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Welcome to today's episode of the Mind Set Mentor podcast, I'm your host, Rob Dayal, and if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe buttons that you never, ever, ever miss another episode.


And if you want to receive motivational text messages from me directly to that cell phone of yours, text me right now, one five one two five eight zero nine three zero five. Once again, one five one two five eight zero nine three zero five. And I'll send motivational text messages. I'll send you motivational videos. I will motivate the hell out of you.


Today, we're going to be talking about death, one of the most motivating things in the world to talk about. We're going to talk about the death of everyone that you know that's around you and how to cope with death. We're also going to talk about your own death and how to become more OK with it.


Right. And the interesting thing about death is that it is guaranteed it will happen no matter what. And we really need to learn that if it's going to happen, it's nothing we can get away from. We need to try to become as OK with it as we possibly can because everybody that you love will die.


Right? Like, it sounds morbid, but in reality, it's not that morbid. It's just fact. And you will die. And so we're going to talk about both of those because I get a ton of messages, so many messages on on Instagram from people. And I read all the messages.


Right, of they lost somebody and they don't know how to get past it. Right. They lost a loved one. They just died of old age or they had something that happened to them that was tragic or there was a suicide or it was their grandparents or it was their parents. Some people it was old age, some people it was young age. And it was something that was tragic that happened. It's every type of thing that you could do.


Some of them are overdoses, every type of of death you could think of. I've been sent messages about it. And what I see something that comes through many, many, many, many times in my Instagram messages, I go, I should probably make an episode on this because this is clearly something people want to learn about. So for those you guys that want to, you know, message me and give me some form of request of what I should do, an episode on Message Me on Instagram, that's where I usually talk to people.


Rob Dial Junior RBD alj. Ah, that's how I communicate and talk with people. But when we're going into death and we're talking about death, I've seen it come up many, many times and people are struggling all of the time with how do they cope with it.


You know, someone that they loved, they weren't expecting them to die.


It happened. How do you work through? The first thing that I think is important is before anybody dies.


At this moment, you have to learn to start becoming more OK with it, because it's going to happen for everybody, right to you, to your loved ones, to everyone.


And that's not morbid. It's just a fact. So first, let's dive into the death of someone that you know before we talk about your own death. We'll talk about both of them will dive into him. And I'm going to make it as light as possible because the shit's going to happen. Why would I want to make it depressing? Right. So I'll talk about how, you know, in my instance of how I've had some relations with death, you know, up into my first 14 years, I never knew one person that died, maybe some older person that I didn't really know that was in my family, like a distant cousin or distant aunt or uncle or whatever it was.


But no one that was I was really close to had passed away my first 14 years. Then when I was 15, my dad died unexpectedly. He was an alcoholic. We weren't expecting him to die needed. We were flying up to go see him from Florida to Tennessee and we were getting on the bus to get on the plane to go see him because he was unconscious. And we got the message that he had passed away. I was in you know, he was the first dead body I'd ever seen.


And that left a really big imprint of my mind of, holy shit, this is going to end like this as much.


If you've ever been to a funeral of someone that you know and that you're close to, it feels like a joke. It feels like they're about to pop up and be like, hey, just kidding. No, no, you're just joking. I'm let's go hang out.


Right. And it never happens. And so it's it's that realization of like, oh, wow, this is going to happen to everyone that I know and it's going to happen to me as well.


I would say that moment changed my life as far as the urgency that I bring to every single thing that I do. And I'll talk more about that later. Right. I was also in the room about three or four years ago when my grandfather passed away. Right. I was in the room in hospice there. It's a crazy experience to be in the room when someone passes away, right? I was there. I was also there when my mom and her three sisters told my grandmother that her husband of 70 years had passed away.


Right. That's a whole other thing to see is to see somebody process that in real time. Right.


I've had friends die from car accidents. I've had friends die from overdoses. I've had friends die from suicides. I've had friends that have been murdered. I've seen a quite a few different sides of death. And I don't know if I just gave you, like, my qualifications for talking about death, but I guess I just did. But I'm going to tell you what I have learned through the process, being somebody who is obsessed with mindset, obsessed with trying to get better.


And the first thing is there's always a grieving process. Right. And one thing that I've noticed with people is they tried to speed up the grieving process, whatever the grieving process is, the grieving processes, don't try to speed it up, don't try to not feel it. Don't try to keep yourself busy. That's one of things that pisses me off the most, is when somebody has somebody that they're dealing with the emotions of death and someone says, well, just keep yourself busy so you don't think about it.


Yeah, that sounds like a really great way to just repress your emotions.


You don't want to do that. Feel it as beautiful it is to experience the most beautiful, amazing, joyful, loving parts of your life. The other emotions are also very beautiful, and it's part of the human experience. And if you can't allow yourself to experience the lowest of lows, I promise you actually won't be able to allow yourself to experience the highest of highs. So allow yourself to feel it. Don't feel like you. There's a right way to do it and a wrong way to do it.


