Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time to wait. That's not how I do it. How do I do it under the pay everybody else? Well, it's going to go it's time for another wonderful episode of Bill Burton. Hey, what's going on, everybody? It's time for another wonderful episode. There it is of the bell or pod cast. There we go.
Forgot how I did the intro here. How you been? I've been good, man.
I've been I've been stressed. This covid shit's got me stressed. Got me stressed.
I've taken since coming next month. You take it, you start walking around like this, you lethargic. You don't care what the government's doing to you. Yeah, my brother cold again.
I mean, I'm, I'm at the point where I'm going to take it without no questions asked. I'm going to take it out.
Every doctor I know has taken it and and or so they say are your cardiologist took it and he told me he goes, why wouldn't you take it? I'm a fucking doctor. He goes, did what was the analogy he used? It was it was an analogy on something, maybe cooking steaks. And he was like, if you said cook it on medium high for seven minutes, you do it right. And I was like, yeah, he's like, I'm a fucking doctor.
I took the fucking vaccine. So so I feel so bad for them. It be like. I don't know, I am trying to equate it to our business, if the most unfunny people, because I look at doctors like some of the smartest people, and then you have some of the dumbest people ever questioning. You are saying that I know it better, it would be like somebody who just was never funny ever in their life saying that I guess I don't know you.
That's a bad analogy. No, it's not. But during the holidays, I would have thought you would have jumped in and saved me there. But you didn't. You just let me die in the pain that I saw.
I saw. Let me start this because people construe things bad. I love Godfrey, but I saw I watch his Instagram stories all the time. Right. Or his videos. So yesterday I'm laying in bed panic attacks. And I see Godfrey. I go with someone who can calm me down right now. He didn't calm me down in the way I thought. I thought he'd call me down with comedy. But very seriously, someone goes, he's reading comments.
He's reading comments. He's like, do I believe the moon landing was great? Because, yeah, I don't believe in the moon landing. And he just kept reading and I started laughing so hard. I was like, you know how your brain is? Like, my brain got so separated from what I was thinking about, where I was like, hold on, Godfreys. Both of his parents are two of the most educated human beings in Chicago.
Godfrey grew up in a household where books were worshipped. And then I started going to I need to do some research on this fucking moon landing, like, do I need to go like where's my head as I do?
The Internet is not research.
The Internet is not going to the library is research. The Internet is not research because there's no. There's no governor running, anybody can post anything as fact. Yeah, oh, I watched the video 10 reasons Mississippi is the worst state in the world and I started watching it.
And it was just and by the way, you start you start watching it and you're like, this all adds up. The Mississippi has the fattest human beings living in our country. Mississippi's education system is the law and there is no. Footnote to back up this facts that this is a child saying it, a child saying it, who's got a grudge, some girl from Mississippi broke his fucking heart. He's an Alabama guy. Alabama Shites. Georgia shits on Alabama.
Alabama shits on Mississippi. Mississippi is is the North's fault.
Why? Because we won the war and we fucked over the South. We fucked them and is still recovering. Do we move down that we moved to North Carolina in 1987? My dad got transferred because of business, we went down there. We were all like CS and D and we immediately all became A's and B's. They were like 18 months to two years behind in school. It's just it's it's not right. Those are Americans. We shouldn't have left them like that.
You are up and there's a group around the front of the room by the chalkboard and you're like, what are you guys working on there? Like, how do we get this pencil sharpener to get it so sharp? We're talking like a stick sharp. And Bill just goes, You mean like this is like, oh, shit, you're Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting in the South. If you just did that, I mean, it wasn't that bad, but it was like literally, you know, instead of doing algebra, they were like adding fractions.
Was it like years behind, but it was significantly it was it was like you stayed back a grade, but you went there and you would progress the year. It was weird, fuckin hilarious. Now, granted, this was thirty three years ago, so hopefully it'll come back around. But like. I like how like when they shoot on state impoverished states, they act like they made the decision to be that way.
I want I need I need I realize I'm watching this video yesterday and I realize I've never really been to Mississippi like I've never been to miss. And I've been I've been there, man.
What I've driven through it on my way to New Orleans.
But but if only it has its own it's got its own vibe, like any state. It's that weird thing where it's if you drive in Alabama, you wouldn't know it unless there was a sign. But you get out and you talk to people. There's definitely a it's definitely a different vibe. Like if it was the three bears, the parades would be too hot when you were in Georgia and it'd be too cold in Mississippi. And I think Alabama is just right.
I always thought going to college in Mississippi would have been amazing. Going to college. If you're a sports fan or you were in Florida, man, the Florida Florida is the South. You guys just for some reason are like this appendix hanging off of the country and they just don't like when. I think it's because it's also like Miami. Which is considered like, you know, that's one of our best cities, let's look at women, all this money, all this beautiful stuff to do down there.
So they got that. So everybody, all these people, they kind of fly over Gainesville and all of that, or you just go to Orlando with your family, go to SeaWorld like I feel like like Florida is kind of like a one night stand like state, you know, some hot chick you bang, but you don't get into a relationship. You know, you go down to Miami, do a little blow. You know, you call up a modeling agency, you throw some dollars around, you know, you meet that Eppstein guy, maybe go to his island, then a couple of sunsets.
You're on your way. Yeah. And then and then I think, you know, and then when you settle down, you forget about all the hookers you bang and you have some kids. Then you go to you fly in for like two or three days. You take a monorail, you look at some imprisoned animals.
It rail. Yeah. You do that and then you leave. That's kind of what it is, but around all of that, yeah, real Florida. Mississippi gets a bad rap in the south. I think I think Arkansas gets what state gets the worst rap out of all the states. I think Mississippi does. You know, I oh, I thought you were going to agree with me, I was like, oh my God, you nailed it.
I think I don't know shit about it, but just as far as me doing weekends down there. I felt like in Mississippi, you did stand up.
I've never done in Mississippi, yeah, Mississippi was the deepest into the South I had ever been where it was like, you know, you go on the you're in the capital, whatever the hell it was, the Jackson Jackson, the Confederate flag flying over, they just got rid of the Confederate flag in November.
Yeah, well, you know, there's people it means different things to different people, but you kind of have to I think you have to address what it means to, you know, the Magnolia's.
I would I would think you can't be like, well, to me, it just means that there is something really interesting about can't really cut that part of it out, you know what I mean? You're sort of like cutting out a whole thing, ignoring it. I know.
But here's here's where devil's advocate. OK, but like growing up in Florida, we had no civic pride, right? Like there was no like what is the word civic mean? Meaning I didn't give you didn't give a fuck about AMPA like you were. You were like you live in Tampa, but like no one knows with the box. They were horrible. We had no baseball team, no hockey team. People's grandparents lived there. So like you didn't like if you lived in L.A., you had the Dodgers.
You're the the the the Lakers. You're like, I'm sure L.A., you know, NWA, if you lived in Boston, Boston had nothing but civic pride, brought Boston through NWA and now it's not going to be Hollywood actresses.
