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Hello, friends, welcome to the show, this episode, the podcast is brought to you by Buffalo Trace and they're damn good whiskey. How good. Twenty 20 Distillery of the Year. San Francisco World Spirits Competition as some of the best whiskey tasters in America judging hundreds of whiskeys and Buffalo Trace one the most. They have been operating in America since before America was America. They've been distilling whiskey since seventeen seventy three, ever since the early American pioneers followed the buffalo herds to the Kentucky River.

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They even operated during prohibition. They made whiskey for medicinal purposes. The master distiller in charge is Harlan Wheatley, and he has been distilling at Buffalo Trace since nineteen ninety five. If the whiskey in the barrel is not ready to go into the bottle, it does not. And they know this because they taste it all. The oldest continuously operating distillery in America, Buffalo Trace Distillery, has experienced more than its fair share of adversity floods, fires, wars, recessions and the prohibition they've endured them all in the pandemic won't slow them down.

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They're making more whiskey every day. And now hand sanitizer as well. The governor of Kentucky designated bourbon as essential during this time. And I agree it's a fucking awesome company. Fantastic whiskey. No wonder why they win all the awards. Distilled, aged and bottled by Buffalo Trace Distillery. Ninety proof Franklin County, Kentucky. Buffalo Trace, American family owned and independent were also brought to you by Squarespace, the host of Joe Rogan Dotcom.

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Go to phone. You are Essi GMAT. I see for stigmatic dotcom slash Rogan and get yourself some delicious mushroom coffee. Full discount applied at checkout. My guest today is a hilarious comedian, podcasters. She's done a lot of awesome shit. She's a great person. I love hanging out with her and talking to her. She's just cool as fuck.

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Please give it up for the great and powerful Nikki Glaser government podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day. Podcast by night. All day. Hello. Hello. Joe Rogan. So I saw your tweet. This is how this all came about. And you said you were going to shave your head in solidarity for a friend who has cancer. And then you're like, actually, there's no friend like, oh, no. Yeah, I think he's going crazy.

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Yeah, I'm going off the fucking deep well is what I was said. Yes, I think we all are. And I try I've been trying to like check in on everybody because all of us comedians have not had our medicine.

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You know, this is like we're junkies, we're laugh junkies. We really are, you know. And I didn't realize how much I mean, I knew I missed it, but I did one weekend in Houston, like a month, a month or so ago. And then right away I was like, oh, my God, I got my fix.

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Like, I'm, you know, and then, you know, talking to all these people that are doing like Mark Norm's doing shows in a park. Yeah. You know, Burt Krisha's doing drive ins like I'm doing them, too.

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Are you. Yeah, I'm going out next weekend. What does it have you done them, you know, so you have to verify any standup. Well, no, I don't stand up. I've been sneaking around just I mean, I did Salt Lake City. I went out there in July and did wise guys. They're doing it really responsibly.

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It was it was good. It was fun. I mean, it felt good to be on stage, but it felt weird, like I need to be going out every night to feel really good. Yeah. You know, had been so many months that I just I need to get some momentum. I need to work out a little bit.

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So it felt like I was getting my sea legs back, but I had good shows and and the room is just it's just you they're not ceding the room like the way comedy's supposed to be seated, which is everyone bunched together as close to the stage as possible. It's like it's the worst seated. The seating for comedy shows now is like a terrible club.

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You know, you go to a club and they don't know how to seat it and they just let people sit wherever they want. It's like a shitty open mic when you first started. That's the way it feels like now everyone has to be spread out.

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So it's never going to feel as good as it felt before with a sold out crowd. And no matter how good the laughs are, them spread out in a big room.

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They didn't spread them out too much in Houston. I'm going to be honest with you. Yeah, I don't know what they did in Houston. They said it was seventy five percent capacity when we were there.

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And I'm like, oh, that's what they say. They want to walk around with a clicker and start counting heads. But it was a lot of folks in there.

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No, I did one gig like that in St. Louis that I felt like, OK, I don't I don't feel good about this. I did it because I wanted I was far enough from everyone to feel good about it. But I felt bad that maybe the audience got there and was like we were sold a different. Yeah. Idea of what this would be, because we get in there and we're seeing a little bit too close. But why wise guys in Salt Lake, they didn't really like if I felt good about being there, I didn't feel like anyone was going to get sick.

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How many? It was definitely like a third capacity. I mean, the guy is just. To stay open, and it's it's so sad, but it didn't feel good. All the loans are drying up, all the relief is drying up.

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Are there going to be comedy clubs to even go to after all of this? A real good question. I'm nervous. It's a real good question.

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There's going to be a lot less. And then then what happens? Because a lot of bars are going under, too. So it's not like you're going to be able to replace them with bar shows because who knows how many bars are going under.

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I know. Who knows how many restaurants are going under New York City.

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I think it's something like 4000 businesses are done. That is so in Manhattan.

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Raisi something I think that was the number. And I read that a month and a half ago. It's got to be more by now, 4000. I mean, it's I haven't been there since before covid, even though I have an apartment there and I just hear it's it's just I don't want to be there. Yeah.

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I have a good buddy man who lives there still. He's been there the whole time and he says it's a fucking war zone. So it's terrifying. He said, first of all, there's so much violence, there's so much crime. You just can't. He has a friend that's a cop as well. And, you know, he sent me the sheet of all the things that happened that night.

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And it's just nuts, like so many shootings and the shootings are off the charts.

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So, like back to like the 1970s times, like Times Square was a junky war zone.

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They had to figure it out for a couple of years there.

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Yeah, well, I don't know what we were talking about. James Ultracor wrote a piece about New York City's dead. It's not coming back. It's a sobering read. It's in the Post today or yesterday, but it's a fuckin sobering read because you read it and like it's not hyperbole. Everything you're saying makes sense. Yeah.

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There's no reason for me to go back. I've been considering going back just because just because you don't want to abandon the city that you like so much and people that are staying there saying like you own everyone left. No, thank God.

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But I signed on for a whole summer for at least a year that started March 1st.

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Oh, yikes. The most expensive apartment I like truly paying three times the rent that I've ever paid because I was supposed to have a really good year because I was going on a theater tour that, you know, ended.

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So I'm I'm out I'm out a lot of money every month that I'm trying to find a sublease. We keep like lowering the rent. I mean, it's just I'm just out of year.

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That was a thing. And Aldrich's piece, it said that the New York City rental rates have gone down 50 percent, which is crazy.

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I was looking for an apartment in January and February, which if I would have waited a month, I could have saved so much. So, yeah, I've got an empty place there. My assistant's just living there and it's all my stuff is just sitting there in storage. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. Lease your assistance there.

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Yeah. It's nice someone's there but but it's, it's, it's, it's most people refer to because it's an empty city.

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It's like weird moving around there. Yeah it is. I don't know, I don't know what you do all day. Yeah. Because that's the thing about living in New York is that you have a shitty, a small apartment because you're just out doing stuff all the time.

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Now you can't do anything. So just in a shitty apartment.

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So you're just it.

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I mean my apartment is pretty nice. I never got to step foot in it before, but fairly it's like same building still lives in. I guess I have had you guess you never asked him.

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Well, no. Well, she just told me I think I saw it tell the other day, so I think he's in there. It was cigarettes.

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There was a bunch of podcasts that have done about apocalyptic disasters and downfall of civilizations and like the Mayans and the Egyptians and, you know, asteroid impact. And we're right on course.

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But no, but I was I was always looking at those going, wow, it's fascinating. That's fascinating. But I never thought in my life that I would see something relatively minor in terms of like the amount of destruction it's done. But to human life in terms of, you know, it's worse than a flu, but it's not like the pandemic of 1918 or any of these other horrific disasters that have that have happened.

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But to see such an effect that it has on our civilization, you go, well, what if there was like an asteroid impact or what if there was a solar flare?

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How much worse would it be if you could get a lot worse?

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Yeah, I think it's I'm so scared. I've always thought that we were going to live to see the end.

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Did you really I do think that why people always go what? Nikki every generation thinks they're going to live to see the end and it never happens, you know? And I go, well, someone's going to be around for it. There will be people here when that when the asteroid hits, when the super volcano erupts, when there's aliens land, when the aliens land.

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Yeah.

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Or when they tell us that they've been here a while, when they finally reveal that they've been here, is that what you think?

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I don't know. What do you think?

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I think so. I think they're here. Yeah. I think if there was an island that had chimps that were figuring out dynamite, we'd keep a close eye on them.

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Yeah, if there is a bunch of, like, advanced like. Right right now. We have primates like lower primates, we have monkeys, we have chimps, we have gorillas, and then we have humans, there's nothing in between that used to be there. Right. But what have we found? An island. And it did have like Australopithecus.

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And, you know, they had you know, maybe they had spears or maybe they had some some primitive weapons.

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And, you know, we were keeping an eye on them and someone had figured out dynamite and they would be studying them so closely, but they wouldn't stop them in their tracks of dynamite.

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Like, let them on. Let's see what happens.

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I think they wouldn't they're just going to watch us destroy ourselves before. No, I think nuclear weapons is where they stepped in.

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And if you pay attention to the timeline of ufology, if you when you look at the UFO history of sightings and of like the really big sightings. Yeah, all of them came post the Manhattan Project.

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So once they I think once we started detonating nukes, they're like, yo, these monkeys are lit. Like, what are they doing? These fucking crazy assholes, they found a spot in Nevada and they just detonating bombs all the time to see how they work.

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But why are they just like kind of being seen sometimes slipping up? We see them and then sometimes they're not like, why? What's going on there with sightings? Why are they messing up? I don't think they are messing up. They want us to know that.

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I don't think they're terribly concerned about us seeing them, but I don't think they visit that often because they don't look like I was just reading about this scientific research. It was forced Galanti. I had this scientific research where they found this mouse that they thought had been extinct since 1968. Is this weird sort of kangaroo like tiny rodent?

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It was like kangaroo legs and it bounces around and, you know, this this is something that people will go and they'll study. But they didn't find it since 1968. So how many people are studying it? Not that many.

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Right. Right. So how many aliens? There's a little fucker. Look at them.

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It's so cute.

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Adorable little anteater. No, I know it's a very. And they thought that this they thought this guy was gone. Yeah. Yeah. Now he's back. So it's as I imagine, a creature the size of a rat related to an elephant with the legs of a kangaroo that's been lost to science since nineteen sixty eight. That's the Somali sengi, an adorable elephant shrew recently discovered in Boise. That word did.

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Djibouti, Djibouti, Djibouti, Djibouti. Researchers from Duke Lemur Centre Association, Duty, Nature and the Cow Academy found that the Somali sengi not only still exists, but appears to be doing well with population numbers appearing to be quite high.

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So my point is like how many people were looking for that thing? It's like a small handful of scientists or aliens would come here.

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How many? Oh, yeah, you're right. Maybe it's a handful. Yeah, not that many.

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Yeah, we're that little mouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. Alien.

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I think we're probably more interesting the mouse because obviously we have the ability to manipulate. That was pretty cute. Pretty cute. Adorable. I could have watched that thing. Yeah. Scamper about all day.

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But we are dangerous. We have the ability to destroy all life on the planet. Like if Russia shot at us and we shot at them and then China jumped in and said, fuck it, it's over. And everybody started pressing the nuke buttons, this whole planet would be wiped out of life.

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We'd be we'd be relegated to bacteria right with it quickly.

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What does it matter to them if we destroy ourselves, they need us for something? This is the question. Why are we so different from all the other animals on the planet? Why? If you talk to evolutionary biologists, there's a clear path between lower hominids and human beings. But it's not a path that you could detail every single step of the way. And there's some giant holes. And one of the big holes is the size of the human brain.

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The human brain doubled over a period of two million years, which is apparently, if you talk to biologists, the biggest mystery in the entire fossil record. They have no idea why, because not only is it a crazy thing that an organ doubles in size over a period of two million years, but it's the very organ that came up with the idea of evolution in the first place.

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It's the it's the organ that thinks it's the organ that recognizes consciousness.

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It's the organ that recognizes creativity and allows people to invent things and and, you know, innovation and all of the different things that are responsible for all the crazy, the crazy technology that separates human beings from all the other animals.

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All comes from this one thing, the human mind. And this human brain is the one organ that baffle scientists. They have no idea what happened.

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Is all these theories about, well, maybe it was psychedelic drugs like those Terance McKennis theory that it was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms. And then it's other people's theory that it was what we figured out fire. We started cooking our foods. We would more access to nutrients and then. Made people more clever, and so the more clever ones survived in the ones that had the larger brain size, that mutation was favored and natural selection favored larger brains. And then we say.

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Another theory is that we're manipulated. Another theory is that these aliens came here. Eons ago, and they found these primitive primates and they started genetically manipulating them and they created human beings. Now, what makes it interesting to me? Is that human beings are so different everywhere, so different.

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We're we're like dogs in that all dogs can fuck each other and make baby dogs right, and all people can fuck each other and make baby people, but we look so different, like Shaquille O'Neal can have sex with a four foot 10 Chinese lady and make a baby.

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Yeah, if you looked at animals, a Great Dane can have sex with a Chihuahua, if it's possible, or a bulldog and make this like if you looked at a wolf and you looked at a poodle, you'd go, there's no way that's the same thing.

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Right. But it is is it is the same thing. So why are we doing the dogs? But why is it the same thing?

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It's the same thing because we manipulated them. Oh yeah.

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That's the only reason why there are German shepherds force that golden retriever. Yeah, we made them that way. We made them through manipulation. We slowly but surely turned them and we don't even know how.

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So someone berated us, someone very possibly could have done something to human beings which changed us from these lower hominids and turned us into a bunch of different versions of what we call human beings. Right. I mean, that's my my kind of like theory.

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No, but it's but it's it's an odd thing.

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Like, do you know that most hybrids, like even bass like this bass were like a largemouth bass will breed with a smallmouth bass and then make this hybrid. But the hybrids aren't viable. They don't become a separate species.

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That's the thing about like donkeys, like a donkey, sort of which ones that is a mule has sex with a horse and that creates a donkey or is it a horse has sex with a donkey and that creates a mule. I think it's a mule, has sex with a horse and creates a donkey.

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But donkeys are sterile. They're sterile. Most hybrids are sterile differences, OK? Donkeys are different species.

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The horse and family mules and the other hand are a cross between a horse and a donkey. OK, that's it. So it's a mule is a cross between a horse and a donkey. But they're not they're sterile. They don't breed.

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So why even have a mule? Because why do we need it?

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Because they're better for riding. OK, there there were more durable like in the Wild West. They like to cross those two and then people would like a lot of the cowboys from the Wild West, like even some of the Texas Rangers. They rolled the road mules.

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OK, so the donkey in the horses is they are allowed to to ride and to be a better transport.

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But hold on, Butch. How does it work? Go back to where which one is it again?

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The horse and the horse and a donkey makes a mule. Yeah. So mules are more durable than horses. They require less water. They can last longer mules gets his athletic ability from a horse and its intelligence from a donkey. So mules where we're what a lot of these Wild West guys would prefer actually. OK, mules have smaller muscles than horses.

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Think of a football players muscle build compared to that of a ballerina's. Both are very strong, but a mule has greater physical strength for its size and more endurance. A mule gets its athletic ability from its horse and intelligence from a donkey.

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Yeah, well, let's just get rid of horses and donkeys. Mules sound like they're the best of both problem as you can only make a mule with a horse and a donkey.

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Oh, because mules can't they can't beat each other. Right. But we can, which is weird. We can have sex. Yes.

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Well we can have sex with each other like, you know, we can have sex with people that don't look anything like it.

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Make something that can have sex. Yes.

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Look, if you looked at certain people, you would assume that they're like if you looked at Yao Ming. Right. Right. The giant tall dude. Yes. And you looked at a small man from Ecuador, you would assume there's no way that's the same species.

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If you were from another planet and you had no idea what a human is, he'd be like, oh, this is a different thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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It's not a different thing, OK? It's just a different version of that same thing.

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Yes. But like a liger, which is a cross between a tiger and a lion, they don't breed, they can't breed, they have useless sperm is what about Bulldog's.

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And like all those dogs that have really they can breed. They can breed.

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Yeah well they're just fucked.

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They just manipulated them and made their nose fucked up and they come like asthma and now they can't breathe. They're always in terrible trouble. I know fuckers. I feel so sad for them. A terrible thing.

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But someone made them that way. They, they selected for that, you know. And then also, you know, obviously people their their bodies adapted to like people that are really white. Well, the reason why they're white is because people originated in Africa, made their way to places where there's no sun. And so their body developed this sort of like a solar panel for vitamin D.

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That's why that's why people are so white. They're white because it's easier. This is one of the reasons why African-Americans have a real issue with vitamin D, because if you live in a place like. They say Seattle or New York City, where there's not a lot of sun African-Americans there, their bodies are designed to protect themselves from the sun, which is why they have so much melanin. But it makes it harder to absorb vitamin D, particularly when you're wearing all these clothes and it's cold out and it's cloudy.

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So it's incredibly important for them to supplement with vitamin D when they're in these climates where it's very cloudy.

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Now, how do you get your day going out? You take your dog? Yeah, I go outside too.

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But I take it I take vitamin D every day like a pill. Yeah, I take 5000. I take a gel cap. It's five thousand I use I take it twice a day. It's very vitamin D, very important with coke.

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But isn't the absorption of D depending on how much iron you like.

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I just feel like it just goes through you unless you have all the other stuff you do need the other stuff you need fat.

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Like most of these muscle, most of these vitamins, whether they're fat soluble, some of them are water soluble, but they digest better with food because that's really normally where you're getting them other than D, which is what you get from the sun.

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Yeah, but Dr. Rhonda Patrick, she explained it to me. It's really interesting when she said it really is a hormone vitamin D is we call it a vitamin and you could take it as a supplement. It is a hormone and it's responsible for so many different things in the body and particularly for the immune system. And when you don't have vitamin D in your system, your immune system is very vulnerable. Yeah, so they were saying that there's all these studies that correlated with this.

