Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan experience.

Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day.

I don't really like weed.

Do you like cigars?

I like alcohol and I like coffee. I'm not a big cigar guy.

Do you want alcohol?

I'll have it maybe in like second half of the show.

Second half of the show I liked.

I like to feel the caffeine.

Pair glasses with ice for the second half of the show once things start getting a little sideways.

Yeah.

So what's happening, brother? How are you doing?

Great. I've been on the road, just going pretty hard with this hour. And I love it. I still romanticize the road. I still love it. And I did theaters last year for the first time ever, just theater run, so that now I'm back in clubs to just tighten it. But I love it, man.

Yeah, clubs are the best. It's the best experience. The arenas are pretty nice. They're fun in the round. They're really fun.

They look fun.

Theaters are fun, but it's slightly removed from a club. Club is better than a theater.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. I mean, theaters, I forgot how intimate clubs were just doing. Yeah, last year and being like, oh, shit, I can see when a dude's know, I can see one person having a bad time now. So I forgot about that. But there was a guy in Dallas over the weekend who just kept doing this to me and I'm like, what the fuck? And I was like, oh, your girlfriend's the fan? He doesn't like me. He was just a drunk.

Oh, wow.

And I peeled out of me was drunk on rum too, which is the fun to me. It's like funny, funny.

That's a Jimmy Buffett drunk.

It's just not. You don't see a lot of white dudes with goatees who are rum drunk. So I was like, all right, yeah, he was a bad drunk, but she was cool as hell.

Well, sometimes guys have a real hard time with their girlfriend. Being a fan of a guy.

I feel like most of the people that like me are dudes, but me too. When I see women out there, I'm like, great. Yeah, I'm happy. A tabletop of four. I'm like, fuck yes.

Yeah. Whenever a lady asks me, are you Joe Rogan? I'm like, yeah. They're like, I'm a fan of your podcast. I'm always like, that's crazy.

Thank you. I mean, I'm sure you have a lot of female friends. A big pod.

It's the number two, female podcast.

What's number one?

True crime.

That makes sense.

Like, one of them true crime shows.

Women love true crime.

Yeah. So women do listen to it. Yeah, but I'm a guy, and I'm probably annoying. I get it if you're a woman and you don't. I mean, this is a bro heavy show. Like, when we do protect our parks or when we do a fight companion.

The fights are definitely for bros. Yeah.

And then when I have fighters on, unless it's female fighters. I've had a bunch of female fighters on, too. Female fighters are probably my best example that I point to when people think that something horrible about fighting, that it's, like, brutality and it's wrong and it's barbaric, and I'll point them to some female fighters. I'm like, just listen to this woman talk. Like, listen to Rose Namiunis talk about fighting and listen to her post fight speeches when she's telling everybody that we just have to be nicer to each other.

It is pretty cool to be almost, like, buddhist and a fighter.

She's an amazing human, very unusual human being. Elite world class fighter, world champion multiple times, and, like, one of the sweetest, nicest people alive. She's so nice to her opponents after fights.

I don't know a lot about fighting. A lot of it I've learned from hearing you talk. And I remember watching a fight with, like, luis Gomez and Dave Smith once, and they knew so much about it. That's how you get me into it, like, backstory and stuff. I'm an insane NBA fan. I love sports, but, yeah, the camaraderie in that stuff, to me, is what interests me also is, like, growing up as a 90s basketball fan, these guys fucking hated each other. Like, wanted to fight. Like Oakley, Rodman. They were, like, down to fight you and mind games and shit. And now they all play AAU ball together, so they're all buddies. So part of it's kind of lost a little. It's weird. Like, the camaraderie is beautiful, and now the trades are so often that you're going to end up on this dude's team at some point anyway.

Yeah, well, I guess it's probably the best players can figure out how to always play as a team while playing their best.

If your ego allows you to.

Yeah, that's the people.

Stubborn.

I'm definitely no basketball expert, but when I watch high performing athletics in a team sports environment, it's always this dance between what is the best thing to do to score versus what do I want to do? What do I want to do since I have the ball? Do I want to try to show off? Do I want to try to pull off something wild? Or do I pass? What do I do? And then people get upset when you don't make the ladder, when you don't pass enough. Right? That's like a big one.

Yeah, you slow down. Like, I mean, think about it. If you want to simplify it to, like, kids playing in the park. If you're playing your ass off on d and you have one dude just like iso dribling the whole time on offense, you're like, you're wasting our energy. You're being a dick. I don't like that. So, yeah, I think there's always going.

To be guys like that that just want the ball.

But you have to know who you are. I mean, it's like anything else. If you know what's funny about you, you'll be a better comic, right? If you know what your purpose is as a basketball player. I'm a defender, I'm a three point specialist. Knowing who you are is all of it, really.

It's one of the classic fumbles of all time, is a guy who talks shit while playing basketball and gets his ass kicked.

Yeah, but it's so satisfying. It's the worst thing ever. When I see people shit talking, like Steph Curry, I'm like, you know how this ends? It's like shit talking. Jack Reacher, you're going to fucking lose.

So ridiculous.

Yeah.

Why are you doing that? People are so delusional. Like, the difference between a world class athlete and the average person is such a gap. But then again, there are some people out there that just genetic freaks and they probably are young and super cocky and they might be elite someday and they think they are right now, right? That's just a part of being a male involved in competitive sports. They're all just going after each other, whether it's with basketball or football or especially with fighting.

On the professional level, it can be cool. But when you play with your friends in the park and you have that one guy with anger problems and you're like, I had a friend who used to yell at people. I'm like, dude, that guy's homeless. You got to stop yelling at a homeless guy.

I had a friend who used to do that at the comedian softball game would him and this other dude, who's also my friend, they would scream in each other's faces. Screaming like two gorillas, just screaming in each other's faces. It was so ridiculous.

Some people need that to get them amped up. Michael Jordan would create shit. He would create reasons to be mad. There's this famous story about MJ where a guy was like, he had a career night against Michael Jordan. A career night, 39 points or something. MJ had an off night. And at the end of the game, he was like, good game to Michael Jordan. And Jordan was like, oh, I'm going to fucking kill him. Like, he said it in his head sarcastically. So the next time they play, Jordan annihilates him. Humiliates him. And then it later came out. The guy's like, I never said that. I didn't say shit to Mike. But Jordan is so crazy. He needs fuel to just be like, you wronged me in some way. And that's how I'll. Right.

He probably put it in his head that the guy did said that.

Totally. Yeah, but that's, like, psychotic.

But that's how you get to be Michael Jordan. When you're the elite of the elite, that's just such a special mindset. To be able to be that good at anything, whether it's Tiger woods at golf or Michael Jordan at basketball or Mike Tyson at fighting, to get that good at anything, man, that is so rare. It requires so much insane focus on one goal and you're competing with what thousands and thousands of other elite athletes that also have their eye on this one goal.

Well, Tiger woods is a great example of, like, it's almost like, you know, you're a kid and you learn a language at like two years old and you're like, well, that kid speaks Spanish now. It was easy for him. That's what Tiger's dad did to him. With golf, it's like, oh, you just know that this is what it takes with golf. And then, of course, you need to fuck 40,000 women. You have to.

After that child looked like Tiger woods.

Exactly. Let him have it.

Yeah, the whole thing's ridiculous. But also, it's like, you see in that guy, the difference between what elite athleticism applied to golf. He got banged up where you don't hear about that many golfers that go through as many surgeries. I know he did one surgery for his leg, but a bunch of it's back stuff, right?

Yeah.

And you got to think that fucking torque that guy puts in that club. How many times can you do that before your back just goes, fuck. You know the way that guy hits.

A ball and he's one of those dudes where you're like, growing up, I'd be like, oh, you could be a fat golfer. And then you see, no, your body will probably break down. Tiger's fucking ripped.

Yeah, he's jacked. Show me a video of him hitting, like, a long drive.

I was going to show you this, which is kind of. It's almost more impressive, his ability to.

Stop mid is this rear window. Who's shooting this? Right.

Well, this is, like, on field stuff.

Why did he stop mid swing?

Because either someone made a noise or something just distracted him. But you're already going, and you're so torqued up by the time you're in the back there to stop. It takes a lot. It's just, like, a mental fortitude. And then also to be able to stop without fucking up.

But it is kind of funny, the abuse other athletes take compared to golfers. If you're playing football, I mean, verbal, from an audience. I used to do a podcast with Julian Edelman, who's a super bowl champ with the Patriots three times. Great guy. But he would tell me, yeah, they would throw dildos at me on the field in Buffalo because they hated me. Now, in golf, they're like, quiet, quiet. You can't take any noise.

Yeah, there's no noise.

It's a different focus.

But there is that one tournament that they do where it's a giant crowd. Have you seen that one problem with that?

This weekend?

They had a problem.

Yeah.

What happened?

They let in too many people, and they stopped selling alcohol. Like, one in the afternoon.

So fucked up. Oh, no.

Yeah.

I don't know.

No one got hurt or anything.

Can you show a video? Well, I want to see a video of him hitting the ball first, but then I want to show Sam the video of this golf tournament. Dude, the way his whole body swings that club. There's so much force.

Look at that. Also to see that emotion. Damn.

And the years of practice. Like, how many times has he swung a club?

I should say. I know nothing about golf, but he's a dude. If he's playing, you're like, yeah, it's fucking cool to watch Tiger woods.

It's cool to watch. How does he play, Jamie? Since he broke his leg, he has played okay.

Like, he came. Oh, since he broke his leg, he hasn't played that many rounds, really.

Apparently had a terrible leg break. Like, really bad.

Yeah.

That's scary.

Is his son going to be good?

His son is good.

Yeah.

His son's out driving him now, which I don't know what that means, really, but that's really good.

That's power. At a young age.

That's insane.

This is that crazy hole. The 16th at the waste management.

So look at this Phoenix open. Look at the crowd. There's like a gigantic crowd. And they're loud. People are loud.

They make it like a big stadium.

Look at that.

This is pretty cool.

I mean, listen, that cheer for golf.

And some of the players encourage it on this hole.

Oh, my God, they're so loud. Oh, shit.

Holy shit.

Oh, shit.

There we go.

See, that is so much more impressive to do that in front of a crowd.

Yeah.

I mean, there's something kind of fucking cool about that.

You have to shut out the world. I mean, that's a talent, too.

For sure. For sure. Especially in something that's so touch oriented, like you're concentrating on how many revolutions you're going to put on a ball on grass. Yeah, it's like there's so much touch to it that any little. You're fucked.

Yeah, golf and tennis. I've never been to either. And tennis, when it's on tv, it's one of those where I'm like, man, the shape you've got to be in.

This is the crowd. This was the last time.

So insane. Look at this crowd.

Yeah, this is stressful.

Down Augusta.

Look how many people that is.

And he's got to keep it together. I think he had pretty much had it wrapped up by now, but you still have to make the last two shots. You can easily fuck those up.

Dude, there's so many people. That's so ridiculous.

What do you think of his dad? I mean, it is a weird way to raise a child.

I'm not really familiar with exactly what happened.

Well, his dad just turned him into Tiger Woods. I mean, this is like. It's almost like a superhero origin story. If you become this, you don't have a good childhood.

Yeah. And you probably also didn't have a choice.

No way.

Yeah, but that's the question.

Is it different than being a stage mom?

It's a good question. It's a good question. Like, how much is too much, right?

I mean, look at this. This is kind of dark.

He's two. He has a golf club and he's two, bro. That's insane.

The doc is incredible. It's on HBO. I think it's incredible.

His form is immaculate at two. Wow.

But that's a lot of hours. Like, daddy, please let me watch cartoons. And he's like, fuck you. You're going to work on your swing. I mean, that's kind of sad.

There's a little bit of that, for sure. Yeah. You would like someone to just gravitate towards something, and then you encourage them as far as they want to go with it.

I think about it in sports a lot, too, where a guy like LeBron, who came from absolutely nothing and became LeBron, he's got a son now who, first of all, being LeBron's son, can't be easy, right?

It's got to be hard.

A lot of pressure.

Lot of pressure.

And he's a good player. It looks like he's going to make the NBA, but you're not going to be LeBron also. It's like, okay, you have every advantage. You grew up in an incredible home. You have trainers around the clock, versus a guy who's, like, hungry as hell.

Yeah.

I mean, it's an interesting study. If you had two guys with those talents, and it's almost like a fucking trading places type thing, maybe I'm thinking, like, you put them. Okay, which is better? The hungry guy, I agree.

Hungry guy with good genetics wins every time.

Yeah. Because he needs it.

Yeah. It's a different mindset. It's got to be very difficult to engage in something like combat sports or pro football. I'm not saying it's not possible, but it's got to be very difficult to do that if you come from a really comfortable environment.

Yeah.

Because you're just not going to have that certain level of anger necessary to get the job done.

And then in a combat sport, as you said, you need to shut that anger off at some point, and that's got it. Same with football. That's a violent game, man. Watching the Super bowl, how many people on the 49 ers? I was like, this is like fucking war.

Yeah.

People were just carried off on stretchers. It felt like I was watching mash. It was rough.

You don't see a lot of rich people's sons going into that line of work.

Well, Bill Lambier on the bad boy pistons came from privilege, but then Isaiah Thomas, he's their general, and he came from the worst fucking part of Chicago. Yeah, but that's kind of an interesting.

I mean, I could see how they could compete in some sports, but in combat sports, the people that come from nothing have, like, an extra gear. They just have an extra gear.

What about a guy like Kimbo Slice, though, who's like, really from nothing?

Well, also just talented boxer. Kimbo Slice was very. He had very good hands. Like, if you watch those videos of him out in the back parking areas, where they would fight on parking lots and backyards and dodging satellite dishes and shit. You ever see those videos?

I've seen some of his stuff. He's terrifying.

He's a good boxer, and he was boxing people that were not good boxers. They just did not know. They were tough guys, but they weren't at his level. And he would just have these bare knuckle backyard fights. And the nicest fucking guy, too. That's the thing about Kimbo, rest in peace. He was the nicest guy. Like, super sweet guy. Like, very friendly to everybody, took pictures with everybody. He's, like, not like a thug, just really tough guy. And so tough that he even entered into the ultimate. Like, he really didn't have a backyard. I mean, he really didn't have a background, rather, in grappling. It wasn't really a grappler.

And now you kind of need that, right?

You had to. Yeah, he got beat up by big country. Roy Nelson just took him down and got on top of him. Just kept punching him in the head. He couldn't do anything about it. Put him in a crucifix and just didn't know how to hole, which is, like, so unfair. If bare knuckle boxing was around, like it is now and Kimbo was around, Kimbo would have been one of the best at bare knuckle boxing because that was really where his skill set is with his hands and his toughness really wasn't a kicker. He really wasn't a grappler. He had to learn all that stuff that didn't come natural to him.

I mean, it's really like just being around at the right time. If you're just a boxer versus now it's like being a silent film star. And then now they're talking. Right now they're kicking, now they're grappling.

But those fights that he was having weren't like, they were just backyard fights. They weren't organized in a sense of, there was no athletic commission involved or anything like that. So once he started fighting, he wanted to fight in the UFC. He fought for a while in Elite XC, and he fought some good fighters over there and then came over to the UFC and did the ultimate fighter. Just, like, a very ballsy thing to know to try to learn grappling and fight in front of the world.

Yeah.

Because really, it did not have that much grappling. And that's such a giant disadvantage amongst those Giant dudes in his division. These guys are so big. These guys are just taking each other down and beating the shit out of.

Well, it's like that guy who boxed against Jake Paul, one of the first guys who was a wrestler.

The guy was a really good askren. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, it's just a different thing.

Well, yeah, Ben, I think Ben just took a. Yeah, I think he just gave it a go for the know. Let's not. He's an amazing wrestler, but he's not really known for being a striker.

That must be so fucking annoying to be amazing at one thing, and then you have to do another thing that you suck at with some guys.

Pick it up really quick. There's some athletes, for whatever reason, they're just really good at learning new skills. Like, really good at learning how to kick, really good at learning how to punch. Some wrestlers, like Bo Nickel picked it up really quick, like, in a couple of years. He looked really good on his feet, like dangerous. But then there's some that, for whatever reason, maybe their style of grappling was more controlled base and less dynamic and not as explosive and changing from move to move. Because some guys just have, like, a slow pressure wrestling game, and those guys just can never get the punches flowing. Everything's just all bunched up. They're just so used to grabbing and squeezing things that the idea of being loose and punching, it doesn't make sense to them. It doesn't work with their body.

You have to retrain your body.

Yeah.

It's so weird. When I see a guy lunging, I'm like, oh, it's like when you see a baseball player, like, reaching, you're like, that's not how you. Not that I know how to fucking throw a punch, but it's a dangerous.

Game to not be good at. It's the most dangerous game to not be good at. If you want to learn how to do it before you start competing, you better really know how to do everything. At this stage of the game, there's just too many people that can shut down one aspect of your game. If you don't have a ground game, they're going to figure you out and they're going to take you down. They're stronger you, and if you don't have a stand up game, they're going to keep it in the feet and beat the shit out of you. They're going to figure it out. Like, you can't have any holes in your game at all. You got to be like mighty Mouse. Yeah.

You can't be one dimensional.

Yeah. You got to be able to do everything.

It's like comedy now. You got to do everything.

Yeah.

You can't just do stand up. You can't just podcast. You can't just try to do movies. You really have to do other shit.

You probably should just so you don't want to be confined to one thing that you do if you have options, it's more fun to do different stuff. It's more fun to do extra stuff.

It's good to challenge yourself, too.

Yeah, it's just fun. It just makes it more interesting to do different things.

I mean, it's like walking a different route home every day. Okay, I've walked this way home. Let's see what this route does for me. It's just better for your brain, I think.

It's definitely better for your brain. I think it's just, as a comic, you could just get too locked into just doing stand up all the time. That could kind of fuck your.

I'm realizing I do it too much, and I'm like, in terms of the road, and it burns you out. You run out of shit to talk about because you work so hard to get to a place where you're always working, and then you get there and you're like, oh, I got to live a life? Yeah, I have to have shit to talk about.

Otherwise you start faking it. Yeah, you start faking what you're interested in. You start pretending. You start talking about things you think they'll be interested in. Yeah, you don't know what the fuck is going on in the world anymore. You've just been doing hotel to hotel, club to club.

Yeah.

Kind of losing your mind.

I ran into Chris Rock on the street once, and I told him, I was like, I finally took my first vacation ever. And he goes, oh, man, good for you. He's like, got to take a vacation. Even LeBron has an offseason. Wise words.

Very wise words.

I mean, smart. You burn yourself out. Anyone, when you reach that level of a guy like Chris Rock, they just know what it know. It's like, yeah. You don't burn yourself out. I mean, he's got a different skill. It's like, I'll do a movie in this time to not burn out. He's got a different career, but he's got wisdom.

Yeah. And that's also another very cool thing that you could still do something creatively that's different than that. You can direct something if you wanted to.

I want to do other stuff. Stand up is always number one. And I think, thank God for stand up because sometimes I'm trying to make a show now, and the amount of fucking emails back and forth. The amount of meetings, this, that.

So much work.

And I'm like, man, if this was all I had, I'd fucking put a bullet in my head. Honestly. I really would. Because the amount of people, they're like, oh, they're on vacation. There's a jewish holiday. I'm like, I'm jewish. I've never heard of that holiday. That's not a holiday. I don't know what the hell you're talking about. And then we got mlk day. You shut down for Valentine's Day. There's always something.

That's hilarious.

So thank God for stand up. It's like, it's always there.

Yeah. Just like, what a fucking weird time it is today. What a weird time it is to tell jokes.

Just in the culture right now.

Yeah, it's just such a strange fucking time. It's a strange time to be doing stand up.

It's always a strange time to be. I mean, I think during the Crusades, it was weird to be funny. I think it's always a weird time. I think it's always a bad time to be, but, man, people really need it right now.

It's great.

I love it. I love that cities will surprise you. That's my favorite thing. I've gone in judging a city because I've had a bad time there. And I'm like, let's give it another shot. But I never prejudge. And then you find little golden Nuggets. Like, I was at the Omaha funny bone a couple of weeks ago. I fucking love that club.

There's a lot of great clubs in this country.

So many great clubs. And the repetition is necessary. That's the fucking beauty of this. Still is. Like, I think I've cracked a story. And then I'm like, oh, that wasn't the ending. You just find it out on stage.

Sometimes and you tighten things up. Sometimes you just take a chunk out and they're like, oh, this is way better this way.

Yeah, sometimes your ego keeps a chunk in and you're like, this is for me. And you realize that's also. We're the only type of entertainment where the crowd is really part of the editing process. Scorsese is not workshopping his shit in. Like, we're taking our shit all over the country to make sure this works.

Yeah, exactly. It's really interesting that way. Music is not made that way. No, it's really the only art form that's made that way. And, you know, it's really interesting that so many people love it, but there's no real formal study of it by anybody that knows how to do it.

But it's getting there, kind of. I think all the studies are so boring. If you read, like, Simon Critchley, I think it's on humor. You're like, I'm so bored. You hear Troy talk about humor, you're like, yeah, dude, it's about tension release. No shit. It's fucking boring. When you read people dissecting, like, it can get boring.

It's not just about tension release, though.

Oh, it's so much more.

There's a thing going on when someone's killing, and I liken it to a mass hypnosis. If Joey Diaz is on stage and he's crushing, you're under a spell, right? You're under a spell. You're in his mind.

A rhythm, too. It's like you're lulled. Yeah, I mean, that's the cool thing about comics, is guys like Nate Bargazi or something like that, where the jokes. He has a rhythm that's so unique. You're like, oh, I'm just under his spell. He said, yeah, it's cool.

It's kind of like a hypnosis. It really, you know, and then we're just trying to piece it together in the most digestible way possible, the way that has the best impact. Make sure you scour all the corners. Make sure you cover all the angles. Clear the room.

Yeah, it's great, man. It's a great time. And the road is people really fucking. Like, we are in a boom. I mean, you started this. It wasn't like this right?

When I started stand up. No, nothing like this. No. This is the craziest comedy boom ever. Because of YouTube. Because of YouTube for podcasts, YouTube for comedy specials, and then for Netflix. Netflix made it a boom, too. There's, like, so many people that can travel now. It used to be like, there wasn't that many people that did theaters when I was coming up. Nobody did theaters. I saw Rich Jenny when he was at his prime, when he was on HBO, I saw him in a comedy club.

Damn, he was a funny dude.

Oh, my God. He was amazing. Dude. He was amazing.

Underappreciated.

