This podcast is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer. It is unquestionably good and I'm going to go downstairs and have one right now.
Hey, what's up, everybody, it's time for us, the wrong place. Hey, what's up, everybody? It's time for another episode of the Bill Burton podcast.
I might start drinking, though. I might start drinking. I'm back. I'm back on the hooch. Hey, what about.
What about I got I got my life. I got the whole thing. I'm using my wife set up here.
You look good. Where are you? Still at your friend's house. I know, OK, I'm gone, I'm back, I'm done.
Nice, nice you first off, that fucking Toby Gregoire. In a big way, in Grig way, in whatever way, there we go, where we go, he is fucking awesome, dude.
I live I I'm I'm in Houston. Hold on, I'm in Houston. I'm putting this out there because, you know, he put a clip of us talking about him on his Instagram stories. So I'm on set and someone comes, dude comes up to me, this guy comes up to me, goes, yo man, you don't fuck with Toby. And I was like, What? And he was like, you know, fuck with Toby. And I was like, I have no idea what you're talking about.
And he's like, Toby in a good way or whatever. And I went I went, Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bill talked about him and he's like, man, he is awesome. He goes, You put your clip on his Instagram. And I went, oh for real. So I find them. I go to his clip and then I just start scrolling. You know, I haven't listened to his music since you said it.
I haven't done any of that. I'm scrolling and I hear this song Eat with his wife Fat. His wife's name's fat. Right. And by the way, I am Internet smart about this.
I just watched a little a few videos, OK, so I just did a gig with that's that's what it's funny to me, is this 52 year old guy all of a sudden I know the next dude coming up. And is it hip hop, a rap. I don't know. I'm so white. I have no idea. Dude, I just downloaded the car's greatest hits. That's where I met.
So I'm in Houston October 16th. I'm going to invite him and his wife to come see my show. I want to dude, I am. Hobb says this song Eat that he does with his wife is so bad ass I'm sitting on set. I can't stop listening to it.
It is all his. I bought everything he has on iTunes. I bought it all. I bought it all. And I'm listening to that specifically, Bill. I walked up to Snoop Dogg. I had that Itron. I go, Hey man, I know this happens to you all the time. I got to fucking do this. Have you seen this? And he goes, Oh, he looks at me, goes, that dude's dope as fuck.
And I was like, Yes, I go Bellbird, I go Bellbird, turn me on to him.
And Snoop is like Bill Berdahl, you know, Dave Chappelle is Dave Chappelle. We were just doing a gig, though. Don't set me up like that. And so I'm listening to Biggie. I don't know anything that's going on.
So I'm then I'm with Snoop, right. And I'm like, oh, man. I go, you got to go to Chappelle Summercamp seems like what is it like? Go dude. Bill went out there. It's fucking amazing. I go Snoop. So I know we're in a studio in a trailer with with Cody Rhodes. Right. We're all sitting in the trailer Snoop smoking a blunt. We're drinking a little bit of wine and I fucking face time.
Darnell Right. Donelson the best.
He was living their best life during covid no shit. Right. So our face time Darnell and I'm like go tunel take a look at this and I flip my phone around and it's Snoop. Right. You know Darnell is never someone that just, just has a mild reaction to anything. Don Elgar's fucking crazy and he's like Yo Chappelle flips a photograph of Chappelle. Now the phone's back on me, right. Chappelle's looking at me. Never met me in his life.
And he's like, Who the fuck is this? And I'm like, oh, I literally. Mike hi, Dave. It's crazy. I think I know what you want to see a little bit of Snoop. Snoop sees it and is like, what's up, Dave? It's like, stop it, dude. It was all based off Toby the way because I want it now.
You got me forgetting how to say his name under the fucking stage name. It's in weird way. In a way in in no way I can't remember anyway.
Toby and so and so, you know, Snoop's like Chappelle's like so many celebrities in this part.
You've lost me. He's like you at the Playboy Mansion thirty years ago. What is going on here?
You guys all in a pool of fucking towels on there, talking about Snoop coming out and hanging out and shooting the shit. And it's like, man, I'd like that. And Dave's like, you got to do it. And you know me. I'm in the background, Bill. On this face. I'm going, who are we all? Are we all wanted? Oh, come on, come.
Why do you do that, Bert? I can't help it. I can't help it. But I got to say.
And if there's any celebrities shit going on, this is Bert. Hey, I just want to say, if we could just do this really quick. I'm a big fan of yours, Bill.
Bill, you have that so accurate. I know, because I watched you do it with Sandler, man. I was, like, cringing for you.
Bill, take a look at this picture, Chappelle and Darnell, and then look at me behind Snoop. Oh, Jesus. You know, we need to do with you, but you got to work on your fucking swagger.
I have Nundle, you have to learn to let shit come to you be like, what is that, a baby possum just clinging to a fucking thing walking down the street. You're in this business, you're selling tickets. You're a fun guy. People love you. Just relax. Look at doing right now. Just have your arm like that. That's great energy. Whatever you want to come to, it's going to come to you.
If it doesn't, who gives a fuck it was so it was too fucking you like you when you're 53 years old, you still sticking your head into a goddamn selfie. What's wrong with you?
Mid forties, mid forties with the. It was so great, man. I'll tell you, you you you turned me on to that guy has made this quarantine, this bubble that I'm living in so fucking enjoyable because I love that dude's music.
I'm listen, about that giant vibrator you appear to be talking into. What. What? Oh, that's my master. That's my Snowbowl. It's my Michael.
Oh, I knew it was a microphone.
I didn't think it was actually a vibrator, but yeah, that it was a great man. That guy's music's bad ass. I'm glad you fucking. I don't want to go Dave Chappelle turned you wanted to I didn't know and I just I went to that thing. There was all this cool stuff going on that I got dropped into. And because I was there, that is so funny. That's Snoop thinks that like and it's like not only like know who everybody is out there in hip hop that I am on, like the cutting edge now.
I just, you know, I don't know.
He said he he said about you. He goes he goes, Oh, I love Bill. He goes, man, me and Bill hung out, went to the Wrangler Jeans commercial. I was like, What.
