Transcribe your podcast

OK, hey, listen, hi. Well, we did it, we did it, we got it, we found a way to not get in drdrag again.


Turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn. This is Katya, I'm Trixie, and we because we've appeared so many times in so many forms in a video format, we thought we'd finally give you a boner break just so that you can focus on our voices.


You know, I hate that the worst part about drag is that because I'm so beautiful and so sexy, some would say erotic. Uh, if you will. Thank you. Excuse me. Yes.


It's hard for people to listen to my thoughts because instead of what's in my head, they're thinking of putting their dick in my head through my mouth and also other parts of my body.


Oh, oh, oh.


You're just a big blonde bimbo with huge fuckable titties. And something I think we really need to establish is obviously welcome to this brand new podcast. Yes. This was inspired by many people through the years reaching out and saying, you know what, I'll put YouTube, I'll put one of your YouTube shows, whatever, on in the car, and I'll just let it play like it's a podcast, which I don't recommend. I don't recommend that things on your phone while you're driving.


No, no, no, no. But what I do recommend is subscribing to this podcast because this is a podcast. Podcast. Yeah, that's right.


And, you know, I'm going to make a commitment right here now on this. I'm going to interrupt you. Oh, now, OK, I'm so glad you mentioned that because I was going to bring a dinger thing. Oh, I was going to bring a dinger. I don't have a dinger, but I'll bring in dinner next time. An interrupting dinner, you know. Here, wait, I have something. Oh, perfect.


That's the same button. But something I want to incorporate into this, too, is we should do sound effects. Sound effects. Yeah.


And but I also want to I think we're always Trixi and Cottier. And I think in this I think you should you should be should be Katie and Trixi.


Alphabetical. Yes. Alphabetical.


Because now that I'm not in drag, you know, I'm not going to eclipse you as much, but physically eclipse you, by the way, by being several inches taller than you, wider than you with bigger hair. I know if I turn sideways, I just become invisible.


You know, when people ask you, what's it like living in my shadow, you don't mean I'm more famous for you.


It's very cool and comfortable. Yeah, I'm wearing a wig now. This is called the Bald and Beautiful. We are in fact two bald dagi fox. I love the concept. I do.


Do you know you came up with it? Yes, I did. It's from a soap opera. Have you ever seen The Bold and the Beautiful. I have not. Neither have I. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. But I think that in this show we intend to listen. We don't endorse or. How do I say this, whether or not you believe in certain beauty, things mattering or not mattering in society, we are here to objectively talk about.


People's relationships with beauty. Yeah, like hair extensions and lipstick or body image or perfume or celebrity beauty trends. Yeah.


Or the rejection of those things like, you know, the people who say, I'm not interested in all that, who don't I. I look more natural. Right.


You know, that kind of thing. Yeah. You know her gender.


Yeah, definitely. So where I mean and we can we're going to talk about our relationship to and our rejection of in our participation in, in our rejection of certain concepts of beauty, style, fashion, yada, yada. And also, you know, other people's.


And we're very passionate about both the extremes of beauty. I mean, like. Oh, yes. Winglets and eyebrow tattoos and all that. But I also love people just flat out saying this was the ajai, you know, like stopped wearing concealer period or or male celebrities doing spray tan. I mean, that counts as beauty. There's a lot of who pays to be anonymous AP slewing on a piece of a hair system.


Have you ever read that? Did you have to read that book in school called a separate piece? You know what that was called? Is it the way it was about wig, about a wig, about a man's journey with a piece gluing it on every day?


And I I'm fascinated because my interest in beauty and my participation in beauty goes into the grotesque.


Well, that's why I think you and I are actually are very qualified to talk about some of this stuff, because let's be honest, we have infiltrated an entire industry that hinges on being gorgeous just to get your foot in the door that for us to be pedicured. Yeah. And you and I out of drag. Let's be honest.


It's a gnarled claw. Yes.


If we weren't if we were at a gay bar and we weren't gay famous, ain't nobody would talk to us if there was a bathroom, attended a gay bar, people wouldn't even take a starburst for me.


Yeah, and that's and that's why we're we're in the very unique position of of of of straddling both worlds.


One of Middle Earth and one of Hollywood. Yeah. Really? Yeah.


Because out of drag we really get to parody and use all the tropes of Americanized beauty to our advantage by both making fun of it. But also I mean even if for making fun of it, we still look great and profiting off of it and profiting off of it.


So I think like as drag queens, especially you and I, we both, like, make fun of beauty standards. But we also sort of celebrate that, like, you can be kind of not that great and you can invoke the smoke in the mirrors and the spells and the pentagrams and turn into a pretty passable person.


Yeah, yeah. I'm extremely passable.


And and something I found about cosmetics and beauty and perfume and everything is there's also it's an industry that's never the same. People have different relationships of beauty is up all the time. Yeah.


