Hey, what's going on, everybody? It's time for another wonderful episode of the Bill Murray podcast. What's going on?
I changed so much since the last time I saw you. I know I can change hats real quick. I got so many fucking hats, Bill. It's ridiculous. I, I got my train on. Is that one. This one is. God dang it. They just sent them to me. The Diamondback Devil dog.
No, it's I think it's a Montana farm team. But they sent me, they sent me every single one of their hats. I really should know the name of the team because they sent me all their hats and I fucking I tagged them my Instagram post. I got a I got to do. People are watching. Don't send me any hats. I don't want any shit. I'm trying to get rid of stuff. Thank you.
Yeah. That's you know, that's when I first got into this business bill.
I remember going over not business but like the open it was going to take you longer to take that sticker off because I love, you know, but, you know, I got in this business, it's just funny to watch.
I remember going to Rogan's house one time. You remember when you do the podcast at his house and he's just talking about that. You had that little conference table, little conference table.
And he had he had so much merch and like boxes of stuff that like fans sent him and like pictures of fans and them. And I remember going, man, if I could get to this place in my life, I made it. And I'm telling you, I don't really I didn't realize how fucking annoying it is to just have boxes on boxes of shit people sent you in. You're like and you're like, oh, my God, I got too much shit.
I want to get rid of my shit. I got to get rid of stuff, man. Yeah.
Now you'll yeah. I'll, I'll give you some good advice. Don't take gift bags.
Oh don't, don't, don't do any of that shit because I'm telling you you will literally it's I always look at it like dude you gave a shit enough to buy a ticket to come to my show. That's all. You need it all. I want all you need to do. Because the thing about it is, is if somebody gives me something like I feel so bad if I don't take it. But then what happens is just what we do, we are doing this when it's not this bullshit, you're doing it every night and then you're coming home like there's still a guy.
There's a guy that made a wood sign that said Bill's garage. Right. And I know it's kind of corny, but he took the time to do it and all of that. And he was also kind of because I was talking about how the garage was my house, that I still have it. And I was OK, I was outside doing my band workout, which is fucking doing great for the throat rotate, is it rotator cuff or cup?
I still don't come cuff with an F. Yeah, F like fantastic. I'm going to I'm going to finally put the thing up there. But people make these things and they take all of this time to do. When I was on the road one time I was trying to lose weight and this lady came and she had like a cookie store or something and she made all these cookies with my name on it and shit. And I wish I had to eat every one of them.
Yeah, it's like you took the time to bake for me. So what I be careful what you say on the podcast, because if you go like, dude, you know what I'm really into. I found the best pair toenail clippers. These things are fucking unbelievable, man. Next thing you know, you'll have like a thousand of them. They'll have like a razor on it and shit.
You don't really know the best one I used to. I still I have a P.O. box that people send stuff to and and for a period of time for whatever.
I don't know who was doing it, but people were sending me twenty five pound weights and I mean I have, I have nine, twenty five pound weights and I just want to be myself. I have no idea. I have no idea. That's something I said, something I must have and I'm, and I'm, and then I went on my Instagram, I was like hey whoever said to me twenty five pound weight, I'm good. And then all of a sudden twenty five pound weights started showing up.
When I love those, when you get a company that old like. Hit you up or like drop off something at your show and then all of a sudden you try it and you love it, and that is how I feel about liquid death. Dadis cans of water due to the fucking greatest thing. I got it.
OK, you know what I like? I wish I brought it with me. You're such a good businessman is whatever that beard, the beard wash and the beard bomb and all of that AirAsia.
Harry's, but I'm not sure if they advertise on this podcast. I think that's the other one, but it's fine. Whatever. Yeah, sorry, I should just let you do this. No, no, no, it's fine.
It's fine. Now, this is awkward. No, no, I I love you, I love when you get hooked up with a good product that is a sponsor and then all of a sudden or like or like or like, there's this guy, his name his name's Bernard. He's got it's called Burner's Beef. And we're on tour. And he's just this guy. He looks like John Candy. It looks like John Candy with a beard. Right.
Just a guy at work and out of his garage, working out of his kitchen. And he's making beef jerky. He just loves it. So he makes some beef jerky, drops off at one of my shows and we eat it and we love it.
Right. And then we go, hey, guys, if you want to go on the Instagram and this is what I love, I go. If you want to try some really good beef jerky, check out this guy's burger burner beef and he fucking gets orders out the ass like, dude, I just make this shit out of my, my, my. I got to, like, buy equipment now and now. The guy is a professional beef jerky salesman and he is and he loves you, makes great beef jerky, great beef jerky.
And he's like doing it. He's doing his dream. If you if I can help facilitate a dream like that, then that that's worth it. I would rather do that. Yeah. That's the fucking greatest man. Yeah. Have it go that way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love, I love when you find good merch like people making cool shit and you're like, you're like damn I could, I could really ride with this or you don't want to talk about something that I've been, I've been doing.
I fucking I went out to the desert. I still call it the desert because of Greg Giraldo, I still say when you balls a stick and you leg out here in the desert, we went to mean the family went out to Joshua Tree. Really? Oh, yeah, I went out there and we had everybody got tested and shit, we had I have some other family, we came in, whatever did the whole thing. So I tried mushrooms for the first time because I was in the desert.
I was like, I got it. I got to do, you know, I got to see what it's about. Somebody told me it would help my tinnitus, which is total bullshit.
It's fucking mushroom people. They think they understand the universe, that they take it. Dude, you fucking understand the vibrations, man. Know, it's just like, no, dude, you were tripping.
Like, you look at a whole different way. So I took it and my buddy told me to take Foursquare's. So I said, I'm taking six. I want to go on a ride.
Jesus Christ I'll. Well, fortunately, my wife told talked me out of it. She goes, take four and I'm like, typical, pull it back on the reins.
Yeah, I wanted to I wanted to be the lizard king.
I'm like, if I'm going to fucking do what I want to do it. So I ate the four squares immediately.
Really nauseous was in the form of chocolate, just really like in the not being nauseous lasted the whole time. And the other dude I did them with was feeling the same thing. So. You know, at first he starts feeling like a pot cookie, like I I've been here before and then it just kind of keeps going, like passes the pot house like, oh, shit, we're still going down the road.
And then, you know, the TV starts looking like it's getting bigger. And then all of a sudden it kind of looks like maybe it's going to fall on me. But I'm just sort of enjoying it, going like, oh, I know that's not happening. That's bolted into the fucking wall and that's a TV. TV's don't grow. Be able to keep it like, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not a talk of myself through it in somebody else.
I was like, Jesus Christ, Bill, just go with it. It's like, well, I don't want to start freaking out. I got to remind myself a toilet can't breathe.
