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Hey, Bud light came all the way back.

They came all the way back.

Matt, do it responsibly.

I can't.

Are you non non drinker now?

No, I drink. I just, unfortunately have a bad tummy. Can't have gluten.

Oh, yeah.

I've had it since I was, like, 21.

Is it a crohn's thing or.

No, it's like celiac. If I have it, I'll get, like. I won't die. I'll just start burping every.

Celiacs is rough, man. I have a buddy who didn't know he had it until I think he was, like, 25 or something like that. Diagnosed.

Yeah. It's about when you got it, right?

21. Yeah.

Well, he probably had it his whole life. Just was just like. Just felt like shit.

Yeah, maybe I have it.

We might all have it. Responsible way. You're not driving. It's true. For some reason. You can do it, though. I don't understand. I've never seen anybody consume beer the way you can. I can drink beer, but you just stay at a level, like, communication level.

Well, there's no shots. You know what I mean? Usually the guys you start drinking like that, you're like, all right, what's the next thing, right? That ends your night.

Yeah. There's a corner I turn where I'm like, oh, no. Really concentrating on my liver.

Come on, boys, pump it out.

Turn to that corner. Bud light came all the way back. UFC. Shane Gillis.

Let's go.

Let's fucking go for the bros now. I mean, that's a good move. Like that guy that we met, the CEO, he's got it together. He gets it. He gets it.

But you were the CEO now.

I knew you guys were going to fucking make fun of me.

I'm so happy.

It wouldn't have happened without this.

Listen, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. It just made so much sense. You never let them go. You never bailed on them. In the heart of all the craziness, you never bailed. Kid rock's fucking shooting cases of, I.

Have to fight Bobby. Next time I go to Nashville, you have a duel.

Classic duel.

I think it was an important moment in culture where people realize there's consequences for certain things. And some people, like a guy like Kid rock, can shoot your brand. You got real problems with that demographic.

Who would have guessed?

Who would have fucking ever thought that.

Was just seeing Kid rock do that. People must have been like, oh, fuck.

You think they watched it in, like, a boardroom?

Like, guys got to talk about that lady who was maybe the lady who was in charge. The one lady who made that one video. Let's move on.

Hell, yeah. Wow. I didn't see that coming. Thanks, fellas.

I think we've beaten that fucking horse into a pulp. It's a meaty jelly on the ground now.

Yeah, it's been awesome.

Yeah, it's awesome. I'm so happy. They're smart, man. They did a smart thing. And they did a smart thing with the UFC, too. It's perfect. Yeah, it's perfect. Yeah.

Fighters drink a beer before every fight.

Yeah, I don't think that'd be.

They have monster cans. That probably won't happen, though. But why not?

Why can't you.

Why can't you have a.

All you have to do is put Bud light on the bottle. They're drinking fucking monster during the fight.

That's what I was saying.

Yeah.

I'm going to say it's bad for you to have a bud light after a fight. That's crazy. He just got punched in the head.

185 times after the fight. Yeah. I don't think that's a tough sell. I think those guys are cracking beers.

Yeah. Like the Sean Strickland Drickus duplicit fight.

Those guys are drinking after.

They deserve a lot of beer after that fight.

Use them as ice packs, too. Like a cold.

Yeah, it's like cold. You know what I've never had used on me is that end swell. They take that piece of.

That's got to feel hurt like fuck.

And they push all the swelling away from your eye so you could see better.

Oh, man. Where does it go?

They just push off the side of your head. Yeah. It's just to clear your vision. So you can go out there and get punched again.

Yeah. You ever see that? That press?

No, I didn't know what that was.

That was like Tyson. Buster Douglas.

They didn't have one.

They didn't bring it. They thought Tyson was going to fuck up Buster Douglas that bad. They were like.

He had a bad corner. Tyson's downfall is largely related to many things. Everybody falls. They just get too big. It's too unmanageable. But also, Costamato died and then he left Kevin Rooney. And so now he's with these guys that were just, like, around. And there is trainers and it's like, he's Tyson, so he could beat everybody.

Yeah.

Anyway, but then he gets to this one dude in Buster Douglas who's really prepared. His mom just died. And he was always like, that super talented guy. Like, look how bad his was.

Look how bad his eye was.

And they didn't have an end.

They had a glove. They filled a rubber glove with ice. So stupid shit.

I mean, you need to push on that. Push it to the side. And Tyson still almost won. He's still almost one.

That was a questionable ten count on that.

It was a questionable.

Questionable.

It was definitely. But there's a few of those out there in the sport. The sport should operate on the time. Like a digital timer should go off the moment someone touches the ground. That's how it should go. Because if you're a guy and maybe you like this guy more, the fighters and the referees, they know each other. I'm around these guys all the time in MMA, and you get to be friends with them. I'm friends with these guys.

Damn. So there's no official clock. It's just the referees in their head. That's great.

Well, in mma, obviously, there's no count, but in boxing, I'm sure it's kind of a similar situation. Wish you when they all know each other.

Okay.

What's up? What's going on? How are you doing?

Yeah, dude, I used to ref kids basketball when I was in high school, and as soon as a kid talks shit to me, I'm like, in my head, I was like, your team's loot. I'm going to do everything in my power. As soon as they're like, are you serious? If a parent spoke up, I'm like, you just lost this game for your congratulations. Yeah. Way to go, dickhead. And now just the whole time, you're.

Just high as fuck, coaching kids back $15 a game.

Some parents are insufferable, dude.

It's insane.

They're so insufferable. You see it in combat sports, too. You see it like, some parents are just so crazy.

Yeah.

And they think they almost want to hit the other kid that fought their kid. Like, hey, this is the deal.

That makes sense, though.

It doesn't make sense.

No, I'm saying, like, it does. You see your kid getting hit. It's not like a sport. Like a football or something. Yeah, there's like an instinct to be like, I got to go beat that kid's ass, for sure.

But everybody knows what's going on here. It's very important you don't violate that, especially with kids and adults. And it's like, you're allowing another child to possibly knock your kid unconscious. And that's the agreement you're making. And you're trying to have your kid as trying to knock that kid unconscious. Yeah.

It is what it is.

It's intense, man. When I used to coach kids, I used to take kids to fights. Like, young teenagers take them to fights. And sometimes their parents would just be fucking freaking out. It's like, I'm so used to seeing people get kicked in the face. To me, it's like normal. I don't have any kids. I'm 21 and I'm like, okay, how do I talk to these parents and get them to relax and understand? Like, this is the agreement that's been made here. You can't freak out.

Yeah, you're going to freak your kid out.

Yeah. You're going to freak your kid out, and you're putting too much pressure on your kid. Helio Gracie used to give his children toys and presents if they lost.

That's kind of cool.

Yeah, he just wanted them to get better. And he's like, the fear of competition, the fear of losing is so overwhelming, he would do everything he could to mitigate it. And so instead of him getting fucking angry and hyped up, he would hug them and give them toys and give them things if they lost.

That's really nice. That's kind of a good way to go about it, because even, like, basketball and football, I've seen parents like spaz, dude. Yeah.

Because if you think about it, like, the Kid's going to try to win anyway. He's not going to try to get his ass kicked for a GI Joe. He's going to try to win anyway. He gets the win, and if he loses, he gets a fucking toy.

Yeah, exactly.

I had a bet once, my dad, if I scored three baskets in a game, I'd be able to rent mortal Kombat. My whole team was trying to get me. My friends were trying to get me the ball. I sucked. Six points.

Yeah.

Needed six points.

Dropping six in a summer league game is not easy.

No, it was young. We were young, dude. It was tough.

There was a wrestling match that was recently, this video went viral because this kid, these two guys are wrestling, and it looks like this kid doesn't have an arm in. It looks like he's just on the neck, which is illegal in wrestling. You're supposed to have an arm in. And the dad jumps in and I think he hits the kid. Yeah. The dad, I believe, got banned for life.

Yeah, that should do it.

It's pretty crazy.

Oh, he actually jumped in and beat the dude.

I thought it was WWE rules.

I don't know what the rules are to wrestling, so I can't tell you whether or not this. I really know very little about wrestling, so I don't know whether or not the kid was doing something that was highly illegal in jujitsu. Looks normal. It's like, oh, yeah, he got his neck. But I guess in wrestling you can't just grab the neck. Yeah, you have to have an arm in. I shouldn't even be talking about this. I honestly should know.

No, you're right.

Things that I should know what the limitations of their sport are. But I'm always like, it's so silly.

I guess you can choke in wrestling. I think you could maybe like a classic headlock.

I don't know. Yeah, but don't you have to have.

An arm in, though? Don't you have to have an arm?

I don't know any rules about wrestling at all.

I was saying it's hard to drop six in a summer league.

I wasn't poo pooing your effort, Matt. I'm talking.

I dropped six in a summer league game. I was like, yeah.

Fell down ten times.

There's a choke where you put someone completely unconscious with one arm with just like, a headlock. It's called a bulldog choke or a schoolyard choke. They call it a schoolyard choke. That's how Carlos Newton beat Pat militich for the welterweight title, like, way, way back in the day. It's a crazy picture because Carlos Newton is fucking shredded. And he's just got a whole one. You have Alexander Corella.

That's a scary one. That's the scariest guy that's ever live.

He's the scariest guy that ever lived. That guy used to just throw people around, but there's no way that's legal because you could put someone unconscious with that.

Yeah, I don't think you're allowed. Yeah, probably not.

Jamie, what are the rules for wrestling? Are you allowed to grab someone by their neck? Can you show me the video with the kid where the dad jumps in? I'm not sure if I found the right one. This one I found was. Yeah, but the one you just showed that picture again, that's Carlos Newton when he caught Pat Mellich.

That's the fucking big brother, dude.

Look at that arm, son. Like that. You'd let it sit out the window all day long.

Hey, ladies.

Look at that arm.

Good lord.

Pro.

So shredded. Yeah. Carlos Newton was a sensational submission guy, too. He also fought Matt Hughes and choked Matt Hughes unconscious. But Matt Hughes slammed him to the ground and knocked him unconscious. And Matt Hughes woke up first, and Matt Hughes was like, I won. He didn't even know he won. What happened was Carlos got him in a standing triangle, and Carlos is putting him out while he's standing up, and then Matt, in, like, a last ditch effort, slams him to the ground as he's going out.

Wow.

Carlos goes out, and he goes out, and then Matt wakes up, and I remember being there. Matt. Matt was like.

And he won from waking up first.

He was the fucking man, dude. Back in the day, he was the man. Matthews was, like, the first truly elite wrestler that learned black belt level submission skills. So they're both out. They're both out. And so, like, Matt's like, what? He doesn't know what's going on.

He sat up, so he's good, dude.

Slammed. Wearing fucking tidy whiteies sucks, dude.

That sucks so bad.

It was a great fight.

Matt Hughes was the fucking man.

Tidy Whiteies is a wild move.

Yeah, that is pretty nuts, dude.

It is a wild move, but everybody wore them back then. The brazilian valley Tudo guys, they all wore speedos because they fought. Like, they fought on the beach. Come on, Paul.

Yeah. You got in a fight with some Brazilians on the beach.

I got robbed in Brazil on the beach.

Oh, no, they told me.

Were they in their undies?

No, they're just in some trunks. Respectable trunks, but, yeah, they told me not to walk home on the beach by myself.

And you just did.

Late at night or early in the morning? I was like, late at night. I could see, but I was, like, early in the morning at sunrise, and I got Robbie knife point.

Yeah. Damn, that must have been terrifying, getting.

Your ass beat by a guy in a speedo.

Yeah.

Which sucks. Would you have to give up?

It's like $7. I had my wallet and then my credit card, and then I remembered money, like, in my shoe or something, and they were pissed. I'm like, oh, here, I have this, too. They were kind of nice about it.

Oh, that's cool.

They were like, sorry, we're really hungry. And I was like, hey, thanks for not stabbing me, guys. But I was. I was like, you get out of your body when you're getting robbed. You're completely out of your body, and.

You'Re just like, that is kind of a cool way to rob someone. Sorry, we're really hungry.

Yeah, I had a phrase book on me and my credit card. They took up my credit card. I'm like, yo, you guys can take this to the Mac and just get a bunch of money out. And they were like, I didn't know what that was. And then they took, like, $7 off me, and they went through my phrase book, and they were laughing at stuff that I had circled. It was like, ao querovose. It was like, I want you. It was pretty cordial, the whole experience.

Wow.

Damn.

Yeah, made fun of that.

Made fun of my phrase book. They were like, they're flipping through it.

When you land in Rio, you drive through the. It's so scary, and it's like, oh, my. You ever see city of God?

Yes, bro.

It makes boys in the hood look like Sesame street. That movie is crazy.

Yeah, they're just living in sheds the hill.

What was that game you're playing? Fallout, where you're grabbing pieces of metal, that shit.

Metal house.

It's crazy.

Yeah, I know a lot of people that came from there.

That's nuts.

A lot of UFC fighters came from the favelas, dude.

It's terrifying.

Yeah, it's a different level of poverty, man. And it's a different level of scarcity with no opportunity, nothing. Violence, guns.

Yeah, they come. The kids are like, when I was walking around there, I was, like, 21, but they'll come. Grab your leg and hold on to your leg. And like, poor vivor.

Just like, dude, here's that.

City of God.

Such a good movie.

Movie. So crazy. And apparently really accurate. It really is like, what? It's like, damn, that was Roger Ebert days.

Yeah. When I was there, this swedish guy went to the favela with another guy to buy coke, and I was like, you want to come? I was like, no, thank you.

Fuck.

He got back. He looked kind of, like, brazilian a little bit, luckily. But I was like, I'm not going with you to go there.

Yeah, there's levels. Yeah, there's levels in this world.

Yeah, that's scary. Being that poor is scary. But it was nice.

I was there.

It's like monopoly money if it's not your currency. I was out there doing that stuff out.

You love our currency.

I do.

We were in Australia. We were in Australia. Matt was like, this is USD.

I tried to pay $20 money, and they were like, we don't take that. I'm like, come on, man.

Come on, man. This is ten times your money, dude. This is american.

I was like, yeah, here's a $20. They're like, well, we can't take this. Don't give you that. That's good money.

Some money. They have, like, clear little holes in them, and there's, like, little holograms in.

It's all bullshit, dude. Fake american money is the only thing that matters.

Isn't that wild, though, that no one's figured out how to completely accurately recreate money? It's just pieces of, like, they had to really stay ahead of the curve for the counterfeiters.

Counterfeit technology increased all the printers.

That was a major problem when this country was, like, starting. Yeah, that was an easy thing to do.

It was punishable by death, wasn't it?

Yeah. They used to fuck you up for that.

I remember the first time I ever saw a fake $20 bill. I was like, oh, wow, this is weird.

Yeah, it's weird.

It feels wrong.

Yeah, I don't think you can buy the paper. That's the thing. No money is a specific paper, but people bleach bills, and then you can print. You can get the real paper, bleach the bill and print, like, tens on, like, a one, and then you can do that, and you can sell bundles.

Of them to people. Oh, no kidding? Yeah, that's what they do.

That's what I've heard.

Yeah. Are you involved in this?

No.

How long have you been doing this?

I've heard bad money goes around. People sell it in, like, big chunks, and you can get it.

It just seems like if they can make fake rolexes, how the fuck can they not make? Because, you know, they have the light they shine on the dollar bills now because things embedded in them and stuff. Yeah.

I don't know. I think the people who are counterfeiting, though, aren't just kind of like, I don't know. You'd have to be so advanced technologically to do that. And if you're able to make money, you could probably do all kinds of other stuff.

Yeah, but that's the case with a lot of things that are illegal. It's like, there's some industrious people that just go the wrong way in life, but they're really fucking smart.

That's true.

I think I had some fake mushrooms.

Officially, man sued Mr. Clean magic erasers while he used, rather Mr. Clean magic erasers to transform $1 bills into hundreds magic erasers. So he erased it and then reprinted over it to clean your wall with.

That way you can. You have the good paper, but then I guess that's why they have those strips, because then you can hold up a strip and be like, that's not a $10 bill. This is a one dollars.

It's a lot of work, man.

Yeah.

I wonder how much money you made. You go to jail forever, son.

It's a secret service protection. The secret Service looks into this stuff.

Speaking of which, what did they arrest Killer Mike for?

Oh, yeah.

That is one of the most ridiculous. They don't arrest anybody in LA. You got people literally doing meth in front of people's houses, tents.

What did he do?

And Killer Mike gets arrested after he wins 3 grams.

Yeah.

What did he do?

Well, the online conspiracy theorist. He criticized the online conspiracy.

I like that.

That's a great conspiracy.

That is.

It's a fun conspiracy.

Who the fuck would arrest killer Mike? Like, what is this misdemeanor? What did he do? Did he have a license plate missing or something? Like, what the fuck did he do that. They're. Killer Mike. Do it.

They didn't release a charge.

We got to find out. Killer Mike, I guarantee you.

Killer Mike.

Yeah.

You think he did?

He's such a good guy.

Killer Mike, as brilliant as he is, that is the name of, like, a crazy thug.

Yeah.

Not the name of a guy who's, like, a philosopher.

Killer Mike.

Killer Mike is, like, a. Killer Mike's.

Not even a creative name. It's like a name that's like, the dumb guy in the neighborhood. They're like, oh, that's Killer Mike. Killer Mike away from that guy.

This is an hour ago. He said nothing happened, but this is the official report. A physical altercation happened. Oh, and he got released. Misdemeanor battery and then released on zero bail. Oh, he bitch slapped somebody. That kind of rules. That's awesome. But again, in Los Angeles, there's people that are, like, literally pulling knives on sheriffs and being out of jail that day.

Yeah, he did. Will Smith did. At the.

In front of the whole world, and he gets arrested.

Yeah. That's bizarre.

You think it's, like, post will Smith? They've changed the.

Maybe.

Maybe celebrities smack each other. You have to step in right away.

Might be a new task force for that.

Well, it depends on who he know.

That's the question. Yeah.

If it's somebody we want him to smack.

Yeah.

Then I'm really irritated. If he smacked Taylor Swift, that would be a real issue.

That would be. Put your hands on our queen.

Not after last.

She.

Didn't she do well last night? I saw the news. She did a lot in the Grammys.

Things are going well for Taylor Swift.

Fine day.

It's going all right.

I find it so fascinating how many people, for whatever reason, are opposed to it. They don't like that she's so popular. It's normal. It's normal human behavior.

She's ruining the game of football now.

I can't watch.

She has ruined the game of football.

I can't even watch it anymore because it cuts to her once or twice.

And is it every time during the game?

And I see her and I go, mother, why do you care? No, I don't at all. It's crazy. Although I will say this. When they're playing against you, when it's your team, and then the camera cuts to Taylor Swift. That's when it builds.

What if Taylor Swift.

That makes sense, though. If a billionaire just laughing in your face.

And their team's incredible. The Chiefs are incredible. And then it cuts to her up there in a box they were in, like buffalo, okay? Everyone's outside freezing. It cuts to them like perfect heated box. I get it.

Out of respect, if you're going to see a buffalo game in January, you should be outside.

You got to get out of respect. You got to be in the snow.

Out of respect for the players. You'll feel it more. Yeah, just bundle up, bitch. Wear some muffins, fucking mittens and shit.

They were giving fans, like, $20 an hour to go shovel the stadium. Yeah, it's incredible. That was a crazy move. That was crazy. I can't believe no one died.

They could have easily died.

Yeah, dude. Drinking and shoveling for $20 an hour.

Oh, yeah. My friend Tommy just blacked out behind the wheel of his car, shoveling. He crashed his car and fucked himself.

Immediately.

Snow shovelers and plow truck drivers get so fucked up. When we were in high school, we used to get hired by landscapers in the winter to Shovel, and they would just feed us beer and weed. When we were like, all you can do people fucked up. And you stay up all night and a shovel kind of, and they give you like, $20 an hour, and you're.

Just like, what the fuck? When I lived in Boston, we would always. Whenever it snowed, me and my friends would go out to places and go, you guys want us to do your thing? We'd negotiate a deal. Do it with driveway. This driveway is 30. This driveway is 40, depending on how big it is. And some of them, you get fucked. Like, some of them, you don't realize it. Snow is wet and it's a long ass driveway. You're an hour and a half in. You're only a quarter way there. You're like, oh, we fucked up, dude.

My friend, under price, this one. My friend owned a landscaping company, and I didn't have a job. I was living with my girlfriend at the time. She was a teacher. I was literally playing Xbox. She was like, you got to turn it around. I was like, I'm going to do comedy. She's like, you're doing open mics at the Harrisburg comedy zone. Trust me.

