleep in inside.

[00:51:44]

When you walk in your bedroom, goes on the. Yeah, well, yeah, my flatmates then asked, but how do you know which side is the sexy side? To which I replied, I only have a by reversible bed sheets. So each side has a different pattern.

[00:52:00]

So I know which is which she's really thinking about.

[00:52:05]

So not just that she is going in her flatmates bedrooms and then lying down on the sheets. And the reason she's seen how sexy the sheets because she is using her pyramid as if someone just had sex on top of the sheets. So she's happily lying on a fabric that she thinks someone has just had sex. Mm hmm.

[00:52:19]

That was wrong with her standing room, you fucking pervert. Got my answer here. And I think duvet on top if it's cold. Yeah, I like it. Duvet on top.

[00:52:29]

Yeah, duvid duvet down. If it's not, maybe start with the duby on top of you. Get a bit hot like it. Don't get done with your leg. Yeah. Socks on.

[00:52:37]

Always sort of not as if people still do that.

[00:52:43]

Socks on and sock braces on leather sock braces under the knee tight tight with the two stuff coming down for the sock. Couldn't I couldn't do it. No. Possibly flip flopped on as well.

[00:52:53]

Oh not even Slider's flip flop with a through the toll.

[00:52:56]

Push it right through the sock to them as well. Horrible.

[00:53:00]

And maybe some kind of hot and silicone pigman only for outdoors Abdu Barbuda Babadook back to.

[00:53:08]

It's quite a sexy episode this one. So I've got another sex related one here.

[00:53:13]

Sexy Trevathan this week. I'm sorry. Sorry there was nothing sexy about that Dogen story.

[00:53:19]

Don't you think you'll find that people will be masturbating to that Dogen story. I'll be there. Will they not be.

[00:53:26]

Oh hello Rosenqvist. Love love love the PUCA. Thank you very much. Please keep me anonymous due to my job. I'm a teacher and I don't want any of my students knowing this bullshit teacher teacher.

[00:53:39]

So this is the story of how me and my best friend became best friends. Oh, she was a friend of a friend who came on a night out with us. My friend went home just as we were heading to a club. So I was basically out out with this girl who I'd only known for a few hours.

[00:53:56]

Right. Cool. That's cool. That's all right. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:54:00]

I've been out in the past with people who are in a role and you just like. Well, you having a good night. I'm having good night.

[00:54:04]

Well, that's great. That's great. Yeah, I like it. We had a great night on The Clash and we ended up in a club where this group of guys started chatting us up.

[00:54:12]

She got chatting to one guy who she already knew and I got chatting to his meet. The guys all lived in a house and invited us back to this IHOP we pulled is there.

[00:54:24]

But when I got there, I got the strangest feeling I'd been in this house before. I just seemed to know where everything was. I kept this to myself and just thought in my drunken state that it was deja vu.

[00:54:36]

You, my now kind of friend, ended up in bed with the bloke she'd been chatting to, and I went upstairs with the bloke I'd been chatting to. When I went into his room, it again, it looked really familiar. Again, though, I ignored this and we got down and dirty. The bed was made.

[00:54:51]

So I woke up the next morning in this guy's bed and suddenly it hit me.

[00:54:57]

I had been here before, a year ago, a one night stand with the same guy.

[00:55:04]

No way.

[00:55:06]

Neither of us had remembered each other. You sly dogs.

[00:55:10]

Horrible is not terrible, but genuinely like I don't like to judge. I don't know. I have a bit of a prude, you know, for comedy effect.

[00:55:19]

That's fucking shock. That's bad. That's really bad. You you both slept with each other again without remen remember.

[00:55:27]

And that you've done it before since everything the guy is definitely was the guy. It wasn't like last year in that house. That was different uni students. No, no.

[00:55:35]

I think it was the same guy. I mean it wasn't just like it was just that room. Not you like. No, like that was like a first year. A completely different person would be doing the same because it might be uni houses.

[00:55:46]

All my work two years on. It could have been.

[00:55:51]

Oh what mortified. Me and my friend's friend said our goodbyes and got in a taxi. I said to her as soon as we drove off, you'll never believe this and told her. What I realized is I just couldn't hold it in. I initially worried she would judge me. Instead, we broke into hysterics and her response was, So you've shagged every bloke in the city. Now you go round again.

[00:56:15]

And that's why she's my best friend. Nice. That's a lovely, lovely end to your horrible story.

