Hello, you're listening, Chad Myers annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey and my husband, I am sick of looking at your face while Chris Ramsay, that's worse than usual, but that was directed to me as well.
Yeah, normally it's like a little flippant remark, sort of sort of kind of theatrically performed into the ether.
But I was just, you know, take a look at my face and all of your face. Oh, shut up.
So what do you see? What I'm living with these gentlemen. Do you see what I'm living with? It's honestly, it's like it's like a tightrope, but the tightrope is a knife. So I can't even when no one is hurt, when I'm on it and either way I fall off honestly. Fucking pregnant. Pregnant Rosie is not a nice Rosie. Do you prefer pregnant Rosie or you want Rosie.
Oh, now you go. Would you rather pregnant Rosie or Jiwon, right. Three days before Rosie.
Oh, that is a very good one. Pregnant Rosie lasts longer, but it isn't as intense.
Do you want Rosie is a lot Qalqilyah just awful? It's been a few months without her. You know what? Don't even miss the bitch. No, Taco. I hope she doesn't come back. She'll be back. She'll be back. They always come back.
They always come back. Well, I'd love it if it didn't, but let's just count the days to go through the change.
Now, the old man, you know, not really all. You couldn't get worse. I'm going to be awful. We'll probably split up then.
Fantastic menopause. Let's even think about that, because I am going to be rotten. I'm good. I'm going to have no friends. Everyone's going to just leave us and I'll just be honestly lock me in a room. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to be awful. I might have to get HRT. I'm thinking ahead of myself. Well, the goal is a gentleman.
So once the pandemic's over, we've got menopausal rausing. Look, I've got a while yet.
I'm only thirty four to watch it with my look. It was still early.
I some time before we even start. Kind of like about yesterday you turned to me and actually said how old are we. So that was good.
I'm glad you remember your thirty four there because you did remember yesterday. Yeah.
It's been a really long. Yeah. How old are we. Well what happens when you die. Why is the sky blue.
I never going to start the menopause. That's correct.
That's correct. Already indeed. Guys, thank you so much for listening. We love you. Thank you for all your interactions and everything. Please do keep them coming January. Before we start, I was falling all over Twitter before we started this podcast.
I started hitting Twitter like, oh, it's just a lot of a lot of novelly podcast part I on on Twitter. And I really do enjoy it. So thank you very much.
It is episode eighty six. Eighty six. Yeah. We were born that year, we were born four years ago. Very tenuous link four years ago. Very clever. You still are. No. Let's say that you used the knowledge of how old real mathematical skill that.
No, that's actual, that's profession. Professionalism, great skill. Excellent that we've learned. So fuck you. I don't think face who was he saying. What's his name.
All the Chancellor. The Chancellor. Tell everyone every train. Yeah.
No, I just did a Segway. I just did it. Did it go back to something.
You just ah there's the door. The bloody door. About that fucking time everyone.
Seconds to sentence it. Well just put the jingling. He's the jingle. We had a fight about the jingle jingle. We could sing along to jingle jingle gong. So this is the jingle jingle.
We hope you like the G G got a dub, dub, dub, dub, dub, dub. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shackman, Annoyed and Huneck, that's his name and everyone want to know the guy on the phone was who is going to do our bathroom.
So mystery solved. So they we go. That was that's all it was. Bless him. If you sounded when people contact us from doing the podcast, it's like they've literally walked on the stage while while there's an audience there, like they get really like when your mom came in, we're doing the podcast.
It was like, Yi Yi, what's happening on my own?
And then he was like I was like, I'm doing the podcast. Can I bring you back? He was like, Oh yeah. He's like Starbucks. Shit, these puns. I've got a question. No one no one trusts us. I think the think we're just going to broadcast them to the wider world.
Just what I would well, you know, I get a bit desperate then get a bit thin on the ground in it. So other than the pregnancy that you whinge about constantly, how are you?
I mean, absolutely great. I've got zero crack because I very much realized that we were all doing nothing.
Yeah. And we have no social life.
We are still on lockdown here in the Northeast with no idea of when it's going to end, if it's ever going to end. And we haven't seen our friends. We haven't seen our family for weeks because I'm losing my mind.
So it's just you. But, you know, I've just had to. Hold on. Hold on.
Oh, sorry. I forgot to do this week's lucrative sponsor. No problem at all.
I think you got away with that. I think you got the guy from the kitchen, a bathroom place to for me during the interval during the intro. Sorry to to make me forget the sponsor you're talking on.
You got to pay the bills, touching your pockets. Now be pocket Phyllida because we didn't do that. We could have sponsor this week.
Sponsor is is it a cold or is it cool that.
What have you got. What have you got. Is it a cold or is it covid.
Is it cough or is. It's not. What have you got Coleco. Honestly, we both feel a bit like shit.
Yeah. Don't you feel bad off your back. Well, I've just got a bit of a sore throat and I'm just a bit tired, but I can't work out whether it's a cold covid. What's the point of your depression? The. Oh yes, the third one. Do you want a box?
Number three, the mystery box, deep dark depression and am currently in limbo of what it is. Yeah, but I don't have a temperature or enough of the covid. Yeah.
What the cold symptoms tell you what that thermometer that we got from Tommy TippingPoint Robin was born has paid for itself.
I use at the moment are fucking four times a day. Honestly you just do. Oh constantly.
Absolutely. Constantly use. At the moment I feel like shit. My nose is sort of a bit running in that, but I think it's just a cold.
But we'll find out because I had the the they've had a test.
The gag reflex north of came today for me.
I didn't hear you knock on the door blessin lovely lad Welsh when he came down the drive and he came in from Wales, you came all the way from Wales to do Rosie.
It's absolute madness. He came all the way from Wales, drove up to two miles from Swansea, came over from Swansea to do mikovits.
And now as we speak, he's on his way to London with Mikovits to talk about why it's like a full new fucking industry that's emerged.
Just getting private. Corver tests done can do work, fingers crossed. But it's negative or I'll not be hosting little mix this weekend.
I know. Well, you guys, it's terrifying. It's actually really, really it's pretty frightening because you could have it and have no symptoms.
