Transcribe your podcast
[00:00:01]

You're listening to DraftKings Network.

[00:00:11]

Stugats here. When you love someone, you protect them in the best ways you can. That's why I recommend Simply Safe Home Security. It's an advanced system that protects every inch of your home and back by 24/7 with professional monitoring for fast emergency response for less than a dollar a day. Guys, I have had Simply Safe in my home for many, many years now. I swear by them, the peace of mind it gives me when I am away. The fact that I could see everything happening in and around my house is amazing. Simply Safe offers everything you need for a whole home protection. Hd cameras for indoors and outdoors. The system is easy to set up yourself without any special tools or know-how required. Don't want to do it yourself? Not a problem. You can get one of their expert technicians to come out to your house and install it for you. Right now, you can get 20% off any new Simply Safe system them when you sign up for the Fast Protect monitoring. Just visit simplisafe. Com/dlb. That's simplisafe. Com/dlb. There's no safe like Simply Safe.

[00:01:12]

This is the Dan Levatore show with the Stugats podcast.

[00:01:20]

All right, Lucy is starting here. We are going to talk about the Beatles.

[00:01:24]

Actually, no, we are not. While you were gone, we changed our mind.

[00:01:28]

Things changed while I was gone.

[00:01:29]

All right, I'm going to talk about the article in the cut about the lady who put...

[00:01:34]

Yeah. Yeah. Here we go. What do we say in the cut? What does that mean? What the hell? No, because I know.

[00:01:39]

Okay, save it for the show.

[00:01:40]

I thought we were already on air. I thought you guys were going already. We were going to talk to Beatles, but the whole thing got sabotaged because Lucy and Jessica and Amine are going crazy about one story that Tony knows about, but I think Roy, Chris, and I are in the dark about. So help us out.

[00:01:55]

Okay, so basically last week, this story started trending on Twitter of this woman who's a financial writer. That's her entire job. And how she got scammed. Let me just read the headline. The day I put $50,000 in a shoe box and handed it to a stranger. I never thought I was the person to fall for a scam. This story was crazy. This woman basically got a text message from Amazon that was like, Oh, someone's hacked into your account and has your info. They call her, they give her name in her social security She's like, Well, this has to be real. And they were like, We are with the FBI, the CIA. Someone is using your social security number. She's logged into her account. She's like, I don't really see anything. I don't know anything that's going on. But they had enough personal information about her that she was like, You know, you've got a good point here. This is absolutely happening. And they were like, Well, how much money do you have in your savings account? And she told them, and they were like, Well, take out the money that you would need for a month, but you cannot tell your husband.

[00:03:00]

And she's like, Why can't I tell my husband? I trust my husband. And they're like, Your husband will get implicated if he finds out about this. And she's like, You know what? And her whole job is to teach people not to do this.

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She's like a financial advice columnist. She's crazy.

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She's got to get fired.

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She goes to the bank and she takes $50,000 out. This is all happening in one day, by the way. Cash. Cash. What's the limit on this?

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No, it's a fair question. There's a lot of questions, but Lucy, please finish the She takes the money out.

[00:03:31]

She still hasn't told her husband. And so they were like, Okay, we're going to have somebody drive by, and you'll just walk out, give us the cash so that we can put it in bonds or something that will be able to come back to you so it's not traced. It was insane. And she was like, Are you sure? You sure I can't tell my husband? And they were like, Yeah, you can't. She's like, Well, it's Halloween. I have to take my kid trick or treating. And they were like, Just don't get your kid involved. It's fine. So this A woman, she goes, finds a shoe box, puts the $50,000 in the shoe box. They pull up, goes up to a van, they roll down the window. She hands them the $50,000, walks back upstairs, and it's like, Oh, that might have been a bad idea. I might have just got scammed. Then she told her husband, and he was like, Yeah, obviously that was a scam. What are you talking about? The government isn't trying to take this money from you. She ends up reaching out to the FBI, the CIA, whatever, and they're like, Yeah, we're never going to ask you to do that.

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And then she was like, I got to write this down, and I got to share it with the rest.

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Tony, what have you written down?

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I've written down a couple of things, Dano. As a financial writer, I don't know, needs to be fired, by the way. Number one rule, federal agencies, IRS, CIA, FBI, will never call you or text you telling you to do something. Ever. Never. That's one. Two, as Emine and I said in our personal show, they break down the door with windbreakers. They don't call. They break the door down.

