Hey, what's up, everybody, it's time for another wonderful episode of the Bell Pod cast. What's going on? We have an amazing guest here today. One of the best comics I've seen come along in a long time, and I already can tell about his shifting. He doesn't like compliments. He's just an amazing joke writer performer. He has a podcast called Nate Land and also, I believe, a live date coming up. Please welcome to the podcast, Napat Godse, everybody.
Thank you. Thank you. You know, it's funny, I remember being with you and you remember that bar that was like a little bit a couple blocks up from Broadway Comedy Club that they would always do crazy shots where you put they put fire and shots is known for all the shots that they had.
But don't know. I must have a hammer. Blows me up in a bartender.
There you go. Yeah, that would do it. There goes the brain cells on the bathroom is like, oh, we're such big fans of my boyfriends. And you're like, all right. You know, you like that. You're like, oh. She's like, all right, don't be rude about you. Like, I would rather you tell me I'm the worst. At least have something to go with how great I am now.
I feel bad. I fucking ruined it. I killed myself. So then it's all my fault.
I hope you enjoy it. Oh thank you Nate. I thought you're going to bring up me and Nate have gone to a number of NASCAR events. Daytona, five hundred Talladega.
I just went to Kansas City this weekend. Oh you did? Yeah. We had a great time. NASCAR seemed like this weird place because their fan base got decimated in 2008 by those fucking banker cousins that never went to jail. And that really, really hurt the sport. Where people live is a combination of that. And then I think they didn't have the Dale Earnhardt person that everybody loved and then the Jeff Gordon guy to hate. They kind of ran out.
It's like wrestling. You got to have your heroes in your villains like any sport.
But what do you mean they got decimated by bankers?
Well, in 2008, I don't know if you realize our entire economy collapsed, but how did that affect how does that affect NASCAR? Because it's working class people and everybody ended up upside down in their house and you had a house that was overvalued deliberately by these fucking assholes and then also made a bunch of people who shouldn't have been qualified, qualified to bid on the house, which drove up the prices. I know.
I know. But how did that affect NASCAR? Well, they're fans, but they never. Know, but I mean, hold on. That's like saying the 2008 crisis affected the NFL. It didn't affect NASCAR, did it? The fans, I think, being their fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the most broad fucking statement I've ever heard. Bill, hang on. That's like saying that's like saying the DiLorenzo collapse. But no, no, I know.
I heard, I heard, I'm sorry, I misheard that, I thought you said NASCAR was affected, but specifically by the collapse of the economy.
I was thinking everything from NASCAR told me that it really killed them. For real. Yes. So I'm just the messenger here. But when you get those this week, it's like nothing. If you if you were on, like, the bubble. Living paycheck to paycheck, you know, you're fucked, and NASCAR is also mostly in the southern states and I don't think they ever recovered and a lot of ways after losing the war, how bad the north was mad and fucked them over and all that type of shit.
Like I mean, I'm going back a while, but might be my family. We moved down there for a minute and we were all getting like in school and we went down there and all of a sudden everyone was getting A's and B's. I mean, they were like 18 months behind. My brother was a sophomore in high school. He was like adding fractions. So, I mean, it was it's a really dumb thing that the country did to itself and they couldn't they sort of kept that divide and they, you know, so I feel like those people, if somebody is going to get hurt, kind of get hurt first.
Whereas a lot of the NFL cities, Philly, New York, Boston, San Francisco, their money's in like sort of different areas where you can sort of survive our Suzanne saying that type of stuff just to just came out of the theaters down here in the south.
So real pretty. Yeah, I don't know, Johnny. There's a second one. We didn't see it coming, but they brought comedy.
They considered it a comedy down there because no one had a gun on the boat to just shoot the fucking shark. Yeah. By the way, 2008 was one of my biggest years of comedy, so I always had a special place in my heart. There's no money. There's a you year. This Conan was too. But it was you mentioned what, NASCAR race when I just went to I was there last, ah, Sunday at Kansas City Speedway.
Everybody wearing mask. I'm not. Yes, because I'm tired of everybody yelling at the middle of the country that no one's wearing their mask. Everybody had their mask. Everybody in that race had now it was thirty eight degrees. So that helped. But it did also. You had the president had to fucking catch it. Yeah, well, I don't know. Maybe maybe I'm immune. That's my favorite thing ever doing. This hard thing I just caught.
Maybe I am immune to it. Dude, I stick up for red states all the fucking time but I don't do it to a fault. I don't do it to a fault. If you're fucking riding around, you know, like in the middle of nowhere, you don't have a mask on. That's one thing. But these these gatherings, you know, we saw it out here with, like the Black Lives Matter, those marches, there would be like a spike.
You just there's nothing you just got to wear.
It kind of seems really hard to catch it. You just have a fucking mask on and stand six feet away from people and stand on the thing they painted on the floor for you. The people just can't do it. They got to they got it under. Then my favorite guy is the guy we like when he goes to talk to you. Where are you going to? He leans in like, no dude, like. The scientists are the only way we're getting out of this, it doesn't make a difference, Democrat or Republican people are too fucking stupid or too between their own ears or just too arrogant and just have no empathy.
You can't get everybody on the same fucking page. It's going to it's going to take a vaccine. That's what it is. That's my call. That's my prediction. I'm sticking with it.
I was in Prescott, Arizona, and I was making a joke about. Going back to normal, like something where I was like, it's so crazy, I got to do this and it was like I was going back to normal and someone in the crowd goes, We've been acting like it's normal the whole time. The virus isn't real. And I was like, oh, you guys don't believe in the virus? And the place went fucking bananas. And I was like, wow, no.
And it's just not to get arrested. So I was out here, California Big Blue State, right? I did it. I did a show on SEAL Beach, tried to do one, and the lady showed up running the thing, had no mask on, bless her heart, as you guys say. And she goes, Oh, do you live? I go wash your mask. She goes, Oh, you're from L.A.? She goes, No, we're down by the beach.
We have the breeze. You'll see it's different. Like, I guess the virus chills out down there. It just sort of surfs on the breeze and that's literally, you know, no traffic. I can get to that place in 12 minutes from my house. So, I mean, I don't know. It is. It is. It is what it is. Is your daughter back in school? Yeah, we never stop. This is the first I'm hearing about it.
So as we know, she had two weeks where they did virtual learning and then because you have to be under a certain percentage. But then they said they two weeks were just like some people do. This little girl came to because they would do different parts. There's five little girls because you kind of quarantine with like some girls in the neighborhood. My daughter's eight. So all these little third graders and they come to different houses, so the one girl comes to our house and it was tough because there are so many different teachers.
So the moms, it's kind of hard to keep them all paid attention. I get home and just I go off like during the day. And so I get home and this little girl gets there. I don't even know this girl right. When I get home, she goes, Where have you been all day? I was like, who are you? Where is this little girl? Or you're like, whoever this lady marries. I mean, that guy is in fourth.
I just want to see it to be like she asked me. I'm I'm forty one. She's eight. Walk out of my house and go, where have you been all this insanity.
Do you think she's repeating what she hears her mom say to her dad? I mean, possibly they I've met both the parents. I mean, I know like I know I don't want to get you in trouble. I just realize you're talking about people who could actually watch this. And I'm suggesting that they're raising a little nag now. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and yes, it could be. You mean she does this. Look, she's not be crazy.
I think they know she's she's just speaks her mind. I think when you have a kid that does that, you know, you know, have you noticed people who have like country children, they try to say they're precocious.
Yeah, I'm I'm sure that person is so precocious, it's like, no, your kid's an asshole because you just keep gas in the thing up that everything they do is so interesting to knowing the shit out of me. Get it away from me.
We hung out with a guy, a family who had a very highly autistic daughter, and she would say exactly what she saw. And she were sitting out by the pool and she goes he drinks a lot of beers. And I was like, fuck, this is going to be a rough one. Like he's he's got a big belly. He's why is he so fat? And I was like, she and they're like, you know, it's her or whatever it is, Aspergers or whatever.
She's very candid. She's very candid. And and she the whole time she just decimated me, didn't pick out anyone that wasn't like, well, your wife looks a little older than she should look. No, no, no. None of that. He's just going after me. You know what? You got that star power man that you the wattage drew are there. I know after that description, I feel like Patrice might have been highly artistic.
Yeah, it's definitely artistic.
That girl went to bed at night and was like as a as a long night as it being, like going on so long that she's like she put herself to bed that night. She goes, I got it.
I was too much so so so two nights ago on the bus we're in that we're in St. Louis right now and we're on the bus. It's me. Shame, Dave Williamson, my cousin Andrew and and my got another cameraman, John Mans. And this guy John Mans that we tour with cannot let shit go. Like he's like we have an opportunity to go on kayaks and he's like early in the morning, you guys wanna go in kayaks? No one's going kayaks.
