Transcribe your podcast

Hello, you're listening to Shackman, annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsay and my Chris and Chris Ramsay and my Chris and my colleague, my Chris.


You sound like me, brother.


I'm worried about your brother. I don't feel like it sometimes now. Hello and welcome to the intro of the short episode 89.


Rosie Allgood finished one of slackers off anymore.


No, no, no, no. Good. Can we just plug up that?


Just before we started you literally had to sit and go right. What do we do when. One week there's a part of me as well. I don't know. I don't really know how we started every single time.


But listen, it's been a busy week. We've got a croc on. We're going to look at a sponsor as always, you know. You know, money doesn't sleep.


Rosie, when he doesn't sleep, apparently grows on trees as well. Does I think is that the croc?


People think it does. Really? Yeah. Which people? I'm not going to name them on the podcast because I think there'll be a bit embarrassed. Right.


But a lot of people, whilst this is all been going on, have said can the government not just make more money?


And I've said, no, didn't can't didn't someone's didn't it was it was it was it one of mine or one of yours? Didn't they say, come on, not just principle? Yes.


It was one of my relatives. You know, the more I think about it, the more I feel like it makes sense. Just go into the computer where all the money is.


He was on oh, very nice money, money, money.


They never do that in films anymore. I remember all of our childhood films.


They used to be a scene of just printing money. Yeah, it would be on the machines. Never do that and even print the money. Then the money would go into a briefcase.


The briefcase would be handcuffed to a man in a suit and he would be bought in quite yet. And he would be when he's playing on a when he is playing never happens anymore. Yeah. And some more old school.


Do you want to check that baggage in the Lords and the whole certainly go, oh no, no, no, this stays with me.


That's good. That's got the printed money and all the diamonds got one thousand dollars and inflation's changed.


Yeah. Some of the movies now it's got one hundred thousand dollars handcuffed to his wrist really to his wrists. The arm chopped off for that.


And just quickly because we never spoke about this before and I know it's the rule, but I always say to you whenever we watch films. Right. Yeah. And the people who protect certain people are just always ready to die.


Oh, and I never understand why. And we've never spoke about this, but this is such a huge issue in my life. Whenever I'm like, why are you dying for that person to just come on, fight to the death?


Right. OK, so let's let people in now because you've jumped ahead now to explain what you're on the about.


Sorry, basically, if in Brazil watching a movie and see someone like, say, just like the chief body is against the chief body and then the body, you sometimes like die or like the body, your body over, and then all of the henchmen just like that won't stop watching all the mates die. And they're like no other like going for it. And you're right, it's like fucking I let the health plan and pension from this employer must be off the chart.


I just always think, just don't do it. You've got to you might have a wife and family at home. Turn around, go home.


The devil we care about, Austin Powers wanted that henchman thing. That was so awesome. My husband did a thing amazing where the kind of like it was like no one thinks about the henchmen and it went back and just did like it, interviewed like the guy's family. And everything's fucking brilliant. Austin Powers up.


But no, but what you're saying is totally right. They keep fighting for it. It's like they must be on like what?


Like performance based, like, you know, like sell more. You got more money, I think. Knock-Out, this is ridiculous.


Anyway, now, without further ado, listen, I got a sponsor I haven't got this week's lucrative lucrative sponsor is. Yes. Topical as well. Is Groff's on the News.


Oh hey, you're in a stand. Anything that's going on, wait for it. He has a photograph to prove you wrong.


Graphs, maps by color chart. There you go. Graphs on the news, please.


Please. Can we just have a pie chart. Next slide. Next slide, please. Next slide, please. Next slide.


It's when the goal, as you can see, you're going don't start that sentence with, as you can see, because no one knows what the actual fuck you're doing. I've got a theory that the common and humourous with graphs so much right. So that then when Boris finally tells her that we can't see, well, maths or whatever.


Yeah, well, don't even care. Yeah. Well I just tell what you can't do. We don't care as long as the graphs of stop.


Yeah. Please stop the fucking graphs. Oh my God.


Graphs on the news. But the news is boring. Then again just got worse.


Many people saying it as well. Don't help to the graphs on the news moon pie chart percentages.


I understand them. It's the number of graphs.


It's the colors, graphs of nature, sadness.


But is the jingle jangle. We had a fight about the jingle jingle. We could sing along to jingle jingle gong. So this is the jingle jingle. We hope you like the jingle jingle mamadou ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shagged Marriage Annoyed, we're so happy to have you back. We are indeed. Do you should we start with the song?


I would always say no, but because you're a miserable bastard. Just not my. We've talked about this before. It's not how I get in the mood for stuff. I like to be quite silent and get my head in the game and you like, you know, put on the fucking Hamilton soundtrack and scream as loud as you can. Well, I wrote a song.


Oh, you brought us up. Well, well, look, I'm always up for someone right in the room, so.


OK, so basically we had a meeting about the merch yesterday and the people were like, have you mentioned in the podcast now? Oh, yeah. We did mention it on the podcast right at the end when people possibly turn it off. Yeah.


So the whole day I think they listen to every single bit. I think they even listen to the bit where it was quiet and the jingle sort of fades out. Oh definitely going to sit with no anyway.


So I thought let's do it at the beginning and to engage. Right. Yeah, I've done a song about it.


So this is like the merch ad you've you've written a jingle for the merch.


I don't you're making it sound more exciting than it is. No, I just write music, you know. Twenty, twenty. Anything. OK, well are you ready. Yeah I hope you like it. OK, ok, here we go.


Kind of. Why would you say, like your own little makes the search, yes, practice, you're going to be on mix, so you're going to now go out and do this in front of a unit as well.


You're holding your laptop up like a little thing. OK, OK, please welcome to the stage.


Makes the search performance a little mix to go on tour with little Mxit. It's Rosie Ramsey with her CMOC Mirch jingle. Take it away everybody.


OK, thank you, ladies and gentlemen, is when you all can sing with us.


With the mass merging in and the smiles go marching in.


