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Love under Lockdown is a new chapter in personal diaries told in an intimate docu style that helps us examine the human condition as well as the desire for love and connection, all while enduring a once in a lifetime global pandemic. Subscribe to love under lock down for free on Apple podcast Spotify or wherever you get your podcast.


Welcome back to Drop Dead, Fred. Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty, tattered Stephanie right here, moynat radio, baby guys, full disclosure.


We filmed that. We recorded this morning with Kim and then Katie went home. Yeah, I went home.


I had a pizza in a plank, a plank, a plank, a pizza. And I'm back and you're back, back, back, back, back, back again. And I've been feeling a little under the weather, so my boyfriend came over to watch over me and then he got here and I was like. Hey, why not? So we would like to welcome to the stage David Souter. It's me, a.k.a. Brian Austin Green from the hit television program Beverly Hills ninety two one zero six and ballcock taking Borkowski campaign over.


He's got his cock, dick and balls. Dr. Temple rolled out on the table. Roll in and out. Look, cookie dough about to do some shapes.


I cannot wait to drive a wedge into this relationship.


By that I mean literally sticking Escadrille up your ass.


Well, in the four years we've been together, we've really never appeared on camera together or done anything. Interview like this. I think. I think that you were for the kids out at home. This is, in my opinion, a very great role model. This is an example of how to live a gay love life relationship in the public eye. I do. I do. I do. Well, I do. I just love let David, David and I to know.


David, you shut up. This isn't about you. Yeah.


Now, I think part of what makes our relationship good, we were just talking about this because there's a lot of famous drag queens who have boyfriends who also want to be famous.


And it's a very cringe cringe with a capital here with a capital K, K, K, our I and Jay Grand friends. And David wants I mean, what do you want, David?


What do you want. A very private person. There you go. Privacy. And I'd like to bring David places and let people talk to me and then talk to him because however they talk to him, knowing he's not knowing he's my boyfriend is how I judge them.


That is fantastic.


That's a great city like this motel. We've got your VIP booth right here. And what do you want? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you ever do you ever find yourself getting mistreated? Yeah. And that's really all the time. You're kidding. No. And he tells me about it and I never forget. And you know, you write in your list you little black book. Yeah. Well no, I honestly think that because I, I hey I joined Instagram accounts to me.


Are the boyfriend? Your boyfriend? How could you imagine, David, we winning boyfriends who have an account together like you did something very special together, which is you made a movie, but that's a little different.


Even that was I mean, oh, we didn't mention it. David's a film maker who produced the film Moving Parts, as you know, from Netflix, from Katie's life, from the World of Wonder production. My Life. Yeah, very successful film.


Critically acclaimed. Yeah. Actually, I guess. And it's great. Well, we worked parallel.


We weren't like, yeah, honestly, we did the right thing, which was I was the subject and David and the director were the filmmakers. And I was never in the room when they talked about the movie. Yeah.


I just was me and they were them and we didn't really feel you were the greased up guinea pig and they were just shoving you down the tubes just because, as you know, you're a workaholic and it was a nice way to alcohol.


Well, I wasn't going to reveal that information. It was a nice way to make sure that you had to spend time with me. Was to make a movie about you.


Yeah. If you want to get it, you want to get some good time with the time you put in the car. Yeah.


What's good for what's going to be good for me. You want to stick? I need a movie.


What do I get out this place. Yeah, yeah, yeah that's it.


I think that's one of the reasons our relationship works. But also I was just talking to somebody about this. Somebody was recently like, you know what? And that's what I've learned about relationships, is they're always going to be hard and they're always going to be work. And I was thinking myself, they're not when they're good, they're not that hard and they're not that much work. I'm looking for escape.


Oh, he's over here shaking his head wildly.


But seriously, I mean, like most I think in relationships, when you have problems, it's because you didn't communicate and something erupts.


It's all about compromise. You know, if it's not what it is, compromise, I guess we're working on each other.


I mean, we could be broken up tomorrow and then this podcast will be really sad to listen to. So this is our swan song. This is. Yeah, this is the this is the last hurrah.


Yeah. Let me let's start with an easy question. Oh, did you know you were in love with me?


When did you know he was the one?


And don't ask. And how many teen girls did you have to beat down to get to the front of the line? You've been together.


You've been gay loved lovers for four more years, which I think is that long. But I guess a world that is a long time.


Forty. Yeah. Forty years. Yeah. Yeah. I just came across, it started, I came across an Instagram post of a gay man who had just met someone about a month ago. Oh wow. And they were posting a succession of photos together with the caption like There are no words to describe the love that I feel for you.


I was like, y'all have been together for weeks. Do people realize how that looks? I David, we talk about it all the time.


I don't think we've been together for years. And occasionally maybe like two or three times I've posted even just a nice post about each.


It has to be like my birthday or like New Year's together. I never and with David especially, I don't tag him because I don't want people to go find him.