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They're saying that the people that were in the ICU for covid, more than 80 percent of them in multiple studies had insufficient levels of vitamin D and only four percent had sufficient levels.

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OK, which is really crazy. And there we go. Yeah, vitamin D, zinc and vitamin C they they're saying, are the three most significant vitamins for dealing with.

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Are you are you are you scared of getting it, given it, giving it. Giving it. Yeah, yeah. I'm scared of giving. It's like my wife's mom or. Right. Or a guest. I would feel horrible, you know.

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So I'm tested so much. God damn it. I get tested a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

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I just you and I both did it. That was fun. Yeah. But I mean I've had this is my fourth test this week. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I did the thing at the Comedy Store so I got tested then during the day and then I get tested again. You know, I just, I've been tested. I don't know how many times I've been tested since the whole thing started, but I'm fortunate that I can have, you know, the concierge service thing.

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Right. It's what you do at the Comedy Store the other night, I saw people hanging out. It's for the documentary for Showtime. Oh yeah. Yeah, it was interesting. Yeah, really fun. Was it fun to hang out again? It was fun. That was the most fun. I saw pictures. Yes.

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Like Whitney and Annie Letterman and Bill Burr and Jay Leno was there and Paul Rodriguez. And we were all just laughing. And Jay Leno's coming out. Imus's doing.

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I heard him say, fuck. Really? Oh, you just trying out jokes on us, too? Yeah. He was happy to be out. We're all happy to be out.

[00:28:41]

Yeah. It looked like I thought it was a TV. The pictures from that. I was like, oh, the old what? That's two nights ago. Yeah. Yeah, two nights ago. And I said, yeah, they're going to survive. Right.

[00:28:53]

Who fucking knows? I don't know how the laugh factor is going to survive. The Laugh Factory is struggling already in the Improv. Struggling already. I mean, these people are getting they're getting loans, these businesses and stuff. But I mean, how many fucking businesses need loans?

[00:29:07]

I think they should have just opened it up and let people come if they wanted to come, let people work, if they wanted to work, wear a mask, you know, check everybody check their temperature when they come in the door. When you go to Texas, if you go to a restaurant, they just check your temperature, they check your temperature, you wear a mask. When you come in, they distance all the tables out. They stay open.

[00:29:28]

Yeah. And they're not making a lot of money. They're not making as much money as they used to. They don't have as nearly as many tables open, but they stay open. You've got to give businesses the option to work, give people the option to work, give people the option to go out if they want to go out.

[00:29:41]

This idea that they're just going to tell us what's best for us, but they're not telling us what's best for us because they're not telling us all the shit that we're just talking about with vitamins. Right. There's no talk of that.

[00:29:50]

There is no one knows anything. I'm getting all of this from you right now. There's no where it's all you can just one place go and get everything you need to know.

[00:29:59]

And people get pissed at me for repeating these things. But listen, I'm repeating these things because they don't know. People don't hear it. You're not going to hear it anywhere else. If you've heard it from me thirty times, I'm sorry. It just means you like the podcast. You listen. Yes, but the reality is there's not a lot of other sources or you're getting this information. So I try to put it out as much as possible.

[00:30:18]

And I try to direct people to folks like Rhonda Patrick, who will tell you exactly what the studies are. And and she sent me something recently.

[00:30:26]

There's another correlation study between vitamin D and covid and how vitamin D, the actual mechanisms of how vitamin D protects you and it protects your immune system from covid.

[00:30:34]

Yeah, vitamin D, zinc C, but you should take all those things. You should drink a lot of water, vitamins.

[00:30:41]

Do you take what are you taking. Just like fistfuls every morning. What's your regimen. I take a bunch of different things. I take this supplement called Athletic Greens. I take that it's it's really first of all, that's really easy because you just pour it into a bottle of water and shake it up and I just drink it.

[00:30:55]

Yeah. You know, and it tastes good. So that's that's really easy for me. That covers basically everything. But I always supplement with D and I always supplement with large amounts of C because those are two and zinc because those are C zinc and D are the ones that are directly connected to the immune system for covid. But C is like if you have a cold like C is one of the best for keeping everything. That's why things like emergency, those things exist like seeds.

[00:31:24]

Just a great one for your overall immune system and taking care of yourself when you're sick.

[00:31:29]

But I just think like having levels of all those things like fish oil, that's a giant one. Yeah.

[00:31:35]

Inflammation, fighting CBD. I take that every day. I take CBD every day.

[00:31:39]

Yeah, I have CBD drinks, the CBD, kill Clift's. Do you like CBD.

[00:31:43]

I mean no I mean I like smoking weed and I feel like I get enough from that. I'm sure you do it a lot.

[00:31:49]

I mean I just quit smoking pot two months go. Why.

[00:31:52]

Because I just am trying to figure out my mental health and get to figure out what the hell is wrong. I mean, that's I mean, that's why I'm sitting here right now, is because I was having a very tough time and I tweeted something kind of crazy that I wanted to shave my head because I really do like I just feel like something something needs to change.

[00:32:14]

I need to do something wild. I don't know why I'm compelled. My hair has been falling out, I think, just from stress. And I'm just like I'm tired of pulling chunks of hair out.

[00:32:22]

It's just it's distressing, really, that you're losing that much hair.

[00:32:24]

I mean, I well, I've just started only, like, washing my hair once a week. So when I do wash it, it's like so much comes out because been a week of just no strands coming out and you lose one hundred hours a day.

[00:32:35]

So once a week I wash my hair and it just feels like I'm just, you know, that I was in a fight or something.

[00:32:42]

Someone like I mean, it's and I just put it I put it on the wall and I just stresses me out so much. And so I was like, I'm just going to shave it and I'm not going to. But I did just kind of want to put out a tweet that just sometimes when I'm feeling depressed, I just need to let people know or just kind of synthesize my feelings through that way. And I don't do it to make anyone concerned about me.

[00:33:06]

But it really meant a lot to me that. You reached out to me and I was completely taken aback by it, that you you sensed my dilemma. Well, I know you. And so there was something when you were saying also there's no friend here has always reach out to.

[00:33:23]

She was so nice. And then it turned into this. Yeah. I mean, I when I when I tweeted it, I was just like, don't put this out there.

[00:33:31]

Hate when people tweet like cries for help. And then there was a funny cry for help and say thank you.

[00:33:36]

I try to at least be funny with them, but it just really irritates me. It's like just just reach out to your friends if you need help. Don't put out a tweet that makes everyone worried about you. So a couple of people reached out to me like, Hey, are you OK? But it was yours that it really touched me because we don't like text regularly. But that was like it was just such a real, like, loving text that you just care about you.

[00:34:00]

I know that really meant a lot to me. And I was going through a really fucking bad time last week. This time last week was not in a good place. Thankfully, I came out of it. But I keep getting hit by depression like in a major way.

[00:34:13]

I've been trying to reach out to a lot of friends lately over the last two months, like, just send it. What's up, man? You guys really nice. Just a nice little just.

[00:34:22]

Hey, how are you? In a lot of hugs.

[00:34:26]

There's so many people that haven't been hugging.

[00:34:27]

No one's touching each other anymore, you know, so and no one can see each other's smile when they hang out. They're wearing masks. I mean, we all feel so disconnected. Yeah. I'm living with my parents in St. Louis.

[00:34:38]

I my whole social life was comedy like that. I don't I didn't really have friends outside of it.

[00:34:44]

Nothing to save me. Is this. Yeah. Yeah, me too. Like doing podcasts and zooming with people and doing different. Just face timing. Thank God for it. But it's I miss the connection with where the fuck would what would we do with no cell phones and no face time.

[00:35:00]

What, where the fuck would we be with no Skype. Where would we be. I don't know Jack. That is giant for me.

[00:35:06]

Face timing, just being able to like just see people what's up and see their smile. Yes, I would.

[00:35:11]

That we do. We need it. Oh and yeah.

[00:35:15]

And it's weird to just hang out with my nieces and nephews and they're like three and one and we have to wear a mask around them and you can't, they can't even see your smile, you can't touch them.

[00:35:25]

That's really, really weird for kids. They must be like, why is my aunt not touching me anymore? My I can't hug my. If I even get close to my grandparents I you.

[00:35:35]

No, no, no, no, no. It's like this is going to be scarring.

[00:35:38]

But the weird thing about it is if everybody's just tested, why can't you just hang out. Like what what do we worried about, like invisible ghosts to come invade people's bodies. And you're not if you don't have a you don't have it. Yeah.

[00:35:52]

You know, but you worry that between the time you got tested, in the time you're seeing that person, you might have gone to the gas station and touched the nozzle or you're not getting it that way.

[00:36:00]

They don't think you don't that way from surfaces. I know we've wasted so many Clorox wipes, just like they've kind of abandoned that. Have you noticed, like, they don't even talk about hand sanitizer, hand sanitizer?

[00:36:10]

No, no one cares about that anymore. It's just a mess. Yeah, it's just a respiratory issue. Yeah. It's just coming out of your mouth and into someone else's mouth.

[00:36:18]

That's so annoying. I, I flew here from Saint Louis the other day and just sitting at my gate and it's mandatory to wear a mask on the plane now people before it, before they get on that plane that just sitting there without their mask on at the gate, just like really just trying to stir up shit, just trying to get away because they everyone around you is wearing a mask.

[00:36:41]

How could you not wear one?

[00:36:42]

You know, that's what they're doing. Yeah. They just they want to prove that they're not falling for it and they're better than you. And they're it's so deliberate and it makes me sick. And it's it's hard because I want to shoot them a dirty look. But they can't really see how much I hate them on my face because it's covered by a mask.

[00:36:59]

So I really try to squint my eyes just like you mother fucker. I was so furious the other day, just people with the loose mask down by their nose. I had a driver the other day that had his nose exposed and I just am like, hey, can you you pull it up over your nose. The only way it works, like, do I really have to? You haven't seen that meme yet, but the guy with his dick out, like, how is that not gotten to you?

[00:37:18]

That that's how you wear a mask. Yeah.

[00:37:19]

People just it's it's I don't know. I everyone I'm staying in Marina Del Rey, everyone walking outside is wearing a mask, which I think is a little much just like walking down the sidewalk.

[00:37:31]

We don't need it when it's sunny out. But yeah, the disease, the virus dies instantly and when it's exposed to sunlight.

[00:37:40]

OK, what why why don't we know that, Joe? I don't know.

[00:37:43]

But Brett Weinstein, who's a biologist, sent me this paper where they showed that it dies instantly in when it's almost or almost instantly what's in contact with fake sunlight like ultraviolet light and also also actual sunlight. So when you're in sunlight, like you, you're if you're outside like you're that's why they're closing the beaches. So fucking stupid like.

[00:38:07]

It's sunny, you're not at risk, it's like in someone's face, you're not going to get it. And did they see a spike after the protests, after all? For sure. That was there was a higher percent. It has to be, but that's a line outside.

[00:38:20]

What did they stop as soon as it turns dark out? No, that's true. Of course not. All right. They were out when people were saying that to me.

[00:38:27]

I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Is everybody Cinderella? Oh, my God.

[00:38:32]

I'm going to be OK if we can just protest and gather outside Atlanta.

[00:38:37]

Aren't. But but even then, people are screaming, right? That's different from screaming. That's just like spewing droplets.

[00:38:44]

If you don't have a mask on and you're screaming and other people are screaming and then there's people yelling at each other.

[00:38:49]

So they're in each other's faces, there's like very little chance you're not going to get some spread if you get what you know, I figured it was a bunch. People said it was like having a music festival in every city for three weeks in a row.

[00:39:03]

I mean, it really was it's like you constantly had protests. So if you have that many people, it's not a coincidence that it spiked right afterwards.

[00:39:13]

But nobody wants to say because nobody wants to be insensitive. Yeah.

[00:39:15]

No one talked about I remember the protest going on. We were all like, well, we'll see in three weeks. And then I don't remember hearing about the spike, that's for sure.

[00:39:23]

Spike. That's when everything got shut down in L.A. Everything got shut down as the hospitals got fill again.

[00:39:28]

There's the cases, rose. Like you don't it has to be either it's contagious or it's not OK. If it's contagious and you get a bunch of people together, they're going to give it to each other.

[00:39:38]

Right. There's no way around it. It's not saying that it's not a good cause and that it wasn't important to protest. Yeah, all those things are true. But understand that that's what happened. Yeah. I don't think you should stop people from protesting, but I also don't think you should stop people from working. I don't think you should stop people from going to the gym. You should give people the opportunity to do whatever they want to do.

[00:39:57]

That's what America is supposed to be about, right?

[00:39:59]

The problem is the hospitals, the ICU beds and all that stuff, RESPA respirators, but they don't even use respirators anymore.

[00:40:06]

One of the things they're fine with respirators is the vast majority of the people that put on respirators died.

[00:40:12]

Yeah, because when you're at that point, no, not necessarily. According to Michael Yose doctor, he told him, if I put you on a respirator, you're going to die because your body's going to stop working. Because because you need to and he's for you, right? Yeah, and then and get him off the respirator. It's hard for your body to breathe, huh?

[00:40:31]

Yeah. So they thought you needed respirators. Right. That was a big thing right then. Now they've adjusted that position.

[00:40:36]

They don't they don't think it's a good idea to put people on respirators anymore unless they're really bad like they're about to die, right?

[00:40:43]

Yeah, it's that's life support. Yes, exactly.

[00:40:47]

So now they use more like CPR machines, which are just the way you wear when you sleep sleep apnea. Yes. Yeah.

[00:40:53]

So instead of breathing for you, it just introduces more oxygen into your system, OK?

[00:40:58]

And, you know, there's so many things that we thought, but then the beginning mask thing, it's like, I don't care if you're sitting at my gate and you don't believe in mass and you think we're all so crazy and we're all just sheep wearing masks, just everyone around you was doing it.

[00:41:13]

Just do it to be polite, even if you don't believe because like I was saying, like walking today outside and seeing people with masks on, I was kind of like, I think this is kind of stupid, but I felt like out of respect for them, I'm going to wear a mask, even though I don't think I really need to be wearing it, I'm going to do it. So that's all I ask people to do. It's just if someone around me, if I go over to someone's house and they they want me to take my shoes off, but I don't really believe in doing that.

[00:41:41]

I'm still going to do it because they do it. Yeah. Just to be nice. Yes. And I mean and I just think the peer pressure. Have you I've early when this was happening, I was like getting invited to like social distance barbecues and things like that when they were like just trying it out and going over to these things and be under the understanding that we're all going to stay six feet apart and wear masks. And you get there and people are hugging and people are close and you just kind of feel peer pressured into doing it while people go back to the normal patterns, normal patterns, as you know, especially when people are drinking.

[00:42:14]

Yeah, just is the drinking. Yeah.

[00:42:16]

You know, what's fucked up is like the Trump rally when he had that big rally, when he had in a stadium and was wearing a mask and then Herman Cain died.

[00:42:24]

I know. And they were like, well, it could have been many of place he was or it was like, I've been to that one place with 10000 people in one place.

[00:42:33]

Yeah, yeah.

[00:42:35]

But I mean, I even I go into these parties being like, I'm going to keep my distance. I'm only going if it's done right. And then I get there and you feel so stupid being the only one who has a mask on or and you feel it's hard to stand up for yourself sometimes I'm like fine spit in my mouth. I guess we used to do that.

[00:42:52]

Well, there was these tests where you could do it instantaneously and then, you know, you could just have my comedy club. Yes. You just have people take a test as they're walking through the door. Aren't those coming out soon?

[00:43:04]

The White House has them. Really? Yeah, it does. Yeah.

[00:43:08]

My friend went to the White House and they test him. You have it. And then a couple of minutes.

[00:43:12]

All right. Well, that'll solve a lot of issues. That would be everything if you just had like a giant, you know, a line where everybody spread out by six feet, you test them on the line, you know, you write your name down or you have to register maybe the shows at 8:00. You have to show up at seven and get tested and then be there at 8:00. Look, it be inconvenient, but it's way better than having no show.

[00:43:35]

And then you could go there. No one could have a mask. If you have a regular club and never have the place packed, it's possible.

[00:43:42]

I can't believe I took that for granted so much.

[00:43:46]

Wow. I just thought we just always thought it would be you'd be able to do that. You could. I thought anything else could have. In my career. I always have stand up to fall back on.

[00:43:55]

Well everybody thought that everybody like how many people didn't have a podcast. I wanted people to know me. If I didn't have a podcast, I would be first of all, I'd be bouncing off the walls. I wouldn't know what the fuck to do.

[00:44:07]

And then I would be at a point where I was thinking, like, hey, I've got to make a living. Yeah. Like, what do I need to do to make maybe I need to get a regular job, but how many comics are getting jobs? A lot of them.

[00:44:16]

And I can't get a job in showbusiness because I'm not feeling anything.

[00:44:19]

So just so what would you do teet. I would have to go to.

[00:44:23]

No, I can't even teach martial arts because gyms are cool. Right. So like, what would I teach?

[00:44:30]

And if you teach, you got to do it over. Zoome Now to be good teacher. Nobody wants to. Oh my gosh.

[00:44:35]

If you want to get paid to teach a resume, good luck. Nobody wants to pay for that.

[00:44:39]

Yeah well I mean I'm think yeah. Thank God for podcasting. Thank God. You know I'm trying to write a goddamn book.

[00:44:48]

Have you, have you written a book. No. Why haven't you written a book. Well I've got a deal to write a book. You have. And the editors were so annoying I gave them their money back.

[00:44:58]

Really? Yeah. Just like a do you have these pages yet?

[00:45:01]

Hey, we just they base it on some stuff that I wrote on my blog that was, you know, sometimes funny just but weird thoughts that I had. Yeah. And but then once I started turning in stuff, they're like, we want to transcribe your standup because Jerry Seinfeld did that and then and fucking.

