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I find out here later on this podcast.
Can't wait. Let's roll music.
Let's talk about this, something we could talk about, it's about Iliya, I beef be familiar.
You know, whenever Illia is around girls, the dude will bend over backwards, do anything they ask. It is insane. I've never seen anything like it.
You know what word I hate? I hate the word cemp. I fucking hate it. But I wish there was another word that I can use because that is exactly what Illia is. It is crazy. This is just one example. The other day we're sitting here, Carina's bored. She's like, let's sit at the car and was like, sure it cash. Thirty five hundred dollars for a Lamborghini Aventador just so she can drive around it for the day.
Thirty thousand dollars. Now another thing is we're back in my hometown.
There's this girl that there's this girl that he like is talking to whatever he likes her. She's like I love Chameleon's or whatever. So the next day he's like, let's go to Petco, let's get something. So he goes and he buys a snake with her and he gets like a tank to set it up. And then he and just out in the mail came like this big fucking cardboard box. And I'm like, what's in there? And he's like, Oh, I bought a painting from her because she's an artist.
Like the dude does anything like it's crazy. What is with you?
I don't agree with you. I honestly don't even know how to defend myself, but I don't agree with that from a girl's perspective on my fucking one 100 percent.
We told you this morning you were awesome and he got so mad. Well, that is a mean word to call somebody.
I mean, if you look up the description, it's not a mean thing. All girls want to simp.
All girls want to say, look, I'm not a fucking simp just because I do nice things for other fucking. I mean, this does not mean I miss him, but he does nice things.
I do things for everybody, whether it's a girl.
Boy, oh boy, oh boy.
You know. Oh yeah. You you fall. Yeah.
You don't fucking sit on the couch with our guy friends and massage their legs are fucking three hours I'll tell you that.
I was like anything.
It's crazy. It's not like I because like I did it for Correna. Oh you did. No, I didn't dress. I didn't do it for koruna. It was her idea.
And yes, she was a huge influence, but it wasn't directly for her.
That's exactly what it is. She was a huge influence. You really just said it yourself. It was her idea that you literally went it was her idea and she was a huge influence. Yeah, but if you want to subscribe. OK, sure. If you let's run. This is OK. If Jeff went, let's go around the super back, OK. Hey, you want to ride a supercar.
No, no I'm good I. Well, we had a hypnotist come to the house today. Oh, my God, just randomly. Yeah, for a video, Matt King was gone. He was like, actually gone. It happened just a weird bro. He thought I was Lord. I was a singer.
Lord, did he start crying? Basically, he was like, oh, my God, your arms coming out, and then the guy was like, OK, Jason's going to sing the new album to you.
He's like, Oh my God, I can't wait to hear it. I know it's coming out. And he's going to. And then he had me sing like the alphabet to Matt. And I was like A, B, C, and I thought I was the Lord's new album.
He thought we were all aliens at one point. I don't know.
He took a bite, really took a bite of like raw beyond burger meat and thought it was a hamburger.
He then he goes then he goes, OK, whatever Jason's going to say right now is going to be the most offensive thing that you've ever heard. And and I basically go. I go, I go. Matt, I think you're great. And he goes, oh, Jason.
Jason. Oh, my God. You're you're recording that. No, no, no. I think you're a great guy. And, like, you're one of my favorite people to hang out with. And I love and we have like white claws in the backyard.
And and he was like, no, no, it was insane.
Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, I don't understand that. And Susie didn't go. I thought Susie would be the one that would go.
And she didn't say, what, what what are you going to say? I don't think that Dave would fall for it. No.
Oh, no, no, you don't. You have to be willing to do it. I honestly, I think I understand what meditation works like. It's like, sorry, how hypnotizes hypnotism works. I think, like, it's almost like meditation. Like you have to, like, really clear your mind and be like you have to let a person into your mind, like it's almost like can't imagine that it's and that for that reason you can't do it.
Bro, this is a photo.
I know this doesn't work for the podcast, but this is a photo of Matt thinking, I'm Lord, look at his face. He looks like he's fucking possessed. Yeah. So bizarre.
Hey, David, you remember when you met my dad in Boston? Yeah, we had a show there and it was like a really cold day. And and we were about to leave for the airport. And right before we left, you pulled my dad and my mom into a doorway. It was really cold as my mom and David and and man, he was like, I just I just have one question.
And he's like, yes, David is this big, like, tall, booming voice. And he's like, did you know your son's a pussy?