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That's how they contact you. Windbreakers.

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It did lead to a whole variety of, A, follow-up questions, because my initial thought also Chris Cody said, Isn't there a limit to how much cash you can withdraw from a bank? I don't know because, first of all, having $50,000 liquid that you can withdraw is a lot of money.

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You think there's a limit? I don't know. I'm not sure how wealthy this person otherwise is.

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She had $80,000. She told the person who was pretending to be a CIA agent, a CIA IA agent.

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That's my favorite part.

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On the phone with her who was connected to her via Amazon, air quotes Amazon. She told them she had $80,000. That was her entire life savings. She's, I think, a 40-year-old woman with a kid and a husband and lives in Brooklyn. He said what Lucy said, take out what you need for a year. And so she took out 50K, and he was like, take out 50K. She was like, okay, I will. So she took out $50,000 in one withdrawal at the bank, went and talked a banker in person that gave her the money. I didn't even think that was a thing that could happen.

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I don't think there are limits, but I do think they will call managers over for approval at $5,000 or $10,000.

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Maybe ask some follow-ups.

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I just love the idea of Jack Ryan working for the CIA. I'm taking a break from destabilizing a foreign government to let you know that Amazon account might have been hacked, so I need your money now. How does that make... Cia? I know. She's a moron. It's official. You're a moron.

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She's gullible. She clearly was very vulnerable and paranoid and fell for it. I guess this is where I found myself over the last week after I read this story, because there's a lot of people following on two sides of this debate. I got in an argument with my friend Priya right after I read this because Priya was like, This woman's an idiot. I was like, I still feel bad for her, though. Even though she did something that I couldn't fathom doing or fathom anyone I know being gullible enough to do, I still feel bad. Priya was like, I don't. Parts of it was because in this article, she wrote about how the most common people that get scammed are uneducated and lonely and poor. She's none of those things. I was like, Oh, that's icky. There's a lot of gray area here and people not really knowing if they should empathize or not knowing if it's fair to call her.

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I mean, we'll I'm an idiot. Amine will almost always fall on the line of crushing anybody who's got so little street smarts that they get suckered by a dumb scam. Amine is almost fundamentally incapable of showing that person any compassion.

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It's incomprehensibly stupid.

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I once asked, Oh, you know what's the worst thing about these scams are? The emails or whatever. I'm a Nigerian Prince. I said, The number of misspellings and stuff. I said, They can't even be bothered to spell it all right. Someone pointed out to me like, No, they do that because they know if you even entertain it for a second with all these misspellings, you definitely have a sucker on the line. So saying, Hey, I'm with the CIA, and she says, Go on, they automatically know.

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But Amin also has, I believe, an acidic hostility to, If you're gullible, this gullible, you've learned nothing. Life's been too easy for you if you're still this naive, that you have 50,000. I feel like I can speak for Amin when I say, If that 50,000 $1,000 can be taken from you that easily, you don't deserve to have it.

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This is rich, though, coming from a show that gets scammed by fake tweets once a week.

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I extend all the stupid people that compassion. I feel different. You're different, me too. I'm talking about a mean here, not mean. You're not putting 50K in a shoe box and hanging it over somebody on Twitter.

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I agree with you. I'm trying to play devil's advocate here because like I said, incomprehensibly stupid.

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There could be an Orca here. I don't know. Two.

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Have compassion for stupid people.

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I can be scammed this way. I have recently been scammed.

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If somebody ask you for 50 grand, call me.

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Tell us your scam.

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I'll figure it out.

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What?

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Better yet, give me the 50 grand and let me negotiate with them. Exactly. I'll figure it out for you. Exactly. If they're above board, I'll say, Hey, Dan, you know what? They were cool. I gave them the money. They were with the CIA, by the way.

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I'm going to tell you, coming home, my wife is vastly more street smart than I am. I am a sucker for somebody who needs help. I can be gullible. I've rarely felt quite as vulnerable as when I came home and told her the following story. And her response was to look at me and just say, You've been scammed. And it undressed me. My clothes should have just fallen straight to the floor.

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I love this story already.

