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Hello, you're listening to Shackman annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsay and my husband, Chris Ramsey, or is it Chris Ramsay? He looks very different because you need to shave.

Oh, you know what it is when I have to go, because I've kind of finished for the year to give it up.

It's this is so strange because I looked in the mirror this morning. I was like, I bet she has a go at me shortly. I do know what's worse than the beard on my face. I've got neck beard on the back, my head. I thought, you're going to see something else. And yet I don't like that she's going to say, this is a bloody high brow podcast.

I was going to talk about my pubis on this is not I you getting it down your neck as well, but it's bad and not nice.

Honestly, I had me last I had like a cricket tournament and I just don't want to know. I've got no telly, no live shows and no way to be.

I dropped our son off on a morning at school and I'm ashamed how I look.

Me too. I look disgusted.

I get it. I get it. But if people saw you today compared to when you were in, that took on little. Yeah. Honestly, it's it's it it's a different life.

Not just that the beard is cultivated, but because we are because the bottom just grows as if you would be at snowbelt near the bottom just cause. And then what I do is when I'm late watching the telly archila now a pick bits me be it. So I've got a ball, I've got a perfectly circular bald patch right in the middle of my fucking chin. And as if I'm honest, can we try and just keep it.

I've got the dentist on Friday. I'm dreading it. I'm dreading it.

I fucking haven't been brushing my teeth like you got nowhere to fucking go. Why.

Oh I, I'm popping into the front room but I give me a quick brush like fuck it all postman's coming quick floss. Like I've got really no reason to do anything to take place but no way to call.

Honestly 20-20 it's got a lot to answer for the teeth dropping out left, right and centre.

Right. Well it's about a block. There's not a minute. I'm going out to the shop.

I should probably put me I should probably brush my teeth. I'll hold on. I'll be wearing a mask and so will everyone else. Does matter.

You could literally smell like fucking fresh shit and no one would know because everyone's got a mask on and you've got a mask on, Michael. So then we go.

It's like we're living in Tudor times, isn't it? It's just all gone completely.

Well, I mean, because we've been pissing in a bucket and having to have a bath downstairs constantly because the bathroom hasn't been. Yeah. So we have literally been having Victorian washes and pissing in the pockets. We all Victorians. This is ridiculous the way we're living. Wow.

Yeah. I think I've got to think I'm getting rickets. Oh yeah. Oh.

Something else like the pool.

You know, I'm going to start a book out on the front street just just to really get in the car.

Used to do that. Ey. Hey guys, thank you so much for watching. It is episode ninety four watching. Hello Nana.

Hi. Do you know what it is. Right. What's the matter with you. One of my sponsors. Yeah.

You're a mogul, one of my sponsors the other week was going to be people say in the watch the podcast. Yeah fucking freaks me out.

Winds me up. Oh I watched your podcast. What, what did you watch.

And then the normally go all the one with and see something I call them but I'm like they've been watching an interview like what do you think this is.

Well what I get more is people who don't know what a podcast is, but they other halves listen to the podcast and they go out.

It's usually a bloke looking like, oh, the missus has been watching your podcast.

You should be listening to it. Yeah, because it's not, well, watchable. Eighty five years old.

But hey, I'll get the vaccine quicker. Thanks for watching. Thank you for listening. It's episode ninety four, you beauties.

Please continue to like and subscribe to give it a little give a little Styles's on the little app there. Want you want those. I'm just trying to get that one thousand five star reviews.

Know we love it. You're all awesome. Oh that's all right.

OK that's nice. But there's still a lot of you that haven't gone on a click. That's a bad boy right now.

How dare you know. But that's a lot. I look at it as a podcast likes and that's I'm happy with that. It's pretty cool.

It's pretty cool. Before we go any further, obviously this week's lucrative sponsor is going to get away with it, didn't always he always forget?

This week's lucrative sponsor is standing on the pavement next to the zebra cross and having a conversation, but not actually using the zebra crossing tool park. Get it sick of it.

Pack it in. Stop the honestly, this week, four times I've stopped and watched, someone was standing on the phone based upon what I call it, the entrance to the zebra crossing.

Just standing there on the phone, I was like, mate. And I like, look at him. He looked at me like I was a tosser.

Like, why have you taken some girl yesterday here in the car with us having a conversation with someone so not a cross that motherfucker. Sonya, cross it. No up to say thank you. Nothing. Hey, hey, hey.

Look, I know it's a Zappacosta. I know we're supposed to stop in cars, but a little nod, please. Oh, absolutely. Robbins' five and he knows to Tamou. Thank you. To drivers and run across the zebra crossing. You don't walk across a zebra crossing.

You walk either briskly or you run for a bit of effort.

And good God, common common courtesy of a time when I was little, my mom, someone let us across the road, someone in a car that made me mom across the road and across. And my mom, like, put a hand up to see thugs. And I just thought she knew I was just like waving.

Hi. Oh, bless, you know. But I just think it's kind of stunned people who don't have that basic manners. That is basic like level level one manners.

Little is done to us though, because we both hit the roof for that young lass. Yesterday when we were in the car, she stood having a conversation with the zebra cross and then just sort of a cross. And she didn't even think she just kind of glared at which organ. And we were both, I guess.

Right. Well, we'll just see. Choked to death.

She was honestly, if she got eyes on an even worse day at a red eye to read, thankfully were in my leprechaun.

Why couldn't you go? You go. She's looking. She's got to look. That day I lost a percent.

Oh, he the jingle God, God, and if you listen and run across the democracy, you know, just by just brisk just to thank you or not, you know what?

You know what it is, what is no cause to me. Right? Every time someone doesn't do that, you know, all I thing is you don't drive, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, this should be a jingle but fucking did I ever tell you about my friends when I was at college, met her girlfriend and she used to just walk out in the road and for the cause she wouldn't stop, she wouldn't wait and stop.

She's to walk out and cause it just on the brakes on her exact words were they've got brakes twat.

I remember. Yeah. I remember once I said, why did you do that?

It's craziness. He went, oh, she says, yeah, they've got brakes that can stop and they wonder why the NHS is overrun.

Yeah. I mean why not just that.

No it is that, I mean it's definitely not just that I'm feeling the day honestly. It's going to be an angry one. Now you put as the.

There it is. We had a fight about the jingle jingle. We could sing along to jingle jingle gong. So this is the jingle jingle.

We hope you like the jingle jingle ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Hello and welcome back to passive aggressive order to try and calm it down. Let's try and just call it just a little tiny bit.