Super underappreciated. I sing his praises all the time. I was coming home once from the Irvine improv, and my bluetooth just randomly went to go to a song. It just went to Richard Jenny because it was on my itunes thing, and I went, God damn, I forgot how good this was. It was this bit about how he's a fence sitter. It was this bit about shitting on all the liberals and then shitting on all the Republicans and then shitting on just. I'm like, God damn, he was good. And so then I ordered the whole album on itunes and I listened to the whole thing on the way home.

It's so incredible, by the way. I love when it's on shuffle and you hear like, it goes from like a Tom Waite song to like, nick Depolo and you're like, that was a big right turn right there. Holy shit.

I think it's a steaming pile of me. I think that's the one that I downloaded. He was good, man.

He was excellent. And I think it's important to make fun of both sides. And it makes me sad to see people get mad at Jon Stewart right now for shitting on both sides. I think he's a comedian first, and I think it's cool to. When you go to the clubs, they don't know exactly what you're going to say.

Yeah. If you're going to have Jon Stewart back on the Daily show and Biden is making up words, he's going to bring it up. He's not going to just only fucking simp for the democrats. He's going to say some funny shit about anything that happens to democrats, too. It's funny. It's part of what the show used to be.

It's weird that there's like a social responsibility people attribute to comedians when it's like, most of us got good at this by cursing at strangers in a bar.

Yeah. I mean, we all have our political opinions, which is fine, but it's like what John's capable of is delivering the news in a very funny way. He's the best at it. He's the best at that role of being like the guy that's doing the satire of the news, just breaking down everything that's wrong and fucking stupid in the world.

He is the peak. And it's interesting because he is like the animal house. He's like National Lampoon's animal house of. He's like the bar. And then everyone tries to copy Animal House, right? And you end up with a lot of, like, forkies. Van Wilder two, the rise of Taj. You're like, all right, this isn't as good. Stewart, like, if you actually look at his stand up, it's like any form of entertainment to break these rules, you have to know the rules. And Stewart is a great stand up.

Yeah, he's a very funny.

He had jokes. I remember. I remember he had a joke back in the day, it was about how jews and black people are similar because black people, we have the blues and Jews, we just complain all the time. We just never thought to put it to music. And I'm like, that's the type of observation that's like unifying. That's like bringing a room together.

Yes.

I love that.

That's a very funny bit, too.

Yeah. He had a great special in the 90s called unleavened. I remember it. It was on Comedy Central all the time.

Yeah. So he's back, like, on the Daily show sometimes. Is that what it is? Mondays, Mondays.

I'll give you one day.

That's a good move for him. Yeah. Why do it? I guess he had a deal with Apple. And I don't know if they're saying the specifics of why they canceled the show, but it was something akin to they didn't want him to say anything that would get them in trouble. Something along those lines.

I forget what. His quote maybe about China, and they're like, hey, we make a lot of shit over.

There it is. Yeah, here it is. John Stewart says Apple TV canceled his show because they didn't want me to say things that might get me in trouble.

Okay. Damn.

Boy, kids, what kind of a world are we talking?

And by the way, that's what gets us excited. The idea that this could get me in trouble. That's everything.

Also, Apple, by the way, you distribute all the apps that do all the trouble, and you take a percentage.

You take a percentage of their profits.

You don't want Jon Stewart to say something that might get him in trouble. Why don't you let him decide for himself?

What's great about Jon Stewart, too, is there's so many comics who are like, and I have no issue with this, but speak recklessly. And John is so careful with his words and so skilled at it.

Yeah. I wanted a place to unload thoughts as we get into this election season, Stewart said, I thought I was going to do it over at, they call Apple TV plus. It's a television enclave. Very small. It's like living in Malibu. But they decided. They felt that they didn't want me to say things that might get me in trouble. Okay. I don't know what that know. That could mean a lot of things.

Very coded. I think it's talking. Think China, maybe.

Yeah, I think there was a stuff like that. Something about that. Apple obviously works with China. What was the subject? It says China.

Maybe it's something AI and China.

Okay. Times reported that the duo had disagreements over topics that were to be covered in the third season, including AI and China. Wow. They had a disagreement about AI and China? These people, what are they doing? Members of the US House of Representatives later questions Apple CEO Tim Cook about whether the tech giant's decision to cancel Stewart's show is because the host may have been planning an upcoming episode about China. He says while companies have the right to determine what content is appropriate for their streaming service, the coercive tactics of a foreign power should not be directly or indirectly influencing those determinations. The leaders of the House of Representatives select committee on competition with the Chinese Communist Party wrote in a letter to cook. Holy shit. While Stewart did not mention the rumors about Apple's alleged worry over an episode about China, he did say the tech giant did want me to say things that didn't want me to say, things that might get me in trouble. As for his Daily show return, he said he hopes to provide a catharsis to viewers this election season and a way to comment on things and a way to express them that hopefully people will.

Well, so far that sounds like China said, don't fucking put that shit on. That's what I got out of. What did you get out of?

I mean, it's like, it's like that. Yeah.

Is that one that's still available? Can you get that?

I think so. Remember when there was like tension? Like, are we going to get nuked over a Seth Rogen movie?

I remember watching that going like, do you know how dangerous those people know? You want North Koreans mad at you for heehees and ha ha's?

Yeah. Really? Yeah.

And then they hacked the servers. Right.

And that how that happened. Is that what happened?

Was that Sony, right?

Yeah.

And then a bunch of shit got found.

Was that definitely what I was trying to remember? I think it was a coincidence. It might have been a coincidence.

It could be cybercriminals decided to attack based on.

No, according to the wiki, it says.

Can I just dream? It was guardians of the peace.

A cybercrime group allegedly connected north korean government.

Okay, it is connected. Guardians of peace. What a great name. That sounds like a government bill. Guardians of peace sounds like a new bill. They would push for the House, man.

Some of the senate. Remember when the senate did. They did a hearing on. It was like during Katrina, I think they did like one day on Katrina and nine days on steroids in baseball because you just want to meet Raphael Palmero. Remember? They're like, oh, we're big fans.

Oh, my God, that's hilarious.

I mean, the shit that they get concerned with is so crazy.

Yeah, but you don't want to go full communist. You don't want to say, like, the news shouldn't be able to make know. They should be able to make money.

They should be able to make money. But the second you combine news and entertainment. Yeah, it's a dangerous, mucky area. It gets real squirrely because entertainment is not news. The news is supposed to be boring.

Boring as shit.

You're supposed to be like, why am I watching? And now we have, in a way, where, like, you watch twelve straight out of the news. That's a fucking problem.

Well, what's my favorite is the in between story banter that is the most uncomfortable, hurried, kind of weird fake talk that exists in all of television. It doesn't exist anywhere else on earth right now in mainstream entertainment. Then the banter between the anchor and, like, the weatherlady as they're throwing back and forth to each other. Then this guy, dude, it is the fakest. Well, that seems like. I don't know what to say about that.

I still do morning News just to ruin the segments. That's the only reason I go on. I do it all the time.

You did a good one in Columbus.

Do you see that one? That was what you do. I could send it to you. It's pretty funny. Yeah, I think I have it here. It's probably on my instagram or something. I just kept making up that they had a human trafficking problem in Columbus, and the guy lost it on me because I'll only do those news segments if they're live because there's no point in doing a tape one. They'll just edit out whatever horrible thing I do. But sometimes you get someone really cool and you'll just riff with them and be silly. But this dude, I could tell I'll throw like a jab to see if it bothers them, and if I can sense it bothers them, I'll go, like 100 miles an hour and just derail the segment. I remember I have a publicist, Pam, who hates me. I don't care about morning radio. Just book me on morning shows. And she's like, they're on to you. They know you're going to ruin the segment. But Pam, she gets so mad at me.

But do you ever go on one and the people are cool and you don't ruin the segment?

Yeah, totally. But they usually end up. Sometimes they think it's funny, but other times, yeah, I did one. We were on a tour bus last year and I pretended my opener, Gary Veter overdosed on cocaine on the bus. And they were so mad at me. And she called me like, you're banned from good morning Durham.

And I was like, I'll live.

But we've done a lot where I poke and I see what I can get away with.

How many people are watching those shows?

Not a lot. But when I share them, they do pretty well because they're weird to watch me do something bad. Yeah, I can text it to you. I think I have it on my phone somewhere.

I'm trying to find. No people under 60 are watching that, right? Am I correct?

Probably not. I mean, sometimes when I'm in a hotel, I have it on in the background just for like background noise when I'm bored on the road.

Right.

But yeah, it's almost like I want to watch the news, but I don't want to. I'm not going to watch, like, BBC. I'm going to watch Pittsburgh today Live.

Local men eaten by alligator.

That was the first one, Pittsburgh, actually. I pretended I was molested on air because she just kept asking the dumbest questions. And she goes, when did you catch the funny bug? And I said, well, my uncle molested me and he was funny and I caught it like Spiderman. And they just stared at me like, oh, is it? Yeah, that's it. No, that's Springfield. I know him all. That's a guy did this joke on.

Instagram less than 24 hours ago.

Talk about what people can expect. I mean, have you been to Columbus.

Before or is this the first time for you?

No, I've been. I love Columbus. Great city. Big fan of. Despite all the human trafficking going on there, I still find a lot of fun. A great city nonetheless. You've got your class. I could tell he doesn't want it. So this is where I poke this. Friday, October 27 tell us what we can expect with that. I'm going to talk like that trafficking epidemic in Columbus, Ohio. What is going on with the human talking about? Are you a big sports fan? What's going on with that? I'll tell you what I'm not a fan of is human trafficking. I don't know where you're going with that. There are a lot of news reports.

Yes.

All right, well, listen, Sam, enjoy. This is the best part because he snaps here. We'll look forward to seeing you. Thanks, Sam. Guys, thanks for having me.

All right, have a good know.

I know he's kind of edgy and funny. I didn't get the human trafficking thing, because it really wasn't funny the first time. And then he kept doing it two and three.

And I tried to ask him. You saw me try to ask, is this a joke? Are you trying to be funny?

What are you trying to do? Well, I was just trying to explain. The audience just saw the same thing, too. Okay, we'll go to break. Good morning. That was it. He really lost it. That's the only way they're worth doing to me, though, is if it's, like, insanely uncomfortable.

It makes you think even just the way you do one of those shows, those people aren't real.

Some of them are good. Some of them are good morning America. Those two that were fucking, they were real friends. They were great, and they were great at their job. That's why they shouldn't have been fired.

Why were they fired?

For fucking. Well, here's what happened. She just fucked him. He was fucking everybody there. So I think they were like, well, if we fire him, yeah, we got it.

Wow.

But they were good. I did their show once, and it was just a regular interview because they were fun.

Well, they should do a podcast together.

I think they are.

There you go. Yeah, you don't want a boss, especially in those kind of environments. It's just too restrictive. And it makes me think if you look at that guy, no offense to that guy that you were just talking to, but I couldn't imagine some sort of an audition process that yielded such results. Yeah, like, this is the best you guys have.

It's a big city, Columbus.

Tell the news.

Big city with a lot of human trafficking.

Someone's backed you up on that? She did.

There's a lot of reports.

I just think it's a funny rumor to make up to be like, you have a human trafficking problem, and I had no research to back that up. But if you have Columbus pride, it bothers you.

There are stories.

There are stories. There's also.

You're doing it on Zoom, which is extra frustrating because you're not even in the room, so they can't even go, what the fuck are you doing? You're so disconnected. They have to be very obvious when they're talking to you.

But I've done it where I was bad and it wasn't live, and they just edited it out. I'm like, God damn it. Got to get the live ones. But it's hard to ask for live because they know you're going to do something. So you see my predicament. I'm like, I want live. And they're like, what's he going to do?

Well, I think the gig is up.

We'll see. I got one coming up. We'll see. If they unbook me, maybe they'll be prepared.

And they just let you fuck with.

They have done that before. And I did one pre recorded for New York one when I was promoting MSG theater. I did that one. And they were mad I didn't do it. But it was like, it was pre recorded. And they were like, yeah, they told my friend. They were like, yeah. He just behaved. It was really a bummer. And I was like, well, now I got to be bad because you knew.

It was pre recorded.

Yeah, I was just kind of out of energy. I was like, what's the point?

Deflated. Yeah, they're playing dirty. Pre recorded with you is playing dirty.

It is. I'm playing dirty too, though.

You are. But that's the game we play. That's the game we play.

It's just fun.

Morning show. When Segura used to do DJ dad. Yes.

TJ Miller was another one who would do crazy shit on there. And I was like, I love that.

Segura was the king of it. Yeah, he came out as non binary on a morning show. Just fucking total deadpan with a gold chain on, sunglasses.

His energy's perfect for it, too. He's got that calming energy too.

And just the name DJ Dad Mouth, like, what the fuck? Oh, my God, that's so funny. That's so fucking stupid.

Yeah, it's fun. But you're right. You kind of killed a lot of those types of shows with your show because it's like, would you rather see them on good morning, whatever, for four minutes or on your show for 3 hours? They'd rather see this.

Yeah, but it's also, that format sucks.

It's a bad format. I still like the idea of a live interview. I still think that's really fun.

Live interviews are fun.

But, yeah, you doing 3 hours is like, it would change that.

I think I was just lazy. I didn't want to edit anything. Ari used to tell me, he goes, you gotta edit your show. That was his number one complaint, telling you, listen to me. You gotta edit your show. And I was, why? Like, no one's gonna listen to all that. Then they don't have to listen. I was like, then don't listen. I don't care if you stop halfway in. Listen to as much as you want.

Well, you went against what a lot of people say is about the entertainment world. Like, keep them wanting more you're just like, no, this is the show.

It's also this idea that everybody has a short attention span. That's just not true. That's horseshit.

Yeah.

Even people with short attention spans get into things. Like, there might be some subject that someone's talking about that lights your interest, lights your curiosity, and then you get locked into it where you would never spend 3 hours ordinarily listening to some guy talk about, you know, Graham Hancock type character, talking about the people that constructed these things in Turkey and shit. You would never do that, right, in the normal world. But you could get locked into a conversation. And if it's a three hour conversation, you come out of that much more energized with whatever that subject is.

Not only is that true, but also, I think, the fact that people can listen to stuff while they're, like, cleaning the house 100%. I mean, you can't do that with a movie, right?

The thing is, the number one attractor is always going to be like, the TikTok and the Instagram reels. Those are the ones that suck you in. They suck you in. They work with the human mind.

It drives me crazy. Do you get addicted to it?

They're so effective.

I mean, Instagram reels, for me, fucking ruin my day.

Oh, those are good.

It's just some fucking asshole in his car eating, like, a sandwich. I'm just watching a dude eat a sandwich. You break it down, you go, this is so sad. Sexy. It is sexy. And he rates the sandwich, and I'm like, good enough for me. And then they send me 40 more. Everyone's a food critic now.

That's fine. Yeah, it's fine. I mean, people will find their way.

They find their way.

Yeah, but it's just addictive.

I'm more mad at myself, honestly. I'm more mad that that's my. It's mostly food.

Well, I don't think you have to worry.

Someone slicing a tomahawk steak, someone eating a sandwich.

Those are good things.

I love them.

Yeah, those are good things.

I find a lot. Gary Veder tours with me, and he just sends me food whenever we're on the road. He's like, we're eating here? I'm like, what? He's more high maintenance than any woman I've ever dated. He's like, you're taking me here. It's five stars. You better fucking pay up, bitch.

That's hilarious. That is a nice thing if you go to good cities, right? You could always eat a nice restaurant.

Every city's got a nice restaurant.

If you don't fuck around in the Netherlands, in between realms, if you don't go too far.

It's weird though, what cities now, like, every city has this crazy food culture now no matter where you are.

I think the Internet is partly to blame for that too. There's so many YouTube sort of like mini documentaries on chefs and mini documentaries on restaurants that they're opening.

There's 9000 episodes of chopped. Think about how many chefs there are. That's what, four chefs per episode?

Well, that you got to give credit to tv, right? Like the travel channel and stuff like that. Because those are the first people that put cooking out there like an art form. Like with Bourdain show. That's the first time I ever considered cooking. I was like, oh, it's an art form. You just eat. Like. I thought of it as just cooking as carpentry or something like that. You know what I mean?

And I related to it as a comic. Just a guy like wandering and being like, oh, let me make the most of kalamazoo, Michigan. Yeah. Instead of eating this vending machine, let me try to find a cool diner or something.

Right? So those are some of the most satisfying places you find, like a cool old place. It's been around forever. You get like steak and eggs there.

Nothing gets my dick hard like a box card diner. Dude, I get so excited. We went, found one in buffalo and we ate there. We find a good spot, we eat there three days in a row. I'm obsessed with just a cool diner.

Yeah. There was a place called the star diner that I used to eat in. I think it was in Mount Vernon, New York. It was so sketchy, this neighborhood. It was so sketchy. But they had cheeseburger deluxes and the cheeseburger deluxe had like coleslaw on it. Yeah, it was ridiculous.

Coleslaw is underrated on a sandwich. A ruben is an underrated sandwich.

230 in the morning, you're hanging out with men who have just failed miserably. And everyone's eating these disgusting cheeseburgers at 02:00 in the morning. There's something such a vibe.

That's like a late night waffle house. Anytime.

There's something New York vibe too, like those kind of diners.

There's something so. Something about when you're on the road and you're in a sad place that's like weirdly romantic to me too. Gary and I stayed at a residence inn in Omaha, and it was just u haul truck after u haul truck of just shit in the parking lot. I'm like, it's us and 40 divorced men here. There's something so sad about this.

Yeah, get out.

Yeah. I love a late night diner. Or what's your diner order when you go?

Well, it depends on if I'm drunk. If I'm drunk, I might go off the rails. But most of the time, I'm pretty disciplined. Most of the time, I'm just eating whatever healthy options they have, like, meat or eggs or something like that. Yeah, most of the time, eggs is.

I mean, the obvious move, but a tuna melt at a diner can be so clutch.

Oh, those are so nice.

They're such a nice invention.

How about a tuna patty melt?

Yeah. Or, like, a souslaki.

Oh, souslaki.

Love a souslaki.

Yeah. A euro, dude. A late night euro.

Look at you pronouncing it correctly.

Yeah. I know a lot of greek people.

I don't pronounce it correctly, and I know how to pronounce it, but I.

Just forget if it's done the right way with the best bread.

I love it. Yeah, that, like, toasted pita.

Yeah, bro, come on with it. If I had to choose, though, like, one option for late night, if something's open that's legit. It would be between mexican and italian.

Yeah.

If someone tells you there's a place that serves insane lasagna at two in the like, we have to go.

For me, it's pizza all day. It's like, late night pizza is just so. I mean, especially good pizza.

Real good New York pizza. You get a good slice. Just a regular cheese and tomato sauce slice. When it's just perfectly seasoned and it's melting in your mouth, the cheese, you're like, oh, my God, this is so good.

I watched so much of that guy just randomly portnoy on barstool doing those reviews.

He's the.

Like, I said how much I hate watching these food things, but I fucking can't. I like how he likes all the same types. I like, like that flop. The new Haven pizza is my favorite pizza.

It's the best pizza in the world, apparently. Yeah. According to Portnoy. He knows more than I told him. I said, you should get 10% of all the profits for pizza. I bet if you had, like, a pizza chart between when Portnoy started doing those reviews to how many people are going and buying pizza now, I bet it's not a small number. I bet he's impacted the pizza world significantly. I'm not bullshitting. He makes me want to buy pizza.

Yeah, you watch it.

He bites the crust, too. I was like. I'm like, oh, it looks like he's.

Having a good, uh. When I was in Chicago with Mateo Lane, he's at Chicago theater. One night. I did the next night. So I just got in early, we hung out. We made pizza at Lou Malnati's deep dish, and they let us in there to just make pizza. And then I was like, all right, now I don't like Chicago pizza. That it's. It tastes good. It's just not my style. Not. It's a pie. It's not pizza. So I was like, all right, we'll see if arturos in the village will let. This place is Colin Quinn's stamp of approval, which, to me, he's the most New York guy I've ever met. So if Colin Quinn likes your pizza, you're legit. And we made their pizza, our turos on Houston, one of the best pizza spots. Also the vibe. There's a fucking piano player just playing in, like, it's so New York, dude.

Yeah, those places are fantastic.

I love them. And they make good everything.

If you could find a good old italian hole in the wall spot in New York, that's one of the cool things about, like, mulberry street. Yes, those places. There's some places down there that have been around forever.

Yeah, you'll just google it, and you'll be like, 19, nine. What the fuck? Are you kidding me?

Did you ever talk to Fitzsimmons about when he lived there?

Not about that, but, yeah, I know Greg. I love Greg Simmons.

Lived right above the social club where John Gotti used to go.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

How about that John Gotti, man?

That guy Simmons used to live, right? I went to his fucking apartment.

I mean, he was the reason sparks is, like, you feel, like, cool walking in. You're like, this is where the guy got shot.

Right there. Right there. It's a good restaurant, though, too. Fitzsimmons.

That's right there. The amount of danger we all like is just to know someone was shot here, and they're not going to do it again. What are the ods? Another guy gets whacked here, right?

They don't whack each other that often. What year did Gotti get arrested?

He got arrested so many times.

Was it in the 90s? But it was trying to figure out, like, when Fitzsimmons was there. Was he there while the social club was in operation? I know the whole family that owned the building was all like. He had deals. We would give the mother some money. My frankie doesn't have to know about this. This is my gambling money. And she would take that money. They had, like, little deals. He would pay the mother and the father separately.

December 1990.

December 1990. Okay, so that must mean he was already in jail by the time Fitzsimmons lived there, because I think Greg and I, we came to New York around the same time, and that was, like, greg might've been there first, too. I don't.

Like. He was like, the media darling. It's so weird to be a murderer. And you're, like, on the COVID of the post, like, with a know. Just like this guy's know. Because he kept getting off. Right? How many times did he get off? Yeah, like, three. Right.

Teflon Don.

Teflon Don.

Yeah. Those weird times. You know who the mob boss is, and he's wearing a nice suit, and he's walking around in front of everybody.

It's weird. It's really weird to be a mob celebrity. And then people take, if he was right now, you'd be like, selfie.

But you know what it's like? It's like you're in a race, but your car's not quite strong enough to do that, and then the federal government shuts the race down.

Yeah.

Whereas if you're in Mexico, you can actually do that. You're in Mexico, and you're a cartel leader. You are a cartel. You're the guy that's legit. No one's putting you in jail.

But it's weird to be able to do that.

Yeah, very weird. But it was also a different time. Right?

We glamorize that shit, though. We all do, because mob movies are the best movies. I mean, you got godfather, goodfellas, the.

Best shows of all.