[00:45:22]

Who else did it? George Carlin and I'm like, look, George Carlin did. Because he needed money for taxes and I don't why Seinfeld did it. They probably just paid him. And he said, OK, that I'm like, I'm not doing that.

[00:45:33]

I'm writing. I want to write a book. I'm going to write. It's supposed to be consumed in book form. Standup is supposed to be consumed on stage. That's the different things.

[00:45:41]

It really helped me, though, reading those standup kind of transcribe standup books when I first started, stand up to like read jokes and like learn the craft of writing a joke and the television of words. Like, I turned to those books where people would just take stand up and write down. But yeah, beyond that, I from a comedian, I think they it's it's well an easy way to repeat, like when I first started doing standup.

[00:46:04]

One of the things that I used to do is I would do other people's bits for my friends, like a do a Kinnison bit or Richard Pryor bit for one of my friends.

[00:46:12]

And like that sort of got me into like the rhythm of standards.

[00:46:16]

And then I read that Hunter S. Thompson, when he was learning how to write, he would literally write down The Great Gatsby line for line so he would sit there and and retype The Great Gatsby just so he can get an idea of the rhythm of the road. Yeah, yeah.

[00:46:34]

I've been doing that recently with standup. Like, I've stepped away from watching standup, but I've been watching it again just because I need to remember how to do it and why I love it and and so much I think of who I became as a stand up started out just like trying to copy. Sure. You just trying to figure out how do you do this and watching it so much and ending up sounding like a mixture of all the people that I loved so much.

[00:47:00]

Yeah, that's always weird. Right at the beginning. You're always like a copy of the people you admire. Yeah.

[00:47:07]

I mean, I still look at some of the things I do and I'm like, oh, that you picked up from Silverman. Yeah. Yeah. You picked that up from Gaffigan. Yeah.

[00:47:17]

Hedberg. I mean, you're just a mixture of everyone that you love. And then eventually you gained some autonomy and you figure out stuff that works for you and who is truly you.

[00:47:26]

But even my own personality before I did standup is all based upon me ripping off the popular girls the way they talked in the way they acted.

[00:47:36]

Of course, there was one girl that had like kind of a lazy eye in my in my high school who, like, was really hot and like all the guys liked.

[00:47:44]

And I started like kind of like I think I would just do it. I would just try to like have like a slightly like it would just happen because I was like trying to get any way for people to like me. There's another girl type, like a baby. And I would just like start talking like this is like, no, people liked her because she was hot, not because her voice was like a baby. So I just I really am if if I listen to someone too much, I start I start sounding like them and and copying them.

[00:48:14]

And it's a real problem. That's why sometimes I can't watch some of the stand ups I love because I just start sounding like them, but I can't help it.

[00:48:21]

I just did grow out of kind of a lazy eye and she was really hot and I had like a fetish for lazy eyes.

[00:48:26]

Well, OK, well, there we go. Like this one slightly lazy eye.

[00:48:32]

And I just thought it was really hot afterwards because she was a freak.

[00:48:35]

So like, I just associated lazy. Is she a freak, like, really horny.

[00:48:39]

Oh yeah. This is really sexual. Like all the just all the time I wanted to do stuff. Yeah.

[00:48:44]

I wanted to get stuff. Yeah. She was just really horny. That's so fun. Yeah. And I was twenty one and she was, you were down.

[00:48:51]

She was older than me too. So it was interesting how much older.

[00:48:55]

A couple of years when she was twenty five and I was twenty one. When you were young what was the oldest you went. Did you ever think I dated girls. Thirty five when I was like twenty three. OK and a couple of days. Yeah.

[00:49:08]

But it's usually like you just getting used by some chick once get gorilla fucked but it's usually some woman who's tired of like dating guys who work in an office or she goes and finds some.

[00:49:22]

See I have young guys coming after me and I feel like they're using me so that they can just like somehow have a story about, like fucking an older woman.

[00:49:31]

And I don't want to be them. Like, that's interesting. I don't want to.

[00:49:35]

Why wouldn't you just think they're attracted to you? Because you're confident and intelligent?

[00:49:39]

Because I think it's some weird fetish they have where they like they are. They had a speech therapist that they like got boners for. And I remind them of her.

[00:49:50]

I like there's so things I think that you're sexy. Why wouldn't you just say? I don't know, because I just don't look at myself that way. I cannot.

[00:49:59]

There are certain times where I do feel really sexy and I and I, I can feel that way. But generally when someone's into me, I go, what's going on here? What do you want? Because they can't be that you want to have sex with me, even though I know I'm an attractive girl and like I work on being attractive, it's not like I'm I don't think I'm a dog, but suspicious. Damn suspicious. I know why.

[00:50:20]

Because sometimes I'm fucking. Right, especially since I've gotten a little bit more famous, that happens, and I and because as I've gotten a little slightly more famous, my self-esteem has risen a bit in terms of just I like myself and I'm like, oh, maybe this guy does like me for me.

[00:50:38]

And then it happens that they just want an autograph from you or they want honestly, someone wrote me that today, a guy that has been interested in me and asking me out a ton and he just wrote me today like, hey, I heard you're going to be on Rogen. If there's any chance you could get an autograph from him, that would be so cool. Thank you. And I just Robeck know, like, just, you know, with nothing else.

[00:51:04]

And it felt so good. No. And you don't even bother putting up here.

[00:51:08]

No, I didn't say no. I'm sorry. No, I don't feel comfortable doing that. No, no, no. But that's happened before.

[00:51:16]

So you worry that they look at you as being someone who's got a high profile and maybe they connect themselves to you.

[00:51:23]

He can help their life and some will get to fuck other girls in their social circle because they said they fucked a girl that was on celebrity game playing badminton with Bob Saget like that.

[00:51:36]

I mean, that's how I feel. And I'm not wrong like this does happen. There was another instance where a guy got up, picked a guy I thought liked me, and I do think he likes me. But he got a picture with me. And I guess we we both weren't wearing masks in the picture. I guess we were too close to each other and he couldn't post the picture because he felt like it would be a bad look for me.

[00:51:57]

We're not wearing masks, but we were like for me, I was like, we're far enough apart, but do what you want.

[00:52:02]

And and he's and I go, he's like, so I'm not going to post it. I was like, OK, that's totally fine. And then he's like, but I would really like to see you again. Like I really like hanging out with you. I'd love to take you out sometime. And I was like, hey, I just don't think I'm in a point in my life or I want to be dating right now. And he goes, well, can we just meet up to get a picture?

[00:52:18]

Oh, so it happened. So it happens.

[00:52:23]

It happens. Can we meet up just to get a picture. So I'll let everybody know I know you.

[00:52:28]

Yeah. Or and then then there's what I see is him getting that picture and then going back to show the girls that he really wants to bang his age at some party. And he's like, I got a picture with Nick Glazer and they're like, we don't know who she is.

[00:52:41]

What does she like? Oh, she's like thirty six. And then they all make fun of me and that's like that's the only thing I have in my head.

[00:52:48]

Oh no. What's your special. Wasn't even funny and like that's I just see them all making fun of me and like how pathetic that I am that I like fucked a younger kid.

[00:52:58]

I shouldn't say the word kid legacy.

[00:53:00]

I think he's like twenty five which is not that's not the best he can for a guy that's standard. He's going to love that I'm talking about.

[00:53:08]

I really want to change the subject, but it's not. So that's the worst part to talk about these people than they are then. They're so excited. I'm going to get a text as soon as I'm out of here.

[00:53:17]

Hey, I'm going to be like, no, there was some animosity between us. I swear. I really did want to spend time with you.

[00:53:23]

I think you're really going to take a picture with you, because I think you're also talking document the fact that I know there was this guy on a plane a couple of weeks ago and I met him at my gate.

[00:53:35]

And usually when I fly, I'd just like put on my headphones and, like, sleep mask and I just try to stay.

[00:53:42]

I don't want any one time mask and sleep mask. Oh, my God.

[00:53:45]

And face shield. I've been wearing the shield to shield. Don't don't shield. Yeah.

[00:53:51]

I want to make a statement that like I hate all of you not wearing a mask and now I have to doubly protect myself and look what you've made me do. I want to send that message. I love wearing the shield. At first I felt stupid. Now I feel cool. And if anyone's going to judge me, they can't recognize me, can't see me in there. So it's great.

[00:54:08]

So usually but when I fly even pre covid, I would just always kind of I just didn't want anyone talking to me have been caught in conversations on planes with people.

[00:54:17]

And it's just brutal. It's brutal.

[00:54:19]

And I learned the hard way but years and years ago and people just don't stop and you can never close your eyes, you can never relax.

[00:54:26]

You close your eyes and they still talk it or they you put your seatbelt on, they're talking. You have to lift it back up and you just have to eventually say, I just don't want to talk.

[00:54:34]

But this one guy sat next to me at my gate and I feel bad because he heard me talk about him on Whitney's podcast and he felt really bad when this happened.

[00:54:43]

But whatever. But it just this this I want to just tell you that it happened. I was sitting at my gate. It was a hot guy, sat down next to me and I took off my head. I made like my head accessible, like I kept my mask on. But I took out my headphones to be like, if you want to talk to me, definitely good. And I did.

[00:55:01]

I said there was like some I don't I don't know.

[00:55:04]

There was a gate announcement that was kind of funny. And I just like muttered something to myself, like making fun of the woman talking, trying to get this guy to, like, laugh or just spark up a conversation. And he was just like, hey, I'm a big fan. And I was like, really? I was like, oh, my gosh, thanks. I was like, what do you know me from?

[00:55:19]

Like, what do you. He's a. I love your show and I'm like, what a show, and he's like your podcast. I was like, Oh, this guy knows me because my podcast, it's like I do it every day. It's really like it's like reading my diary. I don't even like my friends to listen to it. It's just too much. So it's like, oh, this guy like accepts me for me and he likes it.

[00:55:36]

He's like tall, hot. I can't see half of his face but I think he's cute.

[00:55:40]

He looks good. What you see looks good. Yeah. And I never ever meet guys like out in public. I've never been someone that like has chatted up a guy at my gate or like on the plane. It just never happens to me.

[00:55:52]

And so I'm like, yes, start chatting up. And it's like going really well and and I'm flying southwest. So there's no like boarding order and or. No, there is. I'm, I'm like the first board, but there's no there's no seat assignment. So he says to me, save me a seat next to you.

[00:56:11]

Let's let's continue this conversation on the plane. So I'm getting on the plane.

[00:56:15]

I'm like, listen, I want to sleep. I need to sleep. And I was going to but I got I got to find a husband. And this might be like I got it. I got to put myself out there. I've been so closed off for so many years.

[00:56:26]

So I get on that plane and we were chatting. We're having like a really good time. He's like funny and nice and interesting, similar interests. And, you know, he he lives on the West Coast. But I'm like, I can move anywhere, like I'm down. Let's do this. And and it's it's flirty, but it's not like there's nothing over the top. But I was just like I kept thinking I didn't see a ring on his finger.

[00:56:49]

There's no mention of a girlfriend. And then finally, I'm like, we need to switch this to, like, a flirty kind of we need to talk about dating or something to get us in that kind of vein of conversation. And I said something like, So have you been dating during covid? And this is two and a half hours into the flight.

[00:57:06]

And he's like, oh, well, I have a I have a girlfriend who I live with. And I was just I, I almost start crying because not because I was like, oh, this guy. I thought I was going to be with him, but because I just could have been sleeping that entire time and I wasted the this time I don't want to know anyone, but there's no other way to know.

[00:57:27]

You could have mentioned but five minutes in.

[00:57:30]

Why if he just thought that you thought that he was a fan and he wanted to talk to you, why would I want to talk to a fan for that long? Why?

[00:57:42]

Maybe just because you're an interesting person, you know, how do you know that you were tired?

[00:57:46]

No, it wasn't his fault. It wasn't his fault. It was my fault to get my hopes up.

[00:57:51]

But that's too far into a conversation to not trust. You got you're talking to a girl who, you know, is single.

[00:57:57]

You sound like a guy age appropriate. Do you sound like her?

[00:58:01]

I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking to her for fucking two hours. And then finally she says, I have a boyfriend. What the fuck? I bought you three drinks already.

[00:58:10]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm that guy. Don't waste my time. Don't waste my money. If you have a girlfriend, it's just it's I was really ticked off. But he's a fan though. You are a public person.

[00:58:22]

Your professional comment was going on.

[00:58:25]

But Nikki, you have fans you sell out all over the country. You're offering real me.

[00:58:32]

It had been many months since I had been on stage.

[00:58:36]

I've been living with my parents for four months. I forgot who I was. Oh, that's. And I was so I was so excited. I was so sad. And I continue the conversation because then I go, you know what, Nikki? Why can't you just get to know someone? And relationships fail. He's as a girlfriend, not like he's married.

[00:58:51]

Like, I'm sorry, kids are going to grow up. They're going to get out of the house eventually. Yeah, whatever.

[00:58:57]

I can wait years. Yeah.

[00:58:58]

It's no big deal to plant that seed girlfriend. I don't dig a hole. I'm not going to see weirdly flirt with a guy or like try to break up a relationship. I mean I would never do that. But if a guy has a girlfriend, I'll still like have a flirty conversation because most honest, most things don't lie most well, everything doesn't last.

[00:59:19]

Well, yeah, that's true. Everything in life. But it's a guy guy's married. Then I'm like, OK, well I have no hope.

[00:59:24]

He story about a couple that dated when they were in high school and then they got married, they married other people, broke up the whole deal, went through lives and then got married again when they were in their late seventies.

[00:59:40]

That is sweet. I like that. Kind of adorable.

[00:59:44]

Yeah, it is kind of adorable. They decide like well we've been fucking around all this time.

[00:59:48]

Yeah. What we've been doing. I know. I feel like, you know, I've been I've been circling the same guy for a really long time. How long? I've only had a shark. Yeah, like a cat.

[01:00:00]

Kind a like that is extinct mouse scampering about people haven't seen me since the 60s.

[01:00:08]

I just it's not yeah, it's I've only really had one actual relationship and we have just we've gotten we got back together, back and forth for like five or six years, broke up and got back together, broke up and got back together. And then we haven't been together for over like three years now, but we slept together for a while even after that. But we haven't slept together for like a year and some change. And he and oddly enough, he just moved back to St.

[01:00:37]

Louis, too.

[01:00:38]

We both met in New York City, but he just and he's living with his parents, too. Oh, as we're both looking to what we're going to do next. Yeah. You think it is perfect, but he won't have sex with me.

[01:00:48]

What I know because I think he is gay, cares about me and doesn't want to upset me because I tend to have sex with someone and then I get my hopes up a little bit.

[01:01:01]

I mean, I got my hopes up on a plane with a conversation with the guy. I was like planning our future together. What were you thinking?

[01:01:06]

What was like the ultimate goal? Like you seeing the babies, you're seeing the whole thing now.

[01:01:10]

It's just like he was talking about his family and I was like picturing meeting them and he mentioned, like, moving to San Diego. And I was like, kind of annoyed because I'm like, we haven't even talked about San Diego yet.

[01:01:19]

Not even joking. You know, you mentioned some things that I'm like, well, you don't even know that I want to go there.

[01:01:25]

But I would. But that's weird that he would just say that. So, yeah, I mean, I really do.

[01:01:33]

I as soon as I start talking to a guy, I start picturing our future. I picture like walking down the aisle to him. Yeah. Get ahead of myself. Well, maybe that's the opposite.

[01:01:43]

OK, what you're opposite is like never thinking you're ever going to be in a relationship and every guy you talk to, never imagining that it's ever going to go anywhere.

[01:01:51]

Yeah. Yeah. No, at least I have some hope. Yeah. You're hopeful. I do have hope. Yeah. You're hopeful.

[01:01:57]

See this guy, this guy cares about you so he won't hook up with you because he doesn't want to get your hopes up.

[01:02:03]

Yeah, it's really nice because every time we hung it hang out together, I'm always like, can we please just have sex?

[01:02:11]

Like I haven't had sex in seventeen months now.

[01:02:15]

It's so long. Joe, don't just hook you up. No. Well we, I know it's terrible. I'm an in and I'm really I mean I could get laid. It's not like there are guys that would gladly fuck me but I just don't, I don't feel comfortable having random sex. I'm not good at it. I need to really like someone and he just knows how to get it done.

[01:02:37]

And we've done it so many times, it just feels like it would be so easy. Yeah, I don't. But he's right. I probably would think, oh my God, we're going to be something. We're going to get back together. And then my heart would get broken again.

[01:02:48]

So it might not be worth it. But what does he do? He's he works in radio.

[01:02:52]

He's he's on he was a producer behind the scenes producer. We met on a show that I had on MTV, and then we created a show together on Comedy Central. And then and then that show got canceled and then we got canceled. And then he now he's on the radio in St. Louis.

[01:03:08]

He's like a broadcaster now. And yeah.

[01:03:11]

So he's a good guy. He is a good guy thinking about it that way.

[01:03:16]

Because most guys, if a girl's like, can we please have sex, like that's it. Just sex. Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

[01:03:23]

And I've said that before so many times it's like that's all I, that's all I want. I don't want anything more than that's so not true though.

[01:03:30]

You get to learn, men have to learn that that's not really true.

[01:03:34]

I mean I've only had a couple times ever in my life but I was younger and stupid where a girl said I just want sex. But then after you give it to him, they generally that's not really the case.

[01:03:45]

No, because I think women develop like intimacy bonds with men in a different way. Like like we were talking earlier about I'm not I think I know. Right. Or it's general generalizing, but we're talking about using like men do not care if you use them, it means zero. Like if a woman is like, I just want to use you for sex guys, like, OK, yeah. It doesn't it's not there's no negative connotation. Like if you are walking by a girl and her friends and she used you for sex and she tells her friends, yeah, I fucked that guy just for the sex.

[01:04:19]

And he's like, he's like I feel bad. If a girl walks by and a guy's hanging out with his friends, it's like, yeah, I just use her for sex.

