Transcribe your podcast

Welcome to Smartness with Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and me, Will Arnett. Each week one of us brings on a special guest and surprises the other two. They don't know who the guest is, which makes it fun. And then we laugh and we get a little less smart, less so, I guess, more smarter or smarter. We shouldn't need a more smarter. Anyway, come take a ride on the spiritless train.


Our show Smart List, we'd like to thank our presenting sponsor Auto Show. Thanks, AutoZone. Don't be smart less when it comes to your car. Visit Auto Zone, America's number one battery destination. Get in the zone, AutoZone. Well, you just.


Congratulations. You just have baby. That's pretty amazing. It should be noted, my partner had a baby. I was. I didn't do it. But you push just as hard. I sure did. Attention her thing. Yeah.


What are you made of? I was like The Great Santini in the delivery room. Yeah. Yeah. I just had a baby boy, little Danny.


That's incredible. Just last night. Yeah. So crazy. Do I look tired? You do.


So wait, wait, wait. Hang in there with your girl. You just thought you'd pop over for a podcast.


Well, I mean, somebody has got to pay the doctor bills. You understand we don't have health care in this country. Like, I'm just.


Are they know you're still in the hospital? Are they both? Yeah. Yeah. Wow. But. And where are you? You're at home and you're at home doing a podcast. That's great. So you got a pretty stiff deductible, I guess.


And I had to come home and sauna and cold plunge first. I mean, listen, this Jassi, as you would say, listen, it's no fluke, OK?


That's no, I actually, as you guys know, I was a little late getting here.


All of a sudden I stood up and I was like, Babe, I'll be right back. Oh, my God. He stepped and jumped in the car, drove home, got on here doing this.


And I'm in a movie right back at it. But I just actually came from feeding him myself. He took a little extra in the bottle and it was just unbelievable. Wow, that's so cool. Yeah. Talk about Jason. Yeah. No, I got him. I look at him. He looks like he's about to poop any second. I think I think maybe I should probably have like a lift, some sort of like.


Isn't there a thing where you can kind of like synch up your four head a little bit and lift your lift your your brow back in arrested when Ed Begley had the eyes because he had healthy shirt and then he heard his eyebrows down upside down. And I go car.


You look surprised. And he says, Oh do I.


Sorry, I must've put my eyebrows to get your eyebrows out upside down. Guys, I'm super excited about our guest today. He's a he's a fellow that we know, we all know and we love very much.


He's originally from the suburbs of Detroit. And this I didn't know, graduated magna cum laude from UCLA and anthropology. What? I did not know that. And I know it for a long time.


He's been very successful in everything he does and director his movies, TV shows to his marriage, to being a father, to his own podcast from which we could all learn a thing or two. Doc Shepherd. Yes, I love this man.


He's one of my best. He's one of the guys. I got it today. And it's our list we have with us. The amazing DAX Shepard, everybody. Magna, come hang out when you said magna cum laude.


I knew that because I'm not jealous of the fact that he's got it. It fills me with so much joy because one of the things about DAX is you look at this son of a gun, he's got an attitude. He's got the cut off shirts that I love. He's got the guns. He's got the old thing. And then this motherfucker is sneaky, smart, like you wouldn't believe. Wait a second, DAX. How come you didn't let us know me know ever that you graduated magna cum, that this seems to me like somebody you might lead with?




From UCLA under promise over deliver boys.


Right. Yeah. The guard down. Get the guard down. Chauncey Gardiner it and then sweep in and get all your women.


I'm kind of dead serious. I'm relearnt your lady, although I have not met her and she's just with child. She's mine.


I, I knew that. It's cutthroat as a kid. Yours too.


I don't want another kid for crying out loud. No, I just want another bedmate. If he if he wanted it, he'd take it.


Why are you dipping right now. Hang on a second. Are you dip your dipping. Yeah. You're chewing Dax's joint. Do you have. Do you have you have chewing tobacco on your mouth right now.


Let's just put me right on blast for eyes. Yeah. No, I'll start with you. Go down this road. But you are picking fights, light and fires with magna cum loudy and dipping.


Jason, here's where you could learn from DACs when I did Dax's podcast. He let me up there in his in his space. He let me blow some darts. And I was killing the butts. And he never mentioned it on the air. I mean, and then you kick comes on here. He's not on here six seconds before you're blowing up his spot.


Wait, is that a secret? You know, you're supposed to, like, keep that quiet, too.


And about all I know, I never knew that. I never knew that. But I think it offsets his magna cum bloddy quite, quite, quite nicely.


Exactly. And in in the rare event that there's like 10 or 15 young men who look up to me, I find it hard to believe. But I certainly wouldn't want them packing a dip just to be like me. I'm not trying to promote that. Now, look. Yeah. Do I have some? Some. Some bad habits still, yeah. I've clean up a bunch of them, but there's there's some left in this chewing tobacco. Look, I'm on and off it on and off and in quarantine.


I'm I'm all the fucking way on it.


It's not the loose stuff, though. They're bandits, right? No, no. I got to be. Let me let me look at that. Have you ever swallowed up by mistake? Probably while drunk. Drinking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Out of a out of an old beer bottle that I've been spitting inch. It happened.


My brothers used to chew and would swallow and throw it up to to to manage their weight or. No cause they were probably drunk. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of things happen.


Yeah. That's what I loved about being a drunk. And I think if few of you can relate is that you'd show up on vacation. You don't need a game plan. Just have a couple of cocktails at the bar, at everything else presents itself. You meet someone next to you that you would never hang out with, but you're lit. He's got to come to my bungalow. Great. He's got these pills. Now, he heard of a dance club.


