The 4 Steps to Find YourselfThe Mindset Mentor
- 5,169 views
- 7 Apr 2021
In this episode, I will teach you the 4 step process for finding yourself so that you can live a life that is truly authentic to you.
To join my Free Epic Life Live Event click here: http://EpicLife2021.com/
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Welcome to today's episode of The Mind, set into our podcast, I'm your host, Rob Dayal. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you love to watch YouTube videos, we are putting up three inspirational motivational YouTube videos every single week on my channel on YouTube. And we have mini documentaries are going to be coming out as well. So if you want to follow along with those, go to YouTube.
Type in my name, Rob Dayal, and you can follow along there. Today we're going be talking about how to find yourself and how to become who you truly want to become.
And we're actually going to follow a format by a philosopher who's now dead, as most philosophers are. And his name is Friedrich Nicha.
And Friedrich Nietzsche is a philosopher who thought way different than everybody else did in the time that he was alive. And so I'm going to go through the four different steps and talk through them and give you my opinion on all of them as we go through them as well.
So let's dive into it. The first tip that he says to find yourself is to don't follow the herd mentality.
And one thing that he says that we've all what we call universal values, what we call truths, are always only personal expressions from the people who promoted them. So the things that we think are values and things that we're supposed to follow and things that we're supposed to do are only personal expressions of those who promoted them in.
One of the things that I love thinking about it and what's really made me kind of forget about the system that we've been raised in, everything that I've been told and allow me to think outside of the box is I realized that everything that I have been told to follow, everything that I've been told is important, everything I've been told to do and everything that we follow a society of what we are or not supposed to do, what's taboo, what's not taboo is all made up by people that are no smarter than you and I.
And they're usually dead. That's the crazy part about it. So we're following a set of values and things that were supposed to societal constructs. We're following all this from a bunch of dead people that decided to say something and do something and make something up one day that were no smarter than you and I. And I know about you. I don't want to listen any dead people. I want to live my life the way that I want to live it.
So what he's saying is, don't follow the herd. And it's tribal. We're all tribal people. So we want to fit in. We don't want to not fit in. But in order to create the life that we truly want to in life, that we see and know that we have the potential of creating, we're going to have to not fit in.
Right. If you think of all of the people that you look up to, Steve Jobs or Elon Musk or Nelson Mandela, I could go off and give you a ton of different people, go off on tangents and Jesus and Buddha and all of the people that you could look up to in your life, they were not people who fit in. So why do we feel like we need to fit in? If we want to live an extraordinary life, we should probably follow other people who had extraordinary lives, the ones that we look up to.
And if they didn't fit in, then we should think to ourselves, I need to do whatever I can to not fit in as well. Right. Because when we go with the herd mentality, it limits our individuality and it also limits our creativity as well.
Right. How many people right now listening to this don't wear what you want to wear because it makes you stand out in some way. How many people don't act the way that you want to act or do the things that you want to do simply because you're worried about the thoughts and opinions of other people? Right. That is the herd mentality you are limiting. You are full expression of who you are. Because you don't want to make other people uncomfortable, you're dimming your lights just to keep other people comfortable.
I don't know about you, but fuck that. That's not what I want to do. Think about that for a second. People don't stand out because they have the fear of being rejected. They have the fear of other people saying no to them. The fear of being ridiculed. And I understand once we go back to the fact that we are tribal beings, we have a part of our brain that makes us want to actually fit in with everybody.
Because if you go back 100000 years ago, two hundred thousand years ago, when we had to be in a tribe, we literally had to survive. The only way that we could survive is through a tribe. So we had to fit in or else we were basically going to die.
They were there for our safety. They're there for our food. They're there for our community. They're there for protection, everything. So we have that part of our brain that still exists. But in twenty, twenty one, twenty two beyond, do we really need to fit in with everybody else to survive? No. We have a society and systems built that we can survive without needing other people. Now I'm not saying just be a loner forever.
What I'm saying is if you don't fit in, if the future that you want to create doesn't fit in with the tribe that you currently have, you might have to leave that tribe and find a new one.
Right. People don't create the life that they want to, they're dimming their light simply because they don't want to be rejected. They don't want to stand out. They don't want to wear something different. They don't want to say a different opinion because people ridicule you for standing out because you're showing them where they're dimming themselves. So let's talk about that for a second. The reason why people will will try to cut down Australians, call it tall poppy syndrome.
Never been to our show, but I've a lot of Australians who listen to me and they always talk about tall poppy syndrome, which is like if you look at a poppy field and there's one poppy that's sticking up higher than the other one, you have to cut it down. And so one thing that's that I've been told this is what I've been told as part of their culture is tall poppy syndrome. You're not supposed to stand out. And if you do stand out, you will be ridiculed in some way.
Right. And they ridicule you for standing out because they feel like you're showing off in some sort of way.
But think about how many people don't create the life that they want.
They don't have the life they want simply because they're worried about what they call tall poppy syndrome with their, you know, of being ridiculed, of, you know, being condemned.