And also I'm I'm fascinated. I mean, I'm fascinated by your participation in the in the business side of it, because I the trend just the trend factor of like beauty trends makes my head spin. Yeah.


I mean, whether or not I mean even people let's let's say you're not a person who wears makeup or whatever, whether or not you believe in it, quote unquote. Look at the industry. My blood is trillions of the biggest industries you can be in forever. It's never going to go anywhere. No. And the technology is always changing and celebrities using it or abusing it is always changing. Yeah. And we have so many people in our lives as Trixie and Katie.


We've got to meet so many makeup artists, stylists, designers, models, drag queens. We know some of the people who are probably the most influential in beauty.


Yeah. Actually in front and behind the camera. And I usually find that the people in behind the camera, the more fascinating ones.


Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely.


I'm so happy that I'm pivoting to the left. Yeah, it's really Asgeir right now, though, do you feel beautiful, right? Do you tell me, tell me.


Describe to me how beautiful you are. Speaking of beauty.


It's called them are covid Toms. They are in these trying times. I was on a run the other day and I ran by the altar and I was Bewitch and I went, I haven't been inside like a beauty store of any kind in a long time. And I had my mask on. I went in there and I shop for makeup because I'm so tan I don't match anything.


And it was just so magical to be that makeup store. OK, yes.


And all the testers are taped shut. Yeah. I was going to ask to let you test nothing. Nothing is even openable leave it up to chance.


So I had to just by I sort of match some products for myself and I got home and I'm I guess I'm still tan enough that so nothing.


It's all too light. But that's OK. It's OK. You know what else I mean. You don't you don't shop for makeup or anything.


Not really. No, I don't. Your favorite product is whatever gets sent in the mail, whoever gets the mail.


And I would I would I do is I go to the makeup store. I did go to the makeup store to get something. I don't remember what. But I go in there, pretend like I've never bought makeup in my life. And I ask a question. I say, what is an eyeliner? No, you don't. I do.


Well, because of the way I look out of drag, which is let's just say I don't look like a fierce YouTube makeup person going people think I'm shopping for Bob the builder.


Yes, but but now I'm actually too famous. Now it doesn't support or Max, I get the primo treatment because they know who I was.


They all either do what I said, first of all, do the other thing and say I'm subbing for my girlfriend. And she's like a bit of shall we call my girlfriend? And I think she's really good skiing. And she was looking to highlight eyes.


What does she look like? She has two eyes, long, long hair.


She got six teeth. She got six of a sweat, not neck sweat like. No, no, but I mean and not just makeup and hair.


I hope on this show we could talk about I don't want to say inner beauty, but let's say so.


No, no, I want to talk about interview. I want to hear it a little bit like self-image. So body image.


What do you think about what do you think inner beauty is? Inner beauty is a crock of shit. You think I know it is a crock of shit. Let me tell you, a good character is attractive. Well, this is the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? Yeah, sure. And let's say I think standing by your word is really important. If you're somebody sincere, your word. I would find that attractive and beautiful.


Would you say beautiful?


I mean, what are we attribute to inner beauty, confidence, kindness, passion, passion?


Solidly Hiller's of a good character. Yeah. Yeah, honesty.


And, you know, my favorite phrase, God doesn't give with both hands. He sure doesn't. So I, I as an ugly person, I only get by when I see a hot person. I go, they're an idiot and they're a terrible person. Idiot rotted. Yeah. Which is why we have so many friends. Let's see. Devin Green, for example. Gorgeous. Yeah. Nice, smart, fun. Interesting, generous, compassionate.


Yeah. I pretend I don't like these people have it all. You know where she comes from. Canada though.


That's cheating Canada. Yeah. Well all of Canada's northern.


Oh she's from southern Canada. She's from, she's from Manitoba. So I'm not sure that place actually exists. You don't I mean just in terms of she's from the netherworld, she's otherworldly.


That's what I'm trying to say. She's the exception. New Zealand, New Zealand, New Zealand. You come from New Zealand. And then at other aspects of beauty, I think we could talk about include fitness for sure or body positive relationships with yourselves at different weights. I mean, body modification, body modifications. God, do we have people who could inform us on that on this? We could and also we could talk about locational differences because I mean, I'm sure you've noticed.


But moving from Wisconsin to L.A., me moving from New England to L.A., the whole Scrabble board is shuffled around. Yep. I literally just got my lips done. And Mary, I want more. Yeah, the Scrabble board gets shuffled around and the the like, I guess what you call it in sports. But the first down for what you would consider too much plastic surgery once you've lived here, it moves. Oh yeah.


Pretty soon what was noticeable is not like to me when I when I first moved here and I saw people with work done, it was like a conversation I have for two days. I saw this lady who had big lips, whatever, and now I don't even think about it.


