Transcribe your podcast

I'd like to thank so much our sponsor, Bud Light seltzer, for presenting this podcast. We love these drinks. Personally, I'm a huge fan of the black cherry Bud Light seltzer. It is so refreshing. It is the best. We'll talk about this later.


There's more to this one because I don't drink anymore. I absolutely love it, so I can't wait to talk more about them. Keep listening for more. Thank you both.


All right, hey, what's up, everybody? And it's time for another episode of the Bill Bert Hot. High gas gas, and it won't do it. Hey, I want to talk to you about I'm firing hot Bill. I got into a fight last night at a party. I yeah, we went to some people's a friend's house and we got into a disagreement about fuckin raising children. And so you never bring that up, man.


That's like bringing up politics or religion, you know.


But I was on the. Yeah, you're right. You're right. You're right. Yeah, you're right. You're right.


So what if what was this person's ideas about raising kids?


In essence, they were you give the kid the tools to operate in society. And if the kid and that's the parenting you do and you can't go beyond that. And I'm saying, yeah, but if there are influences outside of those tools, meaning say it, say there's a parent that says, hey, all the kids can come to my house and drink while I go with that parent is a piece of shit that should not you shouldn't have that shouldn't be allowed.


And then I say we need to kick that, get that parent. We need to fix that parent because that parents undermining all these tools I taught my kid and the argument at hand and I should gloss over it because I fucking lit. What were they saying about the parent, the hypothetical person letting your kids drink? You can't you can't do it.


You can't. There's nothing you can do about that. And you got to understand that that is part of when you when you give your kid the tools, that is part of the negotiation.


I have to admit, that's exactly what I thought. It's like this parent, unfortunately, is an obstacle as you've prepared your kid to deal with other kids. You maybe you need to add to your game that they got to. You know, the parent that's the cool parent is not cool, it's not cool, like, you know, I never I was arguing last night, I never thought it was cool when I was in high school. Like when when when the mom said, if you guys want to drink, do it at our house.


It wasn't funny. Like there were no chicks there. That was like it was just like, oh, great.


I was happy that they said it, but I didn't. I knew it was wrong and I knew and I would always look at my buddy who if their parent or friend or whatever, and I would look at them like, oh, now the pieces are starting to fit together. Right. There was something I remember watching this kid light a cigarette in ninth grade in front of his parents. He was like, hey, can I get a light? And I was I remember being in the house thinking it was a joke.


Right, because you some kids were funny as fuck. Right? Like the Quinn family was an Irish Catholic family in Tampa, like five boys, one girl. And they were hilarious. Like what? You'd walk in and immediately they go, hey, do you want something out of my refrigerator? Just ask my mom. Mom, Burt's afraid to ask and be like I never said that. And they were just a funny fucking family. And so.


And so. I remember those kids that this kid lit a cigarette and I was in ninth grade and I was like, all I could think was this isn't going to turn out well for you. Like, oh, yeah, yeah, no, that kid's done is any parent that is doing that. I think it's like if you're not just a straight up moron, it's a low self-esteem thing. It's an insecure thing where you can't go through those years where when your kid gets to a certain age and thinks they know everything, which is around 11 or 12, I remember how I went through that phase.


You know, you have to. You can't be there, buddy, during that time, you have to be. You have to you have to plow through that and just understand it's not the kids going to hate me for the next six to eight years, seven, eight years or whatever, and hopefully in their 20s, in their 20s. If I did my job, they're going to be like, yeah, I was an idiot, you know, or maybe some of them, they don't learn to they have a kid.


They're like, oh, shit. You know, just you kind of have to have that feeling on some level, I think maybe have a kid to understand it like, oh, my God, this goes off the rails. This is on me.


Yeah, it's interesting to me because I just felt like that was I started to make a point that was like the worst fucking thing.


I was I started big. I thought it was momentum. And I just laid back down the hill on that statement. What I find interesting is that what what what upsets me last night was. Was two things, this is hardcore, like probably more information than I should share, but I woke up this morning thinking my wife finds it easier to silence me than to be on my team in the argument like she doesn't want the argument to happen at all, but it's already happened.


So she knows she has more control silencing me than she does on my side. And I think I like and that was the first thing. And that's where I like the party. You wanted your wife to have my fucking wanted to tag and have Tony Gary come over, right?


Yeah. And she was like she was you're talking really loud and I was like that. Yeah. That's how you fucking. Oh. She's probably right, but I that's I can't stand that I hate when there's the person when you're getting into it. With somebody else and they want to get into with you, you're both up here and then someone just comes in like guys, guys, guys, Chopard. Yeah, I don't I think that is what Brad Pitt did in that last fucking movie where he slamming the fucking head off the top of the mantle there.


And I know that's obviously, but and I hate that we live in a world that I had to let people know now that I know that's wrong. Obviously, that's not something I fucking I hate the peacemaker when I'm getting into an argument because I actually enjoy a good argument.


Yeah. Oh, this argument was of full rounded fun argument. And by the way, I texted the dude this morning and he said sorry, like I texted the group, I said sorry that I said thank you lot for last night. I'm sorry my wife got drunk and argumentative. It'll never happen again. And then he wrote back immediately. Do it again tonight. I was like, see, that's that's kind of guy I like is like is like I'm not done.


You're not done living a bit. Yeah.


And also I'm not carrying this into the next day.


I didn't wake up with negative energy. I love this dude.


So what am I going to do with the Beatles did when I went home and then they trashed their body and then eventually they got sick of them bitching and then they just like, well, I should just quit the band. I think that that's what happened all those years of Yoko being blamed or whatever. I just think that the wives got sick of them complaining about each other. Just quit the fucking band enough. Yet if you're this unhappy and then one of them probably said, I think you're probably just afraid to quit.


And then they backed into a corner. I think the only self-help book back then was how to make friends and influence people or something like that. It was like one or two of them. And yet they didn't have the tools.


It's my wife deals with me the same way. She deals with our dog with a strange dog. Are you can't tell whose dog started it, right? Our dog is sitting there, you can't tell whose dog started it, but my wife disciplines our dog regardless. Hey, no, and the dog's like the dog came up on me and growled, like, what are you doing? I'm protecting myself. I've never been aggressive my entire fucking life. But she and then all I could think was, is there ever a world where my wife gets into an argument and I don't get behind my wife and have her back and I just go alien and raising your voice?


Oh, my God. I mean, think of that. Oh, my God, you you'd have to be. They'd have to be getting really. Create like Alleycat level shit for you to step in. I doubt my experience with them at some point, even if you're 100 percent in the right, you're out in front of that house, she's crying and you're saying, I'm sorry. Yeah, that's kind of how it ends. My wife does not have the capability.


To in the moment admit she's wrong, like in the moment it is heels dug in, not a bad thing, nothing wrong with that. Just one of those types of people found guilty of that, too.


So, yeah, I'm actually I'm actually I can hear someone's point in an argument and I can actually go, OK, I'm wrong. You're right. I'm wrong. You're right. I, for the most part, hear that voice way in the back of my head, don't to don't do it.


And then me is just I said back there and I just keep going, you know? And I think at this point I'm fifty two. I don't think I'm ever going to conquer that. So, you know, I think I'm just going to fucking be who I am, by the way. And I'm going to go into this in detail on my podcast tomorrow. You have to watch. There's a documentary on Netflix that you just have to watch. What is it I'm dying for?


It's David Foster.


He's just legendary, like writer, producer. Oh, no, no, you know what I'm thinking of as David Foster Wallace do you know, he he was my teacher when I was in college.


Are you fucking serious? Yeah, and I don't read books, so I know everybody is just like, oh my God. And I go, I know, I know where he was. Your teacher.


I remember I had a he taught it like Emerson for like a semester or two. And I remember I turned in a paper. Doing like a book report style thing. And he wrote in the column in the first paragraph, he wrote in red ink, he wrote, Dude. You're doing a book report. It's probably a good idea to not spell the lead character's name wrong through an F bomb and to not fucking he still gave me like a beat up.


He was cool as shit.


That's so fucking amazing, Bill. That fucking tragic because I haven't read any of his work. Confederacy of Dunces is a fucking logit. I haven't read it, but I've seen it done since he didn't write that, yeah, didn't he? No, no, no, wait, what? Did he write it? What did he write?


Down since that book's like one hundred and fifty years old. You wrote it. Yes, that's probably true.


It just wait. Who wrote Confederacy of Dunces? Alexander Dumas. Now, I don't, but Infinite Jest was the one I was thinking of, but I said Confederacy of Dunces, I don't think you know who he is. Ernie Fool wrote it in. Yeah. Infinite Jest. I saw the movie where Jason, what's his name, Playdom. Stay. No, Jason. Come on, Andrew, hop on this. Help me out. I needed you last night at the party.


I needed you outside of the party. Shadows false.


Jason Bitner, know what movie you're talking about. The one about Anthony, just no one, the guy from how I met your mom, 10 things I met your mom about, oh, Doogie Howser.


No, the other dude, the tall dude who showed his dick. Jason Segel. Jason Segel. Yeah. I was forgetting Sarah Marshall, forgetting Sarah Marshall. OK, anyways, it's not David Foster Wallace, it's just David Foster. Oh, OK. Documentary dude, this guy. He's this guy's ego man. It was like if Ron Burgundy was a real person and he wasn't joking, David, I don't even know how to describe it was like one of the greatest accidental comedies like Mama Grizzly Man.


Other than the fact he gets killed by the Bear, was just a guy was a guy who was gay, who couldn't deal with his actually tragic. He should have been able to be who he was. But now he's sitting out there on like, you know, but I like pussy. What is walk in woods. Yeah, it's like that dude. And he is surrounded himself with all of these sycophants who just you can just see it. Anybody who doesn't appease his ego is just cut out.


And everybody is just going like, I mean, thank God you're writing a show on Broadway. I mean I mean, it's time. David, what have you been waiting for? And my favorite thing was this drama goes like he's the greatest keyboard player I have ever heard in my life. And I've played with Herbie, Herbie Hancock, OK? And then they cut to the guy and he takes the balls out of Chicago. He removes their horn section.