I'm sorry, but I look because I wanted to take a leak and the toilet was going was kind of doing this a little bit.
Just a little bit. So then. I've got about two hours into it, and I was just like, I, I need to go lay down. So I go lay down. And I felt this I told this on my podcast, I felt this profound sense. Of loneliness. And not feeling loved. In this depressive. Thing. So now my head going, what the fuck is this? And I'm looking at my wife going like that, I marry the wrong person, right?
And I'm like, now and then. So then what I did was like, all right, let me think about something that I know I love and I know loves back, you know, not like I don't know.
I love my wife. But at any given day, it's like, you know, like you the best thing that ever happened to me, like next day I'm fucking out of here. Right. That's marriage.
Right. So let me think let me think about my kid. So I think about my kids. And I still felt the same thing. And I'm going like, OK, so this isn't that. And I realize because I had gone I'm going to therapy again, all of this shit that I was running from, this is the feeling I had growing up. And this stuff is like coming out of my pores now. So it wasn't a bad thing.
So I just had to sort of sit in it. And realize that that's what this is and. I don't know, like the next day I was all clear, I was just like, wow man, I really like and I was still through the rest of us, like, man, I just slept, walked through my 30s and 40s just trying to achieve shit. Because of the way I felt when I was a kid, the what I did to fix that was to just start doing shit.
And if I did all of these things and accomplished these things that people would think I was cool and then they'd stop fucking with me. That was my little kid way of getting out of this shit. And now I'm in my 50s and that shit doesn't go away to you. Deal with it. So I'm finally stopping and like, sitting with it. So it ended up being like this great thing.
For me to kind of like deal with to kind of have that goodwill hunting, it's not your fault. Yeah, fucking moment. So it was weird because all my friends that that I told I was going to take them were all excited because they thought, like, I was hoping to be like, dude, I fell in love. I felt oneness with the fucking universe. I wanted to hug a cactus. It wasn't that. It was just sort of like.
Like this fucking empty thing, but I was able to, like, figure it out, thank God I had kids. We didn't have kids, I'd be fucking. And at my wife's sideways. And ruining that so that that was that was my trip. That's such an interesting person because you don't look like you don't seem like the type of person that would go, I'm going to do some mushrooms.
Dude, I tried in the first time when I'm 50 to. So I am not that person you were you nervous now? Dude, I like. I can like. I flip out of a little shit, I don't get nervous on big shit, I just I'm able to just block it out and do. The job, right, and it like really helps me. For when I'm really nervous, like for like really big gigs, like back in the day, like the first time, you know, when you're doing like you're doing five minutes on a talk show and it becomes like super like surreal.
And you hear in the band playing and you're like, what the fuck am I like? This is happening. He's going to introduce the comedian, it's going to be me, it's like you have to, like, fuck and just block all of that out and be like, all right, this 400 fucking jerk offs here. They look like me. They talk like they speak in my life. I can make them laugh. Why they jerk offs, I don't know.
So I call them jerk offs because I'm nervous some lashing out at them. And I have this weird thing where I had to work up like a healthy level of hatred.
On some level, if I didn't feel comfortable, I would be like, you know, fuck the fucking host, I'd have to literally I had to go there because that was just me being nervous.
So I wasn't like, fuck those. Thank God for the host I got against the TV show. I got something to do tonight, so. It helps me to like. Like just sort of like dialing, but I'm really bad with, like, little shit. I mean, it has to come out somewhere, so it's like little things. So like, if I'm going to do something like, it's really scary. I don't want to do it.
I'm nervous about what's going to happen and everything. But then once I do it, like I'm going to people, if I'm going in a pool, I just jump in. Yeah.
The deep end. I don't walk down the stairs. I did you see my wife doing that drives me up the fucking wall.
So. Well, you just get in and would have been over like fucking a minute ago. That's how I do it.
How did you. That's my wife. Oh, my God. It's like, why would you prolong that? So, yeah, it helps me with, like, flying and shit like that, like the other day I soloed out into a place where I hadn't been before and it was way more gnarly than I thought it was going to be. It was like there was like three things all happened and it fucking once. And then I got clearance and I was crossing the center line.
I was like, what the fuck is it? I was just like I. Just look down your cheeks, you can see the traffic. There's nobody there, there's a Charlie airspace coming up. It's from twenty seven hundred whatever. Your twenty five hundred just stayed here. You don't have to fucking talk to them. Just go north of this. And then I got north of that and I see there's all these fucking jerk offs like me get north because they don't want to talk to the fucking tower.
So then I just make the decision these fucking assholes aren't even talking on the radio. I don't know, be near them. So I ended up asking for Clarence, got back into the Charlie, so now I'm talking to him. So I got fucking two eyes, my eyes and his eyes watching what these Cherkovski doing. And I was only able to do that calmly. Now you tell me to download Google Chrome and I will almost take my laptop and throw it out the fucking window.
And I don't know why I'm like that, but that is the way.
That is the way I am wired and but the problem with that is most of life, 95 percent of life is downloading Google Chrome shit like at that level. So I'm I've spent so much of my life losing my shit. Over, over, like, you know, any anything like. Nothing like I mean, I like the stupidest shit, like people who not don't understand that a garbage disposal you supposed to scrape off as much food is possible. And then put it in, it's not designed to take all of that fucking food and people just, you know, going a fucking chicken bone going down there.
My daughters, my daughters just empty all their food into the sink. I know you throw that in the trash, then whatever else, the garbage is good. There's so much little like information about garbage disposal. Was like when I was like 30 years old, somebody finally told me how to hit the ketchup bottle, that you hit it on the Heinz fifty seven.
I was always going like from the back. Yeah.
And then all of a sudden somebody says, no, you just hit it on the 57 in the chicane came right out.
I was just like I think the kids call those life hacks or whatever.
Oh, I love the good Lezak people stick food like this big. And they just send it down there. It's like, dude, like. You understand this is the pipes in the sewer, everything goes into this shit, you want as little of that stuff going down there as possible. By the way, dude, the fucking sewer pipe, the fucking drain pipe to the street. I got to get that fixed. Fuckin I just got a couple of gigs coming up, I can announce them yet, and I'm like, finally, finally, because, you know, other than podcasting, you know, we've all been in a financial freefall here.
Fortunately, I'm not a fur coat guy. I don't have a grill. I didn't do any of that dumb shit. So I got you know, I'm all right. And these guys fucking came up and it's just like, yeah, man, we got to we got to do the whole thing. And I was just like I. Just fucking do it and then it's just like, yeah, this section's fucked up to and end up just going all the way around the house in the number, just kept going, guys.
Oh, my God. Does does. And I literally go, can you just cap it at this number? And he goes, OK.
