And that recording now one must not get one's knickers in a twist, I'm trying. These are the stories your granny never told anybody, loved everybody. I was raising the kinds of kids and I slipped up on some spilled on the road. And my mom like. Hey, everybody, I'm Nikki, your host for the Stories Your Granny Never Told podcast, it's a monthly podcast where I interview older folks about their unexpected life stories. All right, it's October.

It's fall. We're drinking pumpkin spice lattes. We're just smelling cinnamon everywhere. Unless you're in the southern hemisphere and it's spring, but you still celebrate Halloween, right? Anyways, the leaves are crunchy. And the perfect thing for fall is a grandma sitting by the fire knitting a scarf and telling you about her crazy life story. So that's what this podcast is for. I hope you enjoy the next episode. Before we get to that, some little current events and updates.

A few weeks ago, I was on the Podcasters roundtable podcast.

It was a bit of meta podcasting talk. So if you're into that kind of thing, you can go check it out. My episode on their YouTube.

Also some real talk if you're listening right now. And you're not my mom, my mom. I want to hear your feedback about the podcast. I want to know what you like, what you don't like. You know, if you could say that in a kind way, I want to improve the podcast in the future episodes. So just, you know, leave a review on iTunes or contact me on any of the places where the podcast is on social media, where at stories your granny never told on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

Just let me know what you think. And if you are a fan and if you saw me in the street and you wanted to buy me a coffee as well, we can't do that because we live in plague times. But you can still buy me a virtual coffee on my website stories your granny never told Dotcom and it will help go towards paying off my podcasting equipment and paying for my editing hours that I do, you know, on the weekend when I'm not actually doing my real job.

And also it will go towards boosting my self-esteem and come on, that doesn't have a price. So just like buy me a coffee, you guys. I also have Mirch. I've got like stickers, tote bags, masks with quotes from some of our grannies. Basically, anything that you can have printed in the link is also on the website.

And so please just share around the podcast to people you know and leave reviews and read on items because that really helps the word get out for podcast. I mean, there's a million podcasts out there, but wouldn't you want people listening to stories about Grannie's instead of like some old white dude screaming into a microphone? You do you want that? So sure. The podcast. I'm also still looking for a guest for next month. So if you're a grandma or a grandpa or an old person or, you know, a really cool old person, just send me an email at stories your granny never told at Gmail dot com.

And I would love to have you on my show. All right. So the next guest is Lois Hollas. She is very inspirational and she has a really interesting life story where she spends a lot of time doing health care and then sort of merged onto being an inspirational speaker. It's it's a wild road, just a little trigger warning for some abuse she she had as a child. If that's something you don't want to listen to, maybe skip this episode.

Otherwise, I hope you enjoy it.

She inspired me to definitely follow some passion, so I hope it does the same to you. Have a happy fall and please welcome Lois Hollis.

Hello, I'm Lois Hollis, and at this present time, I will be 77 in November. All right, congrats.

Yeah, and I feel very blessed and very grateful for that.

And I'm I'm really happy to have you on because you actually came and contacted me because you were a fan of the show. You said, how did you hear about the show?

I joined I saw the podcast Community Expo. And I went, well, you know, why not go with four thousand people? You'll get something. Yeah. And that was the highlight of my life. I was on the computer watching it and on my cell phone texting. I was so proud of myself for being able to do that. I was I was really impressed.

It's very high tech and it's really fun doing that. You're like with this community virtually, but still kind of a part of it.

And I did messenger and I did all the things I never did before. And it was like, I can do this. My seven year old grandson can do it.

I can do it. Yeah. Yeah, you can. It's just it's a little bit of a learning curve. And then it comes naturally after a while.

Why don't you start out where you grew up and how things were like when you were younger or things that might feel a bit strange to listeners that are more my age these days?

That's what I impressed about your show, is that you're giving your voice to things long ago.

Well, I always I'm fascinated by these things. You know, if my grandparents tell me, like, yeah, we we didn't have Internet back in the day, like, I know it's logical, but just it's fun to. Yeah. How to manage your library and ask myself that question all the time to make that even worse. There was a point in my life that I lived about an hour and a half from where I took my kids to school.

And it was insane to go back and forth, so I stayed in the city until the school her that were out. So I didn't not only not have the telephone with me, I didn't have a cell phone. Yeah, all that time. And you know what I managed? I got things taken care of. And the roof man came. The plumber came. And it's amazing how a payphone really works. Yeah.

You know, you just adapt, I guess. But you you actually said you you were in the health care industry since you were 12. What what was what were you doing at 12?

Well, the main theme of my whole life is how to keep my health, how to be healthy. That is the theme of my entire life. I always was in the health field, always wanted to be in the health field. And I'm glad I had that passion because I was quite ill. Was a child, not genetically, but through abuse. I had a lot of fractured drawls and head traumas and its terrible grip troubles. And I didn't really know all of that until later, until I had to fix them.

So my whole scheme of my life is to be healthy because I thought if you have your health, you have everything. Sure. And that really is the matter of what I have to say is if you don't have your health, you're really not able to do your passion. Mm hmm.

Yeah, I mean, that body comes first.

The body really comes first. I know it's the mind, but it's really the same spirit and same body.

Some some philosopher said that once.

So I don't have a lot of memories from early childhood. I on a spiritual level, I had a near-death experience and I can't remember if it was like seven or eight or something like that from one of the abuses episodes. So God sent me back. So I am the funny things that I remember. Ah, it took 18 seconds to get on the bus and I remember counting the three pennies.

What around what your year.

You're was born in nineteen nineteen forty three. So we're talking about right at the end of the fifties, early fifties. And I remember it's amazing what you remember, I remember counting three pennies like I had a diamond in nickel and I had to get three patties. This is so funny. But you have to remember but that was 18 cents was a bus ride and it was a quarter for a movie. And we went to the movies a lot. You just have to have a quarter.

