How to Stop Being Triggered By Other PeopleThe Mindset Mentor
- 1,744 views
- 29 Mar 2021
Triggers are teachers, they show us where we are still hung up and where we need to work on ourselves. In this episode, I am going to teach you how to extract the lesson from everything that triggers you in your life!
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Welcome to today's episode of the Mind Set Mentor podcast, I'm your host, Rob Dial, and if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you want to receive motivational text messages from me and motivational videos directly to your cell phone, text me right now, one five one two five eight zero nine three zero five. Once again, one five one two five eight zero nine three zero five.
Today we're going to talk about how to not be hurt by other people's opinions and other people's words, even if they are directed directly at you. And the reason why I want to talk about this is because I get this message a lot on Instagram, and I got this message literally last week from somebody and he was talking about how, you know, how do I deal with somebody that says something, really says something really negative to me, and it hurts me really bad.
And no one, if you're not following on Instagram, this is a really good reason to follow an Instagram, because this is how I connect with everybody who follows me. And I kind of see what you guys are dealing with and I can take podcast episodes from that.
So if you don't follow me, Rob Dial Jr, RBD ALJ our end, when we kind of dive into this, there's a couple of things I want to talk about when we're talking about other people's opinions and other people's, you know, words are they say to you and when I see something come in a lot and this tends to come in a lot, it goes, you know what, I need to make a podcast episode of this, because clearly lots of people happen to be struggling with this thing.
And there's a couple of points I want to go over when we're talking about this. The first thing I want to tell you before we actually talk about how to deal with people's words, how to do with their opinions, no one is stop hanging out with shitty people, just going to say it the way it should be said.
I'm not going to sugarcoat anything.
Stop hanging out with people who don't support you, who talk down to you, who don't want the best for you. Stop hanging out with people who cut you down. Stop hanging on people who find holes in your success. Stop hanging out with people that are not like your rider dies, that want the best for you, that want to see you succeed, that are happy when you have some sort of success. If they are not 100 percent supportive of you, I don't give a damn how long they've known you.
They don't deserve to be in your life if they talk down to you in some sort of way. So let me preface everything just by saying that that's number one. Number two, this is what I'm a dive deeper into. No one can hurt you with words that you don't already believe me.
Say that again. Nobody can hurt you with any words that you don't already believe before they say it. Right. I could walk up to you on the street and say so many different things that wouldn't offend you in any sort of way.
I can say, hey, I don't like you know, I don't like your hair. I don't like the color of your car, you know, I don't like what your your voice is really high pitched.
I could say things and say things and say things over and over and over again and they would offend you.
And then if I went long enough, one thing would offend you.
Why? Because you already believe that thing. You believe it, so a good example I've shared on the podcast before, which is my favorite example for being hurt by other people and other people's opinions, is my friend Ryan was walking down the street with his mentor and he was in his early 20s at the time, six years ago, is in his early 20s, mentors in his 40s. And his mentor was like, hey, man, your business is doing amazing.
You've done a couple million dollars in the past year. Like you're young, you're making a ton of money. You must be so happy. And Ryan said, you know what, man? I'm really not. He's like, why are you not happy?
And he said, I'm not happy because when I get a customer service email of someone saying that they don't like my product or that something fell apart or that, you know, I read a negative review, he goes, I just want to shut it all down.
I just don't wanna do it anymore. I just want to shut everything down.
It just doesn't make me feel good to read all of the negativity that can come out when you have a business that's doing a lot. And what was happening is he was focusing on the negative versus focusing on the positive, obviously.
But his mentor said to him, yeah, it makes sense why you're being so offended, why you don't like it.
He said, why? He said, because you're insecure, my friend. Right.
Is like, I don't I don't know how not enjoying getting negative customer service emails or negative reviews makes me insecure. And he said, let me explain it this way. We're walking down the street right now.
If a woman came up to you and she said, Ryan, that is the ugliest pink hair that I've ever seen, would you be offended by it?
And he goes, no, I wouldn't be offended. He goes, Why wouldn't you be offended? He goes, Because I don't have pink hair. He said, Exactly, because she's not saying something to you that you believe. But if she came up to you and said something that you believe, that is when you become offended.
So think about that for a second. No one can hurt you unless they're telling you something, they can't hurt you with words unless you already believe those words.
So they can say something. I could say something over all kinds of different things. But as soon as one of them hits an insecurity that you have, boom, that's when it hurts. That's when you take offense to something. No one can say something to you that hurts you unless you already believe it to be true. You cannot be hurt unless you already believe it to be true. Eleanor Roosevelt said no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
So if you are around people that don't make you feel good and they bring you down, it's number one. Then first off, you don't want wanna hang on the as people.
But number two, they're saying something that you already believe about yourself. That's the truth.