Yeah, it does. You get completely used to it. And it's like the line of what is too much is kind of like the way far off in the distance.


Now my story is like we went to Gelson's and found parking.


You know that that's the Unical. That's my story takes.


Oh, and you know, we have so many people in our lives who I can't wait to. Have on here, especially since we know so many funny people, we know so many people who are famous but still do their own hair and makeup, people who choose not to wear makeup. Yeah, I mean, you don't because you don't even. We neither of us have hair, we have we are bald as fuck, and I recently shaved my head down to the skin.


I'm wearing a wig right now just for personal safety, like a hard boiled egg, hard boiled egg. Yum.


I don't feel safe unless I have my winglet on and rode hard and put away boiled eggs, but I.


I shaved it down to the skin in the shower. It was a revelation. It was a it's kind of fun. It was really fun. It was really interesting. I thought I was going to I thought it was going to rake off the epidermis and I'd be like, Hellraiser, you know what I mean.


Yeah, but it actually came up pretty smooth, however, because I have because I have pretty severely shaved three quarters of my eyebrows off. I've been experiencing the daytime makeup, which is the the pencil makes a huge difference.


I didn't even tell you until you mentioned something. Yeah, yeah. It's essential because which is crazy because I've never seen you wear out of drag.


Not a stitch of makeup really. Ever.


I don't wear I can't do it. I get it.


There's a line because I think it's about it's the part of male privilege that I enjoy to the max is being walked out of my apartment looking like the roadkill, like looking like roadkill from the devil's rejects, being able to, like, walk, you know, walk through society and have that be acceptable, like a burnt pancake, looking like a burnt pancake on a wheelbarrow like this.


But yeah, like a rubber Bart Simpson toy that melted in the sun. Yeah.


But I but so but I also have to face my I want to face my preg. I had certain prejudices in certain preconceived judgements of men who wear makeup. And I want to, I want to, I want to face that like I'm on Tyra Tyra Banks show or like I'm on I wear makeup.


I do during them seemed like I was I pretty much out of drag. I pretty much wear like a tinted moisturiser, tinted sunscreen every single day. OK, and that is for sunblock and moisturizer and it just evens out my base.


So it's just so it's a twofer.


It's protection in Vendy. Yeah. And most of them also are like anti pollutants that it has all that to it to free radicals. Yeah.


And then my brows aren't very full so I wear gel every day. You burn it right now like a brahmacharya right now. Can't tell at all. Yeah. It just coats the hair because I have a lot of hairs but they're not very dark so it just makes them more because I'm so no hair in my head. Yeah.


For your kind of blonde which is a little more forgiving, I think it is forgiving because they're, they're barely there but they are there. Yeah. Because once you get rid of them. Oh it's yeah.


It's off the rails.


I wear a little concealer sometimes under the eyes um if I'm really tan. I do a little bronzer so that I match my body. Oh, then I do a full lip synch. I do with Shadow. Yeah. Now the bottom line is we're lip balm. Fake jewelry. Yeah.


And then I wear cologne pretty much honestly, literally everywhere but bad. I work alone all the time.


I do that too. But I also and I smoke which is great for the skin I smell.


Oh I wear perfume. You work.


I've seen you work. Is that part of is the smoking kind of part of what makes you wear cologne. Absolutely. Also the smelling like shit. Do you like shopping.


I smell like shit.


Have you ever ever been. Have you ever driven cross-country. Yeah. Never stopped in Arkansas and picked up a dead hog and smelled his asshole. OK, that's what I smell like.


I smell like an armadillo. The guy eaten from the inside out.


I've been so the past two days.


I lift up my arms and I smell my armpits and I recoil in terror. In horror.


Well, some of the people listening might know us from the New York Times bestseller list. And in that book we wrote Trixie and Katie's Guide to Modern Womanhood, now available everywhere. There's a part where you mention your relationship with hygiene, which I think counts as beauty about hygiene. And somebody had to tell you, you smell. They had to tell me to my face in the bed.


You didn't say it was me in the book, but it was he told me in.


But guess what? I had the I mean, I had the audacity to invite this man into my bed for a sexual purpose. Yeah. In a sexual purpose that involved oral sex of one of some kind or another. You can imagine connect the dots. And I allowed him to enter my cave with it being filled with corpses. Right. Of a thousand corpses.


That's your that's your cry. Just 7000 corpses.


There was this girl there's this girl went to high school with and she wore I didn't know at the time when you're a teenager, you don't know a foundation is whatever she wore liquid foundation with no powder and she had super oily skin. So she looked one color wet and wet all day and people called her potty pile of death. Isn't that wrong? I don't even remember her name. More I am more I remember the Gabal in our school was like I mean, it's like she's not even powdering her foundation.


