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Hey, everybody, we had so many people that wanted to join in on yesterday's live lesson, but they weren't able to. So I decided to run it back. So we're going to be doing one more live Zoome call today. We're going to be teaching the science of rewiring your brain so that you can create the future that you want, because if you can understand how your brain works, you can change your thoughts, which change your feelings, which change your actions, which change results, which change your life.


So if you want to join us, all you got to do is go to dialed in mindset. Dotcom once again dialed in mind set dotcom right now. And I can't wait to see all your pretty faces on the Zoome call today and answer all your questions as well. I'll see you there. Welcome to today's episode, say we could be diving into the topic of transformation, why it's important for you to transform and why it's also important for everyone around you to transform and how you can support them in that process and to join me today.


We have my best friend, my business partner, Dean Devries, who has lined up a series of questions.


And I don't know what any of the questions are. I just know that they're going to be around the topic of transformation and how we can transform. So welcome to the show, Dean.


Thanks, man. It's great to be here. It's great to have you very first person to record the brand new studio.


Yeah, it's beautiful, man.


We got equipment everywhere and cameras on me and which is the most might be the most artistic podcast shot ever. So if you're out there listening to just the podcast, make sure you go to YouTube. Look, this episode up, you can start seeing the stuff we're doing now. So, Dean, let's without further ado, let's just jump in. Let's talk about the topic of transformation.


Well, dude, first of all, I'm really excited for this. This is going to be exciting and we're going to have a lot of fun there.


Just open ended questions for really like I'm really, really curious to hear your position on some of these things. I kind of have a sense, but we're going to go really deep today and it's going to be about transformation and the ideas that we're just going to extract as much value out of that beautiful brain of your brother as we possibly can.


So so let's just start off by what are you most excited about right now?


Right now?


Yeah, what I'm most excited about right now is that I feel like I have switched over into a different version of my life. I think, you know, we talked about this when we were in Florida together.


And I feel like my entire life was about from from zero to thirty four years old, was mostly about building a successful business, making a bunch of money, but also helping people at the same time.


I feel like I've hit the point that I really wanted to hit before I died and I'm only thirty four years old, so I feel like I'm not good now.


I'm going to toss money at this point. And so now it's about like I just want to put out content that can help people and help people transform, because I don't think most people I think people listening to this podcast understand it, but most people don't understand the value of transforming.


And I want to be able to help people go through that, like with our business that we have together, we help people grow, you know, themselves, and we also help them grow their businesses as well. And the thing that we talk about is never about money. It's never about the business itself. It's how can we help somebody grow their consciousness through their business? How can we use their business as a tool to transform? And so for me, it's about how can I create the best content that's out there in the world to help as many people as possible?


Like literally I got to in the past two days, I've gotten two different text messages or messages on Instagram, two different ones through Instagram that literally said, like, I was thinking about killing myself this weekend and I did it in your podcast, help with that. And so mine is like how many of those people can I continue to affect from now on? Because I feel like I'm set in my life is good. So how can I just just create content to help people transform?


And how can I create courses to help people transform and books to help people transform and videos and and all of that. So for me, it's like we talked about it as well. And I really love what you said where you don't want it. You said if two years ago you don't want to have a conversation with anybody, if transformation is not the actual in that conversation, if it's not a tool for their transformation or your transformation. And I think that, you know, we also had a to don't have like we're basically like flowers that are always blooming, like we're continuously blooming our entire lives and we lose rose petals, pieces of it, and then we grow new ones back.


And so the exciting but also kind of scary thing about that means that we will never be a final version of ourself, which is kind of crazy to think about. Like, I will never hit a point where I'm like, all right, I'm me, I've made it. I want to stay this way forever.


Like, we're always getting new battles and get really rid of new pedal's if we're constantly working on ourselves and pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zone. So for me, it's like, how can I just continue to help people open up to that and realize that no matter what it is they want to do, they can grow and they can learn. They can transform and be a completely different person a few months, six months or a year down the road than they currently are today.


And for me, like that lights me up inside.


That's awesome, man. Yeah. And it's like what I love most about what we're doing with the businesses. And it's it's all in a spirit of transformation. It's all in a spirit of like that self actualization. And like, you know, I love how you kind of frame that. We're like the first three, four years was about like. Awareness and growing your state of consciousness and growing yourself, and then now it's like this new chapter that's all about giving back, but like inspiring that in the world.


Right. And I'm in no way perfect at thirty four years old. So I don't want to be like, oh, I made it to thirty four.


Now I'm perfect for now. I want to teach everyone else how to be perfect. It's like, no, I'm still screwed up in a lot of ways and I'm fixing those things where I'm now becoming aware of them. And as I fix them and as I fix myself to continue working myself, I can then also help people go through the process. I might be two or three or four or five years down, you know, behind where I am.


Yeah, yeah. It's that concept of like there's always another level of transformation available. And so that's like it's humbling because it's like, oh shit, I always have work to do. Right. Right. It's like we can't be perfect.


There's no there's no way we can perfect this thing called life. Right. But it's also really empowering because it's like I also have a lot of work to do.


I can become more and it's also fun because it's never it's never like I'm done. There's always something to work on. Yeah.


Which, you know, people love to get into comfort zones, but people also hate lack of progression. So, like, if someone's out there and listening and they haven't been happy for a while, they haven't been, you know, let's say they haven't been happy for a while.


