Transcribe your podcast
[00:00:00]

Hello, you're listening to Charmides annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, and believe it or not, we're still together.

[00:00:05]

Your husband, Chris Rounds, everyone shocked, everyone shocked was still together. Nobody can believe it all together as it made us stronger.

[00:00:14]

Has what made me stronger? Just everything I do need to miles down, maybe broken ankle and I'm going to I'm going to say yes. All right.

[00:00:22]

I was going to put money on. No, no, no.

[00:00:25]

I think we are stronger, stronger than yesterday. But everyone, welcome back.

[00:00:31]

We are back off our maternity leave and paternity leave. Gender may leave. I'm not leaving until I leave your drug in the shit out.

[00:00:40]

Most men walking on Chris, most men would have been back after a week or two weeks to work.

[00:00:45]

You are dragging this shit out. I'm going to.

[00:00:47]

You're not going to put me coffee down on that. Offended a couple of things. One, I'm always on comedy, never sleeps. Right. I've never I've never stopped. I'm always on.

[00:00:54]

Even though I mean, even though I'm in deep levels of depression at the minute, I'm always on right.

[00:00:59]

Always on to be whether I did a lot and was allowed to be done.

[00:01:05]

I thought it was appropriate for if you I know you have a broken bone now. A bone in the ankle.

[00:01:11]

Have you though, because the lady said you had to go and we'll talk about this later. Right.

[00:01:15]

OK, all the time to talk about this book on guys because. Chappellet, it now Rosies excited I want to play this Redhook. Once again, the renegade mass of the people, once again, the renegade with the ill behaved, once again, the renegade mass of to the people once again, the renegade mass of people with the ill will back.

[00:01:47]

That should have been at the beginning. Well, you I'm not being funny. You knew I was going to do that. You kept talking. It was full. Don't you? Don't you believe me?

[00:01:55]

I know that I was that was going to Segway from the beginning of time to try to pick it up like a violin. No, hold your laptop on your shoulder.

[00:02:03]

Great. Well, guess we're back with the behavior before putting it of power for all of the words.

[00:02:12]

Oh, I don't know what that was, what was right before, but back once again with the renegade master before putting a power back with the behavior, with the behavior, if I guess I would say it would.

[00:02:25]

Difford Damager. But that doesn't really make sense. None of it makes sense.

[00:02:28]

Quick Google. Here we are. Yeah, I was right back once again for the renegade master defore damager power to the people. No idea what defo damage is, but I got it right. Sounds like a car defore damager.

[00:02:38]

Yeah. Listen, Fatboy, Mr. Slim, if you're listening, get in touch. I want to know what Jim Entercom, what the fuck does he damage?

[00:02:46]

I mean, no idea. But anyway, we are back with being on maternity leave. We've got a new child back. How long do drive off? Three weeks. Four weeks.

[00:02:54]

Three or four weeks. Yes. So that would make this episode 102. As always, guys, thank you so much for listening. Please continue to like and subscribe and all that bullshit. We'll be hanging in there. Now, before we go any further, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor.

[00:03:08]

Can I just stop you this? Yes, I've missed this. Really? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I am I this is the happiest I've been in weeks. What's sitting here now? Yeah, I've been doing the podcast and I've missed you sponsors. I hope it's a good one.

[00:03:22]

Well, no, look, they're all good because they all put money in the bank.

[00:03:24]

They offered nothing to us and we have financial security, Chris. Well, nothing like.

[00:03:30]

Well, if if if that is true. Right.

[00:03:33]

And if you are saying that they're all made up and that they're not actually lucrative, which they all said millions times, even if they weren't, which they all the comedy element.

[00:03:42]

Right. Of them makes the podcast good, which then pays the bills anyway. So either way, the responses. So I believe you can go and fuck yourself.

[00:03:52]

Right. Well, fuck yourself back. And I respectfully disagree.

[00:03:57]

Oh, it's good to be back.

[00:03:59]

Listen, this week sponsor is Rocket my rocket. I said Boggo Rocket. Oh, rocket. Hey. Like Pepa. Oh hey. Do you like Nel's.

[00:04:10]

Mm. Get a bit of a rocket in you. Oh is this a dig.

[00:04:15]

Because I bought rocket yesterday instead of like solid leaves with the slogan. Right. Rocket makes a solid even worse. I like rock rocket, dry and hot at the same time, Robert, what if someone was a leaf?

[00:04:33]

It would be Rocket had a bit of space to use solid rocket rocket hit grass, just worse than rocket spinach, not a hospital.

[00:04:48]

I have never.

[00:04:49]

How dare you? The office pull off. Paul I here this coming out of spinach.

[00:04:56]

But it's just lovely. It's utter shit. And will it stick it on eggs Florentine. I don't mind it. Will it. Weirdly but just not dry in a salad. Very sad.

[00:05:07]

It's a yeah there is. It's like someone's glued a lot of lettuce together, disgusted.

[00:05:12]

Too big, too thick. It is thick. Tasteless. Yeah.

[00:05:16]

I'd rather have a bit of rocket but no not no no rocket leave burning on the streets of heffalump.

[00:05:25]

Huckabee burn in my mouth in half alone because she has to have he is he has the heart on this must be drinking coffee. What it is 25 to 3:00 in the afternoon to have a glass of wine. Yes. Yes. OK, this coffee bar, he has a jingle.

[00:05:42]

Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Hello. Welcome back to this week. Shackman annoyed. So I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

[00:05:49]

I'm so happy to be back. I'm happy about. But we are winless. Right. OK, so just in a little break there, juju in the jungle we decided against the glass of wine and I didn't decide against it.

[00:06:00]

The world as the universe has made it so that we can't have a glass of wine.

[00:06:04]

Well, yeah, because we've got a cherry pick the children up from imams or children or imams. Children.

[00:06:08]

How we've got children, boys, the lad, the boys. That's completely tiddlers down there. The lads are Rosenbaum's house.

[00:06:18]

And she said, Well, Bob also don't e-mail. So we oh, is that still happening?

[00:06:26]

We wanted to have wine, but you took them down in the car. Right. And there's no car seat there for her to put grief in her car. No, there's also no bogy there. No. So for us to have some wine would have to go and pick them up. Now, I know you don't want to walk all the way down there and guess who can't walk all the way down there with a problem? Oh, yes.

[00:06:46]

Yes, I know. That's why I literally dropped him a we can't have a watch why I had to drive them.

[00:06:51]

He drove actually because of C-section. Yeah. I mean, we're falling apart. We are. It's like a fucking right.

[00:06:58]

You know, this is such a weird, obscure reference. But, you know, all of my obscure references can remember Gulliver's Travels.

[00:07:04]

Oh, I thought when he goes big, like you're not going to get so, you know, like this, he also goes, yes.

[00:07:13]

Is the one, you know, like, no, I'm like, well, you know, it's a massive but it is. But I don't know it very well. Then there's a one with what's his name off.

[00:07:21]

Cheers. He was in the first one that was like a big, long BBC agitation. Motherfucker.

[00:07:27]

Know what he called? I don't know. He's also in the good place. It's got grey hair and the good place. We worked behind the bar.

[00:07:33]

Oh, I forgot his name. Anyway, Gulliver's Travels, it gets big.

[00:07:37]

You see, there's loads of them. She gets big and he gets small and he goes to all these different places. It's all like political reasons.

[00:07:43]

It's not a story. I'm very well and well. Basically, there's just one way I can't even remember, Poppy, because this bloke's house and they're going he's going like, oh, can we leave? When can we leave the Gaza? Tomorrow. We'll go tomorrow. We're going to do this tomorrow. And he just ends up there for fucking like years. That's what this currently feels like with the foot, with your C section, with the things that we can't do.

[00:08:03]

I haven't been to the supermarket for fucking ages. We're running out of shit. There's just I mean, I got Robin some lined paper for his home schooling and I've just been drawn lines on plain paper. I'm fucking sick. I haven't even been able to pop to the shop to get a fucking Majola a job, but I've been on the show.

