You're listening to Comedy Central. Well, hello, everybody. Welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show. I'm Trevor Noah. Today is Wednesday, the 22nd of July. And as you can see, although some people are back in the office, I'm still filming the show from my apartment because there's a giant Corona that's just hanging out at my desk. And I don't think I can breathe it in. But, you know, better safe than sorry. Anyway, on tonight's episode, we talk to Jim Carrey about writing a novel and some good news for a change.
Donald Trump is pretending to take her own virus seriously again. So let's do this.
Welcome to the daily social distancing show from Trivers Koch in New York City. To your couch somewhere in the world. This is the daily social visit to Joe with Driven Home.
All right, people, let's kick it off with some baseball news. That's right. Baseball, America's pastime and the sport. Michael Jordan cheated on basketball with the Corona virus pandemic. Shut down the Major League season before it could even start. But now teams are ready to get underway covert style as Major League Baseball gets ready to resume play.
It turns out they're gonna be using crowd noise from a video game. The sounds will come from the game. MLB, the show. The league is hoping that the crowd noises combined with stadium announcers and all the walkup music that'll make it sound like the stadiums are actually full.
Yes, while it's still too dangerous to fill a baseball stadium with a real crowd, the MLB is at least going to fill it with the sounds of people watching baseball. And I think we actually have a clip of what that sounds like.
Now, even though fans sounds will be piped into the stadiums, the actual fans will still be watching baseball at home. So for fans who want to recreate the stadium experience at home, there's a lot of things you can do to make you feel like you're actually at a game. First of all, make sure to watch the TV from really far away. So you have no idea what's happening. Then grab a beer from your fridge and rip up a 20 dollar bill and finally cover your bathroom in another man's urine.
Now, that's baseball. I do like this idea, though. In fact, I think we should apply this to other areas of our new coronavirus lives. You know, like a lot of us miss eating out at restaurants. So why not just pipe in some restaurant sounds while you're eating dinner at home?
Hi there. I just wanted to see if you're enjoying the food. Well, actually, you just gave me the food, so I haven't actually tasted it yet. No problem. I'll come back in 10 seconds and ask you to.
Could you just come back like after I have eaten a bunch of it? OK, perfect. I'll come back at the most inconvenient moments. But then we need to check. I'll totally disappear forever.
In other news, we're slowly learning the Corona virus has also affected two things in America that are even more popular than baseball. Disney World and stuffing your face.
Forget munching on those baikie pretzels while strolling through Disney World in Orlando, eating or drinking while walking has been banned. To ensure that people are wearing masks while moving around the park now, in order to eat or drink, people have to be stationary and six feet away from other guests. The only other time that guests are allowed to have their mass off is that special relaxation stations that are set up around the parks.
OK, so basically what happened here was Disney World said that for safety you need to wear a mask unless you are eating. And so everyone at the park was like, no problem. I'm just always eating. So Disney decided it had to close that loophole. And to me, that's some bullshit. I mean, they've taken away one of the main draws of Disney World, which is walking around eating junk food all day. I mean, that is as crucial to the Disney experience as meeting Mickey or going on rides or wishing you never had kids.
Not to mention if you're walking while eating, then you're distracted by everything else going on. You know, if you have to sit while you eat, gives you all the time to reflect on what you're actually eating. And that's a reality no one should have to face.
Also, how is Disney going to tell us about our food hygiene when The Little Mermaid is literally over here brushing our hair with a fork? I mean, the woman collects trash. Is nobody going to talk about this? She's collecting trash. But still, this rule is happening and we all have to get used to it. I just hope that at least they still let me take my smoothie on the roller coasters. Well, let's move on, because while the United States is putting restrictions on people at theme parks and banning them from stadiums.
Germany is now so far ahead with the Corona virus that they're actually throwing a Giants concert just to see what happens.
In Germany, scientists are planning a mammoth covered 19 experiment. They are inviting 4000 music fans to a free concert at 10 days, will then be fitted with tracking devices and equipped with fluorescent. Hand sanitizer to help researchers better understand how to stop the virus spreading inside indoor venues.
What a Fleck's. Now, this is how you should on the whole world. Germany is having a concert with 4000 people. Meanwhile, in America, you're kind of into an open mike without the entire town coming down with the wrona. And I don't know which band is going to perform at this thing, but I hope they've chosen the Rolling Stones because of a lifetime of drugs. Can't kill those dudes. Coronavirus doesn't stand a chance.