And then you got Peter Satara going, you know, man, who will fight for your honor.


And I'm thinking like, that's better than Bao Bao Bao Bao Bao. They they get the fuck.


How do you play with Miles Davis? You fucking ring the ace Phil Collins music over here. You've got to see this. And he's fucking going like and then Barbra Streisand, she wanted an album with no drugs, no bands, no guitar, just keyboards, no just synths. And I have to admit, I killed it and he's not joking. And then the saddest part is his kids. Come on and you can tell the guy he's a horrible dad.


He's even saying I was a horrible dad. And even then that defending a really like he took off when I was six minutes old. But but he did the best he could.


I know it was. I mean, the guy obviously super talented and all of that type of shit, but the game within the game is just watching. This fucking I mean, the stories he tells, it was just it was fucking amazing. In my mom when I was a little kid, was at the piano and she hit a chord and I said, that's an E and she said, what? And he said, I said, that's an E.


And then she called my dad and my dad said, my God, he has perfect pitch. And what was crazy is I was Tussey. He was like fucking like, you know, four or five sisters. And the mom would feed them porridge like a fucking like like a goddamn nursery rhymes. And she gave him bacon and eggs with toast every morning. And you go back to the parents that let the kids drink and that type of shit. You see that you go, oh, that's where it started.


I mean, it's fucking just a picture along to the picture to promote it instead of sitting there smiling with, like fucking four hundred Emmys or Grammys next to him. And he's just sitting there like, I realize this is what I do.


Do you realize how close like if you gave me Rogan money, right. Like sign a Spotify deal and and and I could seclude myself. Do you realize how quickly I could turn into that guy? Like there's certain types of people that are prone to being that guy and then guys like you who would never be that guy like you could you would. There's a humility you have that I don't know what can set me up to fuck. Don't set me up with that soundbite.


Now that's out there in the ether and all I got to do is one big league move and those two things get married and it's done. I don't think you really know what you're capable of until you're in that situation, which is why all the all these regular people that I used to do about Tiger Woods. Where it's just like, dude, when was the last time you walked off the 18th hole, there was a busload of fucking hot chicks waiting to bang you and you walked past them to your Chevy Cavalier to go home, do your fucking wife.


You do that after every fucking golf match, then you can judge that guy.


I'm only as this has got to be someone's bit, but I'm only as good as my options.


That's that's Chris Rock. Is it is it that works. And that's literally word for word for real. I think it's a man is as faithful as his options. Yeah. I mean, but I think I've proved faithfulness in that I have my options have increased since I married my wife and I have turned down options. I've turned down hot chicks that have been like I read a chick sneak on our bus one time and was in the bus anyway. How does that happen?


Tell me about it.


Someone didn't lock the door. She got on the bus. She was hiding under the table. And we walked in and we were like, what the like, we definitely see you. She was wasted hot. She was like, let's just hang out. Let's just hang out.


And we have a rule that you're scared. I would be. Oh, I'd be terrified. What if she just starts yelling rape?


We have that's why we have a rule. No checks for the bus the fuck out of here. No checks on the bus. Ever, never. Never.


So that's quite a chick who never even went on your bus. Could just say she went on your bus and something happened. And that would be the end of, you know, kind of the way it's it's working out now. Now it's like. I mean. I don't I don't understand I want to get into that shit because I don't want to have people's shit because you don't fucking does amaze me, though, is the people that we're not there, which is most people commenting, I would say was everybody.


And like fellow comics, you weren't there, you don't know what happened. Somebody said something happened, the other person said it didn't happen, and what I love is it always starts off with the accusation and then it slowly gets into, oh, you don't like his act.


You were never a fan of his in the first place. Yeah, that was my favorite one I saw this week where someone started off with the accusation and then ended it with the criticism of the Persons Act, and it's just like, wow, man like that has got to be it's like this literally somebody's dream is at stake here if you don't have.


Pertinent information on this. Yes, shut the fuck up. Why are you chiming in, throwing gas on a fire that you don't even know if it could have happened, it could not have happened. It's just like I don't know. And this this whole this whole thing done in this guise of like that, you're making things better.


That one side can't defend themselves, the other side can now say whatever they want, it's taken as law and your dream is over is I mean, that formula, there is no fucking way you're not going to start taking out people that didn't then are actually innocent. I mean, you're kind of creating I mean, it's basically why there's a judicial system, because if you don't have that, then just anybody can say anything about anybody. To to destroy them and the Internet, people have to respect the fact that there's no libel, there's no slander, there's nothing.


So you have this ridiculous level of power and with power comes responsibility and you should handle that responsibly. I don't think that you should get out your bitterness as a comic towards another comic or your petty shit with them. I lost my wife. Having said that, I don't know what's true. I don't know what's true. That's why I would never fucking jump in and say anything.


Yeah, that's my thing is I did a podcast with someone. They asked me about a guy who's been accused of stuff. And I'm only keeping people's names out out of respect for all of it because I don't know anything.


And I said, yeah, you have to respect everybody involved because everybody comes or on either side. That could be a victim here. And you don't want to tip it one way or another unless you have. You know, this smoking gun kind of thing, unless you have some insight that other people don't and I said to the person, and I'm going to I'm going to edit this out of my podcast because because it it didn't talk about it on this one.


Yeah, because because I can represent it better on this one than I did. Right. Right. Right. But but what I said was, yeah, I actually don't know anything about that. And all I can say is I can't I you guys always been nice to me. He's always been a sweet guy. I don't know him to see that as that.


I thought my experience and it was a little and just because he's only been nice to you doesn't mean that something didn't happen. But you don't know. I don't know. And so I would be disingenuous of me to just immediately hear any accusation on anyone and just go, that's it, fuck this guy forever. Fucking fuck him. And then I don't know. And by the way, I don't know. I just don't know. And so, like, I'm sitting here in my house, in my glass castle, just kind of taking in information.


Leon said this to me, Bill, this is what's crazy. Leon said, when everything comes out about all our friends, all the people that we don't need any names, but everyone knows what we're said. Hypothetically speaking. How would you behave if someone accused you of something you actually didn't do? My instinct, Bill, was I go, have you seen the fugitive? Because I would be Harrison Ford. I would lose my fucking mind and I would be jumping off a waterfall.


Yeah, but you'd also be locked in with your people, and then they would be giving you advice and you would painstakingly have to craft a statement. You get sucked into that.


So so what I did so we as a as a as an exercise, I said what I would do. I went through all the stuff I would do. And I am the number one thing I would the first thing I was going to do is I was suing everyone for libel, right. And so she goes, we'll call you that. My dad's a lawyer because call your dad. Ask him if that sound advice. So I said, Dad, I tell him scenario.


I said, if that happened to me, first thing I do is, I swear, room for liability goes. First of all, know that trial is not going to happen for two years. And just so you know, they will dig up everything you've ever fucking done and that is all. And you will not win. And if you win, you won't get any money and it doesn't do any good. And by the way, my dad starts spinning out.


He's like, something can happen. I go, no, we're just doing hypothetical. He goes, What you do is you you remain quiet and hope it goes away. And I went, Are you serious? And he's like, that's.


I know. And that's that's what's giving. That type of of a thing, there's a tremendous amount of power when you can you can just say you can say these things, true or not. And I'm not saying that anybody said anything false, but it's just like that door is wide open to just say, like, I mean, this ship with, like a certain talk show host and just a wild shit that people say there's no way you didn't know every last fucking thing that's going on in a show me a fucking break.


This is a zillion people there. I do a show. I don't know every last fucking thing that's going on. Yeah, that's what people say. And then you get condoned it and then the snowball thing starts going.


I mean, I've actually been to that person. I've defended that person maybe wrongfully, but I have only because I know her history and I know what's what she's had to go through and put up with to get to where she is. And I don't think she would knowingly condone it. I just don't think it's that person. And I think it is the people around her. And I think it's maybe a little bit of like I don't know. I don't think there's a lot to it.


It's also the perception, the perception, whoever brings up the accusation, their perception is what was going on. So if somebody like every place I ever worked with, there was always like somebody that was being inappropriate jokes, being inappropriate, whatever, but it was like, that's the inappropriate person. But, you know, there's a difference between the person saying wild shit back in the day that wasn't taking your dick out at work. But now those two things have become the same thing.


And then it's also become like, you know, if this person said that happened, then then it happened and you're done.


It's crazy, it's it's crazy. There have got to be a lot of people. I know, I know, I know of a talk show where the host was very toxic and everyone hated it and everyone has since come out and said how much they hated it. And I just who wants to like that? I don't understand that concept of having a workplace like that at all. If you're lucky enough to have a TV show, you should make everyone feel like how great is it that we get to come to work today?


You know, I believe I believe in the pressure of the pressure I have in the show. And whatever your issues are, get heightened. The higher up you go in, the more that's at stake. The the crazier you know, if you're wired a certain way, you're going to behave, and I think it's cartoonish sometimes to just turn people into you are mean because you like being mean. You just I mean, like to me. It's it's like it's like, you know, when people from this country go and they travel to a poor country and they come back, their take away is man, that place is a shithole as opposed to like, why is it that way?


How did it end up that way? We're all connected. How does this thing work? How does the world economy work? You know, I just think, you know, the way people go at, you know. One plus one is two, one plus one is to this one, right down the thing this happened, this person said that one, this is this this is that. I mean and I don't see how that how you. Come out of this thing, unless I don't even know how you come out of it, how you how you ever even go back to some sort of rational, like the best system we could come up with, what you know, to argue the other side was not working for a lot of women or women yet, so it wasn't working.


So but I don't think the solution is then. To go all the way to the other side and just be like, hey, anybody says anything and then you act like there's no. That human beings are flawed. There's no jealousy, there's no vindictiveness, there's none of that all of those ugly, ugly sides of people that cause people to say stop. I mean, people committing to hate other comedians act. I mean, so much of that.


Is is what's going on with you and not the other fucking person? You know what I mean? And if you apply that to what this thing is, it's it's a really it's a very dangerous thing.


