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My guest today is a hilarious stand up comedian. You might know him as the host of America's Funniest Home Videos. He was on full house. Everybody loves him.
Please give it up for the great and powerful Bob Saget, the Joe Rogan Experience by Rocket podcast by Bob Saget.
I am actually excited to be. I'm excited to be anywhere.
But I'm especially excited to be talking to you. I'm excited to be talking to you, too. Thank you. And we tested you.
You're clean, buddy. I am. You're free and clear of a virus. I did. I usually have like a Trump had someone take his S.A.T. I usually have someone take my COVA test for me.
Did Trump have someone take him as he did? True. Yes, true. Apparently that I don't know which. What's true. Right. What the hell is true?
Well, anything before the Internet is hard and even. On the Internet, it's hard because they splice things up. And it's all it's all soundbites. You could you could hate anybody or love anybody. I know it's you know, it's weird, man. Is when the deep fake stuff. Like, how long do we have before you don't know what you're seeing crying for. Do do we have before.
You know, we see like a world leader declaring war on us and we don't know if it's real.
Yeah. Correct. Hello. I say now somebody could do it right now. I mean, I don't I don't know, because North Korea could could fire a missile and it wouldn't go anywhere, I don't think. I like how they introduce new players.
Like now you have to be worried about the sister. Right.
Notice that the evil sister and she's thin and you probably think she's mean.
She will be she's can be very mad. Oh, she'll be. Karen. Karen. It matches your fucking kids name. Karen. What a bummer that must be if you're a nice person named Karen. And then Karen. It's like Corona beer.
I mean, I can't believe they had to stop that. That that makes me sad. I mean, you mean they stop the name? That's what I'm told. They stopped making it now. I don't know if that's true. That's the source I heard.
They still enjoy it, Carone. I'm not a fuckin child. I like Corona Light. But what am I gonna do? And then. And then AIDS Candy. That was a smart move. You had to stop that diet. Can't.
Yeah. It makes you lose weight. It's ironically sad.
Most people don't even know we're talking is a Y. D. S, right. Correct. What is called a diet. Can you like a chocolate.
Yeah. That Judy. I never took it. I mean, it's like the X Slack's for dieting. Oh. Was it like a black slacks actually helps you diet also. But all it does is just get rid of the food.
It's in your body.
It's not healthy. No. Now, I was somewhere once that I was on Imodium because I was having a rough day. I don't know what happened. That's another diuretic, right? Or dead. Konsta Pader. Yeah. I mean, it's it started a fire suppressant, Candy.
Oh. So it's an appetite suppressant.
So it's not a nose knows x lack's that collapse makes you. Yes. Relax it. Yeah it helps. It makes shit diarrhea explosive explosively. If you the whole box you can shoot yourself to death. You could O.D. on it.
What is barf. What is barf. Bath insurge.
And it's. Oh that's funny. Barbassa detergent.
Is that real. They did discontinue it because people vomit.
Did they find out they really did discontinue Corona beer. That sounds so weird. It sounds. That's what I heard from somebody classic. There was also a candy called an awards that they decided to take off the market.
You know, that's kind of shit that I see. Why do I do it? You never went there. Could help yourself. I know.
All those years of Full House says they were taking these actions in order to comply with the measures taken by production of Corona beer halted.
The groups say maybe three hundred thousand. And I don't understand why it had to be because they're fools.
They're just chicken shit. That doesn't make any sense. Nobody gives a fuck you. Not enough time for one earlier. It doesn't correlate to me.
No, it doesn't. Well, it's not called covered. By the way. Right. And Korona. Coronaviruses occur every single year.
And now we can't see those ads of cool looking people gorgeously shot at the beach with the lime and the beers right there.
Mark Norman had a funny bit about that. Put it on Instagram. Bellick. It's almost like they already knew because like there was someone alone.
Yeah, it's someone one person in an ice bucket with four beers or two people, I think.
I don't think it was because of the name current thing or just because of the, like, lockdown period when people couldn't be at work, bro.
Somebody sent me some about Mexico. Holy shit. I had no idea there that many deaths every day in Mexico.
There are certain murders are now in Mexico. Yeah. Holy fuck is crazy.
This is a bad week for murder. Yeah.
So special about Taxco, Mexico. They're all over the state, too.
It's PIAC rea crazy in New York City. Well, they told cops that, first of all, cops are trying to they're retiring left and right in New York.
And then they told them they can't restrain people by putting weight on them. They can't put a knee on their back or their neck or any other place, and they can't administer chokeholds. And there's all these jujitsu guys who train cops that are there, like Hinter Gracy put a video on his Instagram page. He works a lot with cops. Jamie Henner Gracy. And explaining was a terrible idea. Like you can't control someone any other way unless use of violence, unless you hit them with things.
They use good videos.
Them Knutt squeeze is out. Back in the day. Well, you can meet somebody.
Yeah. So he's a warning to Mayor de Blasio. But de Blasio is a fool, man.
He's he's a foolish person.
Well, we have to have order, but we also have to have peace. I don't know how they are.
So we are so fucked up right now.
So fucked up.
It got so far gone and so many of these precincts and so many these these these look this one guy who literally does not know how to grapple and this cop tries to take him down and. What do you think his adrenaline and Adderall and a person that that is that I think that hip hop didn't know what the fuck he was doing. This is thing these cops, don't they? They should all be.
You know, Andrew Yang said it best. He said every cop should be like a purple belt in jujitsu. He's right. Everyone should know or judo or something. They should know. You're right. How to wrestle, how to defend themselves. And a lot of cops don't know anything. They literally don't know how to defend themselves. Then they're left with weapons.
There should also be a psycho psychological training. Oh, yeah. As well. I understood. I heard someone speak. I believe it was. Who's our Carl Sagan?
He's Eelgrass Tyson. Lovely guy. So you're talking about the Neil digraphs ties.
Yes. Thank you. Sorry, I didn't hear the first part of going deaf slowly. Are you? I don't have Korona, but the left years out. Really? No, I took a DayQuil.
Did you ever play in a rock band or anything? I have. Really? Well, I can beat. I play a guitar. I play guitar. And drums. Yeah, true. You guys get together. We do. We. He really has a band room.
We haven't done in a while because we can't right now. Jake, don't they tested. Well, you're not going to get Mike Love from the Beach Boys.
Take care of it. No, you won't do it. I love that you gave me one. I love that you personally, but I love that I had one just now.
Well, it's I think it's important for everybody know, because you can get it mind fuck yourself and think you have it. I have mine fuck myself a bunch times like my short of breath.
Yeah, we've all done it. We do it at night. It's a panic attack. Yeah. And it could be just I get allergies and I've also had walking pneumonia because when I'm up on the road over the years, you just are on planes or international stuff and you go like you're heavy breathing. And then I find out. Oh, I just did 10 dates in a row. Then I come back and my doctor says, Bob, you you have pneumonia.
Yeah. Soad Funk, right? Yeah.
And you know what the fuck's coming out of the vents on the planes. It's like just being next to people that are farting in your face too literally.
Yeah. Well, no shit spray. They freckle you, they walk by when they go to the bathroom and people don't know freckling is. I'm not telling you. You know, there's a product called freckled and they're taking it off the market.
I wonder if people are gonna go back to no masks in public. I think there's gonna be a certain number of people who are just gonna keep wearing masks.
I think you're right. And when I was in Japan, I didn't understand the mask theory, which was not about I don't think it was about a contagion type thing.
It was about cleanliness. It was about the air quality.
I think it's also about being polite. The Japanese culture, if you have sniffles or something like that, you don't want to give it to someone else. You know, they're more thoughtful and considerate.
Now, that is what we're lacking here. Yeah. The people that are yelling, I'm not wearing a mask and taking away my rights.
Do you see that lady in Florida? Yeah. Bar. Give me one hundred free meals to the people that don't wear masks. Yep.
Florida has the fourth number of Corona virus cases on Earth. In Florida was a country. It would have the fourth on earth. Yes.
Well, they they opened it up to prove their point that they're petri dish was impenetrable.
Well, they open opened up to Disneyworld that they did. They open Disneyworld. And people love the idea of not waiting in line. So they're willing to die. What does a skinny video of Disneyworld opening day.
Find it. There's a video I saw. It's going around on Saturday that there was some influencers that went because a lot people on YouTube that just go to Disney parks all the time. Yeah, yeah. And they were saying they felt sick and it just went the next day. And they're like, our this is pharma.
We we all of our throats hurt real bad. Oh my God. I think they all have it unless they're faking.
There probably wasn't a lot of use. Well then there's Splash Mountain. I mean, there's things that there's no way droplets don't come out of you and go into the mouth of the person behind you. Ever see the movie Outbreak? Years ago. Yes. That happened. Yeah. So there's an amazing shot in the movie.
It's a point of view of a phlegm ball, and it's literally follows phlegm. A guy laughs. It's a comedy, of course. Laughs about piece of phlegm comes out of his mouth. They follow point of view. They do CGI or beginnings of it. And it goes into another person's mouth.
And that's how in a contagion way that they represented how this thing can travel.
And I wear a mask. Was funny when you had Bill Burr on here, who is a mutual friend.
People do not understand that. I was goading Bill into going on a rant. I was fucking window. They w rolled it out like I really don't where I have a mask in my fucking pocket to me to day.
Now you're. Yeah. It's funny cause everything's out of context. Everything's serious.
But that's, that's what I'm comi trying so hard cause I'm an I'm a newbie at this. I'm on my thirty third episode. You're on the Hebrew calendar. You're five thousand seven hundred forty eight episodes. You know your ten years of doing something that revolutionized this.
Okay, so I just started it because I Bui's before covert I started it because I was doing shows and I'd be in a theater and people would be yelling at each other and I would go, Guys, Woody, what are you doing?
Or I'd have a bit about prejudice when I was six years. When there was profiling, when there was segregated bathrooms and I started talking about it, people would get angry. In the end, you got me right at the world.
One guy yelled, The South will rise again. Well, this is pre coded creek. But the guy yelled out, the south will rise again.
My response was somewhere in Boston, I was at the Wilbur. He was serious.
He was 100 percent serious. And then they went and went to tag him. And I said, no, leave, leave and be you know, unless someone continues, I deal with it with your health will rise again.
Isn't fucking Boston, but they've had a long downtime, you know, and lost in 1865. You going to rise again?
The other thing is they're pulling down statues. Right? So the statues are like they're like chocolate Easter eggs, Easter bunnies, the ones that are hollow.
So if a statue to me is less than an inch thick of the lining around it and it's hollow inside. Right. I think an inch it could maybe stay up of it's heavy enough.
But if 10 guys could pull it down with a rope and it's made of aluminum, that's gotta come down to Jiffy Pop. It really.
See, here's the thing about these statues. This is one thing that people need to understand.
Allemande left and about, by the way, because I'm trying to find humor in what's so chaos.
It's chaos and obsessive Mandalong of history. Some of it should be dismantled. Some of those right. Dachas should go. They really shouldn't be there. But they should greet him and bring them to some sort of a civil war museum or something like that. But a lot of those statues with their slip, there's Gingras Khan museums. Right. There's museum pieces on Genghis Khan. He killed 10 percent of the world's population while he's alive. There's something about those statues, though, that a lot of people don't realize, like they were really cheaply made and put up very quickly in response to the civil rights movement.
Rosa, what people don't understand that those those aren't like these long standing or Marja's to these great generals. No, they were in response to the civil rights movement. So they started putting up these Confederate statues, you know? That's why they made it. They're made like shit.
They're made very quickly. Yeah, they're good. Couldn't make them. But we could buy pens. Yeah. But then you go to an old ram in tinfoil.
You got AKC grants to work, grant statue. I mean, it's made of molten lava.
Well, they probably want to take his thing down to the zoo. Thing is, I would take everything. Trump said something and everybody thought he was joking, like, what's next? They're going to take down Lincoln. They're going to take down George Washington numbers like get the fuck out of here. And they're not going to do that. But they are doing that. They are trying to take down George Washington's statues. And people are saying you should get rid of George Washington's statues because George was known slaves and George Washington was a white supremacist and he didn't want to own slaves.
He wanted to abolish it. From what I've read and from what I understand, it would be so hard to know.
It would be so hard to know other than what he wrote in, you know, unless have a fucking time machine and it would be so hard.
You're right. We don't even know what history is right now. Yeah. Right. We're being fed. I try to watch all news things or none.
I try to watch every single channel because I want to see where the worlds.
Well, I think it's the worst way to get news is off television. I think you get so much nonsense and so much posturing and virtue signalling and so much bias. Like when I watch CNN, I was watching CNN when they were correcting Trump on these things that he says. And it wasn't even news. It was like this weird an opinion piece that was a tabloid.
So I don't know. But Fox is tabloid at all. And this NBC, some like there's jewels in all of it, though.
There's reality in all of it, because you'll get just the right broadcaster and actual broadcaster and news journalist. You'll get a couple of people that are that on every one of those networks. Yeah. And then you'll get a guest that feeds the beast, rather. It's become like South Park and it's gonna be offensive to some people.
What I mean to say, it'll be like we have here the president of United States and it's a split screen and also image it, you know, and then they'll have a just because everyone has a voice. And that's an offensive word, by the way, midget president of the United States.
I couldn't be. No rimshot please don't hit the button. But but that's what they would do. Or a man in a hoop skirt, you know, they would do that on South Park constantly. And we've kind of become that.
Here's a person that has, you know, 10 million people looking at them on whatever site you look at. And then someone who has 5000 people, who has a YouTube page that people go to.
But it's just to start. Everybody goes to the news source they want that validates what their opinion or to get angry.
Mike, tune in FOX News. Just get angry or tune into CNN to get angry if you're on the other side. It's it's weird timing, but it's kind of come together.
I know that's what you try to do that. And I know that. That's what I mean. Standup is the root of that in. Way. Yeah. Because you can make fun of ideas that maybe even someone agrees with the idea. But if you mock that idea and it's so funny, it gets them to laugh. They have to think about it. You know, I give use, like, say, if you're how beautiful is that? Amazing to be able to do that bad.
You want to do it right now? Oh, yeah. I'd love to do it. I know I need to do it. I had this bit about Trump and I had this guy come up to me. He goes, well, I'll tell you why that joke's good, because I fucking love Trump.
And that joke was hilarious. Like when you can say when you make fun of something that someone loves and they still think it's funny.
Right. Yeah. Then they had they have to think there's a skill to that.
And I tried to do that. I try to. It's impossible to come up with something that pleases every side and every perspective. But I'm trying. But that's why I end up talking about my dick so much, because it's dull. It does lean left. And it's a pleaser. It is a please. It's my head. I might have to say that again sometime. It's up, please. This is a T-shirt. You should sell T-shirts on your Web site.
It's a please.
You just got me some merch ideas. It's a good merch idea right there.
Yeah, it's it's impossible to make everybody happy because here's one thing. Everybody doesn't want to be happy. There's a lot of people that they love being miserable. They like being angry.
It's easier to be angry. Yeah. Than it is to dig out and wake up positive and go. I'm gonna try to write some things today. Yeah, that's right. I mean, our GHG make things better in the world by putting out my energy, by trying to if there could just be a fucking discourse. Yeah.
It's just there's also we probably don't agree, but there's also a problem that we have timelines. Like we have a deadline. We have a deadline. Our deadlines November or the world's gonna fall apart. We've got to get rid of this motherfucker by November. And everybody's clamoring and trying to figure out how to do it and pretending. Joe Bridon, brain isn't melting and everyone's running around trying to put together some sort of a well.
Actually, they got on mike stand duct tape and a pipe cleaner.
