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You're listening to Comedy Central. Now, my dad talks to me, but not in the way humans do. She uses body language to word how she's feeling. That's why I hate to see her with low energy or excessively scratching. So to make sure my dog is feeling well. I give her fresh factors from springtime natural supplements. She's older and age, but with fresh factors. She still has that puppy spirit. If you love your dog, listen to them with fresh factors.


My dog only tells me good things like running, jumping and wagging her tail. Right, Sandy, go to springtime dotcom to receive free shipping and learn how you can save up to 50 percent. Once we get out of this, once this is all done, we can finally leave the house and do normal things like tongue kiss our Uber drivers. There's going to be one question, one question that people want an answer to more than anything. Where in the hell did this disease come from?


Because before the virus shut down the world, people will happy people will happy to accept the official explanation from China, which was that the virus originated at a live animal market where it's somehow jumped from a bat to a human. And we were like, OK, I think that's the plot of dark night, but we'll accept it.


But now now that all of us have been stuck in the house with nothing to do except throw our cat's birthday parties of a zoo, everyone, everyone at home has had time to come up with some theories about how exactly they think this whole thing went down. Now, I've also been spending a lot of time online, and the most common conspiracy theory I've seen is that the virus jumped from a bat to a human the same way Oriels jumped from packaging into my roommate's mouth.


And with it going, Billy, I see you. And this is a theory many people willing to accept because of racism. People are saying that in China they eat all kinds of crazy things. Hey, I heard they eat cookies with a piece of paper inside. I was also ready to believe this pandemic could have started as a food thing because, look, man, I've been I've been in situations where food starts a thing like I was on a flight once where one person eats a tuna sandwich, but then we all paid the price.


So the story made sense until it came out that those viral videos of people eating that soup weren't even filmed in China. Yeah, and then we found out that viruses can't survive cooking anyway. So that was out the window. Then I heard about a different conspiracy theory. That totally makes sense. You see, it turns out Corona was never just a virus. No, it was actually a weapon created to take old people out.


If you go online, there's no shortage of conspiracy theories. All right. So here's one. The virus was bioengineered in a lab by scientists to be used as a weapon or a form of population control.


This is a theory former politician Bronwyn Bishop has also suggested it is to get rid of non-productive Chinese in the Chinese community, in the words of George Bernard Shaw, who should be eliminated so they don't have to be thieves.


Roseanne Barr is calling the novel coronavirus pandemic a ploy to kill baby boomers.


You know what is normal? I think they're just trying to get rid of all of my generation.


All right. Now, this theory, this theory made complete sense. Who dies the most from the virus? Old people. Who dies the most anyway? Old people, bam. It's the perfect crime. And think about it. As soon as people started saying, OK, Buma, all of a sudden we got coronavirus and old people are dying, there can't be a coincidence. And you might be asking, oh, why would anyone why would anyone want to take out all the old people?


I don't know. Maybe it's because someone was tired of giving up their seat on the bus. Maybe restaurant owners are just tired of having to open for dinner at three p.m. Maybe young people were just tired of getting their ass whipped at Bingol. The point is the motive is there. Now, I will admit, as much as I wanted to believe that theory, I had to let it go, OK? Because a team of scientists, scientists with degrees and qualifications, they sequenced the genome of the coronavirus.


They broke it down and they found that unlike everybody in Miami, this virus definitely wasn't manmade. So, OK, maybe this wasn't a biological weapon designed to destroy the slot machine economy. But that wasn't my favorite theory anyway, because there's one theory, one theory that actually makes the most sense. And it was this there's a conspiracy theory sweeping the globe, that coronavirus is caused by 5G technology.


The theory is that 5G damages the human immune system. All of us should know what's taking place right under our noses.


What 5G action actually does, it absorbs oxygen. And that's really important to know.


5G get switched on. People drop like flies and all of a sudden you've got the excuse because, well, there's a virus going on.


Some people in the UK bought into it so much they started lighting cell phone towers on fire. 5G burning, burning, burning out of control.