Probably my number one.

God, it's good. God damn, it's good. I rewatched an episode the other day.

I'm like, God, it might be one of the funniest shows ever, too. That's how good it is. There's a line in that show where Meadows being a spoiled brat, and they're like, we're going to ground you. You can't do this. And she just runs away. And Carmelo is like, what do we do when we realize that we have no power? It's like, such an honest, funny line. I mean, Tony, fuck Gandalfini. We were, like, robbed of so many more good Gandalfini projects.

God, he was good.

It's the fucking best.

He was so good. He became that guy. He did a lot of different characters in different movies. And he was really good at being a creep, wasn't he? In what was that?

True romance.

True romance, yeah.

So scary. That's right.

Holy.

That movie holds up, by the way. I just watched it again recently. It's fucking great. Dennis Hopper, dude. And walking. That scene is fucking insane. God, that's some classic Tarantino 90s dialog right there. That's some good shit.

True romance.

This is one of the more violent scenes I've ever seen in a movie.

I got this in Las Vegas, Nevada. Yeah, let's not watch it.

But, dude, he's in, like, get shorty.

Yep.

He's in so many fucking movies.

But when he became Tony Soprano, he, like, was that guy.

Yeah.

It's like to have an actor that good playing a mob boss to the point where you are sympathetic. You're rooting for this murderer.

Yeah, you're rooting for Tony Soprano. They humanized him. I mean, when you show him at, like, a cookout, you're like, I go to. I mean, they made him human, and.

He was just following the rules of his game. That's the game that he did.

And he was the best at it.

Didn't have high enough horsepower. But again, if he was El Chapo, I guess they got him, too.

And his wife, like, who took over?

Like, that guy doesn't have a name. That's a good move. If you're going to be a cartel.

Guy, tell reservation tonight for the cartel guy. You don't know his.

You want to be John Doe and you want everybody to shut the fuck up. You don't want anybody. You're running a cartel, sir.

But they would remind you that he was a monster. Every once in a mean. He kills his fucking own guy. He's a monster who killed their own guy. Tony kills Christopher.

Oh, yeah.

They'd hit you with reminders, everyone. I mean, the show was so fun that they'd have to hit you with the brutal reminders of Phil Leotardo sodomizing a gay character. It's like they'd have to hit you with that because you'd be like, oh, this is funny. And then you hit that, you'd be like, jesus.

Yeah, there was a lot of Jesus moments in that show. What's really funny is if you watch the first episode of the show, it was almost like satire.

You ever watched incredible pilot?

It was very funny, though. It was like a comedy. The car chase thing, when she's got the machine gun. Because she was outside with the machine gun. I think she thought her kid was sneaking out of the house.

Was that carmella?

Yeah.

Yes.

Something happened, and she was outside with an AK 47. You're like, what the fuck are you doing? What is this show? But she became much more like normal. She wasn't like that. It was almost like they were doing like a network sitcom version of Mobsters.

Yeah, it was cool to see the show grow, but damn, it's like the first season even goes. It's like him versus his uncle, Uncle Junior. I mean, that was a fucking great storyline.

Great storyline. There's so many great storylines. I mean, it's just a fucking phenomenal show, man. Yeah, phenomenal.

David Chase, I mean, he. He created. I think he used to write for like, rockford files, too. It's like, interesting career about that show.

Even that whole opening montage with the sound that woke up this morning, got yourself a gun.

Yeah.

Fuck. It was like, you got so pumped for every episode. Yeah, new Sopranos is on.

It's tough. There's so many great shows. It's tough to touch. That was really like a golden age in tv the way, like the golden age in Hollywood where you get all those fucking old movies of like, Bonnie and Clyde starting this off, the graduate, Chinatown, Godfather, Taxi driver. Like all these insane apocalypse know.

Yeah. Comedy movies took the biggest hit recently, me. And we took the biggest.

Isn't it crazy?

Everybody loves them, but now you have to rewatch old ones so people don't get offended.

I think it'll come back at some point because I was watching the hangover on tv the other day, and I was like, people are going to be hungry for this shit.

Well, what's hilarious is the daily wire tried to do something right. They did something right. They made a movie right. They made a movie about transgender athletes and a bunch of men who decide they're going to compete as women. And then after that, there's a new thing that's been happening in Canada where they've got these two teams are playing against each other, and there's five biological males that are identifying as females and dominating this volleyball game. And the biological females, all of them, are sitting on deck. Why these five men, they don't know.

Why they're riding the bench, are crushing it.

Yeah, there's five of them. This is in Canada. That is so insane.

You know, the thing is about those movies, I saw the trailer for the Daily Wire thing. I didn't see it, but the thing about those movies is, and I didn't see this one, you got to remember, if you're going that irreverent to have the heart of like a fairly brothers movie.

Right?

Because something about Mary is a great movie. Because you forget he's stalking this woman because he's so likable. He's stalking Mary. He hires a guy to stalk her, but in the first scene, she's got a mentally challenged brother and he gets his ass kicked protecting her. And you're like, he's a good guy. So I think go for the fucking jugular, but make sure that you love the characters.

Yeah. And also, there's not a lot of really good. How many people are really good at making those kind of know? There's a few people that like, well.

Tod Phillips went to serious, you know, so he was like one of the last ones making like, big hits.

But if that genre dries like, that used to be a giant.

Like, it bums me out. Dude, I love comedy movies, but you're right. Like, what do I watch? I watch fucking back to school. I watched, like, right? Yeah. Have you seen back to school recently?

I haven't, dude.

It's every line, every character there is just there to set up Dangerfield.

You know what my favorite part is? Kenison scene.

It's one of the best scenes, dude, pull that up.

Pull that up. Well, he just fucking Kennyson and Roddy Dangerfield in the classroom. This is fucking started from the beginning. Welcome.

Really seems to care. I love him. So, dude, I remember Whitney is making something about Dangerfield, and I was leaving her podcast with her once, and she was like, do you want to talk to. She knows I love him, so she's like, do you want to talk to his wife on the phone? I was like, yeah. So we call her and she's like, the nicest woman. She's just know. She's like, I loved him so much. Like, imagine getting to wake up to someone that funny every, like, it just made me so happy. And he goes, you want to hear a Rodney joke that no one's ever heard? I was like, yeah. When he went in for some kind of surgery, he was worried he was going to die. He's like, if I can't be funny, it's like, what's the point? He goes in, and when they wake him up, they go, rodney, did you cough anything up? He goes, yeah, 500 last week to a whore. Everyone laughs. They're like, oh, he's okay, right?

When he wakes up.

Yeah.

Wow.

Never. I mean, never not funny. So fucking, you even see episodes. It's funny where he's on, like, howard Stern and Stern's trying to get him to open up, and he just keeps doing, like, one liners. It's so funny. He's like, serious, like, oh, yeah, rough childhood.

I'll tell you.

He's like, no, stop with the jokes. I'm trying to connect with so he could not be that dude. He was so fucking funny.

He was. We have his handwritten notes for his last tonight show set in the club. If you're in the green room of.

The club, I can't wait to see the club.

Oh, you haven't seen it?

I haven't been there yet. I tried to come in December, but I couldn't line it up right.

And I was like, well, yeah, if you look on the wall in the green room. His wife gave us these handwritten notes from his Tonight show set.

Wow.

So it's breaking down his material and then breaking down stuff to talk about on the couch.

Oh, my God, dude, those old Carson sets where he's just machine gunning jokes.

Yeah.

Holy shit.

Well, his story is so interesting, too, because he quit comedy for a long time and he's selling aluminum siding.

Yeah.

And I guess he never stopped writing. Yeah, I guess he kept writing even when he wasn't doing comedy. And when he came back, he had.

All this material and he said, that was a famous line. I was the only one who knew. I quit. To give you an idea how well I was doing. Right? That's the classic. Yeah, but he came back.

Isn't that interesting?

I mean, dude, his movies are like, caddyshack's great. Fucking. The one with Pesci, easy money. Hilarious.

Yeah, he had some bangers.

Even meet Wally Sparks. I know it like critics shit on the movie. I love it. I love the scene where he walks up to a couple on the dance floor and they're making out. He's like, you two should go get a room. Then he walks up to a fatter couple. He's like, you two should go get a warehouse. That's just like, killer joke writing, right?

With that face. He was one of those dudes. Like, his face was always funny.

I loved him. Yeah, he's so good. Just pure funny. There's nothing else. It's just, I'm going to be funny, and it's like, that's another example. You can say whatever he wants because I'm going to go help my kid at school. These are good stories. I mean, Sandler, Billy Madison going back to school is a funny premise to put a silly guy around kids. And he's the most immature one yeah. It's a great premise.

Yeah, it really movies. Sandler's movies don't get enough respect by me.

They do.

I love Sandler, but it drives me nuts when people shit on those movies because I'm like, what are you expecting this to? Is like a classic old timey comedy movie where it's just funny.

It's also, like, kind of. His style of comedy is weirdly kind of vulnerable. The way how he's that silly. You fall in your face doing that shit. I mean, I did a bunch of road gigs with him. He is the nicest fucking dude.

He's the nicest guy ever.

I would be more stressed playing basketball with him than I would doing the shows with him because I'm like, I just don't want to miss an open jump shot on Sandler's team.

He plays really good basketball, right?

He's good, yeah. He had hip surgery, but he's still good.

What do you have done?

That was like a year ago. But he can still play. And it's mean.

He got a hip replacement, I forgot.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. But he'll make, like, the no look passes. It's fun.

Really?

He's sick.

Oh, wow.

But it's funny playing on his team. You get every fucking call. Like, I'm used to playing with people and they're just like, I didn't fucking foul you, but with must. I must have hit you.

That's hilarious. And who are the guys he's playing?

He's got a guy, Joe Vesti, who's really good. Joe can hoop and then sometimes it's just his circle. But then sometimes you go to the gym and he's just, like, playing with people at the gym. Really?

Just random people? That's pretty fucking cool.

Yeah, he's the fucking man.

It's a very good dude.

Zohan was on tv the other day.

That's a great movie.

It's fucking funny, dude. I was laughing, brushing his teeth with hummus. That's fucking hilarious.

There was a lot of funny shit in that movie. I watched every Adam Sandler movie with my kids when we were locked down for the pandemic. That was our thing, we would just watch.

They're comforting watches.

Yeah, they're fun. They're wholesome. When they were nervous about what the fuck is going on in the world. It's fun. Little entertainment. Just disconnect from things. It was nice.

You need those escape movies, because it's, like, so much. Look, I want to watch the Oscar movies too, but some of them are like, all right, we get it. It's fucking like 40 minutes in, nothing's happened. And you're like, can something happen? It's supposed to be entertaining, right? Do you watch any of those? I just watched Anatomy of a fall. I thought that was really good. I don't know if you saw that.

What's that?

It's a french movie. A guy falls out. They're in the alps, I think, and he falls out a window and dies. Her husband and everyone thinks she killed him. But it's one of those ambiguous movies where you're like. You kind of don't know. It's really well done. I watched american fiction yesterday. I thought that was pretty good. American fiction with Jeffrey Wright. You know that guy?

No.

He's a really good actor. He's almost like Black Paul Giamatti.

Oh, really? Yeah.

He's like a great character actor. Yeah, this dude.

Oh, the guy was in the Westworld. Yeah, he's really good in west.

Yeah, this is a good movie. It's funny.

That guy's been in a bunch of things.

Yeah, he's fucking.

He's always great. Yeah.

And then the holdovers with Paul Giamatti was really good.

If you haven't seen that, Westworld was pretty fucking good.

I got to watch it. That was HBO, too, right?

Yeah, it got a little violent, and Mrs. Rogan tapped out, so I got kind of left stranded. If she's not into. I've been there, so I stopped watching it. But I really did love, I think, the first two seasons. And as AI moves into our lives, that show doesn't seem. It seems less and less weird, less and less possible. Like, everything they're talking about doing on that show, I'm like, maybe someday they.

Just look fucking crazy.

Maybe someday they're going to be able to do that. Everything, from how they explained how they created this environment that seemed like it was another planet, that seemed like it was really the west, but it was really just in this domed environment, just.

Even things like the oculus of the new Apple vision, you're like, what is happening, bro?

We're going to be so fucked in about five to ten years, because it's going to be too late to turn back, and we're going to be embedded. There's. Something's going to happen where you're going to get an advantage from being connected to a network that you don't get without it. That's almost, like, impossible to live without, like, given something like Twitter, like cell phones.

Yeah.

But everything there's people that can get by without. I know some people that have deleted Twitter. They've just said, I don't want to do this anymore. I know some people that have kicked it, but they don't kick cell phones.

You can't kick cell phones.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah.

So if it becomes, like, at that.

Stage, but if you're addicted, your cell phone has Twitter. I mean, unless you want to be one of those people who has, like, a fucking 1999 razor, but you can get the.

What is that? Simple phone. I know a lot of people get that. It's like, you can't do anything on it. It'll store music. I think all it does is, like, text message and make phone calls.

No, I don't even know if you can do email on it, but that people need email.

I know you got to carry a second device just for email. Like, what if you're involved in some sort of a business decision? You need to be on the fly, able to respond to an email.

You unplug for, like, a few hours, and you're like, what did I miss?

Light phone. Oh, light phone. Is that it?

I don't know if this is the only one, but this is saying right here, get rid of clickbait.

Social media, minimal. Yeah, I think this is it. Yes, that's it. It's an experience we all call going light. No email, no Internet browser. But it's probably better for you.

Definitely. I mean, people who. Ari will do that. He will disconnect. Like, he'll get back to me and be like, sorry, I was in fucking Thailand.

Yeah, I was in. Yeah, yeah, he'll do it. But he's got an iPhone too. He should shut the fuck up. Everybody gives in.

You gotta give in. You gotta give in. It's too good.

Also, you miss out on things. Like, if Tom Segura and I almost every day send each other the most horrific accidents, disasters, boulders, crashing, fucking cars that are on mountain roads, everything fucked up, we send back and forth to each other. And if I didn't have the ability to click on the link, I'm missing a little bit of joy in my day.

And your connection to your friends.

Yeah, your connection to your friends. The joy is not in watching people get gored by bowls. The joy isn't that me and my friend have this unspoken agreement to send each other the worst shit we could.

Find every day and find jokes in that. And that's like, when people say, like, dark jokes and stuff, it's like, no, that's a light joke. You took a dark subject and you're finding light jokes about it.

Yeah, you're lightening up the situation slightly.

But that's the problem is you're right. You're disconnected on these phones, but then you're also connected. So it's like now it's kind of a catch 22. Whichever way you do it, you're a little fucked.

Yeah, you're fucked. You're going to miss out on things if you're disconnected. And if you're too connected, you're going to be addicted and fucking losing all your life energy and time and attention to nonsense, which is what a lot of people are doing all day long. You were just scrolling through nonsense. You just get nonsense in front of your face. There's nothing nourishing about it. Nothing is, like, exciting your mind. It's just dumb thing after dumb thing after dumb thing after dumb thing. And the thing that doesn't do that is podcasts, which is interesting. Yeah, I try to listen to for that. Or books on tape. Books on tape.

Books on tape are great.

Fantastic.

It's a great thing to do. Think about how much we're on the move. It's great for flights, great for, like, in your car ride. You might get nauseous if you read, but I think about how invasive it's going to be because there's wheelchairs now that can be driven by neurological impulses. So it's like, okay, that's your fucking thoughts. It can read your thoughts. I have a lot of bad thoughts, Joe.

Yeah, I bet you. I bet you do. When you're on those morning shows, imagine if you get arrested for your like. Because I think some things that I would never it.

You got to erase your browser mind thoughts, too. Like, erase your history.

Could you imagine if you had an impulse to just smash someone in the face, but you were resisting it, you weren't going to do it.

Are you a good person if you're resisting it constantly?

It depends on who you're talking to. If you're the Asshole all the time, you're constantly getting in fights with people. It might be you.

We all know that person who's like, this fucking asshole. I'm like, everyone's an asshole in your stories.

But there's also times when some people need to be smacked. And in those moments, imagine if you could get arrested because you tested positive for a potential aggressive episode.

A COVID test. You get two lines.

You're keeping your shit together, but you're imagining. You're imagining just teeing off on this guy. Just smashing this.

He could be a danger.

Yeah. Like, hey, man, stop doing it. But if you have that thought, I'm about to smash that guy. A light goes off, the cops come in and they arrest you. And they arrest you because you had a potentially violent episode. You hit redline, you're red flag, Sam. This is a serious thing. You went to redline. But I didn't do anything. But you might have, or they'll tell you you were going to. We know we have predictive technology.

Minority.

Reports that seemed so impossible.

Predicting murder now.

It's like the World Economic Forum guy was saying that they won't have to have elections in the future.

Wow.

We will be able to predict with such precision that we don't save a lot of money.

Did you see this story?

British man acquitted over London, Spain flight bomb hoax.

He texted in Snapchat to his friends, I'm on the way to blow up the plane. I'm a member of the Taliban. Then.

Oh, my God, the Spanish.

As a joke.

As a joke.

He said to a joke to his friends.

That's a good bit.

Spanish f 18s were scrambled to look.

How close the f 18 is to that other jet wing. Close. That's insane.

He was just acquitted, though, because the judge was like, there's obviously no threat here. But what was curious is how the message was found, because Snapchat is supposed to be encrypted and some people think it's because of the Wi Fi network at the airport, and the airport says that's not how it was. And then the UK authorities said, where was it?

Right here.

So is this evidence of some new.

Technology that mean, as you guys were saying, this stuff? That's why I brought it up.

Do you think that's what they're. What are you interpreting this as?

They said that they have, for unknown reasons, it was captured by the security mechanisms of England when the plane was flying over french airspace.

Yo. Wow. Yo. That's crazy. The message was made in a strictly private environment between the accused and his friends, with whom he flew through a private group to which only they have access. So the accused could not even remotely assume that the joke he played on his friends could be intercepted or detected by british services, nor by third parties other than his friends who received the message. See, that's crazy, because sometimes you'll say wild shit to your friends in a text message for fun. And you're assuming if I send you an imessage, you're assuming that that's encrypted?

Yeah, I'm going to stop telling my friends I'm going to murder my girlfriend.

You have to use signal.

Got to be careful.

You have to use signal for that.

Today is the day. I'll say that.

But I bet if you'd have used signal, I bet they're looking through signal, too. I bet there is a scanning that's being done on all cell phone communication, looking for key target words that they think would be problematic.

Well, think about how much of our freedom we're constantly giving away. When I fly, I don't want to wait on a long line. So I give them my iris, my fingerprint, all that stuff. Now, those lines are longer than the other lines, right? Yeah. If I go to LaGuardia, fucking precheck and clear are the longest lines now.

No shit.

Yeah.

So sometimes you just fuck it and you go through.

I. Yeah, I take my shoes off again. I'm going backward, but then there's going to probably be a new line. You got to give more. You dip your balls in the fucking thing. You got to give them the outline of your penis. I gave you my penis. You got to let me cut.

Well, you have to have the update and the chip. Do you have your update? You can fly if you have your update.

Did you update your date? We only have a flaccid penis. We need a hard penis.

If you have the brain chip, we'll let you pass through. You don't ever have to worry about identification ever again.

I thought of a new wrinkle for that. They can let you update right there at the airport with some janky terminal that's probably hacked. Or you could do it at home, like everybody else will probably be doing it when you update. Update from a safe place.

Update from a safe forgot.

Or you could do it here.

It's like a subway terminal.

Yeah. It'll get to the point where you'll just have an account in your head and you won't have to pay for anything with a credit card ever again. It'll all be an account in your head, but only through central bank digital currency. If you subscribe to central bank digital currency, we can iron out all the inequality and all the problems of society today.

They'll get us.

They'll get us. They're going to get us with a chip in our head. It's going to be awesome. That's the problem. You're going to put that chip and you go, God, why was I resisting this? I was so stupid just 20 minutes ago. Now I get it. If you imagine, you can only imagine being as intelligent as you are on your best or worst days. But could you imagine being like a caveman, like an Australia pithecus, like the early days, just barbaric life covered in hair. And then somebody gives you something, just a little shot or something, and all of a sudden you can think like you. You'd be like, whoa, I didn't realize how fucking dumb I was. I think we're going to plug in and it's going to be so. Whoa. Oh, my God. This is so much better. This is so much better. This is so much better than regular brains. We're just going to accept the fact that we have access to information constantly. You're seeing it all in your head.

That's just Adderall right now, I think.

Well, it's probably going to be better than Adderall. Yeah, it's probably going to be better if you could have something that stimulates various parts of your brain to produce certain neurochemicals, if that's possible. They're going to be able to do something where people that are paralyzed can use cursors, they can use their brain to figure out how to navigate computers.

Yeah. Wow.

Yeah.

But again, it's intrusive, right? I mean, it's your thoughts, right?

But if you're a paralyzed person, it's a really good, like, it's way better to be able to do that than not.

That's true.

But once we start doing it, too. Yeah, Sam, I know you're not paralyzed, but let me tell you the benefits of linking up. And you just start talking to your.

Girlfriend, going to be like Jehovah's Witnesses.

They're going to be thinking about linking up. I mean, my cousin linked up. He's never felt better. He signed a one year lease. You link up for one year, you can't disconnect or they kill you.

It'll be like Ozempic. You give the linked up people like a year to see how they do, and then you're like, I might link up.

No, it'll be like military service. If you're going to link up, you have to link up. You have to commit to one year because you're contributing to the grid. You're contributing to the grid of ideas if you link up. So you have to keep it on for one year, and most people don't take it off. And if you do take it off, the parts way, screw it in, get infected.

Yeah. You're going to have to get a reup.

You look weird. You're like one of those weird people that just disconnected. We're so close to something like that. This Apple thing that everybody's doing. Fucking watching television on a giant movie screen in your house with these goggles on. It's supposed to be incredible.

Well, the thing is, think about how much of your personal freedom, like, we all knew these people that were like, I'm not getting a fucking smartphone. I want to be off the grid. And you're like, and then, as you said, they all have the phone now.

Exactly.

They all give in.

Everybody gave in. Yeah.

And by the way, off the grid, a lot of them were comics. I'm like, you're announcing tour dates already? Yeah.

What are you talking about?

You're on the grid, dude.

I bought three chickens. Yeah, the off the grid. Off the grid. That's called. You're a farmer. That's a hard job. Yeah.

More than farmers are probably on the grid somewhere.

You can't just tour if you're a farmer, man.

Yeah.

Fucking animals are going to die. You're going to have to have employees and you have to have some.

Even the farmers are like, they're on Facebook.

Yeah.

They're doing something.