He's gonna be fine. He's getting he's got a weekend at Bernie's Ham all the way to the fucking cabinet.
He's been doing some good, putting out some stuff that pretty where. Go online. He's been tweeting no to some videos, speeches, things that are a little bit more promising, again, with the other deep fakes.
Well, that's the guy. Is there a guy who does a good Biden impression? I have not heard a good Biden will. If we were doing standup, there would be a guy who would have there'd be some comic.
Dana Carvey would be able to do it. He said, you using. Have you had him here?
No, I'd love to. He and I love him so much.
Yeah. He is one of the purest, sweetest people I've ever known.
He was the his character of Lorne Michaels. Was the original doctor. Yeah. Right. Yes.
And Mike Myers, sir, like Myers, when they hung out and they would always be the pinky in the mouth and. Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was it. Dana is an original dad.
He's brilliant. Yeah. He's a brilliant. He's a.
We would sit around back when you were I think you're six, but we would go to Fab's this Italian restaurant on Van Eyes and we would be with our wives, perhaps Fab's.
He stayed with his wife. My wife and I got divorced, but I have a new wife.
She's. Congratulations. Thank you. She's Van Nuys. Used to be a hotspot. I was looking at this video. Yes. There's a thing was the L.A. Times had a photographic essay of Van Nuys Boulevard in the 70s. And it was amazing. Was all these people with bellbottoms and these cool cars and feasted on Saturday nights drive their cars up and down the road? It was like on. Yeah, but it was like a place where people would go to cruise.
It was Boogie Nights without heroin and big gangs harm. Giant prosthetic market. Marky Mark. Prosthetic dicks. So we would sit there and it was right before he got Saturday Night Live.
What year was 86. It was one year before he got that. And before I, I had been in a Richard Pryor movie. That was the first thing of consequence. And then what movie was that critical condition? You got to work with Pryor. I got to spend a month with him.
And I got to hang out with them because I was one of the hosts at the store for eight years. And you got to work with Pryor when Pryor was Pryor? Well, it was after the fire, but he still had your license. Sunset Strip. Was under a fire. It was after the fire. Was this Jo Jo dancer?
And Critical Condition was directed by Michael Apted, a great director who did Coal Miner's Daughter made a lot of important moves. Did the seven up series. You see that seven up 14 up twenty one up to seven people through their lives from London and followed them every seven years to do a documentary about them. Oh wow. It's just a real special. Brilliant, lovely man. He was head of the academy for a while anyway. So it was.
But but. But working with Prah we were. You know when you're doing a movie. We were in a shower stall in an old hospital and it's supposed to be Rikers Island or whatever the hell that prison is up there as it does at Rikers. Which one in New York. What's the.
I think that's Rikers, right? Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's what it was. It was representing there. But we shot it in High Point, North Carolina, with really good actors.
Joe Montana and Ruben Blades and all these Randall Tex Cobb, some really cool shit who weird eclectic group and Swatch simular, Dane Raising Arizona.
He's a great actor. Great man. He's a movie.
Was a movie as while that's one of the as that low point of view shot in the supermarket, the image images in that in a lot of Coen Brothers movie, they're the best.
Come on. Fucking shit. I love Big Brother Norske. Big Lebowski is my wife. Every day it's like, let's just watch The Big Lebowski.
You know, she's lastic man.
It's the dude floating in space, man. Sorry I was interrupting you. It's not working, but that's what I do with prior.
So we're in a shower stall and.
And we became friends and we would go to dinner. I would I I was the guy. I'm always wanting to make things better somehow. I was raised that way by my dad, my mom that try to make peace for people. That's the thing. And and he liked that I would invite him because people didn't invite him to shit because he was kind of unapproachable or something.
So we would go to dinner and we would laugh and I would make him laugh.
We had did you once seen 40 takes b one shot. That was a long Steadicam shot. We had a dead body and it was covered in water. And I was supposed to say something like, the guy was in the drink. We found it. But it was such a fake looking body.
And every time I said the serious line of this young Dr. Richard just cracked up.
And so he's looking in my face and there's no better to look at you, baby face, motherfucker. How old were you then?
Twenty six. Twenty seven.
And wow, that was a good scene as Rubén. Wow. I remember all of this. Really.
He and I. So he couldn't.
The fact that he couldn't look in my face and kept laughing and it was a serious scene. Do you know what an honor that is?
So the guy that was an idol.
So I'm sitting in the shower with him and he takes shows me this thing. This is graphic. He shows me the scrubbing brush and once said softly, this says just bristles. And he says, I don't think he'd mind me telling you this. I always think about when you talk about someone that you loved that's deceased. Would they be OK with what you're saying? So it's not TMZ garbage.
So he would take the the hard scrubbing part.
And he said, this is what this is what they took my skin off with him after the fire. They had to scrub my whole body with this shit. And I would just sat there and I. I remember crying. I think that was a combined empathy, and then I told him of like my sister that died and then he was telling him, you know, you just get close with people. And then one night, I didn't invite him to dinner because he'd had a hard day.
And he was mad at me the next day. And I was like, oh, my God. So he was enjoying.
So I said. But he was he was in a rough place. He was not who's complicated human. But I remember saying to cause when you're acting, you're just down.
I was green and I said, So you're upset with me. I'm so sorry. This means we're friends, right? Because I upset you. Right. And then many went. We went to dinner again.
Cause cause that's like he's the classic complicated comedian, right? Yes. With the hardest shit. Drug addiction. All the chaos. Grown up and everything else. Yeah. Growing up brothel. Yeah. I mean, that's his head shot on the wall over there. Yeah, yeah, I mean, he was I think he was 19 and he was doing the buttoned down Bill Cosby way of doing standup now.
But it's still when you look at everybody goes, oh, he went and flip like George Carlin. And all of a sudden he was difficult. It was still the same guy you still saw, even though Cosby, I know, was mad at him because he thought he was lifting some of his stuff for because he would get mad at a lot of people. But he's doing fine now.
Well, I think everybody starts out in imitation of the people they really love and respect.
Who did you start out? Richard Jeni. A lot. Yeah, he. Yeah, I remember I'm onstage once. I caught myself like a year in a comedy. I was like, Jesus Christ.
Like, I'm I'm aping his mannerisms like I was. I was. But I don't see that one. I got rid of it.
I realize that, you know, you become who you are. But in the beginning, you know, I think it's normal. I mean, it happens with bands. You know, look, Stevie Ray Vaughan was deeply influenced by Jimi Hendrix. It's like. Yeah. And then he became Stevie Ray Vaughan even when he does a voodoo child. Like, if you listen as Trayvon's cover a voodoo child, it's Stevie Ray Vaughan.
It's still it's voodoo child, but it's Stevie Ray Vaughan's version.
He became his own man.
And I think all of us in the beginning got into comedy because we wanted to be some comedian that we really admired. And when I was just starting out, I got a chance to see Rich Jenny a few times. And I remember being baffled by his ability to turn over material. It was stunning new. It it's so prolific. So you're going to make me cry?
Because I. I was close with him as close as you could get because he had such mental health issues. I didn't believe he died.
And I. Dave. Cool. Yay. Instant messaged me. That's not how you want to find that out. So I called his number and his girlfriend the next morning and his girlfriend answered and just said, it's true, Bob. Oh, fuck. Because I didn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. I met him a few times. I saw him live a few times in the early days. And then once, you know, this was like when I was an open biker, you know, I went to see him live at Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge when I was just starting out.
And I sat in the front row and he made fun of me.
It was great because I had seen him on The Tonight Show that the first time I'd ever seen him was on The Tonight Show. And he did a bunch of appearances on The Tonight Show. And then I'd seen one of his TV specials, one of his our specials. And then I got a chance to see him several times. And I've told the story. Forgive me if you heard it on the podcast, folks, but we were at Eastside Comedy Club and.
He had just been there and the host was just. I got there like Saturday night after The Late Show and the host was like he did four different hours.
He did two different hours Friday night and two did different our Saturday night and murdered. And they were like, Jesus Christ, and this is me. I was like three years in a comedy. And I remember thinking, God damn. That is so that was so impossible to even imagine. Yeah. That someone could be that good.
Then I got this chance to see him a year later at the comedy works in Montreal as a part of the festival, just for laughs festival.
He was in that little you remember you ever worked out plays Jimbo's plays. No, no, no, I did.
I did a show there at the Plaza de Zah for some broadcasted show that I hosted Jimbo, the guy who owned the club in Montreal, had this little tiny club that was upstairs away tomorrow at Eres.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did it the night before I was there. Yeah, I was there. That's where you go. Yeah.
The night before anything. I did it with Jim MacNaughton. And I did it with Norton. Yeah.
And Brewer. Yes. I did do a brewer. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was funny shit. I was going where. What the fuck am I doing. Always. You can't always play gigantic but you're taking over the world. You know, I like little places to man.
I love it. You will play spaceships. Now I play big places but I still I admire the Footlight.
A little blues, by the way, I think I have to tell you that because, you know, there's like five people. Kevin Hart thinks he's two of them that can.
But, you know, comedy rock star shit. Yeah, I subscribe, you know. Well, he's in it and you're doing it. And to be on the thing with Chappelle and to be able to do that and to be able to go out there, especially where we're at right now. And this is not I'm not Dave's. No, nothing on my nose right now.
I'm just telling you the truth from my heart. It's I do this. I've always done it, but more so now.
I'm 64 years old now, even though I look, you know, sixty three.
But you're what you're able to do if you can unify people in a room at or where in the drive or at these giant places that you're doing, it is absolutely beautiful.
And especially now, whenever you're able to do those dates that are coming up, people will never forget it when we come out of this.
That's very nice. I don't know if we're gonna be able to. I've kind of resigned myself to. I think we will.
I'm fine. Listen, like, legitimately, I'm fine working in comedy clubs for the rest of my life. I don't give a fuck. I just like doing standup. And that's one of the things that I've gotten out of this. You know, I've been doing the last few years.
I've been doing arenas and they're great. But so is the OAH at the Comedy Store. Yeah, that's great too. I'm fine with that. I don't I honestly, I just like doing standup.
If we can never do arenas again. If no one ever no rock bands, no UFC ever, it doesn't arena again. No football games are ever in a sold out arena. OK? I can't do UFC in the hour while they're doing UFC with no crowd.
That's true. And it's amazing. I love it. I've called two yeah. Two fights now with no audience in this guy. I enjoy it, man. It's great. I said I'm just happy that the fights are happening. And like when I did, I did shows in Houston a couple weeks ago. Yeah. I was talking to you. Wanted to talk to you about that. Yeah.
Me, Tony Hinchcliffe and Brian Mozes. We we did the Houston Improv. We had a great time. First of all, it's a great room, is a great room. I supposed to go there.
I had to. I had to. Not because of what's going on now. Yeah, but you went in. I was like, wow. Browed, brave mother.
And we wanted to we just wanted to, you know, first of all, I missed I miss doing shows, but I miss hanging out with comics on the road. It's fun, you know.
And my buddy Mike Young, we always sure were together. And it's like with my brother.
Yes. It's fun. You you and you know, and that's that's the big things like touring on the road. People you love, it's the best because like Moses is the best. I love him and I don't. I love Tony.
He hosts Russ Battle. Oh, I know. He's great in L.A. is my best friends.
So it's like to be with these guys. We were just from the moment we saw each other, we'd go to restaurants. We did shows.
It was all smiles and laughs like, holy shit, we're doing standup again. This is crazy. Moses had done the weekend before. He did.
I forget. Oh, he did. American Comedy Company in San Diego. He did that place, which is apparently was open and now they're closed again. They closed La Hoya again, too. They were doing the lowliest door. Sorry to hear that. Well, you know, they've got to take precautions.
Listen, man, I was pretty nonchalant about it in terms of, like, not worried. But as more time has gone on, in terms like getting sick, my my fears, getting somebody else sick, that's night number one. Well, that's that's the key.
Excuse me. That's what's fucking lacking.
And that's what's lacking from our administration, that there's empathy.
We need empathy.
Well, we were talking about that earlier. We were talking about Mary Trump's book. I read some passages out of it to them, read the whole book. But I write I read this long piece on and about Drew.
She chose with him as a kid when she was young.
I don't know. But it's his niece. Her brother was his or her father, rather, was his brother.
And you kind of understand I mean, if she's being honest and I'm sort of some she's first of all, it's very well-written. She's obviously extremely intelligent, like very eloquent, like the way she's writing it. And I believe she has a background psychology. And the way she writes it, it doesn't it's not like a hateful thing.
Like she's basically explaining why he's so fucked up and why he lacks empathy. And what she said was that the father was like a sociopath and the mother was never around and was absent and didn't give him any love or attention. And only you in, according to her, use the children to comfort herself instead of being there for them, and that he developed this narcissistic, self-centered personality in response to that and that his father would, you know, would any time he showed emotions or anytime he showed me his father would cast that aside and squash that inside of him.
That's very clear. Yeah. So he developed this. That's the thing that's most disturbing about him. When I talk to people that are fans of Trump and they say, why aren't you like, what do you least like? I go what I lease for as well. I don't understand the economy. So when people say he's good for the economy, he's good for business. Is that short term? What does that mean?
That was pre covered. Yeah, that that's all that was the world's fucked economic post covered. Is it not the president for where we're at.
But the thing that bothers he could adjust if he would, but he's not capable.
The problem is the lack of empathy. Like when he would make like when he talked about John McCain, he said, I like soldiers that don't get captured.
Remember that that is a crazy thing to say, too.
Well, he's a war hero. I mean, it's funny. You know, you laugh at it because you're a comic.
But let's forget it because of its ludicrous. Ludicrous. Yeah. I mean, I'm not laughing. Well, none. I mean, it's horrific.
This is a guy who actually will be the first person to laugh at the worst gallows, of course.
You know, you're a comic, right? And then it'll get misquoted and that I'm a asshole. Right. And you've been misquoted lately.
Terrible is no way around that. No. Especially in this day and age when they could redefine you with something out of context.
But the point is that what what they're what it shows this the lack of empathy is the last thing we need right now.
Well, we need empathy. We need someone who can say something that comes people down and brings us together and inspires us men. People need inspiration. And we need to know in. Stand that we are all in this together and we can go forth and pretend we're not and keep burning buildings and keep going crazy and screaming in the streets for the heads of politicians and kill the cops and all that crazy shit or or take your mask off.
I my fuckin right. He never he wants love. That's the crazy part. He wants to be loved. He thinks he's Don Rickles. He wants to when he puts people down and say punch him in the mouth and stuff, he he's trying to be that guy. I've known people like him who are just asshole.
But Don Rickles wasn't an asshole. That's why he was like a dad. He was a lovely guy. That's why I worked when he would shit on you.
It's like when guys agree, if it's like the pope, right? Exactly. Like, you know, when guys some guys can shit on you and it's like that's the beauty of roast battle. Ryan Moses, you show the beauty of roast battle is these people are shitting on the most embarrassing aspects of each other and they're both laughing at it. And it's great. And that's what Jeff Ross gets his whole eggs.
Every is I only roast the ones I love. Yes. Which comes from the old friars and maskers before that.
And that's Ross's thing. He loves those heat, but he had it all there in New York. Who would you like? I'm going to the Friars Club. You want come? What the fuck is wrong with you going to hang out with a bunch of old dead men? Like that's how I learned. How much fun did you have? I didn't go.
Oh, but he was he was always that guy was smart.
You really did. And would want to be with a bunch of old dead men. Listen, man, I back then in particular, I was crazy. Like, this is what we are doing 24, 25. I just I had just stopped fighting. I was I was just not no longer competing. So I was still I still had, like, this maniacal mindset. I was a crazy person, you know, I just wanted to play pool and go stay up all night and.
