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Hello, welcome to Smart Lists, I am Jason Bateman, one of the less smart hosts, even less smart is Will Arnett and truly dumb as Sean Hayes we each have invited, well, one of us invited guests per week. The other two don't know who that person is. Some of it's going to be funny. Hopefully you won't cry and hopefully you learn a little something. So let's get started. Smart, smart list is brought to you by AutoZone, America's number one battery destination.


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You have to, number one, buy on your thing, ready to go. And it's not a joke. It's a ringtone.


He's getting a call. I think I've been going so Jimboomba heavy lately on the I keep going like mid conversation. Senator will say something. I'll just go.


You know, the thing about me is I get knocked down, but I get up again and she's like, but between that and my 10 year love affair with figuring out who let the dogs out.


Right. Oh but what about that. That that what's that. That crap. Aspen. Well actually that I've never heard their music but their goddamn name. Boniva Boney there. Yeah.


Tony Blair.


But there's a great band so hang on Bonnie UI and then and then V.R. or something like that. Yeah.


That's what it is you fucking idiot. What's a bone he buried.


Like there. We sat there it's what song are they singing.


Why BAEO in and then space I v oh he likes it because it's French and he's like I guess it's not French.


He's from fucking Wisconsin and it's this guy Justin Vernon and my friend Christmas, you know, who were the band and like, oh then they're great.


I don't know, our guest is but but I guarantee you that they like Boniva.


I have this. I'm actually one of that. How much do you want to go back? I want one hundred Canadian Canadians.


You know who this is. So you can't chime in. One hundred Canadian dollars right now. Great. So it's it's a five dollar bet that you're saying, you know what to do.


That's so insulting. That's so insulting to me into all my Canadian brethren who I'm going to publish. I want to put your address online.


All right. I'm right on. Well, just give her away. Can I tell you guys something that I was Scotty and I were watching? They were you just changing your diaper? Would you just like your pants?


Why do you wear a pashmina as a diaper? Because it was it was cold. Now it's hot. I was watching Field of Dreams last night.


I've never seen a movie. OK. Hold for applause, what are you doing? OK. No, it was really good. But I mean, it's kind of a long way to go to tell a story about playing catch with your dad. But I get it. It was sweet. You know, Scott is like, you know, all these people won Academy Awards. I don't know, they were nominated or something. And then we started having this conversation about who would we conjure up from the past that like, if you could, who would that be for you guys?


Who would who would it be if they listen?


Jason played catch with his dad at home, and by his dad, I mean the security guy at Fox. And by God, I mean smoking butts behind stage five. But look. Yeah. Oh, God. All right. Well, we'll get to that later.


Sean, who are you so rudely keeping waiting? Yeah.


And our little podcast today, we have a gorgeous woman inside and out who we all know we're all friends with, really, and we all love. Oh, she is a light guys. Her lineage is filled with all kinds of famous people. I'm trying to build even the slightest bit of anticipation because you're going to know who it is. Let me try with this one, this random thing. She graduated college with a degree in photography. Can you guess who that is?


Annie Leibovitz.


That's it. She's a staple in the history of American comedy.


We'll be remembered forever for many contributions in film and television. She's trending so goddamn hard on social media right now because of her impression of Kamala Harris.


It's Maya Rudolph.


What? Oh, look at this. Oh, pop the cork. Oh, my God.


I was trying to sing Bonnie Blair in the stacks. And there's something in this case, so.


Right. How good is Bonnie there?


Well, I listened to the whole thing and I felt bad for Bateman because he sounded old.


I know activity. And now you look at him, he looks old. That's fucked up. So they're less gross than the name a person, I think.


Right. Isn't it?


Isn't it a person is Justin Vernon pretty much. And he has other guys who are in the band as well, Sean Kerry, who plays. But they're good friends of mine. They're great guys and they make great music.


Hi, Maya Rudolph. Hi. Maya Rudolph. Thanks. I'm so sorry for the mood lighting. I'm in a cave. It's the only quiet place at my house.


No, I was going to say thank you for the mood lighting. I'm going to join you.


It's a wank fest. Please welcome welcome to my Jack Shack. Yeah, he was talking about that the other day. How he you bounce off. You remember I used to say that you did you finally build your Jack. Jack is in it right now. Look at him.


I smile and a camera and no, Pantalone is now the reason you're looking for quiet is because there are six seventeen kids.


Eighteen kids.


Oh they're very good for you. I like you. Hop them out.


There is nothing elastic about my lower region. Nothing.


It's basically like when you get a grocery bag and something had spilled and then everything just falls out of the bottom.


So the bottom got too saturated here and now it's useless to you. So kids are falling out daily, falling out daily.


Your kids love that description of how they came in.