I know that blew my mind. I did a podcast with him and we started singing it. It turns out we watch the exact same TV, the deeper cut than that was Run Joey Run, which was a dog, but a stray German shepherd. And I don't know, the dog catcher. Somebody was always trying. It was like the Hulk, except it was a German shepherd, like every fucking episode he had to leave town. And that was what it was like, the theme song was just like, Run, Joey, run, Joey, run, Joey, run, Joey.
I love dogs. I used to watch it. And he's the only other person that I ever met that watched it, remembered it could sing it. He does a podcast, obviously, in one of those episodes that.
Yeah, you know what's interesting is. I you know, I don't I don't think I have very much diversity in my life growing up, but when you start to go in deep now, all of a sudden I'm on an award show, you're going to apologize for not having more people of color on your podcast.
And I just lose my spot here, though. You know what?
Hands are an unrecognized minority. If I could just argue from my position here in this podcast, what's interesting is that you can glance with rappers. I want to keep doing this with you.
What's interesting is you forget how many shared experiences go my way.
What is it? No, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, no, wait, no, no, wait. You got me. You got me all fucked up now. All right. Go ahead.
You forget how many shared experiences we had when we were kids that you know, what's cool about being us being our age is that we all only had three examinations. No, we only had three channels. So all our shared experiences were fucking similar. Everyone was very, very familiar with Howard Cosell.
Everybody camera up your ass.
What's that to do that your 20s, if you go to the doctor and say, hey, can you shove a camera up my ass and look around in your 20s, you're some sort of weirdo, but in your 40s and 50s, it's just it's just considered maintenance.
Yeah. When have you had that done yet? Yeah. Colonoscopy. I haven't had it done yet, you got it done when you're 50. What did I do it? Yeah, I think 50 well, they changed the game. They they said they used to be 50. Then they said forty five and now they're saying like 40, whatever. That kid for Black Panther just this past away from that dude.
Dude, you got to have the Jacques Cousteau crew crew go up the only home.
I haven't had any procedure really.
This drug you and you go like this and then you and it feels like two seconds later. We didn't find we didn't find your sound asleep.
Yes. Jesus Christ.
If you like, just snake in this thing off me because I'm like, well, how many more feet, dude, if that was the deal, I never would have gone.
I would have said, fuck it, man, I'm going to roll the dice.
You're awake. Oh, yeah. No, no, I'm sorry, guys in here just doing it.
Guys, I need more nurses who put their fingers in my mouth.
Stop it. Stop it. You know, what's funny is there's got to be. But the kids in their 20s, by the time they get to their fifties, there's going to be a less invasive way to do that, I bet.
Oh, and this is like I got to tell you, it's as like, you know, the only thing worse than having to go down and do that is dying of it. So, I mean, that's that's that's the game.
So, yeah, that's funny. I didn't even think about it. Of course you'd be out for that. You wait for that's hardcore that it takes like NHL, NHL playoffs when they stitch you up on the bench. That's the all. Yeah I know. Kamikura got my ass.
Well we just saw the next day. Oh I bet they're trying to make sure you're OK.
They're not trying to do damage. They weren't trying to beat it up that you like could be weren't walking around like you just got off a horse ride.
You're like God damn it. There was actually sort of terrifying that unless I knew what I was there for I would have had no idea what happened. Yeah, oh, how we do it. I mean, you got kids or whatever, you know, whatever if you want to. Roll the dice. No, I'm going to get it done, I got to get I got to get a whole full checkup. I got to get the I'm going back to get another CT scan.
It's been like five years since I got my last CT scan. You just look for any aneurisms, anything. How long is the full body? How long are you in that thing for when you radiate in yourself?
Yeah, I think I feel like weight to horsepower and racing to put a bigger engine in it because I got more power but now weighs more. I do the whole city. You can see if there's anything there. Not you don't see anything now. I know, but then I just fucking radiated my whole body.
Yeah. I can't do that. I got to do that when I get back from this trip and then. And then I I'm not looking for the only thing, the only saving grace about that now let's talk about the colonoscopy is the stuff you have to drink like twenty out of twenty four hours before I remember you were drinking this stuff that it just doesn't taste good.
It cleaned out, you know what I mean? And then they can just go in and do what they have to do and not try to weave around all the mistakes you made at the Waffle House, if you know what I mean.
Yeah, the I when I got my get my heart checked out in October.
Are you really. Yeah. What do you get.
I just felt like I had to you know, I've just had too many friends, you know, dieting or whatever. But I fortunately, you know, I have good genes. I think so, and I eaten pretty well, but, you know, I went pretty hard with the booze in the sticks over the last 10 years, but now now my biggest vice budget is like once every four days. I'm up late with my wife and we'll watch Cobra Kai, which is the greatest reboot of all fucking time, I absolutely the oh my God, I cannot say enough good things about it.
Really. It is fucking it is. It is this shit, really. It's just it's it's like. It's edgier, it makes fun of itself, it's making great points, it can be ridiculous, it's just fucking amazing. It's fucking amazing. I can't I cannot say enough good things about it. I mean, I just blew through the whole first season we watched. We had to literally put a governor on it. I'm only watching two episodes at a time.
It started off on YouTube.
Yeah, that's what it started here in this bus going, no, dude, I'm telling you, this thing is really good. And I'm like YouTube series know. I know. I go on YouTube to watch animals fight each other. That's what I do watching this bobcat going after a fucking mink or some shit. The other day for half a second, I thought the mic was going to fight him up.
But anyway, so I didn't watch it, but then it made the jump to like Netflix, it's the number one streaming show right now in the United States on Netflix. And I guess it's going to it's going to go to. It's going to go to CSI Season three, I think we see here should I just saw that it was trending number one on Netflix the other day, though, it's. It's it's I came in the guy, William Zamka, who always played the bad guy, screw you, Melen, he.
