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Hey, what's going on, everybody, it is time for another wonderful episode of the film Burt Pod Cast, and we we it on a split screen.
So what does it matter?
I have I have a I get joy when I see a reporter when there are and we're going to throw to Bill and he's just frozen.
Thanks, Jane. I love that I don't know why that makes me happy. I don't well, I mean, it's always, you know, it's good, clean fun, nobody gets hurt. It's a little thing. It's little. What is going on?
You got the tie dye shirt, man. Like, where were you performing, man? Someplace where they're keeping it weird. Man Austin. Portland.
No, Georgia. My daughter Georgia makes tie dyed shirts and she made this for me. And it's funny, you get rid of the the yellow sweat stains on your white shirt. So you just want your tie dyed shirts now.
Oh, wow. I did. I take my way back to the early 70s when tie dye shirts first went mainstream. And I remember being in. What the hell was I in, like, first grade and I was so psyched that they had purple and I just remember you tie and everything just is tied up in knots. Is that all you do and you just do? Well, you can do with rubber bands or you can just tie it the shirt in like three knots and then dunk it.
But the ones with the rubber bands, you'd grab this part and then you pull it out and then you'd rubber band, rubber band, rubber band. And then it would give you a spiral from the stomach or the shoulder. You do it out from the shoulder. I actually was really into that kind of shit as a kid. I think my dad probably thought I was gay. Just like mean that would do it.
Oh, yeah, the fact that he's an 80s, if you would just really into tie dying shirts for his generation, he probably thought he had a little queen on his hands. Oh, real. Trying to say, is not Bert reupholstering couch?
I used to be a pollster, couches in college and I would get fabric and I would do I would do the whole I'd pull the sides off. And I, I mean, I was like really into it. I don't know what part of my personality that, like, loves that shit, but I love, like, the knickknack knack genius of it, you know.
Well, I since I started watching people redo cars, one of my favorite things is when they they take it over to the person to do I love when that when that when the engine comes back and it's all painted and it's clean. I love that and I love what the interior comes back and just to see what they're going to do with like the colors in the seats and all that type of stuff. I mean, I don't know, as a college student, it was forever some old ass couch sitting out on a sidewalk that, you know, had been fucked on, drooled on and all of this stuff.
So if you knew how to rip that off and reupholster it and put some new cushions in there, that was that's a pretty viable skill that I would do it for free.
I loved it. You know what? I actually I'm a real I'm at a real impasse right now because I need a car and I have I'm having a really hard time finding a car that I want to drive that I feel like I'd look good in. That isn't. A hundred thousand dollars. Look, I'm having a really hard time going like I'm not a pickup truck guy, so over the pickup truck, I could just get a cool pickup truck and then rock that right.
We have an SUV, so all subs are out of the thing. You go to sedans and you look at sedans and it's like certain sedans, like I feel like my body is bigger than, you know, like the Cadillac.
I, I mean, I'm having a really hard time. Honestly, Cadillacs are just 100 grand.
You can get plenty of nice things. I'm not spending over the way.
I'm not spending 100 grand. I refuse. But on the ground. So so when you said redo a car, I was actually talking to Snoop about this the other day. I was like, I know you've got a car guy. Can you set me up with a car guy in L.A. who I wouldn't mind, like a nice like you have your pickup truck and you enjoy driving that. I love that. Could that be your only car? Would you let that be your only car?
Yeah, I could I would be a little concerned with parking it in certain areas because it's a clean truck and trucks. Since I bought my I bought my truck in 2011, they've really become popular. They really, really like. There's a whole bunch of stuff that has become popular where, you know, in those Meakem auto shows, those options first came on. I mean, it was just shelbie Mopar. GTO was the same stupid cars, that stupid cars.
I love all those cars. But it was just if we got a super bird, you know, it's just like it's this one Daytona and was outlawed. And it just it was the same damn story. And I feel like. Since then, like a bunch of other cars has become like popular, I can literally not remember what the fuck I was taught.
What was your question like? Could that be a public park? Because I want to get a nice convertible and I know my truck got not super popular when I bought it afterwards. Then trucks got popular just because I think people got sick of the same old thing. Sorry, that's what I was trying to say.
So you're afraid that people would see your truck and realize that's a lot of money in parts? Let's steal it. Or just it because they like it? Oh, yeah, here's the thing. For you, dude, I feel like this there's a couple of really cool like like I love and also be a Cutlass tee tops, you know, if you want to white trash it up, there's things to do with that, because this is the deal is I like those resto mods where, like you can.
You know, the hole underneath could be like 20, 20, you know, and then in the car can look like nineteen seventy, whatever you want, and they can hide in the console the place to plug in for your phone and all the all the latest stuff when you drive in and it can look all original. But like what I found, like with my truck when I go to take a turn I literally have to grab underneath the seat so I don't slide into the door because of just you know, it was a basic it was like a farm truck, you know what I mean?
So it's not really like they were they were excited about independent suspension. Remember that when they would be driving over the rocks to the railroad ties or whatever. So everybody I asked if I can fix the suspension a little bit on it. You know, beyond Asway Bar, they're always saying dropping it down. And it's like I just what I always liked about a truck was riding up a little bit higher. I thought it looked better. I don't mind when they're sitting down, but they've taken them now.
Now that they cut out inside the bed and the tires are sticking up. Those are cool. It's just not my style, but.
Do you why don't you get a grand national, get you a grand national, because he couldn't drive it anywhere. Someone would steal it, but like what? How would you get so excited about cars? I'm asking you questions while answering them. Get like one of those like those early eighties. Remember all those guys who sort of like Cydia weed, you know, those cars, the Montecarlo, the Buick Regal Muscala. Yeah. Those little two two hour ones.
Those early 80s ones too. Like eighty five right around eighty five I think already six. They started having the aerodynamic headlights. It wasn't quite and I took me a while to get used to those but like do one of those with some fucking old school like Kröger rims with the white lettering on the tires. Yeah. Sort of looks like a stock car. That could be a bad ass car. I am a real I have a hard time looking at cars and going out, OK, you know, every car I seem to like is like fifteen hundred dollars a month that I can't pay that like I don't know what it is.
I don't know if it's one day I'll get comfortable paying it, but I just cannot pay that I know.
Got a mortgage that's a mortgage in any reasonable state. Yeah. Yeah. And then I go. That's the cars, those are the cars are like that, I go, I love the Mercedes, the and seven series BMW, that's a cool looking car and I feel like it's a big bodied I want a big bodied car and then I go for 18 grand. I can just get like a Cadillac convertible, like six. Seventy six. Seventy two.
You get such a sick fucking Cadillac. I don't know a bunch of guys that could build that thing. You could do like you could keep the thing looking like Nick Nolte, his fucking caddy on the outside. Yeah. And then underneath. But people, you know, people who know cars look underneath that they can, you can always see the shiny shit, you know, going underneath.