[00:56:21]

Yes, yes. Please.

[00:56:22]

I hope you I, I imagine and I hope you recognise the inside of the gum clinic as much as you recognise rotten tomatoes, as they say, it's always just one at the end.

[00:56:34]

And then this is the story we told it all when it never happens.

[00:56:39]

I never tell that story at your wedding, by the way. I know. But I imagine being at a wedding where they tell a lot and then watch and then I shagged and I would shock the.

[00:56:49]

She recognized me room, not me or me, Dick, imagine not, she recognized me room, not any of the stuff we talked about, but not my name.

[00:56:58]

I don't mean course, not me physicality, nothing.

[00:57:01]

She recognized me fucking room cushions that much of a filthy whore.

[00:57:06]

And so am I. Jesus, no wonder there's a fucking pandemic. I know.

[00:57:12]

I know. Gee whiz. My. Now, may or May Day. That would be very weird if you didn't recognize any you take out and you look, you take a wet hold on, I think we've slept together before.

[00:57:30]

With you, I don't know that we really, really, really should recognize it.

[00:57:34]

A double a double bed bath I in increase. My housemate has convinced me this is my only option. Find the love of my life and I need some help from the only people that are sufficiently qualified to deal with such an issue. I'm guessing that's what we're not.

[00:57:49]

But thank you for you for your misplaced confidence.

[00:57:52]

I'm originally from Newcastle, but the better side of the river didn't want to know. I mean at all.

[00:57:57]

And probably not where we are. Oh, that's fine.

[00:58:00]

I mean, north of the river is Newcastle South. The river isn't Newcastle. So we don't know the better side of the river, but Newcastle is. But it's only on one side of the river, Newcastle, north of the town. There's no port of Newcastle, south of the town. I don't think I think it's Gateshead, south of the time, and dependable part of it that I think I don't want to talk about.

[00:58:21]

Okay, fair enough. Anyway, she lives in London now. Great.

[00:58:25]

Now someone's going to get in touch.

[00:58:27]

I don't know if there's any part of Newcastle south of I don't think it's greater than south of the river.

[00:58:31]

I don't know, Chris, I do.

[00:58:33]

Anyway, me and my future boyfriend, who doesn't even really know I exist or that I watch his every move, first met on the train to work a few weeks ago.

[00:58:44]

Oh, my God, this is already tragic. We've gone from we've literally gone from someone who shagged so many people.

[00:58:51]

So when he recognises them by the fucking curtains to someone who was literally loving me, staring at a stranger from afar, this is all end of the spectrum.

[00:59:00]

That's what it's diverse. This podcast. I love it. Love it.

[00:59:05]

He is the best looking man I've ever seen. Wow. Even with a mask on. And every morning I just probably look forward to seeing his face. Sorry.

[00:59:14]

Is it a medical mask or Azara mask? It's further.

[00:59:19]

It's a Corvette. You got to check with his cousin to check when this was. No, it's now he's cleaning every morning in the car park.

[00:59:26]

She can't even see Harvey's face. It must be absolutely drop dead gorgeous.

[00:59:30]

I was thinking this the other day. I would not want to be single at this point. I would not want to be single and single and looking to mingle at the moment because you can't tell what you look like with a mask on. You can't tell much if it got rotten teeth. Well, it's almost like in in the summer when girls start wearing huge giant fucking sunglasses and you kind of really see what they look like.

[00:59:52]

You can't go anywhere near a kiss, anyone. So there's that as well.

[00:59:56]

Sometimes when I'm early, I still wait and get on that train just to see him. Wow. Very sad. Slash embarrassing. I know. Wow. Please keep me anonymous as I would be mortified if you listen to this and is happily in love with someone else.

[01:00:10]

I hope he's not for her. Also, can we just give a massive shout out in a big piss off to the really creepy man on the same train that also looks and sits, stands incredibly close to me and stares at me for the whole 12 minute journey? I find that a little bit hypocritical.

[01:00:23]

Hypocrite warning. What are you doing, you fucking.

[01:00:29]

Oh, just when I was like in someone. I hope you're monitoring the hope is marriage, right?

[01:00:34]

I hope he's married. Gabi gets back. Yeah. Always married. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:00:39]

Just so you know, because then she'll know she didn't have a chance. I won't be straight. All right lady.

[01:00:43]

I want to get home and I want to go. I lose. I was looking out on the train again, you know. Yeah. The one with the one with the pervert who stands right next to her.