[00:09:34]

In shriveled up shame because I felt good about what I had done. But I'm coming on to the highway from an exit ramp that's got a fairly decent amount of traffic. Off to the side of the road is a car with a guy who seems super desperate. He comes to my car because I pull over to see if he needs some help because he's on the side of the road and he seems panicked. It's a really public place. He points to his family back in the car. There is a family. There are some kids in the car. He comes over and he's offering to sell me his jewelry because he's got an emergency. He's got to get a flight out and his car has broken down. I go into my wallet. I don't want his jewelry. He's offering to sell me his necklace, his watch. You guys see this whole scam unfolding in a way that's super obvious?

[00:10:32]

You'll never buy the jewelry.

[00:10:33]

My car broke down and I need to get a flight. That already doesn't make sense.

[00:10:38]

He was returning his rental car, and he was in a panic. Let me see the rental agreement.

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What was the tag, I know.

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You guys are going to ask all sorts of follow-up questions on the side of a highway, on the entrance ramp.

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This guy looks desperate, though. Most of the time, they look real content on the side of the highway. I would just kept driving.

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Yeah, I'm out of there.

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It sounds like they have car problems.

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I'm the only one. Culture Hey, buddy. Roadranger.

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All right. I think you're also like, you have the most... You come from wealth. So I think you have... What am I going to do for the guy?

[00:11:09]

I come from wealth?

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No, you don't come from wealth. I'm saying you have money.

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He just said You have no street cred.

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No, I'm saying you have money, so it's for you. Silver Spooner.

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What do you need? A couple of hundred? To be fair, this is what's so insidious about scammers, because people are way more skeptical of people that actually need help if you encounter them in the real world, which a lot of people will genuinely need help, and you're just automatically your guards up because there are so many people calling random women and saying, Hi, I'm from the CIA. Can you put $50,000 in a shoe box, please, and deliver it to an unmarked car outside?

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I'll be honest with you. This story makes me angry for one reason and one reason only. It's not that this woman was gullible or stupid or whatever, although she is. It's that easy to get $50,000. And I've been working this whole time like a dumb ass, showing up to work and giving you guys entertainment and stuff and flying cross country. And Meanwhile, I could just say, Hey, I'm from the CIA.

[00:12:02]

A couple of licks a year, you're good.

[00:12:03]

What do you think Stugates is right now, by the way?

[00:12:07]

He's on vacation.

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He took that 50K and he went out of here.

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He took that book advance and disappeared for a week and put Mina, me, Greg Cody, and Andre Dawson on deadline.

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I do think the real moral of the story here, never answer your phone.

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Yes. Never. First mistake. I will never answer an unknown call. Once she did that, I was like, I don't feel bad for it.

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I won't answer a known call because there was a point in the story where she said, prove that you are who you say you are. He called her from a spoofed number and she said, Hey, can't this be a spoofed number? He was like, Nope, you can't spoof a government agency. She's like, Well, all right, I'll take your word for it.

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Oh, my God.

[00:12:45]

No.

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He also showed her a bag. Again, though, I want to go back to my situation and the way that you guys are locking me as if I'm the biggest fool in the world for thinking that a desperate father with kids in a car, in a rental car, would be scared and worried on the side of the road.

[00:13:04]

That's gross what that guy's doing, by the way.

[00:13:05]

How much money did you give him?

[00:13:07]

I gave him $100.

[00:13:08]

Not as bad as I thought.

[00:13:10]

Is that all the keys you had? No.

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After I gave the 100 and he kept asking for more, I'm like, no.

[00:13:18]

The radar went up. Wait a second.

[00:13:20]

I'm like, no, this is... But it was urgent. It was so urgent that I felt... That's the first time I felt the grift.

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I like you, the next day in the same traffic and this guy's there again and you're like, what the...

[00:13:33]

Still carrying cash, huh?

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Never have cash, never answer the phone.

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And the kids are still there. The kids aren't kids.

[00:13:41]

See you guys later. When he got me again with it the following Friday, I got suspicious.

[00:13:47]

That's when I knew.

[00:13:49]

Stugatier, when you love someone, you protect them in the best ways you can. That's why I recommend Simply Save Home Security. It's an advanced system that protects every inch of your home and back by 24/7 with professional monitoring for fast emergency response for less than a dollar a day. Guys, I have had Simply Safe in my home for many, many years now. I swear by them, the peace of mind it gives me when I am away, the fact that I could see everything happening in and around my house is amazing. Simply Safe offers everything you need for a whole home protection. Hd cameras for indoors and outdoors. The system is easy to set up yourself without any special tools or know-how required. Don't want to do it yourself? Not a problem. You You can get one of their expert technicians to come out to your house and install it for you. Right now, you can get 20% off any new Simply Safe system when you sign up for the Fast Protect monitoring. Just visit simplisave. Com/dlb. That's simplisafe. Com/dlb. There's no safe like SimplySafe.