How old are you?

It's probably 24.

Oh, my God.

And then my friend owned a landscaping company. I had $0. I was not working at all. And he was like, come help us shovel. I was like, all right, nice. I was there for ten minutes. Put the shovel down. I was like, bro, I'm going back home.

It's grueling.

Yeah, I quit immediately.

You're out all night, too. Yeah, but you put your beers in the snow. It's kind of nice.

That is nice.

Oh, boy. Just blasted. Lifting chunks of snow everywhere.

I think I was like, four beers in, and I was like, I'll just go drink more inside.

True.

I kind of feel bad am I out here?

I kind of feel bad for kids who grew up without snow.

Yeah.

That's a fucking pivotal moment in youth.

A snow day.

Snow days. And then just hanging out with your friends in the snow and then the quiet. Everything's quiet when it snows out. It's like you're in a movie. You're outside.

It's like, sorry, my iq is warm.

Nothing. No sound at all. You guys know you got nothing to do.

Lamar fell yesterday. I was like, you couldn't hear him fall? He fell behind us. We were walking into the creek in the cave, and he slipped, and I was like, damn. He fell like snow. It was dead silent. We didn't hear him fall. He didn't make a noise. Oh, we got the security footage. I immediately got the security footage.

Look at him.

You got to get the other angle.

That was fairly graceful.

Yeah, I mean, he lays.

It seems like there's steps there.

He jumped over the curb, and he stepped on the bottom of that.

Oh, boy. Boy. It doesn't take a lot to trip him. No, look at that, bro. He just goes down.

He does go down. You're saying, like, snow off of a roof.

Couldn't hear a single thing, bro.

He would suck at judo.

Don't tell him that, bro.

They just be tripping him all day long.

He prides himself on being nimble. So this is like a real.

No, he doesn't.

He was very sad about.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean, that was. Everything was nimble before he fell, though. He did like a little hops, like anime jump.

Oh, my God. You have two angles. Jamie, do you have that wrestling match where that dad attacks the kid?

I don't know if I had the right one.

Anyway. Snow days rule.

Yeah, they're nice. Is this the right one? I don't believe so. Let me see this one. I think it probably happened. No.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God. See, that's what I'm talking about. Look at this fucking guy. Dumped him.

Oh, let me see that mug shot.

Fucking.

Oh, he threw the kid down on his head.

Oh, shit.

Wow.

Show the mug shot again. That was a good one. I wouldn't have expected that guy to move like that.

Yeah, he moved.

That guy's nimble.

He's got a kid trail.

How much of it you think it's protection of the kid versus like 100%? You think it's all protection?

Yeah, he got dumped on his head. See, watch how the kid goes down.

God.

The kid goes down ahead first.

It's like a tombstone.

See how the ref touches his head because he's freaked out. That's a bad landing. Like, you could break your neck like that. You definitely can get a concussion. You might have had a Concussion.

God damn.

Yeah, you get up. That's how Corellin used to beat guys. Corellin used to literally hoist guys up and pound them into the ground. Just pound them over and over and over again.

Jesus Christ.

It's an illegal move. That's just a comment. I don't know. I think it is an illegal move. But also when you're lifting people up and throwing them and they're resisting, wild shit happens. Yeah, but it does seem like he piledrived him on his head. He seemed like he just should have known in the middle of that not to that you were talking about a choke or something. Yeah, the kid was apparently doing an illegal choke and the dad jumped in.

It's also in that kid's defense, if you have someone up in the air in a wrestling match, it's hard not to slam them in the ground.

As hard as anytime you pick anybody up, it's like, oh, I'm going to slam you on the ground far as I can.

Well, I'm sure there's different rules in young amateur wrestling versus what they would do in the Olympics, but Corellin used to just pile drive people. He just hoist them up, and it.

Was a freak, dude. There's nothing worse than, like, the only experience I have is, like, football. So it's like first play of the game. Like, the guy against you just fucks you up. And you're like, damn, this is a long game, dude. I'm going to get fucked up for 2 hours. Like wrestling. If a dude slammed you right away, you'd be like, all right.

They slam you.

We can fucking call this thing.

And then MMA. They start punching you in the face while you're recovering from being know. I was looking for it. There's a darsh choke pulled off in a wrestling match. Yes. I think that is legit because it's one arm in. I think that's the. Oh, we put him out.

Damn.

Oh, shit. Damn.

And he hit him with a fucking.

Matt Hughes choked out Ricardo Almeida with a wrestling move where he had head and arm, like from the front, and he has such a squeeze that he gripped the head and arm and just.

And you're just cutting off their.

Yeah, yeah. You're cutting it all, man. That fucking tank when he was the welterweight champ, dude, he was a tank. Yeah.

That shit sucks, man.

And for him to grab your arm and your head together like this, which is basically what he had. He had him, like, on the side with his arm and head together and just squeeze it so hard. He went out.

I was just watching who's, like, the mongolian guy Uzbekistani or Kazakhstan. Fuck, he got a standing fucking rock went off.

Yeah, Shabkat. Yeah. He's a beast. I think that's what you're talking about.

He had a little brother.

See how the dad jumps in?

Yeah.

So the kid's on his back, and he rolls him over, and it looks like the kid's got a choke, but I can't tell if he's got an arm in.

Damn.

He does have an arm in. He does have an arm in. He did have an arm in.

He's like, my bad. My bad. That's my bad.

My bad.

Yeah, he's banned for life. That is it.

He's banned for life.

Now, I don't know what the rules are, but it does look like the kid has an arm in. He has an arm in. See as they roll over? See how his arm is under the arm?

Fucking walrus ref, dude.

Yeah, man. Poor guy.

No, he looks like his wolf Remley. He looks like. Yeah, diabetes.

That's a weird situation. But dads fucking lose their cool.

Yeah. Well, there's also, like, when you're watching your kid wrestling, combat is different, but if you're watching your kid suck at basketball or football, then you're, like, taking that personally because that kid's supposed to carry you on.

Yeah. This is your legacy.

This is your legacy.

It's also like that at the fucking dog park.

Oh, my God.

If your dogs are playing and a dog loses, people jump in. Yeah, my sister jumped in. Yeah, her dog was losing, and she like, I've punched. Jump into the mud.

I've punched dogs at dog parks. I've had dog, like, a dog grab my dog by the neck. And I just.

Well, some people bring a us of dogs at dog parks. It's just not wise.

I didn't know. I didn't know what they were.

My dog was a puppy. I didn't know when my dog was a puppy. I used to bring him to dog parks. He started fighting with dogs. He liked it too much. I'm like, no more.

Yeah, I brought Nikita to dog parks. And those things are nasty.

You can't discourage that either. It's a weird thing, the dog fighting thing. Unless you're a professional trainer and you're with that dog all the time. You got to be with that dog, and you got to really do a really good job if it's an aggressive dog of getting them around, socialize them with other dogs, because they just fucking dominate each other. Yeah. It's just natural with dogs.

Yeah, they do.

They bow up on each other, growling like, God damn it.

Everyone has a different tolerance threshold too, because you go to the dog park, some people want them to get a little rough, and some people are like, not at all.

Exactly. Well, if you're a woman and you got a poodle, the fuck?

Don't bring that thing around.

Poodles are working.

Poodles are working.

Breed a big poodle.

Real.

A big one.

Big poodle.

Yeah.

Those things are nasty.

What are they doing?

They're big.

A big poodle.

What do they work on?

Bird hunting, probably.

Poodles.

Yeah.

Poodles are bird hunters.

Is that what they are?

I'm pretty sure. A big poodle. Not a little. Eureka.

A little, right. I've heard they're actually good watchdogs. The big.

Dude, I'm telling you, the big poodles are not barking.

Everything the French.

I was a dog walker, dude.

Every single thing, dude, imagine being like, an aristocrat with a poodle.

Dude, they're sexual dogs too.

Everything the french poodles are sexual.

Sexual. I used to dog walk, and I had a big black poodle. I walked, and he tried to fuck me the whole time.

That was you, dude. You were just looking at Poodle.

Originated in Germany in the Middle Ages. A dog similar to today's standard poodle. The poodle is Germany's water dog. Just as England had the english water Spaniel, French had the barbet, and Ireland had the irish water Spaniel, and the Netherlands had the wetehoon. Among the evidence used to support this theory is the germanic name for the breed, poodle, or poodle in German, which is derived from the low german word poodlein, meaning to splash water dog. Numerous works by. That makes sense that they have that hair.

Yeah, you're right.

It says right there. Ancestors were widely used by waterfowlers to both retrieve shot game and to recover lost arrows and bolts that had missed their mark.

Wow.

They chased down.

How high were you when you hit the poodle? Wikipedia. Their poodles are water.

They were surprising me. I kept seeing them in the wild, and they kept surprising me. I'm like, dude, these guys are not.

They fly, dude. They're athletic.

They're motherfuckers, dude. But then you start doing this bullshit. I hate that, man.

Why do they do that?

That's what women want to do to us, dude.

That's what they're doing to us right now. They are doing it.

That's what they want to do.

Getting away with it.

No, man. We got to be scared guys.

It's a bunch of scared guys. And Andrew Tate.

There's only one man left. Tate. Only Tate can save us, bro.

I know, man.

Top G. He is the top g. Out of jail.

Yeah. He's doing supercar reviews on YouTube. It's hilarious.

That's tight.

And I don't think it's under the name Andrew Tate, but it is, you know, probably because they would ban him from YouTube right away.

He can't get onto anything.

Yeah, but it's him.

Why are they banning.

He reviewed a Maserati. It's a pretty funny review. Why are they banning a lot of shit?

Let me tell you about the matrix, my friend.

Why are they banning that guy?

I mean, in Romania, he's under allegations of a rape charge. Trafficking.

Yeah, and trafficking is weird, too, because if I trick you into crossing state lines, then you get plowed. I've trafficked you. But if I'm like, you're about to get plowed, and you get in my car, and you get plowed, you're fine. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. I've been tricked across state lines.

Okay, so he does have one.

Traffic.

He does have one. It says the cobra mind. Yeah, it's his channel, probably. Okay, so there was another channel. Maybe they were appropriating his content. Maybe that's what it is likely. Most likely. Yeah.

He's the most googled man in the world.

It's funny to have a cobra's mind fucking. Those are dumb fucking animals.

Smart ass.

I know, right? But he's a smart ass dude, man. Regardless of what he think about some of the things that he said about women, the fucking intelligence of the whole thing that he did with getting people to TikTok his stuff and go viral.

Yeah, he was fucking a genius at that.

Yeah. My twelve year old was asking me about him.

Really?

Yeah.

What did you say?

He said, that's the top g, baby.

Well, I said what I know about him. I said he was a legit kickboxer. I knew him as a kickboxer before ever.

Oh, wait, I didn't know. He was like, oh, he was legit. Oh, really?

Yeah, he's a legit kickboxer. Very good kickboxer. Yeah, he fought on infusion a bunch of times. Infusion was a kickboxing card from God. I'm not sure where I think it's from. The UK.

Sorry. Thanks, man.

But my friend Vinny Sherman used to do commentary for it.

He was nice. That's what I never knew.

Solid fighter.

Really.

I'm sorry.

Do you have a tissue, man? Allergies are going crazy.

Yeah, my allergies picked up today.

Going crazy. Sorry about that.

We're finding out the negative parts of living here in Austin.

Cedar fever, baby. That's what they call.

It's already January. I mean, this is now.

It's already been going on. Yeah.

How long does this go?

Depends on who gets it.

I get it bad, dude.

Do you?

Yeah.

I don't get it at all.

Well, you're top, g.

Yeah.

Everybody keeps telling me one day you're going to get it, Mike.

Okay, now you won't get it, man. Fuck that.

I did one year, though. I had. My throat was really sore. I was like, what did you do last a long time?

Nothing.

Allergies.

Allergies can make you, like, sick. You didn't know. And it comes back and. Yeah, that's what got me.

You feel like you have a cold. So I think I did have a reaction one year to one particular thing that was in the air where I was like, what the fuck is going. This is a weird cold because it didn't feel like I was sick.

It doesn't go away.

Also, it was a while, a couple of weeks.

Jamie's dog stuck its tongue in my mouth, so maybe I'm like, allergic to dog slap.

Sure.

Oh, damn.

You're allergic to Carl?

How could you be?

I might be allergic to.

Are you allergic to dogs?

No, not at all. But I've never had one. Put his tongue in my mouth so I never closing.

Yeah, but your eyes are like, you've got an allergic reaction.

Yeah.

Are you sure you're not allergic to dogs?

I think I might be now.

Do you have a dog?

Yeah, I have two, but they've never put their tongue in my mouth. That's what I'm like. Cat allergies.

You were making out with Carl. I was having allergic reactions. Check out his face.

Let me see.

I'm having allergic fucking reaction.

Look at Matt's face.

It'll go away. I'm also on steroids to get my voice back, so my body's all fucked up.

You're on Roy's and you kiss a dog? Yeah, dude, you're fine.

My eye is just. Sorry. I'm so sorry to make this all about me, dude. I just freaked out.

You'll be right.

Steroids to get your voice back.

I lost my voice.

Yeah. For how long?

I've been losing it. I've been doing shows and I lose it every show. So then I took the prednisone all weekend because I literally had zero voice.

Maybe there's a better way to talk. Have you ever gone to, like, a vocal coach?

No.

Because be real from Cypress Hill told me he went to a vocal coach.

I might go.

He's got that very specific style. He learned how to use his so he didn't burn his voice out.

I also sing in my car at full blast. I got to stop doing that.

What are you saying?

On a prayer?

You're nice.

I can't help it. I can't help it.

We might have watched it here when Matt sang at the holiday party at the.

Yeah.

Yeah, bro.

Yeah. What did you sing? I forget.

Unchained melody. We watched from the balcony.

It was incredible.

Me and my wife were fighting, and then we both had karaoke songs come up. And I'm like, we don't have time for this. Let's go sing our karaoke. Then we made up. It was nice.

That's hilarious.

Your eyes seem like they're getting Better.

They are.

It's going happy for me.

I think it's the dog. You got to blow your nose.

I did. It was someone who was in my nose.

Got a kennel cough. That's a new dog, dude. You got a fucking weird dog.

My body will fight it off. Hopefully my body will fight it off.

So far it's losing no, this is my healthy immune response.

This is a healthy immune response.

So what kind of steroids it puts you on for your throat?

Prednisone.

Okay.

Yeah. Makes you feel weird, man.

Friend of mine had that for gout. He had gout.

You take prednisone? Prednisone is like a wonder drug. Yeah, it works for poison ivy. Pretty tight. Yeah.

So did it fix it?

Yeah. I mean, yeah. I couldn't talk. I had no voice. And I powered me through my last three shows, so I was like.

Were you trying to use your voice in the car singing even though you had no voice? Were you pushing it a little bit?

I did it today.

Oh, no. Today?

What'd you sing today?

I did a couple sing.

What'd you sing?

Dude, everybody's talking by Harry Nielsen.

Oh, boy.

I know. I'm such a dickhead. I can't help it. It hits me right in the soul, dude. I'm like, I got it.

You got to sing.

I have to sing. Do you ever go like Axel Rose? You ever really fuck your voice up?

No, I'll fuck.

Try to hit those notes.

That's not into my register. Axel Road.

Welcome to the jungle.

Yeah, I can't do that.

It'll destroy fuck your voice up.

Yeah, but it is what it is. It'll come back eventually. I've had this problem for, like three weeks straight. Dude, don't.

Dude.

Jamie, people can talk in there.

Matt, bless us.

Can I hear me? Only the echoes of my mind dude, I'm going to lose my voice.

Let's go, Matt.

People stopping staring.

I can't see the face.

What are you doing?

Only the shadows of their eyes I'm done.

You changed as you kiss that dog.

Did you?

Singing?

I'm a singer now, dude. You know the thing t pain did where he went on stage and just karaoke? I might do that at the end of the show.

You should sing.

I'm going to start. T pain did. I mean, he did his own song still. He did a live performance where he had a full band behind him, did his own songs, and then just covered a bunch of songs, then put them out on instagram, like, dude, I might just start becoming a professional singer. Fuck that.

You should sing at the end of your shows. Why would love.

That's a good idea, dude.

There was a guy named Barry.

Good call.

There was a guy named Barry diamond. He used to perform at the comedy store and funny comic. He was in, like, that movie bachelor party with Tom Hanks back in the day. So anyway, he would open up his set by singing walking in Memphis.

Really?

And you didn't know what was going on. He did the whole song.

That's fun.

He had a great voice, so he'd be singing it, and then he would go into his act pretty tight.

I had to sing one time.

Crazy.

I remember the comedy show I did.

What?

I got booked for a private comedy show way long ago for. It was like the american. I swear to God, I think it was like survivor, not the survivors of Holocaust. It was like an old jewish, like, jesus.

He sang at the survivors of the Holocaust.

It was like some sort of, like, ancient jewish people. It was ancient jewish people. And I bombed so bad.

Here's buried down.

So.

Not gonna be you.

Dude. Won't you look down so nice?

Yeah.

You gotta end with this, though. This is crazy.

He's incredible.

Yeah.

How do you follow that?

You got to end with the OR. And he would just go into comedy, but he was, like, real silly as a comedian. So it's funny to watch him go from that to, like, silly comedy.

What was the benefit you did?

It was like some sort of old jewish foundation. I don't know what it was called, but I bombed. I was standing at.

The central bank. No, I'm joking. I'm not anti semitic at all.

I was standing up at a podium to do stand up fuck in a hotel.

Yeah.

I thought Jamie said that.

Jamie said that. I can't believe Jamie said that.

I was standing up at a podium to do stand up, and I was, like, 25, and I bombed so bad. I was like, you guys don't like this at all? And they were like, no. And I was like, what do you guys want me to do? And sing us a song? I had to sing. I sang them a song for a while. I thank God.

Do you remember that bachelor party we did?

What song did you sing?

L is for the way you look at me. That song.

They asked for that one.

No, that was the only one I knew. I just let them have it.

Did they like that?

They were pleased. They were pleased. I could say factually, those old jews were pleased. Tap dancing for them.

That's great. Like, bombing so bad. You have to be like, all right, I gave up. What's a different performance?

You guys hate this comedy.

Think about the power of. That's wild. To change genres in the middle of it.

I had to switch it up on the early days.

You got to do straight to miming. Miming is hilarious.

I know. Magic.

Magic rules.

Hit him with fucking.

I can juggle.

You can't follow magic. Good magic.

How do you follow magic? You know, the worst kind of comedy to follow is musical comedy. Yeah, that'd be tough. If somebody does, like, funny songs. You're fucking doomed. You're doomed, son.

Yeah.

And it's frustrating because a lot of times a funny song is just like an average joke, but somebody's playing a guitar with it.

There was a guy that was a legend in New England who used to do dirty jokes. He used to be on Dr. Demento all the time, but he used to do dirty. God, I can't remember his name, but he was like a famous guy who did, like, dirty songs and he would fucking sell out everywhere.

Yeah, it's funny.

And if you did a show with him, you could never go on after.

You were doomed.

Yeah, you were fucking doomed. You're going to bomb.

Do you imagine if you had to follow, like, wheeler Walker Jr. Oh, my God. Yeah, no chance.

Yeah. Because there's two things going on. It's funny. And there's.

And he's good.

Yeah, he's good. There's funny. There's music. It's hilarious. You could repeat it. It's still funny.

It also joins a crowd together differently, too.

Yeah.

If you just play music, the whole.

Crowd kind of congeals and totally different vibe. You go see a good concert, it's like you're fucking in tune with everybody. A really good concert when someone's killing it.

Yeah. Someone comes on, they're like, I'm fucking jerking off.

And you're like, you guys ever jack off?

Yeah.

Shit.

Straight in this.

So my girlfriend broke up with me.

My girlfriend's a bitch. You guys jack off.

Fuck, I'll sing anyway.

That's actually extremely funny. Hit the eject. In the middle of a comedy set. Just hit the eject button.

They were like, visibly displeased.

They're old as hell.

The shows you do when you're starting. Me and him did. Helium hired us to do a bachelor party. Me and Matt just stood in front of a table. Nothing. We went to a restaurant with the bachelor party and in the middle of dinner, they were like, all right, comedy. We stood at the head of the table for like ten people, dude.

Oh, my God.

It was fucking crazy. And it was like a sober bachelor party.

Oh, no.