You know what? It's just you've caught us on a really miserable day having a listen. I don't care. I'm fuckin miserable. I'm miserable. Listen, it's nearly Christmas. We can't go anywhere. We can't see anyone. And it's been months. And I'm I'm sick anyway. And you know what?

I'm not as bad you might hear, dear listener, that I'm quite chipper today at DIY, which made me very happy. I put a spotlight and I didn't think ability. I thought I was very happy.

Look, Aiport, who's happier in this moment? Me, are you. So I'm bored. Yeah. So there you go. I've got to let you in on a secret, guys. The problem is with Rosie here, I have been I haven't been on social media as much through all this things. I just can't be honest with people's fucking bullshit and their opinions and arguing and stuff.

However, Rosie's been on and Rosie is deathly jealous of people freezing the tits off in beer gardens in tier two. Yes.

Yeah. Even people that fucking got like twenty layers on sit in a beer garden. You're fucking raging and you can't drink.

I don't like to want to stand there. You know what it is, right.

This is what God is because I got locked down and everybody, you know, this whole year is very much being right. Come on. We're all in this together. We're all in this together. Come on, everybody. Let's just get through it. And it's like, right, OK.

And then all of a sudden it's like not you know, you can't go anywhere.

We're all in this together. But you specifically your PopSugar. Yeah, but everything is short. You can't see anyone.

And we live in the north, so it's busted for reasons honestly, the dear, bearing in mind that I'm about to drop a baby in a month to be friends. I haven't seen my friends at all because the teacher. So they've got to be really careful in the way I like to go for a walk.

It's not a Naureen. It was it was five degrees. And I was like, no, no, I did one.

Because what we're going to do, like like I didn't want to have to go for a walk and the pissing down rain just to just to say, yeah, I'm just so if you just if you live in the Northeast and you happen to see an extremely angry, heavily pregnant little lady walking along the street and hold an umbrella and dragging a patio heater on wheels, that's spots may just be nice and keep your distance.

She'll go for some days. I'm great. Some days I'm really positive because I really make it. And I'm like, come on, let's be positive. That is today.

I'm just like, is this is this the real life or is this just fucking gache?

And that's all I mean, I know you're not very good with lyrics about death. I don't think that's right. But just anyway.

But I don't they'd have been as big a band if the lyrics had been. Is this real life? Is this just gosh, you never know.

I don't think honestly, I don't think we'd be talking about them now. Who was it? Queen? Yeah, just fans caught in a landslide. Yeah, you don't need it all.

Singing makes us happy. What are you trying to pull back down. OK, but we have a complaint about your singing. I know. I don't want to stop it.

Don't look at me. Have it on is how way.

Tell you what, let's get a Bob Rubin here. Right. Seems to me you feel better. OK, I'm coming. I'm going to come back but I'm going to come out in the next section with something that I know really made you cheerful.

Yeah, we're great. OK abida ba ba ba ba ba. Saw yesterday cheer you up in one go. We went for a little McDonald's drive thru.

We did. Yeah. Always McDonald's honestly. Golden Arches of heaven.

I've always loved McDonald's and I always will, especially at Christmas, especially at Christmas. It was always a treat when I was growing up we didn't just get McDonald's willynilly birthdays, Christmas Eve, that's when we got McDonald's. And I still like to keep that little fire inside.

I get very excited about, well, there's a fire inside because you get in quite bad hot burn in the minutes. Well, oh, it's ridiculous.

I mean, I was I was it was a dicey decision. I thought I can eat this and be really crippled with acid reflux, but I wasn't.

But I do find, however, something happened to the McDonald's drive thru that's never happened to me before. I was handed my McDonald's by the mom. Oh, yes.

I got a new one. She was going to say, I'm going to be very excited. And I was handed my McDonald's by the gentleman who might have been a bit younger than me.

He's quite young. You may have been 20s or mid 20s.

And he handed as the the drinks as he drinks this, I took them in and then there's a fruit juice for Robin.

And then he handed is the bag with our meals in and he went, there you go, big man.

And it was just just really fucking weird. I don't know why, Matt, anything like that made a..

But it was just the big bond.

It was just really it was like it felt like the way I described to you did tell it felt like it was me.

You stepped out like it felt like I turned up at my mom's house. To meet her new boyfriend, and he was considerably younger than I was like, what's going on? And he was like, hey, so how you cope with a break, a big man?

And I'm like, what was it was it was very, very awkward because I was still waiting for Robin's Happy Meal and I just had my head turned to the left towards you because I couldn't make eye contact with him, because I feel like he may have been a bit embarrassed that he said Big Momma.

Yeah, well, it doesn't help that.

Also, Robin's theme tune is Big Man with a Belly.

And it's I mean, don't get a lot of family, a lot more a lot less uncomfortable. Does that meals when you go back home with the belly, Nutella at least out of enjoy that.

Yeah, true. Do you know and I don't know whether you had this when you were younger, obviously from being up north, we see meat quite a lot and it's actually that's it's kind of trickled through the whole country.

Yeah, I've known me. It is a thing now.

It's like, all right, mate, how you do know that I think cognisance, that sort of thing is a very working class thing. Yeah, well, I just remember being young and we used to get on the bus or something like that, and my dad would say to the bus driver she has met and I can you remember I mean, my sister used to call me Dad.

Dad, stop calling me it.

Really, Koplovitz also probably I will be like Daddy. We used to find it really embarrassing. Dad, stop going.

Please don't you maybe don't know him.

Well, that's cool.

I can relate to this, but my dad was even worse.

My dad used to just call people Jackie. Oh I that's very. That's a very nice. Oh no, no, no.

But my point is why was everyone turning around when the name wasn't.

Don't. No idea. I remember experiencing that with my dad as well. Jackie how. Jackie. But it would be to men. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jackie Storage.

Jackie, I know really strange but yeah there's a lot of strange things that parents did with Robenalt do. It was our kids and would be like, are you kidding? Is this is how how I talk. I remember telling my dad off when used to date with a football matches.

Oh my word.

You do know what he used to do, which to this day I have no idea why. And not many other people did it. And I just used to think, what?

Who are you? Why are you doing this? But then it makes a lot of sense of the kind of person I am today. So I'm going to come away from the mic. So you literally used to just out of nowhere you'd be sat there, right. And had it just finished me, Bovril or whatever, you know. Right.

Sorry. Sorry. Is this is this a scene from purely Belko when he heard about his dad taking t dead milkie like I loved Bovril.

So an outdoor I used to shit my pants. Right. This is what you do. Oil, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. What in the name of God was that? I've no idea what he's saying. However, I think he was just saying, how about just how are we? Are we are. We are. We are. We are. We are. We are.