And, you know, I'm not an expert. But surely there's a safer way to do this experiments. All right. Like before you tested on 4000 human beings, one try like a concert full of rats. It's a lot safer. And it's adorable. I mean, look at him. He can't play a bass guitar. Rats don't have rhythm. We all know that.
Let's move on now to the United States Congress. America's marble covered nursing home. Of the 435 members of the House of Representatives, one of the most liberal is New York Democrat Alexandria Ocasio Cortez. And one of the most conservative is Florida Republican Ted Yoho. So when those two bumped into each other in the hole, it might be no surprise that things get ugly.
New York Democratic Representative Alexandria Costa Cortez accuses a Florida lawmaker of accosting her on the steps of the U.S. Capitol.
Yoho first approached her and told her, quote, She was good. She was disgusting in referring to her positions over unemployment and crime, and she responded, calling him rude. And then as Yoho walked away from that conversation, he called her an effing B.. I actually using those words to moments ago on the House floor, Republican Congressman Ted Yoho apologize to Congresswoman Alexandria Cosio Cortez.
The offensive name calling. Words attributed to me by the press were never spoken to my colleagues. And if they were construed that way, I apologize for their misunderstanding.
I cannot apologize for my passion or for loving my God, my family and my country.
Wow. That had to be one of the worst apologies I have heard in my life. In fact, that's the only apology I've ever heard.
Well, at the end I went, wait, did I just apologize to him? Because why is he saying, I can't apologize for loving my God, woman loving God doesn't make you say those things like loving God doesn't make you profane.
The pope is never out there like he's loved, surrounds us all, you sons of bitches. So for a guy who talks a lot about personal responsibility. Ted Yoho is having a pretty hard time taking responsibility for his actions. In fact, if I may speak like a congressman. I think he's being a bitch about this whole situation. All right. We're going to take a quick break. But when we come back, Trump hosts a Corona virus briefing.
And I don't know, guys.
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Go to Harry's dot com slash Daily Show to start shaving better today. Welcome back to the daily social distancing show as coronavirus continues to spread across America. So does the stupidity of America's leaders. Which means it's time for another installment of our ongoing segment, The Pandemic. Let's talk about President Trump, the rectangle in chief in the 47 years that he's been president. We've gotten to know the man quite a bit. We know that he doesn't fear the sun.
We know that he likes to go vroom vroom in a big, cool truck. And we know that kids love him. One other big thing we've learned about him is how Trump handles a crisis, because whenever Trump is dealing with a problem, he's got a certain set of moves that he always tries, sort of like a video game character. You know, first he pretends the problem doesn't exist. Then he pretends he's already solved the problem. And if that doesn't work, he blames the media and the Democrats for the problem he probably created.
Now, unfortunately, none of those moves have worked with coronavirus. No matter what he tries, it just keeps on spreading. So yesterday, Trump had no choice but to pull out his superpower move, changing his tone.
A remarkable change of tune for President Trump today. The about face coming during a late afternoon news conference.
The president changed his tone today after months of insisting that Covered 19 was in retreat. He said it will get worse before it gets better. After downplaying the virus for weeks, the president came before cameras with a blunt assessment.
It will probably, unfortunately, get worse before it gets better. Something I don't like saying about things, but that's the way it is. I have no problem with the masks. I view it this way. Anything that potentially can help and that certainly can potentially help is a good thing. I have no problem. I carry it. I wear it.
Oh, no. Looks like someone finally got his covert test back. Positive in a negative sense, folks. But yes, President Trump is finally saying that mosques work and that coronavirus could get even worse. So basically, Trump has turned into that. One friend of yours in the group chat who insists on posting means that were hot months ago. Yo, have you guys seen baby Yoda? Now, I will say something that I myself didn't expect. It is actually a little scary to hear Trump talk like this because like when a scientist says it, it's because those are the facts.
When Trump says it, it's because reality is so awful that it's somehow cut through the thousands of layers of paranoid delusion. Like, you know, shit is bad when even Trump breaks character. You know, we'd be like if Barney the dinosaur took off his head like, whoo hoo!
Okay, kids with it. It's not looking good.