We had just started doing comedy. Like, we were bad at comedy.

And I just did just material. I went up there and did like, straight ten minutes of no mic material. Just flatline. I think Shane looked at me like.

Let'S both do it.

I'll help.

I was dying, dude. And then, yeah, you went up and just did the sensible thing of talking and figuring out what's up with them.

Yeah, I was like, this is weird. Why are we doing this? Why the fuck would you guys hire me and Matt to humiliate ourselves? I did a black lady Mother's Day show.

Oh, yeah?

In North Philly. This guy just hired me to do comedy in front of a brunch for. Just for real. Like 14 black ladies for Mother's Day. Same thing. I just stood at the head of the table. It was crazy. Just died. And they were just being very nice. They're like, you're doing great.

That's kind of cool.

In the middle of just a mother's Day brunch.

Would you switch stuff up at all?

Oh, no. You guys like racism? That's all I got. I got one pitch. All right, that's ball.

Yeah. Those shows are very fun, though.

They teach you something, though, that what other art forms allow you to start out like that, where you realize there's no real structure to this at all in terms of how you can make money doing it. How do you become a professional? I mean, look, you guys are both, like, legit professionals now, and you started that way. I did, too.

Yeah, that's how it starts.

I did bachelor parties and no microphones.

Really?

Yeah, I did a couple of them.

Crazy.

They're terrible. It's hell.

I still. I just figured out how it worked, like, three years ago. I didn't know. I thought for real. I was like, you'll just do it, and then someone will be like, here's a bunch of money. You're so like, no, you have to sell, bro.

People still do corporate gigs. They shouldn't do corporate. I ran into Adam Sandler at the airport, and I was like, what's up? What are you doing? He's like, dude, I just did the worst fucking gig of my life. I bombed so hard.

He's just ripping corporate so bad.

They just paid him a lot of money to do this thing. True, but he was laughing about it. He's like, oh, my God, it was terrible.

I bombed this week. I bombed in the little boy. Oh, no. I bombed so badly that I had people there with me. We were going to go do something after, and I was like, I'm going to do one show and then we'll go. I stayed. I was like, I got to stay for the late show. You have to redeem sweat. I was sweating. I bombed so fucking bad that I was sweating. I was like, what is happening? I sat on the balcony with Adam Egett, and I was like, I got to change everything, dude. The late show was fun.

Those are fucking good for you.

They are, dude.

Some of my best moments in my comedy has been after really bad sets, because then I just really focus, go, God, I've been fucking up. Something's wrong. I obviously did something wrong.

Yeah, that was the first. I haven't done new material in a while. I had to.

Yeah.

After that first show, I was like, all right, new jokes.

Yeah, and it worked.

It was nice.

Yeah, you did, like, some refreshers.

Comedy is just a wild fucking thing, isn't it? Nobody can tell you how to do it. Nobody knows exactly how you should do.

It, and it's embarrassing.

Bombs are good. Bombs are good.

Bombs are good. Bombing at a mother's day and then walking outside and it's 01:00 p.m. That's tough, dude. When you walk outside and it's still sunny after you bomb, it's a crazy. And you're in North Philly, what the fuck am I doing with my life?

And you're thinking about your future.

Yeah. Because your future is not a given. There's a lot of guys we started out with that are gone.

Yeah, well, that's the thing about comedy is where it's like, with bombing, good comics will be like, yeah, you need that.

Yeah.

So then there's guys that are just fucking bombing.

True.

And they're like, this is part of.

The, all part of the process.

It keeps them around.

I bombed there. I do like, the dudes who bomb every fucking time.

They don't give a fuck, dude.

Kind of tight. I mean, it's admirable.

There's bros that bomb for ten straight years.

Yeah, that's not good. There's a lot of fighters like that too. They just always get knocked out. Yeah, that's not good. You shouldn't find another thing to do.

Yeah, true.

Or you're just not going to be good at anything. That's not also possible. There are certain people that just never get good at anything.

Get their thing. Yeah.

Whatever it is, no matter what it is, they lack something.

That's fucking rough.

That's rough. Maybe I'll play video games. You just get fucking murdered.

They're really good at leaving comments on YouTube.

They actually are good at that. And I'll tell you what, those work. Those are effective.

Yeah. Those dudes will absolutely shred you.

Fuck a week up for me.

Yeah. I try to do, like, a thing where I'm like, I understand you're feeling in my head. I'll be like, he's just very upset right now. But, yeah, they'll get you thinking. Like, it's not a thing. Yeah, that's a bad. Although they're like a part of the whole YouTube ecosystem where if you catch enough bad ones, sometimes you'll go, maybe I could think about something.

Yeah, maybe I am an asshole.

Maybe I'll think about something. Or, I don't know. It's tough because you don't want to be like, nobody could tell me shit. Then sometimes you'll read them, and you're like, I don't have to deal with this right now. The thing is, you don't know my children.

You don't know who you're talking to.

True.

You could be talking to the biggest fucking moron that works at 711. You could be talking to the biggest moron, of course. And it's just like, you're like, fuck you. That's so true.

Yeah, exactly.

It's just a waste of time.

It's a total waste.

Just the numbers you're dealing with, just the sheer volume of people. Even if you're just reasonably successful. You don't even have to be regular. You don't even have to be, like, a headliner. You could be just, like, a middle act that has a career.

You can get hate. Yeah, you'll go through. You'll read all the comments. They'll be like, I saw him. His fucking opener sucked. Whatever his name was. I hated him.

Yeah, you're always going to get those.

Well, and sometimes you can have someone on the podcast and you just watch everyone like, fuck, that guy sucks so bad. And you're just like, God damn, bro, that sucks, man.

Yeah.

If I was certain people, I would not want to read comments after their guests on podcasts.

No, man.

You can tell when it fucks with their head, too.

I think it gets everybody every. I think it gets everyone a little bit. I think you maybe get better. I'm better and better now. I can take it now. It's not as much of a shock, but on any given day, I can.

Read one of them.

That's what I think. Yeah. I'm like, I got it under control. I'm fine.

They come up with new ones, and.

Then you find one.

They do come up with new ones. You're like, I never even thought of that before. Fuck you, sons of bitches.

It's part of that. That's also part of the process, right? Developing the ability to just not be affected by that.

It's true.

Snake venom. Get little doses of snake because you.

Can also get conflicting messages where, like, awesome. You're the fucking worst piece of shit in the world. And you're like, wait a minute. Yeah, you have to stop. What am I?

I'm probably somewhere in the middle. Probably just an average fucking who's got better grammar.

Oh, the guy likes me spells, right?

Yeah, true.

He doesn't write your comma, dude, this guy's on the ball.

He's on the ball.

That's true, too. If you see a lot of typos in the comment, you'd be like, dude, move on. Go back to school, brother. Get out of here.

You can't even spell criticizing.

Matthew, would you please hand me a bud light?

Absolutely.

Responsibly.

Absolutely.

Wow. What a fucking beer, dude. Damn, dude. Something about it, dude, I met the Clydesdales.

Did you really?

You had to meet horses?

I had to meet some. I got. I got really responsible. It was in New Orleans. I got extremely responsible around the horses.

Around the horses.

And then I called my dad and he didn't answer. It was late and I was like, I met horses. I left him, like, a voicemail. I was like, dad, it was a good time in New Orleans. I saw horses.

I met the, like.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God.

It's a big fucking horse, right?

It's the biggest fucking horse I've ever seen.

Dude, they're jacked.

Its head was the size of me.

They're a lot bigger than bigger horses, right? Clydesdales.

Clydesdales are. Especially the anheuser bush ones. They're gigantic. And I'll tell you, they're big everywhere, if you know what I'm talking about. Big horse tracting.

There it is. Wow. That thing is huge. Holy shit. Look at the size of that horse.

Dude, its head, for real, is a size of huge.

Dude, you're a big dude.

Yeah.

That's like. Maybe people need to recognize. How tall are you?

I'm 63, so.

He's 63. Look how big that fucking horse is. That horse's back is like 510.

Yeah.

That's insane.

Crazy.

How much bigger are they than a regular horse? Because look at the top of his head, dude.

Their horseshoes. Their shoes are like.

It's crazy.

A regular one's like that.

He looks so big. Like, who does head.

It's so scary.

His head looks like half of your body.

I brought Cam with me for this tour, so it was me and Cam Patterson. All right, enough, Jamie. Look at me being a fucking selling.

Yeah, man.

Me and Cam got in there and they were showing us the Clydesdales, and there's like a lady giving us the details of all the horse, which was obviously very interesting. It's like how much they fucking eat and everything. Literally, as soon as we walked in, we looked at that thing's fucking junk, and immediately we're like, for real? I'm trying to listen to this tour guide, and I'm literally standing there like it's fucking dick is big.

Oh, my God. Look out. The size of it compared to a regular horse. Holy shit.

Damn, dude.

Holy shit. They're so big. Get that one that you showed originally, the left hand, lower left hand corner. Jimmy, look at that one.

Donkey, bro.

That's crazy. Holy fuck.

And the whole time, every time.

Big.

That thing is, they're always like, these horses are very gentle. They're the nicest horses. And I'm sure they are, but when you're standing next to that thing, you're like, dude, that thing could do anything. And I'm.

Horses.

Is that a viking horse? Is that what the Vikings used? What is that?

I have no idea.

Yeah. Why was it so big?

I don't know. Because they're a german company.

Clydesdale.

Sounds scottish. Yeah.

Why are they so big?

I'd love to know.

Yeah, I mean, they must have select breed them to make them that.

Yeah. What's Aniser Bush's horse division? Like, you would think they're into, like.

Horse racing to horse horses. I don't know.

Because that's like, business is they keep horses.

Yeah, they have, like, they didn't shoot.

Any of them after everything went.

How they would never shoot the horses.

Dude, I'm just wondering. That's what happens when people go poor.

No, they would shoot horses.

Start eating them.

How dare you, dude? Not my company.

They fired, like, a lot of people. I was wondering if they shot any horses.

Sure, just put them on a horse.

And question.

Anizer bush. They own the rights to diesel engines, bro.

I know, it's funny. It's such an expensive joke. You brought Bud light back the horses. Yeah. They're very proud of those fucking horses, too. Look, not to be a corporate shill, when you see those clad sales, it's exciting. See them pulling the fucking Anheuser bush cart.

That's why they use them in commercials.

Yeah, it's a very exciting thing.

So sick.

Look at that.

Yeah.

God damn.

Didn't meet the fucking Dalmatian, though. I was sad about that. What?

Bro, they didn't even look real they're so big, they don't look real.

Yeah.

Fucking crazy.

So is that like a ceremony? Is that like the ceremonial?

Yeah, it was pretty cool. At the end of prohibition, they fucking rode those things right down Pennsylvania Avenue and gave the president a case of Budweiser.

Wow.

Pretty sick. I forgot how long prohibition was.

It was a while, dude.

It's like a decade at least.

Yeah.

Everyone was getting wrecked, dude. No one stopped drinking at all, dude.

But that's one of the few things that's ever been made like that that was rescinded.

Yeah.

And prohibition is the big lesson, too. It's the big lesson also, because the rise of the mafia, prohibition is the rise of the NASCAR. That came from it, too, though.

Did it really?

Yeah.

Those are cars that they souped up to get away from cops. What? Yeah. That's the origins of NASCAR.

Yeah. What?

Moonshiner, son.

Damn.

Yeah.

It is wild to think at the end of Prohibition, they drove and gave a case of beer to the president. Like, think if they legalized weed.

Bring Biden, drove Biden, drop Biden weed, and he just snaps out of it and he's like, oh, boy. I just been so foggy.

Whoa.

But now I'm getting it. How the fuck do they let me be president? I don't even know where my underwear.

Yeah, it's crazy, man. There's no way they can get it. They can't be serious about running him again.

Oh, yeah, he's going to be the president again.

No.

Yeah, it's going to be crazy.

He's not.

They're just going to keep him on testosterone and Adderall and people are going to vote for him no matter what.

Dude, he's flying. Dude, he's fine.

It's going to be fun.

He's the best.

So who's making that decision, though?

It's not him.

Me. The government calls me. What do you think, Joe? Say yeah, run him again. Let's see what's up, see how he does.

This could be his second term. That could be, like, historic.

He's going to really come back around. He's going to make improvements, whatever. They're going to get him on the right meds for sure.

They need to get him.

He's going to bounce back. He's going to build back better.

They should just keep him alive forever. Start giving him, like, artificial body parts and he'll just be our emperor supreme.

I don't have any problems with anything you just said.

I don't know. I don't know what we're doing. We need someone to inspire us, man.

Yeah.

I want an inspirational president. I'm going to get pumped. I don't have a picture of my grandfather had JFK, and he put him on his wall in his kitchen.

Yeah.

I have no president to like.

If only there was a good Kennedy out there, dude.

That's what I'm saying. I need to get that boy up there.

You like Bobby?

Yeah, I love him, man. I wanted to win so fucking bad. Doesn't look like he's going to win. Why I want him to win.

I wanted to win so bad. It's like, yeah, dude, I love the temple owls. I think this year we're going to win the national title.

He sent me this thing today.

No offense, Bobby.

On Ozempic. Tucker Carlson had this guy who used to work for a pharmaceutical company on his show today, or the episodes out today, and a lot of it is about Ozempic, about how many people are being prescribed Ozempic, or they're handing it.

Out like, nothing, too.

It's kind of wild. It's kind of wild because. Think it's going to be one of the most profitable drugs ever.

Do they know what's going to happen to you after you take it?

Because people have been taking it.

I got a feeling there's no way that works.

That's what I'm. Dude, people have been taking it for a long time. There's like, oh, we've used this for diabetes.

I felt that way about literally every single.

I know, dude, dude.

SSR people were like, you're depressed. I was like, yeah, dude, definitely take this. I'm like, no, they're terrible.

They turned out to be awful, dude. The withdrawal from those things are catastrophic.

People have severe biointestinal sort of things happen with them. If they have a bad side effect, gastrointestinal numbs your genitals.

You can get numb genitals, too.

Brian Simpson had a real bad reaction to it.

Really?

Yeah, real bad.

That sucks. Brian. Sad.

Yeah. His stomach was just jacked, but some people take it as no problem at all.

Yeah, but when you try to get off of them, it's like you have, like, a headache and brain zaps for like a month.

What? What are you. Ozempic burned off my genitals. I found pieces of charred skin in the toilet. Maybe some other things are going on.

Fucking ozempic.

Is that real? New York Post posted it.

Dr. Maria's pussy fell off.

Oh, my God. She got severe burns and charred skin on her vagina, anus, and buttocks, owing to once weekly, jabs. She's a professor of and pharmacology health at the University of Texas, Rio Grande Valley. Penned a testimony on her ozempic use to newsweek. So she's obviously very smart.

Yeah, Ozempic towed that pussy up.

That's all. Oh, my God. She said, I checked my genital.

His name is Ozampic.

That's just Ozampic.

Fucking rocked my anus. My anus fell off. I took a shit. My anus fell off. God damn it.

She said some areas had charred skin.

Fine.

She said it was as if she was exposed to sunlight for days.

Why is she taking those out?

Because everybody wants to be skinny, man.

Yeah, man, she looks great. And, dude, everyone's on. I know a lot of people going on this stuff.

Like, bro, can you imagine? No, I'm not talking about this particular woman.

Sure.

But if you brought home a lady and she had a charred anus and vagina, you're like, what happened?

I used to be fat.

You'd go, all right, she's thin and hot now.

Here's a picture of me when I was 250. Like, whoa, how'd you do this?

My butt fell off, but things are fine.

We could do other stuff.

Yeah, mouth play.

My holes fell off. My holes are rot.

My fucking holes fell off, but that's fine. Are you into mouth play?

Mouth play it.

Sorry, bro. I know that's not great, but saying mouth play and hand plays, so funny.

What a side.

What are you fucking googling?

Jamie, what happened? I just keep going down the article in the way. It still hurts when I have to urinate or defecate. It often starts peeling again because of the friction, said the survivor. They're calling her survivor. This might be that. Her lawyer might have wrote all those on a very strict diet, not taking any medication at this moment in time, but this will change in a few weeks. Rosa, Ada. I want to heal before I start again with any medication. And due to a strict diet, my level of glucose is thankfully under control.

She still supports it, which is nice.

She still laws the injections for lowering her blood sugar. Well, that's what it's for, right? It's a diabetes drug.

Damn, that's fucking wild.

I think one of the side effects is, like, stomach paralysis or something like that. She had all of the side effects. You guys just said depression, gastroent, gastro problems.

I'd be depressed.

Yeah, dude, that's fucked up.

Yeah, it's a weird thing, man, because it's like, yeah, you shouldn't be obese and I think it's something like 50% of the country chain speak on your people.

Fuck you, Joe.

Yeah, it's rising.

Did you lose any weight doing the carnivore diet?

Yeah, the twelve days I did it. Yes.

The twelve days.

That was an easy one to follow. Yeah. I mean, I had vicious diarrhea.

That was it.

I mean, me and Matt, it's crazy.

We both did it with him. It was fucking crazy.

Astonishing, right?

The diarrhea shit my pants. How many? I shit my boxers once I was in bed and I shit my fucking.

That's why you need to eat a bowl of rust.

Yeah, dude, you hit it.

One diarrhea, you go, all right.

I'm taking these little Hershey kits.

Something happens, though, after a while. Your body figures it out.

When it's always 16 days in.

It took me about two weeks. I remember Tom Segura texted me. He said, this diarrhea is astonishing.

It is truly astonishing diarrhea. You won't believe the diarrhea I had.

Water, black oil.

It was like oil water, but didn't smell it. Didn't smell that bad, though.

I don't know.

What?

Nothing. There's nothing vegans would tell you.

It's all toxins.

Really. Your toxins coming out, dude, I started missing big dumps.

Yeah. I think your body just dumps you.

Back on the menu. And I'll tell you what, I'm having the time of my life, dude.

I learned I'm a bit of a size queen, dude. I didn't like those little fucking.

Little pebble dumps. Yeah, I was bothered.

I couldn't agree more. You need to get a fucking large dump, dude.

She needs a lot of kale.

Just a horse pile. I got some kale in the fridge, Ron.

Have a lot of kale before you eat your food and you'll really big meaty dump.

Well, that's.

I told myself I got off that. Yeah, all that roughage and fiber.

I told myself, I was like, I'm just going to eat vegetables. I got off that diet. I pigged out so hard and gained all the weight back right away. I was like. Because I was totally disciplined on it. I'm like, all right, I'll add in veggies. I'll be good. And day one off of it.

How did you feel when you were on it?

I felt good. I did feel good.

I was a little lethargic the first couple of days.

Yeah.

The first night we did stand up. Yeah, that was weird. I'm, like, out of it.

Felt a little but the keto stuff, I like the feeling, but I get like weeks into it. I start feeling kind of like, loopy. But I don't think I was eating enough either. I was sick.

Yeah, you get sick of eating meat.

So sick of meat.

So you just don't eat.

I made a rack of ribs and looked at them and I was like, I can't, dude, I can't eat them. I was so sick of meat.

They're so funny.

It was weird.

I have zero problem having lamar lives with me now. That was not helpful for the diet. Like, 02:00 a.m. It'd be like, all right, I'm ordering pizza, you motherfucker.

Yeah, dude. I was making pancakes in my house in the morning for my kids. Just looking at them like, fucking.

It's so weird how the most desirable foods are all terrible for you. I know they're most desired. Like a plate of lasagna. Smell it. You're like, yeah, a good pizza right out of the oven. Like, oh, gee, right when you're about to take that bite and you feel that warm cheese, I'm going to be honest with you.

Yeah.

Me and Lamar ate some digiorno last night while we were watching cops.

How was it?

Shit rocked.

Fuck. So you get the frozen shit?

We usually don't, but what's the one that you could cook from frozeno is fucking good.

Is it?

Yes. Especially, I mean, if you're eating, you're blacked out. It's not going well.

They kill more. Those pizzas probably kill more people from.

Fucking nutritions on this from the house fire.

People get black out and put those things in the oven and pass out all the time. They kill whole blocks of rohos.

For real? Yes. That has to happen. Nonsense. We were close.

How many of the people eating frozen pizzas are drunk?

What's the percentage if you're sober eating a frozen pizza? You're a fucking loser. I'll be on the record for that.

It's just pedophiles eating them.

Pedophiles are sober eating frozen pizza.

If you're not kind of lit when you're eating one of those, you're a pedophile.

You got to be high as fuck.

Have you ever tried to make your own pizza? You ever do the pizza oven thing?