[00:14:49]

Don Levatard.

[00:14:50]

We like to call this one a Chorus of Owen Wilson. Ready?

[00:14:54]

Stugatz. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, Wow. This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stukats. I'm going to put off that Love is Blind conversation until tomorrow. I'm also, I think, going to put off that Beatles conversation. I don't know. We'll see if somebody wins an argument before the end of the show to have the conversation about a Beatles biopic that I thought was out already that's not coming out for three years.

[00:15:25]

It's actually four biopics.

[00:15:27]

Okay. Mine's going to be boring.

[00:15:30]

Which one was that?

[00:15:32]

Which one was that? I'm Ringo. Ringo. Oh, you're Ringo?

[00:15:35]

Okay. Who's going to watch mine? George Harrison.

[00:15:37]

I'm excited for Ringo's.

[00:15:38]

The TikTok kids are going to love Ringo.

[00:15:41]

Limited fake Ringo. Welcome to the program. All of them. You have four years to perfect the impersonation and see if it has more range than that. I wanted, though, to get into something that made me feel, as things often do these days, more and more ancient. I remember the first time I showed up on the set of Pardon the interruption, Tony Cornheiser was already complaining about being old, and he's only gotten older since, and he's more and more of a curmudgeon. I can't believe I am now him in this regard around here. Tony asked me before the show today, and he was serious about this. I know Pat Sajak is an old head, and he said once upon a time on this show, he said, You no longer have to learn anything. He was lamenting it. You just have to know how to find it. It's a new way of learning. But Tony asked me before the show today something that was legitimately stupifying to me, which is, how did you get to places before you had the Internet to tell you when you were lost. He asked me, and it was genuine curiosity he had.

[00:16:50]

I looked at him and I'm like, You mean a map? Or asking-A paper map. Or asking directions?

[00:16:57]

You mean mapquest. Com?

[00:16:59]

Tony, it was a crazy time, bro.

[00:17:02]

It was born of this idea, right? So I had ordered a pizza the other day, and I just take for granted that they know the address to my house because they put in their GPS and they show up 30 minutes later. Here's your pie. So I was thinking, I was like, Man, 1993, you call up your chain pizza store and be like, Hey, I want two pepperoni pizza.

[00:17:21]

After a Marlin's game. I want one chacaloni pizza.

[00:17:23]

I'm six years old after a Marlins game. You're like, What?

[00:17:24]

Yeah, I want two pepperoni pies. Send them to the house. 83, 74, Southwest, 837th Ave. And the guy's like, Okay, be there in 30 minutes. They would make the pizza. Then a guy would get in the car and just go find your house. And 30 minutes later, Hey, buddy, here's your pies. And it's like, How did you find me?

[00:17:44]

Does he look at the street number first? What do you look at first?

[00:17:47]

So the street number tells you. The zip code tells you also. They have maps to tell you where certain street- Hold on, Jessica, what are you laughing at so hysterically back there?

[00:17:59]

I I think Chris Cody feels like a need to advance conversations in the show, but in doing so, is playing a very dumb character. Lately, he has been saying very stupid things and then reassuring all of us that he actually knows the answer to the stupid thing he just said because I think he thinks that his on-show persona is not bleeding into our actual perceptions of him as a human being.

[00:18:27]

He's making the joke on air for the audience, being a little dumber than he actually is.

[00:18:32]

What do you look at first, the street or the number? Does a zip code matter? But Tony was asking legitimately before the show.

[00:18:40]

He's looking at me stupified. He wasn't doing content. He was asking as a genuine curiosity, Hey, Caveman, back before you could just go to your phone and get to where you wanted to go. How did you do it? I lived it, and I would still explain to people, Do you know how hard it was to connect with somebody outside of a stadium before phones if one of you was lost.

[00:19:01]

Was mapping and driving a thing back then? Instead of texting and driving, it's like some guy's going down the street and he's like, What the fuck is it?

[00:19:09]

I'm trying to- National Lampoon.