And I have to tell you, I've never seen my father laugh like that in my life. I've never seen him laugh like that.
Was that was the first time I met him. I mean, like you'd met him like a couple hours before, this is the first time you get him on camera. Yeah, your dad's like a little frat man. So everyone knows about this ongoing fight with me and L.A. about our high like about our high situation. I think he's short. He doesn't think he's sure he's five foot eight.
I'm five foot ten. I think I have a lot on him today. Nine and a half. OK. No, I'm five. Ten. Trust me, you can go to the DMV. Everybody knows there. Everybody at the DMV.
Guys grow until they're 25, you know. Yeah, 25. So it's over. So anyway, Elliot today looks up. He's getting so pissed that he stormed out of my trailer earlier like I'm on set because he was just so mad that I was calling him Schadt. Um, and like, as he's walking out, just like, be careful, you can't run down the steps. So fucking angry.
And so he looked up the height like the guy in the world. What's the average? And he found out it's five, six.
And he's like, look at this, it's six am above average. He's like fucking yelling at me. And then Alagoas, Alagoas about in the U.S. It really looks that up. And apparently it's five foot nine. He's below average height in the United States for men. For men. Yeah. So he's back.
He left is just to measure penises back at the time. Oh, I'd love that.
Know that were that. Go ahead. Go in the bathroom.
I was also talking to some people on set and it's like this one of my one of my friends on set, she wants to get a pig like as a pet. And she's like and she she's talking about like pigs, like the smartest. And it's like like not. You've heard that before, right? Yeah. But like, what the fuck does that mean? Like, I thought about it and it's like, how much smarter are the dogs, do you know.
I mean like yes, they do have high intelligence. Right. Right. But like but like to what level.
Like I may offend some pig people but like it's not like a pig can, you know, draw or write, you know, but a poem, emotional intelligence pig like knows you.
I think they're pretty, but I think that's what dogs are. Do I think most dogs have that same intelligence? Sure. But people will talk about pigs like Einstein, the oh my God, pigs. You know, the smartest animal like still animals, though. I think I think people maybe assume when you say pig that a guy was just a pig right now, but they're like, no, actually pigs are pretty smart.
So the smartest. Yeah, I think what they should be saying is pigs are smart, just like dogs. You say that the smartest people I'm telling you, people hype them up like that, like they're taking pre algebra. Can we look that up?
Who's I just looked it up.
Basically, when they try to do different like cognitive activities, like doing mazes and stuff, like when you have a rat or a monkey out a maze, they can solve it just as well as a chimpanzee or something. So smart as a chimp.
But it says that dogs, chimpanzees, elephants and dolphins, even humans like that, they have they share the same cognitive capacity.
It's also kind of fucking weird.
Like I feel like if I put Jason in the maze and a dog in a maze, I would put my money on the dog.
Like, that's also that's a weird way to the dogs first. That's a yeah. That's a weird way to judge someone's ability that I was in a corn maze last year. I couldn't get out. Yeah.
You know, the rule is right. We got into an argument about this, just stayed on the left side of the wall and you'll get out at one point. Is that true? Yeah. Hug one side of the wall and you'll and you'll eventually get out of there.
It's interesting. I can't wait for Halloween. Why?
I'm a fucking kill that makes this year you leave your kids behind. I fuck you guys.
I did in five minutes, 50 seconds walk you guys. Why you're a bitch. You fucking do it. No.
What does he he has like when he does he like downloads the maps he uses like Apple Watch.
Yeah. It's when he goes through fucking mazes. Well that's an option.
You can like figure it out on your own or you can use like the when you get lost you can use the GPS on your Apple Watch. Yeah.
It's an option. That's weird. Now he was around my kids today. Oh my God. I was so nervous. I was so nervous. Now he hates your kids.
I know. I was just waiting for them.
Well, you just were you just whispering to your kids, like, don't say don't look her in the eyes, don't say anything stupid and don't know much. I love you.
Jason is like so such a like a hyperactive parent, like his kids are playing in the pool. And one of the kids, my friend was hanging off of Haythem Ryan ziplining. He just was jumping into the pool like casually trying to jump into an inner tube. And he tried. Yeah, he jumped into the inner tube, made a huge loud noise, obviously splash into the pool. And Jason freaked out.
He thought that the kid like like died or something like five minutes before he I had my back, I was in the hot tub and he goes, oh, my God, I wish, I really wish, I wish. I really like that. And I turn around, I go like that and he's like, I just kidding. She's like, right there.