My son well, my son thinks that he came out of my butt because he saw like a birth video. So we like to keep it that way. My son said the other day, little label said the other day he was in the back seat. My aunt and I were arguing about the genesis of this terrible parenting of Grand Theft Auto Games and which one came first in GTA five and Abels in the back backseat. Abe, real quick, could you Wikipedia?


And he cut me up and he goes, how babies are made.


You got it. He's got them of his favorites. It's just a one one button you don't mind. Your husband did describe having a bunch of kids running around the house. He says it's so great he's a better word. It's like having a fire burning in each room. It's all warm allows. He said that. He said that. Well, he's a bit of a bit of a poet.


I thought he was going to tell the the Jim Gaffigan joke about how it's like because Jim Gaffigan has five. Right. And I think his joke was having a fifth kid is like swimming in a pool and you're drowning and someone hands you a baby.


It's a bit overwhelming.


I have to say that being in quarantine with four kids is great because I would be very depressed if I was not very busy. It would be a lot more quiet and depressing. Look at John.


Yeah, look at John. I just got up. Sean is so low right now. He's so low, he'd have to rally to die.


That's how low. How many books is your computer on radio is your radio computer on my my computer is actually on a stand right now.


What I like to say, the books behind me on the shelf, I've read every single one of those jackets. So nice. So I just got here.


And I say to anybody who will listen, but to all the living members of Chumba, Wamba, Miah, are those kids old enough to help out around the house or are they just asking you to help them find things to do?


Because that is the only reason Jason had children. I just I can't keep them entertained. Do you have any teenagers? Yeah, I've got a 13 year old and an eight year old.


The problem with the teen part is I feel really badly for them because they want to be social, but then I don't want them to be on their fucking devices all day long.


But then you got to talk to them if they're off the device that you have to talk to them. It's killing me. And I also feel lesser of two evils is just a thicker dataplan, right? Yeah. Oh, I thought you meant dad plan. Yeah.


Let's let Bateman keep talking. Let him hang himself. Keep going. What is so also one teenager or two teenagers.


I have one teenager. She's 14.


The others are. I have no idea. No. 10, nine and seven. Almost 11. I mean seven.


Is the 14 year old a nightmare? Has she found her SATs yet at 14?


She's not a nightmare. She's the opposite. So I feel really bad because she's a pearl, right?


Yeah. I love her. Don't show off, Shawn. Oh, you know, we all have Google.


Shawn is godparent to all of my children. Is that true? No. Yeah. And like my dad, I've never shown up for them. Oh. Are you guys godparents to anybody? No, I don't even I don't know what that means. What does it mean? Yeah, I don't either.


Because I think I think well we are we're actually very active godparents, me and Scotty to Jonah and Sammy Easley's.


You are. Yeah. And so and we're very active and legally it's just somebody and they're highly unlikely and hopeful. Never happened in case where something happens to them. We are the legal guardians. Right.


And I don't think that's always the case. It's not a religious thing. It used to be a religious thing. And I think now it's much more of a just sort of a custom thing that you do. And baby, listen, should we be godparents to each other's kids just out of no.


Where else? I'm gonna to send over the paperwork. Yeah. Yeah. No, Amandus got it handled, bro. We're all good.


I've got a question for my you don't even know what's for dinner is actually the godparent to Scotty.


I am the she powder and swaddle him. Yes I do my I have to say a couple of things.


One is I love you to I do, I really do love you and I miss you.


And I feel like I love you too. But I don't ever see you. I know it's it's wrong.


But the first of all, I have to say, the thing that we all know but not everybody knows, which is that your mom is Minnie Ripperton who sang Loving You.


I was so surprised that you threw in the lineage thing. These dudes. Like who? Well, yeah, I don't even know. Bonnie Berry, your grandfather owned all the Wendy's in Florida, so. Yes, I'm not crazy.


Hang on. Sidney Rudolph, Free Burgers for Life or so.


Supposedly, my grandfather and his brother were these big time business boys back in the day. And he came up with this idea for a company called Trip Charge and where it was like you could you could get a card and charge it when you were on a trip. This is before the credit card was invented. And it was such a great idea that he sold the idea to Diner's Club, way to go, said, well, is Diner's Club still around?


I don't know.


But I guess he straight up gave him the idea for the for the credit card. So Diner's Club was just four restaurants. That what it was? It's a great question. I don't know. I don't know. It was like a traveler's check situation for going to remember those travelers.


No know, traveler's checks, carte blanche, whatever carte blanche was at this card, which is similar. Is that like Diner's Club, I thought it was like, oh, carte blanche. And you just I like I like. Speaking of the Rudolf's, how is your dad? He's good.


Are you asking about my sweet dad? Isn't my dad the best? He's so sweet. He's that guy my whole life that people ask me about.