He's like my favorite character on TV right now. First of all, he fuckin says everything other than his his feelings about immigrants. I don't give a shit about immigrants, but other than that, he just talks how everybody talk. When I was growing up. Yeah, everyone's going to think you're a pussy, like he just fuckin talks like that, and now I just find myself watching his character going, Yes, this is Brett Ernestina.
Yeah. Yeah. All toady's Great Britain is great in that. Yeah, he's fucking really, really funny. And I really like natural. Actor and I was very excited and like. It's just one of those things like, you know, when your body's in something and you see him standing next to, you know. Ralph Macchio like doing a scene and I'm just like, I just got so excited, like, I can't believe it's in this scene with Ralph Marciano.
It's I don't want to ruin it for anybody, but it's like. I don't know when you can talk about it, that's what sucks about streaming now, it's just like when can you talk and you just watch it. So I have somebody to talk about it with. So I just texted Bret, I was like, dude, fucking congrats, you zoom, hey, what was what was so what's the premise of the show? I saw the beginning.
I saw on it so fucking great.
I'm not going I don't want to ruin it. Really want to ruin it if you have him. Come on. Like all these people who haven't watched it, we're going to fucking ruin it for him. But it's like, dude, it's the best reboot I've seen. Where. You know, just the way just to how they did it, it's where those two guys are in their lives now.
All right. Hey, send Brett a link. I want to hang on. Can you send me a link and I'll just send Brett this link, correct? But what are we going to talk to? We're going to talk to about this great show that nobody can talk about. No, he's he wouldn't. Dude, let me tell you something, Bill. Copy. We're going to have a home for a couple of faith in your own celebrity. Look at you, you fucking text.
And Chapell, you hangin with Snoop now you call in Brett Ernst. I mean, Arni, enough.
You are enough, Bill. I don't think I am. You're more just got done reading this book, this self-help book called I Am Enough. And now you're undoing everything that I just read. I have my hand on my chest showing that you're getting into my feelings. The the. I saw Cobra Kai on YouTube. This is how shallow I am, and I assumed since it's on YouTube, it must not have a big but it must everyone must have passed on.
I thought that's what I thought. And apologies to YouTube, I could not have been more wrong. This is a first class fucking show. The writing on it is incredible.
Yeah. And then I, I kind of saw it and I overlooked it. Then, you know, Brett moved to Cleveland. But he moved out of L.A. and I was like, and how great is it to get out of fucking L.A. and then get a hit show?
It's even better when somebody doesn't say where you moved on a podcast, you don't mean Paul because he had this Breton's. Brad Huffines hey, Brad, so far, is that right? Yeah, of course, New Jersey had this running fucking joke. When we see somebody with the big mouth that we go, how long would this guy last in the mob? All right. OK. I don't know how well you know Bert Chrysler, but how long would be if you gave him any sort of pertinent information?
How long would this man last in the mob before he got whacked? Here's the thing. I don't think he would rat.
I give up pertinent information, but I do think that there would be enough size to where he would get clipped anyways, just out of fear, but sense just as a safety precaution.
Well, I get a total sidetrack that I was just telling Bert how fucking I just finished season one of Cobra Kai and I just cannot say enough good things about it. It was such a great show. Me and my wife had to limit ourselves to two episodes a night so we could make it last. And I know this is season three when season three. Are you allowed to say. You know, I heard I heard rumors that it's going to be in November, but, you know, who knows, man, you never know with this stuff, you know the way they're put.
But I know we had shot in the can, that's for sure. Oh, that's amazing.
Well, Brett, we didn't want to hold you up, man. It looks like you're it looks like you're busy. Are you moving moving right now?
Yeah, I actually just I just got in my place in Vegas putting the I just picked out tile and paint and stuff, you know. Oh, nice bed.
But you can see it. That is a Vegas mattress.
If I ever saw one guy dressed up like Elvis who sold you that, it's a it's a pool float man. And I couldn't find a blow up mattress. I got it last night, but I'm coming back to Florida on Saturday. But anyways, it's all good, man.
You guys wanted to we wanted you to hop on for a second because Bill was saying this literally is his favorite show he's ever seen.
I want all of my favorite show right now. Not ever seen. OK, OK. That would be that would be Peter gone way back in 1960s. So happy days when Fonzie still had the barracuda.
So whether Ritchie had an older brother that just you got the basketball scholarship and then they disowned him.
You never saw him again. I think it was George Michael.
So how did this work? It was on YouTube originals at first. Right. And then did it get good downloads on YouTube? Yeah.
You know, it was I don't want to say underground, but it was like one of the top rated shows of the year. It was like two years ago. I mean, people who watched it loved it. It was just, you know, it didn't get that mainstream burn. But we had like a nice little underground following. And basically, from what I heard, there was a little bit of a bidding war.
But I think YouTube had promised to do a whole season.
And, you know, they didn't really put a marketing machine behind it, but it was still, you know, people still do it. They lost, man, they screwed up because everybody I know who's watching it. It's just like this happy surprise, and I think even if you didn't at my age, you didn't grow up watching The Karate Kid. They do enough flashbacks. You know what's going on? It's just I mean, it does help to obviously know the story, but I don't know I'm so afraid to talk about because I was so.
I just loved all the choices they made with the characters and everything, I'd love that you were in and everything, I still want to ruin it for anybody. But a ringing, ringing endorsement for this show. Colebrooke. Yeah, I got it.
I signed an NDA, so I can't really tell any spoilers. Tell me how to pronounce William's last name.
I kill everybody at the end of season three, so I think that's William's last name is Zahalka. No, zap zap debka.
I'm the fucking worst through that guy's comedic timing or you know, he's like a comedian just walking around shitting on a crowd.
He's unbelievably funny.
And I'm not just saying this because I work with them and they're great guys. I'm not just saying this.
And I got to tell you, it was a little surreal to like that first scene where the car dealership and their face to face, that's like the first time they were ever face to face.
I was freaking out for you and I was looking at Dan, who you know, the guy who plays Anoush across from me because he's a comic as well.
And we're going to do it. I know. Damn. We're like, what the fuck is going on here? Right. Like, it was just surreal. But, you know, this is the two things that obviously younger people don't know.