You know, everything just happens. All you gotta do is just get that first drink down and everything takes care of itself.


And in sobriety, when I went on vacation, I'm like, what would go by the pool and watch other people pound cocktails responsibly?


All right. Wait. So but what age were you when you started doing all that? Partyin. Yeah, yeah. Well, I had a year in high school where I actually spoke to my mother and I said, look, I know Dad's an alcoholic and everyone in the family is an alcoholic, but I'm gonna need to find out for myself.


She said, I really wish you wouldn't do this, but I'm gonna I'm going to allow it. But with the understanding that if it gets out of control, you promise me you'll listen to me. And I said, yeah, I can commit to that. And then I was woken up on one Saturday morning because the local law was at the house on a Saturday morning and they wanted to speak to her son. And that that proved to be the nail in it.


So I then shut it down for my full senior year because I respected her and. And then I went back at it. When I graduated. And then I did. Eleven hard years.


Good for you. Good for you. For getting back at it, too, because a lot of guys would've given it up and just thrown in the towel. But this guy's got to get up and get it. He's got an engine on him that don't quit. Yeah. Yeah. I said, look, I think this law enforcement showing up at my house in the morning, that's gotta be an anomaly. That can't happen again.


Now, DAX, I want to. I truly do want to know I've always wanted to ask you because when you said you started this podcast, I don't know. Two years ago. Three years ago. How long you. Two and a half. And you were like, I'm doing this podcast for my attic. Am I glad I didn't understand. Like, what made you want to do it? I.


I was a pretty regular guest on some of them. And the feedback I got say from Marc Maron, where dozens of dudes had stopped me over the years and said, like, hey, man. I listen to that episode pretty often. I got sober after hearing it. I always I was kind of go back to it. I did so many guys tell me that. And I was like, I don't feel that when I'm in a movie.


Looking in the barrel over Don Johnson's shoulder, no one stops me and says, that got me sober. Although certainly someone got sober because of that. But I was just I was really, really moved with the the response of being a guest, unlike Sam Jones. Marc Maron. A few of the long form ones. And as all of us have done, we're all comedians and we've all done a million talk shows. You know, that pressure to be amazing in six minutes, which is fun.


I love it. I love being on talk shows. But I what I wanted for, like, oh, I'm I have more thoughts. I have more to offer and I have a bigger story to tell now and I want to do it. But just again, largely just enjoying being on the long form once so much and generally being open to being on peoples and just always loving the experience. I was like, I want to do this all the time.


Do you? But do you miss like I've worked with each one of you individually for months at a time on multiple projects. And one of the things I love and one, it's probably one of the reason I do this is because I love that experience, not just doing the scene, but I love hanging out with with guys like you and people like you and gals like you, like having fun and laughing.


I've had some of my greatest experiences working, have been with all three of you guys where I've had a great time. Does likewise. Do I'm sure that's everything. That's the whole reason to do the job after a while.


It's such a blast in so and informs really great lifelong relationships with all three of you guys.


So it does that. Do you miss that part of it? Do you feel like a lone or no?


Well, I just shot, you know, 28 episodes of Blesses, I guess. And I'm also on Top Gear. And I also hosted the game show.


So I'm I'm doing more than enough of that. Yeah, I don't. And in fact, it's. Yeah. More and more with it. You just look at the amount of energy required and time committed to kids and all that less and less. Do I want to be on a like scripted show that takes 65, five hours a week, nine months of the year? It's just yeah, it's it's less and less appealing to me. You know, all my all my acting aspirations are are gone in a healthy way.


What about your directing stuff, though? Because you're a great director and you're able to to, you know, juggle a bunch of balls at the same time and guide multiple departments and shape and experience for an audience. Is that something that you think you'll you'll return to me? And I recognize it's a bit of a time suck and you're super busy, you know, on the top of the hill. But, you know, do you see that sometime in the future?


Because you did you're used to saying how much you loved it. I love it.


There is nothing more fun than when you're in production directing. To me, it's the closest thing you can get to doing cocaine with kind of no downside.


You're just when you're there as an actor, as you guys know, you're you're like, when are we getting out of here? I arrive and I ask when we're when are we getting out of here? As a director, the thing flips entirely or.


Like, how long can we stay, I want to shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot now and maybe we could add this thing and like just that flip of of wanting to be there, wanting more time and and the control the control of of solving problems as they arise, because there's no there's no game plan for a movie unless you have one hundred and thirty days like Tarantino and you can sit around and wait for the sun to be where you thought it was gonna be X, Y and Z.


You know, Bateman, you do it all the time. You map something out. You got there. You guys got there three hours later. The sun's now in a different spot, you know, shooting on that side of the streets that had this side of the street. And I love solving problems, so I love going. Okay, well, how can we make this work on the other side of the street? That's very stimulating for me.


So I love it.


Do I love editing for four months and then testing over and over again? I fucking hate that.


Do I love promoting and getting tracking for fucking two months knowing you're just going and promoting for no reason and it's going to tank you all that stuff that the risk reward is just unappealing to me at currently.


That part of it's dead though. I'll bet you that it is that you're so right. So what I wanted like write a a pilot and shoot the pilot. Yeah. I think I would like to do that. It seems like something that would be manageable. And then you're not so dependent on the studio to promote it all these other things. But yeah, just the heartbreak of like two years. Yeah. I mean you and then your whole life's decided on a Friday.