Yes. From those cell phone towers, though, we got to put an end to coronavirus and all group chats. I don't know how any of you people, but I did not ask to be a part of this group. Now, I know some of you are sitting at home right now smug, like how does thug cause a virus? That is. But I'll tell you how. Ask yourself this question. What is 5G? It's a superfast network that runs through the air.


You know, what else goes to the core of virus? What else goes through the supermarket? And what burger did I eat while watching the last Superman movie? Five guys, five guys, five G. I rest my case now.


I'm not going to lie.


There are a few coverage gaps in this 5G theory. Just a few. Just a few things that make me doubt. For starters, every part of this theory is completely ridiculous and biologically impossible. Not to mention coronavirus has also exploded in places where they don't even have 5G. So I haven't figured that out yet. And 5G, just like 4G and 3G before it is broadcast at such a low frequency, it's too weak to do any damage to you.


Yeah. So saying 5G makes you sick is sort of like saying an iPhone flashlight gave you a sunburn. In fact, 5G broadcast in the same range as a normal radio. Yeah. And let's be honest, the most dangerous thing we've gotten from a radio wasn't a virus.


It was mumbler number five. And that only killed, what, six thousand people, tops. So when did the coronavirus come from? I don't know. You have said it. I don't know. But I'll tell you this. I don't care if any of these conspiracy theories have been debunked. I'm not taking any chances. From now on, I will no longer be ordering the Papy spicy bat sandwich, even though it's delicious. I also decided I'm not going to get old.


It's just too risky. And most importantly, I've stopped using cell phones, yet no 5G for me from now on, I only use a pager and yeah, no, that makes it harder to send nudes, but I'm going to do my best. And I know the alternative to all of this is that I could just wait for doctors and scientists to figure out where this virus came from. But I mean, come on, man, I'm not crazy.


If you know anything about Kulen, you've probably heard that it's a conspiracy theory, but the truth is it's more like a political cult built around a conspiracy theory and then crossed with a big book of Woodstock puzzles.


And if that sounds complicated, well, wait till you hear what they believe in for believers.


Q is an anonymous government official who post classified information about a covert battle between the president and a malicious ring of celebrities, political elites and the so-called deep state.


This anonymous poster who was giving secret clues about becoming, quote, Great Awakening.


The central theme here is that Hillary Clinton and many of the world's other politicians and celebrities are members of a murderous child sex ring.


Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Tom Hanks and others eat children in order to extract a life extending chemical from their blood group.


They believe that a group of military generals recruited President Trump to break up this conspiracy and end their control of the government and the media.


Donald Trump and the Cuban on view is going to save us from this in a moment called The Storm.


His tweets are misspelled for a reason and when he does campaign. The smoking gun, it's all code for what is this telling us? OK, I want whatever these people are smoking because Trump's typos are a secret message. Man, I wish people would this forgiving when I did stupid shit. No, you guys don't get it. When Trevor threw up at that party, he was showing us it's what's on the inside that counts. But look, this guy's also not wrong.


President Trump's tweets are misspelled for a reason, and that reason is. He can't read. Now, look, if Hillary and Oprah were eating children to live longer, I would be horrified because that is such a waste of magic blood. You feed those kids to Ruth Bader Ginsburg people priorities, but there's no ways this conspiracy theory is actually true. And look, I believe a lot of crazy shit, OK? I believe the TSA confiscates all our lotion in order to secretly sell it back to us at Walgreen's.


I believe possums are just dogs that make I believe no one has actually ever broken up with me. They've just all been abducted by aliens. But this conspiracy theory is crazy, even for conspiracy theories.


I mean, set aside everything else you're telling me Trump is doing something heroic, but instead of taking credit for it, he's keeping it a secret. That is the most unbelievable thing I have ever heard. Plus, if you're wondering how it's possible that Trump can be leading the fight against the paedophile ring when he was friends with Jeffrey Epstein for years as well, according to Q, Trump has been undercover since the 90s, which I believe I mean, if there's one thing Trump is known for, it's his famously long attention span.