But Billy only did comedies and he was always the bad guy in, like back to school.
And then just one of the boys remember when the chick dressed up like a dude.
But the thing that was cool to like with Ralph, you know, Ralph has worked with some of the greatest movie directors, from John Adilson to Coppola. You know, it's so much history between the two of them. And it's me I like to talk.
They are just it's just amazing to hear the stories and how long and how much work they put in there in the in the business, you know what I mean? No. And I just so psyched because William Zebco used to always get, like, keep it as much as he would get the roles, you know, and they never let him stretch out. It was always screw you, Melin and bla bla bla bla bla. Just, you know, you got to do a lot in Karate Kid.
But like, I just felt like when you see what this guy could do, how underused he is, I mean, I already knew Ralph Macchio was great. I'm not trying to just make this all. Yeah. Like, I don't know, do like some of the shit he says. I mean, in the dojo, shitting on all those nerds at MIT, it was like watching a comic just tear into a crowd. I don't know. I find myself half the shit he says.
I'm just I'm yelling yes to TV.
Do you know what else is crazy, dude? And again, man, you know me.
I'm not going to say he's a bad motherfucker. Do like you know, he's a real black belt like I do. He's a tough kid, man. Like he's a tough detro. Yeah. No I yeah I didn't I, you know, when I watched this interview I kind of saw that I was like, yeah, this guy is and I like to, he's still in great shape. He still looks for an old guy like me. It's great to see.
Gives you it gives you hope. Yeah. Like I managed to keep fucking working out. You can hold it together now.
It was it was pretty cool, man. You know, it was really cool to see in John Creese, you know, because people he was the he was the helicopter pilot and predator. Oh, is that right? Yeah, now he is he I'm not one of the worst with names. Was he was he the Colebrooke teacher dojo?
Oh, you know what I mean. Yeah.
Yeah. Let's not talk too much because I don't want to give away anything.
He lives Jonquières lives like three blocks from my house and one day.
Why are you always saying where people live on this one knows where I live is crazy people out there.
And I saw him one day walking out of his front door and I lost my shit. I was riding my bike with my girls. I was like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. I know that. They're like, who is that? They go, you know, oh, my God. I was like, losing my shit. There, you know, you know, it's mostly comics, we always lose our like we've all experienced seeing actors in Hollywood.
The only time I've ever really marked out or I was seeing Rowdy Roddy Piper, you know, I saw Chris. I'm like, holy shit. You know, that's that's it's like people that most people wouldn't really give a shit about is the ones that, you know, like that they like people always ask, do you see anybody, like, really famous?
You know, when you get out of Hollywood, I'm like, yeah, dude, I saw the pilot from mom from Iron Eagle, you know, like you always way better. It's always better.
Way better than seeing the A-list guy is the guy that just you like like I don't know the actor's name, but my favorite guy in Goodfellas is the guy who owns the restaurant when he goes in to Paulie and asks him to fucking what's his face whacked. Yeah, Pacino would be a bad idea, just fucking his performance in that. And then Johnny roast beef it in my mother's name. I'm sorry to wait the way he was doing that, he just looked like such.
Wanted to play that like dim witted is, you've got to be so smart to be able to do it to fucking make it believable, you know, of those that the smaller people in it. So that's that's why.
Did you ever see Out for Justice with Steven Seagal? I'm sure I did what he did when he played the cop in Brooklyn and they killed anybody see Richie.
Anybody know why he killed Bobby and where he's in the pool? Right. And he's beating the shit out of people with a pool ball. And then he leaves and then the mob comes and the guy, Ritchie's brother has got a fucked up nose, but, you know, he's not talking. And the mob guy goes, hey, Rusty, you know, grab them. And that guy, Rusty, he's like, come here, you cocksucker, motherfucker.
He grabs it by the nose. I fucking love that guy. And then I also love the old man in Braveheart.
The one that the father. Yeah, the one that fights everybody.
He pulls the fucking arrow out and the kids are afraid to take. Those are the characters I love in the movies. How about that.
How about that Irish actor that's got to he was in Braveheart. He's got two slices on his face and he was he shows off a bad bitch.
Isn't saying Sons of Anarchy to I saw him happy endings. Hey, how about how about the big chicken over the edge when she runs by with the globe and she yells at the cop, eat it, you stink and take your stick and pig. That's Matt doing. A lot of people don't know about that movie. Yeah, but yeah, that's Matt Dillon movie. But like Eating Pig is one of my favorite. We got to keep this movie PG.
I fuck you, you fucking cocksucker. You stick it pig. One of the great cinema history at The Great Man.
That's a great movie Over the Edge when they take over the middle school.
That's a great movie. That's of these drugs.
He's got the flag on the back of the fucking banana seat bike, which is coolest thing ever. That was like an Apollo three speed. You had the shifter in the middle. I mean, those things were bad ass. I had a fucking beach rambler with whitewall tires. It wasn't enough that I had orange hair just every day coming out, just waiting to get a Beanie Baby Peewee Herman bike.
That's for my PaPeRo, because sometimes it's those fucking loser. All right. His biggest loser as I was doing this show is a winner. Look at that bird. That's called a fucking Segway job. Bill, I'm getting uncomfortable watching you fucking with no furniture here. Not being comfortable doing a podcast. No, I'm fine.
Are you kidding me, man? I just. This takes you out of Cleveland now. Yeah. Yeah, I'm at Ohio. I'm in. I'm in. I was in Florida for a minute and then just bought a place here.
That's good. Yeah. Happy for you. Please come back on with season three. Comes out all right. Yeah, absolutely. It's I don't know who you're looking at over there.
There's somebody fucking with you already over there.
You fucking you know what I did in the corner over here, like somebody walking by. But I'm still I'm not used to being here, you know what I mean? Yeah. My own thing. It's only fair and then you buy the Glock. Don't don't do it the other way around. Actually, I'm just joking. Ralph Macchio, Ralph.
No, but the guys, I appreciate you reaching out, man.
I'm glad you like it. And congratulations, Brett. That's awesome, man. Thanks, guys. I can't wait to watch it. And if anybody wants to follow me, go to Bret Comedy Bret with one t comedy dot com and you can check it out.