We are. We're for ages.

Sounds like a fucking and call of a horrible and I remember me, my brother hurts me throughout college and I would just be sat there but nobody, nobody flinched like it was just oh yeah.

If there's any way where you can scream anything you want, it's at a football match like I get it.

I totally get it. Like might be like therapy now I might just come out feeling much better. Win, lose or draw just wore out when they are pretty good at freshmen. I had a pretty good shot.

There was a couple of times I really got into it once I got over the fact that my dad's the hooligan and all the I guarantee he wasn't a hooligan. I guarantee he was the one where I went.

The bloke who kind of say how er without saying it 400 times I look it's fuckin broken record mr. However Enrico's watch him watch these kids look how mortified they look at him. If I have a now, someone would start a go for me, for you and your brother, my dog.

My dad was so desperate. So the whole thing I mean, if anyone who doesn't know, like I'm not every single person who I speak to, every man who I speak to anywhere in the country, be a taxi driver, be it anyone always asks who I support. And I'm just not into football at all. And I blame my dad. I fucking love to be in football. So how ostracise? I've sort of felt grown up slightly when all my mates were like, want to watch the football and go watch the football and and I'm like playing football and I'm like, fuck.

And it would be Dad's fault if he tried to push us too much into it, but he did it the wrong way. I've talked about me standup in the past. He didn't go or I mean, obviously we didn't have any money.

You weren't rich enough to get like season tickets is good enough that like now and then I remember when I was a bit older now and then Newcastle would be in like, you know, when the sort of the get the champions, not the Champions League.

The shit I won there was the way if a cop was the other one, so I did, I would have been like a Tuesday night.

So what if you would go and watch them play some random and spurious European team and you'd get you could get tickets for really cheap, would go to one of them. But that was when I was all about when I was younger to try and get as into football. Used to take us to go watch South Shields over forties basically would be like, come on.

And I'd be like the only kid there. And I'd like first you would you would like take is the changing room to go and see all his mates and all these.

Oh he so the new the people you either managed socials or authorities or you was something to do with you. The grimmest football team, the south with over forty on a Sunday.

So they were all just hung overs for what was the age limit to.

So any age. So come in. I imagine over forty was the only rule but so five you know, there was no fucking grudge. Yeah. But there was no like really old people there.

Right. But it was awful. I remember one time they had a younger lad playing for the monotonically to claim he was over forty and he clearly wasn't. But he was really good apparently. But yeah, I would go into the dressing room and like all these naked blokes, just like naked arses. It's like it like it was horrible. I'll never forget. And this is Sawaya. This just takes me back. There was one guy had like quite a big mole at the top of his arse crack.

And I was fixated on it and say, oh, I don't like football because people got all small to be small. Everyone swear and it's just horrible. It was so bad, but it was like, this is how you do not get your kid into football.

It was like watching Premier League with enough Sky Sports with it was common what made me swear. But I used to have to hold the magic sponge freezing cold.

I had the me dad was it would linesman Fulham Magic Spoon. Oh it was a bucket of cold water with a sponge in it so that if they got hurt you would just go and put the spoon and freeze.

It becomes Wernham a magic sponge. OK, I would rather have my dad shouting however.

Yeah. Yeah. Than that. Well he was there actually on Sunday. It was so embarrassing. My dad don't do it.

My opinion reverberating around the dressing room to the dad did play football, so you never actually know.

I just want to put it the end of the because we'll get some sort of associate actually genuinely has a really good football team right now.

If I was going to support anyone in this house. Feels so big up social deficit. Well, I'm going to keep a watch for a while, though. I would do Babalu Babalu. But something has been happening recently, which I don't know whether people might relate to.

But Robin is at the age now where he likes to dress himself, which is great. Yeah, I love it.

But his dress sense is absolutely shite. I mean, that's harsh.

No, Chris, it is not. You know what they mean. Right?

OK, I feel like I have dressed Robin nicely his whole life.

Quite plain, quite, you know, but beige actually like colourful but, you know, just dinosaurs and all that kind of stuff.

The older he's getting a lot of sonic looks, Mario loafs, avenges, loves, but he loves all the shit.

He loves wearing all of the shit. He's got a full outfit with bright blue leggings, with Mario on a Mario T-shirt and then a Mario jumper with every character on. And then he used to wear that stupid cap that that we lost, thank God.

And then and forget about the like the cop.

The Moroka wouldn't take it off, but, you know, it looks like something out of 1994 looks like me when I look at old pictures of when I was a kid and this show. And I'm just, you know, what it looks like to do.

You know what he looks a bit like, what he's got, all these different things and logos that have you ever seen, like a more OJP writer with all this?

Looks like that's what it looks like. He's Opelika response says, what's wrong with you? Oh, it's got a little departure from his lucrative spot. I'm like, do you want to wear this lovely checked shirt? And he's like, no, I want to wear Minyon Top with the sequins that I can put up and down and show everyone when they change the face.

I'm like all monies. Well, that's the thing that you guys like. And you would think, oh, he's an extrovert, but he's not even like, you know, when people put it online and they're like, I let my son dress me.

So dress himself today. And the kid just puts, like, you know, like a tutu and wellies and a helmet on an equal. He's just express himself. That's amazing.

Robbins' like corporate logos and brands. Father Yeah.

He just loves character shit and stupidly of boredom stuff because because at first I was like, oh that's really sweet. Really likes wearing these kind of now I can't even look at him.

I'm like, oh you just looks like we got back to the future like a lunchbox just too it's too much. But anyway, God love him.

Oh just got me got my Pikachu Pokémon crystal.

That's what, that's why I've decided to talk about this because I went online. He's got his Christmas party coming up and all of his Christmas mass from last year, like literally nowhere near had a massive growth spurt.

So I was like, oh, should we get you a Christmas jumper for your Christmas school? Christmas party? You said, yeah, went online. You say, I want to I want to marry one.

I was like, well, let's have a look what they've got. Horrific, right.

And and so I went on an X and I was like, look, this is lovely.

Oh, look. Oh, there's a dinosaur with tinsel on this one.

That's pretty fucking tiny, to be fair. I don't know. But it's a dinosaur doing. I know dinosaurs didn't celebrate Christmas.

It had like a snowman with sunglasses on, like, just cool. But, you know, I got sunglasses just as I made a call for the evening sun and went, right, anyway, Lord Lawson.

Yeah, but then then stupidly, I went on a website that wasn't Seath, you know, and seen a Pikachu Christmas Drolma. And it's it's ugly. It's horrible.