I just got another one today. I look at look at Batemans Bay is like, I don't know your dad. Well, why don't I get to meet her dad is such a cool guy and you would be well served.


This is like the bones of everything. You would be well served to make that scowl off your face.


That's my face. Now I have a heavy brow. I need a lift. But I am talking a lot about this. I constantly look like I just said. What did you say.


Yeah, that's, that's the. That's my best face. Yeah, mine too. Are you just coming to terms just to get to regular.


I have to, I have to pretend I've just said. Oh I see. Right. That's what I, that's what I had. That lifts things up to where his center is.


I think it's from years of being funny and years of emoting and now your skin is relaxing and self. I have developed really gnarly eye and I think it's from years of rubber face. Me too.


Maybe you and I can find a doctor that can just synch us. Up in all the places, eyes and vagina. Yes, probably somebody in the valley somewhere, they're kind of similar.


There's similar areas before your eyes and vaginas down here.


That's like shampoo and shampoo, which is shampoo to Jim Kooch shampoo into the bag. You get shampoo.


My hair is a very dark, dark story. But hang on. Before you get into this, I do want to say this. And what I went on a date with with Ali.


You went on a date with Ali. Wait, this you mean. I went on a date with Ali in New York and he took me to see puppetry of the penis. Do you remember that?


Yes, I saw it in England. It was terrible. Wait, Ali, who's Ali?


Ali, for our documentary for now is a girl. He's a funny guy. He's the guy who came up with shampoo and couldn't go married with a couple of kids.


And we used to be both named shampoo and shampoo.


And we surpassed puppetry of the penis all the time on the way home on 7th Avenue. And then we used to also Amy and I used to always pass and we'd always say to each other that my favorite title for a play was I Love You, You're Perfect. Now change.


Oh my God. I saw puppetry of the penis.


I thought it was going to be like this. Brilliant. It was just guys playing.


It was so painful and awful looking. A lot of a lot of stretching of skin.


Yeah. Wait so there was actual frontal nudity all the way through it. Yeah. Really. Are they cut or uncut.


They were, well they're Australian so. Yeah.


So I got uncut so snifters. Oh sweet. What. It's a senator right. It's called a senator I believe so. I've never still has its little turtleneck. I'm a disgusting foul person and I've never heard that term.


What about Aardvark resume. Aardvark. Yes, sir. Aardvark is standard.


I love the idea that Bateman goes in to get a facelift and the doctor says, no, just just do the surprise face more.


Yeah. And could you take care of my nuts? How many others do. I've got three penises.


I shan't. I cut you off ten minutes ago. You cut me off ten years ago.


But that's OK. Oh, no, no. I was just going to tell a story about my mom who passed away like two or three years ago. God rest her soul. Best mom in the whole wide world. Darkest sense of humor. That's why it's OK to tell this story. She would even laugh at this.


And so when she was two years old, she had cancer and they removed her eye, the entire eye out of her socket.


I knew that wasn't until she passed away that I found her old medical records from when she was a kid and realized and learned that they took skin from around her vagina to reshape her eye socket, which was kind of astonishing back then.


But, you know, I share the story with a friend of mine and he said, wait a minute, you're just telling me this now? The whole time I knew her, I could have fucked her in the eye.


I thought you were going to say I thought you were going say to her, everybody looked like a cunt.


It's brilliant. It's better than everything I was working on. I had tear ducts, stuff and. Oh, my like, ok, OK. Maya, I'm so sorry.


My must have an X rated show right now. So listen. God, that's really funny.


Sean, it's summer. It's car washing time. Oh hey. Hey, you know what they say. Sun's out, suds out. Am I right? No, I don't think they do. There's no better place to get what you need for car wash than AutoZone did. You know that? Yes. AutoZone, that's America's number one battery destination. It's where you get those Durel last car batteries. That's right. That's right. The batteries that more consumers choose.


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OK, so what you're saying is there's a bucket list. Well, here we go to my AutoZone car wash bucket list deal would include a car mechanic and a billionaire who meet by chance and then go on the adventure of a lifetime.


Hold on. That's a plot from a movie called The Bucket List that you were also in.


That is correct. With Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, my best friends, Captain Jack and Captain Morgan. I must have forgotten. But so nice of you, Jason, to remember.


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Yeah, he they wrote they wrote a bunch of songs together. And so another common question, I'm sorry, but I think you and your dad, I get laid. Yes, I did. But did you?


Because you have a great singing voice, too.


Did you ever want to do albums and all that and sing and perform like, I think the performing part?


Yes, but the singing part, I knew very early on that I did not have the vocal range of my mother.