Yeah, I worked at a restaurant. We were doing that. I'm not good at it.

But now you have a nice yard, like maybe you get a little pizza.

Pizza oven would be nice.

Yeah.

Guys, I'm not doing anything.

Your culinary journey is going to be Xbox.

It's not that hard. Throwing the fresh mozzarella.

I'm never going to basil. I've accepted. I've accepted who I am with the.

Bud light, watching it cook, turning it.

Dude, cooking is a serious great joy of life. Learning how to cook is a genuine great.

We got to get you into making pizzas, bro.

Joe, you know, that's the last thing I need.

You can use, like, non gmo organic Italy flour. Yeah, flour straight from Italy with no fucking Herbicides in.

I'm gonna play Xbox and Doordash Chipotle and then go to the show. That's it. Wow. That's my schedule every day.

That's a solid, tight fuck.

The show's in 8 hours. So soon? That's cutting into all my doing. Nothing.

Are you ready to get back onto our workout routine?

I am. I've been hitting you up. I've been like, bro, I need you.

You came here once.

I need you, though.

Yeah.

I need someone to go, you have to do it. When you tell me if you're like, I can't make it today. I'm waking up, looking at my phone.

Going, I really like working out, guys, but I also really like working out by myself.

Going nuts. Yeah.

For me, it's a good time where there's nothing going on. Just me doing the routine.

You've been working out? Yeah, of course. You motherfucker.

What are you talking about? I always work out. I'm not going to ever stop.

You've been saying, I can't work out today. You're working out.

I couldn't do certain things. Yeah, I hurt my back for a little bit. Wasn't bad, though. It was a muscle pull. It wasn't anything to do with the spine. I was doing this new exercise, and it was doing a little too heavy, and I tweaked something, but it was like, a couple of weeks later, it was fine. Now it's full.

I am ready to get back, though. I need it. Yeah, let's go.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah. No slackers.

Yeah, I need it.

Brian Simpson likes to leave early. Oh, I got a meeting.

Brian Simpson always has a meeting. He's got a meeting at one.

Every fucking time we work out, he gets that one.

The sauna is the best, dude. The sauna. Literally, he gets out, he's like, oh, fuck. My phone.

I got to take a piss.

Yeah, I'll take a whiz. I'll take a whiz right now.

Go take a whiz.

Good luck.

I won't blow it, dude, I'll be cool.

Don't bring up anybody in particular.

I'll be cool.

Come on, bro.

We're fine.

We're not going to talk about horses.

See the panic as fish.

We're talking about shooting horses. Yeah. They are fucking impressive, though.

They're fucking amazing, man.

I have no idea they're that I kind of knew, but I don't think I'd ever seen one next to a regular horse before.

I did not know they were that big either. They're a dwarf and regular horse. I'm scared of horses, man. I got bucked off of one when I was little. Oh, no, I grew up next to, so I was one of six and my cousins were one of ten. And my dad and my uncle bought like, a piece of land outside of Philadelphia. It was like a rural area. It got built up now, but I grew up next to like ten. I had ten cousins that we would all just like, fuck around behind it. There was a guy who rented land off of us. He had horses. So I was always like, we cut through the horse place to get to the woods and like, dude, they'll charge you and shit. They're scary.

Yeah.

I'm still to this day terrified of them. We used to ride them. The one just went nuts and just bucked me off. And I was like, fuck this, dude.

I mean, I get it. I think riding them looks awesome, but whenever you're riding an animal, like, you're on an animal, like, hang on to an animal, dude. I got necessary.

Yeah.

And it's like, this could be side, like, fuck this guy. And this thing could kill me.

A friend of mine was in a trail of horses where they were going into this deep mountain elk hunt, and one of the horses fell and broke its leg and they had to shoot it right then and there.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, because they can't get it back.

They can't get it back and they don't heal.

Really?

Yeah, they shoot horses.

Damn.

When the horses break their leg, they shoot them.

Jesus.

Yeah.

I didn't know they didn't heal.

They don't heal? Yeah, they never totally heal. And I think there's probably, this was quite a few years ago. There's probably methods that they use now. Can they heal horses? They definitely can't run again. Like, if it's a race horse, they'll never run again. But killing horses? Yeah, they had to shoot this horse. My buddy was on this wilderness trail and the horse fell, it snapped its leg.

They just blasted it in the head.

They had to shoot it.

You see that at the racetrack, if a horse breaks his leg, they'll bring out, like a tarp on the track and hide it from the crowd and.

Just then eject it.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know how often they're still doing that, but that was just what they did.

We do.

Yeah.

Bones suck. They break too easy.

Yeah.

They break so easy, they take so long to heal.

Yeah.

It's ridiculous.

Such a shit design. That's why we have to accept the new. When we get AI, when you're going to get a new body, going to get some titanium frame.

That'd be sick. When's that stuff coming?

Unlike humans, horse has heavy bones and light leg bones. This is the way heavy bodies, rather, and light leg bones. This is the way they've developed many breeds, especially the thoroughbreds. When bones break, they may often shatter, and it's almost impossible to surgically reconstruct the fractured leg. While humans have some large muscles and a bit of tissue below the knee that help stabilize a broken bone, along with a cast, a horse has very little muscle and hardly any other tissue besides tendons, ligaments, blood vessels, and some nerves below the knee. Oh, wow. The lack of muscle and other tissue means that even in a cast, the broken bone has little to support it, and it's much harder to prevent a horse from using its broken leg to bear weight. Wow.

Kill it.

So they have to shoot it.

Got to kill it.

They've figured out some stuff, but that's why that's been the most common way to handle it. Compound fractures where broken bone penetrates the skin have a much poorer prognosis and are less likely to heal successfully without complications. Such cases are likely to be euthanized, particularly if blood supply to the leg has been compromised. So it says repaired. The less complicated the fracture, the more likely the horse will recover. Oh, so there are some that recover. Green stick and stress fractures are incomplete fractures, and these can usually be treated successfully. Simple fractures, where there's one clean break are more likely to heal successfully than shattered bones.

Now you got to kill them.

It stinks.

Got to shoot them, Dan.

You guys bringing up euthanasia?

Imagine tearing a ligament 500 years ago.

You're dead.

Yeah.

Even during the Bobby or days back in those days.

Yeah.

Bobby Orr used to work out at this gym that I worked at when I was 19.

That's awesome.

And he walked in and he couldn't straighten his legs, so he had to walk with, like, legs permanently bent, and he would play like racquetball. That's one of his knees.

What the fuck?

Probably old number four, bro.

They just cut his knees all over the place.

Oh, man.

Just covered in scars back then, man. The surgeries were terrible and you didn't really recover. You're never really the same again.

Yeah. If you pulled your meniscus when you're like a hunter gatherer, they're just probably leave you probably fucked.

Yeah. You just walked through it.

You just dealt with pain.

Yeah, true. Yeah, maybe that, too.

You just dealt with excruciating pain forever.

Fuck, that sucks.

Yeah. If you were lucky, if you weren't lucky by a jaguar.

Yeah.

Cat fucking snatches you up by your neck, drags you up a tree.

Yeah, dude, that was the majority of human history was just brutal, violent death.

Well, that's why people day, every day, little kids are scared of monsters.

Yeah.

What experience did they have with monsters? No, they know that represents animals that will eat you. It represents wolves. Yeah.

It's instinctual.

Yeah.

Baby turtles are scared of hawks.

That's what's going to happen to us again in about four years.

What's going to happen?

Wolves, wolves everywhere. No electricity, small packs of people.

Isn't that going to be kind of cool together?

Running out of bullets, everyone tells me.

I think that would be.

Second the grid goes down, I'm fucking.

No idea how bad it's going to be.

It's going to be bad, but like, dude, you get your juices. Here's the thing. You're not going to be like, bored and like, what's the point?

I'm going to kiss you.

First of all. There will be no second.

The grid goes down if the power goes out of my house. I'm going to your room.

Get in here.

Break down that door.

I'm going to get a generator. I need one.

You better charge that thing because I'm coming.

Just imagine if just maybe, life stays exactly the same. They figure out a way to get us food, they figure out a way to get us gasoline, but there's no electricity. You can drive around, but there's no electricity. No social media, no Internet.

So the 80s.

Just imagine that right now. Imagine that right now.

It'd be nice, but the world would.

Be in a fucking turmoil. No one know what to do.

Oh, yeah.

What do I do? What's real? What's going on? I got to read the newspaper. What? Yeah, there's no electricity, so you can't even watch tv. There's no tv at all.

We should try it for like a month. Have like, the whole country just go off for a month. Yeah.

They wouldn't even be able to do the newspaper because they don't have the machines to do the newspaper. Like they used to do it before the electricity, so they wouldn't even have the newspaper.

Yeah. Well, they're clamping down on Facebook and stuff now. Again, I think they've been trying to get them forever.

Oh, yeah, they were.

What are they trying to do? The government's like. I don't know if it's like a political ploy.

If I would guess if I was the government and I was looking at social media, I would say a couple things. One, if you're protecting fucking the thing that's valuable, no one knew was valuable. Everybody consented to give away their information, but nobody ever thought data was a commodity. That had never been a thing in human history. That data was insanely valuable. And then the people who have that data now with all that money have this insane ability to donate to. What are you doing, Jamie? Showing you what they're suing them for. More than 40 states and districts of Columbia filed lawsuits against Meta, the parent company of Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp. Facebook and Instagram deliberately manipulate their apps in ways to addict kids and teens and have failed to keep them off despite age limits. Here's the thing, though. Why is it their responsibility? Just like, why is it Pornhub's responsibility to make sure that you're 18? If you have a kid, it's supposed to be your responsibility to see what the kid's doing. Right, but how are you going to. Unless you have to use your id every time you sign up and they have to verify your age.

They do that in Louisiana.

Do they?

Yeah, I tried to jack off in Louisiana.

Yeah. They want to make sure you get on Utah. Yeah. You can't get on the sites on Utah.

I found a site.

You dig up some OG sites. You have to dig up, like the OG porn sites?

Yeah, I had to dig deep. And I'll tell you what, you go to those fucking off the grid porn.

Sites, you don't use a VPN. No, you should use a VPN.

Yeah, that's a good idea, actually.

Yeah, you should use one.

That's a great idea.

VPN.

Easy.

One click. It's a sponsor. Nice to use. Yeah. You could pretend you're in fucking Hawaii. You could pretend you're anywhere you want.

Oh, do you think I can use it to bet somewhere else? Maybe not just.

I don't know. I know this is your sponsors vpNs.

I'm going to use it. I think there are sponsors somewhere else.

There are sponsors.

I know people have used it to collect Pokemon.

I'm going to look up all types of stuff.

Yeah, they've collect Pokemon in places where they weren't really there. I know people use vpns to bypass countries. Like, Netflix is like, Netflix, you can go to UK. Netflix, you can go to Asia. Netflix, you can go to whatever you want.

That's pretty cool.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Fuck, I think they're our sponsored, too, actually.

Yeah.

Shit, I love them. I'll never bet somewhere else.

That's another thing that was, like, impossible. Now it's everywhere. Betting was impossible back in the day.

Yeah, like, fucking ten years ago.

Yeah.

My dad was.

Everyone.

Dude, what am I doing?

Almost, you guys.

What the fuck am I snitching on him for?

There was a whole mma organization that existed before betting went down. And I think part of their business model was betting was Bodog. They had some big fights. They had Fador fight for Bodog. Jorge Masvidal fought for them. Like, some big fighters. I think Chael Sunn fought for them. And they had fights on a beautiful beach in Costa Rica with, like, hot ring car, girls walking around, and they had the fights outside with, like, world class fighters.

Damn.

It's crazy. Yeah. And I think. I'm pretty sure that was the business model was about gambling.

That makes sense.

I saw it coming. England had it before us. I watched soccer, and soccer teams jerseys would have just, like, bet. Yeah, it's coming.

There was another thing, the international pool tour. They had the similar situation. This big multi. Hundred thousand dollars. Like, 300, $400,000 for the winners for these tournaments, which is huge for pool players. But it was all about online gambling. And then the online gambling, they killed that. They put the kibosh on that.

Really? Yeah.

They fucked up everything for just telling people what they can and can't gamble on. It's like my same feeling about this meta thing. I get it. Yeah. The algorithms are designed to keep you engaged, but they keep you engaged with what you're interested in. That's the thing. It's like they're saying they're shoving you only news from one source. Yeah, but that's not their responsibility, I don't think. They're not a news distributor. If you're only into QAnon, they're going to send you fucking QAnon shit.

You're going to get a lot of QAnon.

I'm sure we've talked about something happened with the algorithm lately.

What's going on?

All these. I don't. It's.

Oh, with the violent stuff.

All this stuff.

Oh, God. I don't get it.

Instagram really doesn't come to me.

I'll start sending you.

I'll put you on the one that me and Sagura on.

I don't want to see that. Oh, my God. Sagura has done that to me, like, day.

We do it every day.

The second you see Arabic in the fucking description of the video, the caption, I'm like, I'm not. No.

I've seen so many people get shot.

Really?

Oh, my God. Over the last month, I've probably seen 100 people get shot. No bullshit. Factory workers multiple times a day, factory workers getting. Those are horrible.

Oh, you're seeing the industrial accidents.

Oh, my God. You don't. Crazy.

Industrial buildings.

Buildings falling on people, falling on them. People sliding a scooter under a truck, getting dragged by the truck. Everything. You name it. Guys getting cut in half by trains, their buddies pulling the arms.

Yeah, it's no good.

Entrails are hanging out. Yeah, no, so much. Just like, he threw his friend under the bus and he fell over and over again. Le man, people are doing that on Instagram last night with horrible shit.

Last night. He was like, oh, no. As soon as I got in the club, I was like, I need security footage. And then he was like, oh, no, everyone's going to see me fall. And I was like, I'm doing Rogan tomorrow. He was like, oh, like 10 million people at least.

It adds to his charm, though.

Yeah, that's what I was telling him. He's the funniest guy ever.

Everybody shit their pants and everybody's falling.

Exactly.

Yeah, I shit my pants just last week.

Really?

Thought I was going to fart in my house. I felt it come out wet. I was like, you son of.

Sometimes that's kind of nice, though. You get a midday shower.

I was on my way out the door, on my way to do a podcast. Oh, shit, my pants. Rinse them off in the sink.

Yeah, I'm usually good about shards.

Yeah, I guess you have to.

Yeah, true. I usually can. Like, sometimes I surprise myself. I'm like, I definitely shit myself. And I'm like, no, I didn't.

One time I was coming home from.

Sweaty ass and I farted.

One time I was coming home from fear factor, and I just. I was fighting it. I was fighting it. You let it go, battle. You let it go. It was like, oh, God, it was cramping. You went into the light filled my pants. Filled? Like where? I immediately felt it in my sock. Right away, I was like, oh, good lord. It rocketed out of my asshole. The underwear was about as effective as our border wall. It went down my legs. I felt it in the back of my legs. Instantly. I was like, oh, Christ. It was an explosion. I was holding back as long as I could.

You released.

It was like hanging off of a bridge. And you realize you can't pull yourself up.

You just let go. You go. That's it.

Where were you?

How far from my car?

I do not remember being in my car and just unloading on my suv seats. Alexis SUV. I just filled that front seat up. Shit.

How did you clean that out? What was the process?

I took it to the car wash. I cleaned it out myself, and then I brought it to the car wash to get it detailed. I didn't tell them I shit myself. What the fuck?

Hopefully I had leather seats, man. Leather seats.

Oh, yeah, they were leather good.

That's good for dumps.

Cloth.

A lot better than cloth, bro. It gets in that foam, so I'm saying it never comes out doodoo in your foam. You got to cut that foam out, dude.

If someone throws up in your car, it smells fresh over.

You got to burn it and say, caught on fire, bring it to the dealership.

I did not shit myself.

Definitely didn't shit myself. But I caught my front seat on fire.

My friend shit himself at work when we worked together, and he drove home, like, sneakily to change his pants. We were, like, younger, too. We're in high school, and his mom was outside, and she was like, what are you doing? He's like, I shit my pants. And she made him get undressed, hosed them all outside.

Oh, my God. It's fucking embarrassing. Yeah, it's as embarrassing as it gets. It was getting hosed by your mom's clean garden hose.

He was pulling into the driveway some.

On it to make it black.

Dude.

Just really focusing, cleaning on.

There. I know, mom. Hose water is fucking freaking cold.

He said he was in his driveway, saw his house, and it just lost. He's like, I lost it at the goal line.

Breaks his leg like a Clydesdale.

At the goal line. I mean, that is where it gets you. The second you.

I was even close to my house. I drove with the windows down, smelling my own shit for a solid 25 minutes.

What was going through your head, though? Did you accept it? Were you like, this is unacceptable.

Shit myself. What are you going to do? I had ruthless diarrhea whatever the hell was going on.

You sick?

Yeah, I must have been. I don't remember. All I remember is that feeling. The feeling of, like, knowing you're going to lose. Yeah, I feel.

It feels so good, though, dude, to just be horrible, just give in and.

Be like, if I had made it to the toilet, it would have been amazing, dude. It would have been one of the greatest victories of my career.

Matt gave me a bunch of, like, micro dose mushrooms, took more than I should, and I was just on a walk. I was like, I'll just have a nice walk around New York, dude. I got, like, two blocks away, and I was like, my stomach just went blurr. And I was like, oh, no, dude. I sprinted up. Tommy was downstairs and heard me run up the steps, and he was like, what the fuck was that?

I've got some great victories in my shitting career.

Yeah, that was one where you get to the key works at the front door.

Yes.

You keep those muscles tight till you get to the bowl and you're quivering when you're pulling your pants down. I don't know if I'm going to make it.

Your teeth get all weird at the buzzer.

The three pointers in the air.

I got jammed in an Uber on the way to the airport. It was like six in the morning, and it just. All of a sudden, on the way, I was like, oh, fuck. And I had, like, 20 minutes, and I was in the lady's car, like, sitting on one ash cheek. It was so bad. I had to look my ass up. And I was just letting out these, like, any fart could have. And I was like, I wanted to tell, like, I'm sorry. I was farting in the back of her car. I had to release pressure.

And you're sitting sideways. Did you say sorry?

No. She looks back at your launch. I was at terminal C. Sideways launch position.

I was at terminal C, and I'm like, terminal a is fine because. Where are you going? I was like, oh, terminal C. And I got there. I'm like, terminal a is fine.

Damn. You jumped at the airport? At the entrance where all the homeless.

People go in, because any one could get in. I made it, and I sat down, I saw there was no toilet paper, and I went, fuck it. And I had to just let it out. And luckily, dude, I went in my school bag, and my wife gave me packet of Kleenex. I saw him put it in my bag, like, weeks ago. I'm like, dude, I'm going to leave that fucking shit in my bag. She threw it in my bag, and I went, what an angel. Pulled the Kleenex out. Wipe my ass.

Woman's intuition. It was a shit tuition.

Woman's tough.

After using these robot toilets. That clean butt, bro, I get sad when I have to just wipe it because I know it's gross.

It sucks, dude. Wiping your ass. Gross.

You're just smearing shit all over yourself.

All the way up.

Yeah, you're, like, rubbing it to the point where you look at the tissue and it's reasonable. It's reasonable.

Fuck. My ass itches.

The bidets are so nice. I got to put one on.

Nice.

I bought one from my old house, and I try to connect it, and the fucking water sprayed everywhere. So I got to hire a professional.

Yeah, hire somebody.

Yeah, I got to get a bidet. It's so nice, dude. In the fucking bathroom in the comedy club.

Oh, yeah, it's nice, dude, we didn't have one bathroom.

I shit every time I do stand. I can't help it.

There's a button that says defecate. You ever hit that button? Yes, bro.

Hit all the buttons.

Really? That's a pipe cleaner I haven't dumped there. I don't think.

Row, dude, what does it say? North America? Through the 17 hundreds, people were still wiping whatever they had on hand.

Oh, yeah.

Most common things were corn cobs and seashells.

Pause on the corn cob.

They scraped their asshole with seashells. By the 18 hundreds, paper was becoming more widely available. Yeah. Magazine. Finally, in 1857, a New Yorker named Joseph Gaiety introduced the first patented toilet paper boss. Wow.

Hero.

1857. So, until 1857, everyone was. The Romans cleaned their behind.

That seems like a good.

Beats the fuck out of tattoo stick.

Yeah. A lot of places in the world keep, like, a dish of water. In the Middle east, you keep a dish of water above your toilet and use one hand to splash water on your ass. A wiping.