I am more horrified by the fact that it was understood what that acronym meant. Yeah, pod pod, death girl, small towns that there was a girl. It was a girl with a mole between her eyes, a big mole between her eyes.


The people called her third eye blind o third eye, blind eye, blind girl.


I went to school the girl penny nickel penny. How precious she went to Courbet's.


Well I won't say where she's from. She went to Wisconsin but she was a penny nickel. I went to kindergarten with her and people called her six cents. The six cents. That's but see.


OK, at least that's clever. Yeah I feel like that's just fine.


As long as it's clever, it's got to involve a significant amount of wordplay for it to be. No.


Oh I mean you get bullied. Did you know, did you, did you meet people. Maybe call me fag.


But honestly, at the risk of sounding controversial up brave being called a fag never really bothered me that much because you were a fag. Yeah.


And I was just like I live in a small town and like, the guy who drives the Chevy walk drove by and called me a fag who cared, like, I don't know, it wasn't the to of the world to me.


Yeah. And you didn't get beat up so that's OK. Yeah.


I think when you know obviously and I wasn't out I think it's worse if you're out and when you're from such a small town like I was the kids that went to kindergarten with with the same kids I graduated with like I might be gay.


But you knew me since I was five. Yeah. You know, you've been newses. Yeah. You might not even totally or you know, what happened a lot in a group. Those guys be mean to me, but when I won they wouldn't. So it's almost like that mentality of like they're in a group they'll say faggot but not beat at one on one side of pressure because one on one. Yeah. They were you know. Yeah. They wanted it.


Yeah they. Would you forget it. No, but some of that one of the gay guys I went to high school with Corey. Hi Corey. He cuts my hair when I go to Malachi's and he was openly gay. And you know, when you're closeted in high school, the openly gay kid is like, how could you do it? And thank God you're being gay. So no one looks at me exactly deflecting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


It's kind of sad, but when you're insecure, thank God for that gay kid who takes the brunt of it.


That's I completely agree that he was really gay and he got laid left and right because he would go to these. Why am I whispering like these people are listening. He would get laid literally.


He would go to these high school parties and like guys who want to get laid, we get to have him on the pot. We absolutely do. I want him on the pot. I want to know about this.


It's I would love to have him if you think my accent is strong, is for Wisconsin.


You guys want to go to a car and have fun in the car like it's the Vince Camuto.


Comodo, you guys, Nicki Minaj, Pink Friday free tote bag. If you guys don't know.


That's what I worked in the beauty department at Macy's Mayfair Mall like.


So you never I mean, I worked front desk at a salon. I went to beauty school. What are you bringing to this? I know so much expertise. I think just natural beauty, effortless glamour.


You're actually a lot more informed about, I think, celebrity beauty than I am. Yes.


Well, a celebrity beauty and fashion and also the ins and outs of alluring a man as, say, I, I misspoke, luring a man into to a hole, into a hole, because I have a lot of experience.


I have a lot of experience with what it the bare minimum of what it takes. Yes. You achieve a certain level of beauty that is acceptable to invite a man over into my house to do sex to me. And then, you know, all those different stages in between of like what is the full drag fantasy and what is the absolute like, you know, crypt keeper minimum?


Well, you've also built a character that is sort of built on what society thinks a sex worker looks like.


Sure. Yeah. And I also look like who done it and ran out of drag, which I think is like there's a there's a wide chasm to cross when it comes to like from zero to drag completely.


Yeah. That's why I think that we're going to be able to give really objective and interesting points of view, because if we were to people who were hot in and out of their up, how informed could you be?


Because when you're truly beautiful, your life is just different. Yeah, like the earth, pretty privileged. Everything you say is funnier. Every job you you probably people get hired easier. They get into the how people get everything. They get everything. And for people like us who've gotten a lot of stuff knock on wood, quite honestly, we impersonate a hot person. Yeah. That's what we do. By hook or by crook. Yes.


Yes. Really. Yeah. All right. So let's take a little break.


We'll see you in a bit. And we're back and we're back. I like this, I do, too.


I'm also holding the microphone like I mean, I'm like at a show because I haven't done a show in a long time. I know. I miss holding a microphone. I got to tell you, I miss it, too. I mean, as much as I love wireless microphones because I. I travel with a pink wireless to you.


Yeah. What do you do with your. Oh, you play the guitar. Play the guitar so that my both my hands pretty busy. I'll let you know what I learned to play with one hand. Yes. I don't know what I would, I don't know. But I would, I would have restless hands. I start touching people.


I love the cordless Mike. But there's something about being on stage with the cord. Yeah. It makes me think of like when I was a kid wanting to be a performer, what that choreography was like having a cable.


I do not like like the keyboard. Oh, I do. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It makes me feel like a real stand up. Oh I don't want to be a real stand up. I just want to have the microphone and I feel like I'm going to do that like cartoon thing where I'm going to myself. I'm gonna like wrap it around my legs trip and everybody's going to laugh at me because, you know what I mean.