Well, because you were surrounded by music, the whole musical. But I don't but I don't have that kind of a voice. I mean, you know, just like a seven octave range, you're sort of like, I'm good, but I like I like making music. I do like making music. I think now that I'm almost 50, I'll probably start publicly making music now that I'm not as afraid as I used to be.


How does one start? Is it like you start with jingles or, you know, like you write songs about letters?


You're like, huh, here we come.


Like three year old and Chris the way it should be crispy, too. That's right.


Bateman, swallow it down from your brand lettuce. The crispy I do.


Any of your kids want to do like open their mouths and make sounds that sound like they're very they all seem to want to be filmmakers.


So that's definitely happening because your husband or your partner is Paul Thomas, all of the above. He's all of those things. And, you know, and they have a movie. So they make a lot of movies all the time, which is pretty damn cute. All four of them. That's great. Truly.


Oh, when my when Archie was born, the night he was born was a Saturday night. And of course, Amy didn't make the show that night.


And we were supposed to do a Bronx beat that night to. Do you talk about Amy Poehler from Saturday Night Live is your ex-wife. Don't forget.


Well, your O.B. died or Obbie died the day before. So the day that the wife was so it was the first time Hamm was hosting SNL, you remember? So Hamm was hosting and I was gonna pick up Amy there is shooting Jon Hamm. I think Shaun is like it's like an audio, Kyra.


And, you know, so here's the thing, by the way. I have to jump in. So my sister and all her friends live in Wisconsin and they listen to these podcasts. She's like, I don't know what they're talking about. Half the time I thought about names. So that's what I'm plugging in all these names because, you know, my advice to your sister is move.


Oh, yeah. So anyway, anyway, that's fair enough.


That's fair enough. So Jon Hamm, first time he's hosting. So we go and we're supposed to go to this doctor's appointment and the OB dies. He dies that day. Are you being serious? That's crazy. That's what yeah.


He was he was old. He was very old.


So why was she seeing a guy on death's doorstep? Did she get a deal on him or something like that? He's like, you get an OBGYN that that's got a few more years more vibrant.


Yeah. So anyways, we go sometimes, sometimes you want the best.


You go, you go, you go to the quality this guy had delivered. This is not a be the big thing was he delivered. So feel Lauren's baby, what they want about whatever. And wow that was great. Like dutiful baby. That was beautiful. What a baby.


But then apparently he forgot about it.


But anyway.


OK, so so anyway we go in and Archie is born and we turn on the show that night and he's a couple hours old and Maya sang a song. Oh yeah.


Kenan and I, Kenan and I sing a song for a little baby Archie. Really live. Yeah. Yeah. Oh that's so nice. Wow. I'm nice sometimes Sean. I really.


Well that's not coming through. Oh sorry.


You are the nicest. I love you to death. You know. I love you too. I want to ask you some more stuff but can I go to SNL, which I know you're probably sick of talking about, but or maybe you're not. But I am cool.


I hosted your first year of SNL. I was I was a host during your first year. Oh, I remember. And even that I was like as I was hosting, I was like, who is this master of comedy? This girl? I just I'm who I'm falling in love with so quickly without so much as a date.


I remember the Facts of Life sketch so well that you put up. And it was Mrs. Gale.


It took care of her. But and that's why here. So we keep singing. These are the facts of life.


That is insane.


We got I couldn't stop singing it afterwards. Miss Gale took care of her, but and that's why they are so red keeps us together.


But it's got it's got it's got. It's got to live. These are the facts of life.


It was it was who wrote that lyric that me and Rayna got super stoned and Ryan is a friend of mine and wrote this entire song called The Facts of Life.


And it went through as a friend of Sean's who's a cook and who's a very good friend of Sean. Sorry. Keep going. That's where Wisconsin got. Oh, all right, so wait.


So back to SNL. So when you were there and I know everybody asked this, but for anybody who's not who's never been part of the institution of comedy, you know, that creates legends like you are now.


And yes, you are. Thank you, Sean. You're welcome, Maya.


No one said everyone always asks, why do you want to cut him off again? Because I feel like he might land the plane at some point during the contest.


But I did want to say my you are comedy royalty to me. If anyone was listening to anything I said over the last 20 years, I reference you all the time.


You talk about everybody does a certain level of sophistication in comedy.


I will say, like Maya Rudolph and people go, Oh, I get it.


I swear to God, if you're only saying this for me being here today, I do appreciate it.


It's so true. Maya, you know how I feel. You are. You are one of the comedy legends of history for true people.


Get it.


It's a very efficient, economical way to say, oh, you would like some smart. Laughs Gada Wow.


That's a pretty large compliment. Thank you, my friend. It is absolutely true.


But I think what Jason's getting through, not only are you known for that, but I will say that as somebody who has worked with you a bunch over the years and Sean can attest to this to the three of us did work together as well.