Were you single at all? Yes. I don't want to hang on a bunch. Old dudes. Right. Old dudes and listeners, some old jokes. And listen them talk about the Jackie Gleason show like. No.
Now, gotta go, bro. The only thing he's like I had one fun experience that Jeff took me there for lunch. I go there. This is maybe 15 years ago. I think I was there because I was doing the Jack Black Roast, which was at the Hilton. I was the host. I was.
But whatever you call it, the M.C., the roast master.
Yes. And so Jack was being roasted. It's for charity. And so I go there and I hadn't been in the Friars. And I sit there and and I'm just sitting with Jeff and I get the phone. It's a phone next to me and the phone rings. They go, Mr. Chaga, the phone's for you to pick it up. And a man goes, look to your left. And I look to my left. And it's an old Jewish guy with orange hair.
And he goes, Fuck you.
What? Oh, he goes, Well, Red Skelton, I don't know. He looks like red buttons. I don't know. And I go, What do I know you? He goes, Cue one of the other fryers that he hung up that was said to me was kind of cool.
I now probably a covered petri dish now. I don't think so. Those guys don't make it. They can go on to.
Yeah, I think the Friars Club is gone. Yeah. I would have loved nag. Now, as a person who like appreciates the history of comedy, I kind of wish I went to one of those things just to see what it was like to hang out. Those guys got to me, Red Skelton, once those pretty cool.
That's really nice. So is that an NBC event?
Back when I was I think I was on Fear Factor, but it was it was cool to meet him.
Did you enjoy that character? Yeah, I enjoyed the money, that's all. And I enjoyed the people I worked with. They're fun people. I enjoy it. What year was that? When did you start?
2001 to 2006. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed some of it. I enjoyed. Like when nice people won. I enjoyed. I enjoyed. Like helping people overcome like this. A situation where they were really nervous and I could coach them and talk them through because it brought me back like I used to. I used to teach martial arts and I used to coach a lot of kids in particular. I bring them to tournament. And I would I would train them.
And then, you know, like these 14, 15 year old kids, I take them to a tournament and they'd be fuckin panicking and I would talk them through it. And I would say, you're gonna get through this and you gonna be a better person because you got through this because it's so scary. When you get through something so scary, you become stronger. And this is something you'd have to go through. And if you just shy away from this, you'll shy away from this your whole life.
But you can get through this. Other people have done it and you can do it, too. And I took a lot of that over the fear factor. And that's what I what I loved is those moments where you would see someone overcome and then there would be so happy and I'd be so happy, too. Our cried a bunch times is why you're so good on it.
I was doing the video show and there were things I was like, well, this is my personality. And other times I go, OK, these are people are flying in.
They're being flown in to L.A. They made a video of their kid reciting all the president's. When he was two. Right. They're all there. And then I go, and what are you going to do with the ten thousand dollars? And the father says, I'm going to make a down payment on our first house. And the guy's like 50 years old.
And I'm like. I'm glad I got this job right. Yeah, that that's when I was is worth to see all those people get hit in the nuts for no reason.
Yeah, it's like there's there's moments on in these competition shows where you really do feel like you feel like the world got a little lighter. Like people got elevated when you see someone win.
We see people win things. We see people. I'd love watching people do better. I like. I love watching him overcome. I love watching them, like, go through some difficult thing and figure it out and get through it.
And that the feeling of relief and just watching the adulation and everybody's cheering and they're like, yes. And the surprise. And yes, I have juicers.
Know they've got something special, but will it deliver? Howie Mandel's a dear friend forever, and he's on America's Got Talent. So here's a show that I always was against. Competition shows I wouldn't go on Star Search when I was broke. I just didn't believe in comedians competing against things, you know, and then.
Did you ever go on any of those competition things? No. No, I didn't. So I'm watching America's Got Talent.
And they have a handicapped person come out who sings just like you've never heard Aylin sing so good. And then you see the true joy in the people. It's not just showbiz bullshit selling something.
And that's that feeling that that you came from something that you never. It's a dream fulfilled. And it's about the human spirit.
The human spirit. Yeah, that's real. I mean, some people it's so fun to be cynical for some people and the shit on that.
But some of my favorites, too.
I used to be more cynical and it's easy to be, especially as a comic when you're struggling and you're making your way through the year. You know, we joke about the worst things were you know, a lot of us are bitter. A lot of us are jel.
I'm not bitter, but I do joke about things. I can't I can't do it. I know I need two minutes to tee up some horrible joke and then the three minutes to get the fuck out of what I just did.
And that's going to continue because I can't not say stuff.
It is a part of being a person who's a stand up comedian that, you know, that there's a thing you're not supposed to say and you're going to say it. And if you do say, you know, I'm going to laugh and you're gonna say it and I'm going to laugh, we're gonna go, hey, you motherfucker. Can't believe he says that.
Because when do I have asked us have many comedian friends and people. What do you think? I mean, is it. Is it the teenager in us? Is it that guy that's being told, don't do this? Is it hard to you lock in at 16? Do you feel. I kind of feel sometimes I locked it at nine because that was the world hadn't fallen apart for me. I didn't see what fuck how fucked up everything was.
I mean, you could go deep psychologically with it. But I think at the end of the day, we enjoy first of all, when comedians are round comedians is when that shit's the worst. Right. That's when the most gallows humor.
Oh, I try to out worst everybody because that's how I made for. Was that when you take those things out of context in quotes, that's when you're going to get the most in trouble people don't they.
It's it's going to for a non comic to understand some of the horrible shit we'll say at Canter's Deli at two o'clock in the morning was fun and be laughing by, like dying, fallen under the table.
And all we're trying to do is make it to the laugh. It's not more horrible, mean people secretly hoping everybody gets cancer. That's not what we're doing. We just we're saying inappropriate things because it's fun to do, because I know you're a good guy and I know you don't mean it.
That's the only way it works. It's letting air out of the pressure cooker. Yeah, it's stating. That's why people go. How could you do that? It's too soon. You don't do that joke sometimes. You don't do that joke.
I mean, Brian Haltzman vaguely.
Yes. Brian Haltzman is a legend for doing material way too soon. That only makes comics laugh, but he'll do it onstage. I remember Susan Smith. She's a lady who drowned her children. Yeah. And at first she said someone stole the car someplace down. And it turned out Brian Altmans onstage the week that happens.
And he goes, I heard those were bad kids. He goes, I heard they say that goes to the TV. They never put away that blocks. They spilt the milk. Those kids will not be missed.
And people like, oh, my God, it's the whole they had it come and things that we were fucking crying we couldn't believe.
And, you know, people would say, oh, these horrible comedians, they love this shock and they're just mean and they just weren't mean comedy.
It's not even that it's hard to explain to a person that's outside of the business. But to me, like like if I'm around Jeff Ross and something like that happens, I expect that he's going to turn to me and say something fucked up to be the first person to say guard.
And I go, Jeff, no.
Yes, but I'm saying no with love. Yes, of course. Of course.
Henningsen I actually am going to date myself. I don't have to now because I'm married.
That's the kind of jokes I should, you know, that's the one that I but I know as I'm saying them, but I still say it can't help it. It's a dad joke thing down.
Bill Burse said to me he was a guest on my, my, my, my nubile podcast. And Bill said to me, you know, it's your act.
His sacket said your act is all the lines you couldn't say on full house and you to say fuck all around it.
That's what your actors. What what do you say? And then he pummeled me for 20 minutes and I fucking loved it. And then I attacked him for like 10 minutes. But he it he's one of the best people.
He's one of my favorite people. He's one of my favorite people on Earth. He went to my wedding a wined him up. Oh, fuck.
I was. I was. I had nine stories to start. But that's why this is. I'm so happy to be doing this. Thank you. My pleasure. Thank you. I haven't talked to anybody.
I know you've been stuck. Right.
I had a Zoome last night, night before with Norman Lear and a bunch of musician friends. Oh, wow. And we talk about the world and we talk about what the fuck are we going to do?
And it's just interesting. It's and we used to we would do it in person.
We'd all sing songs for four or five hours into the night and have different friends show up. Stamos came, John Mayor came, Dave cause always comes to it and it'd be music.
You you play right? No, I thought you were a musician. No, I've zero musical talent but their love.
I love music. Love it. Yeah. But what's one of things I love about music is I don't know how to do anything. I don't know how to. I mean, I love I can just enjoy it.
You should start a band though. Is this what I know about I. Yeah. Yeah. Does get three people that can't play.
Now I'm a bit too busy but I do, I do love music. I love it. One of the it's one of the things I love about is the fact I have no skin in the game. You know, it's like I love comedy, but I do it, you know. So when I see someone make a great bit, part of me is like, God, I wish I wrote that right.
I get on. I mean, I don't get jealous, but I go like, fuck.
Yeah. Or I'll see it and go, wait, I did that 20 years ago.
Well, there's always that right. There's always parallel thinking. But the other thing that gets me is like if I see someone really kill, I want to go home and write.
So like, I get inspired to create karez. Music just makes me happy.
Like, if I like I've had, like, my friends. Honey, honey, coming here and playing Gary Clark Junior's been in here. And while Everlast has played nearly like a bunch of people play music in here, and there's there's something about watching someone do something that you have zero talent in. It's really special.
I think comics really do. We want to be musicians. We worship music. PSM some. Yeah, some. I mean, I.
Yes. Not all of them obviously. Yeah. I'd never had any desire to be a musician at all. Zero. No.
Plays the drums. He's good. Son of a bitch. Well I was tough. I was gonna say something about him. I finally did some of that actually stayed on topic. I think he came to my wedding and then he had to go do a gig and he does the gig and his wife stayed and he comes back in a different outfit like a pink jacket. He left my wedding and it's such a good friend.
He came back again because he was so happy for me because who the fuck else would want me then?
My wife. He's just.
I was there in Philly at the at the in Camden, at the tweeter's center. It was called when we were on the Opie and Anthony virus tour. So it was Tracy Morgan myself, Louis C.K..
Is that the one where Demerara got heckled? And he went on and he literally attacked the crowd. It made Bill Burr a legend. That was when Bill I was sitting there with Delphia.
I was standing there. I was at under the fucking monitor right through the curtain that I was going to come out. I had the sweet spot. You know, Bob, I'll do like twenty five minutes in the middle because I'm. Yeah, I was just a bitch. So then they put me there and it was a sweet spot because you take a lot of bullets coming up with a Philly audience, you know, in a Jersey audience.
And Bill, I'd I'd known him, but I'd known him through clubs. But but he got out there and they were booing him.
And he's so fucking awesome is the way he's made that whole fucking Boston brilliance.
And he just started to pummel them back and said the worst thing you can say, every inappropriate thing you could possibly say, calling talking about your cheese sticks and the Sixers and just, you know. Thank you. I've seen it and I watched it. I'm like, this is fucking great fun. You and fuck the Liberty Bell.
Exactly. 15 minutes he did.
And at the end, the boos were as loud as the cheers. I think he got a standing ovation. He didn't see it comes offstage like a fighter. He's all sweaty. You see, it was fucking horrible. What the fuck was that?
I went. Bill, it was great. Are you kidding? That was fucking amazing. I never failed and that he still didn't believe me. And then I said, you're going to remember this. This is gonna you don't know what just happened here.
If there's a tape of this, this is this is gonna change. You don't even know.
And I bring it up to him and he's like he does want to talk about it. But it is it was a defining moment for his everything.
Yeah. No, he's he's that guy that can just take a moment and rant on things like he knows how to rant better than anybody I know. In terms of like in the moment, pick things apart and piece them like that's what his podcast is, one of the brilliant things about his podcast. He does it two times a week and it's just him.
Yeah, it's just him ranting, which is crazy that he's got that sort of muscle that he can just random things by himself. Just starts reading things and getting pissed off about this. You know what? Here's what the fucking promise. And then he just goes off.
And what's amazing is he knows what you know, what I write. What I know that you're not.
He's not alone. He's talking. Yes. All of it. So he's ranting to people who love them. And he knows they love him. He's he's comfortable and he loves people. Yeah. He's one of the sweetest.
He's a great guy. He's a great guy. But he does something about that. Chappelle does that that I find them both so brave that they know whether a point is and they know where their their end game is.
That's really well phrased. But it's like they dive into these. They make a statement. Then they dive into a pool with no water in it.
You know, metaphorically. And then they know what their exit is. They know it. And the Isaac comes out strong. It's amazing. Yeah. And sometimes it's not quite as close, but then they still know how to fluff that fluff the the final. Well they but it's not really a subject.
And I mean, it's one of the cool things about being at the store is you get to see like the beginnings of those bits that a guy like Chapell or BRX or anybody will start out.
And then flesh it through and figure it out. And then tighten it up. And then by the time they're filming especially. So it's a weapon.
I got to go there more.
I was starting to come home where in fact, you bring me up. Oh yeah. It's close up. Nomaka, come there. More disease.
A lot of people in the back of that store I got stories about I mean, I these stories now, people people fucking there.
Do you get upset? I got Kennison his first spot at the store.
You got him his first spot. Yeah. Yeah. The first time he went on stage. Yeah.
I met Amirs as fuck longtime 80 80. I didn't have a gig. 83, 84. I don't know that.
That's crazy. Because 86. He was famous. Yeah. What happen was this. So he'd already been teed up for Mitzy to watch. But I had set up the I told her to watch him. I met him in Houston and he was kicked out of the comedy workshop in Houston because of the shit he would say on stage, because he had been running his, you know, TNT show of faith healing with his brother Bill. And they would, they told me, go fucked up stories about shit they would do.
It was a bit charlatan and a bit trying to help people, but also talking about Jesus quite a bit.
And he he was cynical about it, but also very confused. Very conflicted about it. About what? What is it? Because it is dying on on the ground, supposedly. He looked up at the sky and was talking to God, is what Bill tells us.
When I met him, Carla Bow says call the. Was there. Carl was there. Yeah. Karl was there when it happened.
That's a whole complicated non non story right now because it's a heavy Starks. It's very fucking heavy. Yeah. Their story is really very hard. I was around. Yeah. I was around for all of it as I was there in the building for those six, seven years. So what happened was I met you would have had the same response. He goes there. Well, let me work here. I met him at the comedy workshop. Meet me at 1:00 in the afternoon.
He shows me. He posted.
He shows me this telephone pole. And he had put a picture of himself on it. And he kept putting up. They kept taking down. He was in the Houston Chronicle on the front page of the arts entertainment. And he dressed himself because they banned him from the club in a diaper and a crown of thorns and blood coming from the crown of thorns down his face with his eyes rolled back in his head and said that he had been persecuted just like Jesus from playing the comedy works.
But it's a pretty fucking heavy, you know.
And he had made it quite a name for himself and had a following there. Well, I don't know what to do, man. I want to come out to L.A..
And I went, wow, well, I'll help you out. I spend the last stop in Houston in River Oaks.
Yeah, I used to work that place. I liked it. I did get Tim Howard.
Oh. Who was the owner then?
Out. Oh, trying to remember. Anyway, there's our first dead air guy, right? Yeah, I'm trying to remember what happened.
What happened was Sam, I sat next to Masina Booth. He got onstage and he did the whole bit before he had done the young comedian show that I was on with Rodney. Did Rodney's first young comedian show?
And was the whole thing about, you know, the kid? And when they do those World Vision commercials with a starving kid in his family, the most famous one of the most famous things that any comedian has done, which was just a truism. Yeah. Which is the cameraman can give me a sandwich. Starving kid.
Go get out of the desert. Go to where the food is. That's a bit that I use in a conversation with a guy. It was a weird conversation. There was a guy wrote a book on comedy. He was teaching a comedy course at a university.