[00:08:18]

But you forget shit and you're rubbish. Asked you to go the idea for something you came with everything.

[00:08:21]

But the thing that I asked for there was ice for younger ice for me. Yeah. Yeah. Do nothing. I walked is also. You want to prolong this day. No I don't.

[00:08:30]

I really don't. But we'll get to that shortly. God forbid you have a double bed bath. So obviously there's a lot going on. Got a new child now and he's absolutely delicious and brought a lot of sunshine to life as Robyn loves him. His group is lovely. That's a lovely part of the ship. Obviously we're still going through utter shit.

[00:08:49]

Sick of it, sick, but whatever. You've got to be positive, don't you? Apparently. Apparently, you've got to be positive. This is this thing.

[00:08:55]

You've got to be positive because if you don't, then you're a horrible person and you know, you've just just listen, Chris, there's so much worse things going on.

[00:09:03]

So how dare you be upset, right? Yeah. Yeah, well, I did say it. Enough positivity, little Materne. You bet. I did see. Like, it could always be worse and it could always be worse. But I think sometimes you and I would go, yeah, yeah, yes, it would be worse but would always be worse.

[00:09:19]

I mean, everything would be worse.

[00:09:20]

It's the home schooling in the work in the. Getting me concessions like now, so the other day I was home schooled and Robin, excuse me, is in the lovely little Zoome sessions and that and much like the dad on Friday night dinner, which I've been told I am, I'm just constantly boyland, especially for the fact that I've got a hobel round in a massive moon boot thing, which is insulated.

[00:09:42]

You know, it's like really I put a sock on this big moon and I've got pajama pants on and Boylen and I'm hobbling around. I'm carrying relief and I'm setting Robin up at the computer and sometimes I'm just boiling.

[00:09:51]

It could be a lot worse. Fuck off. And I sat at the table and Robin sitting sort of across from me with a camera facing him. So I'm at the side of the laptop. And I took my top off because I was fucking sweating.

[00:10:02]

And whilst he was on the zoo, the camera was facing him until the tosser, just for no reason, just turned the laptop at me and his whole class on the teacher.

[00:10:11]

So, like, no one said anything. No one actually said anything. But I definitely heard the teacher kind of what you told there was a stutter and a sentence.

[00:10:19]

There was a stutter. So it was like and today we will be it was like that there was just a moment where it was like basically subconscious what naked man? And then carried on.

[00:10:29]

I was reading and I slid it and he was like, I'm like the amount of times I stop bothering him for funny, you know, and I realize he's unmetered himself.

[00:10:35]

Right. This is the problem because we got a letter before all of this happened. There is a letter in this kitchen which there's rules of the Zoome and you are not obey in the rules of the Zun. What does one of them say? Dods after the top saying no.

[00:10:49]

Well, it just it says it says adults should not be on camera. I wasn't eternal. I know, but it is there should be appropriate clothing for the kids.

[00:10:58]

Well, I'm adults. What do you think?

[00:11:00]

I want to sit with me, top of you talk and yourself every five minutes. I'm surprised you Tom's not latched on your chair.

[00:11:07]

No. Honestly, it's like a fucking dairy farm in here, securit. Constantly got your top off. My dad doesn't come round for weeks just now, just now to put himself to do not get me started on this on this whole debacle.

[00:11:26]

Our boys just honestly, you wait till they're older and not have their life. Yeah.

[00:11:32]

We'll get to we're going to get in the breastfeeding debate. Well, yeah, you've had it. You've had a right time of year.

[00:11:37]

I just can't breastfeed. I just can't do it.

[00:11:39]

My children will not so committed a felony, I swear to God.

[00:11:47]

And you actually said to me last night, last night when I talk about it, is that if they bring a girlfriends home in the future, the girlfriends have got big boobs.

[00:11:54]

I'm like a bloody joke. Yes, I like big boobs now. Do you? I didn't want to know women one.

[00:12:00]

So I know what you you little shit. Honestly, they won't have it. They will not have it.

[00:12:06]

Let's not let's not go to your house at your parents house for Christmas Day again, because your mom always gets really weird.

[00:12:12]

You know, when he asked for a coffee with milk and your mom start crying and kick it off. Come on. School or restaurant or something or your Robin stop four years ago.

[00:12:22]

Why do you still go off the boat in the.

[00:12:25]

So long story short, and Robin was massive when he was born and he needed more food. So we had to put one bottle quite early and the milk didn't come of age. So I couldn't really breastfeed with Rafe. I was like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. So I was in the hospital and I was squeezing colostrum out Mehboob putting it in little pots colostrum for the first sort of stuff that comes out before the milk.

[00:12:49]

It's like it's like it's like just squeezing a spot out of an apple.

[00:12:52]

Yeah, it's fucking disgusting. It's grim. It's really great. But I really wanted to do it. So I was like, right, I'm doing this. So then I was syringe in the colostrum in his mouth and I was like, no, you will, you will catch, you will do this. You wouldn't.

[00:13:04]

So but I kept at it three days, three days. And he was just getting that. And then we were told that he lost 13 percent of his body weight and you might have to be hospitalized. Yeah. So that was fun. So then we had to put on a bottle. But I've been Expressen breast milk for like three or four weeks now. Yeah. So he's been getting breast milk and he's been getting formula as well, but he will not suck on my boob.

[00:13:27]

And if he does, it hurt. Right.

[00:13:29]

And it's just I'm at that point now where I'm like, how many times am I just going to have to wrestle with you suck on my it and I can't I just can't do it anymore.

[00:13:40]

So we're at that point now where I'm like, what am I going to do? But this is fine because we have one child who was bottle fed and he's absolutely and he's thriving. And I'm not this person who's like, I don't care what people do, children, you can feed them any way you like. I personally really wanted to breastfeed because I just wanted you to do it and I really tried. But it's not happening and I'm not going to beat myself up and I'm just going to make a couple of things.

[00:14:04]

And basically, Robin with Robin tried for ages. Didn't the breastfeeding lady like the breastfeeding lady for the area, which is a mental job?

[00:14:12]

I think it's called lactate. And now you didn't get DeFore Damager.

[00:14:18]

You're not going to get this LECG the legend. That sounds like because I don't know anyone that would be for launch creep.

[00:14:28]

That would be if the doorbell went and applauds the breastfeeding little bit of a little chimney.

[00:14:35]

So you tried to it in the breast feed.

[00:14:37]

Lady came out. She was in for like three hours and you were screaming and Robin was screaming and she was screaming.

[00:14:41]

And then she left like sweating and she was like, he's latched on. And I was like, what's the three hours each day it's going to take him to do it did nothing for whatever reason.

[00:14:50]

And I remember I was at a gig. Yes. When Robin Robin must have been about two and a friend of mine was having a kid and he's got his pregnant wife was there and after the gig for a while having a drink. And I was like, oh, talking about different things, because obviously, you know, the two year old and she was like, oh yeah, I'm going to breast feed. And I literally went in like I was drunk.

[00:15:09]

And apparently I just been there for like twenty minutes about, look, if you can't breastfeed, don't blame yourself. Sometimes it doesn't happen. And he was like, yeah, you know, you're like drunkenly just talking to your wife about breastfeeding for twenty minutes must be the worst.

[00:15:22]

It's just really hard because it's something that is a mom you want to do it. And there is a lot of people who don't want to do it at all. And that's absolutely fine.

[00:15:29]

A lot of people don't even try. I really wanted to do it and it's just not happening. And I am a bit good about it.

[00:15:34]

But at the same time, you lost it was going to have to go to hospital. Yeah, because my milk hadn't come in.

[00:15:40]

Well, I had to go to hospital with him because he was lost loads of weight and the doctor was like, well what happened?

[00:15:44]

And I was like well I've been trying to breastfeed him for three days. You guys have been seen, make sure he feeds. Make sure I breastfeed. You get it. You'll get it. You'll get it. You'll get it. And then the like. Why has he lost weight?