Interesting. I think that's the move. The move is the sponge. If you use the sponge, then you can clean the sponge off. You can reuse it. It's green. You throw the sponge away. Jamie.

Yeah.

It was just a pile of sponges. No, clean your sponge, you piece of shit. Everybody gets one sponge. It goes with your voter id sponge.

Go get another one.

You don't have to put it on the end of a spear. You hold it in your hand like a gentleman.

They would get old, though.

It's like you're buffing, like when you're buffing your hood, just buff your asshole with a sponge.

A sponge, actually, that is nice. That seems like a good move thing. That car would feel great. Test a sponge right next to the toilet.

You got like, a basin and the water is flowing. You dunk your sponge in there, clean it out.

Nice sound.

Unless you just got a mess. Chunky through the shower, frozen yogurt. You're never getting it out of the sponge. It's deep. It's all over your ass cheeks. You're wiping your legs all the way up your back. It's dripping down your legs. The fuck did I dot wipers? Oh, they were used and shared. You don't have your own, of course. Why would you have your own, Jamie?

Yeah, it's fucking Rome.

Okay, so if one of the freaking visitors had intestinal worms, all the others would carry them home too, without any knowledge of how diseases spread. The overall roman toilet setup could hardly be called hygienic by modern standards.

Yeah, they told me to test kids for worms. They said, put a piece of scotch tape on your kid's butthole while it's sleeping and the worms come out of the butthole at night and they'll get stuck in the scotch tape.

What?

Yeah, I had a doctor tell my wife this today.

Don't you have to shine a light on your kid's asshole to see the worms coming out at night?

Hopefully.

I heard that they want us to.

Put scotch tape on the behold.

Mayo Clinic says to do that too. Press the adhesive side of a piece of transparent tape to the skin around the anus of the person you suspect as pinworms. As soon as the person awakens, the eggs, stick to the tape when you take the tape to your appointment so the doctor could look at pinworms or eggs under a microscope. Interesting. That fucking crazy, bro. This is a crazy video of a black bear, his black bears walking. And it's got worms. It's got worms coming out of it. Giant one, like, garden, like garden noses hanging. Hanging out of his ass. How crazy is that?

His face, he's like, I know, dude, this sucks. This is embarrassing.

The size of those worms, what must be going on in their gut. Oh, my God, the worms must be getting most of the food. Yeah. Oh, that's so nasty. If they're making their way all the way out through your asshole that thick. Look at that. Those thick COVID vaccine like ropes, those blood clots you find on Reddit, that's what it looks like. Look at that fucking length of that thing. Look at that one. That one you just showed Jamie. But look at the length. Oh, my God, look at the length of that. Look at the worms behind him, brother.

That tree is not the answer, man.

No. That's good though, for now.

True.

I have no idea.

Jamie, get that bear racking his nuts doing that. It's pretty great.

He has no idea.

Change the subject from diarrhea and worms, brother.

That's crazy.

That's terrible.

That's crazy.

It's kind of sad. You see that bear get hit in the nuts?

This one?

Yeah, it's pretty wonderful.

This is great.

This is one of the greatest videos ever.

There we go. Gearing up.

What's he doing?

Scratching.

Scratching, man.

God, that's got to feel fucking awesome.

Yeah, look at him. He's just rubbing his back. Is there any other animal that does that? Oh, no.

He caught himself.

Look at him. It tastes like. Oh, my nut.

Instantly. Just a dude. As soon as he got.

And it took like a good 10 seconds to fully kick in on them.

They are absolutely the coolest animal.

Yeah, they're the coolest. Grizzly would kill a gorilla, dude.

Yeah, I think so.

Really?

Yeah, bro.

It's a hot take.

I'm tired of these people saying gorillas would fuck up a grizzly. Yeah, grizzlies are fucking.

They're huge.

They run 40 miles an hour.

Well, there's different types. Different types. Crazy mountain grizzlies. And then there's coastal brown bears, which are the same species, but they have much more access to protein. They're just eating salmon all day. And moose. Those things are giant.

Damn. Look how fast they fucking.

They run so fast. But more importantly. Oh my God, believe it or not, like John Donahuer and Lex Friedman had a conversation about this that I saw. It was hilarious. About who would win a gorilla, a bear, a grizzly bear or a lion.

And lion's getting right.

Well, bear easy. No, no, probably not.

Really?

Yeah, probably not. No, I'm out.

Yeah.

It's hard to say. It's hard to say. Lions are pretty big. Tiger, male.

Fuck up a lion, a tiger.

Would a big, like Siberian those really enormous tigers.

I'm sorry to cut you off. I watched a sloth bear hold his own against a fucking tiger recently. That's just a shitty.

That's a crazy bear.

Mangy, shitty bear.

Those are very aggressive. Grizzly sloth bears are very aggressive.

They kill a lot of people, I believe I've seen. That was the first time I met you. I showed you a sloth bear killing a man the day we met. The first time we did an open mic together, I was like, yo, check this out.

It was a bear eating a guy.

He showed me a guy jump off a building.

And that was a rough.

This is a bear versus a tiger.

This is actually very nice.

And that's.

That sloth bear is defending its cub. Very nice moment, dude.

Yeah, that's a small tiger.

And that soft bear gets rocked and hangs in there.

Yeah, they're tough, dude. They're tough.

A grizzly would go nuts on that thing.

Fuck.

They're maybe that size tiger. That's not a very big tiger. It depends on how big they are. It's just think about grizzlies and lions. They're the ones that have the giant advantage because they kill shit all the time. This is one of the things that Don Hurst said, gorillas don't really kill anything. Yeah, silverbacks have canines that are just for posturing. They're just like, for showing their fangs. It's weird that they have canines because they don't kill anything. Every other thing that has canines as big as a kills things. They just eat vegetables.

Yeah, true. I wonder if they ever ate meat a little. Well, monkeys eat meat at all.

Yeah, monkeys do.

Chimps do.

Although eat meat.

Chimps are very carnivorous. Chimps are very carnivorous. They eat a lot of meat. They eat a lot of monkeys. A lot of monkeys, yeah. They'll eat deers. They eat monkeys. They eat everything they can catch. But they eat fruit if it's available. They eat the fruit, but really what they want is monkeys. That's their favorite thing to eat.

Damn.

Yeah, they found out. David Attenborough.

Yeah.

Fucking with those things. I had the director on. He said they didn't even show all the chimps eating monkeys. He's like, so often, he was like, it's their favorite thing to do. Yeah. Look at the size of that cat. Imagine that motherfucker walks, dude, siberian versus Bengal tigers, it said, yeah, that's a siberian.

Show the belly.

The guy's like, no, thanks.

I like that guy. Chilling. I'm not even proud of this.

He's just walking around that cage like Francis Ngano. Like, get the fuck out of my way.

Damn side, dude.

Yeah. So that thing against a grizzly, I don't know, but grizzlies are fucking insanely durable, man. The thing about that, they're designed to fight a cat is not necessarily designed to fight. They're designed to kill things. Grizzlies fight each other all the time. And they fight for like 20 minutes and they tear each other apart and they don't get hurt.

That's a good point.

Their skin is so flexible and so thick that they get just bit down on and they're shaking each other and then they just shake it off like nothing happens.

Yeah, I'm grizzly on this.

What's the gorillas? What's the gorilla?

Stability. The grill is like a super strength. Yeah, just strong as fuck and smart. The gorilla is smart. True, but they're going to get fucked up. You're taking a big cat against a gorilla? No, I'm not necessarily taking the big cat against a grizzly, but maybe because I don't think the big cat is used to fighting. Grizzlies fight so much like they know how to fight. I think it would know how to hold the cat down.

Those cats fight.

Yeah, but I think they have to fight, don't they? Killed. Yeah, they get killed.

They get kicked out of the fucking group.

Yeah, that's true. But grizzlies fight like every year.

Yeah, grizzlies are out there. They're like Tyson in their prime. It's every two weeks.

I've seen bears fight in the wild.

Really?

Yeah, it's wild to see. It's wild. These bears were going at it. I was in Alberta. And the way they hunt bears out there, the forest out there is like a box of q tips. You can't see shit. You can't see shit. So the way they hunt bears, they have an enormous bear population. It's like they're infested with black bears. They leave bait out and eat you like donuts or something sweet. And then the bears come to that. So these bears know where this one, or they leave a dead beaver. That's another thing. They leave so the bears know when the bait is there. And so they'll decide who gets the bait or they'll decide that a female is hot and she's ready to have sex and they'll fight over the female. But I watched these two dudes just go at it. Just go at it like 30 yards away from him.

It's terrifying.

Wild. Yeah, it's wild.

The black bears are prevalent in, like, the Poconos in Pennsylvania.

People like, oh, yeah, they're kind of sissies.

They are. Do people like, walk well, I mean.

They'Re at least, like, they don't fuck.

With, don't run away until they do. My neighbor, when I was up there, the guy staying next to us is like, I'll walk down the driveway with him. I'm like, dude, you're out of your fucking mind.

I saw crazy Jamie, there's a video of. I think it was a black bear getting into a dude's cabin.

Really?

And it's like. He's like, there's no. You can tell it's just a bro. He's like, dude, I think there's something in the kitchen. And he's like, holy fuck, it's a bear, dude.

Holy fuck.

Then it comes up the step, like, it's. I don't know.

They mangled finding that. Killed a kid at Rutgers. He got killed by a black bear at Rutgers? Yeah, he was going to school at Rutgers, in fact, New Jersey. Yeah, the truck factory. New Jersey has the highest population of bears per capita in the country. What?

Wow.

Yeah. New Jersey does. New Jersey state. When the governor, who's currently in. When he was running, one of the things he was running on is stopping the bear hunt.

Chris Christie.

Because people were upset. People were upset that people were hunting bears, like the people that live in Newark and cities. What are you doing, hackensack?

You're hunting bears?

They kept that law for two years, and then he's like, forget it. Start hunting bears again. So many bear interactions with people. They were going up so high. They were fucking up people's garbage cans in the Poconos.

You got to lock your thing up because they come, like, every Sunday.

They're coming terrified of deer. My family and I, we got a house in the Poconos, and the deer are everywhere.

Everywhere.

And they are fucking disgusting. Yeah, you got to shoot, dude. We walk outside. These are just the most mangy fucking deer you've ever seen.

Well, they also might have chronic wasting disease.

They're fucked up.

Oh, dude, that's fucked up. My brother saw that. They just drown themselves and stuff.

Scary. They call it, like, a zombie disease. It's a prion disease. Look at this bear.

Awesome.

The guy's just chilling.

No idea.

Oh.

Fuck. Is your.

Dude, there's one. There's an asian lady taking a nap, and a bear comes over and starts sniffing her face.

Oh, my God.

The thing about bears.

Sorry.

Black bears, if you get attacked by a black bear, it's more likely trying to eat you.

Oh, really?

Yeah. If you get attacked by a grizzly bear, it's more likely you shocked it, like you came near its cubs, that kind of thing. Or might want to eat you too. That's possible, too. Black bears, it's more likely they're just hungry.

Wasn't grizzly man there when they started to get hungry? Isn't that what happened?

Yeah, he stayed.

He hung out. Don't be there. That during that season, there were bears.

That were so hungry they couldn't hibernate. They didn't have enough fat to hibernate. It was an old bear, and he just didn't have any food.

He got a good meal.

Yeah, he became a bear in the end of it.

He became.

Just sniffing this lady.

That's a guy, dude.

Sleep bear was fucking with his shoes, bro. Yeah, they're cool. You just don't want a lot of them near you.

Yeah, I don't want anyone.

Do you know they used to eat them and not eat deer?

They eat bears. Yeah.

The pioneers, like, when they first started establishing America, they would eat bear and they would use the deer for skins. That's why a dollar is called a buck. That was the amount of money you can get for one deer skin.

What?

Yeah, they didn't eat deer. What's crazy?

What's bear taste like? It tastes good.

It's closer to beef. That's why. And so they were eating bear and they were just using the deer for skins.

I like to think of that. The guys that got to North America and ran into fucking grizzlies, like, from Europe.

Yo.

You're like, what?

Well, Europe has a lot of brown. Yeah, yeah. Russia has some of the.

Yeah, yeah.

But Germany has brown bears. I think someone got killed by a brown bear.

Germany has brown bears.

Pretty sure.

No way.

Yeah.

Not anymore. I don't know. Oh, yeah, I guess they got those forests.

There's bears in the forest in certain parts of Europe. I know for sure. I know they have brown bears out there.

Yeah.

Lobster was, like prison food when it first came. Yeah, lobster. It was, like, considered disgusting as a bug. They feeded the prisoners.

They would get them out of the East river and serve them to people at bars. It was bar food. First bear in Germany in 16 years.

Okay.

Yeah, there it is. First wild bear in Germany. 170.

That was close. Okay.

That must have been what I read. So are there bears in Spain? Is that what it is? Are there brown bears in Spain? But there's definitely some Russia in my brain. What do you say?

I was like, I'm tired. You drink enough and start remembering Spanish. I was like, oh, so for a bear, I think that might be bear. It is nice.

It is the new vodka.

Yeah.

Oh, really?

It's Bird's bet. Tom and Bert have a vodka. It's called Oso. Port Osos. Oh, what a great name.

Hell, yeah.

Perfect. I just saw the ad and you said, oh. So I thought you're talking about the vodka itself.

Oh, so I thought you were talking about that dude who was the guru in, wow, wild country.

That guy ruled. That guy ruled everybody.

By the people, of the people. But the people are retarded, God damn it. For the retarded. Of the retarded, by the retarded.

You're watching it. You're like, damn, this guy's a genius. This is. Wow, this is going to be really insightful, but the people are retarded.

God damn it.

Dude. This is something I would say, man.

I think he's on it.

Man. Bro, second language, too.

Look at him.

Such a g.

Government by the people.

Think of being in this meeting, like, off the people. Yeah, for the people.

But the people are retarded.

That's when you look next to you and your friends, like, what?

Wait a minute. We think we might have fucking bet.

On the wrong guru.

What are we doing?

You're in full lotus sweatsuit knowing that you gambled on the wrong guru. That's why I'm so glad I got out of that first building. That first building. I bought a first building before we bought the mothership, before that spot, I bought a place that was owned by a cult.

Really?

The documentary on it called Holy Hell.

Oh, Duncan told me that. Yeah, he told me you were in, like, was he still kicking around?

The guy's in Hawaii now. Yeah. Really restarted.

He's a legend. You told me this guy's story. This guy fucking rules.

Guy's a legend.

So the guy was a gay porn star and a hypnotist.

Dangerous combo.

Dangerous combo.

And a yoga instructor and beautiful, beautiful man. Amazing physique. Six pack, taught yoga, but as he got older, he got creepy, started getting a lot of plastic surgery, lost his physique. And so the cult awareness network, it was like, right after Waco, cult awareness network, they're cracking down on all these cults because Waco pops motherfuckers. So this motherfucker says, okay, I'm going to move to Austin. And just to throw people off who might be thinking I'm running a cult, I'm going to have my followers build me a theater so that I can dance in front of them. That was the place that I bought. I bought that place. It was going to be my comedy club.

The gay hypnotist dancer.

Well, I found out about it from Ron White. Ron White's like, you should buy that theater that was owned by the cult. I played there once. It's fucking awesome. Beautiful place. I go, really? He goes, oh, yeah, fucking good, Ron White.

By.

Every time I talk to Ron White, I'm like, I'm friends with Ron White.

It's weird.

He's the man.

He might be the coolest dude possible.

He's one of the greatest humans that's ever so funny. I love that guy to death. So when he was telling me to buy the building, I was like, I'm buying that building. It's for sale.

Let's go.

And I took him on a tour, and he's like, yeah, I fucking killed right here. So we all looked at it. We brought in architects and everything. We were in the planning stages. They had, like, a significant issue that wasn't addressed. That had to be addressed. And I got out of it.

Yeah, it's like buying a house, and they're like, it's haunted.

Well, there was a lot of issues. First of all, there were not construction people that made that place. But then on top of that, Adam Egett tells me about the documentary. I did not know about the documentary. I just knew. Ron said, yeah, cult owned it. I'm like, cult? Yeah, normal stuff. Yeah, but you flower people, they probably did yoga and grew. No, no. There's a lot of butt fucked dudes were getting. They were getting hypnotized and fucked. And then they had to pay. They had to pay for therapy. So he'd give them therapy, they'd have to pay $50, and then he would fuck them.

The idea of, did it work for.

The guy, for the patients, that's the.

Thing about the documentary. That's wild. This guy was a legitimate hypnotist, right? And he had these people convinced that he could give them this thing called the knowing. And the knowing was he would, like, place his hands on you. It has to be the right time, the right moment. But these people to this day were saying it's the most amazing moment of their life. It was pure ecstasy. They connected to God through the power of suggestion. When he put his hands on them, they really did experience that thing. So he really did have that power.

Whoa.

He really, really, actually did. If you're a gullible person who's likely to join a cult in the first place, you're kind of a sucker. Kind of a sucker. You're not skeptical. You believe this. And then you find yourself in the woods, and you're on your knees, and this guy is over you, and he puts his hands on your temples, and they would just go into full bliss. And it's wild because it's in the movie and it doesn't look like they're faking it. It looks like they're having this wild, transcendent experience. Like someone just gives them a full on mushroom trip. Just fucking. Just hits them with a giant dose of acid.

Damn.

And they're just like.

They talk about it afterwards. Even.

They're talking shit about him. Even afterwards. Like 20 years later, when they're talking shit about him, they talk about him. They believed in him so much.

He was yoked.

Yeah, he was beautiful. He was beautiful. He had a six pack. He was a yoga instructor. See, he would give them this thing, man. He would touch them in the head. And by the way, some of them, he would hold it back from them. He wouldn't give it to them. You're not ready. Like, no, I'm ready. And so they'd be complaining for years, you are not ready. Oh, man. Show that again. Show that again. People's mouths, bro. Look at the side. The way he's tossed it sideways. By the way. This is later in life when he's getting a little creepy looking. So he starts getting a bunch of plastic surgery and weird shit to his face and his body kind of falls apart. But that was him dancing. That was him dancing at the one world theater.

What?

Which was the place that I was going to buy. He had them build a theater so he could dance in front of them.

I mean, can you imagine seeing that guy and not hysterically laughing?

Well, as he got older, he just started looking like real weird, man. Like real weird.

Look at him.

Yeah, but when he was young, he was beautiful. So that's the torment of youthful beauty. You get older fucking, you become a monster.

Yeah, but even when he was young, it'd still be like, if I saw a guy, like, throw a fruit in some guy's mouth.

Later in life.

Yeah, he started getting.

I bet he got a little cocky. Yeah, he'd been running that call for a couple of decades. That's older version of the dude. Changed his name twice.

Fucking hog, though, dude. What's this guy? He's like a Clydesdale. He's been stuffing in all those butt problem.

Look at all those hungry mouths behind.

Look at him, dude.

Yeah, look at that.

Look at the other guy. Look at the dude in the back.

He's like, my mouth. We probably said to him, I experienced it through you.

I felt it.

I felt it. The ecstasy you had of catching master's fruit.

The gay buttfuck cult, man.

That's tough, man. Bro. So they found out because in the early, worse than Waco, a guy left the cult and sent a mass email, yo, this guy's been hypnotized me and butt fucking me for the past ten years. And then everybody else, swear to God.

He'S fucking good at it.

They really didn't know how many people he was doing that to.

Yeah.

And they all start sharing information.

What?

Yeah, I mean, he ran this thing for a long time. The thing they all say, though, is, in the beginning, it was great. In the beginning of the cult, they were just having together, and they were going on first nature hikes. They're doing yoga together. Then as later, I think as he got older, he couldn't get as many guys, so he needed to fuck them.

Yeah.

When you get gross looking, the only people that'll fuck you are the people that think you're a know when you're young and true. I know. That's why I came to you. He's out there getting it. He probably didn't need to fuck him.

I do like the idea of being in a cult. Like, the moment of clarity where you're. Dude, Waco is so funny to think of a guy being in there when they're like, the feds are coming. We've got to fight them off. And me and a guy in the meeting, like, fuck.

Oh, no shit. And if you leave, they'll shoot you.

Yeah.

If you run out that door, you're.

Going to get shot in the back.

You got to run out in the middle of the night. So you got to plan it out. You have a fucking toothbrush and a pair of underwear taped to your leg. You got to figure out how to get over the barbed wire. You got to run out with a roll of carpet. You throw the roll of carpet over the barbed wire. You've got it all planned.

