All you ladies pop your pussy like this. I ain't popping my pussy anymore. It's been popped for years. No pussy popping here. What? What? That's the truth. On this episode of the Commercial Break. So my little mouse brain decides to pick the smaller one. Your Willy brain. To pick the one with more fluid ounces. My Willy brain. That's right. One of our listeners, Caden, says, Why is everything that Brian names have to do with a dick? Willy. Yeah. I don't know. I honestly don't. It just turned out that way. Maybe I'm repressed or something. I don't know. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kitts. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is the sexy nude chef of this show, Chris EnjoyHudley. Best to you, Chris.

Best to you, Brian.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. All righty, righty, righty. Don't mind it by two. All right, all right. I keep getting older, they stay the same age. Old Matt, mixy. Good old Matthew McConaher. Why isn't he in jail for that one line? Who That's canceling that guy. That line did not age well. No. Did not age well. But it was a different time back in the early '90s and then in the '70s.

And they were already portraying a different time.

Yeah, they were portraying the '70s. What a movie, man. God damn, did we watch the shit out of that movie? Oh, yeah. What is that called? I didn't even remember what it's called. Fast Times at Ridgemont High. No. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

American Graffy. No.

No. What is it? You know it? Say it. Say it out loud.

Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

What is it? What is it? You don't know it?

It's on the tip of my tongue and I watched it so much. I just haven't seen it in a while.

It is. Now I have to fucking find it. Why do I have to fucking find it? You're already on your phone. I thought you were going to know it. I thought Not sure we're going to know. Days That Confused. Days That Confused. I know. There were quite a few movies that came out with similar names, like Half Baked and Friday. All the stoner movies. Friday.

Friday. Friday.

Not Friday. Friday. This is your brain on drugs. This is why you shouldn't do drugs, kid. You can't even remember the name of a movie that you watched one million times in high school. But to be fair, I wasn't watching it for the title. I was watching it because it was a funny movie. It was really funny. I loved it. Speaking of funny shows, movies, I walked in on Astrid watching that Palm Royale, I think is what it's called, Kristen Wig. Yes.

Kristen Wig. Yes. She's got a new show on Apple.

Yes, she does. I walked in. Astrid was watching the third episode, and I I'm stuck. You know how you get stuck? I was coming from the studio, late night of editing and going down terrible rabbit holes on the internet. Then my brain's all a flutter. Then I walk into the room and she's watching the show and I'm going to the bathroom to take a shower. And then I turn around just to see what she's watching. And I got literally standing there for 30 minutes.

Well, you always want to see what Kristen Wig is doing.

Yeah, I always want to see what she's doing. And she looks great in the show and she's so fucking hilarious. She is. And I guess she wrote the show, too, Palm Royale. So, Kristin, come on the show and talk about it. Why doesn't Kristin Wig come on the show? Why won't she come on the show?

I can think of a few reasons.

I could think of so many reasons why she wouldn't come on the show. That's what I mean. Yeah. If you put a pro and con list together, if you're a celebrity and you put a pro and con list as we're figuring out, put a pro and con list to coming on the commercial break, there aren't many pros. There are a whole shitload of cons. So thank you to everyone who's decided to show up so far. Speaking of, I do want to thank our guest this week, Paul Sheer, for coming in, one of the nicest guys in the business.

I really loved talking to him.

In the business, as if I know anybody else in the business. My little brother, who said that. Production side of things. But Paul was super sweet. I really enjoyed our conversation with him. Paul Sheer. Com, and then go pre-order his book. I just want to shout it out because he's a nice guy.

I can't wait to read that book.

I know. Well, it's coming out May 21st, I think is when it's coming out. I think that's right. Yep, May 21st. You can pre-order it now on Amazon, and the name of the book is Joyful Recollections of Trauma. So please go and order. Tickets are available for whatever. He's got to go to Paul Sheer. Com. He's got all that shit there. He's doing everything.

He's already done so much, too. I mean, just looking at his Wikipedia or IMDb, whatever, briefly to get an idea. I mean, there were so many.

I feel so bad when I look at everybody else's accomplishments and we're like, Started this podcast at age 71. I'm now 76, and I've met two celebrities. That I like, and Paul is one of them. There you go. Paulsheer. Com. Paul and Royale. Kristin, you're welcome to come on the show if you want. Kristin's listening. Who am I talking to? We're still the dumb podcast no one listens to. But then also, you know what I got caught in the very next night. I get Palmroyal one night. That's probably Saturday night, I think. Then Sunday night or Monday night, I get caught. I got sucked in to that fucking Bachelor-I knew you were.finale. God damn, man. It's the exact same scenario. Long night of editing, Go walk in. Asterids got this on. She is weeping like a baby. I mean, our two kids are right next to her. They're sleeping. She's just got tears just streaming down her face. It's emotional. I'm like, What is going on? Here's a little recap, because probably not a lot of our listeners watch The Bachelor. But if you do, good for you. Then you already know what happens.

And there's no other podcast that recap The Bachelor, too.

No, no other podcast. Only every other podcast recap's The Bachelor. Howard Stern recap's The Bachelor, for God's sakes. He watches it religiously. He talks to their production staff, or at least he did when I was listening to him five or six years ago. He would talk to their production staff about twists and turns. Anyway, there's a girl on there who is just super fucking sweet. She's deaf. She's going deaf. She's got cochlear implants in.

I had a friend who had those. Yeah.

The maturity on this woman at such a young age, she knows she's not going to be picked. There's two girls left. She knows she's not going to be picked. It's clear and it's obvious to everyone. The bachelor, I do have to say, whatever his fucking name is, seems like a really fucking stand-up dude. I mean, he really does seem like a stand-up dude. She walks out the beach, the whole setting, is she, will he, won't he, whatever. But I think she knows just because of the way the production is unfolding, she's not going to get chosen also. She walks up there, he gives his spiel, It's been an amazing ride with you. It's been a journey to love. I did love you. I do love you. I want to love you, but I just can't be that guy for you. He says a few words. They're nice enough. He seems very sincere. He's crying, and she's trying to hold back the tears. She says, You know what, dude? I know you're not going to pick me, and that's okay. I want you to be happy. That's what I want for you. But I need to let you know, and I need to walk off this island on my own.