[00:15:53]

Because it's fucking you've been given him essentially a fucking sandwich in a Tupperware that doesn't open for three days and he's lost weight cause he's lost fucking weight. But the main thing to remember is the moment you tried a lunch in the hospital and he wouldn't do it, who was the person who immediately said, get him on a bottle before this is a nightmare?

[00:16:12]

That's right, it was Chris Ramsey, what happened three days later, they woke up on a bottle because it was a nightmare. What do you know? I'm not being funny, though, of being right. Right. OK, then. Right. Put it put it in human terms. All right. Your penis just.

[00:16:28]

Oh, no, no. You've got a penis. Doesn't work. Right. What's your penis meant to do? Have sex that was meant to do.

[00:16:34]

Well then get erect. Have sex. You see my boobs meant feed me baby. Right.

[00:16:40]

But but he doesn't want it so it's a similar thing. OK, I just thought, ok, it would happen. OK, so I thought that analogy back to you. OK, so in this scenario you want to do it.

[00:16:53]

It wasn't work and you kept persevering.

[00:16:55]

If my penis wasn't working I wouldn't slap my flaccid dick against a vagina for three days until the woman lost 13 percent of her body weight through starvation.

[00:17:06]

And then Gore probably had a dildo pet. I let myself out. There's the difference. I would have given up immediately.

[00:17:13]

You are horrible. That is bang on annoyingly. Yeah, very, very good. Another.

[00:17:22]

So yeah.

[00:17:26]

Oh goody. I'm giddy if I am good.

[00:17:28]

This is the most. You actually spoke as well but I know it's the most we've spoken since WAF was born.

[00:17:33]

This is an I can't stop thinking about your flaccid penis now. Well up and against a vagina.

[00:17:37]

You and every other red blooded woman in the world. Oh you're welcome ladies. Part of the story is if you're listening to this and you think about breastfeeding, give it a good shot. Give it. If you really want to do it, give it a try. I know a lot of people who do it really successfully. Do you know how I know? I know a lot of people who do successfully because they always want to give you a hand with AIDS when you can't do it.

[00:18:00]

That's how I know that people physically give you just just always if you want me to help you with it.

[00:18:05]

He has a funny story, right? This is hilarious. You love this. So I was on a face time with my mom, my sister the other day. It made me sister. My sister couldn't breastfeed. That obviously just got really shitty.

[00:18:15]

It's mean. Keep it sisters. Right. We were just the boys.

[00:18:24]

That would be that would have been a different Nickelodeon show. Shifted sisters. Oh, I don't want a second. I did. Oh Roger. It's a shit. Go home. It siestas never knew how much Miftah anyway. How can we how shitty that your tits could be shipped to us?

[00:18:50]

I can only apologise to everyone. Listman This is the worst, but I 30 minutes.

[00:18:55]

So anyway, we want to face time with my mom and Kate and Kate was like and so I think I might have put something on Instagram that was struggling a bit and my kid had got messages of people saying if you really struggling strangers, tell her to get in touch with me and I'll help with the breastfeeding like it's like, do you need Anna from Wilkin in Lincolnshire to help?

[00:19:19]

You will get wherever the phone from a piece of just need it to help you with your breastfeeding, or do you think you could just kind of do it yourself or help someone you know, or anyway.

[00:19:30]

And then we were kind of having a little joke and maybe a little bit passive aggressive because we were a bit angry that we couldn't do it ourselves about how when some women when the breastfeed, they make it like their thing, like I am a breastfeeding, like it's their thing and and, you know, a great OK.

[00:19:46]

But then my mom gives me mum corseted Sandra LATISM and she breastfed like all of her mad moment mother.

[00:19:56]

And so she was very much of the Welker's. You know, it's it's it's natural. It just it should happen. You know, maybe she didn't bloody but I didn't try to round all this shit and I was like, Mom, you're one of them. And then we found out through the conversation my mom. Right? Yeah. Used to go to little groups and show women how to breastfeed with my kid.

[00:20:15]

She would get it out, breastfeed our kid, and all the women would come and have a look.

[00:20:19]

And I was like, Sandra, you've gone down. In my estimation. She's one of them, one of them.

[00:20:25]

And then sort of just as a bloke at and it's just like we don't have that. Men don't have that, you know, appendage that would feed a child with it is incredible thing. Like we said, if you're out there and you're trying to breastfeed, God, persevere. I hope you can do it. You know, it's good luck to you.

[00:20:42]

And I was desperate. You know, you do realize I'm just a bit what's the word? But I'm very bitter about it, but sour like the milk.

[00:20:51]

And yes, it's sweet, apparently.

[00:20:57]

But men just don't have that. Just really just. Can you imagine a bloke you imagine whatever your mom went and did that the fuckin community centre. Can you imagine the caretaker walking in and just how awkward and upset you would be seeing a woman breastfeeding and a lot of other woman looking?

[00:21:12]

I mean, why men? Just because men just don't have that part of the. It's just to us, it's always going to be weird. It always is. I've told you every single time a woman is breastfeeding a child, I don't know what's happening. I always try and look at the kid's face and I see the.

[00:21:24]

I've been there. What? You did it. I see the like right at the eleventh hour. I'm like, oh, my God, I've got my head in your cleavage. I didn't know. I thought it was hiding its face.

[00:21:31]

It's having its dinner. No, I'm not trying. Breastfeeding is so natural. Is that's what the for. That's what I'm just saying.

[00:21:39]

It's hard. Yeah. It's not natural. There's a natural thing in the world but it's fucking it can be hot which is what I told him. He said to me mate's wife after a gig and apparently ruined the night. Well please stop.

[00:21:50]

Please stop giving women breastfeeding advice. Listen, I've got to a group one lockdown's finish up, go to a group home with me mum. Not me really.

[00:22:00]

No, I wouldn't I wouldn't have my mom, but she could breastfeed. We should be doing it now.

[00:22:06]

That's all him and Robin.

[00:22:08]

Oh. So it all going to go see Rosie easy.

[00:22:13]

No, I'm just hanging on like fish. I got sidetracked. Bitch got. She did says death, she says, to go home, run, you Babalu, Babalu, a bit of an update for the avid podcast listener.

[00:22:30]

I'll speak Mitali the day. Rosie can remember when I said that my dad used to take us to South Shields overthought as much as I said it recently. Yes, said that I love football. Yeah. And I remember in the dressing room that he brought with like all the talk bom bom bom bom krok. Yeah, I was, I was like a wart. I mentioned it recently. I said it my dad randomly.

[00:22:50]

I was like, Dad, you want you to take me to the football matches. I mean, it's really weird.

[00:22:53]

But do you remember like a bloke who had like like a mole at the top, like a wart thing at the top of his ass crack and literally without missing a beat, me dad gives his full name, really was his full name. He said he used to be a doorman and he was really, really self-conscious about the about the walls are full name straight away.

[00:23:12]

Fucking weird about you.

[00:23:13]

Don't forget to that. It's just, you know, I don't know what his name was. Not Davey such and such. I will pick off the top of me.

[00:23:20]

I mean. Yeah. If he's listening to this. Yeah. You know, that's that's literally come back to bite him.

[00:23:26]

He didn't just obviously didn't have to go. Oh you can get them taken off you know.

[00:23:39]

Yeah. Someone I know had a had a like thing at the top of his bum and used to always take time primordial tail thing.

[00:23:48]

Well was not a tail I was it like a tail.

[00:23:51]

No, it was like a cyst.

[00:23:52]

Oh I just always posted that and then he got this and post or post awful words. I know that. Then he got it lanced. Lunceford Well, that's a good one. The good one. So then he got it now. So that that was not a problem anymore, but was always quite nice when it used to put in the bottom and sorry. It was it was quite nice.

[00:24:09]

What do you mean? Because I love stuff like that. Where did you see it when it used to post. What do you mean? I used to work with them. Well we're fucking the human centipede life. How were you. See his almost crushed that close up because he used to work in quite close proximity with them. Where did you work abroad. What was it? Scotties. Awesome.