OK if I put that. That's coming up. You got a date? Nah, man. I mean, I know not nothing nothing on the books right now this weekend. That was great.
Oh man. That must now allow drive ins like you guys.
All right. Doing drive ins faster. I'll go in a cow pasture in Connecticut. I'm not even like. How can I help you, ma'am, please? I think I'll fucking be out there. You kidding me? I was over in between.
Seven people on the East Coast have been wearing masks by the East Coast. I mean, the north east. They seem to be wearing it like that, like the infection rate was like down to like less than one percent over the month in New York. Uh, you know, it is what it is. So it is what it is. I don't want to get into all of that shit. But if people could do that out there, hopefully they do it on the West Coast.
We can do something because it's there's no money out there, brother.
All right. Well, it's a depressing note. Yeah, well, it's good talking to you. Enjoy an apartment. All right, guys, I'll see you later. All right, Mother. Take care, Rothblatt. The. Now we get away from the hang of Jesus Christ, this is taking forever. You got to have you got to have you got to be on the thing. You got to have his finger on the thing. That was the last.
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Of course, the second I quit booze, they make like adult slush puppies, slush puppies. They're those down in Florida.
Dude, the hottest chicks in Tampa would go in our school when I was a kid. The second floor you for a slush puppy. I remember wanting to get a slush puppy so bad slush puppies were next level. They were the they were the upgrade to a Slurpee. Adults' drinks puppies, in my opinion. So Bud Light sells. Yeah, it's literally like I just I quit drinking at the wrong time. They never had shit like I guess you have how great it is.
So now you can I love this. You can drink wine. That doesn't make you fat. You could drink. Booze that lowers your blood pressure. Oh, this is amazing, it will grapefruit grapefruit lowers your blood pressure. A lot of people on blood pressure medicine can't drink grapefruit also because it's just it's grapefruit. Good for you is the point. And these are refreshing. Seltzer's with natural ingredients, no artificial flavors, zero one hundred calories, less than a gram of sugar.
And then they do that through their five step filtration process, done for quality taste with a clean finish. And Bill, it has the familiar Bud Light easy drinking them, does it not?
I feel like I feel like a guy that played in the AFL before the NFL merger and nobody remembers my stats.
I had a lot of times I think most of us are looking for an approachable brand in a wide, hard seltzer category. You know what I mean?
I know exactly what you mean.
I'm salivating over here maybe with real game sugar for a higher quality taste, which is of course, it is.
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OK, so Bill, you're doing your. Tell me about the Connecticut show. Wait, that was a good call getting them on. That was a good call. I never listen to me do it. I'm anti social. I feel safe with you.
Whatever you can, I can I just tell you, in my opinion, I know you're going to this is you're going to roll your eyes. This I love. So you've got, like Brett have big success like that. Be on the number one show on Netflix because me and him have been struggling in this business for so fucking long. It makes me happy. And I know you know what?
I know that that success about yourself. What please don't make it about yourself, please. Oh, come on, Brett, I'm not.
But what I don't need and don't lean into is what is great about being humble.
No, but it's right now I have gone through.
It's been so hard. It's cool when you know that people that you respect are enjoying the thing you're in. And so, like for him, it's like good to share that, that you are obsessed with his show. That motherfucking makes I mean, shit like that makes my day so. And look, but just text me. Love you guys. Thank you for that. Yeah.
Yeah absolutely. I understand. I mean I'm such a fucking asshole that I don't understand. Like you just basically explained to me that if you're on a hit show and two of your friends that you respect, call up and say good job, it makes you feel good.
What do you think of me?
Oh, you going to call yourself Hollywood? Don't call it.
What do you think that you feel like? You had to explain that to me. You was already texted him. I was already texting him saying it's fucking great and I loved it, you know?
Yeah. So wait, tell me about this Connecticut gig.
I don't know much about it other than that we sold tickets. I'm very happy about that. And that we my agent went out and we checked it out when they had a band there to make sure that there wasn't this thing where, you know, because I've been offered shows where it's just like, OK, we're testing for, you know, taking that temperature and then they come in. But then the crowd kind of does whatever it wants. Like, I'm not going to be a part of that.
That's the norm out there right now if people want to in.
The idiots, I don't want to be a part of it, so, I mean, you got your you know, your freedom to do it. I'm not saying, you know, I don't understand why people want to prolong this fucking thing. Why? Know, and I blame CNN and Fox because they politicized this fucking thing and people are literally not listening to doctors. Do you think that'll happen in the future? Like at what point will a colonoscopy be just a liberal thing to do?
That's a good premise. I think it's just a conspiracy. Cancer is socialism up your ass.
And they got a vacuum it out. I'm a fucking full blooded American.
I got nothing up my ass but the burgers, I yeah, the those shows I haven't done Connecticut. But there is a way. There is a way. There are people doing it right where you can go out, put on a show which people want. People want to get out of the house, they want to go back to normal. But hey, I always looked at when I started doing these drive ins, I looked at it as what would I want?
And I personally would want the park, my car or wear a mask or have my own area. I didn't want to be in some clubs then, and it was a shit show, in my opinion. No, no, no, you don't want to. Yeah, I'm not into that. I don't want to do that, but like everybody else, I have a mortgage and I have bills, so I mean, I have to go out there and.
You know, I also have to still be good at stand up when this is over and it's like anything else, you know, if you don't do it for an amount of time, you're going to stink. And I don't want to do that because it took me forever, you know, not to take away how much you and Brett struggled, but I also struggled. I know I had my problems.
You didn't. You you did it. You came up on your own, though, like your success was, like by yourself. I told you, I'm anti social part. I do not do well in the group dynamic.
There's a reason I chose stand up now I choose compliments meant the most to you when you were when you started to do good things. What compliments did you get from people that meant a lot to you? People that were the least like me, like who? Black people, gay people, just just knowing that I was that I was reaching. You know, like this, there's this. Like, I knew I could make me and people of my ilk laugh, yeah, OK, but then when I got down to New York and it was all mixed up, you know, and I would do a show and some some Puerto Rican kid would come up to me and say, I mean, you're funny or whatever.