So I might just get a call tomorrow saying annoyingly, it's 48 hours. So I'll I'll already be in London. You want to find out? If I find out I've got I'll already be in London. I don't even know if I have a train. I have to walk back. I might jump in his car if you do know.
Yeah. If you do get to London, you find out that you have got it. Just stay there. Oh. Because it's just to pay and it's just a hassle.
You just stay there will be OK. I used to just. Yeah. I mean we'll be fine. Good.
So I realise just you isolate down there by yourself.
I might go down in the motorhome. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just give it a quick three covid campaign covid campaign pitilessly. Hey I'm a dub dub dub. So obviously in this whole shit show, the only good thing for me has been I've spent a lot more time at home with my family.
It's mainly Robyn take I'll leave, you know, just a couple of things about a little boy. Yeah. He is not a kid that you can allow to have a late night and then he lie in the next morning.
Oh, no, no, no. Unbelievable.
I honestly, I think we could keep him up until six in the morning and he'd still wake up at half. Six in the morning. Yeah.
Yeah. But you don't have he doesn't have that thing. If I went to bed late last night, I'll sleep in late at night. Doesn't I don't know what kids do that.
Well all the happened with Robyn is you keep them up, you like mid-level Linamar, he gets up at the same time, you know he does or earlier. And then you've just got a bad tempered, rotten kid all fucking day. And then he goes to bed at about the same time is enormities.
The next night you just lose time. I always. Joy, when Robin's really tired and you say to him, you're you're just really tired. He just drops to the floor, right?
Well, this is not the actions of a tired little boy. You are tired.
I spent the day talking to a guy who who had a kid the same age as Robin, and he said that his kid sleeps from seven o'clock at night till nine o'clock in the morning every day that you told me that.
How old is that kid? Same age as often. Right. OK, I was sort of. Is he all right? Yeah, absolutely fine.
The guy that the bloke said it was, he went, oh, he's got 16 hours. Wow.
And I was like, do you do that thing where you, like, wake up and you're like, panic and you go through and check on him, see if he's all right? At first we did.
Now we just know he just loves his kid, a fuckin religion. I was like, is it acceptable to a stranger like to be in Robin's defense?
You just sleep very well. Mean like. Yeah, you can't complain. Yeah.
You're being a bit harsh. I know some kids.
You don't sleep at all well and all, but I don't want the I want the I also you know, I'm always striving for better. Well we'll have another one.
So let's see, maybe this next one's going to sleep all the time. It'll all be dead.
Oh no, no. I just have a look. I never understood I had friends. How what time do you get up on Christmas Day to just to get up with.
Well, we used to go out really early, but we mom would never let us go downstairs any earlier than half six. Right.
That we weren't allowed. We could wake up at four o'clock in the morning. Maybe brother and sister would have to sit in a room and my mom would be like, don't you dare come in here. Yes, she was really strict with that. And I get it. We weren't allowed go downstairs before half six. And then what would happen was the next day, the next couple of days, I'd go back to school and everyone was like, yeah, we go to a three and we shall be like, Oh, my mom literally did not.
My mom yelled at us Christmas Day to get back in the room like Merry Christmas and get back in your room is not bad.
Yeah, yeah. Shed's get back in the room.
I used to get I think mine was either seven or eight o'clock. I think it was seven. I wake up earlier, but I would like to tell you my bedroom on my own borders I didn't even open. Oh, a lonely child. I watch cartoons. Oh wait.
Let me wait for the time. But I never woke up really, really early. But my major cosmology's got up like three o'clock. I know what I was letting them do that I had a mom either woke up at half to and what I'm like you fucking half.
Tim Robbins slept it Robyn slept in the past five years. I don't think you really understand it just yet. That's the start of this year.
And it's going to be like, yeah, well, yeah.
Well, we'll just from we'll have a battle from 4:00 in the morning of go back to sleep and you'll just roll around and go back to sleep and then.
I might say six, six o'clock. Yeah, well, I'm not a gremlin, Cassandra. I mean, six o'clock, you can get up at 6:00 a.m..
Another thing our son cannot get his head around. I've noticed this tomorrow. Now, if we talk about this, not only we have it infuriated, I can't explain it tomorrow when I wake up, today when I wake up, what am I doing this tomorrow when you wake up? Not today when I wake up. You woke up today. That was this morning, you fucking prick. That was this morning.
You woke up this morning. You've had today. You go to bed tonight. Tomorrow will be tomorrow. And he's just like.
So today when I wake up tomorrow, not today. When I wake up today. But I've woken up today. Already tomorrow. Yeah. It's it's I've stopped trying to explain it.
Stop trying as well. Yesterday in the call you were trying to explain me what a weekend was. Honestly, I'm really proud when Woolfolk fucking wall to make it and it was painful.
You know, when you go to school after Monday, Tuesday are the days to don't go to Saturday and Sunday.
And he went to this Saturday and he went north this Sunday and he went tomorrow, Saturday.
And I just I think I just heard the music put some music on for me. Jesus, I know, but I'm trying to explain.
Oh, I like a school, but he's back at school and so I don't know. I haven't got the time.
But I've got to admit that today, tomorrow thing, you will try and explain that you did not lie to me. I went yes.
Today when you wake up at the meeting tomorrow, I can't explain tomorrow without saying the word tomorrow. I can't explain it because he goes he goes when I wake up today and I go, no, when you wake up tomorrow.
When he goes, what's tomorrow? Well, today is today. And then when you wake up tomorrow, that's the next day. And he's just looking at his daughter.
And I'm like, I told you, I can't get you. I can't get a frame of reference. Anyone know how to explain, kid? What tomorrow?
Tomorrow will today, please.
God, tell us, because honestly, I'm going to work here because you can't even so calendar.
You could be putting him to bed tonight.
Right. And he'll go. So when I wake up, it's tomorrow and you go yes. And then we go we go tomorrow and you go, oh yeah.
Dad, you're moving the goalposts. Yeah. Like I would do Babalu Babalu.
But it's time for. Now, you fixed idea that you. For an innocent mystery, I was going to get Robert to do it again at school. He told the school school that would be very good for Mr.. Doing homes good. Absolutely incredible phone technique.