[01:04:29]

She's going to be like, oh, she's going to feel terrible. The guy wouldn't feel bad at all unless he's really weird. Obviously we're generalizing again. Sure.

[01:04:37]

But most men are not going to have an issue with that.

[01:04:40]

I don't know. I just got kind of warmed up when you said when you when I pictured passing a guy and someone said I just used her for sex, that kind of was exciting.

[01:04:48]

You got excited about that because he doesn't want anything. I'm scared of intimacy in a big way. So I do like the idea of just being used and like, oh, someone just doesn't want to get to know me problem. If you get rocked, right, and it's fun and you enjoy it and you actually have a good time, well, you got to assume, too, if you're having sex or something, you don't hate them. Yeah, like them.

[01:05:08]

It's a personal problem. You have to, like someone, have sex with them in the sex with them. You just then now you like them and you had sex.

[01:05:14]

And then here's the other problem. If you like them more than they like you, then you get upset.

[01:05:20]

Like a lot of times people when they get rejected by someone, they feel pain, they feel pain of either being rejected or neglected. And then they associate that pain with something negative that the person has done, even if they haven't really done anything negative and then they get angry at that person. Yeah, I feel like I didn't do anything.

[01:05:36]

That's when you just asked me for sex and like, I. Yeah, no, we had sex.

[01:05:43]

It's not even like I would feel like I was getting used, but I would just be so disappointed. Like, why don't you want more with me? Why wouldn't you want to marry? Why don't you want to spend time with me all the time. Why don't you want to be my man. And and that's the problem. But what he does do that makes me feel great is like he always says, I want to make it clear, I want to fuck you so bad you looks like he'll tell me all the things that I need to hear that essentially just kind of get you juiced up.

[01:06:09]

Yeah. Like, it makes me feel as good as if I got Dick down.

[01:06:13]

OK, so he says all the things I want to.

[01:06:15]

But the problem is like you look so good. This is what I do to you. This is what I want to do to smash it. Yes. And then I leave feeling like, oh OK. Like still not good.

[01:06:25]

That's good. So it is good fun. Good guy.

[01:06:27]

He is a good guy and I like that asshole on the fucking plane. No that guy was so good to that poor guy wrote to me because we exchanged numbers because like I said, plant that seed, his relationship might fall. But now that you've talked about on two different podcast.

[01:06:42]

No, he's going to be. Bob, is that you? I know. OK, I need to talk to his girlfriend is listening. I just want to say he did nothing inappropriate. He never flirted me. There was nothing he did that if he were my boyfriend, I'd be like, he shouldn't have done that. So he behaved like a true gentleman, did not flirt with me. I read into it way too way too much.

[01:07:02]

But I mean. Well, you do.

[01:07:06]

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm on fire. I'm on rye. Is a celebrity dating celebrities, right? I like a blue checkmark. And it's not because I like guys that are famous because they're famous and I want to be famous. It has nothing to maybe just like a little bit to do with that. I'm not going to say has nothing to do with that. Yeah. There's something hot about a guy being extremely successful in other people thinking that he's cool.

[01:07:30]

OK, yes. I'll give you that. I think it's because I get I can I can know them before I go into the date. I can watch their stuff. I feel like I've already acquainted with them. That's why I like a blue checkmark. It validate. I can get to know you before I go on a date. I don't like going into these things blind. So that's that's why I like a blue check. But there's no one in St.

[01:07:51]

Louis that's on the goddamn map. No one. No, not one person really.

[01:07:57]

Honestly, no. There's no one in St. Louis on them where they all New York and L.A.. Yeah. Or like Stockholm.

[01:08:03]

I mean it's all over the globe then it's global. And so I'm connecting with some guys on that. And, and when I come to and then I just always get so busy when I come here, I don't want to go on a first date with someone. I just want to hang out with my friends I haven't seen in forever. I mean, I've been into this book lately.

[01:08:17]

It's called Irresistable. It's about addiction's downloaded that because I saw you recommend it and.

[01:08:21]

Oh, my God, it's heavy, right? Yeah, I'm really scared.

[01:08:27]

But one of the things I was thinking about when I was going through it is dating apps like that's kind of the same addicted to those.

[01:08:36]

You have to be like, how many people are having these random encounters because of dating apps? Yeah. How many people are. It's like swiping left. Which one is good.

[01:08:47]

Right. Right is good. Right means you like them. Yeah. So do you go to the right. You swipe them. Right. So you go right. You go right. Right. Yeah. Right. You have to. Right. Yes. You go for it. Yeah.

[01:08:58]

They're in the middle and then you swipe them right or you swipe them left and that means you like them left means no your fucking.

[01:09:05]

I never want to see you again in right me. Let's do it. And sometimes you go too fast on the left because sometimes you're just like oh what does this app think.

[01:09:11]

If you fuck up and you go, oh I should have went right on that go you go back.

[01:09:15]

I feel like Rose on the Titanic and Jack just fell into the abyss. Like I really feel like my husband.

[01:09:20]

I'm just like, what did I know? Like, sometimes you go just fast because sometimes I'm just like, OK, no matter what.

[01:09:26]

And then he leaned back on his head and you can't go back.

[01:09:30]

You can't you can shake the app very gently. Shake it. Yeah.

[01:09:34]

You just like go like because at first I was going like and I'm like what at work. Because people told me just shake it and come back. It wouldn't work.

[01:09:44]

But then I realized you had to do one solid. You got to be like in control of yourself and then then come back and then you see him wearing a tank top and you swipe and left again. You're like, oh my God, you disgusting tank tops are gross.

[01:09:57]

No, I mean, there's always I just find something. About a guy that I can be like, I can't deal with that he'll say his dog is his best friend or my mom thinks I'm a cat or, you know, some part of his personality is based on a food he loves.

[01:10:11]

Just anything kind of other people like that or like I love to get lost in a good book or just something.

[01:10:19]

Shut up. I love I want to I want to cook for you. Whenever a guy writes that, I'm just like, oh, you're poor.

[01:10:27]

I mean, like you take me to a restaurant. I don't want to watch you cook. Let's just go sit down. And I don't want to watch.

[01:10:33]

You have to like just because you've got, you know, one of those meal kit delivery services, I have to sit and watch it chop cilantro and talk about your connection with your nephew. I'm never going to remember because we're never going to see each other again.

[01:10:46]

You take me to a restaurant. I don't know.

[01:10:49]

Some of these guys are just trying their best. I, I just think it's so angry at these assholes.

[01:10:54]

But he gets mad because you guys like. Yeah, I get Matika as a cook. I eventually cook for me, but like just shut up. I don't care. I don't really don't. And I don't cook. It's not like I'm going to take care of that. So I guess I would like a guy who cooks, but it's more like a guy who just like I don't know what I want.

[01:11:14]

I'm hearing this isn't fair to anyone. I don't know what I want. I want a guy who I already know. Oh, my God. And I can hang around with and then develop a crush on. And then I decide when we're going to take it to the next level.

[01:11:28]

You just want to be the boss. Kind of.

[01:11:31]

I want to be the one to be like, OK, now we can even though I tend to like it when guys make the first move and kind of fuck you, I'm all over the place.

[01:11:41]

I like what I got. I got a guy who I'm taking over here. So am I. Nothing can come out.

[01:11:52]

I'm not disrespectful.

[01:11:54]

Laughter No, it's it's I know it's sad. I got a guy right now who he's like he's a I would say you we're talking today. Lyster here. Yeah. One of my first not my first, but he's definitely he's definitely up there.

[01:12:12]

I've known about him for years, been a fan and we connected and he just wants to sex with me and like have face time, sex and stuff like that. Like that's what physical sex.

[01:12:24]

While he lives in Los Angeles and I live in St. Louis. Oh.

[01:12:28]

Whenever I'm available or in his area, he doesn't seem to want to meet up, so.

[01:12:33]

Oh, it's just always he checks on in on me every couple of weeks and it's just like. Have you been in this person? No.

[01:12:40]

Oh, we met at one time in person and then it went right to texting.

[01:12:44]

That's that's weird. Someone who. That's weird. I know I don't like it either.

[01:12:50]

I'm like can we hang out in person and then maybe I can virtually jerk you off or whatever you want me to do, walk you through whatever it is you're doing to yourself.

[01:13:02]

You know, but I mean, I just made the mistake of getting them off one time when he was texting, like he always texted me it like three a.m.. Oh.

[01:13:10]

And it's just like, how are you feeling? Like just checking in on my well being in the middle of the night.

[01:13:16]

And it's not it's nice. I really do think he cares about me, but like there's some kind of weird and we both have intimacy issues. We've declared that to each other. So something's going on there and we can't even see each other. I mean, I live in St. Louis with my parents and he's in here and. But you're here right now. I know. I didn't let him know I was here, but I just I didn't tell him to find out.

[01:13:39]

He has you talk about him on this podcast. Millions of people hear about it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[01:13:46]

Hell, no. Good. You're listening.

[01:13:48]

Aren't you friends with Nicki? Yeah, she's on the podcast talking about.

[01:13:52]

No, I don't think he does that. I doubt he's told anyone that we're friends or text. But he told one guy. Maybe one guy.

[01:13:58]

Yeah, well, let him know. Let your friend know that I'm talking about. But he your friend. I do.

[01:14:03]

I like he's he's well, we did this one thing the other night because he texted me and then he wants to like have sex.

[01:14:13]

And I'm just it takes me a little bit of time to get, like, really horny for someone. She doesn't want to jump into it.

[01:14:19]

Right. I would just like to maybe just talk on the phone, get to know each other, go out like a regular person.

[01:14:26]

Right. I would like that to a date. I one time I went pre covered.

[01:14:31]

He was in New York and I was like, let's meet up. And he's like, are you flirting with me?

[01:14:34]

And I was like, oh, this has been going on a while, I guess. Yeah, it's five, six months. Yeah, yeah. Jesus.

[01:14:41]

It's just off. It's off and on. It's every couple of months this guy remembers that I exist. It's like he doesn't like me.

[01:14:47]

There's no future here. He watched my special and he was like I think before my special he didn't think much of anything. And then he watched my special and I talked so much about sex. He like thinks that I'm super, super sexual even though I haven't had sex in. Like so long, I don't even know what your sexual, but also sensitive, that's what's going on. It's not that you're not sexual or sensitive, you don't want to get hurt.

[01:15:09]

And you're also smart and you're you know, you've lived on this planet long enough to know what fucks you up and what doesn't. So you're careful. Yes. Not that you're not sexual.

[01:15:20]

OK, I like that you're pretty sexual. Really? Yeah. I would say you're very sexual.

[01:15:25]

Oh, good. I, I haven't felt that way and I haven't hooked up in so long. I know you're going to be opening up about it a lot.

[01:15:31]

Yeah. But you're not, you're not around someone. Yes that's.

[01:15:35]

Oh yeah. If I was around someone. Yeah. Like comfortable with if I had someone to have sex with I'd be like you're old lady.

[01:15:43]

I'd come back in the day. I'd be, I would be getting, I would get.

[01:15:50]

Yeah I can, I can get addicted to sex pretty quick when I'm in a relationship and like having it, it's just an easy way to tap out and forget your feelings.

[01:15:58]

So I was also part of the book about irresistable. It even talks about sex addicts.

[01:16:04]

I couldn't gambling addictions really get into that book because I got distracted by my phone again. I mean, I'm reading it on my phone as I'm learning that I'm addicted.

[01:16:13]

And I thought, yeah, that so that was a part of it was I mean, that's what I feel like. So many guys are sex addicts. A lot that I deal with and have relationships with or like communicating with. I'm just like, oh, this guy is a sex addict. And and and a lot of them are famous.

[01:16:30]

I think that creates I mean, you can have sex with anyone you want when you're famous. Yeah. It's really, really hard. Hot chicks, really hot chicks.

[01:16:39]

They throw themselves at you and you become their sex addict. You're like the woman.

[01:16:42]

You're the one who's being pursued. Oh, right. Yes. And so that's the problem with famous guys, is they're constantly they're too busy with, like, really, really hot chicks constantly being thrown at them. They don't really need to have a relationship where I mean, that's the appeal of having a relationship for a lot of guys, I think is just having a regular person to have sex with.

[01:17:00]

That's definitely one of it. And then there's also this.

[01:17:04]

This book is talking about porn addicts and gambling addicts, and it's really all the same thing.

[01:17:12]

It's like your body and your brain gets fixated on particular activities. And those particular activities occupy your mind so much and then it becomes a detriment to your life. And it's with video games, with sex. It's porn, it's with gambling, it's with drugs. And that they used to think that they're different things leads to this.

[01:17:34]

And obviously drugs have like physical consequences like heroin. And, you know, and alcohol, like alcohol is one of the worst to get off of. Because when you get off of alcohol and people who are like legitimate alcoholics, they can die. Oh, yeah. Called Amy Winehouse. That's how she died.

[01:17:48]

No bulimia. I don't know. That's no one talks about it. Let's let's Google that. Look it up, because her documentary, she was puking our brains out at the end and that can cause cardiac arrest like that. And so I think I mean, it could have been a mixture of both, but I do think her bulimia had a huge I listen to fucking her shit so often.

[01:18:11]

She's on my regular playlist.

[01:18:13]

She's in so much pain. You can hear it in her voice.

[01:18:16]

It was such a beautiful voice, interesting voice, even when she's seemed be going to rehab, you know, when I was killed by bulimia, not drugs as her brother. Yeah. Drink and drugs took their toll, but eating disorder fatally weakened.

[01:18:30]

Amy Yeah. This is how some serious shit.

[01:18:32]

But what is the what is the the coroner's result, though, they say. But the thing is a brother.

[01:18:41]

Yeah.

[01:18:42]

No, I just think that that gets swept under the table.

[01:18:45]

So much eating disorders when really that is and you know, covid is killing a lot of people with eating disorders to people that on the other side of that, food addicts who can't stop eating and obesity makes you so much more susceptible to covid.

[01:19:03]

I mean, yeah, I think I only know that because I've, you know, dabbled in all of those things before and it's terrible. Yeah, I'm a definite addict and I got to watch it. But the sex addict thing, I mean, I just think that that's one that's unchecked for so many people. Yeah. And so acceptable.

[01:19:20]

And porn addiction.

[01:19:23]

I mean, I can't get off without watching porn. You can't get off at all. No, not even close. I wouldn't even try if my Internet was down. We had a power outage the other day at my house and it was just like, OK, well, that's I would be screwed with that. I couldn't do it. I mean, I would figure out a way I think I would manage. But if my if my toys aren't working and aren't plugged in and if I don't have porn, I'm just not getting off, I've never been someone who can do it manually.

[01:19:48]

And with my imagination, it's really a problem because the porn I watch is like not good.

[01:19:54]

What can. Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. Look, dude, it's bad. I mean, like step well stuff, no, that's team you kidding me?

[01:20:10]

Yeah, really. I mean, I got a threat on like a D.M. from just some fucking troll a while back. That was like if I put out a hit on the dark web for you to be gang raped and asked the guys one hundred thousand dollars to do it, I can make that happen. And, you know, someone would accept that. And I was like, joke's on you. That's my fantasy.

[01:20:32]

I mean, it was I, I don't really mean that. Please do not do that. But I was also like, no, that's I'm not joking. Like, that tends to be the stuff that I watch is like really aggressive gangbangs and like women tied up, I, I pay for my porn because I feel so bad. What's happening to the women in it. I hope that they are being compensated for it.

[01:20:52]

So I pay like thirty bucks a month for Inc.com. I'm watching really fucked up stuff and I've always been been into like being tied up and like I'm someone who doesn't feel like I deserve pleasure without like having pain, like I don't ever celebrate anything and I can only celebrate or like relax if I put in so much work that I'm just like dead. So I can it's really hard for me to, like, enjoy myself in life. I always have to I have to punish myself first.

[01:21:22]

And so orgasms are not something that like I feel I feel it's hard for me to give myself one and let myself have that much. It's like it's too much. It's like Christmas. You're like you have to wait a year for Christmas. You can't give yourself Christmas every day. So I feel I like to be tied up and forced to have Christmas. And like I said, Jesus Christ, that's what I that's what I tend to like. It's like you have to do this.

[01:21:46]

And because I'm so I don't like losing control either. And the orgasm is like the most you can lose control. I just feel like I don't I don't like being in that out of control and I don't know what's going to happen. I'm scared. I'm just going to like shit everywhere or something.

[01:22:00]

Like I'm totally scared of shitting everywhere. AM is no one else scared of that? No. Know when they come.

[01:22:09]

I don't think I never shit everywhere.

[01:22:11]

We're saying something that you regret or likes. Just do it. I don't know, having a Kramer moment when I'm just getting, you know, just I'm terrified of what might happen. That's why I only have sex with people that I like trust so much so that if I shit on them, they wouldn't.

[01:22:25]

I know that that guy wouldn't hate me. Right. And like wouldn't tell people.

[01:22:30]

And that's why you wouldn't let them tie you up.

[01:22:32]

You trust them so much because if they tie me up in a shit, OK, like she was my biggest fear. Yeah. It wasn't my fault. You tied me up. I did no choice. Oh my God.

[01:22:43]

Or yeah. So if, if you're forced then you have, you have. Yeah. You then it's not your fault what you did or what you said.

[01:22:51]

So do you ever watch regular porn or is it always like no time. Never. It's always I started I go to Kim Dotcom, I go to anal, I go to bondage, I go to gangbangs. My problem is I do not like the women to be abused. I don't. But you can't find gangbangs where the woman's being treated nicely.

[01:23:08]

You can't find one where they're just like, good job you're taking on. So much like I've talked about. This is my special. But I thought after talking about it, my special and saying, can I please get a respectful gangbang porn with listen and heed my request and make a gang gangbang when they're just like they're proud of her for her tenacity and her strength during this really arduous journey, personal journey. And they're never nice to her.