She was drowning. He was just pretending she was gone. Oh no. I really was talking like that is such a fucked up joke. It is such a fucked up joke. I couldn't say anything. So I was like, he doesn't have kids, he doesn't get it right.
But it was funny. But like parents don't make this. Oh I never thought of so funny. Zain Heath, MRI on their podcast this week, yeah, they talked about me, this is funny. Did you hear about this? Yeah. I didn't hear about this either until it's an audio podcast, doesn't matter is how can we stop taping ELLISS? I have something in my teeth. I was signaling to Jason saying that he has something in his fucking teeth.
It's an audio podcast. Are you fucking kidding me? I was about to tell the story that I've been kind of excited for Alagoas.
Jason Jason at Def.
I want to apologize to everybody out there for what was in my teeth. Everybody listening. I'm sorry, for fuck's sake. OK, go, Natalie.
OK, so sometimes and a few people know there's not many people know this, but I've done this ever since I was like in college where if I drink a lot the night before, I wake up super early when I'm hungover and Twila and I love to go swimming like you did it at my house.
Yeah. Is it your house? Yeah.
And so now our closest friends that have a pool is Zain Zahn's house. I was hungover one morning and I got up. It was like 6:00 a.m. and I thought it would be a really good idea if I just went swimming in their pool and I didn't tell anybody.
I just went downstairs, went outside of the backyard and decided to get naked because I thought that would be an even better idea.
So, yeah, I just got I went to the backyard.
I got completely just naked and I like walked around like, are you like but like, where are your hands. I'm holding my boobs are like or God forbid there's your butt in your vagina.
And I was completely naked David. OK, and I'm like and I looked I looked into Zane's bedroom because this is on the first floor.
And I was like, OK, all of his curtains are closed, everything's closed. Like he's not going to see me, whatever. And no one will know, like they won't even know to check their cameras because they won't know that I did this.
And so whenever I get naked, I'm like, you know, well, I was walking around the pool and I get to the deben and I just jump in like free spirit and all I got.
And this past week I'm listening. I got I get tagged on Instagram like and his podcast, Natalee's Naked and I'm like, what the fuck is this like?
What is he saying? And apparently Zane didn't sleep in his room that night.
He slept in his guest bedroom with the curtains wide open, which is right at the end of the deep end of the pool. So he woke up at six a.m. to find a gift gift. He woke up with my bare eyes just jumping.
And he didn't say anything. And he didn't tell me until the pod guys I found out on his podcast, like you talked to him about it.
Yeah, I talked about it. What did he say? He was just like, oh, yeah, I was going to tell you, but I was going to make a tech talk and to talk about the podcast.
OK, that's so funny. I'm just going to do it again.
But I imagine. Yeah, I imagine you jump into the pool and the alarm of the house that's off and everybody in the house comes running out.
I was in the pool, Natalie's fucking tits flopping around the back.
Yes, she likes to do that. She showed up at my house at like 6:00 a.m. once. Yeah, sure. Wasn't naked at your house. I was on crack.
I know you are naked, but it's the best jumping into a cold pool of water when you're hungover.
It's never heard that. It's great.
I like I like to have Doritos and go into the pool and let the chips between never ending laundry cycles and incoming emails.
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We had you on a come to set today, John. John was coming to Saturday, but he was really late. He was coming with earlier. Why was he late? He was like literally like, like fifteen, twenty minutes late. What happened? I should say there's a checkpoint before you go to set. That's like a covid checkpoint and you have a check in like whatever, talk about your symptoms if you have any or whatever, and then let you go to the actual set.
And John was stuck at the checkpoint. What happened?
Yeah, so so we pull up to the checkpoint and the guy goes up to my car and he's like, hey, are you guys visitors or you don't jingoes?
We're visitors on this show he's thinking about. Yeah, yeah. And John's on the show, right? He's telling them like I'm the guy leading, like, know, why the fuck did you say your talent? He's like, well, I don't want to like, say that.
I'm telling it like, oh, you want to read? You know, he said it's a fucking check for like fifteen minutes for the guy to drive from set to our car to like, clear Jonah so we can go. We had to like, yeah, like that, so they thought it was like a random person coming on set because the guy at the checkpoint doesn't really know who's on the show. So he had no idea. So he he couldn't he didn't go to Jonah's nametag that he already has there because he's a talent on the show, but rather, Jonah thought he was being humble by telling him that he was a visitor.
He said, I didn't want to brag and say I was talent. I was like, you fucking moron.
