You Pick Your Human ExperienceThe Mindset Mentor
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- 25 Mar 2021
What is the point of your life? What do you do with stress, worry, fear, and anxiety? In this episode, we're going to teach you!
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Welcome to today's episode of The Mind, set in a podcast, I'm your host, Rod. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode in today is Thursday. So that means it is the business edition of the Mind Set tour, which also means that I am joined by my best friend and business partner, Dean of. How are you, bud? I'm doing amazing, man. Happy Thursday.
It's great to be here. Happy Thursday.
Say, we're going to be talking about stress. We're going to be talking about worry. We're going to be talking about fear.
We're going to be talking about all of those shitty emotions that you happen to feel sometimes, especially with all of the stuff happening in the world right now and how to change it. And Dean, you want to give us a real quick story of where we actually came up with this idea for this?
Yeah, so this was really it was inspired by an experience that I had with a really good friend of mine runs a super successful business, which is only a couple of days ago and runs a really successful business, has lots of people that rely on them.
It's got about 100 or so people that, you know, he's sort of responsible for. And it's been a couple of months since we had last connected. So we ended up going out to the beach and we just caught up and we ended up having a conversation for about three hours. And so I kind of share the essence of that. And, you know, I just asked him, hey, how's everything been going? And the way he responded was it drew my attention to, like, this heaviness where he was like, yeah, you know, things are are good.
We hit all of our goals. And, you know, I'm just under a lot of pressure. And he got all these people that are relying on me and I just got to keep grinding. And by the way, this guy is like one of the most disciplined people that I know, like one of the hardest workers. Like if like he is the epitome of somebody who just grinds. And I just asked him, I was like, brother, like, how are you enjoying that experience?
And he looked at me and was like, enjoying the experience.
Yeah, I haven't really thought about that. And, you know, he was just so focused on, you know, all of the people and all of the goals and what that next level looked like. And, you know, by the end of that conversation, you know, we were almost in tears like hugging each other. And he was like, thank you, man. Like, this has been so great because the reframe as he went from I have to do this, I should do this.
This is, you know, all the pressure that I'm under to keep performing and keep grinding and keep building to hey, I'm just here to have an experience.
So, yeah, it was a really powerful moment and it kind of like spoke to the childlike perspective of, you know, hey, we're just here to have an experience.
There is no pressure to, you know, really do anything other than have an experience. But the thing is, we choose our experiences. So that's what we're going to dive into today.
Yeah. And the thing about it is the reason why this is so important is because I have a lot of friends that have become successful. I've seen a lot of them create success and love it. I've seen a lot of them create success and hate it.
And they built whether they love it or they hate it, they built it to be that way, you know. And how many people out there listening to us right now in the past week have felt the feeling of worry or have felt the feeling of stress or a fear and some sort of way if you felt worry, stress, fear, anxiety, any of those things, I want you to realize that you are creating that experience. So when Dean says, how are you liking your experience, how are you enjoying it, you're creating it.
And so you can't say, oh, no, I'm stressed out because this is happening or I'm worried because this is happening. No, no, no, you're not. Because you're playing the victim in this situation.
If you're saying it's anything, any anything outside of you externally. Right. It's never the thing that's happening. It's always your response to that. You're stressed out because the way you are responding to this event that you're actually saying that's stressing you out. Right. And another example is like how many people out there I've ever I'll give you another example. Overextended yourself, right where you spread yourself too thin. I know for sure. I've definitely done this where you say yes to too many things because you feel like, hey, in order to run a successful business, this is what I'm supposed to do.
You know, if I'm required, I'm required to do this. If I'm going to run a successful business, I'm going to I've got to struggle my way to success, which sounds like your friend was kind of struggling his way to success, you know? So you spread yourself too thin. You've got too many things. You got too many people. You got to take care of whatever it is.
It's not that you've been spread too thin, it's that you have created that experience every experience in your life you are constantly creating. And what we're getting to is that we as humans are creators in every single way we create every single moment. We create every single experience in our lives, in our heads, or even in the physical as well. We create every single experience, every single moment with our thoughts.
Yeah, I think a really important distinction with that is even though this doesn't mean that you're creating the things that are happening all around you, however you're creating the meaning behind it.
