Hey, what's going on, everybody, it is time for another wonderful episode of the Bell Pod cast. What's going on?
Happy New Year. Happy New Year to you. I've I have not drank at all this year. That's awesome.
You know, one of my New Year's resolutions, I was not going to spill a glass of water on the carpet. I always put it on the floor. I get so mad at myself and I got to do all this stuff. And January 2nd, January 2nd really knocked it right over because this is my new go to was is I'm just going to be drinking out of this. And I put the screwtop on. I got the little kids tips over.
No problem. Yeah.
And, you know, we don't have a big living room. We got a little living room, TV area, so everybody sort of on top of each other.
So inevitably, you know, I don't have a table behind the fucking thing. It's just a pain in the ass. So I always put it on the floor and I spill it. Then my wife gets on me like. How many times, Bill, I keep telling you, we have Coaster's blah, blah, blah, and it's like I don't know, it's like I'm addicted to doing it. So that's my that's how boring my life is right now.
But not everyone is that boring right now. Mine's fucking monotonous. I have it left. I have not left the house this year yet. That's good. We actually went out and looked at a house that I knew, we both knew. Yeah, we're not going to buy if fucking buy a house because of the houses I've been to, so.
Exactly. So I fucking I just want to go look at it just to fucking look at it.
You get some ideas, just get out of the fucking house, right? Yeah, yeah. So we go there and.
I wasn't really into it, but my wife, like, loved the thing, but. But it was was actually a cool thing to do in the afternoon because it was just us two real estate agents, everybody had masks on. We were just checking it out. Yeah, well, this is great. When was it made that I got to tell you this, even if I had the money, if I had gigs and shit, the second they go, this is a smart house and they give me an iPad and I have to click on an app to open my curtains, it's just like I, I am out of here.
Oh yeah. Because well, you know, that's going to you know, that's going to age out in like six months and you're going to God damn it, why do we it's going to be like having a VCR put into the wall ever. What do you remember in college? And you go to some movies like and it's tiny as shit. He's like, take a look at that television into the wall. And you're like, yeah, but what's a huge protrusion away from that wall?
It's like, oh, that's all the gear, all the gear back there. I keep it in the closet as a real safe place. Keep all my luck, by the way. I lied. I have left the house. I have left the house. I have I went to the beach and to the mountains with the girls just to literally drive there, see the sunset drive there and see the sunrise in the mountains and in the beach. But we drove out to the beach and we just stayed away from people.
There wasn't a lot of people out there. We just so this is my favorite time of year to go to the beach when it's cold and shit and everybody's got clothes on. So we went out there and, you know, yeah. I mean, I'm like, dude, I that's why I never got into golf or going to the beach. I mean, I'll look when I'm working with my favorite team, but every time we go to the beach where you wear a snow jacket.
No, I love it. You feel like an old sea captain.
The waves, you have a heavy high today, whatever the hell you'd say, but just been doing shit like that. But it's weird like me and my wife are getting along great because I'm doing stuff like that because I was like, let's do that, we're going go get a burger or something. And our favorite burger joint was closed. So but it was funny, she like totally fell in love with the house. Women are hilarious.
It's interesting to look at these drawers that this giant walk in closet with a million drawers that were all like this deep. And I'm like, what can I put like one sweater? What is this is just do we look at and I think that was the master bedroom, the master baths were almost as big as all of the kids rooms put together. So what are you telling your kids?
Yeah. Oh, my God. Like, you watch shit.
We looked at the house one time before we and we ended up buying a house and we're trying to redo it, but it's been forever. We had one of our workers just got tested positive for covid. So everything shut down for two weeks. And he by the way, he wasn't even on our set, but he had he had crossed like this from the construction company, one of their workers. Tekla, do we know the guy? He tested positive.
So everything shut down for two weeks. It's a nightmare. Totally cool with it. But we went and looked at houses before that. And, you know, I have a fear of elevators. I have a fear of being stuck in elevators.
And this was a house south of the Bowl Boulevard, which means south of Ventura Boulevard. For those of you listening, it's a little more expensive. And it was in the hills and the house was built into the hill. And so you parked in the parking garage and then you got in an elevator and an elevator, took you up to your house. And I was like, fuck, this image just means they shouldn't have put a house there. Yeah.
And I go, those houses in the hills, think, oh, fucking Jambin.
And then there's a guy above you and somebody over there and you got a fucking and there's always these weird, like sort of ways to get up into the fucking house. And I always just feel like if you live up in the hills, you're sitting up there all the fucking way up there winding your way up there. And then you're like, fuck, I need butter. And you got to go all the way back down in the elevator, go all the way.
There are some stairs that went up like this. And by the way, if you had said to me at twenty seven, was this the house I want to live in? One hundred percent, I'm fucking there, but I'm at forty six. I'm looking at this house and I'm going, this is not, this isn't doable. And it was great, had a great pool, had it. But you know obviously there's a house above it so anytime it rains all their garbage slides into your yard.
And so I settle in, I go, I can't, I can't get in an elevator. Every time I got something that I can't, I'm going to get stuck in the elevator up a panic attack. She goes, Honey, you're never going to get stuck in this elevator.
Her words to God's ear, we hear ring, ring, ring. I stuck in the elevator at an open house. They had to have LAPD come out or L.A. Fire Department come out to get her out. It took forever. And we and the girl still wanted the house, but we never got it. I was like, fuck that. And then the house I thought was overpriced and then it sold for that price. I don't understand where people have money.
How do people make money? I'm fucking shocked anyone makes money, like how the fuck do they make money? I feel like I make ridiculous money and I have no fucking money. Look, where the fuck do they make money? Well, you live in California. They take all of it. Dude, I'll tell you, we went look at this place, which was just it was fucking ridiculous, right? We just looked at it. No.
One, we weren't going to go this just walk around this amazing house. Right. Can you give me hints of like where was it like what you may you may maybe like like is it intentions of buying. It was it was it was it was east of L.A. was out that way. I always get confused once you get past Pasadena, I don't know what it is. So it was out that way.
You're talking about Steve Burns old house.
I now, you know, this thing was like some brand new thing, they just redone it look really cool, look really clean or whatever. So, you know, my wife wants to do it, so, yeah, let's go do it. So we go do it. And what killed me? Was let's say even I was working, let's say even if I had money, yeah, it's like I'm going to be on the road until I'm 70 trying to pay this thing off.
It's so stupid. You're working to not work. You're not working to just still always be like like I'm still back in the day. When I first got my first New York apartment, I'd be sitting there going, how am I going to make this? I got to get more space. And then you make it and then you're still living that way is so fucking stupid. So what killed me was when we left.
If you saw the people going in after us because they weren't letting people go in together, the group of people that came in after us looked like they were all late 20s, early 30s. And I was looking at my age and going like, how the fuck do they have money to buy this fucking thing, bro? And he's just like he goes, Dude, there's a lot of money out there.
There is a lot I got. I said, Where where is all of this fucking money? So I went back home. Right.
And I couldn't sleep that night because I smoked a stick. So I'm fucking wired from the nicotine. I smoke, too. All right. We're going to be honest in twenty twenty one. Right. I smoked back to back, baby. Bang, bang. Big giant root beer. It's my only my only voice right now, right? So. I start just zero in houses and shit, so we just gone out to Malibu now it's like let me see what the most expensive fucking house looks out there.
Ba ba, ba, ba. There was like three houses that were 20 million north of 20 million and they all said sold. And I was like. Who the fuck in the middle of a pandemic is like, you know what I'm going to do? When the top 20 million on a fucking house right next to the ocean with all of this global warming shit going on, like that's the kind of money I have.
