Happy Scribe Logo

Transcript

Proofread by 0 readers
Proofread
[00:00:00]

Guys, let me tell you something about the Bose headphones, 700 real quick, they really deliver when it's time to enjoy your music, work from home or listen to your favorite podcast. There are genuinely such incredible headphones, and I just got them in the mail and I didn't think they were going to be as good as I was when I first put them on. But dude, they cup your ears. It's like it's like having two pillows on the side of your it's like the perfect snug feeling.

[00:00:22]

You can now personalize your environment. With 11 levels of noise cancellation, you'll experience an immersive listening experience at any volume with signature active IQ, an impressive bass response. Whether you're listening at low volumes or really want to turn it up, your music sounds just as it should. And you can clearly hear your podcasts. To learn more, visit W-W both dotcom. What's up guys?

[00:00:42]

Went back to Views. This is her podcast. It's going to be recorded underwater just an hour in the bath. Oh, what sound is that what you said Bath.

[00:00:53]

At the last minute I was thinking like way under the sea making waves just roll into music. You stop where my fucking flippers maybe don't fucking hide mine, I don't hide yours. I don't know your tzar. I don't care about your fucking slippers.

[00:01:16]

Yeah, I don't know where they are either. So yelling about it because it's insane how we always literally.

[00:01:22]

That's insane. I threw my old ones at him. Right, because I was mad at him and then he got a new pair for himself and he's still wearing mine.

[00:01:30]

You're being so dramatic. I'm not mad at the.

[00:01:33]

I am not being drunk. Yeah, bro. It's like it's. Why can't you just hold it up to your mouth? It's so easy, it's like he's holding a pen and twirling it through his fingers. Can you put it in my mouth? Put the fucking puff on, you dumb fuck. What's your story? Let's start here. We were talking about like like high school and homework last week. And while we get high, I remembered something that I used to do when my report cards would come in my house report cards.

[00:02:00]

She's such a jerk. Yeah, both of them are men. Oh, the two of them.

[00:02:04]

They talk to me all the time. No, we're not. I'm glad you're here because you get all the ire.

[00:02:10]

Now, I spaced out. I didn't know what you said, but was it stupid, Natalie? What did he say? He goes when I got my report card. What an idiot.

[00:02:18]

Thanks for filling me in that. Wow. Thank God. And know if I can happen. I'm not telling you. I'm never looking at you the same way. Go fuck yourself after the way you said report cards. I'm looking at you the same way.

[00:02:29]

OK, tell your story.

[00:02:31]

Oh, anyways, I'm back when I get my report cards in high school, I would obviously have really bad grades and I didn't want my parents to get mad. Right. What what what are you going to say?

[00:02:42]

What can you possibly say now? I'm just glad you admit that you would get bad grades. What do you mean you? I knew that I had bad grades. You knew that, right? Right. But it just doesn't mean you're I'm a I'm a dumb person. Yeah, OK. I'm not arguing. Fuck you. Go, go, go, go. So I would have bad grades and I didn't want my parents to get mad, so I would take the report card and I would completely type it out.

[00:03:02]

I'm like worried like Microsoft Word, like make it identical. Either way, this is a I get ass. Wow. I would make it. I tentacle to report cards that they would send and I would change my grades and I'd print it out. And I told my parents my fake grades, really my gun. What would you change your grades to. I wouldn't go crazy.

[00:03:22]

It's not like AA, nothing crazy like that.

[00:03:25]

It's like they're wondering why I didn't get into Illinois State University at a community college. You had straight A's for all four years. What do you write your parents?

[00:03:37]

A letter from the principal. Just like Iliya is the best student in this entire school. Your parents are like on a power trip. What the fuck?

[00:03:45]

No, I'd write like like if I had like a D, I write like a C and I still get heat for it, you know.

[00:03:50]

So I'm like, damn yeah.

[00:03:55]

Oh yeah. That's funny. You would do that. How many times you do that.

[00:03:58]

Honestly I did that honestly like three different, like three different quarters or semesters or whatever, whatever the report cards will come out like three times.

[00:04:05]

And then what happened when you took your assets. We didn't have us. You have but I, I did poorly on that. I got a 21. What did you get. I think I got a twenty seven. It's really good actually. Thank you. What did you get that.

[00:04:17]

Good. Thirty while she was also a loser. Right. Right. I only went to my parties and you in high school though did.

[00:04:26]

Yeah. But she's still like a loser ok. Right. Like, like a follower.

[00:04:29]

Like a really popular loser. Like I kind of was like the popular loser. Yeah. That is a good way to put it. I think it's her mom. I brought her down.

[00:04:37]

OK, coming over. I remember I remember now coming around, showing up at parties and literally every story. Oh, you know this story. It happened to you too. Yeah.

[00:04:48]

We were at a fucking party at Sloanes House. Oh yeah. And that's mom comes storming in, like, all pissed off.

[00:04:54]

Where's Natalie? I remember just walking up the stairs like I'm not going back down there.

[00:05:01]

So I'm doing this discovery show, Dodgeball Thunderdome. It premiered yesterday. We hyped it up. It was a lot of fun.

[00:05:07]

It's fun for the whole family. Laugh out loud, hilarious.

[00:05:10]

But as we were shooting the show, the CEO of the studio came in. That's like running the show. I've never met him in my life. And he came in like this is the one time he was on set and he came in.