You held up the entire is anybody on this plane a doctor? I mean, I am.
I mean I mean, I went to school like I don't want to I don't want to brag and say I can start saving like he's fucking dying. Somebody help.
I mean, if nobody else wants to step in, I guess I guess I'll be the doctor who's dumber me earlier. Who's smarter, me or David.
OK, that's a dumb question that should prove.
That's tough because on so many levels, you guys are just complete fucking blithering idiots. Obviously I'm smarter than you.
I got better grades.
Doesn't mean you're smarter than David's boring. The question is, what is smart? Right. Like what a smart move.
Because, like, know, Taylor is nodding your head. He knows what I mean. OK, just because you got good grades does not mean you're maybe your book smarter than me.
I think I'm book smart and street smart. Name the first six presidents of the United States. George Washington, John Adams.
No, not together. Don't do it together. You name the first six presidents you Google, I'll tell you. No, OK. I mean, listen, you don't know either. You know, I got George Washington, John Adams. John Quincy Adams is somewhere in there, too. Fuck. Taylor, stop helping David dollars, you get the first six. Yeah, it's tough, man.
I mean, that's just like I don't think anybody knows this.
John Adams, can you name ten presidents all together? Yeah, 100 percent. Name the first six presidents. I don't. That's all I know.
OK, I didn't know. I just know. John Adams. George Washington. Yeah. What are they. What are they. I only know because I was in a car today and I didn't know. What are they?
It's Washington. Adams, John Quincy Adams. Madison, Monroe.
Well, I got the first three. Jefferson. Oh. Oh my God. Jefferson. That's a Quincy Adams and John Adams. Did you get you got three out of six. That's more than Illia.
So I guess you're the smartest. Yeah, but Ilya's way smarter in business. Yeah, I'm plumbing. He knows how to fix the toilet. You know, he know he's way smarter in business. Of course. In business. Yeah. Well that smarts OK. And you're more worldly than him because you are more likely than me. I'll give that to you. But only because he's like lived in L.A. long. Oh come here. Four years ago I moved here at the same time anyway.
No, no, no, no. End of senior year.
End of our schooling. Who was smarter. Me. That's it period. Got better grades.
What do you senior year you have to do with anything. Because that was our last, that was our last year of being in school. So I'm saying the last like the year where we were both learning the same things, who was picking up most of the information that was being thrown down by the system? Who's who is working in the real world? While you were, whose idea was it to drop out of college on yours? Yeah, exactly.
That's I don't know. Was it yours? It was it was ours. It was that conversation, like about a month into college, you guys said, fuck this.
Hey, man, you bought it was literally like your college is so fucking boring, bro. Oh, my God. That would be like class. It would be like fucking everybody. We fucking make fun of people. What the fuck are they doing? The shit so boring. Let's fucking leave. Yeah. Really. You can just leave like that. And Natalie's fucking in her school like lake forest like fucking studying plants and shit like how the ecosystem works.
And it's like Natalie what are you fucking doing coming out here.
Like no I'm learning about photosynthesis. No I'm having a good time with my friends.
Yeah right. Where was my friends who fucking drink beers and and watch the Hawks win, watch Hawk reruns from 2014 when they.
Sorry, we don't all sit on our asses and play cod for seven hours a day. That's a low blow, Natalie. You know, I'm doing a lot more than just playing Call of Duty.
I'm first of all, what, sitting on your ass, waiting from your bed to the couch?
No, I'm learning fucking reflexes and I'm learning skills that I can apply to my daily life. Like, did you know that I can put on three vests and that'll protect me from bullets? And then I can also and I've learned how to fly helicopters.
I'm not 80 percent of your audience at this point. There are sixty percent women listening to this song.
You don't want to hear about it. You're turning into Iron Man. Is that what you're working? No. Let's get back to the thing, EYLEA. Let's agree.
I am smarter. You're a good friend. What? Yeah, you're a good guy. You're a good guy. I do. Thank you.
You're a better guy who's more pleasant. I'm smarter. I think that you're good. You're smart at what you do. But I think the things that you don't apply yourself to your intellectually inept at those things.
Yes, but I'm saying I'm saying if Eley and I are learning things at the same time, that's why I said this is dumb.
You I'm just saying school girl, there's no rule. There's no reason you should have a below three GPA. No reason I didn't try fucking I didn't say either.
I was a two eight. What was your GPA. Three two. OK, so your point for higher than me. That's a lie. Good. OK, so your point nine.
