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Hello, friends, welcome to the show, this episode, the podcast is brought to you by Woop Woop is a twenty four seven fitness tracker that I wear every day. If I'm not wearing it, it's probably because it's charging. I love what it does. It gives me information based on heart rate and heart rate variability. I wear it all throughout the day. It measures your heart rate throughout activities and through sleep and through everything you do. And then it applies all of that data to their algorithm.

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And again, U.S. News and World Report named it the best overall home security of twenty twenty head over to simply save dot com slash Rogen and get yourself a free HD camera. For listeners of this podcast that simply saved Dotcom Rogen, make sure that they know that we sent you. We're also brought to you by Honey. Honey saves you money when you shop online and we all shop online and we've all seen that promo code field. But you don't have a promo code like, damn, I wish I had a promo code.

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No hidden fees cancel any time. You didn't start your business because you want to spend time on H.R. compliance. Let Bamby help get your free H.R. audit today. Go to Bamby Dotcom slash Rogen right now and schedule your free H.R. audit. That's Bamby dotcom Rogen spelled b a m b e e dotcom rogen. My guest today is a hilarious young lady that I work with all the time at while used to at the Improv and I've taken her on the road with me.

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She's awesome. She has a podcast called Resting Bitch. She is a regular or she was a regular on Kill Tony. And she's a good friend and an awesome comedian.

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Please give it up for Ali Makowski Girlfriend Podcast The Joe Rogan Experience trained by Joe Rogan. Podcast by night all day. Hello, Ali. Oh, he fired up the vape yesterday.

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I brought you cigarettes to jewels and camels, coffee and a smoothie.

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I wasn't sure what to expect. What would you what was your worst case scenario? Oh, my God. Worst case scenario, I put my pants right off the bat. Have you done that before?

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Look, when you get nervous, not when I get nervous, but I used to. Well, only once in college. You put your pants. Yeah, I was drinking. Yeah. I was hung over at Chipotle. I had to pull out pretty much every day in college.

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That's not good. It was not good at all.

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Trying to learn. Yeah. Actually Chipotle like those bulls, they are pretty good. They're so good. Like if you get one of those steak balls with rice, like that's about as clean as you can eat.

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Yeah. And in college is nice because you could eat like half of a bowl and be like Super Bowl and then eat the other half later. And you can do the tricks of getting half stick, half chicken or something. That way they give you more.

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Oh, is that trick. I don't think it is a trick. I think have like a super they have a scooper.

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But if you say you want half this and half that, they're not going to put half in the scooper. They're put in a full scooper in there. And then you're getting a full pooper on the couch in college.

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Yeah, sorry to hear about the poop in the pants. All right. People are very embarrassed about that. But it does happen if you take chances.

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I feel like it happens to every everyone has a poop story. I hope if you don't, I feel like you just not taking any chances with your diet. No. And it's like I think everyone's poop story starts out with them being like, oh, I thought I was going too far.

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And then it was, nah, yeah, that's in the car. That's when it happens.

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I was honestly on the drive up here, I, I had a little bit of gas and I was like, just wait until you're there, hold it, because you don't want to take any risks right now. Yeah. So I, you know, it actually worked out. I let it out.

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I've had a there's a podcast once where I legitimately thought to remember who it was originally thought I was going to shit my pants. I was like pinching my my abs down. I was like myself, listen, I don't get out of here right now. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I do you remember who it was. But I might even set it on the air.

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Yeah, I remember it happening, but I don't remember who was in the room.

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I barely got out. It's kind of a nice feeling, though. I like that. Like adrenaline rush of like I need to hold like it really test my skills.

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Like cramming for a test. Yeah. Like oh my God, there's not much time left. Yeah.

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I dropped out of college so like I feel like me trying to hold in a poop is the most cramming for a test.

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I feel like I do. Why. That is a psychological thing, the cramming thing. They say that some people like procrastinate until they know they just they have to like, OK, I'm a stay up all night.

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I'm a procrastinator. Yeah, always most comics are. You think so? Yeah.

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I think there's something like we're all broken, we're all broken toys and most most comics there's something about like the laziness and the nonconformity and, you know, the unwillingness to do drudgery said a word. I think so, yeah.

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Unwillingness to do, you know, like boring, mundane life choices, jobs. That's what leads people to comedy. Yes. Maybe we could just talk shit. Yeah.

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Yeah. I literally thought I always knew I wanted to, like, entertain people somehow. I didn't know exactly how until my senior year of high school. But before that I was like, maybe I'll be a singer or a comedian, you know?

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Well, you have a great voice. I have a decent voice. You have a very good voice. Thank you. And use it in your act. Sometimes I try. You do. You started doing standup. How old are you?

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I think I did my first open mic when I was like seventeen, but I didn't start then.

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You're about like there's only one other person I know. Olivia Grace. Yes, I love Olivia. I met her at I think it was brave. She came up to me and she was like sixteen. Yeah. And I was like pot.

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And she had been doing it since she was like fourteen or fifteen. That's crazy. Crazy. She's very funny too. She's so funny. Super cool. Yeah. So I when I started I was living in Long Beach at my parents' house and so I would go back and forth between Orange County and L.A. and Olivia was in Orange County and she was like the first person my age kind of, you know, that I like met. And so we became friends and I was like I was like, you're so funny.

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Like, it's so cool that she had already had so much time under her belt when I was like eighteen, you know.

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Yeah, it's crazy. So that's a I didn't know you could start until you're 21.

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No, I didn't either. I had no idea. I thought and I also didn't know that open mikes happened at like coffee shops and bars and like, literally anywhere.

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Yeah. At all, you know. Laundromat, when I started, I waited until my 21st birthday, but then I met my friend Robbie and he was 19, I was like, how did you get in? And they're like, they'll let you in, but you can't drink.

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Yeah. Oh, yeah. I had my fill the case, like at the store. If they if they had a show, an open mic night. No, not you in.

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Well when I, when I started doing open mics for real, I was maybe 18, on the verge of 19 or something and I would go to the Comedy Store, but I had already been doing open mics around town to all the guys who worked at the Comedy Store as DA guys knew me. They didn't know how old I was. So no one ever checked my I.D. and I never talked about being young or anything. So I would just perform, hang out.

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And and then when they found out I was under 21, I got kicked out for a year and I couldn't perform there again.

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So I had already been doing killed Tony. And then they found out, oh, my God. And so then I would like do shows, do open mikes. And then I would just come to the Comedy Store and hang out on the sidewalk and just be like, hey, guys, that's hilarious. And on my 21st birthday at midnight, I walked in.

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Really? Yeah, that's hilarious.

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And I remember Red was there and George Perez and on my 21st birthday, they each gave me twenty one dollars. And then on my twenty second birthday I was at the Comedy Store and they gave me twenty two dollars and I was like, You guys better live for a long time.

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That's a crazy place to be when you're 21 years old, you know, to be around I me, just the people you just named, George Perez and Brian Band and you're 21 like hello.

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Yeah. Like a little a little fun. Yeah. Yeah. I still feel like that.

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Well that places I mean especially when you're dealing with, you know, so many like you're going there, you're 21 years old and you're just seeing Jeselnik and you know, and all these like big time headliners Joey Diaz. And you know, when Chris Rock shows up and Dave Chappelle's there and you're fucking twenty one, you're walking around going, this is crazy. Yeah.

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Yeah. It felt so surreal, just like being there and hanging out and feeling kind of like I was a part of it, you know, like in a small way.

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But yeah, I'm super grateful for Kill Tony because I feel like that's what helped me become like more ingrained in the scene at the store.

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Well, that's how I found out about you. Yeah, I found out about you through Kill Tony and Tony kept raving about how good you were. And then I saw you do some sets and your progression. It's a kind of a hilarious story like you opening for me.

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I know, because you did a couple shows like the improv couple shows like, you know, the Comedy Store. And then I'm like, hey, you want to do Vegas?

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Well, no, no. What happened was you had been the guest, like on Killed Tony and I was a regular. So you had seen one minute of my material, maybe two times I'd seen you other times in the room.

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Well, you know, up a couple of times.

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But then you invited me. I remember Tony hit me up one day and he was like, hey, is it cool if I give Joe your phone number? And I was like, Joe? And he was like Rogen.

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I was like, what? I was like, Yeah, of course. And so then you text me, you're like, Hey, do you want to do some shows at the Improv with me this week? And I was like, Yeah, of course. You're like, are you available? I'm like, Oh, I think I can be available for the New Year.

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Funny, you know? I mean, that's how I do it. When I think someone's funny, I'm like, all right, let's see. Yeah, let's see what they do in front of a packed house. Yeah. You know, with Joey Diaz and Duncan Trussell and Ari should fear and just like let's see what's up.

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Yeah, what's up. And then I had been doing that for for a couple of months, I'd say just like doing the hosting spot or like little opening spot at the Improv in the Comedy Store. And then you were like, oh I was like, oh, I saw that you're going to be in Vegas this week. Like, I think I'm going to drive and come watch you because I'd never seen you in like a bigger venue than a comedy club.

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And you you were like, OK, do you wanna open?

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And I was like, well, I was hoping you'd say that, but I was kind of hoping you'd say that. So you did Vegas.

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That was the coolest experience of my entire life. Still to this day, one of the highlights of my life, it was really fun.

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It was really fun. But you were so composed and so like on top of it, you crushed.

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And then I said, OK, do you want to do an arena you went from?

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I mean, how many times have you been paid to do standup other than the Times opening for me and, you know, like a couple little gigs on the road?

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Yeah. I mean, I never really got paid to do comedy like besides like drinks are like a couple bucks for gas.

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So you do the Mirage, which is like I think the Mirage is thirteen hundred people or twelve hundred people. It's a good sized place. Yeah. Good sized place. Then we do a fucking gigantic basketball arena, you know, whatever.

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You know, what I think helped me with the Mirage was in my head, I was like twelve hundred is giant.

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I was like, this is going to be huge, crazy. And I like over hyped it so much that by the time I saw the venue, it was like. So beautiful, and it fell into it for some reason. It's the most intimate place in Vegas in terms of like those big theaters you can play. Yeah, it's my favorite place. So I love it. Yeah. So as soon as I got there, I was like, I got this.

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I was doing bigger places there and I came back to the Mirage just because it's a better setup. Yeah. And I feel like the people who run that place were really helpful.

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They're awesome for the best of the nicest folks and they all love comedy. Yeah.

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You know, there you are, a cute kid on Jimmy was taking pictures. I was like, can you get more? My mom really wants to see me. Yeah, it's too bad you can't really see the audience in there too.

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So then you go from that.

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Well, what arena did we do? We went to I believe Denver was in Portland. Oh yeah. It was the motor center. Yeah. That place is fucking huge. Yeah. Oh my God. And it was in the room, the first one was in the room. So there's literally people all around me. I'm like, I don't know where to stand. I don't know like how to use the space of the stage.

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Yeah. That's like thirteen or fourteen thousand feet like bananas. But I told you after I was like, you know, what I hate about this is that this feels that the best way to perform I was like, this is where I feel the most myself.

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Well, it's definitely the biggest pop, the rush that you get from a big a big joke that kills in, you know, a 15000 seat arena or whatever.

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It's bananas. Like, the biggest I did was Chappelle.

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And I did the to yeah, we did 25000 people looked crazy. It was bonkers. Like when you would hear the laughs, they were deafening.

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It was a people twenty five thousand people screaming. It's just was there like an echo like go away.

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It's, it's nuts. It's wild because I remember after the Moda Center, which is like an inside arena, then we did that outdoor theater amphitheater in the Bay Area.

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Yeah. Yeah. We're the Grateful Dead. Yeah. Yeah. That was fun too. That was fun. But that was cool because it was outdoors and I was like, there's a lawn. Like I've, I it was just crazy because when I was little I would always go to concerts and I would always watch the performer and I'd be like, I want to do that. So the first time I got to like do the arena and the amphitheater, I was like, I'm literally doing what I've always wanted to do.

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Yeah, those shows are fucking awesome. But I still think 200 people is the that's the right size.

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Two to 300 people is the right size.

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Yeah, I agree. It's like if you wanted it, it's like there's no nothing wrong with those shows. They're awesome.

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I love doing arenas but the you know, like the original rooms, like one hundred ninety people.

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That shit is perfect. Yeah.

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When everything's poppin I like the two hundred, three hundred range or even smaller because that's when you get like the honest feedback. Yeah. And I think that's why it's fun to also do the like arena or ampitheater because it's the jokes that you've been working on that you know, work. Right. And so you're getting the response that you want from those jokes and you kind of almost expect that response. But when you're doing the smaller intimate shows, that's when you get the, like, kind of pause where you're like, hum, maybe that joke needs tweaking or like you can figure out.

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Yeah. And that way when you do get a pop in, like a smaller room, you're like, oh that really works. Yeah.

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Small, small crowds like late at night. That's when you find out if you're full of shit. Yeah. You get to see the the fat in your act, you see the clunky fucking those weird segue ways that you do or.

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Yeah.

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Or when you act something out it seems cheap and stupid like oh my God. Like you just doing it in front of like three people. Oh yeah. Arterials. Terrible. Yeah.

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That's how I liked working at the Comedy Store because you'd have to be there until the last person off stage. How much comedy have you done during the quarantine.

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I've done a decent amount of Zoome shows and then on those they're weird.

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I kind of just like I think I grew up always being like on the Internet and interacting with strangers online. So I felt like I was prepared for something like a zoom show. And I also was like, OK, don't look, don't expect to get anything out of this or get the same feeling out of this. Like, just have fun, engage with the people watching as best you can and like, see where it goes. Have no expectations.

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It's just a fucking sucks.

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Yeah. Yeah, I fucking blows. Mark Norman said it best. He said like it's like methadone comedy. Yeah. It's like, you know he was talking about how he did standup in the park.

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Yes. I was watching his YouTube park norment. So good.

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But it's you know, we're all like desperate to get back in L.A. We're not doing any comedy, but New York is doing standup again.

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Yeah, I've seen that.

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Yeah. Which is crazy. I feel like I'm starting to see some shows. My friends are doing some shows outdoors here, so I don't know. I'm kind of hopeful. But I'm also like, if if I get an offer to go to a state that's open and doing comedy, I would take it, are you taking vitamins?

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Are you taking care of yourself? You just tested negative.

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I just tested negative. You don't have the. I don't I don't got the covid, but I've been getting tested a lot because my sister just moved to Arizona last year, so I've been going out there a lot, which is hot for their own.

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Yeah, yeah.

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And so I've been getting tested really frequently. And whenever they say, like it's hot for the Wrona, I always wonder what makes some place hotter than others. Like why? Why are other places more susceptible, like what's going on there.

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I don't know. Well I guess with Arizona, everything's open. It's opened. The Corona never happened there.

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Yeah, they don't give a fuck. Yeah, well, that's a Wild West town.

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I know. I told them I'm like, they're the covid cowboys. They're wearing masks, chaps. They they have open carry. Like you could have a gun.

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You know, I walk into a store.

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I did a show in Arizona. I was like, what are you guys going to do, shoot covid when you see is your defense?

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Well, in their defense, like they're on the border of Mexico and that is a place that is literally changed very little since people came across the fucking country and covered wagons.

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Yeah, like that's Arizona.

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Yeah, like Arizona. Like Phoenix is as big as a gay love Arizona.

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Right. I love it. It's so beautiful. There's so much to do.

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I feel my 2005 special. They're OK, Bragge. I love it there. Yeah, I've been going there forever. I love that Tempe improv. That place is great dude.

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Tempe is my favorite. That was the first place I headlined and the Casey the manager there, one of the best people ever. He just like I feel like every comedy club manager should like take a class under Casey because he's like so compassionate and he gets it and he's like not full of bullshit. He's just like an honest, caring dude. I feel like he robs that he runs that club so well.

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Well, that place has a history of cool people run because Adam Egert used to be there. Yeah. And Paige from the Improv. Yep. So both of them I think I met Paige there.

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I met him. Yeah, I think I met Paige there. I just feel bad for those people. Oh you're taking the. Yeah. I was like what's that sound. How how addicted to those things.

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So addicted. Completely addicted. Yeah. Well when I was at my mom's house during lockdown, my mom's a smoker. Oh boy.

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I know it's a it's a weird thing when they get to be a certain age and they're still smoking all the time now.

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Oh, you are on the edge. Well, she was trying to read that book. Alan Carr's book, Stop Smoking. I just stopped smoking. All right. Well, I guess if you've been doing that all your life, I don't know, take up another hobby. I know you'll have to talk to her. We'll get her on the pot.

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No, she's not. Yeah, I know. When you're when you're in it, you're in it, you know? But when I was with her, she was smoking. And I'm like, I don't want to be smoking like this because my mom always says, don't smoke. It's bad.

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And I've just been smoking since I was like seventeen. But I quit for two months. Off, off like the jewel of cigarettes. Well at the beginning of lockdown for two months. So I you start back up again because then I came back home to L.A. and I was like, what was the first one like.

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Did you know that you're being a loser. No question for that first one. Well that's like no, because in my head I'm like it's just one of the jewel.

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I'm fine. I'm not going to get addicted again. I got this.

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And then a couple more times I hit my friend Joel and I was like, I need to buy my own damn.

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Yeah. That's what happened with cigarettes. Like, I wasn't addicted. Like, I think people think that if you smoke one cigarette, you're going to be addicted. And that's not the case. I smoked one. I was fine.

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No, I smoked one multiple times before shows. Yeah, I started with Tony. I smoked one of Tony's before a show back when Tony used to smoke. And I was like, do this gives you a crazy rush.

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You smoked mine and like St. Louis or Saint Paul or something and you were like, Busson.

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I took some cigarettes from Dave Chappelle and we did shows together a cigarette before a show gets you buzzed. A cigar doesn't quite get you that buzzed like you got to inhale. And I think there's like whatever funky chemicals they put in those cigarettes to get you addicted.

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Those are good. Yeah. Those those so yummy chemists are fucking they know what they're doing. Do it so they kill people.

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Yeah. It's crazy that no one's trying to stop it, but yet it kills half a million people a year.

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That's what's bizarre that everybody's worried about. covid covid has killed less than two hundred thousand people. Cigarettes have killed probably in the same time of kobad more than two hundred thousand people.

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It's always crazy when you find out someone like someone's family member or friend got lung cancer, never smoked. That always freaks me out.

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Yeah, you can get lung cancer. Yeah, you can get lung cancer from toxins in the air. You can get lung cancer from genetics. You can get lung cancer, you know, environmental shit if you work in a factory that has a lot of weird fumes.