I, I that really that was always like because I know why. Because one summer. Speaking of back to school. I saw great woods, which I don't know what it's called now, it's an theater in Mansfield, Massachusetts. I saw. I saw Rodney Dangerfield, it was right after back to school was a big hit, and yet he had this, you know, this big explosion. Again, there's a whole new generation. He had the bleached blond short hair and Bob Nelson was opening up for him.
Gifty Jeff, Jim and I went and I saw him. At Great Woods and he fucking murdered. Murdered and I sat there going like, wow, man, that that that's a. I can't believe I just got to see this guy. This is incredible. And then like three weeks later, I saw Eddie Murphy on the Roter. Came out in the purple suit and the weather girls opened up. And with Eddys crowd, it was a mixed crowd, and I remember I was like 18 years old and I was able to look at Rodney's all white crowd and look at Eddys crowd.
And like I was like Rodney. Was making people laugh and killing and everything, but Eddie is making everybody laugh, and it was just something that stuck with me that that I felt like. It's like a litmus test. To being truly funny that you should try to go up in front of as many different people. It's possible, and it's why I did all rooms, I did shows in gay clubs, I did the black rooms, uptown rooms, whatever the fuck they call them, I did Latino night a couple of times.
And then, you know, it's it really was was just about getting past the nervousness of being like, oh, wow, I'm the only one of me that looks like this. Then after that, you know, if you really if I really thought about my life, I worked in a warehouse with all kinds of different people and I made all of them laugh. So you just had to kind of get out of your head. It was like a fun exercise.
So, yeah, I would say that I would say when someone would come. When I would do. You know, take the E train to the ED where I used to do, whose gig was that? Drew Frazier's Manhattan proper. Which sounds like it's near Manhattan, it was about as far it was closer to Long Island, you take the E all the way to the end to like Jamaica, Queens. Which I'm sure is all white now with hipsters and cupcake shops and artisan ice cream, but back in the day, like I'll never forget, I got off the subway and it was like a whole other world.
And I saw. Concern. On people's face, when they saw me like they wanted to help me get back on the train, like, you know, you want to go across the platform, get out like. I would see, like it was funny as she took the train out of there, out there and it became less and less white, I would notice the side glances. You know, it's New York. You learn to just read people in that kind of like, what the fuck's with this white?
When's he getting off? Yeah, got off like five stops. I mean, I'm getting off here. I mean, down that way. He's still going and I'm just sitting there, you know, trying to look like I know how to fight and shit and. Yeah, and then I went out there and it was like it was it was always once you got in the venue, it was fun and getting to the venue. When I was called was the second shift, you know what I mean?
Like during the day, those neighborhoods are cool. That's all the first shift, people waking up trying to work their way out of the neighborhood. But there's something as the sun goes down, when the second shift comes out, the hustlers and all of that shit, I notice people stop walking on the sidewalks. They start walking down the middle of the street and nobody jumps out at you. It was all these fucking rules that I learned that that was like, you know.
I don't know, it was it was definitely and then going out, they were like, what the fuck am I going to talk about out here? And then that's when you learn like, oh, you know. People are sort of the same yet can be really different and all of that shit, so I did the usual shit. I just of course in the beginning I did the on the white guy and I'm afraid, which felt like totally selling out, even though I was the white guy and I was afraid, I knew I was just doing what they wanted me to do.
Yeah. And then it became like, can I just do what I want to do now, now that I know how to be like, where did all the white people go?
So yeah, I would say that was interesting.
I remember doing a gay club with with Patrice O'Neal, and it was for me, it was so new we didn't know it was a gay club. What was it? It was called Fiddlesticks. Oh, he did that one by himself. I did one. What the fuck was it called? Do what I tell you, I was in this fucking place and I got there like an hour early because I was still working in a dental office and where the gig was, it's like I had time to go home, but I could sit there for two seconds and eat a piece of celery and then drove it down to the gig.
Or I could go straight to the gig and be like a fucking forty five minutes early Queen of Hearts.
It's called the Queen of Hearts. And it was a couple of towns over from where I lived. And I went there. And I sat I sat down at the bar and I remember I had at Emerson College a sweatshirt on as a college I was going to. So I remember I had that on and I because some guy made a comment, remember, I was sitting there in, this guy walked by. And he just goes, he said something like something like, oh, that's my fantasy or that's my dream, something really forward.
And I was like, what the fuck is with that guy? So then he goes down and sits down with this Rob Alford looking dude. So I'm just sitting there like a fucking idiot and literally like the woman behind the bar has, like the Katie laying here and nothing is clocking, those guys were gay, but, I mean, whatever.
Right. So finally, Karen Nuge, I think she fucked it up name from the past. She came walking and she goes, I you're all right. Yeah. You know, it's my day job or whatever. I just drove over and I just said, you know, I was like, hey, I get those two guys down the end. They're a little happy. And she's just like what she was talking about because I felt uncomfortable that that guy hit on me, right?
Yeah. You know, when I was just, like I said, those two guys down the end of the bar, they're a little a little happy, you know what I mean? And I remember she just looked at me. She goes. Bill, this is a gay bar, everybody in here is a little happy, and then I looked around and I literally see like this lesbian with short hair cut with like the tuxedo shirt.
I just completely I was just like, dude, I was so, like sitting there. I remember I was so nervous when I first did stand up, like. I would set the timer on my watch the second I got there, so that was already taken care of, my little my little digital watch to go so I could do my five minutes, I mean, like an hour before I even went on. We've got all this OCD shit. So, dude, I was so like.
You know, you saw gay people, but I just didn't I didn't put the whole thing together. Yeah. And then I went up there and I was freaked out, I was I was freaked out because my truck was out in front of this is and it was a couple towns over. And I was thinking, oh, my God, one of my friends is going to drive by. And this is like the early 90s, you know. This is pretty well and grace, so.