Where do they make I mean, that is mind boggling to me. It's not mind boggling. Like, I knew a pro athlete who lived in Malibu and and he and his wife had bought their house like I want to say, like 2000, maybe 97. And they bought it for, like. Two million dollars in ninety seven. It's worth 19 million dollars now, right? That's the fucking brilliant move. That's I remember he sent me his address.
You know, I gizella it right away and I'm like, what the fuck? And you're like, God, you're set for life. You're set for life. If you move to L.A. in ninety seven with some money, had a development deal, you're set for life. You could have just, just upgraded, upgraded, upgraded. How about that.
You keep upgrading and then you go back to buying at the high end of the market. It's if you if you had the money to buy something that was high end and then stay in it. And then the bankers fucked with the economy and the dollar is not worth shit, so the price of the thing keeps going up. I don't I don't know how the game's played. I don't want any part of it. I just we left the house and I just said, listen, I know our house is better than that.
It's fucking, you know, one eighth the size of that. But I like it. It's cozy. It's a family. Like, our house is really like I said, you sit in the living room we like on top of each other and it's fun where everybody can reach and get the popcorn. I want to send a robot.
I told you the oil snacks.
I told you the old Brian Regan story. Right. Now is my is my is some of the best advice I've ever gotten, I've gotten some great fucking advice from comedians. Brian Regan comes over to my house and we do a podcast and I and he said, I love your house. I said, yeah, I think we've outgrown it. I said, we're looking for a new house. Want to get a big house. And he stops, you know, not being funny.
He stops and he goes. Don't do it, I simply mean he goes, I don't know, this feels like a house, like a house of family lives in here to sit in my backyard, right. And he goes, you know, I got the big house, had the family, got the big house, and all of a sudden everyone's in the room. No one's seen each other. Everyone's just separate because, I don't know, I walked to your house and it smells like a house.
It sounds like a house that feels like a house. And we walk in as we walk in. I comes running and she's like, Mom, George kicked me in the vagina. The dogs are barking. Brian Regan looks at me and he goes, This is our fucking house.
And I know it's true. It's like I actually did because I you know, when they were done, show me the house and they had, like, this fucking, like, man cave thing built off the back of the house where it's just like it was insane.
It was fucking if you just didn't give a shit about your family, it was the perfect fucking house.
Right. And if you just you just sitting there going like but then I just sat there going, like, I am going to be on my my six hundred pound life if I live here, because this is like I have my own Applebee's, my home.
I'm just saying that's a that's a bad example. Like my own. What's a good neck. A sports bar against an owner like Bennigan's. Right. And it's just like. And then. I would be like, so I was just like, I have to get out of here because this is not going to be good for my kids. So I just. I walked from them, the man cave. To the front of the living room, they do.
It took me. It took like a good like, you know, I don't know what it was like. Twenty five seconds. 30 seconds. Yeah, just walking. Like, figure out how far down the fucking block you would get, and I would just sitting there going, I see you laying in bed, you know, your wife's going to ask you for something when you lay in a bed late at night. Could you go get me something?
Something. And then you just got to start walking, right?
All the way down there. All the way over and then all the way to the kitchen and then all the way back, or you can cut out the glass side of the fucking thing, cut through the pool area. I was like, this is like the only thing that's missing in this house is Jack Nicholson limping through with an axe with Frost in his fucking beard.
I got like a panic attack. When I didn't, I was like, this is this is this is the I've seen people do that shit. It's the dumbest shit. You finally make it and then you sentence yourself to be on the road for the rest of the year. You go out, you go buy some big stupid ass glass house fucking with all the stupid fixtures. And it's nothing to have noticed. They all have the same flooring. We all use the same wood now.
Now, it's not that little shit, it's the big wide ones, which means that's going to date it. So in 10 years, when they move on to the next flooring. Now you have the old floors and now your house doesn't look as updated like you remember those fucking garages. Everybody got like 15 years ago, the same garage door, that frosted window with the thing.
Everybody had that and you can just be OK. That house was redone in the early to mid 2000s. It like our fucking house, our kitchen, we had knotty pine in it. Lou countertops with knotty pine had to rip all of that out only because the fucking thing never made sense. Like my sink where my sink used to be, now it's like by the window, right? Yeah, I think used to be like. Like, you stood there washing dishes and there was cupboards in front of you and I used to do a bit about it.
And since the beginning of time, the sink has always the window has always been right. That sink has always been underneath the window. You know, it gave women something to dream about as they did the dishes, just looking out the window, going some day maybe let me walk to the end of the driveway with a joke or something like that. So we just sort of reconfigured all of that. And I just made sure I went with really neutral sort of stuff with it so it wouldn't get dated.
But I have to tell you, dude, leaving that place and going back to my place, I was just like this. This is fucking perfect, and I sat down in my little living room, you know, perfect, you're perfect. I'll tell you what I what I envy you.
You know, it's just it's cutting out on is you get to see your kids grow up. Oh, for real. But now it's not like I said, you get you get the kids grow up. I think it was on your side. I'm envious because. I'm envious because you get to see your kids, like if you guys buy a new house, so you guys buy it.
So you say you say you're like not how I'm giving the money to my son had taken him on vacation. But like but you may you may want more yard, you may want like a big backyard to like like like a half an acre in the backyard, like Riley, Pat Riley, greatest speech ever, the disease of Moore when he wanted the Lakers to go back to back he goes. What kills the team is the disease. And more people want more advertising, you know, commercials.
They want more playing time. They want more credit. They want the ball more. Everybody wants more. It's like what we just did fucking worked.
Yeah, we did work. We have no backyard, so we wanted a backyard. But here's what bums me out is it does buy me out. I'm really happy. But Georgia will only be in this house for like one full year. But that sucks because then she is going to go to college and she's already said, I just want to go somewhere where it's cold and there are mountains. And I'm like, oh, it's nowhere near me. And then Eila is going to either is going to be announced for 20 more fucking years.
I guarantee what I get rid of that kid.
See, but but I do I, I'm envious of like you, Sebastian Sagara Rogan. You guys all have young kids and you have really great houses that they're young kids grow up. And my kids grew up in an apartment, the majority of their life. And then this house, this house has been fucking amazing. Don't get me wrong. I am I am in need. I believe I'm in the top 50 percent of people that got the houses in L.A. easily.
But like you got it ranked military figure, like you've been in my house, like it's not it's not like huge. Last time I was at your house, I think he was still doing the remodel. Yeah, you were. But but it's a great look. It's a great fucking for L.A. standards. Like anyone that like if you come out from Tampa and see my house, you're gonna be like, fuck, how do you guys do this?
But if you live in L.A., you're like, oh, is a great house. So. It's odd that that is this the same way with women, though, like if you come out here as a as like a Temperton, you're like, yeah, you're six out here, like you just not that hard. It's like the hottest women in the world come out here. No offense, but if you take a fucking L.A. six pack, that's why that's why the Lakers are going to keep winning championships.
The level of women out here in the weather, it's like you can't you only people can compete against it are the Clippers. The Clippers need to go on a run. But like, you know, it's a Celtics fan. I'm just sitting there we can't compete with. They have to offer.
No. Just can't there's you've got to be really into Boston checks to be able to like to have some checked suck your dick with that accent. Oh, you don't like that accent? Oh, it's rough. That would be like, oh, man, I love Jersey Chicks, I love Long Island chicks, I love Philly chicks, Boston chicks, Philly chicks, Philly chicks are there's there's a. But don't you feel like as opposed to all the accents in the world.