[01:23:36]

They're always calling her a dumb bitch. They're making her point like a pig. They have a fucking boot on her head. They spit in her face. And honestly, Joe, I'm not kidding you. I watch porn with half the screen covered up because I don't like what they do to her head, but I like what they're doing to the rest of her because I just it's too there's so mean, you know, choking her, like doing a fish hook.

[01:23:55]

I don't like any of that. But I like I like the idea of gangbangs. I like the idea of a girl being like kind of used and taken advantage of. And I do feel guilty about all of this because I'm a feminist. Obviously, I love women and I want us to feel empowered. And I'm so sad for these women. But that's what gets me off. Like, I want a conundrum.

[01:24:15]

Yeah. I don't want to be just a joke, but that's all that's gets me off is watching women get fat sex. I like that now and I don't have any interest in me having that done to me.

[01:24:29]

Why do you like.

[01:24:30]

So I say, you know, oh my God, you. Because this is what I do on podcast. Oh my God. So thank you. I don't know what I'm even saying, but yeah dude, I'm watching, I'm watching. Like it just it just is a slippery slope, dude. It just gets, you know, you go from just like slight bondage where girls tied up in a guy's maybe like doing some stuff to her with a a wand and like.

[01:24:59]

Fingering her and choking her a little bit, and then it's it's just like seven guys writing pig on a girl's head and making her oink and like and spitting on her.

[01:25:13]

You bookmark those.

[01:25:15]

I mean, I have I have a file. I have I have an email that I sent to myself. It's called porn I like. And I just keep sending myself the next any time I come from a video, I send it to myself so I can go back and I can also see my my descendants into depravity over the years.

[01:25:32]

I can see where it started and where I'm at and how it happened. And we go on.

[01:25:37]

It's been going on since twenty seventeen is when I started it. So I have a good backlog of why.

[01:25:42]

But, but what I like about this is that usually the girl is I don't like to see a girl in distress. I don't like as soon as she, I, I think that she's not having a good time.

[01:25:52]

I get out of it because a lot of these girls are having a good time. They like to be pushed to the limit. One of my favorite porn actresses and I just want to give her a shout out because she does brilliant work as Kristin Scott and one of the best videos. It's called School of Seduction. I think that's what it's called. And or no. Oh, fuck. What is it called? It's there's like this Academy Academy that these girls go to where they learn to be sluts and they have to like, graduate.

[01:26:21]

And there's like five days where they go to the school and they're tied up and they're just like fucked by a bunch of people and they're made to like plank and get fucked at the same time as they're planking. And it's just like they're they get they just they have to do what you say. When someone tells you you have to do something, you have to be like, I guess I have to do it. It's not my fault that I'm a whore.

[01:26:41]

And they I just like that. That's what I'm into, because I think I have so much guilt associated with wanting to be sexual or wanting to feel sexual, that if someone's making me do it, then suddenly it's not my fault.

[01:26:52]

So do you think that's why you like bondage and gang bangers out of the person's control?

[01:26:57]

Yeah. Yeah. And I was looking into because I was feeling guilty about having, like, I don't have rape fantasies. I don't have that.

[01:27:03]

But a lot of women do. So many women do. And it's actually called it's not a rape fantasy because you're not fantasizing about actually being raped because that's not consensual. You want consensual. It's called CNCI consensual non consent. That's what it's called. And I'm kind of into that.

[01:27:20]

It's that's an interesting phrase. Consensual. Nonconsensual. I know it's kind of murky, but you're saying rape fantasy is just not right.

[01:27:30]

I don't want to be raped by someone you don't want to have sex with. You want to be raped by someone you're really attracted to, but you want to give in to it, so you want it to happen. So it's it's sort of kind of rape, but not really rape because you actually want it to happen.

[01:27:44]

You want it to mimic, you want it to be like role playing rape. So you could stop it at any time because you have a safe word and you have all these things. But so it is it rape. So women that go, I have a rape fantasy think that's like talking about themselves. You don't you really don't. You don't want that. No one wants that. And so, yeah, that's what it's called. It's consensual. Non consent is what so many women are into.

[01:28:08]

And I read about it on Reddit because I mean, the sub Reddit sex. And it's just a very common thing that that that women want in bed. Women like to be choked. They like to be bossed around. They like their hair pulled.

[01:28:18]

They like, you know, but they only like it to be done by people. They want it to be done. Yes. Yes. That's want to make that very clear. Yeah. Yeah. Although there are some times that I and there are some times that, you know, in some of these porn's where the guy is like, I'm not attracted to him and I wouldn't want his dick inside me, but I definitely like when they they treat you like a car they're working on and they just like use tools on you and there's no dicks involved that appeals to me.

[01:28:47]

That's a very popular one.

[01:28:48]

Like if there was a place you can go like a body shop, you just get work done. Yep. I would love it if there is a place you could go where guys would just massage your vagina and use tools on you and you'd be totally down with that.

[01:29:03]

Yeah.

[01:29:04]

As long as there's no cameras and no one would ever talk about that, I was there. I mean, I'd be talking about it. I'm here the next week. But what if it was up to me?

[01:29:11]

You could wear a mask and you're. Oh yeah, that's good. I could wear masks. OK, yeah.

[01:29:16]

And just lay there and have them eat you out.

[01:29:19]

No, I don't want them a mouth. You don't want the mouth. Maybe. I don't know.

[01:29:25]

Maybe you have to go. There are a couple of times you get bored with dildos.

[01:29:28]

I don't know. Dildos are so good they're like dildos and toys are like amazing. I like a wand and I don't I don't even think I could have regular sex without also a vibrator too.

[01:29:43]

Yeah. I want I want penetration and I want something else too. Wow. I just want it. It's just I don't.

[01:29:51]

But what's your longest time you've taken without any masturbation or such.

[01:29:54]

Oh months and months and months. Months without my. Masturbating like it does not, but when I get hooked on it, like it's the same way I abstain from pot, like right now I've gone 12 days, but if I sparked one up right now, I'd be doing all the time until I go cold turkey.

[01:30:11]

And I just I quit so I can I went a really long time without it during the quarantine. And then I haven't hooked up with I haven't had sex since for, you know, a year and a half at this point.

[01:30:24]

And, um, and I've hooked up a couple of times in that in that time with guys. But I've always stopped it before.

[01:30:32]

I've even had like but even close, I just knew I wasn't going to come. So I was just like, just let stop.

[01:30:39]

When you were talking about, like, gangbangs and stuff your hands, you had like a death grip on your knuckles and you're like drinking on his back and forth.

[01:30:49]

You're going over in your head. I'm like, Jesus.

[01:30:51]

Oh, my God. I know. I get really intense about it. Yeah, you were very intense about.

[01:30:56]

Yeah, I'm sure it's it's because I well, I feel really bad even admitting that that's what I'm into.

[01:31:03]

Why I shouldn't feel bad. That's why it's so it's not a bad person. You're a good person. Thanks John. You're into weird shit.

[01:31:10]

But that's ok. I'm not the only one. Oh there's a website. Yeah. Kim Dotcom is not supported by Nikki Glaser alone.

[01:31:18]

No margin. And it's like there was a chart. It's like it's all naked. And we thought we had subscribers. This one ladies, she said of her fucking mind, there's a whole industry based around this one broad.

[01:31:30]

They kind of make more to me because I am running out of videos to watch because it's hard for me to go back and watch old ones. So I've been going back and going because they've been around forever.

[01:31:38]

And I went back like, you know, sixty eight pages. And there's stuff from like pre 9/11.

[01:31:44]

I'm like, I can't watch this woman from two thousand take on later now because I just picture her now.

[01:31:51]

Like where, where did her life take her.

[01:31:53]

That's the problem. Right. So if you think about what happened to them, that allowed them to be that person, the gangbang with pig written on their face.

[01:32:00]

Yeah, that's the problem. That's the problem. And that's why a lot of videos on King Dotcom have a pre interview in a post interview. So you see the girl go, I'm really looking forward to this gangbang today. I've wanted to do this for so long. It's been a goal of mine. I'm really into this. I don't like this. You know, you see them consent to all of it and then it happens. And then they have the post one where they're like shivering in a towel with, like, wiping pig off their floor.

[01:32:26]

And they're like, that was fun. And you see them. And there's always a post interview to prove they survived.

[01:32:34]

Oh, rough. Do you get criticized for talking about the stuff by other women? I will after this for sure, but no, generally not because I think I'm not allowed with this one. You think why do you think you will with this one? Because you just you got really deep into it.

[01:32:54]

Um, just because you have a bigger audience, more people are going to hear it. That's why. But I think you're not alone.

[01:33:02]

And I think there's probably a lot of women that are listening to this right now that go, yes, Sam.

[01:33:07]

Yeah, Sam, I just tend to with my addictions, I tend to go from they get they get bad quickly like they so they start off.

[01:33:16]

So, yeah, these are all progressive things, like eventually you'll get there with porn. If you watch it long enough, it might take someone else thousands of years to get where I got in a shorter amount of time. But it all is leading to I mean it gets gross. That's why these things exist. Like you don't start off liking like a woman with a boot on her head. Like, that's not something that like you go you just slide there.

[01:33:42]

Well, that's the thing about porn in general.

[01:33:45]

If you go back and you watch old porn, old porn was just people on dates was if you go back and watch, like, porn, you know, like from the 80s, it's basically two people who are hanging out. And the ones like I'm just so tense, I get such a headache. The guy's like, hey, let me rub your neck and rubbing their neck and feels so good. Feels so I'm so hot I need to take my shirt off and they take their shirt off and then they start making out and then by yeah I mean it was basically nothing for me now.

[01:34:18]

Yeah. But that's what it is.

[01:34:19]

I know. Like it's basically just people having sex, normal people in normal situations. And then there's something about where people need to escalate the everything has to like OK, I've seen that, now I need to see more.

[01:34:34]

And that's what points to the fact that it's that it's an addiction. Yeah. You know, I've never been into anything other than just sex. That's so good. Luckily, yeah.

[01:34:46]

The only porn that I've ever watched is just girls with big asses.

[01:34:50]

So it's a sexy girl. Yeah, I'd say just sex is that's a normal sex fetish.

[01:34:55]

She as you get know, I've never, never been into any of that. No joking. Nothing.

[01:35:02]

It gets so weird Joe. It is weird.

[01:35:04]

There's so much. But I'm not joking in real life either. I've never never been into that anyway. Yeah.

[01:35:11]

I don't know why guys are into it. I don't relate to I don't know that I'd want a guy to like want to do that to me is dangerous. Yeah. Yeah.

[01:35:21]

But because if you escalate. So think about the escalation in porn.

[01:35:25]

Well what if a guy is into choking girls and then he gets bored with just recreational. Oh so I want to use a rope. I promise I'm not going to hurt you. Just can use a rope now. I want to have it just like a wire. Yeah. I'm not going to make a little mark on you. OK, what if I blindfold. What if I hit you like and then things get weird.

[01:35:42]

What if I murder. Yeah. And then it really, I mean I was watching that Golden State killer documentary and that's what that guy did. He started just doing break ins and then that wasn't really itchin at the scratch anymore, scratching the itch anymore. Then he moved on to rapes and that was doing good for a while. And then slowly he started murdering like it didn't just start out murder. You saw his progression. It's like it. Yeah.

[01:36:04]

This stuff can get really scary. I mean, I like being I think being choked is nice because, I mean, you were talking about it with David Blaine yesterday, like, it feels good to, like, lose consciousness and like come out of it and be pushed to that brink of like there's something euphoric about it.

[01:36:21]

Yeah, I think there's the euphoric thing about getting choked out is like as the brain, like, rushes back to consciousness, there's probably a bunch of hormones and things that are just floating around in there and get fired up.

[01:36:32]

And also there's there's like dopamine and all sorts of spikes. That's the other thing they were talking about in this book, irresistable talking about the dopamine rush that people get from various addictions.

[01:36:45]

And they were talking about Parkinson's drugs. This is really interesting because Parkinson's medication, apparently what it does is it spikes dopamine. And it also it has a lot of really weird side effects.

[01:36:59]

Like people get addicted to gambling, they get addicted. The give away all their stuff. There was a there's a drug called Reequip and GlaxoSmithKline Kline wound up paying this guy somewhere in the equivalent of like 600000 dollars because he was a straight heterosexual man with no problems with gambling. And he had Parkinson's and he got on this reequipped drug and he became a gay sex and gambling addict and he started having risky gay sex, like, really risky, like he would contact people on Craigslist and meet now.

[01:37:34]

And he was just gambling all his money away, but so much so that he won in court.

[01:37:40]

Suing them because she didn't do the story. It's re-equip and the man, I believe is from Ireland and he won in court. It was like he was a big gay man. It was the straight man.

[01:37:54]

Oh, right, right, right, right. I mean, I never thought about it before, you know.

[01:38:00]

And then he became a gay sex and gambling addict or had him in my act for a while. Right. I had the story in my act for a while because apparently he would like, like, snap out of it, like in the middle of doing stuff.

[01:38:13]

Oh, yeah.

[01:38:14]

Parkinson's Patient Wins Lawsuit over gay sex addiction.

[01:38:18]

A French man who also is French said, I don't trust French like his name Didier. That's too close to Didley or Jumba. Fifty two of Nontas France sued the pharmaceutical giant GlaxoSmithKline in 2011, claiming the drug was reequip caused him to lose eighty two thousand euros gambling on the Internet. He said he also became addicted to gay sex and risky sexual encounters. He said he was raped after starting the drug in 2003 and attempted suicide toward it's a great day.

[01:38:52]

Jumba, who is accompanied by his wife during the emotional ruling, told the French press agency. It's been a seven year battle with our limited means for recognition of the fact that GlaxoSmithKline lied to us and shattered our lives. Parkinson's disease destroys neurons deep within the brain that releases the feel good neurotransmitter dopamine re-equip belongs to a class of drugs called dopamine antagonist, or agonists that relieve Parkinson's symptoms such as shaking stiffness, slow slowness and trouble bouncing but activating dopamine receptors.

[01:39:24]

But the drug as drugs have side effects that, while rare, can be serious.

[01:39:29]

Yeah, but it's a weird things like even if you have the urge to do it, you are not in control of your own actions.

[01:39:37]

When you take Reequip, finally, give me some just gives her mission to do some stuff that I've always wanted to do, have an excuse to quit.

[01:39:46]

I wonder if it works on people who don't have Parkinson's. Like what does it do to people who don't have Parkinson's?

[01:39:53]

I mean, that's terrifying. You will have you I would always hear that in the side effects of drugs, like if you have, are suddenly gambling out of nowhere and like, what is that?

[01:40:03]

This is a drug for heartburn and I'm going to start gambling out of nowhere.

[01:40:08]

Come on. But it's totally it's scary. These drugs, I mean, that I'm trying to get on a new antidepressant because I'm just been so just I'm tired of having these low lows that just don't aren't necessary and are just scary sometimes because the things I think and the things I, I just have these thoughts that come in that can't stop and I just can't work. I can't be funny when I'm depressed. So I got to get back on something.

[01:40:32]

But I'm so scared of all these weird side effects and the things that it might make me do.

[01:40:38]

Rightly so. And so I mean, how long have you been on antidepressants? I mean, I was on them for years and years, ever since I was like I got anorexic when I was like eighteen. And then I was so depressed from that because it just like starts eating your brain that I got on stuff. And then ever since then I've been I've struggled with depression. I think even before then I was really depressed. Kid. I look at pictures and I'm just like staring despondently into a corner, like on holidays.

[01:41:04]

I'm like, oh, I was just depressed.

[01:41:06]

And so now I'm looking into maybe having ADHD because it's often misdiagnosed in women, because women don't really have the hyperactivity part of it.

[01:41:14]

And it just makes us kind of depressed and have low self-esteem and messy and all the things that I am that, you know, are, you know, about like messing with your brain chemistry with these drugs, that maybe they don't have the right stuff that they're giving you and that might be causing other problems or exacerbating the current ones.

[01:41:35]

I know, because I've been off them for a while now. And how long you been off them? For a couple of months. So you're not on anything. And I've been gone through years of not being on stuff. You just exercising. Yeah, every day. What do you do? I run four miles a day and a lot of exercise.

[01:41:51]

Yeah, I do. I try to exercise a lot and it's still fun and I eat healthy. Yeah man.

[01:41:56]

I just get all of a sudden I just get these fucking thoughts that come in and then I'm depressed for like four days so badly that I just I, I could file for disability as a comedian because I cannot be funny. My brain doesn't work.

[01:42:10]

You can file for this. I should be able to. Yeah. Because I can't do the thing that I, I mean I feel disabled. I feel like that's when I start thinking, OK, I've got to find a new job, I can't do this, I can't be broadcasting every day. I have nothing interesting to say. And I that's not true at all. Why.

[01:42:27]

Everything you said today has been very. Thank you. Well, I'm not in a bad place today. I'm actually out of it. I don't know. It just comes on like four days out of the month.

[01:42:35]

I wake up. You felt like I mean, I wake up today. No, I've been in a good place since Saturday. I woke up on Saturday and I snapped out of it, but, you know, when I sent out that tweet, the tweet that led to me even being here was because I was just suffering for like four or five days with, like, really bad depression where, you know, I called Gary Golman, you know, what he went through.

[01:42:57]

Yeah, he's been through serious. Serious. I was I, I had a text drafted, Neal Brennan. I wanted to talk to other guys that, like, have had to have had to go places and actually did ketamine therapy.

[01:43:10]

No, you told me was wild. He said he went to a doctor. They you know, they put you in a chair like a regular doctor's chair and they induce you into a psychedelic state. He goes, and I mean, I was tripping balls.

[01:43:25]

I go, really?

[01:43:26]

He goes, Yeah, I went to the doctor's office and they give you fucking ketamine and you trip balls. And I'm like, Did it help you? Yeah, U.S.A. It helped. Ketamine apparently has a big effect on people that are depressed and some people are taking it, you know, like a spray, like a mist.

[01:43:44]

I don't know if it's a nasal spray.

