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My favorite thing about the video with Fat Joe and D.J. Kalid was watching Jay Kalid play because he thinks he's skinny or at least he moves his body the way he handles. He's moving around like he thinks he's skinny.
He wasn't that bad. He just thinks he's a lot better than you. But I feel like if it was it, that was just two guys. It just two guys playing basketball. What's wrong with that? It's great thinking you're better than you actually are.
I haven't checked on college social media in a long time. Is he still doing like this diet thing where he never actually loses weight? Every day he's on a bike and he's telling his followers, we're doing it today. It's the day I'm down more weight. And he's like bigger than he ever has.
The Dan Laboratoire diet doing.
You know, Mike, he's gotten good at the fat jokes. I have to beat him to speak over them. I know he laser like precision from you. It's a weekend, Rusty. A little constipated.
I'll be better when all of this ends. I've been wondering this because I was thinking about it with LeBron the other day and I thought about it with D.J. Kallet. When all of this ends is everyone's just going to go back to, like, dyeing their beards and their hair and we're going to pretend like we didn't see them for months with, like, gray beards and gray hair. Yes, I've been doing groynes is going to get a mulligan on this.
Like, I don't know.
Do you guys want to make fun of me about it? I would say in the last 18 months or so, I have had to start putting dye in my beard because it's getting to great. Wow. Really? Oh, you guys didn't even notice. I did know. I like the greatness of my beard. I do. I've grown it out and I like well I mean, Abby liked. So she likes it. I like it.
I did not know that you were doing that and I had no idea. Is this because you're married to a younger woman and you feel the pressures and you feel your own mortality? Oh, no, it was because of the television show. The television show is so all that stuff is so vain and people will attack you in any of the places. I actually wouldn't want the television audience to know this, but now it's too late.
That's funny because you don't dress like you care about how you look on television and you certainly don't eat like it.
I'm back. Explain to me. Explain to me where it is that you got where it is you got this good and confident surgical look, surgical every day, surgical joke.
Seeing you stuff your face with Boston as every commercial break that's out.
Then you should do a whole Colgin like knwo beard, like you should go with, like the blonde, like Fu Manchu and then just like the black like sides and like chin mycorrhizal just for a day like arrive there at 10 million downloads per month.
You got to give the people what they want and they expect it.
Honestly, as soon as the opening was there, I was thinking about it. But sometimes you can have the right answer in jeopardy. And there's a player out there with a quick Abuzer finger last time. That'll happen now. Oh, wow.
Really? You're calling me on it. So now I got to get to these faster than you do. Faster than you do. Yeah. Yeah, I've have to get. OK, let's say you're are you challenging. I've seen you move around and in your neck, I might call it just moving around. I think I'm thinner than I am. I've got fat. I love the idea of Chris with the wiggle. Chris, what more can you tell me about this Fat Joe Kalat experience?
I mean, I only saw a little like ten second clip, but it is just intense with movement and jiggling and D.J. Kallet thinking that he weighs one hundred and sixty pounds. I actually admire that. As somebody who's hefti, I think of myself. I think I when I look in the mirror, I don't see myself as overweight as I am. So I have I can relate to that. And you want to live skinny.
I appreciate I really do appreciate the way that he plays basketball. Granted, he's going up against, like, the one person on the planet that actually might bite on the pump, fake the idea of D.J. Kalyn, like, I'm going to go. Going to go. Right. Wow. Well, it it will take you a while to get there. How about I just hang back? I don't need to bite. But can I just ask you, are they both over forty.
Because what's happened this is the aging process of hip hop stars are funny because hip hop STRs, I'm prime example right there by saying it that way.
Chuck D turned sixty last week. Some of you know, Dr. Dre and Jay-Z are in their step, removed from calling it the hippity bitty.
I mean, taking the gray out of a beard. Oh, really. Yeah, they are. Fifty and forty four. Thank you. Really. Thank you. Had someone be hopeful that as soon as I got caught up in the air on that website, I saw everyone see this is the other thing you guys have gotten good at. You guys have gotten good at basically disemboweling me very quickly. Like if I have a second or a hiccup where I lack confidence and I end up in the air talking for bleeping hours a day, I end up in the air and I'm like hip hop stars.
And I and I saw it. And all of you were ready, all of you just red faces in my screen, even turned red. All of you ready to just disembowel me because I called them hip hop stars. Anyway, what I was saying is to change and Rick Ross are in their 40s. They did that versus now. And you're telling me that DJ Kalid and Fat, you're older than them. I didn't think that T.J. Kalid was older than these guys that we're talking about.
I thought of him as late 30s, Cowlitz.
