Transcribe your podcast

Hey there, Will Arnett here, welcome to Smart Lists, our podcast where Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and I, each week one of us brings a guest that the other two don't know about. And this week is no exception. We get real into it. Most of the time. We just mess around with each other and then the guest has to be embarrassed. So let's get right to the podcast. Smart. Smart, that's our show, Smart Listeners is brought to you by AutoZone, America's number one battery destination.


Get in the zone auto zone, have a T-shirt on it, says Camaro.


And you know that that's a car, right? That's not like a Ford was a brand of olive oil or something. OK, Camaro. It's a it's a domestic car, OK, made in the United States.


Yeah. Who of the three of us was the last person to drive through McDonald's Burger King type of thing?


Sean Yes. He didn't drive through yesterday, but I know that he had fast food yesterday.


You go in and you sit down, you bring your own placemat and stuff like that.


No, make a night of it.


Could you imagine Scotty get dressed? Yeah, we're going out. Where did you go?


I went to Burger Lounge because I like their burgers. That's not that's not fast food.


I, I know you're going to Burger Lounge. That's so good. I love it's not the best. I know. Fast food. I probably go once every couple of months.


Really. And where's your where's your go to McDonald's and what do you get. I get a Big Mac. No pickle six because I go sweet sour sauce, a small fry and maybe a root beer. And that's just for one person, and that's what dipping sauce you do with this is something that you are sure you do.


Wait, Jason, tell me that you don't do fast food.


I don't do fast food, ever. I haven't had fast food in years, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't if we were to hang out. Yeah, let's do it. Well, you go to the Dodgers game and you eat a hot.


Oh yeah, I have I have Dodger dogs. I don't know if that counts. That's actually. You do have Dodger dogs. I do have budget.


Well, the veggie dogs got him, so I hate myself.


Listen. Today, we're going to try something a little bit different. All right, we usually have a guest that will educate us about their field, but today we are going to explore more of the human condition. Our guest today has lived a very eclectic life that has taken him through the dangerous seas of the South Pacific and the complicated world of Washington, D.C. He has wrestled the powerful forces of the health care industry, written a children's book. He's inspired millions and also infuriated thousands.


He has never learned to swim, but he is one of our country's greatest fishermen. He suffers from narcolepsy, but his work exists mostly at night. Ladies and gentlemen, Will and Shawn, you know him from such films as Delinquents, Starboy, Brad Status and of course, 2015, The Heyday of Insensitive Bastards. I want you to please give a very warm, smart welcome to Mr. James Christian Kimmell. Oh, wow.


Yes. Hi, guys. That was an unbelievable misdirects. Yeah, that was a really good intro. It was.


I am a pretty good swimmer, but other than that, everything was still one untruth in there. You really can't swim, by the way. No, I can swim. He's a great swimmer. It's all right. I've been listening to this podcast, by the way. I've listened to all the episodes and I apologize. I love it. I really do.


I enjoy it. Really. I am not typically a person who listens to podcast because I do not have the time to do it.


I mainly listen for the AutoZone commercials and and I like the mental health commercials where you guys suddenly get real serious right in the middle of a funny conversation around it. That and I love that we we actually bundled the the mental health spot against the the become a Lorde spot where you can you can buy a square foot of land and and those around back to back.


I am actually signed up for that too. I am now Lord Lady of Kimmell.


So you about two squares a Lord and Lady Square.


Yeah. Why not. I mean what the heck. Yeah. All right. So is the narcolepsy true.


It is true honestly. Yeah.


You suffer from narcolepsy and you take one pill for and you don't have to worry about falling asleep when you're at a red light weight.


That's when you just fall asleep at any random time.


Yeah, my doctor diagnosed it. I have fallen asleep at red lights. I was once yelled at by a police officer at a red light. Police officer suddenly used that speaker and said, are you awake enough to operate that motor vehicle?


And I looked over and said, I am now four years. I took a pill every day called Provigil. Uh huh. And then I decided to stop taking it. And now I just drink a lot of coffee. And so there's no risk of when you're tooling down the road with Molly and the kids in the back, you just nodding off and taking the family into a light post.


It's more difficult when I'm alone, but because Molly will keep you up, the kids will keep you up when you're driving.


I will say I love having narcolepsy. I wouldn't trade it if I had the chance because I fall asleep within four minutes. I lay down and I vote and my wife hates it. I have the opposite problem.


Well, it's because of the crazy McDonald's menu order that you is insane. That's healthy at 50, right? Healthy anytime.


All right. So with the caveat that the only professional interviewer on this is Chimi. Here come my crappy questions.


OK, I've combed of combed through your and by the way, for Jason to comb through something he has hasn't he's admitted many times he hasn't combed through his own hair since he was 11. So for him to go comb through anything is big. You really are becoming a teen, Wolf.


OK, so you were raised Catholic and as a child was also an altar boy, is that correct? Yeah, I was. That is correct. All right. Let's jump right into religion, OK? How big is religion in your life? Is it big or small or medium?