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But there's also so many things that kill people like fast food is so unhealthy. I love that too.

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What's your go to Taco Bell? Really like eating garbage? I love cars like straight I that's why you put your pants all the time.

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It was once. OK, all those ones. Yeah. I've shit my pants at least once this month. You've had a couple more years on me. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean I also eat. A lot of meat. Yeah, it doesn't that make you sure? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because meat give you loose. Oh my God. It gets you the most ridiculous diarrhea. Like I told Tom Cigarroa, you got to try this Carnivore diet because he was trying to lose weight and I lost 12 pounds in a month.

[00:25:57]

I got shredded.

[00:25:58]

But isn't that kind of unhealthy to lose that much weight in a month? Oh, no, it felt great. OK, I don't know. Yeah, I really don't know.

[00:26:05]

I was going to get my blood work done, but then I had to travel and in the covid hit like Christ.

[00:26:10]

Yeah, I forget what my excuse was. Oh excuse. Yeah, not a good one but I had an excuse. Do you in any way fast FASFA.

[00:26:16]

Oh when you were yesterday you were in and out. Yeah. You had the craziest order.

[00:26:21]

Well I thought you were feeding your whole family with your order. He was on speaker. He was like yeah can I get like twelve Flying Dutchman? I'm like, oh for I know for Flying Dutchman.

[00:26:30]

It's not that much meat, I guess. Is that one party or two two patties with cheese. So that's a total of eight patties. Yes. OK, got to feed all this, yeah, you know, do you eat, like three meals a day? No one. Generally I eat very light in the morning usually unless I have a really hard workout. And then, like this morning, I just had eggs, just a couple, like three eggs.

[00:26:55]

Yeah. And how do you cook them? Fry fried eggs?

[00:27:01]

I thought that I would know how to cook eggs at this point in my life. You know, I'm twenty four. That's something that's pretty basic. I don't know how to do it. I keep fucking up eggs. How do you fuck that up?

[00:27:10]

I get really impatient and so I put the heat on the pan way too high and then the eggs are just like fried instantly. But I've gotten better. I'm getting better, but I don't think I could fry an egg.

[00:27:20]

This is not that complicated. You know, you have a very minor issue that you're complaining about here.

[00:27:26]

So I eat that, you know, like a light breakfast before work out and then I work out and then I won't eat until dinner, usually twice a day. OK, then I eat a large. Yeah, I see it on your Instagram. Well you've seen me live well. Yeah. In real time. It's an experience.

[00:27:42]

It's like going to the zoo and like feeding a drive. You're like whoa. Well people don't believe it.

[00:27:47]

Like when I go to a restaurant in order to entrees like look the waiters like what are you doing. Yeah.

[00:27:54]

Like you're not going to eat all that and just watch me, bitch. It's fun going out to eat with you because when I was growing up, my dad would you know, we have two older sisters and my dad was kind of single dad like food on a budget. And so he'd be like, you know, the drill, no soda water, only like the bare minimum. Then when we get to go out after shows and eat, I'm like, I can get two entrees if I want an appetizer.

[00:28:18]

Yeah, that is the good thing about growing up poor is that you really appreciate when you know you get good stuff. Yeah.

[00:28:26]

Like I don't want to say I grew up poor but we weren't like, you know, you weren't starving.

[00:28:30]

Yeah. Yeah. Well I grew up, you know. I mean we weren't starving either, but we were poor. Yeah. You know, we were on welfare when I was a kid. We drank powdered milk, you know, the whole deal. We were on food stamps. Yeah. And I'm on food stamps now.

[00:28:44]

Are you. Yeah. That's so crazy. I know. I'm on unemployment. It's crazy how much are they giving you, how much they give you for unemployment? I think you have to like put in all of your information and like, you know, whatever. And so I think I'm getting like 400 dollars a week. Hmm.

[00:29:01]

The good news is you're you living with your mom, right? So, no, I'm living in my house. Oh, you are? Yeah. Yeah. When you were with your mom for a little while. Yeah. But I kept my place because I was like, who knows how long this is going to last. Who knows if I want to stay at my mom's house or whatever. Like it's nice to know I have that as an option because my parents live like in the greater Los Angeles area.

[00:29:19]

I read that they're going to there was a ban on evictions and and and, you know, and making forcing people to pay rent.

[00:29:28]

Yeah, but that's going to go up September 1st. They're going to force people to start paying again.

[00:29:33]

But I'm like, OK, I've just been paying my rent. But what happens to those people if you have five months of back rent and the rent is three thousand dollars a month? That's crazy. Yeah. And also. And you have to pay it all. Yeah.

[00:29:46]

It makes no sense. That's why I was like, I'm going to pay mine now because who knows how much money I'm going to have saved up after this. So I might as well just pay. Luckily my rent is like cheap, so it's manageable. And if I ever was in a pinch, like I know, my parents would help me out.

[00:30:02]

How long do you think this was going to last?

[00:30:06]

Everyone was saying it was going to last like three months. But I was like, this is going to last longer. There's no way things are just going to be like, OK, if we do this, it's all going to go back to normal. It just felt too big for it to be over that quickly.

[00:30:20]

Well, I was optimistic. Unfortunately, I really did think it was only three months. I thought I was going to be two months. Really?

[00:30:26]

Yeah. I was like, look, it takes you get sick and then you're only sick for like a week. Right?

[00:30:32]

So if everybody just stays home, the people that are sick will get better. People won't get infected. This simple.

[00:30:39]

I just feel like like Americans or so like, don't tell me what to do. Yes.

[00:30:45]

And America is such a big country. How would you expect everyone to be on the same page?

[00:30:52]

Well, we're a big country. We're all crazy. Yeah, we travel around a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And spit in each other's face. Yeah. And here you go. Here we are.

[00:31:00]

Five months later. Is it five now. Yeah. Right. It's five months.

[00:31:05]

Five fucking months. No, no end in sight. Do you feel like it's gone by fast or slow for you. Slow doesn't feel good. I don't like it. I'm not worried about myself. I'm worried about other people and I'm worried about the city. I'm worried about the economic aspects of this as much as I'm worried about the health aspects of it. Yeah, because it just I don't know how I look when people get sick, they get better.

[00:31:23]

Right? Hopefully. But when a city gets that far gone, like as far as L.A. is right now, I don't know how a city bounces back. I've never seen it happen. Like I've seen cities that used to be big, like, have you ever been to Detroit? Do we ever do a gig in Detroit? And Detroit is interesting because Detroit used to be one of the most wealthy cities in the world. Like at one point in time during the height of the auto industry, you'd go to Detroit and it was fucking Cadillacs and Camaro and Corvettes and it was beautiful and everybody was making money and it was just amazing.

[00:31:55]

Now Detroit is sketchy as fuck, isn't it, getting coming back?

[00:31:59]

Yeah, a little bit. But when you drive through Detroit, you can buy a house for like five bucks. Crazy. The the guys from Top Gear, they have a new show now.

[00:32:07]

It's called the Grand Tour is what it's called grand tour. They bought homes in Detroit. They went to Detroit and just bought houses. They bought a house for two thousand dollars.

[00:32:18]

And then they were like, you know, like showing like what you can buy from two thousand bucks. And they were driving their cars crazy. So crazy.

[00:32:23]

I think one time make like a good amount of money. The first thing I'm going to do is invest, right? Yeah. Move to Detroit. No, I think I would like invest in real estate. That's what everyone says. Right. Don't listen to everyone, OK? Yeah.

[00:32:37]

I mean, investing in real estate is generally a good idea if you do it in the right place.

[00:32:41]

Yeah, but you know, I don't know, just keep kicking ass.

[00:32:45]

I on covid first started, I hit you up, I was like, Joe, I'm scared. Do you have a guest house? And you're like, I'm scared too. I'm like, that's not the answer I was looking for.

[00:32:54]

I was scared. If you're scared, I'm scared. The beginning I was real scared. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:32:58]

Because I was because I didn't know. First of all, the information you get from China is so, so filtered by the Communist Party or the the Chinese government.

[00:33:10]

So who is telling the truth? Like how bad is this one hit?

[00:33:14]

And then, you know, when you see them driving on the street with those big tanks spraying the houses, do you ever see those videos from China? No, I don't.

[00:33:22]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like like big Lysol truck. Like Ghostbusters. Exactly.

[00:33:26]

I was like, this is not good. No. What are they doing?

[00:33:29]

And then you were getting information from cruise ships that were saying that it lasts up to seventeen days just on surfaces.

[00:33:36]

I'm like, oh my God, we're fucked. I know. Super bug. I was on a cruise at the beginning of the year, so I got it. I got it out of the way. You were on a cruise? Yeah, I got booked to perform on a rave cruise.

[00:33:46]

Oh, Jesus. And I was like. This might be the worst experience of my life, but there's no way I can pass up on having that, you know, was it good? It was so fun and honestly, like, changed my life.

[00:33:59]

Like, I was like, first of all, who goes on a cruise? Second of all, who goes to see comedy on a rave cruise, you know? And so I was like, I need to bring a friend. So I brought my friend Danny and I was like, he's going to be the perfect person to have whether this is the best or the worst time. And we pull up to the port in Miami and it's like 11:00 a.m. and there's people in like blue wigs and fishnets drinking like Jack did.

[00:34:21]

Oh, that's me. I look at that smile. You look so happy. I was look at everybody else. No mask on, no mask. This is what a good time the old days look at it. Looks like I have abs in that picture.

[00:34:33]

When do you think we're going to go back? This is January 21st. This is right before the world ended. Yeah. When do you think when going go back to no masks, do you think some people are just going to romance forever now?

[00:34:43]

I think so, yeah. Yeah. Well, it isn't like I watched this Japanese reality show and it's so good. It's called Terrace House and they just film people in this. It's beautiful. And and people over there wear masks when they're sick. Like, that's just always been a thing. And so I think maybe that's something that'll be implemented.

[00:35:02]

Well, they did a really good job in stopping covid because of that. Yeah. Just because they wear masks all the time. They didn't stop their businesses. Yeah. They didn't close down. And they only I think only a thousand people died.

[00:35:14]

Yeah. See that's true. I think that's the number.

[00:35:17]

And they're starting to have resurgence in cases unfortunately.

[00:35:21]

But it's probably now I don't like losing their hair but they are. Yeah.

[00:35:25]

I heard this one and other people, I think with her it might be due. She might have stressed stress in her life.

[00:35:32]

She seems like a little stressed out. The lady needs a joint.

[00:35:35]

What is a. I don't know. Recovered thirty five thousand, 1000 deaths. That's amazing. One thousand seventy three deaths in Japan. That to me, that's incredible.

[00:35:46]

Yeah, that's incredible. I mean, how do they do that? I don't know.

[00:35:48]

And look at their big spike. The big spike is like towards the end of it looks like April 22nd.

[00:35:54]

Do you think that this is like mostly accurate as best I think Japan is honest. Yeah. I mean, just this is very disciplined. You know, they're very disciplined and they follow order.

[00:36:04]

Yeah. Like, if you if you have gone. No, I want to ask you if I wanted to.

[00:36:09]

It's really interesting. It's like you're I love the I love when people are just human beings, but they have a whole different way of doing things like you go, they're like, oh, look how they do it.

[00:36:19]

Yeah. You walk down the street, everybody's like real polite, like nobody's bumping into each other, yelling at each other. It's like very orderly. Yeah. And, you know, it's interesting. It's like really packed with people, but there's no litter. Yeah.

[00:36:31]

It's what's your favorite country you've been to?

[00:36:35]

Well, I'm a big fan of America. I love Canada.

[00:36:39]

I guess that's kind of a country that's separate from us because you could walk over there. But I mean, you could walk to Mexico too. Yeah, I love Canada perform. They're fuck, they're so nice up there. They're like America.

[00:36:50]

But I always say with 20 percent less douchebags, that's nice. They're fuckin nice.

[00:36:55]

They're really nice and it's cold. And so it violates my dick head. Cold weather theory. I used to have a dickhead cold weather theory because I grew up in Boston.

[00:37:03]

I was like, why are we so dickheads here?

[00:37:05]

Because it's fucking freezing and it's not because Canada is cold and that in a nice if you go from Boston to Montreal, it'll ruin your dickhead cold weather theory.

[00:37:13]

Yeah, because I'm like, well, it's fucking colder here and people are nice.

[00:37:15]

Hmm. Maybe gets so cold that they're forced to be nice. Oh yeah. Because they're all struggling to stay together. Yeah. Have you been to Montreal. No, I've never been to Canada.

[00:37:25]

You got to go. It's awesome.

[00:37:26]

I was hoping to do new faces this year, but if I had to bail off the continental North America, if I had to get out of this this spot, I'd go to Australia.

[00:37:36]

Oh, really? Yeah, I've never been. But it's not a place that, like, I'm super dying to go to. I really want to go to New Zealand.

[00:37:44]

I would go there too. I've never been, but it looks amazing. Road trip. Oh my God.

[00:37:49]

They just had four new cases that I knew they were OK. Yeah, yeah.

[00:37:53]

They're pretty impressive. But Australia, the first thing I would do if I did move there is try to convince them to drive on the right side of the road, like, what are you doing?

[00:38:01]

It's a weird way over here with you still on the wrong side.

[00:38:04]

Why? How did that happen? What happened when we came over to America with someone just like, let's just switch it all up.

[00:38:10]

Everybody's jealous of us because we're the shit like they do it like that. We're going to do it. Look, do. Yeah.

[00:38:15]

Do you know why though? Honestly, no. That's why I'm asking. The reason why is they drive on the left side of the road, because if you were a knight and you were like in combat, you would want to have your enemy on your right side. So if you are riding towards them, you would want to have your enemy so you could slash at them with your your dominant arm. Yeah, that's also why when you shake someone's hand, you shake someone's hand with your right hand because that's your dominant arm.

[00:38:43]

Yeah, supposedly, yeah.

[00:38:44]

So that's your sword arm. So these are all sword people. They're all old fucking.

[00:38:49]

And what type of cars were driving like a Cadillac Escalade and horses on it.

[00:38:53]

OK, got it. They got it. But they've got to do and stab each other.

[00:38:59]

They want to do the right arm so they want the enemy to be on the right side of them.

[00:39:02]

Crazy. Yeah. So they were on the left side of the road. Hmm.

[00:39:05]

It's weird to think that that might have made that up, but maybe, you know, I just trust have blind faith. I'm like I know less so I'll just take that as a fact. Yeah. I still talk like the days before the Internet.

[00:39:15]

I just start saying shit. I'm not sure if I fully research right now, but that's the crazy thing about the Internet is I feel so confused all the time. You can with many things, with many subjects, you can get really confused.

[00:39:27]

Is that a fact? I mean, I've I'm pretty sure that's right. But I know, like, America drives in the right because we're like, fuck that.

[00:39:32]

We're driving our cars, bro. Did we fucked our driver to drive forward motherfucker to a.. Drive on the left is why we drive on the right. It's because they drive on the left is why we're driving the right kind of um.

[00:39:44]

I'm saying yeah. We're like the younger sibling who's like, fuck you. We do it our own way. Oh you. That's how you drive with horses. Well with cars we're going to flip it. Yeah.

[00:39:52]

Know, I mean what is the reason why they decided to drive on the right. It's got to be a reason. That's, that's what I'm saying.

[00:39:58]

It, it's, it's just to be British. In the early colonization of North America, English driving customs were followed in the colonies, drove in the left after gaining independence. From that make sense, they were anxious to cast off all remaining links with their British colonial past and gradually change to right hand driving. How that makes sense.

[00:40:20]

Have you ever did you when you were in Australia, did you like run to car and drive yourself on the left side?

[00:40:25]

No, I have never driven a car on the left hand side. Yeah, I remember reading about Matthew Broderick and he was over in Ireland, I believe, and he got in a fatal car crash, smashed into someone.

[00:40:35]

And the speculation was that he was on the wrong side of the road like he was coming home from the set and then he fucked up. I remember reading that. I know that's the case, but I do know he was in a bad car crash. I was like, oh, my God, you've got to be on your fucking P's and Q's.

[00:40:48]

If you drive in the left side of the road because you're like, do you know when you're driving? You get in that weird auto mode where you just like you ever been your car.

[00:40:56]

And then I don't know how I get home sometimes. How did I get here? Do you text and drive? No. No, I do not. I do not. Yeah, I'm contracting.

[00:41:04]

I have a little slot in my car for my phone and just go right in there and I don't I don't do shit in every car you have, you have a slot.

[00:41:11]

Well the car they drive the most. Yeah. The test, the test, the slot.

[00:41:15]

But the thing I like to do is this.

[00:41:17]

I like to do Siri text Ali Makowski and the would you like to say and then that kind of shit.

[00:41:22]

Yeah. Your phone go off and I said, hey Siri, pick it out of you like they listen to the podcast, they get bad. That's like an iPhone too.

[00:41:30]

So I don't have to worry about half the time at thirty.

[00:41:33]

Oh that. Yeah. Why don't. Well when replacing in the new studio you're going to visit Austin, Texas. Duh duh.

[00:41:40]

I was well I was like when you called me yesterday, I was like maybe he like wants me to like move with him and then you're like, don't do the podcast. I'm fine. I guess I'll stay in L.A..

[00:41:50]

Well once everything's up and running, Baby said, OK, well good.

[00:41:55]

I've got nothing over. My daughter likes you.

[00:41:57]

I know. She's so cute. Horrible. She's so cute. I was like, are you on tech talk. That's like how I whenever I meet a young person I'm like, Are you on tech talk? I know the dances.

[00:42:06]

The Chinese government is watching you. Do you think they're actually going to ban it?

[00:42:10]

Yes, I think they're going to force a sale. That's what I think. Yeah.

[00:42:13]

Probably some big American tech companies going to buy it because there was a group of software I don't know if a group or some software engineer that back engineered ticktock.

[00:42:24]

And they said this is the worst application we've ever seen in terms of violation of privacy. What is the worst like? It tracks fucking everything.

[00:42:32]

And they send that information directly to the Chinese government. So they're data mining.

[00:42:36]

Is it bad that I don't give a fuck, don't give a fuck? Should I care more that people are taking my privacy?

[00:42:45]

This is how I feel about that. OK, you are twenty four year old stand up comedian.

[00:42:50]

Twenty five next month. So you're like, what am I going to do? What do you what do you find out where.