[00:19:11]

Turn this light on. There's no flash light. There's no phone light. So it's like, push the button here. Let me angle it up.

[00:19:17]

People had physical maps in their cars.

[00:19:20]

No way. Did your parents ever put the fear in God in you that if you turned the light on inside your car, you were going to go to jail?

[00:19:28]

Federal prison. Federal prison if you turned on the light.

[00:19:31]

I believe that until a very late. Until I was driving. Turn the light off. They all did it to all of us.

[00:19:38]

Is that what that glove box is for? The maps? That was wondering.

[00:19:42]

I'm going to look like this thing for. One of the things. Gloves. No way.

[00:19:45]

People actually put gloves in there?

[00:19:47]

In other... Yes, in colder cities, yes. But also... Well, all right, let's ask these questions at Levitard Show. Glove compartment. Is it- It should be a map compartment. For your registration, for your gloves...

[00:19:58]

Or your weed.

[00:20:00]

Or for your pistola.

[00:20:01]

Or for your pistol.

[00:20:02]

The bliky.

[00:20:04]

I'd like to understand, legitimately, as I speak to some younger people, you're really confused about this. You You don't know what it's like to just roll down your window and ask someone for directions in a neighborhood?

[00:20:20]

It's only more so for the pizza delivery guy. That's the only guy. That's where I'm like... I was born in a generation where we had to learn the streets prior to the GPS coming out. If you put me anywhere in Miami, I will figure out where to go and how to get back home. Because naturally, I know that Flagler's Zero Street, everything above is Northwest, everything below is Southwest. Crap. Court, road, avenue, place.

[00:20:43]

You know what? I'm going to stop you right here, Tony, and I'm going to make you as an exercise, go with John Reid to Hialea, where the streets have no names.

[00:20:50]

As a grid of death punishment, I'm going to...

[00:20:55]

Hialea is famously, the streets don't make any sense. That is true. If I put you in Hialea, I could lose Tony for three days with John Reid. Take their phones, for sure. Yes. I tell him, You cannot get out of here without a map. Find this location where my father had ran a factory in Hialea. You will get lost in the Everglace.

[00:21:15]

The problem is that it's East 49th Street, but also 103rd Street on the same street, and they're like half and half on the semapho.

[00:21:24]

I've noticed that people from New York are better at this than most people. I heard me talking to someone the other day about, Where are you in New York? Oh, 34th and 50th.

[00:21:31]

No, but the streets make sense there.

[00:21:32]

It's a grid system.

[00:21:34]

It's the easiest in New York.

[00:21:37]

I'm going to be honest with you, it's easy anywhere where it's a grid because Phoenix is a grid. So if someone gives me cross streets, I know exactly where they live. All right, I'll find it.

[00:21:45]

When it's named Street, that's when you're-No, but Phoenix is named Street in a grid, but you can find it easy.

[00:21:52]

If someone says, Oh, I'm on a corner of Camelback and Central, I know exactly where that is.

[00:21:56]

Let's make a grid of death punishment, Tony. You have to create the content one day trying to get out of Hialea without your phone because it's the hardest.

[00:22:05]

Because it's the only place that doesn't coincide with the grid of Miami.

[00:22:09]

That makes no sense. You're on 49th Street, one second, then now you're on 12th, and it doesn't make any sense. It's because Jose said so.

[00:22:14]

Tony, is it because the pizza person has to know so many addresses that you're that impressed with him? Because you, as just a regular teenager, probably know where your three best friends live and how to get there, you know how to get to school, maybe basketball practice. But you're saying the pizza delivery person.

[00:22:30]

He knew everybody, so you would call. He knows everyone. Then sometimes he would know people by voice. So my dad would call. Hey, Tony. All right. Yeah, let's do it. And then like, you- You want a Chacaloni Pizza? Things used to be different back in the day.

[00:22:42]

Where it used to be a creepy pizza lady that would come to my door, and my mom would be like, Chris, he wants to say hi to you. And she'd like, Pinch my cheeks. Hi, sunny. Here's your cheese pizza.

[00:22:52]

You're going to grow up to be so dumb one day.

[00:22:54]

I miss that lady. I wonder where she is.

[00:22:55]

She's dead.

[00:22:56]

Fire Marshall Bill is the pizza delivery person.

[00:22:58]

It It felt a little Fire Marshall Bill. Let me give you something.