Yeah, but like the Dodgers, the Lakers, NWA, I never I was jealous when I first moved to New York and I felt like people were like, yeah, I'm from Brooklyn and the room would go nuts. Or they go, you know. So I grew up in the Bronx and everyone was like, Yeah, Bronx Boogie Bronx, downtown Boogie Bronx, whatever. And then you'd go to, like, I remember performing at Faneuil Hall and and people would say, where they from?
Like, you hear the guy go, I'm grew up in Southie or whatever, and everyone's like like we don't have it in Tampa. You can be like. So I grew up in Brandon and everyone's like, oh yeah, that's right outside like yeah. And so but but Ebor City, I grew up in Ebor City but somewhere like Mississippi, Mississippi. And it's and it's interesting because their civic pride is tied to the civil war somehow meaning like they remember the good old days, my dad, my, my granddaddy came.
That was my great great granddaddy. You know, like it's an interesting kind of like. Civic pride is people people look out their own headstone, so their experience was the north was fucking them over. Yeah. And then they they wanted to leave. They fought and they lost, so. Fuck the north. That's what that and they completely ignore, it's like how some of the most progressive people out there are still walking around wearing clothes that were made in a sweatshop by some crying kid.
And they're standing there like, you know, he or she or him, her, whatever the fuck is supposed to write on Twitter, right?
Yeah, I don't think it's he she is definitely not. He she does riot trying to keep up with the kids here at Kent. So they're so like to and women are beaten every day. And I always everyone so just picture the person that sewed together whatever dress that they were fucking wearing, just watching it and just seeing the irony of this person who feels I am a really good, caring person. So I think a lot of stuff that people do.
Just sort of the average offensive shit, they're not even doing it on purpose. They're just doing it out of like it's like the world begins right here where I am, and my problem is in that direction and that's what I'm looking at. And I don't see any of this. So a lot of it, which is why, like when people judge people on the Internet where it's just to me, oh, he's in the Klan, oh, this person does this to blah, blah, blah.
It's like, dude, that there's a whole spectrum of of this like full on, like, yeah, I'm flying the Confederate flag because, you know, fuck this shit and white power and all of that all the way to like somebody just looking out their own fucking white head and seeing what white northerners did to white southerners. And that's what it means to them. So it's a you know, it's one of those things where you just you're not going to.
You know, if that's that's its own mini pandemic, as far as there's going to be people with 50 million different theories and, you know, shit that makes sense to you will make absolutely no sense to somebody else. That's why this is why we're doomed.
Did you see them go after Kylie Jenner the other the other day? I don't know who they are and I don't know who Kylie Jenner is, obviously part of the the Kardashian clan, Kylie Jenner is I see people not with the K. She, I guess, had worn fur at one point. And these animal rights activists attacked her. I guess she was shopping somewhere. And one of the people that works.
Wait, wait, wait a minute. Somebody in the Kardashian, I didn't think they had to shop anymore. I thought they just sent them this shit.
I guess. I guess I guess they're throwback people. They like to go walk around the store every now and then slam it.
And, you know, why wouldn't you just want all the shit sent to your house in a pandemic? Why wouldn't you just be like, hey, can you send over like a truck? We'll go to the truck and then we'll send the truck home with the ship we don't want.
Yeah, and if you're if you're on like the Kardashians are Jenners, you're like in the Kennedy family of, like, fashion, can't you just say, hey, I saw that bag, I'd like to wear it and take a picture of it on Instagram and you'll sell ten billion of them. How does that sound, dude? Or she could go to the store and to a bunch of animals like you and me pivot us.
A distracting tidbit from this story is I watched a documentary on Macho Camacho. Hector Macho Camacho. Yeah, there is a he's passed away. I'm not mocking the dead men, but there is a very heart heartwarming moment where he starts to pop. Right. He starts to really get his momentum and he has. I wish I could get I mean, I wish I could show you representation, he has designed outfits that he would like to start wearing, but he's done it with crayons and and scissors.
So he's like drawing it and then cut it out. And he's showing it to people like like. So what do you think of this? And you're like. I mean, it's it was so heartwarming because you're like you're like he he's. He's got the he's got the confidence he always needed in his life to get out of his comfort zone and go, you know what, man? I'm an amazing boxer, but I'm also a designer and I want to show you some of my designs.
But he's done it with crayons. And you're just like, oh, my God. Like your heart breaks for that guy going like, fuck. I mean, it's almost like if I said, hey, design an outfit for yourself to wear to the Emmys and you went, OK, and you did it yourself with crayons and scissors and then cut out your feet and then you like, put it up to your head, you're like, what do you think about I mean, it was.
Anyway, I would love to say that I wouldn't do something along the lines of that, but I will. I would have a piece of paper this. Would you make a vision board first? Hey, wait, let's talk about the days that you went to the mall. They attacked her.
OK, will you please Google? Andrew, you please Google Hector Macho Camacho Fashion Designs and see if you can find the cutouts he made. It is precious anyway. So the attacker and it's what you said is they go after her and they are calling her an animal and a monster and they were trying to block her car, but they've got their iPhones, which was made in a sweatshop by a child. Right. They've got megaphones that were made in China by some poor woman making a penny every every every every hour, and that they're oblivious to all of the hurt they're bringing on the people.
Their focus is the animal and Kylie. So their righteousness is kind of an ignorant righteousness, if that makes sense.
That's what that's why you can't be preachy. On a podcast or, you know, I'm sure I've been guilty of that again, but I try not to be. How about that? I'm a human being. I fail a lot. All right. You try not to because you can't live up to it. No, can't live up to it. There's no. Like I remember when I first was reading about sweatshop labor, I went on the Internet and I tried to find clothes that were not made in a sweatshop and there were these clothes call.
It was called No Sweat was was the company line. I don't know if they're still around. And I looked at those clothes and I was like, if I wear those down to the Comedy Cellar, I might have to retire. Patrice, give Keith all of them. Vohs Norten. They're going to destroy me so bad. And I chose. My own, I chose myself. And I was like, to heck with those people that have to work there.
I don't want to go down to the Comedy Cellar wearing these clothes. And take a trashier so far, I mean. She she worked for me, you know, it's like so did Kamron and so did so did guys. Guys, people are known out. These other people, they're thinking about themselves. I mean I mean you I'm sure you could find it, by the way, Cameron, probably like I'm actually I didn't wear fur. I'm just guessing.
I'm guessing. I'm guessing that Pink Panther. Do you remember that, that what Peter Sellers and that one movie with that woman, that hot chick, was just walking around with nothing but a fur and high heels on? Oh, my God, I don't know. I just thought of that. I have fur.
Used to be the shit. By the way, I used to be the ship who was telling the story of my dad, was telling the story of he had a buddy who worked for the guys, passed away yet. But my dad had a rich buddy. I won't say the guy's name, but the guy said, you know, he was a pilot back in Vietnam. And so he could fly by and he says to my dad, why don't want me in the why don't we take a group up to.