But they love to be dialed in and like, have a place, my cell phone, everything like that. But have that that McNulty baby blue like caddy body.
I'd be honest with you, I don't know why more people don't do that. Yeah. It's also it's good for the environment. You know, you're recycling brand. You are ripping a bunch of shit out and putting a bunch of new stuff in. But it is a and then also you rescue one of those old cars, too. There's some like a lot of people get the ones from the sixties, there's some ones from the 70s before they shrunk them down.
That are really like sort of rare because I don't think that people necessarily liked. After that, there was a period in there where they had this new front in in the early 70s, I forget which one it was, but it kind of tanked. People didn't like it. And you can tell because they only had it for a couple of years before they went back to more of a tradition, one like the seventy five, you know, that front end, it's somewhere between like seventy one and seventy four.
They had this front end that I don't think I might be wrong here, but I don't think it did that well. But now when I see them, because I don't see a lot of those, I'm like, oh my God, look one up right now. I fucking love those.
Let me look like that's my thing. I go, why don't more people do that? Your car should be enjoyable to drive. No, like, I just can't get into like a what I'd what I'd be comfortable paying for is like not going to be real honest with you. Like the cameras and accords. They're really expensive in my opinion. I think they're overpriced for that car. Everything's overpriced to a point where I just go where how did cars get so expensive?
And then you can go, why wouldn't I? I would love to drive that car every time. Fucking top down. Light a cigar in your right over the hills.
Exactly, dude. Seventy one. Seventy two. Seventy three. They change the front end three times. If you look up the caddy, so I kind of I'm kind of partial to that seventy two, because I want to say that when Elvis got buried his funeral, that was nobody else was seventy seven. You think I like the 70 two personally. Yeah.
Oh I mean it's a sled due to to door to door to door. White on white.
White with a maroon interior, some black Eldorado convertible. That car is so you. It's ridiculous. It really is. But I got tell you like nine thousand dollars. That's it.
Nine thousand dollars. You could take another 30 grand if you really wanted to do it up. Now that 30 grand just underneath it would be fucking it would be ridiculous.
30 maybe a little more than that. But if you just. But I mean under 50 you could you could have this disick. That's half of what you were talking about paying. You could have this sick ass car. Nobody's got that. I have not seen that car out here in L.A. White with maroon, which is why you might not want to talk about it here, because you got a bunch of people got burnt as you drive down the street.
But like, yeah, I'll tell you, one of these days I'm going to get I'm going to get the sixty seven Elderado. That's the one that I like because I am a I'm not a speed guy. I like cruising. I'm a I'm an old man. I like I got this, this Irish sweater. I bought a jumper, whatever the hell they call them over in Ireland. I got that. And I smoke cigars. I am a I love the right like to all of you I feel the left lane that's for the kids and know they get let them do all that crazy shit.
I feel like I became older at a time where things weren't set up for older people. It's like now it's Teslas and the shit I go, I wish I had been an older I had been my age today in two thousand and two when the the Cadillac DTs was out. That was such a great sedan.
I get it. You can still get it in your body.
The bodies of those cars are so small, they're really small and they're not like they're everything's compact. I get it. You want you want to. You want to. You want a big car. Right? Well, there you go. Adam Sandler had a deetz. MTV used to have A Day in the Life was a show, documentary show. And they profiled Adam Sandler and Adam Sandler was thirty five and in a Cadillac DTs, it was like an old man's car.
My dad had one and I thought Adam Sandler, a Hollywood star in a deetz and it looked like the coolest fucking thing. And then I moved to L.A. That was when I was in New York. I moved to L.A. and I saw Kiefer Sutherland in a Cadillac DTs.
And I was like a car up. Now, I'm not familiar with this.
It was Andrew and Bill. I meet my wife and I'm like, I'm going to go buy a car. Right? So I go and I test drive the deets.
Oh, yeah, I love that. Yeah, they advertise with the with the yellow stripe around it. Yeah. That's a sick car.
I love that car. And so I said to my wife, I test drove it and I go, I'm going to detox. And she goes, honey, you are not that old. You're like twenty nine. And she's like, this is an old man car. She's like get something young like who you are. So I ended up getting one of my favorite cars I've ever had a Honda gnarly. I was that was a hot fucking car, SUV, big SUV and I got a great deal.
Five hundred dollars a month, nothing down. The dude kind of fucked it up and then they tried to take it back for me. So like, I think we gave you too much of a deal on that. And I was like, I was like, I already had it 18 days. You can't take it back. And so that was the law is if you had it over 18 days, they could and I would think once you drive away, it's done.
I was told if they ever called up, I think we fucked you too bad on that car. Said you come back down here. They did. And you know what? They're you know what they're they try to get the car back. It was five hundred dollars, five fifty a month, nothing down. And the dude was his first day. And Dave Williamson got to work with comic I work with now. Told me a long after that you always want to call a car dealership up and go, hey, I was just in there the other day.
I was talking to the new guy, what's his name? And they go, Oh, you mean Bill? Because, yeah, Bill, send me over to Bill because he goes the new guy. They always want to close deals for to get some sales under his belt. So you can always work a deal with the new guy. They always will give you a better deal with the new guy. So this guy must have been brand new, five fifty a month.
And then they realized they fucked up. And I was already on the road. The car was home and I couldn't get to the car. I was on the road. And the thing they used was and this is how long ago this is is that I didn't give them a landline. All I had was a cell phone.
And they were like, you know, yeah, it sounds to me like you're reaching for shit. So I'm done with this phone call. I'll see you in court. Bye. And so I'm going to go back there to get we didn't stick our dick far enough in your ass. Well, let me go back into the showroom.
The fuck out of here, I, I can I can really see you in one of those.
You got to get yourself a nice a nice one. Yeah. And I, I think it's you know, I furthermore I think it's good for your business. I think it is too great for branding. It is it's great for brand. I've learned stuff being with you like that car that is you and people. This is nothing to you can't hate on somebody that has that fucking car. You just can't like if you had like, you know, if you're the machine or tubing and a little then you have like a S5 50 fucking.
And it's like, oh it's, it's just a character.
It's just the character. Yeah I know. Like you look I could see you stepping out of that Boss Hogg mobile. Big time. Big time. I want to see it. I look I get so much joy out of my friends. Getting cool cars, old cars, new cars, I just I love cars so much, I get like, you know, Dean was great because Dean would always be going through motorcycles and cars and shit. It was always fun to see him again with all of his the ones that he does.
He's got excellent taste in cars. Yeah, I don't know. I just I always get like I tell so many people that it's like why you just go get. Go get a car from like the eighties and just redo underneath the thing. And then, you know, just touch up the whole a little bit and throw something in there so you can charge your phone and listen to your music and you'd be talking anywhere. Nobody's going to give a fuck because they're not going to know what's up and the insurance will be lower, right?