They're doing something. They're barely paying attention.

Yeah.

If you really want to be completely self sufficient, like, wow. The only reason we can do all the things that we do is because so many other people provide you with the stuff that would take up all your time, which is gathering food, eating it. That's like, most of what you would be doing. Trying to find food, eat.

Yeah. Hunting is a sport for people. It's not like a thing most people do.

Exactly. I mean, there's a lot of people do it by choice, but they definitely don't need to. Most places you can get meat, you can't get that kind of meat. It's not as easy to get that kind of meat. But there's plenty of other options.

Yeah.

You're not going to starve. The thing is, in the real world of that not existing, the food system not existing, you're not going to figure out anything. You're not going to make a car to get that out of your head. You're not building a sailboat. All you're doing is gathering food, and you're barely adequate. You're going to do it all day long, and you're barely going to figure it out. And you might start eating rodents that you don't want to eat. Oh, yeah.

They don't realize it's a full time job. And most people have, like, three jobs, by the way. Now teachers are slowly getting on. Only fans. Everyone's doing their thing to make another. I make handbags on my side. Whatever you're doing. Everyone's got, like, four fucking jobs now. Yeah.

The only fans. One's a wild one.

Whoa.

That's a wild thing. Because I was a 21 year old girl and just graduated college and I was kind of hot.

It's tough. I didn't want to waitress. If you look at your fucking salary as a teacher versus, oh, I just made my whole life this year.

I mean, I'm not the one to judge. Do whatever you do that makes you happy, but it's a weird one.

But if you're contributing to only fans, make sure you have the money, because I have a friend who fucking pays for onlyfans, and he has never seen the Sopranos.

If I was a gal, I would be worried about dudes becoming obsessed with you from something like that.

But you get that as a comic, don't you?

Yeah, but it's a little bit different. It's a sexual, you know, and you're more vulnerable. It's definitely like.

But if you're a female comic, I think they become obsessed with you, too.

Yeah, that could happen for sure. Oh, definitely, right?

Yeah.

I mean, Whitney's had a gang of problems. Yeah, that makes sense.

An actress, whatever. I mean, musician. Taylor Swift's probably got a shitload of stalk. Oh, my know.

She probably has people that think they're married to, you know, just real nuts.

Yeah.

What's that?

I think somebody just got arrested for that.

Did you think he was married to her?

Those stalkers always think. They always think that. All of your posts are for them.

Yeah.

They're like, well, I see what you're doing.

They're schizophrenic.

That's what it is.

And they believe they have some sort of a connection with you. A lot of them say that they have a chip in their head. It's like a very common thing. They say, I've got a chip in my head. Elon Musk talks to me like that. Kind of like that's a thing that schizophrenic start believing.

I just read that Elon Musk book. I thought it was pretty interesting. The Walter Isaacson.

No, I didn't.

It's good.

An autobiography?

No, Walter Isaacson wrote it about Elon Musk.

Oh, it's a. Yeah, yeah.

But he did, like, jobs and Einstein. He did those books. He's a fucking awesome. I mean, you know him. I don't know. So I was like, that was an interesting window into who he is and what made him that way. I'm always curious to the origin story of bullied kid in Africa. Interesting life.

Yeah. He's not a normal guy.

He can't be.

He's a very unusual person. And when you talk to him, you can tell, like, in the back of his brain, his mind is just firing. It's just going all like. I asked him, I'm like, what is it like to be you? What is it like to have all these. He's like, you wouldn't want to be me.

Yeah. He doesn't seem happy.

He didn't even know that it wasn't normal until he was, like, an older kid. And he's like, oh, everybody's not like this, where you just got ideas just fucking bouncing around your head like laser beams, just constantly going. I mean, the guy's running three different companies simultaneously, or four different companies.

I think at a time he was doing like five or six too. It's something crazy insane.

It's like, buys Twitter posts on it all the time. I mean, fucking dunks on people posts, memes, gets people mad at him. And then is also running SpaceX and is also running Tesla and is also running the boring company. Like, what the fuck, man?

It's having similar characteristics of, like, a degenerate gambler to be that successful in business like that, because you have to be willing to go all in, all the time.

Well, he's one of the very few people that's, like, the head of a business like that. That's also. He's an extraordinary human in terms of the way his mind functions. It's not a normal person.

No way. No, you don't get to that level.

There's none of those other guys that run a lot of the companies run by ceos. You remember when that guy was running Microsoft, the bomber guy that would jump around and scream, it's one of my little favorite videos because it's so insane. It's all Microsoft employees. And Steve Balmer gets out there and he goes nuts. I mean, nuts, like, to the point of almost having a fucking heart attack. Oh, they're all dancing now.

He owns the Clippers.

This is a different one. This is when they were all just dancing together, which is also hilarious. Who told them that this was okay? Who told them that this is okay? If I was their friends, I would have said, guys, guys, don't do this.

The Rolling Stones are like, can you stop using our music?

You're making any sense. You're on a stage. You're well lit and you're dancing publicly. You're going to be so awkward. Let's not do that.

But a lot of these guys are. They were pariahs their entire childhood. So this is, like, their chance. This is their first set.

Put this back to the beginning. Put it back to the beginning. Look at him.

Yeah.

Look at him.

Look at this.

This is insanity. This is insane. Software. Imagine you're in business with these guys. You're like, oh, my God, we're in business with maniacs.

Well, this is either getting you fired the fuck up, or you're like, I'm out.

He's laughing, though. But this is where it gets corn. Ready for this? Here we go. I have four words for you. I love this company.

Brutal.

It's amazing.

You don't get to say yeah after your thing, though.

Hey, man. That's the kind of guy I want running my company.

He seems like a great owner for the Clippers.

All in.

That's what I was saying. That's. I remember this video.

But that's, like, part of his act. His act is that he would go nuts. It was fun. So if you're going to have to do those kind of things where you go out in front of all the fucking employees and dance around, why not go nutty? Yeah, why not go nutty? Then people will talk about it forever.

Yeah. Can I do a drink, by any chance?

Yes.

Now's the time.

Now's the time, Sam.

Whatever you got. All right. Yeah. Whatever you got.

That's what I wanted to hear.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the kind of guy you want running your dominating software company that's constantly getting shut down for anti competitive practices.

It's so weird, though.

I feel they did get sued a bunch of. Didn't they get? What happened with of? There was a gang of lawsuits. When Jamie comes back, try to figure it out.

It's a different leadership style than, like, a musk or a Steve jobs. A guy who's like, those Steve Jobs.

Doing that.

But it's like, those dudes are much more like, fuck you deliver. Like, driving you insane. This dude seems like a more friendly.

Like he's having a good time, but he's definitely screaming. But it looked like he was smiling.

But, like, jobs and musk, I feel like they will put you to your breaking point, doing shit you didn't think you could accomplish, and you either break or you do something insane.

Yeah, I've heard that about both of them. But I guess just grab anyone. That one's good. Jamie, the one your right hand. They're both good. Or the buffalo trace good, too. Put that up.

Yeah, whatever you got.

Let's go. Yeah. That's like. I don't want to do that. I don't want to work like that. You want to work like that? That's great. Maybe I should get a different job. I'm not going to sleep in the office.

It's too much.

I got kids. I got to go.

Bye.

Thank you. Thanks for the job. You should be able to actually have a job in our cheers, my brother. I don't run a business, though. I mean, I kind of do, but you have employees.

You run a business.

I do, but not that way. It's not the same kind of thing.

Well, I mean, think of the scenes in Wolf of Wall street, the way where he's not going anywhere. Yeah, it's a good scene.

What a great scene. DiCaprio is an animal.

I was on tv the other day. That's a great fucking movie.

Oh, my God. It's a great movie. That's a fun movie.

It's rare for actors to have mystique. He still kind of has some mystique.

He's an animal. He's so good, man. He's so good in so many movies too, man, in so many different types of characters. It's a few of those guys that are just like the last of the real motherfucker movie stars. Leonardo DiCaprio is a motherfucker of a movie star. He is like, when he's screaming at you and his face is red, you're like, dude.

Yeah, he's good.

Did you watch the killers of the flower moon?

I didn't love it.

I didn't love it. I love the book. I think the book is incredible. My issue with the movie is, like, they focus on the wrong characters. The guy he's playing, Ernest Burkhart, is a boring fucking idiot. He should have been playing the OR. Give Jesse Plemons as the PI a bigger role.

I didn't see it, so I can't comment. What was the premise of the book? I started the book quite a while ago and I never got into it.

I'll get back to it. You'll love it. It's one of the best because it's like true crime and history in one. It's kind of incredible.

This is what happened, dude. I got really bummed out because I kind of overdosed on native american history. Yeah, it was a. Was. So first of all, it's an amazing history, and it's fascinating. And I'm really connected to it being here because we find arrowheads. Like, my friend of mine gave me this, and then another friend of mine just gave me four arrowheads from this ranch from Uvalde, Texas, shout out to them, and these are over a thousand years old, these arrowheads.

That's crazy.

Yeah. This whole land is all. This is all Comanche land. This really is. But these stories are so depressing. They're so heart wrenching when you realize that they had been living that way for who knows how many thousands of years. And then over the period, a short amount of time, like a couple of hundred years, 90% of them are gone. Yeah, 90.

Just dropping dead.

Just dropping dead from diseases. And then everybody else is eventually herded off into camps, and they're put on these reservations. When you hear the stories of what they did to the kids in the schools, when you hear the stories of the battles and these people just getting wiped out, you're like, holy shit. Could you imagine living in a place? And you've been living off the land in these houses that you make out of animal skins, and you travel with your family, and you've always traveled like this, and then all of a sudden, these motherfuckers start coming from another country, and they don't stop coming. Like, your land got infected, it got invaded. They landed on the east and just started going across the country. And you just watched your whole life go away. You watched them shoot all the buffalo? You watched them shoot all the buffalo. That was like a hundred years. From Buffalo everywhere to no buffalo.

Yeah. Now it's just Buffalo wild wings. It's nothing.

They saved him. The Ken Burns documentary is amazing. There's a new Ken Burns documentary on PBS right now about the American Buffalo.

Yeah, he's great.

He's amazing. It's a really good documentary series.

I just think, like, that movie, I love Scorsese and everyone involved. It's just like it should have been. Also, if you make a three and a half hour movie, dude, you got to leave with not being like, what else?

I can't comment. Like I said, I didn't see.

I love everyone involved, honestly. But it was just like, for me, that's a book that they should have. I think he got criticized for saying something like, I was telling it from the white man's perspective, and you're like, well, you are a white guy. That is your perspective, probably, right.

Yeah.

There's nothing wrong with that. But I just think he chose the wrong white PI. That guy's real life. I forgot his name. You could probably find it. But I mean, holy shit, this guy, like, he was like the CIA, fucking FBI, rather J. Edgar Hoover.

Yeah.

Treated him like shit because he wasn't like he wanted the vibe to be college boys, know, Harvard educated, and he wasn't that. So he always didn't show him any respect. Yeah, this is the guy. He played Tom White. Very interesting guy.

Scroll higher.

And his brother was.

What does the article say?

The full, just like factor fiction about the movie?

Yeah, the guy Leo played just like a dumb fuck who kind of went along. It just was a character I didn't think had a lot of depth. It's like just spending three and a half hours with a guy who's like going along with murder and is kind of dumb.

That is a weird thing they do when they take what is an actual piece of history and have someone play. Like when Sophia Vaguera is playing Griselda. Griselda Blanco, which is insanity. Yeah, fucking insanity. Like what? She's like one of the hottest human beings that's ever lived.

Got to sell tickets.

She's playing this lady that was a psychopath and a murderer. Yeah, they just do things like that in movies. They'll monkey with the past if they think it's better this or they ug.

Up a hot guy instead of just getting a fucking weird looking actor.

Yeah, they ug up a hot guy.

Or Charlie.

Or they pretend the guy was hot.

She won an award for being ugly and monster.

Yeah, but she actually pulled it off.

She's great. But it's eyebrow. But they could have gotten an uglier actress.

It's a good point. Solid point.

There's hot privilege.

Solid point. It's a really solid point. But she also had famous actress privilege for sure.

And that's right, as I said, you want to sell tickets.

Famous actress privilege trumps everything because they sell tickets for sure. Yeah. So if she decides to get fat for the movie, give her a shot at it. Come on. You're going to say she can't do it, but Robert De Niro can do it. Yeah, she was so good in that movie, too, and she went back to hot again. She's hot, which is crazy because how many women out there look like Shalarice Theron did in Monster? Who could actually, with the right diet plan, pull it together? Well, it's weird looking like her.

Some people starve. Like, I don't know, Christian Bale. Just like, that. Can't be healthy, what he does to his body all the time.

Well, what he did in that movie, the machinist is dangerous. It's dangerous. Yeah. McConaughey did the same thing, but his.

Face looks fucking skinny.

He was lighter or less weight, I should say, in the fighter, which was after the. No, this says the fighter is good.

He got more skinny in that when he played Mickey Ward's brother.

I should say it now, that it wasn't enough.

Dicky something, right?

Yeah, Dicky Betts.

There's a meme that showed their weight.

So that might happen. Oh, 66. That was 55 kg.

This can't be healthy.

No, it's real bad. It's real bad. It's real dangerous. Super, super dangerous.

But De Niro got shredded in raging bowl.

Shredded is okay, but he's starving to death there. That's why he's so thin. No, it's very dangerous. It's dangerous for your heart. It's dangerous for your organs. It's dangerous for your kidneys. It's dangerous for everything. It's very dangerous and so unnecessary for a movie that was mid. That movie was just not that good. That movie wasn't x. I didn't even.

See mocking a sick talk about AI.

But you know what I'm saying? If you get skinny for that, because she left you in that box with nothing but water, and they come back and they're like, you know, remember at the end of the movie when he gets, spoiler alert, when he gets stuck in there and she just walks away? Killer, bro. How far away from that?

Yeah, she was pretty hot robot.

Oh, she was so hot.

Do you think you would ever fuck a robot?

100%.

Yeah, me too. It was her.

If she was talking to me like that, I'd give her a go. I'd see what it is. Especially if I'm some scientist dork on an island somewhere, and there's a hot robot that I'm supposed to interact with, and she knows how to press my buttons.

I'm working on a bit on stage where just like, we're going to fuck robots, but I think it's going to be like a cell phone. Like, everyone's going to need a robot, but if you're poor, you're going to have a lower level model. Like, maybe while you're fucking it, you get ads.

You know what it's going to be like? Yeah.

Liberty. Liberty. Liberty.

It's going to be like robot women are real women. That's going to be like. That's what it's going to be like.

Wow.

That's what's going to happen.

Holy shit.

Robot women are real women. That's what it's going to be like. And these fucking sociopaths with batteries in them are going to just start running. Shit. Yeah, they have no fear.

She's a hot robot.

She's so hot, dude. And once they put the skin on her and she looks normal. Movie is so good.

Yeah, it was good.

One of my all time favorites. I've watched that so many times on planes when I'm, like, going through my laptop, I'm like, what do I got on here?

I like a good psychological thriller with three characters. So it's almost more like a play. It's like all dialog heavy and just fucking like, that could have been a play.

Yeah. And it's so fascinating. Watch this kid trying to work all this, like, work out that he got this opportunity. Work out that he's so. Who's the actor?

Dom Hall Gleason. Isn't that awkward?

Everything about him, his origin story, everything perfectly. And when he gets stuck at the end of the movie, like, oh, my God, that's real.

Because you kind of know it's coming, but you also kind of want to believe a little bit.

Just because a baby deer is cute doesn't mean the mountain won't get. That's the problem.

He got fucking.

We think he got a good guy. He's a good guy. He's doing the right thing. And then him banging on the glass and you don't hear a sound. You're like, oh, my God, you're going to die in there. Yeah, you're going to die in there.

824 makes a lot of cool shit.

Yeah, just banging on it and knowing you ain't putting a fucking dent in it. You are going nowhere forever when she just shoves a knife in them.

I love unhollywood endings, dude. I love when they don't give the people. And a lot of those movies bomb because people want a happy ending. I think one of Woody Allen's best movies ever is purple Rosa Cairo. And it's a fucking downer of an ending. And I think that's probably why it's one of his biggest bombs.

You know what it's going to be like. You can have a robot and you can have a robot for a wife, but that robot for a wife, if she catches you doing anything, if you do anything that's illegal, you get like a red light code and she detains you because your robot wife is stronger than you. And you could fuck this really hot robot wife and she looks like just a really hot woman.

We're all going to be subs, super.

Sexy, but what she really is is a murderous robot capable of pulling your fucking head right off your body.

How far are we from robot wars then? Like, we'll have american robots versus russian robots.

Drones.

That's true.

What is a missile?

That's a good.

What's a guided missile? It's kind of a robot, supersonic.

But drone veterans are fucking not as cool as actual on the ground war veterans.

No, they're definitely not. But do you know that they suffer from a very specific type of PTSD?

They probably should. They're killing people.

Yeah. And you imagine watching that on a.

Screen, but your scars are not from being on the battlefield. They're from tripping over like a fucking router or something. It's a different type of PTSD.

It's definitely a different type of PTSD, but apparently they're haunted. They're haunted.

I'm sure you're playing God, you're killing.

People and you're doing it a weird way where you're watching a screen, so you're kind of like. It's familiar. It's like a video game.

Yeah.

And you got to imagine if you see those kids that are like, really good at World of Warcraft and all.

That shit, just thinking Call of Duty. Call of Duty?

Yeah. Quake. Any of those games require fast twitch? If you give them a responsive enough interface and some sort of insane weapon, they could do fucking damage. Like a really good video game player.

Isn't that funny that for the next war, 100% not your strongest, but your quickest fingers.

Think about it, man. I mean, if you're watching like a really. There's some games that are like, I don't know how to play Starcraft, but I guess it's more like strategy and moving things around. It's not fast twitch, but there's a lot of these games like the third person shooter or first person shooters.

Yeah.

Halo. Unreal is another one, Quake, where you're moving fast, you're gunning things down. It's like if you can get a person who is elite at that, where they just wipe out, there's certain guys that they'll have these death matches and these certain guys that will literally wipe out 60% of the other team. They're just so good at fucking people up. They're so good at it. If you could get that guy to somehow another pilot a drone, and if it's that responsive, that it allows him to instantaneously move the thing and it's shooting real guns?

Yeah.

He'll fucking kill everybody. He'll fucking kill everybody. It'll be insane.

Instead of like an incel, now you're like a war hero, right?

Think about those quake characters, Jamie. Pull up like Quake arena. What's the newest one? What is the newest one? The one that we all got addicted to again. Quake champions. If you're actually doing this in the real world now, imagine you're attached to some sort of a machine. You're using all of these remote controls that you would use on an Xbox. You're totally familiar with it, so it's totally tuned to your need. On the other end of it, there's a fucking robot with chain guns running into a military complex and gunning people down. And you're controlling this thing while it's getting dinged up. You're in another place. This thing can fly. It shoots through the air. And you just try it on people in Yemen, just try it. And you have this fucking guy, a guy who can do this, like, watch this game. Imagine if you can move a thing that moves like this and has this kind of weaponry. We can switch it back and forth between different weapons.

I mean, this is making me dizzy how good this guy is.

Look how good this guy is. Just fuck that dude up. Yeah, you're dead, bitch. You're dead, bitch, too. Because then this would actually be like.

This wouldn't be a waste of time. This would be training. Because I think about it all the time about how this is different. It's like lasers and shit. But I think some of the war games are just like GTA. They're fun as hell. But what do you do when you play GTA? I have friends that are just going on. They're just murdering random people on the sidewalk. I'm like, at a certain point, this is not great for your brain. Do you know what I mean?

It's not great for your brain. But it's no different than golf. It's a thing that people get really good at and super hyper competitive at.

It's no different than anything in between golf and porn. Because you watch porn for two minutes, you're like, I don't feel great about myself. Yeah, but it's not real. But you're simulating something in your head real, but is that our head there?

Is that for sure? But if something like that is really valuable, like, if you're making a lot of money doing that, which some, what is like the most money?

Twitch, streamer. Some of them are like, they make.

A lot of money, right like, millions. Right? So who could argue against that? Like, Billy, you need to get your law degree so that you can be a partner and you can fucking work weekends and 17 hours days and make a small fraction of what you would do with a blue wig on and fucking the Terminator sunglasses, screaming at people.

Is it any different than being a comedian? Because you're kind of like, well, this is not a real job in my mind, but if you're in the top 1%, yeah, you could do pretty fucking well.

Man's worst enemy, killer robot dogs that are controlled by soldiers minds are trialed by australian army. See what I'm saying?

Yeah.

I'm telling you, that quake thing, we're not far away from that.

Yeah. It's all, look at that thing.

But if you can make millions of dollars playing quake, why wouldn't you just play quake?

Exactly.

It's like we think of. It's bad because it used to be bad. We got to get over that idea.

Same goes for only fans. It's your fucking body. Right.

Well, listen, I'm a fan of people doing whatever the fuck they want, and I think there's a lot of pressure from people shaming people and people getting upset at other people's choices. Like, worry about yourself. Be way better off. You should worry about yourself a lot of times.

It is your own issues with that. Right. For me, I don't think everyone should go to therapy, but I think some people could benefit from talking out loud and looking at themselves.

What do you mean by that?

I think people who are judging other people's lives.

Okay.

What do you mean? What do I mean by that?

Fucking around.

Oh, I thought you saw.

No. Yeah, no, for sure.

I just think sometimes if you're really mad about something that doesn't affect you in any way, that's probably your shit.

It's 100% your shit. Because you're wasting time. Don't worry about that.

There's types of really religious people who are into charity and love and not judging people, and there's people who are really religious who are like, you're going to hell.

Yes. There's, like. There's good cops and bad cops.

Yeah.

It's really the same thing. It's just human beings at all levels. There's just such a variety of people, and you would lump them all into the same thing. That's why it gets so offensive when someone just wants to single out one specific swath of people that's responsible for everything. Like, no, we're still individuals, man.

Yeah.

We still have to be individuals. This idea that everybody has to pretend that they're on a special team that's an opposed to the opposite gender or the opposite sexual orientation. Like, shut the fuck up.

That's so fake, and it doesn't really affect you.

And you know where you know it's fake? The comedy world.

What do you mean?

Because in the comedy world, no one gives a fuck what you do. You just have to be funny.

Well, if you care about comedy, funny is your language.

It's all that we care about. I love Tim Dylan to death. The fact that he's a gay man. First of all, I don't believe it. I think it's a scam. I've never seen him have sex with.

Guys with that voice.