And it's very it is very crazy. And what's crazy is that is that I'm because I have two girls and my wife was sexually assaulted in college. She's talked about that. I'm not sharing anything. But I was that. When did you meet her?


I think I'm going to cancel you on this fucking thing right now. I love when you do. I love when you do those you I had to go there with you loved it over the net.


But we I tend to I tend to believe that anyone that speaks up isn't doing it to just get famous because I just go I've been around dudes. I've never known a dude. That's the other part is that I said to my wife last night, we were talking about it the other day and I said, I've never once known that like no dude is ever once. And I've hung around brose. My whole life has even told me a story that sounded like rape, like even a story that sounds like once again, you're dealing with their perception of it.


People are dying, people are fucking nuts, OK, but we're living in a world right now where they're saying only one side is nuts and it's like, oh, everybody's fucking nuts.


And that's why that's why you have the judicial system and all of that shit. I don't. But but then again, it doesn't work for a certain segment of the population. So that's not fair. I mean, so what do you do? I don't know. It's. It's fucking nuts, man. It is it is a quagmire, you know. Do you know how many I say all comics, but I don't mean all comics. But like, do you know how many types of comedians, Bill, would be so jealous that you had David Foster Wallace as a teacher that you and that and that possibly his teaching created the man you are today, the artist you are today was was was nurtured by David Foster Wallace.


I took a class. We had I do remember I don't want to tell that story, I can't hear it. Let me let you think about your story. I'll tell a story about a great English teacher and then you think about your story. This teacher, he's not around anymore.


I'm not telling the story. It's not fair. Why? What? Yeah, but because I just.


What? Because the fucking Internet is so fucking toxic and they do the Fox News CNN thing where they just take clips of what you say and then they'll try to make it look like I was being disrespectful to the guy, which I don't want to do.


We had a teacher with a teacher and I was an English major and creative writing and we had a teacher come in first day of class on Monday. His name was McNamara, I think, and he walked in no shirt on, shirt over his shoulder, backpack like an army surplus backpack, motorcycle helmet, walks in ten minutes late and he goes, Mon's aren't good for me. So let's just do it Thursday, Friday. And we're like, yeah, it's all right.


And he starts to walk away. It's almost like, what are we supposed to do? And he goes, Oh, live life and write about it and just walks out. Right. So this guy was the greatest teacher.


His I pulled him aside and said, I don't really sweet ass, he's a fucking adult. And he wanted your approval more than he actually wanted to teach you or he's fucking lazy.


So I said to him, so I remember sitting there, how was he any different than the parent down the street that says it's cool that drink this guy, this gets better, this gets better. So this guy, everyone just wrote about their life and the experience they had. I was sitting next to him in class one time, shirt unbuttoned, motorcycle next to him, the helmet next to him. And this girl tells me you have a fan blowing his hair.


He had long hair. He was really good looking guy, really good looking guy.


I don't get mad at that. Good for him.


And so a girl, one of the hottest girls in the room, but like like Converse sneakers with no socks hot, you know what I mean? Like just like a good looking girl. Really attractive, but just not in the sorority system. Does her own thing pay his way through college like real fuckin like kind of girl that knows how to pack bong bong hits with her thumb and doesn't worry about it, you know? So yeah, he reads a story about working girl.


It sounds like a movie. She works but writes a story. Wait a minute.


Wait a minute. You took her glasses off and she handed her ponytail.


Did did you see how beautiful she was and the fuck are you talking about.


Went like this with their hair just so you see where she is. She she doesn't read this story. I'm sitting next to this dude and she reads a story about her working at this restaurant called The Mill, and one of the one of the guys who worked in the kitchen walking in on her in the freezer and then fucking in the freezer. And it's all about her getting fucked in the freezer. And and it was like the hottest, sexiest story.


And this teacher is, by the way, I thought he was an adult. It's probably like twenty five at the time. Twenty seven is just punching me in the leg like, oh, can you believe this. Can't believe this. Right. So I tell them after that I go, hey, I'm not doing this class. Right. Like what do I do. How do I. And he says to me goes this weekend I want you to get a tape recorder and record everything that you're going through and just record, like kind of log it.


And then on Sunday night, just write all that down. It doesn't need to be perfect. Just write down everything you said or like summarize it and then submit it. So I do that. All weekend I write it all down, Sunday night, Monday, Wednesday, shows up, we go to class and there's a different teacher in class. And I was like, Pat, forget the name, Pat was her name, she was quoted in a Rolling Stone article about me, about what kind of student I was because it was during this time.


And I said. And I said, where's Mr. McNamara? And she goes, he died this weekend and I was like, What? She goes, Yeah, he was doing cocaine on his motorcycle going about 120 miles an hour. And he had a heart attack and died. And I was like, he said, You guys. Yeah, yeah. You have an axe to grind with this guy. She was. You had a heart attack on the motorcycle women.


How do you do, blow on a motorcycle going 220 miles an hour? You must have the windscreen.


No, it wasn't doing it on the motorcycle.


Yeah, well, that's kind of what you said. And by the way, by the way, I'm not really certain that's how he does the picture you painted. I might have I might have painted the picture in my head that he was doing cocaine, had a heart attack, maybe just got a motorcycle accident.


But check your facts or just posted on to Twitter because it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Yeah, whatever. And so but I remember that teacher so well. What was that, Pat? What was it? I reached out to her since all the people in the English department hated my guts because I signed a book deal out of college and she was one of the ones that didn't. She didn't hate me. Oh, she didn't hate you.


She was cool as fuck. She was really what did you what did she think when you submitted your assignment? She we didn't really do any more learning in that class, like we just came in matter of factly. Yeah, your teachers that he was doing blow on a motorcycle. Yes. 120 miles an hour and had a heart attack not to be your teacher. Now, there was no. What is wrong with Florida?


What's her name? Pat. Want to say something like McVeigh or something? If you type in and if you type in Burt Krischer, Rolling Stone article Pat teach English teacher, it'll come up. I bet I want to give her a shout out. She was a really cool person. What if she's still alive in the crazy that you think that those teachers you had in college were like 50 years old and they were just twenty seven year olds?


Yeah. The coolest teacher I had in college, he was a lawyer. And he drove a Porsche and he's married, had like four kids, and he one of the stories he told was that he would he drove fast and he just decided he was just going to play high insurance because I like driving fast. And he was like his own man. This is like early 90s when I was in college. And I don't know, it's just something about him that I liked.


I came up with a class he taught. You could tell he was good at being a lawyer like you, just the way he talks, like I would hire this guy. And he wasn't a creep and a lot of teachers that were creeps, you know what I mean? They'd only call on the hot chicks or the jocks and shit like that. I had had a lot of those, but this guy was just like he really came at people, like matter of factly and.


He took a vacation and went to Cancun, he came back, he looked fucking great as like this guest is living the life. He's taken time out to teach this class. He does need to teach his class. He's a lawyer. He's got a Porsche. He can go to Cancun. He's taking the time I got so much out of that guy was like, this guy is just kind of doing what the fuck he wants to do.


Yeah. But nobody's getting hurt that nobody's getting hurt, it's not a toxic thing, you know. What did you find her name? What is it, McNulty, Pat McNulty, that McNulty. She was a great I bet she's got books. Can you pull up one of her books? Bet she's written a book to promote it. Someone by Pat McNulty. She was a fucking awesome teacher, man. You get so few great teachers get so many.


You're right. So many. Just just regular people. Regular people. I want to thank our sponsor, Bud Light seltzer. I was out in Lake Havasu last week, was it, Bill? I think so. So I go to get the boat. I send my wife in to get booze. Right. She comes back with Bud Light seltzer. And at first I thought, I just want to do beer like like a beer. But all of a sudden we get out to the sandbar.


She starts driving the boat. I start drinking and these Bud Light Seltzer's, we're so frickin enjoyable. And you know what I loved about it, Bill? None of the guilt of the big belly with the beer. Right. 100 calories, less than a gram of sugar. They are funny.


I love once I quit drinking, all of a sudden they come out with all this alcohol. That's still good. Feeling good. But you don't put on any weight. Oh, like you come back for it. It's going to make me come back black cherry. So what I would do is I wish we had it in ice. I had a couple out of the can and then I poured two into a big glass with ice in it. Bill, it was so refreshing.


I can't black cherry is so amazing.


Like singing little black cherry mamlambo quality taste, clean finish. I mean amazing if you're looking for a for a drink the I'm telling you right now the Bud Light seltzer is undeniable and approachable brand with a wide hard seltzer category.


And to be on a lake right now watching you drink one of those things. It is unquestionably good. Bill bro I, I actually totally and I think I perfected drinking because I would have four of those and I'd be set for the day, come home, set up the grill, crack another one. It was I did, I did kettlebell squats with them because I felt like I wasn't gaining any weight. I felt I was being healthy.


I brought my kettlebell with the next most about having a beer while grilling. Oh, that's so long. Was that a phantom limb to not have that?


You know, I've been having a hard time with beer lately. I think the taste is like when we were on tour, I was doing IPAs. Now that I'm home and I don't have to worry about coronaviruses losing my taste buds. I've just been doing Bud Light Seltzer's. They're so good. So good.


I remember drinking. But nine presidents ago, that's what it feels like to have twenty one months in, twenty one month.


And I feel like what alcohol is going to do.


Alcohol is going to do what we did, where we need. I think alcohol is like what Bud likes doing here is smart because we there's all these different, you know. Yeah. It's, it's, it's nice that they finally came around to the drinkers. At least Bud liked it. Right.


It's nice when you see a brand and it shocks you into going, whoa, what's that? I got to try that. Like I saw it in the store. I was with George, George, my oldest. I'm walking to the store and I saw it. I went, whoa. And I didn't buy it then. And when they put it on the boat, I was like, nice. I get to try factory. That's just one. Lambourn, they've got I think they've got black cherry, lemon, lime, mango, strawberry.


And they're all amazing.


They're all amazing family.


I'm like, Jerry, if you'd like to get it delivered right to your door, you can find a retailer near you at Bud Light dotcom slash delivery or you can pick it up in the local neighborhood grocer convenience store or liquor store. Thank you so much, George.