Well, yeah, because, you know, you never know what you're going to get in those dorms, right. He's going to get girls under the age of twenty five being like, can you tell her something. Yeah.


That happens. Yeah. For and that's a little that's a cute side business. Yeah. That's tap. Fifty dollar questions. Twenty five million Camiel for fifty nine dollars. Oh my God. Oh my God.


I just saw David I found on Cameo which you did. Came for a while.


Yeah. Yeah. The guy who does the voice of Ghostface in the Scream movies does cameo and the mask has up and he goes like, Hello Brian.


Oh that's amazing.


That's right. That's only Philibert for that. Gilbert Gottfried and Amanda Lapore.


These are these are like the they've got me the truth. I have a Lapore. I know. It's fantastic. Was iconic. That was is too cheap.


Yeah. Honestly, I don't know how much I want. Seventy five bucks. I think that's writable deal. It was totally worth writable.


Not to mention Amanda is no spring chicken like those cameos aren't going to be available for the next three decades. Yeah.


You know I get them. I bought you the Amanda doll, which was very expensive because they were limited, run and were sold in a department store in New York. And I felt bad because obviously she's not getting the money that I paid for that also. Yeah, that's a good thing. Yeah, well, you tell me out there how much that dollars say it. We're not I mean, dolls are expensive. It was over nine hundred dollars.


Holy shit.


But there was a finite amount created in two thousand six collector's items. Yeah. And they were sold only at a department store in New York. And Amanda did them in collaboration with is it called David's Jim. David. Martin's Jim. Yeah. Yeah that yeah. That Jim. And it was amphora I believe it was like a charity thing.


I asked Amanda about it. I was like, where do I get one? And she was like, I don't even know a person.


They're hard to find someone one popped up. I was like, this is the moment of that moment. And it's a fantastic doll. Yeah, a bit of a history. It's it's that exact price. Abdol were like, I covet coverts, but she she Kummetz, but I probably wouldn't buy it for myself because it's so expensive.


Yeah, same as like you could buy a Cristie, he would buy Christmas God because I almost bought the Christie doll and I was like I asked if she had three fucking Christie's.


It almost happened. It almost happened. Oh, I'm going to sell one of them now.


I think God could use the money. Yeah, I'm going to wallpaper this room.


Well, so you're gay and Wendy. So let me ask you, when did you decide to be gay?


I decided to be gay. I chose it. Yeah, in my later 20s.


OK, he was a late gay, late gay guy, was telling me, I don't want to tell your story. I'm asking David. He went to NYU and went all through film school and never was gay.


Yeah, you went through tissue without knowing you was gay.


That sucking one dick can't believe that. Wow.


Washington Square Park never sucked it. It's so funny because of all places to be like, who cares if you're gay? The gayest places the gays vortexes in the entire. I know I don't know what, but what's stopping me.


But I was anti your back.


And David's parents are I mean, I was extremely liberal. They don't want liberal. There's no I mean, I was gay. What.


So what is it? I'm really curious to know what. So what when you jerked off, if you don't mind me asking, like what? What would you think of because you did your God. Yeah, no, I was gay. Oh. But you just weren't. I don't know.


I remember that Justin Timberlake, Rolling Stone's cover where he's like, yeah, yeah. Macaroni salad.


We're gonna tell him about Bruce Willis. What about Bruce Willis? You guys have a similar color, color, color of. Well, yeah. He shows his his wing way. Yeah. And the pool. Yeah. Chain mar. Yeah. How many times did you flick the bean to that one. Well that was like you know if you'd like Googled like I did we Google back then or you know, just like, like most naked celebrities on the Internet.


That was a popular one in the can I tell you in those days. I tell you though, in my house, my parents rented that film. We watched it together. It was their fault who they rented out to us. They want to play.


We watched it together and I took that VHS upstairs later. I like Bruce and I fucking rubbed it right off. But you know what, though? When you're that young, any amount of sexuality can give you a boner.


I was I remember a few years ago. I remember seeing I remember seeing Showgirls and, oh, yeah, this and there was a scene, the scene where they're all in a line and I'm a wreck trying to rescue.


And it's Elizabeth Hurley who's beautiful. No, no, no, no. Elizabeth Berkley.


Berkley, who did I say I wish who would be I wish I'd go to Berkeley. And I was like turned on by that, even though I kind of knew I was into girls. But when you're that young and any amount of sex is like, yeah, yeah.


She said that scene out by a fire that hit like the word the one where she's seducing him in the club and the private room. Yeah. The in city that were long see long but yeah. Oh yeah. I got a thrashing thrashing asking when did you first have sex.


In my 20s. Really late bloomer but in high school I would, I did like blow around with girls. Oh you did. Did you ever kind of. Linkous Yeah. Oh I tried it. You tried it.


You double full full vaginal penetration. No, no, no.


Because I was a homosexual. Well, I'm just he was a homosexual, but he was catching blowies in the girls.


Oh, well, I guess I'm here, but I mean, I was, what, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen.