I ended up to I think I only think I did like. I did like OK, I did OK, but Karen hosted it and was great and. I should have done great because those clubs are always fun because they came out. You want to see a show? Ba ba ba ba ba. Yeah. So. God, I have not thought about that, so then I remember Patrice did one called Fiddlesticks, I remember me and Dane just dying, laughing just the name.
And Patrice talking about the shit that he said when he was in there teasing them and having a good time, and of course he killed them, they loved them and everything. And it was those were such fucking fun days, man. It sucks because you're not making any money. But when you really think back. It was just so much fun because every night there was just like 40 new monumental questions that you had no answer for and you just had to go up there and just.
Wrong, wrong. Wrong. Right. I got one right, wrong, wrong. Bom, bom, bom.
And you just it just in the only and then you had to be like, OK, I got that one thing right. And you can think of like two scenarios. Next time I'll try this, not knowing if it was right behind this door. You know, there's always the pie to the face and the. Yeah, I just, I just remember that like the first I felt like six years of my career. Seven, eight years of your career.
It's just it's just one impossible situation after another and then you get a college agent and then there's the whole new. You know, we don't have a microphone, is that going to be a problem? Did these people know there's going to be a show that did anybody? Well, we hung up some fliers. It's like they're eating lunch, like all of that. Yeah, they're going the pain in your face. I hope that it's just like I used to literally have to go somewhere mentally.
I would just be like I. In an hour, this is going to be over my car. I'm going to have my check and I'll be driving away and do. Whenever they show. Stand ups in a movie, whatever they always have you bombing in a club and there's like a microphone in a stage in this lights and everything, and what sucks about that is it kind of puts it on the comic. It shows which happens. It can be your fault.
But the amount of times the bombings that you take when you're starting out, that it's not your fault. It's like, oh, my God, the fucking what does that good will hunting it will. It's not your fault. Yeah. Yeah. Oh fuck. I'm plagiarizing something. This is why I don't watch people's acts, somebody I know did that, a short film. Sandy, they did the Goodfellows thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They made a short film about comics going up at a club. I want this guy, but they did the good will hunting this guy bombs and then the other guy kills. And when he's on stage before, I'm going to fuck it up, but basically this guy's going like, hey, man, it's not your fault because I know, I know.
I mean I mean, he has a bachelorette party and I just have to get good spots where it is totally fucking breaks down. It's boring as hell. So that's why I don't watch standup specials because. It just seeps in, man, I feel like embarrassed that that just happened, so, yeah, no, no, that happens. I did that one time. I was on stage and I was I actually did it on on television. One time I did this bit the guy was talking about we were doing like a morning radio and television interview and he said something about comedy is so great because it just brings people together and and there's so much so much distance between people that everyone's fighting.
And I came up with a bit on the fly that was killer. And I got off and someone was like someone emailed me that night, texted me or me that night was like, I'm pretty sure you just did a Louis C.K. that verbatim. And I was like, No. And then he's like, I'm pretty certain that's a Louis C.K. bit, and as soon as he said that, I went, God damn it, man, I definitely that came out way too quick.
Way too easy, like. And I was like, son of a bitch, I think I might have and I was like, and I get older too. Dude, your short term memory gets really bad. You have the worst 30 years of your life is vivid. And then once you have kids and shit, it's just the light goes out and you can't remember. So, like, if I can if I'm watching people's acts and all that shit's floating around in somewhere that I remember a time I did this, I just used a reference and I was talking about.
You know, this guy came up to me when I was in Tennessee and started saying all this racist shit, he was white, I was white, so he thought it was cool. And then there's this black dude came in and it was his whole life on this whole fucking business. But at one point in the middle of it, I was I was like I wanted to take that thing from the grocery store and slam it down, like between your food and my food, like the racist shit.
That's him. This is me. I am not with that. And I did this dude for a couple of months on the road. And then I got into Boston and I went on up at the old comedy connection. And as I did it, I was like, Oh my God, that's Rich Ceisler reference. I saw him do it in this club, I had be in the club, yeah, and my heart sank. I was like, oh my God, I'm in Boston at the club where I saw some Boston comic just thought, I'm going to get labeled a thief.
And it's just something happened which sisal the late, great Richard Ceisler did this bit where he was saying, when you go into a bar and you just want, you know, Boston guy, we want to have a drink, you know what your drink is. And this fucking guy comes out and starts just jabbing at you and you don't want to talk to him. His reference was having that thing at the supermarket. We just set it down and then the person would shut up.
I forget how we did it. Yeah, like. And in the overlap, because that guy came up to me at a bar, he was jabbing at me, I didn't want to talk about the whole thing was different. But that reference where I went, I'm telling you, do like that's why I really try. And people always hate when I do radio. A huge fan of that. Can you see that latest special? And I'm like, no, I didn't.
And that makes it sound like I'm not a fan. But like I the thing is, I get to talk to you guys off stage. And all the comics I know are just funny talking, so I don't need to, like, watch the act. Because I don't want to see the material. Yeah, because like I said, I shit like that in Zapopan, I did a bit I did a bit one time about needing my wife, like loving her, but I need her more than I love her.
And I and all of a sudden I did it a couple of times and I was like, that doesn't like I sound something familiar. And I said a bit to my wife and she was like, I don't know. And I go, I think that I patris had a bit like that. And my wife says, Yeah, it's a Patrice's and my wife goes down shit like that. Yeah. And my wife was like, yeah, it's also in every self-help book you're ever going to read.
So like she's like it's Petrie's didn't coin the verb coin, the idea of wanting something or being something versus loving something. She was like that's like Deepak Chopra has that, like every self-help guru has that theory. And I was like, oh yeah. And then I was like, oh, I can't do it as a bit, though. She was like, well, yeah, definitely don't do it as a bed because she goes, listen, she goes.
Patrice's brilliance ideas are also sometimes broken, things broken. People recognize about themselves that self-help gurus go, Oh, this is also what's wrong, dude.
I saw a clip of him today. Just it just came up and it was him talking about that's Radiohead, some creep.
I just saw that.