I'm going to be the sober guy here. You must include the following legal disclaimer. Enjoy responsibly. Anheuser-Busch, St. Louis, Missouri. Maybe if I enjoyed responsibly, I would have been on that boat drinking a war with you. All right, let's talk about shaving your balls. All right. Manscape everyone you know are twenty. Twenty has been the year of things happening that are completely out of your control. You don't have to tell me that, Bill.


Hey, we're all living and you know, we're all in this together. But there is one thing that you can't control and that's shaving your bush. Our sponsors it man skates are here to remind you to do so. It'll really help your move. That's why I shaved off my beard. The bush on my face. Ask your co-host, OK. Hey, Bert, when was the last time you shaved your balls?


We have this conversation so often you'll text me, you'll have you shave your balls, get go. Not yet getting on it. I shave my balls. I shave my underarms, Bill. And what I love about their manscape lower three moer three point zero is it does not nick or catch any of your skin, which is so important.


You know what I like to keep a nice George Michael five o'clock shadow on my balls personally makes me seem like I'm a crooner. The man escaped Lawnmower 3.0 is a premium electric trimmer that that's designed to give you a confidence boost through your body image. There's ceramic blade in skin. Safe technology are designed to reduce Niks or Tug's.


What's worse for a Nicorette tongue?


I think the tug getting a tug because it catches you and you're stuck and you're like, oh, how are we getting out of this? I'd rather just get nicked and get it over with.


No, but Nick hangs around later.


If you put the aftershave on your nuts, the lawn mower 3.0 is also waterproof and comes with an LED light so you can manscape in the shower, in the dark or in that or in a dark shower, whatever floats your boat. They've also released just released their Shears 2.0 nail kit, which is perfect. The perfect add on to their lawn three point trimmer this year 2.0 is a luxury for peace nail kit featuring tempered stainless steel tools. And it includes tipped tweezers, rounded points, scissors, finger nail clippers and a medium grip nail file.


It is perfect, Bill. You throw one in your bag and you have the government sitting on the road. You're like, we got a clip. My nails be like, where am I going to nail clipper? This thing really is they are great nail clippers.


And I have like fifty eight of the old school ones. That is that weird matrix thing we had twisted around too many times and all of a sudden it comes apart and then you need to call a real man to get it back together on their website. You'll also find the crop preserver and anti chasing ball deodorant and moisturizer. This will help you tame that summer swamp ass with natural hydrangeas and anti antioxidants. You'll also find the crop reviver a test. The toner that's like having cologne that is designed for your balls.


We won't judge you if we catch you sniffing yourself. Go to manscape dot com and check some of these life changing products. Check out some of these life changing products. In fact, listeners of this show will get twenty percent off, plus free shipping with the code built by LLB team at manscape dotcom. That's twenty percent off with free shipping and at manscape dotcom. And use the code Dilbert. It's time to grab twenty twenty by the horns by shaving that front trunk.


What, what? I want to I want to ask you about something that I feel like is this Will Andrew and I were talking about when we first started, I feel like is the next wave. Do you remember? If you remember, like when you know what the next wave is, what's that everybody's been worried about monkeys like monkeys are going to do this. They're going to figure out how to fucking drive a car and do all of this shit and then they're going to take over society.


Planet of the Apes. Yeah. And meanwhile, hiding in plain sight are bears. I saw Bear on the Internet this week. I saw I saw a bear open a car door like this. Never seen a monkey do that. I saw one kick open the door to a fucking house like the feds, like when they had that fucking battering ram. I mean, this thing blew off the fucking hinges in. This guy came in like he was working for.


He did everything but flash a fucking FBI badge.


All right. And then I saw these bears at the zoo. They'd stand up on their hind legs like people. And as the little zoo bus drove by with the people, with the food, they'd stand up and wave like frantically, like a slumber party. Oh, my God. Waving like that. It was a trifecta of human ability that I have not seen. I have not seen any fucking monkeys do that shit, although that was it was the gorilla.


I could sign language, but I'm telling you. People are sleeping on fucking bears. I want to see Planet of the Apes with bears. In Russia, we saw a bear roller skating and you can ride bikes, they can do everything a fucking monkey can do. I said to my teacher, my teacher, when we were watching the bear roller skate, I said, I wonder how they teach a bear to roller skate. It is, she said, with a lot of electricity.


And it's brutal. It's fun. They were getting them built on a balance beam and almost like it was a slack line and throwing in the air and catching them like bears running a balancing beam. They were throwing somebody threw a bear in the air and caught it, I might I might mash up a Super Bowl performance with what I saw.


You're going to say, I know Russian guys have strong beliefs that get crazy.


So that's my that's my prediction. Bears, bears, I'm talking within the end of this century, which we're not going to be here, I'm talking to bear with whatever Bluetooth looks like. Going down the road in one of your old rides, I think that that's where they go shaving off all the hair except this hair right here. So they look like they fit in. No, just go for that.


Shame on us. The shame on us now. Now we're wearing whether or not it is going to be like it's actually going to happen that fast the next 500 years, viruses and just wiping out the planet. I think that they come up.


What do you think? I was thinking I was talking to Andrew about this. And I'm saying, do you remember the stereotypical fat cat during the Great Depression? You know, like the monopoly guy, just a monocle and cigar.


And I thought you meant like an alley cat. I was just picturing one of the cartoons where they have the fish skeleton and licking their paws. All right. I get it. You're saying some rich guy. Yeah, but that that stereotype of the guy who's out of touch with, like Hoovervilles and economic depression, I feel like we're coming up on that. Like, I feel like like how did you. How. Are you comfortable spending money? What, like right now, you're not the guy that shows up at the Comedy Store with the flashiest car at all, like you have a nice car, but we have no style.


No, no, no. But like, is there a part of you I'm looking at by a car? And I thought I thought with what's going on in the world today, it just doesn't make sense to spend a lot of money on a car.


Coppertone has a fucking joke about that. I just read it and I was dying laughing it. I'm not going to do it justice. And it's on my. It's on my Instagram stories, I put it up yesterday, I just read it and I was just like, that is so he's so fucking funny and has a new special alliance. Eddie Pepitone is amazing as far as spending money, like I've never.


Gotten to where I can spend money on other people. I got the Catholic guilt thing, but like I don't like. If I do spend money on myself, I definitely get something nice if I'm going to do it, you know what I mean? Like if I'm going to do it, I do it, but I don't do it a lot. I actually I'm not into owning shit.


And especially I once I cleaned up my friggin office here, just all of the fucking shit over the years that I have gotten in like. That's just what I want. What do I do with all of this stuff now? Now I just keep it in boxes because I can't throw it out because it emotionally it means something to me.


Oh, that's me. That's me with t shirts. I have so many t shirts that mean something to me.


Dude, you just got to get into your reptilian brain where you don't feel anything and you just kind of throw them in that garbage bag, tie it off and you just leave it there. And after a while you forget what's in there and then you take that fucking thing and you go by Skid Row and you just set the bag down and they're going to use it all kinds of T-shirts and stuff like that. Yeah, I did that. I did that with a bunch of old Red Sox jerseys and shit that I had from back to thousand for like a Nomar a Manny Ramirez Big Papi shit.


It's like I'm not wearing this stuff. Plus, I think it's funny. You know, homeless guys walking around with Boston sports gear, you know what I mean, Celtics instead of Lakers stuff make me feel more like I'm at home.


What I feel like if I feel like. I was looking at cars yesterday, and I feel like if I spent money on a car, that's when the hammer drops, that's when then that's when bad shit happens to me. The second I do something nice for myself, that's when bad shit happens. No, no.


I have a nice car going out and I bought a nice car and I got the nice rims. I ordered the fucking thing. I got the color I wanted did all like if I'm going to do what I do it I just also I'm fifty two years old and I think I've owned five cars in my life. Like I'm going to drive that fucking thing until buy it outright. Yeah. Just bought it. Yeah. I just buy it outright. That's it.


Done. And then I just drive it. I mean, I bought my I believe that's the second new car I've ever bought, like the first new car, I bought a Prius, I drove it for 10 years.


You still drive that Prius? No, I don't. I don't. Yeah, you do. We went to the football game of the press. Oh, yeah, but I've since gotten rid of it. Oh, yeah, yeah, but I drove that car forever and I love that car and I didn't give a shit about all the stupid gay bashing crap that would happen with that car was actually a really interesting car to own, because no matter how bad the gas prices got back then, it was always under 40 bucks.


And when they would go down, there was days I would fill that car would be like twenty three bucks. And the way the shit I would get for driving that car never quite ended. But when gas prices were low. The the homophobia was high on driving the car, but when gas prices went up, the homophobia came down and all of a sudden people were coming up. How much it cost to fill you like that car? And it's it's all right.


And I would just laugh and be like, dude, you are shitting on this car fucking three months ago. Yeah. A Prius is literally like that friend you have that's just there for you. Never once anything shows up to the party, always brings stuff, helps you fucking clean up, doesn't dump their day on you. It's a fucking great car.


I could find it easier to find something like that for Georgia. We've got to buy Georgia a car and I'm having issues with. She doesn't want. She doesn't want too nice of a car because she doesn't want to look like a rich kid, but I don't want a piece of shit in my driveway that will be the last car out and I got to drive around in because, you know, that makes sense. Like, I don't want have to drive some bullshit car.


So she's not going to look like a rich person. I mean, look what happened to BMW. I mean, a 16 year old can afford at least on one of those things.


That's why I told her, Bill. That's what I told her. We have one. Our lease is up. And I said, why don't I just buy it outright and give it to you? Because I don't want to look like a rich kid. And I go, maybe this is a used car. This is affordable. This is what you would be able to drive. She's like, no, I don't want that. I don't want to look like a rich kid.


I want to look like a regular kid, like I want to beat her. And I went, what? What for what reason? Just I think subconsciousness. I think being a kid in Hollywood or in L.A. is I bet there's a rat race I don't know about, about celebrity parents or wealth or money. And Georgia's not that kid. She is very like she is. She is never asked for anything in her life. Like she's not a kid.