Small. Well, it is I definitely am a religious person, I believe in the Lord Jesus Christ. I don't force it on others. Mm hmm.


I it's somewhere below, like, I guess it would go like pizza.


The Mets, you know, the. I don't know, even it might even be below tacos. I'm not sure.


I was an altar boy for seven years.


For far too long. I was starting to grow breasts. I was still an altar boy.


How old were you when religion entered your life was like from birth, right? Your parents? Yeah. I mean, I was baptized. So I guess right at that very moment, a few days after my birth. And how many siblings? I have two siblings, a brother and a sister. I'm the oldest. I grew up mostly in Las Vegas. I had a priest there named Father Bill with whom I'm still very friendly. And one night at dinner when this was years ago when the Catholic Church was experiencing a lot of controversy, no one had these molestations.


It didn't get up to Canada, I guess.


But yeah, well, it was we had some trouble. And at dinner one night in Las Vegas with a large group of friends, I loudly and angrily demanded to know why Father Bill had never molested me.


I wasn't good enough for you, but he wants you on his podcast. Oh, all right. I'm moving on to the next thing I found in my dirty comb. You you're a real prankster. It sounds like. Here is several stunts on air, including one that led to an eight thousand dollar loss in advertising. Do you have any recollection of what that might be?


What is that? When I was on the radio, you mean, huh? Yeah. This was during the me and him show on Kazuyoshi. And you glanced at my Wikipedia page.


Here's what happened. I just did a comb over of it. I've known you for how long. By the way, speaking of Wikipedia hours, have we spent together?


Well, you tell these guys in our listener one of my favorite thing you ever did regarding Wikipedia, what you did to our friend Justin Thoreau.


You remember that I did one to John Krasinski where I.


I wrote I wrote that his family, they were the founders and owners of craziness, you know, the cranberry raisins. And that's it's called raisins because of Krasinski. And and he removed that like before I was even finished typing it, he went on and removed it.


And what did I do to just and I forget what I wrote on on his you wrote and you buried it like halfway through, so you'd really have to get in there to see it. But you wrote and Mr. Thoreau cries when he ejaculate.


Yeah, that's probably still up at last. Don't know.


I only lasted about an hour or so. We did this on his birthday. I think I remember when we screenshot it and sent it to him and said Happy birthday. And the most interesting thing about that is, you know, I know you're not supposed to do that.


You're not supposed to screw with Wikipedia. It's a sacred text. And you're also not supposed to write on your own Wikipedia page. But as I recall, we were sitting at that table and I tried to change something on on Jen Aniston's page as a joke and it would not allow it.


It actually like she's got a lock on it.


There's something I don't know, Secret Service showed up at your house. It was weird.


And and then it was interesting to see which celebrities get locked and which don't. Oh, really? I think it puts you in a second tier. Yeah. Aha.


I think there's ads out there soliciting changes on mine. All right.


So now so that was hijinx during your radio world and then there was this, this transition.


Yeah. I got fired from every radio station, including that one, and that's why I got fired from that station. I don't think it was a prank. I think I you know what I did? I wrote one of these 80s parody songs about the owner of the Seattle Mariners. And the Mariners were not happy and they canceled their advertising. And then the ad agency which handled McDonald's interestingly canceled McDonald's advertising. And eight thousand dollars. Sounds like, you know, it sounds like a joke, like they lost eight thousand dollars in average.


Sounds like nothing. But at the time, it was the week, about half my annual salary. And and the salespeople at the radio station were none too pleased.


No, but surprisingly, television came for you and you pushed it off and pushed it off, said, no, thank you. No thank you. But eventually you did say yes to win Ben Stein's money. Why did you say yes there as your first television show?


And what were like one or two of the things that you were like, that's not for me.


You know, I never imagined I'd be in television. I was a radio disc jockey, and my dream was to do morning radio in a major market like L.A. or Chicago. Or whatever, that's really what I wanted to do, like the wacky dudes that are like, hey, good morning to drive time the.


Not like that, but I was on Kevin and being show on Karak for five years here in L.A. and while I was on that show, I would get calls from TV producers asking me to audition for things. And they were almost always dumb things that I knew weren't going to work. So if there was any upfront money, I probably would have gone for some of these jobs. But I remember one show was it was called pop quiz.


And basically you had to determine which stories about celebrities were real and which were not real. And I realized very quickly that because the show taped like six months in advance, the show would make no sense when it went on air and there was really no way to verify whether the stories were real in the first place and that the show would never, would not sell and would be a disaster.


So my first thing, I wanted to make sure it was good. And in fact, when a guy named Michael Davies pitched me Win Ben Stein's Money, I didn't know who Ben Stein was. And he said, he's the guy in Ferris Bueller's Day Off who says, Bueller, Bueller. And he explained the premise.


I mean, you were like and that's exactly what the guy and I did say that I really did. I said, that's a funny title. And the game itself sounds like fun.