[00:24:27]

Although it's Possin got around everyone.

[00:24:29]

It's Paul said, listen, if you like stuff like that and you find somebody else who likes stuff like that, don't mind sharing it with each other. Spots syste.

[00:24:38]

I've told you meeting with spots I like to watch. I don't like to do it OK. I couldn't squeeze in one spot. I could watch them.

[00:24:44]

So if, if it was Dogen, you stand outside the window just watching.

[00:24:48]

Why Giacobbe with Dogen. It's completely different.

[00:24:51]

I want to join in. That's a thing. And it's so that's what some people do with dog and they just stand outside the window. Don't have that. Probably we may actually. Yeah. So yeah. So you would want to go and see a sexual something in Amsterdam.

[00:25:01]

You want to go and see people squeeze in spots on the window or that's a wall without copyright copyright. So if they stand inside and squeeze them on the glass and you see on the other side of the glass christou I'm not being funny.

[00:25:12]

Twenty twenty being a bit of a shit you don't want to as are going to happen again. Twenty should twenty twenty you me to shoot you in twenty twenty. Jesus. Should we do that.

[00:25:20]

I think sort of distance the glasses in there that would make money. That would mean lots of money popping zits on the glass and the other person on the other side of it just.

[00:25:28]

Yeah, yeah, yes. I mean the YouTube video includes the money which is essentially the same thing. Yeah.

[00:25:33]

It's good for anxiety, stuff from anxiety or stress or anything like that. Watch a couple of spot screen videos before bed spaces. Lord Hubway.

[00:25:42]

I think I read in an interview, Russell. I would watch him being on stage. Does he. Yeah. Oh I read an interview. I watched them before bed. Might start watching them on the night feed. Don't do that. By the way, killers, these night feeds. Yeah, I'm a walking zombie. Yeah. Sick me life. I mean, I keep hearing you getting open. That's a bit distracting from my.

[00:26:04]

Oh, my. Oh, actually, speaking of night fever, I just want to you know, this is what I'm currently listening to, what I'm trying to get back to sleep after I've put down His Royal Highness and you're next to us. So you want to have a little listen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[00:26:19]

If you listen really carefully, this you can hear a lovely little squeaky little voice. Yeah. In the background, you can just hear you on the wall giving it large.

[00:26:28]

So this is me lying in the dark trying to get back to sleep. At what time was this.

[00:26:34]

Oh three oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh wow.

[00:26:50]

The pigs lady, honest to God were you know, were you recording and then lean into me then lean into him. No, that put me in the middle. That was main line in the middle. But you recently I've got this, this is from the 10th of January. You've started you know how you did tennis snoring. Yeah. You've got a new one now. Oh really. That's exciting. This is helicopter snoring. You know what? I was going to pick this up.

[00:27:12]

So here we go.

[00:27:23]

Yeah, is it sounds like a helicopter in the distance, disgustingly proud of that horrible, horrible I'm the guy of police academy do all the sound effects. Hey, what a talented bloke. I mean, even a measly. Even initially. Comal disgusting e sorry, love.

[00:27:39]

It's nice, though, because you're getting the full you're getting nearly seven hours, which is good. I'm getting tired. I prefer it but I'll take the seven. Yeah. To the seven.

[00:27:48]

Come on please explain before I get a lot of emails like myself and which have already hot by the way about me. Nothing but abuse from you bastards.

[00:27:54]

Thanks very much.

[00:27:55]

Every word I get over them both in the morning and a brief in the morning. And then I do this home schooling with Robin and why not learn much with Robyn while I've got until while you sleep?

[00:28:07]

That's the deal. So that's the deal.

[00:28:08]

So we have worked it out and it started it basically stopped because I couldn't do the night feeds because I literally couldn't move and walk on the moon but thing now.

[00:28:15]

But I couldn't move because we thought, well, no, but there is also the problem of it was going to be next week. I might as well. Why not bring it up now, just really quickly, because you were back and this is probably going to be a bit of a longer episode because we've got a lot to talk about.

[00:28:28]

And we've noticed recently that Chris actually he's got a really he's got a really bad medical problem and Chris cannot lie on a bed without falling asleep.

[00:28:38]

Yeah. So we've noticed it's only happened just over the last few weeks. But, Chris, you don't mind me telling the, you know, come on, I don't know where we're going to take in the doctors next week. And he can't physically apparently lie on a bed without falling asleep like Rosie. I just I can't lie in bed without falling asleep. But what Chris what Warchild needs feeding. I can't I can't do it at night.

[00:29:03]

So anyway, let's get the background. Yeah, I just came for the fuck, you moron.

[00:29:09]

Well, the first couple of weeks I wanted to go downstairs and feed off downstairs and watch the telly because I don't see the point in going upstairs, getting me pyjamas on, get myself into bed, get myself nice and cozy to sit there or lie there and not go to sleep because I've got to be feeding this kid.

[00:29:25]

So I was like, these kids have the TV on this random child. You're going to have the telly on, right?

[00:29:32]

I can be still dressed. I can be sitting up, I can have a cup of tea and be awake and feed him until he falls asleep, then bring him up. That was my thing. My thing. You making me you know, you need to be upstairs.

[00:29:42]

You making me lie in bed and try to stay awake was basically like saying so it was basically like take your clothes off, take your pants and your underpants off. So not toilet, sit on that toilet all day.

[00:29:53]

But don't you dare associate. Oh, you sound like an old dog.

[00:29:59]

Well, I can't lie there in the sun without falling asleep.

[00:30:04]

Yes, you can. Yes, you can. You can lie in bed, feed your child with the lamp and put the telephone. You don't have to fall asleep. The most ridiculous thing I've ever heard me.

[00:30:14]

I saw the biggest exhausted and very exhausted of healing, of being born here. And I'm very exhausted and it's very tiring, hobbling around all day. I'm you know, I'm expecting a lot of energy.

[00:30:25]

So I thought, well, let's go, let's go, let's go straight. Let's go to the beach. Why? And because I want to talk about this shit.

[00:30:33]

You keep score. I'm going to get nervous at all.

[00:30:36]

I would rub a dub dub, but it's time for what you be. Hello, Chris. Oh, oh. Oh, fuck.

[00:30:45]

Yes. Um.

[00:30:47]

Oh good God. Go on. Yes, but in your worst actress ever, what did you do, Barry.

[00:30:53]

But I did Belinda's voice aggressively, right? No, I'll do it again next week anyway. I just wanted to say hello.

[00:31:00]

It's like honestly it's like want to see a spiritualist like a medium.

[00:31:03]

Oh someone's coming through. Oh no. They've got their voice by twenty quid.

[00:31:10]

You dad says stop moving the sofa.

[00:31:12]

Fuck me. I'm Charlotte. And now. Yes.

[00:31:16]

What's your beef. What's my beef. Yeah. Me beef is the same as my last beef. Yeah.

[00:31:21]

A couple of episodes again ago we used material. Well it's added to this beef so obviously broke your ankle. I'm you know, I genuinely feel sorry for you.

[00:31:31]

I imagine it being very painful.

[00:31:33]

Bloody well. The sympathy, my sympathy goes crazy. Right.

[00:31:37]

So just to set the scene, everyone, and we went well we went some way the day for a drive.

[00:31:45]

Don't tell, don't shout at us. We had to get out the house. There's a lovely bakery in a little village near where we live. And we went to the bakery. Right.

[00:31:52]

Chris parked a little further away from the big right with his broken ankle. I stayed in the car with Ruth and Robin Fed with revenues there.

[00:32:00]

Chris Walker probably, what was it, six hundred thousand six hundred yards to the bakery. You did, didn't you? Didn't take your crutches. Just walk there. Yeah, right.

[00:32:09]

Godey's cream cake, godey's feel right. You've got all this shit. Come back with a fucking carrier bag of of delicatessen garbage. Right. I thought, OK, good. It's been four little tunnels. I don't care, he said it was a big it is what he said five minutes ago. It was a it is a big event.