There is nobody who's quicker or faster or better in the moment and can eek out make anything funny, even if the scene is terrible and you want to throw it out and then find it in the trash and throw it out again because it's so bad. Yeah, you have the ability to make every you bring just you always bring the element. And this is, I think the real that's sort of the trademark of some of these really funny. You always bring in the element of surprise.


I never know what you're going to do. And it's so every time it's so awesome. I always feel it's exciting doing a scene with you.


You know, that is why getting old is great, because we all remember things a lot less than what really happened. So your memories, all of your memories of our time together are so good.


And the deflection, the love it notes is part of the intelligence.


It's like but honestly, it is nice to appreciate. I will I will get honest for a moment. It's nice to appreciate each other as we as we like to have. Like, it's nice to have had fun together because like my my thing, once I started having kids and having to go to work, I realized, like, oh, I have to actually like what I'm doing today or I'm going to want to kill myself because it's so depressing when you hate your job and you've left your beautiful babies at home.


So all the time that I've spent with with you guys and in out in the world and doing things, I, I cherish those times because all I did was laugh my ass so hard.


I remember I remember there's this one scene that you and I were in in the show called up all night. That Will was also one with Christina Applegate. And and those are my reference points.


Well, and so what network was it on? Just people didn't know this was about the coke addict. Right.


You know, so and my there was a scene where it wasn't quite there yet with just the rehearsal and the writing and was acting and we just were trying. I kept saying, is it in?


Yeah, right. And I said I said I said, if you can't feel it by now, it's never going to be. And and we crafted the scene in such a way that we finally got it there. And then when we shot it, you may like to Will's point, you made it so funny I couldn't breathe.


Laughing And it wasn't I was that Halloween we were supposed to be dead or something. We're pretending to God. Sorry, but OK, so here's the thing.


But now you've accomplished something that you really did your homework. Sean, what's happening? This is the obligation of the host of the person who invites the guests. They need to be the adult. They need to have the question. The other two idiots get to just throw bombs from the sidelines right side of you, Sean.


Yeah, well, it's it's comforting, isn't it? It's well, but like to your point, if you tighten it up, it is so high. OK, listen, listen to me now you've accomplished something and I'm now I'm going to compliment these other two jerks.


You've accomplished something that even Jason will have accomplished.


And I wanted to talk about this. You all came out of the scene as actors who excel in comedy. And that's kind of what you made, made you famous in the world and you all have expanded your repertoire and kind of like crushing the dramatic work as well. Like I haven't told Jason Ozark, it's it's the best work I've ever seen him do it. He's incredible on the show. And when he cries, I cry. Very nice of you.


Think about his face hasn't changed.


But you both you both excelled at the drama work, too. And I know that's hard to accomplish, but it's really hard to accomplish. And you guys have all done it, which is to hold on to a sense of where you came. And acknowledging your comedic roots, because I feel that a lot of people who are famous because of comedy immediately take themselves too seriously and then lose themselves in the journey to prove that they're more than that.


And in doing so, sometimes they fail.


I mean, do you do you know what I mean? I think so.


I was guilty of that first season of Ozark. I had the head writer show runner cut out. All the comedy that he put wasn't a ton of comedy, but there were some things that were going on. I was like show like, people have to know that this is this is a this is a drama. You know, they're going to think that there's it's a comedy because I'm in it. So it is a drama. Well, exactly. But like a great writer does throws in moments of levity to sort of, you know, and so I got less precious about that in the second season.


And people really like that about his writing and the third season as well.


So I got and that was the second season is when they stopped calling you Precious on set, right?


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I figured out what was causing it and put an end to it.


I was going to say, I mean, you guys all know, I mean, comedy is just infinitely more difficult than drama over time to be consistently, you know, funny. It's much harder than well, dying is easy.


Comedy is hard. I mean, I have to teach them to just come up with holy shit. I mean, she should give you an award and real write it down real quick.


You said. Oh, I did. That's why I just read it off my page.


The truth is that. Yeah. I mean, what you're saying. Well, is what I feel is like, you know, at a certain point you realize how also like comedy and the drama is few and far between and you realize how serious and depressed you really are as a comedian internally. And then like it's all kind of part and parcel of the same thing, so that all the little funny bits make the serious stuff real.


And it's all kind of I like that movie you did with Kazinsky where you guys were. It was funny because the dramatic moments, John Krasinski from the office, Jesus, he was on the office.


He was on the office, Wisconsin and Sam Mendes directed. Yeah. And Sam is directing you guys. That was a great and I, I said this when we made our little show flaked that not a lot of people saw that was on Netflix.


But I used to say people say, is it a comedy drama? I'm like, I don't know.


When I wake up in the morning, you don't go like today is going to be a comedy. Exactly. Today is going to be a dramedy. I wanted it to feel like a representation of what a life experiences.