And I'm sure you were shocked, like us, to learn about his actual legitimacy. Well, yeah, sure. I mean, you know, he wrote for Nixon, he's a law professor, all of these things. And and he knows a lot of things. So he was hard to beat. And he and I just happen to have very good chemistry. And that was my first television.


You still talk to him at all? We email about once a week. Yeah. Come on. That's really sometimes more.


Do you think he'd rather play with Jimmy Kimmel's money now?


Probably he's doing pretty well for himself, but he you know, I actually haven't heard from him for a few weeks because he watches the show.


We should drive around the house. He watches the show every night. And I haven't been doing the show this summer. So there's less commentary on what's going on in the show.


Are you missing it right now, given all that's going on? Although I guess there's never a moment when nothing's going on. But what is that like when you take a little break, you know, stuff happens and you come up with, like a bit you'd like to do or joke, you'd like to tell and then you get frustrated that, oh, damn it, we're not on tonight.


Yeah. There are moments where you see, like, Melania not grabbing Donald's hand or Mike Pence making some ridiculous speech or, you know, Steve Bannon perhaps getting arrested and exactly as Arrested Development began is that you think, oh, I could make something of this, but ultimately it's more fun to do nothing, right?


Yeah. Gotcha. Right. All right. So from Ben Stein's Money, we went to the man show. Could you do the man show today? Oh, yes. Really? It would be ten times as popular.


Of course I could. It would be. Well, what network would it be on? And.


Well, we have no advertisers, but but, you know, I don't think they'd be streaming.


I don't think even any of the streaming services would be interested in the show. But I think you'd be able to figure out a platform for a show like that.


Yeah, I bet you. I bet you they would pick it up. Right.


Somebody somebody definitely would you'd put it out on YouTube and it would like. Yeah, it is.


You know, you know, people are like the less corporate America wants you to see something, the more you want to see something, right? Yeah, of course. It's a show that at the time, Adam Carolla and I, we quit that show. You know, we we were sick of doing the show. We were we realized that the audience was not necessarily getting what we wanted them to get from it.


And I remember really when we looked at each other and knew the show was over, Adam was talking about some like some dickhead like dad of a friend he had when he was a kid.


And and he was using this in his example of what a not interesting, funny person the dad was. He goes, and this kid's daddy always said to me, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one.


And the audience laughed as if that was the first time he heard that. And we looked at each other like we got to get the fuck out. Yeah. Now, so I apologize that I did see the show, but it's been a while. I forget basically it was unapologetic misogyny, but meant to be sort of satirical. All The Stephen Colbert Report sort of mocking way.


Well, yeah. I mean, it was it was blurrier than that. It was just like I don't know, it was more like I think Al Bundy would be a character that would be closer to what we're doing. It was just like a celebration of all the stupid shit guys do. And like and also we used Oprah kind of as our our touchstone. I mean, at the time, my ex-wife was watching Oprah every day and then yelling at.


When I got home from work for things she'd seen on Oprah and this is Oprah before, it was kind of a, you know, celebrity vehicle, you know, or does Julia Roberts would be on talking about gardening.


This was like when, you know, like your husband's on the down low kind of Oprah. And so I I'd like Donahue. I kind of had enough of that.


And I went into a meeting with some producers who wanted me to do a daytime talk show for women. And I knew that not even my wife liked me and that that would not fly. And Carol and I had been doing radio together and we decided to do the opposite of that show. And it was on for a while, wasn't it?


It was on for four seasons with us. And then they kept doing it for another season with Joe Rogan and Doug Stanhill took over as the host of that show.


Shit. Yeah. All right.


Let's let's pause a second. I got to talk about the great service I got at AutoZone last week, AutoZone. That's America's number one battery destination. But you already got a battery, though. Yeah, yeah. I got a doorless last battery. The battery, more consumers choose. That's that's working great. This time I had a check engine light, check engine light. How do you check the light in your engine? That sounds dangerous. Oh, no, it's not.


It's not dangerous. There's a it's a check engine light or ACL on your dashboard and AutoZone checks it out with fix finder. OK, so Fix Finder gets the four one one from the CEO. That's exactly right. Fishfinder is this free service where you plug a tool into your OBD right. OBD the plug different.


I no OBD stands for onboard diagnostics. It is your car's computer. Can it run an RPG roleplaying games. This is real life on the fixed find plugs into your OBD and then you get a report of the things that your throttle. Collender No, no, not even a thing that DTC is diagnostic trouble code and there's more than 5000 of these things you don't have. So more than 5000 treatises on the OBD. Wow, that's a lot. Yeah.


So they, they look at the DTC and they give you a recommendation for repair. So Fix Finder gives you an RFA.


Our recommendation for repair you Huso, after you saw the s.L and then got the docs Robidas and find out what was your Rafaat gas cap was loose. Sounds like a pretty easy fix. Yes. Yes, exactly. It was. If you got a check engine light on, visit AutoZone and use their free fix finder service to find out why. Zhizhi Everybody get in the zone. AutoZone.