Are you nervous around your girlfriend's parents ever. Yeah. Oh yeah you are.
Fuck yeah. What do you mean. As long as his parents. Yeah. That was like it was me and it was remember like that's one last one. Laszlo's making videos and she was like super clean like cookie cutter and I was like edgy. David. Yeah. Those are the fucking scary.
I can't imagine David like biner like all quiet.
Like I don't think I ever went to dinner. Oh, I went to dinner with her mom and her sisters once. I fucking I really, I really loved all of them. Loved it. No, no.
I really I really did like all of them. But yeah that is like the most nerve racking thing.
I can't imagine like what kind of guy Charlie will bring home and what I'll think and.
Yeah, but you're going to be like the easiest parent to me, you know. You think. Yeah, I think so. Not with Charlie I will.
Well you know people have that. I know bro. Just like weird with shit like that, like you know, that's like that's Jason's thing is that's where he gets weird in situations like that, like with his ex-wife, like boyfriend like he has like this awkward part of him where he like he like turns off. It's true. He like snaps out of like fun cool Jason and gets goes like this weird like awkward, eerie place where he's like battling from within.
And he's like, it's like he's like it's like it's like he's like, I don't know how to describe it. It's like it's like it's like for people trying to come on, only the one really awkward one is like succeeding.
Wow. It's really bizarre. And that was good. And it's and that's that's the part that's going to come out when when Charlie Rangel has a boyfriend and it's going to be weird.
So going to Georgetown this fall, look.
Hey, man, I thought you were a little more like what's coming out of your mouth. Charlie, why is your dad buying my own?
Now that I've never seen anyone assess me so well, that was interesting.
Yeah, that's that's like the strangest thing about you is like and it happens sometimes when a person will meet you on the street and they'll and they'll make like a fat joke or an old joke, like that's where it comes out. That's where you, like, snap out of Jason. You go, you go, where am I going to go? And it's like it's like it's your first time in your own body. It's like, where am I and how do I deal with this attack?
It's like my ego gets bruised. If my ego gets bruised, then all bets are off.
What's it like. Poor man's name. Like the guy venom. Venom. It's like you turn to venom. Yeah. Yeah, I hate winning the whole story to make that book into that oh, I hate when I get like that. I hate when I get embarrassed.
Yeah, it is weird because because it's the way you would think that you would never get. Most of the time I'm pretty good, but yeah.
Jay, what interferes with your happiness? Like kids, you got to do a better job. You can't do the same thing. I told you not to do that joke but are helpful. Assess your needs and match you with your own professional therapist. You can connect to a safe and private online environment and you could start communicating in under 24 hours. It's not self-help, it's professional counseling. Send a message to your counselor any time and you'll get timely and thoughtful responses.
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Yeah, I think Ellen Taylor, my two sisters, I think they hook up and when we're on site. No kidding. Yeah.
Is that true? Yeah. Yeah.
Today I left to go work out and I'm like, hey, I'm going to go work out now. And they're like, oh how long are you going to go for.
I don't know, an hour and a half. OK, be honest.
How long have you guys ever done anything. Honestly, honestly. And you can be it doesn't matter what we think.
It's cool. Oh, not even not even a little.
You know, give her the debt, ask you about the debt and that debt. Ask Have you done anything to let us know?
To be fair, have you and Ilya ever done anything? Yeah. Yeah, definitely.
I walked I walked in on and David de David was face down on his bed laying there with his shirt up and Ilya was laying next to him just scratching me up. I said, oh, that's a low blow you got.
First of all, Elliott was wearing a wig and we were wearing my jumpsuit and my hot pink wig scratching David's back. He was wearing Natalie's clothes. We're role playing a little bit. That's that's funny. That that was a real moment.
Are you doing Natalie's voice? Yeah. You have to post this tomorrow by four o'clock in the brand and tell Taylor what happened yesterday in the Gulag.
Oh, you won't believe that now that you can't explain that, I'll hear it. So there's this thing called the Gulag. Oh, yeah. Huh. In Call of Duty.
There's a thing on the gulag. And it's when you when you're lost, you're in there. When you lose, when you get killed, you're in there. You have one more life to get back. And it's one on one in the gulag, one person versus another person. And if you lose when winner goes back to the map and loser has house, then the game. That's how the gulag works. And everyone else that's in the gulag is waiting for their turn to one on one.
And they're like on the outside of the gulag looking in. So if your teammate is also in the gulag, you can give him tips and you can go at him. He's on your left. The enemy's on your right. Right. Wow. OK, so Elías in the gulag and he's up top like seeing everybody in the gulag and all of a sudden leader goes, he's on your left.