And he came to grand less. And I'm like, oh, is that how it works? I should have said less than that. So what are you doing, indoor gigs? I'm going to do a virtual gig. Really? Because I did one, I did. I did a benefit for somebody, this high school kid in Massachusetts. Got hurt really bad playing hockey and, you know, it's just something, you know. You know, the comedian, you can just help somebody out, why not go fuck and do it?
So, yeah, you know, I did that and then through doing that, it's just like, oh, I could do like a gig or something like a gig or two doing this just because.
You know, I just miss it, and I also need to, you know, I know I'm not Bill Gates him and I need him. I need to make some fuckin money here.
Yeah, I feel I feel like I'm not going to be getting back on stage for at least five months and like, I won't be able to get on stage for five months. And I'm fucking kind of I kind of feel like I have no point in life. I'm just like I like I want. You're getting on stage for that long, long story. I'll tell you about it later. OK, but but I'm really I feel very you know, I felt very guilty going out and doing those summer shows because I was like, I don't know, am I like I am I doing the right thing, you know?
And I know they're not the ideal climate, but I'm so glad I did them now because I'm like, oh, I would have not gotten on stage for it for fucking two years.
But they safe stay in the car, wear the fucking mask, whatever it is, you can do it safely. Like what that guy is doing in Texas. I don't have a problem with him opening up the whole fucking state. My only problem is just like I just have people wear masks when they're when they're inside. I mean, it's a big enough state. I guess people could kind of walk around each other, you know, I don't know.
But like. You know, I don't think doing like a show, if they're trying, you know, they're taking people's temperature at some point, you know, people have to get out of the house. They have to fucking. They have to earn a living. I've just seen so many of my favorite goddamn places. Are just going under, but the upside that I do know of that is I feel like. That I don't think I'm actually really liking this new generation of young people, you know, I did I did like three shows on Friday.
Yeah, they're cool. I kind of feel like the millennials took the hit on this whole new overly sensitive pretending to care time, like so much of it is, just pretending to care and grandstanding and shit. They kind of took the hit on that, like the way when we were talking to George Lopez how his generation figured out that doing blow was not good for your career. So, yeah, fortunately for them, we knew not to do that.
I feel like Millennial's took that hit for this next generation. They're a little more relaxed and I think every generation in front of them kind of let them know what the happy drugs were and what the ones that made you up on a billboard with, like, fucking wooden teeth look like. You know, that same people won't still fuck up. But like, you know, some of the music, like I've been following some people on Instagram, which is more not even like lyrics, it's just more vibe music.
And I'm like where I'm in a part of my life. I'm trying to calm down. You know, with kids and shit, and it's just like I like this, so, oh, I forgot to tell the end of the mushroom story, so I fucking I. I just was so clear in the next day and I was just like, you know what, I need to, like, take care of myself.
More I need to stop, like I need to get eight hours sleep, I need to stop fucking smoking cigars all the time. So I was just like, you know, Ahmadu in March, I go, fuck this like me, I'm all enough. Then I jump in the pool, I go, I'm going, I'm going plant based.
I'm going see what this plant based thing is. I'm going plant Ahmeti right now before anybody gets me. I'll fuck. There's no fucking way then I'm not going to keep eating steaks, OK? I like, you know, I like, I like fucking steaks too much.
Which by the way I saw Bare Maula cow the other day on YouTube and I usually feel so bad for whatever is getting killed by a fucking bear because they just mallen to death. But the cow just makes the funniest fucking noise.
The whole time he just sounded like he was a passenger in a car with the bear and the bear kept missing the exit like it's going that right.
I know that's heartless, but I also eat burgers so anyway. So for the last like eight days, other than like, you know, after I go to therapy, I there's a sandwich place I go to and I guess I get like a sandwich with, like, salami or something like that. And then and then Saturday night, they open up the restaurant. She was sitting outside under a heat lamp. And I got like a chicken parm. I got eat that chicken parm after eating all the plant based the whole fucking way too.
I mean, I felt like I ate a fucking anchor in real life.
I mean, it's Italian, so they give you, like, enough for three people, which is why I love Italians. But like, I should have stopped. I saw sitting there going, like, is that the meat or is it because I ate? So I think it was a little bit of both. But I've been making, like, these fucking protein bowls or they call them Budha Bowls before that gets canceled.
And dude, I'm barely working out if it's just fallen off me for real. Yeah. But I weighed myself today like I lost like six pounds holy, but I think you do in the beginning, you lose a lot because your body is like, oh my God, he's finally stopped eating ice cream was great. And then it kind of settles in. So I really believe in having that one big fucked up meal every week. You ever see, like, the rock?
Oh, I like what you eat meals. Yeah, his Sunday night, you see a lot of people fuck up as they have a cheat day. It's a cheat meal.
So he'll have like a whole fucking pizza or like, dude, he was making these waffles that were like, you know, as big as his fucking arms to a fucking huge and like, I think that that's like that that's kind of been working for me.
Oh, dude. I walked by. I walked by a. A couple. Eating chicken and waffles in San Diego, I took the girls San Diego this weekend and I had a mask on and I had sunglasses on so the woman couldn't see that I was looking longingly at their food. But I definitely I definitely like looked and then I just kept staring. But I'm in a fucking complete mask. And she got pissed, she was like, excuse you, and I was like in my head, I was like, Oh, you can't see that.
I'm just looking at your meal. Like if I had all this shit off, you'd be like, no, she might have been saying that to.
There's certain people they don't want you to staring at.
It was so fucking good. It looked so good. It was beautiful. By the way, I'll tell you, I don't know the name of the restaurant. I don't know the name. But it was right across the street from the Hotel Del Mar. And it the fucking chicken and waffles at this place were I'm talking like Double-take. I haven't seen tits that have gotten me to stare at this long, like it was overwhelming. You know, I know a great place for that, and I don't think I have on my phone somewhere in Durham, North Carolina, was one of the best soul food places I ever went to.
And now I'm just I'm just hoping it's still there with all of this God damn this crap that's going on. Yeah. So that's the deal. So I'm going to try to go. The month of March. And then I just need, you know, my buddy Jason Law Head does he's kind of I just want to meet a fucking sandwich today on Instagram.
Yeah, looks like the greatest sandwich I've ever seen in my entire fucking life. He's an unbelievable cook, but he does like vegetarian. He does plant based thing. So I just need something to switch it up, dude, because I am like it's like what I should have done was gradually go into it because I didn't have all these fields. I'm eating like a fucking prisoner of war, like I got like fucking four meals. I've been eating them almost every day.
And it's just like if I eat one more fucking sweet potato and cabbage with, oh, I can't fucking do it. So I'm getting bored and I'm like, well, when I eat meat, I don't get bored. It's like, no, when you're eating meat you got the whole fucking you know, you're eating chicken but you're eating chicken like nine thousand different ways. You're eating steak nine thousand different ways of pork or whatever.