I mean, other than like Mel Brooks is House, I don't know that most comedy households are always funny, right?


No, they're probably real quiet.


They're probably really dark. Yeah, for sure. And we will be right back.


So, Jason, you know how I have trouble sleeping, right? Like I sleep two or three hours, then I guess, and then I go back for two or three hours. Is that getting better? It's kind of exactly the same how I just describe it.


Well, do you have any tapes of Will and Grace around?


You could just going to throw those in you knock you right out? I try that, but then that doesn't work.


I just throw in Noah's Ark. Oh, there you go. Well then problem solved. Oh, well, not exactly, huh. Because that does the opposite. That gives me anxiety because it's so riveting.


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Right. Great question, Jason. And you order the stuff and they connect you with the physician and then you get you'll get a prescription really quickly and then they'll send it to your home package. But it's not like, hey, man, this guy's got some bone chew in here. Right. But the flag is definitely up on the mailbox, right on the mailbox. The flag is up for sure. This thing is putting flags up everywhere it goes, Golzow.


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Ju Dotcom, your bonus comment.


Now, Michael, with all the years of experience that you have in the clear understanding, obviously, of the nuance of comedy as well as drama, do you have any desire to write anything long form or direct anything long form and kind of be the person that navigates all that stuff?


Directing, no directing. I absolutely don't ever want to do. And I think it's the amount of responsibility that's required that makes me feel like itchy and hot the like, knowing that I have to make sure you've got this covered and it's like being the host of a party and making sure everybody's happy like.


Right. I don't think that's in my nature. And I'm and I'm OK with that. That's why I live with the director.


I don't want to be one, but I honestly enjoy the produced, surreal side of giving my opinion, putting my time in.


I mean, I feel like I'm all I'm going to be a forever writer in the way that I sort of just like haphazardly became a writer just now because they just make you write, you don't have a choice. And no one really says, hey, you're a writer now. You're just like, I'm writing my sketches. I don't have a choice. And it's really the only way to survive. So I think I'll continue to create what I do.


But the directing part, I like to I like to sit down and eat my lunch.


You know, I don't like to be a guest at the party. Not so stressful. And I love when people love doing it and I love to be a part of that. But I feel like there was a point in my life where I thought, like, I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that.


And then once I started realizing I don't I'm not good at everything and that's OK. I'm sort of like, yeah, there's no there's no shame in that game.


My recollection of my honourable night is just like we'd be shooting, shooting all day. We looked lunch and then her dressing room was next to mine.


And then I knock on the door and be like, are we still shooting that scene after lunch?


And I'd be feeling the same way. I'd be like, I don't know. We both had little kids and only, I don't know, I was nursing.


Remember, I was nursing at that like. Right. Like the baby was in the room. I was pumping, I was sweating. I was just boys. Jack Yeah. He just turned nine.


I want to ask you a serious question. I don't know if I'm going to get through it with my co-host, but here we go.


OK, hang on. Let me get the stopwatch and go.


Oh, your mom's so sadly passed away when you were younger.


I think you were six, seven, eight years old like that in the wheelhouse. Yes. And that we lost. And so and you're in such an incredible mom. And as I've seen firsthand, it always seems like your children comes first, which is the correct thing to do and before anything else. And you're always present and it's what every kid wants. But does any part of you when you are starting to have kids like and did you have one of those real human fears of, oh, my God, what if what happened to me happens my children and I'm not around, is that going to happen?


And oh, I'm still not sure that I'm doing this correctly and I get weirded out all the time that I'm forty eight and my mom was only thirty one when she died.


And I'm like, now wait, how did, how did I get to be older than my mother. So crazy. Like yeah. I don't, I don't know how the how were all adults to begin with.


You're not alone responsible for other people and in relationships and families it's crazy.


What's your perfect relationship.


Perfect. Perfect ratio of work to parenting. Like like like like what are you doing today aside from this. Like do you do. That's a great question.


I appreciate that question. I'm going to do a little voiceover work later on this afternoon for you.


Working for working for a wonderful production called Bless the Hearts by our friend Emily's five.


The You Love Me Oh, Bless the heart of the Night with and looking for any new characters or less.


Well, really good. Yeah, it was sexy, but also a little bit scary to this guy and a little a little bit sad like a little bit like. Well you know why.


Because because he's had a few even though it's Wednesday he said he would but he did that he was constipated, he sounded low.


He had a few sounds like you need water when I don't know what he was looking.


He had a few or is itself asphyxiated there in the Jack Shack. Oh, boy. You know what's funny?


I did right in the time that we've been on this. I did write a song for the Jack Shack, and it's called Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack.


You can Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack. Ended up Sheck good. Jack.


Oh I love. Yeah. Shake it up Jack.