My dude. George is your daughter. Yeah. I thought that was your wife's name. I made that joke last week on Oh God, Vermont. I never would have said that about your daughter. So sorry. Oh, my God.


I can't believe you. Let me get away with that.


I didn't understand what you were saying. And that's his wife's name. But I couldn't like the audio. Didn't go over and the past. And thank God, dude, I am so sorry.


I didn't even I didn't even give you a gift basket IPA dude, I'm really sorry about that. I get your kid. No, I get it.


I totally get that because like were you that kid you turn sixteen and your dad was like, Bill, let me get you a BMW. Would you have been like, Dad, that's not me. Would you been like fucking let's do this. I probably would have said I had no confidence, I didn't need that attention than hot chicks would have liked me and I would have imploded, I would have totally imploded. Interestingly, if you write a cool car, like with no confidence in me.


It's fucking hilarious. I wanted to sirocco so bad.


I love that car. That was the baddest fucking car man I know.


Do just this cool kid. My grade had one a few years after I remember he had this CD player, the external CD player because they didn't have one. Was insane that he plugged in and that was a big thing. Don't go over bumps of the CD with Skip. And I just remember looking at that car being like, oh my God, that fucking thing is amazing.


A Volkswagen owned cool car like the Jetta was a cool car. The Sirocco was a cool car and there were affordable. I got a fox when I was 16, brand new. My buddy had one of those like nine thousand dollars. My dad was like paying like one hundred and fifty bucks a month. And I remember I wanted to Sirocco is like buddy of sixteen thousand. No one's affording that like I get you trust me for half the money. I get you a fine.


You got, you got a new car. So you're so that's why you're Sandigo like. Well my dad. So then get into the equivalent of a fox.


It doesn't exist right now like. Yeah it does. No, no meaning. Meaning like anything like Honda Accords or fucking like fifty thousand. I don't know what it is. They're higher model than the civic you know, Met Sally. Go to Honda. I'm sure you get it here.


But then I start seeing one of the cheapest new cars.


I want to get her something so that if she gets in an accident and she's safe. So it takes everybody else out. I like the way. No witnesses, no.


So I just I part of me is like. I told her, I said, let me get you like like an expedition or or an explorer or something big like so that we have it, because I also am going to end up driving this and I don't want to get in a car where I'm, like, uncomfortable as much as people shit on smart cars.


Was the last time you heard about somebody getting killed in a really fucking safe? I'm not saying get a smart car, although I love that car. I would love that that car is the car. When you were a little kid, you wish you had car, literally a go cart that can go like 80 miles an hour. Oh, those little tiny ones. Yeah. So for what it does is you don't get hit in that car. The car is the shit, that car is the fucking shit.


Like I would like to take one of those things and redo it and put like the fastest engine or maybe just make it electric. Then you got this fucking thing that the only thing easier to find a parking lot talking with is a motorcycle.


I would just be worried if you made that thing electric that it would literally just like tip over when you stepped on the gas, when your head hits the back of the window. Now you come up with Andrew. All right, we got I'm going to list them 20, 20 Chevrolet Spark Elsas, 15 thousand dollars. The 20 20 Mitsubishi Mirage is 16 for the 20 20 Kirito Alexi's 16 eight is on Hyundai. Is it? Who makes the Genesis?


Hyundai. And that is a beautiful fucking car. Have you seen that, Bill? Because the Hyundai Genesis is a gorgeous fucking car. Gorgeous. It is like I would argue, it's nicer than a Mercedes, nicer than a BMW and very affordable. I want to I almost feel like you cut some backdoor deal with them on the podcast where you just signed off on that. I'll tell you what I saw that really I love the other day I saw this was a Ford F six hundred nineteen seventy eight.


All right. All right. Let's go there and do Wheelz. I think when I was a little kid, I don't think I ever got over Tonka trucks, I, I, I'm more of a I'm a truck motorcycle guy. I love motorcycles. I'm too afraid. I just I ride scared, I can't do it, I'm going to do what truck? If you had to buy a new truck, what truck that is new that you see out there that you like.


She wants a pickup truck. She wants a pickup truck or a minivan, too.


You know what I would do? I would buy a used Dodge Hemi, the two door shortbread. There's one for sale right now, I just saw it up in Fresno, a blue one. That debt truck is the shit, it's got a hemi, it fucking flies. I mean, I'm a Ford guy at the front end on that, because Dodge fucked the front ends up here and I don't know what's happening. Hang on. Hang on. Something happened.


Sorry. Did you hear that? I heard a little bit of something. Dodge, Hemi Dodge and I think it's a fifteen hundred Hemi.


You want the short bed? No extra cab? No, none of that shit. It's just a fuckin it's the old school regular cab with the short bet. It's one of the best looking fucking trucks in modern time. I got to she wants a pickup truck or a minivan or her two options. Like, both my kids want bands. I want a white van with no windows and and George wants.


All right, I would get I would get an old Ford. Those what the fuck are those things called those? The medic echo liner equalizer. Oh, yeah, yeah, those things are so fucking cool. Yeah, it's so fucking cool. You put some Krieger's Cregger rims on that thing. Yeah, I told Eli, said, if you want, I'll get you a van, but I'm going to pimp it out like I want to flood. I want to I want it to be like cat like six captain's chairs in it, like just really casual guy.


That's exactly what I'm looking for. Georgia just wants to want any sensible custom events from like the 70s and 80s. They fucking totally did those things up. Yeah. Do they make vans anymore.


Minivans. Minivans are actually amazing fucking cars. They are amazing like we used to. We used to always get a minivan when we did production. You'd always get a minivan and they're fucking great. Like it might be like the perfect car. If it's super comfortable, everyone's comfortable. You can fall asleep in them. They'd like to have these chairs in the back, a bench in the back.


I would question the bench. I think there's four people that are comfortable if you're number five or more in the back. I don't know that it's that comfortable unless you're the only person in the back to get the lay down. Yeah, I remember we try to talk my dad into buying a van Vandoren in the 70s, we went we would always go to the car show and this is when they would just pimp in these fucking things out. And I remember we went inside this van, right.


And it had all the and all of these captain's chairs with cup holders and they swivel and all we were saying, all the kids in the family were just like, dad, you got to get this thing. And it had like wood, wood, grain and all of this shit that it was so fucking cool. So instead, we got a Caprice classic station wagon. It was cool, had a small V8 and it had the fake wood paneling was maroon with the fake.


It was like at eighty three but it had to wire rims like they definitely it was a one time they really spent money but they like the old school station.


What I did was tell me what it was. I want to see a picture. My, my mom had many station wagons growing up Capri. Nineteen eighty three Caprice Classic. Station wagon, it was maroon with wood wood signing for wood, I think. I'm looking it up, Caprice. Oh, wow, Bill. Yeah, I think was sick. Oh, man, I would love a dragon wagon once, a dragon wagon. That's what we used to call them, a dragon.


And my mom had the Ford Country Squire. Oh, that was it right there.


So before it became like a big bubble. Oh, yeah, man, I tell you, that car there, the Caprice Classic four door, is a fucking man's car in nineteen eighty three, Caprice Classic four door. That is a fucking man's car.


A buddy of mine is a fucking man. He would fight anybody that a sky blue one. I loved that car dude.


Once they became all round it off unless they were like a sports car. My love for cars is really, you know, back in the day my mom had a white wood grained Ford country squire.


And she must have had she must have had three different ones on Lease's, I'm sure. But like I remember getting that and driving that my freshman, we had that when I was a sophomore in high school and we would drive in that and dudes would just get wasted in the back and just drive around and. Oh, man. Oh, yeah, I went to an AC DC concert, a station wagon with tremendous. It's fucking tremendous, I had what happened in the station wagon bill.


What happened to the station wagon, the minivan? Is it the minivan or is it the SUV, SUV, maybe SUV, minivans and all of that type of stuff and. I remember when the height of the SUV thing in the late 90s, living out here in L.A., I remember thinking I just want to get a truck so I can see over the fucking truck in front of me. I just hated being behind that wall. And because I needed to see the traffic was moving.


And I remember at some point, I don't know, something's wrong with my car. So I rented an SUV and I got in traffic and I got stuck behind an SUV and I still couldn't see behind it because it was just so big. And I was just like, I this is this is that what that was like when everybody and that's when it was just like the excursion, the Explorer. Oh, Harborer of Lands Unknown. It just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger the fastest.


I got into an excursion, I sat in it and I was like, shut the fuck up. I was dating a girl whose dad had an excursion. And I got in the excursion and I was like moving from side to side, like, you can run in here. This is amazing.


I knew a comic that had a Lexus SUV in the late nineties, early two thousands. And I don't know why, but like. All the all the American ones, they were big lumbering, the whatever. I don't know what the Japanese did with this fucking thing. This thing hauled ass and it was huge. It was incredible. I couldn't believe like we were still coming out of that era. Like, I don't like I'm old enough to remember when speedometers only went up to 80 during that awful period and the content of the car was designed to break down.


It's sixty thousand miles, which from what I heard is what BMW did. They kind of did that to there and they fucked with their brand a little bit, but now they're back. They had a bit of bad period when they were doing shit like that. But so but all the Japanese cars, like my buddy had a Honda Accord and it went up to 120 and I was like, can this car do one? Just stepped on the gas.


I remember doing like eighty five ninety. I'd like to slow down because it was too much traffic, but the car didn't shake at all. It was really like a one of the biggest fuckups in America as far as like when we used to make great cars and when they did that 20 year period where they fucked over their own countrymen and the Japanese kept making cars, you know, that would last. And then they also would go up to like I mean, when I was in the in the 80s, the Toyotas were the shit.


Other than that, they rust it out. If you lived up on the East Coast because I love their pickup trucks, I even like the base model that came with the white rims because it was four wheel drive. I like that blue one that had the white rims on it. I swear to God, man, if I was.


Single and still working as a comic like those are the kinds of things that I would buy when I wouldn't fly through, go through and list every car you owned.


Can you explain about the cars that I like? Is I don't like a fucking Shelby GT. Five hundred Mustang, the bullet car that every fucking baby boomer wants to buy. So they're a million bucks. I like weird shit. Yeah. Seventy eight Ford F six hundred. I'd have one of those. I'd have a GMC from Stripes.