As Tony Robbins says, progress equals happiness. If you haven't been happy for a while or you went through a stage of, you know, depression or sadness or whatever it was, how much were you growing and transforming in that time?


Usually it's none. And so when people feel like they're going towards a goal and they're getting even if it's just a step closer, is when they start getting excited about it. And for me, that's what lights me up, is to be able to go. I don't know what I'm stepping into, but I think it's going to be fun.


Yeah, well, in the spirit of that transformation thread, you talk a lot about, there's three things have really helped you become who you are, really build your level of consciousness, awareness, and just help you get to different different levels in your in your life.


And I know, you know, the two that that we're not going to really talk about so much are sports and psychedelics. But the third one business, and you kind of alluded to it earlier, where, you know, business is a vehicle to grow your consciousness.


Can you talk about that a little bit more? So growing a business isn't easy.


Like growing a business is hard. Like that's why most businesses fail, 95 percent of businesses fail. And I think the main reason why is because the people who are running the businesses not always like there's definitely outside circumstances, but sometimes they get stuck into the ways of their business. If you think about all the stuff that's happening with covid right now, all these businesses have to pivot. And so a lot of people are so stuck in their ways, in their business that they don't pivot.


And if you don't pivot, you die sometimes. And so I think that the thing that's beautiful about business is the same way with sports, the same way psychedelics. And also I feel like working out the same words, going to the gym and running a business will show you parts of yourself where you're stuck in.


You're hung up in the analogy that I have to give lately is like I've come to realize that my my waist is literally the exact height of almost every single little door, whatever it is, the pulley that you have on the sinks and other sinks, the hell they call it, inside of a kitchen. Right.


Like when you pull out the drawer door handle, that's the one that worked, right. Their door handle. Right. I don't even know if that's the right word handle.


We'll just go and handle my my belt loops literally that it's the exact height. So I always walk through kitchens to get my belt loops stuck on them. And life is like walking through and realizing, oh my God, I'm stuck here.


Oh my God, I'm stuck in another door. Oh my God, I'm stuck in another one.


And when you're going through business and you're trying to grow a business, it will show you the places that you're stuck and need to work on yourself.


And if you don't work on yourself, that business is going to fail.


And if you do work on yourself and you notice, oh, my gosh, well, maybe I am a little bit terrible here or maybe I do need to improve at my leadership skills. If I'm to start hiring more people, it'll show you parts of yourself. Maybe I'm too selfish and I can't bring other people on and do the things that I need to. So business, I see it same way with sports, same way with working out as a tool for transformation, because it shows you where you're hung up, where you're stuck on stuff.


And there's other things to do that there's a lot of things to do for other people. Are things that I know that I've personally done. Is sports working out psychedelics and business. That's just for me. And it's just a tool for transformation to show you your blind spots that you need to change and get better at.


And then you can use that and go, oh, here are my downfalls and these are the things that I'm not good at. And if I improve on them, well, then I can get better at whatever it is I want to do. So that's the way I see business. I just see it as a tool to expand my self consciously and be able to improve at it. And, you know, if you improve and you grow, you're growing your comfort zone, you're growing yourself every aspect of your business and mindset, transformation, leadership, working with people.


Yeah, I love how that. Philosophy has just grown so much over the last, you know, 14, 15 years that we've known each other and that we've gone in business with each other. And remember the very first mentor that we had used to say this all the time, that your level of income will never see your level of personal growth and how that's transformed, where it's like, well, the reason why is because your business is your mirror right now, like you get to if there's something that's not going right in your business, the ultimate challenge is like not to point out that thing that's going wrong.


Right. And to point at yourself and say that's what's going wrong within me. And so could you give, like, an example of that of like how that sometimes manifests, whether it be a personal experience or just something that you've seen in other people's businesses?


So for me, the first thing that pops up in my head is so when we first started our first, we started business of the exact same time you and I, and this was back in 2007. So we're talking as 13 years ago now is twenty one. When I started my first office and started hiring my first employees and having managers that worked under me, assistant managers and my business did well up into a certain point that I was actually the bottleneck and I was the bottleneck where I thought to myself, and I've coached hundreds of business owners.


The hardest part for most business owners is delegation. And the reason why is because they can do it better than everybody else can. But there are only have they only have 24 hours in the day, and so, you know, the people can start thinking about this even if you're not a business owner. Listen, you can think about this in your family, delegating stuff to your children, delegating stuff to people around you. And so an example is is really delegation.


So when I had my first business, I was terrible at delegating because I can do everything better than everybody else, but I only have twenty four hours in the day and that is terrible leadership. And so the difference between my business 13 years ago and then 13 years ago, Rob, of transformation is the people that I hire on.


I want them to be fully autonomous. Like I don't want to even talk to them. I don't I want to talk to them. I don't need to talk to them. Right. So like you and I are sitting here, you're in control of a lot of parts of my business because I trust you to run them. And I don't need to stay on top of you to do it. Like behind the camera is Chris. She's in charge of doing all of you know, we've got two editors that are under Chris.


She does the video, all the editing, making sure all of the stuff goes out. She is in charge of that. And I trust her to to do those things. She then sends it to Lauren that's in charge of my social media. Lauren's got people under her that distribute it. They change it. They put it around. And so for me, it's like, how can I find the pillars of my business and people that I trust?


One hundred percent.