Are we going to sing a song, Bernie? Guys, we're really. It's over. I don't think you're allowed to say the F word, Bernie. Now, there are many reasons that Trump may have suddenly shifted his tone last night. Right. I mean, maybe it's because he's struggling bigly in the polls against Joe Biden, or maybe it's because he has a new campaign manager. Well, maybe it's just because he got his ass handed to him in an interview on Fox News.
I mean, it's one thing to get embarrassed by the liberal media. He's used to that. But when Fox News is calling you out on your B.S., that's got to hurt, man, because now you're getting owned in front of all your friends. It's like getting a wedgie at your own birthday party. Whatever the reason was, though, it should be obvious to anyone with a memory better than a goldfish that this change of tone isn't actually a sincere change of heart.
Because let's just say we've all been here before. President Trump was completely different in his tone and in the way that he was approaching the Corona virus. A dramatic shift in tone from President Trump yesterday. President Trump changing his tone. A real change of tone there, to say the least, from the president.
A really sobering sense from the president and President Trump just moments ago with a somber tone.
But again, the overall tone a lot more somber, especially coming from President Trump George. The president did strike a very somber tone in his latest briefing. Robin, he with his grim as he's been through this entire crisis.
Yeah, we've seen this trick before. People Trump decides to pretend he's taking Corona virus seriously again. And then two days later, he's doing what he's tweeting that it's all a hoax and we should just eat our cereal with bleach.
So it's the past is any indication. Trump's somber new tone is as real as his skin tone, because deep down, no matter how much he wants to hide it, he's still Trump.
Which is why even at a press conference where he's trying to change things up, he couldn't help but do this.
The one moment the president veered off message when he was asked about Dulaine Maxwell accused of enabling Jeffrey Epstein's exploitation of minors.
I don't know. I haven't really been following it too much. I just wish you well, frankly. I've met her numerous times over the years, especially since I lived in Palm Beach, and I guess they lived in Palm Beach. But I wish her well, whatever it is.
Okay, so just to recap, Colin Kaepernick, son of a bitch, accused child sex trafficker. I wish her well. This is the one time when no body would have been upset if Trump had used one of his trademark insults. No IQ, individual horse, face hater and loser or psycho locker up anything.
Instead, this is the time that Trump chooses to suddenly become a feminist. She broke the glass ceiling of sex trafficking. You've got to respect that.
But look, aside from that one time when he wished an alleged sex trafficker, well, he did manage to rein it in for one press conference. And I guess that's the lesson here.
As long as Trump sticks to the script, doesn't tell us what he thinks and doesn't act on any of his own impulses. I mean, then he makes a pretty dope president. But if he's allowed to actually do what he wants, well, then America. I wish you well.
Don't go away, because after the break. Welcome back to the daily social distancing show, everybody. Earlier today, I spoke with Jim Carey, the award winning actor, artist and now New York Times best selling author. We spoke about the fascinating novel he wrote with Dana Sean called Memoirs and Misinformation. Jim Carey, welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show.
Thank you, man. Great to be here. So great to be here.
You are one of the most unique talents that we've seen. And I mean, across the board, you know, whether it's been Stand-Up comedy drama, it doesn't matter when Jim Carrey does something, he does it differently. That's what you're known for. So I guess it's no surprise that you never listen.
You've written a memoir. That is part reality, part fiction. I won't lie to you. I didn't know. I didn't understand that because I was told, Hey, Jim Carrey wrote a memoir. And I was like, oh, man, I'm excited. Then I read the book. And then I called the person who got the book. To me, it was like, but this is this is this real? And they were like, well, it is, but it isn't.
Can you explain what you've written best to approach everything I do as as something that could be completely untrue. And yet there will be parts of it. There will be. There will be things in it that will be absolutely authentic. OK, maybe that's a blanket statement. You should trust me sometimes. But in this case, you know, this was the best way to get my truth out there and to say everything I need to say and and do it in a way that is completely entertaining.
And, you know, harkens back to DONTAE and all of those wonderful apocryphal stories of King Arthur and the Knights of the Roundtable and stuff that became somebodies history. It's at a certain point, right. I think in England that that's the history, you know, and I just love that concept. So when we started writing together, Dan and I started writing together, we were really just having a conversation. Friendship, you know, and such wild ideas came out of that, that we we had to go with it.
We had to go with it. We didn't want to do a memoir. We didn't want to take stock of all the things that have happened to me and celebrate them and say, oh, and by the way, at the time when the royals told me I was worth something, you know, it wasn't going to be that it was going to be something different.