So how did this insane theory take off? Well, partly it latched on to fears about the real phenomenon of human trafficking, partly in fear of ancient anti Semitic tropes about elitists who drink the blood of children. But mostly it was just the good old Internets.


Kuhnen first emerged in the months after President Trump took office, starting on fringe Internet message boards before spreading to social media.


The pandemic has only made things worse. And so these people are just there all day. Facebook groups have grown exponentially with Kuhnen.


In just four months, membership of the biggest Public Cuneen groups rose by 700 percent.


We saw a lot of groups who were wellness communities, people who were interested in alternative health. People would the algorithm would sort these people together with the Cuban people. They would say alternative health. Maybe they're into antibiotics. If they're anti vax, maybe they're into Donald Trump. And within one or two clicks, people would go down these very bad paths. Yep.


That's how the shit always goes on the it feels like at this point the entire purpose of Facebook is to funnel everyone towards the craziest conspiracy theories possible because people will join a group about cycling and then five hours later, they're like, Hillary Clinton is a mountain goat people.


She's an actual girl.


And it's not surprising that the pandemic turned out to create the perfect conditions for people to get radicalized. Some people join Kuhnen, some people ordered Pelton's, and nine of them will shut up about it. This also shows you how much the Internet is ruining our brains. When Shakespear was quarantined during the plague, he was like, maybe I should write King Lear. And now people are sitting around during coronavirus going, I wonder if I could prove that Tom Hanks has sex with the devil.


Either way, starting from the swampy parts of the Internet, Kuhnen gradually picked up followers and eventually grew into a major online movement. And it hasn't seemed to matter that many of the things it predicted over the years just never came true.


Early on, they were claiming that Robert Mueller was secretly investigating and not to indict the cabal of Democratic leaders. And then President Trump was secretly working with Mueller's team. President Trump was secretly created a police force, by the way, to arrest them and force them to wear ankle bracelets.


The belief is that somehow the late JFK Jr. is alive and helping Trump clean up the deep state.


Nearly all of these clues, including that Hillary Clinton was arrested, turn out to be wrong. But the batting average doesn't seem to matter.


You can present them with evidence. You can demonstrate how the predictions have gone wrong and they don't seem to care. It's just again and again that Q is bigger than anything that they can be presented. But to the contrary. That's right.


It doesn't matter how many of Kyuss outlandish predictions fail to pan out, it never seems to have an impact on the movement. And that, my friends, is the classic sign of cult behavior. Once you're invested enough in something, you will make any excuse for its failures. So please don't be looking for logic here. That's not how cults work, OK? Cults don't follow logic. They follow whatever the cult tells them. That's why you always see cult leaders go so quickly from the sacred.


Aliens have chosen us to weird news guys. The sacred aliens told me I should bang all of your wives. I guess it must be for our redemption or something to go somewhere I pick her. So thanks to this religious fervor, Kuhnen took over the Internet and it would have been fairly harmless if it had just stayed on the Internet. You know, like Momoh. Nothing was a joke was.


That was weird, but the scary thing about Kuhnen is what happened when A jumped from the screen to the streets.


This is not just a bunch of online crazy talk. It's dangerous in real life.


The FBI says Kuhnen in there. Many conspiracy theories are a potential domestic terrorism threat. The North Carolina man who shot up this D.C. pizza restaurant looking for nonexistent pedophiles believed in similar theories.


On more than one occasion, people believed to be followers of Kuhnen have shown up, sometimes with weapons in places that the character told them were somehow connected to anti Trump conspiracies. In June, a man armed with a rifle and a handgun drove an armored vehicle to the Hoover Dam on what he said was a mission from Kuhnen cutdown.


Followers have allegedly been involved in a foiled presidential assassination plot. The devastating California wildfire, an armed standoff with local law enforcement officers in Arizona in July.


A twenty four year old man was charged in the shooting death of a reputed mob boss. His attorneys argued he was motivated by Kuhnen written on his hand in the courtroom where Kuhnen symbols.