[00:05:20]

I just mean the trailer and he goes, he goes, I'm so excited for this. Like, super sweet dude. He's like, and then and then he's like, I don't mean to put pressure on you, but a lot of people, a lot of people are trying to see if this is going to work. There's was a lot of doubters, a lot of naysayers out there. So there's a lot of a lot of pressure on you.

[00:05:39]

But he said in the nicest way right away where I'm like, oh, well, like, he was so nice, so nice.

[00:05:46]

Like, I have to say that. But but yes, I was like, oh, great. I'm like, really nervous. And then he called me this morning after the premiere and he was like, you fucking killed it. Wow. Yeah. He was like, dude, I've never I've never heard anybody, any adult be this excited about anything my entire life, really.

[00:06:06]

He's like he's like, I never get excited. I never you will never hear me this excited my entire life. I am fucking thrilled. The network is thrilled. You guys blew it out of the park. Think your team think everybody involved.

[00:06:18]

He was so excited. They were like they're like huge. They're like we like surpassed our expectations by so much.

[00:06:24]

And like he's like as the show kept going, it kept growing every quarter to like the viewership was just increasing as the show was going on. And it and it. Yeah, and it did better than a lot of the big shows.

[00:06:35]

So that's huge. There was but. So do you ever think you'd be a part of discovery? I just thought it was funny to get like that kind of call, like, you know, like I was in my backyard and I was I was like just staring at the view, like randomly when I got the call. And like, that's the one, you know, I got a call from, like, this huge exec and he's like, are you fucking killed that the show's a success?

[00:06:56]

The network is happy. Like it's was like the most cliche, like Hollywood call ever cut to like six months from now.

[00:07:02]

You have your own, like, safari show. Yeah, I'm all in fucking discovery. I don't do anything but discovery. I'm just like, yeah, food tasting show. I'm exploring the the the fucking pyramids in Egypt. That would be a really cool show. Like leaving America. Like you would call, you could call leaving America and it's me leaving America and I can never return because of dakka.

[00:07:24]

That would be really cool. It'd be really cool to watch.

[00:07:27]

That's a good that's a good start to every show like I left America and I can never come back. But yeah they showed a good so watch it every Wednesday because then I won't lose my job.

[00:07:38]

Jay, is your contact putting people to sleep content? Yeah, yeah, I get that a lot. They love my video. Well, at the end of the videos you should send people to Helix Sleep because they've upgraded. Helix is a cool feature. You can take a quiz that just takes two minutes and it will match you with your perfect match. So you don't have to guess which won't be right for you. Everybody's unique and helix knows that.

[00:07:58]

So they have several different models to choose from.

[00:08:00]

They have soft, medium and firm addresses, some great for cooling you down if you sleep and even a helix plus matchers for plus size folks. Everything is made in America with a 10 year warranty and you can try it out for 100 nights. Totally risk free. That's fucking crazy. You get to try to fucking matchers for 100 nights.

[00:08:14]

If you don't love it, they'll pick it up for a full refund and they pick it up for you and they give you the money back.

[00:08:19]

You know what? I thought you had a really funny joke at the top.

[00:08:21]

I was like, well, that was really funny what David said. And then I looked at the copy. They wrote that joke, the content joke.

[00:08:27]

They wrote the joke, which is kind of funny, which is pretty cool that they wrote you a good joke. But they assume your content puts people to sleep. They wrote that joke and by the way, guys, but no, he looks the best guys. I highly, highly, highly, highly recommend it. You can figure out what kind of firmness you are. You can let them know what side you sleep on your back, your stomach.

[00:08:46]

You move around all night.

[00:08:47]

It really, really is the best.

[00:08:48]

And it was awarded the number one best overall mattress of 20-20 by GQ and Wired magazine. So go to Helix Sleep dotcom slash views. Take the two minute sleep quiz and I'll meet you with a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Helix is also offering up to two hundred dollars off all match orders and two free pills for you guys. That's HELOC. I sleep dotcom views.

[00:09:11]

Let's go, Jessica. She's like she's been a big supporter of us for a while. She did. And she goes, I have a great podcast topic for whatever you call the next one. She goes, if there is a way to experience death, for example, drowning or being burned alive, but you would wake up from that death as if nothing happened, would you try it?

[00:09:28]

I responded, Are you nuts?

[00:09:31]

I was like, no way. I mean, the question is to you guys, does anybody feel differently about what I said? If you could experience death, but wake up in the morning and nothing happened.

[00:09:43]

Only reason why I would say that it would be interesting to experience it is because, like, do you go to heaven for a split second, like for like the night time and then you wake up and you're like, oh, fuck, yeah. This is what heaven is everybody.

[00:09:54]

I don't think so. It's just like you die. What do you mean you don't think so? It's a made up scenario. I can be like in a scenario in this scenario, these are the rules. You don't go to heaven, you just die, you feel the pain and you wake up like nothing happened. Right?

[00:10:07]

Yeah, but you don't know. That's what I'm saying is like now you can come out to the world. You can wake up the next morning, be alive. I think I have a feeling she means what Natalie's saying. I have a feeling she means you die and you just experience all of death because then it would just be like, hey, would you like to be in pain for a little?

[00:10:22]

And then it goes away because then it makes no sense. But I think I think she means you get the perks of possibly seeing what's after life.

[00:10:30]

It's also kind of crazy. You can imagine being that one person with that experience and.

[00:10:34]

OK, yeah. Let me reword the question. You have to be like you have to die a painful death. But when you die, you see what happens after that. And then you come back the next day. No scars, nothing, no bruises. It's like it's like it never happened. I'm down. But you still have your memories of what happened. Yeah.