And then they they allow me to have time to do the things that I'm supposed to do in my business, which for me, because I built it to the point that it's that I've realized the only two things I should be doing my business are creating content and coaching. That's it. Those are my two. I'm not good at a lot of stuff in this world, but two things that I'm good at my zone of genius, I think, is that.


And so for a lot of people, I think what they need to do is figure out like what is their zone of genius? And if your business is like the infantile stage, you're going to have to do a lot of things that you don't want to. But, you know, instead of just when the money comes in, throwing that money into the bank or buying something, you know, like a car or something like that, take your money and reinvest it into your business so that therefore you can put the right people in place to give you more time to watch your best debt.


So for me, it was like delegation of just trusting other people to do what they're great at. And, you know, that works in business, but that also works.


And like a relationship, trusting somebody that, you know, ladies, if your your your guys driving don't give them any frickin directions, like like you might take longer to get there, but like a guy wants to have that that trust in himself and you trusting him to be able to get you there.


And so it's just kind of like sitting back and going, OK, you know, I'm going to delegate the driving to him and I'll sit back and just enjoy the ride if it takes an extra five minutes, because it's the wrong way, because he did something wrong. You know, that's OK. If a car pulls out in front of us, I'll try my best not to go. Honey, honey, honey, honey. Right.


And it's just like allowing people to be this fully autonomous being that they truly want to be will allow them to grow because they have more on their plate. And that's how you allow other people around you to grow as well.




So you talked a little bit about like leadership and I'm curious to hear about, like, what your definition is. But before we talk about that, when actually let's just talk about that right now, I'll say this this other question for later.


But like when you think of leadership and you think of delegation and also transformation, how do you think those things all live together? And what's your perspective? I think a leader's job.


Is to help the other person grow, right?


So, like when we have conversations with our sales team, for instance, we have a conversation with our sales team, it's usually not even sometimes it goes into the script and sometimes it goes on not to the stuff, but it's more of like, hey, if you can't get someone to go deep with you, the reason why is because you can't go deep with yourself.


And so, you know, if somebody's sitting out there and they're like, oh, my clients don't go deep with me or, you know, my girlfriend or our relationship isn't that deep is the reason why is because you are part of the hang up in there.


You have to realize that if your customers are not giving you all the information and they seem very surface level, maybe it's because you need to be able to understand yourself at a deeper level. If your relationship is very surface level, maybe it's because you don't understand yourself at a very deep level. And when you can help somebody grow and that's what I see. Leadership is just growing people.


So a lot of the conversations that we have with our team is literally helping them deepen themselves of their own self awareness. Everybody in this world thinks they're self-aware until they really start diving into themself and they're like, I don't know who the fuck I am.


Like, there's so many unconscious patterns that we have No. One. We have a lot of unconscious patterns. You know, Harvard says that about 46 percent of what a person does is complete unconscious autopilot. So that's half of what a human does. There's that that most people don't dive into.


And number two, where they come from, like, if I have these unconscious patterns, where do they come from? Right. Nobody's an example. Nobody's born racist that's programmed into them. And that's an extreme version of it because you can see it. But how many things do you do that you're not even aware that you do and you don't even know where they came from?


And so I think the the the the actual deal that a leader should be is the person that's I always used to say the speed of the leader, the speed team. I've said it to you like a million times to. Right. Like, if you look at your your leadership in your business or you look at your leadership in your family or your relationship, it will never outgrow you.


And so you have to be the person to go, OK, I'm going to grow more than anyone else, which will then give everyone the opportunity to grow as well. And so for me and for you as well, it's like we focus hardcore on our own growth, because if we focus on our own growth, everybody else around us, that's quote unquote following us. So that's on our team. And I don't like to say below us because no one's actually below.


But if you think about the people on our team, we have to grow more than them to make them want to grow themselves even more. Right. So it's like speed leader leadership. The team and I used to always say it when I had when I had my own team, what got me up in the morning and got me to get up in front of people and start speaking when I had a sales office and we had a couple hundred people was if you light yourself on fire, people will come to watch you burn.


And like, that was like what I lived by. Like, I was like, I'm going to set myself on fire every single talk that I give. And people like, you're so damn passionate. I was like because I just got used to just like saying it as it is and just throwing it out there for people to be like, hey, here's my heart. Like, just look at it, because if I can, it's crazy to me, like how many people I can talk to through it's a phone call.


They send me a message, whatever it is that listen to my podcast that tell me stuff they've never told anybody else. And the only reason why is because my full authenticity on the podcast gives other people full permission to be authentic, authentic as well. And so it's like if your relationship is surface level and not authentic, maybe you should ask yourself as far as how you're showing up to it, because leadership is in a relationship. It's in a family, it's in a business.


And that's why I think business ties in so well is because it's not just business we're talking about like anybody can this who doesn't have a business and go, yeah, I can see that in my relationship with my mom or with my dad, my dad's real service level. So I've been service level my entire life. So we have a lot he's unconscious programming's. And I think that the job of a leader is to to help everybody else grow, but then to also lead everybody else in their growth and then everybody else's growth did.


There's so much they're like, yeah, there's I don't even know what to chew on first, you know. But, you know, one of the things that, like, are popping into my awareness is just like really rich is that idea of just taking full ownership of, like of all of your circumstances. So whether you you identify as a leader or not, like ultimately we're leaders in everything that we do, you know, because we lead ourselves down whatever path we decide.


Right. So we can lead ourselves down, you know, a path of our highest potential or not. And so that's you know, that's a beautiful thing about us having the choice.