Forty four. Yeah. I mean, he's been in the hip, itty bitty for a very long time.
I think it's so unfair. It is so unfair.
They're going to be relentless on me. My aging process is already gone too fast, but and it's deteriorated precipitously during this during this pandemic. But you guys have gotten way too sharp at being able to cut cut because I call them hip hop. I hadn't even gotten the phrase out and I was already afraid.
What were you going for? Like, I'm just talking, Billy. It's a long day of talking.
You should know I picked on you. I'm just, you know, you supported me.
Yeah. Thank you. You supported me there because I'm feeling defensive and old. Yes. Thank you, guys.
You guys have me wanting there to be like a Harlem Globetrotters type team. But for the fattest guys we can find, like the most skilled fat basketball players that travel around the country and beat skinny guys, like at the Y, like a bunch of Anthony's, like we bring all the good Anthony from every town and we bring a fat team in. And Tony's going to be like, these guys are fat, I'll destroy them. But this team is just amazing.
I would I'd rather watch. That's in Harlem Globetrotters. An awful idea. I got to be honest with you.
I love concessions would be so huge at that thing because there would be you and me in the stands really loving the basketball players. And they yeah. They want to be like D.J. Kalid, though, right. When's the last time you saw any when's the last time in the league how we Bobby Shame's I did last time on Wiener's Paul McCaskey.
I mean, listen, think about that for a second. Chris Williamson. A scientific marvel of size and strength. We body shame him like you're not allowed to be fat in the NBA anymore. Hell, Mike Ryan says that James Harden would be the greatest scorer ever if he didn't have a potbelly. And Chris was saying. Isn't he the greatest score ever because he has a pot belly and counteract this great counter, a basketball? Yes, that lever.
Yes, we all had a bunch of ideas. We just didn't have, like the setup for the punch line.
But we're there, right? You want to try again, you want to set it back up again? Fat cat, fat cat Spaull. I honestly I checked out after I nailed him. Itty bitty. You really did. Doesn't get much better, at least for me. I'm sad. You're good for today. Yeah, I'm a singer. I guess you really been checking my phone for the last night. Yes. You called.
That's right. I called them hip hop stars and you then upped the ante by making it the hippity HIVers.
Everybody's a good man. I'm like Greg Codi posts like a solid back in my day. It's only we're four hours later.
You still look like hell of a lot better. You feel a lot better. You guys don't see it. You sound better. I'm a lot better. Pedialyte. How many. Pedialyte.
None. That was the issue. Yeah. So I have to drive home on this. Donat and I'm wondering because I got a flat tire the second I pulled into the parking lot. Haven't been in a month and little did I realize there's poop in the parking lot that's always been there. But now there are just bottles laying around in parking spots. My sandwiches. You've seen this right. Yeah, yeah I know, but I'm sure the people that would clean that up.
It's the apocalypse. It's the apocalypse. It's basically you're walking through a movie set meant to look like a place that's been kind of a band human arm, just like in one of the spots.
So I didn't do anything reckless. I just pulled there and I pulled the card out. The gate opened up, and I just drove to the same floor that I've been driving to for years. And I got a flat on the way up and I just parked it and someone was nice enough to change it, put a don't it on it, OK? And I appreciate them doing it very much. Saved my day. But the dealership is telling me forty miles, forty miles per hour and it could only go forty miles.
The dealership is fifty miles away. I got to take that thing. Hold on a second. Hold on. I'm going to get the extra mile.
Mike, here's the funniest part of the story, right. Because Stewart comes in, has a flat tire, can't fix it himself. And so I have one of the men in my building, my bed, my building's abandoned there, just three people there and a couple of handymen. This guy is straight from Cuba and he could basically build a boat out of a sink. And so he comes in and Stewart is saying the dealership is telling me this and this guy guffaws like burst out in laughter in his face.
Listen, I've been making donuts out of washing machines all my life. You can get this car home at whatever speed you like. Don't worry about these insurance liabilities. I came here on a bleeping raft, dude. The raft was made of tires and sand. I fought swordfish for my life and I saved my children from dying. I could make anything cigarettes.
At what point do you said you don't have to give me the whole thing. I'm paying you the money. All right. Jesus Christ. Right. About halfway through is when I did that of the commercial break. But I did it. I said, let's get to the point here. What do you think? Forty miles. Forty miles per hour. He said you can go to Orlando. One hundred miles per hour. I said, my man, I was laying it on thick.
You already like I'm telling you, two bucks here, whatever it takes.