[00:10:49]

Yeah, why not. Might as well.

[00:10:50]

I mean, you see right now, if I, if I held you underwater and I drowned you, you would be like just to see what happens after you'd be down. Yeah. Wouldn't it be sick that I'd be back and be like, what happened?

[00:10:59]

I tell you. No, I mean, you're right. The podcast would be insane. I think I saw God.

[00:11:04]

What she what she yes. She she loves you. She loves the bad guy. She loves. She was wondering why you're not posting blogs about that for a while. She thinks Ilya's too in shape and she thinks he's good at the body the way he has it. Wow.

[00:11:20]

That would be cool. But I don't know if I would do. Would you do it. I would do it, yeah. That's crazy how you you're saying you wouldn't do it? I think it is scary. My biggest fear is the process of like death. Like that's like when I'm like I'm like not dying but like how like a painful death is like one of my biggest fears. Like a death where you tortured or something like that. Like, I hate that.

[00:11:40]

Do you think that when people say they see like white lights and stuff that they're dreaming that or they actually cross to the other side? You know, people like say they die and then they come back to life like they're on the operating table?

[00:11:50]

OK, here's here's my thing. Yeah, I think I, I can't wrap my head around that because if you were dead, you were dead.

[00:11:58]

Do you know what I mean? Like like like if you die, I feel like there's not if there is like a heaven and a God, I don't think God's like come here, come here.

[00:12:07]

And then he's like, oh shit. Wait, nevermind. Wait they're going to save you. Oh shit. I had no idea this is OK. Right. You got to go back. You got to go back like you know, I mean like I feel like God will be powerful enough to go Yeah. You're either coming here or they're going to be able to save you like I think, I think that's really strange or no.

[00:12:22]

What if they wanted to send a message to that person, like, hey, you need to appreciate life, I'm going to send you back.

[00:12:27]

Right. Maybe you think that's what happens? I don't know. I don't know what happens. I'm asking. But there's tons of stories of people like crossing over. They see all these white lights and they they talk to somebody and then. I also think when you die for a little bit and you you wet your wake up, you're basically resurrected, you're literally your head comes up, your brain can come up with any situation that happened. You know, like I'm sure you're I mean, I don't want to discredit the people that I've had, like, crazy encounter death experiences.

[00:12:53]

I've just never seen it. So I don't know. But I would just imagine that your brain can be like, yeah, I saw fucking dinosaurs.

[00:12:59]

What would you do if you die will be the first thing you say. Ask to God. Sure. I just be like, what's like I wonder what the setup is like.

[00:13:09]

So, you know, that is the most you. Why, yes. So like do you got in here, you got like Wi-Fi and like, oh no, I wouldn't want to see his crib.

[00:13:18]

I wouldn't want to house a sick man.

[00:13:21]

I think my main question would be like, what is the set up of life like? Like where do you know? Like what is the process like? Do you put everybody on earth or is this like a game? What is it like?

[00:13:30]

That would be my question, not about how how his fridge looks. I don't know. You probably have a bunch of essentials in your fridge and a bunch of vitamin waters.

[00:13:38]

Right. Show me the most pure water.

[00:13:40]

And you know what? Sick if you probably go to heaven and like gods there and like, let's say he does because I'm sure he has time to speak to everybody. Right. Like, I'm sure God can split them up and split himself up into like a hundred percent, a trillion people. Right. So I'm sure there's like a moment where you talk to him. I'm sure everybody gets a personal God know that. That's what I think. And I think when you like let's say he does invite you to his house and you're in heaven, I'm sure God's like, yo, check out what I have.

[00:14:05]

And and obviously, God doesn't like he he's not like God's like world isn't from the year 2020. Right. So he's going to have crazy things. He's going to be like you. Have you ever had this? It's called Zeppo. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? And he's like, it's like Coca-Cola. But like, so much better. It's like, what do you mean? He's like, yeah, it comes out in fifty years.

[00:14:26]

It's fucking crazy to try it. I have it. I'm like, are you fucking serious. Like I'm sure like God must have the best thing of any year, you know what I mean. Yes. He has stuff from the future and also stuff from the past. Right. You can't get me. So his why. Yeah. He has the first wine ever made. Yeah. So his wines are like og wines like really good wines and then he has really futuristic shit that like it's like, it's, I mean it's crazy.

[00:14:51]

My question is what is the build of his house. But it would also be really cool if he had some old stuff like your grandma, your granddad, you know, he had like a phone on the wall.

[00:14:59]

Oh, yeah. Like he still had it. Like, this is my twins room. Yeah. And it's like Miley Cyrus the climb, like that's like it's just playing in the room now. Yeah.

[00:15:08]

That would be that would be a very intimate. What did you say before. What's his what you like. What does this house look like. Yeah. Like what is the design of this house. Yeah. Probably succeeds house or it probably looks like something we've never seen.

[00:15:20]

I'm sure God has like a type that like I would imagine that his like he would like something that's like a little like mid century modern or maybe even like a Spanish feel that that's what I would go to see, that you think like God has a basement and he takes you in.

[00:15:34]

There's like a timeline of the things he's been to like like a museum. He's like, this is where this is when I said this is when I sent that team to go kill Osama bin Laden.

[00:15:42]

Oh, yeah. I was proud of this one. This is when I when Hitler was born. I wasn't too proud of this one.

[00:15:48]

I let this one slip like this. Does he have moments? I don't think he's arrogant like that. I don't think he has any ego about it. He's not, like, showing you off his, like, trophies.