He's like, he's on your left. He's like, fucking screaming. And I'm like, and I'm like, what the fuck are you saying? And he's like, he's on your life. And I'm like, Dude, none of us are in the gulag. So it's it was just like a cold, dirty joke, like he was screaming and giving us different. But none of us were playing. There was this he was watching another random guy play lap like, dude, we're all in the game now.
It was quieter.
It was like left. Laughs This doesn't look good on you, honestly, because your right hand of God dead ass.
It was a joke. Yeah, I was kidding. I don't think so, bro. I did ask I get asked that at the time. I was joking, guys.
It was it was I knew would be really funny. That's why I did it. Do you see Neil deGrasse Tyson answered the question, what came first, the chicken or the egg? No, he said, it's the egg. I've always thought of the chicken. I've always thought of chicken.
But he said it was the egg yolk just slowly evolved from somebody else's. I yeah, it slowly evolved from another animal. And then at one point inside the egg was a chicken. That's the answer that came first. The egg. What about before that? Well, that's a different a different animal.
Different animal, I think. Yeah. I mean, it's just and that's also the theory of things evolving right away at that.
I'm not going to say it came from you don't tell Whybrow because they'll tell him right now. He'll say he loves you and he cherishes you for the next eight hours of your time.
He's going to love that. Hey you can't tell the have you ever made why cry. Never, never. That's that's insane, that's why you have a crazy relationship, because my parents made me cry. Them out. It's crazy.
Would you cry about that? Have you cried all the time?
I used to feel like I can't because you kind of cry or what? Like they wouldn't let you go. You would all cry like multiple times. Really. I cried like ever made three times. I know. Why would I make him cry. That's ridiculous.
See, I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing because it sounds fucked up that we cried a lot. But it also made sense like my dad all the time. But when you say it out loud, it sounds a little right. But yeah, I cried all the time.
I cried all the time. I'm trying to think if he ever cried like a baby, never been grounded.
They never been punished, never been grounded. And they don't have any choice in life. And that's saying no lie.
They've never been grounded. I've never done anything wrong. Well, they don't have to do anything wrong. I don't believe in it. I don't believe in me.
I say, why you're grounded. I what?
It's you wake me up at 3:00 in the morning. You literally a question for the gentlemen here.
OK, here we go.
OK, so during the day, I'm always curious because men are so much higher than women.
During the day when you get horny, do you have to do something about it or do you just like let it go half and half the depends when you get, like, proper horny.
All right, right. There's like a proper horny and then there's like, well, when you get horny, you just jerk off. There's no questions about that. Oh, every time.
I mean, I don't there's no such thing as being kind of horny. There is no you're either really horny or just kind of horny.
What do you do when you're kind of horny?
Nothing. I just fucking tell myself to stop thinking about it.
And this when you're horny, either you're aren't you? I don't know when I'm really horny, I'm like I have.
If I can get rid of this thought right now, you have to do something about it. Yeah, I have to jerk off it.
Jerk off. Why is it so bad. What did you what did you what did you think it was.
What did you think it. Well, because, like, I feel like like all have horny thoughts or something during the day, but I want to like I don't act on it unless, like, I'm, you know, like, horny thoughts.
What do you mean? Like, what's a left for me thought like this? It's a weird way to put it.
Like, wow, it looks so good in that tight shirt. I wish he'd sit on my face. No. What's a horny thought? Like, I don't know.
I could be watching Outer Banks and like, pull a shirt.
I'm getting a text.
Like, I'll just like I'll just think about it, like, I'll just think and I'll just like, get horny about something.
But I don't do this to happen, you know, like, what are we doing? It just happen right now. So I ask the question, uh, figured it just happened right now it looks like I should I should I rent a Corvette this.
Wait, hold on.
OK, yeah. I guess. Yeah, I guess you could just jerk off. I just think it's so weird that you have to do something about it. Like why don't you can just like I can think about sexual things and like get horny or whatever and I don't have to act on it. But I think it's so weird how men are like, I mean, I must jerk off.
I think if you're if you're actually horny, horny, then you jerk off. Let's say that there's no in between there's no like somewhat horny. Do I think about like, oh wow, this girl is really cute. I'd love to hook up with her. Do I like to think that when I'm scrolling through fucking Instagram. Yeah, but that's not like me being horny, right.