[01:43:46]

Yeah, yeah. It's like a body splash. And Whitney has something like that. Oh, yeah.

[01:43:50]

I mean, it's just I don't think it's a body spray. You just like spray it in front of you and walk through her nose or your mouth. OK, so got ketamine mist like a very low dose of ketamine. Yeah. A dose of ketamine would.

[01:44:04]

I'm going to talk to him about it too. But it's so funny because when I, when I'm in it I'm so in it and then when I'm out of it I just forget that it can get that bad. And I don't even think about it. I forget that it can get so bad.

[01:44:15]

But there's no triggers that are making it bad or good right now. Like things are really not like are very uncertain. My career is going great by all you know, if you would. Yeah. By all indications, I should not be depressed like you. I have a loving family. I have my health.

[01:44:32]

But you say your career is going great, but everyone's career hit a wall. Yeah, all of us that are comics, we hit a wall. Yeah.

[01:44:38]

And Mark, the only one is touring regularly is Burt. I know he's depressed right now. He's fucking told you. Told me. Just did 19 shows or 15 shows in nine days because I'm fucking exhausted. I got to stop and he goes in, his agency's trying to push them to organize a summer tour or a fall tour now.

[01:44:54]

And I, I relate to it. I think that Burt is a lot like me, that if he does stop and stops working, it will be so much worse than it was.

[01:45:02]

He'll freak out. And, you know, he loves to drink to. Yeah.

[01:45:05]

You know, the Burt's got a lot of different things that he's sort of kind of whatever is going on in his head that he's trying to squash, he does it with a lot of different things, whether he works a lot or he just I mean, he tours and tours, he tours Bertel tours in a bus and hit a different place every night.

[01:45:25]

And then it used to be that to invite people to go, I know them. Yeah.

[01:45:30]

And he has this expectation to fulfill as the party animal. And so he is always I mean, I feel for him always having to be on and be that guy and be shirtless and be down to party.

[01:45:43]

Well, he was doing a special and they were handing him shots and he was like, I can't do shots. I'm doing my special right.

[01:45:48]

I like, fuck you drink. He's like, you're ruining my special. Like, I'm filming a special here. This is for fucking Netflix, you idiots.

[01:45:56]

Yeah. What are you doing? He was. But if he's but there's part of me that goes maybe he should be fucked up if he's done all of the preparation for this. He's been fucked up. Right. Why the night you tape your special, would you do things differently?

[01:46:09]

Yeah, I don't do anything differently when I tape specials.

[01:46:13]

Do you get depressed? No. You never felt that. I mean, maybe like very low level depression. Yeah, that's great. Yeah.

[01:46:21]

Because I work out like a terrorist.

[01:46:23]

I know. And what is that about. I think I'm very primitive.

[01:46:29]

I think my brain like my genetics, I think I come from a long line of savages and I think the only way I feel good really feel good is to do very violent things.

[01:46:41]

Yeah. Yeah. So yourself, I need to I run hills. I beat the fuck out of a heavy bag.

[01:46:48]

Do you enjoy being in the middle of it. You're actually loving fucking pushing yourself on it. But how much do you love it when you're done. I mean, isn't that the best feeling as hell?

[01:46:58]

I enjoy it while I'm doing it, but I get to a place where I don't enjoy it. Yeah, that's I have to hit that place. You have to push yourself. Yeah. I don't I don't work out to like where it feels pretty good. Like there's none of that.

[01:47:11]

I want to see you like walking a mall someday, like doing a gentle mall.

[01:47:16]

I'll be able to do those with tiny little weight and walk with my dog.

[01:47:22]

We do hills you know, I put like a weight vest on until I have a thing called an Atlas trainer. It's a backpack that I put Olympic weights on the back of it, like has a like a you know, like you have a plate. A barbell. Yeah. So like the dumbbell plates go over it and then I screw in this collar and I have like an Olympic plate on my back and so I do a hike with those on with the dog.

[01:47:48]

And do, do you take days off. Oh yeah. You have to begin to recover. Yeah. I don't know. Is that hard to do. No, no. I don't think I'm addicted to exercise.

[01:47:59]

No, you seem to have a healthy but I'm caring lifestyle with everything I can get addicted to. OK, you can. Oh yeah.

[01:48:06]

I have a real real problem with video games in the past eight hours a day. Like even more.

[01:48:11]

How interesting and irresistible is it that people who make those video games don't even let themselves play?

[01:48:16]

Yeah. How about the World of Warcraft story? How about the one kid who was a football player who lost basically his life, fell apart, fell out of school?

[01:48:24]

Everything just it can happen. So you used to be that way. We fucking set up a local area network in the back and we have all these computers back. Yeah. That we set up. And I had to stop playing them because we would be in here and I would be playing five, six hours a day after podcast's. Right. And there was like four months and I had my stop and I had to get out here. I'd be sweaty.

[01:48:44]

My adrenaline would be awful. So recently you dealt with was it like a year and a half ago? Yeah, about maybe two years ago.

[01:48:51]

What about drinking for you? What about no drugging? No, no. Never. Never compulsive. Yeah. Yeah, drinking. The problem of drinking is it always has a negative physical effect. Yes. So I'm not into things that, that fuck with my body. So when I do something negative then it fucks with my real addiction, which is the exercise addiction. So if I have if I have an addiction at all for physical exercise addiction, but it's not an addiction like I have to do it if I don't do it or freak out.

[01:49:20]

It's like if I don't do it, I don't feel good.

[01:49:22]

Yes. Like I like to be calm. I like to feel good. I like to be friendly.

[01:49:27]

I like to feel like even I don't feel even if I don't work out, if I don't work out for four or five days, I just feel like real tense and like short trigger. Like short fuse.

[01:49:40]

What's something that set you off? Like your wife can sense it, your kids can sense it if you haven't or doesn't like what's going what's something that you let myself get to that. Oh that's good. Yeah.

[01:49:50]

I don't let myself get that. But how do you stop yourself. Do you. Meditation. Yeah definitely do a lot of meditation, meditation, floating sauna. I do a lot of breathing exercises in the sauna.

[01:50:01]

I do a lot of that, but I just know me, I know me and I don't like me when I don't workout.

[01:50:07]

I don't like that guy. Yeah. I don't like me if I don't meditate and I don't let myself get away with.

[01:50:11]

But it's also I also since the time I've been a young boy, I've been doing savage things. So from like my whole life I've been in martial arts. So my body is just like, what are we hitting today?

[01:50:25]

Come on, what are we choking? Come on. We got to go out.

[01:50:28]

And if I don't do that, my body's like any day now we're going we're going to walk like shit is about to happen. It's going down. So your body starts getting in. It's like a battery, like you're storing up all this energy. And if you don't if you don't release it, it's like it's overflowing.

[01:50:44]

It's coming off the top.

[01:50:45]

And so I, I, I exercised just to maintain homeostasis, to maintain balance, to maintain like just just just to be just have clarity.

[01:50:56]

Yeah. So that you're just the best version of yourself. You're pushing yourself hundred percent.

[01:51:01]

I am the best figure, the nicest person I can be when I, when I exercise a lot.

[01:51:06]

Now what if you go through a time where you don't get a lot of exercise and you just can't fit out what kind of exercise.

[01:51:11]

I don't fit into my schedule. What does that mean? You figure you figure out a way, you wake up early and that is the schedule. Like, there's no like what I forget to eat.

[01:51:19]

Yeah, exactly. And don't forget to sleep. I don't forget to sleep. So why the fuck would I forget to exercise? It's just an extra effort gun. More than a week in my life without exercising. Yeah, I mean, doing something I have to unless I've been injured, unless I have like a bad injury, like a surgery or something like that.

[01:51:35]

What about standup addiction?

[01:51:38]

I think I definitely have a Stand-Up addiction. And I think that I really it really I feel I feel like if I have any depression at all, it's this low level low from not doing stand up for all these months.

[01:51:51]

It's a lull.

[01:51:52]

And then I realized it when I did I did the improv in Houston. Yeah. And and it was like, oh my God, we're back.

[01:51:59]

And I said, like, fuck it, dude. I went with Brian Moses and Tony Hinchcliffe and we're like, dude, let's fucking just keep doing this. Let's just keep traveling around the country any place it wants to have us. And then I started thinking I got really high and I started thinking, what if I gave it to somebody? What if I got it right to somebody, you know, can't do that.

[01:52:16]

That was the thing that I feared. What I feared the most is giving it to somebody. Yeah, let's give it. It is like some guest that gets really sick.

[01:52:23]

I know that's that's the fare that outdoor shows some people that are getting it.

[01:52:28]

It fucks them up for months.

[01:52:30]

I know people don't ever people still haven't recovered that. Got it back in March. Right. They have still a fatigue that they can't get on shoes. Yeah. Their hair's falling out there. I mean, the side effects, they they could last Hutto's forever. It's really scary.

[01:52:44]

It's a weird fucking disease. It's a weird disease. It doesn't really make sense because it's not like any other disease, like everybody who gets the flu, just like it's real similar.

[01:52:54]

It's not like one person gets the flu and it's nothing where another person gets the feeling they can't smell anything for months like people are.

[01:53:02]

They're losing their sense of smell.

[01:53:03]

I know they lose their sense of taste like for months, like Michael Yo got it real bad where he was hospitalized and oh, he is he's still suffering from fatigue, from fatigue. Like two months later, he would get tired walking up a flight of stairs. So you get like lung scarring and all kinds of weird shit happens.

[01:53:21]

Yeah. OK, so you're not scared of getting it? No. But what about all that shit, you're just scared of giving that to someone, you just feel like your body is going to be OK? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll be OK. Do you get the flu? Yeah, but barely. Yeah.

[01:53:36]

If I do so much though I do like oh the vitamin drips all the time and I'm on all these vitamins and constantly working out. I mean I can get sick but I don't get sick much and when I get sick it's like it's close by. Pretty cool. Yeah. Me too.

[01:53:50]

But it's, but it's, I'm, I'm keeping my body healthy.

[01:53:54]

I eat elk meat and all this healthy food and it's like your body if your body's in tune and your body's healthy and your immune system is strong, that's the whole point of having a strong immune system. It's supposed to be able to fight things off.

[01:54:10]

And I haven't gotten like a real cold in years because I take care of myself and I do a good job. But if I was working on a television show and I was not getting good sleep or I was traveling a lot and I was not getting good sleep, and that's when it can hit you, and that's what it hit. Michael Yo.

[01:54:27]

Yeah, it was just over. Yeah. Working. I mean Michael Yo was he. He flew to New York. He was doing morning and did no sleep. Right. Flew New York morning radio television shows two shows a night at Gotham, two shows the next night. Same thing. Morning radio, TV shows hustle and doing everything he can flies home, no sleep right then drives to Vegas with his family, kids in the car screaming, yelling, Brammeier.

[01:54:51]

And then he hangs out with his wife's family in Vegas, then flies back the same day. So to and from which is four hours there, four hours back then auditions the next day and auditions the day after that. So he's practicing for auditions, getting ready, stressed out. Then it hits some boom, hits him hard. Oh yeah.

[01:55:08]

That I mean that used to be the way I lived my life to you.

[01:55:11]

He gave it his mom. His mom take all day. Oh really. One day. Yeah. So she wasn't sick. She wasn't worn out. So her immune system did its job. What about you. And sleep.

[01:55:21]

What's your sleep. You're good at sleep. Yeah. You never had to take anything or. No. What do you do. What's your kind of routine to wind down. But do you keep the phone on your bed and like you don't I mean, occasionally I'll have the phone by the bed.

[01:55:36]

I look at it right before I go to bed, but I just conk out reminding your screentime after reading this.

[01:55:41]

Yes, well, I was monitoring my screen time already.

[01:55:44]

Can you get sucked into Instagram? I mean, what's your app that you just get?

[01:55:48]

No YouTube. I like watching videos. Yeah, it's distracting. Yeah, I just get bored.

[01:55:53]

And that what you do when you work out what. YouTube. Yeah.

[01:55:57]

Like when you're on a treadmill and then what are you doing. Are you just like in the moment trying.

[01:56:01]

Maybe I'll music fights. OK, if I'm watching something I watch fights or listen to a book and I work out but most of. Oh yeah.

[01:56:10]

I was wondering like picturing you reading a book like do you just like sit in a chair and like flip through a book like how does Joe Rogan read a book.

[01:56:17]

Most of the reading I do is audio books. OK, so most of is me not reading. Yeah well that's reading is like scientific articles or read like fiction. Can't get in audio books. Yeah but I do most of the most of the information that I get from books is either driving or in a sauna. I like listening in so I put air pads on. You can use air pads in the sauna even at 180 degrees. Jesus, they don't come out so long.

[01:56:43]

Are you in there. Thirty minutes. OK, I used to but that's another thing that's like to keep escalating that so that twenty minutes now I'm like oh don't be a pussy, make it twenty five minutes and then it's like thirty and I'm not satisfied. Thirty.

[01:56:55]

So now it has to be thirty one. Yeah. So you understand my porn thing. Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. I just don't have the porn thing that right. My porn is like if I watch porn it's normal, it's people that are horny, they fuck that's that's the or.

[01:57:06]

Yeah. Or it's like oh we probably shouldn't be doing this you know. It's that kind of porn. Right. You know, stuff like that. But nothing, nothing crazy.

[01:57:13]

OK, yeah but I get it like I get all of it like the video game thing I get more than anything because I've had like really.

[01:57:21]

Well that's nice to hear that even recently you've struggled with that because you seem to be someone who doesn't have to deal with.

[01:57:28]

But it's all because I'm calculated about it.

[01:57:31]

That's all it is like you see it starting to affect your well-being. I went cold turkey. You go, you quit it, you can't quit.

[01:57:40]

And then once again, when we had the guys who Makhdoom we had them come in here and we played for a day. And even that day I was like, I got out here all shaky. I was like, I can't do that again. I don't do that again.

[01:57:49]

I didn't eat. Do you do you feel like you're white knuckling it? You're like, God dammit, I'm missing out, but you have just amazing discipline.

[01:57:56]

Well, the video games are so addictive because they're so immersive and the one we're playing is quick champions. So you put these headphones on, like if Jamie was playing with me, if he was over here, I could hear him over here. I could hear him walking. And the video, the graphics are so incredible. And it's a three dimensional game. Right? So you're running down these hallways and people are shooting rockets at you and you're jumping up off these things and you're running through the water and people chasing you.

[01:58:18]

It's fun. It's exciting. That's as good as going on a hike. No. Why? Because first of all, because you could do it all, no, you know, vitamin D, no vitamin C, you're doing it all day, right, for hours and hours and hours.

[01:58:34]

And you get exhausted afterwards and it becomes a compulsion. Like you leave here, you're driving you thinking about all. You should have shot me then. Yeah, I should have got him. And that time I fucked up. I shouldn't have gone into the Lovaas should. Why would he have all his crazy thoughts in your head about the game?

[01:58:49]

And it's like I the really fun. That's the problems. They're really good.

[01:58:55]

But for me at least they waste too much time and I get too sucked in and then it becomes unhealthy. Right. Because it becomes like you can only exercise so much, you know, especially like the way I'm doing it.

[01:59:08]

Yeah. Tell us how much that is, because you definitely hit the a half a day. Yeah, that's it. That's it. No more than that. These people that are at the gym for four hours at a time. I'm sorry, that's an addiction.

[01:59:18]

Maybe the point you're unless you're training for something. How are you doing it? You can't hit the bag for four hours.

[01:59:25]

Right. I guess people are kind of like Zen about I'm doing like I do rounds like. So I'll set the timer for three minutes is like a timer is like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. It goes off and it lets you know every thirty seconds. So I have this ringside timer and it says an interval timer.

[01:59:39]

So every thirty seconds it gives you a ping, it gives you like a curves gym.

[01:59:44]

Right. So sort of so in thirty seconds you know you're sprinting for thirty seconds and then you're, you're, you're doing it at a slower pace for the next 30 seconds and then you're sprinting again and there's a red light, there's a red light and then there's a yellow light and it's a red light is when it's time to stop. The yellow light is when you're calm and then the blue light is go. So it has these three lights, right?

[02:00:06]

Go mean sprint yellow means code red means stop.

[02:00:10]

And so it's like this very regimented, you know, exactly when you're done. So when I'm doing like especially like rounds in the back, you can only do it so much because your body breaks down, because during those the blue time is just chaos. It's 30 seconds of just assault. You can't keep that up. Yeah, it's just too crazy.

[02:00:30]

It's just about and then when it's over and then the next thirty seconds it's calmer. It's like you just sort of like getting your heart rate down and just going through the techniques and moving and then the blue light comes on again. Thing is.

[02:00:44]

So you can't you can only do it for so long, right.

[02:00:47]

Yeah. But when it's over I'm like, oh chirp, chirp, chirp. Birds and love and everybody's my friend.

[02:00:53]

Yeah, I feel good that way. After a after a hard work out too.

[02:00:57]

I mean I know you need it, you get the endorphin rush but you also you beat the demons down. That's the thing is all the aggression just goes out of me like all the pent up stress. And I just think that my body's conditioned to do this. It's been doing it for so long that if I don't do it, it just like goes. When is it coming? When's it coming? Yeah. When's the war? When's the chaos?

[02:01:19]

When's it coming?

[02:01:20]

You need to do you cry over. I cry for happy things. Yeah. Most of the time I cry when I'm happy for both. Good. But I cry if I think about, you know, people that I miss and you know stuff like that. That's good. I definitely cry. Yeah. Well I cry a lot for like things that make me happy.

[02:01:40]

That's that's really. Yeah. That's cute. Yeah.

[02:01:43]

I cry for people cry when I'm happy for people. But yeah, I feel that I know I'm not scared of emotions, yeah, you know, I just yeah, I'm scared of weakness.

[02:01:56]

I don't like weakness, but I don't think crying is weakness.