[00:15:57]

And so he doesn't have like a trophy room. He's much more chill and he doesn't frame the newspapers and then.

[00:16:02]

No, no, like I said, they're just in boxes and it's just like, yeah, it's a bunch of stuff.

[00:16:06]

I haven't had time to go through it like I did it. I'm like, I'm actually starting this new world over here. You see it yet. So you think he, like, brags about his next projects like a musician would. You've got you got to got to hear this.

[00:16:18]

You've got to hear this one. Listen, give this world give this new galaxy one look and you're going to be blown away. I fucking promise you, it's going to be fucking sick. Where do you think you'd go?

[00:16:28]

I don't believe in a hell, really. I don't I think we're all here and we all just say, well, that's a different way to look at it.

[00:16:36]

I could see why you would say you don't believe in hell because it's like not really a godly thing to damn people to hell.

[00:16:42]

Yeah, like that's like I feel like like I was watching the show about prisons and and Norway's not Norway's prison is like a fucking hotel. And you can only go to jail in Norway for up to twenty one years. No matter what fucking crime you commit, you're out in twenty one years because they believe in rehabilitation, like that's the most important thing. And they have like a thirty percent re incarceration rate where like thirty percent of the people, which is really low, like thirty percent of the people that go to jail are offenders.

[00:17:09]

And this is the first time I've said anything factual. This is so crazy.

[00:17:12]

But yeah. But like I would imagine I can't believe it. It's all right too. I'm listening to you.

[00:17:16]

But I'd imagine that's how heaven would be like, yeah, I'm not going to fucking send you a hell. I know you murdered people, but like, bro, let's just work on you. Like me mean you. Let's talk a little bit. Yeah. And figure it out. Like, let me get to you. And I feel like any murder or any like horrible person like being in a state of heaven would listen to God.

[00:17:35]

They'd be like, OK, holy fuck, I was wrong. We listen to you and change my ways, and then every time someone acts up in heaven, God visits them and goes, yo, give Iliya his flip flops back. Like that's fucked up.

[00:17:45]

Like that happens all the time. Probably lucky there's no God here. The two of you, because I'm going to keep these flip flops on all day.

[00:17:52]

Can we see the two of you in heaven still fighting? The most perfect place. Is my cloud. I saw this cloud first.

[00:18:00]

Boy, what did I tell you? Sorry. You going to stop calling Ilya's short and give Elian back his flip flops? It'd be weird if I died and Todd died.

[00:18:15]

And then we got to heaven like let's say we die together and then we got to heaven. And the next day, like we saw God and then we were just like lifting weights in heaven.

[00:18:23]

I don't think you have to lift weights like you were just doing the same thing on Earth. All you were doing, like a day before. That's what I'm saying, bro.

[00:18:30]

Like what it's like. What's the difference? Like now you're young.

[00:18:33]

Something definitely happens. I don't believe you just go into the ground and then that's the end of things because like, there's a whole universe or something unexplainable when when when when David and I die and like, what if you die first?

[00:18:45]

And I'm like, fuck, you got to see it, you know?

[00:18:48]

I mean, I'm all right. All right. I'm standing over the dead body in the coffin, you son of a bitch. You beat me again or I die. You're like, God damn it, you know? I mean, like, I'm going to be because one of us is going to know before the other and it's going to be fucking insane. I'm going to be and say I'm going to be bummed out when I'm in heaven and like, it's really cool and I want to show you guys, but but God's like, yeah, Illia won't get here for another thirteen years.

[00:19:12]

And I'm like, are you fucking serious? Yeah.

[00:19:14]

I'm like, can't we just send like a card to him or something like can we just like knock him out. Like that's going to buy me out.

[00:19:22]

Yeah. That's all you got to see this place man. It is fucking nuts is nuts. Yeah. I'm coming Dave. I'm, I think it comes out of the shower. I write with like steel. Yeah. You turn into a ghost. I can hardly come to heaven. This place is sick but I've got a call of duty here. I have the newest one three months in advance.

[00:19:43]

That's like that's the crazy part is like what? You go to heaven and then all of a sudden, like, life is the same, but this time you never get old. Yeah, like, I don't know, maybe, maybe life is here. Maybe you go to maybe we're always in heaven, but they send you to earth to teach you lessons like about love and about like understanding, about communication, about like growing. And they teach you all these lessons here on Earth.

[00:20:07]

So you're a better person when you go back to heaven where everybody is hanging out and some people get lost in it and some people screw up and some fuck up, and then there may be damned back to Earth to try again until they figure it out. Maybe this is hell and heaven is always heaven. And we're put here until we figure it out and we become good people and we're qualified enough to live with the rest of the population. Maybe this is jail, right?

[00:20:29]

Like this is like where we're like supposed to learn about like how to how to be regular good souls.

[00:20:35]

Hmm. Thanks. Right on, Dave. Thank you, man.

[00:20:38]

This is The View's podcast. You may use its different point of views.

[00:20:41]

My hiring is challenging, especially with everything else you have to consider today. But there's one place you can go where hiring a simple, fast and smart, a place where business can connect to qualify candidates that places zip. Recruiter Dotcom Nasch. Maybe this helped me find a girlfriend.

[00:20:56]

Zipporah sense of your job or personality to over 100 of the Web's leading job sites. They don't stop there with their powerful magic technologies. Procurers scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and actively invites them to apply to your job. To procure makes the entire hiring process efficient and effective, with features like screening questions to filter candidates and all in one dashboard where you can review and rate your candidates supercute or so affected that four out of five employers who post on the broker get a quality candidate within the first day.