And he was sitting here talking to me and he said that the best comedy always punches up because there was a time when people really believed that nonsense like that. There was a formula to comedy in that comedy should always attack, though the large power structures and that the small people should be, you know, elevated by communists. It's you sitting here. Tell me this. I know that's nonsense. I mean, one of the greatest bits of all time is literally about starving children.
Yeah, there's no Mr. Carlin, no further down you can punch one of his other great bits was about dead people getting fucked in the ass. Remember that? Yeah. A bit about homosexual necrophiliacs would pay money to be with the freshest male corpse.
Those are two bits. Were you punching down as low as you can? Someone's dad died and there's this guy's fucking them. I mean, it doesn't get any. There's no further you can punch down.
Is a stage in the main room. And he was doing a bit where he says this is what happened in my marriage and you'd unplug the mike is my dick, you know.
You know, without even. And he did not need a mike to prove the point. But he would lay on the on the ground with his girth and he would pretending he was having sex with his wife from behind. And he goes, this is what happened in my marriage. And she as it is, I'm trying to fuck her. And he's like she's like, we got to fix the fence. Shut the fuck up. I'm trying to fuck.
This is it needs a new coat of paint. You know, we can't do you know you can't do that now.
Really? I mean, you could if you were Sam, he could do it again. He couldn't do is alive. Now, he could do it. First of all, he was uniquely.
He was uniquely qualified for that kind of comedy because you he was short and he was fat and he was going bald and wore a beret and won the long cold and he was hanging out with all the rock and roll and porn people in that coat.
He came on stage like he was a child molester or something. Yeah, I mean, that was like that. Look at that picture. That's him. Bill Hicks, I love. That's a crazy picture. Bill was the sweetest, most timid guy. Below is Neil down there. A nail polish on. Someone always tips out the shadows. But that was Sam was a sweetie.
So when you see him then, I mean, when you go on stage, he's.
That was part of why it worked.
You know, we're like, you know, if he was John Mulaney and he had that act, you know, handsome and slim that, you know, now I had to pull off.
Right. You had to be you had to look like you got fucked over. He looked like he got fucked over.
And he did. He did. And he did. And he was doing faith healing shows.
And they told me a story where he had been. I wasn't going to tell it, but it's fucking weird here. So there are healing people. So this there in some godforsaken place, I don't know where. And he goes, come up here and we're gonna we're gonna heal you.
And I got a seven foot tall guy with drawstring pants and a t shirt.
He said he was like Lenny from Mice and Men. There was he was mentally impaired. He said he was going to come up and he was going to do the whole thing with him and get out the spirit and all that.
And as he's guys coming up, his runs up to the stage and he so tall, he hits his head on a beam and he splits his head open. But he doesn't fall down. Bill, his brother will tell you the story and the guy's pants fall down.
And he had the biggest dick in the world. And so his head is gushing blood and his dick is swinging at.
He's going like Young Frankenstein.
Peter Boyle, as it's horrifically upsetting and the way it's been told to me, I don't know if these stories whisper down the lane is that they went back to the same place. After a while, the guy came back and he had some other mishap. I don't want to say he hit his head again, but he fell.
He was saying, just try to have a redo to get healed.
Oh, well, I mean, I don't know. Was more embarrassing.
Well, if your head gets split open, but the whole room can see you've got a giant cock. Maybe it's a blessing and a curse.
I don't know. There's probably a few gals that hit him up after that. But Drawstring Pants means is not level of cleanliness down on the junk like wash up.
If you're a gal looking for a big dick, like there it is. If a guy looking for a big or maybe a guy you can trick in a fucking you.
Yeah, that would be that the move or something. You could play right. Like you do with a bat and baseball rights habits to that.
Yeah. It's the first time that make that sound again.
I can't do I can't I know I can't roll my eyes either.
But the answer to Kennison how quick he popped was after that set like a week later, Rodney came in to see him and I'd known Rodney Rodney like I like. I met him at in La Hoya. He came up to me. You're funny, man, and you're a Jew. You're never going to be happy. You're gonna fast, Ma. You're all fucked up, man. You're never going to be happy.
And he was trying to clean up at La Costa and he comes and he goes, I can't do it, man. No booze, no coke, no pot, no pills. I can't do it with two women.
And and we and I hung out with them all week and he stated that he kept coming to the condo and hung out. And Kennison, he saw Sam and I love this guy.
So I do the Young Comedians special on HBO. I had a great set right before Sam. I had a 15 minute set. Sam had a 15 minute set. I was in it for three and a half minutes. Sam was in it for 15 minutes because it was it was a Momsen Manzano.
It was. And then a year later, he was in back to school. Yeah. So that's why it was a three year deal with him. That's crazy.
And he was a sweetheart when I was 19. I worked as a security guard at Great Woods Center for the Performing Arts in Mansfield, Massachusetts. And Rodney was there. He was backstage. And I was like, I didn't get a chance to meet him, but I was backstage. I was like a hallway. It's hard to know if this is a real memory. When you're 19, your brain is mush. And so long ago when I got hit in the head a lot.
But I remember they were talking about how he didn't have any pants on. No. And then he had a bathrobe. Yeah. Balls out. I remember him pacing back and forth and looking down the hallway. I know I definitely saw him at least once and I definitely saw him onstage with the bathrobe on.
But I remember looking down the hallway scenes kinda like how crazy he does know any pants on he's gonna go on stage like this is and then him up there just didn't give a fuck.
I mean, didn't give had no fucks to give. He was a movie star.
His income up at fifty eight, by the way was Caddyshack. That's how long it takes D.
Yeah I saw him and apparently smoked a shitload of pot every day.
And when I said to my wife and just, just murdered I mean one punch line after another punch line and people all know the story about him. Quit doing comedy for years, became an aluminum siding salesman.
He was born Jacob Cohen, changed it to Jack Roy. And then. Club owner called him Rodney Dangerfield. That's how he was named by what club? I don't know. I don't know. But he had a rough go get it is rough go.
He had that no respect. Thing was, if you're gonna pick a a brand, a catchphrase. It wasn't a catchphrase. It was his mantra.
Yeah. Well, that that that made him you know, I got no respect, I tell you.
No respect at all. I have no idea. I loved.
He would have loved you like loved you because of the fuck he always said.
And I've said this before.
I'm sorry if anybody has heard me say this, but he always said the key man, as you just go like a tank, like a tank, because nobody wants you to make it. Everybody's tried to stop you. You just go like a tank. Fuck them all. Just go like a tank. Because he had come up. It took them so long to get anywhere and he would go on tonight's show.
And if you look at any of these clips that they're running all over the Internet, it's fucking killer. And Carson's hitting the desk and it's just it's real special.
Well, he was a special guy in the story special, too, because it showed that, you know, he was trying to make it and it fell apart and then he took a lot. Did he take, like, ten years off?
It was aluminum siding was so many years. Yeah. And then he came back and became the biggest fucking movie star in the world, but he couldn't.
It took him to 58 and they put him in Caddyshack. And a lot of the jokes were his. Yeah.
And then a lot of them I mean, it was, you know, Harold Remis and stuff.
So was the 80s genius movie. And those movies were so good. And Bill Murray in that Chevy was great and everybody's great.
And then everyone, he's in the classroom and Kinnison to teach. No. Oh, yeah.
It's curious. Enslaving kids and played fucking off till Vietnam vet who is screaming.
He just wrote him into it. It was. Yeah. That's a great movie back.
It's a fucking great movie and easy money was really great. Yeah.
Oh he had some classics man. Caddyshack. He had some classics. He was awesome. I officiated his funeral.
Man it was pretty, pretty intense to put him away. I was with him in the emergency and there. Sorry.
I got a little in the high intensive care. He was in a coma so I'd go in and talk.
How old was he when he passed 84? It's amazing. He did all that coke and he made it to eighty four. He stopped doing coke.
He just like pot, but he did a coke. When they stop, I think. But ten years before he died. Still amazing. 74 years old. Doing Coke.
Gonna go ten years. I'll tell you what. I can't. How do you still no booze, no coke, no pot, no pills.
Yeah. I want to go back to someone you would talk about. It's completely off comedy topic because. But we'll come back to it. I don't know.
It's your show. I don't know what the fuck. No structure here. Trump. Trump's niece.
The book. Oh, you. One passage that was just about empathy.
You know, it's just about why what's wrong with him psychologically, you know?
And when you whenever you see someone that seeks power like that seeks seeks that kind of adulation, that's that kind of spotlight. Like what? What is causing that? Like, what is that? You know what what makes someone want to be that person is like, you're fired. You don't see any love out of them. A sweetness is, I think, as a.
As a nation at this time, we need. We need someone who has got a real message. Not some bull shit canned speech that's prepared by a focus group where they've figured out all the right beats to hit.
But they're not even doing. The writing's easy.
I mean, the Mount Rushmore speech could have had five, six minutes in it. That could have added some people to it.
Well, it's he's not that guy. Obama was that guy. Obama. If if Obama was stuck in this situation, I really, truly believe he could have given a speech that made us all feel like we're gonna be OK.
One hundred percent. Hundred percent. He was an incredibly good cheerleader and was empowering.
And he was also it's like you knew his story. His story is the opposite of Trump's story. Trump stories. He comes from a rich father. You know, the father gives him money, starts his businesses, is known for being kind of shady. And, you know, Obama is the opposite. He comes from a single mom, grows up in a Y, you know, is it's just different.
You like you know, that he he's gone through some shit to get there and had compassion. Yeah, we need that. We need someone who sees that we're hurting. You know, that this nation is fucking hurting, man. You see what we're talking about earlier with the cops and all these murders that are happening in New York City and Chicago's got record murders. It's it's Haret. It's crazy. Yesterday was horrific. Every day is.
And there's no real hope in sight in terms of the economy because everything is getting more locked down like today was that woke up passed down today in California. They went back to almost stage one. They shut down all the gyms. What did they shut down? Yeah, my yoga teacher has been trying to get me to go to yoga. Isn't there a hot room? I do believe I do it on online. I do it at home, bro.
California, close to indoor rest to close indoor restaurants, movie theaters and bars statewide as corona virus cases rise. So did say Jem's as well. Hair salons, barber shops, fitness centers, worship services. Oh, my God. Worship services. So that's churches.
Synagogues. Yep, everything.
Well, it's got it work when they suppress it. It works in countries.
Well, here's the thing, though. They keep saying it's OK to protest. You can't.
But then are saying that I then you here and I don't know where I hear it. It might be left information that a lot of protesters were protected, didn't get sick is what I'm hearing. I can't believe that doesn't make any sense. Doesn't make any say.
They don't want to say that these incredibly significant historical protests have created an uptick in the virus that will likely lead to deaths.
They don't wanna say that, but both those things are true. Those those protests are very important.
It's very important. And they may. And they're moving the needle. Yeah. And the life is going to change. So that is a positive for people that have been neglected for so long.
But going all it once, it's like some fucking supreme weird litmus on the whole, every whole universe.
It's like an. It's a sci fi.
I don't think it's over. I think we will get hit with a couple more wacky moments. Yeah, well, the media are that's not far. Or solar flare that takes out the power grid. We just don't want to lose our Wi-Fi. That's all that we call the Wi-Fi. First, I thought this was germ warfare, is what I thought this was. I didn't think this was. And wet markets are open again. Is what?
Well, it's not from the wet market. That's what I want to know. Talk to me. All indications seem to point to the fact that this was a virus that had been manipulated. I had Brett Weinstein on my podcast. He's a biologist. And he, in terms that I will not be able to recreate, explained all the different factors that when they examined the virus would not be very likely to have happened in nature, and certainly not as quickly as they had, that the all these different aspects of the virus point to the fact that it had been something that had been manipulated.
The fact that there was a level four lab in Woodlawn. This is not you know, people love to use the term conspiracy theory, but there's this level four lab where they study corona viruses that come from bats. Is there. It's in wew hot. Why are they that study? Why are they in that same lab had been two years ago, had been in trouble for violating safety protocols.
They look, China's it's it's not America. It's not it's not the same. And they they do things differently over there. They're completely intertwined with our government. They can get away with things that we can't get away with here. And they you know, they don't have as strict a protocol when it comes to handling diseases.
Well, you know, the the word on the street is often that it's wealthy people wanting to have their endangered species fix.
That's what you hear. Would you mean that the wet market bat is like a delicacy?
And that's how it got spread? I've not heard that. I don't know if that's true. I don't know where I imagine it would be. More like people are starving than they need to eat whatever they can eat the bats.
But pictures laid out like lobsters at the farmer's market. That's what I was picturing. Probably safer. It's not what happened. I don't believe that's what happened in Brett Weinstein is very careful in not saying that this is definitely what happened. But he he put points to all the factors that lead to this very likely conclusion that this is something that accidentally got out of a lab. The reason why it's so contagious, that spreads so easily, that it takes on so many different forms and has so many different reactions in so many different people.
It's almost like we're dealing with a bunch of different diseases.
Anytime you mate humanity with an animal, there's a serious problem. I'm not talking sexually, although I've seen a couple of goats in my life that kind of had a twinkle.
You had a smile while you're doing that because you knew you shouldn't and did it and you did it. And I couldn't help it.
I mean, you know, analysts say it work out well, but it didn't work out well at all. No, but you're enjoying that. But the other thing is, I wanted the kids out there listening.
Don't fuck animals. No, don't fuck that. OK, put that out. What is the animal really wants you to fuck? That's what I was saying. A goat with a gleam in his eye. This is where I double down on not working.
What about a small animal? No. That's mean. Fuck something that could kill you. If you're gonna have the balls fuck elephant go bare. Yeah. A large predator.
Yeah. I don't know. Fuck something that you're. You're the bully. Hold out rabbit down and fuck him.
So it's The Revenant. Yes. What he did was get inside a bear.
Literally not sort of. Yeah. Eventually it took a while. Right. Yeah.
I think this this is how I try. This is how I deal with how horrible this is this. I go to a place. It's fucking asinine. That's what my dad would do. Just stupid to stupid because the.
I know that China is completely fucked up. Put this and they they're apparently out of control and they don't know how to stop. What's happening is what I'm hearing also.
Well, it's doing better than we're doing. China's. They've got it way more under control than we do.
How do we know that, though? We don't you know, they lie about everything.
The other thing about what's weird is like, why? Why did it go so badly here? Yeah.
Get the UK. The UK is basically our restaurants are open again. New Zealand has zero viruses. Now they're back to normal. I mean, they're not letting anybody in. But they are they are literally back to a no virus situation.
It's like the resistance of the United States is down because so many not the resistance, but.
Yeah, our immune system is down because there's so much hatred and there's so much fucking weird shit.
I wonder what would have happened. I mean, it's really crazy that, you know, these you know, that expression, the wings of a butterfly could become a hurricane. Yeah, but what would have happened if that George Floyd thing didn't happen? If that day did not go down that way? If it was just a normal day, if maybe George Floyd just hopped in the patrol car, you know, or maybe didn't give them that counterfeit twenty dollar bill, never got arrested.
What the fuck would we be looking at? It's kind of amazing when you really know it's it's a change of history.
In one moment in time, in an instant. And in an incident between two people, two in one cop and one man. And then the world sees it because one girl, 17 year old girl filmed it. She she puts it up.
The whole world sees the horror of that guy leaning on that man's neck with this and other people standing by.
And then the world explodes or our country explodes. But imagine where would we be? It'd be really interesting to see two different timelines, you know, see a timeline. But that never happens.
I think it was bound to happen anyway. We've been mean, but that was so egregious.