You can go along with a lot when you're like that young and just like randomly horny. I mean you can. Right, do it then again, I never did it, but I think you just do it because you're thirty four. Yeah, I'm thirty eight. I you just do it when you're just if you're if you're kind of popular or you're not like on the fringe fringe, you need to have a girlfriend.


Yeah. I mean this girl was kind of she wanted to date me but she shake.


Sure, who were a player who would play, who would play her, who always recalls, always like you got a mom and the person like, yes, I have a mom or like who would play her in the movie and the Lifetime movie of your life.


It is a good question.


Who do I have to answer? Yes. Who would play her? I was trying to picture her. You're a Hollywood producer who would play her like Amanda Seyfried. Oh, OK.


Easily. I mean, that's that's not really what a Hollywood version of who's on that TBN version does.


The Christian Broadcasting Network is on the Delta in-flight video version. Which Drag Race Girl would play her.


Uh huh. You don't want to see everything. Oh, no. OK, all right, we'll keep it. Can I ask I don't think we've talked about this if you could make. You loved making a documentary and you did such a good job at it. And when I first saw it, I was I cried and I was just like this made me feel like I did something with my life. And I always knew that it was going to be like something I would always love.


But if you could make another documentary not about drag, what would you want to make it about?


Not about drug or any other drug? Well, we've talked I mean, Amanda Lapore, I would love to do a documentary about her.


And that's a ticking time. Amanda, I know she's not listening. She's not going to live forever, but she's dynamite.


I know. Have a terminal diagnosis. Like, let's just make that she's an older woman, OK? We're not sure how she could be. She's a medical mystery in other ways. So we're going to I would love like her story told.


But, you know, by her in her own words, that would be I can I mean, that would be so compelling. Even if it was done badly, I would be it would be just absolutely watchable. Well, when David and I watched the big documentary, did you see? Yeah, I liked it. I think some of the most compelling parts were Bunnie talking about being Bunnie. Yeah. And like, when I listen to iPods about Bunnie.


Yeah. It's so interesting to think of someone like Bunnie or Amanda at 16, what they thought and how they figured out. Yeah. I mean because Amanda's book that read like a script in itself.


Yeah. Like this is crazy. I'm crazy. Yeah. Well you got to get on that. I yeah. It's a great idea. Right. Got to get on that now.


Amanda, when I saw Amanda I have still videos on my phone. When I saw Amanda last in L.A., I went backstage and I booked for her to sign it like a fucking nerd. And I went up to her and I was like, I was I got the part in the book where you said you were running a bath and you had your suitcase and you escape to the window and you ran to the taxi stand. You told the taxi driver that you're running away to be a star.


And then you went to New York and you were and she was like, yeah, I had to get out of there.


So calm about it. So calm about it. How old is she?


Well, I don't want to spoil her tea, but she talks about in the book, I believe she talks about the hospital that she was born at burning. And so she got to sort of reassign her age by getting a new birth certificate. OK, so her declared legal age may or may not match her birth age anymore. Got it. Which is bad.


Honestly, if you're her go big. Say you were born in ninety three. Yeah. Or ninety or 1893, you know. I mean just go go vampyre. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. Mysterious mysterious woman because she really is.


I mean we, I think we talk about her. This is the bold and the beautiful. We talk about her pretty much every episode. Yeah.


And with hair that white and processed she's got to be somewhat bald and still beautiful.


Oh right. That color processed hair at her age over and over again. Yeah. She talks about in the book she doesn't go anywhere without at least like a half wig on. OK, yeah.


Same and I love one bunny and that funny that hysterical dork and mermin show Bunny talking about her eye popping day look of a turban with big sunglasses and bright red red lips.


I love that. That's fantastic. That's so chic. Yeah. But she says she's been taking singing lessons. She's sounding much more musical now, much last year. We love her. We do her also her her song, Cotton in the Cotton.


And that song is a bop. Absolutely. She's wonderful. Great. She's a lot of great bass, but not one particular. I love people. Don't know what you look like. Who would play you in a movie? Who would play you in a movie? Jason Statham. Yeah, I think Seth Rogen was so mean by Seth Rogen for the comedy.


For the action movie. Jason Statham.


No, I was at a bar in Chicago. I grew up in Chicago. And like many summers ago, I was at a bar. And I may have been smoking a cigarette and some guy yelled to me, hey, Seth Rogen, he wanted me to give him a cigarette. I don't see it. And I was. You don't see it. Look up.


Jason Statham. Seth Rogen, Jewish. Yes. Yes. He looks he's cute, Jason Statham. I, I would I would, I would absolutely I would fuck the hell out of Jason Statham. What's he from?


He's an action star. OK, the transporter. Yeah. You OK?


The humdingers. You think you look like this person? I didn't say that. I thought looked like, you know, it doesn't look, look, look.


Imagine more. Look at the rebel command. Decide they want to look more like those laughs where it's like he's our he's our maybe our middle does kind of like your dad.