[00:21:25]

And right now to try Zapruder for free. You guys in a reciprocal of dotcom nasch that's typical dotcom slash Nash and S.H. Superior dot com flash Nash Zipporah the smartest way to hire.

[00:21:38]

So I shot a video with Josh Peck yesterday. Oh my my ikon. Yeah, yeah. My I kinda like a more proactive approach, so it took about two weeks to set that video up. And the reason for that was Joe originally was like, hey, you mind if I just text Josh your number. He wants to do something with you. Sounds like I agree. Yeah, let's do it. And like a few days go by and he's like, hey, did you get Josh's text, by the way?

[00:22:02]

And I was like, oh, are you talking about. So like, I scroll through my phone like no text. It's like, OK, cool, I'll group you guys in. So he grabs Josh and I n g goes, Josh, Josh, yo yo. I go, Oh, what's up dude. Nothing like no response from from Josh. Like four more days go by and still nothing. So I'm like, what the fuck is going on.

[00:22:24]

Like I'm like getting his text like nothing and I go, yo, what's going on. He's like, yeah dude I don't know, like you're not responding to him. You sent you like voice memos and like fuckin texts like what are you talking about. Like. I start like scrolling through my phone, like all my text messages, my phone calls, like nothing like I have nothing to miss from him juggles. Yeah, I don't know, bro.

[00:22:44]

Maybe you blocked his number, like, as a joke. And I was like, no, no way. Right. And so I type his number in and I call him and then I look at my, my black list and it says fuckin blocked like what the fuck. And Jack goes, Oh yeah. It's from the Miami trip.

[00:22:58]

I blocked his number one when he called me when he called me trying to get a hold of me so you guys can track where I was in Miami and I blocked this fucking number.

[00:23:06]

Oh, that's really funny. Yeah, I do it. And so I was just like Josh thought I was ignoring you for like two fucking weeks.

[00:23:12]

Probably two years. Yeah. It's been like a year since the video.

[00:23:16]

It's so funny because I was like, dude, I am so, so sorry. Like, I felt so bad. That's right. I felt so bad. And I was like, there's no way I would ever do that. And he's like, Yeah, dude, I thought you went Hollywood on me. Yeah.

[00:23:27]

Just like you in no way to blocked all of our numbers when he was trying to hide from us because we were trying to get him to come to Miami. So he blocked all of our numbers so we wouldn't be able to track his phone. And that's just not state. That's funny. That's hilarious. Let's talk about we talked about earlier. I was doing some thinking and I've realized that every late night I thought I smelled wood burning. What? I thought I smelled wood burning.

[00:23:48]

Is that a joke? Yeah. What does that mean? That my brain is made out of wood? Yeah. I mean, it's like. It's like it's like a fireplace. It's like it's hot dumpster.

[00:23:56]

I don't. Oh OK. It is full of wood. Oh yeah. Yeah. It's like an old old joke. Really. Yeah.

[00:24:03]

Well when you, when you're thinking you can have I mean it's fine now but I was thinking and every late night host sits on the left side of their gas, they're always looking to the right. And I've thought about this because I was trying to think about like what my better side is. I'm my better side my left side of my face. Yeah, but it's crazy every late night host, right. Yeah. Except what were you saying? You were saying caught in court, in court and looks the other way and Graham Norton looks the other way who are both like UK type of guys like from overseas.

[00:24:29]

Yeah. So maybe just because they drive on the other side of the road, maybe that's Celso. The situation with the late night stop. I'm not doing anything, I just wanted to go ahead and realize I wanted to provoke you for the McDonald's. And David got really upset because they interrupted the story of the British late night host to not the fact we are in the fucking thing.

[00:24:53]

We are in the US in the car year. And he was super high. And this motherfucker got to a red light and he goes and he goes, yo, you know what?

[00:25:02]

Red lights are so outdated.

[00:25:06]

You know how he, like, always tries to find a solution for, like, fucking things that shouldn't be fixed.

[00:25:10]

He thinks he's got the next idea. Yeah, all the all the time. Yeah. And we're at a red light and he's like, it's so outdated. I'm like, what the fuck else could it be? What else could it be other than like what could it be a shape. Yeah. Like like how could you change the red light system. What were you thinking.

[00:25:25]

I was saying like get rid of it altogether and like think of something new where you don't have to wake up. Think about how much time you wasted a red light. That's a tunnel.

[00:25:32]

Wow. I'm telling you, maybe he wasn't high. Maybe someone is going to fix it at some point.

[00:25:37]

Well, you see, that's that's when you have every car that's automated and they're all programmed to each other and they.

[00:25:42]

Have you seen when the power is out and every car stops at a major intersection and one goes and then. Yeah, yeah. But I'm not saying that's a solution. I'm saying like there should be something. But even if it was automated, how could they do that?

[00:25:54]

There's nothing you can change about red lights right now. Red light cannot be changed unless everything else is changed.

[00:25:59]

I understand. OK, you want to make you a room. I wasn't saying like right now, tomorrow I'm not resting till I find out how to get rid of red lights.

[00:26:10]

OK, right. OK, so you meant it like it just more in general. Yeah. OK, also I've been I did some watching TV and you won't believe what I found.

[00:26:19]

You guys are out to get your mind blown from this. I'm about to drop some serious facts.

[00:26:23]

Did you know that there are that there's a wire that goes from there's cables that go from like North America to Europe to South America that connect the Internet underground in the ocean.