[00:32:29]

Then you went and got the wrong word. What did I mean? Trencrom Tisbury. What does it say?

[00:32:41]

But it is right, because I'm so angry right now.

[00:32:55]

This is where Del Boy tries to do Frege a crime.

[00:32:59]

Chisari Rodders bringing the old crime Tisbury like a back story.

[00:33:05]

But my story. So fat, greedy pig over here when Gordie's fell right at the bakery crematory that night.

[00:33:14]

That evening, Christopher with a really sad face.

[00:33:18]

I looked over and I was like, you're right. It's like I should be walking on this. And what do you mean? He went up in text and so he's pogany's matsen. I've been texting Munford and Beckert, who both broke their ankles apparently before they said, you walk too much and I'm like, I'm walking too much. And I said, Well, Chris, you're not really walking in the house. You want to go in the toilet and the boggler tap so many places you go, really, you don't go down the stairs and stuff.

[00:33:44]

You just do what you do. I'm doing too much.

[00:33:47]

And I went, do you think it might be in that walk with a baby the day you greedy fat half. That's six hundred yards.

[00:33:55]

Yeah. Hubbell's to get a cream cake and.

[00:34:00]

Oh Mr. Ramsey, you're not here it as quickly as you thought you would what you've been doing. Nothing, nothing.

[00:34:05]

You walk to the bakery, do that bakery. What he will not he will not climb stairs to bring his wife a cup of coffee and that bloody good.

[00:34:18]

Well this leads me straight on. Straight on. I got busy.

[00:34:22]

I got excited. I'm excited about the house. I was excited. Be somewhere else. You were feeding me from about the calls. I do know what you know what? I want this. You can get yourself the cake, right.

[00:34:30]

And you know what it is hobbled. I hobbled. I was in agony and I didn't see me crutches because it's corbels and I didn't want to fall.

[00:34:37]

It was all those hobbling on. The couple's hobbling on the couple's right.

[00:34:41]

Well, he has something. Would you have done that if that had been a shop of bibs to buy bakery needed a bib?

[00:34:49]

I don't think I would. You would you have Hubbell's there? Would you went Rusia. I can't walk.

[00:34:52]

I'm going be honest with you. In this current climate the way it is, I don't think a baby shop would be open still.

[00:34:58]

I think it would have I think don't don't don't realize it's not just not bring into this. It's not really a shop. It sells just bibs. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Mr.. Mr. Gordy's foot up every day. I'm doing too much and walk too much to all the other bakery.

[00:35:14]

Yeah. Oh yeah. I'll run, I'll run to the bakery you pig.

[00:35:22]

Honestly, I was furious that man fed negative said the board said you didn't do too much workin on it too much. Oh there it is.

[00:35:32]

A hot start walking. I just had to start. The physio guy was like, you can't be putting any pressure on.

[00:35:37]

I was like, I'm going to fucking chop it off if I don't like people who I think what they mean by don't walk on it is people who break that ankle and then go walk round the metro center for two hours the next day to show I'm honestly a garden center.

[00:35:54]

Still, I don't know. I can't walk on the money so far. I'm thinking, should we go to Costco for something to do tomorrow? Uh, are we allowed? I don't know the kids.

[00:36:03]

We've never been it's never been to Costco, you know, I mean, a close is going on at Costco or an inflatable hot tubs got in.

[00:36:10]

I'll take them. We'll buy him. Buy him a fridge, a fridge, buy a little room. Yeah. Robidoux Bapineuzumab.

[00:36:19]

Filleting fish from a dish box, an evening frocks Big Mac down the cul de sac and even under a drawing rack, medium fries and rainy skies or maybe cheeseburgers in the bath. How daft wrap through cat flaps, nooks and rugs are perhaps a chicken sandwich to the river because, yes, we deliver, download Uber eats or just eat up and enjoy McDonald's at home at participating McDonald's see McDonald's dressed like delivery to see if there's one new delivery fee applies.

[00:36:55]

But what do you do for me? You can't have a beef with me, surely. I mean, I probably shouldn't have to be with you, but I've definitely got one. And it's a double barrel beef.

[00:37:02]

So you mentioned it. You did touch on it in the last thing that you said there. And you're basically the reason you're so angry that I've brought my aunt was because it impacts on you. It impacts on how much you wanted me to run around after you. Oh, yeah.

[00:37:15]

My recovery has halved. I'm better now. Let me look at me. Healed from me. Open surgery, major caesarians. You should be thanking us.

[00:37:25]

Then you should be thanking us. Because what I've done is I've give it a fire only to achieve what you didn't think you could achieve. Yeah, OK, you push the limit.

[00:37:33]

All right then. Well, let's wait five years down the line when I go to the hospital with an ulcer and they'll go, Mrs. Ramsay, you have internal damage. What did you do? And I'll say, my husband broke his fucking ankle and I had to do everything about Hanus.

[00:37:45]

But the cream cakes all but honestly, that Mooresboro crispy cake, that was worth it.

[00:37:55]

So you you are you basically said the other day when you talk about me, you know, like Chris, because it is we're making light of it, but it is massively like you recovering from a caesarean one week old baby right at the time, broken ankle lockdown.

[00:38:12]

People not at school, Robin, not at school, not, you know, not allowed to have loads of people coming around to help you stuff, right?

[00:38:18]

Yeah. Hell hell on earth. But you actually said the other day you went a wake up. And I remember that you've got about a week, of course, in the morning.

[00:38:27]

I remember that you've got a bad float because my favorite part of the day was lying in bed knowing that you and Robin were fine downstairs and you could bring me coffee to bed. Yeah, that's what you said. Yeah. Yeah, that's the main thing, was that you couldn't get.

[00:38:40]

So you wake up now, me, Robin and me, if I find downstairs, the only difference is you've got to fucking come down for your own coffee, you lazy cow torture.

[00:38:48]

And you have haven't absolutely none of it. And if anyone listening thinks that's not lazy, she just wants a little treatment. She's not lazy.

[00:38:55]

I'll bring you to the second part of my argument, which I've got written down, which is another quote that my wife said after, should be in a hospital, which I actually couldn't fucking fathom.

[00:39:06]

You are so lazy was a quote that I wrote it before.

[00:39:09]

And when you said it, you actually said the words after your operation.

[00:39:14]

That catheter was the best thing I've ever had. That catheter was the best thing I've ever had.

[00:39:23]

You said those words and I just wrote it down to me, you were so buzzing that you going to lie in your bed and just piss. That you did enough to get up and that you did enough to actually push to have a piss or wipe. Said no one ever that catheter was the best thing I ever had. Fuckin lazy mess of. I really love that. Honestly, honestly, I love that Gothard and I didn't have to get it for a week, like two days.

[00:40:05]

Yeah, they kept it longer, you know.

[00:40:09]

I know this is Mrs. Ramsay's requested will leave the catheter in. This is a medical first.

[00:40:14]

This is what's called this will go in the medical journals. No one's ever said that. Yes.

[00:40:18]

She wants she wants to take it home with us and she wants the bag to actually be an oil drum and just wheeled around with a lot wilkommen maybe every two months, the human septic tank.

[00:40:36]

Oh, hey. Oh, this feels great.

[00:40:38]

It was I think it's given us an infection, to be honest, for at the time the price to pay, the price to pay for cover or maybe it's just something really luxurious.

[00:40:55]

Go look.

[00:40:58]

Look, there's something really luxurious about sitting, having a conversation with a nurse and then just looking down and going, oh, your bags filling up.

[00:41:09]

It was one pound. So obviously I'm living in covid ablaze. Right? Not really. Not knowing when and where, you know.

[00:41:15]

No, I was just living in like I haven't been the toilet for four days. This is cool and drink. And I was drinking loads as well and I couldn't believe it. You know, I love juice. I drink, you know, how much I drink will get no look at it.