He's he's OK. And I don't look like Jason Statham. You know, I'm not seeing you. Do I see who would play with Meryl Streep? Yeah, because who would play Meryl Streep.


So about type it also about aspiration. Yeah. Meryl yeah. Meryl Merrill as as Mary Louise in big little lies with the teeth.


Wow. Yeah. I see. More like death becomes her. I was thinking doubt.


Thank you. Let's take a break.


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Every time we film, I'm staring right at her and I yawn in her face while she's talking. Yeah, yeah. And let me also I'm going to say we're in we're back, by the way. We've recorded. We're back. I, I was thinking about you on the way here because we're interviewing you and and I thought, wow, four years and a great love relationship that really inspires me.


However, last week we did an episode about love and this fucking rotted motorcycle bitch looked me right in the face and I said, Do you think I could fall in love?


She says, You are an unthinkable monster. I didn't sound packable. I said unlovable.


Don't be unsane. She she she said no one will ever love you.


No one will ever fuck you. Not with a teeny little tiny, teeny tiny.


Oh, well, this is true. David's first long relationship really.


I mean I had other boyfriends but not this long really. What was the long had other boyfriends to last week. Nine or ten months was the. That's a pretty long. Yeah it's pretty long. I think anything after six months is noteworthy.


He like my my family came to Thanksgiving. Right. That was like they right.


You know, now and you guys without getting too personal, describe your penis.


Just getting how like what we see any of my shows I've talked about, Dave, is pianism.


You have any time in front of my mother, my father's mother, my sister. And let me just say this.


I don't want to thousands of strangers. That's what I want to ask you.


I want to say because I want to ask, how is it to be to be in a relationship with someone who makes their living by talking about your personal life?


I don't always love it. You don't always love it. Is there anything off the table? Is there anything that you guys of, like, mutually agreed on that is not discussable or everything's kind of like up for grabs?


Brian, I'll be like I'm a we're a very private couple now. I can also be like last week I was fucking my boyfriend and his dick fucking my boyfriend and his dick.


Well, the thing is, we've been together so long that all of my, like, relationship or sex stories are usually about him now.


So I can talk about I mean, like I can talk about guys I've slept with before him, but like even a hookup in the last five years isn't as interesting as like a relationship is. Interesting story.


I have asked him, like my family does come to see your shows. And I do think I asked you to like change.


It wasn't about me. Oh, yeah. You were like this good. This one time I changed it from my boy to this other guy. This other guy. Gotcha. Gotcha. But he's pretty.


I mean, let's be kind of like he's never told me not to say anything. That's really nice of you. I mean, there's also records selling that our songs all about him.


So, like, he gets the good and that one's about me.


That one's about the good and the bad, the good and the bad. That's nice.


Well, that's why, you know, when we made the film, I thought that was my love letter to you as these albums are a love letter to me.


Yeah, that's that is disgusting. But I do get kind of, you know, when you're in drag and you just feel like I don't know about you, but when we're together, especially on camera, things come out of my mouth. I never would have thought I was going to say that day.


And so on stage, especially when I'm writing jokes about our sex life. Yeah, I also I've never written a joke where David's the bad boyfriend. David's bad in bed. It's all right. This is my great boyfriend and I'm the piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.


So the detail about David is how like good in bed he is. So how great. And then I'm like the garbage.


Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. You're never the butt of the joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good. That's good. Never.


That's until the next play the penguin.


See the penguins. Oh yeah. They like that silver.


Well what are you looking for in a partner.


OK, I'm so glad you're thirty eight to forty two years old Mexican from Mexico City. He comes from money but he made it, he made it out on his own because he went through a short thing with his parents. But they're good now. Diego Diego. Yeah.


I'm flexible in the name only. Only the name.


Yeah really. What are you, what would your ideal partner look like Tuesday nights? Friday nights and Saturday mornings, let's see. Are very similar. And I would say people want people want our friendship and people want my relationship with you. Yeah. No, they don't. No they don't.


But I don't really similar that if you wanted a boyfriend you would still want one or two days to yourself. A week. Right.


One or two. David, David, David.


I feel like as Gloria fucking Swanson, because I think what David's been gracious with in our relationship is space time gives me multiple days a week to just be at home working alone by bit.


I like my my alone time as we do too. We're not codependent. I call David last night freaking out because I'm sick. And he said, I can't talk right now. I'm watching my stories. Oh my God. I just nodded. And then I said he said, it's the Rhône reunion reunion.


I hope you just hung up and had a rotary phone that clanged.


When you have the bucket of apple, look, get a bucket of Beppo. Did you watch that? Is that what you're talking about?


No, I thought it was a reference to. Beverly Hills housewives. No, I've never even before the park I started with, I got the full lowdown about the Beverly Hills are the the Real Housewives franchise of which I am kind of ignorant.


But now, in fact, I am a you are a super expert.


Could you would you would you absolutely destroy in Housewives trivia night?


I think so. He would, yeah. Oh, I watch them all. Every single one. Like how many are there.