And he brings up so much that I said, man, I think you might be autistic. So he goes he goes, I don't think I mean, we're like, no, no, no. We. And so we get drunk and we go, you know what? Let's take an autism test online. Right? So we all take this test. It's like a 50 question test to find out if autistic and we all get our numbers. Anything over a twenty two is autistic, right?
I'm like an 18. Dave Williams is a four. He's like he's the least on the spectrum. And we go through the hazing because I got a forty two and we're like, holy shit, it's like way to my autistic. And we're like this backfired with me pretty good because I know I'm a little different, but I'm autistic.
Remind me of one time I had a listener right in and he wrote like how does it feel to have mild Asperger's? It was like, it was the epitome of the arrogance of the Internet. Like this guy had no medical background whatsoever. And the fact that I couldn't remember yesterday. But remember, like football players from the 1970s, I forget if he diagnosed me as having Asperger or whatever the fuck you get us autism.
It's just like. I don't know, I kind of would like through this whole fucking year and everything that's been going on, I have just sort of pulled away from the news and social media like I mean, I probably should get a little more in touch with what's going on out there. But I just kind of watching this virus get politicized, that if you wear a mask, you're a snowflake. If you don't wear a mask, that, you know, you're a dumb trumpeter, like, it's like, oh, sorry.
No, no, no, no. I'm just saying just watch how virus, how it went down that fucking road. And we're screaming at each other and had some Andrew that I wrote, it really pissed me off because I knew he was right. He's like, why do you guys listen to all your government's propaganda? Why are you guys all sitting there screaming and yelling at you?
And I just got all defensive, like what is supposed to be that he wrote in, like last week, and you read it on Sunday when you recorded it. And then on the news yesterday was they were talking about the failed coup in Bolivia and how they reinstituted Morales. Yeah, it was actually very timely. Oh, is he from Bolivia? You know, that was my guess, was South America.
That just seems to be I thought it was a Russian bought when I got halfway through, which I don't even know what that is. But anyway, Nate. So you're right. You're a good old boy, right? You're from the the Black Hills of Kentucky now. You're from Tennessee and Tennessee.
As to what was it like going to New York as a southern man with a high intellect like yourself here and then having to listen to so many mouth breathing morons that live in New York who basically think that they are somehow amazing? Just simply because they were born there and then meanwhile, guys like you who are supposed to be these hits, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you come to this city and with ease, get in with the clubs and just destroy.
Yeah, it's you know, at the beginning when I first read the beginning, I was so new.
I mean, the beginning was I would say I was I saw you. I was at Boston Comedy Club and your first Letterman I was barking on the corner when you did your first Letterman because I barked you and I felt terrible. And I go, I'm sorry, man. You're like, oh, it's funny.
That still happens to me. Yeah, it still happens to me. They. I know, didn't you? You told the story with the Lowell, which is my friend.
Did you have a problem with the local comedy club and they had no idea who I was and I was trying to do a spot was last year when I was doing Pete's movie, I was planning to do a spot and I literally had to, like, start saying my credits. And I like I like to get some time, and they were just like, all right, well, I bet they use your name in Times Square. I think that people don't just say Bluebird's on the show because they would always live outside Seldane because they say all these names.
So now they're going to say they're in Times Square. What do we got Bilborough on the show? And I was like, Oh, wow. And they go up there and Bellbird never comes. And now Bubar actually does come to the show. Yeah. And they go out, they go, no. Oh, oh.
I bought my part. I bought George Carlin. Oh really. Yeah. George Carlin was walking down the street and I knew it was him he was with. I think Jimmy Miller maybe like one of the Millers and I didn't know the Miller but I knew was George Carlin. And he was coming to see Karen Bergreen. He was a big fan of Karen Bergeron's and he was walking on the street and I said, Hey, man, we got a great comedy show, you like comedy.
And he started laughing because I love comedy. So what kind of comedian to. And he said, I like Karen Bergreen. And I went, she's going to be on the show tonight so I can get you a discount. And he said, yeah. I said, hey, have you ever thought about trying standup? And he just started laughing. And I was like, But it's a pleasure to meet you or whatever. And he hung outside the Boston and shot the shit for a while.
That kills me. I never met him. Yeah. Met him or Pryor. Never met Pryor.
I never met Pryor. What's the documentary met Pryor.
But I was I was hanging with Patrice. He's like, I don't want to go in there and see him like that. And I was such a tagalong. I was like, I guess I don't either. So I didn't. I'm like, no, I what if I don't? I wouldn't have looked at him any differently. I would feel bad. He was like that, but I would have talked to him because his mind was still there was even worse.
Marc, Nate, my worst. Bargewell, you'll appreciate this because I worked at the Boston Comedy Club too. Yeah. Puerto Rican couple. Hey you guys want to come see comedy and they're like, yeah, how was it in? And I said, well actually you know what, ma'am, you may not it may not be good for you. I'm sorry. I apologize. She said, why not? I said, well, there's smoking in there she goes.
And and I said, well, you're pregnant.
And the Puerto Rican guy goes, Oh, shit, bro, you stepped in it today.
And she goes, I'm not pregnant. And I was like, oh, fuck. Oh, no. Yeah.
So you started barking at the Boston. They keep going and barking in the back.
And so babies when the baby do that and that's all I'm really trying to say. Yeah.
Sorry, I started barking at yeah. At Boston. I saw compelling stories come. This is like I lived in New York in 2004 and I was a bartender. Indigo five show was on and he would always come up and, you know, pop in. There be eight people in the crowd at Boston. I performed for one guy once at the bar. It was just brutal. And he run all night. And I remember trying to get someone to go see Chappelle.
I said, Hey, Dave Chappelle's on stage. Y'all can just go watch for free. And they and they go out. We don't believe. And I remember I was like, why would I be making this? You know, Boston had those three steps and you could look in the door, the window you go, just go look. If he's not there, then leave and they go, no. And then they left and they kind of wanted to watch it.
It wasn't like they're like, I don't care about comedy. They would have loved to see Dave Chappelle, but they just, I guess, thought I was Trigonal. So but I'll be here.
My big thing when I bought Nate was I ended up getting a time out New York article written about me because of it. I would grab NYU kids and I'd be like, hey, we got comedy up there. And they're like, and I go and we don't idea. And they're like, okay, so I just shovel in all these underage kids in there. They'd fucking get liquored up and then they'd sneak them down to the back into the baggage.
I'm walking down the back stairs into the Baggot and they, we party there all night. They're all like fucking nineteen twenty. And they were like, this guy's great. So the word spread at the dorms that they could drink at the Boston Comedy Club. So my first probably six months of work in the door, I am loading the fucking place up, loading it up and time out. New York's like what's the story on this party. Animal kitties.
He's like they one they and see the show. And I basically he goes write an article about me and he's like, I mean, these kids love you. And he thought I was hilarious. I was like, oh, no, no, I don't I.D. them. And he was like, what? I was like, yeah, they're they're not like fans of mine. I just don't identify. That point you just got to go with, I don't know, man, I just think, you know, I've got this relatable thing.
I remind him of the uncles that they can trust.
Do you know that that the Boston Comedy Club now is a wine bar? Yeah. And I went in there one day. I was somebody that was down there during the day. And the village looks that whole block looks so weird to me during the day and night. It just was this big on ominous, like magical place. And then during the day it's just like whatever. Right. So I was just happened to be walking by and I was like, you know what?
I think I'm going to die. I'm going to pop in here to see what this place looks like. It's still the same shaped room. And I walked in. The person asked if I wanted to be sat down and I was like, no, no. I used to work here a long time ago. This was a comedy club. And it was like, really? I go, yeah, I go. The stage is right there because anybody famous if I go, I'm like Dave Chappelle probably did nine thousand hours of comedy writer named all the names and he had no fucking idea.
And I was just like, wow, I am old man. I'm really the old guy.
Or when I was a kid, you could go, you know, almost a year or so, my last Netflix special, they said, Where do you want to shoot it? And they said they said, dream scenario, dream scenario. And I said, you know what I want I want to go back and I want to find the last stop in Houston. It's just a restaurant now. The space is still the same. I want to rent it out and I want to recreate the last stop.
I want to rebuild the last stop stage, set it up like it was, and do a series of specials like Bring In Comics who would love to do a lot like everyone, like a tell all the people that worked there. I was like, that would be badass, but it's way more expensive than I thought it would be.
Yeah, that's the one I Tennyson and all those guys came out of. Right.
It was a great fucking room. Do you like specials and comedy clubs, though? I was I mean, I get the idea of like doing that, but I like a special that looks like a special I like it's special in a theater.