Why not? I don't know when they say how much money you put into it or whatever. I just think that that is the way to go. As opposed to getting something new. I mean, I got two little kids, so I got to I got to get a job right now I'm actually in the market to get something because we had sort of a sporty SUV for my wife. And once you get the two car seats in there and it has like a real sort, a short hatchback, and then all of a sudden it's just I mean, it's annoying to me that it's like I mean, we just took five kids in the back of a Corvette.
We did. We had two kids in the hatchback. And then there was three of us sitting across, OK, but there was no there was no kids seats back then. There was no child seats. Do you know what car they're coming out with that I'm really excited about? And I don't know. I don't know if this new Bronco. Yes, but they have redone the Grand Wagoneer. Oh, the jeep. Do you remember the Grand Wagoneer with the paneling and the big I mean, it was a big that's a car I could drive around in if I bought an old grand Wagoneer and had them trick it out.
That's a fucking car I could get in. What is stopping you? Oh, Bill, I might get an old grand Wagoneer, get it really done out, like really done out. And that be my car. I would be happy when I was four. Oh my God, I'm so excited right now. When I was 14 years old, this kid, I forget his name. He was the quarterback for our football team. He was a sophomore.
And I was playing I was playing junior varsity. I was in like seventh or sixth grade. And I was playing on the JV team in high school because it was it was a private school. I know everyone was small. And he said to me, kind of wish you remember this kid's name. He goes, Hey, man. Can you pull my car around, and I was like, yeah, he thought I was like 15 and I went out and it was a Grand Wagoneer.
It's the first car I ever drove. I was 14 years old. And I was like, I mean, I'm just like staring like this. And I never I never touched the gas. It moved so quickly. I put it in reverse. So my brother breaking would drive and I would hold on.
Grand Wagoneer. I want a grand Wagoneer.
God, I was actually going to say Grand Wagoneer when you guys started that or El Camino, but I just kept my mouth shut.
No. You would have had would have had sixty six El Camino. Because if you only want a two seater, if you want that cool car that's so in a ditch the back. Who what a good looking car, the Jeep Grand Wagoneer. Oh, my God, Bill, what a good look, that's a fucking beast. Oh, these have got to be expensive. Shit.
Do you get like, you know what's hot right now is Vann's. Bands finally making a comeback because they got they got labeled a pedophile mobiles and all of that. And I remember when they when custom vans were were in their heyday, sort of the end of the heyday, we went to the whole family, went to the auto show. We used to go every year. We'd go to a boat show. We never bought anything. We would just go to all of this shit.
So it showed up and we showed up to the thing. And that was when they had all like the velour captain's chairs. Yeah. And you could all spin around and like, talk to each other and shit. And we would we would tell him, my dad, come on, Dad, you got to buy that van. You got to buy it. Got, you know, be great. He got like all amped up about it and he never bought the thing.
But even then, I know my parents that if we actually spun around to talk to each other, they would tell us not to do it. It's dangerous. They had like it was like a governor on fun, you know, which ended up being like 20 grand, an eight nine Jeep Grand Wagoneer. Oh, man, I'm looking it up now. In the 80s, they call it the Goldilocks era of SUVs. It was like the first year, like, I mean, I kind of want white, but I feel like white, looks like a mom's car.
Navy Blue would look pretty great. Navy blue with the wood panel. Yeah, the Grand Wagoneer is so better than just the Wagoneer Grand Wagoneer, what I'm looking at one in like a black or a gray. That's sweet to see this person did this one. Yeah. They took all the wood off the side. If you're into that, you can see into what you can do for twenty four thousand dollars.
And if you go Imbil and do what you said. So there's and there are companies you say that like can really take the hotrod scene started out here. Dude, there's some of the best builders in the country are out right out here in Los Angeles. You know, one of one of the guy who did my truck, he actually moved to Arizona, you got sick of the taxes and shit out here, but like. He knows he knows everybody out here, so if that's what you're looking to do or he's just right in Arizona, so you could literally call him, tell him what you wanted.
He'll go out and find it. He picks the whole thing up and then he just goes, I you know, I need this amount of money to get it started. And then I'll just send you pictures as it's going. And then you just know, dude, you know what I almost bought a few years ago, which would have been so perfect. Right now I've been giving my wife shit about it in twenty eighteen. I was going to buy one of those.
Those. Those. Those GMC RVs, you know, the one from Stripe's, I was going to get that in like the part, the Palm Desert One, the lime green, I was going to get that, have a humidor in there and a little bar. I was still drinking at the time and I was just going to hire a driver and just go on the road.
And I was saying to my wife, now, you know, because it's scary to fly and all this shit right now. I was like, because the biggest thing that nixed it was, where was I going to keep it? Yeah. You know, I mean, that was the big problem. I can't just park that out in front of my freakin house, be that person. You know, the person with the RV next to the house and the tall grass around the around the wheels before they had weed whackers that used to always happen.
So. She nixed the idea and I was saying, like, do you understand that I could I could have hopped in that thing right now, started a run in Bakersfield, didn't just gone and just done a big loop going all the way out to Utah, to Grand Junction, Colorado, down to Santa Fe. Just loop my way all the way back, making money the whole way. Yeah. Damn it. There's a guy, Chase Leopard.
You know who he is. Know. But I love his name. Yeah, he's he's a leopard. That's a that's a that's his birth name. Yeah.
And he's certainly is a massive fan of yours. He's a big fan of podcasts. He's like the ultimate like great you to have in your corner because he loves podcasts and he loves comedy and he is really good with social media and he can grab content. And he's really an amazing dude. I an amazing guy. But what he did when the pandemic happened is bought a fucking RV, redid it and just traveled, is now traveling all through the north northwest.
And I follow him on social media and it just looks so great. He's out in the middle of a field in nowhere like Big Lake next to him, family with him. And he's like, you know, and you just go, Yeah, like, why? I mean, that's why I love being on a tour bus. We should pivot and talk about your tour. Are you taking a tour bus? I know I'm flying to. Oh, shoot.
I got to make a video to promote that fuck. I'm flying to Connecticut and I'm doing this barn on a farm where they've been having live music and everything. It's a great gig. And my agent went there, watched a band and looked at the crowd to make sure that they were really doing their due diligence to make sure people weren't being unsafe. So I'm there and then I'm at that place in Jersey. Whatever Kevin Hart just did, I'm doing that.
And that the one guy did. I did it. Do I think. Yeah, yeah. That's a that's a good one. I will say this in your video or for you people listening. Base, check out the laws in Jersey before you go, because they're pretty strict with people not getting out of their cars, they were a little looser for me. They were really strict for Gaffigan. But if you have a pickup truck or an SUV or a van, make sure you bring whatever.