I well I guess I could tell you something like. Let me guess. New York. There's Beverly Hills. There's Atlanta. There's there's also Potomac. Potomac. There's a lot of Florida there. No, no, no.


There was Miami. Miami was canceled. There's Jersey, Jersey and New York. Very different vibes. Oh, is that all of them? No. There's also O.C. Dallas, a Salt Lake City is about to start. Are you serious? Then they're like, yeah, they they warm. Yeah. Yeah. Wow.


And then there's some foreign ones that I.


What about what about London. That would be great. Well, there was Ladies of London, which was basically Real Housewives of London, OK. And there was Miami. There was DC. Those were his lung cancer was the highest rated one.


Beverly Hills, I believe. Beverly Hills, the one I see people the one that I see people talking about on Twitter always is our Roni and Rowby. Yeah, so. Or New York and New York at Beverly Hills. So there's the Denise Richards drama this season.


Really, Denise Richards is on it. But, you know, she quit, she girl. Yes, she was. What's your favorite quote?


Oh, there's one commercial. One commercial that was not even important to the series. And I heard it and it stuck with me forever. And they were speculating about Denise's lesbian drama. And this girl goes, I wouldn't be surprised if we never saw Denise Richards again.


This girl, I was walking on my house saying it all day. I wouldn't be surprised if we never saw Denise Richards again at.


I couldn't set it all the time to hear Lisa Rinna said that not some girl, some girl, some girl, a woman, some woman with four gallons of silicone in her lip.


Oh, they're beautiful. They are pretty. They're pretty amazing. She's psycho. I think it's just great television.


Rushmore and put her David loves reality TV. And I always joke that he loves it so much that.


Hello. Well, have you seen the Vegas Review? I just I've seen clips.


It's a real. Yeah, it is. It's them fighting. Yeah, I it's like Naomi Smalls in Take Something.


So we just really needed to clear the air. Yes. And you know that kind of thing. And I was like, oh yeah.


I don't think I'm into that but but I should watch before I, I'm not going to hate on it before I see it. It's the drama is good. Go brush your hair, bitch. Go brush your hair. It's iconic. That's pretty amazing. She's great on it. Yeah. She's a housewife. Yeah. I mean they're storyline's.


I mean they're story.


I don't like a little bit of a recap show that ended up scrapping, but it was, it's a little like, well LaFonta don't burn my house down. But it was a little like trying to force certain storylines like it's not that interesting that Dandy's dating. Yeah. It's not interesting to watch her go on a blind date on camera.


Oh God damn.


Not to mention there is no blind date when you're a famous person that doesn't exist. There's no blind date when you're in. There's no date winningly out. There's a camera there. It's not a date.


I wouldn't be surprised if we never saw Denise Richards again. I've just said it. I mean, that's how I feel.


I wouldn't be surprised to do it. You know that I. We'll be right back. Oh, hello, it's me, Trixi from Sweden, care of its quality products, formulative for good for you. Oh, my God, I can't do this, OK?


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The following story takes place between late spring and early summer of last year, a period of time where I witnessed pure evil through the eyes of my favorite pop star, put down the gun barrel, turn off the goddamn camera. Stop this madness now and we won't report you, right, Eliza? Yes, please. I just let them do this to you. Oh, my God. Stage is on fire. Eliza, you have to tell me what's going on, please.


I want to help you, but I need to know what we're dealing with here. She's not a well person, Cheena. I can't do it anymore. I don't know how to get her vivid hallucinations that demonic forces are imprisoning her.


Something happened last night at the party. How is this girl suddenly writing a hit single after hiding out for all these years? Journalist Sheena Sicko arrested for inciting a riot because you saw this was going to happen and you just stood there and let that girl fall to her death. The divinity. What's the divinity, Eliza? I know it's dark in there, Eliza, but you must come to the light. But just like any good story, nothing is as it seems then once you know the truth.


The world is never the same. The Shadow Diaries from Studio 71 Ensnarled Entertainment, starring Keira Heyward and Madeleine Peche, coming soon on Apple podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. And we're back. I just got a flash, I just got a flash, four of us working on a big time movie set and I'm having a problem.


And I just whisper to you, I wouldn't be surprised to it is Richard. I don't know why it's so funny. It's very funny out of context, because that's such a dramatic thing to I wouldn't be surprised if we never saw that person again. Yeah, I would be surprised if that person disappeared for crazy. Yeah. And then that happened.


And she just left the show. Yeah. So what. Oh my God. It's gripping. I'm compelled.


It was. Yeah well some of them are definitely actors like acting so it knows what show she's.


Lisa Rinna is an actress. Is she not a soap actress. So she really she's doing a free form of stream of consciousness dialogue to the camera. Yeah.


I want to get on this show, like not to mention there's that one scene where Lisa Rinna that they're fighting over that bunny and Lisa Rinna cheats out to the camera and almost on cue one, tier one two.