And Jokowi told me he was a joker. He was like, very adamant that I did my last special. He's like, you should be doing a big fucking theater, like big, big, big theater. And I was like, no, I like the thousand seats. I think that's the perfect size theater for a special. And then I did it and I was like I was like, yeah, I'm glad I did it. I ended up doing I think four shows.
I recorded four shows instead of just two, which is I'll never do anything different. Yeah. Bill, where did you get yours in London, right.
Yeah. Where. Royal Albert Hall. Oh, that's right.
But what did you do yours, Nate? I did mine in Atlanta. I'm doing one next week.
We would let know we did it outside. It's the arena is arena in a theater next to each other is like thirty minutes outside of Atlanta and a lot like in the morning. Ron White did his special there too. And it's but I forgot my shoes the night we taped and had to get a cab to just bring shoes out there.
Like I told you, someday when we hang out I'll tell you all the wardrobe shit about all of my specials.
Why not tell it now?
Because I don't need people then fucking acting like they didn't listen to it. And then they noticed this. I noticed that and that.@@.@,@,@,@. I just yeah, there's always. Because I fucking hate shopping for clothes, I don't give a fuck what I look like, and then there's my wife who wants that. We should do this X, Y and Z. And then there's always that. And then somehow something I forget something or I add something or I wear the wrong thing.
I'm trying to think of a special where I actually wore what I thought I was going to wear.
I can't think of one.
I have to tell you what. In the last special I did, I'm very I'm very specific to saying, please watch that my necklace is in the center of my chest, not like up stuck on my shoulder that my belt is in the center. And that's all that really matters. Right, because I that's for special. That's all I really care about. I look we go to look at the taping. The first show is was horrible. I dunno, horrible.
First show. Second show was phenomenal. Huge mustard stain on my cheeks. Like I must have had a hot dog and just spilled mustard on my jeans and no one bugging. Got it. Mustard stain. Good news. I can so we can do it doesn't that I mean you're out there without a shirt on. Of course you got your pants. E.J. Mills, T.J. Miller pours water on himself and it keeps going from not much water to a lot of water on his shirt, and then it's like back to not much water.
And then it's like his whole thing is whole body sweat to continuity was insane.
I was tracking that going like going like, oh, they definitely shot two shows. And I don't think that outfit they brought one outfit. Yeah. So you're shooting a special next week. I am, yeah, welcome to my Comedy Central special, I have my hair, they didn't have a hair person like I'd like to know they had to make a person. So I was just going to do my hair and they didn't. And so the makeup girls, like, I'll just do it.
And we get like a can of hair spray from, I think, someone in the audience. And so the first half hour, one set, like my hair was like kind of down to the like with this is just a spot that goes to the left and then the next one, there's no spot. And some people have noticed. But you can definitely it's something that you do watch. You can be like, oh, this was the first show and second show.
And it just goes back and forth.
My Comedy Central film. Then I'll tell you something. Oh, yeah, go, go, go. The one in Nashville. I never got my pants hammered because my wife was like friggin nine months pregnant and she would have caught it. And I never noticed I was the exact same pants to specials in a row. We had one where the AC was busted. So we had to we had to pay to get it fixed, meeting me. And then the guy was so afraid it was kind of fucking it was going to break again that he barely turned it on.
I had like HD makeup on on an entire and the whole first one we couldn't use because I was like glistening and I didn't want to. And I had a white towel. And if I went like that, all that makeup was going to be on it. So that one we only used it ended up being fine.
We just used the second show, my last special, I wore the Wrong Black Pants. They were more fitted and these were more baggy from like 10 years ago, and I just, you know, black pants are like black.
I've even noticed and we were editing, I was like, oh, those are those are the wrong ones, because every single special I don't think I ever went out my first Comedy Central special, I had a gray shirt and I started sweating and you can see a little spot and it just grows throughout.
This does a sweat and then it's soaking and then I'm drenched. I don't get to do so.
Weirdest thing about where you don't want to see a comedian sweating, but a rock star can be like Angus Young with it's just raining off his forearm and everybody's just like he's giving it. It is. Oh, man, no one's gonna look at Angus. He must be really nervous.
No black comics can sweat. Black comic Richard Pryor soaking wet on the Sunset Strip. Right. Soaking wet red outfit. Katt Williams soaking fucking wet, soaking wet.
Katt Williams so wet his hair turns different styles mean murders. I do remember one time Martin Lawrence wore like this leather poncho that I think ended up being way hotter. I mean, that's just not going to breathe. And he was just covered in that thing. And I do remember, but he also did like 90 minutes said he was like he was pretty glistening by the end of it. I don't know. Why are you doing your special next week?
L.A. I'm coming out, so I'm going to I was in St. Louis here at the same place. I was just at Bell Velvel or something like that. I have no idea.
We had my eye opener left his windbreaker jacket in Indianapolis. You haven't been there. CBC, a windbreaker jacket. I told him I would ask you to go ask Bert. You might have been down there. So they so we're going to go this week and I do Dallas, Austin and Houston.
And I was there. I was just there, by the way. What what what city did you start out at?
Comedy, I moved to Chicago at first until I was in Chicago with Pete Holmes and Hannibal and Kumail Johnny on TV like that is that great Zaneis downtown first club ever hosted?
Was that Zanies piano on stage? Jim David. He was the he headlined. I hosted and he played the piano. I remember that. Is that place still around with Coleman because I. Dangerfield's just closed. Yeah. Well yes. So I mean Dangerfield's I never I've never seen Dave Dangerfield's packed every time I've gone in there. It's been a small, it's been small. They've been social distance for quite a while.
And maybe we when we were coming up north, was the first guy from our class to go in there and everybody was making fun of them. I remember Patrice said, Where'd you come from? He goes, Dangerfield. He goes, Would you go on after Ruth? Who you to follow Ruth buzzy stuff.
By the way, this is my memory. One of the worst tackles happened to dangerous fields. One of Bill Burr's worst Eckles happened to Dangerfield's. Oh yeah. If it's red and it's. What was it? What did he say? All these super angry guys, just like you could tell if you looked at him, that was going to be a fight and they would just like. They were superb. I was actually afraid on stage, got the part and they just wouldn't stop talking.
They're interrupting the show. My brain is going. Don't say anything to them. Please don't. And I finally. Look down, I found this just like. Hey, guys, what's going on out there? You know what's going on over there, trying to do a show up here on stage? What's going on with you guys? This guy just goes.
Of course, anything read on stage is a faggot and which is like, what are we what are we in second grade read by anybody with a blue shirt has the cooties.
That's literally was and he said it with such anger that I knew if there was a follow up question, they were going to be up on the stage. And I had already been chased around the stage by a woman. One time I remember picking up the mic stand and holding it in front of me, going, Lady, you can't do this, you can't do this. And I will do what I tell you. It was like a twenty five thirty second thing.
And nobody move. She finally just, I think, got tired of chasing and she sat she sat down, right.
So. I he said that and then I couldn't say anything because I didn't want to escalate it and I just went right back to my shit and I had to walk past I think I had what was in the back. It all sort of blurred together. It was such an amazing club, though, because you could do a half hour during the week. And there was so many New York comics that I thought made that mistake of I'm just staying in the city until I get a fuckin deal.
So they all had 20 minutes of material, and then if they had to go do a road gig, they were struggling. So I wanted to make sure that I was at least doing a half hour of my act for when I had to go out back in the old days, you had to do forty five minutes to close. I wanted to make sure that that half hour I was I was going to get them and I could also switch out the half hour that I did so I could essentially do my whole act during the week.
So I hit the ground running on the weekend and it was an incredible club for that. And once Norton went in, then I went in pictorially went in, then Sharrod, and then for a moment there in the two thousands, they really had this young. Sort of group, Rob Bagnardi was going in there and then the place was was really felt, it was always a little rough during the week, but on the weekends it was fucking packed.
And, you know, Nancy Redmann, host of this stuff, I was really super, super sad when that they my dad saw me in that club eat my fucking balls on a weekend. I felt bad for him because that's the first time he ever really saw me logit bomb, and I had to tell him I was just like I had to make guns like this and don't feel bad for me like that. But that's happened to me thousands of times.
That club is fucked up. And I was a little bit off. But, you know, this is just part I remember he was like. We're sort of fascinated with the fact that that is not only is that a part of the job, but you can stand it from a room full of people, feel them not like you for 20 straight minutes and leave the club and still be in a fairly decent mood. You go during the show, you go to the show.
It's just like, you know, I'm in at that club, they know I can kill. I just it just wasn't. Was it oh, man, I saw some of the great once, the great fucking. Heckles the Frank Santarelli one, Frank sensorially really played the bartender. In the of being on The Sopranos, yeah, well, it was this fucking club, this club one night. And when I tell you, they would just lay in there, just sitting there.
So it was a hot summer day.