But if we want, I think that first step of just like taking full ownership and saying these circumstances are a complete reflection of who I have been and just looking at this moment and saying, wow, you know, look at what I've created and not in the sense that like a this is like my creation, but instead, like we all. Have an influence over what it is that we're surrounded by, so kind of segues into the next question, like, what do you imagine a world to be like when everybody embodies this, where they're just taking full ownership of their circumstances, their environments, and they really lead in a way that's in a spirit of transformation.


What do you think could be possible in your time, like Nirvana, isn't it?


Because here's the thing. I always get asked the question.


Like, I go into podcasts and people interview me and they say, like, there's always like at the end of a lot of podcasts. Like, all right, lightning round.


Right. If you could get everybody a super power, what would it be? And my answer is always extreme self-awareness. And the reason why is because people don't know themselves.


They don't know how they're caught up. They don't know why they get agitated by their spouse. Certain situations. They don't know why. I mean, it's the best thing I ever heard was Ramdas, you know, went over to India. He's a spiritual guru, over, you know, he goes over to India, he learns from his guru, he comes back and he's like this, he thinks he's young. He's in his early 20s. First trip to India, comes back and he's like, oh, I'm enlightened.


And he thinks he's enlightened, comes back. He's got this long beard. He's got this long robe. And, you know, he's got all of his, like, beads around his neck. And he's been meditating for six months and all of this stuff. And his dad picks him up from the airport. His dad's a Jewish guy's lawyer up in New York. And he says within 15 minutes, his dad goes, so when are you going to get a job?


And that one thing set him off and he's like, oh, my God, I have so much work to do.


And it's like people don't realize that that there's so many of those unconscious patterns that are stuck in from childhood from our parents spouses or significant others, because your significant others become proxies for your parents after you leave the house or whatever it is. So people don't really understand why am I that way, why do I react in certain ways? And if people were extremely self-aware, there would be no war. There would be no there would be no like this side is wrong, whatever.


If I'm a Democrat, there are Republican. Republicans are all wrong. If I'm a Republican and there's Democrats, all Democrats are all wrong. It's like when I'm extremely self-aware, I realize that I'm not a perfect being. Then I can also see someone else and say they're not a perfect being, but I can listen to their side of the story and go, Yeah, I respect that, not look at their side story and go, No, you're fucking wrong.


And I'm right, which is what everyone else is doing right now. Right.


Like just who cares. Like it doesn't matter if someone's there is no right or wrong. You're not right and they're not right and you're not wrong and they're not wrong. Like it's for who I am. Is this person right now I identify as whatever this thing is and for who they are in their life circumstances. They identify as that.


But there's nothing wrong with that if your viewpoint doesn't see the same as my viewpoint, I don't need to judge you for it or try to convert you to my viewpoint, whether that is political standpoint, whether that is religious standpoint, whether that's what I believe in, and genders and all colors of people and all that stuff. It's like just looking at somebody and going, OK, I don't know your story, but I can have compassion for you because everybody goes through a lot of shit in his life.


Right? And so extreme self awareness would go, I'm not going to judge anybody because everybody's got a different path.


And and I say this to to our people that we coach is I said this a few minutes ago, but you know how many messages I get at people that are so close to committing suicide, like you don't know how close somebody is to ending it. And there's people like if you think of Robin Williams, he could put on a face of happy all the time and then kill himself if he can do it. There's so many other people as well that are out there.


I get two to three messages every single week of people who are like within days of killing themselves, like thought about it.


And and so for me, it's like, why can't I just show compassion to anybody? I don't care what they look like. I don't care what they believe in. I don't care any of that stuff. But I can look at them and go, yeah, there's another human being that's gone through a set of life circumstances that make them believe what they believe. And I am another human being that's gone through a set of circumstances that make me believe what I believe, but that doesn't make my beliefs right.


And there's wrong or there's right and wrong. They make both of them right for who we currently are and what we currently believe and if people could be self aware in that sense.


I mean, there it would be like peace on earth, right? But then it also be if you think about other nations and how. Oh yeah, but this person's in that country and, you know, we have different viewpoints.


Well, why do we need to have war in the first place? Like, why can't we just say, all right, hey, that's that person's viewpoint. I have a different viewpoint. It's beautiful. And so what does it look like?


I think it'd be like Nirvana would be heaven on earth. But, you know, I don't I don't know if we'll ever get there. Not in our lifetime, probably not.


But we'll see what happens. It's just anything's possible. Anything's possible. Just it's going to cause a massive reform of the human human psyche, I think. Yeah. Yeah.


And there have to be like that in a honoring of every single person where it doesn't matter to your point, doesn't matter what your beliefs are, because you're not going to change my beliefs and I'm not going to change your beliefs. But we can enjoy that together. We can enjoy that sovereignty together.


Yeah. And I was actually watching a psychologist I was telling you about the other day, a neurologist, not even a psychologist. And he said once someone's over the age of twenty five, it is literally impossible to change your mind. So if you are trying to like everyone out there, listen to this.


If you are trying to change somebody's mind, their political standpoint, their viewpoints, any of those things over the age of 25, it is actually impossible to change their mind.


The only thing that can change somebody is their want to change. And so if they don't want to change and you're trying to force it onto them, you're actually going to be met with more resistance and you are actually going to make their standpoint of what they do believe in even stronger. So you're going to be doing the reverse of what you truly want. You know, if someone's a Democrat and like, I'm going to convert Republicans, what I'm going to do, and then you go out and try to convert people, they're going to resist that and you're going to make their standpoint as a Republican even stronger.