You hear crash.

Like, where are you going, buddy? Oh, Jesus Christ. You hear and you feel the hot lead.

I heard a lot of those North California grow ups, they had that thing, triangle of something on Netflix. I've heard a long time ago, they were like that, like, people. Hippie kids would be like, I'm going to go trim on this guy's farm. And it's like, thinking it's going to be like some cool hippie guy. But these are, like, country, northern California criminals. Like, hot, young hippie chicks running out there and getting, like, drugged and stuff.

It's like, well, that's a documentary series. Sasquatch.

Really?

That was cool.

Very good documentary series. It's about. They attributed a murder to Bigfoot. They said Bigfoot killed. That makes sense.

That was fucking Bigfoot.

Dude, how high you have to be.

Bro? Bigfoot killed, broken, and killed all the cartel guys.

I was not so.

It was so remote and so lawless that guys would come in and steal people's crops and they'd rob people and shoot people. And so it was like, these guys started off as hippies, and then it became business.

That has to be how every Loch Ness monster, sasquatch, every single monster, was definitely just a guy killing a guy and being like, fucking chupacabra came out of nowhere back in the day.

That's a good idea.

Yeah. Also, if you leave someone's body in the woods, like, where there's, like, wild pigs and animals, they're going to eat that body quick. All you have to do is leave the body for 24 hours and something's eating it. A coyote is going to eat it. I don't remember if we talked about this, bro. No, I haven't seen.

This shit was so funny.

Love has won the cult of mother God. That's one of the rare cults run by a lady, too, right?

Yeah, we watched some of this. It is so funny. There's a dude that shows up and just dominates the cult.

Like a dude does.

A dude shows up and just ruins everything. There he was.

Yeah, she was.

He was the boyfriend. He's a meth head. He's a meth head.

Yeah, he's like, gets out of prison or whatever, goes to this cult.

Amazing.

He said he was out raking leaves with all the community, and he just put his rake down and was like, I run this. And he just immediately started dominating everybody.

Oh, no.

Making them listen to heavy metal.

He'd put heavy metal on and be like, this is power. I'm power.

Oh, my God.

Like, a dude would get to fuck this lady, and then he'd be father God and then this, like. So she had like, three father gods and the meth head dude came through.

And discovering a mummified body laying in an enshrined queen size bed, wrapped in a sleeping bag decorated with Christmas lights.

They believed silver. What's it called? What type of silver?

Colloidal silver.

They were like, that's going to solve this. So they were just crushing this lady with silver while she was an alcoholic.

Oh, my God. She started turning blue as a 19 billion year old deity. Carlson claimed she could cure cancer while also drinking herself into oblivion every night. What a wild lady.

Wait till you see.

I'm watching that tonight.

She's got the galactics. She channels her deity.

I'm writing this down then I'm going to set a reminder to watch.

It's so funny.

Very funny.

Love, right?

Love has won.

Love has won.

She channels her. They're called the Galactics. It's a collection of people that fucking. Who knows? They have spaceships. They're going to pick her up. The galactics are really. It's Robin Williams and Donald Trump, who's still alive. They love Trump, which is so funny.

They do love.

Anytime she gets hammered, she's like, Robin Williams is channeling himself through me. That's why I'm being mean to. She'd know. She'd just get hammered and be like, fuck you, bitch. Clean up all my shit. Then the next day be like, damn, Robin Williams was crazy last night. I'm sorry. It's the best. Then she starts taking silver, and her cult believes her so much that when she starts to be like, I don't know, guys. I think the silver might be killing me. They're like, no, the silver is good. You're God. She's like, I'm not God. I'm fucking hammered. I haven't hammered for 20 years.

Is that the same stuff that made that guy turn blue? Remember he was on Oprah?

This is what happened.

Did she turn blue as well?

She turns blue at the end.

Oh, boy. Dude, what does she look like at the end?

Oh, that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, man.

She wasn't that old, right?

She was attractive, dude, show her before she was hot.

Oh, the silver, the coil.

Jamie's still watching this on a sneak.

Jamie, you like that meat? Catch you with that fucking dog, dude. Your little tiny dog watching guys. Catch me. I've closed it up. And see me tabs. She was very pretty.

She was pretty.

Look at that one. Yeah, that's her.

LinkedIn.

LinkedIn.

LinkedIn. Glad to see your business is doing. Yeah, it just became a business where the money guy is hilarious in it.

So she was running it for a while until the method came along. She was so hot. McDonald's manager to cult leader. Wow, she was a McDonald's manager?

Yeah, she did it.

Hey, you can do it in this country.

Yeah.

If you have a good idea and you really work hard, you can.

You can die from rum and silver like a pirate. What the fuck?

Drinking wet rum, bro.

She was rushing. Shit. She's hammered the whole time. And then her methead boyfriend shows up and he rules.

He does.

Oh, my God. Dominates everyone. All the other guys are pussies, and this dude shows up. They all still believe, though.

Oh, my God. That's such a dangerous thing. Look at that. Super blue. Colloidal Smurf turns you blue. Wow. He's a good looking guy. Before that. What the fuck?

That's literally Papa Smurf.

That is.

Dude, that's so crazy. And they can't turn that. It looks like William. Over a decade.

It does look like William Montgomery.

Looks a little like William. The way he's smiling if he was bald. That's William Montgomery. I am going to take colloidal silver. William Montgomery should do that for, like, Halloween.

For Halloween? He might get tackled in the street.

That guy had it, too. Wow.

That stuff is in the Alex Jones toothpaste.

Colloidal silver? Yeah, in the Alex Jones toothpaste.

I don't want to be smirch his company. I think the colloidal surface silver was in the toothpaste. Dad's a dentist.

Alex Jones's dad's a dentist?

Yeah. Man, you listened. You ever listened to prep?

There it is.

Collidal savor.

Super blue.

That's an interesting ad.

I got a piss.

Yeah, okay.

Matt, you can't put by yourself.

I'll take a break.

Yeah. So much better.

Feels good, dude.

Yeah. It's good to pee.

What's better, peeing or shitting?

Really better? Yeah. There's something about a good one.

A good one versus. I mean, think about a good whiz.

Hard. Both pretty good.

But a dump when you're holding a.

Whiz and you get it, what it.

Is, it's like a clitoral orgasm that's peeing real hard and then dumping. Like having, like, a cervical orgasm. I'm going to say, if you had to compare it to something.

Yeah, it's one of those guys, like, I stumbled my toes. Just like childbirth.

Wait, there's fucking cervical orgasms, dude.

I know. What the fuck? You know what Nate Lamar fucked me up on? Our friends were. I was talking to them and they were saying, dudes are now reviewing their dick size. Like the dildo. That's their dick size. And reading the reviews. Women, leaves of the dildo.

I'm not coming close to that.

I'm not looking.

You gotta talk about negative comments, bro.

Dude, my brain keeps dumping it. It comes up and I'm just getting.

One of those little, fucking tiny little buzzers.

If they had an ozembic for dick size.

Yeah.

Oh, my God. And it gave you a bunch of side effects.

Side effects?

Could be.

Side effects could be cancer, anything. Diabetes, turning blue. Guys would just take diabetes medication, have a giant hog. But if it would have fired up, you have to keep taking it. Like, it artificially inflates the size of your dick for a limited time. Yeah, you have to bang it every couple of days. All day, every couple of days. You got to bang it.

It'd be so hard to not do that.

Everybody would do it if they do. Boy, that's the holy grail. That's pharmaceutical money. What the fuck are they doing?

Yeah, what are they doing?

They get all this bullshit talking around.

Fucking flu vaccines. Fuck that, dude. Fix my dick.

Fix it.

Someone to fix this.

Grow it.

Dude, I can't.

For world peace. If everyone of the same size dong, we might enter the age of peace, I swear to God. Or be a bunch of big dick kings.

That might be too much.

Well, in a place like China, isn't there, like, a giant difference between the number of men versus the number of women?

Yeah, you'd think they would chill the fuck out.

Why would they?

Just dudes bawling out, dude.

Getting angry.

Yeah.

Limited supply.

Oh, so there's more dudes. They're calling China a sausage party.

They had the one child, complete sausage fest.

Right.

So it's just dudes. Oh, they don't let the other. Yeah, they can have girls and we're.

Like, they have dudes.

China's killing us. Look at the math and science.

In 2023, there were around 720,000,000 male inhabitants and 689 female inhabitants. That's a big difference, dude.

That sucks.

That sucks. That sucks. Wow. There's 1.4 billion people in China. That's crazy. That's so many people.

They need to knock that off. Too many people, bro.

What is it?

690 and 720. Is that what it was, Jamie?

Yeah.

No, 720 and six. Yeah. 690. Yeah. So that's a solid 30 million, man. That's a lot of people.

We're getting conflicted reports about China.

True.

You think they're pumping up the numbers?

I don't know what's going on, dude.

In terms of what conflict?

I don't know. Are they killing us? Are they a paper tiger? What is it?

Well, the thing that scares the shit out of me is if they go into Taiwan.

Yeah.

And they seem to be saying they want to go into Taiwan.

Well, dude, they're going to have a population cris in 30 years.

Oh, yeah. Thankfully, he's on the ball. The thing I was worried about with Trump was it was like, if Trump gets elected, world war three will happen, and then, thankfully, we avoided that, and there's definitely no chance.

I know.

That's my opinion.

That's true, isn't that funny, though, that, like, anti war used to be the left.

Do they love it now?

Used to be the left. The left was all anti war. The left. We got to stop the wars. The left was Jimmy Carter. The left was in the wars.

It's like, all right, you have to be mindful of, like, don't microaggress a lady at a job. And then it's like, oh, but shoot that russian guy between his fucking eyes.

What?

Dude?

It's like, make sure you get their name right. At Starbucks, I saw a tweet also, let's use drones to bomb Russians.

I saw a tweet where someone was saying, whatever. How many people that have Ars could have sent those ars to Ukraine to fight the ars?

Do you know how many guns are in America compared to the world?

But that was the point that we're saying, you don't need an AR. You should send those guns. Do you know what you're saying? Yeah.

Do you realize a government invasion?

Yeah. Is that what you're saying? So you need to give up your guns so that we're somewhere that is actually happening.

They can get guns so that it.

Can maybe happen here if no one has guns.

Dude, my dad has, like, six AR 15s.

What?

He buys them. Anytime something bad happens or they're taking them away, he buys another one.

What's he going to do?

They just stock him up?

He needs one.

No, dude, he's got six. Him and his boy buy one every time there's like a mass shooting. He's like, let's get another Ar.

Nice.

He's like, they're going to take him. So he's like, I'm trying to stock up. Yeah, fucking whatever.

It's going to be worth money.

He brought a gun to my show. Yeah, he came to my comedy. I was filming a special, and he came with a gun and a knife, and the security was like, bro, you can't have the hawk and the gun on you right now.

Jesus Christ. Is he open carrying?

Yeah, he just kind of know he had shoulder sealed, he had it concealed, and then he was in Philly. He's all bugged out. He's like, him and his family.

The dads watch Fox News, and they're like, we can't go into a city, dude. Well, they also die in any city. You'll die.

They had a trash company in, like the. So they always had guns on him.

So he's just used to, like, what, people stealing trash?

No, but if you have a trash yard, it was in Chester Chester is, like, outside of Philadelphia, and it's, like, a state of emergency. The murder rate's crazy. And they were there during the crack epidemic. So you had, like, a transfer station. There's money in and out of there. It was, like, nonstop. Of, like, copper. Was there all this other stuff? You get tackled coming in.

Wow.

It was fucked up.

Damn.

You got to keep the gun.

How'd they find the gun? They didn't pat him down. He just said, I think they wanted him. Oh, really?

I think either helium. I think so. Because they got him.

Really? They wanted him at helium, or they asked him?

I don't know.

They might have asked him.

They don't ask anyone to come in.

Maybe they did.

Maybe they'll have to ask him. Because I've seen guys before with the wands.

Maybe had the shoulder or the fucking. The leg holster, like Clint Eastwood.

He might have had, like, the tomb raider. I'll have to ask him. I figured they wanted him.

Maybe they just could have screamed it. As soon as he walked in the.

Door.

And I got a fucking gun.

I was kind of pumped when I heard he was rolling that strap to the show. I was like, fuck it.

Nice. It is very nice.

Yeah.

It's also funny how much dads are afraid of cities.

Dude. Terrified.

They hate Fox News dads. Fox, dude. All day they watch how terrible things are in cities. That's their only. My dad won't go to Harrisburg.

When you watch. When you watch those migrants jump those cops and beat their ass, and then they got out of jail with no bail right away. That's trouble. That is why.

I know, but it depends what you're.

Tupac in the camera. They Tupac the camera on the way out. Yeah.

I didn't see this.

Yes. Apparently, those guys have fled and they.

Got released or deported.

They got released.

Oh, they're just back out?

Yeah, bro. They interview this one guy. I was watching this YouTube video. What's happening in these hotels? This one guy's been there for seven months, and he said they give him a nice hotel. It's a nice room. He said it's real clean. They give him breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. And he's an illegal immigrant. And then there's people that are poor. They're like, hey, what about my family? What about me?

What about us?

Americans that live here have always been here, born and raised here, and people just sneak in, and you're giving them all these things you won't give us. Why are you doing this? This is crazy. That's crazy.

Is it like a vote? Are they trying to get new voters or something?

I would imagine yes.

Yeah, but they're not going to be down. If you ever meet like a.

They're doing it right now in New York City. In New York City, they're allowing illegal immigrants to vote. This is something they just. Is that true? Is that absolutely true? Let's make sure, because this is a big statement, but I'm pretty sure that was one of the things that they were trying to do. They were trying to make it so that these people could be documented. And this is what they keep saying. The way to deal with the undocumented people is find a pathway for them to be documented. Sure. That's how we've always done. It's legal immigration. Now you might think legal immigration is too restrictive, okay? But you can't just let anybody in because terrorists are a real thing. This is not like an imaginary, it's not like Orcs. We know terrorists are real. And they already caught that one guy where they asked the guy like, who are you? He goes, you will know soon enough. And then they find out, okay, this guy's on a terrorist watch list, made it into America.

What a dumbass.

They're not going to vote left, though. These people coming from like South America and stuff are going to.

A lot of them will because those are the people that got them in. Those are the people that are giving them money. Those are the people that are giving them free food, free place to sleep. Wouldn't you vote for those people? Especially. All you want to do is get a fucking job. And if you vote for these people and these people are going to allow you to be documented, you're going to be able to get a job and then continue to get social assistance, which has been pretty remarkable. Getting money and food and a place to live. Why wouldn't you do that?

Yeah, but then they'll work and they'll get on their own. 2ft and then they're super, like, they're pretty conservative.

That's when it's time to close the border. Once you get established, you go, no one else.

Well, they don't in California. California. That was what changed. California. California. When Reagan was in office, Reagan created a pathway for illegal immigrants to become legal and vote. And when he did that, the Republicans never won California again, except for Schwarzenegger.

You know what's interesting? You know what's interesting about how the left has turned to kind of like warhawks, the right has kind of turned to your statement there about why don't we help Americans.

Yeah.

It's like now all of a sudden, the right's like pro welfare.

Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like, we should be helping our people. I know everything's kind of.

Well, people are waking up on both sides, but there's a lot of people that are left wing people that are like, what the fuck is going on with all these wars? What are we doing? This is not something that we were supposed to be about. And there's a lot of people on the left that look at what's going on in Gaza right now, and they're freaking out. Yeah. So then there's that turmoil.

Give me a beer. I'd like to talk about.

Quagmire. The Gaza is a quagmire for the left.

It's funny that America's like, what are we doing in all these wars? It's like, bro, do you know who.

We are, what we do?

It's all we've ever done. Start to finish.

Yeah, it's true.

Day one, let's say, make a place like this. Here's the thing I can find. This is not from this year. This is from 2022, but this only thing I can find.

Yeah.

Eric Adams. This is. It has to do with local elections, first of all. Right. And then people with green cards and the DACA. Anyone that's a DACA. Which is the Dreamers people. Dreamers. People who are born here. Right. Parents were brought into this country, illegal as children. That's it. Not born here. Rather dreamers. So they're allowed to remain.

Yeah, it's great. Sound nice?

That's all great. But they are allowing people that are not legal residents or that are not legal citizens to vote. Right. In New York elections. Yeah. See, that's all you need to know. So that's the beginning. So that's how you win the election over and over and over.

In the short term, that's how you.

Control local elections in New York.

Yeah. True.

I mean, it's a foolproof playbook. You give people, like, way better treatment than you give the people you. That's the same thing Osho did in wild, wild country. They bust in all those homeless people and let them vote. Remember, they just brought in homeless people from everywhere and said, you're going to be a part of our community. And these people, like, finally have a place to be. And then once they vote, they're like, all right, get the fuck out.

Get the fuck out.

They kicked them all out. That documentary is wild.

His books are good, though. I've read a couple of his books.

They're good.

He's a smart dude.

No, he was genius. He really was.

He was brilliant dude.

But he was also, like, driving Bentleys and shit.

That was just a lesson, bro.

You can't help yourself. Got to get the Bentley's.

Why not?

But he had so many of them.

I will say that once you buy one nice car. I've been on a second one. I understand that.

What are you going to get?

I don't know. But no, I'm not going to buy another one. But I'm excited.

Pickup truck, son.

I'm excited for my lease to run out so I can get a new.

Yeah, switch it up. Strikes me as an suv guy.

I'm not Raptor.

You ever drive one?

Yeah, but I.

Look.

This is what I look like. I can't have a raptor.

How about a TRX?

You can't play Xbox all day and then getting a raptor.

Yes, you can. Dude. Dude. Gamer chairs.

Custom gamer chairs.

Get a TRX.

We'll see.

What's a TRX?

It's a ram that has 700.

Those things from the factory? Those things are nuts.

I'll show you another.

I have one here.

Do you really?

Yeah, I'll show you.

It's pretty awesome.

I have a Hennessy one that has 1000 hp. What? Yeah. It's ridiculous. It's America.

That is pretty sick.

Remember we were fucking Tesla? I don't.

America.

America is obviously the best.

Yeah.

Real. Yeah.

I remember being that thing driving around that nazi mobile. You need a goddamn America. That's it right there. Look at that.

How's America?

Cars?

Are they like. Are we good at making cars now?

That thing's the shit. I love that thing. I love that. I drive that all the time. I love it.

Pickup will be nice.

They're great.

Pickup, comfortable, wildly expensive.

Speaking of nazi mobiles, I went and saw a nazi movie by myself.

What?

Really?

Last one, Saturday night. Zone of interest.

What is that?

I don't know. It's about Auschwitz.

I heard this is awesome.

It's all right.

Where they live? Next to nothing. Concentration camp.

It's just an ongoing. Like, you're uncomfortable the whole time. But I did go see it by myself, which is a weird. Because, like, the movie people, I saw it at a draft house. So you have like a waiter and the whole time they're like, are you shane? Hey, what's going on? I was like, yeah. I'm just here watching Nazis alone, doing exactly what you thought I'd do on a Saturday night.

It's on brand.

It's very uncomfortable.

You watching this movie by yourself is on brand.

I enjoyed it, but it's.

They're right next to a concentration camp.

Yeah.

They're at Auschwitz. Oh.

And they're living good.

Yeah.

Wow. Nothing happens, though. It's just unsettling for 2 hours.

It's a cool idea.

Look at the building they're in.

Yeah. Feeling you deserve the best in life.

The wildest thing that most people don't know about the Nazis is how many we brought over here.

Yeah.

Operation Paperclip.

Yeah, get them in here.

Isn't Venezuela one of those countries?

They have countries in cities in Argentina where everybody's white, everybody speaks German.

Argentina's entire soccer team is white dudes.

That's fucking wild, bro.

What do you got?

I was talking to someone once.

I guess it is far enough south that you would be white, right?

Maybe. But also, there's a lot of nazis went to Argentina.

Definitely.

Yeah. I mean, Tim Kennedy had that tv show finding Hitler. There's this conspiracy theory that Hitler moved to Argentina. What is this, Jamie? How they escaped. The rat lines were systems of escape routes for German Nazis and other fascists fleeing Europe from 1945 onward. In the aftermath of World War II, these escape routes mainly led towards havens in Latin America, particularly Argentina, but also Paraguay and Colombia, Brazil, Uruguay, Mexico, Chile, Peru, Guatemala, Ecuador and Bolivia, as well as the United States, Canada, Australia, Spain and Switzerland. But a lot of them in Argentina.