I love the whole Rust Belt. I love the women from Baltimore all the way up to Detroit more.
Yeah it's Berganza wants a blowjob. Yeah.
I just like I remember when I was in Detroit one time. And we were hanging out and it was some women after the show or whatever, and I somehow this is like the late 90s where I brought up Claude Lemieux and this woman was their beautiful chick. She's like that fucking pussy. It came time to answer the bell and he just fucking turtled. And I was like, oh, my God, I love this chick. There is that great rivalry with the avalanche back then, which is some of the.
I kind of feel like that was like that was the end of an era in hockey. Of like goalscorers and brawls, I mean, it kind of the clutch and grab, so there was some bad shit going on, but like just back when it was still like, you know, just a bad ass sport. All right. So what's it like with the second the playoffs start? There's like no fights. So let's go back to accent's what's because I just said to I was watching Pulp Fiction and I go, I couldn't fucking data.
French accent Those fucking people, French girls sound like idiots. They're like, oh, do you want blueberries on your pancakes? Oh, did they put blueberries?
Like, makes the world go round. I love the French. But you can anybody mediteranean I'm cool with I'm watching the crowd, I could definitely fuck with a British accent. I know accents are cool, I think I get into all of that shit, I like the coldness of people the further north you go. I don't know if it's the West African accent, South African accent, sexy. South Africa had never met a woman with all I can say is, is Oscar Pistorius committed premeditated murder?
That's the only guy I think of when I think of South Africa used to be Nelson Mandela. Now it's that dude with the legs. Who shot his girlfriend through the fucking bathroom door because he thought it was an intruder, or was he in there taking a shit?
No, he no, he he said that he thought he heard someone in there and just shot through the door, not checking for his check. There's a documentary on ESPN about it. I just started watching it. I didn't know he was born without his legs. Does that make you feel less bad for. Because I don't know what you got till it's gone. No, I definitely never had legs. Do you miss him? No, no. The question is born without his legs, is he more guilty than someone who lost their legs?
Like, do you go born without his legs than that? That's I wonder then, is that something that always fucked with his head? You said something off to him and he was like, I got no fucking legs. And he's quick to pull the gun.
You know, he gets all jealous. We are looking at how we like him because he's got legs.
Oh, you're not going to decide, Sergeant. Oscar, he won't have the pants on and the shoes, you can't tell that I don't have legs, you can't tell that he didn't have legs. He looked like he had legs.
And he and he was so competitive in sport faster than any of us would know that it's not fair because of those those blade things.
Yeah, the Qik and the fact that he does. Is it Shitkicker JULlETTE, his competitor is the dude that he had to run against made them.
No, I'm saying who makes those blades? No, that's my point. His competitor. So he he's he's running in the Paralympics and they go to the guy who has the gold medal. Right. The guy who has the gold medal has been sold with. So I don't know. I can't say he's smart, but whatever he created that blade leg to run on, he he had the gold medal and the reason for the gold medal, he created the gold leg.
So then finally, to go ahead, there's this young kid from South Africa who's really fast. He'd love to get a pair of those gold, those those legs you make. And he goes, Yeah, I don't know if I want to give them the guy I'm running against. And they're like, well, yeah, but it's competition, you know, give them the same like you have. And he's like, fuck. So he gives them two legs and because he's got two legs and that guy's got a regular leg.
Right. Like a real leg and then a blade, apparently the two blades give you fucking crazy balance.
Well there's less drag. All of it. Now, if you got, like chemicals and shit, you're going to be slow as hell.
That went, by the way, I'm certain I'm going to be picked apart for everything I just said because who gives a shit? Everybody gets picked apart for everything. Hey, what do you do you think? Is there anybody who's in the Paralympics that you could think you could beat in an event?
Oh, that's a great question. Do they get like a kid out there?
No arms and no legs. You can't beat them wrestling? No.
All the other. I'll tell you right now, I have a hard time trying to keep my kid, my kid wants to flip over and I'm trying to change his diaper. If he wants to flip over, he's going, I can't imagine an adult. You're trying to pin him. And all of a sudden he's just fucking he's got all that talk. And, you know, his abs are just like I mean, that's his whole fucking how he gets around like a fucking inchworm or something, right?
And I got a child one time and I remember not going 100 percent just as a kid.
And even though I knew I had to fight him, I was like, I didn't give it a hundred percent and I bet there's part of that with a guy with no arms and no legs. You're like, I can't go on like I bet if you like, if there was like a simulation where you could see arms and legs on him and you and then you didn't know that he didn't have arms and legs, then you could beat him. But I think without arms or legs, I bet there's a party you instinctually that goes, I can't go one hundred percent.
You know, I would think that after he beat a couple of guys and you saw the shit that they got, like you're in line and he's just tapping out fucking know. Because what it is is not other wrestlers, people who watch wrestling. It's just like people watch like football. Keep the good news to feel good to do. You can't even touch your toes. Shut the fuck up. Right. So you know that there's going to be wrestling fans that you lost to a guy with no arms and no legs didn't even pin you down.
You know, they're getting shits I would take after this kid. We should get him on the podcast. I'd love to know what it is. What is it that you're doing? Because I'm a one time I saw Conor McGregor when he was he was fighting that cowboy dude and he had tied him up. And just because his arms are tied up, he couldn't use that. He started slamming his collarbone into the bridge with his friggin nose. And I'm like, dude, this guy is the closest thing to the Terminator.
Who would ever who would ever have thought I could use this as a weapon? I would love to ask him, have you ever thought of doing that or was that one? Well, these don't work. I'm in too close to kick. I'll just do like I mean, talk about improv skills. Anybody can go on stage and joke around and stuff, but when you're going to get your fucking ass kicked and you can still kind of stay in the moment when you're outside your act of jabs and cresson kicks, what do you think about that kid, Logan, Paul, taunting all these professionals?
It's kind of crazy that a kid from YouTube is one of the biggest boxers in the world right now. Yeah, that's how the game is played now, and he's smart, he's just basically like, listen, dude, if you ask the average person, especially in a pandemic. Would you let Mike Tyson punch you once? For seven figures, I think you get a bunch of yeses that won the era, I would have there's no fucking way. No, no fucking way.
No way. Or so I can drool in a gold cup for the rest of my life.
This kid can fucking lie. No fucking way. This kid can really box and he's going after. Here's the thing. Is that like. All right, I got one. How much money he's going to do is classic boom and then wham! That's what he would go to the body and then the fucking uppercut. And, you know, when he threw that uppercut, it was just like you just went right past your head. When writing the Diane Canning's lap back in the day, guaranteed CTE.
Garran fucking tea, you might have a ringing in your fucking here is that never goes away, ever goes John might click for the rest of your life every time you're eating cornflakes.
I got a million dollars PTSD. Any time I see a body black man, I'm just like me. And you get branded a racist.
I mean, your whole life could unravel.
Then you got to spend it all on legal fees real quick. My sister, my sisters are cleaning my closet right now. They're like they're doing my closet and I have an old Florida state sweatshirt before they change the T fossilised face. Right. They changed his face to make it and maybe I guess not so valuable. Yeah, yeah. And I go, I don't get rid of that sweatshirt. That's an old school, Florida state sweatshirt. And they're like, it's racist.
I went, no, no. But it's like when I went there, that's what the emblem I don't really identify with the emblem that they have now because that's not what I wore. And they're like, yeah, we're getting rid of it. I was like, you can't get rid of it. It's that's the one I wore. Like, that's that's my sweatshirt from when I was at college. And they're like, yeah, it's racist. And I go, you can't tell me that my sweatshirt from college is like and they're like, we definitely can.