Same thing.


If Republicans try to go out and get Democrats, it's like people don't realize the way to change somebody is to not go out and change them, but to give them space to change themselves if they truly want to. You know, you'll never change somebody. Um, one of the the the favorite quotes, if I can remember what it is that I have, is when I think of John Mayer, he has a song, Belief, and it's. Something about I've never seen someone change, change their mind from the pain on a sign, it's talking about like you go and you see someone put, oh, you know, Biden or Trump, it's not like someone ever goes by is like, oh, yeah, actually, you know what?


I'm going to go ahead and change. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was going to vote for this person. I'm going to vote for that person now. It's you're not going to change someone's mind. The way you change someone's mind is by you showing up and them going.


Huh. I actually really respect that person, I wonder what they do and that's how you change his mind, you don't change his mind by force. Gandhi said it and it will never be more true, be the change you want to see in the world, not go out and throw your change in someone else's. And part of the problem, too, is, is another thing the Ramdas says. He says most most people what they do is instead of you can take religion if you want to, you can take, you know, a political standpoint, whatever it is, is instead of actually going and being that thing is what they do is they actually like to think about this way.


It's like walking up to a signpost and the sign says, hey, this way, Austin, Texas. And instead of actually walking to Austin, Texas, you stand on top of it and go, hey, this way, Austin, Texas. It's like it's all of these things are designed for you to be.


That's like if you want to take religion, religion makes it easy in in any religion says this is how you're supposed to be. Instead of actually going, oh, everybody, I am this, I am this, you should be this, I am this, you should be this.


It's like if you want to convert people to whatever it is you want to convert to make them interested and go, wow, that person seems like really happy. That person seems really peaceful. I wonder what they do. Oh they're Christian. Oh they're a Buddhist. Oh, whatever it is that they happen to be.


And that's how you how you help people transform is by you being the person that is transformed. That makes people that are maybe a few years behind you go and they look a lot happier than I do, I wonder what they do. Oh, they meditate 30 minutes a day. Maybe I should try meditating.


And it's just about being the change versus trying to force the change. Yeah. You can't force anybody to change.


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Yeah, such great points.


So let's talk about business a little bit and let's imagine a future where, you know, this concept of like we live in a world where there's like some status that comes along with, like net worth, you know, and when we, like, talk about somebody's net worth, it's it's how much they've accumulated or how much they've received. Right.


And imagine a world where somebody's net worth like the worth of value that we you know, that we kind of view people in is not how much they've accumulated, but how much they've given.


So to kind of questions with that frame number one, what do you think would be like the most empowering metric to see? Like, all right, that person gave this much to this cause, like what would be the thing that would be the driver of it? And then how do you think that could affect business?


And what would business look like in your opinion? Um, the thing that I think that people should so I don't even think they gave this much. I think that it's like because then I automatically think money. I just think it's like going back to what I was saying, which is compassion, like one when I put up a thing that on LinkedIn the other day and it was just a couple of sentences and it was actually like the most viral illington I've ever put up and I just literally put it up real quick.


So if people want to follow me on LinkedIn, I'm starting to put up stuff on their butt. And it literally said when I was younger, I used to admire rich people. Now that I'm older, I admire kind people. Right. Like, I know a lot of people that have a lot of money and they're not happy. I know a lot of people have a lot of money and they are happy. But I know some that they thought happiness would come with money, but in reality, it never came.


And so they're trying to accumulate more and they're trying to buy more. They're trying to accumulate more and they're trying to buy more. Like, I know I know billionaires that are that are miserable. Billionaires have billions of dollars and they're miserable and all they want to do is make more money and buy more things because they think those things will fill some sort of hole inside of themselves. Right sign miserable rich people aren't really happy, rich people. And so I can look at them and also miserable poor people.


And I don't really happy poor people. And the one common denominator that I find is that the kindest, most compassionate ones are the ones that are happiest. I don't know what it is inside of the human brain and I don't know if it will ever be found. But I've tried. I've literally looked and looked and looked to see where it is as to why humans feel better when we do something for someone else.


Like if there's one thing that gets me out of a bad mood is getting up and going and doing something for someone else.


And so I think if we could measure compassion in kindness and people, that would be the one thing that instead of, oh, this person's accumulated one hundred million dollars, right?


Oh, this person's accumulated a billion dollars as a person. Accumulated four thousand dollars.


It's never. About money, because money does not bring happiness like we've heard it all before, and we're like, yeah, but I'd rather be unhappy and rich than unhappy and poor.


But but then I always go, well, why does so many successful people commit suicide in a lot?


I can't say, because this is just my guessing of what it is of knowing people who have is they think that this game that we're playing of life is about accumulating as much as possible and that will fix whatever's broken inside of them and make them happy.


And then they, quote unquote, win the game. They get millions of dollars and they don't feel any better. And they're like, I don't know what else there is to do. And this isn't fun anymore.


And so I think that that if people truly wanted to gauge what would be a wealthy person, I think if we could gauge them off of kindness and compassion, that would be awesome.


You know, it's hard to quantify. That is the issue. It's like, dude, I'm loaded.