[00:26:36]

Under the ocean. Yeah, it's pretty crazy, you know that. Oh, the fucking insane.

[00:26:41]

There's three hundred seventy eight cables. They weigh ten million, one cable. I'll talk about one. It goes from Virginia to Spain and it's ten million pounds and it goes underneath the ocean and it connects our internet and that fucking insane.

[00:26:56]

Wow. It's like I don't know, I thought it was the stupidest thing ever.

[00:27:00]

John brought it up. I'm like, you're an idiot. There's no way there's a cable that's underneath the ocean. Why does it need to connect with Spain? Wasn't that doesn't there just be like a satellite that would connect it?

[00:27:09]

Well, there's like there's like more and there's like more information that's spread through, like, the little wires.

[00:27:15]

And, you know, it's like been quite the year when Dave's like that far down his Netflix queue, you know. Did you know that the prisons in Papua New Guinea are highly overpopulated? I think you're watching last week like it's gone on so long now. Now you're getting to like the good stuff, like you're actually learning.

[00:27:30]

Yeah, I broke last week, last week, like like three friends came over and I turned on this Netflix show. It's all about the world's toughest prison is so good. It's a really good show. I highly recommend it. And I started listing off all these facts about the world's toughest prisons. And everyone was like paying attention to me. Like I knew what I was talking about because I did it because I was so educated on the subject, because I've been just watching the show now.

[00:27:52]

It is really fun to do that. Dave will take you through a whole 22 episode season in like, you know. Forty five minutes. I just go to the good part. Fast forward a good part. Yeah. We watched I made him watch the world's toughest prisons and we went through three episodes in like thirty five minutes. It was really good because you skip all the boring stuff and you just it's like editing. You got like a TV movie.

[00:28:11]

It's like a frog.

[00:28:12]

I turn, I turn a regular TV into blogs. I also is on Snapchat and there was an ad that came up. There's a family found that was locked up in a hidden in a hidden room on a farm.

[00:28:24]

Did you see this? There's like this dad who who like, they were scared of the apocalypse. So for the last six years, they locked themselves like in like this like small area and like a farm. Yeah. For the last six years. And they just found these guys. I think they're all alive. Someone was arrested, but I don't know the rest of it or all that.

[00:28:42]

Back up. Back up.

[00:28:43]

So the arrested don't know the facts, but the point of the story isn't to tell you what it was, because I actually I wanted to see more facts because the Snapchat thing was just one page and I couldn't swipe up to anything. So I looked it up on Google. But instead of typing a family locked on a farm, I typed in family licked on a farm. I thought it was so funny what you get, but you want to believe it.

[00:29:09]

But there has also been a family that has been seriously licked.

[00:29:12]

I've seen that video. Oh, right. By a stable. Yeah, I got really bad.

[00:29:18]

Hey, there's a thing out there they're going to pay couples to have sex. Oh yeah. This company wants to know which mattress is best for getting it on and they're going to pay five couples to do the research. During the two month experiment, the chosen parents will test eight mattresses. And review each others, one based on a variety of factors, including bounciness noise and EDG support, mean. You have to pay streak.

[00:29:42]

You have to be Mary Kay per beng to put that in a scientific class. Three kay for two months.

[00:29:48]

You got to sleep there, I think. Oh, you sleep there for two months. I have sex every day. Yeah. Do they watch. You have think it is a. Yeah. I have to watch.

[00:29:57]

Do you have to be married or can you bring anybody.

[00:29:59]

It can be any easier because I need a place where I can kind of sex on my own without you guys watching over me. Yeah. That's pretty nice. Where is it you sensa ok.

[00:30:09]

Yeah. Again this is like a Snapchat story. I guess even I get our news from snaps.

[00:30:15]

But my friends were my friends were they went out like on a boat recently. They went to like some lake house and they're like, they're like college boys. Right. And they were telling me like of what they were doing. They had this competition. It was ten of them, all guys. And they broke up into two teams of five. And they had a competition where this is how you win. You had to eat two large pizzas, drink fifty beers, smoke four grams of weed.

[00:30:38]

Oh, and then you had to solve a three hundred thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. Wow. And that was like that was the game that they are doing. Mike Yeah.

[00:30:47]

Mike's team lost but Mike had 14 of the beers.

[00:30:49]

That's fucking crazy. And shots of my friends. Fifty beer over here.

[00:30:55]

So this is like over the course of a Saturday it's like two and a half hours. OK, that's pretty good actually.

[00:31:00]

That's disgusting. That's like really quick. Is it gross? Because you've got to think about it to five guys on one team and the two large pieces. That's easy. I can body like a large by myself and then you got the four grams of weed.

[00:31:11]

The pizza thing is easy, is hard, but all those beers, all that weed, the weed would fuck you up if we split this up between us for Melior, Jason, Natalie who gets the B, I would assume Jason gets the beers now he gets the pizza. I'll get the jigsaw ale. You get the weed. Oh that's pretty good.

[00:31:26]

Oh I the jigsaw. You get the pizza you're way better like eating large amounts and let's give the jigsaw to Natalie. OK, I think that's probably the smart choice here Dave.

[00:31:35]

You're going to be drinking. So I thought, you know, I go, I go, I finish the jigsaw I hate at all. No, Dave. He was a fucking builder. Jay a healthy lifestyle should be easy, right?

[00:31:50]

Not for me, but it should be. You eat veggies, drink green smoothies, exercise to get your heart rate up. Do you're going to bring your heart rate down? OK, maybe not so easy, but there is something that helps improve everything and you can do it with your eyes closed. It's sleep, sleep, no knows what it takes to sleep your best sleep. Number three, 360 Smart Bed lets you choose your ideal firmness, comfort and support on each side.