Sean, yes, I am sleeping like a baby. That's great. I'm guessing you took the Helix Sleep quiz that takes just two minutes to complete matches your body type and sleep references to the perfect mattress for you.


Bingo. Saying, I knew I was right. I was matched with the Helix Dusk.


And it's been like an awesome, great, cozy night sleep over here in the Hayes household.


Well, listen, it could not have been easier. I was matched with Helix Sister Brand called Virt, which is an all organic, all natural woolen latex mattress.


And how's that treating you like?


How is it treating me? I told you I'm sleeping like a baby. I mean, you ever see a baby when they wake up, they just are so peaceful and rested. And listen, here's here's what's even more awesome about it. They have a ten year warranty and you get to actually try it out right at the start for 100 nights risk free. They'll get they're going to pick it up for you even if you don't love it. But you're going to.


I'll just go to Helix Sleep Dotcom smart. Let's take their two minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a customized mattress that'll give you the best night's sleep of your life. Helixes offering up to two hundred dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at Helix Sleep. Dotcom eggs.


Martellus night, night, night, night. So when I see you like hosting the Emmys again this year, which I can't wait for and see how that's going to go virtually right. Yeah, and doing that doing millionaire doing your show because your show is such a grind, I can't imagine and I know you've heard me say this to you a million times and other people say, how do you do that every single day? You have to. It's just seems like such a mountain to climb.


You call Jimmy every day and say that. Yeah, I do. How are you still alive? Again, I watched last night. How did you do it last night? With a continental accent. And he's like, fuck, man, I'm taking this really personally. How are you?


Hey, it's John again.


I just saw you kill yourself with this schedule.


But because it's such a grind, because you're always out there, do you still get a rush, like to do the hosting gigs? You it seems like you so love working.


Is that true or is it just like, you know, you love it, you don't write it. If it goes great, I'm like, okay, good.


That's why I asked you this the other day. And again, I think I may have blacked out during your answer. So remind me you've got to definitely take a little bit of a private you're way too humble to do it outwardly, but inside you must smell the roses about where you are, what you've done.


I mean, we just kind of went through a little bit of your of your early career. I mean, you are absolutely at the at the top of your mountain. You haven't done any sort of gymnastics to your person out like you've stayed who you are and you are at the top of what you do. There's got to be some kind of a rush with that. Yes. I mean, you should be very proud. I'm sure you are.


I definitely am aware of how fortunate I am. You know, I was I was a radio guy, as I mentioned, and a lot of my friends who, you know, people who hired me to work with them are, you know, they're not doing anything. Now, that business dried up. And I am so lucky that I happened to be doing radio in Los Angeles were television producers contacted me and Dave. Have you know? Because if I'd been doing the same thing in Detroit.


Right. You know, I. I don't know what I'd be doing right now. I really have no idea. Maybe we'd be working at an ad agency or something. But the radio business is a tough one. And it is weird to me when you do look at Wikipedia page and to see these things and to go like, wow, I've done a lot of of stuff.


It's humbling for sure. And I don't take it for granted. And I do know how lucky I am. And I do think that luck plays a huge part in all of this. And I think, you know for sure, look at look at Shonn.


Yeah, look at you. But but let me but let me let me say this. I mean, I've said this to you before.


You know, I remember we did a we did a sketch once for your show or maybe it was for the Emmys or something.


Oh, for our post Oscars show. Yeah. Oh, it's Oscar show with the Batman.


And you had Ben Affleck in and then you had Henry Cavill and whatever. And then I came on and then they were like, no, you're not Batman and whatever I was in it to fuckface.


I was and I was. Yeah, dude, I know I was a superhero, you know. I know.


But, you know, that was a different bit, Jason. That was, that was that was that was that was for his family for Christmas anyway. So this is a very major broadcast post, Oscar show.


Huge ratings. Huge and bank is the best. Brady once the data sorry I just got lost I became a anyway.


But but but you did. You were acting, you were playing like this sort of dumb guy, like you didn't know what's going on and you were trying to. And I said you at the time, I don't know if you remember, there are a lot of actors. And I was like, you were the best actor on that set. You were the best in the scene. Did you ever. And I really for real meanness. Did you ever think did you want to become like more of a did you ever think, fuck, I should have done sketch, I should have gone on SNL or I wanted to?


Was that something that you ever wanted to do because or. No, no, not at all.


OK, so next question. I have a follow up question. Yeah, OK. It is not something I wanted to do. It's not something that I feel like I'm good at. I appreciate you saying that. I think will that was probably the only time I bothered to actually learn my lines before we shot.


I almost never I marvel at the idea that other people know there was. I will write a script myself and then I can't remember what I'm supposed to say. I did a TV, I did a local TV thing in Seattle when I was starting out. I was one of these things where they get the disc jockeys to host the Friday night horror movie. And I watched it back. I looked at it and I made a very honest assessment of myself.