I don't need you to babysit me. I'm walking out on my own with my head held high. She goes, and this is what she said to him, Listen to these fucking words by basically someone that's more than half, that's less than half my age. She says, If I love someone that is not the right person this much, imagine how much I'll love the right person. She says that on national fucking television.

Now I'm going to cry.

Officially making her the queen of everything. I'm like, Fuck. I'm staring at my daughters who's laying next to my wife and I'm like, My wife is this human being. If I can raise my daughters with one fucking ounce of the energy, strength, charisma, and just charity that this person, this woman showed up there. The Bachelor is manufactured to break hearts. This girl wouldn't have her heart broken if it wasn't for this stupid television show. You know what I'm saying? This guy wouldn't have pick between two people that he loves if it wasn't for this stupid television show manufacturing this drama. We're all watching it, and my wife's crying real tears, and everybody's crying real tears. It's hard, I imagine, under that spotlight to be anything but petty. It's hard, probably, to be anything but petty. But she says those words. She walks off. She grabs the girl who's going to win, gives her a hug, tells her, I hope that you have the best life. I want this for you. Do this. And you just want to grab the girl through the television, give her a hug. But then you realize she doesn't need your fucking hug.

She's going to be just fine. This girl is going to have piles of men all over the place looking to date her. And if her television appearance is any indication of the person that she is, she will pick a good one. She will figure this out. She understands this. It's just like, I just want to, I don't know, I want to give her a TV hug. You ever want to give somebody a TV hug? Yes. God damn. I'm watching those seven little Johnstons and all those shows about the little people. Sometimes it's not about that they're little people. It's about that they also are human beings getting their hearts broken and all this. This is one episode where this girl on one of these shows is like, she's going through a breakup. It's bad. She's going through it. She's going through the shit. I just want to give her a TV hug. That's all I want to do is just give her a TV hug.

I can't even imagine if I was going through a bad breakup on TV.

On television. No. Manufactured for the drama. I would be like, I quit. Manufactured for effect. I know.

I'm just going to go crawl up in my bed.

Here's Esther just weeping like a child. Brian, of course, can't let any moment die without bringing in his ratchet ass opinion. I'm like, none of this would happen if they wouldn't have this fucking stupid show. She's like, You're right. I'm going to go back to crying now. Thanks, Brian, for ruining everything. I'm like, Okay, sorry. I apologize. But then so I got wrapped into watching the last half hour of that, too. I was like, Fuck, man, look my whole... I just wanted to take a shower, and now I'm crying over the girl. I'm crying over the bachelor. Look at this.

Well, you've already been seeing clips of different shows, right, throughout the season? Wasn't there something with the Sisters?

The first episode, there were Sisters that were there, and I thought for sure they were going to take the ride, probably close to the end. I don't know what happened because I never watched anything else, except for then one little snippet. What do they call that? The Homes Towns? The Home Visits? The Homes Towns, yeah. The Homes Towns or whatever. I was watching the visit of this particular girl. I was watching her visit to her house, the guy visiting her house. Her parents seem so fucking... Where did I fall off the turn-up truck? Why can't I have a bit of grace like any of these human beings? How do you do that on National I can't even get through an interview here at the commercial break without falling directly on my face. These people are saying things like, If I'm loving the wrong one this much, imagine how much I'll love the right one. It's like, Where did that come from? Did someone write I don't want to know. I don't want to know if someone wrote that for her. I want to remember it the way that I remember it.

No, but I think that's actually a good idea to maybe prepare, because if you think about it, if you go on this show, how many people did you start off with?

I don't know, 20 or something, 25? Okay, 25.

I don't know. But your odds are you're not going to make it till the end. Maybe it is a good idea to have something prepared that makes you just look amazing at the end if it comes down to it. Yes.

I would think, you're so right about this. I would think, I bet the prevailing energy- Instead of being like, Fuck you. Yeah, fuck you. But sometimes that happens, too. But that's a real honest reaction also. You can't blame somebody for being that pissed off. But I would imagine that the energy going into this is, I'm going to be on The Bachelor. I'm going to be semi-famous.

Millions of people are going to see.

Millions of people are going to watch this. If I can just make it four or five episodes, I'm definitely going to have some notoriety because of this. I'm sure some people go in with a plan to have a certain personality so that they can attract more attention. I'm sure some people don't give a shit who the dude is. They're going to figure out a way to fall in love with him. Then I'm sure that there are girls like Daisy, this girl, right? I'm sure there are girls like Daisy who probably have all of that in their head, but then really find themselves in a situation where, Oh, I actually like this dude. I'm falling in love with this dude. But then you start getting dragged toward the end. It's got to get harder and harder. You're building real feelings. If you don't have something prepared, you're going to be reactionary. Either this girl just knew it for weeks and was writing her speech, or it came out of her mouth because she's God here on Earth and we just don't know it yet. But the maturity under the lights and millions of people watching and really what would be for almost anybody else an embarrassing moment is a moment of strength and defiance.

Good for her. I loved it. I thought it was awesome. I don't like the... I watched The Bachelor for Running commentary like we would do on a Mountain Monsters. That's how I watch The Bachelor. Ask Astrid. She hates it. I come in, I'm like,. Inserting your opinion. The Sisters. Yeah, inserting my opinion, telling her all about the production snafus and how they're going to manufacture this and do that. And then there's for one fucking moment, Brian, can you be goddamn honest?

I'm going to give Astrid a little tip, and that is when you come into the room, she hits pause. Yeah. And says, Hey, honey. Hey, honey.

Yeah.

This is what I've learned to do with Jeff now.

Oh, you just pause and then you say, Hey, honey?

Because I pause and then I say, Hey, and I talk to him for a minute, and he comes in and out of the room, and there's no him getting stuck making his comments about how dumb it is or I can't believe you're watching another housewife show.

There it is. I mean, it is the housewife.

Unless I'm cool with them making comments about it.

If you're in that mood.

Yeah, if I'm not, I just pause it. Yeah.