[00:42:54]

Yeah. Yeah. You can find out where I take naps.

[00:42:56]

I keep my laptop on with the camera on when I'm pooping just in case. If the government watch I want them to get the full range of me.

[00:43:03]

You know, I feel like if they're what they're paying attention to, like hedge fund guys who are trying to overthrow government. Yeah.

[00:43:09]

You know, they're paying attention to like they don't care about me. What do we do? Which I know nothing. I talk shit. Yeah. Well, you know, the people who think that the government's watching everything you do like, bro, you're boring.

[00:43:19]

Yeah. They're not they're not paying attention to you.

[00:43:22]

I guarantee you they're not. But they're probably watching you, don't you think.

[00:43:26]

Yeah, they're watching you. Listen to everything I say, I'm sure. But let me say everything publicly. So yeah.

[00:43:31]

The things that get me the most trouble I say right here is just talking shit.

[00:43:35]

But, you know, that's the business, the. Business is the talking shit business, yeah, what are you going to do? But that's the thing to get back to, like being so confused about information now because there's so much information, I don't know what to believe. Isn't it crazy like having a podcast and then like saying something and being like, I don't know if that's right?

[00:43:54]

Well, that's what Jamie's for. Jamie, Jamie. Jamie pulls things up all the time that I thought were right.

[00:44:00]

I know. I've always done actually. Actually, you're wrong.

[00:44:04]

Well, I mean, if you're coming to me as your major source of information, you are already fucked. Yeah. If I say something that I absolutely know, to be sure, I will say that. I absolutely know. That's to be sure. Yeah. And if I say something and I go, I don't know if that's true, please Google it.

[00:44:21]

I'm just I'm not supposed to be a source of information. I'm just not. Yeah, it's not my thing. You just have a lot of information whether or not I'm a shit talker. So I'm a professional shit dog and I talk shit eight out of ten times.

[00:44:35]

I don't even mean when I say, yeah, that's the crazy thing too, about the Internet is that some people will just like assume that everything you say is real. And it's like, no, there's some you know, there's some like, I'm going to put this up later.

[00:44:49]

Oh, I'll send this to you, Jamie. Right now. This is Tim when he was getting his covid death.

[00:44:55]

Oh, my God.

[00:44:55]

This is something that I'm sure people are going to be pissed about.

[00:44:58]

But this is a perfect example of what I like. I don't need everyone to be serious and or telling the truth. Yeah. And I like the fact that I can tell the difference. And I like when people say outrageous shit, they don't really mean. Yeah.

[00:45:15]

And that's one of the things that frustrates me the most about this Internet culture, is that people love to take something like the Tim Dylan would say in this clip and put it in quotes and pretend that he really means it. Play that and have it totally out of context. Oh, it's actually a fairly large video.

[00:45:31]

So I got it. I got it. Put it up there and then give us some volume.

[00:45:35]

This is Tim Dylan taking his covid test. Here we go.

[00:45:41]

I put it on the Internet after the podcast. How's I don't like you don't like it, I don't like this disease, doesn't it? This is outrageous. I can't even put this on not it's fake. Oh no.

[00:46:05]

See, now there's a lot of people that would be like, that's Jamie.

[00:46:11]

But he added his emoji.

[00:46:13]

But it's like there's so many people that are like, you know, how many fucking people died? Hundred and forty thousand. That's what they would do. They would take that clip and then he goes, Oh, you're yukking it up. Ha ha ha. Grandma's dead. Yeah. What are we supposed to do? Be sad about grandma all the time. All the time. All the time. We we supposed to be sad.

[00:46:31]

Everything's supposed to be serious, humorless fucks who spend all day complaining about things. Yeah, but I get it because there's no work.

[00:46:39]

Yeah. What are you going to do. Like of course it's sad but that's like why comedy is so important and to make light of things and be ridiculous because it's like there needs to be a balance.

[00:46:49]

Sure. That's what we do. And it's also what we enjoy. Like one of the things about the Comedy Store is that I enjoyed the most is like going there and people like talk shit to you.

[00:46:58]

You really wearing that, like what you wear, you really wearing that.

[00:47:02]

And then also they'd be like a roast fest. What did I do. Yeah. Shitting on my clothes or sitting on my shoes or you know, it's like it's fun.

[00:47:11]

It's fun. Like in saying things you don't mean or fun.

[00:47:14]

I remember when it was like me, you and Santino out somewhere and we were getting brunch and I was like wearing a shirt.

[00:47:20]

And you're like, what the fuck is that tattoo on your arm, tattoo on your arm? You're just going back and forth. That's dumb. What does that mean? That a thrift store.

[00:47:30]

What is that tattoo?

[00:47:31]

I don't forget it's a rowboat with a flower on it. OK, I got it for ten, ten bucks.

[00:47:36]

I wonder if he stays with you forever. Yeah. When you're eighty for ten bucks you're going to look like that. Yeah, it's a thousand dollars.

[00:47:45]

I um my friend got a tattoo gun on Amazon. You know, anyone can just buy a tattoo gun on Amazon and start tattooing yourself. Oh my God. You tattooed your palm.

[00:47:54]

I saw the post on episode and I was like, I got to get another tap before I come on. We think it might get one your cheek.

[00:48:00]

No, no. You like a little star. Look, I have thought about a face above your eyebrow like a tiny little one over here.

[00:48:07]

Maybe there's been multiple face tattoos on this podcast. And, you know, the one I forgot who Mike Tyson, I forgot is a first, but yeah, I forgot a prominent one. The first one, though, is Cat von D.

[00:48:20]

She was number one. She has a gang of them. She's got stars all over the place. Yeah, she's.

[00:48:25]

And then the second one was was the second one Tyson. Who else you had, Kevin von Dionne? Well, yes, yeah, really early in the day. She's awesome. Yeah, but Travis Barker probably has the most tattoos.

[00:48:41]

He's so talented. He's a great guy, too. He's like a legend. He's so cool.

[00:48:46]

He's such a sweetheart of a person, like a really genuinely nice guy. But he's got a face, head, neck, everything. Like he was on his Instagram the day getting new tattoos. He's like, I'm out of space. Yeah. So they're just like drawing over old tattoos. Like new writing. Yeah. Like, do you think you could get like a skin graft just so he can do like a new one?

[00:49:04]

He's actually had skin grafts because you have to think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think it would skin cancer. Fucking painful. Yeah. Yeah. But have you have everything covered. Yeah. No skin graft oncer. He's got literally them everywhere. He's got him everywhere, I mean, yeah, everywhere, like top of his head all the way down his hands, his arms, his legs, everything's tattooed like you see, see if you can find the video.

[00:49:33]

The video is kind of crazy.

[00:49:34]

I have a weird amount of tattoos where I'm like I it's like I feel like I'm playing blackjack right now. I'm like, should I quit or look, is that a space damn.

[00:49:44]

It's everywhere under his chin, there's still some face room, yeah, some cheeks well, there was a fake picture that somebody might have been him that he posted of his face fully tattooed is like, damn, he might have went all in, but it was fake.

[00:50:00]

How old were you when you got your first job to. 23, maybe. Do you remember what it was? Yes, it looks like a demon with a jester's hat on.

[00:50:11]

Nice, stupid. I know all my tattoos are so stupid.

[00:50:14]

It's there to remind me that I used to be a moron. Yeah, I feel like that's what these are. I'm like, you know what? You're going to be a different person. Well, I'm still a moron, but I'm I'm definitely less of a moron than when I was 23. Yeah, that's why that's.

[00:50:29]

That's why I really liked like being at the store and like having people like you and Tony and Santino and just like all the people, they're like, you know, because for me, being a young person in comedy, I'm always like, were you guys like bad when you first started? Oh, we were terrible. I'm like, did you guys know what you wanted to talk about? And it's so cool being able to, like, ask you guys for advice and like, have these mentors.

[00:50:53]

Well, it's also the guys you're talking about. Everyone's gen genuinely honest, like they'll tell you the times they bombed, like the worst is people that don't admit they bomb or don't admit when they bombed because like, OK, you're protecting yourself and you're damaging our relationship. Yeah. By protecting yourself. First of all, it doesn't really work. You're not really protecting yourself and to you're damaging our relationship because now I can't listen to you because now I think you're full of shit.

[00:51:17]

Yeah, that's not good.

[00:51:19]

Well, remember remember when we were in St. Paul and in the arena and I said, what's up, St. Louis?

[00:51:31]

That was rough. Oh, my God. You barely recovered from that one. I thought I was going to get burned alive after the show. They got mad and I opened it up. I was the first one on stage.

[00:51:41]

I was like, so excited. Like, What's up? Oh, no, dead silence.

[00:51:46]

And I'm like, no, that's not how this works. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, but then I recovered. Thank God.

[00:51:52]

I think I've done that before. I think I called Minneapolis, Michigan once. Yeah.

[00:51:57]

I retired saying what's up? Wherever I was like I'll just get into it.

[00:52:02]

Well there's some places that demand respect. Like if you go to New York and you call it Philly, your show's over. Yeah. South Philly.

[00:52:09]

What they would do, that's a mistake. You make some mistakes you can't make.

[00:52:18]

But if you call St. Paul, St. Louis, you're like, oh, my God, I'm a fucking idiot.

[00:52:21]

Like a couple of minutes later, if you have some good jokes, they'll forget. Yeah.

[00:52:25]

New York will never forgive you if you call it Philadelphia, called New York, Philadelphia, or if you call Philadelphia in New York, they'll kick your ass.

[00:52:32]

Wouldn't you know the difference between Philly in New York? Not if you're drunk. Uh, you don't drink. Why don't you stop with the boozing and everything else?

[00:52:39]

Um, I stopped everything the day after Halloween of twenty fifteen following.

[00:52:46]

It is a rough Halloween. Yeah.

[00:52:48]

Not one of my best moments. So to do. You were 19 then. I was nineteen I think I was twenty. Mm. Yeah. So right around that.

[00:52:57]

Yeah. Because I, yeah I um I woke up half naked on my dad's couch and I was like this is not the way I want to be, you know, this is not a pretty sight.

[00:53:08]

Will you out all night or. Yeah. And I was like I was moving to L.A. November 1st, 2015, and I was like, OK, I still want to go off for Halloween, but I need to be respectful. No, no hard alcohol. Just like a couple beers. Get your shit together. Don't be a piece of shit. Black Townsing woke up half naked. So whenever people like.

[00:53:29]

How long have you lived in L.A.? I'm like, uh, four years. Seven months.

[00:53:34]

You know, whatever day is right, you can get it down to the cork's anonymous tip. Yes, yes. Yeah. Jim Nortons the same way. Yeah. Norton stopped when he was nineteen. Oh, really? Yep. Yep.

[00:53:45]

You realize he's like, I'm a fucking mess and I can't do this.

[00:53:48]

And I thought when I started comedy, I was like I was like everyone who is successful drinks like it's just part of it. Like you have to be boozing and schmoozing and like having a good time after the show and like partying it up and have this, like, rock star.

[00:54:02]

Yeah. Yeah.

[00:54:03]

And then I realized that there were so many successful comedians who don't drink. And I was like, OK, maybe this is like possible.

[00:54:10]

Yeah, it's very possible. Yeah. Hicks did his best work after he cleaned up. Yeah.

[00:54:14]

He didn't, you know, didn't do anything. Yeah. When he was like in his 30s I think he quit like like thirty or something like them.

[00:54:24]

But then whatever he had done caught up to him already but he smoked a lot of cigarettes was just as bad my friend.

[00:54:30]

Yeah. He's your favorite. Right is your favorite. Yeah. No he's not my favorite.

[00:54:36]

He's not the funniest. He was a great mind and I think he had really interesting thoughts. And I think that his comedy was very revolutionary in that it changed the way people thought about doing comedy. Like because you could do comedy and talk about important issues, you could talk about complex things. Yeah. And inspired me to talk about more complex things. But Kinnison.

[00:55:00]

But you didn't start out talking about complex. Things did you know, OK, thank God, because I'm like my my, uh, whatever my jokes are, Scandic doing, you know, the dumb shit Courtice and I'm always like, I hope I'm I mean, I don't mind if I keep talking about whatever, like, dumb shit.

[00:55:18]

I just wanted to be like a little bit more elevated. Well, some people talk about dumb shit for ever, and it's great.

[00:55:24]

Yeah. You don't there's no rules. It just has to be funny. I used to be so insecure, you know, about, you know, my dumb jokes, which I think are funny. But, you know, it's not like I'm breaking boundaries or like opening people's minds to, you know, new problems that people that want to do that all suck.

[00:55:41]

The people that want to break boundaries. You want to open people's minds like they're almost always annoying.

[00:55:46]

Yeah, like I think the jokes should be. Well, there's two things that should be possible. Right. First of all, what you're saying for the people in the audience should be entertaining, should be interesting.

[00:55:57]

That was one of the things that Hicks said, like just try to be try to be interesting. He had like a see if you can find this. He had like a rules to comedy thing that he wrote. That's very insightful, really. I mean, when you think about the guy died, I think it was only like thirty three when he died.

[00:56:12]

Yeah.

[00:56:13]

He was just really fucking smart. Yeah. You know, just really smart and also started comedy really young.

[00:56:21]

So here it is, Bill Hicks, principles of comedy.

[00:56:24]

If you can be yourself on stage, nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.

[00:56:31]

You're the act is something you fall back on if you can't think of anything else to say. Number three, only what only do what you think is funny, never just what you think they will like, even though it's not that funny to you. Number four, never ask them, is this funny? You tell them this is funny. Number five, you are not married to any of this shit. If something happens, taking off on a tangent, never go back and finish a bit.

[00:56:58]

Just move on. Number six, never ask the audience, how you doing? People who do that can't think of an opening line. They came to see you tell them how they're doing. Asking that stupid question up front just digs a hole. This is the most common mistake I wrote in all caps. This is the most common mistake with all caps frontward. First letter caps, the most common mistake made by performers.

[00:57:24]

I want to leave as soon as they say that. Number seven. Right. What entertains you? If you can't be funny, be interesting. That's what I was talking about.

[00:57:32]

You haven't lost the crowd. Have something to say and then do it in a funny way. No, I close my eyes and walk out there and that's where I start. Honest.

[00:57:41]

No. Nine, listen to what you are saying. Ask yourself why am I saying it and is it necessary? This one filter all your material and cut the unnecessary words.

[00:57:54]

Economy of words. You're super into that economy. It's everything.

[00:57:57]

It's everything with jokes. Number ten played to the top of the intelligence. The room. There aren't any bad crowds. Just wrong choices.

[00:58:04]

That's not true. Yeah, that's just not true. There are definitely bad crowds. No, eleven.

[00:58:10]

Remember, this is the hardest thing there is to do. That's not true. Being a soldier way fucking harder.

[00:58:16]

If you can do this, you can do anything. Nope.

[00:58:18]

You can't tell people jokes and then do brain surgery. I can't do shit. Yeah, that's not true. I'm useless.

[00:58:24]

Number twelve. I love my cracker roots. Get to know your family. Be friends with them. Well, that's not the worst advice.

[00:58:30]

But the all the the thing that is a problem with any of that stuff is this is how you do it. The beautiful thing about comedy is there is no this is how you do it. Yeah. Like there's Mitch Hedberg and they're saying, quinson, those are two all time greats. There's Richard Pryor and there's Louis C.K., There's Dave Chappelle and there's Emo Phillips. It's Bobcat Goldthwait.

[00:58:51]

And there's fucking you know, I mean, there's that you can do that all day.

[00:58:55]

I think that just goes back to, like, just be who you are on stage.

[00:58:58]

Yes. Yes. But also do what you feel like doing like Gaffigan likes to do his kind of comedy. Yeah, right.

[00:59:05]

If all of a sudden Gaffigan had to do like, you know, someone else's act like Bobby Lee or something like that, like it wouldn't be it's not what he's interested in. You find what you like to do. It's like some people are country music stars. Some people are rappers. Like everyone's got their own thing.

[00:59:24]

And that's the thing with the like comedy is I feel like when you're starting out, it can feel so like competitive or like, should I be doing what this person's doing because they're doing things or whatever. But I, I feel like I have to look at it like music. It's like, oh, I like a rapper and I also like this like corny pop musician. They're in totally different lanes. They're not competing against each other. They're not looking at each other being like, why are they doing that?

[00:59:51]

They're doing their own thing. And I can appreciate both artists or both songs or whatever.

[00:59:57]

You know what I mean? I do know what you mean, but some people can't and some comics can.

[01:00:00]

Some comics decide that they don't like what you do, so you shouldn't be doing it. They get angry. Yeah, you shouldn't be talking about sex.

[01:00:09]

You should be talking about, you know, like whatever absurd things.

[01:00:13]

Yeah, but that's like because comedy is if you go to a comedy club, it's just a comedy club. Nobody goes to a music club and doesn't know what kind of band is playing. If you go to see rock and roll and also a folk singer shows up, you get upset. Yeah. Like there's no other venue like that where, like, someone will call on stage and they're Metallica and then right afterwards would be like Sarah McLaughlin. Yeah, that's a weird combination.

[01:00:39]

But in comedy, that's a combination that exists all the time.

[01:00:43]

You will see weird combinations like that all the time, where if you're on a ten person show, like at the store where ten people are doing fifteen minute sets, you are likely to see the full spectrum of comedy.

[01:00:55]

Yeah, all kinds of weird shit.

[01:00:57]

That's how I like the original room so much because it goes until 2:00 in the morning, sometimes longer and you get to see the weirdest stuff and.

[01:01:05]

Yeah, well that's where I saw Laura. Laura Bede's. Yeah. I mean I became a giant fan of hers and I put the post on my Instagram because me and Krischer, we did a show this big ass sold out show in the main room.

[01:01:18]

And then Bert and I sat down in the back of the room and Laura was on stage and there was like, maybe, I mean, fifteen people or something, something like that small ass crowd. By the time she was offstage, the crowd had doubled. Yeah. Because they were coming in to sit down to listen to her. And that doesn't seem like a. You know, there's only 30 people, but that's a big jump. Yeah, and for the OAH at like, whatever time that was, she's so talented, she's so funny and just so like.

[01:01:46]

Oh, I know. Yeah, I love her style. And it's like what he was saying. She's herself. Yeah. She knows how to do it and she works so hard like her. And I talked about writing and she showed me your notebook. First of all, everything is like there's like a line and then a space like she's like leaves a whole line bare in the next space.

[01:02:03]

I'm like, oh, you're fucking organized as fuck. Yeah. She's like, yes, I'm serious.