And they really didn't give you food or anything.

It was just movies. So this is going to sound not very smart, but was it in black and white? Yes. And that triggers another very interesting picture of my head. My father was a radio and television repairman.

And that that doesn't exist today, of course, but yeah, my father worked in the like a longshoreman and he worked extra as a television repairman to help out the family. And it was hard all the time. People had to have two jobs because they have two jobs there. Well, in that in the 50s, when you had to have two jobs to go, you know, it was it wasn't that easy either. Did your mother also work?

No, she didn't. OK, so it was more like a traditional use. It was traditional life.

And and that was OK. You know, that was really it was just the way it was. It wasn't like it's hard to explain.

Well, there was the customs of the time. Yeah. And my family was very intelligent, very smart. And they excelled in things. And my mom sewed and cooked and took took care of us and we took care of her. It was it was just the way it was. The reason I bring up the television is because my father made our television set and I was trying to remember that year, so it had to be oh gosh, it was the late fifties, somewhere in the 50s.

But I remember him receiving a big box in the mail and he put it together because you couldn't buy it.

So he had told you how to build your own TV. You had to make your TV even. And so even people who are like not really tech savvy, it was easy enough to put together or you would only do it if you were like really into TVs.

I have no idea to around for me to ask him. But my father was really very technically astute. Yeah. I don't know if he could do a smartphone and all that. We didn't have that to test them, but he could put a television together and it worked. So I'd say he was tech savvy. Maybe I'll draw upon it for the tech world.

But anyway, I remember it was black and white, it was small, was part of like six inches or something like like a computer.

Like a computer screen. Yeah, like that. And we had it in the basement because that's where people had their it wasn't like a living room. We had like a basement and that was more or less traditional. And it was a row home. I was in Baltimore City. So if you remember, it was a brick walls, brick buildings and marble steps. Oh, so. And we have a big bay window in the front of the house for the basement and one for the upstairs.

So people, the whole neighborhood would gather and bring chairs and sit and watch our TV, how big they would flow. And we were like so important because we had a TV. Oh wow. OK, so you'd put it like on purpose near that window to show that we just watch it and then we say, well then they always say, I'm going. I don't know. Then when I say, Oh my God. And they all had seats and there well, you know, it's great to be getting sat on the concrete on the pavement.

And then the other people had chairs and the other people stood up. Do you remember what was on TV?

I have no idea.

That's what I remember is all these our neighbors, they weren't people. And that's another thing. We were neighborhood, we were row homes, neighborhood. And I could go I could go next door and say, you know, my mom's cooking turkey, but I'm really so hungry. And she told me to wait and I'm just, like, really hungry. Do you have something that I can eat right now that you're here? It was like your father.

That's really nice.

And it wasn't like. It wasn't the neighbor, it was just family, and we used to have block parties. Yeah, parties every I don't know, that's what it's like every weekend or something. Said, you know what? You know, let's have a little party night, OK? So everybody came out and sat on the steps and they just shared all their food and it was the whole neighborhood. It wasn't like it wasn't a big deal. It was a way of life.

It was a culture.

And you also said that you got your your milk delivered to the door. That's like a nice old timey image for me.

Oh, I love that. That's why I definitely have. I remember sitting in the week, you know, before we go to school, we have breakfast. And Mom said, oh, go on those go get the milk. OK, mom said run across the kitchen to the living room and then outside. And then I open the front door and there were two or three bottles of milk. And I like carrying fried glass bottles and of course, glass bottles.

And then my mom would open up and she says, oh, here's the cream, who gets the cream today?

And then, of course, you'd have the cream on top of the milk. Right. Your little scoop thing or the glass bottle.

That is the cream today. And it was so fun. And and so now when you talk about organic milk, I remember that in the transition period. I mean, were they talking about organic milk? Milk, isn't it? No. No, it's not. No, it's not really. So that was that's a whole nother learning curve for people of my age because, yeah, there was no such thing as non GMO or GMO or I think people would pay big bucks right now to get that kind of fresh milk delivered to their dog.

You have to be on the farm. Yeah, you'd have to be straight on a farm. Fresh milk is so good.

That's a whole nother story. I could talk about that one, but. Yeah, that was like a love that we just love that we were healthy. Yeah, kids. I mean, they're cold here and they're so and so it.

Did you did you go into nursing or what was your career?

Well, I started at 12. Now 12 is like a nurse. They called them candy stripers. Some people my age will.

Oh yeah, I know what they are with.

Our uniform was pink and white stripes. Cute. And we had a little hat was pink with a white brim on it. We were called the candy striper. They weren't nurses. But I put nurse's aide in there because nobody would say if you were a candy striper, were you a stripper or something.

So wait, so how do they were you, like, working or like, how come you're 12 and you're allowed to work while you're allowed to do that? And I went to the hospital and I just volunteered and I get people magazines or things like that. And I just wanted to be helping people, whether it's in my DNA, I guess. And so I saw a lot of things. And eventually I went to nursing school after high school. So that's what, 18 and I went to nursing school and.

The problem I had with school, and this is the times that it was, and I think you can all appreciate that now, is that I had extreme dyslexia because I traumas. Oh, wow. I had called I finally figured it out is called alien syndrome, where when you look at words, they keep shifting and moving. That's so you really can't like you can't read.

I mean, I have very light dyslexia where I can't really remember phone numbers, but that sounds like a really well it's a it's not a dyslexia is a whole nother division of well of at what do you call that a problem.

Yeah, that's interesting because I actually in my work that's not podcasting. I study head trauma and I had no idea that dyslexia could come from that.

And it unfortunately, it's not only that it comes from that is that that it makes it more difficult. Yes, it's more severe. And also with alien syndrome. And I can't imagine trying to read or let alone memorize or write anything if you can't even see the words if they're moving around.