[00:23:05]

She's Irish now. Now, Dan- Would you like a Chacaloni pizza?

[00:23:10]

You guys are impressed by the pizza delivery people. How about I yearn, I for a time when the cab driver, or the driver of any sort, delivery cab, whatever, knew how to get to places. Nowadays, these Uber drivers don't even know how to get to the airport. You don't need to know any other destination.

[00:23:29]

The most The frustrating thing in my life right now is when an Uber driver is about to make a wrong turn. When I can see our turn is like, no, it's a quarter miles. Why are we starting to turn now? And I'll just be like, no, it's the next one. You guys do that move or it's just like, it's not. Always.

[00:23:44]

You're passive.

[00:23:45]

I start to scratch the back of my head. I'm accidentally saying it. It's actually up there.

[00:23:49]

The thing is, Dan, you know when there's routes, since you live at your house, you know that there's specific ways to go at specific times. And sometimes the GPS will put you in a shit way where it's like, I know I can't go down the street at this time. We got to go the other way. I'll tell the guy, Hey, don't listen to the GPS. I'll tell you where to go.

[00:24:05]

I got reprimanded by my wife and a friend the other day because I told the UPS driver, you're going the wrong way, and they both said, Let him do his job.

[00:24:12]

Why were you in the UPS truck?

[00:24:14]

I'm sorry. Uber driver. Wow.

[00:24:17]

Another scam.

[00:24:19]

I was tricked. I was tricked. I was in an Uber.

[00:24:23]

That's exactly what I'm saying.

[00:24:25]

He told you, Hey, take that box over there, that door.

[00:24:27]

I would have said, Why am I in this truck?

[00:24:29]

What came around for you? I called an Uber, and then the UPS truck shows.

[00:24:33]

He opened his back, he just walked right in.

[00:24:36]

You did a shift with the UPS driver.

[00:24:39]

I'm going to start opening shit, I swear to God.

[00:24:42]

Valentines Day gift yourself.

[00:24:43]

Dan came home wearing brown shorts.

[00:24:45]

What can brown do for you, Dan? Can you guys explain to me why it is that pizza is the great unifier? Because I think pizza might have to be the greatest of all the things, where Jessica, the way that she lit up at the idea of the childhood her ordering a Shaq-a-rona... What is that? I don't even know what that is.

[00:25:09]

Shaq-a-rona pizza.

[00:25:09]

Shaq-a-rona pizza? A Shaq-a-rona... Okay. The delight that came over you with that, I wonder if the thing that we all love the most is pizza together. It's the greatest thing.

[00:25:20]

It's the all time... It's the number one seed in terms of you want to have a food that almost everybody can enjoy. I'm not even talking about food.

[00:25:27]

I'm talking about a thing. Is pizza the greatest? The number one seed of everything? Is pizza the greatest thing? Is pizza-Sex with like a word. If we...

[00:25:35]

It's just like pizza.

[00:25:37]

Wow. You just cut them off on that one. It just came up.

[00:25:39]

Can we cut that noise, please? Sex with like a word.

[00:25:43]

Okay, it's probably Sure, but not for me.

[00:25:46]

Dan just goes, Oh. Pizza.

[00:25:47]

I mean, pizza is just... I love pizza.

[00:25:50]

Pizza with sex. Winning the lottery.

[00:25:53]

Okay, food. Fine.

[00:25:55]

Good pizza over the lottery. Food.

[00:25:56]

I'm rattled because everywhere now I see a scam. It's how Stugatz has gotten away with it all these years. He is the guy on the side of that road trying to sell me jewelry. A book that's still unwritten. How is that possible? He has had giant meetings with Skipper and publishing companies. He's got a giant publisher. How is his book not written? He's number one on Amazon. How is his book not written? I've got things to do. I don't have time. It hurts.

[00:26:29]

It would be another scam on you, Dan. It would be another scam on you, Dan.

[00:26:30]

A thousand words.

[00:26:31]

You should have someone else write it for you because it's... I feel like there's some...

[00:26:35]

He won't read it.

[00:26:36]

Yeah, he won't know. That's a good idea. I'll write it. You want me to write it?

[00:26:39]

I'll write it for you.

[00:26:40]

Chatgpt.

[00:26:41]

I'm not doing that.

[00:26:41]

I have Chris write it and have spelling mistakes and stuff. Backwards S.