And they just fucking threw it out.
What, you allowed it? No, I sent my daughter around to go get it. OK, good for you. I go go get it.
And I was like, that's kind of funny though that what it means to you. That's like the Confederate flag like that. Don't you mean to tell us, you know, so. I don't know, it's just they never patient anybody would tell it, they never change that at the at the behest of the Seminole tribe. The Seminole tribe. Yeah, right. The Seminole tribe has always been very cool with Florida State. They changed. They just changed it.
Maybe, maybe I don't know, I don't know, I still got a sweatshirt, how much wood, how much to do a double punch from Mike Tyson. All right, ambulance there, doctor on call. You can't cover up 20 minutes, there's no bobbing and weaving 20 million. 20 million, a million, 10 million, I'll go through it too fast, 20 million of my kids will come about.
Well, you live in California, Cal. He's going to take like 12 of it.
I'm going to see, like, two point five million out of it. And yeah. So exactly. People think we're joking.
It's not it's there's a reason people are leaving and there's a reason why they're going to try to have some sort of what they call it, some sort of tax if you leave.
Like you sold a house and made a profit, whatever that whatever that tax is called. For holding us hostage here. What's all the capital gains, capital gains tax if you leave California? I'll tell Rogan I'll just moving into his old house, don't sell it. Your money is going to stay through. I'm going to stay until this place either burns down or goes into the fucking ocean. Like you just say, dude, you know, the amount of money I put in my fucking house, if I just stay, I'm fine.
Yeah, I'm going to leave then you just like, fuck. But you got to see inside the walls, man. It's all copper pipe. It's got to count for something. Can you imagine? Nobody cares. Huh? Can you imagine going to Austin and making new friends? I know I can imagine going somewhere else. I don't I don't get the vibe, I mean, you know, I've been to all the fuckin cities, not all, but most of them at this point, and there's certain places where I go, I'm like, you know, I could fucking live here like Milwaukee.
I could live there with Madison and I could live in fuckin Wisconsin. Easy Milwaukee.
I like Pittsburgh. I like, um. I like Philly. I like Philly, New York, Boston. Don't like D.C., D.C. is just weird, I just feel like everybody feels like uptight, they're like because they're all in politics and nobody can say anything then is a bunch of places in the South that, like, I love Alabama. South Carolina, Tennessee, I love Tennessee is great, but not like Nashville, where every fucking everybody's moving.
And just like I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to live. If I leave here. OK, I have to go to a place that is not populated, like densely populated. I want to be able to drive my old Ford down the street. I'm hanging out the window, maybe got a stick going.
That's what I like. I would. Because other than that, what the fuck am I doing if I'm going to leave here for the leave the traffic out of here and move to, like, fucking Atlanta? Terrible traffic, worse, Austin has brutal traffic, brutal fucking traffic I've ever driven in Austin, I'm just stuck in a car service when I play Cap City or wherever I was playing, going from the airport to downtown. They still have like their regular highways, like every douche with a fucking man, but hasn't moved there over the last fucking 20 years.
And it's just it's crazy, crazy traffic. Houston was the shit, though. I was surprised that really loved Houston. Yes, I was there.
I really do enjoy Texas.
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The Roman wipes are great for premature ejaculation. I do enjoy Texas can tell you I watched No Country for old men, I texted the other day about it. What a great fucking movie. All the supporting actors are amazing in it all. Everyone's so good. I mean, the opening scene, the opening scene when Tommy Lee Jones is reading it off and he goes he's talking about, you know, back in the day, but he's doing it in that Southern accent back in the day.
Some of the old police officers didn't carry guns. Lee Lee Jones didn't carry a gun. Not the older the son, you know, not the son, the older, you know, like I was just so I love that I was in that. Writing is incredible.
Once you explain to me. That I don't think a lot of people watch that movie and got this isn't technically a getaway movie. This is a movie about the world is changing. This is Tommy Lee Jones, the story.
I've watched that movie in years because I owned it on VHS and I don't DVD. Whenever that came out, whatever the thing was, DVD, I bought that like three times was like worn out. But I got one for you, dude. That we should watch when all this bullshit is over.
I watched Once upon a time in the West you we've talked about this a million times, is the greatest fucking movie ever. We I've never talked to I never even heard of the fucking movie, not not once upon a time in Hollywood. Oh, that's what I'm thinking of. Once upon a time in the West.
What's that? And this guy, Sergio Leone, oh, my God, the score the way to first the first thing that I love about the fuckin movie is that Syd Field book, How to write a Script. Yeah, it's out the window. It's the opening scene is 11 minutes long, and it's just guys looking at each other and about five lines of dialogue.
He's like, fuck you, man, I'm spinning this yarn and you settle in and I'm going to give you breathtaking. It must have been shot in 70 millimeter. It looks fucking amazing. Stars Jason Robards, Henry Fonda as a bad guy, crushing it and fucking Charles Bronson. And I forget, though, the woman's name. It's like, what's the name of your cardinality? Oh, my God, dude.
It's like it is enough to have seen this. This is.
No, I'm going to I bet you didn't see it because I saw the spaghetti western. But this thing was like two hours and 40 minutes long. So I think when we were growing up, nobody ever showed it because it was just that time that at least when I grew up, you know, I'm thinking of High Plains Drifter. I'm thinking of High Plains Drifter. Yeah. Clint Eastwood. Yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen this.
This is like. I come to remember that time when we back, we used to do the sit next to each other when we had and I brought that up fucking a deli pickle level cigar. Yeah, like, that's the cigar you would need to get through this fucking movie. It was fucking. It was just fucking amazing, I mean, I'm forty five minutes the movie going, I still don't really even know what this movie's about and I didn't give a shit.
And then right around then something happens. Now, when that stupid book about how to write a script, it's like the first 10 pages ever. And on page twenty one, the thing has to happen that propels you into at two. All of that is out the fucking window. I watched that and I watched this French movie called Breathless, which was by this, I don't know, Jean-Luc something or other. And it was a movie that guys like Martin Scorsese, I guess they claim was influenced by it.
And, you know, that whole period of the rebel sort of directors that made all these bad movies in the late 60s and 70s, the French were going through that in 1960 is when it started. So they were actually ahead of where we were at, where a lot of times the way I've seen that talked about, it's typical like people just talk about your country. So it's like they had the studio system and then these guys came along and said, no, fuck that, we're going to make what we want to make.
And it's like, well, they were also, you know, the same way we know comedians around the world, like directors, know films around the world, I think. Yeah, if they were watching it. But it was a really. Really, really good movie. It was Jean-Luc Godard, Jean-Luc Godard, and a lot of those guys from a lot of those guys, the French directors, they credit Cassavetes and they were the ones that helped bring his career back.
There's actually a really good documentary French made about Cassavetes and the unorthodox style in which he would make movies, mortgaging his house editor. Same as a cameraman. Same as an actor. Yeah, just like Downunder up.
And then he made a movie with Peter Falk that I couldn't get through. It was so real and so brutal was just isn't it was al-Hassani. Oh my God. Yeah it husbands.
And then and then yeah I bought like this trilogy of like three of his movies and I started to watch that one and it was, it was so painful and so real.
I was like, I'm going to take a break and I just never went back to it. Now I don't have a fucking DVD player anymore. Woman under the influence is the one. That's the one. Yeah, it's brutal.
Yeah. It's like it made leaving Las Vegas look like European vacation.
You know, you go by the way, I don't know if this is fact looked this up. Did you know that Nic Cage on the first day of shooting. The rock, the rock was the one where he was breaks out of jail, right? Right. He had a stroke. No, if this is real, Andrew, I, um, I watched I watched No Country for Old Men, and then I watched twice. One day I watched it twice one day.