There is no right. There is no wrong. Just experience it and see if you can enjoy this part of the human experience. Right. So I will say that and as far as grief in the way that it goes is one of the best ways I've heard it explains. It's kind of like waves going out into the ocean. You know, in when you first have someone that you love that passes away, it's like the waves are a hundred feet tall and they're just crashing on you and crashing on you and crashing on you.


And you can barely come up for air. That's like how it feels in the very beginning where it's like you're just getting swept in every single emotion and feeling and anger will come up and sadness will come up and fear will come up. And you're just getting hit by the constantly rocked by these waves. And then time starts to pass in the waves, start to come a little bit less frequently. But when they do come, there's still a hundred feet tall and they're still throw you upon the rocks and you try to get up and try to have some form of air to come up.


Right. And then, you know, as time goes on, you tend to process and, you know, the waves will still come unexpectedly.


But instead of being one hundred feet tall, they might be 50 feet tall. And they might they might get to 20 feet tall and 30 feet tall sometimes, and then after a while they come really unexpectedly, could be a year or two years down the road.


It might be like a a song that you hear that just hits you again and you can't help but be overcome with emotion or might be driving past a certain part of town and seeing a, you know, a gas station where you have a memory with that person and you just get hit again.


And there's nothing wrong with that. Right. The human experience is a beautiful thing. The highs are beautiful. The lows are beautiful. The worst things you could do is try to rush a grieving process or think that you're doing it right or think that you're doing it wrong.


One of the things that I always tell people, if you want to help yourself. If you love somebody that died, right, they're not going to come back, like, I can promise you that, but one of the things you can do is you can help them live on in you. And what do I mean by that? This is something I do with my grandfather. My grandfather was like the kindest person that I've ever met in my entire life.


He was incredible to the point where, like, I'm finally at the point where I don't cry talking about him because he was just that incredible of a human being.


Right. And so when he passed away, it was such another monumental event in my life that I wrote down. And this is a few years ago. I was at least, you know, emotionally intelligent enough to work myself through it because I had worked many clients through at this point in time, not like when I was 15 and I had never had a client, never really worked to myself at all. Right.


So I wrote down all the things that I loved about my grandfather unconditionally, like literally the only person I know with unconditional love, like no matter what, he was going to help you out. Right.


He kindness and loving and joy didn't matter who you are, what you believed in, what you looked like, didn't matter. Loved you either way. So I wrote down all the things that I loved about him and the character traits that I respected most about him. And then what I did was I went, I want to wake up every single morning and meditate on how I can be more like this, because if I fully respect somebody and who they are, the character traits they have, what do I want those character traits to also be inside of me?


And isn't that the best way, the best way to actually keep that person alive after they have passed away? So I recommend if you have somebody has recently passed away or you have somebody passes away soon enough, or even if they pass with decent pass right down to two, three, four or five things that you loved most about them, and then wake up every single morning and take five minutes and pause and read those five things and close your eyes and try to get into your subconscious.


If I'm going to bring these aspects of this person into myself every single day. And if you do that every single day, what you'll realize is you actually start to become the aspects of that person that you love the most.


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Another thing that will help you as well is to realize the difference between pain versus suffering, and this is super important, OK, because pain is the pain that you feel in pain is inevitable. You can't go through this life without some form of pain. Pain is inevitable. You're going to have scars in this in any lifetime. You're going to have scars. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.


What do I mean by that pain is somebody died in the emotions that you feel, what that pain is, the the feelings that you feel from the loss of someone suffering is the resistance to someone's death, which then makes it even worse. It is the unnecessary part of it. Right? It's the thoughts of, oh, my gosh, they were too young. It shouldn't have been then. It shouldn't have happened this way maybe. What did I do wrong?


Part of this is my fault. I should have been been there for them. I shouldn't have let them get in the car. I shouldn't have let them do that thing. And most of the time, the suffering comes from not accepting. Right, so there's the pain of the event that's going to happen, you're going to have pain, it's part of being a human. The suffering is not accepting it and wishing that it was different. There is no other way that it could have happened because it didn't happen any other way.


It happened the way that it happened. It could not have happened any other way. Why? Because it didn't. You have to learn to accept the suffering comes when you are resisting the way that the world is. There's nothing you can do about them. It is in the past. There's nothing you can do about anything in your past.


The only thing that you can do something about is you. So you have to learn to accept. You cannot change, accept that. That's just the way that the world is. Right.


Another thing that I always tell myself that I heard from Ramdas, who is a spiritual teacher who passed away about a year and a half ago, is something that I say everyday that I've noticed. And I start to say to myself over the past year and a half when someone that I know passes away and what he says is that a soul does not leave this plane, that we're in a second too soon or a second too late. It happened exactly where that is supposed to happen.


If you believe in God or the universe or fate or you know. The quantum realm of all of this stuff that's happening, you've got to believe that everything happens the way that it's supposed to, right? And I've just accepted. I'm not in control. I'm not in control of when someone leaves this time and they're in control of when I leave this, it's going to happen the way it's supposed to happen. A soul does not leave this place in a second too soon or a second too late just goes.


It worked out exactly as supposed to work out.