You cannot be serious. Can you imagine being a mob boss and you get whacked by a kid from a message board? Not a rival, just some random kid. You almost want them to line your obituary and say you were a snitch.


But this is insane. KUMALO When people out in the world doing real things, shootings, hijackings, kidnappings, of all the bad advice I've gotten on the Internet, nothing ever came close to making me murder a mob boss. The worst advice I ever got was to use toothpaste to get rid of pimples. But I ate the entire tube of toothpaste. All I got was a tummy ache. Pimples didn't go anywhere. And even with sporadic real world violence, it might be tempting to dismiss Kuhnen as just another lunatic fringe.


But it's actually becoming pretty close to mainstream.


In fact, there are roughly 50 Kuis supporters who ran for office in the Republican Party this year, and it's almost certain that one of them is actually going to be in Congress next year, although maybe that's a good thing. Nothing will prevent them from getting anything done better than being in Congress. Congress, the only people with a low approval rating than Kuhnen. And then, of course, there's President Trump. He's the big hero in all these Kuhnen stories, so he could just shut this down quickly by saying, guys, none of this is true, Hugh isn't a real person.


And besides, if there was a sex group with all the most important people in the world, you know, I'd try to be in it.


Yeah, that's what he could do. But instead, he has come out and declared that Kuhnen are some very fine people at President Trump's rally in Tampa.


The image was hard to miss the letter. Q on signs and T-shirts.


We are finally putting America first. The Trump campaign even included Kuhnen signs in and out.


President Trump has used his own social media accounts to promote Kuhnen followers and content nearly two hundred times.


President Trump praising supporters of the bizarre Kuhnen conspiracy theory. He told reporters he heard that Kuhnen followers are people who love the country and him.


Well, I don't know much about the movement other than I understand they like me very much, which I appreciate. But I don't know much about the movement. I have heard that it is gaining in popularity. These are people that love our country and they just don't like seeing it as. Part of the theory, it is this belief that you are secretly saving the world from this satanic cult of pedophiles and cannibals, if I can help save the world from problems, I'm willing to do it.


I'm willing to put myself out there.


Yeah. You see, it doesn't matter that Kuhnen is a dangerous cult and all of their beliefs are complete fiction. President Trump is on board. Trump's approach to Kuhnen is basically the same as the Backstreet Boys song. He doesn't care who you are or where you're from, what you did, as long as you love him. And honestly, people nobody should be surprised that Donald Trump is embracing Kuhnen. Donald Trump was always going to embrace it. The surprise is that he's president.


So that's Kuhnen in a nutshell. It's a violent delusion that spread from the Internet to prey on vulnerable people and infect an entire political party.


Or maybe I'm just saying that to throw you off the real story. The Daily Show Eres Edition in the following message are brought to you by Norton LifeLock Hate doing taxes. There are a lot of people out there who would love to do them for you, not just tax specialists, cyber criminals and identity thieves to during tax season. Your personal info, like your name and Social Security number, may be emailed and shared more than usual.


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It includes guides for measuring and even a built in slot for a smartphone or tablet computer. Tough. This smart can only be called F 150. Check out the all new twenty twenty one Ford F 150 at Ford Dotcom built. Ford proud. Built Ford tough. What exactly is the big deal about 5G? Because you might think it's just 4G but a little bit faster, but it's actually a lot faster. So fast, in fact, that it could change the world.


The new world of 5G technology promises to transform our lives, connecting millions of devices and enabling everything from driverless cars to smart homes up to 20 times faster than the 4G.


Most of us use now five GS lightning fast technology will accelerate and interconnect everything.


To download a two hour film on 3G would take about twenty six hours on 4G. You'd be waiting six minutes and on 5G. You'll be ready to watch your film in just over three and a half seconds and you could download an entire movie in three seconds.


That's going to be fast.


I mean, we'll still spend 45 minutes trying to decide which movie to download, but once we've decided, we'll need to go to bed because we're tired. But tomorrow, three seconds, my friends at five isn't just about download speeds.