I just don't need that again. It be like for me, you know, having a boyfriend that kicked my ass and going back to that, why would I do that to myself. About two and half months of shooting isn't worth that to me. I last year as a montre, as a montre, I would be saying your opinions not needed here.


Like just as I'm everywhere I go. Europe, your opinion is not needed here because I think everyone must hear my opinion on all fucking topics.


And it's just these people are doing just fine when I'm not around guys.


Right. Right. How did they make it without you? Yeah. Yeah, I think. But Chris and I have both said that to each other. Invite's like, do you think that I, I just arrived here like by acts like I was doing plenty good without you. I was eaten and taken. Thompson showering everything was the bills were paid, right. Yeah.


A gang. I'm sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to announce that I am feeling in the zone today. Oh yeah. I'm just I'm, I can you not tell that I'm that I'm in the zone. Is it not coming across. Does it actually is. I hear it. It's very different. Your tones. Different stonier. I'm feeling so in the zone I might even want to do a little auto zone. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


I made that I may buy a car battery today. Wow. Cars have batteries. I didn't know that. Can you get it online.


Yes, actually I can get it from Auto Zone. They've got an incredible website I'm telling you. Auto zone, dot com. It's worth a visit. You just you put in your car, it tells you what batteries fit it, and then you can buy it online there and then go pick it up.


Same day, but you can order it online or you're not listening. Yes. You just you said just set it up during last batteries you can ordered from auto zone scummiest. Pick it up same day over five thousand eight hundred locations. You can also get your battery tested or even charged for free. Okay. So you can order it online. I'm just. Are you okay?


You can order during last batteries, the batteries, more consumers choose online from Auto Zone. That's America's number one battery destination at auto zone dot com.


Wow, that was a mouthful. You nailed it, though. I'm thirsty. I do need a glass of water.


Can you get that online? I can work it in the scene, but they won't have the battery there. Oh, sweet, sweet Lord. I think I'm going to go to auto zone dot com for. That's what you were talking about earlier. Now, DAX, I know, I know you jumped around because we were the last and we talked a week ago or two weeks ago. You said you had mentioned about jumping around from house to house when you were a kid from stepfather to stepfather.


And it was very uneasy and kind of like, you know, I had a hard childhood, too, as you know. But like. Yes, but why talk about that a little bit like why that was unstable for you and what did that drive you to do or not to in your adult life? Like, how do you. And by the way, was comedy an escape from all of that as well? Did you like. I gotta get out of here.


The only way to deal with this is drugs, alcohol and laughing sorry.


Index. Beeby one. This is a 14 prong question. Go ahead. Well, I was just going to pass this out. Well, I think I heard. Why are you a comedian and why are you an alcoholic?


Some that. Oh, so I'm coming through loud and clear then. Yeah. Yeah. And you guys are you guys are five hour episodes. There's going to be a two parter specials. Yeah.


I guess I want to plot out my answer. I want to come, I want to land the plane in under three. Can I just say before you start. I just say it before you start your answer. Can I just say I. Because I don't think it came out enough. How goddamn happy I am. The DAX is here. Yeah. It's pretty. It's such a fucking joy. I've just I don't know if you heard DAX had a kid.


My son was born last yesterday at a newborn. And I'm sitting here with three of my fuckin old timey pals. And this feels so goddamn good and I'm so happy it's you. Go ahead.


Let's listen to all of it. The love losing out of this softy. New dad. I love it. Love it. Wish me right on the mouth.


How masculine is our net?


He just can't have a girl like you. And I can only have girls. Exactly. That eyes on Propecia and still making boys. Nothing but testosterone coming out of him.


That was my explanation for having all girls on. Like it must be the Propecia girl hydroxy testosterone. I am a nothing but puppet show, that's all. If you kept going, you'd have a fucking football team on your hands and no time, Arnett. It's crazy. Anyway, an entire police force.


OK. So, look, I have a genetic predisposition. I come by it honestly. A lot of shepherds were alcoholics. I got some uncles that shot each other.


A lot of people in prison were all from northern Kentucky that migrated to Michigan. So that that's the gun. And then what loaded it is, you pointed out, was, you know, lots of stepdads, some some physical violence, some sexual abuse.


And then and then a pinch hit for four fucking fun loving life. So, you know, just a thrilling but I would say probably the biggest catalyst was it with the absence of a father figure giving me approval.


I saw it with reckless abandon from my peers. And my peers were all about how hard could you party? How could you fight, how far could you jump a motorcycle? How long could you wheely?


And I was like, sign me up for all these. I want to I want the masculine credentials. I want to be a man. And I did all those things.


It should be noted that you probably you probably did those things more than all those people who challenged you to doing dags.


Well, some of all those things happen at the same time. Some on some occasions, you know, show up late on a motorcycle to the bar and start swingers so you can you can dovetail mall into one explosion and then Yazz, unlike you gentlemen. You know, I was auditioning for 10 years in L.A. and could not get a job, couldn't book a commercial. And that was.


That was rough and yeah, booze was a nice little vacation from that. Hard to see everybody around you. Kind of officially you were at the Groundlings, which is kind of like Second City and all of the other improv classes. Hard to be around all those other people who are like booking stuff left and right. And you you're in the grounds with Melissa McCarthy and just all these huge names. Yeah.


And I would go home and I'd pop on the TV to watch basketball. And all of my classmates and peers were selling auto insurance and fast food and, you know, and they were all just quietly making like, you know, 70 grand a year doing commercials.