This is but the reason why tall poppy syndrome exists in all of these different aspects can exist of not standing out. And this is the reason also why hater's exists is because they're jealous, because when you stand out and you don't dim your lights, you're showing other people and they're becoming aware of how they're dimming their lights. And that makes them uncomfortable to see somebody living to their full potential when they know deep down inside they're not living to their full potential.
So what do they need to do? They need to cut you down in some sort of way. They cut you down to make themselves momentarily feel better about their shitty existence. Right.
That's the reason why I don't want to follow the herd. The herd consists of people who have, in a sense, killed their true self. They've killed their dreams. They've killed their goals and the life that they want simply to fit in. So if you want to create the life that you want, you've got to get rid of that. You've got to stand out. You've got to be OK knowing. That there's a chance that some people are going to ridicule you, they're going to try to make you feel insecure, you've got to have the mental fortitude to not listen to them.
Why do you think there's so many addictions? Why there's so many alcohol and drugs and food and sex and workaholism? Why? Because those things, numbers from the feeling that were dimming our light. Reason why addiction's exists is because they come and people are trying to numb the feeling that they are not living the life they truly want to and that they're killing their dreams simply because they're afraid of what other people might think or because they don't want to stand out.
It is numbing.
You've got to realize that that's why so many people, when they finally follow their dreams, they get rid of their addictions because they don't need to numb the feeling of I'm killing myself, my dreams, my life, my potential, because I'm simply just trying to fit in. So the first part. Of how to find yourself is to don't fit in with the herd mentality. This episode is brought to you by public goods, the one stop shop for sustainable, high quality, everyday essentials made from clean ingredients at an affordable price, everything from coffee to toilet paper and shampoo to pet food.
Public Goods is your new Everything store, thoughtfully designed for conscious consumers. Rather than buying from a bunch of single product brands, public goods members can buy all of the premium essentials in one place with one beautiful, streamlined aesthetic public goods such as the globe to find clean, healthy, eco friendly and innovative products. Ebeneezer hand soap lately and I'm obsessed with it, and they ethically source and obsessively develop each of their products to be free of unhealthy ingredients and harmful additives still common in drug and grocery store shelves.
We worked out an awesome deal for my listeners. Received fifteen dollars off your first public goods order with no minimum purchase. That's right. They are so confident. Do you absolutely love their products and come back again and again that they're willing to give you fifteen dollars to spend on your first purchase? Plus right now, receive your choice of either a free pack of bamboo straws or reusable food storage wraps. With your order, you have nothing to lose.
Just go to public goods, dotcom, slash, dial and use the code dial at checkout. That is poubelle. I see geodes dotcom forward slash dial to receive fifteen dollars off your first order.
The second part. Is to embrace the difficulty of self discovery, right, as you start to discover yourself, as you start to do personal and I start to work on yourself.
Things are going to get a pop up. And one of the things that Friedrich Nietzsche says is it's only when we're willing to face the challenge of life that we're spiritually growing.
Right. It's about taking the difficult path, distance, distancing yourself from others who aren't on the same path as you.
That's what it requires of you, the path of self discovery means that you might have to walk alone for a little while, you might have to leave the tribe that you've been so close to to your entire life.
It goes back to the you know, as we go into self discovery and how it can be so hard as you kind of have to go into your past in order to to be the full expression and to create the self that you're trying to create.
You're going to have to get rid of the old things, the traumas, the fears, the worries, all of those things that are holding you back and are going to be slowing you down as you're creating that. Right. And it goes back to one of my favorite quotes.
And it's the cave that you are afraid to enter holds the treasure that you seek.
They say they again, the cave that you are afraid to enter holds the treasure that you seek. So let me ask you a question. What cave are you afraid to enter?
The life you want will only come by overcoming the skeletons in your closet, not by acting like there are no skeletons in your closet, not by acting that there are no traumas that you need to overcome, not by acting like there weren't people who bullied you or emotional neglect or physical neglect or mental or physical or sexual abuse. Leaving acting like those things never existed are not going to help you going forward and creating life that you want.
You've got to go back and relive those things and work through them.
And so I had this this call with my maschmeyer and we talked about this the other day where it's kind of like if you've ever gone in the way I see trauma and unresolved trauma is it's kind of like if someone breaks a bone right in the bone cracks in half and it goes back together, but it's not put together correctly, right? It's not put together correctly. There's going to be issues with that bone. And so what do you have to do in order for that bone to heal correctly after it's already healed?
You have to break it again and heal it correctly. And so if something happened to me when I was eight years old and I won't go back and look at that thing and try to reprocess it and try to work through it, I'm still living. I'm still stuck energetically.
In my mind, in my life, processing that event as an eight year old, and I can tell you as a 35 year old right now, I was not as emotionally and intellectually intelligent as I am now. So I can either forever live that trauma in that event as an eight year old in my lack of intellectual and emotional intelligence, or go back now as a 35 year old and it's not going to feel very good, just like breaking another bone won't feel very good, but I've got to go back and do it in order to heal properly.
And once I heal properly, I don't have to worry about it again. Right? Once the bone heals properly, the bone heals properly. Once you heal properly, you heal properly. So that's why, you know, he says you have to embrace the difficulty of self discovery. It becomes hard sometimes, but I promise you this, it is the path that you need to follow in order to create the life that you want. The cave that you're afraid to enter holds the treasure that you seek.