They will not allow cars with big lifts. And a lot of times these are just rules that are really helpful for the fans going to the show. But it's great if you have a pickup truck, because I'll let you sit in the bed of your pickup truck and then you can kind of tailgate there. But they're going to not let you go and hang around and walk around. But but that's a fun, fun fucking show. There's a lot more.
And it's interesting to see how people are doing it. So those are the two shows you're doing on this tour. Those are the two places where I'm going to be I'm just sort of doing like a residency at both places, like doing four or five days at one, four or five days at the other.
Oh, are you doing you're doing the smaller venue in Jersey. I don't know what they are doing, the Blue Grotto, but sold out. Yeah, you're doing you're doing where they set up tables in India.
No, I'm not going to drive it. I'm not doing the big runs like you, Uber. Hey, listen. Oh, you're doing a smaller room. No, I wish I was in it enough that you got my quarterback.
You got to rub it in. No, no. My point is those are in Lake Winnipesaukee. Those are great. I've heard Birbiglia did run there. Kevin Hart did a run there. That's a great, great venue. And I think I think there's going to be more like that in the future now.
And it's going to happen out here on the West Coast. And if I had my fucking RV, I could have driven all of them.
Yeah, I think I'm doing some of those. I think there's one in Colorado and New Mexico that I'm doing and I'm doing a one on one of your dates. When do you go what are your dates? You know, I think I start went what's today? Tuesday, a week from Wednesday. So today's the twenty nine, 15th, 16th and seven to twenty third. I think I still don't hold me to that.
OK, it's the twenty second the shows at the Fairfield Comedy Club, they sold out about an hour ago so. Nice, wow. All right, that's going to be fun, man. It's it. It's good to get back into stand up mode where you start writing jokes again and your brain allows you to. To, like, focus on comedy again. Yeah, yeah, no, I'm up for I'm actually looking right now to see what these what this thing goes for GMC seventy six in immaculate condition.
On eBay, what did they want for it, for a total that's gone, you fucking cocksuckers?
The green machine, I was all about it, dude, you know, and so much stuff happened since then. That like me and my friends, we all kind of hit a wall and cleaned up and stopped going is hard. And, you know, all of my friends now is like, yeah, dude, I can't smoke the way I used to. I can't drink the way I used to. I went to the doctor. I got this.
I got that. So we're all sort of like Shilan. So I got to, like, try to figure out. It's weird because so much of our friendship, this is crazy, but so much of our friendship was based on getting fucked up together that I know we still like each other, but you got to try to think like. So now what do we do? Yeah, like cards. Like how do we get right? Like, I'm used to when I see them, I equate them with.
Having a buzz or some sort of rush, some sort of altered. Your heart skipped a beat. You're like our day drinking today. I remember a long time ago. Me and DeRosa. I thought we were such fucking animals together, I remember one night I was sitting at the bar at Caroline's and I really just wanted to take it easy. And I looked up and I had this, oh, the big queen's hair.
And I turn around and it's DeRosa. And I was like, Hey, twinkletoes, write the usual shit. And he comes down there, he's like, So what are we doing? I don't know. What are we doing?
We felt each other out until we got fucking blasted to the point. I didn't talk to him for like forty eight hours and I called him up. As like Joe, you know, we've got to slow down, man, I got to be honest with you, I love you to death, but when I actually saw you on the stairs of Caroline, I got disappointed and thought, fuck, now I got to drink because shut the fuck up. I said, Yeah, dude, I thought the exact same thing when I saw you sitting at the bar.
So that whole thing when we were standing at the bar. So what do we do? And he's like, what are we doing? We were just waiting because we both wanted to. But we also kind of hoping somebody said, don't do it. So I kind of got to that place with, like. You know, all of my friends, like, it's just one of those things, you know, you hit the 50 year marker, dude.
It's like you got to go easy and go ahead and have the same feeling with my family.
Yeah, I go we went to we went to Hawaii one time and my wife said to me, when we got there she goes, how about no booze? This family trip, I don't want we're in Hawaii. She was like, how about no booze? And you stay dialed in and you just no booze. What do you say? And I was like, OK.
And I said to her, I was like a hell of a thing to drop on you with your toes in the sand. It was it happened on the plane. It happened on the plane. And she goes, let's just let's just try no booze on the flight. And then I did no booze on the flight and felt good. And I got there and then we hung out and I didn't get a drink that night. And she was like, yeah, let's see if you can go no booze for the trip.
She'll just listen if you want to have a drink. If it gets to that point, that's fine. But I remember we went to a luau at like a hotel, wasn't even a nice luau. It was like in like a ballroom, an outdoor ballroom. It was just horrible.
And I. I was they were doing the thing and they were passing drinks around. My wife had a drink and I was like, I'm doing the booze. And I remember just watching the other guys twist the thing and it wasn't on fire. And I just thought, that's what life's like with no booze, is there doing the baton with no fire, like there's no fun. The only thing, the only saving grace is that same night a mom at our table and result people we didn't know was on pills and was nodding out.
And we watched her family try to ignore it and try to get through their dinner. And all my daughters did was just stare at her as this woman was like. And I was like, oh, that's too much fire, you overdid your fire, honey, but but I, I have I have a lot of conflicting.
Feelings about. You know, it's it sucks, but I also, though. Like, I lived like a frat boy for like fucking 30 years, and what kills me is it's still not enough. Like, I swear to God, dude, if I gave in to what I want to do, if I just was totally selfish and said, I don't think I would make fifty five.
Oh, I, I look at it this way, I, I am, I didn't drink for like the first 15 days of this show that I'm doing. And then Snoop was like. Burt, what's so funny, this is what a fucking idiot supposed to do there. That's one of the great things in your life, right?
Yeah. And but was so funny, Bill, is this what a pushover I am? And you'll get this. He did not understand this. He said from his trailer to my trailer, I'm about to get my trailer. He goes, Burt, come on here and do a shot. And I thought he said, come on in here and shower. And I went over anyway. I walked in his trailer and I said, you want to take a shower and he was like, what?
I said, what did you say? And he said, I said, those to his shot. And I went, OK. And then he looked at me because you thought you thought he wanted you to shower and you still came. And I'm here.
What you should have said was, Snooke, that's how great your music is.
And we took a couple of shots and he gave me a couple blunts. I was still working. So I couldn't I couldn't smoke with him. But he gave me a couple of blunts and he was like, you know this for you later. And by the way, I mean, I know that if he ever heard this, he'd fucking be livid. But don't say it. No, don't say it.
But but you got to learn. You've got to know that shit.
You can't listen to me. It's not bad. It's not bad. But like with his blunts, they're enjoyable. Like a cigar. Like it's not you're not like you hit it and you take a hit, but you can sit with it. Like I smoked one of his blunts. I maybe inhaled like three times, but I smoked the whole blunt, just enjoying the smell and the flavor and the aroma. Like I'm saying, he'd be living ZIBI Like you just wasted an entire blunt.