[00:41:30]

And after just being pregnant, when you have to go to the toilet like 25 times a day, it was just it was honestly luxurious. But then there was the point when one of the nurses came in and they took my blood pressure and everything, and then she was like, oh, you got any change? And she just lobbed it on the bed.

[00:41:50]

And I was like, That's my bag of piss, isn't it?

[00:41:53]

And then you then you then you remember that you remember. But you just pissing in this bag, what you call outside. I mean, it was under the bed. I couldn't see it.

[00:42:03]

I saw it every time I came in.

[00:42:05]

I walked in the door. It was just the greatness of my wonderful No.

[00:42:11]

One, no one in the history of the world has ever described a catheter, a luxurious I bet they have honestly luxurious, eh.

[00:42:22]

How the other half this.

[00:42:32]

And how many bathrooms do you have in the manor house? None. We've got no bathrooms. Look, we've all got these on.

[00:42:43]

When our children are born, they get their catheter.

[00:42:47]

Would it not be nuts of ice n family tradition to get a catheter? I know you've got a pets. Does your cat have a little litter cotton at a cat, cat's got its own car.

[00:43:09]

Are they on the other side of it?

[00:43:12]

It's like a little bomb vest for a cat. Yes, I would all wear combat trousers and put them in the pockets of.

[00:43:27]

Oh, God. Hey, I tell you, I don't take it away from this. Any time I'm going, if I have to go to hospital again, you know, the first thing I'll be asking for a catheter, Mrs. Ramsey Johnson will be covered.

[00:43:44]

But Mrs. Ramsey, it's an operation on your home, operation in your hand with no anesthetic.

[00:43:51]

It's just your finger. We'll just realign in your broken finger.

[00:43:54]

Got to check it out. Mrs. Ramsey, you really have a 40 minute event if you don't get me that.

[00:44:00]

Got that now.

[00:44:09]

Given the dentist a one star review because he didn't get a catheter when you were getting the African black script off by, okay, you're right, Rosa.

[00:44:23]

Nice to see you. Glad we're open again after lockdown. What happened today? Just getting your roots done in a trim and everything. Yes.

[00:44:29]

Can I can I have a catheter while I'm here? Yes.

[00:44:35]

To be fair, you're there for four hours. I'm at the hairdresser's longer than anywhere else. Yeah, they should probably get catheters. So, yeah.

[00:44:41]

Good idea. Right. Copyright is going to get. I'm going to get on that. Yeah.

[00:44:45]

We give the nurses maybe the seats should just be a toilet. You know, the seat that you're on at the hairdresser's, maybe you should just have a hole in the bottom. Maybe you should sit down. That would be great. I've got the cloak over it. Yeah, sweatpants.

[00:44:56]

Don't sit down. It just. Yeah, yeah, right. Duni Fringe. Now stay still.

[00:45:01]

All right. I'm not moving.

[00:45:09]

We got the order.

[00:45:11]

A double double back. It's time for questions from the public.

[00:45:14]

Public, public. Up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up.

[00:45:18]

Public still using it, you know. Is he Boris Nicollet? Yeah. Unbelievable. They're still doing that, you know. And then things what the briefings I mentioned using the wrong ones.

[00:45:28]

I think the wrong quite often months because people still get tweets of people saying Boris Johnson every time he sees questions from the public and they're still doing that shit.

[00:45:36]

I just can't I can't watch that many graphs live. No, I can't do it.

[00:45:42]

I don't know if they still do in the graphs. I can't I can't watch the news in general.

[00:45:46]

It's just no normal point to the go look, you know, this is when all this is confusing, you know?

[00:45:51]

OK, try and put it in layman's terms. The let me go. Welcome to the briefing under. And one of them goes, yes, great time.

[00:45:56]

And he just whips the graphs up and he always goes, as you can see clearly.

[00:46:00]

No, no, no, no one can see clearly what you're about to see. You're fucking doing it on purpose. Yeah. Goddammit, you can't convince them.

[00:46:08]

Confuse them. Oh, somebody said that somebody important from many years ago.

[00:46:15]

Was it from olden times, from the olden days, Victorian days.

[00:46:19]

As always, guys, if you wanna get in touch a check by the road at Gmail dot com, send us your stories, send us selfies, please send us all kinds of stuff.

[00:46:25]

I hope you're doing all right out there in the land of lock down forever. Hope you're OK.

[00:46:31]

Let's crack on. I'm not OK. That's going OK.

[00:46:35]

It was a rhetorical question. Oh so right. Sorry I just.

[00:46:39]

I'm not ok. That's worn out hasn't it. Well I remember years ago when when people used to go how are you. And you go I'm fine. Yeah. When you won't find. Yeah I can't do that anymore. Somebody say How are you doing. I'm not, I'm not very well. Yeah.

[00:46:53]

Yeah thankfully we're not because that would be. Yeah it's always it's about on the podcast before we go.

[00:46:59]

So it just that person where you go like oh me. You're right. And the go.

[00:47:04]

Well actually no I wasn't, I wasn't asking you a question. Yeah well the real question, I was still warm.

[00:47:09]

I said, yeah, I was you know what happened to the streets. Yeah. But yeah that's yeah. If we were seeing people at the minute it would be all right. No that's me. But we're not saying people will be all right if you're seeing people. So weirdly, it's a kind of it kind of comes. Yeah. It kind of comes itself out anyway.

[00:47:26]

Let's get some cues from the pew. Let's get the disgusting, dirty, vile.

[00:47:30]

But we'll just get through to found a nice mixture of that bagel deros Yanquis hearing about Chris breaking his ankle so soon after you having your gorgeous baby made me want to tell you my parents story from twenty one years ago.

[00:47:42]

Oh, thank you for calling, gorgeous. It's very nice. How lovely you've all been.

[00:47:45]

Really appreciate it. Yeah. Thank you. My mom fell down the stairs when she was heavily pregnant with my younger sister. She was OK but didn't want to move in case she hurt herself or the baby.

[00:47:55]

Yeah, my dad phoned. The midwife was me and my older brothers all watched the drama from the top of the stairs. After bringing the midwife, my dad came upstairs to check on us. But halfway up the stairs, the midwife called back. So my dad quickly turned around to go back to the phone. Don't haven't carefully stepped over my mum to get up the stairs going back down. He was not so cautious and tripped and fell down the bottom four steps, landing on top of my mom who was still lying on the floor.

[00:48:22]

Both of them had to go to hospital, walked.

[00:48:24]

Fortunately, my mom and my sister were both fine, but my dad ended up on crutches, so my mom now had to take care of three kids all of the age of five whilst heavily pregnant with my dad on crutches. To make matters worse, whatever people saw them, my dad would get so much sympathy for having fallen down the stairs braggarts when he only fell down four, whilst my mom, with no visible injuries, had no sympathy despite falling from top to bottom whilst pregnant.

[00:48:50]

Needless to say, she was not pleased.

[00:48:54]

Yeah, I feel like he's doing worse than me there.

[00:48:56]

I feel like I've added this to make me look better.

[00:48:59]

I feel like you might have. Yeah, but what a dick.

[00:49:05]

Honestly, Dick, I got when you when you did that, you and I got so many messages of people, most of them football injuries. Yeah, most of them were Muslim, started off. I went in labor on this day, the morning of my partner or husband, went and played five a side, broke his leg, blah, blah.

[00:49:25]

And yes, you are stupid, honestly, but of course, if you are not getting paid to play football and enjoying yourself doing it, you're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking idiot. Multimeter.

[00:49:35]

I've got all I want.

[00:49:37]

I mean, it's I think it was before both his kneecaps came off when you played football and then one of them came off, he went played football again and the other one came off and it was like, what is it?

[00:49:46]

You're not getting fifty grand a week between Jimmy and Jenice in his prime for Newcastle. Like, stop it. It's not worth it. Fuck me.

[00:49:55]

But anyway, I did on frozen grass, but I just feel like this guy's made me look better. I feel like Wijffels. I'm pregnant on the stairs. He's like I saw of Darling Wisbey crutches like useless twat.