Makes sense. Although I feel like they were factually accurate for people to be celebrating Christmas. Not necessarily. Yeah. The snowman or dinosaur dinosaurs didn't celebrate Christmas and Snowman. I mean, it's just water. Yeah, I feel I feel like it's factually accurate. I think it's fine. OK, fair enough. Well it's just my child got my to match.

Dawn please don't wear anything else. Was really irritated.

You won't wear and get obsessed with these things and I'm just washing the same clothes over and over again and I, I don't mean to sound really well.

What's the word. Snobby, no, it's not even snobby, I don't think it's a snobby thing, I just.

It got to the point where it's taken away from you, what you can put your child in, and and I've lost the ability to be able to go, oh, where this lovely, like white white Crisp's white T-shirt with these nice stop you right there.

Wait, why would you put our child in a crisp white T-shirt?

Sometimes I have Jodi's hair and he looks lovely and lovely and smart and he's got his nice boots on now. It just looks like a bag of shite.

Wow. Does your child look like a shot email?

I think people will relate to this. Well, we'll see. I do, I think. But anyway, we're having another baby, so I'll just dress them.

And Robin King Abdullah Abdullah. But it's time for this week's Rotis Mysteries.

Well, I. The shortened version. Hi, Rosie. Hi.

I'm about to embark on a story about my best friend.

It was around the year 2015.

And my best friend, who I'm sorry, this is so I was right at first when he said, I'm about to embark on a story.

I was going to jump in and I thought, I'm not going to jump.

And I always say a little things, but I imagine I got around to the public the story, and I believe that it was around the year.

So I'm thinking, when is this going to be like, you know, in the eighteen hundreds it was around the year 2050, five years ago.

Fuck me, Jesus, your word count.

OK, based on advice, some of these stories, honestly, some of these stories I want to reply and go get back to your assignment does not count towards your final grade as a dissertation.

Certainly going back and while you find mother is great. Great. OK, OK, so my best friend who unfortunately shares the same first name as me, she was like, OK, it's gone.

It's gone. I wrote a little boy pretty quick. Absolutely absolute.

OK. These were her wild days suing her wild oats before finally finding someone who wasn't a humongous Belen's OK, a cool but sowing wild oats is not the male term for it.

Should it not be collecting wild or gathering the ocean? I mean, it sounds awful. I've never thought of this, but when the sea blue goes out so many wild oats, is that not like spreading your seed everywhere is out the idea of the Jörg? I think so.

So she's because well, we've got the eggs. So she's collecting or she's collecting them.

You collect like a wild oats porridge vat and the overnight oats. One night stands overnight. Oats. You saw the story starts as most romantic 2010 stories do Tinder Great, Tinder NetNet, and honestly, she was swiping right like there was no tomorrow or you swipe right.

Right, right, right. Yeah, and had quite a few matches.

She is a Gourgeon according this is written by three different people.

It's just I know, I know it's good grammar as well.

Actually, the grammar Gorgie Holdem, which is well, obviously.

But, you know, anyhow, this particular match was with a boy called Glenn. He was an absolute sort. So I do not care much for blocking his name out or giving him a new pseudonym, pseudonym God. He can't expect the story to not be told. Oh, wow, Tony, first names, which will be all I still and I don't get in touch. I get upset.

All right. OK, there's nothing to give it away. OK, don't worry. OK, right. All the Glenns out there. Hold on. Are you nuts?

They met up in a bar for some drinks for the date. Nice and somewhat normal when they both decided as it was a weekday and they both had work the following day to leave the bar. But Glen invited my BFF back to his place. Oh, she thought he is a Golgi too, so we could be godhood together.

God, this is disgusting. A short time had passed in the taxi right to his place. He shared his house with a friend who would not had an important role in the story. And so his name was forgotten many years ago, 25 years old.

It's like Lord of the Rings book written by someone who works for Now magazine. But he was not as much of a Gourgeon as the other guy.

So his name was the forgotten from the. His name was lost in the sands of time many moons ago.

See this? It goes from like like it's written on a scroll to like it's written on a toilet door. It jumps between the two though.

That's great. That's a talent.

It's kind of like when the redid Romeo and Juliet with Leonardo DiCaprio. Yeah, that's what it is. What's that mix? What's that mix in it of like.

Oh yeah. Yeah. When the old tulgan like it put them in a car park with guns. Yeah yeah. Yeah. That's, that's what this email is. I did love that film. Terrible. So carry on rubbish.

They have another drink.

It is when they decide they want to get naked but that's just not me. That sound like is it Selma. Is it. Yeah. She's not made it sound like sex. Just made you warm. I imagine she means.

Have you got one of these. Yeah. Let's have a look if you, if you want to move your ass. Oh it's you by the way.

Can I just interject guys. I forgot to actually say I use the wrong word mall.

It wasn't actually a mall at the top of this edmands Oscar in the in the changing room.

When I was a child, it was more like a wart. I remember I remember thinking I bet you sort of got caught on that.

Oh, I don't want to hear about it. I just want to I want to know what it felt like. Can we go back to this? OK, they are kissing and canoodling for a short while. When he excuses himself, he puts on his dressing gown and leaves the room. OK, only a few minutes past when he comes back in. Is it weird that if I had I had a one night stand with someone in the dressing gown on, I went right off often when I was younger.

Yeah. When I started dressing gown attire. It's not one night stand.

Only now do I kind of not mind if you wear a dressing gown. But when I was young, I have a lot of being with on a one night stand or whatever, put a dressing gown on and be like gives off a bit of like a sports director.

You have never done it.

It's just a bit mangay to be honest. I don't know why. I don't know why. It's silly. Isn't it wrong. Why is dressing gowns.

It's just weird and weird on a one night stand halfway through one. I just understand about what a dressing gown on. I mean talk about killing the mood.

I don't know. I think it is so anyway. But any dressing gown and he's leaving the room. Why?

Well, you're going to find out a lot. Did you know this did this segment at all? Have you been listening to.

Gasps Oh, my jacket batteries only a few minutes past when he comes back in the room and asks my best to help him move his desk. Northeast desk, OK? She thought this is a weird way to get your kicks, but sure, I'll move your desk with you, the pair of them get an end of the desk each while he instructs my gal on where to go and where to put it. She talked about her best friend like it's a life partner and it's a bit strange, but anyway.

He wanted opposite his set of drawers, which are the same height as his desk. Sorry, I can't get my head around this so that the canoodled, as she put it on the naked.

Yeah, the in the throes of passion, he stops just going around and asks out of fucking some furniture. Yeah.

So what the hell is going on. Well, Christopher, come on, quick. Oh, you're the one who keeps talking.