But I was like, you know, I'm not going to lie. I'm getting upset with you. Yeah.
Like, I'm sure he was like, come on, dude, have you seen these? This is another thing that I would go out and go buy a box of if they want a zillion dollars. Have you seen those weed cigars?
It's not a blunt. Oh, my God, it's CBD, isn't it? No, no, no. It could still get you fucked up. Marijuana, cigar. That's what we sloops blunt blunts like you got to see these things that they're all green and they look like a cigar.
It's like a Kelly Green. Oh, it's Irish.
Look it up right now. I'll tell you the name of it. Acme for 20, Magyars may gather assets like marijuana cigar. You like the half hour smoke, they got the cannon. Oh, but I'm telling you right now, dude, if I have a wife. Yeah, if I didn't have a wife and family. If I didn't have. You know, the reverse of a death wish, because I don't want to die, I would buy a box of those, I'd have mushroom's.
I would have bourbon. I would have stake's I mean, just everything that I did, I would I have to watch out is everything that I love can kill you quickly. I love here.
I'm going to show you I love these. I might start with my own money getting these blunts and just enjoying them like a cigar, like because I felt bad the first time I did it, I felt bad because I was like, there's a lot of weed and it's like a fucking rich guy burn in hundred dollar bills.
Yeah, but that's the same with the cigar.
Cigar you burn in like 20 bucks. Ten bucks.
I know, but it's not like your butt to smoke. You know, you're still enjoying the smoke. I'm enjoying about the weed though is that's precious smoke. Yeah.
But it's too high. What's better than a cigar.
It's just so good that codi that's like the weed version of taking an extra long shower. It's just it's not good for the environment if you can do it every once in a while.
If you saw you get so high on Snoop's weed that you're that I mean you're like like when you're like. Like, I guess I'm just going to bed like I, I, I got done one night, I had a glass of wine and I was like and he has he's he had they smell so fucking good and they have a glass tip. So he has they're like this big and it's just a cannon.
I mean it is thick. I want to grab want to show you, I mean I took a picture and send it to Rogan and he goes, it looks like it's filled with gum. And I was like, so good. But and he's got his own brand.
So he's got you know, I don't want to know the brand name. I don't want it.
I'm going to go go fuck that. Do it for the lessness. Do it for lessons.
I won't remember my password. So fucking bad. You are dressed like a Midwestern housewife on a fucking Saturday afternoon, it's going to go out there, get in the pool.
All right, Google, how much these cost. OK, Louie. Louie the 13th. These are the ones he's been giving me. And there are so enjoyable. Those are amazing. Yeah, and they're individually package. Yeah, they come exactly. They're closed in. So they're sealed 30 blunts. They're unreal.
I mean, take a look at this bill. Wait a second, I'm trying to look up the price. Andrew. Let me see that. Let me see that. It's got a glass tip on it glass. Oh, wow. In the tobacco, it's not like a Swiss cheese sweet, but it tastes kind of sweet, you know, like I hate that shit. It smells so good.
I walked into if anybody tells me about, like, a cigar that tastes sweet. I still remember the first time I had one in the last time I had when I was in Chicago. And this guy had like this really light leaf on and stuff like whenever you like that Connecticut rap or something. Yeah. It was like. I felt like I just ate pancakes or something and decided to fucking smoke. It was really gross.
I didn't like it. Yeah, they're they're really, really enjoyable and it's like, I hope young people are getting something out of this because this is what happens when you get to our age and you sort of reminisce about the fun you have and the shit that you would be doing.
He really enjoys marijuana like it's he, right?
Let's not talk in the locker room, OK? The man the man is a he's a mogul, is a legend in this business and how he chooses to unwind is his business there.
All right. You ready? So so, Bill, the other night we have movie night out here in Macon. We have a big screen where we were doing the show and we have a great sound system and we play Jurassic Park and. They were serving Bud Light seltzer, I took a picture with Rosario Dawson and I sent it to you. We were she had her first Bud Light. I saw that. And she loved it. She she's like, this is amazing.
I go, oh, I'm hitting up Bill. And I was like, Bill, I'm here, Rosario. And she had a Bud Light seltzer. She had the cranberry. They've got three new flavors, grapefruit, pineapple and cranberry starting, I think the starting in September.
Basically, it's a Cape Cod. That's what we used to call cranberry, cranberry and booze. Right. Cape Cod. It's the it's the beer version of a Cape Cod. A hundred calories, one gram of sugar. Where was this when I was proven?
Yeah, back in the day. Now they've got the five separate filtration process for a quality taste and a clean finish. And what they it was great to have a Bud Light easy drinking name, which is what Rozario loves about it, is she said, that's so funny. I that's my go to is always Bud Light. You had the seltzer and there I am. And right now Bud Light Seltzer is looking for its first ever chief me officer because they have delicious seltzer, but their names need some work.
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I could give it a fuck. He did that with the Patriots. What? I was impressed with the zip on his ball still there. The competitive fire is still there. That's the deal. You know, I was watching the Patriots. It was the same thing. Cam Newton is dealing with the new offense, a whole new team, new system and all that. And I watched what Bill Belichick was able to do with Matt Cassel, who Matt Cassel does not have Cam's skill set.
So I imagine that he's just going to, as we get through September, seeing, OK, this is in Cam's wheelhouse. This is a little to Tom, we need to make this more cam. That's what we do with Matt Cassel. Make this more Matt and blah, blah, blah. The guy is a fucking genius. The thing we need is the other thing is a couple of things that to scare me that our quarterback had head and shoulders the most yards rushing.
That scares me because he's a big deal, but he's taking all those hits. And I just hope that guy Harry or somebody steps up. So we have like a legit number two option. I don't know why we didn't sign. Danny Amendola is still killing it for the fucking lions. He had a great game for them last Sunday. We need a guy like that. So it frees up Edelman to be single single coverage. I thought, you know, this is silly and I know I don't like the old line look, I don't like talking about like the politics and stuff of it, but I really enjoyed the protests that I think that the that the Falcons did on kickoff.
You know, like, I thought that was kind of cool that they did they did the kickoff and then everyone just took a fucking knee.
You know, I thought that was like, yeah, I mean, I don't understand people that have like I actually have friends of mine, you know, back home will still argue. I mean, they'll argue, you know, Trump isn't racist or anything. It's just like.
So you're telling me all those millions and millions and millions and millions of black people are wrong, but you as a white person understand their life experience more than they do. Look, I'm just saying the tornado touched on all that type of shit, so, I mean, I don't know, it's a it's a weird it's a really weird time.
And like the level of hostility, the level of racism that still exists, that, you know, they make it seem like it left in the nineteen sixties is just like it hasn't, man. It's like it's right. I mean it's but it's also the news really. It's so fucking news is just so fucking reprehensible where they really like fanned the flames of dividing people. And I was guilty last week because I talked about Trump saying, you know, troops are losers and blah blah, blah, blah, blah.