He's one of the funniest human beings. That's. That's what's important. No one gives a shit if he's gay. Like, no one gives a fuck. No one gives a fuck if you're trans. If you're funny, no one gives a fuck if you're asian. If you're Bobby Lee, no one cares. All they care is, are you cool to be around? Are you?

That's who I was cool with. Asian is a bridge too far, I think. No, I'm with you. We don't care. Comedy is a weirdly accepting place. That's why it's funny that we get considered like, they're like, this is a dude's club. No, we want to be around funny.

If you care about comedy, it's just harder for women. The women.

That's why it's harder for women.

The road is dangerous.

The road is dangerous.

Creepy.

I mean, especially when you're starting out and you have to stay in, like, a comedy condo and shit.

100%.

That is where women really have it harder, I think.

Well, that's one aspect of it. But also even just the act of stand up, like, when you're going on stage and you're a woman and you're starting to talk about politics, you're going to get a certain percentage of the guys, the audience, like that guy that was doing this with you, he was doing that because of a woman, right? Do you know how bad it would be if an actual woman was on stage and she's saying, and the girl wants. She wants to be there? Like, come on, she's really funny. Let's go see her. You'll laugh at a woman. Women are capable of being funny. Greg. And then Greg gets a little know. And now you're intimidated.

Show your tits.

What if this guy's going to punch. Yeah, it could be show your tits worse. It could be a lot worse. And it's also, it's like, so there's a certain amount of men that are going to be prejudiced about what you talk about. You're not allowed to talk about politics. Don't fucking tell me who the fucking real president is.

Don't do that with any comic. But I think with women, they get unfairly condemned for, like, sex jokes.

Sex jokes. Well, I'm like, slut. Oh, look at her. She's a slut.

No, a lot of jokes are about sex.

Sex is right.

The way they use violence in a movie, because it's extreme. We use sex as a punchline sometimes.

Also, when a woman tells a joke about sex, if a guy in the audience is like, yeah.

He got horny from the joke.

Yeah, right. That's creepy. That's possible. If a man is on stage and he tells a sex joke and a woman goes, yeah, look at this crazy bitch.

I love.

Immediately, you got to diffuse it. It's not a threat.

Exactly.

Completely different dynamic. So that part is more dangerous. It's more dangerous to be sexual. It's more dangerous to be vulnerable.

Late nights, walking home in a random city. I mean, I was attacked on the road once. I can't think. Like, I was at a bar right after the gig in Vermont, and some guy walked up to me and he goes, University of Vermont. And I was like, no. And he goes, master's degree. And I said, you're getting colder. And he just looked at me and he goes, I'm going to beat the shit out of all of you. Me and like three people I was with. And I just kind of like, shrugged it off. I'm like, he's drunk. I'm ignoring him. So I turned around, he takes a pint glass and smashes it over my head.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

And he ends up running out. The cops, they called the cops on him. I was all had. Honestly, this sounds ridiculous, but I had a jewfro at the time and it did provide some support for my head.

It really did help.

And he runs for it. The cops get him. He went for one of the cops guns.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

He was in a blackout.

They shoot him?

No, they didn't. Were you upset about that? No, I don't want him to die.

What were you rooting for? Wound. A foot wound.

A little police brutality I would have.

Been okay with just above the knee.

But they arrest him. I get a call, they're like, hey, we're, like, the victim's advocate or whatever, from Vermont. And they said, yeah, that was a therapist. He was in a blackout. He's going through a divorce.

The therapist? Yeah.

The guy who hit me was a therapist. And a lot of therapists are fucking insane. I used to date a therapist. She was removed from my show earlier this year. Yeah, I mean, a lot of them are a little cuckoo.

Well, that's like Elrond Hubbard. He was, like, trying to self diagnose.

Well, it always starts good with these guys. Same with Jim Jones. They always start nice, and then it ends up at a place where you believe the fucking, for lack of a better word, you drink your own mean. Elrond Hubbard, Jim Jones, anyone you want to. The. A lot of crazy people are very. I mean, not Ted Bundy Kaczynski. Very smart guy.

Oh, yeah, he was really smart.

A lot of these. Ted Bundy was probably pretty fucking smart, too.

Yeah, in a creepy way.

Creepy.

Just because you're smart doesn't mean you're nice.

Of course not.

You could be a real monster. Totally be super intelligent.

But a lot of therapists. Just because you're a therapist doesn't mean you're not fucking insane.

Right. You could be insane. So they asked me if I want to. Why you got involved in it could.

Be because you're insane and you want to read people.

Yeah.

And you can read people well, and you can manipulate people.

I mean, a therapist that convinced her patient to kill her ex. She convinced her patient to kill her ex.

That's like a great movie premise.

Yeah, no, but it's real. See if you can find that story, Jamie. I know. I saved it. I can find it if you can't. But this therapist talked this guy. She talked this guy into killing her ex.

That's fucked up.

I'm going to suck a. Telling her stories. He was telling her his stories, and she was telling him she loved him. And something happened, something kind of hot about that fucking hottest shit. Look, everybody dies.

Female therapists can be really hot.

Counselor attempts to enlist patient in her plot to have her ex husband murdered. Cynthia guy. Wait a minute. Is that her? Is that Cynthia the nerd?

250 an hour and then trying to get you involved in this shit.

Cynthia guy wanted her ex husband dead, but her patient teamed with investigators to take her down. Oh, the patient's a snitch. That's why you don't get any good. Crazy pussy this season six of Fargo. Deal is a deal, dude. A deal is a know you shoot my ex. What are you going to do, dude, the rest of your life? You got to go. What would have happened if I shot that guy?

There's something hot about fucking a therapist, though. It's like fucking the teacher. It's like they're in a position of power over you. Most porn is fucking people you shouldn't be fucking.

There's the real power struggle. It's like, when do we get to fuck? Before I kill your ex or after?

I'd like one for the road.

No, I need to know for sure you're really on this program, dude. Just imagine, okay? Sophia Vergara. We're talking about her. Imagine someone. Not her, of course, because that would be offensive. But imagine someone who looks exactly like her and she's trying to convince you to kill some terrible, terrible, terrible person. And if you do, she's going to suck your car.

Yeah. Do I have to take a picture, though?

Version of another one. New Jersey therapist asked patient to help her find a hitman and attack her ex.

Wow. You know what I would say if my therapist. You know what I would say if my therapist said this to me? I'd say, this is my time that I pay for. Why are you talking to me about killing your fucking?

I would say, keep talking. What kind of deal are we talking about? Depends on who I am. Them. If it's me right now, yeah. I'd be like, this is crazy talk.

I mean, I'm turned on and I have an erection, but I'd like you to stop. I'm going to jerk off in your bathroom.

But if I was 24 year old me, I might kill that dude. I might fucking strangle that guy.

There's that movie about this. You ever see a movie to die for with Nicole Kidman? It's a great movie.

Oh, yeah.

Buck Henry wrote it. Who wrote the graduate, and she gets a young Joaquin Phoenix to murder her husband. She's his teacher. It's kind of hot, bro.

Hell hath no fury like a woman's gone. There's crazy human beings that happen to have vaginas, okay? That's a real thing. And to ignore that is just as crazy as to say that anybody who says they're trans can use the women's room because both of those things are equally crazy.

I think anyone can be crazy. I think of anything that's inclusive.

But there was a time where that was really shunned.

There are men who gaslight women and call them crazy when they're the ones manipulating them. So I think that's where that comes from. But doesn't mean a woman can't be crazy.

100%. But it also does mean that guys will say a woman's crazy if they're trying to gaslight them. Totally true, too.

It's lazy. Point out why they're crazy. Don't just use that. Give some examples.

Right. It's inept. It is effective because lazy is easy to count. No, you're lazy. Now you're playing fucking pickleball. No, you're lazy. This is stupid.

Yeah.

The correct thing is to say exactly why what you're doing is lazy and what you think is actually behind that thinking.

The way you behave. Constructive.

Yeah, be constructive or just be communicative to the point of saying, I have a real issue with this and I don't want to play stupid games.

Yeah.

So either we're nice to each other, or we're never going to be nice to each other anymore because I'm going to go away. I'm not interested in arguing about dumb shit. That shouldn't really be something.

Anybody argue about is dumb shit. Every time I'm in argument, I'm like, this is fucking dumb. Because here's what it should be. One of you says something that bothers you and the other person. If you love them, you should just.

Be like, all right, 100%.

There's no why you fight when you see couples fighting in public. I'm like, yeah, you two should not probably be together.

Yeah.

Especially if you're calling each other like, I used to have neighbors who would scream at each other in ways where I'd be like, this is not healthy for either of you.

No, I never do that. I can't scream and I can't say names. I just can't do it. I don't want to do that. I don't ever want to do that in my life. And I think it's a dangerous area to get to because I think if you're screaming at each other and calling each other names and saying mean shit to each other, you're real close to violence. Yeah, you're on violence's door. And if there's any one constant in my life, it's been like, avoid violence at all costs other than competition, but avoid. Because that's kind of different. That's like, I'm trying to figure out myself. That's, like, what martial arts competition is about. You're really trying to figure out how far you can go and how good you can get at this, but, like, real world violence at all costs. Fuck your ego. Get out of there.

Yeah, it's not worth. None of it's worth it. Sometimes in the moment, you think it's fucked. I mean, I got into a fight with a guy in the park the other day because was like, me and my friend. No, we were exchanging words. It didn't get physical, thank God. But no, we were arguing because they were like all these skater kids, and they just kept coming through our basketball court. And I was like, guys, come on. We're not going in your area. Just. Could you just stop coming here? And he goes, skaters were here first. I'm like, oh, great. Now this is like the middle east. We're fucking arguing about. Like, dude, just let us have it. And then it kind of escalated, and I was like, hey, man, I don't want to argue. And he was like, me? And I was like, all right, good.

That's good.

But you get the wrong guy.

You're like, oh, yeah, well, there's guys who look for things like that, especially guys who know how to fight a little bit, and they'll just decide they.

Want to show off.

They want to show off, and they want to tee off on your face, especially if they come from abused backgrounds or their dad beat them or something like that. Those are fucking dangerous people because used to violence. They're so used to violence that violence to them is like first choice. They're ready to smack you because people have been smacking them their whole life.

My biological father was just distant, so I think I'm passive because of that. I don't want to argue, even. I, like, shrink kind of. I'm not that. But I think if you had an abusive dad. Yeah, you're going to want to fucking throw down, probably.

Yeah. There's a fine line with every interaction. Like, how much could this interaction have been different if I approached it different.

Right.

How much of it could have been avoided if I was less defensive or if I was more friendly and disarming, or if I was just more careful with my words. How much could I have manipulated this conversation or massaged this conversation? And that's a thing you always have to think about when it comes to two people that don't know each other, interacting with each other, especially if they're drunk, like after a show or something like that.

I hate bad drunks because I think I'm not a bad drunk at a certain age.

I'm a happy drunk.

Me too. I'm a nice drunk. I will deny that I'm drunk when I'm drunk. That's the one thing I will literally come home shit faced, and I'm like, I had one drink, dude.

If you wake me up at four in the morning, I'll swear I was already awake.

I don't know why I lied.

No, I was awake.

Only lie I'll tell.

That's my lie, is I was asleep. I wasn't asleep. That's my lie.

Why?

I don't know, man. I wish I knew. It's like the fucking. There's an answer in there somewhere. But that's the one time I will definitely lie. Not really. Most of the time. I'll probably tell the truth now, but in my life, how many times have I lied when someone called and woke me up? Like, 99% of the time, I'm always like, no, I'm awake. I'm awake. What's up?

I've gotten better at this shit. I've gotten better at saying, because I was at a Knicks game with my girl the other night, and I was screaming at the ref, and she was like, you're fucking drunk. And I was like, yeah, you watched me drink. I don't know why that's surprised you saw me. And I was yelling at him. It's this funny NBA ref. He's like, this guy Tony brothers. He's like a funny ref. So I'm like, you stank. You're the worst ref. And he just looks around, he gives me one of these, just like, annoyed. He's got a funny face. He's a very sarcastic ref. But, yeah, no, I've gotten better at admitting it. But for years, I was like, I'm not drunk. It came from just being a kid and coming home drunk and my mom.

Being furious and just learning how to be, like, a good drunk actor.

My parents would lock the door, so I would just keep hitting the doorbell. My face passed out half against the door, so they'd open it, and I'd fall flat on my face. How old were you? I was like, 16, probably. But I remember I was just puking my guts out, and my mom would. She doesn't know how to deal with a drunk. My mom doesn't drink, so she would come in and bring me chamomile tea. As I'm puking, I'm like, perfect. Yeah, this will solve it.

That'll do it. You got any zucchinis back there? Serve with it. The fucking give.

She didn't know. She was just trying to.

Insane.

But, no, I mean, I can't stand bad drunks because they're terrible. I don't mind, like, if you're just a little sloppy. But if you're, like, an aggressive drunk man, there's something. I got no time for that shit.

And it's always like, how much do I have invested in you? How much do I know? You know you do. I really know you know you. And it's just an off night and, like, you're all right, dude, don't worry about it. Give them a hug. And they go, bro, you were crazy.

You were crazy.

You're trying to fight cops.

Exactly. That's the thing, too.

Was I really? Yeah. You tried to fight a cop, man. Come on.

Well, that's the thing. I'm compassionate because I drink. So if someone's badly, like, hey, as long as they're not, like, a huge asshole, I don't want people kicked out of my shows ever. So I'm very gentle with that. But at the same mean, I remember a guy threw a fucking bottle at David Tell's head, and he was just gave. I think he gave the guy's friend bail money for the guy.

Jesus Christ.

Because he's that fucking nice.

That's amazing.

Yeah, I'm not that nice.

No.

You throw a bottle in my head.

Yeah, the comedy store in the dark days. The dark days of, like, the comedy store was totally un policed.

I hate that.

And there was no crowd control. It was terrible, and it was not good, but it was good because it was like working out at Kronk Gym, where they kept the temperature at like 98 degrees all the time. It was so hard to work there. But you'd go on the road and you were like, at the improv in Fort Lauderdale, and you're fucking slaying. Your shit's tight because you're dealing with animals. Also, you have the ability to flow. If something happens in the crowd, if something happens. You're so accustomed to things going sideways. Yeah, we were comedy store, like the comedy store, 90s comedians, and I count Diaz in one of those, were constantly involved in these chaotic shows. They were nuts, man. They were nuts. People would pile in, but it makes.

You who you are.

Makes you who you are. It's not easy. That was a hard room. It was really loud. The hallway was really loud. People were always out there in the hallway yelling.

That was Broadway comedy club for us in New York. That was a rough room. I used to work the door there for a couple of years, and it sucked. They'd give you stage time to go on. But I remember a guy fucking spit on me during my set, and I'm like, oh, my God, this is like, this is maybe a bit much.

Joey Cola told me that he was doing pips in Brooklyn and a guy showed him his gun. Yeah, showed him his gun. And he said, you fucking suck. You fucking suck. You're not funny at all. You fucking suck. I'm going to shoot you in your fucking head. And he's like, hey, buddy, what do you know? He's trying to joke around. Joey Cole is, like, the sweetest, nicest guy ever.

A lot of pressure. Whoever's on next.

Yeah.

Better fucking turn this around.

Yeah, Joey's a funny dude.

No.

You ever see Joey Cola?

I haven't, but I know. I'm aware of his reputation as being a killer.

He's a killer, yeah. Especially, like, the God. Joey Cole was an animal. He was an animal.

Started out, my guy.

Oh, yeah. Or a killer or a crazy person with a gun. Could be all the above, but there was a lot of. You're in Brooklyn, you're in sheep's head bay.

Yeah.

I was like, what do you think's happening? Know, if you're in Chinatown and you're some guy talking Chinese, you get hit in the net with a dart, dude.

I had an incident once. I was leaving terrible club to catch a rising star in Princeton. It was probably, like, twelve years ago or something, and one of the rare clubs that would headline me back then. And I'm coming back that night on the train, on Amtrak, whatever, New Jersey transit, rather. And I'm on the platform, and I'm just like, I got a bottle of whiskey with me. I'm going back tonight. I'll have a few drinks, I'll chill on the train. And I'm a little buzzed. And this dude just walks up to me. Something's, like, off about him. And he's like, fucking with people on the platform. And he said to me, like, he's going to everyone. Like, how do you feel about immigration? And I'm like, what is wrong with this guy? So when he gets over to me, I'm like, I'll fuck with him back. I had that much alcohol in me. And he goes, was, where do you stand on immigration? I was like, they're ruining the damn country. And I shouldn't have said that. I was just trying to be silly. Obviously, I don't believe that. But he goes, you're a bad fucking person.

He goes, I should fucking hurt you. And I was like, what is like, he's a creepy little dude. So I'm like, whatever. But I'm like, maybe he's got a weapon. I get on the train. I'm hiding from. He's trying to find me. I'm, like, hiding because I don't want to deal with this.

How'd you get away from him?

So he keeps fucking with people as he's looking for me. I'm, like, hiding. I see him.

How'd you get away from him?

Initially, I just kept walking away. And he was kind of, like, still keeping his eye on me and trying to find me. But he wasn't, like, chasing me.

Who'sizing? You up?

Sizing me up. And I'm on the train, and I'm hiding because I'm like, I don't want to fuck. This guy's insane. I didn't realize how crazy he was. I thought it was like. And it was a rookie move by me. I'm a New Yorker. I know better than to do this shit. I'm on the train. I'm sitting down. I'm hiding. I'm texting my friend, and I'm like, this guy's fucking me on the train. He's like, oh, fuck, I'm sorry. Whatever. I see him do it to another guy. How do you feel about immigration? And he just keeps fucking with the dude. And it's a big black dude, and he goes, east New York, motherfucker. And I'm like, this is, like my guardian angel right here. He gets in the guy's face, he's like, I'm going to fucking kill you. And then some ticket boy tries to get in the middle. They have to stop the train. This dude was about to get fucking pounded. I got, like, saved by some weird.

Yeah, this people out there in the world that you should not fuck with. And you find those prankster guys. Every now and then they run into the wrong dude. It's not a smart move. I get it. You're trying to get a lot of people to pay attention to you, and that will be effective. But you might get concussed.

You see old clips of Tom Green. I'm like, thank God he didn't get his ass. I mean, this is, like, balls crazy.

Was crazy.

He was innovative.

I credit him to being one of the inspirations for me starting this, for sure.

I love him.

Do you ever see his show, Tom Green show? Did you ever do the show, the in house show? The in house show is incredible. I don't know if you were. When did you start stand up?

2005.

Okay, so this is only two years after you started. Tom Green had an Internet show in his house.

No, I remember the clips. I was obsessed with his MTV show.

It was amazing. It's in an Eminem song. He made a fucking Eminem song.

The one I remember all the time is undercutter's pizza, where he would just follow people. He'd follow a pizza delivery guy and bring all the toppings in a suitcase, and he'd be like, we're undercutters pizza. We'll charge you less to the guy he was delivering it to. And I'm like, and the guy fucking tried to kick his ass. It was so undercutters pizza. So stupid and funny. I think he was.

He's a genius.

He was pretty great.

He got really good at stand up, too, by the way. Yeah, he really did.

He's a great.

Doing the mothership soon.

This is it.

Yeah.

The guy wanted to fucking kick his ass. Oh, I remember when he smashed his testicle live on air because he got it removed from when he had cancer. Yeah, I respect him a lot.

He's coming soon. He's going to be on the podcast soon, too. Yeah, he's great.

Underappreciated.

Yeah, I feel so. I feel like that. And I really like stand up.

He's a big name still, but.

He is. But I don't think people like that. Well, Freddie got fingered is a fucking great movie.

Insane. I was one of three people in the movie theater opening day when it came out. The other two, my friends.

My friend, it was an empty movie. It didn't pan out commercially, but my friend Eddie Bravo told me about it. He goes, dude. He goes, I know everybody says it sucks. Go see. Freddie got fingered. I went, really?

It's insane.

He goes, it's so funny.

He jerks off a horse. It's an elephant, whatever. No, he.

It's amazing. It's so silly.

He's ahead of his time.

He was ahead of his time. Yeah, he sucks off a cow or something.

He's out of his mind. Yeah. You know what? It's one of the last movies, I feel like, that got destroyed by critics. It's when critics still had their power, and it was like a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes or whatever. And they're like, it's like, back. Think about critics.

I don't think that had rotten tomatoes.

Back then, but whatever it was, it.

Was like, it was like Roger Ebert.

And Gene Siskel being like, this sucks. And Ebert's a great reviewer. He doesn't always get comedies, but if you read Ebert's old reviews, they're incredible. He's one of the best writers.

Did you read the script that he wrote?

No, I never did. Is it good or not?

He wrote some crazy movie. What was the movie that Roger Ebert worked? It's like. It's so insane. You're like, what are you doing?

What is.

I mean, I'm not the one to judge. I'm not a movie critic, and I don't know how to interpret scripts. But maybe it could have been made amazing, but most people thought it was preposterous.

Well, his reviews, though, I mean, that was his talent. His reviews. Because he would write shit and look, he would articulate things like, fuck, I didn't realize I felt that way. And that's what a good writer can know.

Yeah, but it's also. He's a different human than you. Like an Adam Sandler movie. For me, I'm like, I can review an Adam Sandler movie. And I go, it's fun, silly. It's great. The Zohan, he fucks everyone, cuts hair, kicks everybody's ass. It's really fun. At the end of the movie, you're like, I had a good fucking time.

But you can like both.

And also, he did uncut gems, which is a complete polar opposite of that. What did you see? That movie makes my fucking hand sweat. I'm going, oh, Jesus. Don't fucking do this, man. Don't fucking do this. When you watch that gambling junkie keep placing those bets and you feel the anxiety. You feel it?

I feel it. No. That's one of the most stress inducing movies I've ever seen, ever. But, man, he's grading it.

He's so good in that movie. That movie.

They're great directors, those guys. They're really good. The Dafty brothers. They did, like, good time. You ever see that? They're fucking great.

What's good time?

It's with Robert Pattinson. It's like another crazy adrenaline rush type movie. Like, really. It's really cool.

Did you see Sisu?

It was on tv the other day and I was loving it and I had to run out. It's that war movie, right? Fucking great. Yeah, it was violent. I'm putting on the list right now.

Fucking great. It's so ridiculous. And it's like, basically like John Wick in World War II.

I got to see this.

It's amazing, man.

World War one, stabbed in the head, and I had to run out.

It's fucking incredible. This dude is the shit.

Yeah, that was it. And I had to fucking run out.

I'm telling you, this dude's the shit. He's amazing.

He stole his golden. He just wants it back.

Oh, he fucks everybody up, man.