And then I watched raising Arizona twice. One day, twice I watched. I watched raising Arizona and No Country for old men, that kind of ish on the treadmill. Then I watched them in the house that night full beginning to end. Now, in raising Arizona, he's got a scar on his face. So I Google, I go wonder if Nic Cage had an actual scar on his face. And and there's a site that says, like nine interesting facts about Nic Cage, the first one being the first day of shooting the rock.
He was supposed to do a Midwest accent, but he had a stroke. And so he did a Southern accent and said, just shoot me from the right side. So there's no shots of the left side of his face because it's drooping. And he and he has a Southern accent. I don't know if that's real, but could he have Bell's Bell's Palsy?
Yeah. Yeah, well, it wasn't like a stroke where he couldn't use it. I think it came back. But it's like a version of Bell's Palsy. See if that's right. And by the way, Nicolas Cage stroke.
I don't see anything.
But it's odd. I thought it was the first thing that came up from it. By the way, leading, leaving, raising. Arizona is one of the best written movies. I did a deep dive on forsight on William Forsayth. William Forsyth is fucking amazing in that movie. I will say this.
I think I think John Goodman is one of the greatest fucking comedic actors ever, ever. One of my favorite things he ever did in Revenge of the Nerds. He was in a scene even he didn't even have a line. He's playing the football coach and and Sims, the dean's, making a speech or something. And he has a starter pistol and he's off to the side and he's just sitting there. He's looking down the barrel of this starter pistol.
It was just this little thing that he did that you just in the very beginning, the movie, like I know this guy. I know exactly who the fuck this guy is, this football coach guy. You know, I had gym teachers like this guy and just that little thing that he did.
And then, of course, then watching him on, like raising Arizona and everything is just that fight. That's my favorite fight. Seen him in. Oh, big cage fighting in that movie ends up in the laryngoscope.
So actually, this is this is a joke. Was that you read motherfucker. Yeah. And that was actually for Con Air. And then but it also says that something the Rocky had a delusional disorder on. So they came to the rescue and they created the movie The Rock so that you could just pretend yet.
No, it does look fucking joke website. And that is what's wrong with fake news that some people are dumb enough or delusional disorder. That means like your fucking ego's out of control. Right, and they just made up a medical. They took his character and then they applied what medical problem he would have, like Ghost Rider. He had like an epidermal problem. Ghost Rider, his enflames the whole time as a comic book character.
So, yeah, I read the first one and was like, great, got my interest.
Interesting tidbit to drop at a dinner party and I fucking would have told it. That is, by the way, back to John Goodman. John Goodman in Raising Arizona has had so many lines in that there's so many lines in it where I've never heard that language. Like when he when Nick Cage is holding up the gas station and Molly, what's her name comes out. Holly Hunter starts yelling at him and he goes, You better hurry up. The wife and I are in Dutch.
And I'm like, Wait, what? And then I had to Google it. And it's just that's what he called it. What is in Dutch me. I have no fucking idea. It's just the wife and I are in Dutch meaning like if you go Dutch, I think that's what it means. The best one is John Goodman or thereabouts, which means we both paid for half the meal. The wife and I are in Dutch, meaning we're both going our separate ways, I'm guessing.
Oh, and so then John Goodman says to William Forsythe right before they're about to rob the bank after this, my brother, we will be in the fabled catbird seat. And I'm like, what is the catbird seat? Apparently, catbird seat is a very envious position. That's amazing.
I love it. It is so fucking good. And and what sucks is that if you like, if I ran into the Coen brothers, they say there was a deal. You had a party at your house, you got everyone tested. Whatever hypothetical situation, we all get back films. And you go, Burt, I want to introduce you to the Coen brothers. This is what I'm envisioning and this is what stinks, is that having just watch that movie, I mean, like the writing in that and you know that they did it so long ago, they'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thanks, man. Thanks. But something like that hits you so heavy that when you run into the person, you're like, dude, can you go one, two? And then be like, oh yeah, we get that. A lot of you're not the first person to like my movie. It's so it's just so fucking amazing. That movie is so amazing. I got one for you.
What? I found this website a long time, just from two thousand six. How to swear like an old prospector. Oh, they have like dad burn verb.
Dad is to substitute for God in turn of the century southern US vernacular that a God God Bernique says, God damn Dad burn can't get dad burned thing to get going.
Bet Dad burn boll weevil donate my crop. And of course there's the classic hornswoggle. That's why I'll be hornswoggled. That means to get fucked over or whatever you think of me, I'll be in this sock dollar jerk sock drawer.
Well I guess I know enough to turn you inside out. You sock dagoes an old man trap. I don't know what any of this means concern. I just like doing the accent, Konstanty, the whole the whole of something, though often misused, is damn. So let's see the sentence here. All right, put an Englishman into the Garden of Eden and he would find fault with the whole blasted concent to the garden.
I wish I could get these down because my wife doesn't want me to curse in front of the kids.
If I could just say my name, for God's sake, can you get the dead hornswoggle out of the car? So that nubby tag Navot, I said Georgia. Not that we watched office space last night. We're watching a hundred bucket list movies every night. We watch a new movie and last night we watched Office Space. Fucking great movie, by the way. Ron Livingston is amazing in that movie. He has the whole cast is amazing, but they said they go we're we're sending, by the way, the fucking.
We also watched we also watched, we watched Shaun of the Dead and Animal House, right.
So there's a part where the where they go in to get his mom and there are the girlfriend and they're all coming out. They're like, fuck, where's the car and the heavier guy? I forget his name, but like the guy that turns into the zombie, the heavy guy pulls up, stands up and goes, what's up? And drops and bam, like a hard Engblom like but like in a hip hop way, my girls lost their fucking mind.
They were like, oh my God, you can't say that. You can't say that.
But there and it was so funny to watch their reaction in in in National Lampoon's at the end, the Army guy Niedermeyer is just yelling the F word just nonstop. You faggots. You just did nonstop over and over and over again. My daughter is like, what the fuck? And and the one last night was they said, we're you're going into office based on like you're going to like ass raped prison.
And my daughters are like they raped men and they go watch your cornhole and they both start laughing. And I go they go, where is this cornhole? And I said, What do you think of Cornhole is? And they were like, I don't know, is it the game you play? And we're like, Oh, no. And then like I said, where does Corne come out of?
And they're like, oh my God, that's where they raped them. What did you think they did it? Was it like watching old movies? Bill is like it's like going in a fucking time machine. A time machine.
Well, I would think just watching some from the 2000s at this point because they said with like with the office when you were saying office space.
That's why I was kind of thinking, like you said, Ron, let me say like, oh, yeah, the movie. I was thinking the office. Oh, they even said like the office, like a lot of the stuff they couldn't do. I didn't know Will Ferrell came on that show for like six episodes. So I started watching some of those. Dude, his character's hilarious. Of course, it's amazing what it was when Carol's character is leaving.
So he's the new manager. And, you know, it's one of those things where he comes in at first and he validates everybody and everybody digs him, and then Steve chorales character is starting to feel like, well, at least tonight, not going to miss me. And then you start to see another side. Of his character, and it's just, you know, it's Will Ferrell and Steve Carell, that's all I need to know. Will Ferrell, we watched elf Will Ferrell for first of all, Jon Favreau is a fucking gangster.
That movie is good because of Jon Favreau. That dude, Jon Favreau.
So I hope I'm still alive for his lifetime achievement award because I don't think there's anything that motherfucker's done that like did you I love when my favorite part of that movie is when there's so many, it's so fucking absurd.