It sounded like an all it did was a lot, but I took your advice and I did it and I made it better. Very well done. Hi, Rosie and Chris. This question comes from an experience I had when I was younger. I was on a trip to Germany and was going through security at the airport. Every time I do this, my bag and person always gets searched. Apparently I look shifty, my bag and person person.
I was waiting at the end of the conveyor belt for my hand luggage to be searched as it had set off the alarm. Oh, my feelings of awkwardness at having to show off the sanitary products in my in a bag pocket, however, were overshadowed as I turned to look at the guy next to me who was also having his bag searched. The man opened his backpack slowly with K to reveal.
Now, what do you think's in that? So I've got like two things in your head.
Either it's like something normal that he's well, not normal, but something that he's parked that's, you know, like ridiculous and he's not allowed or it's like a practical joke that someone's played on. So it's like a dildo solicit will water bottle and all. That's one that people do to people. Why? It's like a star do things because they'll stop.
It's in your hand luggage. And if you put like a big thing of water in someone's hand up on the screen, but the sellotape like a vibrator, they would sort of have to pick it up.
I've seen like a lot of funny listen, there's an airport, a boring place.
You got to do what you kind of have a couple of laughs. I mean, yeah, you're right. Um, I think Germany, if that helps. No, no, no.
Not in the slightest. That doesn't help at all. I'm a massive bratwurst sausage.
Why is that the only thing we know what to do.
I wouldn't do anything else I was going to say is really offensive. Um uh oh.
Is it food. Is it for some time.
The clock is ticking. You need to come up with it is taking only a very small feature.
Was it some kind of weapon? Was a massive knife, was a massive knife that was going to go with massive.
OK, so the man opened his backpack slowly with K to reveal.
An entire bag full of Cheerios and nothing I don't think you saw that the words and nothing else. Oh, just great.
Just a full biomaterials. Wow. Yeah. Clearly the only entertainment on a flight he needed was the sweet crunch of those tiny hoops.
So it was his hand luggage, the full backpack full of Cheerios.
Was he allowed to do the load to take them on?
Did you. Wow. Yeah, it is. The question here is, what is the weirdest thing you have been caught carrying? All the best to you in the band, and that's from Scarlett and you, Scarlett, I can tell you that right now, actually.
Oh, so when I was younger and I to go on holding Mom, Dad, did you ever go on holiday and you went like, you know, your husband always had mentioned this briefly before, would be in a place that always had them random shops that sold and B.B. Guns replica and you always got a lot of leaves, swords, lighters and porn, pornographic playing cards.
OK, that's kind of what they sold.
Yeah, I remember every single day I went to the shop and I was like, like a toy going to just a cop gun. The toy gun.
It looked like kind of like I want to sound like a good nerd, but like a Beretta like like what Eddie Murphy would have in Beverly Hills Cop kind of kind of cool. Like what pulls it always puts any jeans, kind of, you know, total gun safety out the window, OK.
It was one of them, a cop gun. And I'm remember every day I went to shopping, mom and dad, I'm holding on. I want I want a good mom will not be like that at home on the plane will be looking at home. And I was like, OK. And then on the final day, the weird little I gave in, like, I think I was going to buy something else.
And I was like, well, I will get this. And I was like, but you said things like, Oh, I'll be OK with that. In all his wisdom, decided to put the gun and the cops in the fucking hand luggage, in the hand luggage, in the car.
And I was like, why don't you stick it in this case? And they decided that if it was stuck in the case, there wouldn't just keep the case and they'd lose all their stuff.
So he's like, we'll put it in my hand luggage. I was like, even I must have honestly be seven.
And I was like, Are you fucking stupid? And there was like a massive kerfuffle when they've searched through it and they got it out. Yeah. And I still remember the got the gun out and they were looking at the gun. The guys were all looking at the gun and the Spanish guy, the customs guy, he held up the cops and he said no available on the plane. Meaning you can't it I mean, meant you couldn't stay in my mind's eye.
Now go no. Available on the plane. I just thought that.
Are you like, what an idiot. I mean, option three would have been. You can't have that. Yes. Because you can't take a gun back. Yeah.
That was option one that the what about it. But it just said, oh, you call have the cops so you can have a replica.
I got on the plane. That's fine, but don't make a bargain because you know, people are trying to sleep.
Fuck it. Yeah. It was this. Oh this was this is pretty everything. Yeah. Yeah, this was fine.
Did you ever have one of those guns, the little potato shooters. Yes. Them a good one. Yeah, I did. And they were both gun perfect.
We had a potato. I know we had a potato always because once you'd gone round that bad boy once there was no you can only go. One layer is the inside.
You could still eat the insides but anybody would want to know someone that looked like a fucking sponge.
How can a poor potato for my dinner, please? Well, there's no jacket. There's just tiny remnants of the jacket and a five year old's been playing with it for three hours. Yeah, it's absolutely fantastic.
I'll have that. Like Nobu dooby dooby dooby. It's time for what's your biggest beef? Beef, beef, beef, chips. Ladies first or gentlemen first this week you go first, gentleman first or gentleman of very nice quick one with you this week. Just a quick one just now and then. Now then you show your true colors and we were in a different room of the house. The idea, not the room I sitting. And it may have been the laundry maybe in the front room.
I can't remember. But you look a little bit cold. I was walking past, I had a blanket. I put the blanket on in a lovely, loving, kind little moment of just put the blanket on the pregnant wife lying there. I put it on you and you looked back and he went, oh, you know, sometimes you're not a massive I you genuinely said that it was as I put a blanket on you.
Yeah. It's just unnecessary. A little bit hurtful.
Just doesn't happen that often. I mean I think find YPO, but I put a blanket on you yesterday when you were having your little afternoon nap. Yeah. Right. So you bollix off. I suggest you when you bring it up in the briefs.
What do you mean in a nasty way because you ruining in the whole gesture of the fact that you did it, what is the point in doing something if I'm not going to get credit.
Wow. That's how you live your life.
Isn't it nice actually how you live your life. Yeah. Yeah, only.
However, what's your beef, my beef with you this week? I was on Google this morning. Yes, the old search engine of the Tinder Web familiar with its work. Yeah.
Robin would like some sonic trainers for his birthday. Yes. And I think you made them up. Yeah, I think it just want blue trainers. Right.