Oh when the smiles go Murchie Oh when smiles go magennis I want to grab a wine glass Havering Anicka Bensoussan Oh when my eyes go back in and I made to go Really. Oh when when it's nice go marching in. Oh when it's nice going Magin And don't forget about the dads. Get me a tea towel, a phone case and an apron. Well this splashes when my marriage ended. Oh Louisiana. Oh not the Saints. Come on, come on dude.


Here we go.


You know, get that play. Well, well, well Rosey. Thank you very well.


Joe Shadmi Shamari Adenoid Mirch is currently available at pragma adenoid.


OK, dot com something website goulette. Sorry, just as you performed. Just go to get the scores from ok.


Gorgeous. Gorgeous is currently she's sexy. She's been sick on the floor.


She's Oh and Perry left. OK, so Jesse's on the phone. Sorry. It's zeros across the board. Right. You're not supporting them on tour with that song. I'm so sorry. Right.


OK, how about I support the act that wins on the next two. That's a whole new show.


We'll have to speak the BBC. Oh, all right. Thank you. So glad to be a part of it when the smiles go marching in. Yeah. You know what?


I'll get you that. Thank you. Very well done, Abdu. Ba ba ba ba ba. So what's been going on.


Well, well I mean do you want to know.


You know, I'll tell you what I tell you. I tell you there's someone in this room now Rosie, as we record this, who feels absolutely foolish for calling themselves Mr. Saturday Night last week.


Oh yeah. Oh yeah. It was beyond foolish. Thank you.


To everyone who got in touch is literally a second national lockdown is getting announced, which is just a huge thing for everyone.


The repercussions are massive.


And all I got on Twitter was people just going, Boris has been listening. I heard you calling some society.


And I was like, oh, bless Plato, everyone like.


But as I said, I'm now Mr next week, Mr Friday on Saturday night. So Mr Weekend just a week ahead.


Yeah. A little mixed search got axed last week in favour of pulled from the schedule didn't galaxies.


Oh no sorry. Pulled from.


I don't know the, I don't know the lingo, the TV lingo. All right. Sorry.


Yeah it's got pulled from this scheduling and Boris was on instead to two hours late waffling on so.


Oh and the Britain what do we call ourselves. Wow. No, no, no.


Because I put on Instagram United Kingdom, it's already was like it's not the it's not. Oh someone's.


Yeah. Will's is already in a lockdown. Whatever. Yeah. So England I'm just going to say England. England we are on a lockdown again. No second lockdown. Yep.


She's locked down to the sequel. It's not worth by and now I wouldn't recommend it to the first.


I do not look forward to good.


Yeah. The the not anticipate the Norway anticipated last fall sequel.


Goodness me. But yeah. Rosy I am I've got a little surprise for you actually because I had obviously Mr. Sadie and Boris Rungis straight after the thing and said, look, I'm so sorry I never missed a Saturday night. I'm so sorry to put you out on Fridays. That's all on actually on Friday night, the semifinal of church on Friday and the finals on Saturday night this week, as you listen to the podcast of the day, it comes out.


But anyway, you apologised as he did. You know, we'll talk about rugby.


And then he said to me, do I want to give this country an opportunity to get out of the lockdown? Right. I obviously I attacked that with both hands. I said, yes, I do. So what he did was he sent me a quiz. Right, right. Lockdown the sequel quiz. Right. The rules that are honestly the rules he set out 2020 doesn't surprise me any more.


The rules that Boris and the memo that fellows.


You know, there is two velociraptors pinging in the brain, you know, dangerous, like Paul Kelly, the one raptor comes from the front, the other two Raptors at the side, you didn't even know they were there. That's them to so many little velociraptors.


They have given me a 10 question quiz for you, for specifically for you called Lock Down the sequel. Listen to now, Rosie.


They're in the room. They're listening now, but they were locked down.


So that's what it's worth to do the same as the guys currently do in my bathroom. By the way, it goes. If you hear any noises, I'll do my bathroom. Just wish my mom and dad were bathroom for us. I could see them anyway. They have given me a quiz right from the government.


OK, 10 questions. Basically, the way the quiz works is lockdown.


Two is the name of the the the movie. Right. And then the tagline of the movie.


Right. Yeah. Would is is basically you've got a guess.


I'll say the movie name is fucking so convoluted.


What I'm doing is I'm trying to think of an example that I haven't written down here, which is really annoying.


OK, so see Jurassic Park Lost World, right? So it's Jurassic Park to the Lost World.


So Fosset, you look down to the last lock down, you would go, oh, I think that's Jurassic Park to the Lost World, right? So you've got ten of them. You've got ten movie names that have been changed in a lockdown. They're in lockdown words, lockdown phrases. You've got to get all ten. Right, OK. And the country is out of lockdown. Oh, Christmas I safe. But more importantly, Bonfire Night is right.


This is a lot of pressure to be put in this.


And I, you know, in times of struggle and hardship, you know, your normal person has to step up. You know, Mrs Tuesday morning, you have come here.


You have to stay here. Tuesday morning is a very important day, some people's week. OK, so you do the same.


Tired it is. You have to get a hundred percent. Right. But if you do get one or two wrong, I'm going to be honest with you right now. There is an eleventh bonus question. I could turn the whole thing around. Right. Why not just ask that one straight away?


Because it's not good content, right? Obviously, it's haphazard. It's just been rushed together. The lads pushed it through. Boris delivered it himself, which I thought was great.


That's nice of him. Here we call question one. OK, what movie is this? What movie. Sequel. Right.


OK, they're all sequels. Yes, because the lockdown is over. OK, they're not all twos though. They're all the second sequels.


Some of them all carry on, ok. Question one, play along, listener, play along, lock down to lock down with a vengeance.


Oh. I can't give you clues, right, come on then, is it or is it what is this? Bruce Willis. Right.


Avenger or no, die hard, die, die, die hard with a vengeance in the first one. Come on, guys, this is going to blow. This is going to be a good bonfire. Now your arm is shoulder to shoulder lot.


Next question.


Yes, lock down to the lockdown strikes back at the Empire Strikes Back Doors.


That the hell. Come on. Question three. Yes. Lockdown two.


