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[00:00:00]

Well, some guys go back to views the podcasts are usually about twenty three minutes and Jason talks shit about his son Wyatt, but instead today I'm going to do it right now, motherfucker.

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Why it is such a fucking. I can't you can't be mean to him. I can't call him a pussy.

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You want to know because he gets it for me. Oh, music.

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So the other day, Jason wanted to surprise his son with Olive Tree. Yeah, who I just showed me arbitrary and he's fucking really cool, really like he's like a fun character, but his voice is also amazing. Yes. So and and and Jason's son is notorious for having no reaction at all.

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And Jason's like Jason's like, do you want to bring Wyatt here and surprise, surprise with Salvatore. And I was like, Jason, I mean this in the most respectful way possible. I don't want to do that because I feel bad for Oliver Tree. I feel bad for Salvatore coming. And because I know how you hype it up on the phone when you're on the phone with Salvatore or his agent or whatever you're like.

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My son is the biggest fan of Oliver. I know that's how you sell it. And then I'm scared that he is.

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Yes. He asks about him nonstop, literally. Oliver launched an album last week. Watch the music video to get it right.

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But I've seen him react to things. And even if he loves it, he just doesn't react. And the reason I don't want Oliver in that situation is because it's awkward. Like it's like there's been a lot of times where someone's someone's gone. Hey, FaceTime, my friend. She loves you. And then I FaceTime the person.

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I'm like, hi. Like, they just like, do not care for me. So I'm like, okay, I don't want to put Oliver through the situation. So Jay, please, I don't want to be part of the surprise. So then instead of going to my house, Jason goes to Jeff's house.

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No, we were trying to find like the right idea. Right. And then I said I pitched in, like, one idea and they're like, pretty good. And then they're like, do you want to get a haircut? And an Oliver is notorious for this bowl haircut. Right. So he's like, I'll come get a haircut. So we did it at Jeff's. So he got there. And your son's getting a haircut and my son's getting a haircut.

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And he has no idea Salvatore is waiting for the White House.

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OK, and then and then we had Jonah come out and dressed as Oliver Tree. Right. Which was funny because he looks like a fat olive tree. And then we brought we brought Oliver down and I was like and it was a lot. And Oliver brought his scooter. They had, you know, makeup. They did all the stuff. And then he came in and he surprised them. And Jeff had taken his glasses off. He just was like he just sat there.

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That was it. Well, how did he react? He did it.

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I, I the minute I looked at Wyatt, I thought of you. I was like, oh my God, I will never, ever fucking surprise this. I got this. I got with anybody.

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I got this text the next morning right after he got this is from Jason. Oh, man. I promise you my hand to God, I will never, ever surprise Wyatt again.

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It was awful, David.

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The video will be good and Jeff's video will be good. But the surprise you would have been so mad. It was really fun. Yeah, but was that Oliver? How was Oliver? Oliver is great.

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He was like, really fun. He he he was just like fucking yelling at everybody. What did your son love it. My son loved it. And then but then when we left like he like that's when he turned it on.

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That's that's in now we're in the car and he like he put his arms around me. He was like, you're the best dad. That was the greatest moment of my life.

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I was like, fuck you.

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Why did you drop this guy down? Right, right.

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Right.

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Because I was working on that for like six months and I felt so bad. But it's fine. It's totally fine because Jeff's video, Jeff, plays off that awkwardness. So Jeff will use that. And mine was fine because mine was like a you know, I was fine, too. Right. But yeah. Anyways, never again. Never fucking again.

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And I what I realized is that he. He was he said something like, yeah, I gave him at Barack Obama, I just kind of like talked to him as a person and I'm like, Oh, OK, so you're being all cool.

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Forget it, you know, which is actually good. I mean, who would you freak out if you met somebody? Who would I freak out over?

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Nobody I'd like freak out, but Robert Downey Junior would be the biggest deal to me. Yeah. Like no one.

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I would be like, oh, no, you know, but like, I would be like in complete happiness, there's people that I would scream if I met them.

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If you surprise me with them, who is who would you scream if we brought them in here right now? A celeb, Eminem. Really?

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I would fucking piss my pants. I might really do it. I would come. Oh, my God, dude, what would you do?

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Is God like he's like a god to me.

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Yeah, I love bro bro. L l will play.