And it's something about movies.

I love them. I love them. Yeah, it's a fucking fun movie, man. It's a really fun movie.

Gotta check it out.

Doesn't he have, like, one line?

The whole, yeah, you can watch. Like, it doesn't like. My favorite moments in John Wick are not of him talking. All due respect to Keanu Reeves, I love that dude. But my favorite moments in John Wick are him just fucking everybody.

Incredible. It's, like, beautiful. The way it's choreographed, it's, like, beautiful violence, bro.

John Wick won. I don't care what anybody says. It's, like one of the best movies ever in terms of what it's trying to do. What is it trying to do? It's trying to excite you and get you fired up and get you engaged in wanting this guy to be successful and kill all these bad guys.

And you're on his side immediately, 100%.

And he's doing things that, you know, can't possibly.

There's not a person who is okay with you murdering a dog.

Exactly.

You can't fucking. I mean, maybe Michael Vick ten years ago.

It's also redemption denied. So this guy has this redemption story. He's decided to settle down with this amazing woman. I'm not going to be a hitman for the russian mob anymore, which is kind of problematic already, because he's probably killed a lot of nice people. But you have beautiful hair, and you are Keanu Reeves. So I'm going to let it slide for so. But this woman, obviously, they were really in love. And then when she dies, and then they steal his car and kill his dog.

You don't fuck with a man's car. Okay? Yeah.

Okay. And you're rooting for him every step of the way. And then the fucking guy, who is the guy who played the father that was the head of the russian mom.

He just passed away. That guy. Great actor.

God damn, he's incredible. He's so good in that movie, man. He's Willem Dafoe when he's explaining to his son what he did wrong.

Yeah. Because you could tell he's more like Wick. He's more on his side, but he's like, it's my fucking son.

Well, he knows what's going to happen.

Yeah. You're fucked.

Yeah. When he says to him, he goes, we called him Baba Jaeger.

Yeah.

Here, play this. This is one of my favorite scenes in any movie. When Ari, Bert, Tom and I were having sober October fitness challenge. I watched this on a loop. I watched this, like, 50 times in a row. I love this. The fucking ultimate boogeyman. Rich guy's son.

Piece of shitable. He has a hateable face, too.

Just admitted he killed some people in Atlantic City. Yeah, keep it going. This is Barbie for men.

Ladies.

I just want you to understand that's what that is. You know how you love Barbie? I enjoyed Barbie, too.

I don't like it.

I thought it was fun. I thought it was a silly movie. I enjoyed it. I went with my wife and my daughters. We had a good time.

Yeah, look, it was beautiful looking. I think that's Barbie for me. Yeah. It's not for me.

Well, I enjoyed it. I'm not faking enjoying it. I thought it was a fun, silly movie. What did you not like about?

Uh. I just didn't think it was that funny. I just thought it was kind of like, I'm gonna get trash for this, but I just thought it was because I know everyone loves this fucking movie, but I just thought it was like. I didn't laugh.

You didn't laugh ever?

Not really, no.

I laughed a few times, but I was looking to laugh. I was looking to laugh. I went into it with a really good mood. I was looking to laugh. I was looking to have good.

I was too. No, I never go in wanting to not like a movie. I love movies, man. I think Greta Gerwick is crazy talented. I just didn't really. You know what else? I couldn't fucking stand. Well, everyone's talking about this movie. Saltburn. Do you see this shit?

No. What is that?

It's, like, talented. Mr. Ripley for retards. If you don't like nuance and you need to see a dude's dick every three minutes, what is it? Shaltburn.

What is this movie about? Have you heard of this?

Basically talented.

I've heard of it.

I haven't seen it.

It's just not a nuanced movie. It's, like, so over the top. Look, the actors are very good, and it looks beautiful. I think the script was like, I've.

Never heard of this until right now.

Oh, it's huge. It's a huge movie.

I'm so out of the.

I didn't. I didn't like it.

I'm out of the cultural loop. Do you think you want to get into films? Is that what you're so.

I love movies. Yeah. I'm working on Norman, and I wrote a movie with Noah Gardensworz and Esther Steinberg. It's like a drinking buddies movie. It's fun. It's really funny. So hopefully we do some with that. Yeah, I'm trying to develop a tv show right now. I like writing. I like writing plots and dialog and stuff, and I worked on one for a while with Dana Gould. We worked on an animated show for so fucking long, and we couldn't sell it. But I loved it. I will make it someday. But, yeah, I think this show I'm working on, I'm writing it with, you know, Mike Lawrence, the comedian.

I know the name.

He's a fucking beast.

Maybe I do know him.

He was a roast battle champion back in the day, but he's a great stand up, too. But we're creating this show, and I think it's going to be really cool. But, yeah, I love movies.

Pull up Mike Lawrence.

I love stand up the most, and that'll always be number one. But I want to try other avenues.

Good to.

I love. I love movies.

Oh, I know that dude.

Yeah, he's great.

He's very funny.

The lines he's written for this. I'm like, fuck, I think everybody should.

Like other stuff too. I don't think it's bad to like other stuff.

I love sports. I love movies. I have so many interests. But, I mean, I told you, like, golden age Hollywood. I love film noir. I love old school movies and shit.

Wouldn't you love to be a fucking spider on the wall during, like, a James Cagney movie, dude?

Okay, imagine what that was. Can I give you a book recommendation? Yeah. I think it's called look up the title.

Exactly.

It's called lunches with Orson. I think it's about Orson Wells. It's literally Orson Wells shit talking. Every actor and director from the, like, the 80s. It's one of the funniest. But he's incredibly funny.

Oh, he was brilliant.

Because he. I mean, yeah, he underperformed. It's brilliant.

He underperformed.

But think about making citizen Kane.

I know, but he underperformed. But that had always drove me crazy. Like, why did he go to sell wine after that? Why did he broke. I understand that. I'm criticizing him for selling wine. I would do it too. My criticism is, like, you were the fucking man. You were war of worlds. You played that on the radio and freaked out half the country. You were Citizen Kane. He was going up against William Randolph Hearst. I mean, he was essentially making a film that was about William Randolph Hearst. William Randolph Hearst was very aware of it.

So was everyone else.

Scary. Powerful. So scary that marijuana is still a schedule one drug today because of William Randolph Hearst. That's a fact.

Yeah.

That's a fact.

Yeah.

William Randolph Hearst with Hearst Publications, they started printing. They're the ones that came up with this whole idea, along with Harry Anslinger, that marijuana was a different drug because they were using hemp for everything. They were using hemp for clothes. Hemp makes a superior fabric. It makes superior paper. It's way better for paper. It's way more sustainable. You could repopulate. If you have land and you're growing hemp on it, and you cut it all down, you grow it back in a year. If you have land where you're growing trees and you chop them down to make paper, you're fucked for 2030 years, man. So different thing you're doing, and it's far superior. But for years, they had used paper because there was a machine that came out called the decorticator. And when this machine came out, it could effectively process hemp fiber with a machine. They used to use slaves. So when they used slaves, it wasn't as cost effective as cotton was. So then they start cotton picking. Eli Whitney comes out with the cotton gin, and then Kemp gets kind of put on the back burner, rather, because it's not as easy to do.

Like, you got to beat the fuck out of that stalk to break it down into fibers and weave those fibers. But if you do, it's way superior.

Wow.

This invention comes out called the decorticator. Pull up a decorticator so you can see what it is. So it's this big steel wheel with these rods poking out, these pokey points poking out, and they grind down the hemp fiber with this so that you can make superior paper machine that does this? Yes.

Wow.

So popular mechanics or popular science on the front cover says hemp, the new billion dollar crop. So there's a competition with these people that have paper mills. So William Randolph Hearst not only has Hearst publications, he also has paper mills, and he has huge forests that he's chopping down to make paper for his newspaper. So instead of switching everything over to hemp, he decides to demonize hemp. So he creates a new name. They create a new drug called marijuana. And marijuana was the name they used to use for a wild mexican tobacco. And so they attribute this marijuana name to cannabis, which they've always used because it's hemp. It's the same thing that they've always used.

But he villainized it.

He villainized it and then came out with reefer madness. And those crazy propaganda movies.

It makes you shoot up a school.

They started writing stories in Hearst publications about blacks and Mexicans who are taking this marijuana and raping white women. So they put everybody into a fucking fever pitch and then they outlawed it.

Wow.

Yeah.

That is fucking nutty.

It's 2024 and it's still schedule one.

That is crazy. I did not know that was her.

That's William Radolf Herst. So that's the guy that Orson Wells was up against.

Incredible. I mean, that wild dude, I highly recommend it. It's like the amount of shit talking. I mean, everybody gets people. It's like basically a podcast, but in text, but people. Richard Burden will walk up to a mid interview and he's like, can't you see I'm talking to someone else? He's like a psycho. But there's one part where this guy, Henry Jaglum worships Orson Wells. Like, he's like, he's my hero. He's a genius. So I guess he knew Peter Bogdanovich and he goes, how about setting me up with him? I wrote a movie part that'd be killer for him. He's like, he's never going to do it, but if you want to meet him, he's staying at this hotel in so, you know, he's like a fucking dude. He's like, every time he's at know he's got an eating. We're like, I'll have one bite of this. And then he goes back to his room and orders six ribeyes and fucking gorgeous. But this guy goes to meet him and he's like literally knocking on his hotel room door to be in his movie. And there's a guy interviewing him in the book, they became buddies, but he knocks on his door and he goes, please be in my movie.

And he goes, I'll never do a director's first film. Fuck you, I'll never do. And he goes, you acted in your first film? And he was like, he goes, no, I won't do it. And he goes, you love magic. Please do this. I know you're an amateur magician. And he goes, never. And then he pauses and he's like, in this film, could I wear a cape? And he's like, yeah. And he's like, all right, I'll do it. That's all it took. He's a fucking weird dude.

That's wild.

But the amount of people he shit talks in the book where he's like, fuck. He's like, fuck Woody Allen. And he'll just go on like but everything he says, I love Woody Allen. But everything he says, I'm like, it's pretty fucking funny.

What was he saying about Woody Allen?

You know, that his type of self deprecation is insincere, and you can tell he loves himself. He's like, I don't buy it. I think this guy loves himself. And he's like, anyone who's this self deprecating, it's fucking bullshit. He loves himself. The way he acts about himself, a lot of stuff like that, he'll shit.

On, like, ooh, I like it. Not only was he skeptical of Alan's approach to comedy, but he was vehemently averse to the hungry ego it served. I hate Woody Allen physically. I dislike that kind of man, he said, adding, oh, yes, I can hardly bear to talk to him. He has the Chaplin disease.

A lot of people hated.

Don't say this about Chaplin.

Well, you know, a lot of people. I love Fatty Arbuckle. That was a book about Fatty Arbuckle who fucking hated Chaplin. I think they ended up all right, but he was like team Buster Keaton.

I don't know if you want to get on team Fatty Arbuckle.

Really? He didn't do it.

He didn't do it.

He didn't do it.

That's bullshit.

He was framed.

Yeah.

What happened? Great book called frame up. I don't know exactly who framed him.

How much he was. Was he?

Yeah.

Oh, he was. Yeah.

But that's the fucked up thing as we're talking about, as if he did it.

Oh, and this was 1930. What? Yeah.

And you know what the fucked up part is? He had to go to, like, four trials to get properly exonerated, so it ate up his life. And he died, like, a year later from a heart attack.

Oh, my God.

But no, he was. Dude, he created the pie throw. Think about how fucking crazy that is. Fatty Arbuckle invented the pie throw in the face.

So what was wrong with Chaplin?

I think they thought Chaplin.

Like Michael Jordan.

No, I think.

Seriously. No, I think about, like, you're that guy back then. You're the comedy guy. You're the fucking king of comedy.

I don't. He. I think, obviously a genius, but I think also think of the circles he rolled with, like, Einstein.

Right, but that's what I'm saying. Remember that speech that he gave in that movie? What was it? The dictator. What was that movie?

I don't know his movies that well, but they're playing it every night at the cellar. I know him silently.

There's a speech that he gave that is relevant today. Like this speech about know. Do you remember that?

I don't.

It's brilliant.

It's been a while since I've watched this mean. I was more into Buster Keaton, personally.

Well, Buster Keaton was amazing. The stunts that.

That guy hooked his fucking neck.

Shit, man. Broke his. Everything. He broke everything, dude. That guy was doing wild shit. He was falling off buildings, going through awnings. Like, legitimately going through awnings.

It's insane.

See if you can find that Charlie Chaplin speech. I want to get to Buster Keaton, but there's a speech that he did. Do you know what I'm talking about, Jamie? Let me see what it looks like. Yeah, that's it. Let me hear this. So he's got the Hitler mustache. Yeah, he looks like Hitler.

They've added the Han Zimmer inception music to this.

I'm sorry, but I don't want to.

Be a little more dramatic.

That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone.

Do you want me to keep the music?

Yeah.

Okay.

No. Unless you can find one that doesn't have it. Definitely does.

Yeah. Fatty Arbuckle is definitely framed, though, and he.

Here it is.

Fatty.

We got your back from beyond the grave. All I have to say is, fuck Fatty Arbuckle.

All I have to say is, not a lot of laughs per minute on that speech.

That's a good point. I don't think that was a comedy.

No, it was, but it wasn't. But what was the movie?

The greatest dictator.

The great dictator. What was the movie about?

I don't know. I don't know.

But that was pretty fucking good. It was applicable today. It actually makes me sad sometimes. Yeah.

I mean, about machines, but also, it was so obvious.

They saw the writing on the wall.

Yeah.

So did Ted Kaczynski, by the way.

Yeah, he made a lot of good points. When you take out the murder, you.

Take out all the bombings. He was saying the technology was going to replace us. He's right.

That's the worst part. When these monsters. You're like, man. But he obviously was a bright mind.

That was a satire, it says, 1940, american anti war, political satire, black comedy. The black comedy. Written, directed, produced, scored by and starring Charlie Chaplin, following the tradition of many of his other films. Wow. He did everything, man.

Yeah.

Of course. He was a dick. If you're doing all those things, you're Steve Jobs, but you're doing it in a movie. It's the same kind of know.

I don't know, man. I, like, know.

Yeah, but he's different.

Yeah. Louie does everything. He did everything on.

It's, I'm not saying that it's impossible to be, like, a cool person and also be all those things. It's just harder to know. I get, I I feel like guys like that probably don't have Charlie Chaplin as friends either.

Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Which I think is one of the critical things about our occupation is that we're constantly surrounded by people like us. We're all kind of very like minded animals, and we have an appreciation for each other that is very different than most occupations. I have, like, a reverence for elite professional comedians I'll do anything for, too. Yeah. That's how I feel. I feel like we're all in a very sacred tribe of, there's only, like I always say, there's probably a thousand of us on planet Earth. If we're really being kind and generous and giving people, like, a great amount of curve. The reality is it's probably about 250 that I would want to hang out with that would say are legit.

It's fortunate that we get to be part of this fraternity of comics who are just very cool. And luckily, most of the people that I've wanted to meet have always ended up being pretty cool. And if they're not, look, there's exceptions.

The exceptions, I think, existed in the tv world. Honestly, the exceptions that I encountered, I don't want to throw anybody under the bus, but there's some people that I like now that in 2001, I wanted to smack. There were some people that were just really rude and shitty, because there was the culture of being rude and shitty. That was almost encouraged. When Phil Hartman came over to news radio from Saturday Night Live, he had this very bizarre kind of anticipation of hostility from other cast members because he was very highly paid. Obviously. He was like, I wasn't famous at all when I was on news radio. I was a nobody. I had been on one show called Hardball that was on Fox that bombed. It aired, like, six episodes, and I was the star of the show. That show got canceled. I got a development deal with NBC, and all of a sudden, dude, I had never taken acting lessons, all right? I had to get an acting coach. I was all of a sudden sitting next to Phil Hartman, and I was 27.

And he's brilliant.

Yeah, he's brilliant. And, I mean, I had never even thought about being an actor. They just gave me money, and they said, do you want to act? I'm like, okay, what do I have to do to pretend I had no experience acting at all? And I did that show. And then Phil Hartman had this distrust of all the other people in the cast. And he had this real arm's length thing. And I was always like, dude, you're Phil Hartman. Like, what are you talking about, man? You're the man.

Why do you think that was Saturday Night Live? He told me, oh, they're trying to take your throats.

Yes, dude, they were cutthroat. They were cutthroat pressure. That weird, backstabby ways. Like, they would get your assistant fired. They would do weird shit. You were too close to one of the pas. Fuck him. Get him out of here. Like, one of the other cast members would turn on one of the pas that you had become friendly with.

I've heard it's tough.

He was screaming at each other in the hallway, fuck you. Stealing each other's jokes. It was creepy. It was creepy. And so Phil and I became friends. And as we became friends, especially after the first season, because the first season was, like, really long hours. They were trying to work out the show, and we're hanging out 15, 16 hours a day. We're on the set all the time. We get to become friends. And then he just sort of loosened up and explained, like, it's like a cutthroat environment over there.

What a bummer that that's what that does to you because I have, obviously, a great appreciation for Phil Hartman. And I thought that was a great watching. I watched Jingle all the way on the holidays. I fucking love that movie. Arnold and Sinbad.

He was a great dude, man.

He's a great comic actor.

He was a funny dude, too. He would do stand up for the. He would do warm ups for the crowd just fucking around. He would do, like, he had an amazing Bill Clinton impression. He had a bunch of. But he was, like, thinking about doing stand up. But he just had a terrible marriage. Terrible. Terrible. And I was the one guy on the show that was like, get the fuck out. Like, right now.

Yeah. You were like, be honest with her. Tell her what you did, and I'm sure she'll take it.

No, it wasn't even that. The opposite.

Just get away fucking around.

She would insult him at parties and stuff publicly. It was gross. It was scary. It was like, there's sometimes that people are together and they fucking hate each other, but they, for whatever reason, do not leave each other.

Yeah.

And I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't understand it. But some people, they just get stuck in a pattern.

Sometimes they don't see quite how bad it is. Even when your friends point it out, you don't really see it till you get some distance from that relationship.

Well, it's also, you learn from your parents. And if you come from parents that beat the shit out of each other or scream at each other, throw things at each other, you get accustomed to thinking that's how relationships work, how they function. It's real sketchy.

Bad parenting is so fucking. I was going to tell you about Fatty Arbuckle. His dad walked out.

So what did fatty. I'm sorry, I don't want to interrupt this part, but I need to know. We should clarify. What did Fatty do?

He was accused of raping and murdering a woman. He didn't do it.

Murdering?

Yeah.

Wasn't it like a bottle broke inside of her?

Yeah, that was the fake thing. I forgot the. Because I read this, like, years ago. But what was it? Jamie?

So how did she get murdered?

It was a frame up. I don't know. I don't know who framed him, but someone framed him up.

What was the reason for?

I don't remember. Because I put this years ago. But he is innocent and he was exonerated. But if we could find it, that'd be awesome.

Reading an article about it right now.

It'S hard to find the actual. But he was a dude who. His dad fucked him up because his dad walked out on the family. And I think the mother was, like, mental. But he was supposed to be raised by his father. So his dad owned a hotel and they were like, take a train to the hotel. Your dad. This is where your dad is. So his dad hears that he's fucking coming and he sold the hotel and disappeared. So then he just shows up and is like, a fat kid, like 13. He's like, what do I do? And they're like, we can give you a job here. So he started working at the hotel at like, 13. And then he finds out he's good by joining the talent show. And they're like, this guy's got an incredible voice. And then he was being silly and funny. This guy's, like, kind of a genius. He starts becoming, like, an incredible touring performer. And of course the dad wants back in.

Oh, God, of course.

Classic. But, yeah, I remember being like, his wife, who he was divorced from, was like, he's fucking innocent. That they divorced on not amazing terms. And she's like, he didn't do shit.

So what did they frame him for. Was he becoming too big of a star?

I was trying to read through this. It's explaining the entire story in the Smithsonian article about it, and it's long.

Yeah, I'm sorry for bringing this up if I don't fully have a grasp on this, but.

No, it's okay. That happens every day in my life. Okay. Where should we start? Here.

Just right up here.

Okay. According to Arbuckle, Fishbach arranged everything from the rooms to the guests to the liquor, despite prohibition. And on Labor Day, September 5, 1921, Arbuckle awoke to find that he had many uninvited guests. He was still walking around in his pajamas, bathrobe, and slippers when he saw Delmont and Rap and expressed concern that their reputations might alert police to the gin party. In Los Angeles, Del Mont was known as a madam and blackmailer. Rap had made something of a name for herself as a model, clothing designer, aspiring actress, and party girl. Oh, just regular LA under 30 woman. But the food and booze were flowing by then. The music was playing, and Arbuckle was soon no longer focused on his exhausting work schedule, the burns on his backside, or just who all the guests were. What happened in the ensuing hours would play out on the front pages of William Randolph Hearst. There you go again. That motherfucker. National chain of newspapers in lurid headlines. Before Arbuckle had a chance to tell his side of the story, Virginia Rapp was 25 years old when she arrived at the St. Francis Hospital in San Francisco for a Labor Day weekend party.

Hotel. Excuse me, I say hospital. St. Francis hotel in San Francisco for a Labor Day weekend party. Maude del Mont. Del Mont soon painted a sinister portrait of the happy go lucky, portly prince of silent film. This is what she told police after Arbuckle and Rob had a few drinks together, he pulled her actress into an adjoining room, saying, I've waited for you five years, and now I've got you. After a half hour or so, Del Mal heard rap screaming, so she knocked on and then kicked. At the locked door after delay, Arbuckle came to the door in his pajamas, wearing Rapp's hat, cocked at angle and smiling his foolish screen smile. Behind him, Rapp was sprawled on the bed, moaning. Arbuckle did it, the actress said. According to Del Mont, Rapp was taken to another room. A doctor was summoned, and he attended to her. This might take forever for me to read. She died.

That's why I was leaving it there.

She died. She died September 9 of a ruptured bladder. So what actually happened, though?

I don't know.

Then I went to the newspapers, and then he turned himself in.

Right.

And that's where I was like, I think this was getting way too long.

Right, but what was the actual story? That's why. I don't know.

In a hole here, trying to get some. I think they were trying to blackmail have.

Okay, hold on a second. There's the matter of the telegrams that she sent to attorneys in both San Diego and Los Angeles. We have Roscoe Arbuckle in a hole here. Chance to make some money out of him. Oh, big. Yeah, okay. They were trying to railroad him.

He was making a million a year in 21. That's a lot of children.

What was that?

Yeah. So they were trying to.

A million a year in 1921. What was that? Money? What's that today?