I wish we had an elevated portion of the show. It'd be so good. Yeah. My used to do this character. We were going to do a. And I was going to be this part of the horror pop the cork, and I was jetro is this a French rapper? And it's just my she's just like she's in Central Park and she's in Italy.


I like to celebrate the car of the girl just like London. Poppycock, Debye, because it's real.


I want to see you doing all these characters every week again. Yeah, I know.


I should answer your question because you bring something up, which is that I, I do every once you all go, God, I should do that show. Or I should when we were asking about creating and stuff like, oh yeah, I should create this little like when I sing then I'll never be home. I can't do that. But I'm lucky enough to have a lot of talented friends and I'll do like a little bit here and a little bit there and a little bit and that.


And that's plenty for you. That's it. It's funny. Sometimes I spread myself too thin and then everyone. So I'll say no. Now I'm ready to get back in the saddle and do it. But I also like to go home sometimes.


Have you been courageous enough to play with the idea of an empty nest at some point, sometime deep, deep in the future? I say that because because I have and it just as much as I am. I love to be out and working. I love my kids. I love that they are here. And I think I'm going to be a mess when they go to college for sure at that times too. Right. Because I got two kids.


You got four. Yeah.


And like, when what? You know, like when one of the kids is at home and they're at a friend's house or something, you feel like there's no one here.


The house is so quiet and it's just strange.


Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do, but maybe that's a good time to, you know, move back to New York and start all over again. Yeah. There you go.


See Puppetry of the Penis with Holly and yeah.


Just do some sort of a sequel to Puppetry the Penis.


What would that be called, huh? I want to go back to the question I had about you come back on that thirty minutes ago. What? Sean Definitely. Definitely. Yep. Another.


Yeah, go ahead. What's number two? I want to know because I want to know these things like I know you do and you know it.


By the way, good for you. Thanks, guys.


I know it's very responsible. I feel very responsible.


You brought me in and you're like, I have to ask her real questions or she's otherwise it's like they're just bits which I love.


I don't care. You don't have to ask me anything real. Listen, you can ask me anything you want. I love it.


And so I want to know how you feel about me. No, I want to know.


So I want to know, like because way back thirty minutes ago, not talking about Saturday Night Live and how you you've you've helped create that institution that it is. Everybody wants to know what was it like getting the gig that you always dreamed of getting. Like what was it like the first week is like the first week of school. And were you nervous and like, how did you navigate around that?


That was crazy because I came in at the end of the twenty fifth season and. I had this really lame situation where I listened to, like a bad manager, I was so young and she said, don't audition. The the new contracts are really binding. And I went, oh, OK. Like a fucking idiot. And so I did an audition. And then long story short, I was lucky enough that they asked me to come and do the last three shows.


So it was more like trial by fire, but it was the end of the season. So everyone knew each other already. It was like it was like joining a school year with three weeks left. So like, I didn't know anybody and everybody knew where to sit in the cafeteria, kind of feeling like it just felt really bad and scary. And I didn't know that. You did not audition.


No. So you were you a part of the writing staff and they wanted to put you down until it was really confusing.


It wasn't clear. They brought me and Zach Galifianakis and I think it was very minor. I think we were the three people that they brought out for these this three week trial period. But Zach and I didn't know what was going on. Zach said they brought and he had auditioned and they said like they brought me out, but they were just auditioning as a writer. And he was really like, I don't know what's happening. And we were a little bit confused.


Did Jack do the show? He wrote for three weeks.


He and I shared an office and we were both like scratching our heads.


Like, I didn't know that either. What are we doing? You see, assholes, it's good. I ask questions like it is good. You know what, Sean? Great question. Great question.


Sean, what can you string two together?


Well, that seems like it's very difficult. I can't believe we've gotten to thirty minutes in and we haven't asked you whether you're excited or dreading the whole Kamala Harris for the next probably twelve years.


Can I just say, wouldn't that be a nice problem to have. Oh God. This fucking shit pile of shit of shit mountain that we're leaving. We just we just had her on the show.


You did. The day before it was announced that she was on the ticket was pretty fantastic.


She's awesome. She's amazing. There's nothing there that isn't cool. It's like, hey, do you want to play a cool superhero? Like, yeah, sure, I'm good. Like, you know this you know, you get to be Batman. It's fun. It's fun to, like, be a cool person. It's what am I going to what I'm known for Batman.


Oh, you're talking about. Well, yeah, but once the world calls it the hoax virus goes away, you're going to have to fly back and forth to to New York all the time. Are you going to be happy about that? That's that that could get burdensome.


I don't know. I really am. I think I'm a little bit in denial of what is happening in the world and what's going to happen. I mean, is there going to be a live show?


Does it matter? You know, what's going to happen? My let's not play this game.