You know that motorhome and the green. The lime green. I'd have it in Mac. Sixty seven Cadillac Eldorado.


Sixty seven Cadillac Eldorado. I want to, I want a seventy two Cadillac convertible Eldorado. Which what year. Seventy two is ok. I got white and red. White interior. I've seen there's, there's one I've been stalking. You know, when I saw the other day that I love, I saw late 70s Z28, it's like the Smokey and the Bandit car style, not not the what is called the F body or whatever the one from the 80s.


I love those things. I love those early 80s. I love an Oldsmobile Cutlass. Two door coupe with the fuckin tee tops and some sick ass fucking engine, I like those.


I like the I like mob boss cars. So, you know, I tell you what, and I like the Datsun. What the fuck was it called? There's a Datsun that people always get like a four door. That's not not a 210 because a B to 10 was the ugliest fucking car ever saw. There's a there's a Datsun. What is it called? There is a 210. There is a 210. All right. Is that from the early 70s?


Yeah, that's an ugly ass car, that's not the car, there's a Dotson that that people trek out. It's almost like those early 70s BMW, the two thousand twos that everybody loves. It's sort of Datsun version. And these people like to kick them out. Man, I fucking love those. I'll tell you what.


You know what you know what car my buddy, my buddy's dad had and we drove it to Bouker. Grand was a Lincoln Mark seven. That was the one of the greatest cars. It was so fucking spacious and comfortable and it drove like a fucking sports car. I to this day, I missed I remember thinking, that's a car I wouldn't mind having. Yeah.


Lincoln Continental. I do like the one from Entourage, but Entourage kind of made it cheesy. Well, I made it like mainstream, not cheesy because it's such a gorgeous car. But hey and I like old school limos. Oh I know.


I'm talking like back in the fifties. I like it.


I'm talking Rolling Stones. When the Rolling Stones did that documentary, they had a limo like a Cadillac limo, and it just seemed like, why wouldn't I get that car? Like, why wouldn't I have an old Cadillac limo?


It just, you know, Mercedes that John Lennon bought, Elvis bought it. They Mercedes just gave some of their creators money. Just say, go make the best fucking car that's ever been made. And they wanted it for Diplock like around the world, like diplomats, dictators. They're the ones that bought this car. And Elvis and and John Lennon had this car. And it was just like they made like a stretch limo, Mercedes Benz. Oh, I don't know.


I think when you first get into cars, it's almost like you're into the mainstream and shit like that. Like you like the Mustangs in the Camaro, like that's a Camaro. My favorite Camaro in the nineteen seventy one. That is the Corvette lights in the back and that sharp sort of pointed nose in the like. That thing is just as a monster.


Have you seen the new twenty twenty Corvette. But I've seen the new Ford Bronco you see.


Oh my God. Well the Ford Bronco kind of looks like one of those other cars. I like the old school for one Rogan house. That's the Ford Bronco. I like I like the full size one. I like the one O.J. had about that year, I like I like the front end on the Ford from eighty to eighty six, that full size one, my neighbor up the street when I was a kid at the seventy nine or seventy eight, he had that front end because the Bronco became full size like seventy eight.


Seventy nine. Those things are amazing. Like that's the one you want. And then you take it to a guy who can fix that cap in the back because every guy I knew that had one. You take it off one time, you never got it on again and they always leaked. So, yeah, you have somebody upgrade that one. That's a great fucking car. Now, that's not better than men yet get much better than the Bronco.


Nineteen eighty three or eighty four.


Do you remember the Bronco to Bill. Yes, go to had the windows that went up on the top. Yeah, I remember I got driven to school in a Bronco to stick shift. Every day at a four cylinder in it, right? Yes, Ms. Solaria used to drive me to school, introduce me to the coolest fucking music ever, The Smiths, Susie and the Banshees Public Image Ltd fucking missed out on all of that music.


I was just listening to metal and anything that had any sort of feeling in it. As far as like, I'm sad. I was just like, this is pussy music.


Yeah, I was very lucky because I got in the car with them. I didn't know and we just both lived in loots and he was my big brother. Was a pair you up with a big brother when you get to high school so they could drive you to school. I remember him picking up school the first day and he's like, Are you like the Smiths? And I was like, I've never heard of the Smiths. And he was like, well, that's all we're listening to.


And for a full year, we listen to the Smiths, Susie and the Banshees. I mean, just all. And now I love that music and wonder whatever happened to Sam Solaria. But I knew his sister, his sister really well. But it's amazing, like just that you'd get into someone's life for a second and then shift the way they see things forever. Like now I like that music a lot. A lot because of Sam's fucking Sam's like that can happen to you at this age.


I think that's what the WOAK movement's about, is trying to get my perspective. I don't know, I, I, I think the WOAK movement is everybody gets to compete. For everything, I do not have a problem with a problem with that. Yeah, I have a problem with people calling themselves WOAK. Yes, like, no, that's what other people say, but I think it was like non-white people said. It's a compliment, like, oh, you actually get it.


And then somewhere along the line, white chicks just started going out. I'm woak, I'm a Wolk's. It's not just that, but whatever Wolk's signaling and all of this shit.


Have you had moments with your wife where she like early in your relationship where she was like, oh no, that's the thing. And you saw it all of a sudden your perspective shifted and you're like, oh, that is fucked up like. Like, oh, yes and no, I mean, I'm an argumentative person, but like I have this weird thing where, like. Sometimes something if she says it, I will argue the other side, but then my white friend says when I was just arguing, I will then argue her side.


I mean, I'm like, I swear to God, if I was a chick, I would be the biggest cunt you ever met.


I would be a fucking spinster old maid. And I would deserve every second of it because men are not as forgiving as women. So luckily, I was born a guy. And I found a saint like my wife to marry me that I find I find the fact that you don't talk you haven't really talked about your marriage other than this last special little bit. I find that fascinating. So I'm someone that if anything happens to me, it goes right on stage, like I'm already right.


I've got all kinds of shit, like I can't be fucking told that story. I mean, I talk about it. Wait a bit, I think in this last special was the first time I heard you talk about the race dynamic with you and your wife at all. I've never heard.


Yeah, well, because it's not a fact.


Like, I know that I'm impressed by it. But this is the thing about all of that. What I've told people is because, like, when you're at home, it's just the person you're with. So all of that bullshit, it just it's when you go out into the world that that that stuff is all apply. But when you're home, it's just the same. Men, women like men, women like miss, communicating things that happen, it's not like like, oh, is that how you make toast?


You know, like all of those dumb things, comparisons about how fucking different you are. You know, that was one of the one of the things like back in the day when I was doing Talent's rooms, the uptown rooms were basically the, you know, all black crowds when I first came in, like it was just like culture shock as far as like I was so like, OK, what am I going to talk about? So in my head that all black people to me were just like this one giant Patrice, you know.


Yeah. And then after like two or three months. If it came oh, that guys like Burt this, guys like that, and then after a while, it's the whole thing just goes away and you almost like, forget if you do it enough, it just starts becoming like a shell, which is what I wanted.


To end up like having happened, so like that feeds into why. I guess I don't talk about my wife in terms of. You know, and my wife, who happens to be this, I mean, that was the first time it sort of pertained to what I was talking about. Plus, I hated that when I would see because I've seen other comics do that and I always felt like. So you're sort of you like are dating a bit like your date is like you you put yourself into like a situation comedy.


Yeah, because because I felt like it was cartoonish. To sit there and be like, you know, we wake up, you know, and I put on my my white music and then she has this stuff and I'm like, I don't know what that is like. I didn't want to do. I thought it was way more interesting to do it to show. Similarities tend to do the classic, but I found that I found that I always actually looked up to like you and D.C. Benny because D.C. Benny was married to a budget to it still is.


I think we never it was never part of his act. It was just like, oh, yeah, I fell in love and, you know, whatever.


And so I always thought I think if if if it's real, if it's real and that's how you talk about it. If it isn't, then it's like how you would talk about, like, anything like one time I was dating a psycho chick one time, you know, I was dating, you know, I was with this this this chick become like a cartoon. You know, and then the bit just business, because when you hit the big girl, you can't be let him get on top, you know, a dumb shit I never liked.


And that's just my own preference.


No, I've I've always found it admirable, like because I think I mind everything in my life for comedy. So I think I would I would have definitely tried to mine that as well, like. Although maybe there is a particular. Thing that is specific. I will do that. I remember when there was a time when I was doing a big. That actually dealt with us being of different races, and it was because one of his friends was driving cross-country by himself and he was a black dude.


So I was on the phone with them, talking to him like he was a white dude going like, oh, yeah, you got to take Route 66 said, fuck and check out this dude.


There's a fuckin you go to Alabama, you got to check out Sors. I was just doing a fucking talking to his wife and my wife Vertigo's is he driving cross-country in this panic. Got in her voice and she jumped on the phone and she's like, stay on the highways, do not get off the fucking highways, only drive during the day. And it was like a really like, wow, man. Like, this is his country, too.


And he is driving across this thing the way I would drive across fucking Russia if I had no passport.


Yeah. So that was a real. So to be able to see that and then see all these people on the Internet. Who try to say that racism, it was an old thing, it doesn't exist, is how black lives matter thing is stupid, like when I saw that and I heard the fucking terror in her voice, it was like, you know, it's like it's fucking real.


And so that was like something that I then took to the stage. How like because it was something comedic, as tragic as that that situation existed is there was something funny about me just talking to him, you know, check out Sea World. When you get to Texas, you got to get yourself some votes. I was I was like I was talking to my mom or something. Yeah, well, it's so fascinating because I despite my interests and my interests have always been hip hop.


And my whole life, I just told someone the other day when I was in sixth grade, when you talk to girls on the phone, I would have you know, you had the stereo. I would have to tape so I would listen to hip hop over a girl called. I hit pause and put, like, reggae on. So I didn't want to feel like I just didn't think they liked it. So despite my interest about reggae, reggae just seemed cooler, like what a cool guy would listen to.


