Hey there, it's Kate from Sparkasse Network. We all have that moment in life when we realize it's time to grow up for Tila Dunn and Niassa. That time is now. And these hosts are finding out that getting older is easier said than done. In their exclusive new podcast, Adult. Every Wednesday, Tila and Nia tackle the dos and don'ts of surviving the real world facing adulthood head on and discovering if they really have what it takes to make it work.
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It's not you, it's me. Today we are going to be talking about breakup's, love them or hate them, it has to be done right now. It has to be done. But sometimes it's definitely you and me. Oh, I look, I'm only going to be strong. You are not wrong. I feel like break ups are kind of like onions is just different layers and layers. And sometimes you cry, sometimes you don't. You know, it's kind of messy.
I'm Teledyne and I'm Niassa and this is a delta.
So Tellem this week has been pretty busy for me. But how is your week been? My week has been really good. My puppy oatmeal just got neutered. So he's like, no, he's walking around the house like a little conehead. It's so cute, though, because he's still he loves to play with toys. So even with a cone over his head, he's still trying to scoop up his toys. And it looks so funny. He keeps crashing into everything.
But yeah, he's a big boy now. It's crazy. I feel like just a couple of days ago, he was like three months old, but now he's nine months and he's neutered. So like, no babies for him. Nine months already. Nine months. Isn't that crazy? I feel like I just got him. Your baby is growing up. How is your week? It's been really good. I got really exciting news this week, so that was really fun.
But I love that I've had like so many auditions in the past week and meetings and school work and it's just been crazy, crazy. It's been a good month of learning and growing and change. So it's been good. Change is good.
Cheers to change, cheers to change and now cheers to break ups. Oh, OK. Yes, actually definitely change. You go out with the old in with the new goodbye's guys of great. No, seriously, I have had I know you have had some we both have have some stories regarding this topic. I would say my first breakup story was when I was 18. I broke up with my first love because he cheated on me. He kissed another girl.
Well, he claimed he kissed. I bet there was more probably. But he claimed he kissed another girl. And that was more than enough for me to say I was kid. But it really did suck for me. Like, it was definitely like the hardest breakup because he was my first love and I seriously thought I was going to marry this kid. Like, not even kidding. And it was a messy breakup. I mean, there were tweets, my friends got involved, lots of re tweet.
It was a very public breakup. And I was that girl that was like blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I added him and I was like, he cheated on me. Like, Oh, that's so messy. It was so messy. And then, like my friends at the time who were very messy got involved and they were like, how dare you at blah, blah, blah. And people were my fans were like retweeting.
It was so immature. Eventually, obviously, I deleted all the tweets. But, you know, looking back, I was just like, wow, I would never do that. Now, like, don't don't go to social media. I don't do it. Yeah. What about you? You know what's so funny to you, talking about public relationships? You know, my first relationship was very public and I wanted to be I didn't want it to be.
I wanted to keep it private. And, you know, he just he just did it, which is fine. It was just fine. If, you know, you have to make sacrifices in a relationship, which is. Yes. And I was cool with it. But how did we break up? I was actually on family vacation. Oh. And I couldn't take it anymore. So I actually sent him a text. Oh, not through the text.
I woke up the one morning because things have been off for like when I say gages, like it was like months and I was like just it had to be done and I couldn't take it. I couldn't wait till I got back. I was like, you know, I'm just sending this. So I sent the text a couple hours later. He calls me because like it was early. So he was like asleep and he calls me. Oh, no.
Begging me to, like, stay together and do love you all that good.
So not over the phone.
And here's me. I always feel guilty. I felt guilty in the first place for, you know, bringing it up and looking up by text like I would never usually want to do that. But like, it's it was really bad, like really, really bad situation. And I don't talk about it a lot. And this is probably the first time I've actually opened up to people about it. But it was like really bad. My mental health was like it was gone.
I was struggling. Yeah. But basically he was like, can we please go to was like, OK, sure. So I was like, OK, we'll stay together.