Would you ever get one of those, like truth or dare mix? Would you ever start running ahead, Mike?


Absolutely not. Because then if you're like a telemarketer or Ted Talk or Tony Robinson. Yeah, I'd feel like a snake oil Charlotte in a TED talk speaker or a telemarketer. A lot of tears. Yes. Yeah. I just I love a strong wireless mic with bright with a bright thing on, you know what I mean. So hard with a battery.


I just feel like a lot of safety in that we're talking beauty. We're also talking like clamor for you. Who is the gag iest epitome of glamour? Drop your jaw drops every time you wish. You could just dive into their closet and take everything home with you. I mean, I'd probably say Naomi Campbell. That's a great show. Never seen her look bad, can wear anything even with at the most glam to the most pared down, it's impossible.


It's an impossible level of glamour and beauty because of the the physicality of her bone structure in the face and things at the base of the body. And also the fact that there's been literally like, no, there's there's no difference. The aging process has not degraded her glamour in the least at all.


At all. At all. It's almost showcased it because it's made her glamour feel more like it's gilded. Twenty one year old looks like that. But for now, it's like that is an older woman.


Yeah. And it's it's it's shocking. Look, it's shocking. If you see her, you're like you're so get to meet her someday.


I would love to meet her. I would love to meet.


Who have you met in real life who in real life, in real time has has taken your breath away?


Amanda Every time. Amanda Every time I've been Amanda probably five. Amanda Lapore, the middle of your home.


And there are probably five times. And I mean, like when I was 18, like moving to my first apartment, buying makeup from CBS, being like, I'm going to do drag. And I saw pictures of Amanda. And I was like, oh, my God, that's what I want to look like, which hasn't happened.


But every time I meet her, it's just and because she lives in New York, New Yorkers see her all the time at clubs. They're not even impressed anymore. But I'm like, um, there is a unicorn in the room. Right? It's like she's levitating. Yeah, she is that the skin then. Décolletage the boots. I mean, it just perfect and petite and the little voice, she is like it's like she stepped out of a cartoon.


Yeah. And I admire that because I not because I find her beauty relatable, but I find her commitment to beauty extremely inspiring.


If Amanda can do that every day, you can get in the shower. I feel very attacked because I've been getting into this hour every day something of a challenge. Well, quarantine, especially when we're getting started, I was like I measured in four days. And I gross. Oh, yeah, I can relate to that, because one thing I never realized how much getting in drag creates shower moments for me, drag with my home, take my wig off so I can get real.


The drag for me for the longest time was the only consistent benchmark for hygiene. Yes, because I would drag days, I would get into the shower before the show, get into this hour after the show. So at least to two showers, sometimes three a day in drag. If the show is very late in the day, I would have showered in the morning, perhaps, but so that's at least three times in the shower. That's a very clean person.


Yeah, that's a very few times a day to at least two, sometimes three a day if there is a show, because I get it, I always get and I don't take my makeup off and just stew in it because you know how much I sweat. You have to get in the shower after the gig.


Yeah, well, you and I have both talked about sometimes we've done the neck down the neck, but wait a minute, the knock down drag shower and you do it with the way out this so this is the I mean, this is the big.


This is when I knew I was a little bit different.


This is honestly one of those moments where as a drag performer, it's one of those moments where I might relate more to a person who identifies as female. Yes. Than a person who's male. Yes. Because I don't like being half drag, period. I want to be a woman or a man.


So this is let me let me set it up. So it's so this is so I would do a show and I would organize a rendezvous with with a gentleman caller for after the show. But of course I've done two I've done five nos in boiling heat. So the shock jocks. So I'm I mean, from the neck down it is Hammertime on every orifice and crevice in it. So we have to do a little freshening up. However, the mug is still right.


So I get into the shower, we do a neck down shower. But here's the twist because your skin's kind of dry, right? Yes, extremely dry.


So any sweating just sets the makeup. Oh, I don't spoil your shiny sand.


So I get into the shower, I put the wig up in there like an alligator clip in a claw clip. Now, this is before lazybones.


This is a thirty five dollar wig that they can just easily be smashed easily. I mean, with one with one pinky just snatched right out and put on a on a hanger. This is not this is not a unit that is glued to my head at all. This is a this is a shitty Shenango wig that is about to get commented that I keep on I go to great lengths to clip sometimes a scrunchie and a clip in the back to keep it off the nip of my neck.


And I get in the shower and I feel like, Kate Moss, I don't blame you.


I did something really similar recently this year. I was on tour with Grown Up and which is coming to all over the world. And my my tour, my band is all straight. Right. And this is my first time probably living with straight men in close quarters and working with them all day.