Well, I definitely- Then you went and get stuck watching that. Well, Asher was crying, so I tried to be as tender as possible. That's true. But then sometimes I end up like, Okay, I'm glad I stopped for a second. You really want to watch it. Well, once I saw Daisy up there, I had walked in right after she had walked off, and I'm like, Wait, he didn't pick her? Which I didn't even know her name. Now I do, Daisy. But I'm like, He didn't pick Daisy? And She's like, No. And she's like, Astrid's crying. And I said, What a fucking bonehead. I've only seen 16 minutes of the entire season, but she's clearly the one that you should pick. She's beautiful, she's smart, she's intelligent, she seems emotionally mature, she's She's been through enough life to last seven lifetimes, and she should be picked, clearly. And Astrid's like, She did this thing, and then he said this thing, and it was so beautiful, and that's why I'm crying. And I'm like, Okay, well, rewind it. I guess now I got to stay around and watch it. Now I got to get filled in on what's going on.

You actually made the rewind happen. Okay. Got it.

I actually made the rewind happen.

I see where we're at.

I think what Astrid should do, I'm sure what she does do on a lot of the nights, which is pretend she's asleep. You ever done that? I used to do it with my dad. My dad used to be walking down the hallway, I'd hear him. And so I'd turn off the TV and put the covers over my head. It never fooled him. He'd be like, I know you're up. Keep the TV off. Go to bed. Go to sleep. And free Willy. Free Willy. We've already gotten comments about the Free Willy episode, just letting you know. Everyone is really sad that I had to free Willy. Yeah. Well, I think the average life expectancy of a rat not in the wild is like six months. I probably lived with him most of his life. I think I had him for two and a half. There you go. Half his life. He was with me for half his life. But I almost cried as many tears over Daisy as I did over Willy. I'll tell you that much right now. Then you know what? I think they were going to ask her to be the bachelorette. This is Daisy, in case you want to know.

That's Daisy. I think they were going to ask her to be the bachelorette. I think that's the way they made it seem.

They usually do that. Somebody in the runner up category gets to be the bachelorette.

They brought her out after all the drama or whatever. They brought her out and the guy asks her, Are you ready to date again? Are you ready for love? Are you ready to find it? She goes, You know what? It's been a really interesting experience. I've learned a lot. I'm focusing on me. I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of the way that I handled myself. I think right now I'm good. I was like, wow, if they offered her that opportunity, she turned it down. But also then maybe I think maybe she's got somewhere, someone's telling her, give it a year, go out and do other ride on this social media presence, and then come back to it another year. Don't they do that, too? Like the bachelorette from two seasons ago. It's a whole machine.

I don't know. I don't know.

Again, why can't we be a part of any of this? Why don't we have one fucking good idea? Why don't we have one fucking good production idea. Didn't we have a dating show one time?

We're doing the best we can.

I know.

And it's fine.

Whose house? Our house. Whose house? This guy's house. That girl's house.

You know what I'm saying? Actually, we're actually in a house.

Yeah, we're actually in my house. So when you come to my house, don't get snarky with me, young man. But I'll leave that alone for right now. Okay, we're going to be back. We got lots more to talk about. Stay tuned.

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the Commercial Break, and then follow us on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3-TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story, or anything really, we're desperate for content, call and leave us a message at 212-433-3-TCB. And don't forget to check out tcbpodcast. Com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the Commercial Break.

This episode is sponsored in part by Prize picks. Okay, now a sporting season has come around that I actually enjoy the MLB. He's back, baby. I'm sitting here on Easter weekend, and I am playing some games on prize picks. Let me tell you how easy this is. I picked Joe Boyle, a pitcher from Oakland to throw more than 6.5 strikeouts. I got Aaron Judge. You know Aaron Judge hitting a home run on tonight's games. And that's it. It's that easy. You pick over, you pick under, you pick more, you pick less. It's just you against the numbers. Prize pick is America's number one fantasy sports platform where you do not have to be an expert on any of the sports because you're playing against the stats. And while I'm playing Boyle and Judge tonight, I will be playing my boys from Atlanta later on this week. And now, because Prizepicks loves the commercial break listeners and you happen to be a Commercial Break listener, you can go to prizepicks. Com/tcb and then use the promo code T-C-B for your first deposit match of up to $100. That's prizepicks. Com/tcb. And make sure to use the code T-C-B for a first deposit match of up to $100.

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Do you wake up in a cold sweat from your work dreams?

Have a coworker who keeps inviting you to do escape rooms?

Can't get a coworker to agree to do escape rooms?

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Oh, God. What a good time here in the studio. Have you been hearing about this Shoheni Ohtani guy, the Dodgers pitcher?

Oh, the interpreter? Yeah.

Is it Shoheni? Shoheni, I think, is his name? Yeah, Shoheni. I think I'm saying that correctly. If I'm not, well, then just mistake me because- I haven't even know how to pronounce it. Yeah, Shoheni O'Tani. Let's see if we can figure out how to pronounce it so we're not slaughtering this guy's name. How do you say... How to say O'Shani? How's that? His name is Sho-Hi-O-Tani. Sho-hi-o-tani. Sho-hi-o-tani. Okay, Sho-Hi-O-Tani. Sho-hi-o-tani.

All right.

Here's the deal. Dodgers make a record contract with this superstar pitcher coming out of Japan. They bring along his interpreter because he doesn't speak English. This is not an uncommon phenomenon in sports. There's a couple of professional golfers that have these interpreters, and the interpreters sometimes become synonymous with the actual player. They get recognized as, Oh, that guy's with that guy, or that guy is with that girl, or whatever. So this interpreter has been with him for a long time. Actually, I found stories back a number of years where he is actually a baseball player himself, and he played catcher in the same games that Shahani did. He, the interpreter, gets busted, stealing millions of dollars from this pitcher, claiming that he made some really big bets with a non-legal bookie, a well-known bookie who is not on the up and up, apparently, right? He makes these millions of dollars worth of bets, and then Shohani, then pays for this debt. When confronted with this information, because the money comes out of Shohani's account, when confronted with this, the interpreter stands confronted with, Why are you wiring this guy millions of dollars? He's a known bookie.