It was so, so heinous that that's the point that that's the part that led to this explosion. Whereas if there was nothing like that, I mean, because the guy who got shot by those vigilantes was just a couple of weeks before that. Remember in Georgia. I do. If this George Floyd in that was like stealing the ball up, you know, and then there's George Floyd, thing happens and boom, the powder keg blows.
I think enough is enough. Moment happened and everybody's holed up in quarantine and everybody can't pay their rent and nobody can do anything but watch all this bullshit of all this racism and all this.
All of our bureaucrats spewing a bunch of lies, garbage at everybody.
My favorite part of it was the black and white video that actors made to try to fix it.
Oh, my. I will no longer stand by with you.
What are you talking about? Imagine the imagine video that was that was the beginning of the Corona virus. This was after that. These these actors hadn't worked in months and they desperately needed attention. So they cut together me that stupid fucking video.
Do you see what Jim Norton said about the imagin video? Nobody said.
He said, when I saw that video, I got all choked up cause I tried to hang myself.
It was so embarrassing.
Well, you know, there's something great about people that have a heart for it that are well known, whether it be acting or sports or whatever music that people are that look up to those people.
But it's saturated when it's just people doing it because they're getting publicity. That's all they're doing.
That's why they're doing it. They did. They're doing it because this might be an opportunity to let other people know that they're awesome. That's that's what they're doing.
And that's their fake way of pretending they have a heart. It's just doesn't look.
Do you know? I mean, there has to be some art in there. Of course. Of course not. Like they're evil, but that's narcissism. There's a there's a there's a certain amount of narcissism there. That's foul. It smells bad. It's like when, you know, you open up some leftovers. I can't eat this.
That's what it is. It's got a smell. It's 100 percent right. Yes. It's the smell of narcissism, the smell of ego, the smell, the preposterous idea that you're going to sing your way out of people dying. And that's what we're living right now.
That's what we're listening to right now. But when I see Jared Kushner and I'm sure he's a delightful guy.
I bet he's not. No, I. I was being totally facetious to hope I. Oh, great.
I think he's awesome. Oh, I love him. Pinky swear. B.F. F.. But what.
What it is about it. He really looks like central casting to play the Nazi in a movie. He so looks like he's gonna have that collar on and he gloryhole astwood. Yeah exactly.
Yeah. Yeah. But but apparently he's. Running the whole show, I don't know. That's crazy. I don't believe. I don't know what the fuck. I don't know what to believe. Anywhere. Just want some. Where are we going to get truths? Where are we ever going to get it?
Weren't they mad that he was the one saying that the corona virus is going to be nothing to not?
Yes. He was one of the many like the bullfrogs and Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham, they all look like something out of Dr. Doom.
Imagine you're the president. You look what's going to happen here. Hey, let me go ask that guy who's married my daughter. He seems pretty smart.
He's married to my daughter. My daughter. My daughter. My daughter. Girlfriend. Wife wants to be.
Imagine that. To imagine that he hires his family. Well, that's a that's a monarch and that's you, yeah, that's a dictatorship and a monarch, but it's just does the only people probably because you want Rotten's love. And I think they do love him. They must love him. And I've known people that know him. I'm sure you do, too. That have said I worked with him. He was horrible. And I've also talked to people that are hung out with them.
He was great.
Yeah. I've I've talked to people that know him that really like him.
Yeah, I've read that, too. And then it's a performance that moment. It happens. It's a performance. It's. Well, Ross told me that Ross told me that he had a good time with them when they were roasting him. Any any. Ross told me that he was telling them like, listen, when they're making fun of you, you got to laugh. Like, if Ross just likes that he liked him.
Yeah, I think you're probably right.
But maybe you're right, buddy.
Yeah, maybe. That's good point. It's a really good point.
It's just it's just a sad time and we gotta we have to punch through it.
That's what I love most, is the nature of this business, is that the way politicians are taking apart their past is taken apart. Things are taken out of context. They make these attack pieces. They look into their finances. They look into their past relationships. They try to find every fucking little piece of something that might indicate there's a character flaw.
Nobody want to go through that. So no person who's really like a person that you'd want to be president wants to be president, unless few of them are Bernie Sanders.
Tulsi Gabbard knows a few that I looked at. I said I could like Tulsi Gabbard. She's young. I could see her running this country. I really could. And I think she would do an amazing job at it. She's a genuinely good person.
Right. And a real leader. And I think, you know, Bernie has some interesting ideas. And I would I would love to see what would happen if we went like with some of those ideas, particular like fixing inner cities and doing something to fix these crime ridden, drug addled, gang infested communities that have been stuck like that for decades and decades.
Drug money, drug infested parent. It's infested. Yes. I mean, that's it. That's one thing that I that will hopefully goodness will come from, is that they will send people to help with mental illness and drug rehabilitation and guidance. And if that can happen, how does that happen? How do you send people into the depths of Chicago where a lot of the pandemic of that kind of like a lack of love and it has to be done locally and it has to be done in each individual place by someone who understands the community.
It has to be done locally in each individual city. Each individual city has unique problems. I don't think you could use Baltimore's solution on Detroit. I think you have to have your own solution, you right for each individual place based on people that actually understand how they got how it got to where it is and what could be done.
And mayors and their regime need to be heroes. They need to be people. And the other thing is you were saying, you know what?
Everybody looked into every single scrap of your life comes up. You did something wrong. You dated someone wrong. You paid someone. You did something. You did drugs sometime. I think that should be right there. When you come out of the gate, when you're up for. You give it get give. Just give the schematic on the person it's in. I want to run for president.
Here's all the shit I did. This is a fucking tax evasion. I didn't know she was 19.
You know, I didn't know that her mom was my girlfriend.
Shit like that. Yeah. I never put my finger in that dog. That pictures is father.
Yeah. You couldn't help yourself. I don't know.
I mean, that's how diseases start. That's not how they start. But you put your dogs, but now you just get sick. You don't get the disease. Maybe you don't get sick.
I think people out there could give a fuck. You know, people out in the mountains looking at their sister.
Well, you know, in that way, I had a this is that kind of person. I wasn't I was 21. So Jay Leno's at the store. My my first night in standup. Letterman brings me up. That's right.
My old man stories. Wow. So this is my first night. Mitchy said you got to quit. I was going to USC. Are we talking here?
78. Wow. Mitzy said I was going to go to USC film school. I got into their grad program because I won a student Oscar for a documentary I made about my nephew having his face reconstructed. I was gonna go serious filmmaking. That's what I wanted. And I was also standups Asso 17.
So Mitzy said, now, don't go there, work here. You work here. You're good. I'll put you in. You work here and you won't get paid but work here. Okay? Because that night when I moved to L.A. and I quit grad school, like the day I quit USC grad school, I went there for three days.
I went up at the store, let. Brought me up the lineup was Leno. Michael Keaton, Billy Crystal, Jeff Altman, Argus Pryor went up later in the Evening Sun one fucking night.
That's insane. And you're part of the reason that place came back. You and a bunch of the people that came in, you brought it back. I mean, it was not long ago that place was gone. It wasn't long. Good now. It wasn't good. How are you? You did that.
That's that's the empowerment that takes a strong thing to go. Wait. This place is history. And I like these rooms. I need to do comedy. What was I want to know, what was your decision making process? And how did you find? Because you were already on your way to wherever you wanted to make your playground.
Well, I was gone for seven years, you know. I was gone from 2007 to 2014. And that was the that Carl See incident that I had at the store. Yeah, I got banned. And not even by Mitzy. I got banned by the former management. And there's just some weird shit going on behind the scenes.
And they what hated. So where were you worked it out before then.
I was at the store. Oh, there's a store from 94 to 2007. I moved to L.A. in 94 and the first thing I do is go to the store. That was Mecca when I was in Boston and I was an open marker. I had heard about the store. Oh, yeah. In 1988, I started. And that was when Sam Kinison was huge. And, you know, I start I literally started comedy then right when I left.
So I missed you. I missed you. 94. Right. Well, I always wanted to ask you what it was like, because when you did full house, you basically had to stop doing standup because you were on this side. We do clean it. You still did it. Yeah.
And I started to morph and I started to get really fucked up on stage. And I was it was fucked up how fucked up I would go.
Okay, that's what I'm doing during the day. And here's I know when you did Newsradio, they wanted you not to do standup as much as that kind of.
No, not really. No. The only thing that ever happened to Newsradio was one of the producers said, why are you still doing the comedy?
You're an actor now. Like it was if it was a great thing and I was horrified, I was like, what?
Yeah. Oh, like what?
Put them on. I stopped doing standup for this. That's because they don't understand.
They think a lot of people use used and used Stand-Up to get a show, to get a writing gig, to get something. And I'm like, I can't stop being one. I am one.
Yeah, it's part of my hard drive. Well, it was the most fun to like. They were asking me to do this thing that I was basically like I'd never taken any acting classes I had I'd just gotten development deal from MTV, half hour comedy hour. Right. And they said, do you want to be on a sitcom like. Okay. And so they made me like get an acting coach. I took a few classes. That was really annoying.
And then next thing you know, I'm out here in L.A. on a sitcom. And so when they said, like, why are you doing standup?
You're an actor. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Right. You don't you've never killed. I'm like, you're saying this because you never killed.
They also didn't believe in hyphenates at that point. You can't do three things. You can't do four things. I'm sorry. You can only do one thing. I was also that I started working for the UFC and when I start working for the UFC, they were acting like I was doing porn.
Like, what are you doing? And I was like, yeah, I'm going to Alabama to do post-flight interviews for cage fighting event. No, the fuck is wrong with you that you could a fucking original. They don't know what that is.
Well, I was just no one had done it before. Right. There was no nobody did slash cage fighting commentators find me another whatever.
But it was just one of those things where, like, I was like, I don't care, I'm going to do this because I want to do this. And there were they were like, you really shouldn't do this like this pretty bad for your career. Whatever. I don't even know what that means. I was gonna do what I like to do.
Tell me again where where you had left off about the dementia thing with the Carlyn. So he had made some sort of sneaky backdoor deal with the store to have them banned me and he would put his name on the marquee, which he never would do before. Like he would do spots, they would just show up and bump people. That was his thing. You like to just show up. And he didn't let them put his name on the marquee and sell tickets with his name because he would do big venues around town.
This was around, you know, the mind him and see the days he was big star. You know, he was selling out large theaters. He was doing really well. And I wasn't doing as well as standup. I was on Fear Factor and I was doing pretty good with comedy, but I was mostly doing clubs. He was more advanced career wise, if I'm being honest. And so when they said that to me that I was banned and I knew it was wrong, I'm like, I know.
I know you guys are you art? You sell art. That's what you sell. Like, use this. You have an art store. It's just it's of a spoken art. And you are you're basically taking the side of someone who's stealing a vampire. You give a vampire of all the other performers, not just the vampire, but someone would who if you were go on stage, she would go on before you and do your closing bit and then bring you up.
There was a lot of dark shit going on. People are scared. They had lights they would flick in the back of the room when he was there to let you know if you wanted, these guys would just stop doing their act. How was it there? There was not good.
It was not good. It was it was accentuated by his celebrity. When he became famous. It got way worse, but it always existed. He was always a thief.
And so I said, OK, I'm not coming back. Mom let you know. You think this is gonna be like a two week deal or some point, then he can go fuck yourself. I'm not coming back. So just make make this decision. Understand, this is not this is not a temporary thing. We're going to ban me for a little while and I'm going back and forth to the manager. Well, myths, I don't want to.
Don't tell me, Mitzy said, because I was on the phone with Mitzy an hour ago before this, and I told Mitzy what was going on. I told Mitzy that we are going to make this video about him stealing material because it was a horrible situation there.
And I told her, Mike, I go, you know, this is just what it is. She all right? Just keep away from him. She goes when you want to go up and I go when you want to put me up. She goes, I'm at 10, 30. I go, Perfect. I love you because I love you, too. It's last time I talked to her. Last time I talked to her. And then they call me an hour later and say, I'm banned.
And I'm like, what are you talking about? I just got off the phone with Mitzy. I go, Who's running the fucking store? You're running this, are you? You're running the store. I work for you. Get the fuck out of here. And so I got furious and I just started work in the Improv and I did the Icehouse and I just said, okay, this what I do now and I don't work at the store anymore.
And the store I put the store's phone number on my my blog and told everybody the whole story. And I'm like, feel free to call them and let them know how I feel. And it was a ghost town there for years.
It became a rawat. Yeah, it did.
I crashed that place. Yeah. So what brought you back?
Ari Shaffir was doing his comedy special. He was filming an ad and Adam Egert. You know, Adam, I'd known ad. I like Adam. I love Adam. And he was he'd been on the podcast for two.
I've seen him. Adam was at the Tempe Improv years before that and I became friends with him when I worked there. And then he came over and started being the town coordinator at the store and they came to visit me at the Improv. He said, we'd love to have you at the store. He's like, Tommy doesn't work there anymore. He's gone. Was the manager that had the issue with. Right. And Mincy had long been just he had long been outcasts from the comedy community, like that video and the subsequent all these other comedians coming out, telling stories about him, everything fell apart.
And this is what I told them was going to happen. I was like, this is not it's not going to go away. This is real. This is not like people make mistakes. They they accidentally do someone's bit because they forget it was someone's bit or some parallel. Do come up with the same thing. People yeah, there's a lot.
But there there's good people and then there's people that are victimizing people. And he was one of those that was victimized people and what the worst I've ever seen. And so this had happened. And I knew when Adam came to visit me at the Improv, I knew. Well, I knew Adam was a good guy and I'd thought about it, but I was like, I can't, I'm not I can't I can't go back there. And then, ah, he was doing a special and ah was filming his special In the o'War and ah he was one of my best friends and I'd been friends with Ari from the time that he was a doorman.
And I was like he had gone through this journey of being a doorman too. I started taking him on the road with me so I'd take him on the road and we would do all these gigs together. And now here he is. He's got his own television show and he's doing a fucking Comedy Central special and he's filming it at the store. I'm like, I got to be there. So I came there on Tuesday night. He was filming on Wednesday.
I came out on Tuesday night and I was there for Roast Battle. And Jeff Ross introduced me to the crowd and I got to see Roast Battle. And it was wild roast battle was wild. It was so beautiful. Was like it was creative and it was fun and it was packed.
Now where one night being a judge, Jeff brought me and said, Bob, you've got to come down. You don't know. You don't know. Cool. Yeah, I still wonder. It's wonderful if it comes back, it still is so cool, but it'll come back.
And then the next night I came back and I saw Ari. I watched Ari film a special. And I said, okay, I almost talked to him, chose. And so I think like a couple days later, I did my first show back there. Knows it. Ben, you were there. You were playing almost every night of the week. Was there a lot? Until the lockdown was there many days week.
When I come back and do it right and sign up, put my name on the thing, I do drop ins. But they're five minutes.
I don't know. You don't want to drop in. I don't. I don't. I don't. I wanted two sets and what I was doing to drop it is just it would beat us to. I wasn't sure.
You know, I wasn't sure that I wanted to go up and be part of a lineup. Is it competitive? Do people take your stuff? Do people know?
There's none of that there now. There's none of that here. That was my.
You know, I have PTSD from eight years. Right. And I was at a love affair with Mitzi. I was like a nephew to her. So I was kind of like family. Even at her funeral. I was like family. You I hadn't been around.
But there was one time in Vegas where I had a weird experience and I was trying to keep somebody sober and I had to stay up all night to keep them sober so that she didn't find out. And as a result, I hadn't slept and I had a week set in Vegas, had the dunes. And then after the set, she came backstage and said, you've lost it.