It's a game changer for everything. Like with 5G, you can have cities where everything communicates, like doctors can perform surgeries from the other side of the world. Can you imagine a world where your videos never buffa your calls never drop? That would be amazing, except I guess now you could never fake a call dropping with five G.


Yeah, because that excuse is gonna be like, oh, I'm, I'm losing. I'm, you're breaking up. You're not breaking up. We've got five g. We're like, yeah, yeah you're right. Carry on Grandma. Yes, my grandma, Samuel L. Jackson, so. So, look, there's no denying the technology is great, but why do China and the US care so much about who makes it? What's the same reason they care about anything?


The Benjamins, baby.


When the US won the Fauji race earlier this decade, it provided a nearly 100 billion dollar boost to gross domestic product. And the stakes of the 5G race are even higher. If the US wins, it would create an estimated three million jobs and add approximately 500 billion dollars to GDP. That's right.


If America wins the 5G race, that could bring millions of jobs and five hundred billion dollars to the country's GDP. Five hundred billion dollars. You know how hard it is to get five hundred billion dollars like you'd have to marry and divorce Jeff Bezos five times.


And I mean, after the fourth time, he'd probably catch on. He'd be like, I think you don't love me. What, me? Jeff. And the fights about 5G isn't just about money and downloading Avenger's like that, no, it's also about power, because if you control 5G, you have access to everything people are doing online, which is everything. And right now, the best 5G technology is made by a Chinese company called Huawei. And because the Chinese company is Chinese, many governments don't trust how secure it's going to be.


Huawei may be best known to most people for making phones, but it's also a leading player in building the infrastructure for all communications. Critics fear that allowing it to build 5G could enable the Chinese state to spy on or even switch off the flow of data we will all depend on.


Imagine that if Huawei becomes the leading 5G provider in the world than China can spy on everyone, which is terrible because that's what America wants to do.


Yeah, and I know you judging well. If America wants to do it, then how do they just not. That's not the point. All right. You want to do it first? It's like when you cut someone off in traffic and then someone else cuts in front of you like, yeah. So that was my move. But those are the stakes, job, money and power.


And I'm not going to try and bore you with all the technical details.


But while America is developing its own 5G, China's 5G is so far ahead, like they're basically going to set the trends. It's like how back in the day they used to be a fight between DVD and laserdisc. Yeah. And if you're wondering what the hell is laserdisc exactly? Yeah, that's America's 5G. So this is a race many people already saying America has lost.


Luckily, and I can't believe I'm saying this, America is lucky that you have a maniac on your team who's willing to play dirty.


President Trump has signed an executive order banning U.S. companies from using telecom equipment deemed to be a national security threat. And that's a direct shot at China and its tech giant wall.


The US clamp down on the company causes a major domino effect. The UK's biggest mobile network pulling away from its 5G launch, while three of Japan's mobile operators have stopped taking orders or delayed the summer release of a new highway phone. Donald J. Mother effing Trump.


This guy could see America wasn't going to win, so he just got a crowbar and pulled a Tonya Harding on China's five G. Just went in straight there. Yeah, the man might not know what 5G is, but he does know how to mess up other people's shit just in that. And I'm going to be honest with you, I don't actually blame Donald Trump because I don't know how else America can win this race, because even if America does manage to cripple Huawei and China, it's not like America will suddenly have great 5G.


You won't just have 5G overnight's unless America just pretends that it does.


AT&T is putting a fake 5G logo on iPhones and iPads. Now, the company confirming the PC magazine that the new icon is going to show up when users download Apple's latest beta version of iOS twelve point two, but is not really 5G. AT&T just change the name for its 4G, LTE advanced network to five g e. The E stands for evolution.


OK, guys, that's really sad. AT&T is just going to lie and put another stick like it's like you have a smart car and then you just take a Lamborghini on the side of it.


Let's check it out, man. Driving a Lambo now, zero to 60 in four minutes flat.