That's got to be like.

Let's guess. The doctor treated rapidly, that the hotel testified she had told him Arbuckle did not try to sexually assault her. But the prosecutor got the point dismissed as hearsay.

There we go.

Whoa, I forgot this. So what happened to her?

I don't know.

Her bladder rupture.

No marks of violence on the body, no signs of girl been attacked in any way.

Oh, so she might have just had, like.

She had a chronic bladder condition, according to this.

Oh, so she might have just died.

Yeah.

Freddie Arbuckle was making a million dollars. Before we go any further, let's find out.

What?

A million dollars?

I'm guessing 20.

I'm going to guess more.

Maybe 25.

I say 50 million.

Really? Maybe, yeah.

A million dollars in 19. 2021. In 2024. Money.

You're probably right.

I say it's 50 million because inflation is stupid.

It says it's about 15.8 million.

That's it.

Damn.

Damn.

Both off. So he was just only minor balling for a while, and way harder than him.

During the depression, his money would have went down, and then it started going back up.

Okay.

From the depression. Yeah.

After the 30s, that million he had, 1921, would have only been worth seven hundred and fifty k. Oh, wow. 1932. So ten years later, if you just let sit, I guess, then it went up.

Yeah.

He was a party animal, but he.

Wasn'T a rapist or a murderer.

No.

So she just had a disease and she died of that disease, and they just had him for money.

Dark shit. It's a books called frame up. It's really good. It's hard to find.

He was acquitted the first trial, and then they tried to get him again. Jury deadlocked. Third trial, R. Buckle was allowed to call witnesses for the first time.

Wow.

So we got. He made a comeback, but he died.

Like, a year after the Charlie Chaplin thing. And that thing makes me say, it's always been fucked. Yeah, I mean, it's almost kind of always been fucked.

This is the best time for comedians, at least with comics, as you said, it's more fraternal. I mean, we're kind of all cool, and there's so much room now. There's two of them back then, dude.

The people that are complaining about other comics now, it's like, listen, figure it out.

Figure out your own.

Figure it out. Stop complaining about other.

Twitter is not your journal. Chill the fuck out.

And neither is instagram. Stop being stupid.

Just make it funny. If you're going to do that better.

Than what you are, figure it out. Or don't. Or stop doing it.

Tell said that to me once. I was complaining years ago, and he goes, get. Maybe he said to someone else, actually, but he goes, get funnier.

I like how he said it was at you, and then it was like.

No, I remember someone else, but I want to use his name because he's a great comic, so I don't want to put it on him. But he didn't mean it like, you're not funny. He meant it like, well, you better get funnier.

Yeah.

Because what else can you do? There's nothing else that's in your control. Try to be fucking funny.

And all the other things that are out of your control, the more attention that you spend on them, the less attention you will have towards the thing that you can control. It's that simple. It's like an allocation of resources issue. You can't allocate resources. Things that are completely unproductive and in fact, counterproductive, they fuck with you psychologically. You get up in the middle of the night, you go to pee, you think about it, you're like, fuck. And then you can't go back to sleep.

You grind your teeth. Now you have to get a fucking dental procedure, man.

Don't be involved in unnecessary conflict. It's just not good for you. It's not good for anybody. It's not good for that person. It's not good for you. It's not good for the people that you're going to encounter after the conflict. It's not good for the people they encounter after the conflict. There's a butterfly effect that happens with stuff like that.

It's pointless, and the business is going to keep changing. That's the thing it's like, this is not what it was 20 years ago. In ten years, it's going to be different. Think about how big. I think about this all the time. Comedy Central was the fucking king.

They're useless now.

They're useless.

It's also what's happening now is like a very organic merging of, for lack of a better word, artists. Because we are artists. But calling a comic an artist, it's almost like, for us, it's like, shut the fuck up. It is art. But it's like, it's also, don't get goofy with.

We're not supposed to be the pretentious ones. It sounds pretentious. It's like.

It does sound pretentious.

We are looked down upon at the award. Yeah, because they are like, we're artists.

I say we should look down upon the award shows. When I saw Joe coy do that award show, I didn't get upset that Joe Coy didn't. His jokes didn't hit. I got upset that he was willing to do it. Joe Coy, you sell out arenas, don't do that terrible thing.

But you always want to be a part of that club.

Don't do it. I think you have to go handicap. You're doing it with ten days notice. What kind of done, what kind of goofy ass fucking organizers hire top talent. No one wants to do it. Nobody wants to do it.

Remember to Kevin Hart, where they were like, you said, gay jokes in the. Guess what? You fucking awarded Roman Polanski, like, man of the year 15 years ago. Accused of rape. Not accused. He did it.

Will Smith slaps Chris rock on stage, and then they give him a standing ovation.

Disgusting.

The whole thing's ridiculous. They're ridiculous people. The point is, fucking shun award shows.

Anytime someone calls us artists, I think of a comic asking an audience member, are you taking a poop or a pee as they're walking to the bathroom? We're not artists, but the problem is.

The word art has been hijacked by douchebags. We are artists, but we're artists in the sense that we create things. Everybody who creates things is an artist, just like a chef is an artist. I bet chefs, probably the pretentious ones, will refer to themselves as artists. The fucking down to earth dudes.

Those are my least favorite chefs. Exactly. The fucking fine dining chefs. You're like, all right, dude, give me something that will fill me up.

There's a fine line where you can cross over into pretentious land.

I think the problem is we got into this to be funny. And some people lose sight of that and they start pandering. Like, I can tell when a comic stops fucking touring. I can tell when your act, you stop taking it through Missouri. You got to take it through every fucking this. I don't want to use the word marketable, but you got to make this palatable for the country. There's a reason. If I do a joke about New York, it's for everybody. If I do a joke about riding the subway, it's hitting in Kansas City because it has to. Otherwise you were working for your small bubble. And when I see comics put out specials, I can be like, this dude only worked it out in LA or New York or whatever. And you need the road, because the second you stop relating or remembering what got you into this for the right reason, you're doing it for the wrong reason.

You also have to remember when you were first starting out. The idea of being on the road, headlining a comedy club, would be the craziest fucking dream you could ever imagine. I don't have to go to my day job anymore. Now I get to fly to Cincinnati and go do stand up comedy to pack crowds. Two shows on Friday, half pack. Half pack. Pretty good crowds. Yeah. Go bananas Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday sometimes.

Yeah.

It's a dream. It's the ultimate dream, because the idea of being a professional will seem so impossible to achieve.

Yeah, it felt amazing. And I romanticized the road as I still do. Like, it was a different thing. It was like, thank God I can do this to now I'm like, got to hone it.

Well, that was the thing about, know, when I was first doing the road, one of the things that I would always ask, I was like, who's the biggest douchebag that you had to take?

I asked that too.

And it was always Jenny. He just hated it.

He hated. He was a douche to people.

Yeah. Unfortunately, it just, he was very like.

Obviously he wanted to be a bigger movie star. Right?

He wanted to be a movie star.

He was a great actor.

Well, he was really good in the mask, but really what he was was a great stand up. But great stand ups weren't appreciated the way they are now. If Jenny was alive today, he'd be doing mean. That's what would be going on. He would be like, one of the biggest stand up comics alive. But during his time, no one did anything other than comedy clubs. There's a few guys like Sam Kennyson used to do, like Greatwood center for the Performing Arts. Rodney did that. Bill Cosby did that. But for the most part, stand up comics did comedy clubs, and that's it, including Jenny. And he just felt like a failure when he was on the road headlining these clubs.

What a sad thing.

It's crazy. It's crazy. They all wanted the golden egg, and the golden egg was what Roseanne got or what Tim Allen got. It was a sitcom.

That generation doesn't get it. I did Letterman show on Netflix, and he was, like, baffled by me putting out YouTube specials. And not in a way that he was so kind. I mean, he was such a nice guy. But I remember he kept asking me, like, I don't get how you make money off this. Well, I make the money off touring, but he's like, well, you got to understand, when I did this shit, it was all about the sitcom. That was the money. As we said, the industry is changing. Like, a lot of really funny comics were passed over by these industry streamers and then did their own thing. And then at a certain point, they'll find you. The point is to not get bitter. You look at a guy like Shane Gillis and did he get bitter? No, he stayed fucking funny.

He got funnier. Of course, he even got better when he got canceled. It's just there's a different world now where there's no gatekeepers anymore. The gatekeepers, they still exist. If you want to participate, if you want to do the Comedy central thing, they still know HBO still makes specials. You can do it that way if you choose to. But the gatekeepers of real mass media are now non existent. It's all just YouTube. So then you have to be careful with whatever YouTube's terms of services are, because some of them get real squirrely and you can get.

The goalpost is moving in.

It's moving.

They're changing the rules. Like, if you make a nazi joke now, they're like, did you say the word Nazi? You're like, I was condemning nazis. That was satirical. But you said the word Nazi and some fucking algorithm that can't detect sarcasm is like, time out. Not good.

Yeah, not good. It's clumsy. But you're dealing with an enormous number of human beings.

Exactly.

You're managing at scale that's impossible to really even wrap our stupid little heads around. The amount of humans that are like, just. But which really leads us back to that guy's text message getting intercepted. Are they just doing that with everything? Because it appears they are. If they're doing that in a Snapchat message group, which is supposed to be encrypted and they find the word, I'm going to blow up this plane. Terrorist, whatever. ISIS, Taliban, whatever it is, they see those words. If those words, like, if they get flagged, that means nothing is private. Also, you have to recognize, you want, oh, I want everybody to be safe. Okay, right. But those are human beings just like you. This is like you having the kind of power that it means to have to access everyone's text messages. That's nuts. That's a crazy power. And if you're the guy, I don't care how many checks and balances there are, there's got to be somebody at the end of that stream that could just read and see all your dick pics. There's somebody at the end of that stream.

Good angles. That's the secret.

Does somebody fluff it up? Sees. Every time you swipe right, there's somebody that sees it all. Yeah, they see everything. And that is probably inevitable with the bottleneck of technology being interconnectivity. Right. And the other problem with that is money. Because if money is just ones and zeros, and it gets to the point where when you get to quantum computing, where any sort of encryption is really preposterous, and then people have commercial grade quantum computing in their house, there's no code that can't be cracked. There's no bitcoin that can't be stolen. And then what happens? What happens then? How do you have money?

You trust anything.

How do you could trust anything? How do we trust anything now when these deep. I'm in so many ads for products that I'm definitely not selling. I'm in so many of them, man. People send them to me all the time.

Deep fakes and shit.

Total deep fakes.

But how can you trust not just machines, but any. I remember reading about Leonard Cohn, his manager stole his $5 million retirement fund.

Yeah.

That's why he was touring in his 70s.

Happens. Yeah, happens all the time.

Machines, people. I mean, with money and your information, you're putting a lot of trust in either.

Yeah, you're putting a lot of trust in a lot of different things. But also, I'm not a communist and I'm not a socialist, and I'm definitely pro capitalist, but I envision a future where all of these things, where I think these mechanisms that we have used to achieve power and influence and what will stores had talked about yesterday, the status game status, all of these things, will eventually lead us to some point in the future. Might we could get to a point where any idea of competition that we're having right now, what human beings enjoy right now all goes away and we all become a part of some network, some network that changes what it means to be a human being. Like human beings stop being human. I think we're not that far away from that. And if you look at what we are today versus what Fatty Arbuckle was, imagine you being friends with Fatty Arbuckle and back in the day and William Randolph Hearst, but also having a YouTube channel, you're like, look, William Randolph Hearst, a piece of shit. This is what he did about marijuana. This is what he did about this.

This is what he did to Fatty Arbuckle. This is why they did it to Fatty. This is what actually happened. This is what a woman had, a chronic bladder infection. And it could be like a big thing. It could be like something everybody talks about and it gets the ruling overturned. But back then you had no chance. As things move on, it'll be more of that.

Well, there's pluses and minuses to more people having voices, right? I mean, a lot of minuses. A lot of minus.

There's a lot of crazy people out there. There's a lot of legitimately schizophrenic, insane people, aggressive people, sad people, like abused people, people that came from terrible childhoods, people that came from every stretch of the world. And all they have to do is learn English and they're just interfacing with you. And they got the worst roll of dice that's available on planet Earth.

Yeah.

And now they've killed three people by the time they're 15. Now they're online. And that's real too.

Yeah, that's the thing. You get into this for acceptance, right? You get into stand up because, I don't know, maybe in your mind you're like, this wasn't able to be said in my household. So now in my mind, I'm telling the truth. On stage, I'm being funny. I'm making strangers laugh. And you're doing this for acceptance? There was rejection before this. Now it's like the amount of people who could flood your fucking timeline when you make a misstep. It can be overwhelming. I mean, I think of that guy, John Ronson all the time. Right? So you've been publicly shamed, guy. I mean, people know. You should know what you do when you try to fucking destroy a person. But it is exciting. A lot of people's. What they use social media for is to complain and then to try to bury a person.

Yeah.

And it's fucking weird.

It's just a dumb thing to do. And I think the best thing to do if you're like a public person like yourself, is just like, never engage in that. And also don't read the comments. Yeah, that's my advice. My advice is always, never engage. Don't read the comments. If you want to post something, you feel something about something, you want to say something about something, that's fine, but don't be upset about people's response to it.

Exactly. It's part of the game. We put ourselves out there.

But it's also doesn't mean you have to fucking while they're throwing fastballs. You have to run across the pitcher and get hit in the head. You don't have to actually go out on the field like, it is part of the game, but you don't have to do that part. That part is not necessary. It's also not good. It's not smart. It's not a good allocation of resources. It's not good psychological. It's not good for the fans either. Because if you actually, what if they're just having a bad day, man, and they're fucking 18? They lash out at Sam or they lash out at Normand. They'll lash out at Ari. They're not really bad people, but they're writing something and it's permanent. It's out there forever. And they said some rude shit and they're trying to get a response, and then you come back with the most scathing response and you show pictures of their mom and them and their fat belly and you shit all over them online.

This is going far, though, right?

But we've all known people who've done that, right? And it's just not wise. It's not good. I've done it before. I've experienced that thing of like, fuck you. Fuck you. You're a fucking loser.

No benefit.

No benefit.

Last message Bob Saget ever sent me. I engaged with a fucking psycho. And he goes, hey, it's Uncle Bob here. You're too good a guy to be doing this.

Beautiful.

All right, P. Bob. Sweet guy.

He is a very sweet guy. He's a hard one. He was a hard one.

I didn't know him well. We were just becoming friends when he passed away.

I became friends with him at the store. He's such a sweet guy. He's always a nice guy. Always a nice guy. Always, like, real, like, genuinely warm. Like, you come around everybody, like, we need that.

Yeah. People who bring positive energy to work are fucking so important.

I've never met anybody who didn't like Saget.

Yeah.

He's always know. There's like a few guys where I don't know anybody doesn't like him.

There's something.

Bobby Lee's one of those.

Yeah.

You don't like Bobby Lee? I don't like you.

Bobby is.

I don't like you. If you don't like Bobby Lee, is.

This safe to say he's maybe the best podcast guest ever?

He's amazing.

It's insane the energy he brings. He's so funny.

I've known Bobby for 30 years.

Damn. I've known him long, but I love.

Him close to it. It's probably close to 30 years.

I brought a friend of mine when he did our podcast. He's an asian guy I used to live with, and he, like, worships Bobby. And Bobby just fucked with him the whole day. And my friend Dory, it was so satisfying for him. He's like, Bobby's like, stop talking to me. Fuck you. And he was like, that was like the best day of my life.

He's such a good guy, too, because he's so honest about all of his weirdness, his flaws, and how he thinks about himself and so vulnerable. Yeah, he's also very funny, man. And he's getting ready to do a special, finally.

Actually, I think it was from when he was on your podcast. I texted him, I was like, you better put out a fucking special, dude. And he goes, yeah. Why? And I said, you know why? Because you're fucking hilarious. And because you deserve it. You deserve to release something and to suffer a little bit.

Much better comic than people know in terms of the amount of tickets he sells. Bobby Lee should be doing arenas, and he just did an arena with Burt and Tom. He just did.

It's because he's not releasing it.

So now, yeah, it's like, his levels very high. There's a few of those guys out there, their levels very high. They just don't have a lot of stuff out there.

He's told me he's scared to eat the shit to build a new hour. And let me tell you, I'm thinking when I burn this next one, I am dreading the shit out of this. I hate starting from scratch.

Yeah, man. Just got to embrace it.

I don't embrace it.

It's fun. Get in there.

Get in there. It's like jumping in a cold ass pool. Yeah. I fucking hate it, but I got to jump in the pool.

Yeah, do it every. Just embrace the suck. That's all it is. There's a few of those guys out there that they just need a little gentle nudge to get into the water. And then Bobby Lee will have a new hour in no time because he'll have, and it'll be better than his hour before because it'll be more representative of how he feels about things right now.

And his life is interesting. Yes, he's fascinating, and he's too self loathing. I'm sorry, Bobby, you gotta love yourself a little more. Because he's loved that guy.

He is loved, but he needs friends around him. And the problem with a lot of us is that we can become islands. I always describe comedians as islands or tribe members, and there's a few of those islands out there that only have one opening actor they take with them. They only do theaters, and they travel around, and every now and then, they get to be around comics like us. Hey, so let's walk at the know. It's weird. There's a few of those guys. I don't want to name names, but there's a few of those guys. I don't think it's healthy. I don't think it's a healthy existence.

That's literally why I'm still calling it the seller, because I just want to see the people. And I love Liz, the manager, and I love, I can't wait to show you the club. I can't wait to do it because.

We set it up as best we could to facilitate all that, to make it so that it's, like, the best environment for comics to hang, the best environment for comics to work. Everything's set up. The staff is magnificent.

I've heard nothing but great stuff.

It's great, man. It's amazing. But it's also entirely set up for the comics. Entirely. There's not one decision that ever gets made that's to the detriment of the show or the comics feelings.

Most comedy clubs that were made by a comic are often, like a comic who quit and has got some bitterness, and you're not that guy, so you made it the right way, is what you know.

The best aspects of the store were beautiful, and there was so much of the store that the mothership will never be able to have because the store had this history, this insane history, and this legacy to it of Kinison and Pryor and Hicks started there. Hicks was a doorman. There was so many great comics that came out of that place. And so there's a reason why I have her on my wall, the reason why we named the bar Mitzi's. It's like, so we took her philosophy, and we just threw a Spotify budget at it.

I love.

So let's go ham. Let's do something good for the community of comedy and create what Louie calls it, the Alamo. I love said. Yeah. It's like, that's the thought behind it. It's like, let's do, like, if I can do this and I can do this, and I don't feel any pressure, it doesn't bother me at all. I mean, I feel pressure with staff stuff and shit. This is happening. There's something wrong with the AC unit. There's a little bit of that every now and then, but it's not bad. But it's not financial pressure, which is the most intolerable pressure. When you don't think you can pay your bills and you're worried, especially if you're a father, you're like, shit. So if that pressure is alleviated, then you can do something that you really want to do. And I'm like, I want to really do it. Like fucking Disneyland for comics. I want to set it up so that it's the best environment ever for people to be able to develop and create. And even people starting out, like the doormen, the door people, the door women, they're all auditioned by egot. So egot, he auditions them.

He sees their act. So they're all comics.

He cares.

Yeah, and they get to see Shane Gillis go, know, they get to see Howie Mandel stop by, and Jim Gaffigan stopped by, and Dave Attelle do sets. And the shows that I'm doing on, like, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday is fucking Ron White's out there. Brian Simpson. It's crazy Tony Hinchcliffe. I mean, these are murderous shows. They're murderous. And so these people get to see how we're writing and how we're coming up with new shit and how we change things up. And it's like this. You get an education that we got at the store. We all got that at the store from watching the guys who were there before us, the big names. When I was 27 and I first came to the store, and I'd see Damon Wayans go up and Eddie Griffin go up.

Beast, right?

Wayans in his prime, underappreciated man. The last stand, damon Wayans's HBO special.

Funny. That's when he went to the crowd, right?

It's when he threw the mic down. He said, he's quitting. That guy is a real professional in the sense of that he films every one of his shows he has since the 90s. He sets up his own video camera on a tripod, and he films every one of his shows, workout shows, any show. And he is not scared of silence. I used to watch him go up when I was a kid. First of all, I was a fan of his from in living color, homie the Clown. I was a fan of his stand up. I'd seen him on the Robert Townsend thing. Remember Robert Townsend had those stand up shows?

Hilarious guy.

So I was a fan of his already. And then I got to see him work out, like, at the store in front of, like, fucking 30, 50 people, small ass or crowds, and he just didn't give a fuck. He just would find a bit. He would find where it is. He'd, like, search around for it. Didn't worry at all about the dead spots. Didn't worry at all. Just, he's like, that's my workout.

When a comic has earned that, it's a beautiful thing.

It's a beautiful thing. But it's also, the store was low pressure back then. Like, the way you were describing the seller, where you're going on after murderers, it's very difficult.

Even the young comics there are so good. There's young comics. There's, like, a young comic named Maddie Weiner. She's so funny. There's young Daniel Simonson. So funny. All these comics, they're, like, hungry. They're just murderers. So then you're following them with your new shit, and you're like, all right. So I was on a flight coming back here, and they're like, what are you doing? They can sniff the new on you. I doing most of my work on the, what I like to do is, like, an hour of good jokes, and then I'm like, all right, guys, now I'm doing ten minutes of brand new shit.

Oh, you do?

At the end, I'll preface it. Yeah. Interesting. I like to just say, here's my. Because sometimes. And then I get the confidence to just work it in.

You're already killing.

Yeah. And then I'll mold it in. Once I get that confidence, that hitting. But, yeah, man, the seller is tough. I remember starting there, like, the guys who were really know, obviously, when rock would drop in or, like, Louie. Colin Quinn and David tell were kind of the godfathers of the, you know, always had new shit. They were always interesting.

Colin Quinn's another guy, criminally underappreciated.

He really is. And I don't know why, because I think it's so universal, the history stuff and the New York story. I mean, I love Colin's stuff.

When he was at the club, all the door guys were like, dude, it was like an education.

He's so good and he's a great guy. He's a great guy and he's honest as hell.

Yeah, well, that's the same with Mattel, like, sweetheart guys, because they don't have any excess energy that's being distracted into nonsense and bullshit. And that's a big factor.

I learned so much from Mattel because I used to open for him and he's like just the best guy and supportive. And I remember a lot of diners leaving him. We'd leave a diner at like 04:00 a.m. And he orders an iced coffee, large. And I'm like, dave, what are you doing? Do you never sleep? He really is. I'm like, you are this fucking dude.