Lf when when when they say Santa is coming and he flips out, the kid is cool I guess how much he flips out. I just like, oh, my God. And then, oh, who's in it, what them? The guy from The Godfather, they're a James Bond. James Bond is looking at him sometimes. I actually think that those the looks he gives them might even be real where he's just sitting there. Could what in the fuck am I in right now?
Like, when you're making a dude, you have no idea how this is going to come together. And there's a lot of times where they're they're asking you to do something, man. You it's like you got your ass hanging out. You just sitting there going, like, is this going to fucking work? Tell me. It's totally going to come together to do with you in the second.
You see, James. Look, I don't know, John. I've never met John Fabro. Jon Favreau, yes, I have I don't know him, but I can't help but think I only know him from, like, being a fan of his, I can't help but think that James Kahn's casting isn't that isn't John Fibros thumbprint that is in John. Absolutely it is. Yeah. And so so when you see James Carville, he does the Mandalorian, but he's kind of kimlin with that.
The theater universe kind of gave him a standing ovation for how they landed the second he was trending.
I am appalled. I haven't watched it, James. I don't even know he's still alive. No. Jon Favreau. Directs the man, it does the whole thing. Oh, for real? Yes, he wrote every episode in both seasons. He wrote them down. Rick from Iowa wrote The ones that I was in, I believe I don't know. I don't want to step farming once. And I'm sorry, but he was he's the reason I got in.
He did the same thing going. I want to you know, there's a part in it for you. And I was like, dude, all I've ever done is make fun of this shit. I mean, are you serious with the comedian thing? I see a bunch of people enjoying something. All right. I'm going to shit on it. And he goes, yeah, he goes. I think that that would be funny. That's why I would be funny if I put you in there.
And I was like, yeah, my wife's kicking me under the table.
Don't say yes, so I'll do it. Thank God I did. He hit my favorite movie he ever did was made made was the funniest fucking movie. So I gave it. I gave that, I gave that my DVD to Louie Anderson and Louie Harrison. Never give it back to was it the outtakes alone or the fucking Vince Vaughn. And that is just amazing. Oh, this is one of the greatest, the fastest minds and most brilliant dude.
You have that also that shot when they're in that convertible and they're going through old Vegas and the lights are reflecting off the car. That's my one of my favorite shots.
That's swingers, right. Huh? Is that swinger's? Is that swinger's, the maid is maid, is maid, is a gangster, movie is in it, and Peter Fox and there's a lot of great stuff here, Peter.
Oh wait, did I see that one? I saw that one a long time ago.
To my short term memory is like, I don't know, I got to watch it.
Mandalorian, I know you and Rosario Rosario is in it, right? Yes. So there is a period where I kind of stayed away from the Mandalorian because I knew you were in it. I knew you were in it, and I knew risottos. And if I knew that, no one knew that. And so I just never talked about it. I was kind of like I never tried to bring it up because I didn't want to fuck up, because I didn't know if, you know, you get confused.
You're like, do people know Bill's in it or does he play baby baby Yoda? I don't know. I know baby is the thing. I don't I just don't know. And I'm not the biggest Star Wars guy. Georgia nilaa. Maybe watching Mandalorian. Is it like a broken heart?
Because they kind of they shoot it like a spaghetti western. So there's depth because when I saw. It's John Fabro of Big Star Wars, too huge for real, so it'd be like. You know, like someone, it's sort of a perfect storm where you got a guy who's a huge fan of it, who actually knows how to write and direct, and then he gets to take he gets to make it the way. He sort of envisions it and amazingly, how he sees it is how a lot of the Star Wars people fans wanted to see it, I guess, because, like I said, they I've never seen that.
Like, any time you have a final episode of a season, that's just going to be people shitting out of work, a way to do a standing ovation, really, just like that was.
So it's like how many how many episodes and what it's about Boba Fett and maybe Yoda. Right. I haven't really watched it. It's about a character, it's about a character who's a man, Floriane, the same race of people as.
I was hoping you weren't going to ask me that. It's on my list of shit to watch.
I always going to try and always going to try and get. I'm embarrassed now, oh, I'm going to watch. Oh, I watch most of the first season, I just, you know, came out during the holidays. Oh, that's so great. I know I'm going to check it out and the girls would love it, I'm sure. And I know, like, I was eating dinner with Rosario one night and I said, So you're in the new Mandalorian, right?
She went, I don't know. And I went, all right. Never speak about the Mandalorian. If she's not going to be honest with me, I don't want to be like I don't know is the worst answer ever.
That means yes. No, I was like she didn't want to talk about it. And I was like, I'd rather talk about I'll just I don't like I would have been a Mandalorian.
What's what is that. And then you'll be on to space that you used to assume, yeah, people ask me, are you going to be in the next season? I just said no.
I mean, I thought it was I thought it was like some good fellowship. Just I don't know that guy. I don't know what you're talking about. I have no fucking idea.
He goes, she said. He's Rosaria is an awesome person, right, but so her boyfriend is I'm not a big politics guy and her boyfriend is a big politician. He's like Senator Cory Booker. And so he's on set. And someone says something about her boyfriend, we're going to do Fotos, and I said, yeah, I know this is vegan, right? And so I was like, Yeah, what's up? So he's like, is he like an athlete or something?
And then like, no, he's like a politician. And I go, oh, like a big one. And they're like, yeah, kinda. Oh, cool. So I meet him. I don't know any of this. I don't know anything about the guy. Good looking guy. Guy obviously he's dating Rosario Dawson. Really sweet guy. And I go, I go, hey man, I'm Berten. He's like, nice to meet you.
I'm Coria said so I hear you're like a politician or something. And he goes, yeah, I go, we do. And he was like, I'm a senator. And I go, is that like the one where there's only two of them or the one where there's like nine or ten sometimes? And he goes, it's the House of Representatives. And I go, Oh, cool. I go, You want to be president one day? And he goes, I ran for president.
I said, When?
And he goes just recently, Oh, I'm sorry, I don't follow politics. He goes, I can tell. I go, I go. So did you want to be president?
He goes, I wouldn't have run for president if I didn't want to go.
I mean, I'm really sorry I read you to Rosario because she doesn't know anything about politics.
She goes, oh, nothing about politics. It was so I was like, oh, I just don't man. I'm not. I'm just I'm losing my interest. I can't I it's like I wish I would you go up and start talking to him. I don't know shit about yachting. I wouldn't go up to some guy cleaning off a fucking boat standing next to me.
You get nervous out there, know we were doing a shark jump up and like try to bite the boat. Is that real? Like what happened in the photo shoot?
And I was standing next to him. I was just making small talk, Bill. It was horrible. But he's a very nice guy. I'd vote for him.
Yeah, now I've had a I've had a few of those, and then I just immediately shut up, I. I would have I would have said the dumb shit you said, but I would have stopped three questions before. Yeah. I definitely wouldn't have asked, so did you want to be president if the guy who ran for president, you look at like you, I wonder how much of that is like who you go. I'll go if I run for president and then all of a sudden everyone around you goes, oh, he's going to be president.
You're like, oh, hold on, hold on. I said, I'd fight him. I got to fight his brothers to, you know, like one of those things. Yeah. He's like, you wonder. Honestly, I mean, I guess you can't you can't say that, but like. When Barack Obama ran, do you think he was like, I'll do that and then all of a sudden he was like, oh fuck, there's a lot bigger of a commitment than I thought it would be.
Don't know why anybody would want to do it the way they'd never want to be president. I would say this. Trump handled it like a champ. He didn't age at all. You ever heard he looks to fuck everybody else.