You're not funny anymore. Oh, no. And that was like, you don't say that to a sensitive Jew comic, neurotic mother.
She didn't give a fuck, though, dude. She had zero filter. No. And and you know what happened? It hurt me. And it's just like you teach in martial arts to the kids.
It's like, well, I better get fucking funny. Yeah. Better get funny again. And I guess I would have to use another eight. No excuses. You get it. And I just worked harder and harder.
And now I mean, I want to do. I might do some drive ins. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I, I'm enjoying the podcasting because I get to and I call people and talk to them. And that's the interplay with people who fuck around a little. And I have some guests that you've had that I love people that are friends. But the point is, I'm born this.
I'm born to do this. You're born to do this. And he was just gonna take your subject.
And she loved me. And I loved her. But she got really sick. You know, it's really tragic. So people hated her. And some people loved her all the way to the end.
I loved her. I know she helped me.
Yeah, she helped us and helped me. To me, it wasn't for her. When I became a paid regular. That was like the most important day of my life at that moment. I was like, holy shit. I'm a real comedian. I'm a paid Regulus.
I didn't know what that meant. I showed up one night and then they put on the website. Bob Saget paid regular.
And I wrote to the e mailed out and I texted somebody, whoever did the thing. I tried to call me. Paid regular. I mean, you know, you get to say, I showed up. He goes, No, no, you don't understand. It's an honor. Like, but I don't take the pay.
I never take pay paid regular. I did, but I didn't realize it is a rite of passage. Like a badge of honor. It is. It was such your stripes was something important.
When that happened, I was like, oh my God. Because like I said, when I started down in 88, the comic store was Mecca. That was the place like I oh, I wanted to be there. That was where Richard Pryor performed. That was where Kinnison performed. Those were Hicks performed. I wanted to go there. And when I was there, I was actually there. It was a dark time and I was there in 94.
It was a shithole as fuck. And I went in when it was over. I went in. It was empty. I mean, you know, twenty p it was socially distanced. Well, it was.
There was a bad perfect for now, a bad run for about six years where it wasn't very good from 94 to around 2000 and somewhere around 2000 started picking up again, hit Paulie.
Paulie really stepped in. And Peter. Peter did a lot, right? Well, he's just better talent can started coming around. Right. That's all it was. It's like there was a lot of guys who had I think there was a week. This is my own personal theory. And and I'm only basing that on the timeline of Kinnison death. Kinison left the Comedy Store somewhere around like 90, and then he died somewhere around like 92, somewhere around there in 93.
And then, you know, so many guys had gone off and done sitcoms and like Jim Carrey had gone off and done movies and in Living Color. And there wasn't there wasn't that many people there. And then there was also a lot of really bad talent. There was a lot of good.
That's the Kodak. That is a fact.
And there are people that could have been accountants and instead chose comedy as a career. And they learned how to walk to stage. Yes. And they learned how to hold a mike. And they learned how to talk to the audience.
Right. Deal like a plumber. They learn a trade. It's on. And they weren't even good at the grammar. You don't want the plumber that's gonna blow your toilet up. Yeah, the plumber puts the wrong gasket and it runs.
So I saw a lot of those guys and I was really disappointing. Like I was like one of my first nights there. I remember there was like 15, 20 people in the audience. The acts were terrible. I was like, this is so weird. This is the Comedy Store. I stayed away because it made me sad.
But then every now and then, like Martin Lawrence would show up every now and then. Damon Wayans would show up every now and then. Demerara would show up every now and then someone would show up and I showed up.
I wasn't there when you were there. That sucks.
I didn't see you there for many, many years, many years. But that's why I was asking about, like, the full house days. Was it hard at it just because of a way?
Because you were you had a dirty act, but it was just, Lou, until after and full house in the video show were simultaneous.
And there were family, you know, seven o'clock at night on a Sunday posting videos. I can't say is another fuckin video. You know, you can't do that. Right. And I didn't say fuck that much. In fact, few years ago, Dyce called me, goes, Sacket, I gotta tell you. And we got to see each other. But also, you know what, man? You stole my shit after you after full house ended, you start stoma.
I said, what are they still. Well, you didn't you say fuck as much, but I still feel. Was he joking?
Kind of, but not really. But then he wanted to tour with me. So it was kind of like S.J dice.
It's always like half pranking you. I love it. He's always half fucking with you. I sort of go on the road because of dice. I was just doing store and this is when I was on Newsradio. And one day he went back and he was like, you should go on the road. And I'm like, Yeah. And he goes, Yeah, you're funny. He goes, You're not gonna be fucking beholden. These cock suckers. He goes, motherfuckers in to movies in their shows.
He goes, he goes, you go on the road. We do make good living. Well, I was thinking about us like, why don't I go on the road? So I just started booking gigs. I literally just listened to him. First of all, you know, I'm 27 years old. I can't believe Dye's is talking to me right now. My I'm talking to Dice. And then he tells me to go on the road. I was like, he's right.
Why don't you go on the road?
So I started doing gigs here and there, you know, and then when I really started going on the road like we really was when I left the store that 2007 time when I left the store, that's when I start touring, hasn't really started touring because I was kind of angry to. I was like, you know, I put all that time into that place and. And I was. I thought, what we're doing. Like, that men see it thing.
I thought that was we're doing the right thing. I thought that was a real problem. And so when that was the reaction, I was like, OK, I'm going to show you motherfuckers are this this attitude like I'm gonna show you. And then I did my best work.
I did nothing wrong with that. Yeah. That was my best work was after that, because I was, you know, my best my first real big special was 2009, just two years after that.
And then, you know, and I don't have any hate for that dude. And I hope he gets better. I hope he's doing great. I really do. I think he I think he has learned his lesson. I hope he has.
Oh, people forgive him, too. I don't I think that's a problem.
You know, I think many people have had it. You know, some very famous people have had no idea.
I don't mean that. You know, many people have had that like Robin Wright, you know, a lot of people had that, that and his Olympian.
His loss is so. And his talent is so gigantic that he was just a vacuum cleaner of stuff.
He robbed it. Yeah. Yeah.
And I loved him beyond. Yeah. He was he's. He was so young. Yeah.
He's a he's he's from every hundred years a Robin Williams comes in.
This is what it's about. You brought up what was going on doing those family shows and then doing. Yeah. Richard Jeni comes into play here is kind of an interesting thing that you brought him up because he hits me in the solar plexus.
I did a special while the two shows were in the top ten full house and America's Funniest Home Videos. As long names to say, they sound like I'm saying porn.
But I said the names of the shit like Dirty to me. Full house. Oh, that's a filthy Bob.
But I love doing family entertainment. That's my many different sides. I love doing stuff the whole family can watch together. I don't look at that and go, oh, fuck that. That's bullshit. You know, that's that's not the cynical guy that can come out and be blue for the sake of blue.
I wasn't blue for the sake of blue.
I just did what I did. You know, just like you did what you did your UFC stuff.
It's like I wasn't doing anything athletic, but to I did an HBO special and it did well, but in the ratings or whatever, but it was not good. And I made it so you can't see it. And Richard Jeni loved it. And he would say to me, I loved that special. And I was I was saying, fuck it.
But it was like an hour long and it took a half an hour. It was about me being in a dream, try and missing my gags. I was trying to make a film because I want to be a filmmaker.
And then the next half hour was basically half hour standup. And I just didn't do any of it. Right. You know, and but there were a couple really funny moments and a couple of good bits.
And Richard told me he thought it was one of the funniest specials and most inventive that he'd ever seen. And I was always thrown by that. And and and it I started to get more like, well, what I want to do in standup. And I was like, I just want to make people laugh. I just want to. And then when the shows ended, I started directing some stuff. And then I did a special called That A.
Right. And that was the HBO special that upset a lot of people. And also put me in Rolling Stone and Newsweek.
And all that was because it was dirty. I said he fuck a lot because I was I was. It is subject matter as well. No. Yeah. A little bit.
I used fuck as a verb a few times. I don't you know, if it's expressive. Right. But it was your huge.
I mean it's what I said people. Because that's what you had always been doing. But they didn't expect that out of you because they wanted full house. And America's Funniest Home.
But who would go to see that? What am I gonna do? Hug people and clean, you know?
Well, they wanted that sort of Howie Mandel thing. Look how he's blue. He has blue sometimes, but not anymore. No, it was denim. I saw him at the Laugh Factory.
He's actually talking about the dangers of doing a bit that could get him fired from the show. Oh, yeah. You talked about that onstage, that if he says anything, right. I mean, he's on the squeakiest, a squeaky family entertainment. You know, he went from deal or no deal to this other thing he's doing now.
What is he, America's Got Talent or.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, he's I've been talking to him a lot.
He's a great guy. He's a great guy. And he's had a lot of mental health issues that he talked about in a book. And his OCD is just to the outskirts of it.
How bad is it now with the fucking corona virus? As always, his hold on a germophobia. Yeah. Have the whole world I telly's.
So, by the way, somebody wrote that down. The whole world is Howie Mandel now.
Yeah. Itis something like he's a prophet. I forget who was a figure who wrote there was Gaffigan someone someone said that someone had to love.
I love Jim. No he's great. But anyway. So, you know, I don't know why people think that you're like a character, you play in something. Well, because you played that character for a long time, for so long. And this was pretty social media. This is pretty podcast. They just associate it like Bill Cosby. OK. For the longest time, people thought Bill Cosby. I got it. Hey. Hi. Bill always was offended that I talked blue on stage because he said you don't need it.
And when I would see him, I would almost hear, like he's saying, motherfucker in between.
What would it Bill Cosby think about Kinnison? I want to know that I would have loved to see that.
I'm sure he just he just disapproved anything blue. But the truth is, liquidy acted out in his real life.
What? Just he it. That is why. That's what the boys club that he was in my boys club.
Or I hate to say that because it's so misogynistic, but it was a guy that looks like him. I know what I look like. I look like your dentist, your accountant or somebody. Maybe you're going to college just if it's a good week, but not yours.
But but I'll continue, I swear. I just had a moment of doing like ten of those that go nowhere.
But but the truth of it is for me to say that is the joke for me. And that gets nowhere also.
So I have to have content.
And the more specials I did and the more I've done standup like I was about to shoot a new one this year. I've got like an hour and a half of stuff, of course. So everybody's going to have 12 minutes a code. But I don't know what it's going to be.
But it was really. I was about to talk about racial injustice. Ready to go? Because I've got all this stuff when I was a kid and segregation and I was living it and didn't understand it when I was six, seven years old in Virginia.
So it's like I started to have more it much more and much more intent in what I want to do right now and make people laugh.
I got to throw a dick joke and just to make myself happy.
Well, stand up comedy is supposed to be Here's the world through my eyes. Whenever some other comic comes along and tells you not to do your version of reality. Then go eat shit. And usually there's something wrong with them. And that's obviously the case of Bill Cosby. There's something wrong with him. A hundred his them his need to have everyone deliver this G rated comedy was you know, he was he had some dark, dark shit going on the back of his.
And I fucking looked up to him so much when I was young. I'd watch him on I spy with Robert Culp. And it was this. You probably didn't watch it back because I'm older. He was so great.
And then, you know, he he got his doctorate after just two years.
They gave him a free one at Temple. I went to Temple University also, but I graduated and I. I didn't, you know, tranquilized people and ejaculate. Congratulations. Thank you for to the non ejaculation clause.
But he you know, you can't preach and then be full of shit.
It's like when he got away with for his whole life though, I think that's how he covered his tracks like nobody would believe it. Who raped you? Bill Cosby. Oh, go on. There's no way that's what they would think.
And I guarantee you, that was part of what was the hustle was it's like a priest I give if no one knew the priest raped kids. And then you came home and said, Mom, the priest raped you. Me, your mom.
Billy, what the fuck are our Boy Scouts?
Look, I mean, there's a fucking ad right now. Yeah, I can't believe this.
An ad. I'm glad there's an ad.
Would you mean there's an ad commercial if you if you've been sexually molested as scoutmaster. Yeah. Yeah.
So all this shit, that's that's the cleaning that seems to be happening.
That's positive that people are getting called on stuff that's been going on for thousands of years and in this country for hundreds of years and terrible, terrible, terrible shit.
So that I that's a good calling out. That's a good I mean.
Well, there's calling out is one way to look at it. But what's really happening is the the lines between reality, information, truth, information and people like how how accessible is truth. It's their way. It's there's way less distance to travel to find out reality than they used to be. And we we're remapping our version of the world because of that. And, you know, this is what we're seeing with everything with police brutality. So we're seeing with taxes is what we're seeing with with government and the environment and, you know, climate change and fill in the blank every single right woman.
S just a giant fuckin representation of all of it.
Let's a wakeup call to all of us that there has been way less funding and planning and strategy to deal with pandemic viruses than should have ever been put in place. Bill Gates warned us about this in 2015. I know a lot of people think Bill Gates is the devil now for some reason, if you pay attention that, yeah, they think Bill Gates is like trying to depopulate the world or some shit.
I don't know. I don't know whether to get off Facebook. Tick tock. I don't know. Get off of him.
There's a guy in when they were trying to keep Huntington Beach or Long Beach open, you know, wasn't Long Beach, wasn't Huntington Beach, it was Huntington Beach. It's a Republican area.
Right. So they had all these people in the street. We're not going to wear a mask. We're not going to stay inside was the early days the pandemic? Right. And this guy is going, you know, do not wear a mask. Do not give in. Bill Gates is the devil.
He's got a fucking board. He was yelling, this is like pre George Floyd, all that shit. I remember that topped off the madness of that particular moment.
Like Bill Gates, the devil, the guy who made Microsoft, the guy who has Sweater's Bill Gates is the devil like. But that's just on any sound bite. It was crazy to listen to, but that's what we'll do believe.
We're all over the fuckin place. People are all over. And it's like one side's over here so liberal that I'm not allowed to say anything.
I'm not talking just out, not as a narcissist, but as a human. Yeah. Artist. How it affects me, how it affects you. And then everybody's over here so far. Right. It's fundamentalists on both sides. Can't we just cut off the little hands on each side and just have just a can't? Well, everybody have if there has to be a dream disk, this isn't going to this is this is how change happens.
You have to correct polar's. You have to have polar opposites. Yes.
This is just a. Fundamentalism, it mean it is it's the same thing you see on the left as you see on the right. Their ideology varies. But what their goal is, is the same. Their goal is compliance. They want you to listen. They want to have power and control. And then there's people that have fairly reasonable. That can see other people's perspectives that lean towards the middle. Those are the healthy people. But these people that want you to use 78 different gender pronouns and they only want to give money to keep up.
I get so many mistakes. It's not mistakes, man.
Well, I did a thing in Austin which we both love, and I did a thing for the Ali coalition. And it's it's for the.
Oh, gee, I always fuck it up. It's lgb t. Q.
Q But Q Is questioning or queer it change was. Yeah. Questioning or or queer at that moment.
Then why now. You know A's in there too. What is that asexual. I got thrown in the mix. I'm fine with that. So I'm not. I'm not.
I did a joke at that game. I did a call. I did it for them because they're a wonderful organization that helps a lot of people. And it was it was I loved it. And I was with Jay Pharoah, who I loved being with.
And bunch of people, bunch of comedians were on the thing. And I was the, I guess, the headliner of the thing that they brought in this gorgeous structure. I don't know. You seen it. It looks like the inside of a Mac store, but it's outdoors in Austin.
It's like a monolithic looking cool thing.
And so I made a joke, something about LGB. I did all the letters and then I said, that's my record locator on my flight.
And that got an awful quiet response that I didn't understand it because I was I'm I'm with them, but I'm not making fun of them. I'm part of them.
Maybe the joke just wasn't that good, I think.