I decided I am terrible on television. I should not be on television. I really better make this radio thing work. And I'm not I'm not joking. I really did. I looked and I said, OK, I'm bad at that and I can. Can't do that, and so I should just figure out how to do this radio thing and it never like, you know, being in drama, I was in drama in high school. I took one semester.


I know in college, rather, I took a semester of acting in college and the teacher pulled me outside and threatened to have me expelled from Arizona State University. And I'm not kidding. She pulled me outside and I was it's funny more than anything. I was interested that she could do that. She said, you're making the other students uncomfortable because I was just making fun of everybody all the time.


Yeah. And you are making them insecure and you are a detriment to this class. And perhaps you should join a sketch comedy group or something because you are funny. But this is not appropriate. And I was like, really, you can she said and you know, I can have you thrown out of the school. And I said, you could do that.


She's like, Yeah, was like, oh, how about that? Well, you know what I went to. That's awesome. And one time Jason was doing the hard part, a movie of the week and the SAG came on set and they had threatened to have him kicked out of SAG. And that true story, I had to give them my card for four weeks.


By the way, I do want to get back to you. I mean, I want to say one thing, which was you asked him, you said, do you ever get excited or whatever? Do you ever get a charge or a thrill or some bullshit? I said, Rush, Rush.


Do you ever get a rush? Great band. But I will say great Ben Catelli.


Anyway, Canadian, when I wanted to say was I want to ask you, I know you might not get a rush and you kind of laughed like Rush and I know it's your job, but when you hosted the Oscars that time that there was the big snafu at the end when Warren Beatty read the wrong thing and then, yeah, all that whole thing.


And then you brought those people. You brought those people. You're right.


I did a into the theater and I could see in the moment he was so enjoying it, I couldn't wait to talk to you about it. And you were so filled with glee.


What happens when things go wrong? Tell me what happens when you open this way. But Warren Beatty got the wrong envelope.


Is that what happened? Yeah, he said la la land.


But it was moonlight, right? Moonlight. Yeah. Do you not remember that? So. Yeah, but what were the mechanics of it. He got the wrong envelope.


Just the show collapsed. There was mass confusion.


Nobody knew what to read the wrong best picture anyway. We didn't, we didn't know what happened. You're killing me.


No but no you there were like eleven minutes of just pure confusion and it was tremendous.


Yeah. The best part about it was I was sitting at a table, I was sitting I was at that Vanity Fair party and I was sitting at a table with Mick Jagger. Of course, you're laughing with Mick Jagger, who I don't know at all and I have not spoken to since, obviously about what was going on.


And the whole time I'm just watching it really started with the moment you let those people on the street, you open the side door and they brought a tour and they had no idea. And you brought them into the theater and then watching all the people in the front kind of pretending to be cool with it. But they're not. And they're bummed that you're kind of ruining their big party, but also. But simultaneously, no. Smart enough to know that they're on camera.


So they don't want to reveal how pissed off they are. And it's such fucking bullshit as, you know, and then and watching you experience and knowing in the split second that you're enjoying. Exactly. That dynamic was so fucking great. And then it went all the way to the end with the mishap, with the name that you love, you love mayhem.


I will tell you, this is something I don't think I've ever explained to anyone. But every time I do an award show or a big show like that, you know, everything's written and we work hard and try to make sure everything is is as good as it can possibly be.


But I always allow myself one moment in which we just roll the dice and we have no idea. It could be a complete disaster. It could be great. There's an unknown element because I think when you have that, it makes the show more interesting.


And everyone who complains that the Oscars were these people who complain that like, oh, it's too it's boring, it's long, it's whatever. And then you throw something like that into the mix and they're like, well, that shouldn't have been in there. You know, they want it both ways. But I do like that.


No one enjoys the feeling of of bombing more than I do because I almost feel like I'm watching a prank happened to me. Yeah. And I do get a thrill out of it.


Who is the comic that would go out there and bomb on purpose? There was a stand up that did that and I just thought that was just so bold. Oh, Brody, Brody Stevens. Yeah, Brody Stevens.


And it just makes the audience uncomfortable and like that's it's basically performance art. Yeah.


I mean, I just think it often happens the same way too. He loves to bomb and he loves to be.


You have a similar sensibility, I think all you guys do. And I think it's part of the deal. Most people that we know that we like are people who love it when the joke's on them and and you because it's fucking funny.


I had to do with security. Right. You don't give a shit.


Well, it's also understanding the basics of comedy, which is that it's all vulnerability. Right?


I do care. I definitely give a shit. And, you know, whatever, but there's just something very funny to me about being in the middle of a situation that is not going well, and I even I'll take that into my my regular life. You know, I look ahead so that I can look back. I know that this is going to be funny when I tell it to someone and it makes the bad experiences easier.


That gets us to this year's Emmys. Can can we talk a little bit about because I'll bet you this will air right before that.