Do you want us as the readers to know what's real and what's not real in the book? Or is this your way of telling us the truth without telling us what's real?
I think people have an inner computer, an inner sense of discernment that that deciphers what's real and not real. Even in fiction, you know, the best fiction, you know, is, you know, Moby Dick. It's like basically telling the story of what's happened to us right now. It's not only a prophecy, it's a it's a truism that there's this crazy, power hungry white maniac who's trying to take the peak quad down and all the races down with it.
He's hell bent on finding the biggest white cock.
That's that book. And so, you know, you can do that with fiction.
Fiction is a way to tell the truth then. Let me ask you this. You've included celebrities in the book, right. And have seen it like like for instance, you've got Gwyneth Paltrow. You've got Kanye West mentioned Nicolas Cage. But then this was strange to me. Tom Cruise is, I think Tom Cruise's in the book. But then you refer to him as Liza Jack Lightning Laser.
Jack Lightning. Yes.
I went right to the essence of the character there, you know, because if you stand in for a Tom Cruise for too long, you realize you're being probed, you know, and then the laser is active. He's looking for things behind your eyes. Some sense of doubt, some weakness. You know, and so in in a way of kind of using litigiousness, you know, of the litigiousness of Hollywood, we just kind of gave a little nod to that.
That whole concept that some people you have to be careful with.
You know, you wrote it. You wrote notes to people, though. Has anyone given you feedback? Has anyone contacted you back and been like, you know what?
I've had it. OK, I will feel that so far. And I'm Joan Dangerfield emailed me about Rodney and was so happy with how Rodney turned out in the book and how I brought him back. You know, I'm looking forward to everybody's reaction, waiting for a letter from Hopkins. And and Tom Hanks has written something to me. It either be, you know, I've spoken to the powers that be you're done or, you know, I'm sure the Luminato is meeting right now.
So, you know, yeah, it's it's a wild thing. And it get you know, it's it's people will see things in this book.
There's like, can I can I read you a little snippet of it in the story of Charlie Kaufman has as he's trying to convince me to play chairman now. Of course, that's absolutely unheard of. I can't do that.
I really found this part of the book interesting because here you were talking about like like just like the essence of what Hollywood's going through now, trying to decide who can play whom, you know, can people play someone who may have been a different ethnicity or different culture or do a different. And it's interesting that in the book, you, as Jim or not, Jim, are going through this process of there's a question whether it's writing at all.
And Charlie comes up with some conceit about me playing an actor, playing an actor, playing Chairman Mao who has all these problems and these conflicts. So one night at a dinner party in my swanky backyard, I speak and I give a toast during the dinner and it causes a few problems with my handlers. So this is a small part of it. The American citizen is so lost.
He doesn't realize he's a factory pig, drugged and poisoned from the cradle to the grave chain to impossible debts. Never, ever free. Liberty. This is a land of invisible fences. We're all prisoners watching Kapre on movie night. But nothing lasts forever. Europe's monarchies sent their sons to die in the trenches of the Somme just as surely as we drove Chiang Kai shek into the sea. You think America will be different? You think this era. Not one of consumption, but of gluttony will last forever.
It will not. Six thousand miles an hour around the sun and nobody is driving this bitch, said Gary Busey from the woods, where for health reasons, he was halfway up an 80 foot pine tree. Miss Mr. Carey, you've you've got the pots. Congratulations. Thank you.
It felt like a lot of the book was about persona. You know, the idea of persona, who we all who we think we are, who we wish people want us. And you want to be you know, who we want them to see us as.
It's big enough and powerful enough. It yeah. It's something you have to drag around with you when you show up. You have to be the socially concerned, politically adept person. You know what I mean? You you you might be happy to be that at certain times, but not all the time. You know, that's not who you are. Ultimately, there there's nothing you weren't, you know. So that's my personal belief and that's the belief I try to espouse in the book.
We got to a place that was not only kind of science fiction, but it was it was spiritual. Metaphysical. It was. It was it's something of a way for the reading audience to free themselves from from self, from the burden of their own construct.
And so I think I think we accomplished that. I think we gave at least a moment of freedom. When did you get to the place? Yeah. When did you get to the place where you were like, Oh, I've got to I've got to break out a little bit of what everyone thinks I am and then try and flex a little bit more of who I am.