So, I mean, this is sad to say, but it's I think it's important to point out that I remember standing in front because in school we had to stand in front of the class and read. Yeah, was that was good. I mean, you know, I think it was good because it taught people to do that. And it's like for second grade and everybody did it. And when I got up there, I would look at the book and I keep turning it around because I thought if I turn the book upside down, maybe I can read.

Maybe the words will stop moving down.

And your teachers didn't notice?

Well, they were in school that way. They just thought this kid's not smart or whatever. So I remember after a few times that happened and I wrote later and how sad I was. They said you have to sit at the back of the class and I went, OK. So I remember that, I remember that part and they they they just said, well, oh, and I when I would write, I'd make everything perfectly backwards. Oh, wow.

I heard that all my 2000 fours and sixes are perfectly backwards.

Oh. And so I could like it. So they just labeled me as a non as a non performing student. They didn't even look into it.

They're like, well this is weird. Whatever. No, they, they, they couldn't because it didn't fit in. Either you read or you didn't read, you didn't have any. What do you call this problem or special needs classes?

That's what I'm saying. I said we didn't even have this. So I don't even know the words to say. Sure. So now they would say, oh, she needs some special phonics or something, or she might have dyslexia or something. So I would. So they might after that, people just left me alone because it was going to say, what did you do?

Did you manage to get through school? They yeah, they left me alone because they were that I remember they had a meeting at the school. I just remember that I remember that my parents in with the teachers and they said, you don't expect anything from this child because she's very ignorant and she's not able to read. So don't push her because there's nothing we can do about this. It's just that we just have to let her go because she's unteachable.

Damn, I know. It's so harsh. Well, but in a way, you know, 50 years later, I'm looking at it. It was good because they didn't push me.

Yeah. You got to do your own sort of rhythm. I guess.

I was I was told that I'm not teachable and leave her alone, man. OK, you know, at 70 now, I can go back and look at everything because I had that near-death experience. I saw angels when I was young. Well, I was always talking to God. I was always, you know, I guess you could say that spiritual. But I. I mean, after you see God and you've been to heaven, you life really changes.

So that kind of gave you sort of inspiration to to keep going no matter what.

Well, it just felt OK. OK, so nothing was that bad because I just talked to God and my angels.

I used to come home from school and go upstairs. I never remember this now, but I didn't remember it when I was a kid, you know what I mean? It was it was just my way of life. I didn't sure that was different. And I didn't talk about it to anybody because I just didn't talk because nobody was really interested in what I had said, because I couldn't read. So I would go upstairs in my bedroom and I would see these three angels and.

And then I go downstairs and eat, and I was OK because I had whatever works, you know. So it was more of an interesting story. And but, you know, what was interesting is that whenever I took a test in school, I, I still get my test. I always passed. Oh, I never read the book. I never did the studies and I could always pass. Isn't that amazing?

So you must have picked up enough during class to be very intuitive. Yeah. I mean, you know, maybe being losing other capacities, you you sort of subconsciously picked up other capacities and were able to learn better. Well, that's great, though, that you were able to pass because imagine if you failed all the tests, what could you do?

I did. I didn't read the books and I always passed. But it wasn't because I didn't want to. But the thing that saved me was tap dancing, really. I've always wanted to dance always.

And I drove my parents crazy. I wanted to learn it eventually. That was very popular at the time, I imagine. Oh, my goodness. And then I start tap dance and I just have. We had a basement and it was like concrete. And then they put vinyl on top. So it was great a floor to dance. And I tap dance all the time, like 24/7. And when I when I got, you know, later on in life, I realized that it was helping me move my energy.

Yeah. And then then I start reading and then I could do all sorts of things when I start tap dancing and and I've done a lot of research. And you have to do the left brain and the right brain and all these exercises. I was doing that tap dancing. Yeah. You're just getting your energy out.

And then you could use in different aspects of me and my left brain and my right vein. So the tap dancing really taught me to live in this world of reading and writing and all the artists and I tap danced all the way through high school. Wow.

Is there like some specific celebrities that were famous for tap dancing at the time?

Oh, Fred Astaire, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. And I still watch them today because I and I did a little ballet, but it was a tap dance and it was the movement. And my mother was wonderful seamstress. She made all my costumes. The fact I have an awesome picture director and then you have me and my costumes and this four foot by five foot structure in our living room. And that was a radio.

Oh, wow. Yeah. That's how big a little radio was the day we had this whole thing is it was four foot and that was radio and that's how big it was almost as big as me. Well so I have to show that to you.

But the tap dancing really got me to learn how to read and write. And it's not every day that you hear that.

And well, I, I researched it and it's all about the movement. And there are certain exercises you can do now for a kid that is dyslexic, they can use the right hand, the left hand and coordinate with the brain.

So I think I coordination, OK, it could be more it could have done faster if I knew that, but nobody knew that they would think there was a problem. They're just stupid. Yeah. They just, they're like, OK, whatever. Can't read next. Exactly.

Said I tap dance and I became smart. So how about that.

What did you what did you do after high school? I went to be a nurse and that at that time it was three year nursing career. All right. And I after that, I. Oh, that was another thing I got. Ninety nine percent of all the applicant questions wrong, wrong.

Wow. And was it a dyslexic I can't write test, right? Yes. Yes or no. Ninety nine. Ninety nine percent. Wrong that you just completely flip them around.

Usually you get 50 if you are doing it randomly. So that was amazing. But they accepted me anyway because my sister went before and she was like their star pupil. So they said, oh, we'll give her a chance. And she's had all this nursing background as a nurse's aide and a candidate. Well, you let's give her six months. Well, I graduated top of the class.

There you go. And then, yes, so but see that nobody knew, yeah, even the hospital, of course not nobody knew about these things.