And. And I instead was driving cross-country for General Motors to make ends meet, which I'm sure they were jealous of.


They were so jealous.


They're like, how many hours are you in that car on the road? Like around seventy two. I think I even blew by Bateman and his buddy. Now there's infamous ski trip in that van.


Now, right now. Now listen. Now, wait a second. Wait. Is what is this story, Garrett?


It was a 40 foot bounder. Not not a van. How dare you? Well. Oh, God. If I ever told you this story. Give people context. Yeah. Come on. Give us context, Bates. I tried to get it all out of him on my podcast, but it was too dangerous.


So maybe on his whole feel empowered to tell us the truth. You've got to. You have to.


Now, in his retelling on my podcast, there's just some gaps in time that he has no explanation for. But we all know what the fuck.


I think we went down a rabbit hole about a Weiping techniques. I think that that's exhausted our time. You're that. So laugh and I laugh. And I were buddies because Gary left Gary. Yeah. He was dating my sister and and I just thought he was just the coolest thing in the world. And then they broke up and he and I stayed friends and I was thrilled about it. And he was a great skier and knew his way around a bottle of booze.


And he admired his skiing prowess and everything else. Now, this this guy, this guy's it. And then I pitched I wanted to just take him away. You know, I want him all to myself. So I said, hey, how about him? Help me kill us on a ski trip, Angel. And he said, Isn't it great? So we rented a motorhome, stocked it up with all you can handle and read between the lines.


Yeah, we put to two mountain bikes on the roof so we could we could travel from the from the from the the RV parking lots into into the main town wherever we we'd go. And we plotted a a loop. We went north from Los Angeles to Mammoth. Then we went to Tahoe. Then we went to Jackson Hole. We went to Sun Valley. We went to Aspen. We went to get you went to a lot of places. Yeah.




We don't need the itinerary.


Well, but you put some miles on it. That's significant. Yes. Up in between. Oh, so we took a couple of let's say the beauty of this story is in the details based on our air as any. I love every one of these stops.


I can't do any more details than just destinations, mostly because I can't remember once once we turn the rig off. Things got a little cloudy. It should be noted as hardcores.


That is, you guys going on this trip or you're filling the RV full of party supplies as of the nerd element is. And we had the mountain bike so we could go from wherever just into the town. Like what? Nerd.


And that's a new development for me. I tell you what I thought when you originally told me there were mountain bikes involved and and skis. I was like, God bless. These guys are doing some downhill mountain biking, like I assume. And they come out elevation and it gets warmer there in Moab, maybe on the mountain bike.


No, no, it's drawing. You know, this is so we act shy. No, it's a whit's a winter trip. So we're riding these moun bikes in the snow, pretty lit up. So it was tough.


Do you remember my first follow up question when you told me that story privately?


I do not. I said, if and how often were you in life? Both making love in the same RV at the same time. It's close quarters.


I bet I had a printout of the full answer for that. This is great. And I love. Thank you. DAX was saying make love. Good for you.


Yeah. Yeah. This is a couple of thrillseekers romantics there on the road. No, they're not.


No, it's not long. Not a fuck trip. This was this was beautiful mountains and making love and rivers and light snow.


Because I want to I want to get back to like life stuff because I love it. And I don't I wasn't there at this in the stories. I'm kind of bored by it.


Oh, God. Okay, Sean, I'll I'll spice it up for you. Any dudes come in that fucking vinyl or finally, Jesus is all of a sudden mind. They're Wangs around it all earphones. Just popped up a little Aerosmith. You guys are seeing. You guys know when you work with Sean, it's like. Yeah. Your line. Your line. Your line. My line. Right line here.


Started teaching me that well.


So obviously the four of us have been friends for a super long time and know, know everything about each other are almost everything about each other. I didn't know about the magnum colada, but.


But for the people listening who don't know, like you're one of the funniest people I've ever known, DAX. And like when you were going from house to house, stepfather to stepfather, like for me, I didn't I didn't fall into the trap of drugs and alcohol like the three of you did. Not yet. So it's not a competition, so not yet. And so my true escape, my nerd escape was Saturday Night Live and comedy, because it made me if I could laugh or make other people laugh, it made me feel euphoric.


That's my dad was my corny, dumb, nerdy drug because I didn't do drugs. Right. So for you running around doing all that, what were you who were your influences and who were who did you watch? And was comedy has had much of an escape as a drug like it was for me.


OK. So what I love about this is I'm juggling three balls and I'm juggling.


Sean Hayes Hand and Bateman or Net and it's great.


So which had the money like in which Hanmer. You're in the air right now. You're in the air.


But to answer your question, so what I like about as I'm clicking back from sincere to getting roasted. But to do that, I would say the other element was I was, you know, severely dyslexic. And I went to the learning disabled room for an hour a day and they knocked on the door and they basically brought me in the other guy out. You can imagine what he looked like. It was demoralizing. And yeah, my defense for that was I was I was funny, but but I think it now, you know, that I'm older.


I really recognize it's control. Every one of these things is control. Why? I like cars and motorcycles. It's all control and why I like comedies. Control because I'm in an awkward we're all awkward. We're all we all have social anxiety.


And I have this thing where I can take charge of the whole interaction and I can steer it and I could do something and get a predictable outcome. And I loved that predictability. I think my childhood was largely unpredictable and sometimes dangerous. And just having a sense of control of my environment and the people in it, that's what appealed to me. A lot of comedians will go like, oh, I just love the joy of making other people laugh. Not me.