[00:32:10]

It's your sleep number setting. It's the perfect solution for couples. These beds are so smart they respond to your every move and automatically adjust to keep you sleeping comfortably all night. Proven quality sleep is life changing sleep and now all beds are on sale during the biggest sale of the year. Save fifty percent on the sleep number. 360 Limit Edition Smart bed. You'll only find sleep, no sleep, no stores or by visiting sleep. No dotcoms kadence that sleep, no dotcom C, E and C.

[00:32:37]

I added another.

[00:32:38]

I added another criteria to like what I'm looking for in women. OK, get ready for this one.

[00:32:43]

How could there possibly be another crisis. I don't have the I don't have that many. No like yes. Yes. The other day with the podcast I said what was my big thing. Someone who's self-aware. Yeah. OK, someone who could hold their own conversation.

[00:32:55]

You also have said Latin in the past week. Yeah, I know. I can check my DMS because that's who will do me like if you go forward.

[00:33:02]

These three I self-aware Latin girl. Why is that so bad. Yeah. No there's nothing wrong with that. OK, now let me add one more thing, OK?

[00:33:10]

I want somebody that will walk in front of me at the airport.

[00:33:13]

I think that's important. Do you know what I mean? No. What does that mean? Like someone who can someone who can who can walk in front of me and like, fill out things like that's that's important to you. Want a mom? Yes.

[00:33:26]

No. Know what's right here to. I know. Like, I want somebody that can like like I don't I don't want to always be the one that's like for sure. Like I don't want to be the guy that has the tickets. I don't want to be the guy that has like the plans, like I want to be that guy.

[00:33:40]

The sort of like sense of responsibility. Yeah. Yeah. I just do it. Then you end. That's what happened to me. That's what I had with Marnie. Yeah. She did all of that. Is that bad. Yeah. But she had to presenting you for being lazy. Shit. Oh she got mad at you for being like. Well yeah. I mean like I thought shit I thought she kind of made you lazy. No, no.

[00:33:57]

She would be like she's like we're doing it my way and I be like OK, great, I don't want to fucking do it. Should be like, fuck you. Why didn't you tell me. You're like really kind of I, I wouldn't do anything. I don't want I don't want to be like that extreme. Yeah. I don't want. No you'll see it'll end up that way.

[00:34:13]

It sounds like you want like an assistant not a partner and like someone to grab me food.

[00:34:20]

Now how many more sessions are you going to hire. You know. No want to know. I'm looking for a Latin assistant.

[00:34:27]

I know somebody that worked for I knew somebody that worked for like a really, really big rapper.

[00:34:32]

Yeah, and he did. You have three assistants. I don't work for a mogul rapper, I know. To be fair, David just hires anybody and just calls them an assistant. Yeah, I just like to do that. I mean, I think it's cool. I have friends. I have a company. That's what I do. I gotcha. Yeah.

[00:34:47]

So I'm looking for someone under five to prefer software does all my work for me while I'm in the airport so I can just hang back and like kind of like have my own thoughts to myself. Yeah. I don't know, I just I think that's a really telling about a person like when they I would love that.

[00:35:03]

I would love to have a girl girlfriend or a wife like imagine you're at the airport and she's like, hurry up, we're going to be late. And then sure, she's like, OK, let's go grab McDonald's. And like she's like, I'm like, do we have time? She's like, yeah, we have time. Like, she's telling you that like it's still like every relationship, you know, just like every relationship. Now I like pretty much all guys are kind of like from and like this.

[00:35:25]

I didn't talk to any girl, not like yeah well it's pretty much any girl, but that's probably who you do need. You do need somebody like that. Yeah.

[00:35:32]

I need someone to like to like let me know what's up, because sometimes somebody down the force, especially at airports, are really lost because there's so much going on and there's so many people walking around and there's all these planes are taking off that you want to watch, but you can't because you have to make your own flight.

[00:35:45]

So have you ever seen you go to the airport every fucking time you get your gate and that gate is always the last one? Oh, yeah. It is always the last one. Yes, that's the worst part. Is that why is it always the last one? I don't know. I've never, ever gone to the airport and been like fifty four. Oh right here. First one. Never never once.

[00:36:07]

It's funny, it's fifty four is like one of the closest ones. Usually it's been a fucking airports. Yeah. I don't know when this was the last time Ali and I flew. This still haunts me to this day.

[00:36:15]

There was this guy Illia there. Two seats in each row, not three. There's just two. Yeah right. And I had a window seat in row two and he had the aisle in row three. So I went to the guy we got there and I got to the guy that was in the aisle in two. And I was like, I'm going to ask him to move back to to aliasing switch. And I was like, Hey, man, is it possible if my buddy sits with me and he goes, Nah, man, I'm all set up here.

[00:36:44]

I'm like, that's it. That's the end of the story. But bro, I fucking was so pissed that you set up with that Tapsell about. No. Didn't have a laptop. No.

[00:36:54]

The only thing I did have anything out barback no pencils or anything like that.

[00:36:59]

OK, I'll be honest, I'll be honest. I'll tell you what he did have. Yeah. Just to be clear, he had his magazine that he brought with the newspaper. It's tucked in in the seat in front of him and his water bottle tucked in the seat in front of him. That's not in this book pack was under, but it's like it's not set up.