But I kind of like the shape that you get in, you know, sleep a little better. I got I didn't sleep last night because my wife was watching that stupid fucking interview with Megan Markle blasts.
Oh, my God. You know, it's not fair, the fact that Netflix hides thousands of shows and movies. From you, based on your location, then has the nerve to increase their prices on you. That's not fair. I mean, I love Netflix, I absolutely love Netflix, but it's not fair.
I'm glad you're reading this one. Jesus, oh, this is going to be the controversy this week, the bird bird krischer terrified to talk about Netflix. Go ahead.
Now, you could just cancel your subscription to Netflix, but I wouldn't do that. Yeah, or or you could be smart and make it make sure you're getting your full money's worth by using Express VPN, like both Bill and I do. See, you might not know what's on Netflix in your country is completely different than what someone in the UK or Japan has on their using a BBM. I can control what what country I want Netflix to think I'm in.
Express VPN has over 90 countries to choose from and every time I run out of stuff to watch, I just switch to another country, unlock new shows. Right now I'm watching the crown. We talk about it on this episode and it's not the US ones. I want the real one. So I'm watching the one from Great Britain. All you got to do is tap on a button, express VPN, lets me change my location to the UK and then I get to watch it.
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It's really time to take care of your Ed. Come on, you want your dick to work. All right. And remember, get started today and you'll save fifteen dollars on your first order of erectile dysfunction treatment. What was your what was your wife's take away? Was she like because I mean, black Twitter today was fuckin all but ready to get on a plane and kill the fuckin Britain, I mean, it was like Britain.
I got on Twitter and I was like, well, the royal family there, the royal family, I just felt like I was watching some bad summertime Hollywood movie where you already knew the ending.
Yeah, it's you say, let me get this straight. You went to the White House fucking place ever into a castle and you found out they were racist like I was. It was I mean, look, obviously I feel for all of that type of shit, but like. I don't know, I. And, you know, you're not allowed to say it anymore, you're just not allowed to say where, it's just like it's like, hey, I went out and played hockey and somebody smashed me in the face with the stick.
Well, what the fuck are you playing hockey for? Why would you go? I wouldn't go there like I'm not white enough to go there. They would be talking shit hit you son of your Irish bill, by the way, they don't want you there. That's how I got to be honest.
I kind of like I had fallen asleep and my wife said, do you mind if I watch this? And she had it cranked up. And then, like, end of waking me up and then I had her laughing her ass off because I just started doing this bad British accent and she's all right. So then I met this ginger cunt, right? And we went to a castle and I was just being an asshole because I couldn't go. I slip on the fucking couch last night.
Oh, like, I look. I just I just started watching the crowd. Have you seen the crowd? It's on Netflix, it's so fucking good. I know that I heard that's really good, but it's fucking amazing. Did you watch the interview? Like, I just I just watched it. I just kept waiting to be surprised. Maybe I just know white people because I'm white. Like, I was just like, well, yeah, that kind of seems like.
Didn't they have a guy there a long time ago, he was like some Indian guy in the nickname they gave him was Sooty, No one in that room, it's like he was such a sellout. He's gone now was a term of endearment. I liked it. He was like the only Indian dude at the golf club. And it's just like, yeah, those guys exist. And like 1860, yeah, you know, look, I mean.
The truth of of all of it is that. England or Great Britain has been has doesn't have a great history with the monarchy, doesn't have a great history with racism, by the way, also these are like little my takeaways from the crown is the queen. Now, we talking to the crown.
I love how you're not talking about a TV show. Oh, but that's all I know.
All I know is what I saw in the ground. I don't know anything about the real monarchy is like they don't teach them. They didn't teach the queen like school. They taught her how to be the queen. Like at a certain age when you're going to be you possibly will be the queen. They just start teaching you how to be the queen. So you don't get like a lesson in history or you don't get maths lessons. You just learn how to be the queen.
But I was like, yeah, I mean, her husband was oh, you're walking into that where they all got a fucking wave like this.
You know, you have to sit. There is some stiff tells you how to fuck right now. They don't really get to control how you wave.
It's first of all. So it's I mean, it just seems like a life you don't want to live in. And I thought that's why Harry got out of it. Honestly, I thought that's why he got out, because he didn't want to. Royal duties are like fucking exhausting. And you don't have freedom. You have no freedom. You've got that. From what I'm saying.
No, they live in a castle. But how about the fact you can never move out? Yeah. Never move out of your parent's house and you just fucking sit sitting there.
Do how sick do you get a fucking recital's. I fuck some cunts coming over here with a cello.
I got to get all dressed up in my Ruffels. The fuck are we doing here?
I mean, Prince want to go to a fucking soccer game and get shitfaced and eat fish and chips like everybody else and you got to fucking sit there. Bup bup bup bup bup bup bup. Did I tell you what I wouldn't mind I just because they seemed pretty lax on when you can drink and how much you can drink. I wouldn't mind being a prince and just have one of those. You know, it seemed like Prince Philip always had a fucking cocktail in his hand and the guy's one hundred years old.
So you get doctors all over you.
And I would definitely be the Ted Kennedy's of that fucking family. Like I would I would I would just be like.
Like how well I'm living, even if I die young, it doesn't matter because I still had a better life than everybody else in a very superficial way, so. Right, right. Look at this, Robi. Right. Here's my question.
I got a gold plated fucking lighter lighter. I know I'm doing a bad accent.
Whatever. Here's my question, because you've been in his shoes, meaning you married a woman of color. He married a woman of color. His family said I was friends. No, no, no. But like, just the experience of of of of your brother saying something off color that you go, what the fuck like and then sharing it with the world is, I think, kind of what is I'm sure fuck him.
I don't come from a family like that. It's not like there was like that shit was going my my. I don't like talking about super personal shit, but just say my family was a little more open minded than the average family and we definitely, you know, fucking had our issues and shit. Yeah.
But like it wasn't a no matter what the skin color of your kids are going to be. That's what the big thing is, they were like how Dark's archi going to be, and you're like, what the fuck? I mean, it's like they just fucking like they're just backwards people, dude, and they they're all fucking each other. I will I will tell you this, this is my this is my take on all of that shit.
Yeah, OK, I have the answer to all of that as far as like when it comes to racism and should people be together and mix and all of that, how beautiful my kids are. Yeah. Is the answer. And then if you look at the royal family. Who've all been fucking in the same pond, like purebred fuckin Dalmatians, I mean, some of the ugliest fucking people, I mean, they're. I mean, this just it's just a sea of force walking through that fucking they're a mess, dude.
Fucking Prince Charles was one of the ugliest fucking people I've ever seen in my.