They weren't moving. They weren't engaging. They weren't looking at you. They weren't looking away. They were just there. And I went up and fucking ate my balls or whatever I think I was waiting to go, I bombed to, but Frank went up there. He's like 10 years older than me at the time, was a super young. Super young crowd. I was like thirty five, so he must have been 45 and he's just bombing, bombing, bombing and then his last ditch effort to try and get people to listen to him because, hey, you guys like The Sopranos, you watch The Sopranos, people sort of and he goes, you know, I'm the I play so and so it goes.
I'm I'm at the bottom. Bing. He goes, he goes, Tony, Tony Soprano beats the shit out of me every week. This guy in the back. You should have killed your.
And it was the timing was perfect, his level, how quiet he could say you could still hear it because of this dense crowd. I remember Franka Off-stage. He's one of the funniest guys I've ever met, just walked by, I've never even looked at me, just walked by going like, Wow. And I wanted to laugh, but I had to go on after him, dude. And I think I added even more than that. But I don't want to make it out to be that.
But that's also the club. The first time I saw Sam Kinison, the first time I saw Andrew Dice Clay, I mean, that place made stars and dice clay the day the laughter died, one of the most underrated double comedy comedy albums ever. Johnny Carson used to go there and drink on The Tonight Show, was in was in New York with New York City.
And Tony, who seemed innocent, like there you saw Sam Kinison there. You were there enough?
No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying that stuff happened. That's not all, you know, mid 80s before I even started. But Tony, who ran the place, told this amazing story of Johnny just being a mean drunk one night. So they got his limo out front on First Avenue and he lived like down first steps at First Avenue, runs uptown. He lived downtown. So he was hammered and he was in a surly mood and didn't want to get in his car.
And he was just going down the street. Yeah, I know you could do as famous as him, but there was no video of it back in the day. De la just pushing people out of the way as they were slowly backing his limo down the street with the door. Come on, Johnny Carson, why did you get that far away?
But people out of the way like a crazy homeless guy.
So they had like a million stories of all of these people who were not comedians that were up on that stage because it was also kind of like a supper club, like musicians and personalities and all kinds of stuff. And he'd be like, yes, sat right there and played that piano piano, you know, and everything was sort of like working museum. So I think they're going to open it up again someplace else. I just I'm not sure how much of the decor that they're going to keep, but like.
I don't know if he'll sleep, but Krischer, hey, but you know what? I'm pretty one of a kind, right? MUGHNIYAH Bill.
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I've been playing in the my bookie super contest this season. We're not going to talk about my record. I don't get smoke. And I hope you guys are, too. But it's only a ten dollar entry for the chance to win one hundred thousand dollars in cash prizes for a ten dollar investment. I don't think you can beat ten bucks. Right. Sign me up twice. Can I do that? Probably not. Another good investment to make would be to fade the Atlanta Falcons for the rest of the year if they blow another lately.
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Nate, I. I told a joke the other night on stage and shame Torez goes, that's a Nate Barghouti joke. And I went, what do you mean? He goes, If NATO don't joke, he'd kill with it. And I had a rough time with the joke. So tell me how to tell it. OK, I was so dumb.
Like, I hope you're like, all right. I hold Kisa and I think the real simple. All right.
But you eating my comedy go. I'm fucking this child right now and.
Oh, no, no, I wouldn't say the F word, but I'd still keep the rest the same. Go ahead, though. No. So our our our yard guy cut down a tree in our backyard that was dead. And now you can see a Jack in the Box sign from if you're standing in our back yard or more more importantly, during our pool. I said to my go, what? Why did you cut the tree down? Because it was dead.
I was like, Yeah, but now I can see the jack in the box and the tree blocked it. And he's like, You don't like Jack in the box? And I'm like. I love Jack in the Box, he's the most promising sign and I was like, I don't want to see a Jack in the Box sign in my backyard. And he looks because I can't see it. So we'll know what I'm in my pool. I definitely see the Jack-In-The-Box sign.
And he's like, wow, I've never been in your pool. I was like, none of this matters, right? Like, I it was a funny conversation that we had on the bus. I tried it on stage and Shingo's. Now, that's a neat Barguti joke. You can't do that like that. And what does that say when you write a joke? How do you go about how do you go about writing a joke? Do you.
Like what where do you see your strong suit in writing a joke, like when you go, Oh, this is writing to me? Yeah, that one's a tough one, for the record, I wanted to laugh. That guy is funny the way. I thought you were him in your pool, like I would I would have put it like the idea of his perspective of like, what if he does get you? You go, well, then get in the pool and you're and then he's like, I do get it.
He's like, all right, man, I should have left a tree.
Like, that was a mistake. And he's fully clothed.
You're both standing in a pool holding your clothes on. You know what? You can see it and the shell sign. So maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you had a margarita.
Go get a couple of margaritas and we'll see if it bothers us.
And that's how you meet Matt Santos. He was the guy that got your treatment and now he's on the road with me, so.
I don't I don't know how, you know, this this this this special we're going to do next week, so I had to take this this big, long break. And so I've really been trying to get make sure I'm ready for this special so it's not garbage. And so I've been working on sets and looking as I do. I got a whole chunk on this being. I was born in nineteen seventy nine, which I'm a generation gap. And so I kind of talk about that like I was born between Gen Xers and millennials.
I kind of grew up in two different worlds. Well it's interesting. Yeah, it's kind of crazy. There's only it's like basically seventy nine, maybe 78, maybe 80. If you're in that gap you are you don't really identify with either. You kind of get characters from both sides. So it's like really setting that up to explain it. And that was the most I've ever done. Writing was, you know, I've never wrote anything word for word, big reason, because I heard Burn Petrie's talk about it where it was you would sound.
Tinka, it sounds too scripted. And so you just conversational. So you never you never memorize it. Don't do that. Then you you're never you're always going to say something a little different. You know, you're not saying the main part of the joke, you know, but you're saying a little word here in the hands and the D and that stuff gets totally different. And that makes it I think the audience feel like it's more of a conversation.
You know, it's funny I relate to that as far as being between generations, because people are supposed to be generation X, but generation X to me was grunge, Seattle, the 90s.
And I was I was an eighties guy. I hated all of those bands.
When they first came out, I was confused by them, like what happened to all of my bands. How come nobody's doing tap on solos anymore with their hair teased up? And I was really offended when Kurt Cobain sort of mocked the tap on Solo and Teen Spirit. I was like, just going to do it right. As I got into him, he ended up killing himself.
So I don't know if I take the blame on that.
But like I never did in this whole thing that you've killed that bartender outworker.
What, like that whole slacker? My own private Idaho fucking feel in Minnesota. Shit when they try to commercialize it. I didn't relate to any of that. I related to the Eighties party on Spuds McKenzie guy parachute pants, people on fucking blow. I mean, that was you know, by the time I turned twenty two and nineteen ninety and that's like twenty one is the last exciting birthday as far as like now I can now I can go on, I could drink, I can go to a teddy bar and then you do what you like.
Well I'm not getting away with anything now. I'm just spending money and then twenty two happens and you're like fuck I'm going to be thirty someday. That's how I felt it. And it was just like I should have graduated college. I haven't yet and I'm still slugging my way through this, figuring out what the fuck I want to do. And that's when advertising all sort of latched onto that Gen-X thing. And I just felt like I felt like Matthew McConaughey and dazed and confused when I was still hanging around the high school kids.
If I said like I was into, like, Smashing Pumpkins, which I ended up liking all of those bands, but way after I should have, I sort of hung on to, you know. Dr. Feelgood, Motley Crue, nineteen eighty nine, I hung on to that to about. Maybe Dave Grohl, Foo Fighters, 95, there's a five year gap other than Jane's Addiction that I kind of I kind of let go of all of pop culture.
So I never related.
I was told I was straight up Genex straight up. I read Douglas Coupland's book Generation X. I fucking wore I wore all the clothes. I loved it. I loved it.
I'm a Gen X or what year were you born? 70 to 70 to see you were 18.
So. Yeah, right. Your college years and your freshman year in college, never mind comes out. It's all over freshman year.
College never mind comes out and I remember hearing that and being like holy shit. Pearl Jam fell in love with Pearl Jam, grew my hair out, used to do an Eddie Vedder impression where I go here. I was. I was I was so, you know, Joe List is been to like 40 Pearl Jam concerts.
Once he's in, like the fan club, sober, too. All right, my freshman year, what should have been my freshman year, I didn't stay back, was slippery when wet Bon Jovi came up, so.
That's how much of a difference being born five years later was that's crazy.
I still remember the kitchen where it was being torn because my freshman year of college grunge is out. Right. And we hate like Motley Crue. All that is, is is like not what we're listening to. It's don't tease your hair. Let it be natural to have big combat boots, shorts and and fucking. Motley Crue writes one of the possibly best songs I've ever heard, and I used to listen to it in secret. Don't go away mad.