And, you know, I, I can't I can't understand how they would think that, oh, my God, what's wrong with this person? But anyway, I, I graduated top of the class and then after that I, I went into John Hopkins.

I lived in that area and they had a new thing, a new nursing opportunity. They had open heart surgery and you would do preop nursing and assist with the operation. And this is like 50 years ago. So this is the beginning.

I was always a trailblazer. I was always in the first place. So this first time, what it was like, you know, the beginning of it, it was so you had to adapt all your nursing skills to a new environment, new people and cetera, et cetera. One thing I wanted to mention was that in nursing school, we went to John Hopkins for pediatric training, obviously, and in my three months there, they opened the children's hospital, which is now world famous.

Yeah. One day when I came to work there, it was like, oh, my goodness, what are all these news reporters doing here and all these cameras? And it was like I couldn't even get in the hospital, had to push my way through because it was all these people. I mean, it was like 50 people. And there's like everybody had a camera. I'm going, what is going on? What Hopkins as usual, like that, everything everything's a big deal.

So what it was, was there was a child that was admitted to the to that new hospital and he had cancer and he was seven years old. It was world news, really.

So that was the first time.

Well, I don't think it was the first cancer in the world, but it was so unique for a young child to have cancer and look at today. Yeah.

So what were people saying? They just couldn't believe it.

They were like, wow, how did this happen? You know, there might be an older person that gets it. And then, you know, it was I just remember that so clearly. And everybody watched this kid. And of course, he got I think he got better. I couldn't figure out of it later because it was so guarded. But it was a major, major happening because the child has cancer. So our world has changed dramatically.

Yeah. And I mean, at the time, you know, doctors didn't necessarily know what was causing cancer or that there are many different types of cancer. I remember oh, I don't remember which president, but one of them put a lot of money into cancer and promised to find a cure within the year and then kind of dropped discover lots of things, but realized that there's a lot of different cancer.

So that's just it's heartbreaking for me.

Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, how do we get off track on that one? So anyway, I went to I moved from Baltimore and I moved to Pennsylvania with a couple of friends, you know, now that you have to find different things and so on. And there I worked as a nurse for a little while and then I was someone spotted me. They said, you are just an excellent nurse and we would like to have you in the kidney unit.

And I went, OK, that sounds good. I'll try that one. So it was it was dialysis for patients with TESTIN. So that's like it wasn't kidney dialysis. It was just an experimental thing that try to keep people alive. Well, while I was there, I became the supervisor at the unit and we were like one of the first units, the United States, that developed kidney hemodialysis. Wow. You are a trailblazer. Yeah.

So that was very interesting because I did research. Oh, that's fun of research and patient care. And the reason I loved it so much because I could still do patient care but still be involved with hemodialysis techniques and research of it. And I wrote many papers on it and I had many guests speaking opportunities. This kid also showed that, you know what I said. Yeah, well, the thing was, I just thought another way so that a trailblazer is someone who doesn't think the same way.

Yeah.

And you're forced to. But it came out for the best in end.

Well, but I think there's a certain and this is what I really wanted to say to people, some people, they just don't fit into the school system.

Oh, yeah. I mean, it has to be, you know, at this point with so many kids, it it's generic. So they're always going to be people who don't fit and see, I'm more visual.

Like, I see something and I go right down the line of how it can happen. How. Can be produced and I see the future of it. Mm hmm. And so then I get very that's where my mind goes. My mind goes differently than most people, but that's OK. And that's why I couldn't read and write. And that's why I had our time in school, because I didn't fit. I didn't fit them. Yeah, and that's how new things get developed, too, and people look at something from a different angle.

I mean, that's also why we need diversity in lots of different people, because people think about things differently, even just because they've had a different upbringing can have a spiritist experiences.

Yeah, they can hold new ideas then, you know, the same person who's at the same learning experience, same school and all that.

And so I when I was developing the kidney unit, I was a nurse at that time. Nurses did not do IVs and they did not do transfusions and they didn't stick a needle. There were so many things you didn't do.

Was it because you were thought of as not qualified enough?

And like the doctors were more the doctors are more in charge right now. We have doctors. They you know, they're not doctors, but they're really professionals and they help the doctor. And everything has changed so much. The nursing was not like you. You know, you get the needles and get the IVs and you manage your unit and so forth. And so and so I had to declare myself away from the nursing profession. I mean, I'm a nurse, but I had to give leeway like like they had to legally cover me for all this.

So they said I would answer only to the vice president of the hospital, and that's Thomas Jefferson University in Pennsylvania. So that was really a step up. Like he was my boss and he covered me legal.

So you were kind of your own thing? That's what I'm saying. I was a trailblazer. Did they have a name for that? No. But 20 years later, they called him an entrepreneur.

OK, did you notice I'm assuming at the time, like all of the nurses were women or were there? Oh, they were all women and doctors. Were they all men? And that's the way it was.

And did was there a lot of misogyny going on? Like did people look down to nurses more?

Or the doctors maybe the doctors were a little bit condescending, but it really wasn't a big issue, at least in my what I felt, I think, yes, there were some women doctors and that's saying there weren't any. But, you know, about the average, you know, that's the way it was. And and I'm still in touch with my high school. And it's very interesting because we all laugh because they have courses in business and courts and tech and we had courses in homemaking and sewing.

Yeah, OK. Yeah. I mean, that's true. Yeah. No, you know, Mac and we had sewing and they have tech and business.

Yeah. Well but at least things have changed for the better it seems.

Although sewing wouldn't help, wouldn't hurt most I still so now so to go want to the kidney world. And I was very very busy and developing new projects and doing protocol for different patients. There's a hepatitis epidemic and that's very unusual. And I and I curtailed that. And that was a whole nother series of of articles and teaching and research. And I was busy and I, I was top of my game.