He was never good looking. He was a weird kid to weird child growing up. They're all weird, they're all weird because they're all sitting in the castle fucking each other. So that's my question, you're looking at these weird ugly ass white people living in this fucking castle. What? I can't believe she went in there and made it out. Yeah, I mean, that seemed like what was that poor reporter in the Middle East where they had him go in the embassy and he never fucking came up, but he did come out alive.
It's just like you got to like. You got to like that is like you're fucking with the level of power that you're I wouldn't fucking go in there. There is no fucking way I would ever go in that palace and that doors closed behind me.
All the people going, like, dude, you've got to see what I'll take your word for it. I'm good. I'm going to keep being Johnny Appleseed out here. You know, I'll be bread and circus. You guys.
You do do all the fucking shit. God, yeah.
So, like, they're brutal to men once once you're out, you're fucking you're dead to them. Like they did that with with with the queen's uncle was the first first king and he abdicated the throne and gave it to his younger brother, her dad. But they fucking hated that guy. Yeah. Abdikadir a lot about this man I watched. What does that mean? Oh, down here, I got to start taking notes. Tell you what, though, that is this is going to make for a great season, even on the ground, was that this is going to make for a great season seven on the ground when they cover all this shit.
All. I know they just kind of wrote that thing. Yeah, so that was what I kind of thought about. It's just like I was not surprised that they would be super racist, like wondering how dark the kid's going to be. None of that is surprising. It was just it wasn't that I thought it was kind of already out there. I guess it was interesting to see somebody that actually went in there and like. You know, and had that experience and everything.
But like none of that was. Was, you know, I mean, it's England, I mean, they're just the shit that they've set, they've done. I mean. It hasn't been good. No, it was. Yeah, it was a rough one, OK? One I would love to be I would love to be like those just one of those gifted lives that Prince Philip had where he just just partied his balls off, took it, took a boat, but sailed Australia, sailed back fucking big into each other like a cruiser, like a big cruiser.
He was like a like something in the Navy and the Royal Navy, just like fucking let's go party boys. They had a bachelor party around the world and just were fucking indigenous women. Everywhere, everywhere, everywhere.
That's fucking. That just sounds like the most loneliest, horrible fuckin experience of being Prince Philip would suck. Dick He didn't get a voice in his life, bro. That that guy got fucked. He married his.
Now what life's about, dude, if you make money, you should help people out. Other than that, what what's the point of fucking making money? Yeah, look, I understand hey, man, I always wanted to have a fucking fucking pinball machine in my garage or whatever. I'm not saying you can't fucking do that, but like, you know, if you start making like. Decent, crazy fucking money or even just this easy, you can go fucking help somebody out, even if you see a band playing and they got a fuckin hat there from a fucking 20, they show a little good deed for the day.
Somebody can do something but to just sit there and just roll around in it.
You know, right, we got a yacht. All the women with bad fathers come on the boat so we can do horrific things to you. I just feel like I would just think that we'd hit a fucking iceberg if we did some shit like that.
Oh, there was no. There was no. Insight on on the problematic behavior that went on back in those days, none whatsoever. I mean, you just Prince Philip started what we would now call grooming the queen when she was like 13. He started writing her letters. He was like, you know, seven years old or something, sort of writing her letters seems like, fuck, I want to marry a princess. My parents, by the way, don't take my my royal history for what it is.
I'm giving you the a bottle of wine into the Crown Royal history. But like his fucking his sister was married to a Nazi. His family were all Nazis. He he he was like a bastard child. His mom was a whore, by the way. Once again, I was a bottle of wine into it. What are you talking about? You talk about Richard, Prince Philip, Prince Philip, the King interview last night.
I didn't fucking hear any of that. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's just everything that everything that had gone on in under the royal family has been what we would now term problematic. What we would now term problematic. Why would you go at problem problem that was some of the most epic evil shit I've ever heard in my life is like pedophilia going on in there. There's fucking racism that will go on.
You know, things got a little problematic at that point. We realized we tried to keep my nose out of that shit. Bill, I don't want I don't want I don't want the I don't want to be under the radar. I don't want the the site to get locked in on me. And they're like, what did you guys all of a sudden some royal fuckin websites like dedicates her life to the queen is like, how dare you? You can't even talk shit about the queen.
The lady was on Piers Morgan's today saying something. And he was like, no, reverend, you would question the queen that she ever owned Beehive.
You know, like if you make fun of Beyonce, like every fucking, you know, fat chick out there, so it's. It's called your ball ginger cut shit, it's fucking hilarious to me. I wish I had those I had those fans once, I had a set of, like, die hard fans once in my career. I mean, I think I feel that one allows me to perform, but not people that are going to die on my hill.
There's so much people dying on my hill.
I wouldn't want them to waste their time doing that anyways. So I just I put out comedy shows every couple of years. Go watch it. If you like it, come see me. Like, that's that's all you need to do. I don't give a shit if somebody trashes me on Twitter. I mean, honestly, I don't even read it. Yeah, I don't even yeah, I don't fucking read it, I read it, I read, I read yours every now and then.
Mindoro so read it back and forth to each other.
Oh, because of that stupid shit, me and Rosa got the worst of it. They were like they didn't even acknowledge me or Joe. And if Joe and I texted each other, hey man, they pronounced my name wrong in this.
That was yeah. That was interesting. It was interesting to see people watching the same clip and have two of the exact opposite takes on it.
But what was hilarious about the clip was you said, I don't even want to talk about it because people are going to construe this is something that it's not. And all I can say is this. And then and then they went, oh, no, no. That's exactly what we'll do. Thanks for giving us a heads up the game.
You poked your head out just far enough, and now we're going to make up a bunch of shit. It's like I'm going to fucking you know, this is my opinion. So I'm going to make him be saying what I'm saying. Fucking idiots, all of them fucking idiots.
It's just it's that fate you've got to sell me.
I do not want to I don't even want to talk about that stupid shit because then they just get some no fucking idiot. You know, that that term came from the potato famine. You're a little tone deaf, right? Yeah, I do. It is so nauseating watching white people trying to fall all over themselves, acting like they care.
Yeah, I mean, sitting here watching fucking Hollywood, acting like, you know, we're going to hire all these people of color acting like they weren't the ones who weren't doing it.
Five years ago, acting like they were the ones who, like you were the guys running the ship, what are we got fucking 20 year old people running fucking networks. Now, you guys were all doing it. It was like when the me too thing came out and then all these fucking guilty assholes had fucking male feminist buttons.
That was the you know, the that was that was a dicey call in in a limo going. You want to put this pin on it like I've done some shit maybe. I don't know. Is there way I can put it like undercover and my inside my job. I think if you did some shit you put it on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I don't know who gives a shit that's just like it is what it is I.