[01:02:07]

I have a friend who her notes are color coded. She has it like color coded jokes that like really work jokes that need some work on them, brand new jokes and then like certain parts of the joke or color coded differently. And I'm like, my brain does not work like that.

[01:02:22]

Did she use highlights or she used how she does it on her computer and phone. Yeah.

[01:02:27]

And then like when she's doing a show, I think she just like transfers what she wants to do into the notebook.

[01:02:31]

Oh, interesting. Yeah. Well, everybody's got their own interesting way of doing it. Ron Funny said something really interesting.

[01:02:38]

I heard I was like right. Ron was like write what you love, you hate and then what you fear.

[01:02:44]

I was like, oh, and I texted him after the podcast. I go, I asked that question all the time, like, what's your process? Rarely do I get an answer that makes me go, Oh, I'm going to implement that.

[01:02:57]

And so I told him that. I mean, I know it's probably a standard writing exercise, but I wasn't aware of it.

[01:03:02]

Yeah, it's probably just a great way to really figure out your perspective on things and figure out your, like, point of view and that you want to take a bit.

[01:03:11]

It seems like the perfect combination because you always want to combine those three things. Yeah. What scares the fuck out of me? What I love and what I hate. Yeah, those things are awesome together.

[01:03:20]

That really is comedy. It's a very smart way to write. I was like that. That made a big difference. Yeah. I just can't wait till it fucking opens up again.

[01:03:27]

I know. I feel like I'm in retirement. I'm like, do I go to Palm Springs? And well it's people like you.

[01:03:35]

You're in the middle of your development.

[01:03:37]

This is when the parties happen and when everything's rocking and rolling and you get shut down right now saying the Chapell, they see the same thing, like here you are in the middle.

[01:03:45]

Everything's starting to rock and roll and kick it up and you start to do Satz and pick it up.

[01:03:50]

And it's picking up and picking up and also said, boom, I know I was I did my first headlining show and then I was on my way to do my second headlining weekend in Denver at Comedy Works. And then the day that I got there, things got really crazy and they were talking about the L.A. lock down. And I was like, I don't know what that means. Like, I can't do the rest of the shows here. So then I flew home, canceled the rest of the shows.

[01:04:11]

Oh, you were worried that they were going to lock down where you can't fly? Yeah, I think I texted you.

[01:04:14]

I was like, I don't know what to do. Like, I'm already here. I feel bad canceling. Like, I don't know. It's one of those things where where it was.

[01:04:22]

It was really obvious that everything was going to cancel.

[01:04:25]

We were at the store and I was supposed to do the main room and I think I was doing the main room.

[01:04:31]

I think it was more than one show. It might have been too much I was supposed to host.

[01:04:34]

Yeah. And then they called me up and they said, hey, the state is putting up they're making a limitation so you can only have two hundred people in a room. And obviously the main room is bigger than that. So we're going to shut the shows down. I'm like, yeah, it's probably a good idea.

[01:04:48]

I'm like, do you do you would you rather do the OAH will move your show to the or move as many people there as you can and I'm like, I don't know if we should do shows.

[01:04:57]

Yeah. I was like, what do we what if we all get sick.

[01:05:00]

Yeah. You know, and that was in the early days when no one knew what it was and what's going to happen to us. And I was in Vegas. He was like first week of March, that was the last time we had a Vegas show with a live audience and it was packed T-Mobile Arena, and I remember thinking, like, this feels weird, like people were on the plane.

[01:05:22]

Some had masks, some didn't. This guy wanted to shake my hand. And I was like, I'll shake your hand like, you sure.

[01:05:27]

I'm like, yeah, I'm still shaking hands. Was like March 7th or something.

[01:05:31]

Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah, we are. I think it's been like so unorganized with how to handle it. And that's why I think there's so much like resistance towards doing things now while it's like they didn't know, no one knew.

[01:05:46]

Yeah. It's you know, I was saying this in the podcast the other day. When you become a governor, you don't become a governor because you pass a bunch of tests that show that you accurately know how to handle each and every situation. Yeah, you become a governor because you're popular. You win a popularity contest, you back the right bills, you say the right things got the best hair and people like I like them. Let's see if we can run shit.

[01:06:07]

And then something like this happens and you realize like, oh, these motherfuckers, they don't know what they're doing.

[01:06:12]

Yeah, this is just guesswork. And like, we're going on science.

[01:06:16]

No, you're not. Yeah, stop saying that you're not going on because if you were, you'd be telling people to take vitamin D, you'd be telling people to take zinc. You'd be telling people large doses of vitamin C, you'd be handing that shit out. You'd be on every corner. People would be able to get vitamin D, vitamin C and zinc.

[01:06:30]

You pass it out, you know, you don't know what you're doing. Is that the magic combination, vitamin D, vitamin C and zinc, the the virus apparently has a very difficult time replicating in your system when you have all those things. And this is all they don't know why they don't exactly know what's the what the deal is. But there's some direct evidence that points to that, including a bunch of studies that have been done on people that are in the ICU for more than 80 percent of them in the ICU have low levels of vitamin D, insufficient levels of vitamin D, only four percent have sufficient levels of vitamin D, the sun one.

[01:07:05]

Yes, OK, that's one that we have a real problem with. I've been going to the beach a lot.

[01:07:09]

Well, that's good.

[01:07:10]

You need to take it to the now, unfortunately, because we're really supposed to be outside all day. These all this house shit that's not really nature doesn't know what we're doing. Yeah. Like why are you bitches where's your son. Yeah. Like we're designed to get sun all the time.

[01:07:25]

I always think about your joke, you know, when there's certain people I've told you this before, but there's certain jokes that just always stand out to you like you always just kind of like think about them. The joke about, uh, about houses and how underwater there's no houses. There's nowhere to hide. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[01:07:42]

That's the most dangerous neighborhood. Yeah. The world is the ocean. Yeah. Because there's no indoors. But it's so true. It's like houses are such a weird concept, like obviously they make sense but like it is a weird concept to be like this is my safe space. Don't enter. There's locks on the door at my own bedroom of my house so the people in my house can't come in.

[01:08:00]

Well, that's why human beings have figured out a way to manipulate the entire world. Whereas whereas people in the ocean like dolphins, ocean people, they never figured it out.

[01:08:12]

They have no they never rest.

[01:08:14]

Yeah, there was a shark octopus. There was just running away from shit. Yeah. They never had a chance to sit down and close the door and go, oh what the fuck am I doing with my life. Like that's what you have to have a living room with a gun.

[01:08:26]

You can shut the door and you feel a little bit safe and you can start thinking about things like people, how to develop weapons. And they had to develop housing. Yeah, they had to develop shelter. They had they had to figure out where to stockpile food. And that's that's how we figured out how to become human. Yeah. But until then, we were basically like the smartest animals.

[01:08:43]

We're the animals that figured out how to use tools and now we're just dumb.

[01:08:47]

Now we're just soft jelly. Yeah, a little fucking bags of water, I don't drink enough water. Why not? I don't know. Three. I know. Drink it. I'm just starting to drink, please make a deal with your mom, you drink water, I'll stop smoking. Yeah, I mean, she's going to listen to this episode, so we'll see. Oh, my God. Yeah, she's jazzed. Well, your mom's a very nice lady.

[01:09:12]

I know. I met your mom. She wanted to say thank you. I love her. She's great. She's sweet. Stop smoking, lady. Yeah. Jennifer, while I'm smoking weed, stop smoking.

[01:09:21]

Yeah. Jennifer, Jenny, get it together. Both of my parents work together. I think it's so funny. They've been divorced since I was like five or six and they have the same job. Every once in a while they'll work together and send us help me to and my sisters.

[01:09:37]

There was something that I tweeted today that says marijuana stops people from getting covid. Again, can't be real. It was going around early. I'll see if it's the same thing that was happening. I bet Tommy Chong wrote under a pen name that's probably fake. So when do you decide to pull out the real cancer causing cigarette and leave the jewel alone?

[01:10:00]

Me, yeah, so I'm going to stop it all, no, sometimes dismissals, May 18th, 20 20 new Canadian study reportedly says marijuana may prevent the coronavirus.

[01:10:11]

Aha. It said that they had like one strain of a city. I believe I remember reading this back that that might have some.

[01:10:19]

I don't know if I believe it's like let's let's study this, though, please study it, because this is probably dumb but doesn't when you smoke anything, marijuana, cigarettes, whatever, does that go into your bloodstream or just your lungs?

[01:10:34]

It goes into your bloodstream from your lungs. Yeah. Strong up.

[01:10:38]

Strong objection to the believe treatment has been extended to the source for Dr. Conflux report versus what?

[01:10:45]

Who wrote this actually posted in the source blog magazine. OK, I'm not like the source. Right.

[01:10:53]

But strong objection. Like, look at that. But the post that says at the bottom, again, go back to the bottom part. Strong objection to the believe treatment has been extended to the source for Dr. Kovac.

[01:11:04]

But that doesn't mean anything.

[01:11:05]

As I say, shall be our law at the bottom. No, I mean, someone reached out and said, that's not true about the author, that's the author's name, I guess. No, no, not that. I mean, someone. Well, it is about the author Sharia law that's just talking about.

[01:11:19]

Oh, that's her name. I was saying this. I know we're talking about different things, but it's a strong objection to the believe.

[01:11:25]

Treatment has been extended to the source for Dr. Kovel.

[01:11:29]

Chuck's work, but strong objection.

[01:11:31]

What was the objection and who is it from and why? Why would you just that one sentence is like a weird sentence.

[01:11:37]

Yeah. Isn't it weird to put that at the end of a thing?

[01:11:40]

Strong objection to this. Pretty much saying like this is not real.

[01:11:47]

Well, it's not saying that, though. It's saying someone strong objection to the believe treatment has been extended. That's what it's saying. So someone objected, but they're not saying who objected. They're not saying what they said.

[01:12:00]

Is that kind of like nine out of ten doctors recommend this. And there's that one doctor who's like Coalgate. Not for me.

[01:12:06]

That's maybe who he is. Maybe it's Dr. Coalgate. OK, Jamie's Googling it.

[01:12:10]

I mean, I just turn on the fan. I wrote this posting. This was it got posted like click bait. Oh, it came out. So that's like people are like, oh, OK. Yeah. The Whiteheads, everyone wants weed to be the fucking.

[01:12:20]

Of course they do. Thing is that you think that's real nothink think it's real. No, I don't. You know, it doesn't sound right.

[01:12:28]

Can you turn the fan on please.

[01:12:29]

We have a fan that sucks all the smoke. I think about it already. Here goes. We thought of everything just sucks it out. You really have this all down to a science. How many years has it been since you first started 11? 11. I love doing this. Playing the game of how old was I? You were a baby.

[01:12:49]

I was a baby. I think I was like high school. Yeah. Yeah. Weird no to talk back then, though, huh? I know you could have been a tick tock superstar, maybe you would have got started and professional shockers because some people who are just professional talkers, they actually make a living.

[01:13:07]

Oh, yeah. Talking. Oh yeah. A good living to Danson. Yeah. Just fucking tick tock. Yeah. It's all the rage. What happens. How do you get money.

[01:13:15]

Uh you, I think you reach enough followers and likes where companies start coming in and being like we can profit off of putting something in your video and making money off of you. And then apparently you know, they have enough talent to be in like Super Bowl commercials and whatever.

[01:13:33]

So you I really like to talk. I know you do. I can tell. Oh, my God, this guy is 79 million girl. Top girl in there. Who is it.

[01:13:42]

Oh, you got you guy with skin like it's Charlie DeMello. Seven months, something like that. Within seven months you are seven and she's like sixteen, fifteen, sixteen.

[01:13:50]

Her sister has a bunch of followers in our YouTube channel.

[01:13:52]

They pick up line dude. They went first of all, I apologize for calling her a dude because all I saw was the number. Yeah. Yeah.

[01:14:00]

I don't know why I assumed it was a guy because some sexist but that that one in the beginning, that first video that you just played, the first one to the left where she's talking when she's dancing and moving like in the future. Right. If you were watching a movie that was made in like the 1980s about how fucked up the world would be in 2020. Yeah. And this was like something that just millions and millions and millions of people would be into, just saying, yeah, we'll do this.

[01:14:28]

But here's the thing with ticktock. Sure. Everyone knows about the dancing in the lip singing and whatever. But the thing that I like about tick tock is that your main feed is based on videos you like. So if you're not liking dance videos, you're not going to see dance videos on your feed. What would you say? And it's not based on people.

[01:14:47]

You follow how old I am and how little I know about tick tock. No, I love it was all people doing this. So I finally get to teach Joe something.

[01:14:54]

They don't have a secret. Christina possesses creations. No, she has a whole different, very like version of what ticked off at her tick tock algorithm's.

[01:15:02]

Scares the shit out of me. What does she do on tick tock. She does it. She has it. Tick tock. She puts a lot of like, why image clips on there and stuff. But she posts what her feed looks like on her stories on Instagram and it'll be like the most country like bumpkin type of people. No teeth like kissing their brothers and sisters like it's wild.

[01:15:22]

Is that because the stuff she posts or because of the stuff that she likes. I think she likes that. Weird. Yes. Like deep. Like Southern. Yeah. Part of Tick-Tock. That's funny. Well they love absurd shit.

[01:15:36]

Oh I know your mom's house is such a good party. It's so good. It's the two of them together. You got to literally have the best denim comedians on earth that happened to be married to each other. And one of the only arguments other than like there's a few other like Moshe Kasher and Natasha Lázaro, that is a great example of two really talented, really funny, really smart people. It actually works as a marriage. Yeah, but you don't get too many of those.

[01:15:59]

You get like Rich Vos and Bonnie McFarlane. That's a good example. Both fucking hilarious, both really smart.

[01:16:05]

Don't you just want to, like, spy on them? I always want to, like, go to their house to be like, what do you guys do when you're not like they're just funny.

[01:16:11]

I know they're funny with each other to their podcast of I don't know if they still do it. They still do on their podcast. They did. It wasn't it was on serious. I'm calling it a podcast, but it was on satellite radio. I remember stopping in the parking lot once at Disneyland and listening to it.

[01:16:31]

I had to go inside. I had to go get something from the car. My wife hates me. Is it still on, is it on? Sorry, it's so disjointed, folks, as a podcast says it's on the right cast network, which I think the newest episode came out last month. So is it on iTunes and all that stuff, too, seems like. Yeah, I don't know. But anyway, I remember parking in my car and not and just I just sat in the car for five minutes listening to how the story finished out.

[01:16:58]

Yeah.

[01:16:58]

Because the two of them together, like Rich is like one of the best guys ever at taking a joke. He's like went on the Opie and Anthony show like he was fantastic at going with it and taking a joke.

[01:17:09]

And then when they would fuck with each other, like Rich Vos comes from this old school, New York City standup world, where there's always some shit going on in the crowd. There's always some people that are causing a ruckus.

[01:17:23]

There's always and he's just a master at handling shit like that, just so relaxed, under pressure and like work in the crowd. He's a rich vos, a master crowd.

[01:17:35]

I'm like, big joke person, masterful. It's the most outside of standup, like, just jokes.

[01:17:41]

Yeah. What happened? A big joke last night. Yeah.

[01:17:43]

Who fell off the stage. You got yanked off the stage. One has said that he was like talking shit to some like a girl in the crowd and that was the boyfriend. He got pissed like fuck that's what my that's what I read. I mean, are you OK? I think so.

[01:17:57]

Do that looked horrible. He's a funny fucking do. Yeah. Big Jay's very funny. His, his stand up comedy album is excellent.

[01:18:06]

It's really funny. Yeah.

[01:18:08]

I that's like one of those skills that I'm like oh he's a great storyteller too you know. So that's fun.

[01:18:17]

Thank you. All the well wishes.

[01:18:18]

As you can see I'm all good. Matt Chillun. Oh my God he's funny. Those guys, all those legion of skanks guys they are they're doing like comedy for savages.

[01:18:31]

Oh yeah. Only savages. Yeah. Just even the name Legion of Skanks.

[01:18:35]

You know, it's a dirty crowd, but it's like they're embracing it. Have you ever seen Twisting Fest. I have not.

[01:18:41]

I was supposed to but then Korona hit lots of smiles, lots of smiles, lots of smiles. That's what stands out to me.

[01:18:49]

God damn comedy. And I, I went once when I was in New York. I did some shows and it was like they did it like in the dead heat of summer. So everyone's sweating, everyone has hair everywhere. And it was just the smelliest of them. But the most fun, you know, their fans are like so into it and they're like so down for a good time. I think that's why I like the rave cruise, because everyone's just so down.

[01:19:12]

Well, it's also people that are just shirking all responsibility. This is it. And just having fun. OK, so here Jay is on stage.

[01:19:20]

The guy kick him off the stage, it looks like that's I think that was Louie. Jay Gomez. Like watching. Oh, the guy grabbed his leg.

[01:19:28]

Try this one more time. One more.

[01:19:30]

So there's a guy grabbing his leg and pushing off the stage. Oh, Jesus. You can get really hurt like that. Yeah, that's fucked.

[01:19:38]

Oh, my God. I don't know what he said to the dude, I mean, that was a. No, but, you know, there's no excuse for that, sir. Have you ever been beat up performing? No, I have not. Yeah, no, it's always possible.

[01:19:52]

Do you kind of like almost not when you're performing, but do you almost like want a fight to a chance you can, like, prove your skills?

[01:19:58]

No. No, I do. No, no. I don't want anybody to get hurt. Oh my.

[01:20:03]

I just want to have fun. I almost got into a fight at the park. I started skating during lockdown. Skateboarding. Yeah. And good. You know, I've gotten better. Are you shredding? I'm shredding.

[01:20:15]

I'm fucking ripping it up. Tick tock. Is that a suction. I do. Put it on. Take all you do. Yeah.

[01:20:19]

None of my videos go viral. I'm too old. Maybe I'll is skating and dancing at the same time.

[01:20:26]

It would work like age on ticktock is like there's, there's a certain age I would imagine where it gets cool again. Like when you're you're nine year old grandma is on tick tock.

[01:20:35]

Oh that's cool. That's my feed. There's like nine year old grandmas who they're like grandkids are telling them what to do and but like guys my age, 53 year old guys to talk to Ansen, they're on there.

[01:20:46]

And it's frightening how they're doing this stuff. Yes. Now, what did this come from? Where does this tick tock movement like this is?