All right. So.

My bestie is more than confused at this point, and as he leaves the room for a second time, she just sits back down on his bed and hopes that he will stop the feng shui and eventually just get on with it.

Good Lord, he returns almost immediately. But he is not alone. He is carrying. This is where you guess I know he's covering over Deua. From First Gas is Kamra, put it on the desk for the for the angle because he's a pervert, but it could be something really like it might be something slightly more innocent, like some candles or something. But this is Shamari Neutze. I imagine it's a camera or a telly. Mm hmm.

Come on. I'm going to have to press for an answer here. It's a mirror. All right. OK. Wow. You want me? Guess I've changed your mind. It's gone. You're going to see a mirror. I've got it on the table. He's put the mirror. You see what's great, Christopher?

Yeah. You know, I'm really good at these. Oh, this week you absolutely miles away not got a really.

Dehumidifier. Dehumidifier. Yeah, I was going to give you in a minute Roger that, Scott, I've just got a damp problem. So before we get sweaty, I'm just going to have to hold this dehumidifier out. Can you help us move this desk, please? Because the flex isn't long enough.

I'm such a slug, but only one night stands. Just cause an immense amount of dump. Oh. Oh.

Oh, no. OK, he's not alone.

He is carrying the fish tank. No, you can't get cable a door.

Sorry, not his bedroom door. That is still on the hinges. This is another door, a spare door. So it seems. But however, Christopher, there's something different about this door. There is a whole I knew it, I knew you were going to see a hole, I nearly jumped in, but you told us to stop jumping in.

There was a hole which is large enough to fit a football through that's just a little more than halfway down. He proceeds to live door on top of the drawers and desks that were rearranged earlier. Ought to be was on my friend's face at this point and not a word was said by either of them. He goes to his bedroom door, the one still on the hinges, and closes it, then he gets on top of the door with the hole and let his flaccid penis and balls dangle through milkmaid.

He demands no fucking way. But I was just about to say flaccid, but appealing for this fact.

But he left the room twice and shifted some furniture and carried of the door and.

Oh, my God. Oh my goodness me.

What's wrong with everyone milkmaids? My friend was not up for this at all. Really? The human cow. No, thank you.

Wow. So easily. Easily frontwards. He's lying. He's lying next.

He's told me as he sat. I thought he was squatted but he was sat down on the door.

Was he lay down forwards on the door. Yeah. So it's like a massage table. Yeah. But instead of a hole for his face, it is, it is not his bed. So that's disgusting. Horrible isn't it.

Whose do not though. Who said again, wow, this is inventive.

Again, it's that thing if people just try and match it immediately and imagine most people will just go through it out of embarrassment, go through without sheer embarrassment.

I imagine she didn't a friend offend and by the way, she just left. Well, it's the Ghannam to shift it with you. I mean, ask or have it set up already. I've not been for you. Come on. Come on. What's that, by the way?

Just a couple inches off, I thought close and probably what's it called when you do the same planet just in that tent, if you're just not sure and probably right.

Oh, you know, I said I was doing pretty well at all. Actually, I wasn't kind of let me jump in and. Well, you know, good.

Right. So I'm just going to leave it there because it is a pain in the ass. It just kill the mood of it never happened.

I haven't got some horrible people out there.

What room in that apartment doesn't have a door now because he took it off and chopped a hole in it?

Well, people sitting with an open door probably probably only when you cook does the entire flat smell out because I think comes from the kitchen door. The kitchen door.

Do you know what gets me as well? This sounds like a young lad. Yeah, I always imagine. And maybe this is my innocent little mind. Yeah.

I always imagine an older bloke doing something like that just to who've run out of oil.

For now. Let's try this please.

You'll never say you don't need to dangle your bait through a door to be sexually, you know, aroused and have fun. I don't get it, you know, surprising to me, to be honest.

Some no just weird stuff. Yeah.

It's got to be one of your criteria now. And if you ever go out on a date again, are you in woodwork? I am toxic.

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Amadeu, Babalu, Babalu, but it's time for what you. Hello, Chris. Oh, yes, hello. You're right. It's pulling. Hang on a minute.

Oh. And that's just awful. I mean, in the times we're living in as well. Hello, you all right? How are you doing? I'm OK. Have you heard about the vaccine? I've heard yeah. It's exciting news, isn't it? Yes. Well, it would be good news. Christopher Dodd just got a phone call from my local hospital. Right. You'll never guess what. But apparently Christopher started a phone call from little jumped little shitty little shit bag.

And apparently I'm not eligible for the vaccine. Right. Why? They said it would be a waste where they said it would be a waste of one, because apparently I'm not worth. And civil rights are the. No.

That's what she said. She actually said that if you know she's aware of you.

I know her very well, but I do know her very well. She used to look after Barry when he was a kid.

Right. OK, yeah. Oh, OK.

Well, don't speak very much anymore. And she was quite surprised that I was actually still alive.

But apparently there's a list, there's a list of people who couldn't get it and there's a list of people who called. And I didn't make the cut, really. So I don't know what I'm going to do now. But there's actually there's a woman who lives on the estate and she's selling them. She's selling them for 50 quid a go.

Right. So I'm going to just give one of them a go. Right.

OK, well, I'll get me to look at. All right. Good prices on my next subject. I don't like the advice out willy nilly here about a couple of things. One, don't get one of them to maybe stop smoking. Chris, I've really cut down your smoking as we're speaking. I'm on 380.

I was on 400.

So, I mean, that's what's Comstock's continue with, that is why I don't I don't think anyone's ever particularly I'm a jeans for wants to a time at least I've done five at a time.

Got a very large mouth. And I've still got use in both my hands, like this hasn't got a thing that's just yet, the jugular lost all that is.

So I just wanted to say you might not see me.

Do you promise that? No, don't do that. All right. If you do speak to Boris, I know that you are in cahoots with people. Just tell him I'm worthy to tell him your word. I'm only 64.

We're going to get a bit ridiculous, isn't it, making the whole then? Oh, he's seven. Oh, excuse me, I didn't know the little cheeky little twat. Right, OK, well, give us the vaccine, but I'll freeze only eggs because the law got the law that I'm smart because the law that I make clever bend that way.

All right. I'll see you later. Bye bye. Bye bye.

Nothing said in this interview is of any sort of truth. What a shame.

I knew the two that I knew to do. Oh, shut up, man. Right.

What's your beef? Oh, which one do I want? Or I'll go with this one. OK, so recently you.

Well, it started because we had an argument the other day and your argument was your side of the argument was you were upset because you don't have any relaxing hobbies at all.