I just do what the fuck I do if you like it. Watch it if you don't watch something else, I don't read, I'm a fucking moron. Yeah, that's it. So if you want to fucking meanwhile, too, meanwhile, the stories out there, they were saying how like in by twenty fifty, the amount of plastic in the ocean is going to outweigh the amount of fish.
OK, Jesus Christ, how much how much time did people spend thinking about that? Is there out there living their best life, buying some more plastic shit that they're going to then give to goodwill, pretending that people want their old shit, they don't, they just throw it in the fuckin ocean. Yeah, I saw I saw a video one time about Sierra Leone, and they were talking about half a second, I thought that was a pop star.
All right, go ahead. That's that little island right off of India, right?
No, it's in Africa. It's I think it's in West Africa or Sri Lanka. Is that the one off of Sri Lanka's, I think is what you're thinking of. I watched this Vyse thing once on Sierra Leone. And I know there was just this story of this kid who is smoking heroin or smoking. I think smoking heroin is a child. He's like, maybe. Maybe 10 in the video, I think was on Vice, and every now and then when I hear like.
The outrage go off about whatever the CEO, Papa John's or whatever, I just think of that kid and I go come in. A kid's life is rough. Like, what about that kid?
Like what? Now, that's why I don't believe in a higher power. Because that kid's got it, he's just as much a human being as me, and he was what did he do? What did he do of that life? What did I do to deserve this life? How come I got this life? It just doesn't make like. Whatever made us doesn't care. It was for entertainment, and if you look at the fucking animal kingdom, just watching that cow, stupid ass fucking cow has no fucking chance a fucking cow could could maybe outrun me.
All right, what the fuck can outrun in the wild and just watching when you really watch, like, nature videos and realize that like rabbits. Are there there to be eaten? And you just look at them, they're not hurting anybody, they're hopping around a little fuzzy fuckin tail and then that what the fuck is those little things?
Scholtes, whatever you call those things, they come out of nowhere. These little weasel looking fucking things just jump on their neck and then things like that.
No defense. No defense, little vegetarian putting teeth like me right fucking with you. It's just fucking terrible watching fucking baboon's. Grab and baby gazelles, it's just it's the worst fucking thing, it's just like there's something out there that loves me. Maybe I need to do mushrooms again. Yeah, I don't know that I. Think about it, I think about all the bad shit going on in the world and all the kids that don't get a shake at it.
And you're like, well, what if we focused everything on that of like just raising the just raised the tight enough so not so like kids don't have to work in diamond mines. I don't know, I don't I that's that's the thing that. The way this whole thing is set up in order to really think it is, I think nice people don't want to control other people in fucking assholes do. And they just took power early on. And they set up this game thing with game plan where they just have everybody pitted against one another and rather than helping each other, we're just like, you know, I mean, I don't want to just blame it on, like all the sociopaths in the oil companies, something I do a lot.
But like, it's human beings are unbelievably flawed. Flawed and your behavior, because of your own insecurities, the amount that you can hurt other people is fucking ridiculous and then not to mention the shit that happens to you when you're a kid, which isn't your fault. But then you go around and now you're an adult and you basically your job, I think, as an adult is to figure out how you're fucked up and how that's affecting other people. And yourself, so you can be as little of that as possible, but there's no no if you're a human being and you're out there walking and talking, the very least you're going to hurt somebody.
Feelings, you got to say something or do something.
So it's a you know. I don't know. I don't know. Let's let's try to fucking, you know, bring the nose back up.
All right. I'll complain about my wife. So I wake up, I wake up the other morning in San Diego and I go, you know what? I'm going to go buy a surfboard, buy a surfboard. Three hundred bucks. It's it's a foam top surfboard. And I'm going to spend the morning while everyone sleeps. I spend the morning surfing. I'm going to I'm not really I can't I can barely surf, but like, it's not that big out there.
It'll be fun. And I tell my wife, I go, I'm going to I'm going to run over the surf shop, buy a surfboard. And it was amazing.
How quickly she whittled it down that I just was like, I fuck it, I'll just go back to bed like she was like. What time do they open? And I was like, I don't know. She says, I better not even open.
And I was like, well. Yeah, well, I'll check on my phone and she goes, well, it's cold out there, you're going to need a wetsuit. And I was like, OK, I'll get a wet suit, you know, how much money are you going to spend? So the board's three hundred bucks in this wetsuits. I don't know. It just it doesn't matter. And it's like, what are we where are we going to put the board going home and then you're going to a wet wetsuit in the car.
I mean, that's going to be and I was like, God damn it, I just was trying to better myself. And that's like nature, dude. They had to develop their brains because guys were just born, generally speaking, physically stronger and were using that to overpower them. So it's like, all right, I'm not going to try to go at you physically. I'm going to go at you mentally. And I really think that that's why women are smarter is because they've been doing that for fucking a million years.
And, you know, that's kind of how nature develops, like, oh, I need this. I need this needs to be better than that so we can level the playing field. And now, considering over the last hundred years the rule of thumb went away, like we're just playing a rigged game.
Yeah, every year with the rule of thumb was you could beat a woman with anything smaller than your thumb. Yeah, no bigger than your thumb, can you?
I can't not fucking imagine. Beating anything with it, can you can you know, it breaks into my house. Yeah, I could hit him with a bat, but it's just like you really going to get a wet suit. All right. Time for this tech lady.
I mean, what the fuck is that? I got a surfboard right there. You could. I know, but I guess I didn't bring it down with me. So that's what my my daughter goes. You got a surfboard in the man cave. You've never and everyone just like they teamed up on me so fucking quickly.
And that the one caveat, they're going and they all got in the water with me. We all got Billiam. We'll get in the ocean. It was fucking freezing. So we all go out in the ocean for a little bit. Whatever. I was in the area of San Diego, realize San Diego was like Texas, San Diego, super conservative.
Most of the California super I didn't know that the Halcomb, like it's just L.A. and San Francisco that are the in L.A., you go to the like fucking Inland Empire, Burbank to all the all the beaches, Huntington Beach, SEAL Beach and all down here.
And it's completely different. Totally different. You don't have as many followers as, you know, some woak celebrity person just up there pontificating.
So that's what I always tell people who don't live in L.A. It's like, dude, L.A. is one of the most. Incredible places you'll ever go to as far as the food, the people and just the viewpoints, I'm not saying the viewpoints are always fucking good, but like if you're under the Hollywood sign, it's gender neutral, gugak, 20 miles, no traffic. You could literally go to a white power rally on one of those. And it's like, that's that's really what L.A. is.
Everything's L.A. is like, you know, that that little montage thing in Beverly Hills Cop and he's walking down the street scene like I mean, that's the Rodeo Drive. That's like the cliche. Type of thing of like that's what L.A. is, it's like, no, man, it's like there's so much more to it, good and bad.