[01:20:53]

Honestly, it's the dumbest because there's like that girl, Charlie, who has so many fans she like is a dancer, like she grew up dancing. So she knows how to dance. But ticktock, like warps your brain into doing the most, like, bare minimum type of dances. It'll be like they'll they'll do a song. And in the song it'll say, like, my heart beats. And then the dance is like, you're pretty much doing like interpretive dance and then making it a trend.

[01:21:19]

You know, it's not like skill dancing where you're like, wow, it's just like, who would have ever thought that that interpretive dance like, well, like I've got an app I want to put on the App Store.

[01:21:29]

Guys, I'm telling you, there's going to be huge. But what is it? It's interpretive dance. Yeah. Get the fuck out of my office. Why do you keep bringing these morons in here? And they want to do interpretive dance. There's a market for it and heartbeat's.

[01:21:41]

And then this is what I don't like about tech talk, is that there's these young everyone's on it and there's young people, there's old people. But like, there will be songs that are like, yeah, suck my dick in blah, blah, blah. And then the dance to that is like you're putting your hand above where a dick would be and then you're doing like a bouncing motion. And there's like thirteen year old girls doing this. And I'm just like, oh, there's, there's creepy people and I want to like I want to stop it.

[01:22:11]

But you can't. And I've also been like, you know, I've been a middle schooler on weird websites where there's like creepy dudes, like there's this website called Omegle and you can talk to complete strangers. And it's kind of like Chatroulette. And I was on that when I was in middle school.

[01:22:26]

And like, now that I'm an adult, I'm like, why was I ever on there?

[01:22:29]

You know, who does those kind of stings? Where they they play the pretend that they're a little kid and then set people off. Yeah. Set up pedophiles. Shaquille O'Neal.

[01:22:40]

What. Yes. Way he dresses like a girl.

[01:22:43]

No, he goes on chat rooms and pretends he's a young girl, like for fun, you know, to catch pedophiles. Well yeah he was. Tell me he did that.

[01:22:53]

He's like a legit sheriff's deputy. Yeah, where is Shaquille O'Neal? He's like a sheriff's deputy, so I don't know if he still is and he's also a D.J. He's also the biggest human I've ever met in my life.

[01:23:06]

He's so big. He did Fear Factor with me.

[01:23:08]

And it was like me, like I was with my dad, like like a six year old with his dad. He's so big.

[01:23:15]

He's like, three, two, one, go.

[01:23:18]

He has to have a huge hair, even if it's regular size. He's so big. It has to be ridiculous. Yeah.

[01:23:24]

When he did that, he was still in the NBA. That was in 2005 in Roanoke, Virginia. But he is resident in Georgia where he is an honorary deputy. And Clayton County. Yeah. So the honorary deputy.

[01:23:39]

That's like being an honorary graduate student from USC.

[01:23:42]

Yes.

[01:23:43]

It's not totally he's not like, you know, whipping out a pistol and driving down the freeway.

[01:23:49]

You probably have to do something. Yeah. And I think it allows you to carry a gun. A lot of places you couldn't ordinarily. He said he's actually going to run for sheriff. But this is a couple of years ago.

[01:23:58]

So I would be now he's a super nice guy. He's so big, though. Yeah. Like, it's interesting that a guy that big is actually too big for fighting. Because the UFC doesn't have a super heavyweight weight class the size of them. Oh, my God, his head looks so small. Is one guy who's far away.

[01:24:20]

There's a guy who makes him look. I'll show you a picture. But yeah, well, that's ridiculous. Yeah, humans come in all sorts of sizes, we're like dogs, yeah, you know, that's I like going to the spa like the Koreans fall because you can just see everyone naked and you're like, oh, my God, he's not that weird.

[01:24:36]

Was a gentleman, charming young man. And how tall is Yao?

[01:24:39]

Seven seven seven six somewhere in that is crazy. Damn 77 from China. He made China big huge. The NBA. Yeah, him and the smallest guy in the NBA. Five.

[01:24:51]

Oh wow. That guy. So cute.

[01:24:54]

That's crazy. Is so enormous. Genetics are weird. I mean, it's it's interesting that he's Chinese, like, because there's a bunch of really tall guys from China, right.

[01:25:06]

If you. There's quite a few like when did that start, when did dudes from China start being giant? And coordinated, I don't know, would you know what I'm saying? Like, if you look at, like specific body types, there's like places that you recognize as having, like, enormous body types.

[01:25:24]

I was saying that because they're there and coordinated, I added because it would be go into like scouting and recruiting because you would have to.

[01:25:32]

There's a movie Shock wasn't called Blue Chips in the 90s that like you went and found the guy and then which is what they do in the NBA. Now, you can make some guy from like Africa, for instance, who doesn't know how to play like the answer to excuse me, Antetokounmpo Cooper brothers who came from Africa. I went to Greece tall, giant, skinny, uncoordinated, but have athletic ability way more than anybody could ever do. So if you get in to shoot a little bit, get some practice in shooting, it can be the best basketball players of all time.

[01:25:59]

What you're seeing actually right now with one of them, he's only like twenty four and he is they call him the Greek freak. He's, he's an insane basketball player and his little brothers are now getting recruited and put on every team. Interesting. If you find somebody deep in like forever, I don't know where they're finding people in China, but there's probably some people deep in Russia or who knows where.

[01:26:18]

Yeah, I wonder what that is, though. Like what what what is it about a certain group of people when you see, like people from Iceland and those giant strongman competition dudes, so many of them are from Iceland, but that makes sense to you.

[01:26:31]

The size of the rock. The rock is so big you don't realize how ridiculous that picture is unless you've actually been around the rock. Are you guys friends? I know him.

[01:26:40]

I met him. But you're not like, what's up, bro?

[01:26:43]

I mean, I hug him when I see him just because I respect him and he's I love. Is he tall? He's enormous. He's like six nine. Oh really. So big. Oh he's a cartoon. You meet him, you're like, how are you a real C. Yeah. He's so big like he's so jacked to what a crazy career trajectory was.

[01:26:59]

And that guy works hard. He works hard.

[01:27:02]

When you look at someone like the rock are you like I need to step my game. Yes. Boys always look at that. What the fuck is that? Look at his body.

[01:27:10]

That's too much. No, no, no. That's the right amount. Six, six. I look scrawny. Little like dude, he's six and he wears cowboy boots too.

[01:27:18]

Or some shit. He's so big. But he's also like, insanely disciplined. He's not just an enormous human being from just being born big.

[01:27:26]

He's insanely disciplined. Yeah. I mean, you follow his Instagram feed, you feel really fucking lazy. Back that up one back up where you were. We just were there was a grid of images.

[01:27:38]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Seriously, scroll down to that one where he doesn't have a shirt.

[01:27:43]

Keep going right there. I want to play. What the fuck son?

[01:27:46]

Jesus, that's insane. But that's that makes come for years and years and years and years and years and years of grinding.

[01:27:56]

That's it. That is you don't get built like that. Like, sure. There's some Mexican people involved in there and sure. There's some genetics. But you got a work.

[01:28:04]

I did a body like that don't get like. But why do you need that body? Shut your mouth. Woman Oh, I know, but having it. Oh, my God, you're such a girl. Like, what does he need to do?

[01:28:15]

He wants to be the ultimate man. Look at him for what? What are you talking about. Some days off jail. Are you kidding me?

[01:28:23]

The ultimate man looked like a fucking perfect specimen for some people. How dare you? I'm sorry.

[01:28:29]

What do you mean? Like real emo guys who call for less?

[01:28:32]

That's more like I like your voice. Yes, I'm scrawny men who want to be the baby spoon. I want to be on the spoon.

[01:28:43]

Let me warm you up. But you guys were always cold. Yeah.

[01:28:46]

Oh, so you check my forehead. That's here. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah.

[01:28:51]

Meanwhile, look at that room. Oh fuck.

[01:28:56]

And build on that man. That's a man. Oh that's a specimen. Hmm. I get it. You're going to take Docker's.

[01:29:04]

Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean it's a crazy thing to be like insanely dedicated to and it's also. Yeah. I mean the amount of effort that guy has to put out to keep his body looking like that. The efforts saying if you ever worked out, you realize like just to maintain that all the time.

[01:29:21]

I thought the way he does. Yeah, that's insane. Can I go up here. Does I feel the vibe. No, no, no, no.

[01:29:26]

I got to this is a ticktock conspiracy thing. I like read about. I like to pass it by you and let you know if you think it's like, OK, if this makes sense because there's a lot of like kids on there.

[01:29:38]

They figure out how that algorithm works to right themselves, get bigger on it or whatnot. So they say that if you start a new account, one of the first things they'll do with one of your first couple of posts, though, almost make it go viral. So they'll I don't know how that they send it out to more people or whatnot. But you have a video that then beats you back in. So they get whereas most people know most people have not had the chance to go viral or have their 15 seconds of fame online.

[01:30:04]

So they'll give it to you like a little drug dealer and give you that dopamine. So now you come back and keep trying to do it again and trying and trying and trying.

[01:30:11]

Right. And at work, I mean, it may or may not have worked, but. That makes sense, I mean, they're trying to rope you in the best way to rope you and give you some success, right?

[01:30:23]

I mean, they're not giving you money, but no one, you know. Well, don't you think that in a way. Well, I guess it's not really comparable.

[01:30:30]

I was talking about the Apple algorithm they use for podcasts where the new it's probably similar a little bit where you first started.

[01:30:37]

Yeah. I think you'll jump to the top so you can like we have the most successful podcast we just started. That's that's amazing. Yeah. Let's keep at this thing. Yes.

[01:30:45]

And then once the agree it's a weird algorithm like it tricks you because if you have a new podcast, what are the what are the specifics? Do we know the specifics? No one knows.

[01:30:54]

So it's just guessing. Guessing for sure.

[01:30:56]

That's got to figure out like this actually where it's funny how people like like Apple and and also things like Netflix, like Netflix. You never you never have any idea what's like what's what the numbers are, what number of people are viewing things. It doesn't say it like a YouTube clip does.

[01:31:13]

You have to kind of guess they they know what they don't tell anybody, but it's kind of the same thing in a way. I mean, I've seen people like the NBA ratings are way down right now, and it's well that these are almost preseason games. A lot of people watch the last two games of the regular season anyway. The games have been figured out next week when the playoffs start, then check the ratings and see where they're at.

[01:31:35]

But it's just it's interesting to me when you have no idea what the algorithm is, whether it's the iTunes podcast algorithm or Netflix is algorithm, you really don't know. You don't.

[01:31:45]

They know when we were kids, we thought TRL was people calling in and voting to make the most popular video on MTV every day.

[01:31:51]

Like that was an act that wasn't happening. And how crazy was Rob Lowe saying that he was on the worst show on television mean it was the least rated show on television and it was 19 million people watched it. Yeah, that's because there wasn't any talks back then, but how bonkers is that? Yeah, and that was what is it, the 80s? Yeah, yeah.

[01:32:10]

I think 90 million now, you'd be for sure the biggest sit on any TV. Well, we decided right then we'd look at it. We found NCIS is like number one and that has like 15 million crazy, which is sounds like an enormous number. Yeah.

[01:32:23]

The fact that 19 million, which was the worst rated show, would be the biggest, most highly rated show now.

[01:32:31]

Yeah, that's because there's so many different ways to watch so much content. Yeah. Well, speaking of content, don't you have a podcast. I do a podcast that Segway.

[01:32:41]

Thank you. Professional.

[01:32:42]

Yeah. I have a podcast called Resting Bitch. And so it's called. But I made the mistake.

[01:32:50]

I didn't know. I just like went into it. I'm like I arresting betrays have a resting but I always like and I'm going to be doing it on a couch and I look like I'm resting bitch, you know. Right. And oh look at that, Jimmy.

[01:33:00]

You're so good. That's the best. He's the best. Um so yeah I have that.

[01:33:06]

Oh remember when I used to do shows down any practically any assaulted me on this episode. She tried to eat me out.

[01:33:14]

Oh I love her. Me too. She's so funny. She's awesome in there doing a combest or a documentary I to see a clip with her in it. I'm nervous. I'm supposed to be in that. We'll see. I'm nervous. But, yeah, I do that podcast from my producer, Anthony's house. And, uh, yeah, it's fun. That's awesome. Yeah. But because it has the word bitch in the title, it doesn't pop up right away because they try and like yeah, I made the mistake.

[01:33:42]

Whatever next podcast thali Makowski experience. So did they, do they censor that.

[01:33:49]

I don't think they censor. I just think like on YouTube, it's not going to be like top of the recommended or something because the word bitch. Yeah. But also because it's not like it's the most Poppen thing, but it's definitely a little bit hidden. Not a shadow band, but you could just call it resting. B Yeah.

[01:34:04]

Resting B pod or just call it your fucking name kid. That's the easiest way because I think like I like names of shows that are interesting. But if I want to see the Joey Diaz show, I want to see the Joey Diaz show, whereas the Joey Diaz show like I don't care what you call it.

[01:34:21]

What is it? Yeah, it is. It's the fucking kunu on top of the house. What? That's the name of my show. The canoe on top of the house. Is he moving to. He is moving to he's moving to New Jersey.

[01:34:32]

Oh yeah. I get him going. I give him a year of ice and snow. That's what I said about you. Really. Yeah. Give me a year. Yeah. So it's um. I don't know I feel. Are you keeping your place out here. Yeah. OK, yeah. That's good.

[01:34:48]

Good for now. OK, we'll see. Yeah. So it's just vacant.

[01:34:52]

That means like if someone one of your friends who is like twenty four I got people you know, OK, this is a weird state right now.

[01:35:01]

It is weird. I don't know what to do. I keep debating. I'm like do I move in with my parents, do I stay at my place?

[01:35:06]

Well, it's not it's never a bad thing to be with other folks, especially if you don't mind it.

[01:35:11]

And you actually enjoy being around them because this is like it's fucking strange time. People need help.

[01:35:16]

Sometimes people are sick and they don't want to admit it. And you got to go, hey, are you OK? And you got to fucking get him to the hospital as quick as you can, you know?

[01:35:24]

What do you read old people to get coronavirus. Yeah. Are you saying my parents, anybody, not just you, but anybody like living with your parents.

[01:35:31]

Not a bad move. Yeah, but the problem is you have to be really responsible with what you do.

[01:35:37]

There's a lot of kids that want to live with their parents and then they want to go party like you could kill your parents.

[01:35:42]

Like that shit is happening to people. There was a 21 year old kid who came home, gave it to his dad. His dad was in the fucking ICU. Now, I would feel so guilty, I didn't know even though he had it.

[01:35:54]

I had a friend I was with who tested positive. And I'm like, that sucks, because then you have to act like you have an STD or something in texta. Hey, we had a really good time last week, but I have some bad news. You got to get tested.

[01:36:06]

Yeah, people have done that at parties. They're having these influencer parties and, you know, they just go Buckwild, no masks start drinking. Yeah, there was a video like apparently they have houses. This is a thing like influencers get houses and then they do parties and that Jamie's laughing because it's like I'm learning about fire.

[01:36:24]

So you hit sticks, you rub them, you make fire. It's warmer.

[01:36:29]

I joked about the high powered this weekend. I was totally making a joke because I was like, yeah, that's where they live. I was like, oh, I don't even know. I know that that's a thing, but it's a thing.

[01:36:38]

So they do it. There's a bunch of people doing that now. They get houses. Yeah, they go crazy. My sister just had her bachelorette party, but everyone got tested before we stayed in the Airbnb the whole time.

[01:36:52]

So I think there's ways of doing it that are OK.

[01:36:56]

Yeah, there's ways of doing it that are OK, but you can't be drinking and fucking jumping on top of the pool and you know, there's one hundred and ninety thousand of you. I mean, they've had these they're having these fucking parties with like 200 people jammed into a house and everybody's breathing each other's air.

[01:37:12]

Where's my invite? Charlie DeMello? covid parties are a pandemic urban legend that won't go away. But that's what people trying to catch, right?

[01:37:20]

That's yes. I just saw this clarification on that. That thing. Well, that's that's a different thing when we're talking about his influence or parties where they just they don't give a fuck about the rules.

[01:37:29]

Leonardo DiCaprio had a party on his yacht and everyone was wearing cowboy hats. And I'm pretty sure he stole my covid cowboy theme. At least I'm going to say that that sounds very schizophrenic and probably don't mention that in public. No, Leo's watching. He's aware of what I'm talking about, these covid parties where people are trying to catch covid.

[01:37:49]

That's bullshit, though, right? Yeah, but these aren't members telling you. They're saying there's like these giant L.A. Hollywood Hills mansion parties that are going to start shutting down.

[01:37:58]

These were on TV. They had like the cameras that are usually doing the high speed chases. They were like watching. Well, my yeah.

[01:38:07]

That that that thing is weird because the goup the mayor, rather, is going to shut down the power and shut off the water to these people. Right. There's a certain amount of house that think that no one lives in there, just normally rented out for houses, for parties that in there.

[01:38:21]

But people were saying, oh, that was like what Bill Zarian was doing, right? Something like that. Yeah.

[01:38:26]

He rented this big giant ass house in Bel Air and he'd have these big crazy influence or parties. People get real mad. Yeah.

[01:38:33]

That like if you if you live in these neighborhoods and you're like a regular person with like a regular life and then also influence your party moves in next door all day long, they're just blasting music and fucking smoking weed. And you're like, oh no.

[01:38:47]

Yeah. Well, I remember Jake and Logan. Paul used to have a house, right, by the Improv. Yes. And kids would just show up at their house. There would be like it looked like a block party. There were all these teenage girls yelling out their window and all the neighbors were like, we're just trying to live.

[01:39:01]

Yeah, they fucked up. And now that one of the brothers, Jake or Logan, got raided, his house got raided. That was Jake. There were guns everywhere.

[01:39:10]

Yeah, well, he was the guy that was at the Arizona mall. Yeah. Looting. Yeah.

[01:39:17]

Woops. Why are people looting is very interesting. It's not good. Yeah.

[01:39:25]

It's weird watching people just steal shit and run out of stores like, wow, this is so weird. It's just weird watching. Yeah.

[01:39:32]

And it feels very like apocalyptic movie. It does. Yeah.

[01:39:36]

Well it's coming, it comes out in these like big bursts too, like what happened in Chicago, these big bursts of looting and you watch it on television, you're like this is such a crazy virus, it's in the air. But it's indicative of all these people needing things and being broke is fuck man like not having any work at all for months and months and months and watched the economy crumble with nothing you would steal to. I think we would all steal if we were twenty years old and fucked up and you're that's where you live and everybody else is stealing.