Yeah. Lockdown and lockdown. Baugus Jurnee. Oh, oh. Bill and Ted had adventures, so little Ted's bogus journey to number three. OK, OK, I get these are right. It's three, right. You're doing very well.


Thank you. OK, number four. Yeah. Lockdown to return to lockdown, is it returned to Oslo, was it was a lot better than I thought you would really like films.


Wow. OK, come on. OK. Question five, yes, lock down to lock down family values. Parent trap. Oh, no, no, I want to go again. What what what what was it like down to the lockdown's family values?


ADAMS The Addams Family Values. Is it right?


Can I have this correct? You can have that. I will accept. Thank you. I will accept that. I will accept.


OK, question number and joy in this case. Question number six lockdown.


I hope you enjoyed playing away at home is wherever you are as well. Question number six, lockdown to the lockdown ultimatum.


No. This sounds spurious. There's people screaming the lockdown ultimatum. Ultimatum. Is it a marvel we watched them recently. I don't watch them, although I think was kind of tapped out weirdly on the third set, the third one. Oh no. Of films. Yeah. Ultimatum. Ah Chris I'll give you a clue. What? That little baby inside your stomach. Soon it's going to be.


Here, The Bone, Bourne Identity, Matthew Bourne, you go the board, what Matt Damon does normally is a just so everyone knows that he's in the movie, insists he always keeps his first name.


Hey, Matt, thanks for coming. The script reading. So we're so glad to have you on board. So your character's Jason Bourne. Sorry, sorry, sorry. My current as well. Your character's Jason Bourne. Did you not read my contract?


All of my all of my characters are called Matthew I Jason from The Bourne Ultimatum.


OK, I'll give you a good film then I'll give you that. OK.


OK, number seven. Question number seven. Oh OK. Are nearly there. Number seven.


Lockdown to the lockdown as downunder.


Oh the. Down under the them, too easy. Don't worry. Yeah, see you. We rescue aid society at the rescuers down, rescuers down under better than the first ones.


Passionate, absolutely smashing. Oh, come on. Can I can smell the Catherine wheel from here.


The Catherine wheels.


Everyone write the name in sport. Come on. We got this. We got a question about it.


Yeah, I hope you're enjoying playing clean, but I probably probably turned off the public at this lock down, too. Yeah. The wind, a lockdown. Winter's Tale and no, the winner is people screaming.


It's a marvel, it's all I've got. Captain America.


Yes, Captain America witnessed is that when I still book The Winter Soldier, still, she's with us to Captain America, to A Winter's Tale like American History.


Open that.


I would watch that you probably would if he had his eyes.


I was going to say, when he stretches out to put the star on, you'll really see that one, right?


OK, yes, I know.


This is Quested nine and then turn right and the clues stop now. Right. OK, stop now. OK, it's written here.


And so about halfway through, you know how he likes to sort of say, oh, you know, the regional system, well, not locked out of teams changes his mind. He has to stop now.


OK, ok. OK, question nine. Yeah. Lockdown to Lockdown's. Lockdown's.


I mean, seeing it again doesn't help Lockdown's ZocDoc down to so in lockdown if the first film was called Lockdown, the second one isn't called lockdown to which just called lockdowns is a lockdown and lockdowns, jaws at all.


I really don't know if it was aliens. The sequel to Alien, OK, the sequel to Alien as Aliens. So you've got to.


Yes. Scheidt very clever thing to find Holdway Alien and walk down the street now.


Holthouse wrote Ridley Scott's Mars House and I'll tell you, I'll tell you slogging them off from here is what it's called me. The road never mentions it really. And he doesn't live down the road anymore.


I think his parents, siblings, parents, I mean, they might not live here anymore, but I think it really is a lot older anyway.


Look, it doesn't matter. Ridley Scott aside, you've got eight out of nine, right?


This next question, you can get it right or not. You still have to go to the bonus round to try and save lockdown, OK? And see if it's save Christmas and more importantly, Bonfire.


I would really, Chris, honestly, the way that this year is going, I would really like to save Bonfire Night.


Wow. Wow.


Honestly, guys, do you see what 20/20 and Rosie Ramsay and I put a pumpkin outside this house, and I don't like Halloween at all.


I turn off the lights and Halloween. I put a pumpkin outside.


Actually, the squirrels. It's getting Mangin. OK, question about ten.


Yeah. Which is where Boris lives. Yes. Lockdown. Lockdown to Infinity Lockdown and Avengers Infinity War.


Congratulations. That's nine out of ten. Yeah.


OK, that's very, very good. OK, time for the Super Bowl. Winners get 100 percent and lock down and save Christmas. But more importantly, bonfire night.


Yeah, question. So if I get this right, I've won everyone this right. You've won everything. OK, it's possibly the hardest question on any quiz ever.


Would I get an NBA knighthood knighthood? They're going to change it so that women can get a knighthood just for this. Can women look at night? I don't think so. I think they get a thing that's similar.


But for this, they're going to change it. Typically, they're going to change it. Right.


So it's so good to change your left shoulder, your right shoulder. They're going to put that sword all over you.


Yeah, like lip balm like that. Sanitising you with a sword like Zorro. Question eleven. Yeah. Super bonus. Name the film. Oh, shit, I forgot I had to do anything. OK, lock down two. Yeah. That's a joke, and it's just that the hardest question in the history, of course, is lockdown to I think I know what it is. Come on, then, but I probably don't.


OK, if you get it, this will be literally ridiculous. Right. OK. OK. Is it home alone, too? It's not. Oh, shit, the bad guys guys emails to shock minority com hate mail for Rosie. She could have saved lockdown. She didn't say lockdown. Shocking. So shocking.


It was problem child to all how we know. I love that film. Should have got it.


Come on TV. Wouldn't that be hard to leave?


You didn't get that, Chris.


You even see you've seen that you could have changed that nobody would've known. Honestly, you prick. Sorry, everyone. Nice try.


Everyone get back in the house, as Rosie's brother suggested when he came to pick up an open enjoy a lock down. So, you know, mom really did a double, double, double. It's time for what you base your beef, beef.