But seeing as it's a race that might be lost. AT&T might be onto something here because this is considered the new space race. So maybe America can win this race the same way it won the last one. Just fake it, baby.


That's right, pedophile and fake billionaire Jeffrey Epstein was found dead in his jail cell after he apparently committed suicide on Saturday morning, which, if you ask me, is some bullshit, right? No, because I wanted Jeffrey Epstein to stay alive for two reasons. One, so that his victims could get their day in court.


And two, I want him to snitch on all his high profile pedophile friends. He's gone, you know what we need, we need that lady from Game of Thrones to wake his ass up. That's what we need. Come on, Jeffrey.


And what makes this whole thing even worse is that we already had questions about his whole pedophile operation. Now we have additional questions about how he died this morning.


The question on many minds, how did Jeffrey Epstein die while in federal custody?


Epstein had been taken off suicide watch and was supposed to have been checked by guards every 30 minutes. But that procedure was not being followed the night before he was found. Sources close to the investigation say Epstein underwent a psychiatric evaluation and they cleared him from suicide watch on or about July 29th, allowing him to return to his cell.


Yeah, they weren't checking in on Epstein and they took him off suicide watch. Why? Like, I'm not an expert on psychology, but if someone tries to commit suicide, I don't think two more weeks of jail would suddenly improve their outlook on life.


Now, you may remember the reason this Jeffrey Epstein case blew up wasn't just because of the magnitude of his crimes, but also because his circle included some high profile individuals, everyone from Bill Clinton and Donald Trump, all the way to famous scientists and even royalty. And because the story involves so many people who are so powerful, many out there wondering if Epstein really suicided himself.


This is a suspected suicide and it just smells fishy to so many people.


The timing is so suspicious. This comes just one day after those documents were unsealed.


I'm not a believer in a conspiracy theory, but I do believe there's lots of suspicious activity to investigate here. Twitter erupted with a number of other conspiracy theories following the news, the shocking news of Epstein's apparent suicide. Hashtags like Trump Bodycount and Clinton Bodycount and Eppstein murder were among the top US trends. Trump retweeted a baseless conspiracy theory tying the Clintons to the death of Jeffrey Epstein. That's right.


I mean, I get everyone else on Twitter, but the president of the United States is also retweeting conspiracy theories that Jeffrey Epstein was murdered by the Clintons.


Yeah, the president did this, which is pretty wild. I mean, because this is the type of moment where you would think the president would be the voice of reason. Instead, Trump is jumping into the fray.


Yeah, you know what he's like, he's he's basically that dead that when a fight breaks out in the Little League game, he runs into the field. But instead of breaking it up, his body slamming the third graders. Can't take that. Take that. Take that because he's doing this.


And you know what Trump needs? Trump needs a fence. That's what he needs. Yeah. One of those secret Instagram accounts that only a close friends, because that's what he needs, then he can use that to just go crazy with these racist stuff, conspiracy theories. But pics, he can just let it all out, get it all out. And America doesn't have to stress. But this time, though, this time it's not just Trump, it seems like everybody thinks that something shady happened here.


People on the rights are saying it was the Clintons who killed Jeffrey. People on the left of saying Trump killed her. Jesse Smalls says it was two white Nigerien guys.


And I don't know, guys, I don't know I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but something weird happened here. Like I was thinking maybe it wasn't Trump or the Clintons, maybe it was America.


This incident should make us all troubled about the jail system. We know that there are many deaths by suicide in jails throughout the country. The Metropolitan Correctional Center has been understaffed, leading to low morale among guards and the two guards in the special housing unit where Epstein was kept. We're both on overtime, one of the guards on his fifth overtime shift of the week.


Sources at the jail tell CBS News they often rely on certain inmates to assist guards in monitoring other inmates due to a lack of manpower.


Yeah, you heard that right. Thanks to overworked staff and underfunded prisons, suicide among inmates is all too common in the United States, with some prisons so understaffed that guards ask other inmates to be on suicide watch for them, which is not ideal. I mean, what if the person they put on suicide watch is a murderer? Huh?