To New Hampshire, one of those like little sea towns, like a nice little sea town, but it was also with the beauty of it is being gentrified. But there Will was still the segment that was a fishing town. It still was a fishing town. So you had logit Mark Wahlberg, George Clooney and those guys coming in from the sea. And he said, you know, there's a great bar that the locals hang out at and all you want to go down and get like get a cocktail.
And my dad, my dad, through and through will he would never claim it. He's a blue collar guy. His dad was blook. Is that's how he identifies you wouldn't say it out loud. It's not his brain doesn't work to find value in preaching that. But he is a blue collar guy. He he goes and meets a guy downstairs and the guy is a mink. A mink. Vest, my dad's. I got to know where he's taking me, and they walk right to the ocean and go to this dive bar that only, only the only fishermen in the area.
And they sit down and the guy the lady goes, what can I get you guys? And my dad goes, whiskey neat. And she goes, Great. Looks at him, says, What can I get you? And he goes, OK, can you make a graham cracker martini?
Now we got to go guy. And he goes, I'm not really sure I get out and he goes, if I pull it up and show you the ingredients, can you see if you have to make one? She goes, Yeah. And he goes, and I hope this isn't too much trouble. You don't have an umbrella to put in it. We're on vacation.
My God, my dad said you sucked down the drain so quick, the go, go, go, go, go. And he was like, let's get out of here. And he goes, she really kills those graham cracker martini. How about one more? My dad goes, Oh, fuck.
Oh, my God, dude, I got so uncomfortable listening to all of that. Oh, that ran out of that. I would have I would have canceled his order. It would have just been like, sorry, he doesn't know any better. He doesn't know any better. Just get him a Budweiser and and a Jamison or something.
So do you want to hear you want to hear something amazing? I thought about you all Christmas morning or Christmas like you or. So my wife listen to our podcast oh, now, yup. And she said to me, I got you a present and I just want to let you know I've been listening to Bellbird and I went, I'm not. I'm not. I'm super kind to you. I'm Dilbert. She was why? I didn't catch any of that.
But I think you're going to like your Christmas present. First thing she got me.
I wish I had it with me. I almost wish I had it with me because I couldn't understand what it was. It was it looked like it looked like four like it was a silver gold thing and it had like four little sticks coming up out of the thing. Like, I go, I don't know what the fuck this is. She goes, keep opening. So I opened up another thing and it's a crystal.
Glass like like a nice highball crystal, crystal glass I go. OK, so just keep opening open up another thing and it's a little glass spoon, like a crystal glass spoon. In a crystal glass jar, she goes, keep opening. I open it and it's a crystal cigar holder. And I said, What is this? And she goes on January 21st, 4th, you will wake up like Winston Churchill. These are everything that he had on his tray.
No way. I'll serve you breakfast in bed. You can have a cigar and a whiskey and really enjoy yourself the way Winston Churchill did. Bill Afroz, I started getting I started tearing up. I went. You listen to me like you, and she goes, that I did, I do good, I do good. And I was like, crushed it. We crushed it. This is and she goes, I've got some more things come in.
They couldn't get there in time, but this is the base of it. Oh, my God. You got your nice tray and the girls were there. They're like, so January 24th. We're going to wake you up and everything's going to be done really nice, and that thing was so you could put your toast in it and you're toast could stand up like the little first thing she gave me. And I'm like, oh, I'm like. I go, what she goes by, I heard you and Bill talking about it, and I know the way you guys are talking about it made it sound so romantic.
And I know you get your hat, you're you hang your hat on that, that the idea of it. So me and the girls went and watched the darkest hour and we took a picture of everything on his tray and we just went and bought it.
I went, that's amazing, Bill.
I was fucking like, not that's that's if. So if there's any women listening here, if you can figure out what your man's Winston Churchill breakfast is, because, you know, a lot of people aren't into whatever we're in to do, that's the the little effort thing. I mean, what's that's what that's going to do for your relationship for a good six weeks, just first of all, the anticipation of it. Oh, and then at least for the next month.
She is she did that. So you know you know that she loves your. Yeah, that's for who I am. Bill, I wanted I got on my phone. He's going to do it. I got on my phone, I'm sitting there still on my phone, like and I'm like going to take a picture and send it to you, then I'm going to face time you. And then and then she goes, hey, what do we want more?
And I go, No, I want to call Bill. And she goes, Fucking tell Bill later. We've got that for you. And I was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, fuck. Oh. I was like, my first instinct was to call you and go, Bill, look what I got.
You're never going to fucking believe because I mean, like, you're at the sports book and you just hit your three teen trying to call the Christmas Day.
That's fucking awesome.
And I was so floored, I kept looking at better. I was like, wait, do you get to smoke the cigar inside in bad bill? I get to smoke a cigarette in bed. In bed. I feel like if I was doing that, I would be like this just like I died or something. Yeah, and I did good enough that I didn't go to hell, but not good enough that I get to see all my friends. But if this is what it is and I got a TV, I can do this because I can smoke and I'm not going to die of cancer now.
I'm already dead. This is fucking great, dude.
I was so fucking floored. I was like, I couldn't say anything like I was I kept going like and then all through the day I go, you fucking killed it, you killed it like you killed it like and then and then Eila, I mean and here's the other thing is then like so then they that's my reaction to them then Eila. I hope she never sees this. I mean, it's just a weird present, she got me acid washed jeans and a atto sweatshirt like my fraternity sweatshirt, and she was like, I know you like time travel.
So now you can dress like you used to dress in the past.
And I'm like. Huh? Do you want this is my life, this is like this is like the perfect Christmas and then Georgia goes, Georgia goes.
I know your spirit animal is an owl like you like for whatever reason. I see owls everywhere and I always go, there she goes. That's your totem is an owl. She goes, I got you a pinky ring with an owl on it. I'm like, that's the greatest. And I go, but I'm not like a pinky ring guy.
And she goes, Well, you are now because it's a great pinky ring and then nobody can challenge it either. Yeah, I got it. Got me this so that I liked owls was I not going to wear it.
And I'm like and I love owls, I love owls. And so I like walked away and I was like, I mean I was like that's the best Christmas that they could ever like. It was just so. Thoughtful. Like I was I was just sitting there going like and then I got them, I got them a couple axes, a switchblade, some golf clubs like my I didn't hold up compared to theirs.
I know they kind of opened with the closure. And you know what that reminds me? Have you ever watch when an owl, like, protects its young? This is killer video of the thing. It's like it's young, we're behind it. And it was some sort of snake or something trying to slither in. And that thing like I'm trying to do is put up like it's all of its feathers like that and was like doing this shit with this fuckin scowl on its face and it looked like it looked like it was in some killer movie.
And you came around the corner and this this this was like the head of this badass gang, like in the Warriors is something and you were about ready to get the fuckin ass kicking of a lifetime. And if you can find that video and post that to our listeners, it was like they were in like an attic or something like that. It might have just been the thing reacting to the camera light. But the way, like so many animals, they try to make themselves look bigger.
The way that it put it, it went down and put all of its its tail feathers, the whole thing, put it up and was like moving its head like that. But, you know, they just always look like they're pissed off.