But beef, what is your what's your BWP current stand up this week?


No new ones. Can't be all can't be asked. Ask an argument you took too long with that game anyway.


I think you find you took too long failing to see the country. So yeah. Well done. What you beef.


Oh my beef with you this week is at the minute.


Obviously we're both working from home. Robin is at school. You've been getting OK with Robin, which is lovely.


Thank you very much. We appreciate it. I've been going upstairs, getting ready. We're very lucky that we're not and we don't have the family set up of having a but with Roshen, get ready for work like I remember my mom and dad did and blah blah.


Could you if you are not taking Robin to school and I'm taking them to school, could you just have it ready?


Could you have them ready? And I do. I don't mean he's got his clothes on. I mean, could you have him with his clothes on, with these shoes on, with these glasses on, with his head on, with these bottle filled of water with his backpack possibly caught on just one go. Here we go.


Because when you take them to school, what is he what is he at half past eight. Right. He stood at the door. Ready, Chris? OK, fully.


Not every time. Oh, he is.


Sometimes I leave in bed and I do it all myself, but got once or twice. Seriously. Oh yeah. It just happens sometimes. It's just awkward.


On a morning like you don't want to hear about is when he moves around. All squirms about.


No, yesterday morning. Yesterday morning he wasn't ready. You were stood there. Nowhere to go. Absolutely nowhere to go. Stood there with the towel round. You looking in the mirror brushing your teeth.


Do you hair like what he called Kevin McCallister on all lawn and Robin was just not ready at all? No.


We're going to be late. Didn't want to put the aftershave on. I did scream. Just get ready, love. Go. Sorry.


Goodness me. Okay. Be ready tomorrow. Like fully ready. Like hair done. Teeth brushed actually at the door. I'm not here.


I'm doing it. I'm sorry. So you're fine.


Oh I know you'll be ready and I'll be ready and it'll be fine. So I just want you to know what you're saying is about when you do, you're all here.


Shut up. Right. What you got, you might be with you this week is so this is a kind of follow on from I think I've taught in the past about how you're a nightmare. Train stations and airports, if you like me for something, it's been hell on Earth, absolute hell on Earth like it.


You've lost one of your little anxiety things and you've got another one of them that I didn't realize that you had. Right. And so we went away that weekend. We were we were in London and I did the next thing. And then I came and saw you and had a lovely little wee Saturday and Sunday in London.


We went out for a walk on Saturday down the river and then we'll back to the hotel.


You about fifteen times kept shouting at me to get my phone out and get on Google Maps and see how to get back to our hotel. Will you tell everyone what hotel we were at that we could literally fucking see from every single angle that we are in London as it's the tallest building in England?


Right. OK, yes. Tell them to shut the trap. Whistles We did boat. No, see it. Right. I could literally see it just because you can get maps out on it. Fokin they.


Have you ever watched Bear Grylls, the island know. Right. Well, watch it, because there's a lot of times that they can see where they need to be.


But you can't just get there, Chris, because the parts and the roads might be blocked. And I'm not. But this is ridiculous. Just because you can see where you need to be, does it mean there's not just a magical straight little path, you know, in The Wizard of Oz, not yellow Brick Road taken at the hotel.


But my point is it was massive and I could see it. And I'm not if I walk past it, I realize because it would move like a fucking moon.


Yes. He's got to walk towards it. We have a five year old right in the history of the world. Five year olds don't walk very far. Right. And you don't like picking them up because you don't like getting mud on your jacket.


That's a no that flipping thing I've got a beef with. So you don't like picking him up if he's tired, right. And I can't pick him up at the minute because I'm seven months pregnant. Thank you very much.


So I just. You know what, it's a 20 minute walk. Let's do it in 20 minutes rather than, you know, cut down worried. Are you having a laugh?


Say, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm going back. I don't know either. I'll tell you, Rosie, you want to get out and I'm looking up. I'm going to I think it's not very rosy because there's the fucking looming massive big. I like Skyline Occupy and structure.


Oh, yeah. But you know what's going to be in the way about 19 emojis. You're going to have to blooming bypass. I don't know what will do you live in where you can just look at to me and go bathroom. Just boasting.


I just think I could I just think it was. Yeah, I just tell you this.


I think because you like you might to look at your map, didn't you.


Yeah, I did, because I don't want to take a wrong way and then have Robin going, Mommy, I'm tired, veto it and then you go and well I'm not picking you up because you've got nothing is the moment I turn down any kind of street that pointed me in the direction where I wasn't walking towards that massive building, I probably wouldn't have walked in that direction.


Oh, we're not going to agree on this, but this is coming from the same man who get in the car and every.


Oh, no, Christopher, sorry for one second.


I've got no before this. You said I told them we should do the beef this week. I'm starting to agree. It's gotten a bit heated.


Well, you get in the car, right. And we have to pull out of the driveway and you can go two ways out of our driveway so that our street is like the top entrance in the battement.


Take you different directions.


OK, Christopher, we'll just go either direction and then go, oh, I didn't I shouldn't have come this way rather than sitting at the end of the drive and going, OK, let me plan my route. Let me think. Right. Which way do I need to be? That will be quick and left to die because I'm going there and that's OK that way rather than moving.


But but where do we go today and then in twenty minutes in the wrong direction.


Rosie. Rosie infuriated Rosie. Life's not about the destination, it's about the journey. Oh yeah. So it was about the journey before we had a child. Now everything is, you know, strict time. Fair enough.


While we're on the beach as well. I've got a second before. I don't know. You have not. And I arrived at the hotel late and you text me the room number. I got to the reception. It was the wrong room number.


And so I turned up face mask on on Pagone. I got knocked. I had a couple of beers after the show and I literally told the lady the wrong room number for the name. And she fullan interrogators to the point of where she actually phoned the room and said, there's a man here. He says he's your husband. Is that true?


And you might as well take it as a hint of a double bed, double bed bath.


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We've got the 30000, 30000 reports now on the apple. That's good. Thank you so much. Thank you. The most on there by a mile by mile.