You're creating the how you receive it, how you your perception of the experience is actually the experience, how you perceive is how you receive. Mm hmm. And so if you're receiving an experience that doesn't give you a shitload of energy, it's because your perception is not attuned to that. Your perception isn't isn't a perception that's that's energy rich. Right. Which is like it goes back to the story of, you know, I have to keep you know, I have to struggle my way to success.
I have to keep doing this. Like, imagine having and having an experience. If you knew that you could create whatever experience you want, would you choose an experience where, like, you have to do something? It's almost like like I'm just imagining, like, the, you know, the handcuffs where it's like I'm chained to this business where I have to do this, or it's like that's like going to a donut shop and you're like, oh, you've got glazed doughnuts, we've got chocolate doughnuts.
But you know what? I feel like I actually have to take the donut that fell on the floor and the guy in front of me stopped because that's what I'm supposed to do.
No, dude like you can literally create any experience that you want to. But the only thing is you've been conditioned to create an experience that stresses you out, that you hate, that you worry, that you fear you're creating those experiences. It's always the way you deal with things internally and reframe to make you think of it. If you're not if you're not fully, fully getting this is what every single person in the world respond to this event the exact same way that you did, or would somebody in the world possibly respond to it more gracefully or with more fun or with more joy or with more happiness?
Because if there is, it shows you that you are actually the one that's creating that fear, the stress, the worry, the anxiety around all of that.
Yeah, the other thing that comes into it, this is, you know, so often people think that they have to struggle their way towards a better future. It's like, you know, hey, I'm just going to, like, keep grinding my face off until, like, you know, this is this is not going to be fun for about 10 years. And then the light switch is going to turn on and it's going to be great, you know, really shitty to really amazing.
And I don't know when it's going to happen, but it's just I know it's going to happen. Right. It I'll just keep feeling shitty the entire time until I don't.
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What if I told you that the secret to the purpose of your life isn't to fulfill some world changing mission, you know, this huge undertaking where, like your gifts are the highest expression of your gifts or has to have to be used for this thing?
And what if I told you that the reason why you're here on this planet living a life isn't really to do anything in particular other than to have an experience like the purpose of your life is to simply have an experience. What if you were able to just play with that and just say, hey, I'm just here to have an experience? It's like the childlike belief and the childlike vision and the childlike, you know, potential for possibility. Yeah, yeah.
And what we're saying is, you know, it's the thing about it is that we are simply here to have an experience. Now, this isn't getting into religion or any of those types of things, because we are going to have an experience whether we want to have an experience or not, like it's an experience will be had.
So why don't we sit and go if I'm in control fully of what my experience is at all moments, why don't I really take take this serious to sit down and say, what do I want my experience of my life to be? And so if we go back to, you know, let's say there's people out there right now that own a business, you know, maybe you feel the weight of having employees.
I know what that feels like. I've had multiple businesses where it gets to at some point where you're like, holy shit, there's fifteen people who require my business to run in order for them to feed their families. Right. Like, I know what that feels like. And you can think about that and think about that and then go into work the next day and be like, oh my God, I have to succeed because there's so many people relying on me.
You can't do that if you like, or you can, you know, do whatever it is that you want in your company. Or you can say, you know what, instead of I have to go into work and do this, this, this. What if you were just reframe and say, I get to I get to go in and run a business doing X, Y, Z and be able to impact people's lives? I get to like we're we're in the middle right now of literally and what I say in the middle, there's a guy painting my garage at this very moment.
He's I'm I'm not going lie. I'm in my fucking closet recording this because I can't I can't record. I can't record because this is my studio space. Right. But I have a studio in the garage as well on the other side of it, you know, I digress.
On the other side of it, we have an area that he's painting black and on the wall we're painting whites. I am phrases. I am powerful. I am strong, I am. But the other phrase it's going to be is I get to work out because how often do we go, fuck, I got a workout today like I do that every time I have to work out if I'm being honest. But now I'm trying to reframe it to I get to work out why, because there's one hundred and fifty thousand people that didn't make it to today.
I get to work out today. There's a ton of people that are not able because they have some sort of disability and some sort of way that they can't work out. And so I get to work out. And so what would the refrain be instead of I have to go into work today, I have to do this, too, I get to write.