[02:01:59]

I think weak to not want to cry. I mean, it's not it's weak to not want to embrace the full spectrum of life. You know, life is filled with beautiful things and amazing things. And it's also filled with horrible things like they're all there. And to deny that, I think is to deny reality. It is. And that is to be delusional. I'm afraid of being delusional more than I'm afraid of crying.

[02:02:23]

I think it's really important that you just said that you cry and you think it's important, because I think so many people that listen to you do not so many men don't cry, Jo.

[02:02:32]

You know that they do.

[02:02:34]

I think I just don't want you to know. Well, maybe they don't, but I just don't think they'll allow themselves to. And I put myself in that category like it's really hard for me to cry. Like I have to I have to be talking to someone about my I have to have that kind of mirrored back to me my emotions that I have license to cry. But it's not something that that comes naturally to people. But I think it's important to do.

[02:02:56]

We watch I cried in the park I this real recently. Really? Yeah. There was a guy on Josh Duban from the he's a lawyer and they were talking about the Innocence Project. He works with the Innocence Project and they got this poor man who is an immigrant, I believe he's from Guatemala who was unjustly accused of murder. And they got him out. And, you know, they were just going through the whole story about how the prosecutors are trying to keep him in jail, even though he knew he was innocent.

[02:03:23]

They they finally got him released and they're talking about this thing. And I just heard crying. Yeah, this poor guy's thinking about this guy, like makes his way to America to try to do better for himself.

[02:03:32]

And he winds up getting caught up in this this fake murder accusation and.

[02:03:39]

Yeah, yeah, I cried about that. Yeah. I just I think men need to cry more and as another one of your folder's.

[02:03:48]

Yeah.

[02:03:49]

Men crying and then I'm seriously turned on by them crying. I love it. Can I really put that out there. I know one time my ex-boyfriend cried in front of me, you got hot.

[02:03:59]

I was blowing him while he was like still like sniffling like still his tears were like hitting me on the head. I'm not joking you.

[02:04:07]

It was I felt so inappropriate doing it, but I was like, this is so hot that you were opening up and you were emoting. And then I don't have to deal with these feelings on a in another way, which is you being mad at me. Are you, like, bottling up your anger? I mean, these feelings have to come out somewhere. It just was so erotic to me to see a guy like it's so sensitive.

[02:04:26]

I think it's very weak of people to be afraid of feelings. Yes, there's nothing wrong with feelings, but they're really kill you. There's something wrong with being a bitch, though, like is a difference. This is what's important is something that's been vague. There's something wrong with like shirking your responsibility or not doing the things that you know you're supposed to do because you want to cry and wallow away all your day and feel sorry for yourself. Like I do not support people feeling sorry for themselves because that's a there's a perspective.

[02:04:58]

There's a particularly with men, there's a perspective. You can change your perspective. You can you can just take action and do things. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad. There's nothing wrong with feeling emotional. But there is something wrong with feeling sorry for yourself. And there's a lot of men who feel sorry for yourself for no fucking reason, really think feeling sorry for yourself is important.

[02:05:20]

Why? Because. We that's that allows you to feel those feelings to say, you know what, I had I had a shitty childhood, I had a shitty mom and I got a I got a fucked up deal. I was that guy from Guatemala that came here, like he should feel sorry for himself. His life got no if he should feel sorry for himself.

[02:05:43]

I definitely think he should feel the pain of what happened to him. I mean, there's no way he can't. And I definitely think that, you know, he should feel happy that he's been released and that these wonderful people worked really hard to get him out.

[02:05:55]

And then I also think he should feel some anger that these motherfuckers wanted to keep him in jail and they knew he was innocent. I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with all those things but to be to just be paralyzed by that and not do anything and then use it as an excuse to never live your life.

[02:06:10]

Fuck that. That's the difference. And that is a choice.

[02:06:13]

And that is also something that you learn as a man.

[02:06:16]

There's people that can there's people that you can count on and there's people that are going to fall apart. And there's a difference. There's there's moments in your life where you can be dwarfed by that moment or you can rise to the occasion. And who you are forever is dependent upon how you react to those moments.

[02:06:36]

And you could just decide everything is too hard and you just be a bitch or you can go, yeah, this is hard, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm going to get through this and then you learn, Oh, I could do it. Oh, I could move forward. And the people that learned that they need to tell other people that they learned that and then other people can learn it as well.

[02:06:57]

It's a it's a reaction to pain, a reaction to bad feelings. But to take action, to be a person who actually recognizes that these feelings are normal, but you still have to keep going.

[02:07:12]

You still have to move on with your life. That's the difference because it makes sense.

[02:07:16]

There's too many people that just use whatever happens in their life as an excuse for why they're a failure or uses an excuse for why other people do well.

[02:07:27]

Well, I can't because this happened when I was young just right. Just fucking get up and go. Just go.

[02:07:33]

I think you can do that after you acknowledge like you can let yourself feel sorry for yourself a little bit. Don't sit in that too long. But but if you always because I think I'm just speaking more to myself because I've had to actually seek out therapists who teach me how to feel sorry for myself because so much of me is like, what are you complaining about? Look at your life. Come on, you don't have anything to cry about. Don't feel sorry for yourself.

[02:07:56]

Don't do that. And then I never get to feel sad. I teach you that they go, Oh my God, that sounds really hard. And I go, well, let's people have it worse. It's fine. No, let's go back. You were scared then. You didn't get the support you needed. That's really that's not fair. That sucks that that happened to you. When you feel that way, you feel that you needed more support back then when you didn't get it and you were scared and you didn't know any different because you were a little girl.

[02:08:23]

They take me back there and they go feel sorry for her, feel sad for that girl. And I have to go back and kind of let myself feel sorry for myself.

[02:08:31]

Is there a relief in doing that?

[02:08:33]

Yeah, I think it allows me to stop pushing all my feelings down and being like, I got to be brave. I can't complain because what are you crying about? You you have a roof over your head. You have parents who love you.

[02:08:45]

But once they do that, is there a build up afterwards, like a build back up or the like? OK, now that you've acknowledged the fact that you're validated or you have valid feelings and that there's a reason why you felt fucked over is a reason why you felt abandoned now that you felt like let's look at positive aspects of Nikki Glaser, let's look at life. Let's look at let's have some perspective. Do they do that?

[02:09:08]

We haven't gotten there yet because we have incurred all the trauma. That's the worry. The worry is that there's merchants that there are they there's there's something very valuable in selling pety. There's something very valuable in dwelling on these moments of your life that have been bad. And I think there's something in what you're saying that is valid. Before you were dealing with this where you're saying look at your life like you've got it better than a lot of people. What are you complaining about?

[02:09:38]

Like, not that you should look at it that way, but that there are positive and negative ways to look at things. The thing about having bad child, having a bad childhood and having bad childhood experiences.

[02:09:52]

Is that it makes you a more interesting and resilient person and that is undeniable. Mm hmm. And that, I think, is something that it's very difficult for people to come to grips with when they look at their childhood and they look at bad aspects of their life they want to dwell on. I'm like, OK, get that out of your system. Then I want you to look at it this way that has given you a depth that most people don't possess.

[02:10:18]

Hmm. Yeah. And that's why you're interesting.

[02:10:20]

I know everyone that I know who's interesting has had some fucked up childhood. And as a parent, it's weird because I want to protect my children from adversity.

[02:10:28]

But yet all of my favorite people have come from a fucked up. I know I've come from them. And that's got to feel because you want to make the best. You want your kids to be funny. You want them. Yeah, that's usually the case. It's like whenever I see someone who's just like sometimes you meet someone who's like, stunning, but they're also funny and you're like, what?

[02:10:49]

How? And then you're like, oh, you were molested. OK, you know, that makes sense.

[02:10:53]

You had you had to go through something fucking awful to develop a personality. So you're right. I mean, I I'm so grateful for those times when I was little and scared and confused and felt abandoned and all of these things. And I had great parents who did they couldn't have done better. But I was just a sensitive child who needed a little bit more. But, um, but I don't think it's it's serving me any more to just suck it up and say, what are you so sorry about?

[02:11:23]

What are you so sad about? You shouldn't be so sad because I really struggle with that. That's why I keep asking, like, are you depressed, Joe? Do you know anyone? I need to find people who are depressed.

[02:11:31]

That life is so good, though. The problem is if like if I was depressed, it would be like really disheartening for everybody. But that's a has a life that's not as fortunate.

[02:11:40]

Right. But I'm I think my depression is also is chemical. I mean, I think it's just like my brain was born. I was born that way. There's nothing my parents could have done differently to make me not suffer with depression. And that that I just have to I have to feel I have to I have to feel sad, like, oh, that sucks. That I have a brain that tells me to kill myself once a quarter and that I have to have those thoughts.

[02:12:03]

And I think those thoughts are right. And I know that I'm not going to act on those thoughts, but that sucks that I even have to have them.

[02:12:09]

Is there a correlation, though, between how well your life is going, like when your life is going great and how good you feel?

[02:12:16]

No, no.

[02:12:17]

So that's and that's the best my life has gone is something the worst times.

[02:12:21]

That's where there's a real solid argument for the chemical imbalance. Right. There's some people that I know that have had depression, but they've only had it when their life was in the shitter, like when a girl left them or when they lost a job or things started going. Then they got depression. And I'm always like, hmm, what is the difference between depression and not doing well?

[02:12:42]

So you feel bad? Yes, there's a difference. Yeah.

[02:12:45]

The chemical depression that you're discussing, that's the real shit.

[02:12:48]

That's like the real mental like there's a there's like a clogged pipe or something. Yeah. It's not going through and it doesn't.

[02:12:57]

And I and you look at your life and you look at everything that's going on and you just it doesn't make sense why you feel so sad or why you feel like such a fraud or why you feel like you should kill yourself.

[02:13:08]

I mean, like right. What's what is that. I don't know. And then and the thoughts are so they're not even like I sit down and I go, I want to feel sad and like think of ways to kill myself.

[02:13:19]

It's like I'll just be sitting there and it'll be like you're like like whispering like I'm not I don't hear voices, but they're just they're not thoughts I want to have the thought of wallowing in really it. Yeah.

[02:13:30]

I mean I really, I compare it to feel like getting a cold like it just I feel it coming on. I'm like oh shit, there's a lot.

[02:13:36]

And I don't know once you get these right when you close your laptop after take dotcom usually that's what I'm feeling pretty good.

[02:13:44]

That's what I'm feeling the best is after I've done that, I don't have that depression that people have of like regret being I mean, I've discussed it about talking about all these things that I'm into when and and and honestly, I only masturbate once every two weeks. So this isn't like an addiction for me. It's just.

[02:13:59]

But when it comes on a freight train. Yeah. When I open my laptop, I have to go going into war anal graduate three like it. Just women who are going through some kind of master's course.

[02:14:14]

Thompson sent me a video the other day. I'll show it if you like, but I don't remember what I sent him. But he sent me a video of this young lady.

[02:14:22]

You were just saying, hey, how are you back? And she's just punching herself in the vagina. Why not just go, OK, you need to see.

[02:14:30]

And it's just going you going in? And I'm like, what in the hell?

[02:14:36]

I always learned so much about the plasticity of vaginas and assholes. It's crazy fucking dotcom. It's crazy. It doesn't seem like it should be real.

[02:14:46]

A lot can go on. A lot can fit up there that you just can't even believe there's just something so like, oh my God, wow.

[02:14:57]

Yeah.

[02:14:57]

So much that it looks like she's playing that prices right game where you punch through. She just keeps going in there. Oh my God. She's so angry. Her face.

[02:15:06]

Oh my God. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.

[02:15:12]

She's doing it for a long time, too, by the way. Yeah.

[02:15:16]

Tom, if you ever need something fucked up to look at, holler at Tom, OK?

[02:15:21]

Tom, Tom and Christine's got some fucking weird shit. Got his finger on the pulse. Oh yeah.

[02:15:25]

Did you see that one of the balls being shit out of the ass. That was so that was kind of weirdly beautiful. Well, very unusual.

[02:15:34]

Yeah. First of all, to have balls that will make it all the way to your ass is weird.

[02:15:38]

And then not just make it all the way to your ass, but go inside, like all tucked inside like he's laying eggs.

[02:15:44]

This stuff in the first just set up a camera.

[02:15:50]

I mean, that guy is practicing. That girl that was just violently fisting herself had to, like, prop up her camera across the room and then go scoot where somebody else is filming it.

[02:16:00]

Oh, yeah, that's true.

[02:16:01]

But the guy with the balls up his ass, apparently he lets us fuck him in the ass with his balls in his ass. And his favorite thing is fucking guys while he has his own balls in his ass. Yeah.

[02:16:14]

OK, guy like, hey, listen, you can't judge. I certainly can't. It makes me feel less alone than there are people other than the weirder stuff than I am. That's people in a weird shit.

[02:16:25]

That's the weirdest thing about human sexuality is the spectrum of it. Like how much how like one thing that you would say to another person would turn them on. Another person would never call you again, you fucking freak. Yeah. They'd run away from you. I know.

[02:16:38]

And that's why you know so much of stuff on King Dotcom. I'm just like, get off of her feet. I don't need you to be doing that. Why is it that hurts her nipples?

[02:16:47]

Take those off her nipples like that. All the extra stuff. I just want very I wish I could just I need to just produce my own porn.

[02:16:54]

I think maybe that's your future. Possibly. I mean, I don't really want to be in it, but I would like to get behind the camera and make the videos that I'm craving.

[02:17:02]

Isn't the thing about porn, though, is that like the girls never really make the money, it's always the producer. And the the reason why people are tuning in is for the girl. Yeah, but the girls never the one who's getting rich.

[02:17:15]

It's always the people. But I don't know if anybody's getting rich any more. I mean, maybe, I guess they must be they must be making some money selling pants. Yeah. Yeah.

[02:17:24]

But that goes to the girls right. Mostly, yeah. But when I was, when I first bought not the house I'm living in now, but another house in the past I had a neighbor who was born out of control. You always had these like like really nice Mercedes Benz parked in his driveway and Porsches and shit. And he always was wearing like big fat watches and shit. And he was a porn producer and he was laughing around about, you know, how much money he made from porn.

[02:17:50]

But then the Internet came along and it was so quick, it was so quick where the Internet killed his business, because this is you know, we're talking about I guess it was like the nineties, the early 2000s.

[02:18:04]

He was making all this money and it was DVD sales. Right. And then all of a sudden the Internet came along and online porn and bandwidth just kicked up to the point where you could actually stream it. And they foreclosed in his house. And I'll never forget that. I'll never forget, like finding out that that guy was losing his house. And I was like, wow. Because, like, I was always like so flashy. Like, everything was like gold chains and yellow fucking silver tooth.

[02:18:29]

And he was doing coke all the time. And I always had girls over his place. He was just making so much money. Yeah, it was from selling porn, but it was not the girls weren't making that much. No.

[02:18:39]

There's like I mean there's been a few girls I'm sure that have made a lot of money in porn. But it's real rare.

[02:18:45]

It is rare. There's like you know, like yeah. It's not, it's not the girls that I'm seeing on Inc.com. In fact, there's a great documentary on Netflix called Hot Girls Wanted that talks about.

[02:18:56]

Oh, I heard about that too. It's so it's so upsetting. These girls, they find these girls, they post ads on Craigslist and they find girls that are fresh out of high school that just want to get out of their small town and they're promised to make a thousand bucks a day.

[02:19:10]

You know, if you do like six shoots maybe and they burn out within, like four months and they make they shoot all these videos that are up forever, forever.

[02:19:22]

And then they and they get really sick. They're they get like they get too much use down there and they have to go to the doctor and they have different abrasions and certain things. And that's how they get and they then they're doing really fetish type stuff where there's one girl that is in it that has to do like a brutal session, which Kim Dotcom has a lot of brutal videos, which I hate that word, and porn because that's you. Like, do you just see girls that you're like, oh, she she could not have left that shoot feeling empowered about herself no matter what I mean is it's just so sad what they say and do to these girls.

[02:19:57]

And in that in that movie, there was one girl that was like, yeah, I went to a brutal session today and I had to and she you could just see like the life lost in her eyes.

[02:20:08]

And these girls just last I mean, a year is a really long time for them. The last. And they think it's going to be like this glamorous life.

[02:20:14]

I mean, they're so young, but that's well, when you're 18 years old, you're basically a kid. Yeah. You're not really. I mean, you're an adult only on paper, right.

[02:20:24]

In size, you know, but you're a kid. Like your mind's not formed yet. And your ideas of what what's OK and what's not OK.

[02:20:32]

They don't pay for your plane ticket to go to Miami, live in this house with a bunch of other porn stars.

[02:20:38]

And it's like the shitty fuckin apartment with the producer who lives with you and you're taking care of his dog. I mean, it's you got that documentary is really incredible. And it makes you second guess where, where where your porn comes from. That's why I got to pay for mine.

[02:20:52]

But it's also the way people look at you forever. Like if you have a sexual relationship with a person and someone does crazy shit to you, that's just what you wanted and you both did it.

[02:21:05]

And that's OK. Like, you know, people maybe people will laugh, but they don't have to see it all the time. Right.

[02:21:10]

The thing about porn with a woman is if a woman does like some crazy gang bang or something like that, that's always going to be there. And some guy is, you know, like, hey, that girl, are you going to marry? Check out this link and someone sends you this link. And you are. Oh, my God. And you see you see her as if she's right there right now doing this. I know you don't see her as if A is a person who made a mistake when she was eighteen and did this thing.

[02:21:36]

But now she's thirty. And you love her.

[02:21:38]

No, you still she's broken and you couldn't get over that, hopefully. But a lot of people aren't. A lot of people can't to do that.

[02:21:48]

So they won't be able to rationalize or objectively look at this and go, listen, she made some mistakes. Some people, you know, some people went to jail for shoplifting and then, you know, they realized you shouldn't steal and, you know, they get out and then they live a normal life. No one goes, oh, yeah, but look, you're a shoplifter forever, right?