And Jason. Yes. Is nominated twice. That's right. I have not checked at least twice, not three times.


I think this show Best Director, Best Actor I was at three is this news with the nominations are out now, guys. Now, listen, Jimmy, this is going to be a very atypical year for the Emmys in that it will. Someone's going to die. It will be.


That's the roll of the dice. So.


Well, it'll be on television, but that will be beamed from computers, much like your show is every night. Right. Or any any television show is right now.


I mean, it will be beamed from computers. But if you think about it, all television shows are right.


This will take place in in a big theater, huh? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to say, OK, what theater, but it will and we won't necessarily have an audience, OK?


And well, because all I imagined when I read that this is going to happen, the Emmys virtually is how embarrassing it might be to have everybody on the Zoome who are nominated and then the winner. And then as everybody just click off, I don't know how does that work?


You just click stop video, you know, leave meeting, leave meeting. I hope so. I mean, it would be bad if they just stayed on the losers the whole time.


But you could do that when you're in a studio audience, too, you know. You know, do you do kind of stay with the winner? I think that's right.


But so with with what you were saying about really what the honestly the serious adult work that happens to make sure that the product is good for the audience, where you guys work so hard to make sure everything is is is pleasurably predictable and it's all buttoned up. And then you let it kind of wobble a little bit sometimes. How much can you build a predictable broadcast of this year's Emmys when I would assume so much is up in the air as far as the literally the mechanics of it all is, is it all pretty clear to you guys or you kind of still kind of figuring it out?


It's about 67 percent clear. You know, we know that we're going to give out the awards. We know that there's going to be a monologue.


There won't be a ton of energy in the room that we know that's going to be you know, it's you know, that end of the Oscars where everyone was silent and confused. That's we're going to go on for three hours.


I can't wait for that. That's going to be my favorite part.


So it's going to so the runtime will be the same. Runtime will be the same. You know how like baseball pipes in a fake crowd noise.


Now, like name another sport you've got. Well, what about like the DNC and the RNC will have aired by now and like so it's kind of the same type of effort. Right. They're all trying to figure out how to do this without a big room and a big audience. Are you getting any ideas from the DNC?


Yeah, I think mostly the ideas are what not to do, not that they haven't put together a pretty good show. I think they have.


But there are a lot of really deathly silent moments on that show. And I don't think. But that's politics. You can get away with that. I don't think I'll be able to get away with that. So I think.


Are you going to go, jeez, are you going to get dressed up in a tux at home with Amanda next to you?


Yeah, I have no idea. It's it's actually it's all in real time conversations right now. And I think it's a combination of us, the nominees waiting to hear from Jimmy the show about what they want. And then Jimmy, the show is waiting to see what the talent is all comfortable with about. It's a really interesting point the community's trying to figure out right now, and there's a good spirit to it. I'd hope that if you do wear the tax on the top, that you'll keep the pajama bottoms on the board.


Yeah, that's what we're thinking.


You just waste up, dress up, waist up. That's that's all you need. It's a good slogan for this year.


Show dress up. Waist up. Yeah. We'll be right back. Hey, so if you think you may be depressed or you're feeling anxious or stressed or overwhelmed, better help offers licensed professional counselors who are trained to listen and to help. That's right. And so you can talk with your counselor in a private online environment at your own convenience from wherever you're comfortable.


Better help. Counselors have expertise in a broad range of areas such as self-esteem, anxiety, grief, depression and better. Help can give you access to help that might not be available in your area. So you simply fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and get matched with your counselor in under 48 hours. So join the one million plus people that are taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced better help counselor. That's right.


Yes. And if for any reason you're unhappy with your counselor, you can request a new one at any time at no additional charge, better help is an affordable option.


And our listeners get 10 percent off your first month with the discount code. Smart. Let's get started today at better help. Dotcom smart less. That's better. Help dotcom smart. Let's talk to a therapist online and get help.


OK, here's the thing, a great teacher can open your mind, encourage your pursuits and ultimately change the course of your life. A.P. bio is not about one of those teachers starring Glenn Howerton and Patton Oswalt.


AP bio tells the story of a disgraced Harvard professor who returns to his hometown of Toledo, Ohio. He lands a gig teaching at Whitlock High School. But there's no Weegee inside here.


You know, Howard Zinn of Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Fame, of course, plays Jack Griffin, who makes it absolutely clear that he will not be teaching any biology, realizing that he has a room full of honor roll students at his disposal. Jack decides instead to use the kid's brain power for his own benefit.


Meanwhile, goofy but well-meaning Principal Durbin, played by Patton Oswalt, who is hilarious, is eager to prove that he's still king of the castle, struggling to control the force of nature. That is Jack Griffin. This is some awesome news. AP bio is moving to Peacock for its third season to pick up where it left off. The show has achieved critical success for being, quote, deeply, irresistibly funny with a, quote, near criminal array of comedic talent.