And right after I did the podcast, I looked it up because it was interesting to me how is he going to get out of this? And then I looked at this like, oh, this is just somebody said that. He said it. And then this whole thing was written by people, you know, super hardcore left. Oh, this is probably bullshit or exaggerated and all of that. And then I got fucking hammered. I just you know, why people listen to my podcast.
So I was just like, you're right. So, I mean, I've been guilty of of doing that. And it's even stupid for me to bring it up, because it's like you're not going to somebody's still if they're into the guy, you're still going to vote for him. So I'm just kind of excited that all of this shit ship's going to be over in about a month.
It's going to be. Yeah, it's going to restart. I, I hate to say this. I definitely think Trump is getting re-elected. Well, no, no, I'm not.
But my thing is, is I just I'm sick of the like I really think like debates and all of that shit. I think there's a few really open minded. Amazingly smart people that haven't already made up their mind and are really listening to candidates or whatever, they really want to hear the issues and are really impartial. But the other ninety nine point nine percent of us knew who the fuck we were voting for probably four years ago. Yeah, yeah.
I feel like Trump people a month into his presidency is like, I can't wait to vote for this guy again. And a bunch of liberals are like, we got to get this guy out. I don't think that there's people going like, well, let's see Joe Biden and Lucy Trump and let's sort of there's so like polar opposite. They you just have the election now, is what I'm saying.
What do you think about Rogan hosting the debates? Is that going to happen? You said yesterday Trump asked him to. He broke into the apartment, angry that position that he's in, because you really got to watch Zongo or both guys that are in there, because if it's just one guy, they can they they're just sort of using you and Joe's massive, like influence. But Joe's is smart enough to handle that stuff. But, like, I would be like, definitely I don't want to.
And if there's one dude I know that would that and I'm saying if there's only one dude, it is Joe Rogan who would be so overprepared for that debate like he would be. So he is someone who would shut down, throw his phone away, get on his computer, close out the doors and focus until that debate happens. I just would. I mean, obviously, I would never want to be that person. I would just fuck it up and everyone would hate me.
I would do the wrong thing. I would laugh at the inappropriate joke. I'd I'd giggle at what you know, I'd be a Billy Bush the fuck out of that. But I'm push Billy Bush was really Bush's baby sitting a lunatic. I'm going to buy a pussy. He's like, hey, you know, after that interview, he's probably going like that guy was out of his fucking mind and he took the fucking mean it did. He took the hit.
The other guy became president. Nothing none of that made sense.
He took the fucking hit like he's the Jimmy Fallon got shit for tussling Trump's hair. They wanted to cancel him. It's so funny because I am so Billy Bush. Like I you can say the most atrocious thing to me. I go, Sure thing, Bill.
I stopped short of that, but I would say that when you're just sitting there and the thing about Trump, too, was he was a fucking cartoon character.
He was just sort of like I mean, I know he's a real guy, but he was just sort of this he was this funny guy, you know, he's like going bankrupt. And then he has a book, The Art of the Deal. It was just funny. And he put his name on everything and he was always talking about how much money he had and all this shit he was doing. While he's like running a fuck and he's doing a reality show, it's like, how do you have time to run all this shit?
And should a TV show, the whole thing was just funny, like I just felt like he was like I was like watching a wrestler and I was a huge fan of the guy. So, like, I think if you were like. Interviewing him and he's saying all this wild shit. You know, if you're Billy Bush, your job is to get the fucking interview. And just be like, oh, yeah, OK, and it's like and you don't know, like half of the shit that he's saying is it's like, is this what this guy has to do to amp himself up?
You know, I just walk up and grab pussies. He sounded like he sounded like Dave Chappelle doing fucking Rick James. Hold my drink, bitch. Like I felt like he was in that mode. He was like gassing himself up.
I don't know. But I do think it was weird, it's like, wait, so this guy. You know, Hollywood is so fucking phony in those fucking entertainment people. Hi, how are you doing? Billy Bush. I mean, they don't even look like real people. So his whole thing is just like acting like he's interested in these people who are obsessed with themselves. It's such a weird fucking job. So I think he was just in entertainment.
You know, you got your own bowling alley heist. Yeah. And then you leave you just sitting there going, like, what the fuck was that? That was a house of horrors in there. Whatever. Send me the check. I got a mortgage, too. Let's go get a taco. And you just fucking leave. But then they take the audio.
He was he was he was cosigning on sexual assault. It was just like. I mean. That's the weird thing, is that if they got you know, if say they say they wired your house, right, say someone broke into your house, wired it and heard you and Niaspan horrible shit about transgender people or whatever, something that my podcast.
But what's crazy? All kinds of horrible shit. America would never question the guy that wired your house. They would attack you for saying that shit.
I know, because I also hate when they fucking go. If they get like a private cell phone conversation and everybody's talk. I so want to be on a show and somebody asked about that. I'd be like, well, I think that that's a private phone conversation. And I think it says a lot about you that you listen to it. Yeah, I don't think people listening to my phone calls or repeating my text messages the way I joke and all of that shit, so if I don't want that, then I should extend that same courtesy to other people.
That's why I never watch a sex tape. I never watch any of that shit that gets put out of there and the person is like, I'm mortified. It's like I understand that and I don't I don't fucking watch. It's none of my business.
I watch it. But then I just don't give a fuck. Like Chris Evans tweeted, texted out his picture of his junk recently. And I was like, oh, I took the link and I saw it. And I was like, OK, nice piece. I was like, whatever. I mean, I really care. I'm not I'm not appalled. I don't none of my opinion cared enough to click on it. Yeah. I want to see his dick.
Who is he. He's a Captain America. He's been a working guy. I mean, by the way, he's a big dude. I was like I kind of curious how I size up against Chris Evans. And I was like, I don't know. Nice piece, Chris. And then I just went on. I didn't I don't look, I don't like I remember Brad Pitt and they had a picture of Brad Pitt's dick in Playgirl when I think when I was in New York, they had a picture of Brad Pitt naked in Playgirl.
I actually went and bought the Playgirl just to see his dick. And I was like, that's a big dick. I threw the magazine away, but not like I just do it just like like it's funny because Cat Dening had pictures released to her naked and she was like, you know, I wish that Hollywood I wish that the public would extend the same courtesy they do to Chris Evans and his privacy to us females when we got naked and someone on sets like.
Coming up, pictures are naked and another person's like, oh, yeah, they leave them and I just real quick went online, typed in Katanning nude, by the way. Absolutely beautiful.
Does not question what if if you send out a dick pic at what point of people laying off. What do you mean, I don't know. I didn't think that they extend a courtesy to a naked male celebrity.