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We'll be in the car and he'll play like six Eminem songs in the intro. Yeah. And I'll be like, dude, please, for the love of God, play something else and then I'll finally switch over to Jay-Z or something and I'll be like, yeah, somebody else now like OK, thank God. And then it's a it's fucking featuring Eminem. Like I'm like listening to it for a minute.

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I'm like, how you something else.

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And then all of a sudden there are some of them. We were listening to a Machine Gun Kelly song today. You know, we were working out and it was all dissing Eminem. And I thought it was so interesting. I was like, oh, that's kind of weird.

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Like kind of like I like Eminem. I shouldn't be listening to this. Yeah, that's what I think about that song. And I was like, I'm happy to be here, but it is a good song at first. Like, this is actually really good. I hate to admit it.

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It's not what is it that what rap was like founded on like. Yeah, you don't you don't diss Eminem. That's the thing. Yeah. But like when he talks about Eminem's daughter. Right. Right. He's like, Haley, I'm your I'm the I'm the real whatever she says, I would never be super disrespectful.

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Yeah. I mean Eminem ends up winning the war. You imagine if someone. What do you mean Eminem won the war like they had a rap battle and Eminem won. Like where do they have a rap battle. No, I would like they just yes. They think they're releasing tracks. Eminem a good freestyler.

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Yeah. God, he's unreal. He's he's on real OK.

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But but when people like that freestyle, they probably have verses in their head that they have already prepared. Right. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I doubt it's coming completely fresh off that. I think it is completely fresh off the dome.

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They're just so good and doing the weirdest place for you to use. And I, I was about to use it, but I stopped myself. Oh, my God. It is fresh off the dome. I doubt it is a cannon.

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No, but could you imagine if a rapper just did a distraction, was decent about Charlie like that. Would be crazy about your daughter. I'd be so mad. I make that. I make that this Jason and not to mention my fucking daughter Dave can freestyle. Have you ever heard him? Yeah, he's pretty good. He's actually really good. I see a good beat and a good topic to sell.

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Well, you see that tick tock of the guy, a chick flick running alongside.

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No, what happened was like a tick tock and the guy's like getting his order and he's just running with him like, forget it, stupid.

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Mm. It's really how they are. Chick fil A just goes, what about the color red. Fucking crazy.

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Is that like have you ever looked at the pigmentation. It's ok Mr. Fucking Time. What did you do before.

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There was a watches agency baseball that they're doing in baseball. They got the cut outs there. Hey, have you guys heard of baseball?

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Tyler just for me, I was out of the way to let it.

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Yeah. Have you seen soccer? You know what they're doing with baseball now? They have cardboard cutouts. You could pay forty dollars. You can have your own face behind home. Oh, that's pretty cool. And it's it's really weird. And then they also pump in white noise. So when you hit a home run, even though there's no one there it goes.

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Wait, what's OK you can pay to put your face behind first base. Yeah. Yeah you can. Yeah. It's like forty 60 bucks are like yeah it's ah doing it. I should fill up like all the seats and just mean your mom on a day.

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I just need me next to your mom and all the see. Yeah. What a nice message from YouTube.

[00:08:03]

David Dubrovka on a date with his lady. Jay do you think aliens are real. I do now no longer in the shadows.

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Pentagon's UFO, as you can tell, kicking in, will make some findings public. In other words, they found a spacecraft and that the government found a spacecraft in there like that is not from this Earth bullshit, bro.

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Times, Washington Post. I look it up. It is. It's a government funded spacecraft. Yeah.

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They're not world news because there's so much shit going on right now that it just kind of goes by our heads. David's friends are here.

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No, it's just I would just wanted to take this opportunity to tell you guys how much I love you guys. John is here. Alex, Mike. Now, it's fucking weird on the podcast, but always the story.

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It was like more of a story broke the story. The story was, you know, when I met David, you know, he had all these I'm writing. This is what is I'm writing my book, so I'm thinking about all these things now like and, you know, we're doing like we were doing so many videos that you never like. The other day I looked at like a Scottie video and he had like 10 million views that I was in.

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And I was like I was like, oh, my God. Like but I was so far in what we were doing that I never looked around, you know.