Probably my whole life. OK, yeah. Never been that close to straight people for straight guys especially. Very straight. I met them. They're very straight and so accepting of how gay I mean they don't even bat an eye. Yeah.


They're so proud to be in the show or whatever, but because they were straight boys and I'm a drag queen.


And so when I'm in drag, I do feel like the the girl if we were backstage and I was in like my backstage look like a robe, I had, like, bent so I would take the fall off and I had a bandana on my head, like Rosie the Riveter, like I just tied my hair up between numbers because I was too embarrassed to run around bald so I would keep the wig on with my makeup on like I'm just a girl backstage getting ready.


Yeah. And a few days into the tour, that sort of showmanship wore off. And eventually I was like, they don't care if I fuck these hos. They're not sniffin.


Yeah, but the first few days I was like, oh, I don't want them just oh my God, I chop's not that I wanted them to think I was cool, but like the woman in me was like, I can't show my unmentionables, you know what I mean.


Yeah. I miss that doing drag. I know. I miss doing the at the after gigs.


You miss doing the the the feeling like a woman. You know what I don't like about it for you though. You're too famous. No, no, no.


Yeah it can happen. Can't do it anymore because I was so I thought about it, I thought about getting on right. So this is a this is a you know in terms of like beauty, in terms of feeling attractive, feeling sexy and projecting an image out there, say socially we have social media apps like hookup apps. I have the I could do you know me out of drag, Brian, which is so problematic in so many ways.


And then and then but trying to do a drag profile, for example, on Grindr, which is what a lot of people do, because there's a lot of guys to go for that kind of thing on Grindr now. But I can't do that either, because all I'm going to do is get messages from gay guys like, hey, girl, hey girl, I love your show. But whoever did it.


Yeah, I mean, I have a grinder that's pretty much at least half the message. What do you show you show your face. Yeah, I don't care. You know, well, first of all, background for the audience.


Some of the people just listening might not have known that you used to be a professional escort on the side. Yeah. Part time hooker. Yeah. And after the shows you would hook up. Yeah. And you be there for money or for fun.


Sometimes both. And that's almost like a whole nother personality besides drag.


And it's, it was, it was um it was a and I was very lucky. Listen, there's a lot of caveats going here because on the one hand, I don't want to condemn or glamorize or promote a particular kind of sex work because mine was was very optional.


It was very especially when you're work with men who, let's be honest, men who are interested in trans women are drag queens.


They're usually not out. No. And they're usually extremely, let's say, fragile about it.


Yeah. And could pivot to hospital. Yeah. It's volatile. Yeah. Yeah.


It's not exactly a safe environment for sex workers who present is like, you know, not not cis female. Right. Right, right.


So it was I didn't realize that the I didn't realize at the time that it was. So dicey because I had to, by and large, 99 percent of the time, a very safe experience might the only only like hiccups I had was when they didn't show up.


Oh, no, that was the only depressing part. But have never take left out in the rain. Oh, you have no idea. And then the desperation of me just in me Leg Avenue laundry at one 30 in the morning on my couch, smoking a cigarette, crying. Oh, God.


Oh, the leg avenues that part. Yeah. I mean, we're talking about beauty. One of the other things we want to touch on, we want to talk to people with, let's say, different dental genitals. We're both really interested in interviewing somebody with a micropenis. So if anybody wants to come on the show, we'll change your voice. We'll keep you anonymous. We want to have open, frank, compassionate conversation about what that's like. I'm so curious.


And this is not a it's not a morbid fascination. It's not something I want to make fun of internists or anything. I'm really, really, really curious about because different genitals.


I think we should also have a conversation with the flip side, somebody with a like extremely big dick, because I think that's a different problem. Absolutely.


Another one I would love to talk to a girl with maybe like a super small boobs versus really big boobs. That's totally different.


Lifestyle is like a really shallow vagina. I would love to talk to.


We know somebody in the industry who had implants removed. Yeah, that will be interesting to hear about. Totally. I want to hear about people with a plentiful labia. Yeah. Huge lips. And let's just put it all out there, right here too.


We don't know everything and we aren't exemplary in any way. So on this show, I think we're going to learn a lot and I can guarantee that we're not always going to.


Let's say go into things with the right terminology. Yes, or we're we're a bunch of we're Faribault thugs who happen to be white since men. So we don't know shit you a lot of ways. So we're coming at this from a very like we would like to learn. We would like to we would like maybe perhaps the listener can learn through our ignorance. Our ignorance can be a jumping off point for education, because especially in beauty, it can be very touchy.


You know, when I worked in cosmetics, my manager at the time, she said, we don't work in the beauty industry. We work in the self esteem industry, which is like when you're like doing someone's makeup at a counter, you're only a few wrong things from somebody like crying in a chair in front of you.