I was like these six of this shit, dude, my my dad goes, he's complaining about my mom, like Christmas, Christmas night. We're at my sister's house and he's complaining about my mom. He goes, the Internet.
Not good for this woman. It's just not I mean, you know, kids are fine with the Internet. People our age should not be on the Internet. And he was like, you know, sometimes I look at her and I go, I don't know who I married. And I'm like, what are you talking about? He goes. Some of the videos she watches because I walked walked in the other day. She's been on her phone. I don't know if she's watching.
She's been on the phone for like 30 minutes. She's watching jigga removal videos. I go watch Jega removal videos. He goes, it's these worms that grow in African kids feet and they've got to pull them out with a knife. And I go. And so immediately, me and my sisters Google Jega removal.
And it is fucking fascinating. It's like all of a sudden me and my sisters are like, oh, my God. And it's there's there's a word of there's a word it's called tripto morphia or tripto phobia. I think it's called where you're where you are you. You get your averse to looking at a gathering of small holes, you, as you know I'm talking about now, it's called to phobia, I think it's what it's called gathering.
So if you saw somebody pause, you'd be, you know.
Yeah, yeah. Kind of actually is a good kisser. I getting close to your face, I could see the pause and it freaks me out. Is it out of your mouth is a big hole to have a picture of it, Andrew.
So now some people are hardcore adverse to this. If they see this picture, it freaks them out like stuff like that. Second sponge. Yeah, no, no, but it's the whole gathering, will this fucking Jega removal? And by the way, I am the opposite. What is it that what is as gross as a matter they feel like what if I was walking there and I fell in it? Do they have a phobia? They see it and they just go, oh, god.
Oh God. Oh, God, oh, god not. Can we can we please pull those up, by the way? And you pull the one up for the woman's nipple. Have you seen that one, Andrew? Phobia woman's nipple. It's a it's a Photoshop. Someone did. And it was like the biggest thing on Facebook where it was it would show up in everyone's corner and they're like, do you have this? And everyone's like, I fucking hope I don't.
But this jiggering trick, a phobia or a nipple with a bunch of holes in it, you see tripto phobia nipple. Andrew, I'm looking at.
So anyway, this chigger removal, it ultimately triggers that trip to phobia so some people can watch it and go, holy shit and like freak out and some people like me, I love it.
And so all of a sudden and my mom, for whatever reason, when you see a gathering of holes, you see that No. One I saw the look on your face.
It's aggressive on the screen.
And it's just I mean, I see it and it makes it for whatever reason. It calms me down, like makes me like, all right, everybody, it's him.
Hey, is that hairline slowly starting to move backward?
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Good job, Bill. All right. You did a great job.
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Do you see that? Yeah. So people. I mean, it just looks like something you'd see in coral reef or something, there's a honeycomb. I think one of the ones you just pulled up was fucking people. Yeah, the nipple one was one that would pop up on on ads. This is the image of absolutely nothing positive or negative. Oh, I get so excited, I see that. And I want I wanted to have it on my finger.
I want to have holes all over it. I fucking stare at it all day long and I fucking fill it with hydrogen peroxide. Oh, God.
But these fucking you have to think that maybe you should have been like a dermatologist. Oh my God.
Are you kidding me. I can't if I think there's so much shit I could have done they just didn't know would have been like like an itching my itching that and like.
Can I get that. Oh my God. As a ringtone. It was one of the greatest. Oh my God. Oh my God. Jesus Christ, Bert. Oh, God, it's just a hobby for you, and you're this good at it. What do they wanted to be a Dermot's like the fucking Carlin, a dermatologist. We got him out of here telling fucking shit jokes and drive ins.
Have you ever seen the ever seen Dr. Pimple Popper?
My wife would watch them all when she gets a dilated poor eye. I get my I get so my daughter and I text back and forth pictures of dilated bore removals, like, consistently.
OK, I can, because they have a strong bond with your daughter. My daughter, I walked in one time.
She goes, she's on the computer and hits pause and I go, What are you doing? She goes, OK. Have you ever Googled fat people falling and I was like, oh, Jesus Christ, I have I have to. And I was like, I, I do every every way that you can fall and fail. I think I've watched, like, it gets like really specific. They'll have, like, mailmen failures. But just like I'm just I can't remember what exactly was, but like I just started thinking like.
I was on there and I just, you know, because I went down the rabbit hole, I was trying to think, what else do people do that they could fuck up? I'll tell you the ones that really. I had to watch. Are those fucking kids that do that shit with a leap off a building to a front flip and try to land on on a garage and then do a backflip off of it? Dude, I got to it takes a lot to break your fucking neck like some of these ex game kids and shit the way that they fall or like people just doing back flips and they just kind of go up in the air.
They literally leap up in the air like five and a half, six feet off the ground. They bring their feet around and just go straight down with all their body weight. And it's just like, how do you get up? After that, and they come right down like baby on the Buffalo Bills at one time, we just just bounced right on right on his fucking head like this got to be some sort of compression. But I just can't believe they can even walk after some of the stuff they do.
And like skateboard failures fails those fucking kids. And it's got to be a thing. You just can't wear pads.
You can't wear a cup through these fucking kids just coming in, you know, like 90 stairs. And they just go off the top and come down in this skateboard disintegrates and if their legs, their knees or something blow out, it's just like those things are it's weird. Like what I'll do is I'll I'll I can't watch them, but I have them on. I just put my hand over the video like there was one one time. It was like if if the dictionary, which I'm sure at some point will become like on the Internet, as far as like instead of definitions, they'll just have videos.
There was this guy I remember this was on the Opie and Anthony show a long time ago, they played it. This guy was doing that thing where you got the spikes inside. You're on the inside of your, like, legs, climbing up a tree and all those things. Yeah, he went up there and he had his cinched with the belt and he was cutting down some stuff and he went straight down and shattered his legs and dude.
The agony. The it was this ear piercing scream. And it was after, like the third ears piercing scream that was agony when I just saw it was like, I can't even do it.
It's just oh she's like fuckin oh.
It was like the most pain you could endure without passing out. It's like, what is it? When I saw that, because you hear, like, those fucking lunatics and they torture people, they'll shoot you with adrenaline after you pass out, you wake up and continue the agony to human beings are fucking horrible.
And I would just watch that. And to know that that guy didn't pass out from that, I'm like, what in the fuck? They doing want other people to look at that thing. It like bends down the back, tail feather comes up to. God damn, it's just like I'm going to fuck you up. You come here. We hunted with owls in Scotland one one time where we what's it called when you hunt with birds? Falcon crusting, I think it's called falconry notice, yeah, I think it is, and so you get we had we had felt we had a bunch of different birds, but the owl was the baddest, just big white owl sitting on your arm.
And you just it would you wouldn't even see the fucking rabbit just out. That's correct. Yeah. And it just comes down from KIPP's it up top down. Takes the back, drops it.