I've give it a million times and I've give it a million smiles, etc. So it's like it's hard to gauge those things. But more than anything else, I think it's just like it's it's people listen to this and going, wow, I could also be more kind, I could be more compassionate. You know, the end of every episode I end with make it your mission, make someone else's day better. And the only reason why is because I know what will make people feel better is doing something for someone else and having that kind of do something for someone else.


So if we could measure one thing and that would be success, I think I think kindness and compassion would be the biggest thing. Yeah. And I think like like if you're listening to this right now, I imagine the world like that.


Imagine the world where it wasn't about taking, it was about giving and just being in a in a world where like just it wasn't a race to get as much, but it was a race to like, hey, how can I give even more? And like, that's that's just like that's a just a really empowering vision. So when we think about a vision like that, what do you think would be the first step for us to, like, just move in that direction as a society and as a as a as a a human species?


Um. The truth is, I think that it comes with people being kind to themselves because you can't give it, you can't like you can't give what you don't have. So I go have a cup of water right here. But if I can't give you any water, if there's no water in it. Right. Right. So if I don't have inside of me all of the compassion for myself, for all the ways that I'm not perfect and it's going to be hard for me to go and give compassion to you.


And I can do it. I can be nice to you.


I can go and, you know, smile at the person who's homeless on the side of the road when I feel like shit and I can go out and I could go by, you know, hamburgers and give it to those people when I don't feel good.


That will will help. But I think the the main thing is that people are always looking outside of them to fix what's inside of them and.


I don't I've never met someone who I've coached thousands of people, I've never I've met hundreds of thousand people in my life, I've never met someone that didn't have at least a little bit of. Of I'm not good enough unworthiness inside of them, um. Maybe one or two, and the two that I can think of were like monks where they don't they they've released all of the attachments, I feel like.


And so I think the the main thing that people would need to do is start being more kind to themselves. If I'm kind of myself, it's easier to be kind to to you. And I think it starts like I did an episode not long ago and literally just self-love, like just how to love yourself at a deeper level. And it doesn't even come to self-love. It just comes to self acceptance, like accepting that I've hangups, accepting that I have problems and accepting that I have flaws and I'm going to work to get better at them.


And, you know, one of the perfect examples is I was at a conference one time. I was talking to a lady and she's like, yeah, I'm trying to she was like in her 50s. And she's like, I don't get that Jaylo body. Right? She's like, I want to get to like 13 percent body fat or something like that. She said, and she's like, because I just hate this body that I have. Like, I just hate the way that I look when I look at myself in the mirror.


And I was like, that's not going to change you. I was like the way that. And I was like, let me give you an example.


If you have someone that you hate, do you want to help them improve? Right. In most of the time, people like, well, I would like to help them improve. I'm like, yeah, but if you could only help someone that you love, like your family member or someone that you hate, who would you choose? Oh, this person that I love. So the way to change yourself is not to hate yourself.


The way to change yourself is to love yourself, to love everything that you have and realize that I want to go work out and go to the gym because I actually love this body, not because I fucking hate this body and want to change it.


And so I think that a lot of people have self-love kind of messed up. And in the episode that I had was called Self-discipline and self-love, where it's like when we think of the word discipline, that is a really bad connotation. Like your dog does something, it poops on the floor, you discipline it. Your child, you know, gets thrown out of school, you discipline the child. But when it comes to self discipline, we we don't need self-discipline to eat the pizza.


Right. Like, we don't need self-discipline to eat pizza. We don't need self-discipline for things that are good for us. We need self discipline for things that are that are good for us, like not the bad things. We need self discipline to eat the salad instead of pizza.


We need self-discipline to wake up early in the morning because we said we were going to versus sleeping. And we need the self-discipline to go to the gym after a long day of work, even though we're tired as hell because we told ourselves that we would we need self discipline to wake up and meditate versus saying that's a waste of time, because if you go through the self-discipline, you're you're disciplining yourself to do the things that are good for you.


And that is the key to self-love, because you start to love yourself more through that process. And so we're talking about like transforming. It's it's the transformation of I love myself so much, I won't eat that pizza. I love myself so much that I will go to the gym. I love myself so much that I'm going to wake up early. And and what happens is it's kind of like a catch twenty two or you like. But I should and I love myself first to do these things.


And it's kind of like as you do these things and you show up for yourself that is loving yourself, you're loving yourself and you start to love yourself deeper because you go look at what I'm doing for myself.


Like I'm actually proud of the fact that I woke up early today. Yeah, I'm proud of the fact that I meditated.


So it's like you've got to kind of take the action for the self-love to happen. And when you get the results and you finish it, the self love gets deeper. And so I think that the main key is like if people can literally love themself at a deeper level, they can go out and they can love everybody else around them at a deeper level. Right. And that's where where I think that the true compassion and kindness we come from is if people worked on themselves and cared about themselves as much as they cared about the people around them.




Yeah. And it's like it takes practice because it's just like you were saying earlier, that by twenty five years old, we don't you can't teach an old dog new tricks like we're very stuck in our ways unless we have that strong intention. Right. So so much of what we do is habitual, like thinking negatively, like if you think negatively all the time, it's, it's, it's a habit. Right. Right. It's not like oh yeah.


I just want to think like that's a totally unconscious habit. And so to break that you have to consciously think positively and practice thinking positively and so loving yourself, especially if there's a pattern with like, oh, I have this aggression towards myself, which has been my journey. I've gone through that and I'm still going through that, like there's new levels of that all the time. And so being able to practice that self-love and that discipline to show the love, I think that's just, you know, that just came up for me is like something that's really potent.