I agree with that. Right. Right. When I'm actually horny and I think you could attest to this when you're actually horny, you jerk off. Yeah. That's what that is. But you definitely have thoughts throughout the day.
What if you if you're in a situation where you can't jerk off. Right. And keep it in till the end of the day?
What situation in the world could you not have had that if you're.
What do you mean you're like a meeting? Or if you're in a meeting, if you're out with friends, like when you go in a restaurant, you're off when you're out and about in a city.
Sure, every place has a bathroom.
You can jerk off anywhere. You would jump anywhere like like jerk off pub you would jerk off in like a star.
We're so close to finishing this podcast without talking about drinking. I'm sorry. No, hold on.
I'm saying, like, you're out and you're like you have a horny thought. You go in a Starbucks bathroom and be like, I'm just going to jerk off.
You know, it's not like a it's not like if I don't go somewhere, I'm about to explode.
You can make it sound like, yeah, no, it's not like that. You can coast off that thing and be like when you get home you do it. I guess that's not what it is. Yeah. It's not like, oh my God, I'm horny. I got to go somewhere. Like it's not like that. Sounds like I. No, no it's not like that.
But definitely when you get on and you're in a spot where you could do that, then you just do it. But no, I've never been at a restaurant, been like I can't I feel like like you're talking and I'm sweating all of a sudden. I can't hear what you're saying because I have to jerk off. It's never like that.
I've never like a carnivore, like just like foaming at my mouth like that.
I also think it's like I like I feel like I don't know if this is for all women or maybe it's just me, but I feel like I have to be in a certain environment, like I can't just do it anywhere.
Well, yeah, but that's totally different with girls. Like, I don't I think it's yeah.
I think a guy can anthropology.
I think I'm in the fitting room was also like pretty gross. Right. Like it's like a gross thing to do. Like I mean you walked in on me doing it the other day. Like I feel like if you're a girl now I didn't walk in on him.
I knocked on his door because I wanted to show him a new update on Call of Duty. And I knocked on the door. He's like, What? And I'm like, Oh, you're jerking off? And he's like, Yes. Oh, we talked about oh, no, we didn't talk about this because this just happened.
Oh, OK. I think it happened twice then something happened a couple of times.
But yeah. No, no I hear you. I mean. I wonder who in this room gets the horniest the most probably you probably you don't actually. I think maybe he's a good shape. I have a question.
Um, does it ever happen that you do jerk off and then you're still not satisfied?
Oh, no, no, no. Wait, wait. What? What?
Yeah. Like, he's got to have two rounds. Yeah. I have to run some time. I have. Yes.
Right away. No, like five minutes later I'm like, fuck, I got to go again.
Yeah. I swear to God. What are you running businesses here.
No, no. No points that would pay good money. It's happened to me in the same hour.
OK, but I'm just saying because I feel like for girls you can eat like you can be horny and have sex and still not be like I'm still fucking horny, bro.
That makes no sense to me about girls. Like how can I like, you know, like when like it's like this stupid stigma in the world. I like when guys finish the sex is over, like that's fucking crazy to me. Like it's just like it's crazy. What do you mean Norm. That's crazy. I mean this is the norm but it's crazy.
It's the norm. The guys just have sex and sex is over. Yeah. Yeah. Like they don't you don't like. It's so bizarre. It's so bizarre. You're right. It's so bizarre. It is. But it is the norm.
And like most women are just like, OK, I guess it's over and it's all like it lasts also. It could do. Yeah.
It's also weird that like a girl can like. Go for, like, can finish and then go again, like it's just weird how, like the refresh rate on a girl is so interesting, it's like, what the fuck?
Yeah, that's what's hard about that intimate relationship to because and you're like, are you. That's why you're still horny. That's why I think a guy orgasming is so much better than a girl orgasming her guy orgasm must be so much better. Like it must feel greater because.
Because it takes me a while to refresh. I'm really part of my body leaves me when I'm in it.
But that's because part of your body is leaving you for a woman. It's not. But still I feel like an orgasm is ten times better than a guy, first of all, because it's happened to one out of fucking ten times, you guys. It happens every single time. And that's right. When you have sex and a guy finishes in the girls done, it's like that does nothing for me. For as for a girl, I met some girls.
Yes. But if you have sex and you come and they don't, it's like, OK, I can go have pasta right now and you're like on the bed, like, that's mad.
That's crazy. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. So you can go have pasta right now. So even if you're not satisfied, you just turn that off? Yeah, basically, yeah.