But I thought, you know what? I'm going to see if I can get any sonic training. Yeah, right. A look online. I've had a look online on the search engine of the whole of the Internet.
Yeah. And I can't find any any in his size. I found out that the puma do so right. But they haven't got his size available, got men's or babies that don't have like the in between kid size. Right. OK, you came back from dropping him off from school this morning and I said, oh, I'm trying to find Robin, some sonic trainers and I kind of find them anyway to you to which you replied, You want me to have a look?
To which I replied, Well, I'm having a look at the only place where you can really look and feel free to have a look yourself.
You patronizing little.
Also, you will not accept help from any knowledge because that is ridiculous.
I'm looking on Google the search engine of the Internet right now, and I've looked at every available source of sonic trainers and then the not in his size. So what what are you going to do that's different to what I did?
Maybe I'll Ask Jeeves, maybe I'll try Bing. I don't be.
It told me maybe on the Dark Web, genuinely, what would you have done differently to me?
So I was just off. No help.
No, you were pretty. You went on Google and you typed in sonic trainers and you did come up with exactly the same, you know, reply.
My answer is me. Good night. Yes.
So just line up. Do you not find that patronizing or.
I just find that sometimes, you know, I might be better at finding some things than you might be. I thought you might be better at stuff.
Wow. Show me a pair of trainers. I've never really jingle all the way across.
I mean, it's not a special toy that you can have to stand outside to get.
Right. OK, OK. But while we're at it, can I just say, if you're a grown man getting sonic trainers in Kronman size of a word, will you.
OK, I was genuinely going to get you much in one's Alwiya, but now that you've poo poo that.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, please. I'm sorry.
I'm, I'm sorry. I was just trying to be funny.
I don't really want them to kind of get his size anyway, so I just just got myself. I am not walking around with the man where the hedgehog train is.
My problem with the Sonic the hedgehog treehouses. This I've got I've got this three sort of problems. There's one. OK, you've got something, a hedgehog train which have got Swanigan which is great at work. Right. But then he said I just want Blue Train was like Sonic and the Peaden insiders says Sonic with Red Train Oddisee. Yeah. You bred trainers with a red stripe across them. OK, well blue ones.
So he's like I want blue ones like Sonic, I just want blue trainers. But annoyingly the ones I've seen, they're actually really cool.
But like yellow, blue and red, white and haven't got anywhere. All right. Go ahead, please. No, please. It's my birthday.
It's been thirty four. Correct.
Abida Barbecue. Barbecue. But it's time for questions from the public public public.
Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up is a question.
Yeah. Do you miss the daily briefings? Do I miss the daily briefings? I've actually got them all recorded. I'm going to go back and change them all. I thought you might call it. What if I could not miss the daily briefings? Good God, I don't think going to start them again. Like I said, it was just thought dystopic.
Kind of. Everyone gather around the telly and what's up? I was going to let you do today. Oh, God.
And then he stole questions from the public.
Did Prop eight that Prop eight guys, as always, if you wanna get in touch and a shot.
My dad said not too many times, but as always, we're going to get to Chuck Martino, Gmail dot com. Please continue to send us your hopes, your dreams, your wants, your walls, your questions, yet dilemmas, your office pools, you zoom pools, all of that stuff.
There's been no office pools or when they're low end, don't know. Because then when I get some office pools again, that would be nice. You never know.
I mean that's a that's a silver lining in that little cloud in it, you know. But you bastards put your office pools.
Don't send me some office pools while you're worried about your life. Absolutely.
I've got updates. Right. I've got updates from last week. Now last week. Apologies if you haven't listened to last week's yet, but please, please do.
And the lady who messaged about the guy on the train. Oh, yeah. OK, fine. The train guys find the train guy.
Now, someone has emailed in here, right? Inspired by the train guy's story last week. Recap a girl saw a guy on a train really fancied she wants to talk. That's what all that's about. He has a story along those lines.
Hi, Rosie and Chris. Hello.
I was just this last week's podcast and the story about Fall in Love with a man on a train reminded me of my own. Similar experience about two years ago, I was getting the tube in work and spotted a gorgeous man getting on at the station after mine. We briefly made eye contact and that was it. The fantasies of meeting the cute guy on the train at work and our subsequent inevitable happy and lifelong relationship began over the next few weeks and months.
I began to see more and more as I always stand in the same place on the train, and he would always get on the same doors. Over time, I noticed that he would always stand opposite me whenever the position was free, and we would occasionally glance over each other on the 25 minute journey he became known. I love this. He became known within my group of work friends as a hot tub guy. Wow.
And they would always try and persuade me to actually talk to him.
Then one fateful morning, the trains were delayed. So when what? So when one eventually did arrive, it was pretty packed.
I managed to get my usual spot in the bendy bit between two carriages. Fucking weird that stand there, but carry on.
But unfortunately, it was placed as I excuse me when I started the most dangerous part of the train, please. Yes, you can. Yes, I like the death safely.
And I started barefooted in this age of a moving train. Fucking idiot. Anyway, I managed to get my usual spot in the band a bit between the two carriages. But unfortunately, by the time we got to the next station, the only space left, the hot tube guy was next to the doors. However, as the journey went on and and other passengers disembarked, I noticed hot tube guy moving further into the train towards me.
He managed to slowly work his way along the carriage until he was stood right next to me.
And then it happened. What?
As we rounded the corner in the Farringdon station and the connectedness between the carriages Constantina together and our elbows touched shut off the electric reaction.
The electricity between us was so intense and could no longer be denied. And that is the story we are going to tell at our wedding.
Just kidding. Farringdon is my stop to get off, so no words were exchanged. So then is that it then? A couple of weeks after this, my clumsy self forgot to mind the gap and ended up with my whole leg down between the train and the platform, accompanied by some hefty bruising. And I pulled a muscle. I started getting on the earlier tube so that I could get a seat and realizing being in the office before everyone else meant that I could get more work done.
Brackett's plus having a seat is nice, so I stayed on the earlier schedule and I've never seen hot.
You see, I don't know what it is. I genuinely thought I got married. Oh no.
God, sorry. I just I was like, I'm going to have it with this for you.