It's hilarious as true. And AP Bio is written by Mike O'Brien, who's an all star executive bruised by O'Brien. Seth Myers, who's a comedy all star. Mike Shoemaker, who I've known a long time, I refer to as Shue and Andrew Singer, who I've also known and worked with for a long time. So new episodes of AP Bioavailable now on Peacocke, the new streaming service from NBC Universal sign up at Peacocke to stream now.


All right, so speaking of entertaining shows for the audience, you had a great show in Texas. It was just you and one other incredible politician that you referred to as Blobfish. Oh, so Blobfish wanted to kick your ass at a basketball game. His name's Ted Cruz. Yeah, you got very close to beating him, but ultimately did not show a nice way of putting it. You lost 11 to nine. And I remember that you you couldn't walk for a week after that back home here.


Yeah, there was a big mistake. And I think that that reminds me a lot. Jason, did you say that camping trip would leave you going to work for weekends? Yeah, sorry.


I keep going at the walking beside the setting was tough.


I, I think that the mistake that I made was not having no fouls.


We decided there would be no fouls called because in my head I was imagining him calling fouls on everything and it just being like just boring and going on forever. So I said let's just have no fouls. And I thought that we would play in a reasonable way. But I should have known a Ted Cruz was not going to play in a in a normal way because he didn't do anything normal and it was practically like he would put me. And I'm not exaggerating.


Like if you were watching the raw video, he would put me in a bear hug while I was dribbling. I mean, it was just like, are we even playing basketball now? What's going on?


That must have taken forever. What's he like as a person? He's a nice enough guy.


What's he like as a hugger? He's a friendly enough guy. And, you know, we raise money for charity. And the whole thing was a positive overall. But I would have liked to have won that game. And I was ashamed of myself. You know, I made the mistake of trying to really become a good basketball player the week before the game. So I was you know, when I got there, I was already in bad shape physically.


And when I left, I was in worse shape physically.


And what stiffened up on you, I forget. Was it your back or your legs afterwards?


Nothing, really. I tore some something in my pelvis, so.


Yeah. So your pelvis stiffened up. Yeah. Yeah. Kopi So any chance I'm just trying to keep it rolling along here. What about, what about a rematch on that.


Let's get a rematch going and let's televise it and let's raise money for some sort of political race in Texas.


Well, here's the thing. The reason that I did it is because obviously I wanted better to win that than and I knew that.


That was unlikely and that Ted Cruz had a big lead, but I is somewhere in the in the back of my head, I thought if I can get him to throw up on television during this game, this is going to be a devastating visual.


And perhaps it is just the Hail Mary that we need to win that seat. Do you think he got close? I got close.


But Jimmy loves chaos. And the best example that such a perfect of. I totally believe that. Yeah.


So all the great humor that's on your show, the incredible writing staff. Congratulations again for another nomination now at the top of the heap there. You've fallen in love with one of those top writers over there, Molly McNerney. And and you've you've married her. You have procreated with her. So tell us what it is like to work with your wife, the complications of that, the pluses and minuses. And try not to talk yourself into a divorce right now, but see if you can win.


It wants to know what's it like to like your wife fascinated.


Well, I think it's great. I honestly don't there are no negatives as far as working together goes. It's we have the same vacation schedule. I feel like like I'll do sometimes. I'll I will sometimes dream a joke or think of something in the middle of the night. And then what I do is because I cannot hold it in, I will I won't say how I make noise, but I won't be as quiet as I normally am until I could see that she is stirring.


And then once she's just happens to be awake, I'll tell her what I thought. And part of it in my deep in my skull, I think that I go look, well, this is her job.


So, you know, it is OK for me to to do this. Like, that's how I rationalize it.


So you're doing pitch sessions in the middle of the night because you can't wait till they could sue you for overtime or just write it down like somebody with dreams.


I found that when I write things down in the middle of the night, I have no idea what they say the next day. I cannot I can't even they don't even look like letters they write. It's just you're not you can articulate it to your wife and it drives me. She remembers you. It drives me crazy when I think something was really funny and I write it down and then I cannot for the life of me figure out what it was the next.


And then you narcoleptic right back to bed and she's up working on the joke. Hackley I go right back to sleep and she's like, What is going on in my life?


That's part Sean. Sean, you told me the other week that you woke up and you wrote something down and then you read it in the morning and it was just simply said, do you like whipped cream?


And then. And then. And then in the middle of the night, I sleepwalked to Trader Joe's and bought ten cans of whipped cream just whipped. That's all night to get back to bed with benefits. Whipped it good.


Yeah. All right. We've taken enough of your time here and I only have another three hours, by the way.


I'm very busy right now. Are you doing it? Are you doing you're not doing it. When are you back on the show?


I'll be back the Monday after the Emmys. Which are when which are what?


September 21st? Well, if this is airing right now, we'll all know when they are.