Just go away. Well, that was eighty nine off of that's the Dr. Feelgood album I thought was a John Kuraby, the guy who came in when when Vince wasn't in the band. And they put out this they put out this killer fucking album just called Motley Crue. They wanted to call themselves something else. But the record companies like, no, you've got to stay with Motley Crue. They wanted to, like, rebrand themselves like a different name, you know, almost like, you know, Duff and Slash and Velvet Revolver.
I think they wanted to do something like that. And he was just a beast of a singer. It's a fucking killer album, but it got buried because of all of that. It was just like if you weren't from Seattle almost at that point, you couldn't get you couldn't get your album play.
Hey, mate, what golfers were professional golfers?
You friends with Jason Day and you know Tony Feenan, Webb, Simpson. I mean, Jason, me and Jason, that brought the closest.
Can I just say something is the third time on this podcast. I think I know why you're. I'm sorry. And then you guys want to address it. I've never felt so old in my life.
I kind of forgot. I went on about Dangerfield's. You guys just like you. So is it the Ohio River that forms the border of Tennessee?
So how do you write? Maybe. Yeah, you start bears just wandered off in the desert.
Probably over 50 people, man, holding it down.
I just played I just went out and played with Michael Collins, you know, the caddie, Michael Collins. Yeah, I know. No connection that I played with him. I saw Brooks Chemica coming in on something at Florida State. That's pretty exciting overnight.
Got I got a bunch of golfers now that I've that are follow me. And then I've been texting back and forth with them, but we played we played out at the Bad Little Nine. Have you heard of that? I played it. You played it. Yeah. That's a fucking bill.
This is a part of three put together by a guy named Bob Parsons who owns Big Share and started Gary Parsons. He's he's he started GoDaddy. He's an old Navy guy or a Marine Corps guy who logit is a brilliant thinker. The way his brain works. I think he's doing studies on MDMA and post-traumatic stress syndrome. And and so this Part three spare time, he designs golf courses.
This guy is a Renaissance man. He sells golf, golf clubs. It's a I have a full set.
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
I do think that's going to make you guys good resectable. So he's doing well. No, no, no, no, no. I love teasing golfers. Is this the set of clubs where you're actually going to be good?
Well, let me tell you, Bill, I'm I'm I'm hitting my seven iron about one eighty five. They got this.
They had to get scientists to redesign it every fucking year to golf. And it's no other sport. And I'm not talking about you two guys. There is no other sport in the world with so many non fucking athletes play it because their doctor told them they were going to have a fucking heart attack unless they started walking. So then they just take this sport out and they suck so bad and they tie up the good players that every fucking. How much bigger can the head of a driver be before these fucking nerds can keep it in the middle of a football field?
I've never seen like I'm not disrespecting golf in that. But the people that that shoot par can break eighty. Those are athletes and the mental that you have to have it. But there is a whole pile of shit out there on the links that is dragging it down and creating this fucking up like golf is just the hardest. It's not that fucking hard. I say I disagree. It's very it is it to keep the ball in that fairway is pretty.
You can just by inches going to. No, he's got 18 holes. You can't do it for 18 holes.
I know, but I don't play. I play once every three fucking years. I do have a swing and I can basically keep it there. Do not keep the score I could hit at one baseball if you throw a baseball. I could hit one.
First of all, I'm not keeping score, breakfast ball and all that bullshit you guys have. I count every fucking one of them. Just just to shame the other people in my fuckin foursome is that that's a mulligan, that's a breakfast ball, that's a gimme the fuck kind of sport, is it pulling out, pulling out this fucking driver the size of half a jet ski? Did you get them to Callaway if you tried this fucking thing yet? The fucking ball is this big.
It's like the it's like a fucking two year old. When you get that big red bat to hit a fucking beach ball with it, it's swinging and you drive.
And he would have hit anything. But after their doctor tells them they need to go walk around, they go out to the golf cart smoking a stogie with their fucking varicose veins, leg hanging out the side of it. Driving around, it said, jerk off, generally speaking, it is a jerk off sport, it's a it's sure to because you haven't played it.
You don't like the way you fucking dress with your dumb preppy clothes. You dress, you're dressed like a golfer. For the record, you're going to fucking Three Stooges sketch.
You wear a Nike all the time, jerk off sport. You're going to top it off and you get rich. That's out. There is a fucking jerk off top.
Golf is fucking amazing and amazing. Amazing athletes. If you can break 80 and you are you are a fucking amazing and the rest of the rest of that Waffle House Grand Slam breakfast that fucks out there with this stupid IZOD shirts and that sweaty mantis trying to find a club big enough to keep the fucking ball in the court, get all go fuck themselves. This is going to make you so frustrated. Nobody out there that you would pick to go play flag football with the average fuck bill.
This is this is going to make you ten times angrier so than both Nate and I have been fitted for clubs. What that means is they go in, they watch your swing, they see you hit the ball to the right, and then they just basically pick the club that will make you hit it straight, like they bend it a little bit. They give you a stiffer Shaf, a bigger head until you're hitting it dead straight. You're like, all right, that's your stick.
But we're not going to fix your swing. We're just going to fix your club.
How many times did they redesigned the football in your lifetime so you could throw a tight spiral? A football is a football. You can either throw it or you can bang in these clubs banging these clubs.
Are you you like. When you keep score, no, I go out there, you use have you tried to graffitti it kind of tees it up a little bit more. I think I got these new teeth. They got a little fan behind it that already starts the ball moving before you even hit it. So you get an extra five yards on your fucking swag like that.
Where where did you get those, Tisza? Yeah, exactly. I was sitting on a seven iron one eighty five with those PJI axes and I was like, what do you, what do you do.
You even keep score when you play like OK.
I mean I think I can break, I break 80. But Bert, I don't know.
Hold on. Don't you fucking put this on me. Are you talking about me. Yeah. It's not golf. I don't think it's that hard. Rich Vos is good at it. Yeah.
This is actually pretty good at golf. Is actually really good at golf. Ever seen Rich play basketball.
I have. Dude, I, I really I think basketball, I've been better. He's a he's he's like a triathlete.
I play I play golf daily, too.
That's a really good hockey player to play the I I grew up playing if I play the first time out. We played with Michael Collins on that bad little nine. I hit a fucking sandwich one thirty and flew the green. Michael Collins dotted the fucking pin just and I called a hole in one. He hits the pin, go to the new space shuttle Gretz.
They're putting on the on the on the golf clubs. It's literally the same stuff that's underneath the space shuttle. So it doesn't burn up during reentry. You got that on your potter.
It keeps the of the ball on the line on the putter to see you make sure you hit it straight. I mean, when I'm here because you're barely off, it completely matters because if you're just a tiny bit off on a ten foot putt, that becomes a much bigger problem.
No, no, no. I think Bill's right.
How dumb sports are. I have never seen so much time and effort put in to that. As Carlin says, that fucking waste of real estate, that is a golf course. It's like you're standing up there. Nobody's garden yet. Everybody has to shut up when you try to show he's going to get the ball. Yeah, you fucking got to hit an NBA foul shot that some guy with his dick out swinging it around. You've got to block that out.
You fuck out of here.
He's right. You should put down golf and pick up drums. Don't start a band. Just pick up drums. You can play by yourself in a garage, not with a guitarist, just by yourself in a garage.
You know what? That's your one hundred percent, right? That's absolutely ridiculous. So now maybe you could admit to how many. I am the first to admit I am a dead drummer. I stink. And what I do is a tremendous waste of time. But it makes me makes me happy.
OK, I know Mom does that to you too, but stop talking, you fucking jerk off with your fucking clubs and your grips and you're fucking, you know.
Have you seen the new flags that they got? It makes so much less noise when you're trying to tee off.
Bryson DeChambeau gained some weight for the Masters. Did you hear? Dude, it's super exciting. Bryson is driving the ball. Four hundred yards. No one's ever seen that. Yeah, where he's playing would do you good if you can ever go play with a pro. And he could do that after a twelve pack.
Yeah, I'm not saying he can't, he can get shitfaced and would win tournaments.
We don't park his bus at the club. I used to be a member and he would just walk it, just be there for two weeks and then just live in that parking lot. And he still does now. But I'm not saying, John, that one of the most amazing human beings. Yes, I know that story with him and people would just let him live his fucking life. So my favorite thing, one to favorite age, John Daley, one was when he got kicked out when he left the tournament.
He kept hitting balls in the water and he kept just trying it. And he like did like tin cup and just kept dropping them, hitting headroom and then just leaves and he leaves with his girlfriend and her kid, which is my favorite, because I guess he just would be with someone that has like this chick and kid, and then they have to walk out together and they just leave and go to their car. His kids actually go to golf right now.