Yeah. You have to like, what are you going to do? Especially if it's like go out dinner, just like some random guy, like 90 percent of the time they're not going to go down on you, like do something to make you come. So then you're just like, OK, this is over.
That's the worst. When someone's like, that's it.
How does that happen? It's happened definitely more than that of a handful. Yeah, definitely.
That's it. Yeah, that's so interesting, yeah, I don't know, I guess I don't know, it is really weird anything about it.
Dave, if I went right now and I and I had a ray gun anyway and you were a woman for 24 hours. Yeah.
What do you think would happen? How would it be different? Well, the first thing I would try is masturbating, and not just because, like, I'm a guy and I want to see a vagina, but just because I'd be genuinely curious how that works on a woman, because that's like the one thing that's like super different is like the penis.
So do you know what I know works?
I know we literally we taught him like two months ago. I just I just learned things about the vagina the other day. OK, because you were there.
I'm just saying because if you are so curious how a woman masturbates, that means you not done it.
Or explain to me how vagina works. I want to hear. No, I'd want to know how like how it would feel like on my insides. Yeah. Like I would know I would want to know.
Like what that what the feeling of masturbating feels like the entire this entire conversation is. I just want to see the other side of it.
I would imagine it would be an ongoing sensation that could keep going forever and ever and ever.
And she wanted fused because girls know her. Why don't you just stay in your room and. No, no. Oh, shit. I thought that is the case, though.
Oh, like ten times you can. You can. And it's like it's tingly not explain it once you do it once. It's like it can't be immediate. It kind of hurts in a way.
Oh. So it's kind of like being a guy. Oh it's like being the guy. You guys have dicks to know. Yeah.
And I mean for sure cause a guy, a guy like can't get hard again you can just like you can like lube up and just go for it again with a girl but a guy you like your, your dick is soft and you literally physically cannot do it again.
What's the next thing you do Dave. When I'm a girl. Yeah. Put out some clothes. I mean I guess put on some clothes. Just trying different outfits.
Have you ever set a timer or not a timer, a stopwatch for when you're having sex. Like see how long you lasted. Yeah.
Yeah. You've done that Natalie.
Forever. The guy. Not for me. Guy I mean for myself.
I don't like show the girl like I don't know in my time I've, I've kept track of time just to see. Yeah.
Listen, it doesn't matter like it's just like so you can go on an hour but it could be the most miserable hour of existence. And I think that's like the worst like misconception with like sex is like just because you're in there for three hours, it's usually a bad thing if you're if you're like in there longer and doing everybody I've ever been with wants it to get over really quick.
That's a different story. But yeah, maybe that's just me.
I think there's a in between. If it's too quick, it's never good. Right. But if it's too long, I agree it's mostly bad.
I think it's fifteen, fifteen minutes. I think it's nine. Nine to 11. No, 9/11, I was agreeing, and 11 is actually really good, I just said 15 because they want to be embarrassed if I was right. And 9/11 sounds really good. Yeah. Jay, what about you? I mean, 20 to 30 seconds.
There's nothing better than, like, really fast sex and then television.
Now, what about you? And the person is like that is good.
I would say like 20 minute what when I go fucking baking cookies, that's fucking really. Sounds like you're having sex with a really bad guy.
That's a long time, is it. 20 minutes is a long time. Yeah. You know, every time it sounds like you're having sex like a really muscular dude, like probably from Orange County.
Like someone who knows. Yeah, no, I don't know.
No, like twenty minutes. That's like that's like. Yes. Like a handsome guy with longer hair, maybe a beard.
Like you know why it's weird for police not including the 20 minutes I was like 15 minutes.
Let's be honest about God. And I say that I'm really interested in like if there are kids who are learning about sex by listening to this. But yeah, I know what's gonna happen to them. Well, I mean, I don't know.
Nathalie's had twenty minutes, including seven year olds.
Listen to this. I think the majority of our listeners are like above the age of, I would say, about the age of 17 for sure. All right, guys, that's all the time we have for today's podcast. Thanks for listening, Jason. Graphologist on social media, go follow me on social media, as you know, do the whole thing. Go buy some merch.
Thank you guys for being the best audience in the world, best audience in the world. Really appreciate it. I am very grateful. This audience, this audience is pretty good. It really Joe Rogan's audience is pretty nice, too. I'm in Joe Rogas audience. I'm great. So sexy.
Yeah. Yeah. Hi, guys. We'll see you guys later. It's an obvious podcast. My name is Jeff.