And it's like it's some bizarre harmony shit. It's fierce. Yeah. I can't remember a drag race. No baby would cry. She would wipe the tears and there'd be no crying.


Oh, she never cry. No, there was never a choice here.


Well, there are certain drag race queens, maybe other on all stars, but they would do things where they would go like this, but there would be no tears. You can't just touch your eyes. Yeah. And if there's no water from the eyes, you're not crying. Mary, I am very proud to say I'm not proud of the fact I cried on Drag Race, but I am not ashamed to admit that it was always real.


It was real. No unjaded to our fears was crying. I wiped your tears through losses through the lens.


The glass. Yeah, that was amazing. Through the frames. Through the film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.


So did you get into reality TV? Just. How did Bravo suck you in, seriously, David, keep the lights on, Oprah. Well, I remember in high school watching, you know, those VH one date like Flavor of Love, Surreal Life. Did you ever watch Eliminate?


Yeah, that was Rock of Love. Yeah. I want to do Crack Rock of Love for me. She's going to host reality dating show.


It's going to find my lover. Well, I've actually talked about this idea from from Cocktail with Love.


Have we never told you about this? No.


OK, David had an idea that I would host a dating show trying to get you wifed up and we would let men, women pan trans, whoever wants to be with a Russian transvestite hooker, they would get to date you.


Well, we got a fast track to fall in love the next two weeks. This would be the opening to the singles, but I'll walk in. They would mingle and they would see a chopper coming.


The chopper the ladder would come down and you walk in from behind frame and helicopter flies away. I am so into it I'll pay to be on it.


And there would be a lot of things that have to do. We would have improv actors pretend to be your family. Like Russian babushkas. They have to date my mom, your mom, my mom, gymnastics competition, my sister. Some fear factor shit drinking blood. There'd be some witchcraft. Yeah. How many institution. Yeah. Prestige can you how many, how many minutes can you survive in this pen with these Hogg's. A similar idea for a show I had was a few years ago you and I hosting like looking for America's next like male stripper.




So like this week that I threw chair dances and this week they're on a pole and this week could be family friendly. It'd be like male burlesque performers.


I think I think that I think our shows better, our shows better, but that's much more commercially viable.


You think you can't show that on TV? I don't think so. I don't I don't know the audience for that.


Oh, that's the people trying to date. It's fun. Yeah. And them living in a house. A bunch of people competing for your love. And I, I'm thinking of the cast. It's wild when I and every season they've died and you're looking for your next one. And every season is like a funeral.


Now it starts with the funeral ends with a wedding.


It's a comedy. Well that's a great idea. A producer. OK, come on. Are you on board? I'm on board. I'm not on drugs. Let's hit it. Right. Let's do it. We've got a small window. We get we're going to get on the ground floor this day.


But I think Real World was the gateway drug. I used to watch Real World with the slap around the world, which I recently told you about.


Oh, yeah, I remember you sell drugs. Know which one is real world Seattle. I was in sixth grade, I think, and Irene left the house and she called Steven Gay and then he ran out and slapped her and slapped her around the world, I thought.


And he was gay. He was gay. Yeah. It turned out he was gay. But back then, I mean, that was the nineties.


Yeah. Yeah. I remember San Francisco with Patro and AIDS. Did more die. Die. Yeah. You don't. Yeah, I remember that Paris there were old DJed. They were old for the real well they were thirty three at the time were they.


The jet was when my first job working and I moved to L.A. I was a casting on the real world and the Bad Girls Club. Really. Yeah. That was my first job.


Which one was or is it was there in Orlando. Now Vegas stays in Vegas. Trishul. Yeah, I remember Vegas Fischell and then I remember Paris, Paris.


Those are only two. I remember when I watched it from the beginning you did a fast one and I remember the because they had poque.


Yeah. That was one of the first ones that I was L.A.. Yeah. And then he still does the challenge and stuff. Right. Puck doesn't but a lot of them do.


It was wild and then I remember I fell in love with was his name. He was in London. He had the blonde hair, it had blonde. Do you ever watch London.


Yeah, I watched that. I mean it was you can't find them. It's, it's not like they're swimming. It was.


Oh. And maybe Neil or something like that in this kid from I thought I was like my first TV crush, I was like hopelessly in love with really, I mean like big time like obsessed.


There were a lot of God. Was he gay. No.




Because there were a lot of like I don't know if they were I think they were out on the what's the equivalent of the real world now would you say it's like Big Brother. Yeah, I think so. Big Brother. Survivor Big Brother is wild. When I talked to Michelle, I was like, how did you do that? And she was like, honestly, it was the boredom that was difficult because you can't listen to music and there's no TV.


She was like, that's why there's so many clips of me getting in drag. She's like, I had nothing to do them. Put makeup on and take it off and put it on again.


That now that makes sense with Kourtney because I'm like, she won. Yeah. But also like getting in. I was like getting in drag. Like I was like, this seems like a nightmare. But when you put it that way, what are you going to do? What else are you gonna fucking do? I'm going to get in. You're going to get top and bottom lashes on.