But then Tiger Woods at a PGA championship. There are the PGA Major and John Daly after that first round, he's drinking beers at the bar and he tells Tiger Tiger walks by and he goes, come have a beer. And Tiger is like, I'm going to go putt. He's like, why do you always practice? And then Tiger Woods goes, Wolf, as talented as you are, I wouldn't have to. And then left because he would say that's how talented John Daly was until he was amazing.
It was so good that Tiger was like, if I was like you, I wouldn't have to, but I have to. So he had to go practice. I'm a huge tiger. And John Daly fan. I like Rose. Yeah, you'd like both the bailout bill, you'd really like Bryson, don't you think? Brooks, Bubba Watson I love that one. Bollo The first time I ever watched the Masters wire to wire was the year Kenny Perry.
I just that was one of the worst things I ever, ever watched. His family was there on the 18. I just heard it even say goodbye to him. We just got in his car and started driving afterwards, like the level of collapse.
That's why golf so good is like you see that? I think it goes on late at that level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I look, I get to watch the majors.
I'm a fan of professional golf, but I'm not a fan of is non athletes sitting around talking about this fucking game that they're playing so they don't have a heart attack. Yes, there's a lot of bad golfers that do that. That's why public courses are tough to go to. They have fights. There's a course here in Nashville that grew up playing Riverside, where the Greens are right next to the next box. So there's just fights all day long because these guys are not good enough to hit the Greens and that tee box is right there.
So just everybody is getting hit by a ball. And I mean, it is just yes, people just hitting a ball and then just running and having to fight a guy before they play. And then they get to follow that guy the rest of the row behind the guy that you fought for for four hours.
You got to just like I was a kid, I used to play winter golf with a buddy of mine. We'd go to private courses and we would just play we would jump the fence, if you like, frost on the fairways and shit. And we played it first one in the whole. Would win. And then in the end, you get to the industrial park and try to break a window, you the real world, you'll play the real rules of golf.
First one in the Hole Wins Club. I love that you do reinvent the wheel, the first one in the whole win. Now, let's not keep score. First of all, we only had like two clubs and it was the only times I've gone golfing, like by the third hole, I am so fucking bored. And then by then, somebody is always in a bad mood because they're not playing well and they're over there muttering to themselves. And then you can't talk to them, you don't talk to me.
I'm in a bad fucking mood and.
I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to go play you play. That's why I'll be a member of the chorus somewhere, which is not crazy. Someone's obsessed with golf. You can be members. It, of course, is for three hundred bucks a month or something. Whatever your thing would be, they're not all this crazy stuff. Kind of some are.
But in the long run we had a box and then you have to pay for a round or is it just now? I mean different. Some are six hundred bucks somewhere you can find some that are three hundred. My dad is going somewhere that I mean he was nothing because they were trying to get members and it's not the best course. But I want to say he paid. It's like under one hundred dollars you would have paid for Rowman, you might pay for a cart.
It's like bobcats and shit on the course. It's I mean yeah there's you got to move the ball around because you're like is in a dirt pile and you're like and you're in the fairway and you're the guy that's moved.
It was I always thought with the scariest courses were the ones in Florida where there's like alligators, you know, that's where I grew up playing.
Yeah. Fuck that. Alligators too. When rattlesnakes, moku water moccasins. You could you when you lost your ball in the woods, sometimes you'd be like, nah, I think I'm just going to let it go. Now, let me ask this, has anybody died in course in Florida, in Florida going to try and retrieve a ball? Lost their leg to an alligator. It was a guy down in San Diego, the San Diego area, an older guy.
They were on this hole and there was like some sort of cliff or something led down to the fuckin street in the golf cart was in reverse. And I think he was in the passenger seat and he was leaning over doing one of those, went right off the back and killed himself. So it's a tough sport, you guys. My dad had only just realized we all have beards. Joe Theismann, my dad broke his leg like Joe Theismann golfing.
He was standing in the back of his back at a cart and an older guy was with them. And his old man went to try to drive the car with just his feet. And he sort of just pressed the gas, though, and just snapped into my dad's leg. And it was like the Joe Theismann great surge.
Bill, if you search if you search that on Google, if you type in death by alligator on the golf course immediately follows it up. There have been several headlines from twenty eighteen. Was it dragged in the water. Golfer called nine one one to report.
Oh God dude, what's worst Bill?
The scariest fuckin thing's ever eaten by an alligator Komodo dragon. Oh fucking Komodo dragon Komodo dragons. Like I don't even understand how those things are illegal.
They bite you and then they track you because they know you're going to die. They just follow you.
If you're so small, there's enough of them. They all just hold on to you and still they just fucking start ripping apart while you're alive. When we were Nexon, we were when we were kids in Tampa, we'd go down to we go down to like a lake by a green and just get in the water and feel with our feet and get balls. And you were just didn't know fear of alligators. Just fucking dumb kids get a bunch of balls and then sell them to golfers.
Would you sell them for a quarter? No, I barely remember. I remember I remember getting a nasty sinus infection from being in those nasty sinus infection. Yeah, so wait, I want to go back to the special you're taping where where are you taping it? So Universal. They're doing a lot of stuff up there. So we're the Universal Studios is and I guess in the.
Like, you know, like I think that America's Got Talent, American Idol, wherever they're taping that kind of stuff. And so one hundred people and I think I can yeah. And all that.
So you have an audience and everything. Yeah. One hundred people, they got to get tested and I think they're all wearing masks. So we'll see if that's all right. And I mean luckily I've been doing these driving so I you know, I've actually kind of really not minded to drive and I love them.
I think they're fucking great if you just do your show and you do your act and don't like I think anybody that's having trouble with them goes with the negative attitude in the way instead of just go and do your stupid act and tell your jokes and then put on a show and go back to your bus like that's what it is. But you can hear the people up front. So at least I'm kind of used to the weird timing.
No, you're I'm telling you right now because I've done some amphitheatres now. I did you do. In San Antonio. I'm not Ben Antonios. They're they sell picnic tables. So there's like a thousand people in the courtyard and they sell picnic tables and it but it's really close to you. I mean, meaning as opposed to driving. And man, I will tell you, when you go into this universal, you'll feel like you've been swimming with fucking overalls on when you get up and close to an audience having worked at these drive ins, you are going to be murdering.
I mean, you're going to be like, what the fuck is that? How funny I am. Because you're right. A new driver named. A brand new driver, the brand new driver to get a new driver. So what is the protocol for a friend of yours gets snagged by an alligator. You got to come up and you have.
We call the nine one one and it's fucking over. No, I'm going in after him. Is there a way because I know alligators, if they're straight at you, they got to turn to the side to get you. I think that they want to bite you. I think the party side is super fast. I think that when they turn to the side and get you, I think if they're right here in front of you, I don't think you can sit there going, well, they can't.
You've got to wait till they get to the side. I think their side needs happen.
All they come in like the I was watching one of those fucking guys who probably end up getting killed by one, but like, if you took, like, a club. A driver, I don't know which guys you guys would use with your new grip on it and you just started it.
There is no fucking way if that thing grabs you, I'm calling 911. If I got a club in my hand, I mean, I might no pun intended alligator on a couple of swings, but I'm not going to be like, yes, it just dragged him under I mean, it's fucking hell. But I would also think. Like when a wild animal grabs a human being, I always get I always blows my mind that we somehow survived long enough to have houses and clothes and shit like just everything is so much faster, so much stronger, like an alligator of a certain size.
Just grab your leg and goes like that. You're just going into the fucking water. It's taken you down and you're done. Right. I would try going in after my body. I would try to act like I'm with the alligator on his side.
So then I'm like I'm like, I'm staying on the floor grabbing the longest club I can. I'm not going in the fucking water.
I am now. Are you hurt?
Yeah, because the working part of the alligator is already taken. Let me tell you, I like it. Roll up the hill. Let me tell you something.
You're not getting see, here's where your misconceive you think you like a fuckin Kobe beef fucking stomach and they would drop whatever he was all over.
You eat enough barbecue in your life, you might be your delicious.
I would be a good treat for an alligator. Alligators, you know, it's not going to be dirty, but it'll be a six foot and I can take it. I had an alligator when I was 20. What became an alligator? Me and my buddy John Paul, we lived together and we bought you could buy came an alligator at this like critter store and so we we bought one.
Just out of curiosity, what else are they selling? It critters. Just other alligators, rattlesnakes and shit.
It was all reptiles is a reptile place. I just went to a reptile place in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, Worx Bar or so I did before Koven and I go into you know, I made a whole big story about going to this Cape Fear circuitry. And so I like go into these weird reptile places and I see a handwritten sign that says reptiles and it's just in an office building. And I'm like, well, we got to go see what this guy is up to.
And he had a two headed turtle. You could buy an alligator there, a bunch of snakes, and he had a gun in his waistband of his pants. And so it was like that kind of place was the place to go. I bet the guy who he's renting this from doesn't know what he's actually doing in here.