[01:40:04]

Like, let's do it.

[01:40:05]

Let's fucking do it.

[01:40:05]

No one in that store, you know, there's a thing that happens to people when there's a bunch of us and things go sideways like chaos, big chaos moments.

[01:40:17]

Well there's always chaos but it's like somewhat controlled. You know, the chaos is organized in a way where you feel like there's no chaos and things are smooth. And I think this just kind of cracked it open where it's like, oh, we can just kind of do whatever.

[01:40:29]

Well, it's the thin veneer of civilization has been exposed. There's some cracks and you see right through it, you saw through it during the looting in Santa Monica.

[01:40:40]

I was watching this guy run around with a gun and he's pointing it at people. And this other guy was yelling at him and he's sticking the gun on him. And then he runs into traffic and people are honking. This guy's got a gun and just people running at a store stealing shit.

[01:40:51]

And I remember watching that video going, wow, oh, this is Santa Monica. Yeah, this is while yeah. This is up.

[01:40:59]

If there was a movie and in the movie, a disease spread that made people reckless and wild and it made them they start stealing and assaulting each other and carrying guns everywhere was just a disease. It flew through the air. Yeah. People like what a crazy movie like this is. Santa Monica. Twenty. Twenty. Look at where fuck you.

[01:41:17]

Santa Monica was like like someone had sprayed something in the air that made people hyper aggressive, reckless and crazy. That's what it seemed.

[01:41:27]

Because you're going to like that fight or flight mode. You're like, I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know where I fit into this equation. There's that.

[01:41:33]

But I think there's also something else going on when they when they say that term mob mentality, if you ever felt it for sure, if you ever been in a place where like a fight breaks out at a basketball game or something like that with any any more, where there's a large group of people and a fight breaks out, there's a crackling in the air like you're ready to stab somebody.

[01:41:53]

Yeah, like it's nuts.

[01:41:54]

That's how I felt in the UFC. I was like, I'm taking jujitsu right now. Sign me up. That's a little different.

[01:42:00]

But I'm talking about, like, lawless shit. Yeah. The violence that you see at the UFC is the best substitute because it's completely controlled. Everybody has a hold of it. You know, there's rules as a referee. There's doctors trained.

[01:42:11]

There's so many rules. Yes. It's really very it's very well set up and very important. But the thing about it is that is violence, but it's just violence in the most controlled and safe way.

[01:42:23]

Yeah, what I'm talking about is lawless violence and shit breaks out like a scrap in a parking lot. When people are fighting, that's when things are strange because that's that feeling like fucking anything can happen to shoot somebody.

[01:42:35]

We could run people over people generally. Never run people over on purpose, but they do in the yelling at each other, like if you had a gas station, you see someone fucking run someone over on a YouTube video, you're like, oh, my God.

[01:42:46]

Like, what is happening? Yeah, they're going sideways. Conflict makes me so anxious. I hate seeing, like, fights or any like it just makes me sweat.

[01:42:56]

Yeah, well, it's dangerous. Altercations stresses me out.

[01:43:00]

So I was at a bit turned into a riot where seven, eight, I think 13 cars got flipped over. Well after Ohio State beat Michigan one year, we were headed to the national championship and you could feel around four o'clock, one on one couch was on fire in the middle of the street that like.

[01:43:16]

We're in the hornet's nest like this, it's about to go down later and it definitely did. I remember seeing the SWAT team get up at the end of the street near Knocka, bullets getting blasted out, tear gas, almost like what's been going on now is like 18 years ago.

[01:43:28]

But as sure as you were sort of saying that, I was like actually that one time after the contract could be fired, I was in the crowd right where that was happening. For about three minutes, it felt crazy and then like they kind of got a hold of everything and they're like, it's fine. But like if they'd been there for a second, that could have been crazy.

[01:43:45]

It could have been really crazy.

[01:43:48]

That was one of those moments where, you know, those lawless melee moments that was pretty controlled as far as I didn't I wasn't there are police around or whatever.

[01:43:57]

But just for that little spot, because I was I was right there in the some drunk guy next to me. That was the thing about that one, though.

[01:44:02]

It was so entertaining because it was two of the best fighters in the world involved in post fight brawls. Right. So Connor's getting beat up by these dudes, jumping over the chaos, excitement into just like we got overtime.

[01:44:16]

No, but that's what I think kept people from fighting in the crowd. Like what they were seeing was so entertaining.

[01:44:21]

Like, you don't get in a fight in the middle of a great fight. Yeah. You get in a fight when you know something happens and then you decide. It was just we just thought it was weird.

[01:44:29]

I was trying to put myself back in the feeling of, like Holon, the fights over and now what's going on around me. This is crazy. Oh, shit. That's the one time I've felt that again, it was just like I because when the cars were getting flipped, my friends, we were not we knew better than to get in it like it doesn't. It doesn't.

[01:44:43]

It feels like something changes in the air.

[01:44:46]

Oh yeah. Plus you could smell the tear gas that day but yeah. Yeah. But there's something about like chaos where I think it's because of war. I think every human being that's alive today is the descendant of people who are successful in war.

[01:45:01]

It just seems like war has always been around. Right.

[01:45:03]

And ever since the first, you know, really primitive primates hit each other with rocks and figured out that it's a better way to do it than just biting each other.

[01:45:13]

You know, the first the first animal that figured out how to start, you know, attacking other groups and dominate them and gain success and gain their food and gain their women. They just been doing that ever since. Yeah. So where are the people that survived that? I think there's a switch that goes off when there's like a riot or some chaos. Yeah. Like, you got to be like any fucking thing can happen right now and people do shit they would never do something about.

[01:45:38]

It's like a melee button that gets hit by.

[01:45:42]

You felt it, right? Yeah, it's scary.

[01:45:46]

And this is what we're seeing is a country like the whole country hit this melee button and that's where the looting and the like people are way more aggressive with it.

[01:45:53]

I mean, watching people drive different people, just running lights broke.

[01:45:57]

People run red lights sometimes like Fokin.

[01:45:58]

Five months. Yeah, they just they just they don't want to stop. They they're they're cutting people off. So watch this lady just pull out of this covid test place and clip some lady's car.

[01:46:10]

Huh. She was like frantic.

[01:46:12]

Look, I just feel like people are more on edge now. Hundred percent. I think it's yeah. I think like people being inside in this kind of like unknown feeling is really causing people to go through like a lot of mental anguish.

[01:46:23]

Well, and then we go back to the financial shit. Yeah. Like they're like, how do we get out of this. Yeah. How do I get out of this. Yeah. Like, if it's already five months in and I know this is going to go on until January, how do I get out of this? Oh, yeah, and it's like when things open up and I can start doing shows again, it's like, what am I going to be doing enough shows to, like, be like, am I going to have to work at a chicken wings restaurant again?

[01:46:49]

I don't know. Are there going to be real shows anytime soon?

[01:46:53]

When do you think those are going to happen? When it's going to be the first show.

[01:46:56]

When the the first real show in L.A., do you think, in January or February at the earliest? Yeah, that's what I think.

[01:47:02]

Do you think magicians are struggling right now and do you think. They're out there killing it? Tick tock. Tick tock. Do they have magicians on tock? Probably they seriously, anything you can think of, there's TEQ talks about it. Is there archery? Probably. Yeah, sure, it's trick shots. Could be good on there.

[01:47:22]

Yeah. Oh there's did you do crazy shit. There's a guy who can shoot a whatso circle like ping pong out of his control is a life saver in the air and he could shoot it and hit it was in the air.

[01:47:33]

What the hell. Yeah.

[01:47:35]

Because you want to kill a bug with your bow. Yeah. Hmm. Tick tock. Tick, tick tock. Hmm. Yeah.

[01:47:42]

I think January is probably the earliest we're going to see clubs open up here. Yeah. Because here we are in August is. No, no. No chance anytime soon. Oh our trian tick tock.

[01:47:54]

Half a billion views for the hashtag archery so. Oh that's crazy. Go dive deep. I'll go to that one right there.

[01:48:02]

Bam. That is about the fact that OK. No it's not. It's too small. He's going to let it go.

[01:48:07]

What do you mean it's too small. That is a big animal but that's a young elk.

[01:48:12]

You want a big old. OK, well you don't want to shoot the young ones unless they have an overpopulation of them and then they give out what they call a spike tag that's called a Spike Elk right up to them.

[01:48:21]

Well, it didn't know he was there. When the Elkhorn in particular, which is when you have, you know, the rut, they scream. You ever heard Alex scream, Mom, go to the busy, wild Instagram page? If they make the most amazing sound or Cameron Haynes, Cameron Hands has it on his page. Go to Cameron Haynes Instagram page.

[01:48:43]

There's a a video of an elk standing and then screaming. And as it's screaming, like the smoke is coming out of its mouth, you know, because it's the hot air and the cold, the cold, cold winter mountain and the hot air coming out of its mouth. And you can see it all spraying in the air. No, not that one. There's another one. The one on the far.

[01:49:04]

That's it right there. Oh, give me some volume through this.

[01:49:16]

Look at that. Yeah, look at the smoke, the smoke coming out of his mouth, all the steam. I mean, how dope is that? Watch this as the king of the mountain. That big motherfucker is the king of the mountain. Is that a female or a male? That's a male.

[01:49:36]

That's a bull down the antlers, those antlers are 100 percent to let the bitches know and to fuck up other dudes.

[01:49:45]

That's what they do. They kill each other with those things all the time.

[01:49:47]

Yeah. They run into each other and stab each other with the weapons that nature has bestowed upon them. They grow them out every year and then they fall off.

[01:49:57]

So that that would fall off and then new ones would grow and experience. Yes, that's real, Dan. Yeah, it's the king of the mountain. Crazy.

[01:50:08]

There's a there's I don't think it's on that same page. I wish I could find the page it was on because I forgot to book market. But there was a crazy video of this elk running away from this pack of wolves.

[01:50:18]

And this pack of wolves is just snapping at its legs and just running up behind it and chasing it, snapping at its legs, and then they eventually just swarm it.

[01:50:27]

It's it is ruthless. Yeah. It is so wild to see that these. These are just giant ancestors of dogs exist free in the mountains, so it's really fucking pretty amazing. Yeah.

[01:50:43]

So in North America, wolves taken out a giant elk and you could watch the video. I mean, I don't know if they did it from a drone or what because it was up in the sky and it's. It's it's so ruthless is this one this is this is where the wolves are chasing them, but when they get one OK here. Yeah. And they can run really good in the snow because their feet are like at the end of them are webbed, almost like a snowshoe.

[01:51:10]

They have really enormous feet, whereas the elk kind of sink in the snow and it hinders their movement.

[01:51:17]

Me, imagine. That has been playing out that war between wolves and elk, that's been playing out for thousands and thousands of years.

[01:51:26]

Where did you get into, like, all the hunting and stuff like that to look at how they bite them on the legs? This is how they go after they bite them on the legs. Yeah, this is the video, this is it, so this is where I saw it on Instagram. Look, are not showing it on screen because you can't. Yeah, the elkies sorry. The is running in the Wolfpack is behind it. And you could see he keeps going deeper and deeper into the snow and he's stumbling and the wolves just eventually get him.

[01:51:54]

And when they get him, it's ruthless. You don't have to watch it. Wolfpack gives Chase to a group of elk. Yeah, they go.

[01:52:02]

There's another one. Grizzly bear chases elk in Yellowstone Park. Somebody posted a one yesterday. I wish I saw it. I wish I bookmarked that one too.

[01:52:10]

But it was a bison hitting another bison and making it fly through the air is crazy. So these people are in the road, right? And they're watching these bison walk across the road and the bison started fucking with each other and one of them gets mad and runs at the other one and launches them into the air. So you're looking at a two thousand plus pound animal and this other two thousand plus pound animal throws it through the air with its head, just makes it go flying.

[01:52:35]

Have you ever accidentally hit an animal when driving squirrels?

[01:52:40]

Yes. Did you feel sad? Yeah, because the. Yeah. Tomberlin something real.

[01:52:45]

Well, one time I ran over a bunny and I was traumatized. Yeah, it's that is sad.

[01:52:54]

Ali, thanks for letting us know you didn't bring martial. I wanted to meet the dog. Yeah. Unfortunately, I'm going to go shoot guns after this.

[01:53:00]

I'm going next week. Yeah. What are you doing? I think angels for us. Oh OK. Yeah, I know where that is. Just the outdoor. Yeah. There's a great range out there. Yeah.

[01:53:07]

My friend Toques has a bunch of guns. Have you done it before. I went with him once before and I cried the first time. I cried the first time you pulled the trigger in ecstasy.

[01:53:18]

No. Yeah. Fear because I was just like it was just so scary.

[01:53:23]

It's such a powerful feeling and it really freaked me out.

[01:53:27]

And then I started to have fun and I was like, pow, pow, wow. Yeah. Got into it. You went the other way. Yeah.

[01:53:33]

But it was like one of those things where I'm like, I'd be fine if I. No, like I wasn't like I have to keep doing this. But if the opportunity presents itself so it didn't become an obsession.

[01:53:43]

But you, you were entertained. Yeah.

[01:53:45]

There were certain guns that I like shooting more than others that were more fun. It's a smart thing to learn how to do. Yeah. Unfortunately when you see the Santa Monica scene, you see the thin veneer of civilization pulled off and how easily people can go crazy.

[01:54:01]

It's a bummer, but it's real. Yeah. Yeah, I just hope it all gets better. Me, too. I feel like I'm so negative. Are you eagerly anticipating what's going to happen during the election?

[01:54:15]

Oh, are you weirded out by the possibility that no matter who wins, it could be chaos?

[01:54:20]

Yeah, I think like what you were saying, it's like it's already you know, we already kind of see through the government and realize it's all pretty fucked regardless of whoever wins, no matter how good the candidate is. But I also think that this has shown us, like we do have so much power to influence what happens. It's not so much who the figure is or the person wearing the suit. It's more about like people coming together and like making some change themselves.

[01:54:45]

You sound like a person who bought into all the political propaganda that they're pumping out in the news right now. It's really about big businesses and special interests making as much money as possible and keeping people fat and stupid. And they do their best to keep us uneducated, trapped inside our house with low vitamin D, and then they create viruses and then they release those viruses planned on purpose.

[01:55:07]

Yeah, no, I don't think that. I know. I know. But I'm just walking around, if you can get it. People at home. Yeah. I don't know. I just, I think that we do. I think we're just realizing that we do have more power to influence how things go.

[01:55:19]

Sure we do. Yeah. Well, we have more of a voice for sure. Yeah. Ever before.

[01:55:23]

It's very interesting. I just want people hopefully to use their voice in like a positive way. I think that it's really easy to like attack people regardless of whether it's political or not. Nowadays, with anything going on, it's so easy to be like a negative voice when I think it feels you feel angry.

[01:55:42]

You know, the anger that most people have is accentuated by the economic situation in the virus situation. Right. So even if you already like an angry person, you're going to be really angry now and frustrated.

[01:55:56]

And it doesn't seem like a way out.

[01:55:58]

I almost like the way people are, the way people are behaving today with all the tension and all the infighting and all the chaos. It's almost like this isn't. It's not even their fault. I really almost feel that way. I feel like most people are so unprepared for something this stressful and anything that's really stressful that gets you so out of your head. And when everybody's out of their head and no one can just calm down, it's not a good combination for good for anybody.

[01:56:27]

And the real problem is there's not a real clear antidote for it. Yeah, there's not a real clear path out of this. That's what makes me real nervous.

[01:56:36]

That's why I know I sound so Miss Congeniality, but I think, like, if people are just like, nicer to each other. Yeah. It sounds so corny, but not all the time. It doesn't need to be like phony niceness, but rather than being like mean or negative or attacking, just don't say I mean, I don't know, I just people have requirements and one of the requirements is they have to be able to make a living.

[01:56:59]

Yeah.

[01:56:59]

You know, and as much as I think that universal basic income, like one of the things this whole pandemic shit, when it's shown us that it's not a bad idea to have a certain amount of money that you have allocated to everybody so that they could pay their bills, pay for food, it seems like we should have figured that out. And Andrew Yang was talking about this in terms of automation. But it's just as important or more important with this.

[01:57:23]

Yeah.

[01:57:24]

The pandemic, because you know how many choices everybody has. I mean, it's like if automation comes and takes your job, maybe you can figure out another job. Yeah, but if there's no fucking jobs because no one's allowed to work, then that's the best argument ever for universal basic income.

[01:57:39]

Yeah.

[01:57:40]

What do you think? It's not your fault. Yeah, I feel like only fans is like the new trading occurs. It's like here's news. Can I make money joke. You shouldn't have said that on the podcast. You just save that one.

[01:57:54]

OK, I'm putting it in the bank. Yeah. We have to fucking delete that.

[01:57:58]

No, keep it in. It's funny. Very funny people. Yeah. You're funny. I need any funny leave.

[01:58:03]

I leave it to leave it the way it is and then just expand upon it as a bit because you're totally right.

[01:58:10]

It is because I was thinking I'm like OK, well if comedy's dead and there's like I can either sell chicken wings. Well like I don't know, there's only so many I want to go back to trading, but there's only so much you can trade.

[01:58:22]

And like, the only thing I have is my feet during time, during times of great prosperity.

[01:58:28]

Being a is a choice. Yeah, right. But there's a lot of reluctant hos.

[01:58:33]

I'm, I'm a scared ho on the inside. I'm like I'm a bad bitch. I listen to a the stallion cardi B what. S plus he's my anthem and then like I'll talk to a guy on a dating app and I'm like, uh do you want to go to the park? And like, I don't know, what do you want to do, even though you enjoy those art forms and people's expression in general, you're a pretty calm person.

[01:58:53]

Yeah.

[01:58:54]

That's why. Yeah. You like that music because it's fun.

[01:58:56]

But that's not that doesn't define you know, how funny was that Ben Shapiro thing. Oh my God. Wet ass pussy things. I God that's a result of a gynecological situation. Yeah. How did he say it.

[01:59:08]

I don't even know he was reading them and he was like, well in conclusion, what else.

[01:59:12]

Pussy is actually not that word then.

[01:59:17]

Bene. Stay in your lane Benny boy. Oh my God.

[01:59:22]

I mean, I like Ben Shapiro. Let me just state this. I think people get the wrong impression about him all the time. I think he's a very nice guy. He's a very smart guy. But he he has his blind spots like we all do.