That was you know, if you want to say that was their karmic predicament, it could be in the way that you're reacting to. It is also your current predicament to what's going on with that.


So you have to realize that death is going to happen, but you can make it easier on yourself by instead of not accepting. Actually sitting down, accepting and start figuring out what you love most about them and bringing that person into yourself and then being OK and not judging yourself at the grieving process and allowing things just to happen. So that's the death of a loved one.


Now, let's talk about you dying, because it's going to happen. You're not going to be able to live to 500 years old. You know, there's all these people that are talking about longevity and living forever and putting yourself inside of a freezer until something. I don't know what all that stuff is. I'm not going to resist it. It's going to happen. Right. It's going to happen.


And most people are terrified of it. It's going to happen, there's nothing you can do about it, so you might as well figure out a way to become at least a little bit more OK with it. Right. No matter how terrified you are of it, it's still going to happen. So you might as well accept that shit. Right. But the way that I see death is I see death as a beautiful part of life. Right. We're doing it every single second, I am if you're watching me on video, I am slowly decaying in front of you every single second.


As beautiful as that sounds, right. I'm decaying in front of you for those. You guys are listening to me just on the podcast.


My voice is slowly deteriorating for you. Right. But the beautiful thing about death, in my opinion, is death gives your life urgency, right?


If you didn't have to die, if you were immortal, you'd always have tomorrow.


Now, why do I need to go ahead and try to build this business? Why do I need to try to get into that relationship, helped the world make money, have fun, you know, change other people's lives because there's always tomorrow. But the beautiful thing about death is that there is not always tomorrow. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. And so if you take life and look at it that way, you realize that that should bring your life some urgency in urgency in a good way.


And if you deal with if you have ever heard of stoic philosophy, there's a stoic phrase in Stoics. The beautiful thing about the phrase that I heard around it, not the original phrase. I was going to tell you. I'll tell you that a second, but a phrase I heard around stoicism is that stoicism doesn't doesn't take away human emotions. It domesticates them. It makes you understand the emotions, feel them and be able to work through them and process it in real time.


And one of the things that they say, the phrase is stoicism is momentum. Mori, Memento, Mori. Right. Which means remember that you're going to die. And you may have heard me talk about this in the podcast before. And this I've thought this way even before I ever heard the phrase, you know, momento Mori. And I remember us having a conversation my not too long ago. And I was like, I'm just curious how often you think of death.


And she's like, oh, I don't know, maybe maybe once a week, once every two weeks or so, I was like, oh, OK. And she goes, What? Why how often do you think of death?


And I was like, oh, I don't know. Probably every few hours, five times a day, ten times a day. And she's like, Really?


I was like, yeah, but not in a creepy way. Like I'm thinking about death or I'm thinking about dead people or in that type of stuff or, you know, I can't wait till it happens.


Like, I wasn't thinking any of that type of stuff. It's just like it's going to happen. And if I think about the fact that it's going to happen, it brings me urgency. I always say that I don't really have any fears anymore except for one like I don't care what people think about. I don't care about other people's opinions or judgments. I don't care about failing. I don't care about any of that stuff. I've worked through it mostly.


I won't say I'm just completely relieved of it, but it's basically mostly gone. Right. The one fear that I really do have, though, is that I'm going to get to my deathbed and wish that I would have done something more to bring out my true potential for the world. Right. The only thing worse than the pain of hard work is the pain of regret. I do not want to regret anything when I die. I want to get to my deathbed and be like, damn, that was fun.


You did everything you could kid. You did it all. You did everything.


You built the business you want to do. You had the family you wanted to, the kids you wanted to. You impact the world the way you wanted to. All of that stuff. And the reason why I do what I do and the reason why I pushed so much harder than a lot of other people that are in my industry because I'm going to fucking die. And I pay attention that every single day, like I think about it all of the time.


I'm very aware of it. And it's a beautiful thing. So I want to experience everything that there is in this world, I experience all of the beautiful, all of the the hard stuff, I would experience everything there is. I want to bring out all of the potential that I feel that I have inside of myself. And I know you all feel that you have some potential inside of you. I want to release all of it to the world.


So therefore, when I do get to that day, when it will eventually happen, I can go.


All right. I'm ready. I've done all that I can.


So when you can come to terms that everyone that you know is going to die and you are going to die as well, and you can come to terms with it and see it as a beautiful thing and give it, give it, have it, give you more beautiful things in life than negative things when you start thinking about death and when that happens to see when someone else dies, you can take that beautiful part of that and put it into yourself and you can look at your own death that will eventually happen and have it give you more urgency to get off the couch.


You get off to Instagram to do the things you want to, to impact the world, to impact the people around you, to bring out your potential to the world.


You realize that death is actually one of the most beautiful parts of life. So that's what I got for you for today's episode, if you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag Rob robbed junior RBD. ALJ are the only way that we grow is from you guys sharing this with other people. So I greatly, greatly appreciate you from the bottom of my heart, every single one of you that always shares these episodes, because that's what helps us grow into one of the top 150 podcasts in the entire world.


And I believe the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.