It sounds like a Netflix series. Oh, it's the start of one. I mean, it can't I mean, he yeah, I remember hitting the gun was in, you know, not a holster like a holster. You're like, all right, this guy bought a holster. It's in his pants like they do in the movies. Can I back down on golf for half a second? Every time I've gone, I've had a great time hanging out with people, but they just take it so fucking seriously and they just like somebody is always in like a pissed off mood, like they just blew the US Open.
It's like all of the wrong guys that you're going with the wrong people. I'm smelling a Bellbird segment. Nate's out here. Me, Bill and Nate go golfing. What do you say opens the best sport for pandemic's covid then? I think tennis is better. Then you've got to hit a ball that you're connecting back and forth each other.
Yeah, but doesn't you don't touch it.
I mean you don't throw a golf ball, you're never your world is your clubs in your ball and then you're never. You're never sure it's a golf is great. Well, hang it up at the fucking tee off place, wait for you don't do that. You don't have to do that. So you don't do that. But you're you're you're smack and covid back and forth. Just hope, you know, all the back and forth. Just covid cocacola hoping everybody get on the ball.
Nate, there's a good chance we don't know that there's a breeze in the house, there's a breeze in the ocean that keeps it off the tennis ball. I think we do know that you can't you can't get it that way. Hey, mate, nice tug at the net at the end and say good match, then I think you could get it.
Make two shows tonight in a drive in 40 degree temperature. Look at my stage set up. How did you get those spaces? Kansas City. Where are you at? Oh, St. Louis. I just hit Kansas City and it was 39 degrees. And I learned that I hold my hand, I hold the mic with my left hand a lot because my pinky was. No, yeah. Oh, you know what? I don't move my I'm just left handed.
I never thought of it. Like Pinky started hurting because it was so cold that I would go, Oh. They know some comic was trying to tell me that Stand-Up is going to be over at the end of this, it's just like, dude, people are coming out in thirty nine degree weather to sit on grass outside to go see a movie. Yeah, it's going to be bigger than ever. It's not over. But I do think I'm borderline wanting a separation of stand up comedians.
I think we got a lot of people that are going to call themselves comedians now. And I think there's a lot of tricks being used up like you should. You have to be able to do an hour at an hour show to be called a stand up comedian. And then the rest of them can be you're an entertainer if you go this other route.
I smell a purist. I love it.
I'm getting serious about it. I'm not I mean, I'm going alone too long. Am I going to do something I always loved?
I loved when a like an X porn star would try stand up in, some comics would get mad. It's like, well, aren't you watching free porn? You kind of drove him or her into this, didn't you? I'm fine with that.
I don't I don't care about the that's like Goths. There's a lot of amateur golfers. There's a lot of I get the idea of people. You could sell tickets. Like I'm not against a lot of fat people trying not to have a heart attack or another out of that.
And they can they get to be they get to talk to us as if what the hardest thing to do is create a one hour. And you know what? It's so hard to create jokes that work all over the world. That's the toughest thing to do. So quit doing tricks that you get to go like, well, this thing is by trick that I get to use in my act instead of I get a package it like I'm the standard. What I love to watch stand up specials with you make.
I know back in the day, me and Doros, when Netflix first came out and if you just sent them a special, it was like they would put it on. They had some really bad ones. And we used to have one night a week we would watch them. And just sit there dying, laughing at, like, how bad they were. I think everybody does that and oh yeah, just to be random, like welders with welders.
See somebody who sucks at welding. I mean, they'll be on the ground dying, laughing like they're watching Richard Pryor. So I don't feel too bad doing stuff like that. But that's essentially how I ended up in this business as I would watch stand up comedy with a buddy of mine. And he'd be like, these guys aren't funny. We're funnier than they're we've got to try this shit. So I don't know.
I think there's I think I do think it's going to be better. The like it's getting, I think started becoming a little more mainstream of an art form or, you know, not that we castlebar form, but like as an entertainment thing to go do standup is way more out there than it ever has been. People can go look for it and do it and go to shows people come to these drive ins. I mean, I think it's getting I think it's the real deal.
You know, I think standup is the real deal. And I think we're going to we're going to get a lot more people coming in to say they're comedians that are just videos on Instagram, you know.
Yeah, like, I'm definitely of the school that stand up comedy evolves.
But to say that it's over, it's like people don't want to laugh anymore is that Jonathan says that's Yanase, who's the maniac that I love you. Honest. He thinks everything's OK. New York City. So, yeah, this country's over. Stand up is over. Yeah.
That's, you know, a long time.
Yeah. What was your favorite driving, Nate?
You know, Cape Cod, I thought was like just it's just where it's at at Cape Cod. And so where it was located and how they built it up. I'm about just the location of it I thought was very, very cool. Yeah. You watched movies. We watched Halloween and Louisville are the Laurenz. They played Halloween for us and we watched it alone sitting in chairs when no one was there. Just watch it on the big on the boat.
Then I myself.
Yeah I do two shows now so like it's really late when I get done I get it, you know, you're out there playing game.
You think there's other occupations where they bust balls like that, like you think doctors are like, yeah, I'm not a podiatrist, I'm a heart surgeon so I'll be barbecuing over here.
I bet they do a lot to do. Yeah, I'm a surgeon. You got for. All right. I got a baby heart surgery. So, you know, it's a big boy stuff, but. Yeah. I bet they do. Did you play Butler, Pennsylvania does the first one I did. That's my favorite one. That's my favorite one. That was the first one I did.
I did enjoy it. And then but that was the first one. So give me a second to get used to it. And should one and a half shows and then you just get used to. Oh yeah. You just get used to all this is what it sounds like. Like I did a lot out here and they were in their cars and I was also trying to remember my act. And then by the second show, it just becomes like, all right, now this level of laughing is killing.
So now I feel comfortable and I can tell my shit jokes here. It wakes me up. The great Yoni's Pappas, Nate Land is kind of he kind of coined that phrase. Isn't that the name of your podcast? Because he says every once you leave New York, everybody's just a bunch of walking around this hat and like Wal-Mart parking lot. No, no mask. You know, it's actually pretty insulting what he said.
No, it's it's but it's classic, the astounding ignorance of so many New Yorkers.
Dude, you know, when I worked with Versace, when we were in Santa, we were down from San San Antonio, Texas, to Austin, Texas. He legitimately asked me, do you think we need a gun because there's people sneaking over the Mexican border. It's just like, how dumb are you guys going to. This is my theory. Too many songs were written about New York City that blow New York City. You know, if I can make it there and then, you know, in New York, all that shit, they get so mesmerized by it that when they go out into the world like.
Like they go, they look at a skyline and they just go, this place sucks. We have more buildings than you. And it's just like I said, you can make it in New York. You got to move to L.A. now. So.
People always talk about how difficult New York is. It's infinitely more easy, I feel, than Los Angeles. Los Angeles is brutal.
You can come out here. It's like the entire you fly across the country. You watch it slowly dying. Right. It goes to this really rich, green, beautiful thing to just this fucking patch of dirt out here. And yeah, if you don't make it, then I mean, you look at you got three thousand mile ride back. If I didn't make it in New York, I could be in my car for three hours. I'd be back at my parents house.
Wasn't that big a deal that scientists would do because he would always tell me I don't have culture and I'm like, you lived three three blocks from your mother, from your mom's house. She was three blocks from here. I go, I'm from Tennessee. I go, what are you talking about? Just because a guy from Nigeria that's next door to you doesn't mean you get what he's been through, you know?
No, they're meatheads. I'm not saying I'm not a meathead, but Janice and all. Although he is a meathead, I'd love to meet him.
This doesn't feel right because he's not here because I would definitely say was only right. Don't worry. He is just on his podcast when none of us are there.
So I actually think that New Yorkers get scared when they leave New York or something. Something happens because they always have to take a picture of the skyline and say that it's lame. Where it's kind of like, you know, I go to like I don't know, I go to New York and I think it's fucking amazing. It's like the Paris of America. I think it's I think it's great. But I can still go to Philly and do Philly shit and have a good time.
Pittsburgh's one of my favorite claiming. I like Milwaukee, I like Chattanooga. I just do what people do when you go there. I don't try to fucking get, you know, a great slice of pizza when I'm in Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Not saying they can't get a good slice in Chattanooga. He can't get it in fucking place is fucking close it fucking. It's like you guys go out at 11:00 at night. Yeah. Nobody does drinking for four hours. You could be done by 11:00 if you left at 7:00. Are you drinking these days.
No, I have a drink for a year and a half. Two years.
Yeah, for good. I don't know, maybe maybe I mean, it's you know, it just hurts too much. It's it's no fun. We're on the road constantly. Being BRX had two different experiences. We went Daytona was a real big problem. And then Talladega, we were very normal. And just sit and watch the race. Daytona.