It was it was insane. So the skill of that hunting is to train a bird of prey to do that. Do they got these things amazing. They got these things down so good. I mean I've done it a bunch so it all blends into one. But this guy could take his bird and and almost tell him, like, go there, there and there and then come back. And this thing would just, I mean, fly right up.
Like we'd spread out. He'd fly right up to you and Dods right by your face. It was fucking insane.
How did you find out that place like I go to Scotland, I'm like, all right, let's go to a pub or, you know, that was Travel Channel.
Some of the shit we did on Travel Channel was, you know, when we did when we did our tour this the few tours through the country, I called up one of my Travel Channel producers and was like, hey, can you produce our tour? Meaning, like, fine, cool stuff for us to do, send it to us. And I mean, you get there's certain people that are just especially like reality show producers. There's they've got a web of stuff that they know cause the same stuff you see on every Travel Channel show.
She got us one fuckin one RV park that we parked out that was on a cliff in Amarillo over a lake. And it was so gorgeous. And we just watched thunderstorms rolling off this lake. And I was like, I've seen it's amazing. I've seen some of the coolest stuff I've done things that I was great about that that doesn't take up space in your house.
It's an experience that's like I had a great Christmas because all I got was socks, t shirts and a pair of sneakers. And I was just like, I am fucking good. Yeah, I don't need it. I have a fucking million hoodies. You know, I got this, I got this. Yeah, it's just like I don't need any stuff. Christmas is for kids unless you're going to Winston Churchill breakfast.
Oh, I mean, that's like I feel like I had a better Christmas because you got that. I was told that woman and today is our anniversary.
And she's like, oh, dude, do you want to hear something fucking hilarious?
I wake up and I'm like, and I'm like, I go, God damn it. On anniversaries, you know, like today, tomorrow or the next day, it's right around here.
And so and I go and I look at my phone and I can't find it on my camera.
Right. I can't find it. Who normally says you're on the new app on the iPhone?
You swipe left and will go this day five years ago. So I'm looking for any celebra and they're not coming up. I can't find it. So I'm like I'm like, I can't text Lee-Anne and be like this today or anniversary. That's not romantic. Like the girls are asleep. It's like seven in the photo album from your wedding with the date on it. No, no.
I mean, that's all. Back when you took pictures like, no, there's no nothing up there. And and we're kind of in the middle of, like, moving a little bit. So that's taken a lot of the pictures down. So I'm like, fuck, so. I put it on I put it on Twitter, because that doesn't follow Twitter, I go, hey, how would someone figure out what day their anniversary is?
And all of a sudden a hundred dudes chime in with how they figured it out.
And they're like, OK, go to Facebook, find your events, find the data. And so, like, you're going all through all these things. Then one day I just woke up and he goes, Hey, Bert, Googled Burt Chrysler's anniversary found you posted this 10 years ago on Instagram. Your your anniversary is today, big guy.
I was like, fucking the Internet kills it. It's fucking amazing. Oh, so fucking amazing, I was like and then I and then I walk in, Bill, I look at them, I go, Happy anniversary. She goes, I forgot. And I went, well, I didn't.
But that makes me feel better because me and my wife never remember us.
Never. We know that. We don't remember that we we forget how long we've been together like neither one of us. Like I think I'm more into like dates and that type of stuff than she is. And I'm like, you know, half ass. I mean, as you was saying that I was like, I have to make sure my agent doesn't, you know, there's you know, there's my daughter's birthday, my son's birthday, my wife's birthday and our anniversary.
Like, I just can't work on those days. And and you know what that means, right?
Like the best off forever, like Steven Spielberg just called is Nilla is he wants to give you half of his estate if you do five minutes of shit jokes on your anniversary.
Does Nia does Nia have a say in how much Utah does she ever go like him? And you're or are you pretty levelheaded going like, I can't do that much? Both my wife's coolish shit should just be like you going out again. Oh, man, she just does that. And that's enough to give me a little twinge in my heart to be, like, bumming around.
OK, I you know, and then now I got like my daughter's been getting on me, like got my cigar smoking days are almost over, you know, or at the very least I'll have to just do it randomly at other people's houses because. You know, I try to sneak one when she's taking a nap every once in a while, we have the curtain closed and I tell my wife, you know, keep the curtain closed because I'm on the back porch.
Right. So she came out and she couldn't find, you know, the Christmas dinner or some sort of ribs or something.
She opens up, I can't find the ribs and the thought of that, she was, oh, wait, I know where they are. And then she just walks away. And she was in such a panic that the Christmas dinner was going to be messed up. That she left it open and then my daughter comes to the window and sees me. She calls it blowing smoke. She's like, Dad, Dad, why are you blowing smoke?
She's holding it like that. She's like, I don't like that. I don't like that. That I want you to stop. So she's at her grandma's house right now, right. And she called me last night. I called her up. I love when she picks up the phone. He always just goes, hey, dad, looks like, hey, buddy, you know, and a singer, usually a song from The Jungle Book or whatever right now, she said, I want to be like you.
And she's like, So what did you do today when I was in? So I told her all the stuff. She goes, What else did you do? And then she goes, Did you blow smoke? And I go, No, I didn't. She goes, Good, I don't want you to do that anymore. I'm like, Oh, man, she's serious. So I have the cigars that are in my humidor and I'm not accepting anymore.
Someone trying to get me to is like, I can't.
So. I think what I'll do in the future, because I had nothing left, but I got nothing left. OK, a root beer and a cigar is all I got left, a root beer, I love fuckin root beer.
I love it too.
You can't drink too many because then you ruin it seems to be the rule with everything. Yeah, no, it is. And there's all these fancy ones. But at the end of the day, child sense memory. There's nothin better than a W.. It's just it is what it is. So. So I was actually thinking I got time after this podcast that I'm going to have a quick one and but I am I mean, you know, I got to do I'm an old dad, so I got to I really got to watch myself.
You know, I went to the heart, doctor. I got my heart. And then I went to the thing where I got my heart scanned.
You'd be like, huh? You did the CT scan. Yeah. Did you get your results yet?
I don't know where they sent him. I think it's to my my cardiologist. Yeah, I don't know, I'll have to ask him, but he also gave me the name of a someone who gives you a physical. I'm just going to start going like every six months. And I like my New Year's resolution is I'm going to have, like, one salad a day. Like when I do that, it keeps the weight off and also keeps sort of the sugar salt thing under control.
But I don't know that whole, like, going like, you know, meatless and everything. Those people, they have to you really have to know what you're doing if you just go vegan and all that very quickly, you start looking like a prisoner of war.
You wear dirty pajamas hanging off your chin. I got a friend of mine that did that stuff and I think he's figured it out more. But dude, like, he got to the point where, like, his body was eating itself. It was he was like he was so gaunt, like his you could see like his cheekbones and shit. I was just like there was a point in the beginning. It was just like that, man, you look great.
You look great.
And then it's like, okay, but you have a pork chop there, buddy. You're something is not in. I'm not saying that it's either one is better or worse. It's kind of like what works for you, because I will say I've never eaten a vegan deal. You said you said you and I this is true. Getting salads prepared and ready in your fridge to go was fucking key.