I've got nothing. You've got nothing to do. Nothing. So when Robin's playing or if Robin is set a task or if he's doing something, I enjoy your magazine, you enjoy magazine or, you know, my book off to a different room and watch shuttle.

Right. OK, this is all you stick it on in the room we're in, right? Yeah. I've got a lot of pages like you, programs I enjoy that don't have any sway.

I mean in this it's sort of. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like fine. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have that. No. And can I just clarify, you know when you say fuck off to another room. Yeah. I take the iPad or listen to a podcast but I'm always doing something, Christopher. I'm not just sat in another room and put in washing away or I'm tidying up or I'm just worried about cleaning. You seem to think that I'm just sitting in another room of when I'm not OK.

So I'd like to just clarify that. Nor did you need to find yourself a hobby. I do. When you find something.

Bike, bike. I got a window because bikes it's freezing cold at all.

You need to find a book or something or why don't you bake or cook. Tequila's right.

Well, I kind of tell you what I want. Is it what is all this stimulus. How do you. I'm offended. I started playing on the past five. I started just wandering in a room and just turning that on for quite nice. That's helping us good. Yeah.

I just feel I watch UFC or I watch like always Sunny in Philadelphia or everywhere I watch it's got Swearingen.

Yeah. Or violence. Yeah. There's nothing like watching from the I've got I can't help people compete for a bit so I start doing that. I good.

But don't you dare. Don't you dare. It's noted that you've said right. Good. Just do not let your beef in a few weeks beat you always pissed off at the police station.

Well it is a bit ridiculous. You know, it is a bit ridiculous that your new hobby is something that takes you often away from your family.

Well, run around while I'm on it. I'm doing so, you know, washing away. Well, how do you know?

Right. OK, well, I tell you what, can you play on the five einen? No, right then, well, you can't do it because I am genuinely always doing something. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're in the bath all the time. Oh, no, I'm sorghum munity through that.

What? He might be with you this week at the risk of being hugely insensitive and offended a lot of people. All right.

I'll put myself in the doghouse, cancel them, get them cancelled. You have taken your huffing and puffing around the house to new levels. I know you're pregnant. I don't want to upset anyone here. I know everything's a struggle. Getting about everything is a struggle.

You've always huffed and puffed in the past. It's another state living with a photograph.

Diffley and Airbed I and I put my socks on. Oh, so food. Yes, sex. I was wrestling in the mail.

Oh, just do it all on your face. I a kind of help but it just comes out.

But you know what it is right. And it's not because I'm a heartless person. It's because I care too much. You know me, I hear a noise and I'm like, what's wrong with you. Okay, I'm on it. I'm on for connections.

I don't know what. I'm on tenterhooks. Yes, I know.

I've got a beach ball, you know, I tell you what, let's sellotape a beach ball to you, right. And see how well you can take your kegs off.

It just comes out, I can't help it, I'm honestly getting undressed, it I think it's air that's in there and I'm bending over and it's just like, oh, it's really hard.

What's like labor?

I always used to watch programs when women live and I'm like, why do they make them noises about paying the women?

Well, it just it's part and parcel of it before we left. It's just a hole in a post-Cold War world.

Let me have that just to off just a notch. Just a tiny bit.

I cannot it cannot be told not to fall from the pool and have bagpipes, assuming it's just, you know, I can't or don't.

I'll cry. OK, ok, OK. How hard it is to get off this over or to get out of bed. You had to push me out of bed the other day.

No, not the first time. And are going to be pushed out of bed. I'm happy to oblige.

Oh ok. I'm sorry. OK, I'm sorry. I'll take that on.

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. It's time for questions from the public, the public public.

Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

Nice long on that nice gentleman. Even with all the huffing and puffing, you squeeze that in. Well done guys. As always, if you want to get in touch it shocked Margaret annoyed at Gmail dot com please continue said the stuff. We absolutely love it. Let's dive right in. Let's go.

Hi Chris and Rosy. Hope you're both well and I'm having a good Christmas season. Brackett's I live in Coventry, which is in year three too. So if it's anything like I was probably not going good.

Yeah. My boyfriend this chicken I just before this. Right, this blew my mind and I think it's going to blow yours as well. And we've never it's not rude, not anything like that. It's just one of those things where you go really OK to do this.

OK, my boyfriend and I were hoping if you could settle a debate between us, he thinks I'm strange for bringing my cup of tea into the shower with me.

Right. Right, I've got I've got many opinions on T. I've got many opinions on how you wash yourself. OK, this is my this is my fucking wheelhouse here.

I put it on the side of the bath and take the occasional sip. And this to me in my family is totally normal, not for clarity. I don't bring it into the water. I pull my head out. Fucking ridiculous. The first time he witnessed me walk towards the bathroom with the shower on and take in hand, he was absolutely horrified. Right. Right. So our question to you is, is this weird or do you take hot drinks in the shower, in the lobby?

And why in the name of God would anyone take a hot drink into the shower? What's wrong with, you know, fully on your boyfriend's side, too? This is I'm angry.

This has angered me. It has an anger is because a little bit of it is like, oh, it's actually stupid.

How how much are you in your shower to pull your head out to grab a cup of tea? It's good. It could get knocked over. Right. You've always got whatever you have to draw your face. If you got water running down your face, how much do you want that?

Like have it after. How busy are you? It's what I want to know. I mean, I just want to show a longer waste of what company is she CEO of.

That's what I can imagine. A really busy person I have to do.

Didn't we talk ages ago? You kicked off because I started taking cups of tea for a poo.

That's that's wrong. Well, I'm sitting down now. I've got water all over us. But there's something discussion about emptying your body of a thing and just filling it up with the thing that you empty in. Really. Do you not find that a bit strange?

I said this before that sometimes if I'm thirsty, I'm done either way. At the same time, I get very angry with my body. I'm like, communicate guys.

You know, I went for a week. You'd be desperate for William thought I'm really thirsty at the same time and thought how we know somewhat something in here. I could have you could have clawed a bit back there. This is the right I mean, I don't know. I don't feel like I feel like it's a bad design flaw in the body. We'll need a way, but you will be thirsty at the same time. So do you think your body should keep all of that?

I feel I just pull a bit back. Come on. There must be a you know, there must be a return for return.

I thought I kind of get away. I mean, I'm not a scientist or doctor at all.

Emilian, but a doctor is in the shower.

Well, Robin's currently got a book, one of the large family books, which I love. You love them and I'm one of them. Five minutes piece, Miss Lord. Yeah. Yeah. Goes upstairs and she takes a cup of tea in the bath and a session has a tea in the bath, has had no. I find that weird as well. But the way I feel like she's already hot in the bath. Should have a cold drink the bar.