What happens in. Just like so the good news is he didn't kill himself. So look, man, I'll be honest, I get why everybody is suspicious of how this all went down, because you would think a high profile person like Jeffrey Epstein would have eyes on him all the time. But to be honest, I'm also not sure that there's a conspiracy here. Like, if anything, for me, the conspiracy has been taking place over the last 10 years.


First of all, Epstein magically only served 13 months for his crimes. And in that 13 months, he got to leave prison and go to the office six days a week. And the prosecutor sealed the case, which protected Epstein and his co-conspirators and rubbed his victims of due process. That, for me, was the conspiracy. How did that happen? What was going on there?


That's the. And maybe, maybe, just maybe what happened here is the result of there not being a conspiracy anymore and Eppstein being treated for the first time, just like everyone else.


Donald Trump is not a quitter if you don't count his casinos and marriages and he still has several strategies to win this thing. So let's go through those strategies today. Strategy number one is Trump's first response to anything, whether it's trying to get out of paying a bill or silencing a porn star.


Lawsuits with his path to reelection appearing to be narrowing, President Trump's relying on relief from the courts that may never come filing suits in Michigan and Pennsylvania to stop vote counting until the Trump campaign can access the counting locations. The Trump campaign saying it would request a recount in Wisconsin, where Joe Biden is the apparent winner.


The Trump campaign filing a lawsuit in Georgia alleging one of its poll observers saw late absentee ballots illegally added to a stack of ontime absentee ballots.


And a heavily Democratic county that includes Savannah quite possibly will do a national lawsuit and really expose the corruption of the Democrat Party to a national lawsuit.


So if you are watching this, consider yourself served. And what a difference between twenty sixteen and twenty twenty. When Hillary lost, she disappeared into the woods. But Trump starts losing. He's dragging voters one by one onto the witness stand, although knowing Trump, he's probably just hustling for a big settlement. I'm suing because I should be president. That's why I'm here. But for 500 grand, we can forget this whole thing ever happened. Three hundred thousand, two hundred and fifty.


My final offer. Fifty thousand. I'll pay you, but only twenty dollars. Part of the deal, but what case exactly are they bringing to the courts?


Well, Rudy Giuliani, the president's personal lawyer and man who drank from the wrong holy grail, explained his objections to counting votes.


Not a single Republican has been able to look at any one of these mail ballots that could be from Mars as far as we're concerned, or they could be from the Democratic National Committee. Joe Biden could have voted 50 times, as far as we know, a five thousand times. You have a reputation for dead people voting. And we're going to go look at just how many dead people voted here. Do you think was stupid? You think we're fools?


Do you think we're fools? Calm down, Count Wexler. First of all, it depends on who you mean by we.


Because if you're talking about you and Trump, then, yes, we do think you're fools. But if you're talking about the entire Trump administration, then also. Yes, because I mean, come on, dude.


Joe Biden isn't voting 5000 times. Have you seen how long the lines have been? Not even Joe Biden wants Joe Biden to be president. Bad enough to wait that long. And that's we're looking into dead people. It's going to be hilarious when Rudy Giuliani is questioning the dead on how they voted, then the Democrats got you to vote for them. No, man, I'm a dead guy just like you.


What? I'm not dead. I'm alive.


Oh, then you should you should get that whole thing checked out that. Oh, no, I'm not going to France. It's really hard to keep track of all of these lawsuits that are happening. But luckily, we've got to say Sloan at the Election Lawsuit Center to help us break it all down. So don't say who is Trump suing right now? Let's take a look.


Trevor, we got a whole bunch of lawsuits coming. In fact, we already know that Trump is suing Pennsylvania and Michigan and Georgia, but he's got even more on the way. Arizona, your ass is getting sued. No better lawyer up. You're getting sued. Utah, your neighbors with Nevada.


Trump's got a still you just because it's convenient to pop by Pennsylvania. That's right. Again, you're getting double snowed. And Trump isn't just suing states.