[00:26:46]

A book that's still unwritten. It's number one on Amazon. It can't be number one. What obscure category.

[00:26:53]

In the category of unwritten but still yet available for purchase.

[00:26:58]

It's a one-of-a-kind book, not written by its author.

[00:27:03]

Sports essays, I believe. Number one, sports essays. How?

[00:27:09]

A book that's still unwritten. It's because I'm the sucker. Don Lebatard. He said, while you were off there, while the connection was bad, he had mentioned that you have lost a lot of weight and that he admires that. What got into you? Why did you decide? I thought it was all... I thought we enjoyed being about the Munchie. Yeah. It's slurring again. Okay, the connection is bad again, unfortunately. Back to Magnus. Okay, back to Magnus for Magnus. This is going about as well as it could go. Thank you, Billy, again for laughing in my face. Stugatz. I mean, I have a.

[00:27:43]

Can you guys hear me?

[00:27:45]

Yes, we can hear you. Hello. Yes, sir. Action. Hello.

[00:27:48]

Action.

[00:27:49]

Man, I'm really sorry. This is literally the worst way to ever do this.

[00:27:52]

This is burning my heart that this is happening.

[00:27:55]

But if you could hear me, just understand, I'm sorry.

[00:27:59]

This is the Dan Levatard show with the Stukats. Fraud.

[00:28:13]

Fraud.

[00:28:14]

All right, I'm not as good as this as Mike is. At least you're on beat. That sound right there, and these are my senses dulling. I used to be an accomplished debater of sports things back when I was sharp. But that's the sound of me getting checkmated when I was trying to argue pizza is the best thing and Chris checkmated me with sex is better. That's the sound.

[00:28:49]

Sex would like a word is what he said.

[00:28:51]

Sex would like a word, and I had no answers for that after trying to to sermon the contrivance of, is pizza the best It is. I mean, it's great. It is.

[00:29:05]

In the non-sex category.

[00:29:06]

It is in the non-sex category. But just conversationally as a topic, it's stupid. But true. I think we can agree on pizza almost more than anything. We can't agree on sex as much as we can agree on pizza. That's true. Just generally. But Jessica introduced me to a type of pizza I did not know existed. So forgive me for not I have not been listening to any of those advertisements that Shaq is in for the pizza commercial. I know he's involved with pizza, but I have no idea. I've never listened to one of those ads.

[00:29:41]

Shaq-aroni.

[00:29:42]

You are looking right now at the one and only Shaq-Aroni Pizza.

[00:29:46]

How did they get so many pepperoni's close to the crust like that? A shit ton of pepperoni. It's never happened before.

[00:29:51]

I went in to Papa John's and I said, We need more pepperoni.

[00:29:54]

No, the funny thing about this is that doesn't happen if Papa John doesn't say the N-word.

[00:29:59]

I don't need my crust.

[00:30:01]

What?

[00:30:02]

Wait, Roy's doing the domino meme where the tiny domino is Papa John saying the N-word, and then the giant one is Shaq makes his custom pizza.

[00:30:09]

How about Chris Cody not listening at all to the last word That Roy said not listening at all.

[00:30:19]

Chris, what were you listening to?

[00:30:20]

I was like, Roy's probably not going to go anywhere controversial. I'm just going to get in right after this line.

[00:30:24]

It's the perfect reaction, though.

[00:30:26]

See? What did I say? I said, What did you say? I don't know what you said. I said one of the dumbest things ever.

[00:30:33]

He yelled a very strong pepperoni opinion.

[00:30:37]

I said, I don't need pep on my crust. And yet no one heard it. Thanks, Roy.

[00:30:44]

You're welcome. Because you know what? You're going to complain that none of us heard you after you didn't listen at all to what Roy said.

[00:30:51]

The comedic part of it was me calling it pep. I don't need any pep on my crust.

[00:30:56]

Pep Gardeola.

[00:30:57]

Let me get Let me make an apology here to the audience. Amine, help me with this by way of transition, because this show, for me and for us, has largely been for many, many years, something that I imagine as audio where we don't act like we know that we're being watched. But sometimes we're just watching videos here lately as we transition to a video company that doesn't want to. I don't know. I do not want to alienate our core base audio audience. Sometimes, now, I'm asking you to go watch on YouTube if you want a supplemental experience, but I always like to think of this as audio first. What I'm asking you is, I've got two videos here of Madonna falling out of a chair and an NYPD dance team that embarrasses Jessica and Lucy and some others around here, but I have not seen any of this video. These are just recent viral videos, and I don't know how to do this as audio without alienating the audio audience.