I made one yesterday holding my son. Because I had I had cucumbers, tomatoes all cut up and I had chicken, I had already baked cut up and then I had and I had already washed all of the head of lettuce and that was all done. So all I had to do was throw all of that in a bowl, little red wine vinaigrette or whatever, and a little olive oil and a little bit of salt. Shook it up, dumped it in.
That was it.
What about what about a meal delivery service that sends you healthy meals? Could you do that?
No, I can't, because it's so much more. They claim that it's less waste. Then they go into the supermarket, because my thing is what I'll deny, then all of these fucking plastic tins that I just recycle them, you know, they just throw it in the fucking ocean. But. There's the other side that if I go to the grocery store, all that shit is wrapped in paper and plastic and all that crap, and they're unboxing that.
But then my thing is it's like, well, so you still got it. So it's like you went to the grocery store for me, but now now you have to have these fucking tins that you put it in. I don't know. I have no idea. I watched something last night on the Travel Channel speaking of oceans and waste and everything, or I know it was the E the E travel. It was it was one of the worst fucking shows I've ever fucking seen, first of all, they kept going and this is big with celebrities like Leonardo DiCaprio, and it would just be a picture of him.
It wasn't him. There was just some stock Getty image or whatever. And then they just kept cutting the cut to Ricky Martin three times, talking about Mexico, just going like all the food, great people, great food.
And they just kept using that thing. Every time they go to Mexico, they were cut to Ricky Martin like he's been everywhere in Mexico.
So and it was all of those like the number one thing that I fucking hate to do when I go on vacation, especially if I'm going to a non-white country, is to fly down to the to the colonial white fucking resort. And you standing in a bar pool talking to some guy from Cleveland, right? The whole thing's fucking white owned and then they show they go like in like Tahiti, they go and we have culture night. And then all the locals come in dancing with fire and all of this bullshit.
And it's just like the whole thing. It's just gross. I had that experience when I went to the Dominican Republic. And they just got us in this van and blew by some of the most brutal poverty I've ever seen in my life. And the next thing you know, yeah, we're in like a bar pool and I'm drinking a rum out of a fuckin coconut. What the fuck did I just see?
And then they sit in fresh towels and blah, blah, blah. And it was just the whole thing just seemed bad. So I ended up going off the reservation. Going into town one night and people were looking at me and I was like, oh, this is stupid because now I'm going to take the beat down for whatever those fucking people that built the resort did. I need to go back? To the resort, you know, who almost wasn't quite Sammy Sosa, didn't make the show, but still could swing for the fences, he just couldn't hit the curve ball is now going to hit my big fuckin melon as I walk down the street.
I had to get out of there. I had been for the longest time, the longest time, every time I travel abroad, I work on a work on the same bit of. It disgusts me when we go to like Mexico and you're with all your your like for me. I've been so many times and you're with all your white friends and then the Mexican dude who lives in Mexico comes up to take your order and everyone goes, oh, oh, come on of to try cerveza.
And then he's got to be like, see a quinlivan and they're like and they're like, oh come on to is jitneys whack a mole.
And that's always made me fucking crazy. I'm like, I'm not. It's fucking worse. If you want to do that, I recommend you go to him and get some my cream to go to France and just torture him with your French. That's what I do. I do. I refuse. They start speaking English. I will not break character because my own fucking thing with those fucking cunts. I have to listen to your English.
I went to the supermarket and I thought, Thibet and I don't sit on like Jesus and start speaking his fucking language. But the thing is, is there such concern there's something about it, I love them. And when you go to Paris, like the way that they dress, it's so not us where we're just like, you know, just as much flashy shit as you can have on that. You can't have enough shit like that stupid. One of those Kardashians sitting there with a thong up her ass doing some picture and she has a wall of those stupid fucking bags that you can't buy.
You got to ask them and then, like, maybe we'll make them, you know, those bags. Yeah, whatever those fucking things are called, you go to Paris. It's just like they would never that would be considered vulgar. And you watch them. They go down the street, they got all muted colors on but nice clothes. And then they'll just be the pocket square or the woman or shoes or a bag. There's one little pop that catches your eye as she's walking through one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
And that's me, my wife. We just sit there getting hammered. People watching. Yeah. Yeah.
I love seeing the old Ray Winston looking guys, even though it's sacrilegious because he's she's from fucking England or whatever. I saw him in a steakhouse one time, middle of the day dressed to the nines pockets. So that's what I think. Old school, classy guy. You see those guys where, you know, they still wear like the tight shirt, you know, the it's all tucked in and shit, you know what I mean? But because they're dressed dapper, like my wife looks at him and like and thinks they're cool, it's going like that shape and you're still wearing like cut off sleeves like we do here.
Sweat pants, you fucking ass crack peeking out. You've got it.
You got to give it up. You got to give it up for the guy that works like there's my heart swells for the guys when you go just off the cruise ship. Right, just to those bars, right off the cruise ship and in Cozumel or Cancun. And the Mexican guy that just takes one for the fucking team and like and soft chews it up and he's like, and you're like, come on.
I said it's like, hey, how are you doing? You want a sombrero? Like, I love that. And then he does all this shit is like all tequila, tequila, tequila. Like I wish we had an American bar like that where you wouldn't want Hooters.
There has to be a thing in those countries where there has to be an insult, that that's who you're going to be as opposed to keeping it real and trying to grind it out. And like, I'm not fucking I'm not I'm not going to go work some tourist fucking place. And I have some fucking freckled cunt from from L.A., like me, come down there and be like, don't let it stop me, you know, we should open a bar, we should open a bar bill in in like Mexico City called America.
And you go in and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So then Mexicans go in and then I'm like, I'm like, what's up motherfuckers? And they're like, it's like cheeseburgers for everyone. And they're like, wow. He's like, I'll take that word supersizing and then I'll take it works now and then.
And then we just play and we're like, oh, here comes Tchang. And I watch out for this guy. Like we just add in all our American racism and sexism. Hey, you can smack waitresses on the back of the astill.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if you could go down there. And somehow that had already lost my idea. Yeah.
I don't know if human beings are terrible. The stuff that we do routinely. I saw fucking thing the other day showing these kids starving in Africa, the mother crying and the all kid needs his fucking food. All he needs is food, and it's just stupid charity and I got to sit there going like you fucking pieces of shit, you showed that thing you're going to keep most of this money on. You know what you're going to do. Oh, buddy.
All I saw one of those the other day. I saw one of those the other day. I saw one of those the other day there. And it was attached to all these famous women who are all taking salaries. Oh, I heard about this one. Yeah, they took salaries. Bart, who takes a salary from a charity. They took a salary, Bart. Oh, my God, that was big news. Oh, people got canceled, but our careers were now nothing.
Nothing happened because it was women fucking ridiculous. They said they're talking about a double standard because of this stupid stunt horse thing, the fuck out of here are dogs in heat. And I keep telling my daughters because there are other dogs trying to fuck the dog in heat.