You understand, though, what the Cuban you know this you guys all know this. The guy who's still selling I feel adored knives out there during that pandemic. Like, what kind of people is he running into? Oh yeah. These days when he's selling sharpening of knife, we'll take any job.
And if they don't know, they'll fake it and they'll learn it and they'll do it, right? Yeah. There's a bunch of jack of all trades.
But do you think that the audience in general understands that like a guy who was a doctor or a lawyer in Cuba comes over here and makes it being like a plumber and he just becomes a plumber? He didn't come here with any plumbing training. Just there were so little in Cuba that he had to learn how to take up plumbing so that his family could have water.
It probably sounds so privileged right now to the notion that someone can teach themselves an actual craft. But in keeping with the stories, the gods had to go and call my favorite Cuban in order to get anything fixed. Because my father taught me this a long time ago. He didn't teach me how to actually fix things. He just taught me how to make friends of people who could fix things. I'm familiar. Yeah, I know.
I know. And you're his best friend, haven't you? I know plenty of people that know how to fix things. Don't you have an electrician who's Matthew McConaughey? I know because you need help with everything I have. So I have this ring video doorbell so I can see when my electrician I hired him for the day he showed up wearing flip flops. That's like one of the occupations. You don't want to see someone wearing flip flops. I feels like he's climbing all sorts of ladders and flip flops.
He's no arch support there. And this dude, he turned out to be fascinating, fascinating. He helped me, like, put up extra things even though he was there the entire day because I gave him pizza and he'd like trains with the Miami football team. I'm like, why? Why do you train? Do you have a track background? He's like, no, I'm like, well, then that's a weird thing to just get into in your 30s.
Why did you get into track? He's like, I wanted to see how fast I could be. And it is just that. And he lets it sit there. I'm like, why that all of a sudden I need to find out how fast he's like, just because. And he's just he's still texting me, like out of the blue, I got it was I got this text last week. Wait a minute. Apropos of nothing is an ongoing relationship, apropos of nothing.
It had been several days since he'd been over at my house. The job was done and I just got this at 12, 22 on Friday. While we're doing the show, magnetic flux strength is not inversely proportional to the square of the distance between the two conductors. You just texted me that out of the blue. I'm like, hey, Paul, I'll bring you back in a couple of weeks. I don't know what this means. I welcome the hippity hippity hippity.
You're headed there, my friend.
I like a guy who shows up for those kind of jobs and flip flop like they're so easy. He's not concerned. It's a day at the beach for him. Yes. I made enough references to the fact that he's like, I'll get shoes. I'm very clearly bothering you.
You guys excited for Greg Codi Tuesday? I start I start dreading it as soon as I leave here.
Well, Chris, how did that go over with your mom? The fact that your your dad doesn't know their wedding day and is just so self-involved that he takes a picture in a tuxedo and assumes it's her wedding day?
I mean, she knows him better than anybody, so she, I think, is not surprised by any of it and she thinks he's an idiot. Is she the reason that he's so entitled, because you've even marvelled recently as his son who loves him, even you have marveled at the just sheer degree of entitlement. Dominique Foxworth has been ripping Cody, saying he hates him, saying he is the face of entitlement, that he always expects more. Now, I saw him advocating on Twitter for some sort of movie role during the pandemic because he was in because he was in the Herald newsroom as an extra one time, because Robert Redford 50 years ago was filming something in there.
What was the movie role he was he was pining for? I don't know.
Are you talking about was I know he had a back and forth with Stewardson and Daniel Baldwin about some role that they were promised or something that I don't know if that's ever going to happen, if that's what you're talking about, that's not in case you were wondering.
It's not. We won the bet. And Daniel Baldwin knows there's a role in the movie. The problem is you're not making any movies. Listen, Steven, I have news. An APB is unrelated to a pandemic, but an APB was put out last week for Chris Middleton.
OK, and we found Khris Middleton, I think, a game three. But now Day has put an APB out for Paul George. Whoa.
He just keeps going to the police station and putting out APB.
I believe the movie you're looking for is the Mean Season with Kurt Russell. How does he know?
I don't know. It's the weirdest thing. Incredible. It's the weirdest thing. If I if I'm going to trivia night.
Roy's number one overall, Roy, it is such a wonderful, useless skill you have. I mean, it's not useless because we take full advantage of it and I salute you. But the idea that you're a bit of a savant, you're I would say you're Rainman man of this particular thing where you don't you don't want to speak you much rather be the Michael Jordan of something than the Rainman of something.
Wouldn't you know? I notice because we talked about this already, I pay attention. We're in reruns.
I'm that old inhibited liberty. I have an ability. I can't even even get that right in checking my phone for a solid ten minutes.