That's what she said. That's what they do. They just make up shit. Yeah, I literally ran it was all day for two days. Oh, I don't I'm not meaning it definitely they definitely didn't extend the courtesy I'm agreeing with you. Oh, I know. It's just like I just feel like that that's an easy. Do you remember, like, for a while there, if you got caught saying something racist, you just you somehow got to say, I'm an alcoholic and I get to go to rehab.
Now, if I like, I am singing we are the world when I'm sober and you get a couple of beers and me next thing you know, I'm in a clan meeting and I'm like, how did this happen? Like that was like a legit excuse for a second. This bullshit that women just keep doing where they it starts with that stupid thing that if a woman does it, she's a bitch. If a guy doesn't even respect them, it's like it's like nobody likes getting treated like shit.
If your boss is a guy and he's a dick, you want to you want to fucking kill him. You want him to get fired. You want his marriage to fall apart. Nobody's sitting there going like, you know what? He told me to go fuck myself, but goddamn it, I respect him. You don't. You hate the guy. Yeah.
I don't think there's any courtesy. I don't this sounds silly, but like. I don't not that I don't extend the courtesy to someone if they're naked, I'm curious, but I'm not like retweeting it and reposting it and starting a website to it. I think maybe that's where they you know, when women do it, dudes set up websites like the happening and they're like, these are like, I'm going to monetize cat dening naked.
Right? Well, I mean that. But there's there's two sides to that. Is also women like that go through their lives without ever paying for a drink, so I don't care how good looking you are as a guy, you're paying for your own drink. So advantages to women, beauty, it's not all disadvantages. Dude, I am just so fucking sick. People have to stop telling people what their experience is like when they're not them, especially if you're bitching about your own experience.
And one part of that is don't fucking talk for me while I talk for you. It's like, no, it's like you have no idea what you have as much idea of. What it's like to be a guy is I have an idea what it's like to be a woman. You're. Thank God you said yes, yes, no, no, I mean, it's like. It's the truth, I think what's interesting is I was like. I was condemning and I want people to Google me naked, I wouldn't spoken up again on Chris, Chris, whatever his name is, came out naked.
I would have been like, oh, yeah, that sucks. That happened to me. I might I show my dick. I'm almost certain I show my dick in my new Netflix series. I can't remember. I haven't seen the final cut, but I'm certain I'm naked a couple times in rough cuts that I saw. And it is not an impressive dick. And that's where Kat Denning is like, I'm like, please speak up for me. Please, please extend that courtesy to me.
Do not screengrab and Gereb pigs are that dick because it does not look good. It is.
I really believe I don't want to read somebody else's emails. I don't read the text messages. I don't need to hear that. I don't have a J. Edgar Hoover fucking weirdo curiosity thing about me. I really believe in people's privacy. I really think that that is their own thing. And if they say I'm mortified and blah, blah, blah, I just go, I understand that I would be mortified to why would I do that? Like as much as an act of an asshole that I am.
But I am not like mean or vindictive. Like I don't like want. I mean, obviously, as a human being, I've said shit that's hurt people, but I never deliberately go out. It would be like, oh, if I do this, this is going to make you've expressed that this is going to make you feel bad. I'm going to do that. I mean, I did that when I was a kid. You know what I mean?
I got bullied, I bullied some kids, and it was part of growing up, it's like, oh, right now it's my turn to pick on somebody smaller, but then you become an adult. And what just amazes me is how a bunch of adults are acting like a bunch of. Bully's name calling. OK, Chad. OK, Brad. OK, Karen. OK, Boomer, I mean, Twitter is just fucking jumped the shark with all of that shit.
You know, it's funny. There's a there's a video of a woman. I think she's I think the call California Queen. Have you seen it? Andrew? It's you know, I thought you knew better than to ask me. Yeah, I've seen it, Andrew.
It is a video of a woman on a Spirit Airlines, a black woman kind of losing her shit a little bit and saying everything that that is that is horrible but that she's ever wanted to say to white people on a plane as they're escorting her off. And I know that I know that brand wise, everyone assumes that I will I would I should point out that she was racist. She was. But and that she was unfair, which she was.
But for whatever reason, Bill, and this is what I this is why I made me giggle. It reminded me of you in Philly is this woman starts I at one point I was like, please turn the plane, please turn them. So they start cheering for you, because I would have started cheering for her because she threw every fucking car and our money's worth.
Go see that movie Sexy Beast when they kicked Ben Kingsley's character off the plane. That's what I'm thinking. Oh. Plane crashes. That's my favorite one.
She is. I mean, she you know, obviously people see it. I think people are outraged or what? I don't know. But for whatever reason, I notice that the flight attendant did did shove her. It wasn't unreal. She did kind of shove her and this woman snapped. And then this other white chick turned and said something to her and she was like, no, this is twenty twenty. You're white. Privilege is done. I'm a California queen.
You got the recessive gene. I got the dominant gene. I can make white people. You can't make black. I mean, it was I wanted her to win airplane so bad. If I had been there, I would have started going preach like I would have just I wanted that so bad. I, I hope someone would take that video and edit it so that it turns into that Bernie Mac set where I ain't scared of you motherfuckers.
Yeah, it's unfortunate, dude, the way the way people are. It's just people I'm telling you, man, this whole social media thing, 24 hour news network, it's turned us all in the Hatfields and McCoys and like I'm 50 years old, dude, I've never seen it like this. I've never seen it this fucking divided. But there also wasn't all of these ugly moments being videotaped back then. So they were probably happening. But like, yeah, it's it's a I don't know.
I think I'm hoping we're going to come out of it. I just think that we're just sort of the guinea pigs. I always equate it to when they let off the atom bomb that one time when they just had the troops walk towards it. Just to see the effects. So, of course, they all died, but I just feel like that's where we are with, that's where we are with social media and 24 hour news network and all of that type of shit.
So for her, good for her. She went down swinging and went out swinging. You got to see the picture. There's a bunch of white people, but white people love to fucking do is act like it's a level playing field and be like, if I did that, I would lose my job. And it's like, OK, great. Do you want her job opportunities as a female and as a black as a black person? The fuck out of here at home.
And that's like another thing to wear. White racist white people try to act like they don't understand what black athletes are protesting instead of who's going to play. It's like no matter how they protest, they're going to find a fucking reason why they shouldn't be doing it.
Yeah. Yeah, it's funny that you don't drink, because every time I do a podcast with you, I won't have a cocktail after I get done, like if something about being around you makes me giggle and then I go, man, I want to get out. I want to open a bottle of wine and just start Googling Jeep Grand Cherokee or the Grand Wagoneer like I want. Now I want to smoke this blunt like a cigar, sit in my room, close the blinds and fucking Googling Google videos of of 1950s flyboy's like I don't know what it is about.
You and Rogen are interesting guys, because you guys have interests that are outside of, like all my interests kind of revolve around the industry or the business or or like self-serving shit like running, you know, like you guys. That's what's cool is like Joe's got Joe's got one of those those bad ass fucking Broncos, the old school ones.