Yeah. So thank you all very, very much. We really, really do appreciate. Thank you. Thank you.


Now on your filth and other silliness, kinky deros increase.


Tonight, me and my husband of two and a half years, whom I've been with for 11 years, decided we were going to have Katsu Chicken Curry for dinner. Wow. Nice.


That's quite that's a that's an inventive dinner.


I mean, I just don't even ever think of being given a sentence before with so much information. And there's a lot of information. And I'm starting to think that the time limits it's it feels like the day the Met the decided shall we have Katsu Chicken Curry? And it's took 11 years to complete the decision. Why?


Why if she told me that been married for two and a half but they've been together for 11 and then they decide who knows.


Anyway, I do love that when it takes someone absolutely. Just to get married like they were just waiting around. I think we've mentioned that before. Yeah. It's just like and they just keep in mind how long we've been together.


Ten year. OK, so basen to be married.


Finally, finally, if he dies, I'll get some of the money. Right. So they haven't yet Katsuko front and it's just good choice. I got the breadcrumbs ready and asked said husband to crack an egg into a bowl and beat it for me.


I heard him crack the egg but could not hear the fork hitting the ball. I turned to my left and to my horror he had his fingers in the bowl, moving them rapidly around the egg.


When I asked what he was doing, he could not see any problem with this.


My question for you both is how do you beat your eggs?


Should I ever let him near me again? I'm doing it with his food. La la la la la la la. Well, I imagine more like a cop in motion.


So I imagine a scoop and more than like like tappin, I imagine, like, you know, like in a cartoon when someone's playing the piano, it's like Daffy Duck or someone or Donald Duck playing the piano is just letting the fingers are going absolutely crazy.


Is that how you see, like, flicking his fingers around?


And I see him kind of like like scooping like that or not.


I don't do that for who knows, I never, ever let make this a there's a pandemic. This is why there's a pandemic finger in your eggs.


Oh yeah. Don't God. Yeah. Don't let me know. No don't let me out again.


But that's after 11 years of being with someone that doesn't eat many eggs. Yeah.


How should you when you just really know. So beat. He missed the beat in an egg that got something to do with like well you beat stuff up with your hands.


You so possibly this always worries me though.


Why don't people get taught basic skills like that, like 40.


Because most people don't give a fuck.


I know, but you know what, you did not you didn't know how to make a jacket potato as I don't like Jabateh, but still I delete it from me head every time he tells me I don't I don't really like cheese toasties, but I know how to make them different though.


Cheese, cheese, toastie tromps a potato every day.


What are you having a look. You've taken the piss out. Are you taking the piss out of me. Part of the beef. Are you.


Have you sorry. You think a jacket potato. Yes.


Is more of like a classic absolute staple legendary snack than a cheese toastie apsa flip and lewdly.


Oh not I'm not being funny. Has there been any restaurants just called Cheese Toasties because there's definitely been a restaurant chain called Spode.


You like that just because someone dedicated that? No, I've got a book in the room of all of the best cheese toasties to make. And there is this food vans that do just grilled cheeses in America, is there?


Yeah, fair enough. It's a massive thing. No, I definitely think chapati it was a more popular than cheese toasties. I love it.


Honestly, I love writing when this goes out. Guys, if it's now Twitter, I'll put a Twitter poll out on Friday. Right now, this will not play in Chakrabarty.


It although you have to choose a felon, right? Well, you can't do that then. You can't see this thing. Whatever you want in it is a classic because that's ridiculous. I mean, that's like saying sandwiches are best, I'm saying cheese and two bits of toast bomb from melted cheese inside cheese toastie.


Right. Well, I'm saying jacket potato with tuna, sweetcorn, mayonnaise and balsamic vinegar and a blob of butter and a bit of salt just ruined it possibly.


And all people out there. This is old man.


They don't know these people to know about something like vinegar is. Honestly, they're all they're bringing us now to tell them you were, which I'm sure you do, because I'm doing what I'm reading about this.


By the way, she's Toasties Forever, Robidoux, Babalu, Babalu, a romantic one here. I'll be the judge of that. Well, you know, it is it's it's it's like, where is this man? Oh, OK.


Right. So, hi, Rosie and Chris. I work night shift as an online shopper.


Fox Online shopper. What do you mean? I work night shift as an online shopper was probably packing like the Packers.


Oh, so far an online shopping, I'm guessing. Jesus Christ freaking out.


Why do you think somebody employ someone just didn't want to shop only at night? Like, will you be my pay you absolutely.


Watch me jitneys online shoppers. OK, great. I'll start now. No you will not. You'll start when I go to bed at midnight in the morning.


I'll wake up and I'll check me Bascome on Amazon and I'll tell you if I'm happy.


Your book is obviously a page somewhere.


Fomites is an online shop because you didn't say I stuff on my I work nights as an online shopper, but that's probably the lingo they use is it's not like I got a twenty four hour Asda at night when it's quiet. It's not like the Internet's quieter and less busy during the night. A key witness in the book and John Lewis website.


I don't know what your does. All right.


I hear. Why do we why do people keep doing this? I the spotlight switches, but I thing not just the criminal windigo.


That person emailed and they gave so much because the new gets us upset with her.


But everyone needs to do that because now I've got no idea what the hell that means. She doesn't mention it again. If I hate so much. No she does not mention a job. Well if she's not for a man I love, I hope she doesn't find it for that.


You horrible, nasty piece of work. Sorry. I'm just sorry she's poor. Anyway, so the story right at the beginning of the year, I got glandular fever.


Got you. It was horrendous, man.


I was bound for a good month and I'm still suffering with it today. Oh no. It could have been covered.


No, no, no, no. I was at home 24/7 and then lockdown came into play, so I never really felt the effect of it. Anyways, every Wednesday, our bin men come and collect our bins or bin ladies sorry and bin people, binbin humans bin Humes.


My nephew absolutely loves Hillary, so he stands on the windowsill to watch them.


Windowsill. Yeah, window sill. She's Putsy. Oh she has actually blessed. She's put ice so he stand on my windowsill and then just put it back. Sorry I can't spell because it still isn't it. Not sealed. I think so yeah. Sorry. Windowsill. Oh she's from Wells Fargo.