He functions on coffee and cigarettes. And when he was doing that show, insomniac, incredible show. Oh, my God, that show was a great show.

And he was like, it was like rugged Bordeaux.

By the way, skanks for the memories is still one of my all time favorites.

I think it's number one cds. I think it's the best album ever.

It's a great album, man. It's up there with some of the all time greats. And he recorded that at the comedy works in Denver, which is one of the all time legendary, legendary room.

Geraldo did his last or did his first one there, I think.

Did I tell you? I didn't tell you that.

Didn't you do a special there?

Yeah, 2014 did comedy central special there.

Nice.

I had the most bizarre moment. I went to see Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory with my kids.

The new one?

Yeah, it's really good. I take a leak, I'm leaving the bathroom, and I run into this dude, and for 2 seconds I think it's Greg Giraldo. He looks exactly like Greg Giraldo. He's just taller. He's like 6162, but he's Greg Giraldo. And I go, what's up? The guy goes, what's up? To me? Because it was me. He's like, oh, it's Joe Rogan. And I'm like, hey. And I go, oh, my God, Greg's dead. This is not Greg.

So it had to like, wow, what a mind fuck.

That is a mind fuck, dude. Because in my mind for a half a second, I thought I saw my friend.

That's brutal.

For half a second, my friend has.

Been dead for, and he recognizes you. That's crazy.

It was crazy. It was crazy.

You know, his son is doing stand up. Greg Giroldo Jr. Well, I know.

I didn't know that.

And he's funny. Really?

Is he in New York?

He's a New York guy, and he was a waiter at the cellar for, like, a summer job.

Oh, Shane told me about this guy.

So he asked me to do a show, and I was like, I'll do your show. And he put himself on before me and I watched him. I was like, thank God. You're fucking funny.

Yeah, right?

Thank God. But he is. And he looks like him, and he's got the mannerisms.

Well, Geraldo was, like, revered by us, but he's not so funny. I mean, not so known that it puts pressure. He's very funny, obviously, but not so known that he puts pressure on his son to other world.

He wasn't, like, mainstream as he should have been.

Like Chris Rock's kid. Chris rock's kid does stand up. Like, holy shit. Right?

Yeah.

But Geraldo and I did sitcoms on the same lot.

Wow.

Yeah. So when I was doing, I think it was news radio, I think it was news radio. When I was doing news radio, I was right next door to him. So we would hang out together. We were both guys from New York. We both knew each other from Boston comedy. We both knew each other from the clubs in. And, you know, we were like, dude, can't believe we're like, this is crazy. He had his own show. He had a show.

The lawyer one.

Yeah, a lawyer show. Because he was a lawyer. Like, that was the thing back then. You would sell whatever you were. I'm really into tools. They'd make a sitcom around you, and that was their thing that they would do. Domestic goddess, Roseanne, bam. Make a show about you. You were basically. When you were on stage back then, you were auditioning for a sitcom about yourself, and people got giant deals, man. They got crazy deals.

We used to hear about the just for last Montreal fest. Like, did you get a holding deal? I'm like, I got an agent.

Yeah.

Back in the day, it was like a million dollar deal.

Not that much, but you get hundreds of thousands. I didn't do another show after news radio for, like, two years, and I made more money than I did when I was on news radio.

Wow.

I was just getting development deals.

Wow.

Development deals were crazy money. They were trying to.

Crazy.

Yeah. Because after news radio, it was, like, proven that I can act in a sitcom, but could I be the star of a sitcom? So I had a bunch of development deals to star in a sitcom, and I got to experience that world, which is a very bizarre world. But I didn't like it. I didn't like the dealing with all the meetings and all the things. So when fear factor came along, I was like, hold on. No actors, no writers at all. What do I have on the show? And also, this is an opportunity for material because this is going to get canceled, and I'm going to have a giant bit about this fucking stupid show where they sick dogs on people and made them eat dicks. And the show got canceled, and then it goes on forever. It goes on for six years, and it's 148 episodes. It was so nuts. Wow. But I specifically did it because I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do the grind of what it means.

I don't know. Actors do it. I mean, just the waiting around, the waiting for your phone to ring.

Well, it's better than working in a coal mine, of course.

But I mean, I just mean psychologically, of course, if you can make a living at it, that's incredible.

Also, you're dealing with people that are psychologically damaged already, most likely, which is why they need exorbitant amounts of attention, which is why they want to be the fucking. The star in this new Laura Croft movie. This is a normal thing for psychos. Like, you got ignored by your dad, and now all of a sudden, you're in this fucking crazy movie. I'll show you, pop.

And guess what? It ain't going to fucking fill the void.

It never does.

I think it will.

But you got to fill that void on your own.

Exactly.

But I do think that it's possible for someone, because I definitely think that I came into comedy with, like, a neediness. I just was just trying to show that I was worthy of something. And then eventually you get confident, and then you realize, like, well, it's not like this can't be turned in a different direction. And then my obsession could now be in getting better at this art and getting better at this thing that I love, this thing that I enjoy that's like a really good exchange between audience members and comic. It's a really good exchange. I particularly like it as a fan. I really love watching comedy still to this day, all these years of doing it, so I know it's a good experience.

Do you still watch specials?

Yeah, I'll do occasionally if I'm home and I have time. I just don't have any time. My time is really kind of strictly allocated. And when I need to shut my brain off, I don't watch specials, I watch nonsense. I would either watch, like, professional pool matches or watch videos on muscle cars. That's what I watch.

That's cool.

Stupid shit. I do it on purpose.

I was watching Reacher last night. I'm like, I need shit like this. I need a dude who just beats dudes fucking. You can't lose.

He can't lose. He's going to fuck you up. Yeah, well, he's a real reacher, too, if you read the book. That's what Reacher wasn't.

Tom Cruise.

Tom Cruise thing was ridiculous.

Yeah, but you got to take the a list guy and I get it. We're talking Charlize. You're taking the a list. But he's supposed to be a giant.

Yeah. It doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense. The guy who plays reacher. Now, who's that guy?

Alan Richson, he's that guy's reacher.

He's jacked perfect, perfect guy for that.

Fucking enormous perfect guy.

And you believe him when he's, like, spouting all smart shit, I don't know.

Who'S still talking shit. To every episode, someone's talking shit. I'm like, have you looked at him?

But that's reality, dude. I've seen people talk shit to some of the most scary fucking human beings that have ever existed. That's an understatement.

And he's likable. He's a likable guy on the show.

Gigantic. Look at the size of him. He's like six foot five, too.

He's huge.

He's huge. That's what Jack Reacher was in the novels.

Yeah, and then Tom Cruise. I want to be reacher, five eight.

Or whatever he is.

Tom, you're Napoleon. You're not fucking Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is. I got to say, though, the first reacher movie is pretty cool.

With Tom Cruise, he's good in it. It's just like. It's not the same as the book. If you can just get past that. And this guy's just an assassin. Like the, you know, the Gray man series? The Gray man? The Gray man. Was it Ryan Gosling? Did I fuck that up? I get it right. I get it right. Well, they made a movie for Netflix. But the book, these Mark Greeney books are wild.

They're good.

They're wild books. Yeah, that's one of my favorite kind of books. For, like, complete escapism. It's about a CIA assassin, and he's the best they call him the Gray man. This is the movie. The movie is.

Oh, Chris Evans. I heard of that. Yeah.

The movie's okay. They fucking hollywooded it up. But the books are incredible and the audiobooks are really good. But that guy was, like, 170 pounds. He's just a killer. He's not fucking everybody up like a bar fight. No, it's a different kind of guy. This is a guy who knows how to be an assassin. But it's a realistic, especially if you read the book, realistic depiction, as far as you can take it, of a guy who always wins.

Yeah. Those are fun, though. Those, like, escapists. Like a Michael Connolly or something. Just like, cool badass.

We trapped in this guy's world. This guy's trying to make it through fucking eastern bloc countries with a cache of weapons.

It's fun. Those are page turners.

Yeah. They're wild. And a lot of it has to deal with stories that are actually connected to covert operations that happen overseas. There really are people that are assassins for the CIA that they have to send to these countries.

You ever in the bookstore, though, and you see some of these authors and they have, like, 45 books, and you're like, how the fuck did you do that?

I know.

Think about how hard it is to write one book.

I think Mar Green has. I think he's got six or seven gray man books.

It's crazy.

Yeah. How many Gray man books are there?

My guy, Harlem Cobin. I swear to God, this guy's got like, 45 books in Barnes and Noble.

How about Stephen King?

How is that?

Motherfucker has been cranking them. Yeah, it's called cocaine and alcohol. That's what he had.

But he's got all the great, though, doesn't he? I mean, he must have people.

Chinese, kids. No, he.

In the beginning, king and iPhones, they're fucking banging.

I hate to encourage alcoholism and drug abuse, but that's when he did his best work. If you go and read the shining, he was blackout drunk. Mark Greeney, book 13.

That's crazy.

The chaos agent. This is a new book that just came out.

Dude, I'm going to pick these up.

Yeah, they're great in audio, too. The audiobook is really good, but if you like to read, they're really good. They're just like, for, like, take me away. This is like a modern vacation bond type dude. Yeah, it's fucking nonsense.

Or a flight. You're on a flight.

I don't want to read anything about climate change. I don't want to freak out about the economy. I don't want to read about the world economic.

Disappear.

The Rockefellers. I don't want to hear about it. Military industrial complex. Stop.

You need an escape.

Stop. What's really going on in Antarctica? I don't want to know. I don't have time.

We're going to be dead soon anyway. Let's just enjoy the ride.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, realistically, if this is all true, if you're not living in a simulation. But I'm not convinced anymore.

I don't know.

I'm not convinced. If I was living in a simulation and I was living in a simulation that was created just 100 years from now, I don't think I'm capable of discerning. I can barely tell. A deep fake. Now somebody sends me a deep fake. There's one deep fake that's been overwhelming my Instagram feed, and I do not understand how Instagram can't stop this. But it's a deep fake with Warren Buffett talking about investing in bitcoin.

Oh, my God. That's, like a dangerous one.

Let me show you it, because there's so many of them. There's so many of them. It's fucking insane. There's so many of them that every time I go to Instagram, I see them. See that all one that says, the giveaway with the girl's face.

Yeah.

That's all a deep fake.

Oh, my.

Does the information. How does this not get somehow or another flagged? Because if you just say the word Nazi, you get flagged off of YouTube, right?

I mean, I don't know, TikTok. YouTube, they're clamping down for sure.

Like what you were just saying earlier.

Yeah.

So how do they not flag this down? I'm going to send it to you.

Probably because now, Jamie, it's a more obvious flag if there's a trigger word, as opposed to just a fake video.

These accounts appear to be operating in a coordinated network as they mass upload the same crypto videos under obscure hashtags. See the one that I sent you, Jamie, because this one in particular, this one just overwhelms my feed. I see it constantly. And the one that I just sent you, it's like. I just don't understand how you can't stop that.

It looks almost like that one in.

The picture I just showed, but it's a different image on the first image. When you click on it, this thing is like, you know, you just keep seeing the same image over and over again and, you know, that's it. This bitcoin thing. So give me some volume on this so I can hear.

This is fake?

Yeah, 100%. Can you refresh it?

Only upload five minutes ago.

Yeah. Listen, they're constant, man.

That's why I can't take care of them.

It's about $12,000. I promise to give away my fortune and I'm doing it. Do not miss the opportunity that will change your life. So it's a bitcoin current Warren Buffett.

Can you tell us about your spontaneous decisions lately?

Yes, of course. I am launching a bitcoin giveaway take part. If you want to change your future, go to the website howads.com. Enter promo code gift and enjoy your prize of zero point. Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah. So there's like. I don't know how many accounts that are uploading that same thing.

So easy to do.

Over and over and over. Yeah. There's a certain percentage of this country that has an iq of 85 and under. Right. What did we say it was? Was it 16%?

Yeah, it's standard deviation or whatever.

16%. That have no chance. That have no chance. It's Bushwick bill versus Mike Tyson. There's no chance. The world is too cruel. It's too difficult to navigate. They're not going to make it. They're going to drown. So with those people, they might have a job or they might have social service money. They might have some way that they can. I'm going to invest in bitcoin and I'm going to make my way out of this mess. This guy's a moron. He can't help himself. He's got a nine watt brain and it's never going to change. It's never going to get stronger genetically. He's fucked. Supposed to be a ditch digger. And then they get him and they get $50 from that guy and $100 from this guy and $1,000 from that guy and 5000 from this moron.

How do they get away with it, though? Isn't there a way to track this?

I think they just do it from other countries and they do it with so many different accounts, and they do it to a separate website. It's another video.

TikTok. No, it's the same exact video, same exact audio.

Look at this. But it says, warren Buffett has decided to whiten his reputation by just giving money away at the end of his life. May sound fun, but don't lose the fucking opportunity. Look at that. So that's like they're tricking you to getting mad at him for being rich. And it's a different website. So there's probably thousands of these websites, and they're probably. All the money goes into the same account.

Holy shit.

And they're probably extracting who knows how much money from how many morons.

I remember hearing this, not how recently this was, but a couple of years ago, that as the rest of the world has been coming online and getting access to broadband Internet, and faster and faster we've had for the last 1520 years, all the scams that we've been having happen to us are now happening en masse to them. Like the nigerian print scam, if you will. That's like the most famous one. Someone reaching out. Now, they're using deepfakes to do that, but it's happening to the people that just got the Internet.

They'll get people for a while.

Oh, yeah. Forever.

Yeah.

They're getting us today.

Yeah.

People are always getting got by these fucking stupid things. There's always something that comes along, whether know, fucking the crypto guys from the Bahamas, FTC. I mean, how many people did they get? They got, like, very intelligent people.

You look at people who are just catfishing. I'm like, you're just doing it for the love of the game.

Catfishing is still.

That's a fucking weird one.

Sport.

It's a sport.

Yeah. It's like catch and release, fishing. You don't get anything out of it.

You just love to dupe someone. You love to dupe some sad kid.

From Syracuse or some fucking horny athlete.

Wow.

Yeah.

What's his name? Fucking. That was a great. Which one Netflix thing. Manteo. Do you see that?

Oh, I heard about that one. How'd they get him?

Just like a sweet kid, too. It was some woman who was like, wouldn't meet him, but he's like a college athlete. He's too busy anyway. And then you got to meet the person, though.

I think something happens when people connect with people online, where you develop this very bizarre attraction to them because you don't really know them yet in person. You're communicating back and forth, and you're both putting forth your best face. And if you're a young athlete who's, like, a football player, and this lady's saying all the right things untold.

The girlfriend didn't. Out of touch. Yeah, he didn't know. I mean, he's like a sweet kid, too. And by the like, there's a Netflix thing on him. And you're like, he comes out looking great. And the guy who catfished him you're like, this is a psychopath. No, right.

That's a terrible person. The idea is that you're allowed to do that to a person you don't even know because that person's famous. You're allowed to destroy their life and do something horrible to them just because they're famous. That's crazy. But also, you also have to deal with, like, why couldn't he see that coming? Why couldn't he recognize? And then you have to take into account. Yeah, and he's a football player. Okay. You're colliding heads with people all the time. All the time. All the time.

It's not healthy. Football is probably the most dangerous sport there is. I mean, when you look at the blackouts and the CTE, like, what offensive linemen have to deal with, I think it's probably the most vicious sport we have.

Explains Shane Gillis. I do. I'm not kidding. I think that explained Kennyson.

Did he play football?

No, he got hit in the head by a car.

That's right.

Yeah. So did Roseanne.

There was a comedian on Kiltoni recently that he was funny. He's new, he's a young guy from Austin, but he was telling a story recently over pandemic. He fell off of a balcony, landed on his head, broke his face. All his teeth are fake. And it's like, I was like, listening to that, I'm like, oh, this isn't going to be another guy. He's probably going to be hilarious comedian. But life probably changed because of a head injury.

Well, it's not guaranteed you're going to be funny.

No.

Not recommending you get hit by a car.

No, he didn't do it on purpose. This isn't Spider man. You got to fucking happen. You're trying to nail it. You're like, let me just fucking hit my head proper.

That's how I said it. That's not how I meant it.

Yeah.

You're either going to be mentally challenged or you're going to be fucking a pretty solid open mic.

Yeah, we'll see. I think I attribute some of my success to brain damage. Yeah, that's probably something.

You take a lot of hits.

Yeah, for sure. But it's enough that I'm cognizant. I'm aware. But I also have, like, a level of don't give a fuck. That's probably not healthy. It might be healthy, but it needs to be managed all the time with strenuous exercise and voluntary difficult things like cold plunge and sauna. I need to do stuff.

You need to be active. You're a doer.

I need to force this brain into violent activities on a regular basis to fucking keep it in check. But I think there's a certain amount of brain damage. That's not bad. Just a touch. Just a touch of autism. Touch of brain damage.

I think you made comics healthier.

No, that's good.

I think you did. You made me want to be healthier. That's good. When I was here last time, and I was like, yeah, I got to take care of myself. Holy shit. You were so nice about that that I was like, yeah, I should watch this a little bit.

You got to think of your body as your vehicle, and if you have, like, a Nissan GTR, you could take a GTR and you could put a fucking big ass turbo in it and make 900 hp. Why wouldn't you do that? Wouldn't it be better if it works better?

Why? Some of the strip mall in Indianapolis, that's why.

Yeah, but still, you want energy, and the energy of your mind is directly connected to the energy of your body, and we want to pretend that it's not, because there was, like, a time of intellectual snobbery where taking care of your body was thought as vain and stupid. It's a moron's approach.

No, you made people healthier, I think, in a way where you're like, no, this is smart.

I'm pushing 60. I'm 56 years old. You don't look it, but that's possible. I'm not doing anything crazy that other people can't do too. You could do it. You just have to be on top of it, and you have to not let your body degrade, because once your body degrades, building your body up is very hard, but maintaining your body is not as hard. You just have to be really dedicated to it, the same way you're dedicated to brushing your teeth, same way you're dedicated to eating food. Don't you eat food every day?

Yeah.

Yes. Well, that's because you have to. Right? Stay alive. You also have to exercise. You should exercise a minimum five days a week.

I think that's smart. I mean, look, when we were on the road, we did a tour bus last year a few times, and we'd be out 14 days or whatever at a time. Every day we would wake up in a new city. We'd hit a rec center.

Beautiful.

We'd play basketball.

Nice.

We'd do whatever. We'd steam, we'd shower, we'd get breakfast. Big way to start the day.

Great way to start.

And we'd drink at night, but guess what? We sweat it the fuck out.

Yeah. Take some electrolytes, get some liquid iv, pound it, pound some vitamins and glutathione. Yeah. You can mitigate it. And you can also give your body more of a chance to be robust while you're traveling and avoid sickness and avoid fatigue and all the shit that fucks with bad shows. When you have that feeling backstage, you feel like shit, and then you got to go on stage. That's a terrible feeling.

I mean, back in the day, three shows. Remember the three show nights? Oh, my God.

The three show nights were so squirrely for me because I'm a marijuana proponent, and I would often forget. Did I bring this up already? This is the third show. Is this the second show?

So fucking hard. But if you're high, and then when.

You lock in, like, when you lock in and you're doing stand up, you're just in it, right? You're in those bits. But then if you're freeballing, which often you're likely to do, if you're doing three shows, you want to make it interesting. So you mix up the order, and you're like, oh, my God, I don't know where I'm going with this.

Will you find new bits?

Yes.

And also, I would do, like, start with coffee, end with booze. Like, ride the caffeine today. Exactly. If I'm doing something long, I want to feel both highs and I want to feel good. That's going to enjoy myself.

That's why I'm terrified of Adderall. I'm terrified of any stimulants. Stimulants scare the shit out of me.

They work. Yeah. I used to take it all the time. And holy shit, I might have to when I start writing a new fucking hour.

Like them. Are they good for creativity?

I love it because I block out every. I just focus. I already have voices in my head.

What kind of voices?

Just, like, joke idea, joke idea. So when I'm writing, it's too much and I can't write, but if I pop an Adderall, I can focus on, I read an article, I'll be like, what's funny about this? That'll warm me up. Listen to my set. I'm going to struggle to write a new fucking hour.

What's the dose?

I don't remember. I got to get new ones. Actually, all my shit.

You get a prescription?

I do, yeah.

That's good. You don't want to get it from the cartel.

I don't want that shit. I know people who do.

I know people who get street drugs. They take, like, street Molly. Like, what are you doing?

I need to get back. I haven't had it in a while because I've been kind of honing this hour, but when I need a new hour, fuck. I'm just dreading it starting at zero, dude.

Yeah, but you always do it.

You always do it.

But it's a wonderful, terrifying feeling because you have to be a rookie all over again. Like, people know you. They love you. They're fans, and they come to see you and you're a rookie.

It's crazy to suck again. I'm like, man. And it's also because you're coming off the high of murdering because your last hours, like, you at your peak. So you're like, this is as good as I get. And then it's gone and you're like, I'm shit. I'm fucking shit.

That's the game we play, my friend.

But I love it.

Yeah, it's beautiful. So you're going to film your thing in March, right? And then it'll come out around May.

Hopefully. We'll see what you'll come back.

We'll promote it, though.

I would love that.

Thank you 100%.

Always great talking.

You're awesome, dude.

Thank you very much.

Appreciate you, brother. All right.

Thank you, man.

Social media website.

Yeah. And I'm doing a new thing called Punchup Live samarillmyname. And that's like a mailing list that I've been doing. I've been putting, like, people so they don't fuck it up. Punchup live Sammorril. And it's like a place where I just put new shit that YouTube will flag. So I'll put, like, a more offensive joke there. Sometimes I'll do whatever, but it's like a fun place. And in exchange, just give me your email so I can blast when I come to your city. Beautiful.

That's a good move. That's very smart. That's very smart. All right. And then all the tour dates are up there.

Yeah, I'm in Irvine. I don't know when this comes out. Irvine next week we added shows.

Salt Lake City wise guys. Another awesome club.

I'll probably add a late Thursday there too.

But improv in Irvine. Awesome fucking club.

Yeah, we added a 330 there. That was awesome.

I've never been to Bricktown in Oklahoma, so it's great.

Yeah, I love it.

This is like a really good network of solid clubs.

Only do really good rooms at this. Thank God I'm at a place right now where I can only kind of choose the good ones. But, yeah, then Wilbur is going to be Wilbur's.

Fucking Wilbur's. Awesome. Wilbur's like three comedy clubs, like, in front of each other because it's so shallow, but stacked. That's a great room. All right, Sam.

Appreciate you, brother.

All right, bye, everybody.