[01:59:36]

And when you think that wet ass pussy is a gynecological condition.

[01:59:41]

Hmm.

[01:59:42]

Whips, let me tell you something. The mass humiliation of Ben Shapiro.

[01:59:49]

I don't like you. He scares me. I like him as a human. I don't know him as a human being. And that's a problem.

[01:59:55]

Like you see someone who does like performative work about politics, because part of what he does is funny.

[02:00:02]

Like he has a mug that says leftest tears, you know, and when he serves you water, like Ezra Klein from Vox was on his show, he drank out of a cup that said leftest tears.

[02:00:13]

Yeah. And they were actually talking about it like he's like like don't you think this is it's like. I think it's funny. Yeah.

[02:00:19]

He leans into it. Look, he's a good guy. It's just not perfect. Not like all of us. There's nothing like what you want to find one thing wrong with the person and fucking hate them. Yeah. And that's just silly. Yeah.

[02:00:29]

You can still think he's a nice guy and still think it's fucking silly to make fun of wet pussy totally.

[02:00:34]

Or it's like I might not like the guy but I don't need to like attack him.

[02:00:39]

Yeah I'm telling you. But he does have a goofy ass little smirk.

[02:00:43]

Well he's, he's a professional. Look one of the reasons why people love Floyd Mayweather is because he talks so much shit. You talk so much shit. He's always shown his money. He's kind of trolling in a way that's become such a thing and fight.

[02:00:57]

And then but with him, he was so good at it because he was a guy who was very safety, first as a boxer, incredibly skillful, like arguably the best boxer of all time, but. He didn't go after guys and just engage in wars, he fought very tactically, and he's fighting the best fighters in the world, so he has to fight very cautiously. Sometimes that's the correct way to do it.

[02:01:22]

But he figured out a way to get people to pay attention because that generally like being the most skillful is great.

[02:01:30]

But you want people to pay attention. So you want to be like a Mike Tyson guy who knocks everybody out. Well, if you're not a Mike Tyson guy that knocks everybody out, the best way to get people to pay attention is make them want you to lose.

[02:01:41]

Show them all your money. Oh, the guy that was the million dollars. You just look at these diamonds, look at this and look at this. J'étais feeling a bit and get shit. Yeah. Know.

[02:01:49]

And you just want to beat them up, you want him to get his ass kicked. But meanwhile he's the best boxer ever and so he's just out boxing all these people and he never gets his ass kicked.

[02:01:56]

It's kind of funny. I mean if you really pay attention to it, it's kind of fun. Well, Ben Shapiro is that's kind of what he is like, says things, knowing it's going to piss people off and then they're paying attention to him. But he also says some things that make sense. And he's very good at debate.

[02:02:11]

He's very good at arguing with uneducated people who just automatically subscribe to left wing ideas. He can chop those up quick if you have your your thoughts dialed in and your argument dialed in.

[02:02:26]

But he's you know, he's a person. Yeah.

[02:02:29]

It's a very nice guy. A lot of people just can't we all just get along because we're scared.

[02:02:34]

I know this is this is if I can you know, people can each of you goes if you're a comedian, you're losing.

[02:02:42]

You're right. But what Ali saying. If we'd just be nicer to each other is the solution, I think it is if there's more camaraderie and understanding and seeing that people like Ben or Alex Jones, all your fun friend, you know, they're all people. They're human being. No, I don't. Yeah, this is the thing. It's like this is the one of the real problems with cancer culture.

[02:03:05]

Look, they'll say something like like, oh, Matt Lauer's got plenty of money, you know, or in makeup, a person has been canceled. Oh, they're fine. They got plenty of money.

[02:03:15]

It's you're not thinking about what what hurts. Yeah, it's material. Yeah.

[02:03:19]

What hurts is the psychological aspect of whatever it is.

[02:03:24]

And what we're doing is we're lash, we're lashing out at people for mistakes. And we're saying it in a way we're like, there's no way you can get better and this is who you are forever. Yeah. And there's like a narrative that people create. They assume that they know things about you and want to create the story to make it look a certain way to validate their point when it's like no one knows anyone entirely like you have kids, you don't know exactly who they are because they're their own little thing, you know.

[02:03:53]

Exactly. And as much as you think you know you know something about someone like you just don't. And I feel like everyone should be worthy of redemption.

[02:04:01]

And we're talking we're not talking about crimes. I'm not talking about people stealing a murder or rape or chaos or stabbing or shooting or not talking about that.

[02:04:12]

What we're talking about is public execution.

[02:04:15]

Yeah, there's there's a thing that people are doing now where they just love the pile on. And it's because there's they're not in a good place. Like, there's so much negativity. I was watching this one pile on where this guy was. Oh, this is from Douglas Murray's book. That's what it was. Douglas Murray's book, The Madness of Crowds. He's a brilliant man, an author who is often. Misrepresented, they often misrepresent his positions on things because he takes a pragmatic nonwork, but he's a gay man, gay man from England who's brilliant and so looks like it's hard, like the get real confused.

[02:04:51]

They run into him like shit.

[02:04:53]

Yeah, well, being gay or having something like that makes you stand out. Doesn't make you.

[02:04:57]

Well, they have a problem.

[02:04:58]

Like if he has opinions on trans people or if he has opinions on even on gay people, even on like his his opinions or he thinks what he thinks and he's smart enough to be able to express it in a way that's very difficult to argue. Yeah.

[02:05:12]

And because of that, people, they get pissy about it.

[02:05:16]

I remember when I was talking about what was the initial point of public execution, you know, before that people give a shit. Fuck, I had a poll.

[02:05:27]

You take care of Putin. I didn't do that. What were you talking about right before that, though?

[02:05:31]

Just about fuck people deserving second chances and redemption and that were all material things like you can take away someone's money or whatever.

[02:05:42]

They have enough money and they should be fine. I don't know. I have a terrible memory. No alpha brain, beta brain.

[02:05:48]

I can't believe I forgot the story. What is that shirt?

[02:05:52]

The hundred shout out to Bobby and Ben, what is that, Jim? And how dare you how dare I say, back to the future, that's back to the future. Let's talk. Oh, OK.

[02:06:06]

From. It looks like a blob and a lightning bolt, let me put my glasses on shows about Tuross, I could barely see that. Can you tell? Yeah. Well, back to the future. Goddamnit, I'm trying to remember the fucking story. I can't. What are you drinking that yellow? This is the Laird Hamilton turmeric super food costs. Have you had enough? No. You should try it. Okay. Are you into any health shit right now?

[02:06:40]

Just like in terms of like eating and taking care of yourself, you exercise. Yeah, well, skating, I've been doing that like almost every day. Skateboarding? Yeah. Do you wear pads and shit?

[02:06:50]

If I'm doing it if I'm trying to do something crazy. I will. But if I'm just kind of like cruising around trying to work on my allergies and shove it and whatnot, I won't wear the pads. But if I'm trying to like drop in, which I'm really afraid to do that, I'll put on like the knee pads, wrist guards, helmet.

[02:07:08]

I'm not trying to get a concussion, are you doing crazy shit like you're going over the lip and scraping the bottom rung to get in? No, I'm using my way. Look at you.

[02:07:18]

Oh, you look ferocious. Oh, yeah. Like you're ready to shred. I am ready to go down a railing.

[02:07:24]

It's so fun you do the railing shit. You never know. See, I was trying to drop in this guy. Help me. His name's Chris. He just like came up to me. He saw me struggling and he was like, here, let me help you. But if he wasn't there, I would have eaten shit.

[02:07:37]

So you're about to.

[02:07:38]

I was about to say for sure what happened there. That was just me posted up across. I thought you were injured.

[02:07:44]

No.

[02:07:46]

So why did you decide that was the thing?

[02:07:49]

So, OK, so I got back to my house, had a room that was open to rent. One of my roommates left and and my friend was like, oh, I have a buddy who's looking for a place. So this guy comes to my house, checks out the room. My roommates are asking him questions like, what do you do for work? And he's like, oh, like skate stuff, whatever. He was very vague. And when he was walking out to leave, I saw my skateboard.

[02:08:10]

I've had this board for like four or five years. I got it from Supreme. I like the deck. I thought that I was going to be like a skater. I thought that everyone would fall in love with me. No one did. So I stopped skating. And so I've had it just sitting in my front yard for like four or five years. And so he's leaving. And I see my board and I'm like, can I resell this?

[02:08:28]

Like, is there any value or do I just like, give it to a kid? Like, what do I do with this old board? And he picks it up and he looks at the deck and he's like, this is my pro model board.

[02:08:38]

Like, yeah.

[02:08:39]

And so then ever since then we've been skating together. His name's Donovan Piscopo. He's so tight. He's so nice. He's so tight. Yeah, he's so tight. He's so sick. You fucking shreds. He's so dope.

[02:08:51]

I remember the story. This is a story is really progressive. Left wing person here was tweeting something this tweet storm of like, you know, why does everyone have to be sexist and racist?

[02:09:02]

And like he adds all these, like, super wog things. And they said and just sitting around eating fucking fast food and watching Netflix, that's why I made a mistake, because then he was fat shaming and he didn't realize he was fat shaming when he said that. And so the people started attacking him like he said everything in the most woak way possible. What it is in Douglas Murray's book, Madness of Crowds. And then he goes on this Twitter apology stream that I think Murray said it lasted fifteen tweets.

[02:09:27]

He's literally begging for his career not to be ended.

[02:09:30]

Well, for saying that people eat junk food. Yeah. Hate garbage. And like, why does everybody have to do all these things that are awful, plus get fat and why are we lazy? Why are we stupid? Yes, that's what he's saying. But he fucked up. And by saying, like sitting around eating garbage, food, you're fat shaming. You don't even realize you're you're being hateful and mean. You can't there's just no room.

[02:09:54]

There's no room.

[02:09:56]

There's no room for fucking around like you can't have if you want to be a wog person, like you could get on, you can get canceled at any moment because yeah, you never know when the standards have shifted, they've become more and more radicalized. And so someone saying something that like five, six years ago would be like completely reasonable and make a lot of sense. The fuck up was talking about people who are fat, like, you can't do it.

[02:10:18]

Yeah, yeah.

[02:10:19]

I think. Well, and you can't explain yourself. There's no room to explain what you mean. Right. Or your side. You know, no one wants to hear. People just want to be like you're wrong and you're bad, but you're it.

[02:10:30]

It's a game. Yeah. There's no room for nuance.

[02:10:33]

No. So a person like that, like, well listen, you really should eat healthier food. Why are we lying? Why are we saying that these people eating fast food.

[02:10:41]

Why why fast foods. Bad doesn't mean being fat is bad. Well, being fat is bad. It's not healthy, it's not good for you. But you can have good friends who are fat.

[02:10:51]

Like, listen, people have problems. Yeah. Look, I'm going to be. I know. I know. I'm going to hit like thirty two and I'm just going Oh yeah.

[02:11:00]

Or are you going to cross it. You might go either way maybe. But my point is it doesn't mean that fat is good for you. Just because you love fat people, it's still bad for you. Well if you talk to a doctor I'll give you talk to a medical doctor. You're saying, yeah, it's bad for you. Yes. So it's not good. It's like pretending it's OK. Look, you can be healthy and fat is nonsense.

[02:11:20]

But the thing is, like, if you say that you're fat phobic or you're you're fat shaming or you're hurting people, but it's just a fact.

[02:11:28]

Yeah. It doesn't mean you hate these people. Yeah. It just is what it is. Yeah. That's a problem. Whenever you can't say what it is like, no one can hear.

[02:11:38]

We're just playing pretend. Right. So the person says all these things. You agree with everyone. Then you find this one thing instead of saying, Bob, I'm totally with you on all of that. But sometimes the people that are eating fast food are just poor. Like, you're right. You're right. I should I sort of twist that and that should be the end of it. Yeah. Give a person like when you have an opinion, if you put out a tweet, like one of the things I see people get attacked the most for is erent views in tweets.

[02:12:03]

But when you have a tweet and you put it out there, that's not your.

[02:12:08]

Rock solid, married to possession of everything, it's a thought you're thinking out loud, we think a typed form, which is weird.

[02:12:15]

So if you see that type form, like if you said something fucked up to me, but it was just in the moment you said something, you thought it was funny, it was fucked up. That's one thing. But if you write it down, that's a different thing. Totally. And it's a thing we don't really understand. Like you see something written, like I know what you said, but I'm going to decide that you meant it this way.

[02:12:33]

You can change it and switch it around and move or and we were talking about this earlier. You can even take a thing that would make sense if you said it like like how about suck it, bitch. Like if you just say that out of nowhere and then but you write it down, it's like, what does that mean.

[02:12:48]

Yeah. Where's that coming from in the moment. It was hilarious. But when you write it down and just print it somewhere, it's like, what is that? Because there's no tone, no context. Yeah, no context. So and we're pretending this is what everybody's doing, counseling people for tweets and getting angry at people for things that they've said. You're canceling people based on the you're trying to deny nuance. You're trying to deny that people shift and they grow and they learn.

[02:13:13]

And that's the other thing. It's like I feel like everyone hopefully you're like trying to grow as a person and learn new things and have new ideas. And so it's like if I said something in 2014, it's probably not how I feel about something now or I'm fucking digging my heels in.

[02:13:28]

Yeah, let me tell you why I believe it. Yeah. Yeah.

[02:13:32]

But I think and I've said this before too, but I think the real problem is we can't really read each other's minds.

[02:13:38]

We rely on language. Yeah.

[02:13:40]

I don't know what you're really thinking. Yeah. I don't know what you really think you can.

[02:13:44]

You know, some people are slicker with their words. Some people are better at convince some people to have their game down.

[02:13:50]

So people manipulated enough people that they're, you know, like salesmen and shit or strippers like people. Just a really good selling thing.

[02:13:57]

Yeah, they know. They know what they're doing.

[02:14:00]

I was learning sign language before covid. I would go to like def meet ups. There's like depth meet ups at Starbucks. Why are we doing that? My grandma was deaf and I never took the time to, like, really learn sign language, which now that I think about it, is kind of fucked up. That's like if your grandma spoke like Italian and only Italian and you were like, I'm just going to speak English and hope you figure it out.

[02:14:22]

I would love to see roast battle with sign language.

[02:14:24]

Oh, that would be a lot of body movement, a lot of eyes big. That would be a great show. That's what Netflix should do if they really want to be inclusive. Yeah, there's more deaf people probably than a lot of. Malign people. Yeah, what is this? Oh, I love interpreters at concerts, that's such an important job when we are at the ampitheater.

[02:14:46]

When we were at the amphitheater in the Bay Area, there was an interpreter and it made me so happy.

[02:14:50]

Look how fast she's moving, though.

[02:14:52]

She's rapping because Fast Song is Eminem's rap God.

[02:14:55]

Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. Let her go.

[02:14:59]

Sign language is so fascinating to me. I love it. That's crazy. Look how fast she's moving.

[02:15:04]

She's talking. She's Tic-Tac. Chinese. Yeah, that's what it is. The Chinese government is tricking people into talking in sign language.

[02:15:11]

I'm on a cell. Tick tock. What does that mean? American sign language. Language. Tick tock. So there's people who. Yeah, I love it. I love sign language.

[02:15:20]

So you tick tock using actual words. I don't. But I watch people who are either deaf or interpreters and they make videos online. But you're learning how to to talk and sign language at the same time.

[02:15:30]

Well, I kind of stopped learning sign language during the pandemic. Oh.

[02:15:35]

But I want those things that you have to stay up on, like you have to sign with people like you. Yeah.

[02:15:38]

It's like any language or like if you want to get fluent in it, you want to be talking all the time. And I don't really have a lot of deaf friends around to speak to, but it was cool going to like those deaf meet ups at Starbucks.

[02:15:53]

That is cool. Yeah.

[02:15:55]

How much do you really understand a person based on sign language? Do you do you feel like you're not fluent in it though, right?

[02:16:03]

No, but I can sign decent enough to have a conversation. Kind of. Yeah, but I would have to tell them like slow, slow.

[02:16:11]

But do you think that when you get to a point like that interpreter at the concert, you get that good sign language, you could communicate as clearly, but it's the same as any language where it's like I might be like, what's up, y'all?

[02:16:24]

It's lit. And you might be like, Oh, I'm older. I don't understand what it means. Oh, I know.

[02:16:29]

What that means is I was already gone away. I'm bringing it back tight. I'm here to be off you like he's tight like huh. Yes.

[02:16:39]

But it's like if you go to a different part, like if you go to a different state, sometimes the way that people speak and maybe like in Texas in certain rural parts, you wouldn't really understand certain things that they say or how you say. So it's the same with sign language, like you can say doctor like this or like this.

[02:16:55]

But if you're learning and you only know this way to say it, then if someone does that, you're like, what the fuck does that mean?

[02:17:01]

My doctors touch your ears to check your pulse like that.

[02:17:04]

Yeah, yeah. And there's a D so doctor. Oh where's it D. Oh wow.

[02:17:09]

A letter. But when you go down and touch it now it's just doctor on your wrist. I go up. That fell over on. Yeah.

[02:17:15]

What anyone there be different. Like not ASL because I didn't once I learned American Sign language was like wait a second. Your French sign language.

[02:17:24]

Yeah yeah yeah yeah. Oh that's a name. I know language like how much different is it. It's very different. It's very different. So different language.

[02:17:33]

You don't even know the language. No. Oh you fucks. You had the one chance to make a universal language. I know. It's so fascinating, I'm like very interested in, like the deaf community in sign language and all of that linguistics I got superhigh once, I think it was in the tank.

[02:17:49]

And when it came out, I had this idea that alien life. If it wanted to communicate with us, would come up with a way, a like a type of language that everyone could understand, like a language that got right into your brain, a language that instead of you having to interpret what the sounds mean and turn them into words, it's some new kind of technology that allows, as they're making this sound, as they're putting out the signal, it's going straight into you and you automatically understand it.

[02:18:20]

Yeah, without knowing what they're without having actual Bob said you guys should come to the spaceship instead of saying, you know what it means without having hearing sound like you'll have to disassociate the idea of these sounds, meaning these words. You just know what it means. Yeah.

[02:18:37]

The movie Arrival's. Well, they didn't they do it like visually. Yeah. Like time doesn't matter.

[02:18:43]

There's no sentences all Meems and like right then it was like they would spray black ink into the sky. Right. What did they do for like let me see what it looked like again. Yeah. There goes the spray spray black ink and it makes like weird patterns and that's how they would communicate.