Put it on my windowsill. Oh what is that noise. It's the window sill.


Get rid of it.


No one came to the house so we stand on the windowsill. Yeah. Unfair RSPCA. It'll be all over for this. Sleepy as well.


Dangerous and right. One week this absolute sort came and took our bins. But I didn't really think of anything at the time. Think much of it at the time. OK, he saw my nephew and waved. He then carried on with his job and started doing press ups with the bins down my road.


I was like, was that for me? Pressors. This is the bit where I do.


I was like, right, OK, so an attractive man come. And he's Dunedin's, which is nice. Have a little look lovely. Started doing press ups on the bins right further down the road.


You still looking as he's doing press ups to Sharmin Press of Duchemin. He's picking the bins up and he's like pressing them as soon as he's left them over his head.


So let's have a read again. And so started doing press ups with the bins. So push ups or press ups precipices when you're on the floor, press ups is when you're on the floor pushing yourself up.


So I imagine is kind of either lifting them in the air and showing how physically strong.


Yes. With bins and she's seen. Was that for me?


She's absolutely she's dripping wet floor sign over by the Hello bin juice. Oh yeah.


She's loving it. I mean, it would have made me feel physically sick, but everybody's got a different level of what they find attractive.


Well, yeah, she's been locked in since January. She doesn't watch ups. Don't salute the SEALs on a windows.


Yeah, I don't blame her. Yeah. Yeah. She's pulsating at this point. She's leaving it anyway. So he came back the next day and waved again at my nephew and I found myself becoming very fond of him. Sorry.


They get their bins cordoned off the next week. It actually sits next week. That's my fault. My goodness. Well, are you getting jealous?


She was fucking Richard. You've been collecting evidence of that. Where do you live?


A bloody Waldorf Astoria. Blue Ivy. Right, I would love the shot. Unfortunately, my nephew then couldn't come to our house because of lockdown. Yeah, but every Wednesday at nine 30, I would stand at my window and wait for the bin guy to come.


That's great.


I was literally falling in love with him. Oh, this is doing it is wrong. It's a modern day love story. It is actually lovely.


It's yeah. I really do love it. I just I'm just I find it funny how tragic it is at the same time. Desperate times. I mean, I'm like I'm literally expect the next thing. So I made a model of my nephew out of a balloon and an old job.


And I stood with the hand move and waved and he waved at my nephew and I would wave at him every week and it would be the highlight of my day.


Maybe I would even play little tricks on him.


I'd usually be upstairs in my room, but a couple of times I'd be in the kitchen and I'd move windows like the haunted painting, the beginning of the witches, and he would run down the road, look up to my window and be like, Where is she?


And then he'd be confused and look through to the kitchen and I'd be stood there wetting myself.


We'd have a little how are you? Convo through the window.


And that would be about it. Wow. Oh, that's beautiful. In around July, he didn't come for three weeks while I was gutted, genuinely saw my my heart sank there.


So I thought, right. I need to give him a number. When an axiom, I will give it to him. I didn't write the notes straight away and he kept coming and I kept getting the urge to give it to him. It's literally such a sad little story. I would stop a work out because I knew he was coming. Absolutely ridiculous. Oh, she loves you. Very fit. Got you. Yeah.


Anyway, I finally wrote the note and I was adamant I would give it to him.


But then Chrissy. What our bindi changed to a Tuesday.


No way. No way. He came for the first week. And didn't come again, Jesus Christ, so just to recap, because there was three weeks when it wasn't him, it was someone else. Yeah, right. So he must have been on holiday or something. That was whether it was on the witness. And that was when she realized I need to do something, came back shallow the self and will follow you. She didn't give him the north?


No. Now the wind has changed and he's gone. He's gone. He's gone.


And it says, I had picked up the courage to give him the little note I'd written, but I haven't seen him since August. Right.


Right. I know how to sort this. Yeah. Do you have in your area the person who's written in from. Sorry, sorry.


Do you have in your area, your local area friends and family who live in little different postcodes. Yeah.


In the local area to you if that's a yes check what they're Bindy Delivery's are and say to them. Keep a look out for this guy by the way. Right. Yeah.


And I mean, the first thing I thought it was someone that's got a when I'm fucking getting into this first thing, I thought it was something that's got a Wednesday.


You can just go on the government website on the Google that you can put in your face.


Find my fit, Benmont. I mean, because I've rung up the I've rung up the council a couple of times because the papercut is gone. The green bean went missing the other week. Yeah. I've never rung up and went, hello. I'd quite like to fuck one of the bin men, but he's changed his route.


I don't know how that would go down with a civil servant on the other end of the phone. You never know.


Got to try these things. Write a letter to your MP. So, yeah, she hasn't seen him since August, but she said yes, she signed it off with I still stand at my window and hope to God I see him again.


Now, this is tragic. Right. And well, I would start with that.


I would start with find out friends and family in the area say, look, do you have a bin man who looks like this and get them to take this. Get me take photos of the bin men. Yeah. And and see what happens. And if they do have them send a letter, the letter will be really hard because you'll have to let go. This is random from that woman who is used to way if you don't if you do buy used to move windows now and then I thought was hilarious.


I imagine you laughed as well.


Get it. You want to get married? Well, I thought we could use this platform right up to to to find possibly find him.


Well, I didn't even think of that, but I mean, genuinely, really didn't even think that.


Listen, if you listen, if you're the bin man, if you again press ups on the bins, I don't know what you will do when you were doing some kind of showing off your muscles in the bins.


I don't blame you, mate. Why not?


If you are that man, get in touch. Yeah. Get annoyed at Gmail dot com. Yeah. Don't fucking email if you're not him thinking you're funny because I can't be bothered.


You don't have to read them anyway until she emails in again. Explain what an online shop nocturnal online shopper is. Shouldn't get fucked. I'm, I'm going to help her. I might even pull this out.


Great. Until Amadeu IBEW Babadook Bacteroides increase. My story is this.