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Yeah, you didn't you don't remember other people's videos? No, I'm being serious. Yeah, right. Yeah. Like, I was so focused on my videos that I forgot that I was also in like.

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Yeah. Ten and ten other videos. Yeah. And so and so.

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But when I met what I wanted to say because these guys are here. Is that what I meant David. I as I was unpeeling him, you know, being like, OK, here's a guy who was like a lot of followers, whatever, and he's like going to, you know, I'm going to maybe work with him.

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That's like such a great opportunity.

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I was so fucking thrilled that he fucking pulled me from the depths of the trash and and and he and then and then but I, I noticed about him was that he was like so morally centered, like really grounded in a way that, like most people aren't like so good to his friends. So like so all about like where he came from and stuff like that. And I was like, oh my God, this because I've seen a lot of trashy people.

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And I was like, wow, this kid's unbelievable, is unbelievable. Head on his shoulders for this age, which is just like blew me away. So then he invited me to Vernon Hills. Right. Right. What happened? We went to it was during Thanksgiving.

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Yeah. And you. Yeah. And you left your family. Yeah. Oh my God.

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Oh my God. Speaking of Marley Center, I was not crazy. You were like, let's go come to Vernon Hills, which like wasn't like going to Chicago or whatever.

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And I was just like a suburb. And then I went there and I slept on the couch and but I love David. I love him so much.

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And like we always had, like, you know, like I knew we'd laugh and he would make me laugh, whatever. But then the point is, when I met you guys right away, I was like an EYLEA. This goes for you too, because you were living there then I was like, oh my God. And it all made sense to me, like who David was as a person because he had you guys, he had all these like really supportive, like great guys.

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And I just instantly fell in love with all you guys.

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So that's it. I love it. That was really sweet.

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And the fact that you come out here and stuff, it's like it's just great. Like, I love you guys. I pay them a thousand dollars and I just.

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You pay these guys. Yeah. I mean something that makes more sense. Oh, John, you don't get paid does Alex. It's been really tough to get out here, so I do give me that.

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That was nice, Jay. Oh thanks. Yeah. It's it's pretty crazy. Are we on the podcast though, Jay.

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What are you doing in your free time? I have my kids and oh, the correct answer is playing best means for those kids. And if you're not playing the best means that you should be, it's hours of fun. You can enjoy it any time, guys. The best part of my best friends is it updates the game monthly with new levels and events so never gets old and it doesn't work out. I know it's a place you can literally play at anywhere.

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You're on a road trip. No problem.

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I had on that part. I ad libbed that part where I went and there's no problem.

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It wasn't in the script. You went off script. Aronofsky Oh shit. I was not. Oh my God. There are plenty of fun and cute characters to collect, which makes the game even more exciting. Plus there always monthly themed challenges in the game, which keeps best fans feel like a new game every time you play off script again, breastfeeds has thousands of levels already.

[00:12:06]

Holy shit. Thousands of levels that was off script came with new levels of offensive characters added every month. It's hours of fun and right at your fingertips and you can even play offline with over 100 million downloads and tons of five star reviews. Breastfeeds is a must play best means free on the Apple App Store or Google Play. That's friends without the best fiends.

[00:12:26]

Hey, you want me to play you a fun part of our podcast? Yeah. This is from twenty eighteen. OK, ok.

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Are you ready. Am I in it. Yeah. You're the co-host of this one.

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All right. I think there's something coming. I think there's a big storm coming and I think I'm just going to fuck my next thought was oh no that would never happen because David is joyless movie, joyless life. I mean, I've never seen anybody you get we get invited to go places. Sure. You get on the plane at midnight, you land at six, and then you want to leave it like three o'clock in the afternoon. Like, I agree.

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I don't understand. Where are you going? When are you going to stop and just smell the roses? I think it's all going to hit me in a couple of years. I can't wait to walk it all. And when you say, Jason, no, don't film this. I'm not going to listen to fucking run that tape. I will be. I think there's something coming.

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Twenty twenty game. Yeah. It was a lot closer than we thought earlier sent me that that I don't really know what he meant by it, but I wanted to share it because I figured maybe you know, is that, does that mean that I have I went through my breakdown.

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Yeah, I think I think you you went so hard for so many years and now, you know, we're seeing a little a little blip, which is completely expected.