Yeah, she really won that shit. That was a blazing one when Courtney won. That was almost like I mean, I won Drag Race that year. I think she won it right before I won drugs. Yeah. And I remember thinking, like winning drag race is cool, but a drag queen winning Big Brother. Yeah. Is so cool.


And I remember I was at the gym when I saw that that picture of her. Uncooked chicken of a wardrobe malfunction, I was like, do you think it was a stunt? I thought it was I knew it was a stunt and no one I was like, there's no way that's done on purpose. But then I was like, brilliant. Courtney, you humiliated yourself.


You finally got done. I thought I was like, you are so like I was like I thought I felt embarrassed.


And then I was like, oh, it was, by the way, said Kelly, by the way, she's in that in that, like, candid dick out photo, she still looks better than any of us.


I was amazing.


I remember when she won, she had that side ponytail on with, like, blue eyebrows. And she was sitting there with and that old woman. I remember the clip of the woman trying to flatten her hair and she can't flatten her own hair.


Yeah, I was cool when she won.


I mean, I couldn't race did it to Ross Matthews. Did the American one.


Oh, she tied right with Marissa Jarrett when he lost his last he was second place. Would you ever do a show like that, lock yourself in a house with like Alaska 24/7?


Yeah, but in one big brother there filming you in the shower, not not in one million fucking years. I would not scared famous Alaska did.


That's in a house. Yeah, that's what's happening on that. Oh really. That was fun. We watched that when it came out. Yeah. I didn't see that one. She did it right after she went all stars. OK, I was fine. Yeah. They didn't do more. It wasn't I mean it wasn't that the show. I don't think it was a big hit. But we watched, we watched it. It's an icon, Tiffany.


Part is, you know, she's like she's the the kid. You bring that level to your show.


I would absolutely. Yes, I would.


I would never I would aspire to that level. Yeah. I think anybody can sing. I would commit.


Yeah. She's so beautiful.


In Brunch at Tiffany's on VH one now. Yeah. You well we've it was a web series and now they have it in Beichuan. I she, she has brunch with that. The one with she had lunch with Nina Bonino and she looked, Nina Bonini looked.


So she had Nina. Yeah. Oh really. Topspin. I only saw on the Bob episode. Nina Nina looked so amazing.


She was really, she was just really loves Tiffany Pollard. One time me and David we heard she was at Ava. Yeah. And we were like, let's just we re drunk.


Of course. We were like, let's just go. Who knows. Right? And I think we were at precinct and then we decided to go to a to see if we could just glimpse her from across the room. Yeah. And luckily for me to be famous, they took me my hand. I grabbed David's hand, they brought us the VIP and just sat us next to her having a meltdown I never seen.


I also like animal print, CATSA with sunglasses on with the champagne wiggling and, you know, her butt, her body, she just looked incredible.


Yeah. I have a very blurry picture with her that you took that night. Yeah.


And she just it was so exciting to meet her. And then she loves the queens. I've seen her host a show up precinct.


She hosts drag shows all the time. Yes.


I mean she would do that in Portland is. Well, she's so cool. You know what though?


You don't need I mean, not that she's not a huge celebrity.


I mean, you know, she's no engaged, but she's she's big up there. You just need people to be rabid for you because she can go to an Applebee's and throw an event and they'll be sold out.


Yeah, she'll be a star forever. Yeah. You should have her on the podcast. Oh, that's a great idea. I wonder if she would come over.


I know we could ask her. I mean, ask her. Yes, sir.


David, David, David, Brian, Brian, David.


Bryans, let me ask you this. Yeah. Could you ever imagine yourself in a rapport, not with me, but in a thrussell, it's a really good question.


I don't know. I mean, watching that Vegas show, they all sleep in a bed together.


Well, that's why. That's why that's what brought it to my head. I was like I thought I was like, one person has a lot of work. What do you think the person would be like if we were in trouble? And what would the circumstances be?


Yeah, it would have is like you're on the road so much. I mean, I feel like somebody, you know what I mean? Like, imagine imagine this. You meet a lovely night, a lovely guy named Glen and and he's on the road. Oh my God. Nine months out of the year, the big tour. You're all languishing at home. Lonely nipples, perky. Oh, Glen comes by land. David, Glen, Glen and Glen comes by and he says hi.


Well, without without without spilling too much of our personal life. I don't really police David's sexuality.


OK, so like it doesn't have to be gay.


No, it's yeah. It's not like if I'm on the road, David, it's like left out to dry. No, no, no. I know that. I know that. But that's what I mean.


Like we ever like in a relationship like a couple. Yeah. Because it would have to be more than sex obviously for us to even go.


But then you always have to spend time that I don't know. No. Yeah. What is that. What is the chemistry requirement. What are the prerequisites chemistry wise. Breath trouble. We have different types. I don't even know what that person we do have different types because I would want a forty five year old man. Yeah. Head to toe. Covered in hair. Yeah. Jobless. Get out. Ready to just bench press me and David, I think David has different things.