Professional sports, as they should be, have their eye closely on the betting situation because you can't bet on your own sport. It is a dumb idea. Think about that. Pete Rose is banned from baseball for life because he did the same thing. It's understandable when you have that much money that you got to get your kick somehow. And gambling, a lot of people are addicted to. A lot of people get their high from gambling. But when they confront him with, Why are you wiring this guy millions of dollars? The interpreter steps in, says, It was me, and Shahani gave me the money to pay him back as a favor to me. He gave me money to get out of debt with this particular bookie. Okay, that's one version of the story. But the interpreter says, he knew about it. He allowed this to happen. He knew about it. I didn't steal anything. He gave me the money. Yes. Then Juhani He goes, it comes out. This guy gets fired. Shahani comes out and says, no, I actually didn't know anything about it. I had no idea. He stole the money from me. But there is some suspicion that it's possible that the betting was happening with Shoshani, that he was actually the one doing the betting.

The interpreter came in to take the fall, and probably some agreement is made behind the scenes. You can understand why people are making this conclusion. It's not a hard conclusion to draw. Is it true? Is it not true? Who knows? I guess they're going to find that out. But the Dodgers have now made this hundreds plus million dollar investment in this pitcher who is a superstar, who will be good for the sport, who will be good for international appeal, who will be good in so many ways. Because he has been such a big deal, you cannot not let him play baseball. I don't think under any circumstances, whether he was the one betting, whether the interpreter was the one betting, I think the MLB will find a way to make it appear as if Chiny had nothing to do with it. Why? Why? Because he's too big of a superstar to let go, even over millions of dollars worth of betting on his own sport. Now, apparently, according to sources that I have, sports sources that I have, deep sports sources.

Deep inside the MLB.

Deep inside the MLB, also known as my brother Patrick, who knows everything about sports, and I don't, the betting was only placed on non-baseball-related activities. Or so they say, How do you even know that? I don't know. If you got a bookie just writing things down, like it just burns the paper. That's it. I don't know. You'll never know. But this certainly could be one of the biggest scandals to rock baseball in recent years. But I guarantee, no matter what happens, this gets swept under the rug and he continues to play in baseball, I guarantee you.

It seems like that.

The problem is, the challenge is, with betting being so prolific, there are literally hundreds of companies where you can download an app and you can bet away on anything.

It's legal in 30 something states now?

It's really legal in every state if you know how to use a VPN, and everybody does. It's built into your iPhone in case you want to... Here, let me help you be a degenerate. It's built into your iPhone. Go ahead, bet. The reality of living in 2024 is that betting is huge business. Oh, yeah. It's instant, and you can do it quickly, and you can do it on anything. Will the next ball hit in this baseball game be to center field, left field, or right field? I'm going to bet $500 on that.

Oh, I know. Yeah, you can bet on anything. Anything.

What color shoes is this guy going to wear onto the court tonight? Is he going to make three points or four points in the next two minutes? It's literally microdosed in a way that you can bet so quickly, so fast, and just without thinking about it, almost. It's just luck of the draw. But the truth is, the house always wins. It has to. That's the way it goes. I'm doing homework on this guy and thinking about, okay- Shohani? Yeah, Shohani. I'm like, Okay, let me think about how we approach this on the commercial break. I'm doing homework on this guy in betting in general, and I start to go down a rabbit hole of videos where high rollers who know how to count cards or who have some advantage, not illegal advantage, but have figured out some advantage on whatever game they're playing, walking into casinos, spending hundreds of thousands, sometimes millions of dollars, winning those millions of dollars, and then getting backed off the tables kicked out of the casinos, and in some cases, threatened as they're trying to walk out with their winnings. One guy claims, I might even say his name because I don't know if the story is true, and a lot of people question it online, but it's got millions of millions of views, this story does, about a young kid who goes in, he wins, I forget what the number is, let's just say $3 million.

They back him off the table. They tell him he has to leave. He's no longer welcome at the casino. He goes to the cage to collect his winnings in cash. They give him the cash, and he is followed by a blacked out suburban. He's followed. Some drama happens. In other words, he's chased down. Why would you walk out of a fucking casino with $3 million in cash and briefcases? I have no idea. Can you wire that to my account? Can you zell me? You have PayPal, bro? Venmo? I mean, come on, Venmo? Cash app? Get it together. Walking out with $3 million in cash, that's insane. I mean, I don't like walking around with $300 in cash in my wallet.

I agree.

But anyway, there is so many videos out there that people have made of them getting backed off tables, kicked out of casinos for simply winning. Strong-armed. Strong-armed for simply winning. The pit boss comes back to you. You're no longer welcome here. We don't How much your money. You got to close up. You got to go to the cage. You got to close up. You got to be done. Because the casinos are not in the business of losing money. None of these platforms are. They're all in the business of winning money. I'm not saying it's all bad. I don't think it's all bad. I think, have a little fun betting, whatever. Cool. But I also saw this 60 Minute Special where it talks about how young men, mainly single men, are being mostly affected by these betting apps. I can see that. Because it's so easy to do. So quick, so much stimuli going on in your head.

Yeah, instant gratification.

Yeah. Listen, it's like anything. It's like alcohol, drugs, the commercial break. A little bit is fine, but you get crazy with it, and then you're really going to get in some mental emotional health issues. I can see how it would be very tempting for a young man who just came into hundreds of millions of dollars worth of value and some cash, how it would be easy to get your kicks on Route 66, betting on some sports activity. Sure. Because that's a little high for you. I have some thoughts, Shahani. Let me share them with you. There is a little well known, but much baley hood podcast called The Commercial Break that has been here for four years, making no money, suffering wildly, just trying to put content out there into the air that could really use some of that money that you or your interpreter, allegedly, are using to bet. Bet on us. Bet on us. I'm going to make a... I am a bookie for the commercial break. Bet on us. Why don't you sponsor us for the entire year $2.8 million. We'll take it. It's a little bit low. The valuation is a little bit low, but you're a friend, and I know you're having a hard time right now.