The key is. But you don't answer the phone if you don't answer the phone and you look out the window, I mean, it looks good.
My favorite line, you answer the phone. They are Obama, Bush, Clinton. Your hair just turns fuckin white. God, who aids the most out of president? That's a good question. Reagan was hard because he dyed his hair black so he couldn't really tell. Reagan got shot.
He got shot in his first term and he kept going, I want to do this again.
I can't name a fucking job where you get shot.
You're like, yeah, sign me up for another four years. I would have handed it off to when I was his vice. George Bush and then George Bush got it. George Bush, George Bush is fucking amazing. George Bush, the first one because in the Bush era, using flyboy's. We just finished flyboy's finally.
Yeah. The guy that guy's life was no fucking. No fucking joke can look at Japanese people the same way after watching freedom flyboy's fuck, that's an aggressive book.
Yes, when you get to the cannibalism part, that's thesis is, you know, it's not it's not there.
It's not their fault. It's the fucking leadership's fault. Just sent them to islands with no provisions. I just ammunition, not even ammunition.
He could have killed the guys before they started slicing them up like schwannoma dude.
They they, they would did get did you read the part where you go. They didn't want the meat to spoil so they cut his arm off and put them back in the hole, then eat his arm.
Did they cut meat off the back there. They were trying to keep you as long as because the most protein was in your vitals. It's fucking brutal. It's fucking brutal. And like that said, shit, you know, when they sit there and they talk about. You know how we use nuclear weapons on them and stuff, it was like there was a lot of shit going on, like two World War Two. It was a fucking race war.
It was it was you had you had the Germans thinking they were superior. The Japanese seem like they were the white people of Asia. And I think in that they were the greatest people ever, although, you know, Japan got fucked over the you know, Japan had a war with Russia and they won. Yeah. And then they went to go take some of their land, like all the white countries do when they defeat a country and all the other white countries ganged up on.
And I can't do that. All that's in that book, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's in their book. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. They bring it up like, nah nah you can't do that. So then they're standing there like going like, well what the fuck. You just kick their ass. Now, we don't get the spoils of victory and you guys are going to talk to us as to what the fuck you did in your country.
So there's a lot of reason because you can't be like, oh, we dropped those bombs because they were fucking eating soldiers that they captured. And then what? We can be Russian you would like it just keeps going back.
We just can't do he can. I tell you what's amazing is that it you're right. It was a race war and it was a race war in Japan, like Japan believed. And it's kind of. It doesn't I'm not saying it makes sense, but the fact that they were an island just took one people that they would assume that they are like they are spear and then they just go like, well, we deserve to do this to the Chinese people.
Like that was a race war from Germany's side and Japan side. And no one no one ever mentions that, that on Japan, no one ever everyone looks at the Holocaust and goes, the Germans are horrible. The Japanese people were doing the most horrific thing to the Chinese people.
I read a book called The Rape of Nanking. That was a tough and another tough one. Well, I mean, I heard that that's why the population is what it is in China. Was the whole Japan Bay basically to be like that because they try to invade them a number of times because they ran out of land, I think. Yeah. So they wanted to expand like every white nation did. So they tried to do the same thing. So they just kept having and have more.
They basically the philosophy was that if they if anybody invades us, no matter how many they killed, there's going to be another wave of us coming over the hill ready to fucking throw down.
Yeah, that's also why, like I remember reading a thing that Bruce Lee was a there was some movie. That he made early on or something, and there was a scene in there. Where he was using a Chinese style of martial arts and defeated like some Japanese dude, and after he kicked his ass at the door, he turned around, said, by the way, I'm not an animal. And it got like just that line alone, got a standing ovation in the theaters in China because.
That's how they were being branded by Japan, I believe, because I'm also listening to one of the most amazing podcasts in the world called The Real Dictators, and they talk about the prime minister, the prime minister of Japan at the time during World War Two. And they talk about Mao Tse tung. I think that's the right name. He was the guy who started the Cultural Revolution in China.
And oh, yeah, that guy really took all the farmer's fuckin crops so the numbers would match or something like that and just let him starve.
I mean, do do you understand how sick some of the leaders of the world are? And just imagine those those people in China would starve to death. How many just cool as people. How many Krisha's out there taking their shirts off, making sure I'd be having a good time. It just doesn't make any sense. It's why I just have difficulty with the higher power and that whole fuckin scapegoat of the devil. Well, he had a choice. He could make the choice like God also had a choice.
He could have made fucking empathetic people only and he didn't. He made rapists and sociopaths and warmongers and fucking I don't know, this whole corporate structure where they literally the fact that we have to drink bottled water and nobody really thinks about it because it's our water so fucking polluted is ridiculous. And the fact that companies are allowed to do this or pay just finds the line politicians pockets and shit and they just sell out their own people. I don't know that a big God guy there.
But what was what fucked me up is that. In especially and I'll just to talk about, like the idea of war, that those kids will go to war and they didn't have an option, they go, all right, so you're going to you're going to all get in your planes. And this is a suicide mission. The winds are at our faces. You're not going to be able to land in China. You're going to have to land in the sea.
They're going to catch you. If you catch you, you should be like the fact that they didn't have George Bush didn't have an option, you know, that he had to get in that plane. That was his duty. Like, I can't imagine not not that you would come back. When he came back and that after fighting a mission, right? You know, you come back and your roommate just wasn't there because they died and he he got out of the cockpit from one of the old fucking older guys, superior commander, whatever fucking guy comes up asking because how are you doing this, son?
And he said he opened his mouth and no sound came out and they say, go down to sickbay, they'll take care of you. You'd go down there and they would give you like two fingers of whiskey and you do a shot. And George Bush senior goes. The funny thing is it worked and he would just fly out there. And your mind set would be, it's not going to happen to me. It's going to be the other guy.
Dude, the few times I've sold a helicopter, like what's going through your fucking mind? OK, I can't imagine someone on the ground trying to make your worst case scenario happen. I just can't imagine that and you imagine can you imagine trying to land a helicopter to pick up soldiers in the middle of a war and then get out of there safely? Is that because you've done. How I mean, like when you see those Vietnam movies and they're coming down, everybody in, can you imagine that?
Yeah, and having to make a decision like I can't leave these guys here, but I don't like these some, if they're closing in and you have to make a decision, do I leave with these guys? And then those guys are going to be caught and tortured or are just like. No, like this, those are those things that, like veterans talk about, stuff like that, like you just there's no way to ever make peace with that in your mind, which is why to this day, I still don't understand how, how or why war is legal.
Like we just can't sit down and try to fucking talk this shit out. Like I have to go to marriage counseling, but you guys can just be like I well, we'll fucking kill more your people before you kill more of us. Like that's how you're working it out. Why can't they have couples therapy for fucking world leaders.
They were talking in in in flyboy's about the one guy, one of the guys that was running the the radio center grew up in San Francisco, like he grew up in San Francisco and then moved back to Japan. And his parents were from Japan and fought for the Japanese. And then they had a prisoner of war. And he's talking to one of the prisoners of war in the radio centers, are trying to get him to, you know, snitch on his guys.
There are two Americans. There are two American kids. I mean, again, in nineteen fifty, I'm sure that you didn't see a Japanese person and see they're as American. But I know for a fact in my life, I don't see Dr Ken as not being American. You know what I mean. I don't see fuckin any of that. Like, like Ali Wong is not being an American. I just bluesier as American because that's who she is.