And so this was about when you're in your 20s, 30s and my 20s, my 20s, I'm getting stuff done. As I was I was a trailblazer and and I finally found the niche that I was looking for because I, I just do things differently and it's I'm a different thinker anyway. So then I got married, had children, I lost three babies, had three babies. So I mean, that's a whole nother hour. And I in my fifties, I became physically ill because of all the trauma, brain traumas and bone trauma.

So that followed you your whole life.

Well, of course you don't unless you get somebody to fix it. You're just you know, you're going to fall down one day.

I mean, even if you don't have anything prior. Yeah. So, I mean, I had scoliosis. I couldn't breathe and my heart was there and so many problems anyway. So I did a lot of emotional help trying to, you know, the from the abuse you to the traumas and all that kind of stuff. Well, it's it's vital if you want to keep going. Yeah. I moved to Sedona because of a doctor who helped me out and I'm totally fine now.

I have no more traumas. And I mean, I have the traumas, but I mean, they're all fixed, my brain you dissolved and all the bony problems. But the main thing was someone asked me about what do you do about shame? And I went, I don't know, what is that like? I don't know. And then all of a sudden after much research, I realized, oh, my depression, anxiety and anxiousness was all devoted to Shane.

And I went, oh, my God, oh, I got to get rid of this same thing and find.

So how'd you do that? I did that. I did that. As I said, I just got information from, you know, I just get information. I see things a different way. And then I, I was able to release the shame and guilt I carried from childhood abuse. Yeah. And it was amazing because I healed so well and everybody came to me because I was. What do you do when you look so good? You look happy and you got younger.

And I went, oh no, I'm just talking to myself and get rid of this thing. Can we do what you're doing? I went, yeah, I guess so. Then people would come to me and I would do the same thing and they would get healthy and happy and younger. And they sent their kids and their are in their cousins to me. And that's how it all started.

So are you basically doing therapy?

Yeah, but in a different way. I'm just doing shame because that's talking. And and also there are certain ways you can release it. And it's it's like that's a whole nother story. But I developed a way to do that. But it wasn't my intention. It was just that I wanted to heal. Yeah. Nobody was helping me cause they go, oh, shame, we don't talk about that. And I'm going, why not? It's really important.

Yeah, especially in American society. It's very ingrained to take out all your shame and build it all up inside. Yeah.

So I got so tired of talking to people and saying the same thing to a doctor that was 40 or a kid that was ten or whatever. That was twenty. I said I can't really say this anymore. It's like I can't do this anymore. I'll write a book here, read the book.

I did the book because I couldn't do it anymore.

Intrapreneur, what's the name of your book? Emotional revolution equals revolution, release and shame and guilt. It's on my website anyway, so I said, oh, I can just talk to this about the people and help them like like Grétar I love greatest film. You find your passion and help others. Yeah. Finally, at 50, I did for a and it took me 50 years. But you know what? I did it and I love that and I'm happy and I'm so, so excited.

It's like oh and I went, thank you Jesus. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm still alive. That I could still do it because I was dying. I was really sick, but now I'm OK. And I'm like, wow, everybody should know this. I mean, I was so excited, you know, spread my wings, like following the the haemodialysis circuit. And I was on a speaking tour kind of thing. And so I just do that.

So you combined your job and you did a book tour at the same time? Yeah. So I said do that. Right that. Oh my God, I'm start talking to people. What's your topic? We don't talk about that. I go, why not? They said, Oh no, that's wrong. And we don't have any because we don't talk about it. We don't talk about it.

We got it right. Problems don't exist if you don't talk about them.

No, no. You're really a delightful person. I love the way you speak, but you can't talk with that stuff. And then I'm going, why not? And then I was having a hard time explaining it. Can't you see it? Because I see things. Yeah, I remember the visual thing I was talking about. It just comes to my brain.

So I said, oh, make a movie. Right. Oh, OK. Right. I mean, that makes sense. Yeah. OK. And then Sedona has was in Sedona. They have their own movie school there. And I went, oh just go there and make a movie and I'll be fine. Right. OK, I never did that before. But why not right now. Oh no. It's like three thousand dollars. Oh I don't know if I can just maybe I should do it anyway.

So that day I walked to the I had to go to the mailbox, get my, my mail and I got an envelope and I'm going, I don't know this company. What is this I want if it's the wrong name or something. But it's my name but it's I never know this company. So and it was a check for exactly the same amount as the film school. Three hundred and two thousand two hundred dollars. It was a stock that sold when I was married to my ex-husband and they had to dispense the profits.

Wow, what a crazy coincidence.

And it was exactly the amount that is crazy. Is that not crazy?

Ask and you shall receive, I guess. Wow. So I went. So I said, OK, God I got it. Yeah. At that point it's just ok I got so the next day I said OK, here's my money and told me and that was it. I mean seriously. So you went to film school. I went to film school. Why not. Right.

How was that. Were you the oldest still. Of course I'm always the oldest no matter where I go student and it's OK, it's fun. And it was it was very difficult because it was all this tech stuff.

And I was going to say, how do you find that compared to school before where you were struggling? Oh, I know. Thank you for acknowledging that. That was like way over the top. And I was like this, but I got that check. OK, God, you know, you gave me money. You got to tell me how to do this because they working. So what I did was I'm very creative. You know, I can think of this thousand ways to speak and I can help anybody with anything.

I just think that way. So. The guys that it was mainly younger kids, they didn't have the maturity or the experience that I had. Yeah. So they couldn't think of a topic, but they could do the tech. Exactly. So I we make you always make it well in films, film, you make deals, make deals, you do the tech. And I'll help you with your creative film and how to plot it out and so forth and so on.

Deal. So I had deals. I helped them with their creative process and they helped me to get the movie cut in the film and editing.