I don't know if it caught me off guard, it caught me off guard, like just and then I was like, oh fuck, yeah, the military is down here. Like, I just assume San Diego is just like hippie liberal. And then all sudden you're like, oh, yeah, this is not that. This is I like Navy SEALs live here and and fucking like it was really crazy, like seeing old people walking around without a mask.
I was like, shut the fuck up.
Yeah, it's well, I mean, you can thank all the celebrities to the networks and even me, I got on people but not wearing masks, so it became like a left wing right wing thing.
One of the dumber moves, I think I'll keep wearing masks. I like I like wearing a mask. Like, even when I don't enjoy wearing a mask, but it's not as big of a pain in the ass. To not wear it, it's like I don't know if I could get sucked that breathe on somebody who breathes on somebody, then they die and so we lose the grandparents. I don't know if I can do that.
I mean, this is going to change the way people behave sick. I mean, think about it like, how many times have you been on an airplane and the guy next to you is coughing and you're like, fuck, I might get sick now. You're going to be like, dude, put a fucking met.
Like, it's I won't. I won't. And I'll tell you, 9/11 taught me that. What's that?
Is anything ever going to be funny again? Can we ever make people laugh. Ba ba ba ba ba ba. I remember about six weeks after that when you could still smell it burning. They've just almost had it all out whatever month later or something like that. I remember I was on the Upper West Side. And it was there was there was a time everybody was coming. All right, you good. And that was all that New York, right?
Yeah. And about four, three, four weeks later, because we were already doing spots and I did a spot like three days after. Right. We ended up I was trying to catch a crosstown bus, I was at a gig at Standup New York, I was trying to get over to fuckin comic strip with my MetroCard. And I was running.
I was like, hey, you know, in the bus driver didn't see me kept going. I was like, oh, fuck. And I was losing my shit. And I looked on the bus and I saw this woman looking at me laughing. And I was just like, I knew back over we had our little we're going to care about one another.
It's slowly going to go back. Now, I think, you know, as long as there's nothing like.
You know, is once it goes back, once it goes back to like people aren't even going to fuckin. They're not going to remember it. Yeah, once, once, once everyone starts getting vaccinated, you're going to be I bet people will feel powerful. I don't know. I think if I I know for a fact, if I am getting sick and I'm getting on a plane, I'll wear a mask the entire flight so I don't get other people sick.
OK, we'll see it. We'll see. We'll see. Unless I'm some.
And Bill, I don't think.
You know, I don't know, we'll probably work up an immunity. I don't know if it will happen. So so I'm going to be fucking straight edge now, dude, I like you, Bill.
I don't know how long I can do it, because there was like.
I forgot what I was watching the other night, I just kind of like, hey, man, I wouldn't mind just fucking head like a little edible, but I was starting to become like booze for me.
Yeah, it's the same it's the same fucking problem is if it's in the house, I'm going to I'm going to eat it. I'm going to do with the cookies in the house and making cookies. Yeah. Me cocktail in the house. I mean Cayle. So I just got to you know, you got a whole drawer. So he's fucking gigs that give you a bag full of weed now. And then that's just sitting there, you know, and your wife doesn't let you get a surfboard, you need to take the edge off.
I smoked a joint that night and then passed out in my daughter's room.
And that's your catchphrase? Phrase. They ended up. I told you I smoked a joint that night, OK. I'll be joined by. By.
So I'm already after that argument, I'm already fantasizing about I have a I have a trainer, I've been working out with a trainer, and so I have a trainer at four o'clock today. And I saw I was I was Googling George Lopez and I saw a picture of him smoking a cigar. And I want to I'm having a cigar tonight. I'm having a cigar tonight. And then I and then when he said and we were playing golf for the first time and we cracked the silver bullets as cause I went I got cause in the fridge.
I don't have a cause and a fucking cigar and it's windy out. I love smoking a cigar in the wind. So I'm going to go bust my ass my trainer and then I'm doing what I love, smoking cigars in the wind.
What is it about the wind? It's hard to lemon. It just it just it's to watch the smoke come out of your mouth and just dance away.
I love it. I love it. I can romanticize any way to catch a bus. I can do that. I was going to say you just painted a picture there, man. I like that.
Oh, I can't watch I can't watch Michael Jordan smoking a cigar and not want a cigar immediately.
That was the hardest for about not drinking whatever he had in that little fucking that little. The right glass for that scotch that was just sitting there and he was telling his whole fucking basketball life story and then, you know, in the end I'm lighting this and I'm drinking that because I'm the greatest that ever fucking did it.
I love that documentary, dude.
I watched I watched a interview he did with Cigar Aficionado, and I think you might have told me about it. Someone told me about it. And he smokes one cigar and then the guy goes, I got this one, too. And he's like, well, smoke both of them. And it's like you're smoking cigars back to back. And he's like, I need something to drink. And I was like, oh, his life is fucking perfect.
Like, he just gets to do him all day long. I was like, I fucking not that I'm not that I'm holding back at all, but that was my favorite line.
Joe DeRosa said last week, You know, Bert, it's great to see you finally cut Loose Roses podcast with Salvano when they talk. They were talking about Sour Patch kids versus Skittles, and I could not stop laughing because of how mad the passion they get so upset.
You see that the mozzarella sticks versus the fucking chicken wings. No. Oh, my God. Joe was so fucking mad, you could say you're crazy. They don't have they don't have, like, you know, Mazzarella stick neitz its wings nights, you crazy lights. And then one time I cell was going off on the fucking whatever the two sheiks are Shamrock Shake and the mic flurry.
Yeah. And he's like, I'll tell you now because a McLaury can take a fucking walk. McLaury fucking wagon's going off. And I actually get into and actually I have like an opinion.
It's like watching Fox and CNN, but it's about food.
Dude, I watch them talk about Sour Patch kids now. I hadn't had never had any, so I never liked sour things my entire life, never liked sour things. And I go on vacation, very beginning the pandemic. I take the girls to Arizona in an RV and I Largos says, go into the store when you go to a gasket, grab some sour patch kids. And I said and I had the exact conversation those two were having. I said, what's the lure of a sour patch kid?
Like, what is the so what? You get over it, like you can overcome the taste and then you get the good stuff now and then. Like what? Some people like sour stuff. And I was like, no, no one does. And they're like, well we do. And Bill, I am addicted to Sour Patch kids. I started eating them that week. And then when we were on the tour bus, I would take we had these edible mints.
I would crush up these edible mints and put them on the Sour Patch kids.
And then we would we would had a marijuana sour patch, kids dusted with marijuana on the bus and I would eat see bags of them, bags of you are a chef at heart.