We both know I like to play hard to get. Well, you don't have to start wiggling when you say that my. Oh, I still have my exercise. Thank God I am an exercise, shower and shower. I sometimes I need to take a shower. You don't want any of this.


Oh, you guys want Chinese chicken salad for lunch. Everybody, everybody. Everybody is Chinese chicken salad. Let's get chin chin, chin, chin, chin chin still around. Yeah I get it all the time and it's so fattening. I call it double chin.


Chin chin is still the best. Just the Chinese chicken salad. I don't think I've ever had anything to eat.


But you know that the conversation that's happening right now is so I will come and do the show come Saturday and then she'll come the next Saturday and Mayo will come.


That's Will's attempt at Lorne Michaels impression. Everybody, Wisconsin is shot.


They don't need to know. Not everybody needs to know everything.


Lorne Michaels is my forever boss. I just decided the other day like he's my for everybody. He'll always be my boss. I'll be my friend. But no matter whether I ever worked there and he'll always be my forever boss.


Me, Maya Rudolph. Yes.


An incredible it's me, Randolph. Question three, get ready.


No, this is no questions. I was going to wrap it up because I know you have kids to take care of.


Oh, you mean diapers to change, daddy. You know, there's no more in diapers, right? You're done with diapers. I'm done with diapers. Yeah.


So I can't thank you enough for being here. And we love you very, very, very much.


And I my life was way too short.


And even though we don't get to speak that often, I think about you all the time. Really. Like all the time. Yeah.


Hey, hey guys. So that was so convincing. That was so convincing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh I do. I really do. I think about you all the time.


You're always such a you're always such a sweet little cookie puss. Can you sing the Jack Jack song. Whatever time it is. Our cyanogen.


Check it up Jack. Check. It's totally crispy. Jack shed one hundred percent Jack. Chuck, it's totally, totally crispy.


Think about it, it could be a box of you socks sold separately.


I was going to say this should be a sock sponsor to that. My super, super nice of you.


That was really fun. You guys, it's nice to see you.


Makes this is one of those days where when I'm dying and I'm laying there, shriveled up. And then I think about today and I have a big smile on my face. Oh, like, look at that.


I love you, Maya. You're the best. You're the best. The best man. Thank you, Maya.


Enjoy the rest of your day. Nice to see you all. Bye. See you later. Bye bye. Tongues included.


She winged that song and it's going to be my head for the rest of the day. Jack. Jack.


We were working on up all night, whatever, 10 years ago. And she said, What did you do this week? And I said, better.


I spent the weekend at my Jack Shack and she was so enamored. She loved that idea. She thought it was the grossest expression and she used to bring it up all the time.


She has a Jack Jack Hayes, Hazor, Jack, Jack taken this weekend. I like that. I got it on behind me now. Yeah, good. Anyway, I love her. We love her. I'm so glad.


By the way, she's the kind of guy that that we have on that we can just completely be ourselves and fuck around. And it's so fun.


And she could guest host the show with us at any time. Yeah. Because she's so funny and so and we love her and no one. She's got such an ease and comfort and she's just everything about her is the fucking best.


I love hanging out with my guests when I hosted Kimmel a couple of years ago. And here we go. Yeah.


And the ratings spiked. When is this. I don't even know if sweeps are a thing, but I know it was a big deal to me and it got him a new contract. I don't even know how he started on this story.


But the point is that I needed a guest and I said, remember, Jimmy's son was was was in the hospital and stuff.


And they went in there and I needed to guess I was like, who can you count on in a pinch to come in and be funny, available and available? And my abutted drive by at that moment? No. And I called Maya because.


Yeah, because she's incredibly funny and quick and she saved my ass. She made me look good. Yeah. She's always she's always that. Jason, have you ever worked with her.


Yeah, she was on SNL the one time I hosted way back when. But I would love to and I was serious. I have I have talked about her a lot in anything that I have half a say in. I've always wanted to more and more and more. I don't I don't I don't like what the kids are doing to her life and my ability to see her on camera more often. So I'd love to talk to her about that. Maybe finding another place for kids to live would be sure.


That's for me.


Art, you should call Dave, Becky, and put a light a fire under his ass, you know.


Well, maybe Dave could babysit the kids and book her on a couple more things that Bygrave Becky is her manager. Thank you, Jesus. Thanks again. Thanks, Sean. That's my that's my Wisconsin.


Oh, hey, thanks, guys. Don't worry about it. I got it all sorted out. I just heard Sean said that Becky's your manager. OK, yeah. No, Sean just straightened it out. You straight, you know, for us out here, OK. Or I guess he's some kind of Hollywood manager anyway.


Great guest. I love her.


I love you guys, baby. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Sean, I smart. Smart Mark.