And the catholic church helped them.

Yeah. They had this whole thing about it where they went to these towns. They're wearing leaderhosen. Starting in 1947, some us. What does it say? The rat lines are supported by clergy of the Catholic Church. Starting in 1947, some citation page needed.

That's not true.

I mean, it was a humanitarian.

It actually is humanitarian.

They loved everybody.

I love.

Starting in 1947, some us intelligence officers utilized existing rat lines to move certain nazi strategists and scientists. Yeah, like Werner von Braun, the head of NASA. Yeah, full on nazi.

Good. Don't hang him.

I don't just hang.

Let's get our fucking. Let's figure out spaceship. Get a juice of lemon, then he'll die.

Juice of lemon.

Well, they also were competing because a bunch of them went to Russia as well.

Yeah, see?

So Russia had some scientists, we had some other.

They can't have all the good ones to make missiles.

You can look past a few things if you need to get a missile quicker.

Yeah, true. That's true.

Yeah. Well, you have to. You literally have to. If these are the only guys that are making rockets.

God damn. Can you imagine if they got the bomb first? The Soviets got it.

It would be rough.

It would be negative.

We would have been a negative experience. Soviet Union would be funding us right now. Funding Mexico. Oh, yeah. They made flying saucers. Yeah.

See, this is the type of shit I don't. All this stuff, it's like, bro, they were struggling.

Well, they also had a deep connection to the occult.

I know, but it's like weird occult shit. Yeah, because they were going to kill themselves.

There was also a lot of evil sentiment. They were trying to win and there was a lot of weird shit. I don't really know much about the nazi occult thing, but I know it's very well documented. They're heavily into the occult.

To me it seems a little. I don't know, it's like we attribute the most evil shit ever to them. I think they were just a really shitty country that was fucking everything up. I don't know. I don't think we need to add, like, they were Satanists.

Well, they were definitely cult. There's other countries that did horrible shit too. Just what the Japanese did to the Chinese. And the rape of Nan King. Yeah, you read about some of that stuff, dude. Yeah.

I think it's just surprising.

They were doing what horrific shit and the science experiments they would do. They'd give people blood transfusions from various animals and they would cut off limbs and reattach them. They did.

Prisoners trying to figure it out.

No, there's a lot of scientific and medical innovation that came out of that, unfortunately.

Really?

Yeah. What medical innovation came out of the nazi experiments? I think they learned some things on fucking.

What is it? Simons. What's the company? Bayern.

Bayer.

Bayer is out there.

Bear did it. Yeah.

Bayer is getting rowdy.

Yeah, they tried some medication out on like 150 people. Wasn't it like something like that? And they all died. Joseph Mengle was the guy. I think you're talking.

Mengele is.

He was like science experiment.

Twins.

Oh, God.

Twins experiments.

Yeah. He'd be like, if I fucking cut this twin's head off. How are you feeling?

Well, dude, they didn't even know about Germs. There was the one guy who blew the whistle on. I forget the guy's name.

They were Germans. Of course they did.

The Nazis knew about Germs. But the guy who discovered them, there was a hospital attached to where they delivered. They were like a morgue. And then they had. Where they're delivering babies. So they would like put down a dead body and then just catch a baby out of a woman's vagina. And women were all dying. And he was telling the doctors, like, you guys got to wash. There's something on those dead bodies that's getting into women's vaginas. They're all like, dude, we're doctors. Our hands are clean. We're gentlemen. And then the guy eventually went nuts. And then a few years later, like, oh, fuck, he was right. Because he was washing his hands, and mortality rate went down.

Yeah. Who was that?

Fuck, I forget his name.

That was way before.

Way before.

Well, in World War I, Fritz Haber figured out how to make gas to kill people with gas. And he's the same guy who figured out how to pull nitrogen out of the air. So at the same time, this guy is being wanted for war crimes, at the same time, he's being nominated for the Nobel Prize.

What? Yeah, for pulling. Well, the Nobels are all weird, too. They were, like, dynamite makers, because the.

Guy who told Peter Berg told me about that. So the guy died. They thought he died. There was a fake story about him dying, and they called him, like, the merchant of death. And he's like, oh, geez, I got to change my reputation. So he started giving out prizes.

Nice.

That's what he did, the Nobel Prize.

He huffed, finn his funeral, and they were like, this guy was a fucking asshole.

Nah, he's like, I'm pretty nice.

He started that whole thing up. That's crazy.

Started the Nobel Prize trying to cover his tracks.

True.

Yeah, kind of worked.

Everyone's like, he must be the nicest, smartest scientist ever.

Nobody even knows about the whole dynamite thing anymore. Nobody does. It never gets brought up. It's like, oh, the Nobel Prize. How prestigious.

Yeah.

Do you ever get into the guy who invented diesel?

No.

There's a book about him. His shit's wild, dude.

What did he do?

His name? It was like Rudolph Diesel. He came up with the diesel engine and it was like, apparently it helped. He wanted to make a small, reliable engine so people in rural areas could compete with cities, and people could live in a farm and still produce stuff and not have to live in fucked up London, smoggy city, and governments were like, yeah, we're building fucking weapons of death of these things. And it turned out to be like, it was a wild invention. Nothing could burn stuff as efficiently before it would capture, like, 25% of the fuel. Diesel was, like, 70% capture in terms of output. And it was completely revolutionary. And it was just found drowned.

Oh, they killed him.

Oh, yeah, it was like the kid Wilhelm, I think, was after him. He made all these government.

1913. Just in time.

The Rockefeller.

Just in time for the worst thing ever.

He disappeared from the steamship Dresden while traveling from Antwerp, Belgium to Harwich, England. On October 10, a belgian sailor aboard a North Sea steamer spotted a body floating in the water. Upon further investigation, turned out the body was diesel's. There was and remains a great deal of mystery surrounding his death. It was officially judged as suicide, but many people believed and still believed the diesel was murdered. Duh.

He had the Rockefellers after him, too, because they didn't want to. Because they started.

I said, like, I looked at it go, oh, it's the History Channel. It's got to be legit. Then I realized that's ancient aliens. History Channel is basically the ancient aliens network sold out.

Dude, I believe.

We'Re done with facts.

Isn't history finding Bigfoot?

Yeah, probably.

Ancient aliens had me for a while.

Ancient aliens carried that network. It's a fun show to watch.

It's constantly on. Remember what's his fucking name? Action Bronson. He would get baked.

That was baked.

Watching ancient aliens.

That was a really great show.

That was thrilled. Like a genius idea.

Brilliant idea.

That's actually not.

I thought it was.

No, of course it is. It is.

But I'm saying it's pretty simple.

We should film this. They were definitely getting high watching ancient aliens. Yeah. Which is first. So they're like, set up a camera.

This is incredible.

It's just such a good idea because it requires nothing. They would just walk around high.

They would fuck around.

And it's hilarious. Solid show. Fucking criminals.

Better.

Wasn't even nominated.

True.

Oh, you had Bronson on this?

Yeah, a couple of times. Yeah. He's awesome. I love that dude.

I lived in Queens. I wanted to see him.

He's a great guy.

He's a great guy because queens is big and you don't see everyone.

That guy fucking. He turned his whole life around, had a kid and realized I'm fat. I got to get in shape. And now he's like super stout. Paul Wald works out hard, man.

He works out hard.

He. Paul Wald.

Paul Wald did the same thing.

He used to be big, right?

Yeah. He got in shape as well.

Yeah.

Turn his life around.

Ever thought about rocking a grill, Matt?

Dude, you've been talking about this. You've been talking about this.

We get grills for protect our parks.

I think, obviously that's the move, dude.

It'd be so hard to take them.

Out it'll be really hard.

Never take them out.

Should be fucking like this.

I want to learn how to talk.

You ever heard guys with grills talk? It's a rough one. Paul Wall knows how to do it, but he's had a grill in his.

Mouth for his whole life.

Yeah, I want to get the fangs. I want to get the riff raft fangs.

It's kind of classy, bro. If you get, like. If you don't pig out on the grill.

Come on. Like that. Look at that.

Come on. That's nice.

Crazy how much he looks like Mike Ray called.

Johnny Dang.

Yeah.

I wanted to play smiling. If he's depressed, I will be so sad because he's always smiling.

I show you that grill.

Look at that.

Yeah, I show you what to do.

Come on, son. What it do, baby?

Pow wow. Southern rap rules.

So fucking tight, dude. Yeah, he still raps, too, apparently. Oh, yeah.

He pulls with Mexican Ot and the guy we listen to on the way over here.

Really?

The plug.

Big X.

The plug.

The plug shit rocks, Joe. You'd like that.

Do you think you'd wear a grill?

I swear to God I will. Now, obviously, I'm not going to wear it anywhere other than Bud light would.

Have an issue with you rocking a grill.

Maybe I might get a phone call and they go, hey, this is not on brand.

They would love.

They got fucking post Malone. I can kind of do anything.

That's right.

That's what I always think. I'm like, man, maybe I shouldn't do this. I'm like, yeah, they got post Malone.

Yeah, you can do whatever you want.

Yeah, that's why they want you.

Yeah, wild card.

Say, guys, let me fucking work. I'm going to do what I do.

I'm going to talk about Nazis. Please don't. That was my favorite part of the german company. I know, the Budweiser tour. We're in there and they're, like, showing the labels from every year in the United States. And then 1930 came around, and it was like, perfect English Budweiser. It used to be like, German 1933. They're like, Budweiser. American Budweiser, the beer. American.

Aneiser. Bush owned the rights to all the.

Diesel engines in America, but those are good Americans.

Really?

Yeah, let's go, dude.

He owned all the rights, the guy. What was it? Fucking? Not Dolphus Bush. Whatever the owe Dolphins.

Bush. Dolphus Bush went over Adolfus, by the way.

Adolfus.

Let's go.

Full name super american dude.

No, that's a good American.

He met the diesel guy.

And he was like.

He would rent hotels and just rent the whole thing out and just hand everyone, like, $10, $10, $10. Met up with diesel and was like, how much do you want for the rights to this engine? Diesels? People would charge. It was like, 800,000 francs. He looked at Bush and was like, 2 million francs. And he was like, no problem, player. Wrote him the check, and he used to break. He would write him letters.

Bush might be the guy.

It took forever to, like, it didn't work right away. All these guys fronted him a ton of money, and it just wasn't working. So he'd get, like, mad letters from people being like, what is this? And Bush would break his balls. He'd send him letters and be like, dude, come on, man.

What the fuck?

Just, like, fucking with him. So funny.

He was the bro that reminds me of Ulysses S. Grant when he was, like, selling his biography. I think he sold it to just two guys on a train for, like, $10. Really? And Mark Twain found out about. It was like, no, you fucking loser. Yeah, obviously, Grant was. He was hitting the fucking Budweiser. He was hitting the stogies and fucking lick.

He was drinking. Responsible.

He was extremely responsible. That's one of his legends. I think he sold his biography on, like, a train for, like, $10 while he was responsible.

I mean, it's got to be pumped. It was his first book. Anyone gives you anything that you write, you're like, really?

I swear to God, it was Mark Twain. That was like, no.

Yeah. What the fuck are you doing?

You saved America. Why are you doing this?

Has anybody started taking down Ulysses as Grant statues yet?

They fucking better.

No way.

He was the bro. His story.

He was good, right? They've taken down Thomas Jefferson.

They took down Jefferson was. Yeah, he was up to no good.

He had him.

Yeah.

Ulysses did. He.

Ulysses. Ulysses owned while he was dead broke at the lowest point of his life, he freed his slaves. And even his slaves were like, bro, you should. Yeah, what are you doing?

Yeah, sell us.

He's like, nah, bros. Actually. There's no way they said that. But they were like, thank you.

So he freed them when he was poor.

While he was poor, he gave away his slave. He came from a family that was abolitionist, and then he married into a family that had slaves.

Whoa.

Yeah. Then he would go out and work with his slave, and people would see him be like, what the fuck are you doing? I don't know. He was kind of a weirdo, but he freed his slaves while he was poor.

Imagine.

He was like, I'll be all right. Where?

It was debatable whether or not it's cool to have slaves, bro. And some people like, nah, they like it.

Yeah. I mean, dude. Yeah.

The century company was willing to give Grant 10% of all sales after the book was finished. When Twain heard about the offer, he was appalled at how little money Grant would get from the sales of the book. He believed he could offer Grant a better deal. Twain wasted little time making his way to New York City to convince Grant that he could give him a better deal. When Twain arrived at his home on 66th street, Grant and his eldest son, Frederick T. Grant, were reading over the century company's contract that needed to be signed before publication. Grant was ready to pick up his pen and sign the contract. When Twain asked if he could read it before any signature was made, Twain reviewed the contract and believed the 10% royalty being offered was too low and even exploitative. Twain tried to convince Grant that he could give him a better deal, which would provide Grant with more money. Grant was reluctant to back out of the contract that he and the publishers had negotiated. He believed it would be dishonorable to back out after giving his word. Twain tried to convince Grant that he should investigate a different publisher.

For example, american publishing company had published many of Twain's books and the company be able to bring in more profit than the century company. Grant was still resistant to the advice when Fred suggested that the contract be set aside while they investigated the facts behind Twain's advice. Grant felt loyalty towards the century company because of the work that he had done with company while he was writing his articles on the civil war battles. Grant did agree, however, to listen to Fred, and the contract was set aside for 24 hours. Interesting. Twain told Grant that by selling the book through a subscription system, the book would produce thousands of dollars in sales. Door to door salesmen, often civil war veterans, would promote the book and get potential readers to place an order prior to publication. Oh, wow. Anyway, that was, like, the new mixtape.

It saved Grant. Grant was poor, and then that saved all those sales. Made him rich. But he died right away. Yeah, those dudes used to speak right after he wrote.

Really?

Probably celebrated with booze.

No, it was the stogies, dude. He's always smoking a cigar. He died?

Yeah, cancer.

Yeah, he was smoking like 50.

Well, how much was a day?

50 a day, dude.

50.

Something like that. 25 deaths.

It's a crazy number.

Sounds like Ron white really puts him down.

Cigarettes.

Puts those little cigarettos down. Oh, yeah, he gets you hooked on those things. Those cigarellos. They're so easy.

Do you inhale those like cigarettes or cigars really? Remember beaties?

Beaties.

Beaties were a little thing when we were younger. They sold them at like gas stations. And they were like. I don't know. They were like cigarettes, but they looked like cigarettes, but they were smaller. And they were the harshest fucking things in the world.

I got black and milds for a while.

Black and milds.

Those wine, wood tip, black and mouse.

Damn.

I was inhaling the fuck out of those. I got so sick.

There it is. Beaties, bro.

Those things are crazy. Some of those in the woods when you were ten, dude.

So where are they from? Is that.

I don't know, maybe like in indian kind of thing.

India.

Yeah, right? Yeah. You and your bros, you're like 1012 years old in the woods with some beaties, dude. It was nice.

Health risk and how to quit. They're not a safer alternative to traditional cigarettes.

Duh.

Yeah. No.

Asia cigarette made tobacco. You could smoke these though, as a little cigar.

Oh, that's kind of nice. If you want a little like.

That's what I like them for.

That's enough to sit down on a cigar for half an hour. That's kind of tight.

Yeah. You're not at a wedding where you have to pretend to like cigars.

Yeah, you.

You go, God damn, I'm missing the whole wedding.

It's 45 minutes.

Shouts on I got to get in there. Can't smoke cigar with my uncles.

These guys stink.

Smoking bats. We went down, we smoked a couple of bats. Smoke a couple of bats. Boys.

Sober guys love smoking bats.

Oh, they do. Because it's the one rush they can get.

Yeah, true.

Can handle this.

I got to love smoking a stogie like a man. It's like not big cup of coffee. Desperate to get fucked up. I can't anything.

Take a Xanax, dude, those things are rocking.

Xanax.

Terrible.

Dude. Those things are awful.

Yeah.

Do you ever hear about the new snake venom thing people are doing where you're like. It's called, like, camboo, where you go and they give. I don't know. If you ingest a snake venom and your eyes puff up, you start throwing up and shitting everywhere. You don't get high from it at all.

You just get violent.

But afterwards, apparently you just feel, like, totally cleaned out or.

I don't know what it is once you're not sick.

No, you say, like, it kills yeast. Like candida stuff in your body. Who moves heavy metals?

Who says that?

My brother.

I don't know.

Swim.

In certain cultures that don't have psychedelics, the rites of passage oftentimes are what's called an ordeal poison.

Oh, yeah.

Ordeal poison is like something you go through. It's like some horrific thing that poisons you. And then when you're over, like, thank God that's over, you feel good because you had a near death experience.

That makes sense, actually.

Yeah, it tricks your brain into thinking you're dying, probably. And you probably release all these amazing chemicals. Make you realize you should have been a better person. I could have been so much nicer.

Shit, I'll tell you what I didn't like. I tried an LSD microdose recently. I like the psilocybin better, man. LSD microdose just is relentless. It's constant. It's for like six straight hours. You feel, like, liquidy. It's weird. I don't know. It wasn't awful, but I remember seeing like, this is just never hurry up.

And make all that stuff legal.

They got it, man.

Shit. Stop buying it from people making it in bathtubs with a grateful dead t shirt on.

Oh, yeah, every time.

Sketchy.

I got this straight from the family.

I was telling Matt, I had some bathtub fucking mushrooms yesterday, dude.

They're bad.

No, I've never had mushrooms. So it was like a chocolate bar. It was like, all right. They were like, four blocks is a gram.

Okay?

So I was like, all right, I'll have one fucking block. I'm fine. I was high in 15 minutes. It was that fast.

Dude, they have these analog.

That's not mushrooms.

They have synthetics they're making now.

Well, it's just they're not making them in the same places where they make aspirin. Knows who the fuck is making these things.

That's what I'm saying. Dude. Even with the weed edibles, dude, they can get gummies and get a distillate of, like, a synthetic cannabinoids. And you're just eating like, k two or something.

Well, you're definitely. They're not regular. You get a 200 milligram once and it's fine. And then you get a 200 milligram and you're on Pluto. This is not the same. I don't think anybody's doing independent third party testing of weed gummies.

No, the third party testing is watching the other guy first who just ate them, and they go, all right, he's fine.

You've never seen anybody eat gummies? Like Joey Diaz. I was with him on a plane once. He had a panic attack in the middle of the flight, and he told me, he goes, I had a panic attack in the middle of the flight. He goes, but now I'm back. And he pops two more 250 milligrams each. Two stars of death.

How?

He just does it. He likes being scared. It's fun when you're around him and you're scared, too. It's fun.

That is kind of fun. Really?

Yeah, it's fun.

Both you guys like being scared?

No.

The best is when I hate it.

The weed edible.

The weed edible. When it breaks, it's the best.

Yeah.

When you're done feeling. Yeah, but it's like, yeah, but what's.

The point of that? The release when you're just back to how you were earlier.

Yeah.

Because it's like, mundane reality. You're like, you eat weed edibles, and you're like. And then you get the release, and you're like, thank God.

Yeah, you're back.

Finally grateful for once in my pathetic, shitty life.

Yeah, it's a little reality. I understand you really thankful that you're alive.

I understand that. But people are. They're smoking weed at, like, parties.

Oh, yeah, for sure.

I don't want to have that experience while I'm in public.

Right.

And then come back during the party.

Just hang in there, Shane. You'll be fine.

I get high a lot.

I got high last night.

My thing is you can hang in there.

A different part of your mind where you go, like, yeah, but what if I didn't give into this weird thought loop and then you don't give into it for 3 seconds?

So last night, we left the comedy club, went. We were out at a bar. I was like, I can't believe how strong that mushroom was.

Yeah.

I was like, I'm hungry. I haven't eaten all day. I went. I ate a euro in the cold by myself, by a windy bench. Just, like, I literally got up from the table while we were all drinking, and I was like, I got to go outside. I left for 45 minutes, and then I came back. I fought it. I was like, while I was eating, the hero, I was like, I got to stop. Why am I being a pussy right now? I'm going to plow through this.

That's another fucking.

I'm going to drink my way out of this.

There you go. There you go. Adolfus was like, yes.

No, don't let the mushrooms consume you.

Euro is a solid choice.

That is a great.

It was big.