You only mean because people come in to talk about their skin texture. I have small lips. My eyes are sagging. Why don't my ball up my eyebrows eyebrow like bald, all their insecurities laying out, laying out Neiman Marcus. I've seen and I've experienced the same thing where I've like walked into like like a naughties after a bender. And I've looked in one of those magnifying mirrors and I just had to leave.


I left.


I just hit the button. Thank you. I had to leave. I had to I just. And you stole the mirror, didn't I? You're right. Oh, you did. Because you didn't mention it. It was a full length and you were robbing the store.


You didn't mention that, did you? I smashed through the window. Yes, I know it sometimes with beauty. It's like and I mean, think about how many times you've had a friend or girlfriend where and who you think is just the epitome of glamour is so gorgeous, effortlessly beautiful. And then but what is your reality? And their reality could not be further from I mean, there's no correlation completely. No. Well, everybody's the protagonist in their own story.


And everybody thinks that they are the most their their dark circles are the darkest. Their hips are the widest. Yeah, they're pretty small potatoes.


Everything is you know, it's so tight, you know, people have different. What I'm saying is, again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Same with people's flaws. Yes. Ugliness is sort of in the eye. And you want to you're talking about ugly bitch. I got you. I am the ugliest piece of shit you have got yourself.


No, because I have drag.


I know I'm not like Burt Reynolds, but I also have to say I know that I remember that is. That's your benchmark. Yes. Yes. That's the apex for you.


OK, but I also know that, like, there's enough things about me that are redeemable that someone's going to want to fuck me. Yeah. And like my I believe when I was on Tinder dating, I was like, I'm going to I'm going to match with someone or whatever who thinks I am exactly their type. Yeah. We're really talking about types. Yeah. Yeah. Some people love I've been with guys who like oh my God.


The first time I first was, I talked to is because I love shaved heads.


Well the, the listen to this, the, the, the last person I hooked up with was his, he's like he was a baby and you thought you guys are the same age.


He's like I love Nosferatu. He did not say I love Nosferatu.


And that makes me so happy because I give out big Nosferatu vibes. So I'm I'm like, I'm in the market for somebody who's looking for a malnourished, pallid cave dweller. Right. You know what I mean? With some with big teeth in dark circles, in sketchy motive and blood in a mouth full of blood.


Oh, well, one of the things I run into, like I don't think my type as a as a gay person matches my look as a gay person. Say that again. I don't think my type as a gay person. I think I have like the personality of a twink sometimes, but I have like the the the structure of someone's uncle. Oh, OK. So it's like a weird mishmash. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah you do.


You have it's Freaky Friday and the daughter switched bodies. I'm in the dead body but I in the dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my life. Totally I, I don't know what I've got going on but the, the problem I have with myself image images that I can, it's on the horizon. I feel like it's, it's achievable but the clock is ticking now.


Well I've thought about that too because sfmoma I think as gay men, a lot of us in our twan, I mean this isn't just a game show. We'll talk about a lot of things. But as far as insecurity goes, as gay men in our twenties, being young makes us in some way like, OK, well at least I'm twenty one. Right. But then you know, I'm thirty one now and I'm like I think I'm hitting my stride because I probably care about my body more than ever.


Yeah. So my body's probably looking better. Better all the time.


My face hit the floor three years ago, you know, but. It's getting worse in that department, but then but then I listen to old videos of like, you know, I've been doing video stuff long enough.


I'm like, oh, I don't like my voice at that age.


Or like I don't want my twenty one year old. I don't want my 21 year old attitude or my voice or. Yeah, no, I don't even want my 21 year old body. You don't know. I was, I, I was definitely naturally thinner. You were skinny much like and really skinny. Yeah. I like and I ate like an animal. Did you. Yeah. And I just didn't get my period to talk about weight too.


I mean. Oh I made cry. Cry.


I mean when we talk about beauty on the show which I think we'll have lots of different guests of lots of different body types, I think we're going to be really surprised how many people we find have issues with their body that we would never expect.


Yeah, and also because for me, skinny is not the my wheelhouse for myself and for those that I desire. Skinny does not enter the picture at all. No, at all. I feel the same way. I don't like skinny. I especially for guys. I love chubby guys. Mama, I want to be smothered in your big fat blubbery girl. I want to look like I'm in a love sex commercial.


I love big guys and girls. I love big guys. We're going to take a break. We'll be right back. And we are back, yes, we are, we are have a lot of stuff coming up in the show, we're going to have weekly opportunities to talk about Mary coming out every week. Celebrity trends. Yeah. Classic beauty. Yeah. Fashion faux pas. Yeah. Helps fitness. Yeah. Favorite products, baby products. Baby trends.


Oh and I mean obviously the I mean the.




Especially I'm really excited because I think oh this is like if I sat in the shade but we know so many talented and beautiful people who are going to have a really cool insight into it, like an outrageous amount of access to the most incredibly talented people who often also happen to be incredibly gorgeous, gorgeous.