[00:32:00]

If I may, I think we can use our descriptive talents to let people know what's happening in the videos. But before we do that, I just want to put out there. You just said pizza is the greatest thing, Chris Coundred, sex is the greatest thing. I want to counter with my own, which is people falling down. It's the greatest. It's so funny. And I'll tell you why it's funny. In every video of someone falling down, there is one last desperate gasp of a limb trying to grab onto any stability possible. And that's when I lose it. I have a friend who is judging me on this. What do you think those people falling down videos that's funny to you? And I said, Hilarious because of that desperate grasp.

[00:32:39]

Put it on the poll, Juju. What's the best thing? Pizza, sex, or people falling down? Because it's a hell of a nominee. Can anyone put a fourth in this category? Because I think we've closed the categories because that's a hell of a nominee. But can you answer my question?

[00:32:55]

How do we not alienate the audience? Aliate?

[00:32:59]

Alian González?

[00:33:00]

By playing videos that they can't see here. Alian, amigo, Miami, talk contigo.

[00:33:04]

I'm not doing well. I have two video here.

[00:33:07]

I tried to come in and help Amine, and it didn't work.

[00:33:10]

I told you, we'll do play by play. It's all right. We're pretty good describers of things, right?

[00:33:14]

All right, let's- No, not really. Let's go first to Madonna, please. Not me. Falling off of a chair. I have been amazed by her career, the number of times she has reinvented herself. But this is not her falling off of a chair. That is her dancer failing her.

[00:33:28]

She saved it there with that roll. Now she's like, That was all on purpose.

[00:33:33]

The dancer, man, he's like a virgin. It was like his very first time ever pulling her off her chair. Oh, wow.

[00:33:38]

You know what? Really? I don't feel like it.

[00:33:43]

I didn't see it coming. That's what I found.

[00:33:46]

You're really overworked, Jess. It sounds like you need a holiday.

[00:33:50]

So true. Oh, my God.

[00:33:52]

It does look like one of the legs snaps in half, though.

[00:33:55]

Well, but I know people like to make fun of Madonna performing at 65, but I can't help but be amazed by the fact that she's out here still making relevant art 50 years into her career, 40 years into her career.

[00:34:08]

It's crazy. My friend Pria just saw her at MSG and said her show was fantastic, Dan.

[00:34:13]

Is your friend Pia now the new Charlotte Wilder? Is that what's happened here? Why are we making so many mentions of your friend Pria?

[00:34:20]

She's awesome. Have you ever met Pria?

[00:34:22]

She mentioned Charlotte a lot, and now she works here. So I guess Pria will be here soon. Is that what's...

[00:34:25]

It's subliminal? Oh, that'd be great.

[00:34:26]

That's a great tactic. That's a good job by you, Jess. Because Charlotte's awesome, too, and now she's here. Priya's awesome.

[00:34:34]

I got an idea.

[00:34:35]

What's that, Chris? Oh, wow.

[00:34:46]

Oh, Dan, you know what that means? It is time for an abbreviated version of Against the Spread. Against the Spread is brought to you by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear more.

[00:35:01]

Too loud.

[00:35:04]

Thursday Thunder. It's tomorrow. Against the Spread is sponsored by DraftKings. Stay tuned because you'll hear more about DraftKings and all it has to offer through the show. Draftkings, The Crown is yours. Ab abbreviated version. Let's go to Tony.

[00:35:17]

That's the least graceful that's ever been done.

[00:35:20]

We're trying to get through a quick dano. We've got the Knicks and the 76ers tomorrow. Taking the Knicks on a pick-up on the road.

[00:35:28]

Lucy, what are you going I'm taking Penn State plus seven and a half against Illinois. Big Ten has been a gauntlet this year. Purdue lost, Ohio State, Wisconsin lost. Rank team is not doing well.

[00:35:39]

The rare good gauntlet.

[00:35:43]

Do we have any more games? No, that's it. I guess that's broad.

[00:35:46]

Good enough.

[00:35:48]

Okay, that's the worst we've ever done that.

[00:35:50]

Or quickest.

[00:35:52]

Why?

[00:35:57]

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