Why don't you sponsor the commercial break? I will literally dress like you in your Dodgers outfit every single episode. I will put your picture everywhere. As a matter of fact, on YouTube, all clips on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube are now just going to be your face. That's it. That's all it is. That's all it's going to be. I will tattoo your name across my forehead. Anything You want everything you want. Low, low price at $2.8 million. Christie and I will accept nothing less, or possibly will accept something less. Well, I was going to say- Yes. Okay, you drive a hard bargain $1.2 million. I can already hear. I can already hear bitching and complaining on behalf of you. Okay, $600,000, but that's the bottom line. $250, I'm not going to make all the clips to your face, but I will still get the forehead tattoo, $250,000. $20,000, and we will call it the Shoheny break. That's it. We're done. Okay? Just $25,000. That's all we need. Shoheny. What? Shoheny. Shoheny, come to the warm embrace of the commercial break. You're going to throw that money away at your bookie anyway. Why not throw it away at something that could possibly gain you tens of new fans?

I mean, who doesn't want that? The Dodgers will be happy. It's a safe bet. Your interpreter will be happy. It's a safe bet. It's a safe bet. Here's the deal. I'll hire your interpreter to interpret all of this into Japanese, the entire commercial break into Japanese, and all you have to do is pay me to hire your interpreter.

I think it's a fair deal.

$15,000, three-year contract. Your interpreter comes, interprets every word that I say. He wins. He's got a job. I win. I've got a sponsor. What do you think, Chrissy?

I mean, like I said, it's a win-win for everyone.

I think we should actually start a betting service for the commercial break. Will Brian remember the name of what he's talking about, correctly or not, in the next five minutes. I'll take that bet. I'll take that bet. I'll take that bet. I'll take long.

Will- Does FanDuel have that bet going on?

Yeah, I don't know. Prizepicks? What's going on with that? Come on, Prizepicks. Get on that right now. The Commercial Break Betting Pool. Will we surpass 100 listeners before seven years of being on this show? Will celebrities ever return to the commercial break after certain interviews have been broadcast or not broadcast?

Yeah, and there needs to be a little section.

Will Hodeley laugh. I'd take that. That's probably not a good one for the house because we'll lose that one. But okay, we'll go. Will Chrissy and Brian be wearing the same outfits at the beginning of the show that they wear at the end of that show? That's a great bet. That's a good one.

It is because it is definitely a crapshoot.

It's a crapshoot. We don't even know when we're going to change clothes. Sometimes we just change clothes because. We're like, let's have a little fun with the audience. Let's change clothes and day.

It's like a little... Hey, Easter's coming up. A little Easter egg. Yeah, there you go.

A little Easter egg hunt for you. Try and mix and match. That's what we If you guys are out there and you're watching an episode and say I'm wearing one of my four T-shirts, my Pac-Man shirt, you can go and then try and find other segments of the show where I'm wearing my Pac-Man shirt and put them together. It's a secret episode. It's like the super secret recipes at your favorite fast food restaurant.

Yeah, the hidden menu.

If you could figure out the puzzle, then you win. That's another contest we have right there. Will Brian continue to be married to the beautiful Astrid after season number 5? Let's find out. How many of Brian's children will end up in- Go one more, twice, 25, 25.

Go one more, 27, 27.

No, I have 49, 49. Now, auction off the commercial break. When it started, $25,000. Do I hear $25,000? No, no, no. $25,000. Going once, going twice, going three times. $15,000. It's the only auction where it goes down. $15,000. Do I hear $15,000. $14,99. $14,99. $12,000. We don't have $12,000. Look at this beautiful studio. Look at these beautiful people laughing all the time. Four listeners. Let's go down to $10,000. I hear $10,000. Do I hear $0, but you must take out all the commercial break debt? $700,000. Let's get $700,000. Going once, going twice, going right back to Brian.

Yes. Yeah. Nobody was taking that one.

No, who would? Who would? I was talking to a friend the other day, and he's like, I was just shooting this shit about business in general. He's like, Oh, yeah, you should leverage the commercial break. Go out there and get a business loan. I'm like, A business loan? What business am I in? A business of making no money. I don't think they I generally take bets on that. I'm just saying. I don't know. Neil Brennan has a great bet.

Here's all of our wires. What will you give us for that?

Here's two broken microphones, a shitty roadcaster. I mean, it's roadcaster It's great, but it's old. It's been here for a while. And three computers that are full. Can't put anything else on them. A guest system that only works half the time. Oh, Neil Brennan has a great bit about it. I won't do his joke. You'll have to go watch it. But on blocks, I think he does his joke about it. I realized that student loans were just a business loan, and the business was me. Imagine I went into the bank and said, Here's a business idea. I'm going to spend the next year getting blackout drunk, and I'll get a sociology degree. You'd be laughed out of the bank. That's true, though. But then I'm walking out of the bank, I'll go, Hey, it's your loss. I had a great way to pay you back. I was going to pay you $50 for the next 240 years.

It's so true.

It is so true. Funny, funny guy. He's a funny guy. He is. Listen, to wrap this up, Pete Rose got banned for the exact same thing. I believe if baseball was to do the right thing, and they find out through their investigation that Shoshani had anything to do with it, there needs to be some repercussions. Because now I'm reading that the NCAA is investigating some basketball players, college basketball players for betting on their own fucking games. I'm not going to say the name of the college because it's just an investigation. But man, I'll tell you what, this isn't the first betting scandal that has rocked college basketball or basketball in general. It's too easy to manipulate. Let's say the over, the under is 100 points on the count.

How do they even keep track of that? I'm just being curious here. But say I'm a player and I mean, I am a player. You are a player.

No doubt. Play a...

Play on, play a... Who hot, who not?

You got that TCB swaga.

Who hot, who not?

Who ha, who Cusciole, anna blat.

Say I'm a sports player, and how would that even track it? How would you be able to track if I was betting on?

Well, now some of the colleges actually are monitoring traffic to and from the betting sites, I believe, is how they're getting there based on that.

What about a burner phone?

Yeah, I mean, listen, but not every person is smart, right? But then also, I think that it is the responsibility, and probably in conjunction with some of these platforms. If they see something suspicious, if they see something, they say something because they need to get out in front of it, too. It's not going to do them any good if one of these websites, which I won't mention because some of them do sponsor the show. To make clear, I'm not morally objecting to gambling. I don't think it's a bad thing in and of itself. Go ahead, have a little fun. Play the slots, play the roulette, do the gambling on the game. But when you're in the game and you can control the outcome, that's where things start to get a little fussy. I do believe that it's in the best interest of these platforms to alert people when they see something that may be suspicious. Gambling going on from an IP address right on the basketball court, you know what I'm saying? That stuff.