So from your response, it's possible to you're carrying around your head. But then I did another I did a song about transitioning that I'd written for the event, Transitioning what a male to a female and me having a relationship cause I do comedy music in in a purist wake's.
I love writing songs and singing, and I've always done that in my standup. I started as a musical act that we would all ridicule and.
And I had to pull before I got to the end of it because it was just it got quieter and I heard crickets and I felt so bad because I was doing it is saying, hold on, hold on, stop, stop.
Well in clubs that bit. Yeah, it was killing. I did it on a special but. But you're doing it at an LBG t q a positive event.
That's because I'm a fucking moron. Yeah. And I care about people more. I care about all human beings. I don't I don't have a racist bone in my body. I don't understand anything. Humanity is I'm a fucking what I heard Dick's racist, my dick.
So don't. Thank you. Thank you. You saved me. I know SNI and I used bedsit racism, but you know that that's not a comedy.
Look, I don't do any sort of benefit. And the reason why I would just donate money, I don't do benefits because it's not a nice place for kind of scleroderma.
And I do. But any money? No, but would you do a tape for my by viral event in October? I wouldn't do three minutes on tape. Wouldn't do.
And yo, I wouldn't die.
Listen to me. I wouldn't do acrobatics in a benefit to help people with spinal bifida. No, no. People no evidence is hilarious.
By the way. I don't know if you've had it. No, I got people that are crippled. OK, I'm night.
You know what I'm saying?
Like you're doing comedy in an event where people are talking about a serious issue that maybe they've been maligned and mis gendered and just fucking disenfranchised their whole life. And then you're on stage telling, you know, a questionable joke that wasn't your best joke. And then a song about transitioning and you wonder why they're not laughing. It's not funny to them because it's not a it's not a comedy show while doing comedy at a thing.
Why weren't you in my life sooner? Will you manage me? No.
So here's here's your advice. So if you want here's the thing.
The thing that I do, I'm part of this Florida, my research foundation, because my sister died of this disease. What is this disease? It's a hardening of the skin.
Sclera means hardening and dermo means skin.
And a lot of people have it. Different people, people, a lot of people and proportionately hits people of African descent, not unlike coronavirus hits the lungs. Queen Latifah, his mother, passed away from it.
I know other people who've had it. It's it's. And I lost my sister and my dear friend. And the first person to ever do the benefit benefit was Robin Williams. And he did it seven times after. And we've raised 53 million dollars and we're curing people.
It's amazing. People are what do they get into remission? What do they do for the cure? Like what? There's new therapies. My sister was mistreated in guinea pig. They gave her cortisone and prednisone, which drives you fucking nuts. And they just tested stuff and the rheumatologists that did it to her is no longer alive. And how do you sue somebody that didn't know what he was doing? But now they're centers at Johns Hopkins and at UCSF and Stanford.
And they're really new drugs, like really great ones. So it's always been a comedy benefit. And there are people there, patients there. And I've always had everybody who's done it. Chappelle did it for me in L.A. at the Beverly Wilshire. And I had it was it was wonderful.
It was John Mayor got up on stage and I think it was Ray Romano.
And I wonder if it was gaffing. I've had almost every comedian do it, but Chappelle made me put on the invite and Dave Chappelle might come said says thank you. Paul says he might come.
And he flew himself out and he did the damn thing. And he couldn't do material because we didn't lock up phones. And he did a half hour of being the beautiful person that he is.
And so all I was saying was Robin did it seven fucking times. So here's my question.
So Richard Jeni. Patrice Brody. You know, all these people, Sam, Chris Farley wasn't a stand up. But why do a really, truly funny people have to die? Shouldn't there be some kind of universal law? Mitch Hedberg, human Mitch Habil Helix.
Well, you know, people die, bro. It's part of life.
I know, but. But temporary.
But the love we need to see Robin Williams to somebody, anybody. They get emotional, you know, because he he could have never done stand up and just acted in movies.
When 9/11 happened.
You know about 9/11. Right. Yeah. OK. I can't do that. Can't do that. It's not a joke. It's just me being an ass. Thanks for. Thanks for sitting through this with me. I mean, I haven't had my shrink to go to a shrink.
No, he's smart as fuck. So anyway, sensory deprivation tank.
Oh, dear. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. You get alone with your thoughts. For real. I've done it. Have you. Yeah, I've got one here. You do? Yeah. It's all salt in the air and then you play music. No tones, no. No good thoughts. Just my thoughts. I just do breathing exercises.
And I know that you you know the readings of Terence McKenna because I she's a mushroom boy, my good friend and his brother. No shit. Yeah. Brother Dennis is amazing. Holy crap. Yeah. Yeah. I was gonna see. I was I had a 420 show in Vancouver. He lives in B.C. now. He's a expat. He bailed out this fucking wacky country and went to it just as wacky one.
Right. Fuck. I love Vancouver where he picked a good spot.
I love Vancouver. Let me just finish the Robin thought, please. Yeah.
Because I apologize. So 9/11 happens and I'm home and I'm alone. My kids, I was divorced. My kids were at their moms and all the channels are running the footage for 24 hours.
And Fox television. Runs Mrs. Doubtfire. And I'm like, what a great fucking thing they did for me and for people.
And I know a lot of people that I've talked to over the years that go, Yeah. I watch Mrs. Doubtfire that night. They fucking on their network, which was still kind of a new network in a way. They ran it.
And it's a story about divorce and what he would do to get back to his kids. Yeah. And his acting in in that is you know, it's a sweet movie.
It's a sweet movie. That's a movie that I gave as an example and someone saying I. Because someone was saying that trans people are never funny and a straight person in drag is never funny. I guess you can't say it's never funny. And I said, you don't think it's it's never funny when someone pretends to be a woman. And the guy says it's never funny. I go, Mrs. Doubtfire, Tootsie. Well, that's a good one, too.
But there's a lot of them.
Mrs. Doubtfire is a very strong example movie, but it's not about that's not about that. It's about having two do great greatest skies to be able to see his kid.
Yes. But he's still pretending to be a woman. And it's fucking hilarious. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, he he was all I was saying was if he had never done standup, if Robin had just been just been a great actor.
Well, look what he's doing now. I mean, Eddie Murphy is one the best tandems ever stops. Yeah. And now he just does films.
I have. I have a story for you about him. I think you'll dig. So I'm hosting the main room thinking I'll never get a career. Everybody's off. Everybody's gone. Are CEOs gone?
How are you? What do you mean? You think you never get a career?
I was on the road not making a lot of money, but in the meantime, I would host for years the Westwood store, which was no more.
Which was fun, actually. Sam.
So you're really young at this time that you were my 20s. You weren't gonna have a career. You're already in your 20s.
Yeah, I was depressed. All my 20s, my all of them. That's great.
I was I'd be on a plane and didn't care if it went down. That's how stupid I was, really. I should've been gone to a doctor. What? I shouldn't be that depressed.
So I'm there and I'm hosting and Eddie Murphy comes in and this is not on the bill.
He didn't call for a spot.
So Eddie comes in and he's working outroar. And I don't know that it's raw. But then he comes out and he's in.
I can't remember if it's a blue leather or the red leather suit, but he's in one of them and he looks like a fucking God. I mean, he looks. I've never seen anyone more beautiful. Oh, I look at.
Oh, my God. His skin was like butter ibrd. I want to kiss him. He's still beautiful. He's he's amazing. He's one of the most wanted to be the Beatles a comedy.
He is. He he he is. So I'm the host on a Friday night. And it was Sam's gonna go on later. And he comes out and the play Standing Ovation. The walls shake and he does about 50 minutes on a Friday night.
Wow. And I'm watching it and it's good. And it's and I'm laughing and I'm seeing it. He's working. He's working it. Yeah. That's why he's there.
And he's get and he's getting ready for some because he's dressed in his wardrobe for well, be in this suit. That's going to be the show. The movie.
And then he finishes and it and it. Great applause. Standing ovation.
But what you would expect. I was there the next four. I was there all the time. I lived there. Which is why I went away for a long time. Besides, work happened. I was on Broadway and whatever the fuck happened just on the street, you know, I was just begging. But I. But what?
A week later, a week, one week later, the following Friday, he comes out in the other color suit. I don't know if it was blue or red filling. It was blue that that other Friday, one Friday later.
And I asked, had he gone up at the improv or laugh factor anywhere?
And they said no. He comes up and he does an hour intend standing ovation when it starts. I watched how great he is with my own eyes, ears and heart. It was I never saw anything like it.
I've though the when he was done, he had crushed it so strong in a way that was so fucking funny because it was it had emotion in it and it it talked about racism and it talked about just forget it was dirty and it was great.
And the wall literally the building shook and that buildings got like dead mobsters underneath it. That's very solid. That building this cement down there. I'm not kidding. The wall thought was an earthquake.
Right? It was minutes, minutes of applause. And I come back stage, you know, and these is face to face with me. And I go, that that was fucking amazing. And he just gave me a. A nod like, yes, sir. And then he's gone. And he was always very kind to me, too.
But I got to see that. I got to see in one week what brilliance it took for him.
So what do you think he did? Do you think you just went and reviewed the material? And if he didn't perform in all that week, he might.
He must of some not not necessary. No, I think not necessarily the answer.
No, I think he just did what we do when we're good and went over it and over and over as long as he worked at it. He hit hard.
There's no way he didn't work at it. Well, sometimes it's not even just. He didn't just leave it there. But sometimes it's not that. Sometimes it's just inspiration. Sometimes you feel different. Sometimes you just feel better. Like sometimes you go on stages, feel loose. Yeah, he's got an ideas. And do you feel physically better? Maybe like maybe you more wrote well rested or maybe he didn't like the set the week before. So he did.
And thinking about it for all that I could tell he didn't.
After that first set because he was in his mind, was worrying. Like it does when we're trying to work it together.
Well, listen, man, that's the weirdest thing about doing a special. You leave that material to the ether, it's gone, and then you start from scratch. You have no weapons.
So here you have these people who come to see you. Oh, my God, it's Bob Sagna. Love Bob Saget. I'm so excited.
And you ain't got shit for them. I did. They're sick. Randall and I have to let special look every time I do, as I said at the Comedy Store after my special comes out. I don't have anything. I have a few scraps. I have a few ideas, a few premises. You know, this last time I got lucky that I had a couple that I couldn't really do my last special. I never really fleshed out. I could start with them.
I could kind of get going, get get a little bit of momentum and piece together an act. But that desperation is what creates your ears. Your act.
That's this last after that happened. And what I could feel was happening in the world past.
And you could too, for the past year, year and a half of what was what we were going toward with Trump at the helm and all of the shit that's been happening and all the people at each other. So. It started happening fast, were new stuff was coming to me. And I was reflective of my life and reflective over. Real things, more real things, not just a bunch of nonsense or just so you wanted to do more real thoughtful storytelling, things that mean something to you rather than just jokes.
But I but I can't help myself. As you apparently tell, without taking little asides to throw in something that's just like fucking what?
When you say that you want to do this, though, like, how much time were you working? How much. Yeah.
Well, you're doing quite a bit. I've been on the road and I've been wanting to be on the road more than I've ever wanted to be on the road. Wow. So up until pandemic, I was set to go to Canada and they closed Canada the day before. Actually, they closed it the day after I pulled on Vancouver.
And then you basically just Tauren back and forth and is doing a lot a lot of clubs getting everything. A lot of clubs at the theater. But a theater runs, a little theater runs. And it's not big ones. Yeah.
And everything. Nice and loose. Yeah. And when we think about filming, I was going to go fall this year. Me too. So I was already.
I know where I'm going to shoot it. I don't even want to say because I have some really cool shit that I have that I want to do, that it's part of the place if part of it, but it's just. I can't look like it's bad. I can't feel like it's just going to what we're all going do is just going to make me. It may mean even more everything we're going to get to do.
When is a vaccine? When we find out if their vaccine works?
What the fuck?
All this says when we get to go out and really do a room that's 100 percent full and we don't know. You don't know. It's come with your big date coming up.
I think they're all getting canceled. If I had to guess, I mean, less something happens between now. I mean, I'm supposed to Madison Square Garden October. Have you played there before?
Yeah, I've played the small room, but I'm doing the big room in Boston Garden back to back two weeks in a row. Mother fucker. And I don't know if that's happened in Chapell. And I have a bunch of gigs saw.
I don't know if that's happening, but you'll just move them. You'll just move my year, right? Yes. A year.
A year likely. But even then, we don't.
What kind of a climate are we looking at? Was the world going to be like. That's the least of my concern right now. I mean, doing standup is great. I would I would like to stand up. Right.
It's a selfish consult. Right. Right now, I just want a. Look, if we'd never do stand up again, man. Life is beautiful. I don't appreciate life. Don't appreciate my friends. I don't appreciate my family. I appreciate being able to do this podcast. This has been one of the nicest things that there's a place that I could sit and hang out with people and talk and learn. My God, this is podcast has made me grow a lot as a human being.
It has a lot. I've what I've listened and watched.
It's it's shifted my perspective. It's made me way more aware of how much responsibility I have doing this thing. When we first started doing this podcast, it was, you know, me and Brian read band and whoever the guest was, Joey Deva's or Eddie Bravo or Ari Shaffi or whatever wasn't, they would be like a thousand people listening at the most. You know, you get like a thousand downloads would be crazy. And so we got to practice when there was, like, no stakes and you could still listen to them.
Some of them are terrible and some of them are getting me in trouble now. Some of the ridiculous shit we said. Right. Trying to make each others laugh, but. Led to this. And did you, for whatever reason, we just kept doing it. Or I just kept doing it. It became this.
Did you have any vision in your mind that it would be what other people look at as like an empire?
No fucking chance. No, you just did it. Just did it. I'm a grinder. I'm I'm. I'm a person that I see something and I try to get better at it. And I know that I had a bunch of podcasts that weren't that good. And so I'd go. What was wrong with that one? Well, I talk too much. Or maybe I interrupted too much or maybe I didn't have enough to say about the subject. So maybe I should be more prepared.
Maybe I should be more focused. And then I really what what is what's a distraction? Like, make sure people don't look at their phones. Make sure you're locked in. Be really engaged. Be in the moment in the conversation. Be better at that. And I just kept doing it.
That's kind of. You're an influence on me in a huge regard because I didn't come to podcast because every fucking person on the earth had the kid across the street has a podcast. You know, met the guy, U.P.S. guy the other day. Had a podcast.
Really? No, but but it's OK. But but it but I, I'm like on number 33. And I'm, I'm learning very fast because I'm a broadcaster, you know.
I know how to do things but it's not it's it's a conversation. That's why I'm so drawn to what you do is people listening.
This is the most important thing.
And it's and they love it and they and they need it. But it's also you have to listen to the way you sound. You have to listen to the way the conversations going. Like it has to be there has to be something in what you're talking about and the way you're talking that makes people want to listen. I don't know how to teach that. I know. I mean, I don't know. I think. But, B, you get better at it.
It's a skill. There's something to it that's just like everything else, man. It's like I'm not I don't play the piano, but I would imagine it's like playing the piano or learning any other skill. The more time and focus you put into it, the better you get at it. And it's to me, it's it's fascinating. Still to this day, if I get a scientist in here or a researcher or someone is writing a book on something and Elon Musk with a flamethrower.
Yeah, it's fascinating.
I when I'm having those conversations, I'm I'm locked in, man.
I love it. I enjoy it. And I never, ever thought I'd be doing this. And this is not a plan there. No plan to this.