OK, bye.

I've never had a hot drink in the bar. I feel like I've had, I've had wine in the bath and a glass of juice.

I've had red wine. I've had white wine and light beer in the bath. Right. Red wine, obviously room temperature, white and beer chilled. I think that's lovely.

But don't see because obviously from my years work in Rhodes often does not drink in the sun cooling down while you try you what to watch.

So you try to cool yourself down in your hot bath. That would not fall.

I could, I just I can understand having to stay in the bath just a bit. We just got four elephants.

Oh, it's a lot of talking to Mr and Mrs Lodge. She wants five minutes.

Find it. We had been surrounded by and being submerged in hot water and in some hot water. How hot you want to be.

It's going to, it's going to heat up a lot. Yeah. My bath especially I think at Skulled from the inside. So I'm against that anyway is what I'm saying. But here's a question for you. Yes. I don't think I've ever done anything other than just get washed in the shower. Yeah.

I mean, let's not you know, let's not talk about before we had Robyn, we should get a bit frisky source.

Anything see it. Nothing sacred anymore. You know why I don't have a sectary in the shower anymore?

Because keep not my cup of tea over the region. Is that why are you taking it in a genuinely repellent look? That was a joke.

I'm fully against Capacitate in the shower and I'm actually fuming that this person takes a cup of tea in the shower and thinks it's normal.

Well, what was it? I haven't had anything to eat or drink in the shower before.

I mean, I would you know, why why would you would I like a beer in the shower, be over in the shower? Might be all right. Why do you how long do you shower? How long to shower. Yeah, good point. Do you know what I mean. Yeah, just dragging it out.

I'll tell you what, I'll be sure you didn't have to pop my head out and have a cup of tea, everybody. Yeah.

Do you know what I do. This is this is true story. I go downstairs, make a coffee, put it in my dressing room, have a quick shower and then I go. Then I'll go and drink your coffee while I'm getting ready. While it cools down, while it cools down.

Because I have you know, Michelle was like a minute and a half long. OK, yeah. Because the drill sergeant will be in kicking off that you haven't like we're in the fucking army a minute and a half long.

Just because I'm gonna prove I'm five foot one. There's not much to wash dry.

No Veronal long showers. Get over yourself. Do Babadook Babadook. But would you like a story about a threesome or a throttle.

A throttle. Mm. What's a. Well hello Chris and Rosie. Oh. A quick story for you that I hope you'll enjoy. I'm in my late.

As is most of my friend group, I travel for a living, so most do most of my catch up using social media, Instagram, Facebook, etc, etc. I've noticed more and more of a strange phenomenon phenomenon, and I have to share it with you.

So I have two good friends who I have known for at least 10 years.

One is an ex from college. They both have been in committed relationships for at least four of those 10 years with their respective partners. Right. Two couples. Four guys. Right. So the two couples. Right. And it's four guys.

Right. Over the past two years or so, I have noticed these couples have been posting a lot of photos with a new third guy. Whom I also knew from college and assumed they were good friends. Now six people all together, right? So does the two couples and they've each got like a third person. Right, right. Right.

And within the last year, they are now posting photos with the hashtag. Hashtag. Yes. All right.

This has escalated to the point where the trials have now moved in together, one grouping in a one bedroom NYC apartment. Now, while I'm envious of the three income, one apartment situation, especially with apartment prices being extraordinarily high in Manhattan, this is a guy that is from New York.

This is an email from Sex in the City. I love it. I can't help but notice there must be a ton of admin in the bedroom department, let alone the living situation. And he's put yeah, I can imagine, Chris. There's a lot of questions. So I'll break down what I know.

Right, right. Right. So there's two there's no need.

You get into the why I'm so excited. I fucking suggested this ages ago. My theory this is my theory coming to life that it takes three people to run a house not to. Yeah you did.

To rent a house and have to adopt a kid as well. Three is the perfect number. I said this for years. This is Amazing Grace.

There's no this is like this is exactly the same as a college when I invented mixers and drinks and cans. Anyone listed I mention this before. I'm very I get very upset about it. When I was a business studies, I said to me businesses to each other said, you got to do a thing, you know, like a presentation about something that you've invented or whatever made up stuff.

And I said, like Jack Daniels and vodka, like in Coke with the can mix has already down in the cans. And he laughed us out the classroom. And five, ten, fifteen years later, they're on the shelves. I could be a multimillionaire.

I don't even get me started. When I was at college, I came up with this vaccine for this thing called Stop Talking.

And now it's all over the the news. And to don't belittle my it was I was so proud of that invention.

But let's not take away our troubles. I fucking invented what was okay. I didn't come up with a name. The name is very good. It's good hashtag, very well done. But I think that this age is coming to I do not want to be.

You will ever listen. We you've seen the candidates wait until we go to kids I suppose.

Yeah.

Maybe my daughter got four people and then that's not right. OK, so you want to know going. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah. So no they don't think it's strange but no they don't have a favorite. You would have finish it because it totally you know.

I mean. Yes, they sleep in the same bed, all three or three of them, three was in the middle. That's not cool. Horrible like in the middle will be awful. I know.

I'm Boylen either boiling hot or freezing cold, because if both people on the outside both turn themselves, if one turns clockwise and one turns on clockwise, basically they both turn themselves towards the edge of the bed while pulling the blanket.

Yeah, you've got a bridge over the top. You're going to have now in the middle. Yeah. You've just you're lying under a tent and grown men next.

I'm not trying to be sexist here. Both men are, you know, usually a lot larger than women. Right.

Take up a lot more for a minute. Going to talk about breaking wind. And I was going to say, don't you dare. Can you imagine the thought?

Oh, they've all been out for a curry or three large. Just let them out. Heavens of all.

Yes. They all have sex together all the time. Apparently it's great. I have doubts. So he says so he means all the time.

So you can also tell you can't have a first girl. You don't want to go away for all three. Is that what he means by all the time.

Oh. Oh that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Because it's hard enough to book in sex with just two years. Yeah. Imagine the third one. Third one if we're both. All right. I've got a headache.

Whoa oh. All right. Ba ba ba.

Before he'd love the very next week. Yes. They all share one small NYC bathroom. They see their only regret is not having a three person top four romantic bath time.

Oh this is when problems guys broken out. Oh do you know what guys like. I love being in this trouble but I just, I just wish we'd got a bigger bath.

You know, honestly, it's my only regret, Gary, if we could do to make time and get that that that Gary bad.