Maybe you don't have your own business, maybe you're a manager, maybe you work at a company and you have a couple people that are under you. Right. And you're just like instead of feeling the weight of oh, my gosh, I have so many things, I've got to pick up all these things and and, you know, all of the times I screw up, I've got to fix this.
What if it's like, hey, how can I look at this? And obviously I'm feeling this worry, this fear, this anxiety because of my perception of an event that's happening. How can I reframe this event to simply have an experience that I enjoy?
Mhm. Yeah. And you know, the, the thing that comes up for me and that is, you know, going back to like the child like approach to having the experience, it turns on the curiosity. So like, you know, when you shared about working out where it's like, hey, I get to work out, you know, just to take that a step further, what if it's like, you know, hey, I'm going to work out and be really curious about what it actually feels like when I'm focused on that versus focused on just getting to the end of my workout.
Right. Right. And that's like something that I've been really focused on, too, because I've had, you know, lots of challenges of, you know, getting back into the gym and getting back into shape. And so, like, the thing that's really helped me come alive in that has been like let me actually try to have a different experience while I'm working out.
Like, what can working out now mean instead of, you know, being the pressure of, like losing another fifteen pounds or gaining, you know, a certain amount of muscle mass. Instead, it's like, hey, let me just feel what this workout feels like and like really just having fun with it. And it's the same in business where it's like, oh hey, this challenge is here. You know, this person wants to quit or, you know, hey, I've got this issue going on with a client.
Hey, let me just be curious and really just like see what this experience has to offer me without any attachment. Like, really just explore it with that childlike curiosity and, you know, when we go in without those expectations or without those attachments, it really does honor the experience because, hey, if you're in business, if you're an entrepreneur or if you're a salesperson, if you if you've been doing if you have a job like you're you're obviously proficient enough to do the job.
And so if you can, you can trust yourself to be curious about, you know, what the what experience is available for you in each of these different parts of your job. And I would argue that you could probably be even way more productive.
But most importantly, you're getting so much more energy because it's it's not I have to it's like, hey, what fun can I have? What can I explore in this? You know what what do I have the chance to be able to do? Versus I have to do this in order to do, you know, X, Y, Z. Yeah, for sure.
Yeah. Whenever I think of like child like I always think of like when I was trying to think of myself as a child. Right. So one thing I'm going to I'm going to explore, all of you guys that are listening to do is think of who were you at four years old? Who are you at five years old? You know, what type of child were you like? If I think back to who I was as a child and I think back to like my child, like creativity, like when I was a kid, I was 100 percent sure I was going to be in the NBA.
Right. I'm also, you know, as as the world would end up making it, I only made it to six foot one. I'm a white guy who can't jump very high. I didn't make it anywhere near the NBA. But when I was a child, I was for sure I was making into the NBA like there was there was no doubt I was going to work and I worked and I worked.
And the beautiful thing about it was putting in all of the work was so enjoyable to me because I was so sure of the outcome that I was going to get from it. Right. And so, so many people are out there working and hating it because they have to, as we said in the beginning, hate their way and struggle their way to success. But what if you were to bring in that side of you, the four year old self of you?
That was absolute certainty. There are no limitations. And I'm going to bring in my creativity and my joy and my fun into everything that I'm doing and bring in that childlike side of me to my work and see what happens to come from my work if I put that much energy and joy into it.
Yeah, yeah, I think about, you know, my my son, Christian, who's like he is like obsessed with soccer and he's like 100 percent certain, like there's nothing else on the planet that is going to be his future other than being a professional soccer player.
So I'm like, hell, yeah, dude, like, I believe you.
But, you know, the the experience that that vision and that possibility that he's connected to the experience that's being created for him when he's, you know, doing some really productive things, like he's learning teamwork, he's learning how to push himself. He's learning how to deal with failure. He's learning how to deal with success. And, you know, sport is such a such a great thing for everybody. But, you know, he's learning these and he's really going all in because of this, like, childlike possibility that he's connected to.
And he's just having a blast and having having the experience that makes him feel alive.
And I think, like, you know, if we really just boil this down to like, what kind of experiences do we want? It's the experience of aliveness like that. To have an experience is literally the epitome of being alive. And so when we look for different experiences that make us come alive and everybody has different different things that like really just resonate. And so whatever that thing is for you, if there's something in your life that is like, oh, I have to do this, how can you reframe it to be like, right, where can I explore?