Isn't that the best. It's great. Know it's the best, but it's great. Well, it's the bement joy. I think it's the best because it comes from an organic place and that's why it work. That's why it works. I mean, that's why it's gonna even. And if you read, but you're you're moving it. And if you read about it, yeah, it's right here. Some people that work for me tell me that. Yeah.
It's moving somewhere. I can't remember where, but I just moved in somewhere big.
Apparently, you know, and that's a that's a mindfuck, too, because now it's like there's more scrutiny on it. Is more people paying attention and criticism and everything.
But it's also it's like I just keep doing it, just keep going and I just keep focusing on that. And that's the real challenge, right, as it gets bigger.
Can you keep doing the way you're doing it? Can you keep getting high and get drunk and have friends here and just talk shit? Yeah. I'm going to see until the wheels fall off.
They're not going to follow because you're a special guy. I'm just telling you, I'm 64.
I could say shit like that. What if when you're 62, they're not. You know, I wasn't allowed. I was talking to Norman Lear the other night. It's going to be 98. How's he doing? He's fucking genius on the ball at 91.
We were we had a zoom with a bunch of music guys, like I said, and he is one of the most beautiful people I've ever I will ever know, which his mind is being sharp at 90 hairs about humanity.
He you know, he changed television. He gave us all in the family and friend and son and of good times and The Jeffersons.
Isn't that crazy that none of those shows you could do today, but they're doing them.
They are doing the live ones on ABC, Jimmy Kimmel and he are doing those. Do you what? All the family and what is Organum Jeffersons have been running new episodes. Well, it's Woody Harrelson as Archie Bunker shot to resort to May. Is it. Oh, shut the fuck out.
Sorry. You really need to Google this. Is this actually happening? Raising gigantic.
A couple months ago, but yes. Before the pandemic. What this is about as real as it gets. How the fuck am I just hearing them. How can you. I've. I told you something.
You need to know. This is Woody Harrelson, Woody. And they sing those as the day bonker and get the fuck out of here.
Fucking awesome, Joe. It's also. And Norman Lear. And there's Marissa.
This is crazy. You have to watch it. I can't save. This is real. No, it's. It's. How do you know about. Are you joking? No, I didn't know about this. Well, I gave you Jamie.
I get it. She comes up.
I gave Joe Intel live in front of a studio audience on the family home. So it's Norman and Kimmel and ABC and it's well, so are the producers. Yeah, they do it together.
And it's why it's fucking oh, it's so special because the stuff is about racism, because people didn't quite understand. Some people were just loving Archie and not getting the sadness.
They're all dressed like they're in the 70s. Yeah. So it takes place. This Jesse Eisenberg, Koller's. Yes.
And a lot on The Jeffersons. Yeah. Jamie Fox. I mean, this is what. Yes. This is big. What do I not know. They've got to go and watch it. You've got to look it up.
You've got to watch a little bit of that old man that doesn't know anything anymore. I'm completely out of the loop. I'm so relevant. You're the relevant this guy over Matt. Now, the most relevant is Norman Lear. So he's 98. Look at this.
This is crazy. It's AB now who's going to do Sanford and Son? I don't know if they're gonna do that. Why not? I don't know if you can do Redd Foxx, D.L. Huguely. There's a few people I love, D.L. I did, too. I think he could do it.
So he was onstage at Zanies in Nashville and he passes out and he's got Korona.
I know. How good is his tour manager that caught him as he was falling asleep?
Yeah. Not amazing. Could've had his head crack. Oh, for sure. He was going down. You know what? I'm sure this is what I was saying about all these comedians that we love.
And I got I'm so fed up with that cause I love comedians so much. I started I don't reach out to D.L. that often, but we see each other once in a while. I started texting. Were you OK? It's Bob Saget. Please don't think I'm weird.
I can't fucking take. I can't fucking take it anymore. Please don't think I'm weird. And then Mary takes me back. He's laughing. He's good. I'm okay. I said, well, they wrote something else. I'm sorry I texted you. Then the next day I called him. I said, What the fuck, man? How sick are you?
He goes, I'm okay. I'm okay.
It doesn't seem to be that sick. I saw him talking. No, it seems they had a bit of a cough. You know, Brian Callen got it. Yeah. He's fine now. He really does.
He's a strong mechanism. Is pretty together. Well, he didn't take any medication. Brendan Schwab, his friend, took medication and he was fine for days and counting. It took him like eleven or twelve, but he's fine now. He said it feels good. I'm concerned with long term effects from anybody that has this, because I was talking to a friend of mine who is a doctor who is saying he's treating a basketball player who three months and a guy in his 20s, three months after Colvard, is still having issues with his endurance.
He hasn't gotten his endurance back to where it is, like his his lungs are not working at full capacity. So there's perhaps some damage or something saying, I wonder for people the scarring. Yeah, that happens.
Fucking terrifying, you know. What does this, Jamie? Scans reveal heart damage in over half of Kovik, 19 patients in study.
Oh, great. Maybe they should go with more patients.
There was something else I could send this to you. There was another. Well, it's not necessary. But it was essentially saying that in the autopsies that they're doing on people who died of Kofod, they're find blood clots and all of their organs and their liver, their lungs or kidneys everywhere. Yeah. This is a fucking weird disease, man.
And they don't know if the VAT and what I've been hearing with the vaccine, they don't know. If you get it. If it doesn't, if it can keep you safe, they don't know.
No, no, no. Well, they don't know. First of all, they don't know if a vaccine is going to be even possible. Normally, it takes a vaccine upwards of four years to develop. And they're trying to do this and fast track. And they're also trying to do something called an MRN, a vaccine. It's a different kind of vaccine that doesn't use a live version of the virus, but instead forces your body to create proteins.
I don't see we could pull up, but that means MRI.
I remember I'm a moron.
So when I say these things, even though I use the right words, I really don't know what the fuck I'm saying. Very important. Are you becoming me? MRN a virus.
See if you can excuse me. MRN a vaccine. I'm attached to them.
But it's not saying what it's like. That's it. Well, the definition of M are in a vaccine.
Messenger RNA, messenger RNA. See it does something to the body and forces the body to create proteins that fight off the virus. Another thing that's really important is vitamin D. They are finding and this is what you were talking about with African-Americans having a particular problem. Koven African-Americans have a particular problem with vitamin D as well, because, of course, with their skin color, their ancestors all came from Africa, where your body had all this melanin to protect itself from constant sunlight.
So they didn't have to worry about absorbing so much vitamin D from the sun because they were in the sun all the time. There's a reason why Irish people are so fuckin pale. The reason why they're so fucking pale is because where they are, there's no goddamn sun. So their body has to be like a solar panel for vitamin D. Your body produces vitamin D because of sunlight. And it's not just a vitamin.
It's it's it's actually a hormone, which is I'm really below getting into this lately. You take a lot of supplements, vitamin D.. Yes. My wife said a thousand. I use a day.
So I was talking to you guys before I came in here and they were saying, yes, you got it. I've been out in the sunlight because I've been out. Got to go to the pool. That's like Hawaii for my wife and I. And she's you know, that's been helpful.
It feels good. That's good. But you're also getting a little bit of sun damage there, too. Right. You got to be careful about that. Yeah, I put on the shit. But is that protecting you from vitamin D as well? Probably what you should do is get bloodwork done and find out where your vitamin levels are. It's not hard to do. Go to a good doctor. They can do blood work.
My wife just wanted me to take salarymen item and she says she'd as right before I came in here, she said, that's what I've been try. And you do don't take vitamins. She said, I do.
I do. But I don't take too many.
You should take vitamins. You should go to a doctor that really understands this kind of shit and could look at your blood work and say, hey. You need niacin. You need vitamin D. You're low in zinc and all those things protect you. Is it a doctor or is it a person? We'll talk afterwards.
And you have a body that is deficient in nutrients. That body lacks the strength to prevent illnesses. It's part of what your immune system is. Is your your body has an army that fights off bad diseases. Right. Right. And when your body doesn't have any building blocks, your body doesn't have any nutrients. Your body is deficient and all sorts of critical nutrients that it needs for all these different functions. It's not going to do the job. It's real simple.
When your body is weak, it's not going to do the job. But fortunately for us, in 2020, you can take supplements and vitamin D not expensive. It's not prohibitive, but it has a huge impact. One of things they're showing is and this is something that Dr. Rhonda Patrick talked about when she was on the podcast. She went over all these different studies that they've done in places where Kovik patients were in the ICU. And in one of them is several.
But one of the makram recall, 80 plus percent of the people who were in the ICU for four kov. It had vitamin D deficiency. Four percent had sufficient levels of vitamin D.. And there's many multiple studies that point to the exact same thing is that this is it's critical in your body's ability to fight off illness and particularly effective with kov it. So when you're talking about African-Americans, one of things my doctor told me was that when he was doing tests in Manhattan with African-Americans, some of them had non detectable levels of vitamin D.
So these are people that, first of all, their ancestors come from a climate where they're suppose to be in the sun all the time. Now they're not because they're in this northern hemisphere, cloudy. It's in the winter not getting any on the sun. And they're not taking any vitamins. So they're just not getting it. It makes them particularly susceptible. Another thing that makes people particularly susceptible is obesity. That that is, according to my friend is a doctor in New York, is a huge factor in people that are in the ice that quite a bit.
Obesity is a huge factor. Obesity, vitamin D, those are two big ones, zinc. Zinc does something that stops the virus's ability to get into the body. I don't I don't know how it works, but something about you, your body's that the virus's ability to enter into the body is somehow or another stop by zinc.
I had a problem taking too many sell them as I went on a lot of kicks. I had doctor a couple doctors recommend certain vitamins and he was one of them for sure. And Biotin and these fucking huge men, most people.
Does it upset your stomach? Because like see upsets my stomach. How does it upset your stomach? No, I have headaches. Stomach it just.
What are you talking about? It feels like it's burning a hole through it. When I take a vitamin C, what do you take it with food. That's what I've done wrong. Here's what you should know when I find him as a fart. It's like a white cloud. A white cloud. Yeah. You look like a microwave fart. How do you know it's what doesn't?
I mean, I've never looked over and farted in them over the over the shoulder. I don't think I have. Maybe we should do a photo session. Maybe not.
Let's say not and not. We didn't. You should take vitamins with food. Most vitamins are they. They take them better for after.
Well, but the I think the best way to do is probably the middle of your meal.
Like each. I get it when you're when you're hating violence, which I've seen a lot of photos. Yeah.
Lot of elk pictures. Would you take the D in the middle of. Yeah. Four pieces.
I do you take them. Yes. I have a hard time telling people to do what I do and basically everything because they're not.
Don't mind because you're kind of like perfect humans. But they're not going to do it. They're not going to do what I do physically. They're not. I might I take advice. I have a stack of vitamins. It's like it's like this like a fuckin Monopoly board. And I pull those bad boys out when I eat and I pour for these and two of those and ten of those.
And I just eat those and I eat them with my food. That's what I do when I'm eating. I'll stop in the middle of the meal and I go out and I get my box and I have a box.
Let me ask your question. Oil and. Fish oil, right? Yeah. What does it do? Is probably not a good topic, but what does it do to your stool?
Well, what happens? I don't know. I always do it. Give a nice one.
It's just regular shit guy does it tapered like a fucking hammer bro. Comes out hard residual or.
No, it's a shit three shit. Okay, so it's not in compartments. It doesn't come out all separate like vitamins. No. You don't like shit. Like I don't fortified Ansel's. No shit Catoosa.
It has anything to do with your shit. It's what you know just you should. It comes from food waste. That's what shit is.
Yeah. I didn't know that.
It's mostly fiber for a lot of people when you eat meat only. That's what's interesting. Yeah.
You were on that. Oh. You lost the budget weight on. Yeah, I did. When I did that, I had smaller shits. Interesting, like I was eating a lot of meat, but, you know, absorbs it and, you know, its meat is mostly water. Right. So you've got, like, the the tissue and then the water and the amount that you shit is surprisingly small. Whereas when you're eating a lot of salad and you're eating well, a lot of like celery and fibrous foods, all that stuff, your body doesn't really digest it.
So it just sort of. You're right. I don't know.
I don't know what he's saying, that we need to have our vegetables around everybody. Some people are saying you need to have the vegetables. And then there's some people that are on this Carnivore diet that say you don't need any vegetable. Some people are vegan, like my wife's pesky attarian.
She worships fish. And I am on I'm b positive blood.
So a 10 year old goes is a humanitarian, someone who eats people alive.
I mean, that's going to happen soon. I think we're already happened. We're on. But I mean, things can become popular.
I think so, yeah. I think on day one lab created human meat is the best thing to eat at a restaurant.
It's like the veal. We have some beautiful lab created, human lab created. But talks.
You can't get it. Mommy. They won't.
If you go to mommy has people a restaurant, they come out and they have one that was like fucking Bugs Bunny silver things when they pull the top off of it. And it's a dude's but it's just a perfect but like got like an athlete. Spencer asked today and he's like this we're gonna crockpot.
This is going gonna be a beautiful, beautiful roast for you.
And it's not. It doesn't not a part of an actual person is all created in a lab. Right. So someone who's always wanted to eat a guy's ass simulated who doesn't pull the top off her. Show them. Simulate to man ass. Like if you go to Mortons, they come by with this steak tray. Yeah. And they show you this is the rib eye.
This is a beautiful marble that combined with a mad asses.
I mean, they're making lab created meat. Why not make. Lab created human. You eat that stuff. I have never. Because it's not available. But I would try it. I'm not man that fake shit. Yeah. No, the soybeans just terrible. My wife gives it to me. I don't really love it.
It's supposed to taste pretty good. But it's not good for you. It's not good for us. If you want to eat vegetarian or vegan, eat vegetables, eat actual real vegetables. Don't eat some fake beef. Bullshit does not real food.
I need my meat. We eat meat then. Yeah.
But it's not supposed to be good for your heart. Well, people. But if you looked in that now. Yeah. See, that's the thing that people just keep saying. Yeah. They hear what some guys say. Hartman Sugar. Sugar. And in fact find flour. No fats aren't bad for you. Fats essential. You need fat. It's actually five yards.
I thought it's also good. It helps lube up the meat so you can ship better perhaps.
Listen, we can go down this rabbit hole, but it's already four o'clock. It would take a long time maybe for an abortion to you.
Yes, mother fucker. Time flies in this room. You're you're enchanted. How the fuck do you do this? You say you talk. Yeah.
You have a good time. A couple hours passed by. I love this was fun. Glad we did it by. Love it. Tell people about your podcast, how they get it.
It's on. You know, it's wherever you get them, right. It's where we get them. Apple. It's Spotify. Is it John Zig-Zag? Is it on YouTube as well or. It is about.
I got a brand new YouTube site. I'm a newbie. So it's up there for Zoome videos because I've been talking to people. Beautiful. But I have really good guests. I've been having them, but I call people to to see how they're doing.
And Instagram. Just Bob Saget. Yeah. Instagram. Twitter. I got ticktock until China pulls it.
Don't don't get off the ticktock there. They're watching you every move. Are they really. The Chinese government. They're in your ass right now.
You know, maybe I need that. Maybe you do. But what about what about, you know, Alexa? Isn't she listening? Every listen. Every everything.
So is the the astonishing Apple home. The motherfuckers listen here to areas like Siri.
That bitch is always fucking. She's debriefing Jay.
Yes. Yeah. He knows everything. All of them. Fuck her.
Yes. She and Alexis take a slow boat to shit Bill. They go. Let's end with that. Bob Saget. I love you. I love you, Jack. Buddy. Thank you. There's a lot of fun. This is great. Goodbye, America and the rest of the world. See you. Thank you, friends, for tuning into the show. And thank you to policy genius. If you need life insurance, but you're not sure where to start.
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