So Gary and Barry, do they all rhyme, Gary, Barry, Larry and Larry. So I'll go now.

Gelberg the side, the Christmas goods. They love Gary, Larry and Bob three. Big three.

Yes, that's I would say so with the bathroom bigger bathroom this year, they managed to deal with the size by removing the bathroom door. So there is more space.

So yeah, they watch each other, they have a shit as well, but that might not be next to the door. And I think he's I think he's you know, he's it sounds a bit bitter about this whole situation. Made it sound like they have an entire cabinet and Barry are living it up. Yeah. You know, and I think he's a bit jealous and he's just assuming that the wattage of the shit with I don't think the. Do I know what you mean by I mean, they're not that kind of guys.

But then again, if there's no door on the toilet, you've got no you've got no choice. But what situation what should do this at all? The toilet and a hole in it.

Oh, you put it between the jester drawers and the desk and then everyone's having a great time. The book, Romantic Dinners for three, they go to church all the time, so they share.

So that's quite good. Wow.

I'm starting to think this isn't about people wanting to have more than one sexual partner being in a relationship. I'm thinking this is all a money saving thing.

I got too much rent and money have been mentioned quite a lot in the next one.

I was just going to say that I can imagine imagine Gary, Marion Barry being on that coupon program in America where the save the coupons and stockpiled.

Yeah, yeah. The low flying economy because they can all sit together in one room.

This is ridiculous. Right, OK. They all think they have found their soul mate and are completely poly fidelity. What's that mean? We're going to have to Google this. Because here in Chakma, we like to stay up to date with all of the how you see it. What does it mean? Uh. Poly fidelity is a form of non monogamy, an intimate relationship structure where all members are considered equal partners and agree to restrict sexual activity to only other members of the group.

So it's monogamy, but within each other.

That's nice. I kind of assumed that already with Gary Loganberry, though, they don't stray.

It's a thought, but it's exactly what I mean. Yeah. OK, so take a monogamous, monogamous relationship. But with OK, we've got another one here. This one. This one's quite funny. Yes. They now have a joint bank account and he's Absolut madness. Yes. This started as a regular threesome group in college and they just stuck. And yes, one of these three couples claims they are engaged. I don't think that's legal here.

I was too embarrassed to ask. Wow. After these couples came out as troubles, at least six of my other friends who were in relationships are also now in troubles all together, 18 people.

And these are men. I can't understand it. I like Chris. I'm too worked up about the admin required to keep that running smoothly. Perhaps I'm not as open minded or still just looking for a decent boyfriend.

Not a whole old boy band group, but that's from from New York City. And he does not agree with it.

What do we think? I agree. You agree with that?

I think it was I do not agree with it at all. I think that I know now it's hard enough and it's hard enough having a relationship with one other person, trying to get, you know, like the moments that, come on, you said we and sister, sometimes you and Kevin were coming up against Kate.

And so as you and Kate were going up against Kevin.

Yeah, but then there's going to be the time where you're the one ganged up on, you know, you got this move or I'm.

No, no, no, I couldn't. This it's the bed chair and I'd be in the middle.

Well, why the three single beds? I would do that.

I'd say, look, y you could have the sex bed. And then you bed said this is a New York apartment, how much how much room do you think these guys have got? Listen, you just have to move out of Manhattan. If you want to be in this trouble, we're going to have to move out of here. We're going to have to get a three bedroom house, four bedroom, two six bedroom, the sex room, and then and then a bedroom each.

I'd be happy with that. OK. Yeah.

So they go 18 of them, though, 18 of his mates. You'd be good enough. Let you heard it here first. I never knew what it was until now. And now I know. Well, I've watched a lot of Netflix documentaries.

Unlike Tribbles and Polly, Polly still can't see what a lot of them still can't say it with. A man has like six wives once. Wives never get the husbands, never the other way around is it does not know for sure.

Not that I know of.

Why am I getting shit for this? I only got one wife. Why you have to go. I've just never. I've never watched a documentary yet where a wife has six husbands who look after all the kids and do everything right. Funny that never, never seen one yet where the wife gets to pick different nights with all of the different blokes. Right.

Just just putting that out there that I mean that would do.

There you go, listener. Do something about that now. Abba dooby dooby dooby. Hi, Chris and Rosie. I have a short but ridiculously weird story to share with you. No need to keep me anonymous. But even if you did, my mom, who also listens every week, will know exactly who sent it in. As I reckon it's quite unique how it is to set the scene.

I live in a rural part of the Scottish Highlands, so track that on the road is a very common thing. And you wouldn't normally take a second glance driving past one third of this particular time. Me and my mom, we're on our normal journey in the car on the way in my nan singing our hearts out. And we came across a convoy of about three or four tractors passing us on the road. These tractors are not massive ones with trailers on the back and windows at the top where the driver sits.

They were more like large quad bikes, just to give you an idea. OK, so absolutely no privacy on this tractor.

For some reason, I took a closer look at the man on the front tractor and noticed that he was sitting rather strange and his hand was in a really weird position. Oh, God. From what I could see, the man's hand was in a strange place, not where I would assume any of the controls for the vehicle would be.

Oh, man. It was down his pants. OK, I was shocked as it looked to me that his hand was moving back and forth while the other hand is controlling the wheel. Me and my mom both turned to each other at the exact same time and gasped with surprise when I realized she had also just witnessed the exact same thing as I did that tractor, one car.

I mean, the truck was very good. I mean, I'm sorry.

How busy are you? How busy?

I mean, we've got I mean, we've gone from people having cops are taking the shower, the people having a one while they're on a truck on the tractor. That's ridiculous. We bought you love chocolates. I'm thinking it's the vibration right of the tractor, right? OK.

The tractor wanker, I mean, couldn't do it in a field. On a road.

I don't know how to say this. It might be too bumpy. And maybe he just thinks I'm going to fit this in here while I'm gone.

No, but he's Scottish, first of all. So then why. Oh, shit. I'm I'll do his hands.

My, my, my, my brain always goes. What do you mean? He's been blowing the wind farm stuff, but if you have a clean one you have to be clean a little bit. Well, no, but you know, it's not like you don't forget insides anyway.

It's just done. It's very much just skin. Well yeah.

But still, I don't know. You mind if I call spoonerisms? Well, maybe that's what you fetishised. Stop.

That's horrible. Shop, it's a hell of a double double, but once again, thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Shadmi, which is not part of the experience.

Yes, indeed. Thanks, guys. As always, if you want to get in touch, it Shamari know that Gmail dot com. Please keep sending me stories of all that stuff. Umesh is on the website now on the books. I want to start Christmas Day. By who do you do?