It's just going to just give up on love because you like sitting down and she likes getting in the office earlier to get more work done. I mean, I kind of get it. That's a shame.
Mamadu ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Abdu Barbecue Abdullah, I got a tweet because you I taught my Chamblain last week. Yes, I got a tweet from somebody and someone has come up with social distance and pickup lines.
Oh, God. Oh, God help me. Yes, annoyingly, I do want to hear them, but I'm annoyed that it's a thing.
Yeah, no, this can help.
These are now with thing that you could use it at like ten to ten.
Hey, if covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I walk and that's a red shirt, that's annoyingly good, but it's also really shit and it's massively insensitive.
Marginson out to someone who's lost a relative to it. Well OK, fair enough of. But this one's quite good already.
Yeah. Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within six foot of Jesus.
OK. OK, that one's really good. This one's nice. Hey, since all the public libraries are closed, I'm checking you out instead. Oh, here, I like this.
This is what you're going to love this one already. You can't spell virus without you. And I.
I like him and I love this.
This is you, right? This this would be your child, Bleicher, had you been single. Do you this. Hi. So are you from across the border? Stay there. Yeah, OK.
Yeah, everybody goes, Hey, babe, can I ship you a drink if you drink?
And I enjoy them very much. Thank you. I would do Babalu Babalu back. OK.
Hey, Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. Will do. In my single sad life, I had nothing but bad experiences with dating guys. I decided to go on Grindr.
I know I can hear people brace themselves as I write that, you know, we talk about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Grindr is the gay tinder. Yes, yes. After a few hours, a message came up from a guy who didn't have a face like a chew mint in his mind. Jesus Christ is the ideal age range. So we got the chatting.
So at first I thought you were going to say it didn't have a face, but then that chewed up meant what it what an awful way to describe someone. Oh, Jesus. I imagine you're an oil painting.
Yeah, he's painting of them like that and I believe him.
Well I myself have a face like an untutored meant we probably hit it off nonstop. Chat's Grindr is a battery guzzler, so my phone stayed on charge for quite a few days with our lockdown based chats. Wow.
I didn't know that about Grindr. I don't know. Grindr was about something new every day. But I imagine with all the pictures and words and updates and noises probably. And then it's obviously constantly broadcasting where you are as well.
So, yeah, it's probably like takes it like the local map and the text all at the same time.
Yeah. And because of that one. He was well educated and funny, I felt I had to do the same. Oh, I like that, too. That's so cool to stop.
Not like can I just say now stop talking to of people because it's bullshit. I hate that. Well, it's going to get him in a lot of trouble. Oh shit. As I didn't want to let this guy go so I grafted away basically just elion left, right and center. Right. Grind it away. Grind it away. Exactly. So as the lockdown eased, we arranged to meet, he liked the idea of a walk around a nature reserve, and I agreed, thinking it was a good post lockdown way to meet someone safely.
He said he knew quite a good few places as he was very in nature and preferred it to a deer in a bar, which was still at the time, said, Oh, God, he gave me the address postal code to meet him.
And at the time it will be quiet to avoid lots of others. Oh, what are you thinking?
Oh, I either think that it's going to be a monkey dog and kind of hook up thing or he's going to get there and this fucking guy guy's going to like Bear Grylls and he's going to be in flip flops and a shirt and it's going to be like a mountain climbing.
They're going to cut their own food because he's just just said yes to everything because he fancies a.
When I arrived, I saw a few cars in the heavily wooded area and a very nice looking path towards some gardens and other green shit that looked well-kept.
Sorry I got so many questions about that sentence. A very nice looking path. Do you know what I get that, though? I don't get that at all.
You do thing right. Close your eyes and just think of a very nice looking popcorn because I don't buy what I can see one straight.
We need to to Chatsworth house. Where we went a few weeks ago, yeah, tonight I said, let's go over that again, he said a very nice looking, a somewhat green shirt there, green shit that looked well-kept.
So you want to go, hey, you want to go to matchable?
Yeah, I love green shit because the that green shit coming out of the ground fucking bullshit. All you guys found out. I texted him and he said when I was ready I should head down the path and he had found a nice area for us, but I was a tiny bit nervous I would be murdered.
But our Chad told me with confidence, just a tiny bit tiny bit nervous, but he was educated.
But these days, these dating sites, you don't know who you're going to meet, you know what I mean? And I've got a lot of gay friends who are on Grindr and they work a lot quicker than they do on any other dating site.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, kind of just want to get straight to just want to get to it and I'm surprised.
Yeah. So so he's a bit worried he was going to get murdered just a bit what he said. But our chat fills me with confidence. So I got on my car and walked down the path towards the garden.
So because obviously chat's mean everything. Yeah. To my surprise, I saw it was packed, swarming everywhere where people across this rather large playing field sized patch of grass with trees around.
As I try to find the guy I had agreed to meet, I scanned over the sea of people in groups and noticed a guy laying down on a picnic blanket, waving but with a slightly concerned face behind his reburn sunglasses. I walked over slowly and he got up to greet me as I approached. To my horror, he was completely dark.
And when I turned my head to not laugh in my natural reaction, I saw all the rest of the people around, mostly older male couples, were also pale ass naked.
Oh, my God. How would you not know in the first place? I don't know. Oh my God. How is he?
Don't know what. Everyone's got their clothes.
That guy's concerned. The guy in the picture gets all how embarrassed and he's got his clothes on.
As I bit my lip with every inch of strength I had, my date greeted me and soon asked me why I had not got myself ready before.
I won't, daddy.
How it was then he said he was a naturist and me in my stupid blind love state had gone. Oh, yes, I love a bit of that sometimes thinking he was talking about trees and butterflies.
Green shit, shit. That's amazing. So. Oh my God, that's fantastic.
He's mistakenly thought that. Wow, gentleman. The gentleman I told him earlier on that he's a naturist and he thought that he just likes me.
Wow. Stops in gentlemen. Blowing up this man naked in public. Not gentlemen.
I kind of why do I say naturists as little as middle class? I think it is quite it's not a working class thing. Well, I think I don't know.
I don't think the working classes need an organization to be naked in public.
I think if you want to get naked, if it's over 90 degrees, you'll find the working classes without walking around the country will not find a place to do it.