France, your ass is getting sued for what? Not sure.


See you in court.


Also, Eric Trump said he thought a box of Trump votes in a volcano on Mars. So Mars ready to get a suit. And I almost forgot Pennsylvania trouble suit just for thinking Trump was done suing you. Guess who else Trump is suing?


That's right. Donald Trump is suing itself because if it wasn't for his bullshit, he wouldn't be losing Pennsylvania, which, by the way, trump a suit against quadruple.


So that's what he got so far, Trevor, or should I say defended thirty to see court bench.


Oh, man. I've always wanted to be sued by Trump. Thank you so much for that. Don't say so. It's going to take some time for these lawsuits to be thrown out by a series of lower courts before the Supreme Court does whatever Trump wants. But Trump isn't sitting around waiting. He's also been urging his followers to take to the streets and they're showing up like coronavirus at a White House Rose Garden event.


President Trump supporters in various states are protesting why the Trump campaign won some states to stop counting votes while other states continue counting.


In Arizona overnight, hundreds of Trump supporters similar to gathered outside of Phoenix Election Center, saying the election was being stolen from the president. Protesters there looking to keep the count going as the race tightens the well.


And in the battleground state of Pennsylvania, voters need attention.


There is intense tempers flaring from coast to Coast Guard to be able to steal this election.


The is covering up the crisis. Still disappointed the media's coverage. We want our freedom in a world free of your party.


OK, two things. First, this ugly behavior undermines the foundations of American democracy. And secondly, I hope they have that barbecue beer freedom shirt in a hoodie version that is dope. Also, the Biden crime family.


That has got to be the least threatening sounding organized crime family ever. You know, you've got a really nice place here. Be a pity if some malarkey happened to it. I don't know, I don't know, I mean, seriously, I can't believe we will all terrified that Trump supporters would coordinate a civil war, and yet these guys can't even agree on a slogan to shout in the streets because they're chanting to count the votes if Trump is behind in the states, but then if he's ahead, then they're chanting to stop the counts.


I mean, what happens if the state switches count votes? Well, we are counting and it looks like Joe Biden has just taken the lead. OK, stop counting the votes. We changed our minds. Depends how it goes. But if Trump can't win the election in the streets, he has one final plan to win the election.


In the tweets, the president after Election Day out of sight, but far from quiet, ignoring the ongoing vote count and declaring himself the winner in several crucial battlegrounds. Writing on Twitter, in part, we hereby claim the state of Michigan. But that's not a candidate's call to make.


No, come, Donald. What are you doing then? Just because you shout it doesn't mean it's yours. This is the election not riding shotgun nine. I call. I call, I call White House. And isn't it ironic that Trump spent months warning that rioters were going to loot all the stores, but now he's the one trying to loot the Electoral College? It's all mine. It should have been mine. I wanted it. So they also can we agree that it's adorable how he included the word hereby just to make it sound smarter and more official.


You know, he's like, oh, no, I said hereby. So this is real. You can't use that in twenty twenty. That should only worked back in the day when people were colonizing land. I declared this land property of Her Majesty the Queen. This is our land. We will kill you. Well, then I hereby declare this land property of Her Majesty the Queen. Guys, he said hereby, there's nothing we can do not stand back and stand by.


Oh, craftier. But if none of these plans work and Donald Trump can't stop Joe Biden from becoming president, we'll all is not lost for the GOP because it turns out that Mitch McConnell, Senate majority leader and world's most powerful bull SEC, has got a plan to take care of Biden even if he wins.


Axios has a good piece out today about McConnell arguing that if he keeps the majority, he will force Biden to keep his cabinet choices. Centrist McConnell is already lining up his troops to be ready to make things difficult for the Bush administration, looking to control the type of cabinet the fighting can assemble, the type of hearings that he can have.


Mitch McConnell is going to be asked and Republicans in the Senate will be a blocking force.


That's where doesn't matter who is president, although been a cock block or in.


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