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I don't know. So tell me about your birthday, what happened. And you can see when your birthday was so fun. Was it? I was. All right. Well, let's let's tell me. You woke up. I woke up and went. I'm on Instagram, OK, and then I see them go through my tagged photos. Yeah, one of my tag a photos, I just read the caption first because it's like it's a screenshot of something.

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So I don't look at the green jacket. Screenshots are boring to look at. So I just read in the caption. The caption is when when David finds out he's going to freak. And I go, What the fuck? Find out why. And then I looked at the screenshot and I saw a tweet from Robert Downey Jr. As I started, I sat right up.

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I sprung a write up and I went to Twitter. And there it was. Robert Downey Jr., Iron Man. I wish you a happy birthday.

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Yeah, I noticed it very early in the morning and I thought to myself, Robert Downey Jr. got up. Probably did his morning workout, you know, whatever he does, and probably a guy that gets up early and then that was that was on his docket of things to do that morning. Right. His wife. Hello. Yeah. Say hi to his kid. Spend some time.

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I wonder how that I wonder how that went like through his head. I wonder if it was just like another thing to send or if he like gave it some thought.

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I think I know how it went. Yeah. I think someone told him 100 percent.

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Oh, it's Davidovich birthday. Might be nice if he's a big fat, you know. Oh, 100 percent. He's not monitoring what I'm turning 24. I know that for sure. But I'm I'm three more days. I'm saying someone goes up to him and like David Oaks birthday.

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Yeah. He's a huge fan. Yeah.

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Would you want to do a tweet for him. Like what what's what's the first thing Robert does. You know, first thing going to go, who's David. Right. And then the show then they probably show him the creepy Instagram picture I took of me shaking his hand from my car window. And then Robert goes, Oh, I remember this fucking kid, right? He he was speechless. The first time I met, he met me.

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I don't know. I just can't imagine. And then he probably saw the Iron Man costume. Oh, right. He saw the Iron Man costume. Right. And that probably just did it. Then the Iron Man costume was a fucking good investment. Yeah. I got and I everyone was like, ten grand. Why fuck you people. You're fucking making fun of me now. That's crazy. That was such a good deal.

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If I could go back in time and make that purchase again, I would about four out of hired new assistants just to wear them throughout the day. And in all my videos, just in the background, I didn't get you anything.

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Joe and I talked. I just realized you didn't give me anything and get you anything. I didn't get you anything.

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We had we had some ideas and then we decided, well, my favorite is when people say they're going to give me something and I think we were going to get you something and then I get to find out what it was. What was it?

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I was going to get you a golf cart. That is fucking sick. Are you fucking kidding me? Everyone told me not to. You're going to be a fucking golf cart.

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Yeah, like I fucking talk to you out of that. I'm not going to say any names, is it, Taylor?

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Well, first of all, I texted Iland Taylor and I was like, why should I get Dave?

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And you're going to be a golf car. Are you fucking kidding me? Because I thought it would be really fun because you live on a hill. Yeah.

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Jay, damn it. You don't think I thought of the first time I moved in here. You don't hit a hill golf cart. That's what crossed my first right when I bought this place.

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I know if I got you a golf cart, you'd be saying the obvious answer. Yeah, no, no.

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But that's sick golf carts. Like, cool.

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Like, you know, one of those ones that you see on the road, they clearly the people are just like going for yogurt. Oh, my God. They use it for, you know, what I love.

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But here this is this is a tip. If you ever want to give me any kind of gift like those like dune buggies, like not like not like off roading, dune buggies, but like the red ones that are like super convertible. I don't know how to explain it, but they're like little things and furniture, gift cards to furniture stores.

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I will love forever. I love all kinds of furniture. Yeah.

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I just like putting stuff places because I was going to get you furniture it. Taylor said something like, well David what I, what I, what I heard was David thinks the outdoor furnishings to hotel and I was like mother fucker.

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I was like I think that Vergis pretty good golf cart to go to Ralph's.

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And I said, no, I'm just going to use it. Oh yeah, that's true. That was the other thing. Yeah. But that Bisek that I could like, I could like I'd put like a like a big red light on, on the golf cart on the top, like one of those like circular ones. And then I could see Taylor coming up the hill with rotisserie chicken, like she's like a big like, like one of those like and like one of those lights.