I know, but nature, I think, is it is a middle class, middle class thing. Oh, my God. So what did he do? Was there anything else that.
So I outright confessed to not being into not being a nudist and laughed as I walk by Michael hastily to add insult to injury, he said, Nice to meet you. And I quickly shot back. Thanks, nice penis. And then we I immediately.
Oh, and that's so nice.
Penis and left. Wow. Wow. That's it. I often think. How much actual naturism do British naturists get do. What do you mean. You got be committed to be an interest in Britain. Whether the weather where you get.
Come on man. Norway. Would you ever do it. No, no, no not Molyneux's. Is this are you trying to. I don't want to do this.
No, I don't know how to do it. I would give it a shot. Why. What what I don't understand what the point is.
What's the point to know what's the point in it. What's the end game standard before you go. We're all naked way. It's like a fancy dress. It hasn't really got anything to do with sexy that.
So I am I just like fancy dress like fancy dress is good for them.
First five seconds where you all turn but wherever you meet and then you will see what you want. You will last year but then later on the rest of the night you just walk around looking and also Chip. Yeah.
You do look like it also. Yeah.
I don't see what the end game is. I don't understand it. I mean just standing there you naked. I'm naked as well as great and it's not really an all over town.
You might I just nailed it that all of the time might be no time lines.
I'm alright for ever seeing someone putting some cream on their bollocks though.
I'm forever saying that ever in my life, I do not I don't mean I don't like what puts on and on on.
I find it weird, you know, look, you know, a stranger's eyes when they're putting some ice cream on no weird zui around the pool and the like. I don't find it, as I call it, sun and cream as well as some cream on white collar cream we have.
Is that what you call it? Yeah. Yeah. I've never noticed that sometimes that's awful. Just an extra word in it.
That doesn't stop that straight away. Yeah.
You know, just when so much law than the self-help that just like robbing their own like markets and looking at you never know what is this watch.
Find it strange. I find it uncomfortable. Never ever noticed an increase on myself or, you know, money. I don't know how it's possible because I mean, how's it going?
I hate couples. I hate saying we watch the below deck last night was just started on Netflix and one of the women was putting the blokes and cream on his face, his face. And I just thought, oh, that's not a place he can't reach. I know it is. Yeah, but there is people who do that when they do it for each other.
And you think, why not do that yourself? Incapable piece of shit.
But he was just an all black guy. Yeah, he was awful. We could do a full episode well after first child below deck but we ain't got the term Robidoux.
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Less of a question. This was more of a story. OK, story. Always great, always great to hear.
Rosie and Chris, I wanted to share this story with you as I thought it would amuse you. I belong to a rather nice sports club and last summer I wanted to go for a quick swim to cool off as it was a boiling hot day. I'd love to be a member of a sports club.
Yeah, and I would say I'm a member. I wouldn't say I belong to a sports club.
So I would say I'd say, oh yes, I belong to this sport. That's that's actually a little one of my dreams. A little one of your dreams. So, you know, when when you watch these films from back in the day or whatever. Yeah. And they're all part of like a rocket club. But the sports club, I quite like that. Yeah.
And we've got the leisure centre. We Yeah. We don't have any us we've got our council run leisure centre. Yeah.
It's not the same as not the same. I know what you mean.
The country club. The country club.
I'm picturing in the mind's eye like an old, like a Michael Douglas film like a 90s Michael Douglas film with. Yeah.
I mean I hate everybody. They Yeah. They will get me.
Yes but but it would be nice to be part of something and this is what she's a part of. Great.
So just probably just show off because it's a nice little funny story. I went into the communal changing room and put my things in a locker and went for a swim. I got out, had a shower and started getting dressed. I grabbed my very standard black M.A. Nikkei's from the bench and put them on. Oh, Jesus. Once I had done this, a woman appears with her small son and starts asking people in the change room, Have you seen knickers?
Oh, God. At that very moment I opened my locker and look in to see all my clothes, including my knickers. That's the worst.
I have a mild panic.
When it dawned on me that I am actually wearing that lady's knickers, I was also a bit grossed out as I realised I had someone else's knickers on.
Yeah, I very hurriedly got dressed.
Meanwhile, she is still muttering to herself about her knickers and I just felt I couldn't lift up my dress and say, I've got the mop up.
It's oh you mean she's one embarrassed and determined not to own up to this. I ran to the loo and hid those knickers very carefully behind the you bend. Yeah. A I then very hurriedly left the changing room and left the poor woman Nicolelis. Oh my God.
This is the true story of my friends have dined out at it many times.
That's terrible. What would you have done.
Yeah. Kept them on. Yeah.
Put money in my bag and said no I wouldn't want to be on the up and that's fucked up weirdness.
I know that is a bit. Well did you just want them off. You could have put them in the bin. You could have, should have.
Could have put them in her bag at a very I would have looked at the person who had lost the neck as well. Yeah. You've got to judge another judge it by the person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know how to give them back.
I would have know how to give them back out to any of these.
Yo I would added yes. You know I'd literally been like all these yours and then I left it in her car. I went, I went, look, you can have them back or you can just call because then she's got to go.
Oh no, I don't want them on that. You've had them all and you're like, well, you've got the money. I've got the money for the slug. Well, you see, you're funny. And I said the my funny how whether you like them horrible, I think you did the right things hide in them was strange.
But I do understand that you probably wanted to take off, you want to drive home and someone else's knickers. So I imagine you want to take them off, hide them in the Obamas. We just put them in the bin.
But what if that ladies got to go some way and she's going to have no legs? They come on to our lines, I. Well, you think I'm leaving just your knickers on a bench? What did you do? You came in with nothing on and I soon probably probably needed the toilet before possibly toddlers probably needed such go.
Yeah, well, Hartline was everywhere they were going, OK, I had to give them back. And then, like you say, she looked at me and went, well, this is disgusting. How dare you? Then I got kicked out of the club, let me dream sort of, you know, not being mean back.
Why were you banned from the club.
A theft and some nick as big as a comedian.
I know a story on Facebook, A that reminded us this was in a taxi going somewhere. Yeah, the guy's name is George Zuks, comedian. He's a Greek comic, but he lives in the Northeast. OK, I think he still lives in North. You haven't seen for a while. And yet he got out of taxi, right? Gave the taxi driver is his money and was going into the place where he was going. And as he got a taxi, he looked down and he dropped his metal mask.