And I keep jokingly said to my daughters, you know, she's asking for it like she's it's her fault because they're like something that I think you fucking believe that, like, know, you are you are wearing it in a way that you know what you're doing.
Yeah. Oh, fuck. Fucking happy for you, but I got to get a good Christmas come. I'm really happy for you. A good guy I would like. My wife would do that for me if I asked her. I don't think she would. She wouldn't let me smoke a cigar in our bedroom now, which which is a huge ask.
I wouldn't do that when we first when we first moved in together, mainly when she was running an apartment building and she had a one bedroom which had a two bedroom apartment, one of the bedrooms was her office where the computer was now.
She also had clothes in that office that had a closet, which had clothes in that office, but I didn't know that. Because my clothes were just in in the shared closet, in the bedroom. And we've been living together maybe two weeks, and I guess that's when poker online was big.
And so I pour whiskey, I get on poker, I get like two hundred dollars in my account and I smoke two cigars back to back in that room. The next day he gets in the car and I fucking go, You smoke a cigar this morning? She goes, No, but someone's going to wear all my clothes are. And so now all my clothes. My scarves. Fuck.
Your wife's a champ and she stayed with you. She's a champ.
You have no idea what a champ she is.
You have no idea what it's in my relationships going great right now because I got some great advice. Give it to me advice. Kevin Bacon said this in an interview. He said, you know, because he's been with his wife for a long time. Kyra Sedgwick, right? Yeah. And they said, you know, we say, you know, marriage is a lot of work. And he goes, no, it's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun.
You got to make sure you make them laugh. And I've just been doing this thing trying to make sure keep it light. And I try to make a laugh every day. And just doing that alone, even if I don't get the laugh because I bomb a lot, but even if I don't get the laugh, the the effort. There's there's a lightness because I'm a cut, you know, I'm not a lady, I am a moody. I'm a moody fucking person, and I fucking in this, I fucking snapped in this bathroom, thank God I was downstairs.
I have such a fuckin issue with designed obsolescence where you make they till they build something so it works long enough that you can't take it back, but it's designed to fucking fail, so you have to throw it out. And get another one. That should be illegal with what's going on in the environment, should be legal, so one of the big fucking things is we have what's what do you call that little brush there that you use for the toilet with a little, like, to scrape the shit off the back of the door?
Exactly. What do you call it? The toilet brush.
All right. Toilet brush. Sorry, I feel like I'm on Family Feud on the dumbest member, so I want to use one of those. I was cleaning the cleaning the bathrooms because, you know, the people cleaning house. Are sick, they're not feeling good, so stay away, stay away, whatever. Handle it. So I vacuum the whole house and I'm doing the bathrooms. I get this weird thing, dude, I fucking love cleaning.
I actually really enjoy. Like vacuuming and cleaning up and shit, I don't know why it's fucking weird, I just I'm into it doing dishes and shit. I like doing it. So I'm cleaning the bathrooms. I'm having a good time and this fucking thing to handle comes off. And I see that it's machine where it just screws back on and it won't fucking go back on and I keep thinking I got it back on, I can't get it to catch and it fucking falls.
It goes into the fucking toilet. Right, and I caught it right before we're in the water and then I go to do it again and I had it all together and right as I set it back down, the thing it just runs it touched the bottom. It went like that, wiggled hit the side of the bowl and went into the water. And as loud as you could just go fuck.
And if that was in a movie and that was a comedy bit, if you saw me sitting there, it was like, I Love Lucy with the chocolate things except me with this shit scrubber.
Yeah, I do. I fucking want thank God I was downstairs. You know, and I'm in the bathroom. The door was closed and nobody heard it, and I think my wife was up, was all the way upstairs, so she didn't fucking hear it. And but I do stuff like that all the fucking time. I lose my shit about, like, inanimate objects and stuff, so I definitely have to keep it light. I think that was the purpose of the story.
I just relived the anger that's so much akin to what I was talking about. But I do remember you got a cigar. Oh, I said to my I said to my dad, he goes, we're smoking a cigar and he goes, you got to you got to got to cut back on these body. And I said, I think I'm I think I'm done after this. I smoke. I'm with you. I go, I think Bill and I are going to try to get together and have like a socially distant cigar before New Year's.
And he goes he goes, why are we doing that? And I go, I think it's just me and Bill. He goes. The old man can come, I go. I don't think so, Dad, and he goes, Why I go? Because you just became a big fan of Bill's and I don't want to sit and watch that.
He goes, Hey, I can play it cool. I go, The fact that you said you can play it cool means you can't play it cool.
It goes hold on one second. I'm your fucking dad. And if I want to hang out with you and your friends, I can hang out with you and your friends. I go, I'll run that by Bill that your dad seems cool.
Your dad, you can't get there and go away. The time you told the story on I go. You can't do that about bits. You can't. You just hang out.
You know me. He'll be over me in three minutes and I'll just be another one of you jerk off friends. We'll have a great time. He's going to zoom in or he's out here. He's out here.
Is that why we took him out on the tour bus? And so we got we got to hang. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I told him, I said I said we're on our we are on we're doing covid tests every fucking day. Now I'm fucking I'm done with this goddamn virus. I'm done, done fucking I've done. And by the way, when the vaccine comes out, I'm getting it. I don't give a fuck, I don't give a fuck. If it gives me a tail, bigger ears. The government can track me. I don't give a fuck.
I'm speaking of that tail and bigger ears and shit. I watched Pinocchio with my daughter. She did not like that movie with the new one. No, the original one. Oh, the new one. Scariest fucking shit to the old one. Just reprimanding boys the whole fucking time. You lie, your nose is going to grow. If I figure what the fuck they did, they started turning into she was just going like donkey boys. Yeah. She was just going like I didn't she's really like good communicating.
She's like this movie scare me. I don't like this. Why is this no girl. What. Why why he has ears. You like that. It's you look at me. Don't you like that. I don't like that.
It's like, hey dude I don't need to watch to see that my daughter, my daughter bought the movie where she goes, hey, let's watch a movie. I said, OK, because you want to watch reality or not like oh what's that? She goes, It's like a comedy. And I go, OK. And the whole premise of the movie is it's by the way, it's an amazing it's a great movie, but it's not like a relaxing movie that you watch with your daughters.
A woman marries into a gaming mogul's family. Right. And they get married in the first night after they marry. They they she has to play a game with them. And the game they play is hide and seek. And they have to murder her before dawn and she's got to try not to get murdered. And it is well, she doesn't get murdered then she can marry into the family if she can survive.
Well, no, actually they need they in the movie, they need to murder her before dawn or they die like that's what that's what they believe. And so it is just a horrific fucking suspense. It's not it's a great movie, but it's suspense. And I don't like suspense. I don't like people hiding. There's and I was like I said, I was like, why wouldn't we just watch it once a comedy? She goes, this doesn't get you excited.
And I go, I don't know if I like this. Like I don't think I care to like this. Like, I like, you know, I get told through those movies I root for the bad guy. I just said they're going to kill this motherfucker. I'm so sick of giving a shit about this stupid fuck who went into this place to begin with. That's what I do, because I get so fucking frustrated. You know, you hear the monster in the house, you've got a kid, it's the old Richard Pryor bit leave.