So what cave are you afraid to enter?
You've got to figure out a way to get into it. OK, so that's the second one. Number three is to say yes to what gives you meaning to say yes to what gives you meaning. So. One of the things that he says, one of the famous quotes that he has, Frederic Friedrich Nietzsche has is he who has a Y can bear almost any how.
He has a why can bear almost any how my very first mentor used to say something very similar to this, he said he used to always say, if your wife is strong enough, you are. How will reveal itself?
Right, so say yes to what gives you meaning, what is it that gives your life meaning? What is it that you love? What is it that you loved as a kid? Right. What is it that makes you happy? One of the things that I find is that as people get older, they tend to act like they're not a little kid anymore. I'm 35 years old. I still feel like I'm a little kid. I guarantee with all of these, you don't feel as old as you are.
You always feel like a little kid deep down inside. And the reason why is because that little kid still lives inside of you and all of the things that you loved as a little kid, you still love now. It would still bring you joy. So what did you love as a kid?
How many things have you muted in yourself simply because you feel like you are too old now you're older, you're not supposed supposed to do that. Once again, another societal construct based off of the herd mentality. Right.
What makes you happy? Make a list of every single thing that makes you happy, big or small. It could be, you know, seeing your bank account grow. It could be a cup of coffee in the morning. It could be the sunshine. The sunshine makes me happy, right. What is it that makes you happy? And you make a massive list of every single thing, every single thing that makes you happy. And I got this from a friend of mine who was the number 13 employee at Facebook and got fired from Facebook right before they went public and lost out on one hundred and eighty million dollars because he got fired from Facebook before they went public and he went into a mini depression after all of this happened because Facebook was like his life.
And one of the things that he said, that's a quote, I don't think I'll forget the rest of my life, is that I will not let my depression or my happiness be left up to chance. Let me say that again, I will not let my happiness or my depression be left up to chance, what he means is that if I'm going to be depressed, I'm going to be the one that's in control of that depression. But if I'm going to be happy, I'm going to be the one that's in control of that happiness.
And so he did this. He made a list, a happy list of every single thing that he loves that makes him happy. And how did he get himself out of his depression? He made a massive list of this happy list, every single thing that he loved. And then every single day he would wake up and he would look at that list and plan how he can get as many of those things into his day as possible. Guess what?
If you have a bunch of things in your day that make you happy, it's pretty hard to be depressed. And so the way he got himself out of that depression was by bringing as much happiness into his life as you possibly could.
So do you have a happy list? What did you love as a kid? What do you love now?
What do you want to try? What what what creativity makes you come alive? What music come alive? What actions make you come alive? Bring as many of those things into your day. Stop doing things that you don't like.
Right, and some of you are going, oh, that sounds nice, but you don't know my life, right? OK, cool. Will make a transition plan, make a goal by 2023. I will not do anything that doesn't like me up inside. Why can you not do that, give yourself a couple of years to work on on creating the life that you want to and you can, OK, do I have to do some things in my business?
I don't want to. Yes. Do I have to do the things that I want to? Yes. But how can I transition those things out over the next couple of years so that I don't have to worry about them by twenty twenty three? Is that possible for everybody?
Yes. The only thing that's holding you back from doing it though is you.
So make a happy list and bring as many of those things into your life as possible.
Say yes to what gives you meaning a number for the fourth part of finding yourself is to know your true values, not the values that have been taught to you, but what are your true values. What are your values, do you know what your values are? Who do you want to be? What do you want to accomplish? Who do you want to be? Think about that, what makes you feel alive, what makes you feel free? What are your true values?
Write down everything and everyone that limits your freedom as a person, your partner, your friends, your work, your actions, whatever it is that limits your freedom and figure out a way to work through every single one of those in a way to think of your true values as this. Quite simply, we're all going to die one day. How do you want to be described at your funeral when people walk up to the stage whenever that day comes, what do you want them to say about you?
What do you want to say about you? Think about that, that's your values, not what your parents told you to do, not what your parents told you is right or wrong. Now it's society has told you are right around that what your friends and every constructor's told you is right or wrong. What are your true values?
How do you want to be described every single day? When somebody when you walk away from a group, how do you want people to talk about you? What do you want them to say about you? What do you want them to feel? How do you want to be described at your funeral? Those are your true values, right? So when you go in and you try to find yourself, one of those things is what is your true values?
And you wake up every single morning. You look at that list of true values and you say, how can I make myself more of this? OK, giving giving is one of the values that I want to work on. If that's the case, how can I give more today? What can I do today to give more? And you work in bringing those things into your life every single moment. So those are the four ways to find yourself and to become who you truly want to become.
Number one, don't follow the herd mentality. Number two, embrace the difficulty of self discovery. Number three, say yes to what gives you meaning. And number four, find your true values. And if you do that, I promise you you're going to create the life that you want.
So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please show someone that you know love.
Please share it on Instagram stories and tag minute Rob Dale Jr, RBD. I'll J.R. and I gonna the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission, make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.