So, you know, as pissed off and as hurt as you might be when someone says something to you and it it cuts, what's actually happening is that person is giving you a gift. That person is showing you where you're still hung up. That person is showing you where you still have work. Right. So if somebody does something to me and it doesn't I don't have any reaction.
I'm not hung up on whatever that thing is. But if somebody does something to me and I get it, they get a reaction from me, that is a clear and honest reflection of where I'm still hung up and where I'm still triggered. Right. So some of you listening to this, you have short tempers. Some of you get angry easily. Some of you get emotional very easily. Some of you have, you know, issues around money or your parents or you have emotional trauma that maybe you haven't worked through.
When that is brought to light, that is when you are triggered. That is when you were hurt. That is when you get angry. That is when you get emotional. That is the perfect mirror for you to go.
Oh, I still need to work on that. Right. If someone were to come up to me, for instance, years ago and say something about my father, I was so hung up about my father years ago, I probably would have gotten pissed. I probably would have yelled at them. I probably would have tried to get in a fight with them. Why? Because there was still so much emotional trauma and emotional baggage that I had not worked through.
I didn't know is important to work through. Nobody ever told me to work through. And I even know how to work through it. Right. But now, if some were to come up to me and say something, I'd be like, cool. I don't care what you say to me. I really don't give a shit right. So the only reason why I'm not trying to brag about me working through emotional trauma, I don't know if that's like a badge of honor, but I'm not trying to brag about what I'm saying is it's because I've done a lot of work around it.
I've talked to therapists, I've done meditations, I've done psychedelics, I've done journaling sessions. I've done so many different things around that to try to get past the places where I'm still hung up.
And here's the interesting thing. I'm still hung up around a lot of things. And when they come to light, instead of me getting angry or pissed or going off the hinges, I go, Rob, there's another thing.
Just another thing that you got to work on, man.
So I want to ask you guys, where is something that you feel like you're still hung up and why are you still hung up?
What do you need to do to get past it where you hung up?
Do you get angry? Do you get emotional? What is it that's going on?
Do you feel bad about yourself when someone says something? You talked down to yourself, right?
Then the thing about it is it's it's life showing you where you need to work on yourself even more. It is a gift when somebody triggers you.
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Yes, you heard me right, when somebody triggers you, it is a gift because it is showing you in real time where you need to work. And here's the thing. Some of you are out there and you're like, I just can't wait till I'm past all of my issues.
I can't wait till I'm past all of my traumas to pass all these things.
You can start to work through them, but I don't know if you'll ever get past everything in the short life that we have here. Right. Life life is a constant up leveling of growth. Life is a constant upwelling of growth and it never stops.
It's just a new level and a new level. A new level. And one of the things that people who are new are impersonal doesn't always think is like, what do I need to do to finally be done with perseverence?
What I need to do to finally be done with my insecurities, with holding myself back, with all of that stuff, there's you might probably never be done. And so the first thing is when you know that you probably will never be done, you can release the need to be finished. You can release the need to go.
Oh, I have to be done with this personal growth. I have to be done with this this trauma, these things that I've been through. You might never be doubt that.
And when you release the feeling of I have to be done with it, it makes it so much easier because you're like, you know what?
I can just enjoy this life and realize that these things are going to come up. There are going to be certain issues where I am going to be like, yep, Rob, you still need to work on yourself more.
And instead of me looking at that now, here's what normally happens when you become aware of this is the typical downfall that most people have is No. One, you're completely unaware of the emotional traumas and triggers and stuff that you have, and they can send you off the hinges.
Then you start to work on yourself and you become aware of the things that make you emotional. Or let's just say it's emotional as an example. Right. The trigger, you can become aware of the things that trigger you. Now I know what triggers me, but it doesn't not trigger me anymore. So what a lot of people tend to do is they will be triggered once they find out about their triggering and then they'll have some form of guilt or shame or judgment on top of it.
So now they not only have identified a trigger that's already making them feel bad, but now they're even more mad at themselves for having that trigger, which is the worst thing that you can do. It's like, you know, pouring salt on top of a wound. You've already found the wound. You're triggered. Now you're going to get emotional and pissed off on top of yourself. Just on top of that, it makes it worse. Know, what you need to do is you need to notice it and be removed from it.
OK, that is something that I need to work through. What is it that I can do to work through that? OK, I'm still hung up around my father's death. Let's say that's the example, right? Still hung out. Still hung up on my father's death. What is it that I'm still hung up around and take out a pen and paper? I start asking myself questions as if I'm really trying to work through this right. Don't work things out in your head when things are in your head.
They're abstract. Put them on a piece of paper. You've heard me say this over and over and over again. Put everything on a piece of paper and make your life so much easier. OK, I was triggered by something and it was around my father's death. What am I still hung up around? Why am I still hung up around it? What do I need to do to work past it? Right. What am I still hung up around?