Hello. Goodbye out. I'm done. I saw a good movie, an old French movie from 1955 Late Diabolique.
I saw it on the Criterion Channel, which is like smart Netflix led Diabelli.
Yeah, Dédé, BAEO, Ilikeyou, you don't watch the 1996 one. Q Yes, I got it, yeah, watch that one. Really interesting twist and all that type of stuff, it's just really interesting movie, and I guess it was a precursor to some Hitchcock movies and stuff because I've been trying to, like, do it. I'm going to learn I'm learning French. I'm getting this shit down because I want to go over there and I want to I want to act like a dumb American.
And just listen to the shit that they say. Plus, I always want to learn another language, and I flunked it in high school, so. Then I lose you, but you just disappearing into your following you, I'm telling you. This I think it's it's either French or Spanish. Oh, OK, the band and by the way, I'm a I'm like, I would say a connoisseur of time travel movies. I watch Tennen five times, OK?
I watched it five fucking times. Ten.
It is amazing. Amazing. What is Tenent Ten? It's a new movie by Christopher Nolan. It's got I think if I'm not mistaken, I hope I heard this right. But it's got Denzel Washington son plays the lead.
And it's in a world where and I know in a world where I don't think I'm giving anything away, but. They have messed time, Andrew's block and his ears. Yes. Why can't you say it?
I didn't want to eat in the trailer, so I just I was so cool. But go for it.
No, I don't want to give anything away, but it's it's it's a world where objects can move forward and backwards. And it is fucking amazing. It is. It's amazing. But, you know, it's amazing because I love a movie like I used to hear people like Liam would read fucking those Jane Eyre ires books. You read them like three times. And she'd be like, I just could read it one more time and be like, who the fuck reads the same book twice?
But I could watch. I watched the first night I watch it, my whole family, the people didn't get it.
And the second that they didn't get it, I went, OK, I'm watching this again. And I was like, or definitely watching this again. We watched it the next night and I'd read some articles and I was like, OK, now I've kind of got it. I'm watching it one more time. I watch it the third time and I get it and I go now. I'm watching it the fourth time and I'm going to enjoy it. And I fucking dude, there's a movie I did that with like No Country for old men.
Oh. Is a movie like that, you can watch over and over again, but everybody was bitching about the ending Diavik tell you my theory on that movie. Please do. My theory is it was such a funny time to ask you about that, I tell you my theory. The thing is, you're drinking that thing. I'm like, OK, you know, he doesn't give a shit or that drink is delicious.
I feel like Tommy Tommy Lee Jones is the main character. OK, OK, and. The theme of that movie is that basically things change. And if you want things to remain the same, you're chasing a ghost, and I feel that Javier Bardem is that the guy's name who play? I don't feel he really existed. I feel like he represented the change. And I feel like in in Tommy Lee Jones couldn't accept that. That's where we've become.
And I feel like that's why Harvey, Albertine's last statement in that movie was you didn't see me like he's like a ghost. I mean, does that make sense? You know, while I almost lost it, I just drove it off off the cliff there, but I feel like he wants it. It made sense, like the world kind of makes sense when you're young. Yeah, because that's the only world you've known. It's when you get older.
That it stops making sense because it changed and you're like, well, what's wrong with that the way it was? Why does it have to change? I like this music. I like those clothes. I like this team or whatever, those uniforms. And it just changes. And it just I think part of it you just realize, like, wow, I really am that insignificant. Nobody cares. Didn't even care when I like it. I'm just this fucking jerk off going to mass that makes any sense.
So I remember when a bunch of people saw no country for old men who were stupid, the fucking ending was stupid. That's why I feel like he was able to walk in.
In the end to that room in the guys behind the door, it's like he's like haunting him. You know, it's like the past and the future and all of that type of stuff, I just feel like there's a lot of layers. Maybe I watched it too many times.
No, no, no. I know I'm no, I'm I'm going to watch it today. Do we should watch that while we smoke a cigar, unless your dad says I'll shoot the shit, but if you want to just sit down and watch just a fucking killer killer movie.
Josh Brolin, I'm a huge fan of his and then his dad. I watched this movie called The Car the other day. And his dad, like, it's just like they don't make guys like that anymore. They don't. They used to be like. Movie stars, actors used to be the guy you wanted to be, and then somewhere, as I was growing up, they became oiled up with ABS and then after that it was the man era.
And now I don't know what it is, but it's just like you've got a handful of good ones, like Jason, Mama, Mama, Mama, you know that guy, Jason Momoa.
Jason Momoa is a guy I want to be like that guy is at the Aquaman guy Aquaman.
And this and Aquaman was the shit because they man kind of like a booze bag. Yeah, I was. I'm fucking going to watch Aquaman. Jesus Christ. What is he going to fight a fucking shark. It just was a bad idea for a superhero. And then I was on a plane and I couldn't leave. I was like, you know, I'm going to give this a shot because this guy looks cool, right? Yeah. And I watched it and I ended up loving it.
But, like, I feel like so many movies now. The big thing is like they they have like a cartoon version of the toxic man that women have been complaining about for all these years and men didn't listen in that type of thing. And then if a guy does anything like Manly, he almost has to like any of the charges, a good guy. If he does anything manly, he almost has to, like, apologize for it. It's a really sort of weird.
I don't know everybody trying to be woak whatever the fuck that even means now, and I also think it's great, too, that progressive people that's something else that was white people took from black people was the word woak. And they think they're all like, I'm signaling this is like not now. You you did it again. You did it again. You're still part of the problem.
All right, listen, we should probably wrap this up because I got a little bit of football here to watch over an hour, right? Oh, yeah. I was watching the Jets and Browns. Jesus Christ. Talk about two teams that love to torture their fan base. All the Browns have to do is win the game and they're in the playoffs. All the Jets have to do is lose and they're going to have one of the top three picks.
So what happens? The Jets are kicking the shit out of the Browns. Maybe they came back. I don't know.
Who's your tweet last week, a Jets one in 15. Still nothing to brag. Oh, no one in fifteen's. Great. No one remembers one in fifteen. You're off the hook. Yeah.
Oh, I see what you're saying. Oh, I didn't. I misread that tweet. No, no, no, no. I just do not I don't wish on sixteen on any team in the league, no matter how much you know. I mean the Jets have been a rival of ours my whole life. They've been the same division. But I don't want to see you go on sixteen. Nobody nobody remembers a bunch of people have gone one fifteen.
Nobody can name them. The teams you don't remember, but only sixteen. They're like the Browns. The the the Lions. The Buccaneers went on fourteen.
I remember that. Yeah, you remember. So. All right, let's, let's, let's wrap up here. But I'm so happy for you and your your amazing Christmas January twenty fourth. I will be thinking about you going, oh he's probably waking up right now.
I can probably make him the toast stuck in.
Wait that's all. All right. This has been another episode of the Bill Burke pod cast.