I love you with that outside yourself. Oh, I've always been that outside myself, just like I like this music, but no one's going to like me, right? What would I have to do to keep guys that people like what do they listen to?


I think they listen to this. I mean, that really captures that part of. You know, when you're growing up, I Bill, I can't I can't not get outside of myself on almost anything, on almost anything like and I think it's good. I think it's good. Think it's bad. I think sometimes damage control wise, it's really good because I see things ahead of things and I go, that's it's not going to come out. Well, it's why it's definitely why I'm having a hard time buying a car, because the car I want is is not too expensive for me.


But I feel like thinking outside myself, it does not it doesn't send it sends the wrong message. If I pull up to the Comedy Store and I'm in a really expensive car, all these kids who have been working for fucking 10 months are going to be like, must be nice.


There's no pandemic. What car Gispert pull up in?


Oh, I really want a big bodied, a big bodied sedan, luxury car like Mercedes or BMW seven series or like that then really nice. I love a big body I've always wanted. Let me rephrase that. I've always wanted in my dream scenario to have a big bodied sedan at my age, like whether it's the DT's, the Cadillac DTs, the old school one, like I want a big fuckin or if you want to buy an old car right now, right now during an economic downturn, which I don't know how it gets any bigger than this.


Yeah. We can take a car off somebody's hands, get a good deal on it, give them some fucking cash, and then you can have that thing redone. And the time we come out of this, you have like you know, like I like those 70s cars that literally look those sedans that look like you're going to take that little gumball siren and put it on top. Yeah, somebody over.


I love all of that shit. Yeah, I would love that. But then I just feel like and this is clearly I don't know what's right. Is it right to just go. I'll just go whatever car I want or is it right to be in to think about how that represents the way you look at people, you know where like if I get a super expensive car or a luxury car and I pull up at the store, I feel like an asshole.


Do it, you know, fuck that dude. Like, listen. Those young kids seeing that, you know, it makes them want to work harder. That's how if I was younger, that's how I would look at it. And I got to be honest, I, like, live vicariously through people spending money, sometimes having to like I love you know, I love Rogan's cars. Rogan's got great cars. He's got great cars in the way and he appreciates them and he can talk about them.


It's not just some guy that just got some money and he buys a car. He talks about what he does to him and all of that type of stuff. But like I. You know, I don't know as much as I come off like a kid, I really root for people like I don't I don't you know, I don't want to see somebody not succeed. So if I saw you pulling up in that, I wouldn't have a problem with it.


Be cool shit.


Yeah, I know. I just feel like I'm I'm very cognizant of I think because I got so many comics slammed me for doing these, doing working, you know, and doing these drive ins. And I talk to a couple of them that said things about me and just what just the idea that I'm doing. I'm working and they're not working and they can't do it. And it's irresponsible. They just said negative things about me working. And I and I, I talked to a couple of them and then said.


And I realized very quickly that they've shifted and it's just a lot of our friends are not working and a lot of our friends are are in financial hardship, that we're not genuinely we're not, you know, at the beginning of the year. And so I'm very trying to be conscious of like.


Everything I always he's saying, just because you're a draw and if you go out there and then you get this thing to go longer, I mean, I'm a lady, dude, I'm trying to figure out how to do shows right now where people are going to be safe because I don't know, I got too far from doing shows where people are sitting in their fucking cars, flashing lights at me.


They're not flashing lights that you build. They're fucking awesome shows. It's just like doing a USO show or doing an arena show. It's a big bill.


I'll I'll look into it. Let's get back to cars and I'll tell you the biggest fucking sled.


I've ever seen and I don't I you probably can't even find one of these cars because they all got junked is whatever that car is. Harvey Keitel drives in Main Streets. I don't know what it is, I'm going to look it up, I'll look it up right now. Hang on one sec. Oh, look at that Caprice classic wagon. I also love this station wagon. All right. Love a station wagon, RV, Georgia cattle car in Mean Streets.


It's in nineteen seventy two, Imperial LeBaron in nineteen seventy two, Chrysler, Imperial Le Baron, the barons of great car.


Look at the mean front end on that fucking car. Holy shit. Now that's a gangster car. Look at the movie. That's a fucking two door coupe man. You could park two and a half Prius with that thing. That is gorgeous. Yeah.


Now see if you got that thing redone. God, you know, would be amazing is if you took the fucking engine out, you made it electric and you did like that fucking Tesla thing, we had a motor on each on all four wheels. Yeah, that level of torque instantly, it's fucking quiet is shit. And then you do like inside. It still looks like nineteen seventy two and they just hide where you can plug in your phone and shit.


I know what I'm doing all day now. I'm looking for a fucking classic car. You got to do it. I want convertible are not convertible.


I I got a weird thing with convertibles, why I think I think, like, it's a chick car for the convertible unless it's a big car. But then you got to look like Nick Nolte in 48 hours. You've got to have that ex cop.


What what car is that one? That's the car I want. Well, I remember Eddie going to piece of shit Sky-Blue Cadillac, so it was a. It was some sort of yes, oh, wow, look at this fucking car. I could do that forever as far as like figuring out, like what the cars were that people drove. I'll tell you a great one, too. Steve McGarity in Hawaii, five. Oh, because I'm not good with the Hammy's in the Chrysler shit.


I know Ford and then Chevy people always shitting on Ford. So I know a lot of Chevy stuff, too. It's a sixty four Cadillac Deville convertible. Oh, is it that old 60? Well, yeah, you think about it. You know what I love about the Cadillac, how the tailfins got bigger and bigger and bigger and nine to nineteen fifty nine, and then they slowly tapered them back down. Sixty four. Is that still just a little tail on that thing or.




Yeah. No there's a tailfin, there's a big tail fin. Hey we should get a lot compared to fucking fifty nine. No, no, no. Nothing is like taller than me and then it's got the two brake lights on it. Can we get a classic car guy on here to talk classic cars? I would love to fucking break down cars. I wish they could do with cars, what they've done with everything else, like literally go, I would love to understand design of cars and how we got to where we are now and know trends in design of like why the Sirocco have that safety, car safety.


I learned that when I did Seinfeld's Comedians and Cars. The reason why so many look similar and all of that is because the the lines with which that they're allowed to create between used to be is it was whatever your imagination could basically come up with. But if you watch some of these fucking videos, dude, that I was telling you about, I was like late night on and what's the what's the Turner Turner Classic Turner Classic Movies, late night, Friday night, they show crazy shit.


It's like 2:00 in the morning. They'll show like cult classic movies and then they'll show like old cop training videos. And they showed like some old driver's ed videos of how you could die behind the wheel dude in the shit from the late 50s. It always reminds me of that Leno bit where they would talk about those old cars out. They had all this stuff sticking out at you. So you get impaled on it, and when you died, they just they yank you off, hose it off for the next guy.


But like Drew, that was back when the engine went right back into the firewall, the steering column, the steering wheel got impaled on that dude. I saw this guy slammed into a tree and he was squirting out the side like toothpaste. It was fucking nuts. So with that. And all of a sudden, I think what's his face? Who's the guy who ran for president, who killed the Corvair, the Chevy Corvair? Oh, God, what's his name now, Gary Hart.


No, he was one of the good guys couldn't be corrupted. And of course, everybody said he was a socialist commie because he was doing something for people. Ralph Nader. Oh, yeah. So guys like Ralph Nader, I think started. You know, pressuring car companies to make. Can just the sheer amount of people dying to make the cars safer. Now here's the thing. His heart was in the right place. But when you look at global warming and all of that.


Considering we weren't going to do anything about it, we're still going to pollute the environment, those people dying in a way was a greener thing. It's like it's like you can never there's always going to be something that that that suffers. But anyways, what I learned from doing the Seinfeld thing is they just had to keep making cars safer and safer. And I mean, it's really incredible. Now, what you can hit and not die is fucking insane.


Yeah, but with like, the way you could dissect, dissect comedy and say, you know, there's a lot of guys that their styles like this one, that's because of Mitch Hedberg. There's a lot of guys who styles like that, and that's because of Attell or Steven Wright or you know, I would love to know that with cars like like. Oh, yeah, that rounded back on the Sirocco because of the Porsche 911. And and they also made an impulse and the impulse I to say, and it's all based off of this one designer, you know what I mean?


Yeah. I'd be curious to know, who do you think knows more Seinfeld or Leno about cars? Lenna. Because I think Jerry is is. Like his act, very laser focused on horses, certain types, horses, but he also like the Saab Turbo. I remember him talking about that car like he had a very like. It seems to me he likes that refined. European stuff like I mean, the cars that they make over there are incredible and what the interesting thing about that is, because they considered so many of our designs crude and vulgar.


If you look at the landscape, we had all of this land and we had straight roads. So you stick a giant engine in it in Florida. You can do that over there. You know that so many of their roads, like old old cow paths and shit, and there's all of these turns. So they really had to focus on turning ability and suspension and all of that. So much more so when we were just trying to like, you know, go down the drag strip and try to beat somebody off the line.


They were trying to like diving into the corners and all of that type of stuff. I'm really glossing over, I think.


No, no, no. But that makes sense. You're right, because our thing was like 1950s drag racing, you know, straight straightaways. That makes sense.


Yeah. Like, I don't think this drag racing in Europe, like and I would think that they would say that is the most basic, crudest form from a distance because I've been to a drag race, drag racing. It's some of the most fun shit drinking beers, just betting the whole fucking day.


Yeah. I was like, well they had the big daddy, Don Gala's one. I would rather go to one where it's guys who are working other jobs who work on their car on the weekends. Those guys are the coolest people ever.


So I would like to see that I've done I've raced the blower's which is in the mud of race, the trucks, and I've done drag racing.


And I'll tell you, when you added that thing on top of the engine to suck more air in, I don't know, the swamp ones where you can't you can't like you can go. Yeah, it's basically the the technology. All I know is you hold down a button and floor it and the second you see the light go green, all you do is let go of the button and hold your hand straight. And it is fucking terrifying fucking terror like it is.