I think, you know, the moment of shifting was somewhere around when I was playing Andy Kaufman and I got so deeply into that character and I kind of lost myself as Andy and Tony. And afterwards, I I found myself really struggling to remember again who Jim Carrey was and what his political beliefs are and what his choices are and his aesthetics.
And and it was it was really awakening to me. It gave me a kind of a point of view into the frailty of persona. Well, if if I can play somebody else's persona, get lost in it and assume it, then who's Jim Carrey? Who was that guy, you know?
And so, you know, life becomes kind of a two step thing. You know, at that point where you start to go, OK, this is a this is a character I play with. I wanted to represent itself. Right. I wanted to be a good avatar. As you can see, I have my the tree. My avatar lives in a picture of it right here. And what's that avatar going to do in this world? What's he how's he going to represent?
What's he going to represent? Is he going to, rob, represent love? Is he going to represent desperation and greed? Is he going to represent compromise? You know, so those are the choices I'm making for that avatar. Every day in everything I do. And then there's the absolute truth, which is there is nothing I'm not there's nothing I can lose. There's no family I don't belong to. There's there's no one suffering that isn't a part of me, you know, and no one excelling.
That isn't a part of me. You know, it's it goes beyond that. And it goes beyond this planet in my mind. You know, those moments of freedom. Are there moments where you connect with the with the everything, which is what we really, truly are. That's what we're never satisfied.
No matter how we build our characters, no matter how how tough and Teflon this thing we create is, we're never satisfied because it's too small, no matter how big this, you know, Elvis inside us gets. It's too small to represent who you are.
It can't possibly represent who you are. So I laugh when people say, why don't you just be funny?
And they go funny. Well, let me find funny. Hold on. It's under this fingernail here.
You know, it's a part it's a part of this wonderful wholeness that is that's there for anybody. Anytime, you know, heaven is as close as your own hands and feet.
You know, it's interesting that you talk about connected and family. And before I let you go, I wanted I wanted to delve into that because you dedicate the book to your brother. Talk. Tell me why and what you hoped either to get from that dedication or what you would have hoped to give.
Well, what I want to do as is, is tell the world I had a very special brother and he passed away last year.
He suffered with aplastic anemia his whole life. He was 16 when he passed. And and he wore it like a champion. Like a champion. Like this guy never complained. He never said, oh, my God, I can't do things because of what I have or what I'm dealing with. He was on death's door from the time he was four years old, you know, until 60. And he raised a beautiful family and he created gorgeous, gorgeous opportunities and and a beautiful aura around him in his family.
And he was a very dedicated father. And so. Yeah.
And I talk about him in the book because we went through the hardest times together, the craziest times where I would walk into the factory and he'd be beating the crap out of his cleaning machine with like a hammer or or he'd be up in the security office and he'd be looking at the monitors and he'd suddenly see some lunatic sitting on a two by four in in in a hook that's going down this giant cable in the ceiling, going in front of a security camera like this.
It would be me trying to try to get his attention because I'm working in the factory. We had the worst and the best of times together, and he's just a beautiful person.
I think I sent a picture of you guys up right by you. John's wedding. And he curse a lot.
He curse the tough. He broke up words with the F word. He is syllabic. Lee, but just a sweet, sweet gentleman.
Well, thank you, man. Thank you, Jim, for sharing. And thank you. Thank you for breaking it down. I hope everyone who reads the book really approaches it in the way that you you've laid it out in that like, you know, it's nothing nothing is true, but everything is real. And I really appreciate that. So thank you so much for joining us on the show. Everything is true.
I get confused myself back and forth, man. Who knows? You know, some of my friends, you know, we're live in a three times. Thank you for what you're doing, man. You're doing a wonderful job. Yeah. You picked up a hell of a lake of a and and you're you're wearing it's really well.
So thank you for that. Thank you, my friend. Look after yourself. You too.
Thank you so much for that, Jim. Well, that's our show for tonight. But before we go, I just want to remind you that America is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage. And because most poll workers are over 60 and corona virus is still out there. They are understandably not showing up. But fewer poll workers means fewer polling stations are open and it means longer lines that not everybody can afford to stay in waiting, especially in poorer communities and communities of color.
Now, the good news is most poll working is paid. And in some states you can be as young as 16 to get the job. So if you're interested and you have the time, this is your chance, man. Save your granny, protect democracy and get paid at the same time.
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