And and this was like all in the computer. Yeah, well, we had to we had to take photography and do the film and all that kind of stuff, and and I had to get children to be child actors because were the emotions and I have that on my website, too, the how the child actors or the inner parts of ourselves and all that kind of stuff. It's really it's really clever anyway, because it's thinking out of the box.

And anyway, it got done and a lot of people have used it and so. I now work at 15. So you're saying you after this film school, you made the film?

Yes, I made the film and film school, which was based on your book or like the some of the some of the same the process.

I explained the process and now people have really enjoyed that. And what's more and I'm going. What do you mean? What's more so now, 15 years later and I have to thank the virus because it really opened people's minds because people would never talk about them. I mean, I'm serious. I just gave up. Yeah. I guess I started just doing research and all my other things and I said, God will let me know when it's time.

So all of a sudden, the whole world opened up about a year ago and people are calling me, can you talk about. Oh, my God, you're finally. Yes.

I said, thank you, God, for letting me live long enough to do my work. And so I'm doing that right now, doing podcasts and helping a lot of people realize what shame and guilt is and doing the process that I did in Sedona 15 years ago. And I am doing another film in January that's going to make shaming visible so people can see what I see. So I can't retire. And I love being what I am and I just love finding another way to do my passion.

And that Gretta is right when she gave the advice, you just find your passion and it may take a couple of years and you'll get that check in the mail.

Yeah. Is your film easily accessible? I'm guessing it's not on YouTube.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My my film is going to be done in January. So the other one is that and you're on YouTube.

Oh, the other one's on YouTube. OK, cool. I'll put all the links in the show notes for.

Yeah it's kind of it's fun. It's a fun movie. Cool.

But I'm going to do the one in the next one that you're making. It's going to be a similar topic but done differently.

Yeah. It's going to actually show how shame and guilt looks like. How I see it. I see it. I see it and I'm going to show what I see so that people can understand. It's an actual thing. It's not like, oh, it's a thing you can call it, it's a thing. And I'm going to show how it transfers and how to get rid of it. And that was not important in your life. It's important in your life you have it, but it's not important to have it.

So I'm changing the culture.

Well well, that's great, because I think it's it's important people need to address that for sure.

So but I really like to make the the the interview here about just following your passion, even though the people say you can't do that, that doesn't make any sense. People don't need it. You know, if you really feel to do something, you know, God gave you that. I mean, I had a near-death experience and God just told me that's what I'm doing. And it took many, many years. But if that's what you're supposed to do, you're going to end and then he's going to help you.

And what do you recommend for people who don't have a passion? I have a few friends, or at least I don't know what it is.

I have mine, but I do know I have some friends who don't necessarily have one and then I don't really know what to say, OK, I had that problem when I was probably in my forties because my kids were growing up and going, oh my God, they're all going to leave what they should leave and what am I going to do?

I don't know what I want to do, but nursing was kind of a passion, but not in that way for you. In that that way, I wanted to help people, but afterwards I got more creative. So what I did was I read something I didn't know what I liked because I was so abused. You know how your own traumas you don't know yourself because you've been so abused, you don't know what you want. And people say, oh, oh, you oh, shut up because I don't know what my passion is.

So what I did, I took sticky notes, OK, taking notes and I, I love to dance, so I put that sticky note on me, OK. And I love to eat chocolate cake. Yeah. I love to hear opera so I would have to tell myself what I like.

So you'd like build this wall of sticky notes of all the things that you liked and you could see like, look, I have these passions or this is who I am.

Exactly, but I had to see it. OK, yeah. I actually had to see. That's a good technique. What and I don't I'm not saying I'm not trying to tell people the therapy or anything. I'm just telling you what I what you did. Yeah. And I put sticky notes on the wall and I would look at them and I like chocolate cake, I'm OK. And I like to drive. I like to swim. I like to dance.

That's who I am. And. Amazing after months of finding. I like to do that, I like to do that. That's what I do. Oh, and I would compliment myself, oh my goodness, I made the best spaghetti I ever made. I did so good.

Yeah, that's important.

You know, self care is a big thing. I have to tell myself that I did good. I got lost today and going to the food store. But I only got lost for five minutes, I only got lost if I did so good, yeah, I could have been lost for an hour. But I feel like this is such like widely applicable advice for everyone.

So I needed to tell them and there is a theory on that. You have to have so many positives to cancel out. One negative because I was told I'm stupid, I'm done, I'm not worth anything labor alone because she's not going to mount anything. I was told that by many people. So prove them all wrong. Well, I had I had it, but I had to reprogram my conscience or whatever they did tell you do. But I did that deliberately.

In fact, I made a tape. Of my voice, when you tell a cassette tape, yeah, yeah, a long time ago. I am I'm good at dancing, I, I like people, people like me, whatever came to my mind. And then I recorded that so, you know, four or five times. So it was like a half an hour of me telling myself that I'm OK, that I like spaghetti, I like to tap dance, I like to wash clothes or I like to sew.

So I had to do that for a year or so, you know, and a lot. Well, it did, because then I start seeing myself as a different person. So when people say they can't find their passion, they they did change. Out of their passion that, yeah, I could see what you mean, so that's what I did and I started from the bottom.

Yeah, but you you worked your way out of it and then you you found your passion and you're helping other people find theirs.

Oh, and another thing that was important was when my kids were growing up, they go, Mom, I don't know what to do. I said, you you'll find out what you want to buy. Kids always knew what they want. The other wended. And so she went to college and she was a junior at college. She says, Mom, you believe I still don't have a major? And I says, well, it's not invented yet.

Yeah, that's possible, too.

There's so many jobs that no one ever would know they existed unless I always told them that I probably don't have it out there for you to see it.

But I guess eventually if they follow stuff they like, they'll end up somewhere near that or they'll be the one to invent it exactly like they.

I had invented the I have a new research study now. And should you want to buy yourself a machine gun educator? I don't. That's what I do.