Why am I still hung up around it? And what do I need to do to walk past it? And you write those questions down around your triggers, around your emotions, around your issues, your anger, your sadness, anything that happens to come up.
And you go, OK, now if I answer those questions, I come up with questions and I answer the questions. Now I have a game plan.
I've got a way to actually work through this the next time it comes up because I guarantee it's going to come up. That's just the way that it goes. And if it's going to come up over and over again, I might as well come up with a legitimate game plan to help myself out next time it does so that I don't get triggered as much or that therefore when I am trigger next time I don't get mad or sad or throw guilt or shame or anything like that on top of how I'm currently feeling.
So you're never going to be perfect. You're never going to just the game of life in person development and self self mastery. It never ends right. You'll never get to a point where you have no flaws. You'll never get to a point where you have no baggage. Right. You'll never get to a point most likely that you have no triggers. You'll never get to a point where you'll never be offended. You'll never get to a point where you don't have a temper or you don't have emotion.
You'll never get to a point where you're just perfectly calm at all times, even in the middle of a tornado.
Right. That's OK, that's life. That's the beauty of it, and when you stop trying to control everything and you start going, it's just a journey, right? There is everyone's like, I just want to be done with this. No, it's not about being done. It's about enjoying the journey. As corny as the phrases, I understand, cliches are cliches because cliches are true. Right. As corny as it might seem as, oh, my gosh, I just want it's it's about the journey, not the destination.
It truly is. It's about going I'm never possibly going to be done with these emotional triggers or these traumas, these things that I'm working through, but working through them and getting better as at least making me proud of the progress that I've had. Because if you look back in the rearview mirror, you've been through a lot of stuff and you've also worked through a lot of stuff and you've come a long way. And guess what? If you just continue to keep trying to get better and trying to get better, you will look back in five years and go, oh my gosh, for the past five years I've done so much myself and you'll be proud of what you've done.
And that's important for you to realize.
Now, if we're talking about this, another thing that's just a side note around this that I want to bring up in this episode. Everybody, please be very careful who you're taking advice from.
Be very careful of who, like if you know, if if you want to start a business and your mom is like, that's not a good idea, honey. And she places her limiting beliefs on top of you in what you are trying to do with your life.
It's not a good thing, right. If you want to start a business. But your mom has never been a business owner. Is she the best person to really take advice from?
Or if you have this amazing idea for this product that you want to invent and your friends have never invented a product, but they tell you how stupid it is or how bad of an idea it is, are they really the best people to be taking advice from?
Like I gave her an example.
I love my mom. I would never ask my mom for advice on how to grow an Instagram account.
Why? Because she is if you have a frickin Instagram, like if I'm taking it and making this in layman's term as much as possible, my mom's never use Instagram in her entire life. Would it be smart for her to go me to go her and go, Mom, I want to grow my Instagram account. Can you give me some of your secrets? No, because she's never done it. So why would I take advice from somebody who has never done things that I want to do?
Why would you take advice from your friends about this invention that you really love when they've never been an inventor? Why would you take advice from your parents or your other friends or your brother or sister, whoever might be around you on this business that you want to start when they've never even started a business? Like, it's absolutely bonkers for me to think that people hold themselves back from the life that they want simply because people that have never done what they want to do, tell them that they shouldn't do the thing they want to do, that none of that makes any sense.
If you actually take your head, take yourself out of the situation and look at it. Right. How many of you are not starting a business because your mom or dad or friends are saying that it's a terrible idea? Yet they've never started a successful business. OK, think about that for a second.
Would you take advice from a millionaire on how to become a millionaire? Would you take advice? Says again, would you take advice from someone who wants to try to get this right? Would you take advice on how to become a millionaire from anybody other than a millionaire? I sure hope not, but I will tell you this, there's a lot of broke people that want to give money advice. There's a lot of people that want to give business advice that have never run a business or they've run a lot of very unsuccessful businesses.
So people love to give advice, but you just got to be very clear of who you're taking advice from.
Right. So that's a side note I want to bring up. But the most important thing I want you guys to realize is that no one can hurt you with words unless you already believe those words and you're insecure around them.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. So next time you're trigged, see it as a gift, see it as something that that person has given you. The universe is given you God, whatever it is that you believe in, has given you to show you where you're still hung up and where you still need to put in the work, because ultimately, in my opinion, that's all we're actually here to do, to learn to grow and to improve.
So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please show someone that you know and someone that you love and put on your Instagram storage. Tag me in it. Rob Dale Jr.. The only way that this grows is from you guys sharing it. And I'm grateful that every time a new episode comes up, I can see hundreds of people shared on their Instagram stories. So I greatly, greatly appreciate it. And I always try to share those as well in my own stories.
But I believe the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.