You know, his mask, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sort of disposable look on the floor. And he sort of got it on, went into the establishment. He was going in, sat down at his table, took his mask off, went to put it in his pocket and his mask was in his pocket. So what do you put on someone else's massage found on the floor outside the taxi? Oh, on the floor.
Oh, my. The worst is that the absolute worst is so grim, I need to wash my masks actually every time I get my mask on my my handbag, yeah, it's filthy and filthy.
But yesterday I got I was laughing with my mom because I got out of my bag and I had some crackers in my bag because I had to take crackers with this after I'd been for a swim. I feel faint.
And basically I put my mask on and it was just full of cracker crumbs and I was like woozy.
That's not a mask, not a nosebleed. But you give horses and dinner and you've invented the human nose. But yeah.
What about Amelia? Do you reckon there's people out there hugging biscuits in that in the mask and then just it's not going on them. You never know.
I did see good video of somebody had two masks on, so they had one over the nose and one over the chin. Yeah. And they were like opening their mouth and eating. Yeah.
Very good to see my good. Yeah. Yeah.
Absolutely not what you should do really because it makes the mask quite pointless.
But it was funny for the sake of comedy I enjoyed it.
I would do Babalu Babalu.
But Rosie and Chris. Hello. I've been listening your podcast since the beginning and I've finally got round to typing out the story after hearing other weird first date stories. It's a bit long, but bear with it. It's worth it.
I can confirm that it's worth it because I did enjoy the story very much, OK. I met this guy on a dating site a few years ago. Braggarts. I'm in a happy long term relationship now, thank God, because I nearly gave up on dating after this one. Sounds duty towards the U.S. We message back and forth a few times, and it seemed he was really into comic books and superheroes cetera, which was fine.
We all love a bit of Marvel, and I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to that.
You'd get along well with him. I would know.
Oh, he asked me out to his hometown, Kingston upon Thames, which, if you don't know, isn't exactly somewhere you ask girls to go on a first date. Now, no offense to Kingston, Pontmercy. I don't know anything about that.
And it was a really good comical vehicle outside the box, but I've never actually played it or been there.
Why would you not ask a girl to go to Kingston? I've got literally no idea what's wrong with it. I don't know.
I've got no idea. So anyone listening don't get offended? We don't know. Plus, it's a good hour journey from my home. All right. Let's meet somewhere more metropolitan and closer, possibly London or something. OK, I agree, though, after some persuading, as he said, he'd show me the sights. Not sure what sights there are in Kingston Bontemps, but there you go. All right. Lovely.
If you can leave Kingston upon time to go. Sounds absolutely delightful. The life upon Thames sounds posh as anything.
Well, anything, I think with the pond Thames on it sounds quite nice.
Just sold by southern stuff like that on art.
Always Henley on Thames. Yeah, it's really nice. You've said never been myself, but you always say it's quite nice.
I literally get you a tin of biscuits and if it had something upon temperate written on the front you'd be like, oh these are lovely.
Yeah. Be like these have been made in a nice place upon some terms upon the Thames when we will message.
And he asked me who my favorite superhero was and I said Superman, braggarts. I was younger and I hadn't discovered Thor yet. Fair enough. Oh I get that. We met at the train station.
Brackett's he came with not one but two boxes of chocolates for me. We said, What do you say we order? Would you?
Because I mean, I'd be absolutely buzzing.
And he looked quite smart in trousers, a shirt, tie and glasses, brackets, which it turned out he didn't need. First thing he said was that he'd come in costume, he pulled open a shirt and had a Superman T-shirt underneath and said he'd come as Clark Kent vom.
They'll go right. Goodbye. It's been lovely meeting you. And this is for later on in relationship when we've already fallen in love. And I discover that you are a nine year old boy. But for now, I'd like to go out with a man, please. Not a man in cosplay yet.
No. So that was what you would say? That's what I would say. Would you leave?
Oh. I mean, you're talking to a girl who stayed on a date with the guy who did porn. Right. So, no, you wouldn't. I probably stay. I'd say, you know, I mean, I'd probably kiss him. You're sending the chocolates, eat the chocolate. I play along. I go, where do you get your glasses from?
Obviously not your warm. Are you warm with that T-shirt on the issue?
And they do all quick. If I go past that phone box, you want to lose you. Not that I want.
Right. Well, I think she was the same. I wasn't exactly enthralled, but thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Some girls might have thought this was cute or funny after all.
And again, some people are so nice. He said he was going to take me to his favorite bar.
So we started walking and ended up in front of the indoor shopping center. We walked inside and I was already dubious. Whose favorite ball to impress a girl is in a shopping center. We ended up walk into the audience cinema bar, which thank God was shot. I'm not sitting in an empty, dingy cinema ball with someone I've only just met.
He was very disappointed and apparently didn't have a plan B, maybe do your research for a first date met questionmark. Anyway, it was a warm, sunny day in June and I'd seen a pool by the river on my way there. So I suggested we go outside and have a drink there. So he took out the ball in the cinema. Yes, the audience in Amable on a sunny day. And was it an old audience cinema or was it.
So it sounds like that's everything OK, because I thought maybe it was sitting on popcorn. I mean, I do like popcorn, but I could think of nicer popes to go to.
When we got there, he went to the ball and asked me what I wanted. I said a Pimm's, and he came back with a pint of TPIMs for me wanting to get me drunk.
Watch, questionmark and tap water for himself. Oh, I abort, abort, abort.
Been there, done that. Don't do it. Don't. I jokingly commented on the top water brackets.
No judgment at all, but I probably couldn't be with someone who didn't drink at all.
Close brackets. See that. But that's where I'm a bit confused. He's got tap water and he bought her a pint of PIMS.
I imagine he doesn't understand he's taken the lead yet with drink. He doesn't understand alcohol. So he's just if he doesn't drink, I mean, I'm actually Suparman.
Well, is this what it's going to be?
So she don't that she's joked about the alcohol. He went on to say he didn't put anything bad in his body, no alcohol, bad food or anything as he needed to be the best he could be for his training.