You ever. Oh yeah. I've seen that great one. Yeah. It's beautiful. So beautiful. And that's what you're talking about now I'm thinking God damn. And I want to get how do I how am I. Forty seven. And I never even knew about this shit. So I didn't know shit about cars, I always liked them, but I know, sure, until I came out to California, like, I just would be walking down the street and I just I saw so many, just like if you were talking about collecting football cards, like the unfamous ones are like called common cards.
Like there's so many common car automobiles out here, like I saw Chevy Citation. Those do not exist on the East Coast as far as where I was when I saw the Pontiac T one thousand Pontiacs version of the Chevy Chevette, I saw like you'll see like a fucking Ford Escort G.T. at eighty eight Ford Escort. How many of those did they make of this thing still exists. Those are the ones that like blow my mind where I'm like, oh my God, I remember that I saw the dots and be to ten one of the ugliest fucking cars ever made.
I saw one of those sitting out. It looks like a fucking doorstop with wheels on, you know, stupid.
I'm talking about the other night, which I wonder if you remember. Do you remember football pencils?
Yeah, Paul, that's the all of that shit was so huge. And if you had one. Yeah, dude, I remember we went to like Herrman Sporting Goods or something and I got I got two football jerseys. They were basically baseball shirts that were sort of jersey material. One of them said Cowboys and was number 12. It was Roger Staubach. And then I had another one. I forget what the other one was and kids use would be like, I thought they were the coolest things ever.
My older brother had the number 14, Steve Brogan, the red one with the white numbers, who, by the way, Cam Newton. Seventy five yards rushing is the most rushing by a Patriots quarterback since Steve Brogan in nineteen seventy seven.
I remember Steve Grogan. I remember having to think about some of the guys we had other than Doug Flutie and that dude Bishop. None of them could really run. Doug Williams. No Doug Flutie. And then we had, I'd say the guy I always forget his first name. He was mobile but like football wasn't ready. Not for the black quarterback running style. Amazing, too.
When you watch. When you watch, what's the name for the Ravens so far? Did you see him yesterday?
No, but I didn't. I was watching. I watch the Patriots and I watch the Buccaneers. God, all right, we should wrap this up. Now, I'll talk to you next week for you on the road, right? What I'm telling everybody, watch highlights of Denver Broncos head, the first black quarterback, Marlin Briscoe. You look that guy up. You'll see today's NFL in the mid to late 60s. And he fucking crushed it and threw for three hundred yards, ran all over the goddamn field was fucking great.
And the next season, not only did they did he was he not the starting quarterback couldn't compete for it. They drafted some white kid and he end up getting shipped off to Buffalo and became a wide receiver. And forever I've had his football card and I just thought he was just one of those players. That played in the league for a few years, and that was it, and then I found out just looking at old AFL stuff, that this guy was an incredible quarterback down at Long Beach.
I think they tried to do that to Warren Moon is and I always look at like, why did you go to the CFL?
And because I remember the CFL quarterback and then come down to the NFL and still do Hall of Fame numbers when he was like 30 years old. And on I remember Warren Moon.
I watched something on Maumoon and he talks about them moving him to wide receiver. And he said, no, I'm a quarterback. And I remember thinking, I don't I never have had that. If they said it's that Sylvester Stallone, Gene, where you go, hey, we want to make Rocky, but we want a book, we will put Tom Selleck in that role. And he's like, this is my movie. And they're like, well, it's not going to get made with you in it.
And he's like, This is my movie. And then you I wonder how many of those guys just never got their movie made.
Like, they're like, yeah, this does. Yeah. When you go all in dude, you don't always win the plot, but like yeah I understand you really respect people like that. So yeah. All right. Drew, this is a fun podcast, dude. It's a really fun talking about shit that you want to get, but you can't because you're married.
I mean, that's a whole podcast within the podcast. We should have people send in married guys, start sending in shit if it's the bits called If I Wasn't Married. Oh, that's a brilliant fucking segment.
If I wasn't married, what I'd get and I just want to start seeing because, you know, there's guys out there that would get like some fucking literally like this completely different shit, like an industrial level, like restaurant level fucking smoker. And I'd invite my entire graduating class from my high school, everybody, hashtag, hashtag, bellbird.
If they're going to reply, if they're going to tweet out anything hashtag I was working with, I want to say like hashtag Bellbird so I can love it if I wasn't married. Dot, dot, dot hashtag bellbird and then just send a picture, tweet out a picture.
There was a comic. I hope I'm getting this right. I'm almost certain I am. His name's Mike Merriwether and we were working in Dayton together. I know. Not in Dayton and Toledo together. And he was going through a divorce. Right. And we were having lunch and he was I think he was. By the way, I apologize to Mike for not getting this perfect. But I said to him, you know, man, you ever just think like, fuck, I'm a grown up?
Like, I should have a four wheeler and his eyes lit up. He's going through divorce. He goes, well, was one of the four wheeler. And I was like, Yeah. And he goes, No, you know what? Fuck this. I'm not married tomorrow. I can just buy a formula for one by formula because I'm getting a fucking formula, man. I'm going to get a fucking formula and see that dough.
That's that shit. As women sit there and bitch, they don't see what they do to us. That guy is literally institutionalized like he was outside of jail, still feeling like he was in his cell. Yeah. You saying that to be like, wait a minute, I'm earning money, this is my money.
I want to do this. Yeah. No, I'm not shitting on my wife because my wife lets me do a lot of stuff. But like, if you're in a bad marriage, they always make it seem like it's a chick. So in the burning bed situation, like when did they ever made a fucking miniseries about a guy in a bad fucking marriage and he gets out of it rather than burn it at a death? It just goes on by the four wheeler.
I always wanted it. It's called the.
The burning cut, the burning, it is a guy who's just brow beaten by a fucking bitch.
We should write, we got to change the name, but we should just go. We should go in and pitch that we should write a treatment, and it's about a guy in an abusive marriage and all he wants to do is get out and buy a four wheeler just to look at their faces when we're fucking patient and we'll change the name of the town.
It's just called the C word. And the poster of the movie has a woman's face that just looks like a gorgeous. And it's called the up. Listen, I know this coming up fast, but I really believe it's high time that your network address the fact that cunt's exists to have this look at this script as a bridge towards some sort of male following on your channel. All right, dude, I got to get right in here.
Here's what we do. We pitch it like Don Draper, where we make a powerful cunt that like that's the bad guy like Dexter and it's a cunt you love. Well, that's that would be their industry. No. Yeah, no. But isn't he, like, overbearing and his name, like, not buying the four wheeler because of his own insecurities and inferiority. They take the news out of it. Voted at the last second. They would turn that to the guy and then the check would be they do something like that.
All right. Anyway, so we got to wrap it up here. All right, everybody, thank you for listening to another wonderful episode of the bill for Plott.