And by the way, very doable. Bill, if you ever want to do that, I can totally make that happen. I've done it so many times, but a drag race. So we wouldn't drag racing and I didn't drive. The guy drove. I was sitting next to him and they put a neck brace around me helmet, and then they put my hands in a harness so I couldn't move my hands. They put my arm. They basically, like, tethered my hands to my to the harness.


I was into my seatbelt and I was like wanting to go. We just don't want your hands doing anything crazy. You're going to take off and your instinct will be like, whoa, like you don't. And none of that shit. We just want you to go back. And man, I pulled all the muscles in my chest just trying to pull away like it's instinctual. The second you go, what is it, zero? I want to say it was like zero to one hundred and three seconds.


It was just cool. It was so fucking intense. Yeah. I don't want to do that. I'm not a speed guy. Do I have a real respect for speed? And I think if you're going to do speed, you have to be a speed guy and I'm not. Do you see the cars I like. Yeah, I like RVs and station wagons and trucks. I'm not trying to do that. Fucking burnouts and all of that shit.


I like watching people do that. I have no interest in doing that.


Now I'm going to look upset. We didn't even talk about the book. We'll talk about that. Let's go off road. No, I do like that. Oh, mud. Mud. Yeah, I would definitely do that. Sixty four Cadillac Deville. Convertible is what I'm buying for sale, Bill. All right, I got to look it up. Oh, wow, these are fucking gorgeous. Sixty four. I'm looking that up. Sixty for Cadillac, what, 64 Cadillac Deville convertible.


I would think convertible is Abby. Oh, look at that one in silver silver with the white walls. Now that car right there do when it's dropped down with that silver with the black, you can't have fuzzy dice hanging from it. That's fucking tacky at this point, I think.


Eighteen thousand dollars. Bill. Eighteen thousand, you spend another 80 grand and it'll look like the cars you look at. I'll tell you the car that I loved. What the one Chazz Palminteri back down the street, that caddy in a Bronx Tale. Oh, yeah, that candy, apple red. Oh, my God. And that and like, I fucking love the four headlights. Know one on top of the other on the front end. Yeah.


Yeah. I'm. Yeah, I love those cars, those fucking gangster cars, so the cars, the mob guys, the flashy mob guys, are you watching that thing on Netflix about Giuliani in that case when they took down the five bosses in the mob family?


No. What is this called? I got right now I got a David Foster. And what's the other one? What's that one called? I don't know what to cover, but you can find it's called. It's kind of a weird name like Scary Town or something. It sounds like a rap metal band. I'll look for it. I got to be honest with you, man. Your recommendations have been spot on. We haven't talked about it. We'll save it for the next podcast.


But I'm in the middle of flyboy's right now. I want to get down to it. I want to I want to finish it so that I can go. I can talk to you about it. But there a bookstore. So I have a P.O. box, that cannibalism part yet. I haven't gotten there, Bill. I haven't gotten there. I have a P.O. box and I tell everyone, send me your shit. I'll put on my Instagram stories.


I'll try to promote your business. And a local bookstore listens to this podcast. It's five and under books, ten and under books. They're all in the valley. And they sent me a box full of books. And they on the note, on the cover said, this is the book Bill recommended to. You should read it. Bill, I don't want to talk about this book yet. I will say, as I read the preface, I've never read a preface to my fucking life.


I read the preface and I went as good. And then the beginning of the book starts with. To tell the story properly, I've got to go back two hundred years. I'm the kind of guy that when I read a book, I see that and I go, just get to the fucking stone.


I hate when they do that, they're going to set the table. It's like get to what I want to read about.


But it's so fucking fascinating that I'm enjoying every word of this book. I'm enjoying this book so much that I was amazing about that book. Another thing that's amazing is you will look at George Herbert Walker Bush way differently because his whole public persona was not going to do it. Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture. I'm going to set up a committee and all of that, that shit.


And you see what this fucking guy did when he was 18, 19 years old, who actually I actually just started reading about him a little bit there, introducing the flyboy's right now. And so and you read that and you're like, well, these are men. These are dudes that are 18 years old. One hundred and thirty pounds.


It seems like the dumbest name for the book. And then you realize that they really were just adults.


How crazy is that, Bill, that we should stop?


Because I don't want to I want to talk about something else, too, is how new aviation was when I was about to say when the guy was like, I can take out your whole armada with fucking one plane. And they're like, I'd like to see that. And he's like, don't even hit him on the fucking deck, just do side bombs. And they fucking took it down in eight minutes. It's amazing.


What I'm just also saying, though, as far as what they understood about flying, like so much of the shit that we know now today was because of what those fucking guys were doing. I mean, you want to talk about testing the limits of what an aircraft can do is like if you become a military pilot, if somebody starts shooting at you, there is no fucking way you're going to stay. I think nowadays I don't think that human beings can fly beyond the envelope of what they have.


But back then, you could and this stories of guys like whatever they're doing, I know I don't fly planes, but like. Going into roles to try to get somebody off to survive the blood and not not knowing that fucking you don't hold yourself test the blood going down to their feet, they fucking pass out. And by luck, the blood comes back, they regained consciousness, and secondly, going can pull that dude, I saw what I saw this one guy he fucking they shot out of this plane catches on fire.


And one of the big things about pilots was, was I don't want to burn to death. So the move was with this guy, he said and he said, if I ever catch on fire, I'm just nosing that thing over and that's it, which sounds fucking insane until you're on fire. So he gets hit, he's on fire. He knows it's this fucking thing forward. And he went so fucking fast down to the ground because he was on fire that he put the fire out because the fire couldn't be fed by the oxygen anymore.


Somehow, like, I don't know what I don't know. Doesn't make sense to me because he's still in oxygen. It's just the way it was rushing past caused a vacuum. Well, I don't know what happened, but he ended up putting it out and then pull it back, stick with his fucking leg smoldering, I guess just the lip. And then this is the thing. And then like, treat it. Then you land and they give you like a belt of whiskey to get over and they give you a couple of days off and then you're back in another fucking plane to these guys.


Got it again. When they talk about the Japanese and how they treated their soldiers and they're like, no, they would beat us every fucking day. And when they get tired, they have us by each other. And you're going, how does that not fuck up your DNA as a culture is that's your dad. That's all the dads, all the dads.


And then you're like you just giving each other fuckin CTE before you even go. Now, there was so much stuff where. That happened in the South Pacific that they don't really discuss, because I just I just think. Because white people basically have been telling the story they identify more with, like Europe, you go through the shit like how fucking hard core to just just literally the environment of the South Pacific versus fighting in Europe as bad as the winters and all of that shit because it was all bad.


But like just the malaria, the diseases, the poisonous shit, just the shit you could step on. When you were out there, forget about then the culture clash over there where like you would never surrender as a Japanese soldier, never surrender.


And the fact that we would they viewed you if you surrendered, you were sub fucking human and they already said they already made us not human. They said we had tails. They said if we fucking caught them, we'd eat their children. They did the same shit. We were doing animals. It was really like I read one time, like World War Two. It was a fucking race. War was a giant fucking race war. Yeah. And where the supreme man that God loves us the best, you know, we're the perfect human beings.


It was a lot of that shit.


And I've never been more empathetic for Native Americans and Mexicans in my life. Like meaning I read a book about Empire Under the Moon and under the summer moon. And I read it and I felt like I learned a lot. But for some reason, the way this guy writes my I for the first time in my life, I read it and I went God like and maybe it's all this shit going on in the world right now with like. With with it's also a testament how good that guy is as a writer, he's a great fucking writer.


I was like, God damn it, man, Mexicans got Mexico got fucked. Native Americans got fucked beyond, like beyond what I ever I already thought that. But then all the sudden reading this, I got super fucking empathetic going like, God damn it. And I don't know if it's because you juxtapose it with the perspective the Japanese had about, well, fuck it, why can't we take China? You took California.


You think what a lot of people don't like forgotten wars like China got in. I mean, Japan got into a war with Russia and they beat Russia. And then they were they were going to take some of their land. And that was a big thing because they needed to expand because of their geography and they were going to do what all the white countries had done. Yes, all the white countries got together and said, no, you're not doing that.


You're not white. That's basically they said, no, I didn't think white people do that.


Yes. So then they're sitting there going like. So what, you think you just fucking better than me because you got white skin that just starts that whole. I'll tell you, when I saw this fucking thing one time on fucking chimpanzees, and I'm telling the human beings it's the same fucking thing, if they're stronger, they're going to go in and they're going to fucking wipe you out and they're going to take you. And they got off on the violence.


And afterwards they were like fucking strutting around about what they did. And I just thought it was I've never looked at chimps the same way. I fucking can't stand them because they I when I watch them, I'm like that as much as I said watch out for bears. I mean, we are those fucking things. Except you can play a guitar. The shit that is hairy, so we don't look like fucking animals, but we are those things.


It's crazy. All right, we should wrap this up. All right, let's let's talk about flyboy's next week and go into detail. I would love to see if we can get the writer on on next week. I got to be honest with you. I love when we have guests. I like I like these a lot. This is a very serious conversation.


But we should see if we can get Leno like we're going to get in less trouble if we have guests. I feel like to way, way more. Yeah.


No arguments about cars. Yeah, cause, you know, do you know that I met him a couple of times? Yes, I do. I did is his Jay Leno's garage. I did that a couple of times. I would love to do I met Leno. I was doing we were riding motorcycles through the canyons. And he just what a fucking solid dude. He just goes out because he's a car guy and goes to the rock shop up in the canyons, has a cup of coffee and just looks at everyone's cars, looks at everyone's motorcycles.


And so we're shooting Travel Channel and he comes up and I said, Hey, Jim Burt, I'm a comic. And then immediately just you can see him relaxing. Oh, cool, man. You work out at the you work out at the Hermosa comedy Magic. And I went too far for me to drive. He goes, Oh, you're definitely a comic.


And then we were talking about riding motorcycles and he said, get a full fucking face mask, get a full helmet with a face mask. He goes, All your money is made right here. If you look fucked up, you won't be able to work, get a full fucking face mask. And I was like, cool, he's a great guy. I'd love to get him on. Talk about cars.


All right, everybody, thank you again for listening. This has been another wonderful episode of the Bill five podcast.