I don't even remember what happened at Daytona. There wasn't a problem. We we we got we went we got after we because I was like freaking out. Yeah. I was like, well we we had to start drinking early because I was like, dude, this is what they do. So we have to drink at eight a.m. So we woke up and just had booze at eight to get some.
I remember that we had our hotel rooms on the same floor. Yeah, I had that same room because I only found in the we had a I found a two bedroom apartment. It was impossible to get a place. That's right. Because it sells out like a year before. You could do three did you guys do a show there or just go there? We did a show with one of your specials just aired the week before, and it was your first show back.
And I was actually going to take my stand ups the half hour on Netflix that next week I was flying back to L.A. and and then we went to Daytona. We met up. We did the show. And then the next day we went to Talladega. I mean, Daytona and just the Gronkowski was there. Keanu Reeves said he was a big fan and was doing an impression of you to you.
Are you going to Reeves was doing an impression of Bill Burr to Bill Burr. Yeah.
Do you remember that movie all set up in the Bay Citizen? That they introduce all the celebrities. And so I thought because I thought, well, Burr is up there. And then I actually got up there and I was in the corner and I just got to be oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Next, the town of Reeves. And he was like a big fan.
No fucking way. Bill, how do you not tell me this?
Dude, I was pretty hammered. There was another one, Gronkowski. The whole Gronkowski family was there. Wait, wait, wait. How long would it, Bill, as you've had interacted with the Gronk bill? Now I just leave them alone. That's my my thank you to them as I leave them alone. I'm not going to go with the girl I grew up for you to the and then he stuck in that conversation again. I want to say Rex Ryan just said, oh, that comedy guy us to come here.
I would talk to him, but if if he doesn't say shit to me, do Gronkowski nothing but getting bothered. They're all going to get bothered to do it, I know you, but you've got you're coming in this site at Gronk.
I just want to say that is now I watched that whole clip.
When you talk to Sandler, I love you too much, but I can't watch it when you fucking do this shit when it's over. It's perfect.
You just go, hey, Adam, I just want to say before you go, when you get that, it's just like going like, oh, no, rewind, rewind. Go back to pre decision.
Oh. I can't help it, man, it's who I am, I got to be who I am. You do.
And that's working for you're not going to be who I am, which is means I get fucking. I used to get hammered in the glory days. They'll pass you by. We if I had fun at both of those, I had fun at Talladega watching everybody else get rich and do an accent that was Deep South. There were some people out there wearing some shit that like, you know, I don't think a hipster could put together if they were doing like some sort of sketch, but they were totally.
But the thing about the hipster sketch is that it takes out the fact that the guy you're looking at who's dress crazy also can take an entire car apart, put it back together. And it's better than it was, though, which is my big complaint with liberals in their their elitist attitudes towards flyover states. It's like this doctors, this mechanics, the scientists, all of these fucking people live there, too, you know what I mean? And what you tell jokes and you left the state.
To go fuck and host a game show and all of a sudden you're better, I don't know what if we what if we announce a one day is a national fall off the wagon day where everyone in America can just drink for one day and it doesn't count against your streak or whatever makes you feel good about not drinking? Because I'm bummed that I'm never going to have a wake up early morning drinking day with Bill and with Nate. Like like I'm glad you guys are happy.
I'm glad you guys are healthy, but fuck, I'm bummed that sounds so drink no together.
You know, because I was I was too like when I was on the borderline worried about, like I say, time drinking. I mean you did get skank at Skank Fest. We had a week together. Yeah. We're like that was a week. We're both our wives were we didn't call them and we just getting called the next day. We are not calling. Yeah. We get on like a.. It's like I mean murder murdered. I don't know what to say.
DeRosa was there and it was like a real man, like we were out every night that was up on this fucking shit. That was the greatest weekend ever.
And I mean, my wife was the whole week was like, I mean, you're not cool. You're just not calling. When you go to bed, I go, I don't I don't normally go into bed.
I know I would I do the thing with my wife where I talk to her when I'm hammered. And then the next morning I go, so where are the girls? And she goes, You don't remember what happened last night? I was like, but she was. I told you all about this last night. And I go, No, I'm asking now, where are they? Because they're still camping. And I'm like, Oh yeah, yeah, right, right, right, right, right.
But I thought they got back, you know. I know I can't I've been in your position. There's people that I would love to address. But you had thirty five years to drink with me. Did we really think though. I don't. We only did it a couple of times.
We only drink menu. I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm going to give you a very meaningful because that was one of my favorite drinking times with you. A very meaningful Gilberg drinking moment. We're about to do the Roxy for goddamn comedy jam. We go up and we go up and we're in the green room. And the green room was just it was like people that were on hit shows and they didn't know there weren't like there was some people that just didn't know comedy.
And I remember one girl said to Bill, you do stand up. And Bill just kind of looked at me. He goes, let's go next door. Let's go get a drink. Went to the Rainbow Room, right. We went over, we had a whiskey. And Bill and I both have a whiskey and he goes. We made it, man, like we're at the Rainbow Room having a whiskey before doing a show the fucking Roxy got and we toasted and I went, fuck, man, it was I appreciate the fact that you could find the small thing and enjoy it with your cocktail.
You could take that cocktail and let it represent something more than just let's just go get a drink. And I was like, fuck, I didn't I didn't slow down and smell the roses. I'm at the goddamn rainbow room. We're performing at the fucking Roxy like this is this is like if you told me this in eighth grade, I'd be like, no fucking way. And I'm here. And I was like, I remember wanting to go, Bill, actually, you've made it.
I'm with you, dude. I've been saying that for 15 years. Once I quit my day job and I told jokes for a living, the fact that I got up when I wanted to. It's crazy, it's just that I mean, that that's as free as they'll let you be. When do you get up, when I'm not tired. I mean, I got kids, so that changed. But when I was a single man and I was just telling jokes and I had no other gig other than my ten minutes set at night and midlane on the weekend when I didn't have a fucking day job and I was in New York City, my little walk through bedroom, I felt like a fucking king any time I wanted.
I could I could I could stay out as late as I wanted. I had nobody to fucking answer to and I was making enough money to keep that going. I mean, like, I don't know, I for the longest time, I am a very I'm a simple dude. You give me a bottle of bourbon and me TV. It's it. You're not going to see me for a week.
We meet TV shows, all the shows I grew up watching and all the ones I missed, like baño check. I never even saw that that took place in Boston. 77 Sunset Strip, I knew Efrem Zimbalist Jr. from the FBI show, I didn't know from that of Peter Gunn. That's that Sampoerna. No, no, no, no, no, no. That was the theme song to that.
I just got into all of these old cop gumshoes shows, old movies. It makes you feel good, too, is I think as far as just like watching today's news where they just they just focus on histeria to a fault, to a fault.
Like if you do a show in front of fifteen hundred people and fourteen hundred ninety nine, have a great fucking time. And one person says they were triggered. The story is that you had a controversial show, which is just it's not true, but it's two thirty here. I got some shit I got to do here man. So let's let's wrap this up.
We're going to have you on anytime you're easy. Fucking podcast, man. Yeah, I would love it. I love to hang with you. I always enjoy it. Have me in. He's right in between both of us. Right. He's a Southern guy, leans towards you. He doesn't drink any more, leans towards me. He's got a beard. He made fun of Yannis Pappas. I mean, what else do we need here? This is the perfect guess what else you want.
We've got to have you on this one now, Bill. Have him defend himself.
Oh, yeah. Honest. I'd love to have you honest. I'd love to have a son. I think he just had a he had a baby girl, right?
Yeah. So what call what upcoming shows you got, Nate.
This this weekend is Dallas, Austin, two shows in Austin and Dallas to see something nice, nice outdoors, outdoors, outdoors and used to doing half a show.
So once you get used to it then I think December five and six or four or five I'm doing San Diego. And on the that weekend, December five, six, I believe, San Diego.
And so it is up when you come out here. I will. I want to go to a party, will take some video. Look, I know it's not bad.
You're going to part three.
We're going to go to a real nice place. OK, nice. All right, all right. I'm not going to practice and I'll show you I'll still keep it on the fairway.
So one last question, one last question. Have you seen the cabin on Netflix? And what do you think?
You know, I'm a huge fan. I was excited for you to see it. I have not I haven't got to watch it yet, but I know everybody's in it. I didn't get last minute. I appreciate that. So I'll watch it as much as you ask me to be in it. So we got. All right. Burned to the ground. But I do need your career. Season two, you and Bill in an episode. What do you think?
I'm down. I'm probably busy, but I'm down.
Let me check out of Luck. We'll all go golfing. All right. The great Napat Godse, everybody. Thank you so much. Thanks, guys. All right.