Yes, we have different instincts sexually, I think.


Yeah. If Jake Gyllenhaal is listening, that's a great. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Celebrity Crush Top three, Jake Gyllenhaal. Now, from what movie? From all of this, all of us. So does it matter? Every move. What about David Baza? Yeah, no, no, no. The one we saw at Tom Ford movie.


Oh, Nocturnal. And he was so hot in that.


And with Michael Shannon trying to murder people, did you not see the I Tomizawa? That certainly didn't. Yeah, well, that was what I left Fisher played her dog looking OK. Got it. Got it. Got it. Strange film. So good when he left thoracentesis. Oh, that's right. It was him.


I've never even considered being a Threlfall, but I don't think Derek and his husband did until it happened. So I'm let's go wild and say Jake Gyllenhaal gets you.


You're on set somehow with Jake Gyllenhaal and you have you hit it off and it's in it like this is the Twilight Zone. I can't believe this is happening. Yeah. Long story short, Uber fuck he's fucking you in the butt or you're fucking me. But and then two weeks later, it's still going on. Somehow you managed to avoid the tabloids. You like whatever this is going to ride this wave out, he said to you, and then you're just fucking you're raw dogging each other in the butt every three times of the day.


And then guess what? You come home and then the three of you. Good that work. Well, then I would have to be with him. Yeah, you'd have to go. Do you think he's goodbye. But Jake, is it if I could you dial a female celebrity crush. Was it. Well, as a teenage boy, Buffy is my favorite.


I used to think I was in love with Sarah Michelle Gellar.


OK, but not anymore. Not anymore. OK, I like as a fourteen year old, I had pictures of her all over my like, OK, yeah, I thought cool. Yeah.


Dopey cruise I had a big crush on. Yeah she's pretty like she never so evergreen. Evergreen I'm looking for in terms of star Charlize Theron at Gelson's.


I did five ten years, four, five, ten, eleven, six, all Talban and all the best celebrity sightings. Go to the grocery store.


I don't know Julia Gelson's. If I saw Charly's I'm not kidding I would have to grab her cart and say I'm so sorry to bother you. Your performance in Monster was incredible. I saw it as a teenager, I still think about it all the time. She was like, get your hand off my fucking cart.


You get the fuck out of here, you fucking faggot. Yeah, because I always think, like in L.A., people don't want to hear that you liked their project from 10 years ago, because if you told Buffy like I loved Buffy, she'd be like, what about food stars, bitch?


You know, she'd be mad. Have you seen food stars? Yes. The food. No, it's not a movie. I know.


Oh, wow. I really don't want you guys to fight.


This is awkward. He's gonna have to hit me as soon as it's over. Yeah, well. Well over. Yeah, that was it. David, David, what a pleasure. You're the mother of my life.


Uh, I'm going to go I'm not going to plug where to find you because I want you to have your privacy. Yes. But please check out David's still moving parts on Netflix.


Please go buy it on iTunes. Just going to say that David makes more money if you buy it. So just buy it. It's just about ten dollars. But is it ten dollars? Yeah, 999. 999. What the fuck you doing? That's two coffees.


Here's what we learn now during this process. A lot of people the film was on sale and then it was on Netflix and people were going, oh, I'm so glad it's on Netflix. I can finally watch it for free. Looks isn't free Netflix. You're paying for it. And we're employees of Netflix. We certainly are. It's not free. It's not free. There's a monthly charge for that. And guess what? Guess but you also do on Netflix.


I spend a lot of time scrolling because although I do love Netflix, they have a lot of garbage programming.


So you waste you waste no time when you go straight to iTunes and you click on that buy button and you buy the movie, guess what you want for life. You know what? If I can only watch that documentary about why people stay in this house of bees so many times more.


Wait, speaking of in yourself, can I play my only fans? Sure. People. Hello, people I like in Brazil.


This is James Nageeb Beach.


Are you looking for some hot, topless erotic vacuuming vids? I thought so. Go to the all the real wait is that only fans dotcoms. That's real cutdown. We're in for nine ninety nine. You can get hot topless porns.


Thank you. Love it. And I plug my only film. Yes. Shut up David. It's you. Just crushing crickets with your bare feet deep.


Borodai David I'll plug all the only bands he's currently subscribed to. Zero zero. No currently we're in the poorhouse. He's eating us out of house and home with his only bad description with his. Yeah, I do enjoy only fance occasionally. Yeah, it's a great way to. I normally just do a month just. Yeah. I just need to see. Yeah.


Let's go to trial because let's be honest, most of his only fans, they're not uploading often enough to make it that worth reading. I'm uploading every day. You better believe it.


Canterbury Queen of Content. That content train has left the station and she is full of full speed express to your house.


OK, and if you like the music, you heard a moving parts. You can check out the soundtrack available on iTunes recorded by me. That's right.


And I forced you to do. Yeah. And went what? And that's it, and that's it, line by line.