OK, yes. Go on, go. He said he said he gets up at six thirty erm every day, goes for a run and does weights etc..
It wasn't that similar to my lifestyle, but fine. Whatever thoughts he bought. Then he asked if he could take me on a walk and find a place to have a snog brackets. Why would you ask.
Just do it. We walk past an alleyway when he exclaimed.
I've taken girls down there for a cheeky kiss. It's nice and private.
I felt a bit freaked out at this point and probably should have left. But we walked a couple of minutes to a park and as soon as we sat down on the bench, he leaned in.
Awful kiss, one of the worst I've ever had.
It does not pull any punches here. Like, why did you kiss? I pulled away and suggested we chat for a bit instead. So I asked what he wanted to do. He said he was happy working in a pub as it give him time to work out and concentrate on his training, he said.
He said he needed to be the best he could be if he wanted to save the world one person at a time.
I laughed as he was obviously joking and jokingly asked if he was serious. He said, Why else would he do so much training? It's to fight off the bad guys when he goes on his nightly patrols.
I laughed again and said he was being yes, but I laughed again and said he was being dangerous and stupid if he was being serious. He said, Oh don't worry, it's OK. My costume protects me. I was sorry, but my first reaction, if I was an idiot, was someone who one was dressed as Superman underneath these clothes and had fake glasses on and drug water. My my reaction to him seeing these nightly patrols would not be that dangerous.
It would be. What the fuck are you talking about? No, apparently he has a bulletproof vest, Kevlar gloves and a lacrosse stick that he takes out with him every night to fight bad guys over him. He said he's come in. Some situations where he saved lives, has stopped a girl from getting attacked and stopped some drug dealers in a playground in Brixton, allegedly. Wow. The best thing about this is that he even has a superhero name for himself in which his mom has someone on a T-shirt for him.
He calls himself Justice. Mr. Just just just is that one not taken at all, just just just like Cher, Osiel just thinks of himself as the Kingston Batman.
Apparently, Batman is this absolute hero.
He models his whole life around him and even gets his best friend to pretend to be Alfred and fro and even get his best friend to pretend to be Alfred and throw apples at him whilst he tries to cut them in half with a knife.
Like fruit, like fruit ninja on your phone.
Well, I literally couldn't stop laughing for a good few minutes, but when I finally caught my breath, I could see he looked very offended. He was deadly serious. So we stopped talking and sat in silence for a bit. I couldn't take it anymore, so I said I had to go.
He insisted on walking me back to the train station and the last thing he said to me was, I think it goes without saying, but obviously don't tell anyone about my secret identity.
Oh, oh, now I feel bad that we've mentioned down here.
Is it weird that I'm actually worried that we're laughing that much because I feel like you might come and get wet, but I feel I do feel I feel a bit better, bad, a bit scared. What if he comes to justice?
To be fair with Brit, any laws while Britain know what guys. Very good. Yeah. And you can't have an ego if you're a superhero.
Right. You know, Jonah Jameson doesn't agree with Spiderman. He's always slagging him off. But Spider-Man, you've got even because John is not break any rules, I'm.
Why are you going dressed as Superman? If he likes Batman better, you won't just assume I'm just for her thing. For a joke for the day. Right. What did the two boxes of chocolate have anything to do with. No idea. Right. OK.
I think you know big with Tom Hanks. Yes. I think he might actually be a child who's just turned into an adult for the day and he's gone on a date and has no idea what to do. Do you think he took a two boxes of chocolate because his friend said girls like chocolate molasses to get a job. He's put a Sumantra on it and he threw a laugh. And then he's gone to the cinema bar because the only place he's ever been and he doesn't know how much TPIMs.
Dominic Oh, my gosh, he is big. I think he's big.
I think he's the kid from big. Wow. So you have to say I did not message him back when he text me on the train home. I haven't spoke to him since. I wondered if I'd been pranked or I was on one of those TV shows where people play practical jokes or even if he had a bet with his mates, because I just couldn't believe that he was serious. However, his name came up at my Facebook, suggested friends a while later brackets.
I probably should have deleted his number from my phone. I'm guessing that's why I came up on his Facebook profile pic is him at his wedding and then just bought Brocket questionmark exclamation mark question about estimates, more close brackets so she believes be married.
At his wedding, ripping open his wedding shirt to reveal a Batman t shirt. There are no words I had a lucky escape from.
I was going to say I hate that awful accident on Pinterest where all the blokes have the take the the like the hero T-shirt underneath it.
It's the rawness. You know, I bet he's met someone who's really into all that.
Well, I hope he has. He said I'm glad he's married and he's happy, but fuck me. Wow. Justice is it.
I know a little bit jealous a little bit because I don't have anything I'm not passionate about. Yeah.
I mean yeah.
No I mean I love a fucking hobby is a hell of a hobby. He thinks he's a superhero. Wow. Think good to be honest. Does he save people as well. We watch a lot of these kind of programs. You never know. You never know. I've seen kick ass. Yeah. Yeah. And look at what happened. I mean, I didn't think we'd be in a pandemic, but we are.
So maybe just this is real. Nabis, just just listen. We're sorry.
I just was just trying to backtrack here because we're really scared. So sorry.
The cost I mean, what is it, lacrosse. Lacrosse. That's a yeah, that's pretty intense. You Google lacrosse, take a hockey stick, but with a little net on the end.
What. Yeah, I mean, justice is not messing around. Across. I got my husband. Oh, good God, man was sorry. I said, listen, was oh God, at least not smart.
I might tell a story. I'm not having this of a double. A double, double duty. Thank you.
Once again, the listener this week, Shagbark Annoyed, which is now part of the industry, the network. Guys, thank you so much. Honestly, I know. Wouldn't we all just do love that you enjoyed so much in the lovely messages you enjoy? You know, it's a massive shit show. The minute we all know it is. Bob Hope is help you because you genuinely do help. So please keep going and talk about it all the time.
You'll continue to like rate and subscribe and all of that stuff. And we'll see you again next week. Love you. Thanks, everyone. Have a good week. You do do do do do do do do do do do. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Our tree business, we know that your business sometimes needs to be run outside from home or on the road. Today, we are providing 5G in every county in Ireland.
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