No, wait. It gets better the next day. I'm at Disneyworld. OK, first of all, you know what the first. That's why all these amazing places and all this is happening like that is just enjoying my family vacation because you are the happiest place on earth. Wow. So I was at Disney World and I, I was like, oh, like, I need to talk to you. And I'm like, well, I'm at Disney.
So you're going have to wait till later. Yeah. And it was all like, well, what are you going to be back? And I'm like, I don't know what to do with you.
Like I'll be back when I'm back. So I get back, I call him. And he was like, yeah, this isn't going to work out. And I was like, Why? And then I kind of flipped out on him because, like, this is ridiculous. Like, I tried this yesterday and I was going to say anything. It was like it was all going to be good. And you come here told me that you to break up.
No, no, no. I'm still going to take that because I said at first, I really think that just goes to show how egotistical he was because he could not take the fact that you were just ready to say, no, I'm just letting it go. You were being the bigger person. And then he's like, no, please stay with me just to say, yeah, this isn't going to work. So that he feels like he has the upper hand.
I mean, I'm not trying to bash him at all. I'm not because he's living his good life now. Yeah. I like everything happens for a reason, so I'm totally not trying to bash him. And honestly, that experience just made me stronger and like, yeah, you know. But Teela, do you keep in contact with your exes? I mean, some people do. Some people don't. How are you feeling about it?
Oh, OK. Well, I'm going to be honest, for the longest time, me and my first boyfriend did not stay in contact. He had several girlfriends that were, you know, a little possessive and he would always try to reach out to me and, like, make sure I was OK and all this stuff. And then the girlfriends would block me. It was a whole situation. But he he's then got out of all those crazy relationships.
And since then, we are friends. We do stay in contact. We don't talk that often. But like his mom really, really loves me. So she always like messages me and like likes my photos on Instagram and stuff. So I am I would say I'm definitely friends with my first boyfriend, the rest of my exes. I don't stay in contact with honestly, like I they're off doing their own thing. But my first boyfriend, I definitely would say we're friends just because, like, I'll always care about him.
He was my first love and I was just like, wish him the best. I definitely don't see us ever getting back together, though, that's for sure. What about you? This is really interesting. So my first boyfriend, the guy who I broke up with, then broke up. I don't keep in contact with him. It was the thing is, we try to stay friends for so long like you try to because we would always see each other at different things.
Oh, he was there. A lot of mutual friends, too. So I'd always see him out and about. And we were good. We were chill and then finally, like, we would just start fighting. And I'm like, we're not even we're not even together. We're not used to what is or why are we fighting so much? And I was like, I'm breaking this off. And that wasn't it was more of like a me thing where and where I was like, you know, I'm not doing this anymore.
I had to. So I cut him off. But here's the thing. This has nothing to do with him. Have you ever, like, been broken up with by someone who you didn't even date?
Um, yes and no. OK, because I have a lot of times. But that's how I'm ready. That's happened to me a ton of times where I'll talk to a guy for so long, so long and will basically be dating like we go out on dates. He takes me to like different places. And I met all his friends, you know, all all that fun stuff or like, well, hang out one on one all the time.
And and this has happened like a few times like and you know, these like I decided to tell. But here's but here's me. Even after we been through all of that. And like, I see that they're randomly just like with this other girl dating this other girl down, I'm like, what about me? Hello. I'm still friends with them. So I'm still friends and I'm still I'm not close, but like, I'm still friends with those guys, even though we never really dated.
And they did kind of do me dirty, know for sure, which is like, is that hard, though, like being just platonic with those friends or actually yes or no? Yes and no. I feel like at first it hurts a lot and like you're trying to be the bigger person. So you're just like, OK, it's fine, even though it hurts inside, you know, like I'd be in the bathroom sometimes crying with my friends and like, no, no, no, no, no.