[00:37:12]

Even if you had your laptop out, like, listen, I know it's his right to say no. Like, I know. Like, I know technically maybe I'm in the wrong, but like, that's so fucked up.

[00:37:21]

It's a four hour fucking flight, dude.

[00:37:23]

Like this happened months ago.

[00:37:25]

And I'm still so passionate about like like it's a four hour flight, like switch for three minutes. Yeah. So I don't resent you the entire flight.

[00:37:32]

And then after he said no, he's like, oh no, I'm all set up, I want to get up. Then I had to explain that and be like, well the dumb ass, I still have to fucking sit in there. So can you get up so I can squeeze in there? So he had to still get up. Yeah, he's up anyway. Yeah he's up anyway. Yeah. So now I have to fucking go in there.

[00:37:46]

It should make no sense. I was so angry.

[00:37:48]

I was like why are you doing this. Like karma is going to get you. You're going want to sit with your wife one day and it's not going to work. It won't happen.

[00:37:55]

You sat alone and then David dies. I mean he was the draw dick on his face. It was I was so pissed. I was like, I'm I'm I'm a drug addict. Yeah, but.

[00:38:06]

Okay, Jay, I noticed something very similar between David and I. OK, what is it? So, you know, I like David at would ask like Ellar Taylor, not like fucking questions that he knows the answers to. Yeah. Like all the time. Yeah.

[00:38:19]

Like yo dude, I love this water bottle. Where can I get this, you know, something like that. Yeah. So this weekend I flew back to Chicago for my mom's birthday and I was I went to back to my office for like work or whatever. I was walking through my office in like I needed jeans and outloud. I was like, what?

[00:38:35]

Can I get some jeans? And then I was like, well, hold up. I know the answer to that. Like and they're like, oh, anywhere else. Like, Wow, this is a David moment. Oh, I ask questions a lot where like I know the answer to it. Yeah. Like can you give me an example. Better than what. Because I actually don't know where to get water bottles.

[00:38:56]

Like give me an example where everything so so watermelons. Not good for you.

[00:39:02]

Like you've asked out like 100 times less because I'm trying to get to the bottom of it all. Is it good for you or is it not? Because I'm hearing mixed reviews.

[00:39:09]

There's there's been multiple times where you ask something where I'm like I said, bag. I'm like, figure it out, dipshit. Like so like I do the same shit, you know, like when I guess when you have, like, other people working for you around you, like you just completely get lazy about stupid shit like that. Totally.

[00:39:24]

Totally. That's what it is.

[00:39:25]

So again, this weekend I was back in Chicago and I slept at John's house and I went to go visit him at work. For I went back to his house and as I was leaving, I was like, John, when you come home, you have to kiss me good night. And he's like, All right, I'm good. He's like, all right, ass.

[00:39:43]

And so I go home and I get into his bed and I fall asleep.

[00:39:48]

What time does he work till you were still five am. Oh, so I'm in bed, I'm sleeping. And I was and he comes home and he goes in his room.

[00:39:55]

He doesn't sleep and he's like, oh, what the fuck. He's like all flustered and mad. So I'm like, oh, whatever. Like go somewhere else. And so like five minutes, like nothing. Just quiet, like five minutes passed by.

[00:40:09]

And all of a sudden like I hear him come in the room, he goes, oh, oh, it's so good you start laughing. Yeah. That's so funny. Yeah. Did he laugh.

[00:40:34]

No. He was like really mad at me.

[00:40:40]

Guys, that Girl Scouts are releasing a new cookie this year. Now that toast, it tastes like breakfast. Natalie perks up. Yes, toast. I signed I ordered a pre ordered the toast shaped cookie called toast. Yay! Oh, it's shaped like toast. Was inspired by French toast.

[00:40:56]

They're larger than the scouts classic cookies that I heard of and have a whole side covered in icing superexcited Girl Scouts.

[00:41:03]

You did it. But the Girl Scouts, that was like, what did I do? Did I come up with the icing cookies and not know about it? Did I say it in my sleep again? Oh yeah. That is sick. The Girl Scouts, they sell those. Well, where does all the money go for the Girl Scout cookies.

[00:41:20]

Girl Scout fun like the Girl Scout. What is a Girl Scout fun dude.

[00:41:23]

Does it pay for college is for Girl Scouts. Yeah, I think it pays for colleges. Oh really? If you're in the U.S. or does it just pay?

[00:41:29]

So does it just help cover all the badges fact there were so many fucking badges. Those can't be cheap. Those two.

[00:41:35]

Yeah. I got that dodgeball cake. Yeah. I mean that cake is probably like like 1500, 2000 now.

[00:41:42]

It's probably like five hundred seven hundred dollars whatever. What about it. Usually regular people would take a slice. Right, right. But you go pro or Barbro, you'll see if you can get to the center with your face like that's just insane.

[00:42:01]

I sound funky but to be fair, like I'm not saying this to brag, there are so many cakes that come in here. Like, I don't I don't think any house gets as many cakes as we get. I don't know what it is.

[00:42:11]

I don't know if your track cakes, but I think Natalie's putting the order is I think when Brandes ago I think when brands go, hey, we loved working with you, what can we send you now? He goes back, he would love cake. And his favorite is confetti with chocolate icing. He loves it. Yeah, I guess that's all the time we have for this podcast. Thank you guys for listening. Make sure to go find me that girlfriend and send me, if I may want to send me her Instagram and I will pursue and marry her if she can walk in front of me at the airport and like this said girl.

[00:42:47]

Thank you. I'll see you guys. My name is John.