I like control. I like predictability. Yeah, I'm not that altruistic.


Yeah. I get that from you. Well then that sets up well for what you're killing right now. Right. And I want to talk about that. I mean, I think it is incredible, awesome, fantastic news that you're just right up on top of the mountain with what you're doing with with your podcast. I just and you know, we were three morons trying to see if we have any idea what the hell we're doing in this space. So I want to try to pick your brain a little bit and try to keep it entertaining about how we try to do this half as good as you're doing it.


But just I do want to say, as I've told you privately, want to tell you publicly, I just I'm so happy for you, with you how incredibly successful your your podcast is. And in do you like the dynamic of of the control of that? Were you you know who the guest is, what the questions could should be, what the angle is going to be, and then kind of pivoting inside of that and trying to be a little bit flexible, yet still in control.


I mean, is that is that an it's an appealing thing, I bet. Yeah, for sure.


It's it's like it's downright euphoric when it goes well, when you really do not to get corny, but you can reach a state of flow in this. It happens to me all the time where, you know, I interviewed you, Harare, and they're like, well, he's gotta leave in an hour. And I was like, OK. And then all of a sudden I saw the person, like, signaling us he had to go. In my mind, I would have bet my children's life on the fact that we had been talking for twelve minutes and an hour, had gone by.


And I was like, oh my God. That reminds me of, you know, other other aspects of our work were that can. And it happens to me in the editing room right where it's at, so you're so hyper focused on this thing and all of a sudden you're like, oh my God, I've been editing for six hours. That's crazy. Or, you know, I think any I get that on the motorcycle track any time I'm president.


I'm not worrying about what DACS needs in the future or what I don't have now as soon as I escape that prison of my brain. I'm really happy and I enjoy it. And yeah, there is this great sense of it's not unlike acting to words like if you get into a scene and it's really sloppy and things are changing in your reacting and then also in some magic kind of happens. And that to me that the podcast is like it's two hours of my favorite aspect of acting like can I listen?


Can I respond? Can I elevate this? And in. And I have found it. You know, I directed three movies and the whole goal of directing a movie in theory would be that you're going to let someone in on your point of view, how you're processing this world around you. And yet you're confined by the three act structure and your combi. You're confined by the rules of Aristotle and poetics. There's all these things you're confined by. And then I realize in the podcast, like, always sit down for two hours.


You're in my fucking point of view. If there was ever a fastpass, to my point of view, it is that podcast and it's what normally takes me two years to do. And I don't even succeed when I make. So has has it made directing and acting less important then? I mean, have you you're getting satiated with this. Yeah. Yeah.


You know, it's funny, as I heard Joe Rogan about five years ago say he had no desire to act. And I as a cynical piece of shit, so thought, oh, that's bullshit. He's just not getting asked to act anymore. And that's his story now. And now I. I completely I totally believe him. And it's not that I don't have a desire to act or anything. It's just that, yeah, this is fucking incredibly fulfilling.


I don't have to get hair makeup. I drive to my guest house above my garage. There's so many elements that are heaven about it.


So, Shawn. Yeah. Are you excited? Because I know you're tired because you've got the new dog, right? Oh, yeah. Got a new puppy. It's great. But like a baby keeps me up at night. I haven't slept in days.


So are you excited for your new Helix Mattress? Because I am. I can't wait. It's like Christmas came early. I can't wait for my new heel. Did you take your two minute quiz to figure out what mattress is best?


We had to take the quiz. I did. I did. I and I was matched with Helix does. That's what I. That's what I assumed you were gonna come out. I do. Would you come out, Bertsch, the organic all natural gelatin latex mattress or can of course, you know, look at the skin.


I haven't done it yet, but I think I just want something cause I run hot. So I want to see if they have one for people who run hot and have big and tall. Yeah, no photos. Sweat a lot like you sweat a lot. Dude, listen, I'm excited. Helix is awesome because they're like the quarter the number one best overall mattress by GQ and Wired magazine.


Yeah, I tried for one hundred nights and if you don't like it after ninety nine they'll take it back is definitely right.


Where do we, where, where can they find out about it.


How about helix sleep dot com slash smart list. Oh yeah. Try that. There it is. Yeah. And now Helix is offering up to two hundred dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listener at Helix Sleep. Dot com slash mirthless. How to sleep so hard huh. I'm going to sleep with a vengeance.


Yeah. One of the things is really great. That's just more sort of an observation is that and I bet the other guys will back me up on this, is that you are a guy who's very, very interested in the world around and you're very interested in other people and how other what other people's perspectives are.


You're often blown away when confronted with somebody else's perspectives. It's really cool to watch you like, wow, this motherfucker thinks this.


That's crazy, but not bad. More like that's wild. That's not how I looked at it. And unlike you, it. You hear that. When you talk to people. So. Well, one thing was, I don't know if you guys watched that Michael Jordan documentary. I found it. Yes. Great. And it's hit me a couple to say I watch it. It's not fair. Yeah, it's not. Again, injected it or something.


It's so great. And, you know, do you remember the part where the guy said Jordan wasn't the best bassist, Brunner the best shooter, whatever, but never has there been somebody who's been more in the present moment than that guy. He's always in the present moment. And I think that that's what you're kind of touching on that desire to be. I understand that. And I know I understand to the extent that I'd love to be able to connect with it as much as possible, because when I do, it feels so fucking good.


And. And that's what I hear coming through from you, like that desire to be right there in that moment, like you said, when you're on the motorcycle track or doing the podcast. Right. Like, that's the kind of zone you want to live.