And I mean, if you're listening to and you're not like a beauty person when we're talking about beauty, we're really talking about self esteem, self image, trend fashion, social media, social media, television.


I mean, and humble and humble.


Don't forget, you're listening to two of the ugliest people anyone's ever seen sitting in my office talking into microphones on my computer. So, like, where else are you going to hear unqualified people talk about what it's like to be beautiful, but you know it.


You know what I found? This is what it's fun.


It's called The Bold and the beautiful, though, because it suggests that there's us and then our beautiful. Exactly. That's that's that's the implication of category is two different categories. We fit squarely into one. And then yet to come is the beautiful part. Would you I don't know if you remember, but in the movie The Witches of Eastwick. So horror's.


Yeah. Veronica Cartwright horror. Anal intercourse. Yeah. We swear on this. Absolutely.


I don't like being censored in any way. I solely the fuck died either you goddamn cunt. I never forget. I was I think I was in New York and I was at Condé Nast doing some, some piece of press that I'm sure was incredible. And I said faggot. And they told me I couldn't say it. And I've never you remember the feeling of sitting there in a wig and being told, I can't say faggot and being like, who can?


Yeah. If I can't right now. Yeah. I mean, don't tell me not to say it because it makes you uncomfortable. It's it's you know, Bob upstairs.


Well this is the bald and the beautiful. And I mean, if anybody we're hoping to make this kind of interactive.


So if you guys want to tweet us with any humiliating beauty stories, sales successes, so we want to see who and who is your who is for you, the apex, the ultimate, the essence of beauty. Who is your who is your beauty? Maybe from your childhood from now? Has it changed? Who represents to you the ultimate, the only in terms of beauty, glamour and attractiveness?


Because a lot about a person. Yeah. Who will give me another one. So Burt Reynolds, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. Give me another male or give me another guy. Yeah. Give me just just kill me. Gorgeous dating. Yeah. Like just wreck this hole and leave it for dead Ryan Reynolds. OK, I mean. Oh John Krasinski. OK, holy shit.


How would you like a battering ram.


Yeah. Yes. Um Donald Glover. Oh yeah. OK, beautiful. Yeah. Um you let him just like step it with dilation and just. Yeah. Yeah. Let him fucking stomp me out like a cigarette. I'll let him break me like a little throw. I would let him, I would let him drop a piano on my head if he was like I really I'll have sex with you. But I have this thing where I like to cut people's legs off.


I like Guelaguetza. Sothebys Like I'll go for it.


I don't care. I don't care. I would let I would let Tom Hardy come to my family reunion and butcher every last one of my family and I would watch and jerk off.


What happens if you would kiss me on the cheek? Well, do you want to invite people to subscribe?


Yeah, but hey, listen. Hey, folks at home, why don't you go ahead and press that subscribe button, smash that button, because we're going to have new episodes every single week. That's 52 episodes that you better believe it. You know, I'm just I'm surprised it took us this long to start a podcast. No shit. Well, I mean, we almost I think five years, five years out crazy.


But yeah, that is crazy.


But if we really look at the formula you got you over work to me completely unstable.


So it has to be that that magic zone where you're not naked in someone's forehead and I'm not on an international score. Yeah. You this slight window of availability. Yeah. They can creep through half clothes and sweating you. If I got the chance I come home and she's already in my house uninvited naked teeth chattering I'm like, let's just get a microphone and talk it through.


I want to go on a journey and I want the listeners to to come in the back seat with us.


I am too. I think obviously we're really good at having fun, like commerce. But we accidentally touch on Nugget's sometimes in a good way. It's I don't like to admit we help people, but I think we do. So we're basically like, you can think about it like this. Like we're we're in the driver's in the past. We're driving a car. You're in the back seat. We're going cross-country. All the beauty land. How old are you in twenty three.


OK. Yeah.


And when I'm in a car seat and you know we're dry where we're driving not drunk and but every once in a while we're going to clip some mirrors and we're going to get, you know, and uncover some truths. As an avid podcast listener, let me explain something to you on iTunes and all that the algorithm understands, likes and reviews are in our base. So please subscribe literally go to the review section. I don't care what you write.


Actually, I do. So I don't care if you write these two bags, you jump off a cliff. But for some reason, the algorithm understands. Did you know this?


That understands reviews and ratings and likes math numbers, but it could be all negative reviews and I think it still understands it really well. Let's keep it. Let's keep it positive.


Keep it was a beautiful you ain't got nothing good to say why you should shut the fuck up and stay the fuck home, since it's called the bald and the beautiful, do you think we should have some kind of like, stay beautiful, like, sign out? Is that too much, Tim?


Too much? No, I'm not sold on that one. What about different boys?


I'll go sign on board and say, yeah, yeah, sure.


I know.