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And you just just in the middle of the night to see the red, like going around all the houses as she's coming up with my honey mustard, I'd be fucking sick or just take it down to Ralph's and act like a cop.

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Like a rent a cop. Yeah. You should still get a golf cart if you if you get a moment. I'm dumb down. Really? Yeah.

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Dude, I fucking love having friends that do you to because like that's the best.

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It sucks that I said it. Yeah. You should've said it because like Joe Joe always like wants to get me something for his videos because it's like, you know, it's easy. So like I can be like I, I've always wanted a TV in my bathroom. So then he'll just like the next day put a TV in my bathroom like a fucking bath.

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You know, what's funny about my friends is, is they like like cars and they never saw my Ferrari.

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Like that's how long they have. They haven't been here. Oh really.

[00:18:54]

Yeah. I just sold my Ferrari like three days like a week ago because I bought the new roadster. Right. And you have to pay for that in full. So I was just like, I'm going to get rid of this car.

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I don't need that any cars and I'm over supercars when in fact I do not care about them anymore.

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Wow. I grew out of them. Do you have the roadster come? Yeah, but this is an electric car. I'm just a fan of Tesla, so I'll buy a lawnmower from them.

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The funniest joke was when you ordered the Roadster and you don't know when it's coming and you might be like broke by the time it gets here.

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Oh right. Yeah. So the roadster when you order you like have to pay the full price, which is two hundred thousand dollars, which I paid for like five, six months ago, just fucking nuts. And when you order it, it's literally you just send the money. You don't even choose the car, you don't choose the color, you don't choose any upgrades on it.

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Nothing. You just send in the money and they go, OK, we'll let you know when we're going to start making it. And they said it's going to be twenty twenty. But like Tesla is always a little bit behind. Right. So like now I've no idea what it's coming out, especially with covid. Come on, Lily. Three, four years. Right. So I was like telling Jason I was like, this car is going to fucking come out.

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I'm going to lose all my money and is going to be a car that's going to, you know, pull up to my parents house because I'm living with them again. And it's going to be a quarter million dollar car. Just to remind me of how great life used to be.

[00:20:09]

Baby is here to sell it. Just sell it.

[00:20:13]

Hey, guys, I know Jason's contaminated putting people to sleep. So good news for you. We got some new mattresses from our new show partner. He likes sleep. He looks is a cool feature. You can go to Helix Sleep Dotcom slash views. Take a quiz that takes just two minutes and we'll match you with your perfect matches. And so you don't have to guess which won't be right for you. Everybody's unique and helix knows that.

[00:20:32]

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[00:20:54]

She should have never taken a damn cruise because now I think she loves her. He looks just a little too much because she doesn't fucking leave her bad. He likes was awarded the number one best overall mattress of twenty twenty by GQ and Wired magazine.

[00:21:08]

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[00:21:20]

That's h e celiacs sleep dotcom slash views.

[00:21:25]

You know, Addition wants to be the host of HQ, I remember yeah, I didn't get it, obviously, but Evan, could they say I don't know.

[00:21:32]

I also auditioned to be on Wilder. Now, that show is fuck, I've talked about this. That, like, haunts me to this day. I can't believe I did all that in front of the camera. But they were like, Nick Cannon just dissed you say something back to him. And then they were like, make me like freestyle rap as I cannot believe I'm doing this.

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And, you know, like when someone tells you to do something in front of a camera, like, it's like it's little like someone pushing you in cold water, like into the pool, like into the deep end. And you have nothing to do. You have no say. It's like it's like it's like if I'm scared to like, jump out of an airplane skydiving and Barack Obama appears out of nowhere and goes jump now like you just have to do it right.

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And like, that's how it is when you're like on these auditions, like you're just like whatever they tell you you're fucking doing. And even that, even if it's really embarrassing, it's completely out of your comfort zone. So, yeah, I wrapped a lot about shoes and how Nick Cannon's haircut look goofy. I didn't get that role either.

[00:22:25]

Mr. B SportWagen Charlie, last week about your kids, he bought them. Is it for is it for a video? For a video. Yeah. Good price. What is he going to do? He's good. He's going to send them into space. Really? Yeah. It's amazing. How much did he pay if you bought a bunch of YouTube, his kids.

[00:22:41]

How much did he pay for your kids. Why?