Rick Stern does that really well. There's a sincere curiosity about other people's perspective. And so it really stays engaged in his conversations with with people you do that incredibly well to.


Yeah. And I got to tell you, so two things. One, I just want to give full credit to AA. The whole reason I'm any of the things you guys might complement is from AA. I 15 years ago, you would like me almost a blast at the party and I would have fought for you guys, but it would've ended there. You wouldn't have asked me to, like, help you do anything and expect me to show up.


So I give all all credit to that. And then also, I just want to say, as far as the park. Yes. And as far as you guys are concerned, I asked Chris Hardwick because I had him on early and he's obviously done tremendous in this. And I said, what advice do you have for me? He said he said, you know, the the less and less I prepare, the better I am. He said, because inevitably, if you're trying to lead someone to a story, best case scenario, you'll hear that story.


Great. But you already knew that story. So there's limits to your engagement. There's you can only be so interested in something that you already know the outcome of. And it's palpable. And he said, you know, be flexible. Let the thing go where it goes. Don't try to steer it, you know, have some flags planted. But but, you know, really be open to what can happen. And the more the times that I get into a state of flow is like the piece of paper vanishes, you know?


I mean, onas obviously you should come in prepared enough that if the person's a fucking dud, you can walk them through it. Also bkb soon as you get that green light that there's someone that can run, then you just fucking join them, you know.


And to that, who do you think maybe you don't want to say. But, but, but can you think of a person who was potentially the biggest surprise in the sense of where you thought it was going to go and where you ended up? Was there one person who stood out to you is like, wow. Yeah.


Well, well, well. First and foremost, my mom that was my favorite interview I've done so far because, you know, she's not she's not in the public eye. She's never been interviewed.


And for her to tell her personal stories is simply in so powerfully was like I was that, you know, I got to ask her questions in that interview. I never even thought to ask her. And then, B, maybe would have been nervous, too. But the time was right and it happened. And so that was that was like a very profound experience. But dude. But Dog the bounty hunter. Dog the bounty hunter, who we all have loved on television, we've seen him run through those doors with the industrial can of mace.


He's got his whole all of his kids or so many kids, you know. The whole thing's great. It's great entertainment. He shows up and Dog is got a humungous bandage around his thumb and he has been bit by an actual dog at the Starbucks next to my house minutes ago. So right at the gates on my door, Dog the Bounty Hunter was just bit by a dog, you know, seconds ago. And he's here with this this fuckin makeshift bandage so that already I loved.


He came upstairs. His wife had only died three months ago, and he just went right at that. He must have cried six times.


I started seeing, like, oh, this dude was the sergeant of Arms of the Devil's Disciples motorcycle. That's not Hollywood bullshit or fuckin rap stuff. That used to be the fuckin sergeant arms of the devils that you've got to kick ass. And I'm looking at this guy. He's the sweetest, most beautiful guy with a fucking terrible stepdad in his whole life, is about been building this arm or this outward armor to say, don't hurt me because I will hurt you back.


And I was like, I love you and I relate to you. And I'm doing the same thing. I've done the same thing always. And we're all. Man, we're all we've all had babies, you pick them up in their fucking flawless and then they just get injured and injured and they create all this stuff to protect themselves. And I just I don't think I ever felt so I related so much to a guy as Dog the Bounty Hunter.


Do you still feel like you have that armor? Like, do you still feel like you you put that on to protect yourself? And if so, when do you drop that?


I think less and less than I would I would credit Kristen with this entirely, which is, you know, why would there first. Kristen. Come on, Sean.


Now I know everybody. Yeah. Shut your eyes.


And someone turned into this is to listen to Kristen Bell's husband talk about something. So. Schön. Schön. Schön. Schön wishes we could have Cairenes on the podcast.


Yeah. Can I tell you guys one one funny story about flits out all right. Before each episode. Yes, please.


Really quick funny story about Colin Hanks and I. About two years ago, I got invited to be a judge and a cooking show. Right. It was a tremendous amount of money for three hours of work. And I said, absolutely, I'll be there. I go there. Colin Hanks is the other house. They've got us on the scissor lift. That's got to be four stories high. You guys in it is so wobbly. They've built this stage, a tub of the scissor lift, and then all the chefs are below cooking.


And this thing is swaying and rocking. And I say to Colin, I go, I just want you to know when this thing collapse and we die. The headlines going to say Tom Hanks signing Kristen Bell's husband die with the accident.


By the way, is so, so true. But, you know, they could just say this. This is like 12 years ago. We do this.


We go this Funny or Die tour that Will Ferrell is doing with an Adam McKay is like doing the intro stuff form and Wills perform. And then he's got a couple of stand ups and one of them is Galifianakis.


And who else?


A bunch of guys doing. Nick Swardson and stuff. And Adam Adam had to leave the tour for like a week. He got sick. So anyway, so while we were doing pro promo for this thing and he goes, come with us. You're leaving. We're leaving tonight. You're coming. You're filling in for McCay for a week.


I was like, great. We'll be super fun. So we go to, like, Penn State and we go to.


We go to University of Rhode Island. There's like 20000 people in these arenas. It feels great. And I will goes out. He does the intros first and I'm just kind of his sidekick on the side of the stage. Keep helping him keep it moving. We get to Boston. Boston College in its path. But is is but we're still happy to have you. And here he is going out. You love. Mary is Amy Poehler as husband.