I just wanted to reiterate NACCHO. Yeah.


And one thing that that we talked about this earlier, like, I'm creating this course on mindset. Right. And part of it is neuroplasticity, which actually means changing your. Rain. I was geeking out with you talking about this this chemical that's inside of your brain that literally changes your brain in one of the things that's so interesting about it, and this is so this is for me, I don't know if it can be as mind blowing for everyone else is for me, but I think it's pretty damn mind blowing.


I don't want to give the whole lesson because obviously I go way, way, way deeper into it in the course. But there's a chemical that's released inside of your brain, and this chemical, when it's released inside of your brain, actually changes your at the synaptic connection, like the neurons. Like if I'm sitting down, the example that I gave you is if I'm sitting down and I'm wanting to learn guitar, I've never played guitar. I'll even give you example.


I'm playing guitar for about almost 20 years. And if I sit down, I really want to learn a difficult song. It starts to stress me out. And there's there's there's resistance that my physical body has.


And I'm like, let me just go back to an old song that I used to play. Right. Because those are I know those songs. They're built into my brain. It's super easy to do right now. But if I were to step into learning this blues song, which is really freaking hard, I met with a lot of resistance and it's a little bit of agitated and stress feeling like has anybody out there ever felt agitation and stress when you're trying to do something new?


Right. This chemical, when it's released inside of your brain, goes into the actual neurons that are trying to change it. And it's released at the exact point where the neurons are that need to be changed and corrected inside of your brain.


Here's what's crazy, though, the precursor to that chemical is in the exact same part of your brain, that stress and agitation is so when people sit there and they go, I'm not supposed to do this because I'm so stressed and agitated trying to do something new that is actually showing you that that is the point, changing your brain and that's where you've got to push through it.


So it's like there's examples like this or people don't know that literally you can actually read pattern and rewire your brain after the age of 25. You know, they say you can't teach an old dog new tricks. You can't it's just a little bit harder when you actually know what's going on.


And so for me, it's like, how do I know that I'm trying to go out there and create something that's going to change my life and change the way that my brain is?


If I feel stress and agitation, that shows me I'm on the right path to lean into that, I've got to lean into whatever that is. Yeah.


And so, you know, when you can understand the way your body works and you can understand the way your brain works, then when I feel these feelings, I can go, oh, these are good feelings, because this is actually a feeling showing me that my brain is going to change.


Right. And so I remember what your question was, but whatever your question was, I don't remember either, because the question was it reminded me of like.


Like, for me, I'm just so obsessed with this because I've never. I've never thought to myself, this is the way that I am and I'll always be this way. Yeah, I've always been like, yeah, I'm going to do that. Like, if I want to do that, like there's still a part of me that thinks I could be an NBA player, like I'm 34 years old. I can't jump that well. I'm white as hell and like, I couldn't be an NBA player.


For most people, there's still a part of me inside that's like if I really worked my ass off, I could probably make it. And that's always inside of me. And I think that most people need to realize, like, you can do literally anything that you want to. If you have the strategies of knowing how you work mentally, physically, your body works inside the chemicals that are inside of it so that, you know, OK, I'm feeling these feelings.


Oh, that's right.


This is the chemical of stress and agitation, which is actually needed for my brain to change. There's a I mean, I could talk for twenty five more minutes about why that stress and agitation is necessary for your brain to change.


But if people take nothing else from this, one little part that I'm talking about is as you're doing something that's that's brand new for you to do or hard for you to do, even for someone who's, you know, been playing guitar for 20 years. And I'm trying to play something that's actually outside of my difficult likes more difficult than what I can do. I feel that stress and agitation, I'm going, oh, wow, my brain is actually changing right now, which means I need to lean into this because this is where my brain changes.


Yeah, yeah.


I love that. It's like that's almost like the step by step guide. Like those are the steps that are needed to like. I'm just going to say the word brainwash, even though that has a negative connotation, but brainwash like that could be really good, like brainwashing your your your brain to think a certain way to have an empowering belief systems versus like disempowering belief systems. And so, like, brainwashing to me, actually, I was just thinking about like the way that that most people receive that.


But, you know, it's if we could brainwash ourselves to believe and think and do what it is that we ultimately want to do, that's going to be in alignment with our true potential. That's amazing. And so what I'm hearing is like awareness, like having the awareness of like, oh, I'm in this moment and I'm feeling this this discomfort, I'm feeling this frustration and then the discipline and the intention of like, oh, that is now a time for me to lean in and see what else is there and like push through that and then give myself the space to, you know, have the experience.


The other thing that that comes up is like.


When we're on this path of transformation and especially I mean, a lot of people are listening to this right now, probably have, you know, this personal growth intention, you know, being on the path of personal growth.


And that can be a double edged sword because like sometimes the personal like, oh, man, I just need to grow right now, you know, and really, like, personal growth is like a it's like a garden, you know, where there's like some things that will grow faster than others just depending on what's nurtured.


And and so can you speak to your perspective on, like, the journey?


Or the destination is the journey. And just like really appreciating that that transformation experience versus like I need to get there or else I'm not good enough.


Right. So cliches are cliches because they're true. Like, that's just the way that they are. So, like, I've always heard people say, like, oh, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey. I'm like, cool. Yeah, whatever, dude. Right. But but. Like I was saying, like I I see myself from zero to thirty four years old as I was concentrated on on as much as I was helping people and as much as I was still doing good with it, there was an underlying of but I want to frickin make money, like there was that big part of it.