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It was 150. 150000 and I think it was 200000.

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Yeah, I would definitely not for a while anywhere near Charlie's price. But the video is looking really good. Why? It's lengthy but really empty inside. He.

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Hmm. He's just buying them for a little bit more space. Okay.

[00:23:01]

Yeah, but it's kind of scary because, like, Jake could lose his kids if the space thing doesn't go well. But that's one of those things that goes like this right now. It's like going to the moon.

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What did he say? Oh, I missed it.

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John John turns and goes, is this real? You were sending your kids to the moon via mister.

[00:23:26]

These topics could totally afford. I fucking know you think Jason would sell his kids. I didn't say sell kids, I thought he would just borrow them for the fucking show for Joe Johns, like, OK, so you guys didn't hear this.

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But John John, my hometown friend, right. When Jason said Mr. Beest bought his kids, he goes, is that real? And I go, I go, Yeah, but he's only he's only like basically renting his kids for a little just to send to space and just like, oh wow, it's amazing. And I'm like, yeah, but like there's a chance that his kids won't return and that John's like, yeah but it's like, it's only like they're only going to space and back.

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Right. I'm like, no, they're going to the moon. John goes Oh this is bullshit. Like no fucking shit. Jason didn't sell his kids no real video.

[00:24:15]

It could be totally possible for video.

[00:24:17]

You think Mr. Beest. What's possible about it? No, I'm going to say they should be sending my kid. No, this he's going to make that, what, little zero zero gravity. You write a play and it goes up and no, explain this to me, John.

[00:24:30]

You think that Mr. B's came in? I was like, Jason, how much for your kids? No.

[00:24:35]

You know, then this is why you didn't make the squad.

[00:24:43]

John, who is your celebrity crush? I have no idea. Because you have a girlfriend, you can't say no. This girl. I genuinely do. Would you ever want of a threesome? Yeah, sure, why not?

[00:24:56]

You'll be down to do one with me.

[00:24:58]

Oh, with you, of course. Yeah.

[00:25:04]

You, Analia, would you would you let another man have sex with your girlfriend in front of you?

[00:25:12]

Good question. I would say no. No to that one. Yeah, I've seen that porno before but. Yeah.

[00:25:17]

Oh I would say yeah. I would say yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[00:25:22]

Are you afraid. I'd be afraid. I wouldn't be able to come back from it. I think that is like a very like it's a very looked down upon thing in the community of having sex community, in the community of relationships.

[00:25:34]

It's a very look we were laying down on your bed like two years ago and like I had this random thought, I was like, man, I would love to watch my girlfriend get fucked. And you're like, oh my God, thank God you said that. I thought it was so weird.

[00:25:46]

Yeah, there's something about it. Yeah. It's like because it takes OK, first of all, having sex takes a lot of work, so it takes that out. So, you know, you can just lay there and you're still kind of having sex but you're just kind of watching.

[00:25:57]

That's the best. I feel like it's so much better. I love watching.

[00:26:00]

I prefer watching then like like like actually doing it. If the guy is like a big cock and perfect. Yeah.

[00:26:06]

I'd rather in the next day she's like, I don't want my girlfriend to be having sex with like a lame guy.

[00:26:10]

Yeah. Our friend. A stranger from a stranger. I probably stranger. Yeah.

[00:26:16]

Yeah. Todd what is the kinkiest role play you Analeigh I've ever done. I was and she you Todd.

[00:26:21]

I feel like you pretend sometimes that like we don't have sex. I know but Todd, tell me if this has crossed your mind.

[00:26:28]

You've written a book. Right. Like you're pretty proud of. Yeah. Have you ever has there ever been a situation where you're like, damn, I wish we could pretend we're at a book signing and Natalie's coming to get a book signed that has ever been like that moment?

[00:26:43]

You guys should do that, like set up a desk in Natalie's room. She's going to meet me and put some like this behind you. And then you put some background noise of like a library or a shopping center and then just have it be like, hey, Todd, Todd Smith, can you write this one out to my little sister?

[00:27:00]

I'm like, your little sister. Is it really for your little sister?

[00:27:02]

And then she goes, No, it's actually for me. And she starts unbuttoning your shirt. I don't know. I just feel like that would be a good idea.

[00:27:08]

Yeah, for sure.