Where can I, like, tap into my child? Where can I just really be committed to having an incredible experience around this to create more aliveness, to make me come alive more? Because when we come alive more we become more. We do more. We can create more, we impact more. Everything becomes more abundant.
Yeah. It really what it is is it's all play, you know, like that's the beautiful thing about being a child is is the whole world as play as a child. The whole world is your playground. But at some point in time we lose that feeling of the world being a playground and it becomes and I guess maybe it's done through school, but it becomes work. It becomes things that we have to do versus just going outside and playing. Right.
So the same way that you could be a kid and you go and knock your front door and be like, hey, can Johnny come outside and play? And then you go do whatever it is you're going to do and imagine all of the things you're going to imagine that have all the fun that you could have. What if you were to do the exact same thing and realize that life is still the same?
The only difference is the way that you have shown up to life right now.
Obviously, if you go knock on your friend's door and you just want to play outside all day, you're probably going to go broke. But could you bring that same mentality of everything is play to your life currently right now? Like what if what if? What do you want? Like what type of experience do you want to create? Did you what do you want to have more fun in your office, whether you own the office or don't. How can you have more fun in the office?
How can you bring the energy of fun in the office with everyone else that's around you? Right. Do you want to have more fun with your children? Do you want to play with your children or do you want to play with your husband or wife more, have more fun, stop being so serious all the time and all man things have changed since we've had kids because we have to be serious. We have lives to take care of. What if you could just have fun with everybody that was around?
Right. Do you want to travel with your family? Like, what experience do you want to create? Do you want to. You know, go out and give more freely to those that are in need and put a smile on someone's face that you don't know, right? We just got back from dinner. We were at a sushi place and our friends walked in and were like, oh, God, they're right there. And one of my friends that I love, he is so intrigued by every other human and every person that walks up like she's you know, he will literally look at them and say, hey, how are you?
And so we're at the sushi place. And I don't mean like, how are you? It's like, how are you? Like, in literally, like, puts all of his energy into that person. And and so our waitress walks up and blah, blah, blah, she's talking and stuff and he goes, hey, how are you?
And she goes, Oh, I'm doing good. He goes, What was your favorite part of today? Like, nobody asked that question, right? But what's new you're talking about that's perfect. Yeah, he's amazing. Saves time. He's actually been on the podcast, right. And he's like, what was your favorite part of today? And nobody asked those questions. But he wants to he's he loves to connect with people, so he's trying to make more connection.
Then he asked for Lemann's because he doesn't have soy sauce. So then the guy brings over lemons. He goes in and he's like he's like, hey, he's like, yeah. And he goes, how are you? Today is I'm good. Thanks, man. He goes, Hey, negotiating is what was your favorite part of today? And he like, brings out this child. He's 49 years old. He's not a child, but he still acts like a child and he still loves people.
And people open up to him like nobody else have ever seen because he's fully there. He's also the guy that does this when he drives in the street and he gives money to homeless people and he says, hey, man, how are you? And like, I'm good, man, how are you? And he's like, I'm doing amazing. And he goes, Hey. Do you need a hug? And a lot of times they say yes and he goes OK, and he puts his car in park and he gives that person a hug and then he'll look them in the eyes and he'll go, Are you hungry?
Do you want to go get some lunch? And if they say yes, he'll let them in his car and he'll go take them to lunch. Why? Because he loves human connection. He loves making people feel good. Right. And some people are going, I wouldn't I would never do such a thing.
Well, you're creating that experience, right? I would. I would. What if what if they smell and they get in my car?
Well, you're creating that experience. What if you think that's a bad what if question. What if you have the what if question of what if I, you know, can make an amazing connection with this person? What if this person was thinking about committing suicide before I took him out to lunch? What if I could go impact somebody's life right now? Right.
We are constantly in work and life and play and everything that we're doing. We're constantly creating our experience in every single moment based off of how we decide to show up.
The question is, how do you want to show up? So that's we got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share on Instagram stories and tag minute Rob Dyle, Jebediah Algier and you can tag Dinanath Kysen, K.A., ICN Dän Tagus in it. The only way that we girls from you guys sharing this podcast and I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission, make someone else's day better.
I appreciate you and I hope you have an amazing day.