[01:00:51]

Yeah. How dare she. I stare at this man all day. By the way, can you shout out this pervert who stares at me.

[01:00:58]

How dare you.

[01:00:59]

My future boyfriend who doesn't know I exist.

[01:01:01]

Who do you think you are Ostovar. I still like here. I have tried to do some of my own detective work, but to no avail. Right. My question for you is what is the best opening chat up line you've ever said? I've heard someone say Slash had used on you and more importantly, any I can use untrained guy without looking like the massive stalker that I am. I know Shibin getting out, but I would just die if I had to see him every morning if he heard this hashtag pain train guy.

[01:01:30]

Right. OK, so in you need to go chat up line, say I don't believe in chaplains, I believe in situational things.

[01:01:37]

You can't just have a line that you see because it's just, you know, someone might step forward. It needs to be situational, something in the morning. But this old faithfuls, what all fearful.

[01:01:47]

Did it hurt? No, but no. Why? What's wrong with that? I'm not. No, come on. Come on. Did what hurt when you fell from heaven, right? Yeah. Yeah. See that?

[01:01:58]

Well, it must be good to see that with the mask on not being able to convey, nor facial expressions at all marginally. So yeah, this is hard because if she tries to talk to this guy and he blinks, then she is like, God, I have to see him every single morning. Yeah, but there was an earlier train that I think she's just explained there and I've got another one.

[01:02:19]

Ask him the time maybe. I don't know what has to be situation.

[01:02:22]

You just got to think. Something you got to think of something off off, off the cuff in the moment, you know, would you use yours that you did on me?

[01:02:29]

Well well, when I put probably caught on at two o'clock in the morning, when you go where you go and I said, I'm going home. You went Canacol. Yeah.

[01:02:37]

And I said, yes, only works if you're a famous comedian.

[01:02:40]

You weren't very famous then when you had 20000 thousand followers.

[01:02:43]

I'll have you put me on VIP section in a club and you'd seen and it was Duska Associates. You see, there's another one you could use. Yeah. Mm hmm. And is your dad in prison? For burglary, what and why no? Well, you should be because you stole the stars and put them in your eyes.

[01:03:04]

Jesus Christ, I would honestly, if someone said that to me, I'd push them on the trucks and I push them on the truck. Yeah, I don't like job lines at all. It was quite funny, though.

[01:03:12]

What can you do?

[01:03:13]

Could you ask him the time everyone's got a phone, even though I think they should get into a political debate.

[01:03:20]

I'll. Well, good, because. Well, because then you'd know from the off because if he doesn't agree with what you agree, it's a very good tool at the moment. I think because there's something going on at the minute which is dividing the country. And I think if she spoke to him and he was either really one way or the other, I should know and you never know. She might have really different views to her. And she's go, right, I don't find you attractive anymore.

[01:03:44]

Or you could take your mask off. And he could be an absolute you could be. But as a mother, you never know. You never know.

[01:03:51]

What do what could you say, though, would just walk up to you?

[01:03:53]

Do you think do you think do you think Lady Gaga gave birth to Boris Johnson and Donald Trump?

[01:04:01]

Actually, yes, I have it right by the year.

[01:04:09]

And then to the other creepy guy. You got the time. Six o'clock, abba dooby dooby dooby dooby.

[01:04:18]

Eighty five episodes in Skin in the bin Kitching. Thank you for listening to. No, I meant guys. Thank you so much for listening. As always, if you want to get in touch, a child might be annoyed at Gmail dot com. Please continue to read and subscribe to our podcast.

[01:04:32]

The best part that everyone says the book's out yet the book is out and available as Christmas Christmas push. We've got to get behind. So you'll see. Well, flogging more ways and some of your message media seem to be prying special Amazon comments not free just about. People still realize it's only if you stop at some point you're in the full house, get launched more.

[01:04:53]

Yeah, why not go? Well, we go it's it's not bad. Who might be a punchbag for sale soon? When Bruce makes us take it down, we'll see what happens. But do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Hey, it's me again, the TV since my family gave me now TV, there's no more endlessly searching for something they want to watch because now I don't do film TV, just killer TV.

[01:05:27]

If my family want movies, I've got blockbusters. Comedy, yes. Please wait better than the dad jokes in this house or crime dramas. I've got loads and I've never got to guess who did it. Now they can watch whatever they're in the mood for.

[01:05:39]

What's your TV got for you tonight? Now, TV 18 plus month passes under new terms apply.