You're always doing that. You have had this heath bar. Do I take a cheeseburger? I put it in the oven with some Fritos. It's just like, what the.
I will say this, though, as far as that, just as we're promoting the show and Joe was nice enough to come on last week, you know, he opened his big fat trap. How long would Joe last? And the mob fucking three days. A big fucking idiot.
I would say between the mozzarella mozzarella sticks and the chicken wings, I got, I got to go to the sticks all day long.
Oh, a good mozzarella stick. Oh, come on. With a little bit of ranch and some marinara.
That's like the marinara sauce. I'm not into the ranch, but do that thing when it's the perfect level like dessert. That is not is nothing worse than an underdone one. And the person that hits that sweet spot. God. Yeah, I don't think that, like, wings can. Wings that I don't know, they just a fucking messy I will I love when I saw.
I like wings, too, I like wings too but like. If I had to choose between the two men, I got to go to the sticks. I don't want to do this show here, but I was just curious what you thought.
Oh, I'm a big MAZZARELLA, but I'm a big boy. My problem is my daughter said to me the other day, like, you got a problem with pizza? Like I have a problem with pizza.
Like when I order pizza, I order an extra an hour and a pizza. So you just finished one hour extra boxes of it. I make sure we have lots of leftovers because, man, I can murder pizza. Yeah, murder.
OK, you get a large cheese pizza, right? How slice how many slices can you do of the whole thing.
Yeah, I do the whole thing in the crust.
You can get the crust down. I do the crust build. We got that machine. You don't, you don't do the crust. That's fucking cheating. Yeah.
We got, we got six pizzas the day, the day we got down to the Hotel Del Mar, six pizzas. They got great pizzas down there, six pizzas. We had maybe three pizzas left. I woke up in the middle of the night. I swear to you. I swear to you. I got pretty loaded, smoked a joint that night, woke up in the middle of the night and I put a pizza pizza in my pocket of my pajamas.
Oh, I pulled it out the middle of the night so I could buy three Legos. We wake up the next morning goes, what is all over your side of the bed knowing, oh, I found a piece of pizza in my pocket last night. It was like, what the fuck?
But I got a problem with being an intervention that is like some junkie shit just sitting there like fuckin.
Oh, my God, if I probably wrap this up, I got I got a class I can do I can do like I do for I always say I'm going to have two slices that I'll have for occasionally.
Then I'll come back, you know, double back and I'll get to maybe the fifth one. But I can't do a whole pint. Not out here. There's no pizza out here.
Good enough. To to do the whole pie back east is a bunch of spots in Massachusetts because I grew up out there that I know that I could definitely do it.
And in in New York, because I live there, there's there's a lot of places if you go into bends, what's your order if you go to Ben's old Ben's Pizza? What's your order? Oh, OK. All right, that's Hosa Happy Days. All right, you just got to have a plane just to have a plane. Of course, of course. And if they got a pepperoni mushroom, that's my favorite. I'm probably knocking down two of those and then I'm going to see where I'm at.
I would not long as the conversation happened afterwards, do we get people when they go by Bend's?
They have no idea the amount of fucking comedians. That were in between. Do you remember I just I remember the summertime shows. And going in there in the sweat drying from your sets, because I was I was moving around like because I was so nervous and drying on my face and then being so relieved and having all you get 50 bucks a spot. And it was all mashed in with with cab fare money, all stuck in like when you're drunk and come out of a bar back in the day.
Right. And going in there and then being like having to pay and being like, oh, fuck, because that's when it was dangerous down there. Yeah. Like, you just grab one and pull it out and be like, please don't be a 50, please don't be a 50.
I'm going to get mugged here with me, Dane, Bobby, Petrie's, Keith Vohs. We would all just nobody knew who the fuck we were. We all would all just be standing there. Fucking just eating that pizza, laughing until, like fucking 3:00 in the morning. I actually like Ben's better than Joe's. I love Ben's a lot.
I love Ben's. I would get I would get she always got a cheese pepperoni. And then if they had spinach and the white.
Yeah, yeah. The white people say, yeah, white pizza spinach with it. I had to get one of those and then, and then I'd always grab one for the road cause I lived over on MacDougal and so I'd grab one for the I'd grab one for the road.
Fork out real quick, real quick. My late night, my late night when I was in New York because those fucking delis are open all the time.
My late night move was I would get. Two slices of pizza. One of those raise. And then I would get I get like a pint of ice cream. And then I would get a can of regular Pringles and I would go home, and that was just it, and I would just eat the fucking pizza, right. And then I'd have a little bit of the ice cream and then I'd open the can of chips. And it was just like, does does does does does does all the way down.
And then the next morning I wake up like, why the fuck did I do that? When I'm in New York now and I see a pizza place like, say I fly to New York, a drink on the plane I land, I check into the hotel and like I said, that's like that goes without saying I fly on a plane.
It's a five hour flight. Yeah, I the second I see a pizza place are the second I see a pizza place, I go, who are we kidding. We're not on a diet. We're fucking this up right now. I just walk in. I mean, it's like it's so funny. Bill, I ordered my first drink in a year because I haven't I haven't been out in like I have in order to drink. And I and we were in we were at that hotel and we got there the socially distant outdoor on the beach seating to have dinner moving out.
My whole family went out for dinner and the lady said, What can I get you to drink? And I went. Oh, my God, I have a drink that I don't normally drink. I haven't I haven't had it barely at all this whole time because I haven't ordered it. And I go double Tila's, double Titos. And so the big glass, no lime. And then I was like, I haven't said that in a year. I haven't said that.
And I said it every fucking night.
I mean, it was like, your face is all cleared up. So you're looking. Yeah, I remember a time when back when I was drinking, there was somebody there was somebody on the plane, a male stewardess, whatever the fuck we call them, stupid by the time that flight attendant. Right. He knew who I was and I was drinking, and he just kept bringing up. He kept bringing dude I was the most I was so fucking hammered.
I was so fucking hammered by the time I got to LAX, I went home with a passenger like he drove me home. He's like, do you need an Uber?
I'm like, I was going to give you want me give you guys I ever had.
And I got it in the car and I didn't realize my wife was driving to LAX and I got home as she got to LAX or something like that. And she was like, Where are you?
And I was like, I saw you there.
She was was the maddest I think I ever made her.
I drove all the way the fuck down there and I, I couldn't have been like she could have got there when I came when the plane came a little early, that's all I remember. She was going to the airport and. Might have been Burbank, dude, I was that level him, but I know it was it was lax. I remember that because I got down to baggage claim and I was like, get in the bed spins. Just look at it.
Cause it was bad. It was bad. All right. We got to wrap this up here. All right. Wrap it up here. All right.
This has been another wonderful episode of the Bill Burton podcast.