[02:22:09]

Right. Although, you know, I relate to some of these porn actresses just in the sense that I've said things and done things on stage or like that. I'm like, oh, no, that's always going on.

[02:22:21]

I mean, like even today, I mean, someone's going to my husband someday. Might watch this. Yep. And be like, look what you were into and what you admitted. Yeah.

[02:22:31]

But you are a grown woman.

[02:22:33]

You're not a child. Right. And a man one but a man who's into that like who's into you would go. She's just being honest.

[02:22:42]

I'm just being honest. I think that's what I just try to be. And I like Howard.

[02:22:47]

I mean, it really it's kind of fucked up to be empowered that way because you know what I mean? Because, like, people who wait a minute, you're empowered by watching girls get gang raped and gagged and fucking pissed on itself.

[02:22:58]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, no, no, no.

[02:23:04]

But but I'll get there. I'll give you you can you can find a man who recognizes and respects you for what weird shit you're into as a grown woman.

[02:23:14]

But when you're eighteen years old you're not even.

[02:23:16]

I know you're not a grown up you know, just not you know, you're a person who's like legally responsible for yourself because you're an adult. It's fucking weird.

[02:23:26]

It's a weird thing because even just regular porn, just regular sex.

[02:23:31]

It's strange that we all want to have sex, but no one wants to see the person that they have sex with, having sex with someone else on film.

[02:23:41]

I know. So even though you know that they have had sex before you like blah blah, blah, blah, blah. But no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. La la la la.

[02:23:50]

It would be interesting to hear, I mean, how boyfriends of people who have done porn, I mean some guy, I think some guys can just handle it and they can be OK with guys like it.

[02:24:00]

I, I like when I, I like hearing about it with my ex boyfriend, not porn, but I would if he made like sex tapes with other girlfriends you'd want to watch them.

[02:24:10]

Ha.

[02:24:11]

I would. Yes. Yeah. I love it. We got to put these in a bank vault. I am, I would watch them all the time. I would want to hear about them all the time. I'm really into that. I really love hearing about ex-girlfriends or even you know, I hate to even say this because it just sounds ridiculous, but and maybe I'm not into it any more.

[02:24:33]

But when I did the last time I had a boyfriend years and years ago, I wanted him to go have sex with other girls and like, tell me about it.

[02:24:39]

Really? Yeah. And Dr. Drew has told me that there's something wrong with me, that that's what I. That's not wrong with Dr. Drew. How about that? Yeah, maybe, yeah, he's not perfect. He's not. No, but I yeah I like that. I like when I say what's wrong with you?

[02:24:58]

He said that Nicki, he made me look him in the eyes and tell tell him I'm a Anokhi.

[02:25:03]

You are enough Nicki. Look at me.

[02:25:05]

You are enough. You are enough. I don't want I don't want my ex. I don't want my boyfriend to bang someone else because I don't think that I can be enough. It's because I, like, think it's hot. I just think it's hot and I and I don't feel threatened by it. I really don't, because most of the time if you let your if you let your boyfriend bang someone else, they don't really want to. It's like almost like giving them the license takes away the fun, the thrill of cheating.

[02:25:35]

So it's kind of hard to find guys that are into this. And I don't always want that.

[02:25:38]

Now listen to this podcast. I'm going to come floating and saying this for years and no one's hit me up.

[02:25:44]

But the guys actually don't like this because they want they want their women to only want them. And it's not that I don't want them. I want I if I'm I want girls. I'm very turned on by guys who other girls want to fuck. Like, I like having a guy being like he's mine and you you can't have them if you want, like I get them. And I know you want to fuck them, but you can't. But actually you can.

[02:26:06]

And he's going to tell me about it later and you're going to think that you're going to like, steal him from me, but you're not. We're going to talk about you behind your back later on. And I want her to have a really good time.

[02:26:15]

Dr. Drew's right now just screaming, taking his headphones off your enough. You know, I know him enough, but I just there's it's just.

[02:26:25]

What did he how did he how did you guys resolve the conversation?

[02:26:29]

Well, he was the one that was told me that I need to go see a therapist that helps me feel my feelings. I found my therapist because Dr. Drew was like, you need to go to emotionally focused therapist because you don't feel your feelings and you need to find someone who, like, really mimics your feelings.

[02:26:42]

Back to you, Memex. Yeah, because I don't really let myself get sad or get mad. And, you know, I just I kind of just I'm always running from one thing to the next because I don't like to I don't like to feel at all.

[02:26:57]

Yeah, but it's but he just said that Yeah. My that compulsion to have but it's always been there like whenever I'm with a guy I want to hear about, like when was the last time you hooked up. What happened. Where, what did you do. What. Like I want to know all the things and they think it's a trap. They're like, oh, you're going to get jealous and this is going to lead to fights later on.

[02:27:17]

But I want to hear about it and talk about it. And I don't know, it just it really does it for me. I it's it's a weird thing.

[02:27:25]

And he rejects that. Yeah.

[02:27:28]

He thinks he thinks that it's it means that I have low self-esteem, which I'm not denying. I do. But that's not what it is.

[02:27:36]

I don't but I don't think that's where I mean, maybe that's where it comes from. But it does it. I don't think it is. I think it's a sexual kink. Yeah, it's not I'm not a cuck.

[02:27:44]

I'm not in the corner like, oh, you're fucking my boyfriend isn't like like sad about a girl.

[02:27:49]

Be a cook. Yeah. I didn't know a girl could be a cock. Sure they could. I mean, makes sense. You're just like my I want to stop fucking my boyfriend like I can see that. But no I'm like in the corner like do it and I don't even want to be involved. I'm just like I love it.

[02:28:05]

She's getting it and like and I'm not jealous. I don't know why I'm not jealous. I first of all, I've been fucked by enough guys who haven't wanted to be with me afterwards. So I don't think that my boyfriend's going to fuck. I want to be like I need to marry her. If anything, he's going to be like, I need to get away from this.

[02:28:20]

Like, it'll it'll make him not want to fuck.

[02:28:23]

Yeah. Yeah. That usually does it based on my experience. When you have sex with the guy, he doesn't really want to hang out with you afterwards. That is hilarious.

[02:28:32]

So the way to keep your man is to let him fuck are the girls that way he won't want to be with them anymore. Yes.

[02:28:37]

And if he does want to be with them, go be with them. Why? I don't want to keep you from that, but I just I have a lot of self esteem in terms of like, I'm a cool chick. I feel like, yeah, I'm a lot as you said on the last podcast and I've never gotten out of my head.

[02:28:51]

No. Know, I have a lot.

[02:28:53]

And that's a good thing that bothered you when I said you're a lot.

[02:28:56]

It didn't bother me, but it I felt the same scene.

[02:29:01]

I just felt like I yeah. I felt like, wow, he I don't know, I just I, I didn't know what to think of you before we have hung out and we really only hung out on the podcast, which is this is like a real hang. I mean, this is no different than if we were alone together and just hanging out as comics. But yeah, I just felt like, oh, my God, you really you just you showed me a part of myself that I was maybe denying because I just picture myself like I'm such a cool chick.

[02:29:32]

I'm so fun and easy. Like, what does he look like me. And then you go, but your lot. And it was just like. Oh, fuck, like maybe I'm not the total package that I think I am and that's OK. I'm a lot is not bad. It's not OK. No it's not. When I say you're a lot like, whoa, there's a lot going on there, but it's not it's not putting my enough.

[02:29:54]

Are you enough?

[02:29:55]

Look at me. So you're a.. You're not.

[02:30:00]

And you make me look you and say say you're a lot. Say you're a lot. I have a lot to say. You're alive. I'm alive. You know, you're a lot. I didn't know you're a lot the whole picture because. Well now I know I'm a lot. Yeah. Well, you know, until I said no idea. Jeez, I thought I was kind of easygoing and chill, but I am totally not.

[02:30:17]

And I'm a lot I am chill. I'm really fun. And I let my boyfriend bang other people. But like or I would be into discussing that happening. But yeah, I'm a lot and that's OK. It's OK, that's for sure. Yeah. You're fun. Yeah, you're hilarious. I can be really fun.

[02:30:34]

I think that's also it has to be a part of why you're such a good comic.

[02:30:38]

They have to be. It has to be. Those things have to be connected. Yes I know. So all that madness comes out in the creativity and it comes out in your writing and it comes out your performance like. Yeah, that's part of why it's so good.

[02:30:51]

Thanks, man. But you have to know that, right? I mean, who does what we do is crazy. Yeah, there's no way around it. We're crazy. It just but every my crazy is different than Doug Stanhope's crazy, which is different than you just keep going down the line. Everybody's got their own. Ali Wongs got her own crazy.

[02:31:09]

Everyone's got their own crazy insecurity. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[02:31:15]

But for you, when it comes together, it makes great comedy.

[02:31:18]

Yeah. I'm intense. Yes. And it does. I'm really intense. I am. You are. And and I'm already like going over things I've said here and I'm like I am never going to find a fucking husband.

[02:31:30]

But you will get through. I will 100 percent. Thanks man. Yeah, no doubt. Yes. Because this is a guy like now listening to this, I'm likely to find that I'm getting a half a line on this thing. I knew she was out there.

[02:31:44]

I thank you. Yeah, I, I'll be I'll be the person I end up with will take me as I am.

[02:31:49]

I'm, I can't I can't change for anyone anymore. I've been doing that too much but yeah I will. I get The Tonight Show after this interview.

[02:31:57]

That's good. You don't want it. Like would you want to do with that thing.

[02:32:01]

I mean I would like to host a late night talk show someday. Well, well they will be doing it on the internet. No one should ever try to censor you. No way makes you fun and interesting and special is you all.

[02:32:16]

Yeah. All of you that you showed here. Not some weird Procter and Gamble version of you that's going to sell tampons on some late night bullshit.

[02:32:24]

Show the fuck out of here with that. That would be a waste of you if you had to do The Ellen DeGeneres Show.

[02:32:29]

It would be a fucking waste of you, right.

[02:32:32]

If they get rid of Ellen because she's so mean and they bring in Nikki Glaser and you have to pretend you give a fuck about dancing for all these people. Like dancing. I bet you did. I don't like to talk about getting gagged, and I know, but I can. And they'll never give me that show because I've admitted these things.

[02:32:46]

But but that is what you should talk about. I know.

[02:32:49]

But I could be more than those that I think I could save that for here.

[02:32:54]

No, you are all those things. You can do other things here as well, right? I mean, here is in the Internet. Yes. Yes. You can do other things. You could talk about everything you want to talk about, not just little segments.

[02:33:07]

You have to save parts of it. The parts that are disturbing for some people. Save that for the people that get it. From my book, I'm going to say that you don't emulate the Patriot, that that world is fucked, that that world of, like, censored.

[02:33:24]

But you don't know who. The one of the reasons why the Elian thing is so fascinating to me. When people find out that she's mean, they like like, you know, that's not all she thinks about and talks about when she's doing that show.

[02:33:36]

Right. Like, if we found out that Jimmy Fallon was secretly doing heroin and fucking guys, he'd be like, I knew it. I knew you couldn't be that that same guy all the time. It's just too too.

[02:33:48]

But that's what is not. Why do why why is that the way it is that I don't think people I don't think they do. Then why aren't advertisers investing in people who are being honest in what they are now they podcasts.

[02:34:02]

Yeah, I have a lot of ads. No, I know you do. But this is leading the charge.

[02:34:06]

But this is this is this is mainstream now, like the world of television, like the censored view of things, it's not viable anymore because it's not real humans. So that's why the ratings are terrible. The ratings are terrible because it's not compelling, because you only scratch the surface of human potential, of a human personality, of human interest. You only just you dabble in this very shallow pool and you don't. We're swimming.

[02:34:35]

Look at us in here swimming. Stand up. It's ankle high. You're not swimming. You're lying on your stomach in a fucking kiddie pool where other people are jumping into the ocean of ideas. And that's the difference.

[02:34:47]

But don't we risk getting in so much trouble with who?

[02:34:52]

I mean, yes, some ads, look, I'm sure I know for a fact I've said things on this podcast where I've lost sponsors, but then more of them come in. They take their place.

[02:35:02]

Yeah, but you're not a bad person. You're a good person.

[02:35:05]

That's what I keep going back to because sometimes I feel like a bad person. Not a bit about the things I talk about. You know, not no. There's nothing about you that's a bad person. You're just honest about the way your brain works and everybody's brain works differently. We're all weird. We're all weird. But you don't know who's weird.

[02:35:22]

That's why the is so interesting to people because like because she's mean, she's secretly mean.

[02:35:28]

So she, she pretends to be nice but she's mean, you know, like if somebody just pretends to be this version of someone that we see in a Mary Poppins movie or we see in some sort of a Disney television show, like that's what freaks people out like like why is that person that like I think Mr. Rogers was really like that.

[02:35:51]

I do too. I think we were getting that's he was honest. Yeah. That was his. That really was him.

[02:35:57]

But that's so rare.

[02:35:58]

But if you found that Mr. Rogers's secret cunt and he like to spit on people at red lights, you know, like, he'd be like what, Mr. Rogers?

[02:36:05]

That's why people are freaking out on real. And just because it was sort of what we thought. It's a scam. Yeah.

[02:36:12]

People feel deceived is also a tyranny of being like the one person who's in charge of this whole empire. And all these people, hundreds of people work around. Holy hell. And can I get your T Allen? Would you like crackers and what would you like?

[02:36:23]

You know, shut up. Get away. Taken away from me yet. I'll have to say, for people who don't know Joe Rogan off the show is.

[02:36:33]

You're like, exactly, I was going to try to make a joke, but I'm like, there is no joke to be made here. Exactly the same.

[02:36:39]

I don't think I could be I don't think I could fake it that long. Right.

[02:36:45]

Like I've done fifteen hundred and whatever the fuck of these things. And look, I've displayed bad behavior. I've displayed anger and stupidity.

[02:36:55]

I've said stupid shit, have used the stuff, you know, granted for sure. You leave some questions like what did I say that you made for really good high afterwards?

[02:37:05]

And I think about things I said.

[02:37:06]

I was like, oh, I know.

[02:37:07]

That's why scaredy cat pilot or it's the thinking about being mean to people. That's to people.

[02:37:13]

Or like talking about people, talking about someone's feelings. I know that's that's when I freak out about too well that comes well, there we go.

[02:37:21]

People who are actually mean don't worry about hurting people's feelings. They just say it and they don't go back and go, oh no. What did I say? That's the mark of actually being a good person.

[02:37:31]

You say honest things that actually hurt people and then you get I get high and I go off that way. But I really did mean at the time, but I don't want to hurt that person. Yeah.

[02:37:39]

I just want to take that out. And do you apologize to you?

[02:37:43]

I have apologized for yeah. I've done all those things. Look, when you're doing what we're doing and you know, this is we're three hours in now, right. It's three thirty eight right now.

[02:37:53]

Crazy time flies every bit when we're doing what we're doing, we're, we have no script. I mean, we only shared a couple of text messages. I didn't even talk to you on the phone.

[02:38:03]

No, there was no there's no guest prep. I'm not I'm not getting interviewed before here. And what do you want to talk about? And you have a list of things.

[02:38:09]

Yeah, we go wild. I know that can happen. I was like trying to prepare for this. Like, what am I going to talk to you about? I to drop that. Yeah, there's no agenda.

[02:38:17]

Well, if we did that, there's no way you would have been so wild the way you know. Exactly.

[02:38:23]

So you're going to this is a it's a fucking you think what should I do, Joe?

[02:38:30]

OK, before we go, I really came here. I need it. I need advice from you in like a real way. And you just like what you just said to me, really meant a lot. By the way, I needed to hear a I'm not a bad person for the things I said. I shouldn't regret anything I say because I've already second guessing that and that. Then there was I forget you're a very funny comic. Thank you.

[02:38:52]

That that felt good, too. I am going to be in Pittsburgh next Thursday and then New Jersey. What do you do? You're doing a drug, doing a drive in theater in Butler, Pennsylvania. This is day to come.

[02:39:04]

Yes. Yell it out. Tell us. Please come see me. My dad's opening for me. I'm bringing my dad to open for me. He's a musician and we're so we're singing a song together. That's fucking hilarious that we're writing. I'm so excited. That's all we're doing a parody of Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper Shallow. We're talking about me living under his roof. It's so good. He's a really good musician. I'm I can do a pretty good Lady Gaga.

[02:39:27]

And so I'm really working on that. But so, yeah, I please. Can I plug my dates.

[02:39:32]

They can come see me August twenty seven thirty and some songs to slapsticky Glaser Dotcom.

[02:39:39]

I got four dates coming up. All outdoor shows. Pittsburgh, New Jersey, Massachusetts and Connecticut.

[02:39:46]

All right. Be nice to each other. People must love. Bye. Thank you friends for tuning into the show and thank you to our sponsors. Thank you to for stigmatic. And they're delicious and nutritious mushroom coffee and they're going to hook you up, receive up to thirty nine percent off on their best selling lion's mane coffee bundles. To claim this deal you must go to for stigmatic dotcom slash Rogen. This is an offer only for Jarry listeners. It's not available on the regular website.

[02:40:19]

Go to EFO. You are s. I am a T. I see for stigmatic dotcom slash Rogen and get yourself some delicious lion's mane coffee. Full discount applied at checkout were also brought to you by the motherfucking cash app, the cash app, the number one finance app the world has ever known. And when you download the cash app and to the referral code, Joe Rogan, that's one word you will receive ten dollars in the cash apple send ten dollars to our good friend Justin Brynn's fight for the forgotten charity.

[02:40:57]

So do not forget, use that promo code. Joe Rogan, all one word when you download the cash app from the App Store or the Google Play store today. We're also brought to you by Squarespace, the host of my website, Joe Rogan Dotcom, and the host of your website. You're going to build your own. I know you can shut up. You can do it. Go to Squarespace, dot com, slash Joe for a free trial.

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[02:41:53]

Thank you, friends. Thanks for tuning in much. Love to you. Ba ba ba ba.