[00:27:09]

We'll try that one from Natalie's fantasy to dress up as a weed, then to dress up as a cheese cracker girl having sex with her.

[00:27:25]

Now she's having sex with the cheese. It is a fondue.

[00:27:31]

Oh, I say, gee, what would be me. What's my favorite sexual fantasy?

[00:27:37]

Calls are being held in Rockdale, baby, and you know it, I think water, you fucking do what I do.

[00:27:50]

I would not put my penis inside one on Ekom that's a hole was like carved perfectly.

[00:27:58]

You are the killer.

[00:28:01]

What would you what would you do? You do just about anything for David. But where where do you draw the line. You bury a body for him. He asked me that the other day.

[00:28:10]

He said, would you kill somebody? And I said, yeah.

[00:28:14]

She says she would consider it. I don't know. She'd be able to. She also has a meowing problem. What does she mean? She Mickey Mouse. Yeah, it's very so she just goes, how does she.

[00:28:24]

Yeah. I wish I was making this shit up and show me an example.

[00:28:27]

Like it's irreducible that you won't be able to hear it because it's like so it's only other cats can hear it. Right. But it's like, it's like, it's not like a nervous tickets don't even hear it. I just like subject to fill air. Like you don't like hiccups. That's not a good example. But but Taylor meows So like Taylor instead of like she's make me peanut butter jelly. I like to say that jelly.

[00:28:46]

Can you just go pick up the fat cells or whatever, like, as she's doing the peanut butter jelly and she go, Yeah.

[00:28:55]

Like, you know, and you have to dissect it, you know, like Gary or from Sponge Bob. Yeah. Like Gary from Sponge Bob.

[00:29:01]

Like all he does is now and like Sponge Bob knows what he's saying. Right. That's kind of situation on Taylor.

[00:29:06]

Yeah, I'm standing outside. Right. Taylor Yeah.

[00:29:15]

Yeah, yeah, they are.

[00:29:18]

Jay what interferes with their happiness? My two kids. Well, better help assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. I think I've made fun of my kids a lot. You can get into the safe and private online environment and you can start communicating under 24 hours. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling. Send a message to your counselor any time and you'll get timely and thoughtful responses. Plus, you could schedule weekly video or phone sessions, all without ever having to sit in uncomfortable waiting room.

[00:29:42]

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[00:30:07]

Dotcoms views join over one million people taking charge of the mental health. Again, that's better. Help help dotcoms argues. What's your what's your sexual fantasy, David? In a wig.

[00:30:19]

Like a role play. Role play.

[00:30:22]

Yeah, like like like you have a girlfriend and like, what do you want to do with her? You're a plumber.

[00:30:27]

So as anything not not like a plunger like, hey, do you want me to check your cracks. You can make sure you can. I make sure your piping isn't damaged.

[00:30:37]

Ma'am, I know nothing about plumbing. OK, no. I'm going to lay this pipe down. Yeah, it's a lot of fun.

[00:30:45]

I mean, it's pretty early nights are a lot of plumbing runs. Yes, ma'am, it looks like you have a leak. That one's gross. You don't have a single sexual fantasy. No, not like a specific one.

[00:30:58]

Jason says he finds love is the craziest anything, anything can work.

[00:31:04]

I think one of mine is like, I don't know if this is the correct term bondage.

[00:31:09]

Yeah. Yeah. Like with your bro, like, bonding.

[00:31:11]

Tie them up or tying the knot. Tie them. But you ain't got that. You like to be you like to be tied up. Oh no, no. I can tell you what I tell you. I can jerk you off.

[00:31:26]

Yeah. That would be fun. Yeah. That was weird.

[00:31:28]

I just thought about jerking you off as you're tied up marrying Taylor madly until I get back from getting the groceries.

[00:31:36]

You're on the couch. Yeah.

[00:31:38]

When you have a bachelor party or bachelorette party, are you allowed to cheat on your person? Is that the point? No. I don't think so. I don't know why I've always, like, been given that vibe off from, like, movies and stuff.

[00:31:48]

It's your last hurrah. Right. So you are supposed to cheat? No, I don't think you're supposed to cheat, but I think. Alia thinks you're supposed to cheat. I think that's a thing of the past, I think back in the day. I don't think you're supposed to cheat, but if you do, you don't just you just don't speak about it and like it is what it is.