I saw that. And when I love watching because everything is hilarious, but it's how little black and white people understand each other. Yeah. Patrice was fascinated that white people were gravitating towards self-loathing and pain. Because the same way white people's image when I was growing up, black people always playing like muggers and pimps and all of that. That it was just like you go to college, you know, that all they were seeing was white kids in like cereal commercials with the square piece of toast, with the square piece of butter, part of this complete breakfast.
And it's just like so when I was watching that. Like I was course missing him, and I think it was funny, but it was just like. It's just it's the weirdest thing. It's what makes this country so crazy, but it's also what makes comedy so fucking amazing is just those perspectives and then the fact that someone like me would run into him. And next thing you know, we're doing a gig about ready to go to try to enter 40 questions that we that we don't we don't have the answer for and the different way.
That people react to it. I remember one time he did a gig in Ireland. And he went up on stage, this guy, this English comic, told me he was in England because, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Patrice O'Neal. He went on stage and they just saw him and they passed it out laughing.
Onboard laughing And Patrice got all psyched out, like, what the fuck is this that he had? And then they laughed even harder. And then he goes, the fuck is is this some weird shit they just happen and when they finally stop laughing, the comic had to explain to him it's like Patrice is only a woman's name out here. So when they said, Patrice, they thought it was going to be a woman and a white woman and then a big black dude came out while Patrice O'Neal and then Patrice, when he would get upset, his voice would go up in octaves, yeah, it looks like up there, which made him laugh even harder.
And then he was in his head being like, whoa, did I just step into Mississippi burning the English version of this fucking. I don't know, it's a it's a. And the thing about it is, is you have those experiences and I don't know if you've experienced this, but then when you go back home to your friends, you relate less to them unless you keep the conversation. Like sports and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but if you start talking world view.
It's like they had what used to be before, like, oh, my God, my truck's in front of the gay bar. People can think of gay guys a little happy where my head was. Where my world was. Yeah. So now, you know, if that happened, I would I would let them be my age, I'd be flattered, you know what I mean? I would just laugh at that shit.
That's also a thing, too, I think it's fucked up that people go back into people's histories. You know, when I see, like, how many times I've changed, how many fucking things that I thought I now look at and be like, that's stupid or like or you'll be like, man, I should have listen to myself. I should listen to my gut, because I had this weird thing back then where I didn't know shit and I also didn't listen to my gut.
So I was just completely not connected to myself. So but there is a lot of stuff, the things that I the way I looked at the world versus now. I mean, if there was like social media around when I was in my fucking 20s or stuff that I would have said the stuff that I would have thought was funny, my world view and all of that shit, you know, it's it's a weird, weird thing. It's a hell of a standard to hold people up to a good person the entire time you were alive.
No, no. I got made any mistakes. Yes.
I got a text from the guy doing that documentary about the footage I might have about Patrice. And so I was sitting there and I was like and in my head I'm like, I definitely have no, I have it. And then I realized I may have footage of when we were in Scotland together because I had a video camera and I was taping everything.
We find it because we're getting close to wrapping that thing up.
I know. Well, I told him I said I'm here until for another week and then I'm home. And when I'm home, I'll go in and look for it. But I had a camera and I have I mean, I was you know, I was I was a fan of. For the world like so like before everyone, before Owney no, I like just standing in front of the Boston, I was a fan of his sort of being and I was such a young comic that anything he said or Vohs was like really important to me.
So like and so I have footage of him making teaching me how to make an omelet. Like, because he was like, oh, that's priceless. If you could get a set, I got to find this. I got to I am praying that I kept this tape with all these tapes because there is he taught me how to make an omelet and he said, you need to videotape this shit. And we did it like a cooking show. And it's it's funny you say the little things like, you know, I was I look very like.
Kind of sheltered life, and the more I hang out with people from different cultures and different different types of people, the more you learn like little things that across the board apply to everyone. Like I remember him and Donelle both seasons into the pan as opposed to the egg. They put butter on the pan and then put salt and pepper on that pan and seasoned the pan and then started making and I going like I've never seen a chef like making omelets and an omelet station in a hotel.
Never once have I seen them butter the pan and seasoned their IPO day better with that.
And then the egg and that nice knife in the eggs, the oth seasoned the pan and I remember being like. I wish I got to I got to go home and look for that footage, because I got I got a lot I was I was I was a fan of Patrice's because I was a young comic. And so it's just me videotaping him the majority of the time.
Yeah, I'd say this last thing and then I got to run because the kids are up here, I, I remember there was a few times he just did shit fucking with regular people walking down the street. That was so goddamn funny. That afterwards. I would feel a little sad. In the weirdest way, because I would be like, oh, man, this guy is going to be so big and be so famous because it was just so much funnier than everybody.
And I just I got sad going like this, going to be a day he's not to be able to stand out here is going to be a day people walk down. They're going to expect him to do it. And like this, I really tried to, like, take it in when he was doing it. I mean, just watching that guy go in to buy something. And watch him back back then before everything became corporate in New York, and you could you could haggle for prices, remember that shit, anything you go in and buy the electronics store.
Yeah, man, I'm not paying that. Come on. I'll give you I'll give you 16. It was just it was fun and just watching him do that. He used to just throw the money down on the counter, and just by that I mean, that's what I got. That's what I got in the guy with my friend.
I kept Bulba and it'd be like just for me to I mean, he would have so much fun.
It was like afterwards. Did you even want to buy that or did you just want to fuck with this guy? And he was he I don't know. When I used to do that, I would feel like either he was one of those guys. He liked the praise but didn't like to hear. He seemed like, I don't know, I was just like, don't overanalyze it, Bill. Just fucking enjoy it. It's just like but you can understand, like, what you are doing, what that was like funnier than.
There's like 10 writers working on a fucking show right now, is that good writing as funny is that and you just did that off the top of your head with a guy who didn't even know he was now on your show. So. All right, everybody, I was a great podcast, Bill.
Think that was a fun one? Yes, absolutely.
Was once again, I hope you guys enjoyed it. This is another wonderful episode of the Bill Burton Ford watch Colebrooke.