But what about if it's you and me? I'm going out and I'm playing basketball, but I'm telling you what to bet.

We're in cajoots. That has happened many times. Yeah, had to have. I can't remember when this was, but was it back... I don't want to think it's back in the late '80s. There was a college basketball player who got busted for this exact same thing. He was manufacturing. Some nights he would score 20 points and some nights he would score 28 points because he was playing the over-under. So he couldn't necessarily control the whole outcome of the game most of the times. But what he could control sometimes was the over-under. If he missed that basket in the last minute of the game, they still might win the game, but it might be the under, right? Then he would have people betting big amounts of money on this. If I'm not mistaken, I think that was also tied up with the mafioso and stuff like that. There were some people that were helping him pull the strings. But listen, it's tempting. I understand it. It is tempting. If I'm not losing the game on purpose, but I'm just missing a shot on purpose, that's Those kids are so susceptible. They're so vulnerable to that pressure. It's got to be.

That's why I agree with college athletes being allowed to get professional sponsorship contracts. I think it's the right thing to do. If all of these colleges are making billions of dollars a year in revenue on the backs of these college kids who get zero of that money except for the scholarship dollars, this has been a since day one with the NCAA because you have these boosters and people around the organization, maybe not the coach directly himself, but people who are clearly unofficially part of the organization, alumni, and they give these kids all perks. They pay for their parents to come and live in a nice apartment. They give them a car to drive around. They give them some spending cash. I'll buy you these new shoes. It's very tempting because the kids, even though they get this scholarship, they still have to pay to live. Their parents have to pay to live. They have Some people, like I did at 18 years old, have nothing to their name and no way of generating income. And oh, by the way, spend 50 hours a week on basketball, baseball, football, whatever it is, and then spend another 30 hours a week on your studies.

So you got 80 hours dedicated to the university. You have to show up at every photo opportunity. You have to make everybody look good while you're on national television, all this stuff. But I don't get to see one dime of it. It seems like it was a silly idea way in the first place. Now that that's loosening up, I think it can only be a good thing. Though there will be bumps and bruises, I think that it can only be a good thing. Because if you're that talented and you're spending all of your time, energy, and resources on carrying the flag of that particular college, school, you should be able... If the college is making a billion dollars on your back, you should at least get 10%. This just seems fair to me, right? I think so. Now you're starting to see some college athletes that are getting some of deals. I think, God bless. God bless. I think it's a great thing. I really do. It's the way that it should be. It's the way that it should have always been. Betting on sports, different animal altogether. You shouldn't be able to bet on...

I think generally, if you're a college kid, you just generally shouldn't be... A college athlete at a high level, you just shouldn't be able to bet. Okay, no betting on any sport. Just four years. Just give us four years.

I remember when I was in college, too, there would be just rows and lines and lines of credit card companies.

Oh, yeah. Handing out credit cards, $10,000, $5,000.

Oh my God. In my first couple of years in college, I got in such debt because I was just like, Yeah, free money. I'll pay you back later. All of a sudden, it's like, What?

It's crazy. They get you and they got you near their grips, and now you can't get out. Betting is the same way in a lot of cases. That's what I was saying. Some platforms will give you a little running room, or they'll give you a little credit or whatever it is, and then you just get started, and you can't go that I think if they're really smart, the professional sports organizations should get together and they should make their own betting platform specifically for the athletes nobody else allowed. If you're playing professional sports in one of these league, the NBA, the NFL, the NHL. That's an interesting idea. I think so. The PGA, whatever it is, if you're going to bet, you have to bet through this platform so that we can monitor what you're betting. And by the way, you're not allowed to bet on the sport that you play. If they did that, then I think they would alleviate some of the temptation to do that.

I like that in that little idea.

I do. That's a billion-dollar idea that I just gave away. There. Thanks, Brian. Don't air this episode. I'm just making a note to myself. Beep. Beep. When you want to go and you want to talk about that idea that you had, just shut your mouth, okay? That's all you got to do because you're literally a dumb hole that gives all the good ideas away for free and then does all the bad ideas for money, where you pay. I do think that that's an idea that solves some of that. But of course, then you got the famous betters like Phil Mickelson, who was in millions and millions of dollars.

Yeah, that came out a while back, and I had no idea years ago that he was that big of a gambler.

Was it KMPG or Barclays came? Supposedly, according to people who have written books, Barclays, who I think sponsored him for a while, I think it's Barclays, or Deutsche Bank, one of those. One of the banks came in and made a sponsorship deal with him, got him out of a lot of betting debt, according to those sources. Phil will admit it, say it himself, I love to bet, and I had a betting problem for a long time, but I've got it under control. Now, he's just for the Saturday.

I was going to say that's why he went there.

Such a disappointing end to such a fucking storied career.

I know he was my favorite.

I know.

Listen, I just- His wife had breast cancer, and his mom had something, too, and he seemed like such a supportive... Maybe he is, and maybe he was, supportive husband and son and father. But he's got some quirks that have come out later.

He's got some quirks. He's got a little edge that I didn't think he had. I mean, I don't know him. I only know him in press conferences and on the He was one of the most exciting golfers to watch. Christie and I watched him win the Masters. Well, you loved him. I'm telling you what, that could not have... I think that was my favorite sporting event to watch of all watching Phil Mickelson swing around a tree and hit the 13th green. I remember these moments because he was so exciting. He is a better. He's a gambler. He always takes risks on the golf course. And 90% of the time, they fail miserably. But the 10% of the time that they work, man, is it spectacular?

It was like he and Tiger back.

Yeah, going back and forth. Now you got Tiger's all wrapped up in his Twingle Twangle pussy, and then you got fucking Mickelson's over there playing for the Saudi Arabians where no one will ever hear from him again because that product is shit. I'm sorry, but it's shit.

Are they still trying to do a deal?