Oh, come on. I don't like it in front of all 20000 men like you. Son of a bitch. He says, well, that's not anyway. But anyways.


Yeah, so.


So Bell had, you know, we one time were on actress Kristen Bell, Prince's honor.


Kristen, what if what if she didn't even earn her own title?


So we're on our way to this place and we'd been together for maybe a year or dressed up and a guy through this humongous drink at my windshield of my car. No, hold on, sunset. Yeah, right in front of a chateau. He was hammered and he was like crossing sunset in front of Chateau. There's no crosswalk there. He had plenty of fucking time. I didn't slow down. So then he realized I wasn't slowing down. So then he was like, tough guy in it, just standing in the middle of the roads.


And then I went by him on the outside. He chucked this huge drink. I thought the windshield had exploded because it was just, you know, glass and ice everywhere. And I thought the windshields blown out so that that thing exploded in the e break was up and I was exiting the vehicle before the car was stopped. And I thought this guy on the sidewalk and a heater.


He was screaming, I'll sue you. And the whole people that magazine stand were like looking. And they missed the part where he fucking threw a glass at my car. So, look, it literally looked like I was just beating the fuck out of a random guy on the sidewalk.


So no jaywalking. Mean a vigilante jaywalked enforcer.


So I get back in the car in my hunch is that she didn't love that. You know, I know enough that that wasn't great for her. But God bless her. She didn't say a thing. And we get to this restaurant. It was right before this all was open. But they had it, you know, running in the sheesh. And I had hurt my leg pretty bags.


When I kicked him, I hit his head on my shin and I had a huge egg on my eye, my shin, and. And she was aware of it. And I was kind of limping as we got out of the valet. And so she said she had to go to the bathroom. She came back and she had her cured me like a bag of ice and slid it to me under the table. This is like a meeting with her representatives.


There's other actors there and she's sliding me a bag of ice for my leg that I kicked somebody with.


And, you know, afterwards we had to talk about it and I said it, you know, thanks for not running me a. The flag pole, I should have done that, blah, blah, blah, and she said, why do you do that? And I said, you know, I see I have a bully thing and I have a I'm going to protect everyone thing. And I and I will never be a victim again. I have all this stuff.


And she said, you know, I just want you to know it doesn't make me feel safer that you'll stand up for me. It makes me feel more scared, like when we go places. I'm afraid you're going to be punching people. And I was like, wow. Well, that's the opposite outcome of what I'm trying to do. Like, I want you to know that I will fucking go through 10 guys if they're saying something to you.


And she's like, yeah. It just doesn't make me feel safe. And I was like, well, this is I've been telling myself a lie. No one feels safer, Romy Arnett. You don't feel safer.


You're waiting for me to get into some shit. Sometimes I think it's funny. I love it when you mix it up with others. There've been a few times a few times where I was redacts, like basically Big Brother did for me, which is unbelievably great.


DAX, how often when you're out driving around in Los Angeles, are you driving aggressively, taking risks, breaking laws? No, not not not not being irresponsible, but getting after it.


This is so embarrassing to say, but 100 percent of the time. I'm like the wolf in Pulp Fiction. Like it's 20 minutes away. I'll see you in eight minutes. My my hobby in life is getting that way. Has that same bad habit. Yeah. I get that Waze estimate of how long it's gonna take me and for me if I don't beat that by 20 percent. I should throw my car keys in the trash. I'm exactly the same way I have my life, exactly the same way I do.


I see that estimate. And to me it says you're a fucking coward.


If it takes its name, that tune, I'll beat that. I'll be that two minutes. I can be that one minute.


I told you this. We talked about it when I was on your show. But to two of the guys on this tells you and baby are the only two people that I know, even in my life now that if I get in a car that I'm okay if they're driving. You two guys are the only guys, Sean, you know. I haven't driven off to. Now I'm pretty. I'm pretty bad.


DACs wouldn't you love to do a remake of. Against All Odds and do that. Raisons on Sunset. Joe James Woods and and and Jeff Bridges.


Did Bateman remember I told you I wrote that the Daryl Hall Show. Right, that I was I sold the show time. It was it was a false history of Daryl A.. Yeah. It's a long night idea, really. And I was going to play Daryl Hall and then the whole the whole world's fake. Like, you find out all the the real meanings behind all those hit songs, and it's just insanity.


But if you could get Schwartzmann in in a perm to do OT's, well, whatever happened with that?


Because I remember you tell me about it. It ended up getting really dicey with Darrel's giving us life rights. So I became friends with him and he's awesome guy and understandably he was nervous about. But you know, I'm telling the history of his life, but it's all insane. But but Bateman in the fucking pilot shot for shot the. Against all odds races in there in the same cars up sunset. It's either literally I wrote it, I wrote it.


And I was my whole fantasy as I cannot wait to reshoot that fuck.


You think he'd ever be able to permit that, like get sunset locked down so you could shoot that? No way. Right? Oh, it's so easy, dude.


It's so easy. True story. We we developed a pilot throe and I developed a pilot for Don Johnson playing like Justin Thoreau. Justin Thoreau playing a Jennifer Aniston's ex-husband.




With for Don Johnson. Krok tub's his partner. We knew to do a thing where he plays this guy who's kind of like a crocket, but later and was a great part.


But we had this whole segment was the exact shot for shot through the intersection of Beverly Glen and Sunset, where he blows through against all odds. Against all odds. Goddamn. All roads lead back to against all odds. Can we tell everyone that our D.J. story, which is as one of my favorite show business stories ever, Don Johnson, Arnett. So Arnett and I are doing a movie with Ellen Johnson in A Couple Funny Things Die. Look, I loved Miami Vice in Don Johnson's awesome.