At university I had a group of friends consisting of some lads got one evening my friend. Let's call them Colin. OK, because why not do as the group.


Has anyone ever made their own one in device.


Sorry I only just out of nowhere has anyone ever made their own one in device. OK, the rest of us all looked at him with bemusement. Even the word device. Mm hmm.


He said he's thought about making one for a while but hadn't followed through with the idea because he couldn't think of how to mimic the feeling of a vagina.


Someone suggested, hum, yeah.


Oh, my God. Oh, my God.


So like some sort of weird episode of Blue Peter, an empty toilet roll was lined with some smart price house.


You are joking. Whilst three of the lads started jiggling their crutches to try and get a semi to try out the device.


Oh my God. Oh, I hate these lads. Sometimes I really hate lads.


You know who you are. Violin it. Oh, it's terrible. The worst thing is I think this is actually sent in from a lady a second. This is the girl. Haven't they see all of it.


It's like a deli counter fleshlight. Yeah, basically. Two of them ended up chickening out now Colin took up the challenge for a column. Did you know what it is?


After everything I just said there, I kind of respect him a little bit. He's manager. He's followed through. He's a man of his word. He's done. It is like clearly like Tom clearly. So all kind of sandwich meat gets going to work to see him with a bit of pastrami.


My thing is, was the toilet roll holder, the toilet roll, the so-called of cardboard, was that already accessible or did they have to go and get it from the recycle bin OP?


Didn't have to go and be like, all right, I'll just pull all this toilet, roll off and leave it there. So you've got this, Chris.


So he will never know so many. We'll never know that. But that's weird that that's where your brain's going.


Was it like 40 hamos like with small price I'll make Monoprice sounds like, OK, so quite plain.


OK, it was probably not even HONY Roast Crumb's and getting down the end anyway.


Yeah. Yeah. The, the orange stuff. That's the stuff. That's all. That's from the deli. Yeah. This isn't a deli on this. I mean I'd love to be able to call Billy Bear. This is Billy Bahamut best. That's, that's pricey.


Billy Bear. That's a different color as a whole. Billy Bear. The teddy bear. Teddy bear.


That's quite pricey. You only get about six slices. Well, they've done well with the small price.


So anyway, Colin took up the challenge.


OK, but the thing about ham from the fridge is that it's quite cold.


You can see you're going to have to warm up. Yeah.


Not the cozy vaginal feeling that you'd want it, obviously.


So he thought warm it up. It popped the contraption in the microwave for a minute.


I hate needless to see, he ended up calling his penis the part of that thing.


I don't think straight. It didn't touch it didn't sniff. It didn't have a little field.


Just walk his penis straight in there to tell you about one call, put a sausage roll. I'm scared. No, no.


I call once, kept my flat in Manchester and he bought a sausage roll from Greg's most ridiculous thing about how everything like piping hot, really hot food.


How did you hide a sausage rule of Greg Sausage rolls in me microwave but he never used before.


You knew nothing about it. Food and on a kitchen rule and put it on for five minutes.


Five minutes. The heat. It was on fire when it came out through the window.


Five minutes, maniac.


All my work, tolerance and everything has to be piping hot. So five minutes you put an already under the kitchen or the microwave.


Disgraceful. Sounds like the man's an idiot.


It needs like forty seconds at best. Wow. See, there you go into that basic skill that he doesn't know. Yeah. That not just him. Just in that people don't know. How would you don't know the time and stuff.


That's not all I thought about when this guy just put it in being ready, knobbed straight and no checks, probably didn't see here, but you might have had to go to hospital for this gold at his P.


What a fool. Yeah. There you go.


Do not put your penis into a vagina as it is.


If I have to say that on a poster, please, I want next to you out of hands for your space in every public area next to all your coronavirus post as the covid-19 posters at the minute. I do want a giant poster that says Do not put your penis in vagina.


That's just out the microwave. Yeah, cold ones.


Fine. Yeah. Hot on vagina. Yeah. Hot. Um but room temperature. Abida Babaji Babadook by Ramsay's beefs and listeners. Nice. This story is about my housemate who doesn't listen. So don't bother. Keep me anonymous.


Right. It's her fault because I've recommended you flat out as well.


That's what you said. Right. Some people just they'll never learn. They'll never take heed. I recommend a podcast to my best mates for eleven months and still never listened.


Nothing worse than recommending something to someone for ages and ages and ages, then forgetting that you've done it. Then they get on board with that later and tell you how good the thing. Oh, yeah.


And you're like, are you kidding me? Not so much.


Yeah. My housemate and her friend were at a leaving party for a boy she was seeing casually who was leaving for Australia, right.


Martin is still there now. The lucky bastard I know. Oh, God. The two girls were steaming drunk and managed to find themselves in the fella who was leaving the room with his ready, packed suitcase.


They thought it would be funny to see if one of them could fit in the suitcase.


So my housemate took all the man's clothes out to put her meat inside God.


They finally get the friend in and to my house, me is laughing it off when the boy he was leaving and she's writing so.


So, yeah, and the boy comes in to find what he thought was her alone with his clothes on the floor and what he assumed was hysterically crying.


So the me in the case. Yeah. She looks like she's just threw all of his clothes out because the merits of the case, you know, and just laughing my head off because the merits of the case, she looks like she's crying totally amazing.


Although mad about the clothes, he starts to comfort her and one thing leads to another and they start getting angry as it will be the last time they will be doing it for a while.


My housemate continues and does not inform him about her friend still zipped up in this case, it was getting continuing cramped and uncomfortable with the situation.


Fantastic. This is ridiculous. It's like a film. It's ridiculous, isn't it?


One thing my housemate failed to mention about this man. Now, upon coming to climax, he would scream, God bless America.


No, fuck off, though. Even though this fellow was 100 percent Irish with no connection to America Idol.


I'm loving it. I'm not having it all on. I've gone off to Google this. This is bollocks.


It is. And once he arrived and exclaimed his special phrase, laughter erupted from the suitcase.


So she's trapped in a suitcase to start having sex. Yeah, he shouts God bless America. As he comes for some kind of weird, ridiculous. She starts laughing. A laughter comes from the suitcase. Ridiculous.