They're trying to merge, I guess. But I've watched it. They're on fucking UPN or the WB or whatever, that golf, and there is nobody there to watch it, and there is no one on television that's watching it. It is, honestly, it's professional golf with some of the best players in the world, but only a few of the best players in the world, and then a lot of novelty acts. So it just doesn't feel like the best product in the world. I'm not saying they can't get it together.

It's not played the same, right?

They have teams, and you score points, and the teams have a season long competition. I don't know. It's confusing, and I don't like to watch it because the truth is, I just like to watch every Saturday and Sunday and see who It's like, Okay, we're the best golfers this week, right? That's interesting to me. And if the PGA doesn't figure out how to mend these fences, there's going to be trouble because the Saudi Arabians have more money than God, and they can just keep paying people hundreds of millions of dollars to come work for them, essentially. I can understand the temptation, certainly. But it's disappointing because- As a fan. As a fan, because first, Phil's not playing in the regular tournaments, which I want to see him play in, although he will play in the Masters this year, I think is what I've heard.

Oh, that's right. There's the Masters exception. What's that?

That's coming up. It's an invitational. It's coming up next week, actually. That is an invitational. So he gets invited to it because he's a past winner, right? But then to watch him just be toting around these shitty golf tournaments, it's like, Oh, man, so disappointing. I wish Phil would just... Did they make enough money? Isn't there enough? Is there enough? Is there a point where it's enough?

I mean, I don't know what gambling does we're talking about.

Oh, that's true. I didn't think about that either. But he's got those sponsorships. He's always in my face about the eczema and the psoriasis. As a guy who has family members with psoriasis, I thought, Oh, Phil, that's a trustworthy Any name and face. And now I'm like, watch it. Watch it. He's in bed with the Saudi Arabians. I don't know about that eczema cream. You might want to put that down. All right, well, we'll stop talking about sports betting. But first, we want you to listen to some sponsors. We'll be back. What?

Oh, hi. It's Christina again. Here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast. Com for all things audio, video, and Tcbedio. Give us a follow on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on talk at TCB podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

I was on the TV last night, and I see this commercial, Cascade. You know the dishwasher stuff? Yeah. All right. The Cascade says- The one, the brand that has three or four different choices for what I think is all about the same. It's all the same. It's all the same. When comes in a squeeze bottle- But you go for the higher one. It's all the same. When it comes to the squeeze bottle, of course you do.

Because you're like, Well, I want them clean.

Yeah, 14 Is it 1,99 or 13.99? I know. If I get 14,99, I get them in little packets, I get 17 ounces less, but- There's a whole thing. It's more expensive. It clearly must be better. Yeah, right. It's just delusional thinking.

I know. It's a whole mind.

I go to Sam's and I go and I'm looking at lotion, like body lotion, right? More body lotion for Brian. So more body lotion for Brian. I'm looking and I see this one brand that I like to use, and it's got one big tub of lotion, right? Enough whacking off the last year lifetime. It's got this one big lotion thing, and it's, I don't know, let's just say big round numbers. It's 10 fluid ounces, right? For $15. Then I looked next to it and it's got two smaller tubs in a package. Oh, neatly packaged. 15oz fluid ounces for $13. I'm like, Why is this $2 less and there's 5oz more? I don't understand. There's more packaging and there's more plastic. I don't understand how this is going. I must have stood for 10 goddamn minutes reading the labels on the back, that's the ingredients, to see if they had the same thing. I'll be damned, it's the exact same ingredients on both of them. I'm like, Clearly, I'm getting hoodwinked here. Pick the one that's less expensive.

Yeah, it's psychology that goes into all of that.

My little mouse brain decides to pick the smaller one. Willy brain. To pick the one with more fluid ounces. My Willy brain. That's right. One of our listeners, Caden, says, Why is everything that Brian names have to do with a dick? I don't know. I honestly don't. It just turned out that way. Maybe I'm repressed or something. I don't know. I'm going to pick the one with more ounces for less money. I get it. I come home. We also put it on our children. They have some dry patches and stuff like that. I come home and I go, Hey, babe, get this. This is five more fluid ounces for less. She goes, It's not the same thing. I go, Yes, it is the exact same thing. I read the ingredient. She goes, It's not the same thing. It's thinner, it's waderer, has more water in it. It's not the same type of lotion that we usually here at the house. I'm like, But babe, it's the same exact thing. It's got the same label, it's the same name, it's got the same ingredients. It's got five more fluid ounces for $2 less. She is like, It's not, but it's okay.

We'll live with it. It's lotion. We'll fucking deal with it. I'm like, She's goddamn wrong about this, motherfucker. When I go into the bathroom two nights ago, after I bought it, I go in the bathroom two nights ago, I squeeze it out of the bottle. I'll be goddamned if it ain't just fucking water pouring out of there. I mean, water with a little bit of lotion. So the same ingredients, but more water. Same ingredients, more water. Because the first ingredient is water. That's water. You don't know exactly how much they put in there. That percentage. Once again, Astrid is right about everything, and Brian has a mouse brain. I'm watching this Cascade commercial, and I hear this alarming statistic, and I want to know exactly who is doing this research. It says, We at Cascade know that the average American spends over 200 hours a year pre-washing dishes. I was like, 200 hours a year? I did the math. It's 32.6 minutes a day you are spending pre-washing dishes to then put inside of a dishwasher. Could that possibly be true? Do you spend 32 minutes pre-washing Was that a splash of washing dishes?

No, but I guess throughout, it depends on what they're calling pre-wash. Okay. Because is that just a splash of getting something off or- Don't know.is something stuck on there?

The devil's in the details.

You got it, yeah. It I want to see this study.

Cascade, I challenge you to release this study.

It depends on how many people are in your family, too, how many dishes you have to do.

Yeah, if you're like me, maybe 32 minutes isn't an unreasonable amount of time to spend on dishes. Listen, I will tell you that by the end of the day, you have to clear our I think four to five times a day. I know. There's two dishwashes going on at least a day. I'm the one who always goes at night, and I'm the last guy in the house checking the security functions and all the man stuff you got to do. Right. I'm always the one who turns on the dishwasher at night, but that's usually the second load, possibly the third load, because you just go through dishes so quick when you have so many fucking rug rats running around. And then blue, it gets everything else dirty. But 200 hours a year seems like an immense amount of time. That's almost 10 days. It's eight days worth of just pre-washing. So then they say, Gascate allows for... You don't have to worry about pre-washing your dishes. They say that. They say that, but it's not true.