[02:18:58]

Have you. That makes sense. Yeah. Have you seen the new the trailer for Tennet?

[02:19:03]

Is that what it's called for the movie to come out for a while. Yes. I'm at the lock down, fucked it up.

[02:19:09]

I think there's a guy named Ray Kurzweil and he's a brilliant guy who wants to live to be a thousand years old. And he's got this series of patents that he's come up with.

[02:19:19]

I mean, he's really like a legitimately genius guy. And I got a chance to interview him once a way back. But one of the things that we talked about was he was talking about downloading consciousness into a computer. And they think that there's going to come a point in time where you will be Tourneau because you're going to figure out a way to take whoever Allen Makowski is and put it in a computer and download it and your material body, your physical body, your biological body won't mean anything anymore.

[02:19:46]

You're going to exist as you inside this computer, inside this thing. I've always thought that that's probably what alien life is. What alien life is, is something that it's gotten to the point where it doesn't need a physical form anymore, like whatever consciousnesses they figured out a way to contain it and nonbiological systems. So they take whatever you are when you're born. And then the thing is like, how does that thing replicate? What are they doing to make it?

[02:20:16]

What are they doing? How what are they doing to make sure the power stays on? Like, what are they doing? I think Kaido probably squats. I think life could be all kinds of shapes.

[02:20:27]

I think life could be there was some speculation as these scientists were trying to figure out whether or not light could be a life form, like there could be forms of life that or made entirely of light.

[02:20:39]

Well, everything's energy, right? I don't know if everything's under control. I don't know. I thought that literally makes sense, just really lazy. But like, they're made of energy, you know?

[02:20:50]

Um, yeah, we're made of energy.

[02:20:51]

But what we think of as life we think of is like a frog or like an alley. Makowski, be Bernal's. Yeah, but it's possible that life might be like I thought about ideas like when you have an idea and then that idea gets in your head like, man, I like that idea.

[02:21:07]

And then you start working to fulfill that idea. You build a thing like maybe you have an idea like how to build a thing and then you build a thing that's a thing that, like, forced you to make it.

[02:21:19]

It's like you had an idea that bumped jumped into your brain and then it's like, listen, bitch, you need to make a canoe like a canoe. Yeah, how would I make it?

[02:21:28]

You know, you take a long and all of a sudden you roll around. Inside of it is go down the river. And then all of a sudden this idea that pops into your head and you start doing all the work. Now you have a physical thing that literally allowed itself to be born by getting this idea that invades your consciousness and tricks you into making things.

[02:21:47]

Doesn't that make you think that everything's already kind of decided, like, you know, you have free will and control, but to some extent everything's kind of already what's going to happen is going to happen. That's not necessarily true. I think you do have free will, but I think you also have determinism. I think this is something that people have argued successfully where you you really have to take a step back and go, OK, what do I think about a person's who a person is right now?

[02:22:14]

Like, if I meet a person and I meet this woman and she's all fucked up, she lies a lot and she likes to do drugs and she does know what she's doing in her life. And she cries like, oh, get your shit together, bitch. Is that what you think? Like what? What do you think when you meet a person like that? Do you take any consideration like, oh, this is a person who is the granddaughter of alcoholics and it all boils down to genetics and terrible.

[02:22:38]

So all of her systems that came online when she was two and five and six, they all came online to an alcoholic households that people were physically abusive and was hiding in the corner of your bedroom. And it was all chaos.

[02:22:51]

And, you know, my drinking when you're 12, like when you get to that. 35 year old person, and they've gone through this insane pattern without any intervention, nothing switch, how much of their life are they really responsible for? Yeah, it's a real question.

[02:23:07]

It's like, who are you? You are the combination of all the things that have ever happened to you, your genetics, all the weird shit that you inherit from your parents. If you inherit a lot of ideas, they think even from your parents, not just like learn from them, but actually inherit these ideas.

[02:23:23]

And then you do the best with what you got. Yeah, and some people got is fucking terrible. Yeah, do you think we're living in a simulation, I'm too dumb, same to. To take that into consideration, but I think it seems legitimately weird, it seems like it changes too much.

[02:23:48]

Like reality itself changes too much. Yeah, and things come up that seem like if there was going to be a simulation, this is how it would go down. Like I remember when I first started reading about simulation theory was right around the time where Anthony Weiner got busted for sending pictures of his deck. What are the odds? Yeah, that seems like it's so on the nose. He's like some of you. So I'm the winner.

[02:24:14]

Your name was Weiner. You'd avoid showing people your heart. Yeah. I'm like, this is to castrate yourself. No more Weiner.

[02:24:22]

But if we're going to come up with one someday, obviously not you and me, but someone really smart come up with a simulation, it's going to eventually get good enough where you can't tell that you're in a simulation.

[02:24:32]

That's what took to.

[02:24:33]

That's what's fucked up. What's fucked up is it? If it isn't here, it's coming. Yeah.

[02:24:38]

This took me a long time. Like, I had a conversation with this guy, Nick Bostrom, who's a brilliant guy, who is a big proponent of this concept.

[02:24:49]

And he was explaining it through, like, probability theory. Yeah, I was a little too dumb to understand what you're saying, but basically I'm listening to the podcast.

[02:24:58]

If you do if if it's possible that someday someone essentially I'm paraphrasing someday will have a simulation like how what are the odds that this is a simulation? It's more likely that this is a simulation than not.

[02:25:12]

Yeah, you just got to pray that whoever's doing the simulation is looking out for you. The other possibility is that we know the simulation is coming. That's the other possibility and that's why everybody's freaked out. Everybody's freaked out because even though it's not here, it's inevitable.

[02:25:27]

If you follow the pattern of innovation, if you go from pioneers to people who live in cities to cell phones and Internet and fucking space force, and you just keep going, eventually you get to a point where someone figures out how to make an artificial version of life, whether it's Ray Kurzweil thing where it downloads you into a computer or there's a thing you sit and connect to. Yeah, some someone's going to come up with some.

[02:25:52]

Do you think we know that we're in the simulation when it happens? We're just like you talk. You don't want that.

[02:25:57]

You know, you want something where it's crazy. You don't even know you're in it. Oh, my God. Am I in the simulation? Who knows?

[02:26:04]

That's the best simulation. The best simulation is you. You have no idea.

[02:26:09]

Oh, you are completely into it. So that's where our problem lies.

[02:26:13]

We don't know if that's actually going on right now for Trump. If somebody brought Trump aside like that, Trump aside, said Mr. Trump, all of this seems highly unlikely, doesn't it? Well, here's why. Yeah, you are in a simulation. This simulation was started seventy eight years ago, and this is the pattern. It plays out. You're given a large amount of money to start your own business. Yeah, you can. To put your name on everything.

[02:26:40]

You're going to be the best, the best, the best. But you have crazy hair. But that's OK.

[02:26:44]

You just fucking spray it down. You good. You have a few flaws in your life. People are mad at you though. Are you going to be the best you can have? The best things, the biggest you know, the business, you know, everything's going to be amazing. And then you come up to me like you wake them up and you say this and it just seems crazy. It seems crazy because it is. And you settled upon the very bizarre pattern in your simulation.

[02:27:06]

And this is how it came out. And everyone else is mad at you. But they didn't understand this wasn't your fault. You didn't mean to. But then you think of all the things that we counted before, like poverty, abuse, drug addict parents, all the different things that make a person who they are. Right.

[02:27:21]

Those are really kind of like.

[02:27:24]

Factors in if you had a game like if you were playing some sort of a large scale role playing game you like, what is my character going to be like?

[02:27:33]

Well, your character is a barbarian. You're in The Matrix. That's what you show me.

[02:27:37]

You're describing like, well, Morpheus talks to Neo is like, hey, what do you what do you think it is?

[02:27:43]

It's yeah, it is like that is essentially what it will be if we if we're we're stay in this human form. Essentially, someone's going to figure out a way to put a helmet on you or put a fucking spike in the back of your head that, like, locks your central nervous system into this gigantic computer that starts sending signals to your brain and tricks your brain thinking it's riding on a horse with the fucking Saudi Arabian desert. That's going to come just whether or not it's here yet.

[02:28:11]

It's going to come. They're going to keep making things. If we don't blow each other up, there's going to be a cell phone that lets you see God. You're going to, you know, like call God. Yeah, God's going to be in front of you, hugging you, giving you love.

[02:28:22]

Isn't that what psychedelics are kind of like? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that could be what we're trying to recreate.

[02:28:28]

Well, we're trying to get to it could be like a state that's similar to what exists already in nature, like maybe they're interconnected in some sort of a way, like maybe someone will figure out maybe someone who is anti-drug will figure out a way to recreate psychedelic experiences using only technology that interfaces with your brain and turns all those chemicals on. But don't you think we're capable of doing that ourselves because we're part of nature in a way like we're all connected to the universe in some way.

[02:28:53]

And so if we just focused on, like, not to sound like Russell Brand, but like if we all just like took time to like, meditate and like get in contact with ourselves and like realize that we're all connected in a strange web that we could potentially have that like that would definitely help.

[02:29:10]

And this is the other thing about people that are, like, angry all the time or people that are lashing out at people all the time.

[02:29:14]

That energy that you put out is not a one way thing, that it comes back at you totally. And it also makes you feel a certain way. So it poisons you as well.

[02:29:24]

Well, and it poisons the other people. You know, if I if I go and attack you and I'm like, Joe, you fucking whatever, you suck, blah, blah, blah, like Im attacking you, then there's going to be I mean I know you're like tough and whatever, but like, you know, there's still a part of that energy, the negative energy that's going to go into you and go maybe for a second. I don't know how long, but depending on how weak or strong willed or minded you are, you're going to attach part of that to yourself and be like, maybe I am bad.

[02:29:50]

And for sure, I'll just lean into that.

[02:29:52]

Some people do. Some people definitely lean in. If you call them an asshole, they just become more of an asshole. I think that might be the case with Trump. I think if you look at who he was before he became president and like how antagonistic he is, like now that he is president, I mean, there was some of that before. Like when you get mad at Rosie O'Donnell or someone insult people. But it seems like now it's like.

[02:30:14]

Way more prevalent in behavior. Yeah, I think a lot of that is probably connected to the fact that so many people fucking hate them and they're criticizing them like his last days. If you think about who he is. Right.

[02:30:25]

He's 75 years old or something like that. Right. He's so hot.

[02:30:28]

How old is he? Somebody must think he's hot for sure, for sure, for sure how old he just turned 74.

[02:30:39]

Do you think, Melanie, you think Suzanne she does what she again, what she's got, but he's 74 years old.

[02:30:47]

You know, that's. Such a weird age to have a president, but but it's makes sense because then you learn a lot from life. But what I was going to say is. You generally you don't live to be much older than 90, most people, that's so the last years before that he's in rap songs. Everybody is like he's got his own show on NBC. You're fired. Yeah.

[02:31:12]

Everybody loves me that I love when he fires people I love.

[02:31:14]

I mean, he was the hero. He was like this guy who was like this bad ass man and that his name on everything. And now also and everybody hates him, but it's like.

[02:31:25]

What do you want, what do you really want, because if you want to be the top guy, you want to be the president of the United States, you want to be that one person that dictates policy could literally change the way our society functions. You have this weird power where your friends go to jail. You could exonerate them. Ali, I'm going to let you out. I'm going to give you a presidential pardon.

[02:31:46]

We still have presidential pardons. Crazy like a person could just decide they're the president.

[02:31:50]

So they get to do it. Like we let this medieval shit exist in 2020, where you could just decide presidents don't do much.

[02:31:58]

They do a lot with it. Really? Oh, yes, they do.

[02:32:02]

They pardoned hundreds of people, so many people in jail who don't need to be. That's true. Yeah, well, that's where people like the Innocence Project and these guys on my show.

[02:32:11]

Yeah. Yeah.

[02:32:13]

You guys, did you ever get into Serial, that podcast about Adnan Syed Adnan Syed Serial?

[02:32:21]

It was like a super popular podcast about this girl who was murdered and they put her boyfriend in jail. But the story, it's like the podcast is them going into the story and all the details.

[02:32:33]

And and it's just interesting hearing about he's innocent.

[02:32:38]

I don't know. That's up to the audience to decide. And that's again. But he was like he was 17. So I don't know. Part of me wants to be I'm very naive and young and somewhat dumb for the most part. And so there's part of me that's like, but if he did do it right, if he did murder his ex-girlfriend and he was 17 and he's in jail for life, no option of parole at this point. And it's like I don't I feel like prison system should be able to have like a rehabilitation process.

[02:33:11]

So that way, someone like him who might not be a guys if even if he did it, he's not going to do it again. It's like, do you know what I mean? Let me take a breath.

[02:33:22]

What are you trying to say? If you go to jail for murder, but you're not the type of person who's like you're not like a serial murderer, you're just like he was in high school, maybe he was misguided by his friend. He didn't know what to do. Ex-girlfriend. Yeah. Did he? I don't know.

[02:33:39]

So there's two things possible. One, I think if you kill your girlfriend, I think you forfeit your life.

[02:33:45]

Sure. Because if we don't have unbelievably strict rules like that. Yeah. You're going to have people doing that more often. There's there is something that is a there's something that influences people to be good. And most of it is being a good person is like feels good. But part of it is punishment. Part of it is punitive stuff. You can't think for life. But here's the thing. You don't let me finish my sentence because this is the most important part.

[02:34:12]

We'd have to know for sure you did it. And I don't think they do that now. So that that's one of the real problems we have. And then once you get into the system, even if they know you're innocent, it takes months sometimes before you get out. Right. Even if you have an appeal, like there's a lot going on there.

[02:34:26]

And that's kind of the thing. And that's the thing.

[02:34:28]

It's like I think that if you take someone's life like that, you forfeit your life. But how do I know you did it exactly? How do I absolutely know you did it?

[02:34:36]

Because I definitely know that people are in jail for shit they didn't do until you have a completely just nonbiased justice system that if that isn't pressured by, you know, different attorneys or different prosecuting attorneys or or governors or anybody, you just have this like magical fucking superintelligent group of humans that know exactly the right choice and how to punish someone.

[02:35:05]

We don't have that. Yeah.

[02:35:06]

So the death penalty and all that shit is like, yeah, theory. I think you should kill people that kill people. Yeah. In theory we want we don't want the world to be filled with serial killers. We don't want someone who thinks it's cool to go to a park and shoot kids to stay alive. In theory with you. The problem is when we don't know. Now, if we do know for sure this person did it like this video of them doing it.

[02:35:27]

But even video now, it's like, fuck, yeah. When is that going to be unreliable?

[02:35:31]

Yeah, but the thing is, like with this guy, there wasn't enough. I personally think there wasn't enough evidence to say 100 percent. Without a doubt he was guilty. He should be in jail for life. And then it's like, OK, so what if they proved that he is innocent. But he's been in jail since he was 17 years old. He's been in prison since he was 17 years. You know, I think this case was in like 2000, early 2002, maybe 2003.

[02:35:55]

And so now he's only known his life as someone who's been in the prison system maybe for something he didn't do.

[02:36:01]

Yeah. And so if he gets out, how is he supposed to be how is he supposed to know what to do and be a productive member of society?

[02:36:07]

The the event that led to the case happened in nineteen ninety nine. Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, that's where it's horrific if someone's innocent. That's where it's horrific. And again, I go back to this again, this we got to be able to read each other's minds. That's what they're going to say. You know how they're doing, contact tracing with. We need to know who we've contacted. Ali. Ali, if you've contacted someone who's positive, we need to know.

[02:36:30]

And if you haven't, you should be able to go into any restaurant you want. Just have your app ready and where you respond. And this is what we're probably going to do with that, too.

[02:36:38]

But then isn't that like, Ali, you can't commit crime if I can read your mind. Right. And you don't want to commit crime, do you know? Then let me read your mind. Just put the helmet on. We'll all read each other's minds. And no one ever goes to jail unjustly if your own privacy. It's more important than all these people that are doing life in prison for shit. They didn't do what? Because you won't let people read your mind and find out that you masturbate to fucking feet.

[02:37:06]

That's my thing. I told you not to say that on the podcast. Dirty Feet, too.

[02:37:11]

I like hanging out in clay. I just think that's what we're going to do.

[02:37:16]

That's like the way it's a slippery slope to contact tracing because you want to keep people safe. It's going to be you want don't you want no crime to exist? You want no people to be unjustly punished, then let us read your mind. We're going to read each other's minds. I think the separation between each other's thoughts that we enjoy now, where you can deceive each other and we can you know, you can spin a yarn or be a good salesperson.

[02:37:38]

That shit's going out the window. That's like Blockbuster Video.

[02:37:40]

That's going to be a useless thing. Crazy, that's what I'm saying. OK, but I'm done something wrong saying I might be wrong. So let's wrap this up quickly.

[02:37:52]

When when we do get a comedy club set up in Texas, you must come.

[02:37:55]

I'm so down with your presence. I think we'll start looking around the spring. Oh, and hopefully this shit blows over. Yeah. I'm so happy for you.

[02:38:08]

I'm happy for you. I'm bummed you're leaving. Not that I really see you that often, but here.

[02:38:12]

I'll be there. Yeah. Moving around.

[02:38:14]

Once you move around a little bit, I'll be moving around, OK?

[02:38:17]

I'm still always going to come to the store suite. All right, my friend, thanks for having me on. My pleasure. Tell everybody Instagram. My Instagram is not Ali Maxx and hottie Ally MASC of my podcast is resting bitch. And that's all you need to know about me.

[02:38:30]

That's all you need to know. All right. Bye, everybody. Thank you, friends, for tuning in to the show and thank you to our sponsors, thank you to Bamby, go to Bamby Dotcom Slash Rogen right now and schedule your free HRR audit. That's Bamby dotcom slash Rogen spelled b a m b e dotcom slash Rogen.

[02:38:54]

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[02:39:43]

I sleep with it on, I work out with it on. I even have an impact band that I wear when I do kickboxing so I can't have it on my wrist. I love it. I love the data. I love that it gives me real information about how my body is doing and how I'm recovering. And for listeners of this podcast, who is going to offer you fifteen percent off with the code Rogan at check out, go to Woop.

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That's op dotcom and enter Rogan at checkout to save fifteen percent. Sleep better, recover faster and train smarter. Optimize your performance with woop.

[02:40:14]

All right folks, we did it. That's it. That's the end. Thank you so much. Goodbye La.