My first thing my brain goes to I'm sorry. I love my friends, but do not leave me trapped in a suitcase whilst you get your socks off. I'll scream. I'm sorry.


Get me out the suitcase, you dirty, filthy monkey beggars dooby dooby dooby. And Rosie, this is a little bit more for you actually. And for me that's about torture. It's about torture. It's quite torture. Heavy this week. A torture.


Just a random torture. Oh my God. You know about tortures and judges in general.


Well, tiddlers like I like dictators. Tojo's willis' shootist.


I know why that may not.


Chucky's tonight's sounds just you know, I don't I mean, they used to call it when I was little. We had to and I get horrible word. Sounds cheesy, Chooky. It sounds like guey like sloppy. Like poorly pouilly.


Yeah. Like chopping up. Like being sick.


Oh say no I just, I was just thinking when I was little and being like Mom Kevin's choking on me.


But again that was about can we talk about the other day when Robin was walking around with these top off and no pants on shoutin singing for no reason chanting big man with a belly in a tiddler, big man with a belly in it.


Tytler Big man with a belly and a Tytler.


No idea where I came from with an accent like a married man with a million a a big man with a belly and a Tytler Sloup in his belly.


Tell it honestly this holiday, I think there is the makings of something we'll have to put Tiddler like above, like with little horrible as awful, but is at the five year old boy stative, just like I will get my clothes off for no reason.


He loves it. He loves it. Yeah, it's disgusting. Big man with a belly little. I'm a big man with a belly and he got everything in that right.




And Rosie, whenever I go to the toilet, no matter where it is, my only friends, public, etc., if there is no one in sight, I will proceed to wash my penis in the sink at friend's houses.


Yeah, that's restaurants. Yeah. No wonder there's a pandemic. It's my new catchphrase. No, we don't think people are watching the knobs and public things but.


But it must be clean. What must be is knob to the detriment of all the fucking things. He's watching it in front of him verruca bath thing.


That swimming pool to dip it in and out to dry it off.


I will then use a bit of toilet tissue most times. The main reason I do this is that sometimes guys get a little bit of what and I can only describe as cock dribble.


That is true.


I've seen it seen on your underpants, on great boxers.


I just. You you have you. We messed up pervert who's written in here. Mr. Bloody Serial cock washer putting glass by the side of your bed by the way.


And a plumber. Previous listeners will understand that one. Yeah.


What are you doing. Washing all the ham off his dick. I don't understand why this is happening. Just when you finish having a urination, just disappear into some toilet will move on somehow.


You apparently I have told my friends this. I some of them have tried to make a joke out of it, but I can't see why it is a bad thing, you personal hygiene and all that.


No, you wash it fucking don't wash your dick in people's sinks. OK, well they. You go because you just said, do you think this is weird? Yes, it's massively I'm region. You imagine. Can you imagine?


Right, OK, I tell you what, that pervert who was a male doesn't do us a favor if you don't think it's weird. Right. Ask a friend next time. Your friends how eastern Nebraska but literally go.


I'm just popping and watch my dick. And you saying, is that all right? I guarantee you to say no. Next time in a restaurant, just say it's looking for pop to the toilet and wash my dick in the sink and guarantee to say, no, it's not all right. It's weird. Stop doing it.


Yeah, I agree. Mr. Pervert. Struggle in our house because our downstairs loo, the sink is like one of them bowls and I don't think anyone's told enough to get to.


Come on, we got a little stool because I'm about to wash. And you said Crocket from the kitchen.


Have you got a pile of Shamari notebooks that you dated advert.


It's going to wash my dick. It's a big and I hit him.


Save it for the bath at the end of the night, which is how like how clean do you want you to wash your hands. Is it. So I've got a question about Dick's grip.


Is it a little bit like a vagina because you're not meant you saw on a vagina. No use open. You saw it. But so it's not it's not going to cause any sort of irritation or anything like that. It's not like it's like the not self-cleaning or anything, if that makes sense. No. OK, I know what I mean.


Like that. Again, I'm circumcised.


I know you don't have a nipple and clean. Yeah. See the man dry, cured, a dried and clean. Yours is lovely and clean.


It is. It really is. Oh God. We've got a kid who might listen to this one day. Who cares man.


Robin, listen. Turn this off. Turn this off. Condoms Buck and not that razorback. I use that to shave your mouth. Do not use that on your face.


Don't because I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety, worrying about the stuff that we've said on here spot. No, he's going to be too old, George.


So George, George Jordan's fine. And then I always kind of I use are there other people like other celebrities who said stuff in the past and their kids are all right? Mean David Hasselhoff. He had a video of him. You remember when he was really drunk? Yeah. It's a video of a meat in the hamburger.


Yeah, his kids are all right. OK, so we're golden.


We're fine. We'll use that model. Basic, playful. David Hasselhoff was drunk. Eat a burger. So we're OK.


Our backs are well and truly covid people have had sex tapes and stuff.


Yeah. All right. Yeah, OK. We don't need release our sex tapes for a good another good. Twenty years when everything's dried up on ice. Yeah. Abdu ba ba ba ba ba ba. If I just fell down. You, you watching me. Thank you so much you to do this week. I'm doing well. Thank you so much. Listen guys, this is Chakma which is now part of the air Cosby Show. You do not what you see the lines go on because you know what, you left it there.


Right. And it's 20/20. You got to take what you can get. It's Grutness, right at Donald Trump, you bastard to death. And I want everyone to respect us for being a bastard bastard in the world. I'm pointing that out quite vigorously. I'm going to stop both guys. Thank you so much, Schnozzle. Thank you for listening.


If you want to go talk to Chuck Brown to know that Gmail dot com, the merch is live on the website. Now, there's new stuff going out at all the time. The book is out for a little Christmas present and all of that stuff. Please be well and we will be back. You know, what you're saying is later. I take care of you.


Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. I listen to the jingle, didn't you, because I mentioned it, nosy little bastards, what you to what you still do. And he has nothing here for you. I get with you, Daewon. Piss off.


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