Yeah.

It says the average dishwasher can clean this stuff off with Cascade's help. You'll be fresh and clean in no time. But I go and I eat a greasy burger, some mac and cheese, and it gets stuck in the sink for a couple of hours. That shit ain't coming off. I don't care. You put fucking truck degreaser in there and it's not going to come off. You have to pre-wash. Am I just stuck in a time and a mentality?

Maybe. Let's do an experiment.

In the '90s when- Maybe I'll do it at my house so we're not endangering your 30 kids. Yeah, I don't need any more illnesses. We've been through a string here at the commercial break. Terrible life and health events. We don't need any more. But I'm really wondering, do we- I'm going to try it. Do it. Leave the dishes in the sink for the whole day. Do it at night, and I know it's going to be tough, but do it at night. Load them up, leave them there, wash them with just whatever soap you use, wash them, and see if they really come out clean or if this is just a bunch of bullshit.

You mean put them in the dishwasher?

Put them in the dishwasher. See if they come out clean.

I'm going to try this.

I am a pre-washer. I believe in pre-washing. I think you should pre-wash. I think it's important. I understand it's wasting water, but how else am I going to get them clean if I don't put them in clean?

If you have to wash them twice because it didn't come off the first time.

I know. My head, stuck in time traveling back 300 years when I was born and the dishwashers were first coming out in the market. My head tells me, you have to put the dishes in the dishwasher clean already to then get additionally clean in the dishwasher. Am I right about this?

At least rinsed.

At least rinsed. I prefer to just clean altogether. I'll take soap and I'll clean it. I do realize this is a dumb line of thinking.

I don't do the soap part.

You don't? No. Well, you're just nasty. I'm not even in your house anymore.

I'm putting it into the dishwasher where, by the way, there are five different options, too.

True. Pop scrubber, quick wash, normal, extra-Sani Rents, pro. Santee rents, what the fuck is that?

I mean, I always do pro because I'm like, Well, I want the best.

That's just I want them clean. And what's the difference? I read through the manual. I don't see the difference.

And it seems like you're taking a risk for the light wash.

Yes, exactly. That's like going to the Mercedes dealership and the guy goes, Well, you're going to have a C class with nothing. No sunroof, no tint. Windows don't even go down. You're lucky you have a steering wheel in there. $50,000. Or you can have this brand new G-Wagon with all of the functions, same price, right? Yeah, I know. And you go, Yeah, I'll I make the G-Wagon every day of the week. So when I look at the dishwasher and it says pro or sani-rinse, which to me sounds like- Sanitize. It's like a sprint. It's like we're just pissing on your fucking dishes. Your dishwasher just pisses on your dishes and that's it. I'm going for the pro every time, every time. And then I do this whole dance where I have to put it on a three-hour delay so I can take my shower without being bothered.

You use the delay.

I do use the delay. I might be the only human being on Earth.

I don't use the delay, so that's good to know why you would use the delay.

I've never used the delay until I got this dishwasher over the last year, and it's got a delay that actually works. My last dishwasher had a delay, too. It was just naturally built in. It just would delay washing them altogether. It's a stupid piece of shit. Anyway, so now it's got this delay, and I'm like, Oh, I don't like when the dishwasher or the washing machine is on while I'm taking a shower. Sure. No one does because then it's hot and it's cold. The water pressure. It's hot and it's cold. You can never figure it You end up cranking it real hot because you're like, God damn, the hot water went away. Then as soon as the dishwasher stop santi-pissen all over your fucking dishes, then it's like, your face is melting off. It's too much. I I'm so interested to learn, first of all, can you really not wash your dishes with all that food particles and just throw them in there and get them as clean as they normally are? Number two, what is the difference between pro-wash and sanny rinse?

I'm going to do a deep dive this weekend.

Somebody knows. I guarantee you somebody knows out there. One of our trucker friends knows. I don't know how our trucker friends knows, but I just have a feeling they're smarter than the average bear when it comes to this stuff. I know they're going to answer the question for me. Listen, we need this information. Inquiring minds want to know. We have to know.

We do. We're going to find out.

God damn it. All righty, Rudy. Well, TCB bets. Soon to be a new app that we most certainly won't create.

Let me put it in the note.

Tcb bets. We should just call it TCB Loses.

Tcb bets.

Tcb bets. And losses. Because if we could make an app where only you and I could bet on the things on the show, then that would probably keep us out of trouble, too. I should start betting on the commercial break. I know we'll have arrived when people can bet on our show. And you know that's coming, by the way. That is definitely coming. Maybe not for us, but for some podcast out there, Rogan or Smartlist or something. All right, listen, we want you to be a part of the show. We already have a few people that are going to come on the show, by the way. A few of our listeners. That's so exciting. We're setting it up. We're communicating currently about how and when to get them on, scheduling all that important stuff. But we want you to be a part of the show. Ask TCB. Tell us a funny story. You need our life advice. We're here for you. Consider us your podcast therapy. 212-433-3tcb. That's 212-433-3822. You can text us. Let us know you want to be part of the show. Give us a little, a quick little rundown of what you want to talk about so that we can make a decision before texting you back.

You can also text comments, questions, concerns, or content ideas to that phone number, and we will respond. It will be us. Someone in the TCB ecosystem will respond to you. And thank you to everybody who has been talking to us, by the way. A lot of people chat with us, Christie. A lot of people. I love that. They don't always say nice things, but takes all kinds. Tcbpodcast. Com, that's where you go. You find out more information about the show. All the audio, all the video right there from one location. You can also get your Piggy fronting sticker while they last. The next sticker is coming up soon. So go to the Contact Us button. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address. We'll send off that sticker, tcbpodcast. Com. At the Commercial Break on Instagram, tcbpodcast on TikTok and youtube. Com. Com/thecommercialbreak. Go check out our interviews on that YouTube channel. We would love it, Christie. Okay, I'm out of breath. I'm out of energy. I think that's all I can do for right now.

I'm ready to go put our bed in.

But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. The best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christie and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye. I take a dick and keep on licking..