And do you take the approach to that from this sort of health care view, like from your nurse education?

Well, it's still in the nursing care nursing helping field, yeah, OK, I'm still helping people because shame and guilt helps you. It makes your health go down physically, emotionally, spiritually. It's a bad guy. But anyway, that's and that, you know, they're a discourse on that. I just want to say that it takes away from you your passion. Well, anyway, so my daughter called me one day. She's now I know what I want to do.

And I went on so excited they just offered it to the school in the college information technology. That's what I want to do. I said you were right. They did invent it yet so you couldn't find it.

That's perfect. That's cool. I need more more women in it anyways. Well, yeah, it's great. I mean, it's awesome. But I mean, you're right about that. It wasn't invented or you're going to invent it. That's why you can't find it. You didn't live long enough to get it.

It'll come eventually. You just gotta you got to check the checks in the mail. Yeah. You're going to get that check one day. I have it in my notes that you said something about a helicopter ride. And I'm really curious what fun.

OK, back in the day, I. Wanted to go to Europe. I was in the field and I was working twenty four, seven days a week, I, I, I was really, really exhausted. So to talk my friends went to we were all planning to go to Europe together. We're going to go to Italy and Greece. That's perfect. I want you to go. Yeah. This is what. I was thirty two, so that's, what, 40 years ago.

That's that's good. Forty five years ago and we were all playing it. So so they've never been to Europe before. Anyway, the two of my friends canceled out and I went, oh, my God, no, but I'm going to go. I was like driven to go. I just had to go. And my parents were so upset. I mean, you know, in those days, really.

But I did go and why it was not good to go all by yourself. Well, people didn't do that. I mean, 40 years ago, you didn't do it. I mean, it wasn't as acceptable as it is now.

So you like as a woman, you shouldn't travel on your own? Probably. Yeah, I think that was more of it than anything. But today is like, well, of course it's going to. But I'm going. I'm going, I'm going, OK. So I went and I was in Rome and I just loved it, loved it. And of course I wanted to go to a Greek island cruise, of course, from Greece. So I was in Rome and the next day was the boat left from Paris and Greece and Athens.

So from Rome to Greece, it's like a half an hour airplane ride and a plane leaves every hour on the hour. So, you know, it's really not a problem. It's like a shuttle on Rome. And Athens is just like. So I took an eight o'clock flight from Rome outside of Rome to get to Athens. And then it's like a fifteen minute ride from the airport to the docks. I went, I'm fine. You know, the boat doesn't leave until 6:00 and I got an airplane at eight or.

Yeah. So I should be there at nine o'clock half the day in Greece and just right there for the boat. Right. Well that plane was canceled. I went, OK, there's another one at nine. Italy was canceled. Seriously, they had five cancellations or something like that was just like and then one plane broken. So I got to Pereira's at six thirty. Oh, no, the boat sailed. They're not going to wait for me.

So I went right to the airplane, you know, here. And they said I said it's not my fault that, you know, you had like six planes. He said, oh, yeah, we had it. It was a horrible day and this and that. And I said, but I miss my boats as well. That's OK. We'll take care of that. And I said, OK. She said, we're going to helicopter you to the boat.

So it's it's just a little bit outside of port, but it would be hard. So we're just going to helicopter in the morning, be here at nine o'clock and we'll just helicopter you over to the boat. I went OK, just to say that they do. And I went, OK. I mean, it wasn't like, oh, please help me. Yeah, I no problem. Well, see what it was our fault. And we apologize for the inconvenience, but spend the day and night in Greece and Athens and be here at nine o'clock or something like that.

And will this helicopter over and we do this all the time if there's not an issue and I went OK. And she said, oh no cost, we'll do this as complimentary because it was our fault. OK, I said, OK, I was there. I got in the helicopter. Never been in to before. Yeah. I mean it was low level because they didn't have to go high. It was just like, you know, little ride, maybe maybe ten minutes, fifteen minutes, something like that.

And they have a little landing deck on the bow. Wow.

And they and I'm a nothing. I'm just like I was Hollow's from the United States. That is the time, that's all. And I went down and when I got off and oh my God, everybody knew me.

How was the helicopter? I it was just it was so fun. Oh, of course it wasn't that hard, you know what I mean. It was yeah. Like it was like a shuttle. It was like a fast car or a fast boat.

So Fati I can't believe they just do that. I don't think they do it anymore. What do you.

Yeah I doubt it. But you got you got really lucky with that one. So I think I was meant to go to Greece, do the Greek islands and I had such a wonderful time. But I always remember I to think all of a sudden I got this. It it it really did. Now I recorded it. So you can play the recording for me. I can play the recording before. But that was the end. Unless you're extremely popular and very wealthy, they would never do that again.

Yeah. When it's not now I know, especially just for one person and I'm not even a celebrity or there. I mean, you know what I'm saying. Maybe they thought you were fancy because you were from America. So was a big girl.

But anyway, God was with me. I think God let God give you. Where you need to go, I think that's where it is, this reassurance by faith, that's all. So that was that. And then I was able to when I was a nurse, a couple of my friends called me, said I was going to be a nurse at the track. This is what she said. The Indy 500. Mary Andretti is going to be there when you can be in her shoes.

Yeah, come, come, come. I went, OK, so I Sheely pardon my friends, my friend, my friends called me and they wanted they they said all of a sudden I needed another nurse at the track but to meet. To meet who. Mary. Mary Andrado. He was this big star then of the Indy five hundred. OK, so I don't know. But anyway I took a nap and so I said, OK, they just needed our nurses at the track.

Oh I see. So they had to have a quota but that's one certain cause they said they need one more nurse. Why don't you come. We put you enough in. Oh OK. So I went and it was awesome. It was. Yeah I didn't do anything but it was like fun to watch it right now. I was in the pit with all the guys and I met Mario Andretti and all the other people. It was so fun.