[00:50:04]

I never forget that moment you walked in. You walked in the room, sat down and I seen your face and you and you and you hobbled in.

[00:50:11]

I just thought you fucking wanker was the first thing I said when I fell over on my back in the field. And the first thing I said was, she's going to fucking kill us. Yeah, it's the first thing I said which is going to kill us.

[00:50:25]

It's just like we laugh about it. We had a good laugh about it, didn't we?

[00:50:29]

Yeah, but at the time and still now it's just like really easy anyway.

[00:50:37]

Look at this bloke. Worse or a good guy. Robidoux, Babalu, Babalu.

[00:50:41]

On the subject of bridges. This one really, really made me chuckle.

[00:50:45]

OK, hello. I'm sorry to hear of Chris's mishap, but I think I can take it to another level. My wife doesn't do anything by half.

[00:50:51]

And this is certainly true of just over five years ago, not content with being pregnant with twins, being type one diabetic and being classed as a geriatric mother, which is like thirty five over thirty five.

[00:51:05]

That's crazy.

[00:51:06]

I, I just scraped that it might be younger. You know, that's harsh for me. Fair.

[00:51:13]

I tell you what anyway, she decided to fall down the stairs three days in her maternity leave while seven month pregnant.

[00:51:19]

Oh twins. Oh twins. Yeah, twins. She was walking down the stairs whilst carrying washing but decided to read messages on her phone and lost her footing and fall and fell, breaking her ankle.

[00:51:30]

Oh, ouch. Yeah, her ankle needed surgery, but because she was so pregnant, it didn't want to risk an operation.

[00:51:38]

So three days in hospital later and she was released out of the mix that this is like the we thought we had it bad.

[00:51:45]

This is bad. Right.

[00:51:46]

I didn't the mix that we had to have worked on on our house, which meant the hallway floor was lifted out and the stairs removed, we had to move it to my parents and put a bed in the lounge.

[00:51:57]

She was only able to be moved in a wheelchair and had to use a commode.

[00:52:02]

Oh, the cast on her leg had to be cracked along the sides to allow for the pregnancy swelling in her ankle hormones and not being able to move made her very irritable.

[00:52:13]

We managed to give her one shower.

[00:52:15]

Oh, well, we managed to give her one shower is.

[00:52:24]

That's right. Yeah. So that just paints such an amazing picture. Just those one, two, three, four, five, six words there.

[00:52:32]

We managed to give her one shower.

[00:52:34]

It sounds like something that would say talking about an injured elephant on a documentary.

[00:52:41]

We managed to give her one Shalah on this.

[00:52:45]

We managed to get her wardrobe. She sat in my parents bathroom on her commode in a paddling pool.

[00:52:53]

OK, well, well, I spread the shower in it direction. Oh, bless.

[00:53:06]

Oh oh oh oh oh three.

[00:53:13]

Three weeks later, a delivery day arrived and my wife had a C-section with her ankle and a plus in a plaster. So she sat with her legs. You know, as you lay kind of you plaster getting a C-section.

[00:53:25]

Thankfully our twins were born happy and healthy, thank goodness. But my wife then had to recover from her C-section while trying to get round on a broken. Oh, listen to this.

[00:53:34]

This is the saddest thing about all this. And this is the last bit, right.

[00:53:39]

Our first trip out as a family involved my wife pushing the double buggy whilst I was pushing her wheelchair.

[00:53:47]

I lost Mum.

[00:53:52]

OK, that's that's really made us feel a bit better. Daughter So she's got a cost recovery from a C-section, but she wanted to push the baby, bless her heart. So she's probably buzy the handle for the Bogey's.

[00:54:04]

Probably like under. Chin and he had to push. Tell you what, you better enjoy the catheter, but that came as a welcome relief. You'd be in the very park that they were passing.

[00:54:20]

You'd see a catheter. Look at that. Look, Lubich millionaires around here with a catheter.

[00:54:27]

Abdulwahab a double back on you. Hi, Chris and Rosie, my sons, daughters and my phone under the name Prick. Do you have any one of your contacts under a name other than their real name.

[00:54:37]

But you wouldn't want them to see.

[00:54:39]

Oh that's, that's, that's nice. And I'm guessing they're not together anymore. I just. I don't know.

[00:54:47]

That's all I've got. I don't know how to read into that, but.

[00:54:49]

Yeah, well I don't and and I also don't. Why does this annoy is why am I such a dick. Right.

[00:54:57]

I hate it when people have their partners name in their phone with like hot emojis. Yeah. And a nickname and it makes us want to vomit. Yeah. You're just your Chris in my phone. Yeah.

[00:55:09]

But I know people who have like a colony of one with me had a nickname then and it's like oh yeah. You'd be a 15 year ghettoize out.

[00:55:21]

Yeah. I know people have got like the wives on the phone as the wife says, the wife when it's ringing on the screen.

[00:55:26]

So I've got there's only to the media I've got so we got the bathroom done and the water pressure was terrible. So I had to get another guy came in from the same bathroom company to sort it out and he came in and put a pump in. Yeah. Now to put the universe was a plumber who called Steve, put the universal pump straight in the water cylinder.

[00:55:46]

You had to put a thing in called an Essex Flange Race. And he is in my corner, Steve Essex Flyer.

[00:55:51]

That's good. So that's good. Yeah. You've also got your tour manager as Mr Dogshit.

[00:55:57]

My tour manager is in as Mr Dog Shit. Yeah, that's just colleges. I made that up because this is the nicest man on the planet. Bar none. So the idea of calling a Mister Dog shit because he saw nice was just hilariously horrendous and it stuck in a sense.

[00:56:10]

And he's actually formed in the colon of like back in the days form of the colon about people in the car, you know, what comes up on the screen, miss that dog shit. And you have to explain, you know, like the brother-In-Law on the call.

[00:56:19]

And I've been like that, says Mr Humper for Christmas a few years ago. Yes.

[00:56:23]

And we put my dog and Mr Dog shit dog shit industries and then he's address and he's never had to collect it. That was, that was good.

[00:56:30]

Erm and I have got a mate of mine, Stephen Davis once said is a photo of a letter that got said estimates as long as he's called Stephen Davies and he got a letter, sent his house from some company and he said there's a photo of it and I changed my phone straight away.

[00:56:47]

So whenever he rings it says on the phone, it says on my phone exactly what it's said front me. So it's that's Liepman Davies.

[00:56:56]

And I don't know why it was so funny, but whenever he reads a text does it just says Swetman Dave, he's on the phone. And what was it? Yeah, Slackman Slaughterman is full house and still love me.

[00:57:08]

And I think about now that I wish we'd known that before we named Rafe and Rosie.

[00:57:20]

I like it's got a good Robidoux Babalu Babalu got another one here. Little quick one.

[00:57:24]

And just listen. I don't know what was going through this person's head. I can't make head no tail of what they're trying to say, but they've just they've clearly listened to episode ninety seven, which they've just said here, work something out and I immediately email it and that's what happened.

[00:57:37]

OK, just this Navasota 197, if you want to freeze a thought, just clingfilm on the surface of your bath. Growing up, my brother and I would cut your fault this way in a flannel prior to attempting to shove them in each of us face.

[00:57:48]

Happy New Year. Cheers. That's the email. It's all it says.

[00:57:52]

Put clingfilm over you back. I don't understand what he means, so I don't know what he means.

[00:57:56]

Put clingfilm across the water surface and then fart and then when the bubble comes up and ropa clingfilm round, so you've got water and then a bubble and the bubble in there is the fault. And then put a clingfilm in the freezer and then that bubble is frozen as the I don't know what goes through people's head.

[00:58:14]

That's all I can.

[00:58:15]

I looked at this email for so long trying to work it out. So if you put a bit of clingfilm flat on the surface of the water, you know.

[00:58:23]

Yep, yep, yep. Then you can't believe I'm describing this fault.

[00:58:27]

So the bubble goes up and it's as if it's going to go up and burst on the surface of the water. But clingfilm there that if you pull the clingfilm down around it and like a water bottle poached egg.