But I'm not a devotee of Don Johnson.


But Arnett is fucking he is his Joe Namath.


He eat ball. Well, Michael Jordan, look at him. It's over the line.


And he is so thrilled that Don Johnson has landed like we're in Italy. And he's like getting updates when D.J. is going to arrive. He's so thrilled. Right. And so Arnett gives them a real full court press from the second he arrives in. Don is cordial and nice, but even you would admit Arnett, he's a little like, all right. But and then I'm kind of I'm treating him like I came on way too strong.


Oh, fuck. Yeah, the gates weren't even open when you were sprinting. And so and I was kind of giving them the you know, you're the hottest girl in school treatment. I'm just ignoring him. And. But didn't he become obsessed with. Me, huh? He was like, I want you to do a remake. He's like David, he was unique. He knew him about being him.


And I am I'm incensed. I'm fucking I'm raw shit.


How dare he. DAX doesn't even hear. It's so great. And then so at one point while we're shooting this scene in the scene is all we're all in a church at a wedding in Arnett and I are one pue behind Don Johnson in this shot is of Don Johnson. But just prior to this scene, D.J. pulls me aside because now he's mentoring me and he says, you know how I connected with the audience on Miami Vice? What my trick was.


And I go, no, what would you do? And he goes, Buzz the winds.


Which one's another Muslins? All done.


You would look right down the barrel of the camera. He goes, Oh, yeah, just you glance at your buzz, the lens you pop in and then you're out.


And that that for him, that was the recipe for success. Miami Vice. So I immediately tell Arnett this. We're in stitches about it. The very next take, poor D.J. He's acting his ass off in the foreground. US bozos are about on the other either side of his shoulders looking right in the fucking lens.


I mean, we are target locks staring. It was the craziest feeling because, you know, you're all you're trainings that never look at that lens. And we were straight in it for like six minutes. And now we're laughing so hard. We're like we're squeezing each other's legs and we're trying not to bust it. We're just in the lens. And it made the fucking cut. It's one of the greatest days of filming. What is this what's what is this film?


Oh, boy. When in Rome. Kristen bell that up later. That's not the point. That's neither here nor actually. You know what? That's a good footnote to that is the deejay and I have since become good pals. I knew everybody would fight. I wore him down. You played the long game.


Does he ever bring me up? Of course, the one that kind of course, does. You're the XY kid. Stop thinking about. Oh, man, I did love him. He's fucking awesome. Oh, he's such a cool dude. And then we took both the lens and we just ran with it. You know what? I've said it on virtually everything I've ever done since then. I've always talked about using the lip.


I have heard that from you. Yeah, I like to grab a little glass every now and then. I think D.J. just kind of look, Jacks, you used to always like to throw a fastball right down the lane.


You're right.


And the barrel bombs attacks as we wrap up, because I don't want to take too much of your time for your empire that you've built.


Yeah. Let me say as an aside, if Christine ever gets sick, your garbage gets. Call me. I think. I think you're swell. Swell. Oh, wait.


You'll take me. Yeah, you'll take her. Oh, no, no. And I'll send Amanda over to Kristen's house and it'll be great. And we'll go on a ski trip.


I got to go. Let him get you on a ski trip. Yeah. Yeah. Me.


That's what we'll do is we'll go north. We'll go to Mammoth. And then we'll head on up. Here we go.


Got three ninety five. Three nine U.S. three ninety five. Yeah. You up in the Sun Valley. Then we're gonna take it over to Jackson. But DAX, we are so proud of you for your success in this in this kind of world that we're just kind of chipping away at. And we do look up to you and are so honored that you joined us today and that Osier is one of our closest friends. But as a mentor to this world, we know nothing about.


And so hopefully we can we can learn from you. And we love you so much. And thank you for taking the time in your busy schedule. I know you're taking over the world, so.


I love you, Dad. I love you guys. Love you, Dachsie. Thanks, buddy. Bye. It axle's. Say hi to Kristen. It never, ever gets old. Now is the best. You know, my God, he's so open and so not afraid to be vulnerable and everything. I mean, I don't know what he hasn't revealed.


Yeah. It's not a bit either. It's it's completely sincere. You can tell he really likes who he is. He's the truly comfortable in his skin. He's always had incredible charisma. But I think he he said that he's never been better or that he's since he's been with Kristen. She's made him better. And he truly he was great back in the day. But even now, he's just I was sincere. I hope he felt that I was sincere when I said if things don't work for her father corner and call me, you know, such a.




He's such an authentic guy. I should've left my number. Not her way, but he's such an authentic guy.


And one of the things I think that you guys will probably agree with me on is we've known him for a number of years. And you see him, he's gone through different stages in that time, but he's always been really honest about where he's at, whatever it is that he's at ballet. Oh, great.


Always. And I think that's why that's why it's successful.


Yeah. Now we see him in this place and you can see that he is truly happy. So we. You believe it because it's true. It's not a bed. It's not an act.


He and he's found a medium in a format that truly embraces and takes advantage of of of his best qualities. I'm I'm thrilled for him.


Great guest, Sean. Thank you. Nice going, Sean. All right.


Well, until next time. Nice parting with you. See you tomorrow. Oh, I like that. Nice bonding with you. Nice parting. OK, bye, everybody. Bye, you guys. So much fun. Love you guys. Love you guys.


Bye bye.