Because yeah, because we're all like a lot of the guys that, like I've talked to, we've had like the same friends, our mutual friends. So, like, I'd always, always, always. But I'm still friends with them. You know, it's it's all good. But yeah, like as time goes by, it hurts less and less and then you don't even care anymore.
I agree. And honestly, I do. I do feel like life is just too short, you know, to just hold on to grudges. It's like time heals everything. And you know, what else heals things. This list on how to get through a breakup, this is dealt way to get through a breakup. I wonder if we. Do this honestly, I know, like I'm excited and say we might be pros, who knows?
I think the main thing that really helped me get through my break ups was just distracting myself, really busying myself and figuring out what I like to do, finding new hobbies, hanging out with different friend groups, just really focusing on me and not worrying about what they're doing, like blocked and if you need to, because checking up on them is super, super toxic when you're trying, like, more in a fresh relationship. I know it's easier said than done, but I definitely would suggest just like muting their social media or even blocking them, whatever helps you get through it.
And definitely just like busying yourself. I know for me, I definitely just started, like taking yoga classes, going to spa days, just making new friends, just really stepping out of my comfort zone as much as I can because sitting at home was just not productive for me, because then I just wanted to stalk a social media, which is not good. So don't do that. I definitely think my first breakup versus my last breakup, I've changed tremendously.
I honestly think it's because with my first breakup, I was so invested in the person and the last person I dated, I, I really wasn't that into it. To be honest. It sounds so bad, but like how I dealt with the last person I dated this story. Time is really, really sad, to be honest, like I. So basically I dated this guy for a hot second. He was not from this country. He was Australian.
And he I remember this guy. You remember him. And it just wasn't working anymore. He was just a yes man. Honestly, like if I said, hey, let's get seven Dalmatians, he would be like, OK, he just didn't have an opinion for himself. I think it's phone no backbone at all. I think it's because I became his sugar mama, which don't do, you know, don't do it.
So I broke up with him because he basically was like, I have to go back to Australia. You should come with me. We can get engaged next year, blah, blah, blah. I was like planning this crazy when we've been dating for like four months. I'm like, you're insane. We're not doing this. And so I did the entire it's not you, it's me. Break up at five pm, rush hour traffic in my car.
He's in my passenger seat. He starts crying in my passenger seat and I freaking break up with him, drop him off at his friend's house. And then I immediately the day I broke up with him, texted this guy and I was like, I'm single. I really did that.
So, yeah, I definitely think how I handle that breakup versus my other breakup speaks volumes, volumes. But yeah, I was I literally pulled the entire it's not you, it's me, which was a lie. It was literally hell.
But I just say when I hurt his feelings, I feel like I always do that breakups are hard. Yeah. You're trying to spare the guy's feelings. So like, you're going to say that it's you and not the other person, even though it is definitely it's 100 percent that one hundred like every so but wish him the best. You know, he's not in America. I wish you the best but.
Oh, that was savage of me honestly. Well yeah it was. I think I do the same exact things as you for the first breakup. I know the second one, but I definitely just distract myself everything that you said. Another thing that I did after my first break up, I got a dog. Oh yes. And it helped tremendously. Dog is definitely therapy and also aitel a lot of ice cream and worked out a ton. So those things will I guess, balance those will get you right back.
All of my relationships er er I've been the one breaking up with them. I think if I was getting broken up with I definitely would handle it a lot different honestly if somebody broke up with me. I'm definitely a type of person where like I take rejection so personally. So if somebody broke up with me I would be like oh my God, like unfollow. I would just want nothing to do with that because I would feel so like you rejected you.
So then I would just want to be so focused on myself to spite them, which sounds I don't know how that sounds, but I definitely think that I just wouldn't want to reach out to him. I would want to give them so much space because I'm like, you know, you don't want me anymore by how I take that, though. Hmm. I don't know if this is conceited, but. Oh, I see myself as I'm a really hard worker and I work for everything that I have.