Those were two Americans sitting in a fucking room and he was like, hey, they're going to take you up. It should be fine. And he knew they were going to fucking stab him with bamboo poles. And then cut his head off. God damn it, man, it just doesn't seem fair, and when you want to talk about, like if someone wants to talk about privilege, the privileges that I'm sure and I get to tell jokes and I get to go into my house and take a nap in the middle of the day and play with my dog and play with my kids and not have to go to war or live in Sierra Leone and have to fucking join, look for blood diamonds.
I mean, there's so much bad shit going on in this world. I know.
That's why I sit in people fucking flipping out that they got to wear a mask. It's like, do we have flat screen TVs with surround sound? That mask was probably made in a sweatshop by somebody making 30 cents a month. You can't throw it on to go into a fucking CVS.
Yeah. It's what I would do with this segment on the Monday morning podcast called Comments of the Week, I've just my only way to light just as far as I just started. And Andrew, Energous looks like what the fuck is this person was writing? Because they showed this this older guy. With like a ponytail, and he was in this some some fucking pharmacy or shit, he just wouldn't wear a mask, you know. Look like, you know, like shredded wheat, fucking no conditioner is here and you sitting there.
And this is like what the Nazis did when I was one of the things that like the comment, this guy who is like pro not wearing a mask, he goes, The only thing you've got to do to know what the government's doing right now is watch V for Vendetta.
Is that all I got to do? I thought I had to be in the CIA or be in one of those fucking Bilderberg meetings to really know what was going on.
Evidentally, Burt, all you have to do is watch a Hollywood movie called V for Vendetta. They spelled the whole thing out.
Oh, fuck. Yeah.
What was that stupid fucking book that everybody flipped out about? The religious book that took on the they made a movie about it. It was this big book about Catholic like the Catholic Church.
Oh, Andrew, help me out here came out like 15, 20 years ago, the sea made a. The movie bomb, that was what the fuck was it called? The Catholic Church and it was his assassins and they were going around trying to silence people in running the world and all of that shit.
Problem solved. This for me. OK, Bill, I'll go ahead. You've come up with that.
Andrew was I said the sequel to The Da Vinci Code was doing Vinci Code Code.
Yeah, I read it, too. So I just love that people read that book. But yeah, this is what's really going on.
It's like what happened that Mel Gibson's father is one of those guys. Yeah, OK, you do it. I did that for like five years, five years on my podcast. I was that guy. And then it just I don't know, one day I just sort of woke up going like the amount of people that would have to shut the fuck up for this to work. And if this what if this person is really laying out what's going on, they wouldn't allow this book to be published in, this guy would get whacked.
So I kind of realized that if you're actually affecting change, if you're truly affecting change. In a way that these people that are running everything don't want it to be, you will know because they will they will be an attempt on your life. Hey, man, I'm. Or maybe now they can just destroy your character, you know, throw a couple of ME2 cases that your way or something like that, but like like the 60s, I thought that the whole.
Message of the 60s was, if you rock the boat, black, white, male, female, a crazed lone gunman is going to come in and take care of you. That's that's what I got out of watching. Know civil rights leaders to the Kennedys, to musicians. All of those guys like fuckin Odean and shit, it was very convenient how everybody in the counterculture just really like the big fuckin tent poles of that all just got whacked and then we came out of it.
You know, it's all easy listening, standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona, and all of that and a lot.
And, yeah, it just became, hey, you know what? I think I'm gonna write a song about nothing. How about that? So I don't accidentally overdose or get fucking in my life of the morning sun.
I know the needs alone.
And I. I got pissed. I got pissed. I can't stop talking about this to my wife. She does not give a fuck. I have been you know, I've been trying to lose weight and get healthy. And like I look at guys like Kumail who look fucking awesome and I kind of go like, not not I know this is crazy, but I go out and do what I can do it. And then he started getting dragged on fucking Twitter by the same.
I don't even know what type of person they're like he's but I got fucking it sent me through the goddamn roof and then I want to tweet something and then I'm like, I don't want to pile on. I don't want to misread it. What are they giving them shit for? Because he's because now he's yolked and he looks fucking awesome and like I'm guessing.
Oh, that's like if you leave your hometown and you go out and go do something, there's going to be a couple of people. And don't forget where you came from. They get like a. I guess he was the Silicon Valley kind of Nebish guy, and now he looks like a fuckin fucking he looks fucking awesome, dude, like Jack Ryan, he looks awesome.
That is fucking Jaws yolked his arms. He has he does these pictures with cake. I look at them and all I can see is his arms and go, come in. I want I want whatever the fuck like is inspiring him to be there.
Like, because he wasn't always the guy that he landed a part in a Marvel movie called The Eternals. So he got in shape for that for the movie.
So and I'll tell you what, let me tell you about this is when this is what pisses me off about it, OK? This is what pisses me off. I don't want to tweet this because it's not going to come out right. But I think I can say it and it'll come out right is you want to talk about representation. People always want to talk about representation. Well, then let Kumal be fucking jacked so that some Indian kid does doesn't see every Indian stereotype in every fucking movie about superheroes.
The Indian guy is the guy on the computer going, try it now. Like like we're where. That's your line, Bill. From your stand up. But, you know, like with the with the on the on the computer going we've got him four minutes till I break the code. Let one time the fucking Indian guy look like fucking store. And so that's right. That's what I believe representation is, is like. And then don't give him shit about it because he looks like fucking Chris Pratt.
Chris Pratt looks fucking awesome. No one gives him shit about it.
I think that's I think if you were a fatty and then you get in shape, there's fat people say you sold out.
Oh, I'll I'll take that. I'll take that in a heartbeat. I'll get ripped. I'll do steroids. I'll do I will tell you this too if you get fucking jacked.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Your word is your one when you get jacked.
When I get. I love this when you get jacked. Yeah. Here's my question. Will your fans still love you if you go on stage shirtless and you no longer look like their buddy at a cookout? There's now look like the guy is going to kick over their fucking Habashi, that's what it is, Bill is is that's what you're. That's what it is. It's I bet it's his own fans going like, oh, you don't look like you go to a comic book store now, because now he just looks like he's the guy standing out bouncing at the Comic Book Club.
Right. That's fucking ridiculous. You should let him change and be whatever fucking person he wants.
Most people do, dude. Most people do. And they just focus on, like, the negative shit.
And here's what bothers me. He's the sweetest fuckin do you'll ever run into. He is the nicest guy. Doesn't talk shit, doesn't he's a fucking great fucking. But if he became a dick now that he has muscles and then they create a piece like a study.
Now what it is, is you get too much testosterone, you start being a dick.
I was like, fuck that, that fuck, I'll fuck him up. And you're like, wait, come out. Whatever happened to the nice guy? He's dead. A fucking bench. Press that motherfucker. Yeah. Hey, how long are we doing on this one?
We should we should wrap it up. We're pretty good now. We wrap it up. I wasn't sure if we would be doing two hour ones. I know there was talk about that so we could do like meet twice a month. Oh, wow. Yeah. Well, I'll cut this part out, but yeah, next week we'll do like I said, we'll do it. We'll do like forty five, fifty minutes of regular episode and then we'll just have the guest come on for the second half.
Oh that's, that's how we were going to do it. OK, I get to break it up.
All right, well, good for come getting in shape. Good for him. He looks awesome, man. I can't wait to see the internals. I support him. And congrats to John Fabro. Sounds like he's doing really good with the fucking Mandalorian.
Can't wait to Cory Booker. He seems to be doing pretty good with that politics stuff.
Booker Japanese people got all the bases on this. We touched it all and we almost went around the world on that one.
All right, everybody, this has been another wonderful episode of the Bill Hurt Pod Cast.
We'll see you next time. Happy New Year.