And then I hit this goal that I always wanted to hit for my life. And then I was like. Should I feel the same as I did yesterday, like I feel no different and then I literally went through this wasn't like a crisis in any way, but I went through this like, well, then who am I? Because my whole thirty four years identified as this person that was going for this.


Now that I've got this, what am I supposed to do now? Like where does my life go from this point on? And then I went, oh my God. Like, it was never about the destination, it was about the journey, and then so I went, OK, if it's about the journey, well then how do I figure out how to make this journey as fun as possible? And what would I want to do now? Like what?


What would make it exciting from now on? And it was like the first thing that popped into my head was the two things I said this in my interview when I interviewed Jay, we talked about your Dharma, which is like your life work.


It's your work that you're supposed to do. Like my Dharma is what I'm doing now. It's like teaching people if I if I have one skill that I think that I have, I can take I can understand complex things and I can teach it to very simple ways. And I think that's that's my gift. There's a lot of things I'm terrible at, but I feel like I'm pretty decent that in and I like talking so that those are my that's my dharma is to be able to teach things to try to help people get better.


And that's what I've just been doing for the past 14 years now and on recording for the past five years now. And so that's my Dharma.


So when I hit this whole goal that I set aside for my entire life, I went, so what do I do now? And the first thing popped to my head was chop wood, carry water. Like that's what they say. Like just do what you're supposed to do. Like my dharma is chop wood, carry water. Right. My daughter is helping people and I just need to chop wood, carry water every single morning, every single day.


So like just continue to do what my dharma is, which is like ultimately my life work. So for like me, I see myself as like a teacher and a healer like that's you know, I teach people things that help them heal in some sort of way mentally from past traumas.


A lot of times there's some people out there that are great teachers or some people that they're Dharma's just be an incredible mother, right? There's some people that are there. I have a friend who's really successful business person. He's realized that he's incredible at making money. So he's going to make as much as he can so that he can donate as much as you can like.


So it's like chop wood, carry water. It was never about getting to this place of of. Of making a certain amount of money, it was who you need to become in order to hit this goal that you have. And that's the thing that I always tell people like that's what's beautiful about transformation and changing yourself and changing your habits and changing your brain. Is that your if we just go back to money, your bank account will never outgrow your personal development account.


Well, there's no way for you to be down here in development and be up here in money.


Yeah, the only way to do it is as your as your your personal account grows, your bank account will start to grow as well.


That's why when people win the lottery, they lose it all because they're not developed to be able to handle the maturity that was needed to earn that type of correct. First place.




And that's why it's like most people, I think it's like 95 percent of people who win the lottery are actually more broke, like three or four years down the road than they were before they won the lottery. So they actually go in reverse, which is what's crazy.


And so I think that the whole thing is like what lights me up inside is just looking at myself two, three, four or five days ago, a year ago. And, you know, while I'm better like I've transformed, I am a new version. I've shed my skin of who I was. And now I'm this and that's it. And it makes me the most excited is to know that I'm constantly growing into a new version of myself. And in the past, like I said, and this is the perfect way to end it is like you will never be done.


You will always be working on yourself.


And that's not a stressful feeling like some people here that like I know people, that I know people here, they'll be like, oh my God, now I'm really stressed. Oh, shit. I thought I was going to get to this place. Right. But it's like, no, it's a constant unfolding of who you are.


And, you know, I've literally got the tattoo on my wrist. That is a Roman numeral. The ax of the line above. It's a Roman numeral for ten thousand because I truly believe in the ten thousand hour rule, it takes at least ten thousand hours to master something. I think it's going to take an entire lifetime to try to even master myself, like I will be on my deathbed and I'll go, I did I did the best that I could, but there were there if I had another hundred years, I would still be unfolding for the next hundred years.


And so, like, I see this whole path, this journey that you're talking about, a life of rediscovering myself and then rediscovering a new version of myself and then rediscovering a new version myself and then rediscovering a new version of myself, because, as I said, whatever you want, whenever I walk through the kitchen, I get hung up on the different handles.


It's the same thing. I could be eighty five years old. There's probably some handles that I'm getting caught up at. Eighty five years old, but discovering those and working through them is the fun part. Yeah.


Yeah. And it's like we have to just side as people like is the comfort of settling more exhilarating than, you know, the exhilaration of growth.


And with that growth comes the discipline and comes that like true fulfillment. And I think that's like, you know, that's what you're speaking to and that's the way I'm receiving it. And there's there's a quote that I think was like, you have to choose your pain, right? You have to either choose the pain of regret, you know, and I believe that like anybody that dies, like on their deathbed without realizing their full potential, like there's always going to be some like famo there.


Right. So you have to choose the pain of the regret of not being in your full potential or the pain of the discipline to get there. Right. And I think getting there and really like actualizing ourself, that's the journey. So it's a great way to love it. Well, I appreciate your being here.


Thank you. We have to do a lot more this there's a studio set up with a beautiful lighting. It's a great setup. Yeah. So that's what we got for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share with someone that you know and love. Please tag us on Instagram. Tag me Rob Dyle Jr. RBD. I'll type your Instagram stories. We'll go ahead and repost. And as always, I believe the same way I leave you every single episode.


Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate your being here and I hope that you have an amazing day.