But yeah, right around there, Jimmy, because I'm not going to have you for at least another week. I just wanted to take a second and say thank you. I just had that incredible opportunity of hosting guest hosting your show during this guest host kind of revolving door. Thank you. It was super, super, super fun. And it was really, truly an honor to share the same space that you occupy.


So and thank you for participating in our little project with Norman Lear. Yes.


Live in front of a studio audience. That was a big thing.


You won the Emmy for last year. Yes. And we are nominated again this year.


And Morsal, are you going to do more of those? I would like to, yeah.


We have to get a live studio audience back first, but it would be fun to do more of them. It was a lot of fun to do.


Yeah. Jimmy. Well, I am I hope you guys continue doing this podcast because it's a lot of fun. This is the last probably our last one.


I, I really just like hearing you guys bust each other's balls this year.


I don't think you need the guest. I think the guests are optional. I think you should do some episodes without guests.


Look at how much we learn, though. You know, what did we really learn, though? We learned. What did we learn? We learned I learned about your narcolepsy.


You learn that radio is dead.


We learn the radios that we learned all the things that we would have learned if there was no Wikipedia right now.


Well, you go well, you go nainai right now after this is all sleep. Yeah.


Yeah, it's one o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah. That's when they're going to say, oh no, I'm going I'm going to stay up till dark tonight.


All right, Jimmy, we love you crazy. We love your wife. We love your kids. That's your show, Everything and love your generosity for saying yes to coming and talking with us. Thank you. Thank you. I enjoyed it. Take care. Night, night, night tonight. Goodnight. Nainai apple pie. Love you. Bye bye. Bye. Bye bye. How lucky are we that we are buddies with that guy? Love, I just I you know, I have less friends.


The older I get, the less friends I have, as I'm sure that that's not unique to me. You know, people get busy with their families and their careers and whatnot. Like when I was a kid, I used to like 40 friends. But now I've got like you two and maybe three others. And Jimmy's one of those. And I feel like I don't need anymore if I've got quality folks like you guys.


Likewise. He's such a great. Yeah, I feel the same way. And he's he's yeah I do.


As you know, I do very little socializing and texting or texting. I get a lot of flack for that emailing. I know. And or a phone call. What I do.


It's like you guys or Jimmy or and you guys like that's that's it.


I just don't do it and it's important. But at least when I do do it, I get to do it with quality folks who will say so.


And Jimmy is one of those. Yeah, it's pretty admirable that he works as hard as he does and works with his is being a dad as much as he does and husband and still has time to do a podcast every once in a while. Yeah.


And I think he's super successful and super accessible because he's just he's unapologetic about who he is and his and his beliefs and his opinions. And I think people are drawn to that.


And I am one of you guys said and it's true that he's certainly in the time I've known him, but he's just always stays the same. He is the same guy. He's such a genuine, authentic guy. He's one of those few. And we know what it's like. And we know a lot of people in this town and a lot of people who do what we do. And that's not always the case. So a lot of people who are perceived as one way by the public and then who they really are is completely different.


And they're right. Lots of instances that we know of that we've all talked about who are like that, who are people like, no way. That person's a dick. They seem so nice. Jimmy is one of those people who is just so genuinely who he is.


There's no switch that he throws when he's in front of the camera. He's exactly the same guy, so comfortable in his skin, which is as so surprising to hear that he, you know, was originally when he first saw himself on television, you told us that story was like, oh, no, I look uncomfortable. I don't like the way I look or I'm not comfortable. It's amazing that he is like, that's for me as a viewer.


That's why I'm attracted to, you know, watching his show and especially at that time of night where you don't want any nonsense. You want somebody, you want to welcome them into your your house. If they're if they're if they put you at ease and he's always at ease with himself and it's it's infectious. Yeah.


I think people would be surprised to learn like, well, when they meet you in person that that's not your real skin, you know, or hair.


Not comfortable in my real skin. Yeah. That's why I don't show them my real skin. Right. Yeah.


Or the wires, the wires and everything that keeps it together.


But you know what, when you've had as much work done as I have, which is and I'll admit it, extensive, you know, it takes a lot of it's a lot of rubber bands and scotch tape over it, you know, just to, you know, show and you you've lived through two world wars.


Sure. I've been around a minute. I have been around a minute. A day over 40. Unbelievable.


I remember, you know, when I guess hosted his show back when he took a leave right after he was born and. I remember just we don't even need to have this on the show, but I just remember being so thinking about what a great guy is as I was hosting this show and saying Jimmy's not here because his son Billy is in the hospital. And then, yeah, immediately starting to well up as I'm delivering the fucking monologue in front of the audience.


And I'm like, he's such a fucking great guy who deserves only great things and he's such a wonderful person and I love him so much.


And you just think like, you know, this is a good, good lesson about, you know, want to read the monologue through first. No, I want to wake up.


Yeah, I'd like to wing it called reading the monologue while we're rolling. It's not not a good idea.


You know what? My president does that and and he's the president.


So that takes us right to a debate.


Smart. Smart.