[00:32:09]

I think I think you're right. I think that's what it is. I think it's like an unspoken like do what you want. Don't fucking tell me. I think that's what it is. It's case by case.

[00:32:17]

It is really. I mean, imagine Natalie and Todd. I mean, now he's going to go to Todd, do what you want. I don't want to hear about it.

[00:32:24]

No, no. I think that's going to stop Todd.

[00:32:28]

Not this locomotive is going to fucking the rail right through Vegas.

[00:32:36]

You know, first of all, this is gross.

[00:32:41]

I'm going to my party, but I'm not going to block women on my bachelor party. It's really interesting to watch all of you mature for sure.

[00:32:47]

Like Todd's matured a lot. He really has. And you have to ask me. Yeah. You don't even cry on your birthday anymore.

[00:32:54]

Yes, sure. I have come a long way. Oh, shit.

[00:32:58]

Have you ever tried to make yourself memorize something really fucking random? Like, I was like this was like fucking probably ten years ago I was driving to work to like I was working at a pizza place. I was in an intersection. I told myself, I'm like, I'm going to remember this moment for the rest of my life.

[00:33:14]

And I have it's so weird.

[00:33:19]

I remember two things that moment and the scary movie that I watched when I was a kid, when I was like five. That's funny.

[00:33:25]

There was there is a moment with there is a moment with Natalie. We both got out of school for like different reasons, like Natalie called out sick or some shit, and I called out sick, too. And in an intersection we met up and I just started laughing because I was like, this is so funny that we see each other like outside of school. It's like it's like 1:00 p.m. We should still both be in school.

[00:33:46]

And I started fucking dying and I go and I go. Now, this is the mom we're going to remember for the rest of our lives. And she looks at me and she goes, What the fuck, you fucking loser.

[00:33:57]

I remember that to this day, thinking in my head that I remember. Remember it. No, absolutely not.

[00:34:06]

So this day that's so funny. Yeah.

[00:34:10]

Is it true that you and Todd almost got beat up by a bunch of crackheads the other day? Yeah, it's true.

[00:34:16]

I have the story, you know, that's on the podcast. We just like to confirm rumors and stories and then just move on. Yes, we'd like to hear the story.

[00:34:27]

When we were driving to Malibu, these people, like, followed us to the beach. Why? Because I don't know.

[00:34:32]

We were driving on the one way lane down through the canyon to Malibu and they kept getting really close to us and backing up or getting close to the line of cars like a lot of traffic. And we're like, are they trying to fuck with us?

[00:34:45]

So then Todd slowed down and they got really close.

[00:34:47]

And she's like, well, like, you know, screaming from her, her window. And I was like, oh, my God. I think that they actually like are really upset with us. And and then it finally broke up into two lanes and they just went zooming like eighty miles an hour down the canyon, winding through like crazy. And we finally got to like the stoplight over on like PCH. And they saw us keep going past them.

[00:35:09]

And they they were turning and they saw us go past and they they followed us and they went like the beach parking and down by the beach, you know, you have to like, stop and it's a one lane. So we stopped in the girl. It was like it's like flipping us off or whatever. And we had no idea what she was saying or doing. And she got out of her car and she was like standing outside of her car behind us.

[00:35:31]

And she was like, come on, like like it's like to come bite her. And Todd was like, you know, whatever.

[00:35:36]

And I was like I was like, you drive this car there, literally. I think they're on crack. Like, I don't know what her problem is.

[00:35:42]

But yeah, it's funny, the people on crack are crazy. And then he called Jeff and he was they drove you here, see what the fuck to.

[00:35:56]

I give either in 20 year old habits die.

[00:36:03]

Well, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Jason, thank you for being here with me. It's always a pleasure recording these podcasts.

[00:36:10]

Always fun with you. You light up my life. Because I'm going to go home by myself right now and just sit there and eat a lot of licorice, do you, when these products are already to just go home and just wait till the next morning, just like, man, another week, I guess.

[00:36:32]

I go to my living room, I sit on my couch, I turn out the lights. I don't sleep for the next five days. And then a timer goes off and I go, OK, it's time to sit. We'll see you guys later. Bye.

[00:36:46]

My name is.