[00:58:38]

So the only way inside the cling is fortunate. Fortuitous.

[00:58:43]

Yeah, I think I think that's how you feel. OK, well, listen, I want additon. Yeah. Right. I'm on the.

[00:58:58]

How was this Woodward, how was this how are we still doing this?

[00:59:02]

This is this podcast spawned a book tour that hasn't happened yet but will happen. Oh, well, it will stop it.

[00:59:10]

It will one day. It will. We don't know when. Hopefully this year, but we'll see.

[00:59:14]

We we let's just address it now. A lot of people have been asking about the to the chagrin to why I'm asking. Why are you asking.

[00:59:21]

Well, you know, somebody to them.

[00:59:23]

Well, someone said to me that I wanted to I want to pick up a Chinese Yadin with me. Crutches in the car hobbled out, leading the Chinese went.

[00:59:30]

What happened about what's going to happen about your tour or are you looking for real? I mean, I don't I don't watch the news.

[00:59:35]

How am I supposed to know? Well, don't get so defensive, coach. Fucker, I didn't.

[00:59:41]

Funny how you were getting food again. That's funny. So we will only work for food.

[00:59:45]

It's literally carrot and stick but not at all.

[00:59:49]

Think so. Yeah. We have no idea. We are trying to keep it, keep it open as long as we possibly can. It's booked for what may.

[00:59:59]

Hmm. We'll see what happens. Yeah.

[01:00:01]

We're just going to have to eat it. Try. I do know I do because we do want to reschedule it just in case we do move after. Yeah that's the thing. We just don't know.

[01:00:10]

So see it is sit tight and fuck guys.

[01:00:13]

You will not believe how eager we are to get out and see this. Oh fucking hell. I have dreams man.

[01:00:20]

Well we we go usually every morning and just go. I was thinking about the two hour last night and I wake up in the middle of the night and write down ideas for that. And we are so desperate to get on stage like, oh God.

[01:00:32]

Oh and again, you are doing that.

[01:00:34]

I was doing a gig and I woke up and I was close to tears when I woke up. I was missing it so much. I know.

[01:00:39]

So soon, soon. And it's going to be fucking oh my God. It's going to be unbelievable.

[01:00:44]

Wembley Arena and Newcastle Arena, Edinburgh Playhouse, beautiful venue, Glasgow, all of them.

[01:00:51]

Nottingham are London, DA, Manchester, I will see is all very, very well.

[01:00:57]

Definitely. Definitely, definitely. Definitely worth ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. Got an email here.

[01:01:01]

Right. And it was entitled Worse Than a Hostel.

[01:01:05]

So because we've been over hostels how we think I do, I always love hearing about hostel and this isn't a hostel. This is worse than hostel. Right.

[01:01:14]

They're worse than a hostel. Well it's, it's good. Hi, Rosie, Chris, Robin and baby Rúnar, this been sent before ref was named and announced to the world. Oh, I mean, was there it was definitely option. It's only a few us off. I have been with my boyfriend for five years and thought I knew everything about him. But last week he told me something that shocked me. My boyfriend traveled Australia for a year when he was 18 with two friends.

[01:01:41]

They stayed in many hostels, slash Airbnb and BS, but at one point in their travels they were running really low on money and needed somewhere to stay. They found a really cheap one bedroom flat to rent by the beach. Mm hmm. But there was a problem, right?

[01:01:58]

There was still a man living there. Horrible.

[01:02:02]

So one of his friends slept on the sofa bed in the bedroom, and his other friend Brackett's, he's six foot tall, by the way, slept on two chairs, pushed together to form a makeshift bed.

[01:02:15]

My boyfriend got the short straw baths and slept in the bed with the.

[01:02:29]

No. No. How much do you want to say Australia? Oh, OK. And what nearby could be and it's lovely, but it's not that nice. Nowhere is that nice.

[01:02:42]

Norway is that. No, it's not.

[01:02:44]

That is what was going to bed on the floor. Sleep on that floor. You're 18. You're still a child. I'm sorry. Let us. Why are you so money, please?

[01:02:58]

Yes. My boyfriend shared a bed with a stranger every night for too long.

[01:03:03]

We know. I know. Oh. He's a murderer. He's a murderer.

[01:03:11]

He's a murderer. Listen to this next sentence. They didn't even befriend the man because apparently he was a bit strange man.

[01:03:20]

Oh, they're not even met with him.

[01:03:23]

But you're sleeping next to him. How old was this man? So fucking we. That's that's really dangerous. We have we have sons 18. That's still young.

[01:03:33]

No, I would not be OK with that.

[01:03:35]

I could honestly say I'd rather stay in the hostel ever than have my and have my own bed and sleep in the same bed as a strange man. We are planning on returning to Australia later in the year and I certainly won't be sharing a bed with anyone other than my boyfriend.

[01:03:49]

Leave you in the middle of the night.

[01:03:50]

I clearly got a thing for you, not fellow being between us. So we had Georgia. You found us. I don't know how he found us.

[01:04:01]

That is rather steep on them. Chase alcohol. I go home and sleep rough. That's madness. That's utterly I mean, you know, the whole we do not sleep on the floor the most in the kitchen.

[01:04:15]

Oh God. Where was the first one sleeping on the sofa, bed, sofa, bed.

[01:04:19]

Sleep with him. You made some sort of bed with this strange man. It must have been like one of them.

[01:04:24]

Single futon only fit while I at the wheel. Chris, I'm sorry. Six foot person on two.

[01:04:29]

I mean have a chair eat and sleep on the chairs.

[01:04:31]

I know. I can say is that true and must be. I don't really see it as being true. I just. Maybe is it that we had to bury we had to us all the people said, oh yeah, just like this guy, just to sleep on it as my people are crazy, man. Oh, geez, I'm too old.

[01:04:52]

Maybe I would have done that one once upon a time. Maybe, I don't know. No, please don't do Dawn, if you listen to this and you you're going to go traveling. Don't do it.

[01:05:02]

Please don't touch with the people send you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Fox the that. And Rosie is delirious.

[01:05:11]

Rosie used to leave us from a C-section. Do not get in touch with us if you want to go traveling and get us to send you some money. Rooster you fucking crazy.

[01:05:17]

No. That have to be traveling already in dire straits. No, no. We will not send you any more. Nothing. You will get nothing from us.

[01:05:25]

I'll not sleep at night thinking about these eighteen year old sharing beds with these horrible locked out in the minute.

[01:05:29]

You can't go that much I how holiday in the world I will address tonight.

[01:05:33]

Oh thank God. Something good come out with this fucking idiot offered people money. Jesus Christ.

[01:05:38]

I just kind of. It's horrible. Awful. That is. That's it.

[01:05:45]

Double double Abdullah. Well hey look it's good to be back. Good to be back. Good luck this bump. Thanks so much for listening as always. We are back. We're going to be back every week. Now you do not rid remember ever now actually. Never, never, never, never yet.

[01:06:02]

Oh come on. You yourself you you told me you listening and check my noyd, which is now up on the screen and it would get paid for this shit. I would you you guys I was always going to get hot chocolate in order. Gmail dot com. Thank you for listening. All right. Out there. Keep your chin up for this fucking shit. You'll be over soon, but until it is over, we'll be back every week trying to cheer you up.

[01:06:24]

Thank you very much. We love you.

[01:06:25]

And you don't have to be positive all the time because it's not a bullshit. I mean, yeah, I mean, we've just witnessed for an hour and a half and I'm enjoying it. Oh my God. Do do do do do do do do do do do do. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. I had a friend who worked at Liberty, and she was always raving about the place that's unusual company do get to work in lots of really interesting problems making people's lives better.

[01:06:56]

Is what I'm really passionate about. Obviously, engineering's is the bread and butter. That's the core of what liberty it those who are really excellent engineers. I think it probably gets a bit better every year. We're hiring experienced software engineers. Not so much Liberty I.T. jobs reach beyond.