Also, it was very funny. So I left this bar, and I was like, I was high on mushrooms, enough to be like, how do I get food? And then I was like, man, that's so pathetic. I'm in a city, and I'm like, food. How do you find food? And then there was a flashing euro light. Like, it was one of those street vendors. And I was like, oh, that's what those lights are for, is for dumb asses that are, like, a flashing light. I was like, it's a bug light. For a guy like me, it's like, total bug light. I went and got zapped, dude. It was cold as fucking windy last night. Then I was like, it also sucks. Now people know who I am a little. So the next guy was, like, looking at me, I'm in the cold by.

Myself, like, bro, this is a reoccurring theme. People at the movie theater, see you by yourself.

That was rough. Yeah, I like being by myself. But when someone.

Are you realizing that now you're getting famous, you're realizing that's a bit of an issue, right?

Yeah, it's uncomfortable. I don't like it at all.

Yeah, go in disguise.

I hate it.

Go. A sandwich.

You know how hard it is for me to disguise? People can see me from my lurched over walk, sitting on a bench by myself, eating a sandwich.

Someone's. That mustache.

That mustache is Mac.

Well, mushrooms. Now people are really getting into the genetics of them. Like, they're ramping the strength of those things up.

Well, there's some different strains.

Pan cyans and all that shit. They're fucking wild, man. And now it could be like, you can eat a gram of mushrooms. It could be a regular gram of mushrooms, or it can be eight times stronger.

Well, this town is filled with those psychedelic adventurer characters. Yeah, there's a lot of those here.

I got hit, literally, last night. I thought that was going to be an easy, nice evening.

There's synthetics, too, now. So if you're running, like, a giant op where you're selling all the. Your grow might get fucked up. You can order a chemical offline, totally legal. You can order those offline. All you got to do is, say, research purposes. Yes. And you can get this powder that's, like, similar to mushrooms. You could just put that into chocolates. That's what I'm saying. Like, the people who make.

Is it psilocybin?

It's a psilocybin. Like, analogs maybe. So it's like, oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, you could put that in your stuff. That you're selling.

I mean, dude, dirty. You got to think about it.

That's the problem with it being illegal.

Exactly.

You're not buying from Budweiser. Anheuser Bush sold their own mushrooms. Mushroom light. Let's go. Like a mushroom light, brother.

How good would it be? We would be vikings, dude.

We would be kings. Nothing could sell.

Maybe it would change the whole culture of the country. Imagine if people just like ubiquitous mushroom use across the entire. There'd be a lot to figure out. There'd be a lot of mistakes.

Where's food?

It wouldn't be smooth. It would take.

Where's food is number one food.

People would make some dope food on mushrooms. Mushrooms.

You're not even that hungry.

I'm picturing you out there in your backyard with your pizza oven with your fucking ladle on mushrooms, laying down the basil.

The dough would be impossible.

Oh, you'd buy it. You buy it. Buy it made. You buy the dough.

Yeah, you buy the whole thing. You buy Digiorno, you take mushrooms, you buy the whole thing, and you make Lamar make it. Hold on. You want to know the best part about how Lamar makes? Oh, he doesn't time it. He's like, we're about three YouTube videos away. He's high, sitting behind me, like, how long is this YouTube video? We're about two more YouTube videos away.

From the smell, probably.

He can go off. The smell was strong, and I was like, are you sure this is our one Digiorno in this fucks up.

We're fucked. Oh, my God, Jamie, what is the best frozen pizza? There's got to be, like a fucking mercedes of frozen pizzas. What is it? You can get some local ones in the cities you're at because they'll make, take and bakes.

There's, like, mom's bake at home pizza. That's a big change.

Nice. But a local one is the move. That's the move. You get, like, just the actual pizza serve you.

They do deep dish. Yeah, Chicago does, like, deep dish. All those places.

That's the move. That's a fucking move. You're actually making a real pizza.

Yeah. Again, you don't need pizza in your house because you're going to eat it.

You're going to eat it day one.

Night we went over Rapolos next to the club. We got like, fucking ten giant pizzas, the big giant ones, and just gave them to everybody at the bar.

Pizza rocks, dude.

Oh, so pizza size. I knew I was eating garbage. I knew it was terrible for me. I loved every second of it.

Yeah.

And I powered through. I was fine. Yeah, I know it's not good for me, but it's good for me. It's good for the soul. Occasionally let loose. Good for the soul.

80 20 rule, bro. 20% junk, 80% clean.

Yeah.

Bud light.

Absolutely.

You need some bullshit carbs in your life.

Yeah, it's like the snake venom, dude. Whatever they call that thing.

Every now and then you want some bullshit carbs in your life. You want to fucking big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs.

Yes.

Give it to me. Get me.

I got to get like pulled off, dude. Homemade spaghetti, I get it pulled off the pot, I'll put myself in a coma with a good. Can't stop going Sunday sauce.

When they fucking got that sauce cooking all day, just bubbling up on the stove and the smells and it's all the oils are on the top and you got to stir it. And you see the sausage in there and the Brazil and meatballs, baby.

My mom cooks like a fucking moron.

We were jarred sauce. Yeah, we were jarred sauce household.

My grandmother made everything from scratch. The sauce, the pasta. She'd be on the kitchen table with the flour and the rolling.

My grandma was mean.

Mine wasn't nice either.

She didn't cook anything.

Irish houses are canned sauce.

Irish houses are smooth.

Canned sauce, that's that. Spaghetti is cooked in 5 seconds. And then you just ground beef.

You get wet lasagna. Lasagna is soaking wet. The last piece is in a puddle. It falls apart. What is this?

Our meatballs. My mom would just take hamburger meat. You're supposed to like veal pork. It was just a burger. And then she would put breadcrumbs in it too. That's how my dad liked them. So she would just cram like a fucking baseball size burger, drop it into canned sauce.

And we were like, yes.

This shit rules.

I know. I've been talking about a lot with you. Hamburger helper, bro.

Hamburger helper's delicious.

Yeah, I got to have hamburger helper soon.

It's very good.

Maybe tonight maybe me and lamezi will.

Bro, have you drunk a solid chili?

Like a real chili.

Oh, like a real one. Oh, man. And by the way, I like beans. Chili with beans is a good move.

What are you shaking your head at over here?

They say chili beans really eat them in chili. I don't fuck with beans either, but chili, I'll eat them. The texture on my, they're like powdery beans.

Rule with fucking peppers. And the tomatoes in there, chili, I'll.

Eat them in chili.

I like them in chili on top of it.

Yeah, I like them in chili.

But a solid chili.

Baked beans.

Fuck, no.

Oh, my God. Dude, I lived off just. I remember I was eating baked beans as my only meal for several years.

You're eating like the Dennis the menace bad guy, dude.

With barbecue. Like, little baked beans with barbecue.

I don't fuck with beans either, man. I'm only in chili or in soup. I don't like beans that are.

Matt, this is crap, what you're saying.

It's true. I don't like that powdery texture in my.

Nice texture. What do you like? Something more smooth and viscous.

Viscous? Salty.

I know what you like.

Like clams, nut, oysters.

I love eating nut.

Yeah, I bet nut if I was into it. I bet nut's fucking good.

Probably, if you're really interested, especially if.

You get into it different years, different types of dudes.

If I had one pasta, it would be linguini with white clam sauce.

It's a good one.

Done well. Yeah, when it's done really well. Oh, my God.

Fucking good.

Oh, it's good. The clams.

The whoppers did it right.

They do a lot right. They make cars good. They look good. They don't run good. They look good.

They break a lot.

They look good.

They chill.

They're good at paintings, good at sculptures.

Not good at handling a wave of an upper respiratory infection, though.

Yeah, they did fucking crush. They scared the fuck out of the whole world, too.

Yeah.

Everybody's like, oh, my God, that's coming to us. They're all in their apartments, singing out the windows.

They got fucking yelling at people to go outside.

Yeah. They were the first to lock people down, too.

Yeah.

They were like, what the fuck is going on here?

Well, they said it was fashion week. I think they had, like, the people come in from China and stuff in the fashion week, and they got an.

Entire population that never has seen a vitamin wine every day. They all smoke cigarettes. They're eating nothing but lasagna. They're eating pasta, by the way. They're a lot thinner than us, though. That's what's crazy.

Yeah.

Carb, heavy food over there and they look great.

Yeah, but they don't munch like us. Even in Spain. I was in Spain. Everything you eat is Mediterranean. Portions like that. Yeah, they take it easy.

Yeah.

I was over there, house and shit.

What do you think it is? You think we're just gluttons? Is that what a lot of it is?

Maybe.

On this guy that's Tucker Carlson thing. They were saying this scientist that he had on, or this guy that he had on that used to work for the pharmacy was saying that 10% of all food stamps, the number one thing that people buy with food stamps is soda.

Yeah, well, soda is so good.

It's so good.

I really don't drink it ever.

I don't either. But an ice cold Coca Cola on ice, like a real coke.

Burger, fries, coke.

A real coke.

Root beer?

Yeah.

Not a Diet Coke. I love Diet Coke just for the flavor. But I feel fine when I drink a Diet Coke. It never makes me feel weird when.

I drink a Coke.

My body's like, what are you?

But dude, there's a lot of people who for real don't understand how sugar works at all. Like, I used to work with guys that would put twelve sugars in their coffee and then I'd be like, dude, you're going to get diabetes. And they're like, it runs in my family. If I'm going to get it, I'm going to get it. And I'm like, no, there's two types of it, bro. I'm like, you're going to get it. You're going to have that if you put twelve sugars every day in your coffee. He's like, bro, if it comes, it comes me for, for me. It comes for me. I'm like, nah, man.

Well, that was one of the number one reasons why people died of COVID findings show that number one purchased by snap households are soft drinks, which accounted for 5% of the dollars they spent on food. Wow. Okay, so this guy was saying it was 10%, but apparently this is saying that it's 5%. It might have changed, but people drink a lot.

Soda.

Fucking soda. This is 2016. It said that down there. 2017. I'm sure it's more. Look, it's so goddamn addictive.

I get it, though. If you're on food stamps. Yeah, let it ride, bro.

Yeah.

Why would I drink water, right?

You want to get out of there? You don't want to be on food stamps forever. Drink water. It's cheaper.

You know a good way to get off food stamps?

Eat food, but get a job?

No.

What?

Ascend to the next.

Stamps.

When I was cross soda, call it a day.

Do you ever see when guys carry around a personal two liter?

Jesus.

Yeah. That's a wild move I've seen dudes do.

That's a crazy commitment to bad health.

Yeah, you hold it around, walk around.

Carrying a jug of sugar water to be fair. It's also the top purchase of non snap households, also. Oh, yeah, I'm sure.

There you go.

What's his like? Milk is number one. No soft drinks. Well, snap household. So it's more with the people that are on food stamps than it is with people aren't, which is interesting. Quite a bit more. 4% to 5%. Yeah, more than 5%.

I think your soda is taking a hard hit, too, because a lot of people are just off it.

I don't think so.

Really.

I think it's fine.

Yeah. I mean, it's.

People love it.

People love it, but people love it. They can't help it. They lie. They lie. They say they don't drink it all day.

I don't fucking touch it. I don't drink soda at all.

I drink Diet Coke. I drink Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper. I'll drink those. But you know what I really like is Zevias. Zevias are a guilt free coke. Guilt free soda, rather. Zevia is sweetened with stevia.

That's the only artificial sweetener I can have. All the other ones, I'm like, dude, it's fucking good.

They make a cream soda, it's fucking great. They make a root beer, it's fucking great. A grape soda. It's great. Zevia is great. It's really good.

Check it out.

And it's basically guilt free. It's just carbonated water with some stevia in it and some funky flavors. It's not bad. What does Zevia use for their flavors? I drink it all the time, dude. Cancer to it. No, don't say that. Son of a bitch.

The secret ingredient is cancer.

Doesn't Diet Coke fuck you up, though?

I'm sure it does if you're a pussy.

I don't know. True.

Trump. Donald Trump.

Dog's crushing 40 a day president. He's going to be 90.

True. When he's 80, you don't tell him to stop drinking Diet Coke. No. Say, ride that fucking boat right into the rocks. Yeah.

It's so tight.

Yeah.

Damn, I like that.

That's the argument against Biden to me. Obviously, there's no argument Trump's more cognitive than Joe Biden, of course, but it's not like he's no spring chicken. He's going to be fucking geesed up himself.

No. If the Republicans wanted the best spokesman, it's Vivek.

Yeah, dude.

That guy's an animal.

Smooth, dude. I was just praising him on the way here. I've been watching him on the breakfast club, man.

I like good he's so composed and he's only 38, which is what you want. You want someone that actually has a future.

38. You don't want anybody.

I'm going to leave my mark.

Bang.

You don't want that.

I like him, man. The more I watch of him, the more I like him.

I like him a lot.

I like Bobby, dude. I like. Bobby's my top choice. But Vivek is.

Vivek says a lot of very reasonable shit he does.

You hear his thing on abortion? What do you say? If you're a man and you procreate with a woman, you're responsible financially for that baby and that woman. His thing is to expand child support to the woman and the baby.

That would change a lot.

18 years. And he was like, I think that brings both. It was like, kind of.

Wait.

He was saying, if you get a.

Lady pregnant, you got to pay for both of them.

Oh, yeah. Because he was like, the woman has to bear the biological.

Hold on a second. What about how women are equal?

Yeah. Vivek's not.

Hold on a second.

But it's not an equal job.

There's not an equal responsibility.

It's not an equal job.

No, I like that you guys want to pay double child support? Is that what you guys are?

I think you should.

Well, listen. Child support, why? It's up to the woman's discretion how she spends it anyway. Right?

Yeah.

She doesn't have to document that it's only being spent on the child.

Oh, no. They can do whatever they want.

But, yeah, boyfriend, a woman raising a child.

Yeah. You could have paid for her and the child. And then she's got.

Twice.

I would punch.

Think twice for nothing.

I'm not thinking about Vivek when I'm nutting these hoes.

It's Vivek.

My bad.

It's not Vivek. What?

Vivek.

Like cake Vivek. Vivian's like, rhymes with cake.

Yeah.

It took me a while, too.

I know.

I didn't.

Try Ramaswami.

Try that Ramaswami.

I want a hindu president so bad, too.

He would be dope.

I want to. Dude, everyone's against hindu presidents. I'm like, dude, we need to get some hinduism going.

I don't think that's some wild shit about, like, getting rid of the CIA and get rid of the FBI. Like, pro.

Yeah.

They're going to put you in a convertible.

Shouldn't we have a roof here? Shouldn't the car have a roof? No. Just get in the back.

What are all those men doing in the grassy.

No guys lifting up an umbrella. That's weird.

Yeah, I like him.

Fuck.

I think the future is bright. I think we'll get some.

Oh that's nice to hear.

That's so optimistic.

Well you can't bullshit really anymore. People are going to start expecting like if you're a president in ten years from now at least if you're not sitting down for a three hour long form, people are going to be like, fuck this guy. That's like a shamwell guy. It's like, dude that is true. Infomercial.

That is true. That is true.

They can sit and chop it up. Bobby Kennedy can sit and chop it up. Yeah, it's going to start being like, I'm good.

They get mad at Bobby Kennedy.

I love that guy.

What are they mad at?

Well it's always vaccines but dude it's not that unreasonable.

There's an adjutant in them to evoke an immune response.

Adjutant evoke?

Yeah.

And it used to be mercury and sometimes aluminum.

I'm sick of those fucking adjutants.

It's a real thing and it's wild how many people are not willing to even look at it as a possibility.

It's religious.

Cause a problem with some.

It's a religious thing because if you're a full scientist like your religious worldview is that we're one day going to conquer the mysteries of our existence via technological progress. Vaccines are a big part of that. So if you're like, they're definitely good, but maybe they're kind of fucking us up.

Well it's like most things, they absolutely do work. Yeah, they absolutely do work in a lot of ways.

Dude, you can die from Tylenol. If I took too many tylenols my liver will shut down.

Well it's also different people have different responses. I can eat Brazil nuts all day long. You give them to some people, they drop dead.

Exactly.

Yeah, fucking pussy will fall off.

Yeah, your pussy rots out. Charred pussy, satan pussy. Wow. Imagine if you're religious and your pussy starts showing like scorch signs. It's hell pulling at your pussy.

It makes sense.

Yeah, because you're too lazy to put down churros. Churros are good, dude.

Disneyland. Disneyland.

You smell that churro stand? Oh, I'm like, I'm at Disneyland. I'm getting a fucking churro. I'm getting a churro and I'm getting a turkey leg.

Turkey leg.

Turkey legs.

The bomb diggity turkey legs roll.

It's the best choice of food. It's probably filled with chemicals. Right? Yeah, but that's probably not real smoke. They probably didn't really smoke that turkey.

That was a headless turkey, by the way.

Biolab in Ukraine.

The best choice though.

What's up with those biolabs in Ukraine? Do you want to feel good about your food?

Yeah, what is up with those biolabs?

I don't know. They found a lot of them, bro. What do you think we were doing over there?

True.

I mean, that's probably one of the.

Ways, like, guys, we got you. We got you. Cover your back.

Hold on.

Yeah, dude, settle down.

What's burisma doing? I don't know anything. I don't know.

It's called going to come out.

I went into.

Wait, who blew up the Nordstream pipeline? I don't even know.

I don't know either.

There's all types of stuff. I don't even know how the false.

Russia biolab story came to circulate among the US.

Far right, let's go.

So is it false?

It circulated among me.

Hold on. It was allured and difficult to believe. Claim the Ukraine was developing biological weapons with the assistance of the US government. In fact, the US assistance to ukrainian biological labs has been targeted at strengthening public health measures. Both the US and Ukraine have also signed a treaty vowing to never produce or use biological weapons.

We promise, dude.

We funded Wuhan, but this is their saying. Us assistance to ukrainian biological labs exists but has been targeted at strengthening public health measures. So they do have biological labs now, by the way, there's a long history of biological warfare over there that I was on this show called. Joe Rogan questions everything. And one of the things that I did is I interviewed this former soviet scientist. He's like, dude, we had trenches filled with anthrax. He goes, there was all sorts of plans in place that if anything went sideways that they were going to figure out a way to poison Americans. It's a legitimate biological weapons tactic to develop. But look, why would you think that? If we develop nuclear weapons, we develop hydrogen weapons, we develop all these fucking supersonic missiles. We wouldn't fuck with viruses.

It's fucking bullshit.

That's crazy.

We do 100%. That's what just killed probably. That's just what killed a bunch of people.

It probably had something to do with.

Shut down our whole.

Yeah, they most certainly developed that in the lab that has been established now. They literally know that the strain that came out, sure the guy didn't fucking.

Eat a bat and a penguin.

A penguin?

Are you sure?

Yeah. The wet market, it's a wet market. But it's weird because that became political.

Wet market was nice, though, because then they filmed the wet market. And you're like, yeah, obviously.

Right. But then the people on the left wanted to believe it came from the wet market because the people on the right were saying, it's the China virus. It was a lab. It was a lab. No, that's a conspiracy. This. So people argued as if their side had a win. It has to be the wet market, because if it doesn't, then those fascists win. Like they had this crazy connection to the source of a fucking pandemic disease.

Dude, I caught it and I was like, this doesn't feel like anything I've ever had before. It really wasn't that bad. It was two days fever, but then I was just hacking up. Like, I wasn't even mucus. It was, like, liquid. And I was like, what the fuck is this shit? Me and my wife were both like, dude, this feels like some weird artificial something.

Everybody said that it felt alien.

It did, dude.

Yeah, it felt alien.

I think it was a new. This is a new type of being sick.

Yeah, a new type of being sick. Yeah.

Champed it, though.

Did you take vitamins or anything back then? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

I was taking them.

Most people that really got hit hard.

I was more of a vitamins guy, so I was fine.

He was drinking beer.

Beer works well. No, it doesn't. For the record, responsible.

No, it doesn't. You're a spokesman now. You got to be careful about your clients.

It could. You could shit it out. You could diarrhea it out.

It actually.

What is this, the pangolin?

Yeah.

Have you seen it?

They're cool looking. Looks fucking delicious.

Got that bastard that prehistoric.

You know, they curl up in a ball.

Yeah, dude, it's just. They're armadillo.

They're armored, man. You can't even cut that shit. Look how cool they are. God, that looks like it belongs a million years ago, doesn't it?

It's a good guy.

What a cool looking animal. Fuck. That thing's wild looking.

Joe, what's your favorite animal?

If I had one that I'd love to.

I knew you'd have an answer.

If I had one I love to look at. For me, it's always primates. Always.

I disagree.

If I could find one animal that I would disagree more, that one animal that I could go check out, it would be the Bondo ape compared to a river otter. Yeah.

You like watching each other up?