Yeah. You know, I have a lot going for me. I have a career. I'm very independent and I don't rely on other people. And I think it's hard sometimes, especially for young guys to be with a girl that really does not need them. Yeah, and especially at this age. That's what I mean, especially at this age, because I'm only 19 and I genuinely do not need anyone and I can take care of myself. And I feel like guys often one.
Take care of the girl and they don't necessarily have to, like, take care of me, like if you need me to care for me. I will pay for a meal. But some guys can't take a woman who is, first of all, just not competent. And also, I don't know who independent in that independent, you know. Yeah. Like, I'm a strong girl. Yeah. I don't necessarily we don't you know, exactly like I don't depend on anyone and whether I'm just saying that because it makes myself feel better for.
No, I think it's 100 percent true that I make myself feel better, but I do feel that sometimes just getting rejected and broken up with, you know, I'm like, you know what? They just can't handle me. Oh, it's like they can't handle me. And I get it. I get it. I'm never in the same place. I'm always traveling. So I get it. I understand. Like, I'm a typical teenager, but I do live a kind of crazy life.
Yes. As we love we do love that.
OK, and now it's time to talk about how to adult ify your breakup, how to get through it, how to heal from it, let's heal. I'm all about healing. OK, are you ready for this list? No. One, distract yourself with things you like. I could not agree more with the statement. I think it is so important to busy yourself. So you don't think about it. I just do it, you know. Fine, it's gonna be OK.
Going to hike workout paint. Do all the ice cream makers do it happy.
Makes you so happy to spend time with people that make you feel good. Perhaps this key. This is key. You do not want to be surround yourself with nothing. But Debbie Downers are people that constantly are bringing it up. You know, surround yourself with good people. Treat yourself. Yes. Eat that ice cream. OK, you deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve to treat yourself. Treat yourself, make a list of all the things that you disliked about your ex.
Now, I agree with this. I think it's important to write it out. You never let it out that way. I actually have not done that before either. But I hear, like, it's very therapeutic for people to, like, write down things that they don't like, whether about themselves or an ex or whatever, just so that they can kind of like set it free honestly, like write it down for and burn it, like get it out and I'll do it next time.
I know I kind of want to do that. I think I do that mentally. I'm like, oh, I'm actually making a checklist. I agree. Allow yourself to cry if you feel like it. I agree. Oftentimes I feel like a lot of people are masking their feelings and they're just like, it's fine, I'm fine, I'm OK, I'm OK. And eventually you're just going to have a breakdown. So if you feel like crying, cry, you've got to cry.
Shower, curtain, shower. It's fine. Yeah, absolutely. I think we're we did pretty well with this list.
You know, honestly, the only thing I know that we don't do is the make a list about the things that we dislike about our ex. But I feel like, yeah, I don't even know if I would genuinely do that. I definitely do it in my head though. Like, not going to lie. Like I'm like, well he was this, this and this. So why would I even like him in the first like my first year.
So you know, honestly I feel like this adult list is pretty much what we do. Yeah. You know what? Even if I'm not getting broken up with this is what I, I always treat myself. No, seriously, OK, we always spend time with people that make us feel good, OK. Yes, yes. Do this even if you're not going through a separate list, even if you're not going through a breakup, just take this list with you regardless.
Thanks so much for listening.
We'll be back next Wednesday with another great episode.
Remember to follow adults on Spotify to get a brand new episode. Every week you can find all episodes of adult and other podcast originals for free on Spotify. And if you like this show, follow app podcast on Facebook and Instagram and podcast network on Twitter, intelligent. And you can follow me on Instagram and YouTube at Teela. And I'm Sue and you can follow me on Instagram and YouTube at Nasu. Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week.
For more Delta lessons. Adult is executive produced by Max Cutler and is a Spotify original from podcasts. It was created by Alex Trebek. The Doctor Sound Design is by Kristen Acevedo with Associate Sound Design by Jamie Ryan. It's produced by Kristen Acevedo and Jonathan Ratliff, its associate produced by Alex Patrick, the daughter production assistants by Ron Shapiro, where your host, Helidon and Misuzu.
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