That was cool. It was great because I was watching a TV once with my family and I said, Oh, I was at the pit. What do you talk about? I said, I was a kid. I was there. I was there. They had no idea where. I guess I was the nurse. Oh, really? Yeah.

My my mom had a similar thing actually, because she was a firefighter and they said she was in Miami and they'd have to be on the sidelines when they were filming a movie and like blowing up cars and stuff. They had to have firefighters there. So she got to be like on set for lunch, a movie. So I guess it's similar. You get to be really close to the action.

So, you know, of course, that was very special. And then the other thing that was very special in my life was I saw Norio of Leap across the stage. That was a moment of sheer joy, that ballet artist, he actually. Started from one side of the stage, it was very quiet and all of a sudden he leaps all the way. Three quarters of the way and everybody it was a complete silence. Everybody was like in a state of shock.

And then everyone stood up and it was it was the most fascinating thing I've ever seen.

What was that?

That was in Philadelphia at the Academy of Music. He was visiting there and curious and to be able to have witnessed that. Let's call it so you have certain memories that always, even though you don't remember everything and you remember the big times, and that makes you feel like, oh, I was so blessed to have that. So I'm one I'm with Greta.

I can't move it like that. Like she she made such an impression on you. Oh, I loved it. And she's right. You just and I don't ever think about my age. I just I what's in my mind is what I have to do now. I have to do the film. I have to, but I'm doing the film. I'm getting all that lined up. And, you know, that's where my mind is, my mind is and how old I am or what I can't do or something I just keep doing what I'm doing.

What's the biggest change you've seen over the years, just in anything?

Well, the. The biggest change is the technology change, how it made people less so sure. Well, they think they're less social in person, I guess. Yeah. And you lose something with that. Like, I would send you a text and I would. I would go over to my next door neighbors and say, oh, I need this or that, that I would have more communication with instead of just texting. And that to me, that was difficult to do.

That was my hard thing to learn, because whenever I want to meet somebody, I want to talk to them about this or that or find information. I always go to their place of work, like go to the library to talk to the librarian or I talk to the the police department about something. I like to talk to people in person, but especially with the virus. And you can't do that now. So it's very it was difficult for me now, but I'm getting better on the phone and texting and it's a way of life.

So I have to adapt. It's not their problems, my problem.

And at the same time, it does allow you to talk to people who you would have never talked to.

There's always there's always a good point to it. I'm just saying that it was that that's the hard part for me. But, you know, if you want to keep moving, you got to move with people. And and I'm so grateful you have your show because it preserves these memories.

Yeah. Yeah. That's why I'm doing it. So I'm glad you agree.

It's very, very important. And I'm very impressed that you're doing that. And I thank you for this opportunity.

Well, thank you for guesting. My my last question is, well, you know it now because you listen to the show, but I always ask what your advice is for my generation to try to make that personal communication, even though it's a virus thing right now that's not gonna last forever.

But my emails are more OK. Yeah, I got it. OK, I reply now, you're not one word. Try to put in a couple more words in it so that you try to give things a personal touch. Yeah, yeah. And the motives are nice, too. So I have emoticons, but I know you're busy. And my my my daughters are just got the kids and they're working on the virus. I mean, like you could get a thumbs up.

So I mean, that's but you know, if there is that possible thing in the world will change, could be a little more personal with people. And that's and it's good advice. I think the I think the younger generation and the older generation is probably the best match we have. What do you mean? You have what we need and I have what you need. Yeah, that's true.

You know, we we can teach you about the tech and then and also your lifestyle.

Yeah. The advice is what's important to us.

Stuff that I would lost because I want to ask you, what advice do you have?

Oh, hey, no one's asked me that before.

What advice do you have for people? Because I'm at a loss sometimes. I don't think. Oh, that's really a big deal, Mom. It is. I don't know that. I mean, I don't know. Like, you don't know. What is your advice for us? For people?

My main advice is kind of similar to yours. I like to tell people to put themselves in other people's shoes more often.

Just because of the there's so much otherness and hatred and stuff going around right now, I thought if you if you try and you're angry at someone in the subway or whatever, and then you try and put yourself in their place and realize maybe, you know, maybe they have their own problems they have to deal with, and that's why they're angry.

And I don't know. I think that's helpful sometimes. Well, that's called emotional intelligence. All right. And also, you know, that's all shame and guilt, hatred. It's all. I appreciate that. And everyone has a talent. They really, really do. And that's what we do. I like the word collaboration. Yeah.

I like your point that the young people and the old people need to work together because, I mean, that's how things started out as well, you know, in like villages or whatever you learn from the elders and then the young people would do their own thing. I like that idea.

And I'm so grateful to be able to live this long and to be effective and keep working on things, because I got a lot of work to do because took 15 years for the culture to say, OK, we can you can talk now. So 15 years.

So I got to say, you've got your hands full right now and terms to shame and guilt. There's a lot there's a lot of emotions coming out right now. So really, you've got your work cut out for you. Yeah. So I'm happy for everything. And yeah.

So that was Loess. Hollas. I hope that you found her entertaining. She definitely like my mood. I was having one of those dark, you know, thinking about the world burning kind of days, but listening the lowest kind of made me want to like go outside and like watch birds and stuff. So hopefully has the same effect on you. If you like that and you want to hear more. The episode drops every 14th of the month on iTunes, Spotify, Google, Podcasters, Amazon podcast.

Now, wherever you get your podcasts, please review. Put five stars share to everybody. I already said that in the intro. Talk to me. I want to hear what you have to say about the podcast. Send this to your grandma. Get your grandma on my show. Let's make her famous. We can do this. All right, everyone, I hope that you have a fabulous month and pet like four cats for me and then send me pictures of those cats.

I love all the grandmas and grandpas out there, and I send them a really big virtual hugs by.